Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #520: Why you constantly put the needs of others before your own (and how to stop)

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One of the reasons that I love the tapping community is because it is filled with so many thoughtful and caring people. These are people who want to make the world a better place and often are willing to go above and beyond to care for others.

At the same time, this can also be problematic because constantly taking care of everyone else means we have a tendency to put ourselves last.

AND in some cases it is worse than putting ourselves last. Sometimes we completely forget our own needs and aren't doing anything at all to take care of ourselves.

In the last few weeks I have come to an interesting revelation as to why this happens. This episode of the podcast explores this issue and what we can do about it.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 3 – Tapping to become more comfortable in asking for what you want

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to become more comfortable in asking for what you want.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 2 – Tapping for when you lack purpose or direction

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping for when you lack purpose or direction.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 1 – Tapping for resistance to the action you want to take

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping for resistance to the action you want to take.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

Pod #519: Tapping for Toxic Kindness

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It is odd to think about the word toxic being associated with kindness, but I have noticed a growing conversation around the idea of “toxic kindness”.

Toxic kindness can be described as encouragement in a difficult time that actually makes you feel worse.

For example, when you are having an emotionally challenging time and people tell you “Don't worry! Everything is going to work out just fine.” On one level that looks as if it is encouraging. At the same time it can also feel like your emotions are being dismissed.

I'm sure that the intention behind this sort of encouragement is good, but when we are in the middle of something hard, it doesn't feel helpful. Instead it can feel like our friends lack empathy OR that they don't think our feelings are valid.

Rather than the term toxic kindness, I like to call this kindhearted incompetence.

Here is a simple tap-along to help you when it feels like people aren't understanding your emotions or situation.

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Pod #518: Tapping for difficult decisions

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Even when we have all the available information, it can still be hard to make important choices because few choices are 100% clearcut, without any uncertainty.

It's possible that something with a 99 out of 100 chance of working still might not work out.

This is particularly true when it comes to making choices related to our health. Modern science has given us more knowledge about the human body at this moment in history than we have ever had before, yet there is so much that remains unknown. Sometimes our well-informed choices still leave space for uncertainty.

Here is a simple tap-along to help you when you are feeling overwhelmed by having to make a choice in a time of uncertainty.

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Have you met energy psychology’s mother?

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Did you know that Energy Psychology is a derivative of Energy Medicine? Energy Medicine works with at least nine major energy systems. In contrast, Energy Psychology modalities generally focus on only one of these systems. These may be the chakras, the aura, or most frequently, the meridians (by tapping on or otherwise stimulating the acupuncture points that are distributed along the meridian lines).

Energy Psychology draws from a narrow range of Energy Medicine techniques and applies them to psychological and spiritual issues. Research shows that it is very good at this, with clinical outcomes that are notable for their power, speed, and durability.

A way to think about the relationship between Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology is to look at the relationship between conventional medicine and conventional psychiatry. Psychiatry draws from conventional medicine, using only a small range of the tools available for treating health issues, and it focuses what it does use on mental health issues. In this sense, psychiatry is a derivative of conventional medicine. In a parallel way, Energy Psychology is a derivative of Energy Medicine.

So Energy Medicine, whose roots extend back thousands of years, is the “mother” of Energy Psychology. The glaring difference with psychiatry is, of course, that psychiatrists have gone through four years of medical school, including hands-on clinical “rotations” in eight of the major medical specialties before entering their three-year intensive residency in psychiatry. Many Energy Psychology practitioners, on the other hand, may have never taken a single course in energy medicine.

This article offers Energy Psychology practitioners and others who might be less schooled in Energy Medicine a glimpse into the development of one of the most widely-known and highly-respected contemporary forms of Energy Medicine, Eden Energy Medicine, based on the work of Donna Eden, an ACEP Lifetime Achievement Award recipient. It then delves into the controversial question of whether subtle energies that science hasn’t been able to measure or even detect—Iike the “life force,” “chi,” or “prana”—can be accessed for health and healing, and whether they even, in fact, exist. Read more…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Pod #517: Understand Neuroplasticity To Transform Anxiety With Tapping w/ Dr. Kim D’Eramo

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I am completely fascinated by the concept of neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is a term that refers to the ability of our brains to adapt to our environment and change with experience. That means that the brain's neurological pathways aren't set in stone, but are flexible and can be reshaped.

