EFT/Tapping Q and A with Gene Monterastelli - Emotional Freedom Techniques

Why I hate (the name) Emotional Freedom Techniques

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Note: This article was originally shared on Sept 2nd, 2012 with the title “Why I Hate Emotional Freedom Techniques”. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

I have a confession to make. I hate Emotional Freedom Techniques.

OK, I don’t hate the tool, but I do hate the name.

In the beginning I hated the name because I thought it did the technique such a disservice.

Here we were being given this amazingly powerful tool that was changing people’s lives. It was helping them to release lifelong limiting beliefs, ameliorate chronic physical pain, ease deep-seated emotional issues, and eliminate cravings. It has brought relief to people in hospitals, in war-torn countries and disaster zones, and in prisons.

As a professional using EFT I thought the name “Emotional Freedom Techniques” undermined just how powerful a tool it is.

As someone who has used tapping for many years, I know what that freedom feels like after a powerful tapping session. The world feels new because we have released what has been holding us back. But this is the language of someone who has used EFT and experienced its benefits.

For those who haven’t used it before, it is easy to perceive EFT as something frivolous and unpowerful.

For a number of years I was given the opportunity to teach tapping as part of an anger management class in a county jail. One day in class I was telling the guys in jail about my disdain for the name and one of them piped up and said, “You’re right. It shouldn’t be called EFT. It should be BET: Balanced Emotion Techniques.”

It wasn’t just the fact the name was undermining its power, but instead the name wasn’t accurately describing what was going on.

The Goal Is Not To Be Free From Emotions

His comment made me think about the way I teach tapping. Over and over again I teach that emotions are not the problem. Emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are information.

Every time we feel an emotion, our system is just giving us information. When I feel sad, it is saying that something important is missing. When I feel angry, it is telling me that it perceives attack. When I feel frustrated, it is letting me know I am not getting what I want.

This information is both helpful and useful. The goal of tapping isn’t to be free of these emotions.

First, the goal of tapping is to make sure that emotions show up at the right time.

For example, it is right that I fear lions, but if I fear them so much that I can’t leave my apartment in Brooklyn because I know there is a lion ten miles away in the Bronx Zoo, then that fear is completely out of proportion.

Second, the goal of tapping is to make sure emotions are showing up to the right degree.

For example, when someone cuts me off on the highway the rush of adrenalin triggered will help sharpen my senses and help me to control the car and stay safe. If that rush goes on so long that it overwhelms my system and I end up on the side of the road crying for 45 minutes because I almost died, the reaction produced is out of proportion.

I want and need my emotions. They are an important part of how I navigate the world. I don’t want to be free of them.

What Is Important In The End

I have arrived at a point where I mostly just call what I do tapping, because I don’t tap in exactly the way Gary Craig originally taught. But again, that is less important.

What is more important is the fact that we have a clear understanding of what the goal of tapping is. For me, the goals are:

  • to help my emotions to show up in a proportional and well-informed way
  • to create the space to hear the message these emotions are trying to convey
  • to release any useful or limiting beliefs about about myself and the world
  • to take the actions I want to take with confidence

I know that if I tap regularly on my emotions, issues, and beliefs, then that will happen. If that happens, then it doesn’t matter if we call it tapping, EFT or Chad. It only matters that I am living the life I want.

Keeping Calm

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One of the highlights of my recent visit to London was getting to visit the Churchill War Rooms. It was amazing to get that close to history.

There and everywhere else in London where tourists gathered you could find recreations of the World War II posters “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Though little used during WWII (full history) it made its way back into the public eye in 2000.

Here are two fun (or cheesy, depending on your point of view) twists on the posters. Feel free to use and share them however you like.

Version 1

Version 2

My Holiday Embarrassment

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I spent the Christmas holiday in my home state of Wyoming. The last night I was home my sister asked if I could share a way she could tap for a friend who was grappling with a lot of difficult changes in his life.

I spent about 30 minutes talking my sister (and my mother) through the “Talk About, Talk To, Talk As If” tool.

My sister then asked if it would a good idea if we tapped for a family member, “Bob,” who was having a particularly hard time.

