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Pod #518: Tapping for difficult decisions

September 29, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Even when we have all the available information, it can still be hard to make important choices because few choices are 100% clearcut, without any uncertainty.

It's possible that something with a 99 out of 100 chance of working still might not work out.

This is particularly true when it comes to making choices related to our health. Modern science has given us more knowledge about the human body at this moment in history than we have ever had before, yet there is so much that remains unknown. Sometimes our well-informed choices still leave space for uncertainty.

Here is a simple tap-along to help you when you are feeling overwhelmed by having to make a choice in a time of uncertainty.

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Have you met energy psychology’s mother?

September 23, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Did you know that Energy Psychology is a derivative of Energy Medicine? Energy Medicine works with at least nine major energy systems. In contrast, Energy Psychology modalities generally focus on only one of these systems. These may be the chakras, the aura, or most frequently, the meridians (by tapping on or otherwise stimulating the acupuncture points that are distributed along the meridian lines).

Energy Psychology draws from a narrow range of Energy Medicine techniques and applies them to psychological and spiritual issues. Research shows that it is very good at this, with clinical outcomes that are notable for their power, speed, and durability.

A way to think about the relationship between Energy Medicine and Energy Psychology is to look at the relationship between conventional medicine and conventional psychiatry. Psychiatry draws from conventional medicine, using only a small range of the tools available for treating health issues, and it focuses what it does use on mental health issues. In this sense, psychiatry is a derivative of conventional medicine. In a parallel way, Energy Psychology is a derivative of Energy Medicine.

So Energy Medicine, whose roots extend back thousands of years, is the “mother” of Energy Psychology. The glaring difference with psychiatry is, of course, that psychiatrists have gone through four years of medical school, including hands-on clinical “rotations” in eight of the major medical specialties before entering their three-year intensive residency in psychiatry. Many Energy Psychology practitioners, on the other hand, may have never taken a single course in energy medicine.

This article offers Energy Psychology practitioners and others who might be less schooled in Energy Medicine a glimpse into the development of one of the most widely-known and highly-respected contemporary forms of Energy Medicine, Eden Energy Medicine, based on the work of Donna Eden, an ACEP Lifetime Achievement Award recipient. It then delves into the controversial question of whether subtle energies that science hasn’t been able to measure or even detect—Iike the “life force,” “chi,” or “prana”—can be accessed for health and healing, and whether they even, in fact, exist. Read more…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Pod #517: Understand Neuroplasticity To Transform Anxiety With Tapping w/ Dr. Kim D’Eramo

September 16, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

I am completely fascinated by the concept of neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is a term that refers to the ability of our brains to adapt to our environment and change with experience. That means that the brain's neurological pathways aren't set in stone, but are flexible and can be reshaped.

One one level we already understand this. We know that we can stop old habits (like smoking) and create new ones (like tapping).

At the same time, it wasn't until the 1960s that there was scientific proof that we could actually change our brains.

I find this really exciting for two reasons.

First, it means that we aren't stuck! We can change the way we see ourselves, see the world and, most importantly, change the way we feel.

Second, it makes me want to tap even more because it means I'm not just changing how I feel in the moment, it's also possible to make change at a neurological level that is lasting.

In this week's podcast my friend Dr. Kim D'Eramo and I discuss the relationship between neuroplasticity and the process of transforming anxiety and depression.

Kim gives a number of straightforward approaches that we can use with tapping to transform anxiety and depression in a way that isn't just about feeling better now, but will create long-term change.

Dr. Kim has also created an amazing 4-week program to help with chronic anxiety which you can read about here. (aff)

Supporters of the podcast have access to a bonus interview with Dr. Kim. Become a supporter today to have access to this and all the bonus podcasts.

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

Guest: Dr. Kim D'Eramo

Contact: web @ DrKimDeramo.com; instagram @drkimderamo; youtube @YouAttractWellness; facebook @DrKimDeramo

About: Dr Kim D'Eramo graduated medical school in 2002 from University of New England College of Osteopathic Medicine, where she also completed a Fellowship in Osteopathic Medicine and Medical Gross Anatomy, as well as an undergraduate Fellowship in Neuroanatomy. She completed her Emergency Medicine residency at Emory University in 2005, and is board certified in Emergency Medicine.

Dr. Kim founded The American Institute of Mind Body Medicine (AIMBM) to train other doctors and health practitioners how to activate the body's ability to heal itself. Through AIMBM, she conducts live workshops and retreats, and assists clients online internationally.