One one level we already understand this. We know that we can stop old habits (like smoking) and create new ones (like tapping).

At the same time, it wasn't until the 1960s that there was scientific proof that we could actually change our brains.

I find this really exciting for two reasons.

First, it means that we aren't stuck! We can change the way we see ourselves, see the world and, most importantly, change the way we feel.

Second, it makes me want to tap even more because it means I'm not just changing how I feel in the moment, it's also possible to make change at a neurological level that is lasting.

In this week's podcast my friend Dr. Kim D'Eramo and I discuss the relationship between neuroplasticity and the process of transforming anxiety and depression.

Kim gives a number of straightforward approaches that we can use with tapping to transform anxiety and depression in a way that isn't just about feeling better now, but will create long-term change.

Dr. Kim has also created an amazing 4-week program to help with chronic anxiety which you can read about here. (aff)

Supporters of the podcast have access to a bonus interview with Dr. Kim. Become a supporter today to have access to this and all the bonus podcasts.

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Guest: Dr. Kim D'Eramo

Contact: web @ DrKimDeramo.com; instagram @drkimderamo; youtube @YouAttractWellness; facebook @DrKimDeramo

About: Dr Kim D'Eramo graduated medical school in 2002 from University of New England College of Osteopathic Medicine, where she also completed a Fellowship in Osteopathic Medicine and Medical Gross Anatomy, as well as an undergraduate Fellowship in Neuroanatomy. She completed her Emergency Medicine residency at Emory University in 2005, and is board certified in Emergency Medicine.

Dr. Kim founded The American Institute of Mind Body Medicine (AIMBM) to train other doctors and health practitioners how to activate the body's ability to heal itself. Through AIMBM, she conducts live workshops and retreats, and assists clients online internationally.

Dr. Kim and her husband Dr. Mario Torres-Leon produced a Top-10 podcast “The Thrive Doctors” featuring the latest in MindBody healing.
In 2012 she published The MindBody Toolkit, which was a #1 Amazon Bestseller, and her work has also been featured on national television networks in America.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Two new podcasts from Gene Monterastelli

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Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of work on restructuring my business and reorganizing all of my content. This is a consequence of all the ways in which Tapping Q & A has changed and how I have evolved personally.

To make it easier for everyone to find the types of content that they are looking for I have created two new podcasts in addition to the Tapping Q & A Podcast.

Tapping Q & A Podcast: The Tapping Q & A Podcast will continue to focus on tapping. Its main focus will be on slightly more advanced and provocative tapping concepts. There will be a lot less tapping 101 content and much more on mastering the art of delivering tapping in a more effective way.

First Action, Best Action: One of the types of work I enjoy the most is helping people to eliminate self-sabotage so that they can take the most valuable actions over and over again and achieve their goals.

In doing this work I have come to realize that taking the best actions isn't just about organizing your to-do list well or having the right systems in place. It is also about changing the resource state that you are in when taking these actions. What I mean by “resource state” is whatever is impacting the resources we have at any given moment. This can include energy, focus, emotions we are feeling, and physical pain. If the first action we take is about changing our resource state, then all of the action we take after that will be better.

Thus the title First Action Best Action. Make your first action about changing your resource state for the better, which will allow you to take your best actions for the rest of the day.

The show is published four times a week. Most episodes are less than ten minutes long and will teach you one thing to help you get your day started on the right foot.

You can hear the full origin story of the podcast in episode 1.

You can subscribe to the show here: Apple Podcast | Spotify | Google Podcast | Amazon Music | Audible | RSS

Our Lady of Podcast: The second new podcast has nothing to do with tapping, productivity, or being more efficient in your day. Instead it is a personal spiritual reflection.

