One of the most frustrating moments in tapping is when you know a belief is holding you back, you tap on it again and again, and it simply won’t budge.

That’s because your subconscious mind doesn’t see a limiting belief as limiting. It sees it as the truth about the world and the very thing that keeps you safe.

Some of those beliefs are genuinely useful. My belief that tigers are not kind and cuddly keeps me on the right side of the fence at the zoo. The trouble comes when a belief is disproportionate and misinformed.

Last week, in episode 726 of the podcast, I shared the four-part formula I use in almost every round of tapping. At its heart, that formula is a negotiation with the subconscious mind. Even in the middle of that negotiation, though, the subconscious can dig in its heels, because it doesn’t trust what you’ll do once the resistance comes down.

Over time I have found three words that change that conversation. When I bring them into a round of tapping, I can feel my system decompress almost immediately.

This week in the podcast, I share those three words, why they speak the language of the subconscious mind, and a short round of tapping you can follow along with so you can feel the difference for yourself.

Once you hear them, you’ll want to use them in almost every round of tapping you do.

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Are you tired of fighting your subconscious mind when you’re trying to clear a limiting belief with tapping? Today, I’m going to share with you the three words that make clearing limiting beliefs so much easier and that should be used in almost every round of tapping.

When we’re tapping to create transformation and healing, and we’re trying to clear a limiting belief, our subconscious mind doesn’t want us to clear that limiting belief. That’s because the subconscious mind doesn’t see it as a limiting belief. Instead, the subconscious mind sees it as how we stay safe. So if the limiting belief is “I can’t be successful at this,” what’s really happening is the subconscious mind is saying, “If we try this, we’re probably going to fail, which is going to be painful, which is going to be embarrassing, which is going to cause all sorts of issues. So what I’m going to do is make success so scary that you don’t take action.”

So it’s a tool. It’s trying to keep us safe. And it’s great that we have limiting beliefs that keep us safe. I have a limiting belief about whether or not tigers are kind and cuddly, so that when I’m at the zoo, I don’t climb over the cage and try to cuddle one. It’s trying to keep me safe. When I’m driving and all of a sudden it starts raining and gets dark, I immediately start slowing down. That limiting belief is a form of resistance that acts as a governor to keep me safe.

So limiting beliefs are not the problem. The problem is when we have a limiting belief that is disproportionate and misinformed. That’s why tapping on and transforming limiting beliefs is so difficult. Our subconscious mind does not want to let go of this thing, because to it, it’s not a belief. It’s the truth about the world. And so it becomes really difficult for us to tap on that particular issue.

Last week on the podcast, in episode 726 (link in the show notes), we talked about the four-part structure I use whenever I sit down to tap. That structure exists so that as I’m working through an issue, I’m getting my subconscious mind on board. If you think back to that process, we’re acknowledging what’s going on, we’re naming what the subconscious is doing and what its motivation is, and then we’re explaining to the subconscious mind why the way it’s acting is actually getting in the way. We’re having a negotiation with the subconscious mind.

Now remember, since the subconscious mind doesn’t think it’s a limiting belief but a truth about the world, even when we’re in a place of negotiation, it’s going to be hard for us to let a limiting belief go. I’m negotiating with the subconscious mind and its efforts to keep me safe, and I’m saying I want to act in a new way, but the subconscious mind does not trust me. So I found three words that are super powerful to introduce in that moment in my tapping, which allow my subconscious mind to get on board with that change.

Those words are thoughtless, reckless, and careless.

That’s what the subconscious mind thinks is going to happen. It thinks if we take this obstacle down, if we take this resistance down, I’m going to go crazy. If I go from being afraid that I’m going to be judged to not being afraid that I’m going to be judged, I’m going to go out there and do 87 million things. I’m going to try all of the things, and I’m going to do lots of stupid things. My subconscious mind does not trust me, and that’s the reason the resistance is in place.