Dr. Kim and her husband Dr. Mario Torres-Leon produced a Top-10 podcast “The Thrive Doctors” featuring the latest in MindBody healing.
In 2012 she published The MindBody Toolkit, which was a #1 Amazon Bestseller, and her work has also been featured on national television networks in America.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Two new podcasts from Gene Monterastelli

September 10, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of work on restructuring my business and reorganizing all of my content. This is a consequence of all the ways in which Tapping Q & A has changed and how I have evolved personally.

To make it easier for everyone to find the types of content that they are looking for I have created two new podcasts in addition to the Tapping Q & A Podcast.

Tapping Q & A Podcast: The Tapping Q & A Podcast will continue to focus on tapping. Its main focus will be on slightly more advanced and provocative tapping concepts. There will be a lot less tapping 101 content and much more on mastering the art of delivering tapping in a more effective way.

First Action, Best Action: One of the types of work I enjoy the most is helping people to eliminate self-sabotage so that they can take the most valuable actions over and over again and achieve their goals.

In doing this work I have come to realize that taking the best actions isn't just about organizing your to-do list well or having the right systems in place. It is also about changing the resource state that you are in when taking these actions. What I mean by “resource state” is whatever is impacting the resources we have at any given moment. This can include energy, focus, emotions we are feeling, and physical pain. If the first action we take is about changing our resource state, then all of the action we take after that will be better.

Thus the title First Action Best Action. Make your first action about changing your resource state for the better, which will allow you to take your best actions for the rest of the day.

The show is published four times a week. Most episodes are less than ten minutes long and will teach you one thing to help you get your day started on the right foot.

You can hear the full origin story of the podcast in episode 1.

Our Lady of Podcast: The second new podcast has nothing to do with tapping, productivity, or being more efficient in your day. Instead it is a personal spiritual reflection.

In each of the show's episodes I explore one of the titles of the Virgin Mary, such as Our Lady of Confidence, Cause of Joy, Mirror of Justice. Every episode is made up of three parts. First, I explore the virtue of the title and what it means. Second, I explore how I need this virtue in my life. Third, I reflect on how I am called to live that virtue out in my daily life.

This is a very personal podcast. To be honest, I am totally OK if no one but my mom listens to the show because it has been a vehicle for such valuable personal growth for me. Each episode takes around 20 hours of my time to produce, as I grapple with the content and try to wrap my mind around what I feel about it.

The first season is 10 episodes long, published approximately every two weeks.

I have written a book called “Prayer” to go along with the show. You can download a free copy here: https://ourladyofpodcast.com/ambassador/

Subscribe to the show in: Spotify | Google Podcasts | Apple Podcasts

Please let me know if you have any questions about any of the podcasts.

How Tapping Can Help to Heal the Psychological Roots of Illness: Saving Pauline

August 24, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Over 2,000 years ago, Aristotle said, “Body and soul respond to one another in sympathy.” His poetic observation probably arose from the fact that physicians of ancient Greece believed the life of the spirit is somehow intertwined with the state of the body and that emotional balance is a crucial influencer in health.

Although Western medicine has long grappled with connecting the mind and emotions in treating illness, significant, positive breakthroughs have been made in recent years. This is particularly true when it comes to a mind-body intervention that appears to have special strengths in its ability to address psychological factors in illness.

Energy psychology is proving to be a highly effective approach to overcoming difficult emotions and unhelpful beliefs without a long course of psychotherapy. Read more…

Pod #516: What is somatic literacy and why is it essential to healing?

August 19, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Our bodies are giving us information all day long. We feel pain when we are injured, our stomach rumbles when we are hungry, and we feel butterflies when we are nervous, to name a few examples.

But just because our bodies are sending us signals does not mean that we are paying attention or interpreting the signals correctly.

The ability to understand what the body is saying to us is often called “somatic literacy”.

In this week's podcast I share with you four ways in which you can improve your somatic literacy. By doing this you will:

Understand the messages your body is sending you
Be able to respond to these messages so that you can be healthier
Get better at hearing your body's messages and do it consistently

Improving your somatic literacy will make it easier for you to heal and transform because you have a clearer sense of the issues you are facing.

Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support

Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

They Don’t Want You To Change (No Matter What They Say)

August 11, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was first published May 14th, 2014 and has been updated.

I need to warn you upfront: This article may come across as a little harsh.

I don’t mean to be harsh. I don’t intend to be mean. But this is an important concept you need to keep in mind when approaching change work.

The fact is simple:

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

It’s not that they don’t want the best for us or that they don’t think our progress is a good thing. The fact is there is something happening under the surface that makes it hard for our loved ones to support our change.

They aren’t doing it consciously

I want to be clear. In almost every case our loved ones are not doing this consciously. The people who truly care about you DO want better for you.