In each of the show's episodes I explore one of the titles of the Virgin Mary, such as Our Lady of Confidence, Cause of Joy, Mirror of Justice. Every episode is made up of three parts. First, I explore the virtue of the title and what it means. Second, I explore how I need this virtue in my life. Third, I reflect on how I am called to live that virtue out in my daily life.

This is a very personal podcast. To be honest, I am totally OK if no one but my mom listens to the show because it has been a vehicle for such valuable personal growth for me. Each episode takes around 20 hours of my time to produce, as I grapple with the content and try to wrap my mind around what I feel about it.

The first season is 10 episodes long, published approximately every two weeks.

I have written a book called “Prayer” to go along with the show. You can download a free copy here: https://ourladyofpodcast.com/ambassador/

Subscribe to the show in: Spotify | Google Podcasts | Apple Podcasts

Please let me know if you have any questions about any of the podcasts.

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How Tapping Can Help to Heal the Psychological Roots of Illness: Saving Pauline

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Over 2,000 years ago, Aristotle said, “Body and soul respond to one another in sympathy.” His poetic observation probably arose from the fact that physicians of ancient Greece believed the life of the spirit is somehow intertwined with the state of the body and that emotional balance is a crucial influencer in health. 

Although Western medicine has long grappled with connecting the mind and emotions in treating illness, significant, positive breakthroughs have been made in recent years. This is particularly true when it comes to a mind-body intervention that appears to have special strengths in its ability to address psychological factors in illness. 

Energy psychology is proving to be a highly effective approach to overcoming difficult emotions and unhelpful beliefs without a long course of psychotherapy. Read more…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Pod #516: What is somatic literacy and why is it essential to healing?

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Our bodies are giving us information all day long. We feel pain when we are injured, our stomach rumbles when we are hungry, and we feel butterflies when we are nervous, to name a few examples.

But just because our bodies are sending us signals does not mean that we are paying attention or interpreting the signals correctly.

The ability to understand what the body is saying to us is often called “somatic literacy”.

In this week's podcast I share with you four ways in which you can improve your somatic literacy. By doing this you will:

  • Understand the messages your body is sending you
  • Be able to respond to these messages so that you can be healthier
  • Get better at hearing your body's messages and do it consistently

Improving your somatic literacy will make it easier for you to heal and transform because you have a clearer sense of the issues you are facing.

Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

They Don’t Want You To Change (No Matter What They Say)

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Note: This article was first published May 14th, 2014 and has been updated.

I need to warn you upfront: This article may come across as a little harsh.

I don’t mean to be harsh. I don’t intend to be mean. But this is an important concept you need to keep in mind when approaching change work.

The fact is simple:

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

It’s not that they don’t want the best for us or that they don’t think our progress is a good thing. The fact is there is something happening under the surface that makes it hard for our loved ones to support our change.

They aren’t doing it consciously

I want to be clear. In almost every case our loved ones are not doing this consciously. The people who truly care about you DO want better for you.

They want you to move forward. They want you to heal. They want you to achieve your goals.

The problem comes when your change impacts their lives.

In each of our relationships there is a whole set of unwritten rules for what we expect of each other. These rules have been crafted through experience over time in a natural, unspoken way.

When we change, these expectations may no longer be met.

Here's an example of how this might play out. Let’s say that you have a friend who always calls you to vent their emotions whenever something goes wrong in their life. After much thought, you decide you need to go back to school in order to achieve your long-term life goals.

Now that you are in school you have less free time and don’t pick up the phone every time your friend calls. It is not that you no longer care, but you are busier.

From your friend’s perspective (more than likely in an unconscious way) it feels like you no longer care because you aren’t there to pick up the pieces of their life and they slowly start to resent you.

Your moving forward has transformed the relationship and it is possible that they feel hurt and left behind as a consequence.

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

Difficulties in our relationships with loved ones can arise when their lives change in an unexpected way.

