One of the best things about tapping is its flexibility.

Tapping is flexible in terms of the issues you can use it on, how long you tap, how deep you go, and what you say.

Many people don’t realize that there is flexibility when it comes to how you tap on the points, the points you tap on, and the order in which you tap on them.

This week on the podcast, I share lots of different ways you can tap and how you can get deeper results when you experiment with them.

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Why I Tap in a Random Order

Why are you tapping like that? Those were the first words the person sitting next to me in a coffee shop said to me on Saturday, and she said it with a questioning tone and almost disgust. Today I want to share exactly what I was doing while tapping in that coffee shop, why I do it that way, and why I think it is so effective.

One of the things I have become is comfortable tapping in public. Part of that is because I live in New York City, and if I happen to be standing on a street corner doing a little bit of tapping, I’m like the eighth weirdest thing on that street corner, so nobody notices. For the most part, people here let people live and let live. Most of the people I encounter aren’t ever going to see me again, and I am tapping to make myself feel better in the moment, so I really don’t care that much. When I’m doing work and my computer is processing something, like compressing audio or creating an output, I’m just waiting, so I will start tapping.

That’s exactly what happened. Every Saturday and Sunday morning that I’m in town, I go to a coffee shop right around the corner, Devoción. I sit in the corner with a beautiful cup of coffee below a giant wall of plants and a giant skylight, and I do some work. On this particular morning my computer was processing something, and I was waiting on a download. They don’t have internet on the weekend, so I was using my phone as a hotspot, which takes longer than I like. So I just started tapping, jumping from tapping point to tapping point without saying anything. That is when I got the accusation: why are you tapping like that?

My first response was actually excitement. She wasn’t asking why I was tapping or what that thing was that I was doing. She knew what tapping was, and she knew enough about it to question my style. As someone who has spent almost the last two decades trying to share tapping with as many people as possible, that was a good thing.

The reason she questioned it is that I was hopping from point to point in what appeared to be a random fashion. When you have been taught to do something one way and someone else does it differently, it makes you ask questions. Maybe not as directly as my New York friends, but it does. Most of us were taught to start at the eyebrow and go from point to point, or to start at the tippy top of the head, or on the side of the hand. After going through the body, we might hit the liver spots or the fingers, but it all looks super organized.

The reason I don’t follow that pattern is that it looks organized, but it’s actually a random pattern. Every tapping point is associated with a different meridian. We go eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, because that is the next closest point. I’ve actually tried it, and it feels more natural to work top down. Tapping on the collarbone, then chin, then under the nose, then under the eye feels like work with each tap, whereas coming down the body just keeps lowering and lowering, and that is easier than working back up to the top. So it makes sense that we tap that way.

Why do we do that? The predecessor to EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, as most of us know it, was something called Thought Field Therapy, created by Roger Callahan. In Thought Field Therapy, you tapped in a particular order for a particular issue. There might be one sequence where you go collarbone, eyebrow, under the eye, side of the hand, and another where you go index finger, under the eye, tippy top of the head, under the nose. There are a number of prescribed sequences for certain issues, and when you’re working with a client, you can muscle test your way to something more useful.

Many of Callahan’s early students loved Thought Field Therapy and thought tapping was great, but they also recognized it was really complicated. They wondered whether they could find a single algorithm, which is what Callahan called tapping in a given order. Maybe it wouldn’t be as powerful as Thought Field Therapy, but it would be much easier to teach. If you’ve ever tried to explain tapping to someone, you’re already getting them over the hurdle of this weird thing where we tap on our bodies. Now you also need to explain that when it’s anger, you tap in this order, and when it’s sadness, you tap in that order. That is a really difficult thing to share with someone in a casual setting.

So Gary Craig’s thought was that if you hit every single tapping point and go through the sequence, eventually you will get the points in the right order. The first time through you hit the eyebrow, the second time through the top of the head, the third time through under the eye, and so on, until eventually the points land in the right order. It feels like a really organized way to tap, but it’s random.

As I thought about this and played with it, I realized I don’t know how to do Thought Field Therapy, but I do know how to tap, and I wondered whether I could intuit my way into a tapping sequence that made more sense. So I started to play. I would ask myself where to tap, and my hand would be drawn to my collarbone. Where do I tap next? My hand would be drawn to under my nose. Then the eyebrow, then under the eye, then the side of the hand. The more I did it, the stronger the sensations in my body got.