They want you to move forward. They want you to heal. They want you to achieve your goals.

The problem comes when your change impacts their lives.

In each of our relationships there is a whole set of unwritten rules for what we expect of each other. These rules have been crafted through experience over time in a natural, unspoken way.

When we change, these expectations may no longer be met.

Here's an example of how this might play out. Let’s say that you have a friend who always calls you to vent their emotions whenever something goes wrong in their life. After much thought, you decide you need to go back to school in order to achieve your long-term life goals.

Now that you are in school you have less free time and don’t pick up the phone every time your friend calls. It is not that you no longer care, but you are busier.

From your friend’s perspective (more than likely in an unconscious way) it feels like you no longer care because you aren’t there to pick up the pieces of their life and they slowly start to resent you.

Your moving forward has transformed the relationship and it is possible that they feel hurt and left behind as a consequence.

Our loved ones want us to transform and have a better life as long as they don’t have to change too.

Difficulties in our relationships with loved ones can arise when their lives change in an unexpected way.

Our transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but it feels that way to others

It is important to remember that your change and transformation didn’t happen overnight. Usually healing our past issues is something that happens gradually.

I like to think of the healing process as a new sprout bursting from the ground in the spring. Although the growth seems to have happened overnight, in reality weeks of hard work has been taking place beneath the surface.

When we are healing issues we often put in the difficult work of transformation for many weeks or months before real change shows up in our lives.

For us, change is a process that unfolds gradually. But for our loved ones, our change can seem like a sudden and unexpected event, which may catch them off guard.

They will catch up with you (one way or another)

Just because change may make our relationships difficult at first, it doesn’t mean that it will always be that way.

Our relationships are constantly being renegotiated and expectations change. In time, all of the relationships in our lives will catch up with our transformation.

In almost every case this will make our relationships better in the long run. (And it is also true we might lose some relationships along the way if they are unable to adjust or catch up.)

This fear can hold you back

When we realize that the people in our lives will resist our transformation it is common and understandable that we resist taking action for fear of having to deal with the possible repercussions.

Recognizing this conflict turns it into a tappable issue. Here's a simple script you can follow:

I recognize the fact that I am changing…I am evolving…I am healing…These changes are going to impact the way I show up in the world…Not only does it impact how I spend my time and the choices I make…It will also impact my relationships…I know most of the people in my life want what is best for me…I also know that as I change and evolve my relationships will change…And those changes might catch some of my loved ones off guard…They might feel a little overwhelmed by the changes…They might not like the way our relationship is changing…The reality is all of my relationships are changing all of the time…Most of the time it is happening in subtle ways…But when there is a more drastic change it is more noticeable…I know I am on the right journey…I know I am evolving in the right way for me…I know the people in my life want what is best for me…My relationships will catch up to my transformation…And it will be better in the long term for all of us.

Pod #515: Your System Does Not Have An Agenda

August 4, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

It sometimes feels like your body is letting you down. No matter what you try, healing doesn't happen. This can lead to frustration and disappointment to the point where you feel like you are fighting your body and yourself.

In this week's podcast we explore three keys to understanding how our body and our overall system function. This simple understanding will give you the ability to understand what is going on in your system and, much more importantly, provides an insight as to what you should tap on.

Support the podcast!

Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results from your tapping.

Why Self-Help Gurus Might Be Bad For You

July 28, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was first published October 12th, 2014 and has been updated.

If you have been reading my website or newsletter for any length of time, then I am sure you have read something where I was bragging about my great editor. She is the best! (And more importantly she has become a good friend.)

She does more than make sure my dyslexic writing is clear and readable, she really cares about the quality of work that appears on the site. When what I have written is unclear, she provides great recommendations. If I have written something that is not quite accurate, her research ensures I am set straight. If I am behind on newsletters and articles, she gently reminds me about deadlines.

AND she is always (and I mean always) challenging any inflated, hypey language that I use in headlines, subject lines, or in sales letters.

On the surface I think this happens for two reasons. First, she is looking at my copy from how it feels as a consumer, rather than a marketer. Second, she is not American. The American style of marketing tends to be hypey. She is from Africa and lives in Europe, so she provides a larger perspective that I might miss.

Both of these things are invaluable, but it goes much deeper than that.

Marketing that points out the pain

I spend a lot of time working with my clients on marketing their products and services. I help them tweak their message, I clean up their sales copy, and I help them practice talking to prospective clients.

In the last fifteen years I have spent more time and money on learning how to write good sales copy and communicate in a sales setting than on all of my other training combined.