Our transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but it feels that way to others

It is important to remember that your change and transformation didn’t happen overnight. Usually healing our past issues is something that happens gradually.

I like to think of the healing process as a new sprout bursting from the ground in the spring. Although the growth seems to have happened overnight, in reality weeks of hard work has been taking place beneath the surface.

When we are healing issues we often put in the difficult work of transformation for many weeks or months before real change shows up in our lives.

For us, change is a process that unfolds gradually. But for our loved ones, our change can seem like a sudden and unexpected event, which may catch them off guard.

They will catch up with you (one way or another)

Just because change may make our relationships difficult at first, it doesn’t mean that it will always be that way.

Our relationships are constantly being renegotiated and expectations change. In time, all of the relationships in our lives will catch up with our transformation.

In almost every case this will make our relationships better in the long run. (And it is also true we might lose some relationships along the way if they are unable to adjust or catch up.)

This fear can hold you back

When we realize that the people in our lives will resist our transformation it is common and understandable that we resist taking action for fear of having to deal with the possible repercussions.

Recognizing this conflict turns it into a tappable issue. Here's a simple script you can follow:

I recognize the fact that I am changing…I am evolving…I am healing…These changes are going to impact the way I show up in the world…Not only does it impact how I spend my time and the choices I make…It will also impact my relationships…I know most of the people in my life want what is best for me…I also know that as I change and evolve my relationships will change…And those changes might catch some of my loved ones off guard…They might feel a little overwhelmed by the changes…They might not like the way our relationship is changing…The reality is all of my relationships are changing all of the time…Most of the time it is happening in subtle ways…But when there is a more drastic change it is more noticeable…I know I am on the right journey…I know I am evolving in the right way for me…I know the people in my life want what is best for me…My relationships will catch up to my transformation…And it will be better in the long term for all of us.

Pod #515: Your System Does Not Have An Agenda

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It sometimes feels like your body is letting you down. No matter what you try, healing doesn't happen. This can lead to frustration and disappointment to the point where you feel like you are fighting your body and yourself.

In this week's podcast we explore three keys to understanding how our body and our overall system function. This simple understanding will give you the ability to understand what is going on in your system and, much more importantly, provides an insight as to what you should tap on.

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results from your tapping.

Why Self-Help Gurus Might Be Bad For You

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Note: This article was first published October 12th, 2014 and has been updated.

If you have been reading my website or newsletter for any length of time, then I am sure you have read something where I was bragging about my great editor. She is the best! (And more importantly she has become a good friend.)

She does more than make sure my dyslexic writing is clear and readable, she really cares about the quality of work that appears on the site. When what I have written is unclear, she provides great recommendations. If I have written something that is not quite accurate, her research ensures I am set straight. If I am behind on newsletters and articles, she gently reminds me about deadlines.

AND she is always (and I mean always) challenging any inflated, hypey language that I use in headlines, subject lines, or in sales letters.

On the surface I think this happens for two reasons. First, she is looking at my copy from how it feels as a consumer, rather than a marketer. Second, she is not American. The American style of marketing tends to be hypey. She is from Africa and lives in Europe, so she provides a larger perspective that I might miss.

Both of these things are invaluable, but it goes much deeper than that.

Marketing that points out the pain

I spend a lot of time working with my clients on marketing their products and services. I help them tweak their message, I clean up their sales copy, and I help them practice talking to prospective clients.

In the last fifteen years I have spent more time and money on learning how to write good sales copy and communicate in a sales setting than on all of my other training combined.

I understand the key to selling anything is getting your potential customer in touch with the pain they are experiencing. For extreme examples all you need to do is think of infomercials where you are shown an example of a blunt old knife smushing a tomato, the old garden hose in hopeless tangles, or an ancient mop making more of a mess than it is cleaning up.

As we have talked about many times before, we are most likely to make changes in our lives when we are either in a great deal of pain or really close to achieving a goal.