One of two things was happening. Possibility number one is that because I was being thoughtful, deliberate, and present, I was actually finding a faster way to healing and transformation. Possibility number two is that I am absolutely delusional and making stuff up, and those physical sensations are nothing other than physical sensations in my body that have nothing to do with tapping.

But if we go back to the original premise, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin is a random order. It’s organized by proximity, not by function. It’s like when I go out in my neighborhood to pick things up. I go to the post office, then the grocery store, then the drugstore, then pick up laundry. That’s not the order those things need to be done in. It’s the order they are in my neighborhood, so it becomes a little loop. Functionally, the standard tapping sequence is random, designed around the way my body is lined up.

So my thought was that if I tap in some random order, I’m exchanging one random sequence for another. Eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin is random. Eyebrow, chin, under the eye, side of the eye is also random. At worst, I’m trading one random sequence for another. At best, I’m trading a random sequence for a sequence that my body is giving me information about, which makes it less random and therefore possibly more effective. I think of the old Yellow Pages slogan: I’m letting my fingers do the walking, tapping whatever comes next.

I don’t do this when I’m tapping on screen, and I don’t do this when I’m teaching. For the most part I don’t do it when I’m tapping with clients either, because with a client I’m having them tune into issues and figure out what’s going on, and then I give them instruction. Now tap here, now tap here, now tap here. That starts to get in the way of healing and transformation. But when I’m tapping on my own, there is no distraction, and the more I’ve done this, the more my hand just jumps all over the place.

As I evaluate this, I look at it through a few lenses. The first question I ask when I’m trying something new is how it’s working. I have found it effective. Is it more effective than tapping in the sequence we’ve all been taught? I don’t know. I think it is, but it’s not making things worse.

Second, I’m a really big advocate for the minimal viable solution, which means doing just enough. Sometimes when I tap, I just tap on my collarbone because that is enough. Sometimes I tap on the side of my hand and then under my nose, the side of my hand and under my nose, over and over, because for what is at hand, that is enough for me to have the relief I want. So when I’m tapping, I tap in the way that makes the most sense to me, and the way that makes the most sense is to let my hands wander all over the place.

That is why she asked, why are you tapping like that? It’s because I was tapping in a way she was not used to.

I am not saying you need to tap in a random order. I am not saying you need to tune into your body and see where to tap next. I’m simply saying this is something I tried. In the trying of it, it feels like it’s making a difference, and it doesn’t cost me anything because I’m trading one random thing for another random thing. That is why I tap in weird ways in coffee shops at 7:30 in the morning, so my neighbors can question what the hell I’m thinking and what I’m doing.

So give it a try and let me know how it works for you. This is not a homework assignment, and I’m not telling you it’s the best way to do anything. I’d just be curious to hear what your particular experience is. And if you know a tapper in your life, you might want to share this with them so the two of you can have a conversation and play around with it together.

Tapping for limiting beliefs and resistance is a very straightforward process.

All you need to do is name the limiting belief, why the limiting belief thinks it is being helpful, and then share the truth about what is really happening.

When you combine this with tapping it rewrites your subconscious. 

The problem is not clearing the limiting belief. Instead the problem is knowing what the limiting beliefs are because the subconscious mind doesn’t think about them as limiting beliefs. Instead, the subconscious simply sees the limiting belief as how the world works.

If clearing the limiting belief is the easy part, then finding the limiting beliefs is the hardest part.

This week in the podcast I am going to share with you the tool I use every day to find limiting beliefs. I use this every time I tap and I use this in every tapping session I do with clients.

This is the most useful framework I have ever created and I know you are going to love it!

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Finding Your Limiting Beliefs with the SAWD Framework

Clearing limiting beliefs with tapping is really easy. Basically, all you’re doing is naming the limiting belief, naming why it’s not true, and naming what is true instead while you’re tapping. I went into a lot of detail on that in episode 726. That’s not the problem. The problem is naming the limiting belief. So today, I’m going to share the exact process I use every single time I tap to find the limiting beliefs, so it becomes really easy for me to tap on them.

This is Gene Monterastelli, and welcome to the Tapping Q&A Podcast, recorded live to tape from Williamsburg in Brooklyn. This is episode 728, originally aired October 1st, 2026.

Hi, everyone. I hope this finds you well, wherever you are and whatever time of day you’re getting a chance to listen. Thanks for spending a little time with me today.