So when I’m going to change a subconscious belief, I use those three words. Let’s say I’m afraid of putting myself out there because I’m afraid I’m going to be judged. Here’s how the tapping looks when we introduce those three words. Tap on the side of the hand and take a nice big deep breath to settle in, then tap along with me and move from point to point.

I recognize that my subconscious mind is preventing me from taking action because it’s afraid that if I take this action, I am going to be judged. That’s why it’s holding me back. But I recognize that by not taking action, I’m actually staying stuck, and that is more dangerous. Taking action is how I grow. So even though this part of me wants me to be safe and healthy, I give myself permission to know it is possible for me to take action and put myself out there without being thoughtless. I can put myself out there without being reckless. I can put myself out there without being careless. Simply taking more action doesn’t mean I’m taking all the action. I’m doing it in a thoughtful and deliberate way.

Nice, easy breath.

That was super quick, and we weren’t tuning into anything specific. But even in that little demonstration, with words I use all the time, as I tapped on not being thoughtless, not being reckless, and not being careless, I immediately felt my system decompress. My system went from “No, we can’t do this” to “Okay, I trust you a little bit. Take your time. Step out there.”

With this, I’m not trying to flip a switch. I’m not trying to force my subconscious mind to believe something new. Consciously, I know I can believe something new. But this is super important, and I want you to remember it: the words we say when we’re tapping are not about what we need to hear consciously. The words we say when we’re tapping are about what we need to hear subconsciously, so the subconscious comes along.

I’m regularly saying things when I’m tapping that I don’t believe intellectually, because I’m gently pulling the subconscious along. Saying I’m going to be easy, saying I’m going to be gentle, saying I’m going to do this in a slow, deliberate way is just about getting that part to relax. Typically what happens is it then allows me to move faster than I would have before. It allows me to try in a way that creates deeper understanding and change.

When that part relaxes just a little bit, we then take some action that is not thoughtless, reckless, or careless. We’re giving the subconscious mind proof that we can do this and still be safe. The limiting belief feels like it’s trying to stop us, but it’s not. It’s trying to keep us safe. So we work with that part by saying, “I’m going to take more action in a thoughtful and deliberate way, which is safe.”

Thoughtless, careless, reckless: unsafe. Thoughtful, deliberate: safe.

What we’re doing is speaking the language of the subconscious mind.

So the next time you’re tapping to clear a limiting belief, it’s super simple. As you act in a new way, introduce this: “I’m not going to do it thoughtlessly. I’m not going to do it recklessly. I’m not going to do it carelessly.” Those three words will unlock the subconscious mind and make it easier for you to take action.

One of the most common refrains I hear from clients when I am tapping with them is “That tapping was amazing. It is like you are inside of my head knowing exactly what to tap on next!”

This happens because there are two types of patterns I have come to recognize.

First, because I have spent thousands of hours working with clients, who share what they are thinking when we are tapping, I am able to recognize the same thoughts, feelings, and emotions that we feel as humans. There are details and reasons that people feel emotions are different from person to person, but the underlining concerts for safety and belonging are the same for all of us.

Second, in the last twenty years I have led clients through tens of thousands of rounds of tapping. I have had the chance to see what works and what doesn’t first hand. Not only am I paying attention at the moment, but I regularly go back to listen to old clients’ sessions so that I can dissect what works and what doesn’t.

This has led me to a simple four part formula that I use in almost every round of tapping I do. This isn’t only true for when I tap with clients, but it is also true when I am tapping on my own.

This week in the podcast not only do I share this simple formula with you I also show you how you can even have deep transformation by only doing the first step.

I know you are going to love this!

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Just because we know the power of tapping doesn’t mean we know exactly the best way to tap. Today I’m going to share the simple four-part formula I use for almost every single tapping script I write for my clients, for the videos I make, and when I’m tapping on my own.

Where This Formula Came From

Recently I was talking with one of my clients, and she wanted to do some tapping around being able to create some YouTube videos. She wasn’t looking to create videos for the general public. Instead, she wanted to create videos just to share with her family, so they could tap a little more and make tapping easier for them, since they know so little about it. After we did some work on the insecurity of being on camera and producing something good, we started talking about how I actually create tapping scripts.