Effective marketing helps you to recognize your pain. It points out everything that is going wrong. The more clearly you see how bad your problem is, the more likely it is that you will want to take action to relieve your pain.

This is my life, not a salad

In principle, I do not have a problem with pointing out the pain someone is experiencing.

If you read any of the sales letters I have written, you will see I spend a lot of time doing just that. I am not trying to make your life worse. I am not trying to cause you more pain. I can honestly say I am trying to get you to level with yourself so that you recognize the cost of not changing.

But this becomes a tricky business.

It is one thing for me to point out how you are wrecking your tomatoes when you are making a salad with a blunt knife. It is a totally different matter when I am pointing out a part of your life, your work, or your body, with which you are less than satisfied.

When I (or any other marketer) start talking about what is unsatisfactory in your personal life, we are tapping into something that could be acutely painful.

In doing this my goal is always to be working from a place of wanting what is best for my readers. So when I point out dissatisfaction and pain, I am doing it because I know you are made for better and I want better for you.

But just because my intention is to do that in a helpful way doesn’t mean I am always successful.

Pain for sales’ sake

In some ways it is easier to sell self-help products than it is to sell anything else. It is hard to get you worked up about not liking the way your tomatoes are cut. It is really easy to get you worked up about the things you don’t like about your life.

You already know what those things are. They are the reason why you might emotionally eat or drink too much or stay in a job that isn’t right for you. For the most part we are able to numb that pain in our daily life.

But a good sales letter will pull all that pain to the surface and expose it to the bright light.

As marketers, once we have you in that pain, it is easy.

All you want to do is find relief from that pain. You read the promises of the product being sold. You read the glowing testimonials of the people who have used it.

You think, “This is too good to be true!” AND you are in so much pain that you pull out your credit card.

A hard drive full of self-help tools

I want to be clear. I am not saying self-help tools and coaching programs don’t work. Nor am I saying that all self-help marketers are hucksters and cheats.

I know lots of them. There are so many in the world who are creating amazing products, running transformational programs, and are making a real difference in their clients’ lives.

At this moment I am more concerned about the hard drives full of digital products that are collecting digital dust.

I am willing to bet your computer is full of them.

You don’t need another program. You don’t need another sure thing. You don’t need a miracle catch-all.

The first step is to look through the hard drive of materials you already have and use one of the tools.

If you are unable to find time or a way to use the tools you already have, then the problem probably isn’t in the tools. More than likely the issue is about actually doing the work. It is about the struggle of creating a routine or having a system to keep you accountable to taking consistent action.

Before you buy the next thing

I would like you to do this for me. Before you buy your next self-help thing, from me or from someone else (but especially if it is from me!) I want you to tap to these phases:

Right now I am in pain…The sales letter I just read…Has helped me to reconnect with this pain…But it is a pain that I already know is there…This is something I know I need to change…As I consider buying this product…I am open to the possibility that it might be helpful…It might be the exactly right thing for me to buy…And it might also be something that I think will fix my problems…I know that change is possible…I know that I can have better…I know that I am made for better…But buying another product…Or signing up for another class is not going to do it…I need to take the tool set I am considering buying and apply it…And I need to apply it consistently…That is how change will happen…It is OK if I buy this…If it is the right thing for me.

Print this out. Bookmark this. Or just think of it the next time you are considering buying a new self-help product.

I want you to have the life you want. I know my life is better because I have invested in self-help tools. But I also know that my computer is filled with tools and programs and guides I have never used!

Make good choices, not just choices in the hope of a quick fix.

You are worth it.

[Note: Let me know if you are looking for an awesome editor or someone to do other tasks for your business. I would happily connect you with mine. Like I said, she really is the best!]

Attune-Explore-Lead: The Functions of the Words Used While Tapping

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

One of the biggest challenges in being an effective tapping practitioner comes down to this question: What words do I use (or ask my client to use) to accompany the tapping process?

Choosing the right words, phrases, or sentences based on an individual's temperament, history, and target problem or goal is often the critical difference between an effective tapping session and one that fails to create desired outcomes.

