Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Using EFT/Tapping for Serious Medical Issues

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I have recently been diagnosed with a rodent ulcer on my chest that will need surgery…or will it? I am unsure what affirmation to use in this instance. Do you have any suggestions on phrases that I should use?


photo by pneff

There are three really good questions here. Let’s look at them one at a time.

Will I need surgery or should I use EFT/Tapping?

To be honest I have no idea. I am not a medical doctor and am not qualified to advise you in this way, but I would offer this thought.

I am very excited by the many strides that have been made in complementary medicine over the last few decades. We’ve learned so much about how the body gets sick and how it heals itself. Even more exciting is the fact that we are just scratching the surface with the human body’s potential, especially its ability to heal.

That being said, I do NOT believe that complementary medicine is the best or only treatment for every situation. There are many ways of helping the body back to full health, which include medical procedures and techniques. When I bleed, the first thing I do is reach for something to stop the bleeding. Once the bleeding is under control, I will then spend time tapping to help the healing process.

The important point is that you take control and responsibility for your body. Get all of the information you can from as many trusted sources as you can. Weigh all your options and choose the course that makes the most sense for you. There are people who will approach your situation using only a surgical/pharmacological approach. Others will use only acomplementary medicine approach. Still others will use a combination of the two. There is no one right answer that can be applied to every situation.

The nice thing about EFT is it only costs you a small amount of time to do and won’t make things worse. This makes it very easy to add to any other action you decide to take.

Can my friends do EFT at a distance for me, and will it help?

When EFT is done on one person for another person (be they present or a long distance away), it’s called surrogate tapping. Describing surrogate tapping and the best way to do it is a topic that requires many an article unto itself (see all surrogate tapping resources) . But I would offer this…

When I explain surrogate tapping, especially to parents who want to tap for their children, I say, “Surrogate tapping might work, and it might not. If you choose to set 7 minutes a day aside to tap for your child, you will be spending 7 minutes thinking loving healing thoughts for your child. Even if the tapping does nothing for your child I believe that’s time well spent.”

There is a library of anecdotal evidence suggesting that surrogate tapping can be effective. If you have friends who know EFT and are willing to take some time to tap for you, I say go for it.

Again, the worst thing that will come of it is your friends will spend time thinking of you in a loving, healing way. Everything else that comes from their time and effort is a bonus.

What tapping phrases should I use for my serious medical issue?

This is the second most common question asked of an EFT practitioner (right after, “Will EFT work on…?”).

The words we use while doing EFT are not Magic. They are reminder phrases with the sole purpose of keeping us tuned into the issue at hand. There is no right or wrong way to come up with these phrases. More important than the phrases we use is the issue that we are tuning into. This is the place that we do the work.

In the circumstance of a serious health concern there are two places that I would start.

First, I would start with the emotions that you feel about your current situation. Often when we receive a medical diagnosis most of our thoughts are turned to how we are going to heal the body and cope with the situation. We frequently forget about our emotional health.

The energy we expend feeling angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, and/or frightened — and all of these emotions are commonly associated with major health concerns — take energy away from the body’s immune system and the healing process. It is extremely important to release these emotions. We are going to have a clearer mind to make the choices that are right for us, and we are going have the body’s full reserve of energy committed to the healing process.

Some of the most common emotions associated with health issues that are worth tapping on are:

  • anger (at self for letting happen, for not getting the care you deserver, at it not being fair)
  • fear (of death, of debilitation, of never being whole again, of being dependant on others, of getting worse, of being a burden to others, of not being able to heal, of not knowing what to do)
  • frustration (that you have no control, that you did everything you could and it still happened, that is cost so much to deal with)
  • sadness
  • loss (of mobility, of health, of freedom, of youth, of activities)

By spending time clearing these emotions we can’t help but feel better, have a clearer mind to make choices about our care, and have the full store of our energy committed to healing. I truly believe this is a very important (and often overlooked) step in the healing process. Second, I would spend time with the symptoms themselves, which is what the main question is about. I have written on this topic before.

If you are interested in seeing how to approach the symptoms themselves check out: The Body Has Information About Our Issues 3 Easy Ways to Approach Physical Issues

I know I sound like a broken record, but the words are not magic. The important thing is focus. The two articles above will show you great ways to tune into what is going on in your body, giving you words that will help you tune into the issue at hand.