It’s not just me talking. There’s a very specific formula, and it came out of years of working with thousands of clients and doing tens of thousands of rounds of tapping. Some of that recognition came from paying attention to what was happening in the moment, and a lot of it came from going back and re-listening to those sessions. What I found is that there are four parts that show up in every single one of my rounds of tapping. If you go look at any of the videos I’ve produced over the last three or four years where you see tapping scripts, you’ll see this formula over and over again.

The four-part formula works for any issue at all. It could be a limiting belief, a physical sensation, a struggle to take action, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter what the issue is. These four steps work every time as a jumping-off point and as a framework.

Step One: State What’s Going On and How You Feel About It

The first step is no different than sitting down with a friend and talking about what’s going on in your life. Let’s say it’s a limiting belief that’s holding you back from taking action. It might sound something like, “I really want to create these videos, but I just can’t get myself to sit down and do it. I’m disappointed, I’m frustrated, I’m overwhelmed.”

All you’re doing is saying what’s going on and how you feel about it. There might be multiple details and multiple feelings, and that’s fine. Give yourself permission to roll through it, chapter and verse. This is what’s going on. This is how I feel about it. You can even say what you don’t know: I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, or I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s just honest reporting.

The first part is simply providing witness to what’s going on in your life. Say what you know, say how you feel about it. Say what you don’t know, say how you feel about that too.

Step Two: Recognize and Appreciate the System’s Intent

The second step is recognizing that our system is trying to keep us safe and healthy. There’s a difference between our system wanting to keep us healthy and actually keeping us healthy, but that’s what it’s trying to do.

For example, resistance to taking action is trying to keep me safe because my system is afraid of that action. So the second part of this formula is pointing out what the resistance is trying to do. My system is resisting this task right now because it’s afraid I’m going to get in trouble, or afraid I’m going to get judged. Once we’ve acknowledged what it’s trying to do, we appreciate that intention. I appreciate the fact that my resistance is trying to keep me safe.

Here’s something key to notice. We are not saying, “I appreciate the fact that I am resisting taking action.” Instead, we’re appreciating the intention to keep us safe. That means we’re no longer fighting with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief. We’re appreciating that it’s our body trying to communicate something with us and trying to keep us safe.

There’s a real difference between affirming something’s intention and affirming what it’s doing. If I’m just saying “stop this, stop this, stop this,” I’m battling with myself. Think about working with someone in your life who’s acting from good intention but causing problems. It’s much easier to get them to act in a new way if you start by saying, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful.” That gets them on your side. We’re doing the exact same thing with the stories we carry in our subconscious mind and the resistance we’re feeling.

Step Three: Let It Know How It’s Getting in the Way

This is where the reframe starts to happen. Now we share with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief how it is getting in the way. I appreciate the fact that this part wants me to be safe, but if I don’t take action, I’m not going to grow my business. If I don’t take action, I’m going to miss out on opportunities. Even though it’s trying to keep me safe, it’s actually putting me in danger.

Step Four: Let It Know What You Want Instead

The fourth step is letting the system know what we want instead. I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to keep me safe, and I want to be safe as I’m taking action. As the fear diminishes, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be thoughtless or reckless or careless.

We’re not trying to get rid of the fear, we’re trying to turn the fear down. We’re not trying to get rid of the resistance, we’re trying to make it proportionate and well-informed. We’re not trying to eliminate the pain, we’re trying to let the system know we hear the pain and we’re taking appropriate action, so it no longer needs to sound the alarm.

Putting It Together

To recap the four steps:

1. State what’s going on and how you feel about it.
2. Appreciate the fact that your system is trying to keep you healthy.
3. Let your system know how it’s getting in the way.
4. Tell your system what you’d like instead.