It hit me like a ton of bricks… not only could Bob use some surrogate tapping, so could so many people in my life. And not just the people who were having a really tough time.

In the “My EFT Year” project I am obviously making it a priority to look at my goals but somehow I had lost track of what was outside me.

Then my mother asked if anyone has ever tried tapping on world peace… and again I felt crushed by disappointment. I knew things like this had been done before (see crime reduction in Washington, DC).

Years ago I even created the website Tapping4Peace.com encouraging people to do just that.

I regularly tap surrogately for people who ask, but somehow I lost my way in just tapping for others in my life.

For the last week I have been finding a little time each day to tap for others. I am not doing anything too complicated, just thinking of a loved one and of all the wonderful things I would like to show up in their life, and tapping.

It only takes two or three minutes.

It is really that simple.

By doing this regularly it has changed my daily disposition and has helped me to act in a more loving way.

Give it a try.

It will only take two minutes.

And let me know below how it goes.

What EFT Has Taught Me That I Wish I Knew When I Was 13 (Tapping For Self-Respect)

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photo by Jack Lyons

I wasn’t the coolest of kids when I was in middle school. I was on the math team, had feet larger than my 6’ 2” tall father, and I had a mullet.

It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t think my life was horrible. I didn’t think I was a total loser. I wasn’t a complete loner. But I knew my place.

It was fine for me to be my quirky, funny self around my fellow nerds (back when being a nerd wasn’t cool like it is today), but when I was around anyone of a “higher” social status I just kept my head down.

I felt that if I opened my mouth everyone would look at me and think, “I can’t believe what a waste of time he is. Why do we even have him around? Could he just leave!”

This is something that persisted well into my twenties.

I can still remember one particular moment whilst I was at university. I was on campus early for training for a job I had in the resident halls. During a long afternoon break I sat with two guys I worked with who were older than me (and both former military). The conversation lasted for almost two hours and I didn’t say a word.

I felt out of place…or more likely I “knew” my place, which was below everyone else in the room.

As I think back to that moment now I can still imagine what it felt like to be a little kid who is tagging along with the big kids hoping they don’t notice that I was there. (In my memory even though I was 20 years old my body feels 4’ 10” tall.)

Self-Respect

Recently the design blog swiss-miss.com featured the following quote from Joan Didon:

“Self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.”

I really love this idea. It points to the fact self-respect isn’t something that is given to us by an external source. It comes from within. It is all about seeing what we are worthy of AND (most importantly) it is something that we can consciously nurture and develop.

When I was younger I wasn’t able to see that. I saw my place in the world based on where I believed I was in relation to everyone else. I was either an equal or I was below.

There were certainly a lot of times where I faked that I belonged. I walked very upright with a confident smile on my face. But just because I was giving the outward projection of belonging didn’t mean that I was comfortable inside of my own skin.

My personal journey with EFT, especially over the last few years, has been about becoming more comfortable inside of my own skin.

Which is really just another way of saying I am growing in self-respect.

If you are working to grow your sense of self-respect I would encourage you to tap along to this script for the next four days. Below the tapping script is a link to a pdf so that you can print out the script if you would like to put it somewhere where you will remember to tap to it.

I choose to know I am worthy of respect…I choose to know that I am worthy of respecting myself…I don’t need to do anything to prove that I am worthy of self-respect…I am made for self-respect…I don’t need to do anything to gain my self-respect…I know I am not perfect…I know I make mistakes everyday…I know there are things in my life I would like to improve…Even though I am not perfect…I am worthy of self-respect…I am worthy of seeing that I am good…I am worthy of seeing that I am lovable…It is possible to see that I am worthy and still know that I would like better…By respecting myself I am not stopping my growth…By respecting myself I am not stopping my healing…Who I am is not determined by other people…Who I am is not determined by what others think…My value is not determined by other people…My value is not determined by what other people think…I choose to know I am worthy…I choose to know I am lovable…I choose to know that I am worthy of being heard…I am worthy even if I don’t believe I am worthy…My belief in my worthiness is not a prerequisite to my worthiness…I am worthy of respect even if I don’t believe it right now…

Download pdf script

Please let me know in the comments below how this works for you or if you have other phrases you have tapped to that have been helpful for self-respect.