How One Minute Miracles Can Be Bad For The Tapping/EFT Community

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[Note: Tapping Q and A is a very personal site written from my point of view. I do not claim to have the only answer or the best answer to any question. These are my reflections and offered as nothing more than that. Most of the articles are written as purely informational. From time to time I offer a more personal opinion on a topic. If this not your cup of tea I would encourage you to check the other great informational resources. As always I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic in the comments below.]


photo by opacity

One Minute or One Session Miracles With Tapping/EFT

The term one-minute/one-session miracle is loosely defined as a problem or issues that is solved in a few rounds of tapping or a very short period of time. I believe that this type of healing is possible with and with out tapping. Even within conventional western there are well-documented cases of massive instantaneous healing. I have seen breath-taking shifts within my own clients and myself.

As wonderful as these wonderful one-minute/one-session miracles are I think as a Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping community we are doing ourselves a disservice in the ways we talk about these one-minute miracles. I am not saying that there is no room for us to talk about these very real healing experiences, but I think we can get lost in our own enthusiasm and run potential tappers over. (I know I have!)

Here are three of the problems I think we have created for ourselves.

As EFT/Tappers We Can Look Like Charlatans and Hucksters

Just for a moment I want you to forget everything you know about tapping. I know that is impossible, but just for a moment look at the following statements through the eyes of a non-tapper:

  • My life long fear of needles disappeared in under twenty minutes by tapping on my body.
  • In three minutes I was able to release the pain of a childhood trauma that haunted me everyday.
  • Everyday for two weeks I spent less than five minutes a day tapping and my six year old son's verbal skills went from that of a twenty month old to that of a five and half year old.

In the world of infomercial and quick fixes these statements sound fishy even though everyone one of these happened to my clients. For someone who has no experience with tapping it is easy to lump these claims in with “all I did was put this thing around my waste, watch tv a I ended up with washboard abbs.”

We live in a time and place where advertising is approached scientifically. Marketers know how to create a compiling case to get the publics attention. The problem is so few of these claims are ever met that it has created an even more skeptical market place and a more skeptical public.

“If it sound too good to be true it probably is,” has become the modern consumer's mantra. If all we talk about is these amazing results it is going to be very easy for people to dismiss us as modern snake oil salesmen.

I am not saying that we need to hide our successes or the power of the tool set, but I think when we are talking about the power of the EFT and our tapping tool set that we take time to look at our message from the point of view of someone who doesn't have our history and first hand experience of tapping working.

We Create Unrealistic Expectations With Tapping/EFT

I have had this experience so many times that it no longer surprises me. It happens in three basic steps. First, I am working with someone who is very skeptical about tapping. Next, we have success with tapping and they get very excited. Finally, they become very frustrated because they are not able to fix every problem in their life with one round of tapping.

Most of the time we judge success not based on what we achieved, but instead what we achieved in relation to our expectations.

For example, one movie that no one knew about could do $5million in first weekend sales to be seen as a smash hit and the movie with the big star could open for $15million and be seen as huge flop. The second movie did so much better, but it didn't meet expectations.

If all that we talk about (or all that is heard, which can be the case) is the super tapping success stories then we are going to be setting up our clients for the feeling of failure. Sure they might have just relieved 20% of their chronic back pain (that everything else has failed at providing relief for years), but they were expecting total relief therefore in their mind it was a failure.

I have found it hard enough to keep some of my client's expectations (and sometime mine own) near reasonable. If we spend too much time talking about the one-minute miracles then we are setting the newbie up for failure.

Again, we have not failed because the tapping has failed, but because there expectations were not reached.

I have found it best to under promise and over deliver. I not saying that I am deceptive or lying, but I am making sure that I am saying things that are true and keep expectations in check. For example when I am asked if tapping will work for an issue I might say something like, “Tapping has worked for lots of issues. I have seen it work in similar cases. It doesn't work every time because there are a number of variables involved in success. We can sure give it a try.”