Why Limiting Beliefs Are So Hard to Spot

As I’m recording this, we are on the precipice of this year’s Integrated Tapping Summit, where I bring together some of my favorite tappers and we answer questions about a specific topic. We knit those answers together, so you’re not just hearing from one expert, you’re hearing from lots of them. If you’re not signed up, you can join us absolutely free at integratedtappingsummit.com.

I love the conversations I have because I get to put lots of people’s ideas side by side, and I’m always fascinated by the questions that require the most attention. Because the summit is edited, my guests get to sit and let a question wash over them before they answer, and they receive the questions ahead of time so they can think about them.

Last year, the question that caught people the most was about limiting beliefs: how do I know I am carrying a limiting belief? This question matters because the subconscious mind doesn’t think it’s a limiting belief. The subconscious mind just thinks it is true. When it’s operating from that belief, it’s not saying, “This is a limiting belief that’s holding me back.” It’s just saying, “This is how we stay safe.” And since the subconscious mind thinks it’s true, it becomes much harder for us to unpack.

Giving Away the Transformation

Last week I was at a small business marketing conference, and one of the presenters, Brian Mark, a personal trainer, was talking about his approach to social media. He said something fascinating. In the free content you create, in your videos, your social media, and your podcasts, give your audience enough information that they could reach complete transformation without ever hiring you.

That’s something I’ve always tried to do. We’ve been going at this for 17 years, and nothing has been held back. But today I’m going to do exactly that as we look at how to uncover limiting beliefs. I’m going to share a simple framework that I use every single day in my tapping, and it has transformed my results, both when I’m tapping on my own and when I’m working with my clients.

If you are new to tapping and have no idea what I’m talking about, tapping is a tool we can use to transform the limiting beliefs and stories we’re carrying in our subconscious mind that no longer serve us. If you know what the limiting belief is, tapping on it is easy as long as you know how to tap. I’ve put together a free guide that teaches you all the basics at learntotap.com. You can take the framework I’m teaching today, combine it with that basic information, and start to heal and transform your subconscious mind.

What a Limiting Belief Actually Is

Before we jump in, it’s important to talk more deeply about what a limiting belief is. It’s just a story we’re carrying. All of the stories in our subconscious mind are the rules about the way the world works. They guide us moment to moment so that we’re not having to think in every single moment, because thinking takes so much energy. It’s the reason you can walk out of a really difficult class feeling like you ran a marathon. Our subconscious was designed as an energy-saving mechanism.

For example, if I’m in my kitchen and my gas stove is on with a blue flame, I don’t have to think about whether I should touch it. I’m carrying a story in my subconscious that says blue flame, really hot, don’t touch. That is a limiting belief. It limits where I put my hand, but in that case it’s keeping me safe.

Here’s another example. There are people in my life who drive me crazy and get me all dysregulated. When I see them, my instinct might be to walk out of the room, or not open their email, or not answer the phone. That is also a limiting belief. It says this person is bad for me to talk to in the middle of my day, so I’m going to limit my action. Again, the belief is keeping me safe.

So the issue, when it comes to creating the authentic lives we love and taking the actions that are right for us, is not about eliminating limiting beliefs. It’s about making sure the limiting beliefs we’re carrying in our subconscious are proportionate and well informed. That’s why the question is so hard to answer. How do I know whether a limiting belief is actually a limiting belief or just true? When I operate from it, it just feels true.

The work we need to do is pull these beliefs out into the light of day, because the moment they’re out there, we can tap on them. Again, see episode 726 for a simple four-part formula to tap on any limiting belief you uncover. If you marry that formula with what we’re covering today, you’ll be able to tap on almost anything. So the question becomes how to identify what those limiting beliefs are.

How the Framework Came Together

I’ve been wrestling with this for a really long time, because it’s the work I do for myself and with my clients. About four years ago, I started brainstorming all of the limiting beliefs I had experienced in my own life and all the ones I could remember from clients. I jotted them down and started to categorize them. I wasn’t looking for a laundry list of eight million limiting beliefs to investigate. I was trying to find a framework to understand what was going on, because when I have a system, things become predictable and I’m not just guessing. The system isn’t perfect, but it narrows things down and makes it easier for us.

I’m always looking for frameworks, systems, and taxonomies. Every class I teach in the Tapping Mastery Academy starts with a bunch of definitions, because when we understand the terms and the framework, creating change becomes so much easier. We have lenses to look through to understand our lived experience.