I understand the key to selling anything is getting your potential customer in touch with the pain they are experiencing. For extreme examples all you need to do is think of infomercials where you are shown an example of a blunt old knife smushing a tomato, the old garden hose in hopeless tangles, or an ancient mop making more of a mess than it is cleaning up.

As we have talked about many times before, we are most likely to make changes in our lives when we are either in a great deal of pain or really close to achieving a goal.

Effective marketing helps you to recognize your pain. It points out everything that is going wrong. The more clearly you see how bad your problem is, the more likely it is that you will want to take action to relieve your pain.

This is my life, not a salad

In principle, I do not have a problem with pointing out the pain someone is experiencing.

If you read any of the sales letters I have written, you will see I spend a lot of time doing just that. I am not trying to make your life worse. I am not trying to cause you more pain. I can honestly say I am trying to get you to level with yourself so that you recognize the cost of not changing.

But this becomes a tricky business.

It is one thing for me to point out how you are wrecking your tomatoes when you are making a salad with a blunt knife. It is a totally different matter when I am pointing out a part of your life, your work, or your body, with which you are less than satisfied.

When I (or any other marketer) start talking about what is unsatisfactory in your personal life, we are tapping into something that could be acutely painful.

In doing this my goal is always to be working from a place of wanting what is best for my readers. So when I point out dissatisfaction and pain, I am doing it because I know you are made for better and I want better for you.

But just because my intention is to do that in a helpful way doesn’t mean I am always successful.

Pain for sales’ sake

In some ways it is easier to sell self-help products than it is to sell anything else. It is hard to get you worked up about not liking the way your tomatoes are cut. It is really easy to get you worked up about the things you don’t like about your life.

You already know what those things are. They are the reason why you might emotionally eat or drink too much or stay in a job that isn’t right for you. For the most part we are able to numb that pain in our daily life.

But a good sales letter will pull all that pain to the surface and expose it to the bright light.

As marketers, once we have you in that pain, it is easy.

All you want to do is find relief from that pain. You read the promises of the product being sold. You read the glowing testimonials of the people who have used it.

You think, “This is too good to be true!” AND you are in so much pain that you pull out your credit card.

A hard drive full of self-help tools

I want to be clear. I am not saying self-help tools and coaching programs don’t work. Nor am I saying that all self-help marketers are hucksters and cheats.

I know lots of them. There are so many in the world who are creating amazing products, running transformational programs, and are making a real difference in their clients’ lives.

At this moment I am more concerned about the hard drives full of digital products that are collecting digital dust.

I am willing to bet your computer is full of them.

You don’t need another program. You don’t need another sure thing. You don’t need a miracle catch-all.

The first step is to look through the hard drive of materials you already have and use one of the tools.

If you are unable to find time or a way to use the tools you already have, then the problem probably isn’t in the tools. More than likely the issue is about actually doing the work. It is about the struggle of creating a routine or having a system to keep you accountable to taking consistent action.

Before you buy the next thing

I would like you to do this for me. Before you buy your next self-help thing, from me or from someone else (but especially if it is from me!) I want you to tap to these phases:

Right now I am in pain…The sales letter I just read…Has helped me to reconnect with this pain…But it is a pain that I already know is there…This is something I know I need to change…As I consider buying this product…I am open to the possibility that it might be helpful…It might be the exactly right thing for me to buy…And it might also be something that I think will fix my problems…I know that change is possible…I know that I can have better…I know that I am made for better…But buying another product…Or signing up for another class is not going to do it…I need to take the tool set I am considering buying and apply it…And I need to apply it consistently…That is how change will happen…It is OK if I buy this…If it is the right thing for me.

Print this out. Bookmark this. Or just think of it the next time you are considering buying a new self-help product.

I want you to have the life you want. I know my life is better because I have invested in self-help tools. But I also know that my computer is filled with tools and programs and guides I have never used!

Make good choices, not just choices in the hope of a quick fix.

You are worth it.

[Note: Let me know if you are looking for an awesome editor or someone to do other tasks for your business. I would happily connect you with mine. Like I said, she really is the best!]

Attune-Explore-Lead: The Functions of the Words Used While Tapping

July 26, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

One of the biggest challenges in being an effective tapping practitioner comes down to this question: What words do I use (or ask my client to use) to accompany the tapping process?

Choosing the right words, phrases, or sentences based on an individual's temperament, history, and target problem or goal is often the critical difference between an effective tapping session and one that fails to create desired outcomes.

To uncover the ins and outs of the words and language used in conjunction with tapping, clinical psychologist David Feinstein, Ph.D., presents the first peer-reviewed report to examine the wording used during actual acupoint tapping sessions. The report analyzes hundreds of videotaped statements that were judged as moving a session in a positive direction. Read more.