Self Sabotage: The Number One Issue I Use EFT For (And How I Get Past It)

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Good morning!

Don’t you hate it when you get in your own way?

You know what you want, you know the right steps to take, and you just don’t take action.

(And to make matters worse, you then beat yourself up for not doing what you need to do.)

I use EFT first and foremost for self sabotage.

Not only do I tap on self sabotage every day, it is the one thing that has made the most profound impact in my life.

I want to teach you how I deal with self sabotage.

I have created a 10 part “Getting Out Of Your Own Way: A Quick Start Guide” and I would like you to have it free of charge.

Here is how you can receive it.

If you sign up you will also receive the 10 part “Getting Out Of Your Own Way: A Quick Start Guide”.

Starting the day you sign up, you will receive an email every other day until you have all 10 parts.

This will not interrupt the regular emails I send to you. It is just an added bonus.

I Need Your Input

Since you have been around the block a few times with EFT I would really value your feedback. Let me know how the steps are working for you, what is going well, what needs improvement, and in which places you think I have completely lost my mind.

Just reply to any of the emails to let me know your thoughts.

Sign up now! I know you want to stop the self sabotage. Get started on knocking it out.

As always, let me know what I can do for you!

Are You Entitled to Success? Passive Entitlement v. Active Entitlement

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our minds, giving us opportunities for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by SweetCakery

In a recent episode of “Making It w/ Riki Lindhome” Riki and Pete Holmes were talking about the idea of entitlement. They were discussing the sense of entitlement that many young actors have when they first get to Hollywood. Many of them arrive in Los Angeles having been stars of their local theater scene. They think that by simply showing up they are entitled to success.

Riki made a distinction between “passive” and “active” entitlement. She stated that passive entitlement is when you show up to a situation and simply expect to get your way. For example, in a new job feeling like I should be able to work on the coolest projects.

On the other hand active entitlement is much more about what you are willing to work for. For example, who is to say that I am not capable of writing a best selling book? Writers of best sellers are not a preordained group of people who were destined for success. If I am willing to put in the work (i.e. by being active) then I, as much as anyone else, am entitled to create a best seller.

When we are in a state of passive entitlement we are not going to be able to move forward and are going to feel bitter that the universe is not giving us our just deserts. When we are in a state of active entitlement we recognize that we are capable of anything if we are willing to seize the opportunity.

To make sure that we are in a state of active entitlement we can tap on something like this:

I know that I am capable of being successful…I know that I have been made for success…but success and opportunity aren’t going to just show up at my front door…I need to seek success…I need to work for success…The universe owes me nothing more than the opportunity to work for what I am made to be…This does not mean that it must be a great struggle…This does not mean that I have to toil to achieve success…But I am entitled to success…I am entitled to opportunity…I have been made for this…I give myself permission to work actively towards the opportunities and success I am entitled to.

Action Step: What is something that you feel others are entitled too, but isn’t for you? Take a few moments to tap on it with the script above. Do it now! It will only take 90 seconds.

Can’t Keep Up? 6 Ways to Simplify Your Daily EFT Routine

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Learning EFT can be very exciting at first. Tapping is so easy.

Anyone can do it!

It can be done anywhere!

It seems to work for everything.

You download podcasts, tapping scripts, and ebooks. You start working on a personal peace procedure, listing every bad memory you have in your life. You decide you are going to tap for your health, your relationships, your creativity, and getting a better job.

And then…

It just becomes too much!

You feel overwhelmed with how much work you need to do, how far you want to go, and feeling like there is not enough time to deal with everything.

It’s going to ok!

Take a big deep breath and relax…you don’t have to do it all right now!

Healing is process, not a moment. You are not going to do it all at once. It is ok to let the process unfold over time. You want a long-term, lasting fix. You don’t want something that is quick, but does not last.

Here are 6 things to help prevent you from becoming overwhelmed with tapping and the amount of change you want to bring about in your life.