As I worked through this, I realized there were four basic categories that almost every piece of resistance lives in. It’s not absolute, and sometimes a belief lives in multiple places. But even if the framework isn’t perfect, it is more than sufficient to create real, lasting, deep change.

Think for a moment about what it would be like to finally understand why you haven’t taken that action you’ve wanted to take for days, weeks, months, or years. Once you know why, you have this magical tool, tapping, to help you unknit that belief so it’s easier to take action. That’s what’s at stake here. This is a way to move from being stuck to taking action, if you’re willing to dive in.

The Four Categories of Resistance

The framework comes in four parts, and the acronym is SAWD: Safe, Allowed, Worthy, Deserving. I didn’t come up with the acronym and backfill it. It just came that way, because that is the order in which I work through these things when I’m tapping. Let’s take them one at a time.

Safe

Because our resistance is just trying to keep us safe, category number one is safe. It makes sense that I have resistance when something is not safe. The stove is hot, so I don’t touch it. The cage has a lion inside, so I don’t climb over it. It starts to rain and gets really dark, so I slow down. All of those are limits that keep me safe.

When I’m resisting an action, the first thing I want to discover is what part of me thinks taking this action is unsafe. Sometimes there is a sense of physical safety. I don’t want to fly in an airplane because it feels unsafe, since the plane could fall from the sky. But there are other kinds of unsafe. I could do something and people might laugh at me. That is unsafe. I could invest time and energy and fail. That is unsafe. This is the most primitive type of protection we have, because we have a genetic imperative to survive so our species can continue.

Allowed

Number two is allowed. Allowed is nothing more than safety in community. Because of the history of our species, we once lived in little tribal communities of between 100 and 125 people. This was pre-technology, and often we were nomadic, so that tribe, that band of humans, that family, was how we stayed alive. We needed each other to hunt, to gather food, to keep predators at bay, and to take care of each other. If we were pushed outside of that tribal unit, we would die, and I mean that in the non-millennial sense of the word. We would literally die.

So we have a genetic imperative to be part of the community, because our system thinks we will die if we are not. Anytime we want to do something that goes against the cultural norms or standards of our family, our religion, our nationality, our community, or our workspace, we immediately have resistance, because it is not allowed.

Here’s an example, and this is not true for me, I’m just using it to illustrate. I could have grown up in a really traditional, structured family, and there’s a part of me that wants to be an artist. I’ve heard people in my family disparage artists as people who aren’t serious, who aren’t contributing to the world, and who are using art as an excuse to do something silly and trivial. If I’ve been told those stories, then deciding to be an artist means I will be rejected by my family. So it becomes defined as: I am not allowed to be an artist, because of the negative consequences. I wouldn’t describe it that way consciously, but on a subconscious level, that’s exactly what’s going on.

I once worked with a client on weight release, and she said, “I’ve heard how my friends talk about skinny people. If I lose weight, they’re going to say that about me too.” If you feel like your closest friends will attack you for being successful at something, then it’s not allowed.

So we have safe, which is primary safety, and allowed, which is safety in community.

Worthy and Deserving

The W and D stand for worthy and deserving, and I want to talk about them together because I want to explain how I define these terms in this context. You don’t have to agree with my definitions, but I want you to understand where I’m coming from. The concepts behind these two words are distinct, and I don’t care what words you use to create that separation, but the separation is vital.

The difference is that worthy is birthright, while deserving is transactional, at least in my taxonomy. I’m worthy of love because I’m made for love. I deserve to be paid because I’ve done hard work.

It can show up in all different places. I can feel worthy of success because I’m a human and I’m made for success, but not feel I deserve success because I’ve squandered success in the past. On the flip side, I could feel I’m not worthy of success because the people in my family aren’t successful in business, but feel I deserve success because I’ve worked really hard. And it’s possible not to feel worthy and not to feel deserving at all.

Why Resistance Shows Up Even When You Know Better

Now we have a high-level framework, a way of thinking about all the different resistances: safe, allowed, worthy, deserving. If there is a story in my subconscious mind that says it’s not safe for me to take an action, or I’m not allowed to take it, or I’m not worthy of taking it or having the outcome, or I’m not deserving of taking it or having the outcome, then a story in any of those four places is going to show up as resistance. My subconscious is trying to keep me safe.

This is why we struggle so much. Consciously, I know this is the right thing for me and I know I should be doing it, and I’m just not doing it. So I decide I’m a failure, I’m stupid. But really, what’s going on is that I’m carrying a story in my subconscious that is disproportionate or misinformed and says this action is dangerous or unsafe. That’s why I don’t take action.