When I create thirty days of tapping topics, for example, I take each topic and think about my own experience where I’m struggling with it, then I just move through these four steps in my mind. I don’t hold all four at once. It’s simply: what’s step one? What’s going on, and how do I feel? When that feels like it’s extinguished and worked its way out, I move to step two: this is what my system is trying to tell me. Then step three: this is how it’s getting in the way. Then step four: this is what I want my system to know instead.

It’s not about a specific number of words, phrases, or taps. You’re working through the idea until you’ve worked through the idea. After a round of tapping, take a deep breath, tune back in, and work through the process again. What do I notice and how do I feel now? What is my system trying to tell me now? How is this still getting in the way? What information do I need to reinforce or introduce as new?

When In Doubt, Just Do Step One

If you’re in the moment and feeling really emotionally charged, it’s often enough to just do step one. Months ago, I was working with a client who was really struggling with an anger issue. I told her that between now and our next session, the tapping I’d like her to do is simply: “I’m really angry because. I’m really angry because. I’m really angry because.” She asked what to do next, and I told her nothing, that’s it.

When we engage that way, fully articulated emotions tend to be short-lived. So if we’re tapping and going through that process, it can make a huge difference. It really is that simple.

Those are the four steps I use every single time I create a tapping script: state what’s going on, appreciate the fact that my system’s trying to keep me healthy, let my system know how it’s getting in the way, and tell the system what I’d like instead. Work through those four things and you’ll be surprised how easy it becomes.

Over the last week I have heard from a number of clients who have reported feeling a general sense of anxiety and grief around the 25th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11th in New York City and Washington, DC. 

Feeling bad about painful anniversaries and global events is not unusual. A common concern when tapping for this sort of anxiety is that working with the details will only worsen how we feel. 

This week in the podcast, I share a simple tool to tap for that anxiety and general sense of dread.

I have also provided a printout of the tapping process, which only makes sense after you listen to the podcast. 

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One of the most frequent questions that I receive in the Tapping Q&A inbox is about whether we should be tapping on positive or negative phrases.

People are often concerned that if you tap on a negative phrase, you will tap a negative belief into your subconscious mind.

The good news is that you can’t tap negative thoughts in.

Even so, it can feel heavy and even discouraging to be tapping constantly on feeling bad or on what is going wrong in your life. Preferring to tap on positive phrases makes perfect sense.

The problem is, tapping on a positive phrase that feels emotionally untrue is difficult. 

This issue comes up with even the most basic recipe for the EFT set-up phrase. It can be hard to say “Even though I have this issue, I deeply and completely accept myself” with any kind of conviction.  (I tackled this exact struggle in depth in episode 721 of the podcast.)

When a tapping phrase feels like a lie, you are less likely to engage with the tapping AND you are more likely to end the round of tapping sooner.
 
Recently, I was my interviewing my friend (and all-around amazing tapper) Jackie Viramontez for this year’s version of the Integrated Tapping Summit and she shared a new way of thinking about tapping with affirmations.

The moment she said it, I knew it was something that I needed to try. Not only was it powerful, it was more powerful than I could have imagined. 

In this week’s podcast I am sharing Jackie’s idea, plus the ways I have adapted it to my personal tapping style.

This is an approach that every tapper should have in their transformational tool box.

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When we are tapping to clear limiting beliefs, we often encounter the moment in time we picked up a particular belief.

As a practitioner, I especially love this type of work because it means we get the chance to heal the inner child. For my money, this is some of the most profound and meaningful work we can do when tapping.

I am currently in the midst of doing the interviews for the 2026 version of the Integrated Tapping Summit. This year, an entire section is dedicated to clearing limiting beliefs with tapping. When I was interviewing Sarah Tobin a few days ago about limiting beliefs, she shared an insight that had never occurred to me. 

She was talking about a certain type of forgiveness work that can support inner child healing. The moment she said it, it resonated deeply with my experience of healing. 

My first thought was, “Why didn’t I notice this before?!”

It is a simple, powerful approach to healing.

This week in the podcast, I share exactly how I started using the idea and how, after just a few days, it has already unlocked healing I didn’t know I even needed.

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