1) Limit Your Daily Tapping Sessions To 7 Minutes

On an average day I spend about 7 minutes tapping. I start my day by making sure I am relaxed and calm about what is ahead. I know that on the surface it doesn’t seem like I am doing very much towards my healing process, but these 7 minutes make a huge difference.

When you start the day from a relaxed, balanced place it puts you into a state of mind where you can respond easily to the unexpected. Being able to respond more easily to the unexpected means less stress in your day. Less stress means less overreaction, and less overreaction means less stress.

When you release all the stress from your day before you go to bed you sleep better. When you sleep better you start the next day in a better place. When you start your day in a better place…well you know how it goes…see paragraph above.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t go after major issues. I am not saying that you shouldn’t tap for longer than 7 minutes. You really only need to do longer tapping sessions once or twice a week. If you combine doing daily stress management with a few longer sessions each week you will make lots of progress.

Looking for help on how to tap at the beginning and end of the day? Check out these tap along audios.

2) Let Someone Else Do The Heavy Lifting

Sometimes it is hard to tap because we don’t know where to start. There is so much that we can’t find an entry point. When this happens give your mind a break and let someone else come up with the tapping phrases. Did you know that there are over 35 free tap along audios on this site? Well, now you do. Pick one, hit play, and let the audio do the hard work.

3) It’s All About Love And Acceptance

Recently I did an interesting interview with Steve Wells on Self Acceptance. Steve proposed that the root of all issues is that we don’t fully love and accept ourselves.

On some level, when we hear this, it might make us shudder. There is nothing about tapping that my clients complain about more than having to say “I love and accept myself …” as part of the set up phrase.

I don’t know if I fully agree with Steve, but I think one of the reasons that we struggle with saying the set up phrase is because we find loving and accepting ourselves difficult.

If you don’t enjoy saying the set up phrase or if you are looking for an easy, concise set of phrases to tap to visit the set up phrase generator. Each time you reload the page it will give you 10 unique tapping set up phrases. Tap through the list. After you have finished, just refresh the page and it will generate 10 more. Do that two or three more times. It takes less than 5 minutes, you will feel great and will not become overwhelmed with having to dive into lots of issues.

4) Give Yourself Permission To Tap For Just One Issue At A Time

Many of the issues we have are intertwined. When we work on one part, we are working on the whole. It’s ok to give yourself permission to let the healing process unfold over time. It is very easy to feel like we are not doing enough each time we sit down to tap. If that is what you are dealing with then start your tapping session with this:

I give myself permission to know that it is a healing process…not a healing moment…I give myself permission to know that I don’t have to do it all today…I don’t have to clear it all in one session…I know that if I do a little work today it is going to get me closer to the health and freedom that I want…Each time I tap I am going to clear a little more…each session is going to build on the last…I don’t have to do it all right now…

5) Basket/Container Tapping

One of my favorite tools is to tap for all your issues at once. It is a very simple technique that is often called the basket or container technique. Here is audio instruction for the Container Process.

6) Tap Without Tapping

Did you know you can tap without having to tap? It is possible to tap by just imagining you are tapping. It is also possible to find relief without having to tune into a specific issue. Once you learn it from this short audio you will be able to do it anytime, anywhere and it will only look like you are sitting quietly with your eyes closed. It’s so funky it doesn’t have a name, but you will love it! Listen to it now.

EFT Script Generator

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Are you having trouble coming up with tapping phrases? Here is a simple solution: think of an emotion that you would like to work on, such as anger, sadness, feeling overwhelmed etc., and answer the questions that follow. Once you have answered all of the questions, hit submit and *poof* there is a tapping script!