It’s also why limiting beliefs are so hard to find. Logically, it makes no sense that I’m holding myself back. So not only am I not taking action, I now get the added benefit of beating myself up for not taking the action I know I should be taking. If we’re carrying any of these stories, we’re not going to move forward.

Using SAWD to Let the Subconscious Speak

So how do we unpack them? I use those four words to let the subconscious mind speak. I think of an action I want to take, and I’ll keep this really simple. Let’s say I want to send an email to someone to ask for their support. It’s on my to-do list, and it stays on my to-do list. I keep finding other things to do and I’m distracted.

Here’s what I do. I imagine myself sending the email, and I say the phrase, “It’s not safe for me to send this email because…” Then I wait for things to bubble up. They’ll think I’m foolish. They’ll say no. They’ll ignore me. They’ll laugh at me. I write down every single thing that comes up.

Then I take a nice big deep breath, imagine taking the action again, and do the second word. “I’m not allowed to send this email because I should be self-sufficient and I look needy asking for help.” Great, I write that down. Then I do it for worthy: “I’m not worthy of sending this email,” or “I’m not worthy of them saying yes.” And for deserving: “I don’t deserve to send this email,” or “I don’t deserve to have them say yes.”

Now I have a crystal clear list of limiting beliefs, stories that, if they were true, would make it sensible for me not to take action because I’d be in danger.

Tapping on What You Find

I take them one at a time. I recognize that there’s a part of me that’s afraid they’re going to laugh at me if I send this email, and I give myself permission to know they might also be really excited and want to work with me. Again, it’s really simple. I know the limiting belief, and I tap on it.

I don’t have to tap through every limiting belief on that list. I just have to tap on enough of them that I’ll go take action. Sometimes I can tap on one limiting belief and that’s sufficient. Sometimes I can tap on 95% of them and it’s not enough. For me, it’s not about clearing all the limiting beliefs. It’s about reducing the resistance enough that I take the action in an authentic way, and that makes it so much easier to move forward.

I reach for the SAWD framework anytime I want to do something and I’m not doing it. If I know what to do, I know how to do it, I have all the resources, and I have a compelling reason to take action, then if it weren’t for resistance to change, the change would already have happened. If everything is in place and I’m still not acting, there must be resistance. So I go through this simple little process.

I’ve put together a handout and a little workbook that explain all of this in more detail, with some exercises. It’s absolutely free. Go to becomesawd.com, enter your email address, and I’ll send it right away.

When You Need Support

The second thing to consider is that knowing what the limiting beliefs are, and being able to unearth them, doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be successful tapping on them on your own. Every time we sit down to tap, there are three parts. Number one, we have to tune into the issue at hand, because we need something to tap on. Number two, we need to provide the intervention, which is the tapping itself, like the four-part framework in episode 726. Number three, we need to hold the safe container, so that the healing and transformation happens in a way that is safe.

There are times, and I know this to be true for myself, where I know all of those things and I still can’t tune into the issue, provide the intervention, and hold a safe space at the same time. So I have a rule in my own life: if a task on my to-do list gets moved from one day to the next for three days, I have to sign up for an appointment with my practitioner. I recognize I’m not taking action, and I have an amazing tool to respond to it, but just because I have the tool doesn’t mean I’m using it.

If you hear this and it resonates, but you’re struggling to implement it, and you’re looking for some one-on-one support, drop me a note at support@tappingqanda.com. We can have a conversation to see if there’s a way I can support you on your transformational journey. Just because we know how to do this doesn’t mean it’s easy. As my buddy Andy Hunt likes to say, sometimes it’s really hard to read the label from inside the bottle, and having some external help is useful.

If you look at the screen, you’ll see the entire archive of the Tapping Q&A Podcast. There’s all sorts of teaching there that you can use right away to create healing and transformation. I don’t hold anything back. I look forward to talking with you and tapping with you again real soon. Bye-bye.

One of the most frustrating moments in tapping is when you know a belief is holding you back, you tap on it again and again, and still it simply won’t budge.

That’s because your subconscious mind doesn’t see a limiting belief as limiting. It sees it as the truth about the world and the very thing that keeps you safe.

Some of those beliefs are genuinely useful. My belief that tigers are not kind and cuddly keeps me on the right side of the fence at the zoo. The difficulty comes when a belief is disproportionate or misinformed.