Pod #514: Why I’m OK with bad choices

July 21, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Tapping is a wonderful tool that can help us to feel better in the moment, which is why it’s sometimes referred to as emotional first aid.

As much as I love emotional first aid, I find tapping's ability to help us to clear fear and resistance so that we make better, more thoughtful choices even more impressive. If I am consistently able to make more choices that are congruent with my authentic self, then I am much less likely to be overwhelmed by emotions in the first place.

Emotional first aid is perfect for the moment. Clearing resistance and limiting beliefs sets me up for an easier, happier future.

With all that being said, I actually like making bad choices. And I don't mean that in a “I learn more from my failure than my successes” sort of way. I do think mistakes are a powerful way to learn, but that's not what I mean here.

I believe that making bad choices with no lesson to be learned has some interesting benefits.

But only in a certain context.

This week I share with you how I make bad choices, why I make bad choices, and how that relates to healing and tapping.

Support the podcast!

Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

Pod #513: The Root Cause Of Almost Every Issue Is…

July 7, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

In order to get the most out of a tapping session we know that the more specific we are about an issue, the faster we will get results.

In more than a decade of working with clients I have come to realize that 95% of all issues have the exact same core issue. In this week's podcast I share what that core issue is, the best way to uncover it (it only takes two questions), and how you can tap for that issue.

Support the podcast!

Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

How Tappers See Tapping

July 2, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Tapping on acupuncture points while saying certain statements aloud is a powerful tool for resolving mental, emotional, and physical difficulties. More than 120 clinical trials show the approach (which falls under the category of “Energy Psychology”) to be fast and effective in producing strong outcomes.

But how can tapping on the skin make a difference? It looks strange and seems like wishful thinking, yet informed estimates suggest that millions of people worldwide have experienced substantial positive change!

To unravel the mysteries of tapping, a new in-depth analysis by psychologist David Feinstein examined the reports of more than 800 practitioners and clients who participated in 15 studies based on interviews or online surveys.

Continue to a Summary of the Study and a Link to the Entire Paper…

What If I don’t (or can’t say while Tapping/EFT) “Completely Love And Accept Myself”?

June 30, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was originally published October 22nd 2012 and has been updated.

From the very beginning, the first step of Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was to tap on the side of the hand and use what he called the set-up phrase: “Even though I have this issue I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

I can appreciate the sentiment of wanting this for ourselves, but many clients over the years have queried why they need to use this phrase.

Here are five thoughts to consider when choosing tapping phrases:

1) The Words We Use While Tapping Aren’t Magic

This is the piece of advice I give most often to tapping beginners. When most of us learn tapping we are taught to tap on a point while saying a phrase. This can lead us to believe that to get relief what we need to do is say a phrase and tap.

In reality the way we find relief while tapping is by focusing on an issue and tapping on the points. Saying words out loud about the problem is one effective way of focusing your effort BUT it is not the only way.

Your focus is of most importance, not the words you use.

Sometimes a specific word, phrase, or reframe will help us to focus intensely, while at other times no words are needed at all. The great thing about tapping is that it is really quick and there are few consequences for trying something new.

My advice is to try lots of different phrases and find the ones that work best for you. If something is not ringing true, try something else, it will only cost you a few seconds. So if the phrase “I love and accept myself” isn’t useful, then look for something else that is.

[For more information on the types of information that we get from each round of tapping and what to try next check out Feedback: What We Can Learn From Each Round Of Tapping]

2) Even If We Don’t Believe The Words We Say While Tapping They Can Still Be Helpful

This builds on the principle of our focus being more important than the words we say. Often saying words we don’t believe helps us to focus on the issue we want to address.

Let’s take weight release as an example.

Imagine that you want to release 35 lbs. but there is a part of you that doesn’t believe it is possible. You could tap on the phrase “there is a part of me that doesn’t believe I can release this weight” as an easy way to tune in to that part of yourself that feels hopeless about shedding the excess pounds.

You could also say the exact opposite and achieve the same result. You could tap on a phrase like “I know that I am going to release 35 lbs!” and the little voice inside my head will respond “No, you are not! There is no way you will release this weight. It’s hopeless!”

Here the focus is not on the words, but on the feelings of hopelessness around the situation. In both cases you are tapping on the same issue, even though the phrases have opposite meanings.

The same can be true for the phrase “I love and accept myself.” When you say this phrase out loud and focus on whatever emotions arise, you will be tapping on the issue that needs to be addressed.

This is especially true if you believe the phrase because the critical voice inside your head will pipe up and tell you so.