Name a negative emotion:

Describe in detail what happened in a situation where you felt this emotion:

Describe in detail how it affected you when it happened:

Describe in detail how it is effecting you now:

Describe in detail all of the negative outcomes of what happened when it happened:

Describe in detail all of the negative outcomes you are experiencing today from this situation:

Describe in detail how you feel about the outcomes:

Describe in detail all possible future negative outcomes from what happened:

Describe in detail how you feel about these possible future outcomes:

If you had the power to change anything about this situation describe in detail how you change it:

The Minimalist Guide to Tapping to Avoid Getting Sick: 3 Things You Can Do Every Day In 90 Seconds

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photo by Doug88888

There are lots of ways to tap for our physical health. Personally, I have a tapping script that is almost 2000 words long that I tap through morning and evening during the cold and flu season (especially when I am traveling and/or spending lots of time with germy students).

But it doesn’t have to be that complicated. Here are three simple things you can do which will make a huge difference in keeping you healthy.

Wash Your Hands Before You Tap

There are tapping points very close to our mouths and noses so before we start touching our faces it is a good idea to wash our hands. (Yes, with soap, hot water, and for at least 30 seconds just like your mother taught you!) In addition to keeping germs away from your mouth and nose, you will also wash the oil and grime off your hands before tapping which will help prevent your face from turning into a tapping chart with each point highlighted by a pimple.

Tapping Before You Eat

You are what you eat! All sorts of things can get into your system by piggy-backing on to your food. I have found it very effective to tap with and for my food right before I eat.

As with all tapping, the key is to tune into the issue at hand and tap. With food all we need to do is look at the food we are about to eat (you can even hold the plate in your non-tapping hand), concentrate on the food, and tap. By bringing your attention to the plate of food (and whatever else is on the food) you are bringing it into the thought field for tapping. I normally do one or two quick rounds of tapping and then eat.

[Note: As a bonus I might also tap on the phrase, “May this food feed my dreams, health and well being AND not feed any of my fears.]

Give Your Body A Pep Talk AND Unleash Its Healing Powers

I have found it super helpful to let the body know that it is made for healing, that I want it to be healthy, and for it to know that it has permission to unleash its healing powers right now and throughout the day. I tap on something as simple as this:

I know my system is made for health and well being…I know my system was created to be a healing machine…Much of the healing it does happens in unconscious and subconscious ways…I thank my system for doing this in a way that I don’t need to think about…I give my system permission to unleash its healing powers…I give my system permission to do what it needs to do to keep moving me towards health and well being…if my system needs anything to help the healing process all it needs to do is ask…I want to know what my system needs to be healthier…I love my system…I know it is a healing rock star…Do your thing!!!

Does that seem a little silly? Yes. Does it work? Yes!

Add these three simple things to your daily routine and it will make a huge difference to your level of energy and health.

Let me know what tricks and tips you use when tapping to get healthy or stay healthy.

5 Regrets Of The Dying – Tap For Them Now So You Don’t Have Them Later

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photo by Takras

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”.

With any thought, none of these seem very surprising. They even sound a little clichéd, but clichés are clichés for a reason.

Here are the five most reported regrets at death according to Bronnie. I have added tapping scripts for each.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