Last week, in episode 726 of the podcast, I shared the four-part formula I use in almost every round of tapping. At its heart, that formula is a negotiation with the subconscious mind. But even in the midst of that negotiation, the subconscious can dig in its heels, because it doesn’t trust what you’ll do once the resistance comes down.

Over time, I have found three words that change that conversation. When I bring them into a round of tapping, I can feel my system decompress almost immediately.

This week in the podcast, I share those three words, why they speak the language of the subconscious mind, and a short round of tapping you can follow along with so you can experience the difference for yourself.

Once you hear them, you’ll want to use them in almost every round of tapping you do.

Support the podcast!

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Are you tired of fighting your subconscious mind when you’re trying to clear a limiting belief with tapping? Today, I’m going to share with you the three words that make clearing limiting beliefs so much easier and that should be used in almost every round of tapping.

When we’re tapping to create transformation and healing, and we’re trying to clear a limiting belief, our subconscious mind doesn’t want us to clear that limiting belief. That’s because the subconscious mind doesn’t see it as a limiting belief. Instead, the subconscious mind sees it as how we stay safe. So if the limiting belief is “I can’t be successful at this,” what’s really happening is the subconscious mind is saying, “If we try this, we’re probably going to fail, which is going to be painful, which is going to be embarrassing, which is going to cause all sorts of issues. So what I’m going to do is make success so scary that you don’t take action.”

So it’s a tool. It’s trying to keep us safe. And it’s great that we have limiting beliefs that keep us safe. I have a limiting belief about whether or not tigers are kind and cuddly, so that when I’m at the zoo, I don’t climb over the cage and try to cuddle one. It’s trying to keep me safe. When I’m driving and all of a sudden it starts raining and gets dark, I immediately start slowing down. That limiting belief is a form of resistance that acts as a governor to keep me safe.

So limiting beliefs are not the problem. The problem is when we have a limiting belief that is disproportionate and misinformed. That’s why tapping on and transforming limiting beliefs is so difficult. Our subconscious mind does not want to let go of this thing, because to it, it’s not a belief. It’s the truth about the world. And so it becomes really difficult for us to tap on that particular issue.

Last week on the podcast, in episode 726 (link in the show notes), we talked about the four-part structure I use whenever I sit down to tap. That structure exists so that as I’m working through an issue, I’m getting my subconscious mind on board. If you think back to that process, we’re acknowledging what’s going on, we’re naming what the subconscious is doing and what its motivation is, and then we’re explaining to the subconscious mind why the way it’s acting is actually getting in the way. We’re having a negotiation with the subconscious mind.

Now remember, since the subconscious mind doesn’t think it’s a limiting belief but a truth about the world, even when we’re in a place of negotiation, it’s going to be hard for us to let a limiting belief go. I’m negotiating with the subconscious mind and its efforts to keep me safe, and I’m saying I want to act in a new way, but the subconscious mind does not trust me. So I found three words that are super powerful to introduce in that moment in my tapping, which allow my subconscious mind to get on board with that change.

Those words are thoughtless, reckless, and careless.

That’s what the subconscious mind thinks is going to happen. It thinks if we take this obstacle down, if we take this resistance down, I’m going to go crazy. If I go from being afraid that I’m going to be judged to not being afraid that I’m going to be judged, I’m going to go out there and do 87 million things. I’m going to try all of the things, and I’m going to do lots of stupid things. My subconscious mind does not trust me, and that’s the reason the resistance is in place.

So when I’m going to change a subconscious belief, I use those three words. Let’s say I’m afraid of putting myself out there because I’m afraid I’m going to be judged. Here’s how the tapping looks when we introduce those three words. Tap on the side of the hand and take a nice big deep breath to settle in, then tap along with me and move from point to point.

I recognize that my subconscious mind is preventing me from taking action because it’s afraid that if I take this action, I am going to be judged. That’s why it’s holding me back. But I recognize that by not taking action, I’m actually staying stuck, and that is more dangerous. Taking action is how I grow. So even though this part of me wants me to be safe and healthy, I give myself permission to know it is possible for me to take action and put myself out there without being thoughtless. I can put myself out there without being reckless. I can put myself out there without being careless. Simply taking more action doesn’t mean I’m taking all the action. I’m doing it in a thoughtful and deliberate way.

Nice, easy breath.