3) There Might Be A Reason That You Don’t Like The “Love And Accept Myself” Phrase While Tapping

I find it interesting when my clients have an immediate visceral reaction to something because it tells me that we have struck a nerve.

For example, you could call me overly obsessive about sports. I may disagree with you on this, but you won’t get an emotional response from me because it’s not something I worry about in my own life.

On the other hand, if you were to call me self-absorbed, that would elicit an emotional response from me. I would feel attacked, hurt, and offended. Not because this is not true, but because I do personally I struggle with this concern. I would feel attacked because there is a wound around this area of my life and you just prodded that wound.

I believe one of the main reasons people don’t like saying “I love and accept myself” is because it hits close to home as something a part of them can’t believe. We don’t like saying these words because they remind us of our own failings.

Saying something we don’t believe in gives us the opportunity to tune in to the part of our personality that doesn’t believe the phrase. If there is a strong “I don’t like saying I love and accept myself” reaction, then this is a great area to explore when you are tapping on our own or with a practitioner.

4) Other Phrases To Try While Tapping

Occasionally some issues can be so emotionally charged that it is not useful or safe for us to dive into them. One of the reasons I love tapping is because it allows us to creep up on a problem slowly without having to go directly to the most painful part of it.

If the phrase “I completely love and accept myself” is too emotionally charged to be useful to you, try these alternatives instead:

I give myself permission to love and accept myself
I might not believe that I love and accept myself, but someday I know it will be possible to love and accept myself
I am worthy of loving and accepting myself if I don’t right now
I give myself permission to love and accept myself one day
I give myself permission to believe that it is possible to love and accept myself
It is safe for me to love and accept myself
There is a part of me that fully loves and accepts myself even if I don’t have access to that part at this moment
Even though I am not perfect, I am open to the possibility of loving and accepting myself anyway
This work is helping me to work towards loving and accepting myself

If you are looking for more creative set-up phrases you should check out the set-up phrase generator. Each time you refresh the page it will give you 10 new set-up phrases to try.

5) The Reason I Never Start With The Set-Up Phrase

Never might be a little strong, but as a general rule I don't start a round of tapping with the set-up phrase because the emotional reaction it prompts in many people can be distracting. If you are tapping on an issue that has nothing to do with love and acceptance and you have an issue with that idea, then you are complicating the moment.

For example, let's say I'm tapping on a pain in my knee and I tap on “Even though I have this pain in my knee I love and accept myself.” Now I am dealing with the pain in my knee AND I have surfaced issues with the self-acceptance issue. Instead, I find it more useful and natural to tap on self-acceptance when it arises in connection with another issue.

This last point is rather controversial and I know a number of respected practitioners who would strongly disagree with me. As always, do what works best for you.

Conclusion

Do you have to say, “I love and accept myself” for tapping to work? Of course not.

BUT if you are having a hard time saying it or you feel uncomfortable when you think about it, then it is more than likely that you have hit a nerve around an issue that needs some extra attention. As Mastin Kipp says, “Without self-acceptance self-help won’t work” so you might consider making time to tap specifically on this issue.

Pod #512: How To Speed Up The Healing Process

June 24, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

We have all heard the old saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision” because it is so much easier to look back and see how we could have done things differently from the vantage point of the present.

When this happens we can end up judging ourselves very harshly. The problem with this type of evaluation is we are judging our past self with new knowledge. It's easy to think “What on earth was I thinking?! It is so clear that was the wrong choice to make!” when in reality we were doing the best we could with the knowledge and information we had at the time of the choice.

In this week’s podcast I share a fresh approach you can take when evaluating your past choices and use it to guide you towards more effective healing.

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Create v. Responsible

June 16, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our minds, giving us an opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series here: Tools:Words]

Note: This article was originally published November 20, 2011 and has been updated.

I was recently working with a client who has Lyme disease. At one point in the session he said, “I created this situation.”

This statement really struck me. I asked myself, “Did he really create the situation?” and more importantly, “Is it helpful to worry about how a situation was created?”

Sometimes it is obvious when we create a situation, such as choosing to accept a job offer. At other times our lack of action creates a situation, like having your power turned off for failing to pay an electric bill.

But just because something is happening in my life does not mean that I have created it. I think this is one of the areas in which Law of Attraction teaching only goes so far. To assume I am creating everything in my life would mean that my intention is more powerful than the free will of the people around me.

For example, if I am sitting in my living room and a baseball smashes through my front window, it wasn't because I created that situation.

Even if you are willing to argue that I did somehow create the situation of the baseball shattering the window, in the short term it doesn't matter how or why it happened. What matters is what comes next as the window will not fix itself. It is up to me to take responsibility for the broken window, clear up the glass so that nobody gets hurt, and have the window fixed to keep the elements out.