We Might Be Missing The “Real” Deeper Issue

One of the things I have noticed in working with clients is that it appears that the body has a limit to the amount of healing it can do on some issues over a limited period of time. This is actually a good thing. It would be dangerous for the body to lose 60lb in one week, not matter how much we want to loose the weight.

I believe the same is true for healing emotional issues. As much as we would like to be able to clear everything up in one session there is diminishing returns as we keep working. It takes energy to heal and our systems don't have unlimited supplies. At a certain point the body doesn't have any more resources to continue the healing.

I also believe that some issues simply require time to heal fully. I have experienced some clients are only able to deal with a small amount of as issue in each session. The system is worried about safety and sees the issue we are working on as the only thing that is keeping them safe. In cases like this there truly is a limit to the amount that can be achieved.

Many times when we finish a session where we have only done a part of the work the work still feel finished. The client is very happy, very peaceful, and feeling much better. When we look at this through the “one-minute miracle mind set” it is very easy to assume the work is done. In this case we have only dealt with part of the issue or even just one of the symptoms of a core issues.

The client leaves the session feeling great believing they are fully healed. When parts of the issue pop back up again at a latter time they assume that the tapping has failed because it come back.

It is the difference between showing a client how to tap away a cigarette craving so they can tap when ever the craving comes back and tapping for a cigarette craving leaving them to believe they will never need another cigarette again. Sure the tapping provided the relief from the craving, but the underlying issues that is cause the craving more than likely has not been dealt with.

It is very important that we are very clear and up front with our clients in terms of the types of healing that can be expected. Even if something feels great and released in the moment it doesn't mean that the work is complete. Again, it is an issue of managing realistic expecation.

Conclusion

I don't want to be a giant wet blanket to enthusiasm about tapping. I just know that when I am presenting tapping to someone new I am not only presenting myself, but I am presenting the whole tapping community. It is important that we keep in mind how our clients and potential clients are hearing the word we are saying to insure they are able to find the help they want and need.

TapAlong #6A: The crap I know is better than the crap I don’t know

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Sometimes it is hard to move forward because we are worried about what might go wrong. Our current situation may not be perfect, but we are aware of that and we know how to manage it. Making changes to our lives invites in the unknown. We might get what we want, but we might also encounter problems for which we are unprepared or problems we can't handle. When considering making changes (even positive ones) part of us is willing to remain stuck with the manageable status quo instead of trying something new for fear that something bad will happen to us.

Keeping the Long View – How To Understand The Healing Process With Tapping/EFT

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photo by Wally Gobetz

Why it is hard to stay focused on one issue over time with Tapping/EFT?

I hear from clients all the time that they have a hard time staying focused on an issue that takes more than one session to knock out, or as they work on a issue for a long period they feel like they are not making any progress and lose their motivation for tapping. This something that happens to everyone who taps and it happens for a good reason.

One of the characteristics of a strong emotional response is the fact that it holds our attention to that response. We are so deep into the emotions we can't see anything else. This can become a problem when it affects our ability to understand the healing process we are experiencing. When we don't see the progress we are making because we are caught in the emotion it is easy for us to lose motivation because it feels like a waste of time. When this happens we often stop tapping.

Healing has ups and downs as we get better and better

One of my favorite analogies of healing is of a spring stretched at an upward direction on an angle. Imagine a long spring in front of you. It is stretched from the floor to the ceiling at a 45 degree angle. Imagine that it is going from the lower left to the upper right.

If we trace the spring we are going to be going up and down with each spiral of the spring, but as we move along it we will move in an upward direction over the long haul.

This is similar to our experience of healing. As we are tapping on our issues we are slowly moving upwards, but there will be daily up and down moments.

The difficulty comes when we are having a down moment. The problem is not that we are down, but when we are down we are so completely caught in the down emotion that we lose sight of the progress we’re making. We forget everything we’ve achieved on the way to that point.

It really helps to have someone pointing out that we really are making progress, that we are continuing to move in an overall upward direction (tracing the full length of the spring), even though there are small ups and downs along the way (tracing each spiral).

This doesn’t negate or explain away the negative emotion we are feeling in the moment, but it does give us some perspective. Healing seems more attainable when we have this perspective.