To uncover the ins and outs of the words and language used in conjunction with tapping, clinical psychologist David Feinstein, Ph.D., presents the first peer-reviewed report to examine the wording used during actual acupoint tapping sessions. The report analyzes hundreds of videotaped statements that were judged as moving a session in a positive direction. Read more.

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Pod #514: Why I’m OK with bad choices

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Tapping is a wonderful tool that can help us to feel better in the moment, which is why it’s sometimes referred to as emotional first aid.

As much as I love emotional first aid, I find tapping's ability to help us to clear fear and resistance so that we make better, more thoughtful choices even more impressive. If I am consistently able to make more choices that are congruent with my authentic self, then I am much less likely to be overwhelmed by emotions in the first place.

Emotional first aid is perfect for the moment. Clearing resistance and limiting beliefs sets me up for an easier, happier future.

With all that being said, I actually like making bad choices. And I don't mean that in a “I learn more from my failure than my successes” sort of way. I do think mistakes are a powerful way to learn, but that's not what I mean here.

I believe that making bad choices with no lesson to be learned has some interesting benefits.

But only in a certain context.

This week I share with you how I make bad choices, why I make bad choices, and how that relates to healing and tapping.

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

Pod #513: The Root Cause Of Almost Every Issue Is…

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In order to get the most out of a tapping session we know that the more specific we are about an issue, the faster we will get results.

In more than a decade of working with clients I have come to realize that 95% of all issues have the exact same core issue. In this week's podcast I share what that core issue is, the best way to uncover it (it only takes two questions), and how you can tap for that issue.

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

How Tappers See Tapping

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Tapping on acupuncture points while saying certain statements aloud is a powerful tool for resolving mental, emotional, and physical difficulties. More than 120 clinical trials show the approach (which falls under the category of “Energy Psychology”) to be fast and effective in producing strong outcomes.

But how can tapping on the skin make a difference? It looks strange and seems like wishful thinking, yet informed estimates suggest that millions of people worldwide have experienced substantial positive change!

To unravel the mysteries of tapping, a new in-depth analysis by psychologist David Feinstein examined the reports of more than 800 practitioners and clients who participated in 15 studies based on interviews or online surveys.

Continue to a Summary of the Study and a Link to the Entire Paper…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

What If I don’t (or can’t say while Tapping/EFT) “Completely Love And Accept Myself”?

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Note: This article was originally published October 22nd 2012 and has been updated.

From the very beginning, the first step of Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was to tap on the side of the hand and use what he called the set-up phrase: “Even though I have this issue I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

I can appreciate the sentiment of wanting this for ourselves, but many clients over the years have queried why they need to use this phrase.

Here are five thoughts to consider when choosing tapping phrases:

1) The Words We Use While Tapping Aren’t Magic

This is the piece of advice I give most often to tapping beginners. When most of us learn tapping we are taught to tap on a point while saying a phrase. This can lead us to believe that to get relief what we need to do is say a phrase and tap.

In reality the way we find relief while tapping is by focusing on an issue and tapping on the points. Saying words out loud about the problem is one effective way of focusing your effort BUT it is not the only way.

Your focus is of most importance, not the words you use.

Sometimes a specific word, phrase, or reframe will help us to focus intensely, while at other times no words are needed at all. The great thing about tapping is that it is really quick and there are few consequences for trying something new.

My advice is to try lots of different phrases and find the ones that work best for you. If something is not ringing true, try something else, it will only cost you a few seconds. So if the phrase “I love and accept myself” isn’t useful, then look for something else that is.

[For more information on the types of information that we get from each round of tapping and what to try next check out Feedback: What We Can Learn From Each Round Of Tapping]

2) Even If We Don’t Believe The Words We Say While Tapping They Can Still Be Helpful

This builds on the principle of our focus being more important than the words we say. Often saying words we don’t believe helps us to focus on the issue we want to address.

Let’s take weight release as an example.