One of the pitfalls of looking at the world through the eyes of “how we created” a situation is it can impede the healing process. It's often helpful to reflect on why something happened so it won't happen again. At the same time, if we are only trying to figure out how it was created or how we created it, we will get stuck.

In our example, if I am only worried about how and why the baseball came through my window, my living room will remain covered with broken glass.

For me, it is much better first to respond to what I am responsible for in a situation without allowing myself to get entangled in the emotional trap of wondering why or how I got there.

In the example of my client with Lyme disease, worrying about the specifics of how he got it will not be helpful. More than likely he will never again be in a situation where he is exposed to the disease. Instead he can move forward by recognizing what he is responsible for. He is responsible for how he feels physically right now, for taking his medication, following his doctor's advice, and understanding the lifestyle choices and environments that cause a flare up of the symptoms.

By focusing on what we are responsible for we are able to leave behind the emotions of what was and move to the energy of working with what is.

That is why I think it is so important that we understand the difference between creating and being responsible for something in our lives. First, I respond to what I am responsible for. This is what is in front of me and what I am going to do next. Once that is done there will be the opportunity to ask questions about how something was created. It might be the consequence of a choice I made, the choices of others, or a situation that will never happen again.

Doing our investigation in this order allows us to take care of the healing in the most efficient order and prevents us from taking more responsibility than is warranted.

Click here to read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #511: How Our Ancestral Past Makes Us Feel Unsafe Today

June 9, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

As my friend Jondi Whitis likes to say, “At our core we are herd animals.” This statement has some profound impact when it comes to how we see ourselves, the actions we take, and how self-sabotaging behaviors show up in our lives.

When we are making choices and taking action, we aren't just considering facts and practicalities, we are also influenced by our genetic heritage.

This week I explore how some of our hardwired survival instincts impact our ability to make choices that line up with our authentic selves AND how we can use tapping to get past this and live the lives we want.

Link mentioned in the episode:

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Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Knowing Good Enough Is Good Enough OR The Myth Of Excellence

June 2, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was originally shared on June 4th, 2013. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

While working with small business owners I bump into the issue of perfectionism a great deal. We all worry about what other people think of us but this becomes a particularly acute problem for small business owners whose success is directly related to their personal credibility and how they are perceived by others.

As an example, a client I'll call “Jane” was building a WordPress website for her business and she was unsure how she wanted it to look.

WordPress allows users to change the look and feel of an entire website at the click of a button by switching from one theme to another. There are thousands of free WordPress themes and Jane was overwhelmed by the choice. She wanted the website to be just perfect.

What Is “Just Perfect”?

I find the concept of “just perfect” interesting. What exactly does that mean?

For many the idea of “just perfect” means that what we choose has to be top of the line or in the top one percent. It needs to be better than everyone else.

But is that really worth striving for?

I don't think it is.

Often “just perfect” means that it is doing its job.

Where building a new website is concerned, it needs to provide information to prospective clients, so “just perfect” means that the site is visually clear, and easy to navigate and understand.

A $40 logo can be perfectly acceptable, so there's no need to spend $4000 on one.

Plain, easy-to-read text does the job just fine, so animations and videos are optional extras.

Ideally, a website is a delivery system for great content. Jane's readers will visit the site because of what they want to learn, not because of its fancy design.

That's not to downplay beautiful design and the thought that goes into the look and feel of a good website BUT it's important to understand the concept of “good enough”. Especially when we are just starting out, good enough is an excellent goal.

When Not Perfect = Failing

It is amazing that many of us feel like we have failed when something is just good enough.

We have been taught constantly to strive for better. We have been encouraged to dream. We long for a richer life. Because of all this expectation, we believe that if something isn't perfect, then it is bad.

I believe that in the majority of cases, good enough IS good enough!

Years ago, my father gave me a great example of understanding this concept. In order to sell a new product at work he needed to get at least 70% in a certification exam. In the weeks leading up to the exam he studied diligently. When he got home from the test I asked him how he did and he told me, “I got 74%…I studied too hard.”

He knew exactly what good enough was. He wasn’t looking for an ego boost in wanting the best score in the region or needing to prove anything to himself (or anyone else). He just needed to pass the test so that he could move on to the next thing.

Being Perfect At Being Good Enough

I was talking about the idea of “good enough is good enough” with another client. She asked, “How do I master the idea of ‘knowing good enough is good enough’?”

I paused for a moment.

And then she laughed at herself as she realized how ridiculous that statement was…she had just asked “How do I be perfect at ‘not needing to be perfect all the time'?”