That was super quick, and we weren’t tuning into anything specific. But even in that little demonstration, with words I use all the time, as I tapped on not being thoughtless, not being reckless, and not being careless, I immediately felt my system decompress. My system went from “No, we can’t do this” to “Okay, I trust you a little bit. Take your time. Step out there.”

With this, I’m not trying to flip a switch. I’m not trying to force my subconscious mind to believe something new. Consciously, I know I can believe something new. But this is super important, and I want you to remember it: the words we say when we’re tapping are not about what we need to hear consciously. The words we say when we’re tapping are about what we need to hear subconsciously, so the subconscious comes along.

I’m regularly saying things when I’m tapping that I don’t believe intellectually, because I’m gently pulling the subconscious along. Saying I’m going to be easy, saying I’m going to be gentle, saying I’m going to do this in a slow, deliberate way is just about getting that part to relax. Typically what happens is it then allows me to move faster than I would have before. It allows me to try in a way that creates deeper understanding and change.

When that part relaxes just a little bit, we then take some action that is not thoughtless, reckless, or careless. We’re giving the subconscious mind proof that we can do this and still be safe. The limiting belief feels like it’s trying to stop us, but it’s not. It’s trying to keep us safe. So we work with that part by saying, “I’m going to take more action in a thoughtful and deliberate way, which is safe.”

Thoughtless, careless, reckless: unsafe. Thoughtful, deliberate: safe.

What we’re doing is speaking the language of the subconscious mind.

So the next time you’re tapping to clear a limiting belief, it’s super simple. As you act in a new way, introduce this: “I’m not going to do it thoughtlessly. I’m not going to do it recklessly. I’m not going to do it carelessly.” Those three words will unlock the subconscious mind and make it easier for you to take action.

One of the most common refrains I hear from clients when I am tapping with them is “That tapping was amazing. It is like you are inside of my head knowing exactly what to tap on next!”

This happens because there are two types of patterns I have come to recognize.

First, because I have spent thousands of hours working with clients, who share what they are thinking when we are tapping, I am able to recognize the same thoughts, feelings, and emotions that we feel as humans. There are details and reasons that people feel emotions are different from person to person, but the underlining concerts for safety and belonging are the same for all of us.

Second, in the last twenty years I have led clients through tens of thousands of rounds of tapping. I have had the chance to see what works and what doesn’t first hand. Not only am I paying attention at the moment, but I regularly go back to listen to old clients’ sessions so that I can dissect what works and what doesn’t.

This has led me to a simple four part formula that I use in almost every round of tapping I do. This isn’t only true for when I tap with clients, but it is also true when I am tapping on my own.

This week in the podcast not only do I share this simple formula with you I also show you how you can even have deep transformation by only doing the first step.

I know you are going to love this!

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Just because we know the power of tapping doesn’t mean we know exactly the best way to tap. Today I’m going to share the simple four-part formula I use for almost every single tapping script I write for my clients, for the videos I make, and when I’m tapping on my own.

Where This Formula Came From

Recently I was talking with one of my clients, and she wanted to do some tapping around being able to create some YouTube videos. She wasn’t looking to create videos for the general public. Instead, she wanted to create videos just to share with her family, so they could tap a little more and make tapping easier for them, since they know so little about it. After we did some work on the insecurity of being on camera and producing something good, we started talking about how I actually create tapping scripts.

It’s not just me talking. There’s a very specific formula, and it came out of years of working with thousands of clients and doing tens of thousands of rounds of tapping. Some of that recognition came from paying attention to what was happening in the moment, and a lot of it came from going back and re-listening to those sessions. What I found is that there are four parts that show up in every single one of my rounds of tapping. If you go look at any of the videos I’ve produced over the last three or four years where you see tapping scripts, you’ll see this formula over and over again.

The four-part formula works for any issue at all. It could be a limiting belief, a physical sensation, a struggle to take action, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter what the issue is. These four steps work every time as a jumping-off point and as a framework.

Step One: State What’s Going On and How You Feel About It

The first step is no different than sitting down with a friend and talking about what’s going on in your life. Let’s say it’s a limiting belief that’s holding you back from taking action. It might sound something like, “I really want to create these videos, but I just can’t get myself to sit down and do it. I’m disappointed, I’m frustrated, I’m overwhelmed.”

All you’re doing is saying what’s going on and how you feel about it. There might be multiple details and multiple feelings, and that’s fine. Give yourself permission to roll through it, chapter and verse. This is what’s going on. This is how I feel about it. You can even say what you don’t know: I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, or I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s just honest reporting.