Almost without exception when I’m working with a client over six weeks I expect that I’ll need to point out that they really have made a great deal of progress, even though they can’t feel it right now. It is natural and common to be caught up in where we are in this moment.

This is one of the reasons we bring our problems to loved ones and professionals alike. Both help us to see the long view and the progress we are making. Not only is it helpful for us to have someone remind us of the long view when we are down, it can also be helpful to have someone show us the long view when we are up.

What the healing process with tapping looks like over time and how we don't see it in ourselves

I was touching base with one of my clients, “Debbie,” recently. She was telling me about a phone conversation she had just had with her sister. The context for the conversation is Debbie’s mom has suffered an on-and-off battle with cancer for years. For the last few months she has been in and out of the hospital. Debbie’s sister is currently pregnant with twins.

Debbie’s sister called and started screaming and yelling at Debbie and in such a ferocious way that Debbie couldn’t understand a word she was saying. Debbie calmly explained this to her sister, saying that she was sorry her sister was so mad at her, but Debbie was happy with the choices she had made. She offered her sister a chance to have a reasonable conversation about what had transpired, but it was not acceptable for her to be spoken to in that way. Her sister hung up!

It was quite amazing that she had responded so calmly, but it was even more amazing considering her history. I’ve worked with Debbie on and off for over eighteen months. When I first met her she would have flown off the handle if her sister had spoken to her in that way. Then she would have cried. Then she would have called a friend and cried to her friend. Then she would have felt bad for burdening her friend with her issues.

All of those responses would have been reasonable. When we are attacked, especially by a loved one during a trying family time, it’s reasonable for us to fight back. Instead, Debbie was able to see through the situation and identify what was really going on.

She saw that her sister might be over-emotional because of her pregnancy and their mother’s illness. She saw that it might not have anything to do with what she had done, but this was the place her sister was choosing to lash out. She realized that she was happy with the choice she had made that her sister was reacting to and wasn’t going to change her decision.

Debbie was able to react in this way because she was much more comfortable in her own skin. Eighteen months ago she would have taken the attack personally. Her fragile self-esteem would have been bruised by the experience. She would have responded in anger, which is the body’s way of protecting from an attack.

This is not to say that Debbie shouldn’t protect herself, or that responding in anger is always bad. In this situation Debbie identified the situation for what it was, understanding that she wasn’t IN FACT being attacked but was the chosen recipient for some misguided rage.

What's most amazing about this is that Debbie didn’t even realize she was responding differently from how she would have done in the past. As her sister was yelling at her she didn’t think, “I am choosing not to take this attack personally. I am going to be calm.” She was just calm. It was only when I pointed out to her that she had responded differently that she realized her own transformation.

We need help sometimes to see the change Tapping/EFT has provided

The reason the change wasn’t obvious to Debbie was because she was not making a new choice but she has changed how she sees herself. Between the work we have done together and the work she has done on her own, Debbie has transformed her understanding of her own worth.

Debbie is not “doing” anything differently. She is “being” someone different. Because she is comfortable in her own skin it is natural for her not to overreact to the attack, because there is no reason to attack.

It is just as important for us to recognize this type of transformation as it is to recognize that when we are down in the moment we are still moving up over the long-term. When we recognize this sort of transformation it does a few things for us. First, we can celebrate that we are doing better than before. Second, it encourages us to progress further.

Debbie’s experience is a perfect example of The Stages Awareness. I encourage you to read that article to help you see where you are on the path to healing, showing you that you are on the right path and what further steps can be taken.

Pod #67: Creating A Tapping Community Of Support w/ Stephen W. Carter

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Let's be honest: Tapping/EFT looks weird when you do it, sounds weird when you explain it, and really is just plain weird. At least once a week as I explaining the work I do and how much I love tapping someone will start to look at me like I have three heads and slowly start creeping away.

In any endeavor that we do it is important to have a community of support around us. In these communities we have the opportunity to learn from each other, support each other, and (most importantly) laugh with each other.

In the Baltimore area (which is where I live) Steve Carter has done an amazing job in creating just this type of community. The community he has created is from everyone from full time practitioners to people who are just interested in finding way the live health and happier lives. It started very small and over the last few years has not only grown in numbers, but it has also in the quality of support the community provides.