The key to transforming our sense of perfectionism is first to be easy with ourselves, and to be easy with the process of not being so hard on ourselves. By doing this we can focus on what is needed to be successful and release the need for everything to be perfect in order to be successful.

Here's a tapping script you can use when you are struggling with the need to be perfect when good enough is just that:

It is important that I continue to strive in my life…There are parts of my life that I would like to be richer…There are relationships I would like to be fuller…I have gifts and talents I want to share with the world…But this doesn't mean that everything has to be the very best…It is important that I keep all of my goals in perspective…Just because something can be done better doesn't mean that it has to be done better…My laundry needs to be folded well enough…My bed needs to be made well enough…My car needs to be parallel parked well enough…It is possible for me to do all these things better…But nothing would be achieved by the extra effort…There are so many things I would like to grow into…That I need only spend as much time as is necessary on each task…I don't want to do less than is necessary…But it is important that I maintain balance and perspective…What is essential is the final goal…Not each of the pieces…I give myself permission to be comfortable with good enough…And to know that good enough isn't settling…But instead by achieving good enough I am giving myself the time and resources for all the parts making up what I am trying to achieve…I am going to keep the big picture in mind…To understand what is good enough in each situation…Good enough is not failing…It is good enough…And that is just perfect.

Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #510: The Reason I Wasn’t Taking Action

May 26, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

One of my favorite ways to use tapping is to help people to take the actions they want more consistently. At this point it is probably the number one focus of my work with clients in private sessions.

It's an issue that I love working with BUT it doesn't mean that I am immune to self-sabotage in my own life.

In August of 2019 I conceived a new project that resonated with me all the way to my core. It felt more like a calling than a project. It is now 19 months later and I am just now getting around to doing it.

In this week's podcast I talk about how and why I got in my own way, the catalyst that pushed me past my fear and, most importantly, how you too can use these same steps to take charge of your own sabotaging behaviors.

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Why I Am Giving Up On Self-Improvement (But I Haven’t Stopped Tapping)

May 20, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

This was originally written Jan 5th, 2010 and has been updated.

Author Nick Hornby was interviewed by Jesse Thorn from the radio program The Sound of Young America around the time that his new book “Juliet, Naked” was published.

In the interview Thorn asked Hornby about his screenplay for the movie “An Education”. Thorn commented that his wife, Theresa, had thought that the movie was identifiably Horby's work because it is about people becoming comfortable with who they are, rather than trying to be better.

The idea of not improving, but becoming comfortable with who we are is really interesting to me.

If you were in a bookstore, whether brick and mortar or virtual, the topics covered here at Tapping Q & A would be found in the self-help or self-improvement section.

In some ways the aim of self-improvement implies that there is something wrong with us, or else there wouldn't be anything to improve upon. Of course I'm not saying there is nothing I could improve on, but on some level I do believe that humans are all perfect and eternal.

It is good that we strive for better. It is good that we strive to be all that we can be, but I believe we are doing ourselves a profound disservice by thinking we are always in need of improvement.

Much of the peace I have found in the world goes back to becoming comfortable with who I am.

Blessing who I am.

Loving who I am.

By shifting my focus from self-improvement to self-acceptance and self-love, I am able to be everything I am and appreciate everything that the world is. When I am fully myself I am best able to find and appreciate the richness of life. That is where I find joy, happiness, and blessings.

At the beginning of each year I decide on a specific focus for the internal work that I want to do in the months ahead. In 2020 my work was to be gentle with myself. Being gentle with myself isn't about improving myself, but loving and accepting myself in all my imperfections.

Here is a simple tapping script to help you to work towards the same:

I have been made perfectly…This does not mean I do everything perfectly…This does not mean that I can’t strive for more and better…It simply means that at my core…At my essence…I am perfect…When I am able to recognize the part of me that is perfect…Then I am able to become everything I am made to be in this moment…I can recognize the part of me that is perfect without being complacent…I can recognize the part of me that is beautiful and still grow…I can see the blessings in my life and be open to receiving more…I am no longer going to strive for self-improvement…I am going to strive to become who I am in every moment…I don’t need to improve who I am…I desire to be who I am made to be more fully…I am made for love…I am made for connection…I am made to be who I am in this moment…I am not made to be who others think I should be…I am not made to be what others want me to be…This does not mean I am complacent…This does not mean I am stagnant…It means that I am striving to live who I am fully in every moment…I will not do this perfectly…But I am going to strive for this…When I strive to be who I am fully…Then I will recognize the grace of the moment…I will be filled with joy in the moment…I will be who I truly am.