There are so many expectations placed on me…what I need to do…and who I need to be…some of these come from my family…some of these come from my friends…some of these come from cultural norms…and some come from what I think the right and proper thing to do…even if I don’t know where these ideas come from…but there is a better way…there is a life that I want to live…that is the right life for me…I am not saying it is the right life for everyone else…I just know it is the right life for me…There is a part of me that is worried that if I follow the path that is right for me that I am going to let others down…I am going to disappoint loved ones…they might even get mad at me…tell me that I am foolish…and even cut me out of their lives…but I know that I am not going to be truly happy until I follow my own path…I give myself permission to start to pursue my own path…to become who I want and need to be…I know there are reasons that others have a view of what my life should be…but I need to make the right choices for me…I give myself permission to move forward toward the life I know is right for me…even if I don’t have a clear vision of exactly what that is…or exactly how to get it…I need to start moving towards the life that is right for me…I don’t need to live for other people…I need to start living for me…I need to start moving towards the life I want to live…it doesn’t matter that I haven’t started yet…it is not too late.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I take a lot of pride in how hard I work…I know working hard is important…and when I say work I don’t just mean the job I do…I work hard in lots of areas of my life…there is value in working hard…there is value taking pride in the work I do…for generations people have put value in how hard we work…I know my parents talked about hard work…it can be embarrassing to look like I am taking the easy way out…it can be embarrassing to know that people around me are working harder that I am…it is like I am not carrying my weight…like I am not carrying the same amount as others…if I am not working hard…I must be a slacker…but there are a number of things that I work hard to do that it would be ok if I didn’t do them…or if I didn’t work as hard at them…when I work hard I do it so I can take care of my family…so I can provide for myself…to get ahead…and so that I can be recognized by others as doing a good job…but there are a number of things that I work hard at that no one notices…there are things that I work hard at that aren’t really important in the long term…it is not going to be the end of the world if I don’t stay late at work tonight…it is not going to be the end of the world if I don’t clean every part of the house before my guests get here…it is not going to be the end of the world if I take it a little easy…Most of the time when I work hard other people don’t notice…and when they think I am not working hard enough…they feel bad because they aren’t willing to work less hard…and they blame me by calling me a slacker…because they feel bad that they didn’t choose to work less hard…hard work is a value..hard work is important…but it is not the only value…and it is not the most important value…I give myself permission to not work so hard…there are many other things in life I need to enjoy.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Sometimes it can be hard to express my feelings…I am afraid that I am going to be judged…I am afraid that others are going to make fun of me…I am afraid that I am not going to be heard…I am afraid that I am going to be misunderstood…I am afraid that I am going to be ignored…I am afraid that I am going to share something and it is going to be used against me in the future…I know that when I express my feelings I am better understood…I know that when I express my feelings I let people know who I really am…I know that when I express my feelings it gives others permission to do the same…I know that when I express my feelings things don’t get built up in my head…I know that when I express my feelings my thoughts don’t bounce around the echo chamber that is my head and get distorted into much worse thoughts….this does not mean that I am going to tell everyone everything…this does not mean that I always wear my emotions on my sleeve…this only means that I know that there are people in my life it is safe to share my emotions with…I know there are people in my life who will hear what I have to say with an open heart…I know there are relationships that will grow and deepen if I take some time and share my emotions…I give myself permission to share what I am feeling more…I give myself permission to know it is healthy for me to share my emotions more.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

There are lots of people who used to be in my life who I am no longer in touch with…some have moved away…some I no longer work with…and others have just drifted away because of the business of life…I enjoy their company…some make me happy…some challenge me…some are funny…and some I have a great deal of history with…I know life is really busy…I know their lives are really busy…but I get so much out of the time I spend talking with them or being with them…Yes, it is hard to make time…but I know there are people who I need to reconnect with…I know it is hard to find an hour to call them…or a few hours to visit them…but I know it will be worthwhile to carve out time to reconnect…it will strengthen our connection…and it will be good for me…it will be good for them…There are people in my life who I haven’t lost touch with…but I don’t see them as much as I would like…I give myself permission to make it a priority to connect with them…I give myself permission put other things aside to spend time with the friends that I love…sure there are things that need to be done around the house…sure there are tasks that need to be done…but the world is not going to end if I don’t do them…I need to spend time with the people I love…it will be good for me…it will be good for them…I am not going to feel too bad if I don’t get the tasks around the house done…but I am going to regret losing touch with the people I love…I know it should be a priority…and I am going to make it a priority…it isn’t the only thing I need to do…and I don’t have to doing it all the time…but I need to do it more…it is a priority…I give myself permission to make it a priority.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

On some level I know that my emotions are my choice…I don’t control everything in the world…I don’t control everything that happens to me…but I can control how I react…Being happy is a choice…being happy is something that I can allow myself to do…but there are times where I choose to be serious…there are times where I choose to be in control…I worry that if I allow myself to be happy that I will become content and not try to move forward…I worry that if I allow myself to be happy I will lose focus and not get things done…It is possible to be happy and focused…it is possible to be happy and productive…it is possible to be happy and be safe…I give myself permission to be happy more…it costs me next to nothing to be happy…and it gives me so much…I choose to allow myself to be happier more.

Take one of these scripts right now and tap with it. It will make you feel lighter and help you to get more out of the moment you are living so you have less regret later.