The first part is simply providing witness to what’s going on in your life. Say what you know, say how you feel about it. Say what you don’t know, say how you feel about that too.

Step Two: Recognize and Appreciate the System’s Intent

The second step is recognizing that our system is trying to keep us safe and healthy. There’s a difference between our system wanting to keep us healthy and actually keeping us healthy, but that’s what it’s trying to do.

For example, resistance to taking action is trying to keep me safe because my system is afraid of that action. So the second part of this formula is pointing out what the resistance is trying to do. My system is resisting this task right now because it’s afraid I’m going to get in trouble, or afraid I’m going to get judged. Once we’ve acknowledged what it’s trying to do, we appreciate that intention. I appreciate the fact that my resistance is trying to keep me safe.

Here’s something key to notice. We are not saying, “I appreciate the fact that I am resisting taking action.” Instead, we’re appreciating the intention to keep us safe. That means we’re no longer fighting with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief. We’re appreciating that it’s our body trying to communicate something with us and trying to keep us safe.

There’s a real difference between affirming something’s intention and affirming what it’s doing. If I’m just saying “stop this, stop this, stop this,” I’m battling with myself. Think about working with someone in your life who’s acting from good intention but causing problems. It’s much easier to get them to act in a new way if you start by saying, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful.” That gets them on your side. We’re doing the exact same thing with the stories we carry in our subconscious mind and the resistance we’re feeling.

Step Three: Let It Know How It’s Getting in the Way

This is where the reframe starts to happen. Now we share with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief how it is getting in the way. I appreciate the fact that this part wants me to be safe, but if I don’t take action, I’m not going to grow my business. If I don’t take action, I’m going to miss out on opportunities. Even though it’s trying to keep me safe, it’s actually putting me in danger.

Step Four: Let It Know What You Want Instead

The fourth step is letting the system know what we want instead. I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to keep me safe, and I want to be safe as I’m taking action. As the fear diminishes, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be thoughtless or reckless or careless.

We’re not trying to get rid of the fear, we’re trying to turn the fear down. We’re not trying to get rid of the resistance, we’re trying to make it proportionate and well-informed. We’re not trying to eliminate the pain, we’re trying to let the system know we hear the pain and we’re taking appropriate action, so it no longer needs to sound the alarm.

Putting It Together

To recap the four steps:

1. State what’s going on and how you feel about it.
2. Appreciate the fact that your system is trying to keep you healthy.
3. Let your system know how it’s getting in the way.
4. Tell your system what you’d like instead.

When I create thirty days of tapping topics, for example, I take each topic and think about my own experience where I’m struggling with it, then I just move through these four steps in my mind. I don’t hold all four at once. It’s simply: what’s step one? What’s going on, and how do I feel? When that feels like it’s extinguished and worked its way out, I move to step two: this is what my system is trying to tell me. Then step three: this is how it’s getting in the way. Then step four: this is what I want my system to know instead.

It’s not about a specific number of words, phrases, or taps. You’re working through the idea until you’ve worked through the idea. After a round of tapping, take a deep breath, tune back in, and work through the process again. What do I notice and how do I feel now? What is my system trying to tell me now? How is this still getting in the way? What information do I need to reinforce or introduce as new?

When In Doubt, Just Do Step One

If you’re in the moment and feeling really emotionally charged, it’s often enough to just do step one. Months ago, I was working with a client who was really struggling with an anger issue. I told her that between now and our next session, the tapping I’d like her to do is simply: “I’m really angry because. I’m really angry because. I’m really angry because.” She asked what to do next, and I told her nothing, that’s it.

When we engage that way, fully articulated emotions tend to be short-lived. So if we’re tapping and going through that process, it can make a huge difference. It really is that simple.

Those are the four steps I use every single time I create a tapping script: state what’s going on, appreciate the fact that my system’s trying to keep me healthy, let my system know how it’s getting in the way, and tell the system what I’d like instead. Work through those four things and you’ll be surprised how easy it becomes.

Over the last week I have heard from a number of clients who have reported feeling a general sense of anxiety and grief around the 25th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11th in New York City and Washington, DC. 

Feeling bad about painful anniversaries and global events is not unusual. A common concern when tapping for this sort of anxiety is that working with the details will only worsen how we feel. 

This week in the podcast, I share a simple tool to tap for that anxiety and general sense of dread.

I have also provided a printout of the tapping process, which only makes sense after you listen to the podcast. 

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