Imagine that you want to release 35 lbs. but there is a part of you that doesn’t believe it is possible. You could tap on the phrase “there is a part of me that doesn’t believe I can release this weight” as an easy way to tune in to that part of yourself that feels hopeless about shedding the excess pounds.

You could also say the exact opposite and achieve the same result. You could tap on a phrase like “I know that I am going to release 35 lbs!” and the little voice inside my head will respond “No, you are not! There is no way you will release this weight. It’s hopeless!”

Here the focus is not on the words, but on the feelings of hopelessness around the situation. In both cases you are tapping on the same issue, even though the phrases have opposite meanings.

The same can be true for the phrase “I love and accept myself.” When you say this phrase out loud and focus on whatever emotions arise, you will be tapping on the issue that needs to be addressed.

This is especially true if you believe the phrase because the critical voice inside your head will pipe up and tell you so.

3) There Might Be A Reason That You Don’t Like The “Love And Accept Myself” Phrase While Tapping

I find it interesting when my clients have an immediate visceral reaction to something because it tells me that we have struck a nerve.

For example, you could call me overly obsessive about sports. I may disagree with you on this, but you won’t get an emotional response from me because it’s not something I worry about in my own life.

On the other hand, if you were to call me self-absorbed, that would elicit an emotional response from me. I would feel attacked, hurt, and offended. Not because this is not true, but because I do personally I struggle with this concern. I would feel attacked because there is a wound around this area of my life and you just prodded that wound.

I believe one of the main reasons people don’t like saying “I love and accept myself” is because it hits close to home as something a part of them can’t believe. We don’t like saying these words because they remind us of our own failings.

Saying something we don’t believe in gives us the opportunity to tune in to the part of our personality that doesn’t believe the phrase. If there is a strong “I don’t like saying I love and accept myself” reaction, then this is a great area to explore when you are tapping on our own or with a practitioner.

4) Other Phrases To Try While Tapping

Occasionally some issues can be so emotionally charged that it is not useful or safe for us to dive into them. One of the reasons I love tapping is because it allows us to creep up on a problem slowly without having to go directly to the most painful part of it.

If the phrase “I completely love and accept myself” is too emotionally charged to be useful to you, try these alternatives instead:

  • I give myself permission to love and accept myself
  • I might not believe that I love and accept myself, but someday I know it will be possible to love and accept myself
  • I am worthy of loving and accepting myself if I don’t right now
  • I give myself permission to love and accept myself one day
  • I give myself permission to believe that it is possible to love and accept myself
  • It is safe for me to love and accept myself
  • There is a part of me that fully loves and accepts myself even if I don’t have access to that part at this moment
  • Even though I am not perfect, I am open to the possibility of loving and accepting myself anyway
  • This work is helping me to work towards loving and accepting myself

If you are looking for more creative set-up phrases you should check out the set-up phrase generator. Each time you refresh the page it will give you 10 new set-up phrases to try.

5) The Reason I Never Start With The Set-Up Phrase

Never might be a little strong, but as a general rule I don't start a round of tapping with the set-up phrase because the emotional reaction it prompts in many people can be distracting. If you are tapping on an issue that has nothing to do with love and acceptance and you have an issue with that idea, then you are complicating the moment.

For example, let's say I'm tapping on a pain in my knee and I tap on “Even though I have this pain in my knee I love and accept myself.” Now I am dealing with the pain in my knee AND I have surfaced issues with the self-acceptance issue. Instead, I find it more useful and natural to tap on self-acceptance when it arises in connection with another issue.

This last point is rather controversial and I know a number of respected practitioners who would strongly disagree with me. As always, do what works best for you.

Conclusion

Do you have to say, “I love and accept myself” for tapping to work? Of course not.

BUT if you are having a hard time saying it or you feel uncomfortable when you think about it, then it is more than likely that you have hit a nerve around an issue that needs some extra attention. As Mastin Kipp says, “Without self-acceptance self-help won’t work” so you might consider making time to tap specifically on this issue.