Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Why I Am Giving Up On Self-Improvement (But I Haven’t Stopped Tapping)

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This was originally written Jan 5th, 2010 and has been updated.

Author Nick Hornby was interviewed by Jesse Thorn from the radio program The Sound of Young America around the time that his new book “Juliet, Naked” was published.

In the interview Thorn asked Hornby about his screenplay for the movie “An Education”. Thorn commented that his wife, Theresa, had thought that the movie was identifiably Horby's work because it is about people becoming comfortable with who they are, rather than trying to be better.

The idea of not improving, but becoming comfortable with who we are is really interesting to me.

If you were in a bookstore, whether brick and mortar or virtual, the topics covered here at Tapping Q & A would be found in the self-help or self-improvement section.

In some ways the aim of self-improvement implies that there is something wrong with us, or else there wouldn't be anything to improve upon. Of course I'm not saying there is nothing I could improve on, but on some level I do believe that humans are all perfect and eternal.

It is good that we strive for better. It is good that we strive to be all that we can be, but I believe we are doing ourselves a profound disservice by thinking we are always in need of improvement.

Much of the peace I have found in the world goes back to becoming comfortable with who I am.

Blessing who I am.

Loving who I am.

By shifting my focus from self-improvement to self-acceptance and self-love, I am able to be everything I am and appreciate everything that the world is. When I am fully myself I am best able to find and appreciate the richness of life. That is where I find joy, happiness, and blessings.

At the beginning of each year I decide on a specific focus for the internal work that I want to do in the months ahead. In 2020 my work was to be gentle with myself. Being gentle with myself isn't about improving myself, but loving and accepting myself in all my imperfections.

Here is a simple tapping script to help you to work towards the same:

I have been made perfectly…This does not mean I do everything perfectly…This does not mean that I can’t strive for more and better…It simply means that at my core…At my essence…I am perfect…When I am able to recognize the part of me that is perfect…Then I am able to become everything I am made to be in this moment…I can recognize the part of me that is perfect without being complacent…I can recognize the part of me that is beautiful and still grow…I can see the blessings in my life and be open to receiving more…I am no longer going to strive for self-improvement…I am going to strive to become who I am in every moment…I don’t need to improve who I am…I desire to be who I am made to be more fully…I am made for love…I am made for connection…I am made to be who I am in this moment…I am not made to be who others think I should be…I am not made to be what others want me to be…This does not mean I am complacent…This does not mean I am stagnant…It means that I am striving to live who I am fully in every moment…I will not do this perfectly…But I am going to strive for this…When I strive to be who I am fully…Then I will recognize the grace of the moment…I will be filled with joy in the moment…I will be who I truly am.

Top 9 Articles/Topics (UPDATE)

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photo by La Famille Rapp

Over the lifetime of this web site I have been keeping a very close tab on the most frequently asked questions and the most popular articles about tapping/EvEFT. Here are nine common topics, most of which are based on conversations with clients and e-mails from readers, dealing with why Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping works, what a person can expect during the healing process, and how to improve one's tapping practice. Please keep the questions coming.

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Why Do I Have To Tap?
When I share tapping with people the most common reaction is skepticism, which makes perfect sense. Based on their past experience it does seem unreasonable that tapping on their body would make more of a difference than thinking up new solutions. In this three-part series I explore why tapping is useful and often much more useful than brainstorming.

Why Do I Say Negative Phrases When Tapping?
One of the most common questions I get about tapping is about negative phrases. Clients are very worried that by focusing on the negative aspects they are going to reinforce them. When something is not right in our life we are going to focus on the negative aspects regardless because when we want better we notice what we would like to change. Tapping doesn't reinforce these ideas, but uses them for transformation.

Why Do I Have A Hard Time Sitting Down To Tap?
Sometimes our desire to improve is not enough. We can resist our transformation in powerful ways. Here are some of the common reasons that we resist making the changes we want and need, as well as strategies to get past each type of resistance.

The Process Of Healing
There is a very specific process to how we heal. It often doesn't happen all at once and when we understand this, it's easier for us to recognize the progress we have made and to plan the next step. Acknowledging this progress in particular helps to keep us motivated to do the necessary work and move forward quickly.

What Is The Deal With Surrogate Tapping?
As strange as tapping seems, surrogate tapping seems even stranger. It doesn't seem possible or reasonable that we can tap on ourself and see change in someone else. In these two resources we look at how it isn't about us changing someone else, but how we can be an agent of change. This is very powerful stuff.

Using Information For Our Body To Find Core Issues
Just because we think we know the reason for our issues DOES NOT mean that we really know the reasons for our issues. Often we are wrong because we are too close to the situation or are simply misunderstanding the information. Our bodies, which are not hamstrung by our beliefs and misperceptions, frequently possess higher wisdom about our issues. The body simply knows what it is experiencing and we can leverage this information in our healing process. Here are a number of suggestions on how to tune into the body to access this knowledge.

Emotional Triggers
Everyone has something that sets him or her off. These emotional triggers are no surprise to us and often they are no surprise to our loved ones! In this three-part series we look at how we can deal with emotional triggers when they are activated. and then how to deactivate them permanently.

Change For The Future
One of my favorite tapping/EvEFT applications is using it to insure that we make better choices and get closer to the life we really want to live. Here are two processes to positively impact our future. (These are far and away the most read articles on the site.)

Specialty Series
In addition to the regular articles and podcast on the site as of January of 2010 there is always a specialty series. These are a series of resources that go much more in-depth to one issue of many articles.

BONUS: My Personal Favorites
There are a number of resources that I have created that I am particularly proud of. Many of those articles can be found in the nine topic areas above. There are a number of my favorites that don't fit into one of those categories. Maybe, if you read between the line you will learn a little something about where I am in my life. Here they are in no particular order.

Free EFT Podcasts and Radio Programs

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Lots of great Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) audios are on-line and free. Here are the ones I have listened to and liked. Let me know if I am missing anything.

EFT Q & A Podcast -(Yes, I am biased) These are interviews with some of the brightest minds in change work today and have answers to the most common (and uncommon) questions about EFT.

Showcasing EFT – This is a weekly radio program on BlogTalkRadio about EFT hosted by Michele Price. Every other week Michele is joined by Chip Engelmann and Paul Zelizer to talk all things EFT and abundance with their guests. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Class w/ Eleanore Duyndam – Each week Eleanore and her guests from around the world explore one topic on how to use EFT to improve your life. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Revealed – This site was put together by the folks who created the movie “Try It on Everything.” In January of 2009 they moved to a new site, but this site still has over 100 interviews about EFT and EFT-related topics.

The EFT Experience: Sharing the Art of EFT – Learn first-hand how emotional issues can be transformed to create deep, long-lasting physical and emotional change. It’s hosted by Advanced EFT Coach David “Jade” Barbee, featuring a special guest co-host and live “EFT” coaching sessions every week. All past shows are available for download.

EFT-Talk – These podcasts were done by Rick Wilkes and Carol Look. The last podcast was produced in October of 2008, but there are 25 episodes that you can tap along to.

Attracting Abundance w/ Carol Look – This was a radio program that Carol Look did for Voice America radio for a little more than a year. The last episode was in October of 2006, but all 65 shows can still be downloaded. Most of the episodes are about abundance, but not all of them are.