For me the only sadness is they normally meet on weekends and I travel 40 weekends a year and haven't had the chance to spend much time with them.

In this interview I talk with steve about why he started the group, what he has done to be successful, and lots of practical advice for someone who would like to start something like this in their own community. (And don't worry if you live in a small town or a rural area. Steve has specific advice for your situation.)

Since the recording of this podcast the group has grown to over 1100 people.

Stephen Carter

Guest: Stephen W. Carter, MA, TFT-DX, CHt.

Contact: web at Easy Stress Cures; web @ EFT MD; phone @ 1-888-849-5040; phone @ 1-804-677-6772

About Stephen: Stress management and how to help others learn its power became an important part of Stephen’s career while working in law enforcement. As a police chief, certified instructor with the Maryland Police Training Commission, and an adjunct instructor with the Eastern Shore Criminal Justice Academy, he developed and taught officer survival training with stress management as a foundational life saving skill to police officers across the state of Maryland. He incorporated stress management awareness throughout his police agency, helping ensure officers learned how to successfully handle life and death high stress situations and chronic day-to-day emotional tension.

After being named as the Corporate Security Director for a major bank, Stephen incorporated stress management into the bank’s robbery and kidnap training program. Thousands of employees and executives learned proven life saving strategies to successfully handle high stress situations.

In recent years Stephen has focused on applying life changing stress reduction methods to improve the health and well being of people with serious medical challenges. He helps people facing cancer, and other conditions, teaching them how to reduce stress and encourage rapid recovery.

In addition to his Master of Arts in Criminal Justice from George Washington University and a Bachelor of Science from the University of Maryland, Stephen holds certifications in hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) as a Master Practitioner, and Quantum-Touch® energy healing as a practitioner and instructor. He is also a certified Emotional Freedom Techniques® (EFTCert-1) and Thought Field Therapy (TFT-Algo) practitioner He has received training in and taught multiple other meditative and bio-energy healing modalities.

Best Of, Personal Favorites, & Most Visited Free Resources About Tapping & EFT (#7links)

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photo by Jodi Green

Last year Darren over at ProBlogger recommended an exercise for bloggers that would allow an writer to remind their readers of what they have to offer. The exercise has two goals. First, it is to remind your long time readers of some of the better resources that have been created. Second, to introduce new readers to resources in the archive.

When I did it last year it was a fun activity for me to go back look through what is on the site. Here is the updated version of the activity with many of the questions Darren asked from before plus a new things I have added.

My First Article I Wrote About Tapping and EFT

    Making It Routine: This was the third article I ever wrote on tapping and the first one to appear here. This is a topic I still talk to my clients about regularly. I think finding ways to make anything helpful part of our daily routine is one of the biggest struggles we face. I reference this article and these principles all the time.

Article I Enjoyed Writing The Most About Tapping and EFT

    The Stages of Awareness: This is the first article I wrote where I felt like I was doing a higher level thinking beyond “This is how you tap for issue X”. It was also the first time I ever really learned something I didn't realize I knew before writing. This concept has transformed the way I understand the healing process. I always teach this concept to my advanced students and something I go back to again and again with they guys I teach in my anger management class in the local jail.

Article I Wish I'd Written About Tapping and EFT

    Tapping For Trauma w/ Gwyneth Moss (Podcast): This interview blew me away. Gwyneth's approach to the hows and whys of trauma is succinct. It is easy to understand and very useful. In under 30min she transformed the way I work with trauma big and small.

Most Helpful Article About Tapping and EFT

    What If I Don't Completely Love and Accept Myself: This felt like I was revealing a dirty secret. When I shared this, people came out of the woodwork saying, “Yeah, I have a really hard time using the set-up phrase as well.” By bringing the idea to light it gave other the chance to wrestle with what this means.

Article Title On A Tapping/EFT Article That I Am Proud Of

    Why I am Giving Up Self Improvement In The New Year: The article itself contains an idea that is very personal and has been very powerful in my own healing and growth. I wanted to make sure people checked it out. I thought the title was counterintuitive enough that I thought it would peak interest.

Article That I Wish More People Had Read About Tapping and EFT

    There Is No Such Thing As An Emotional Act (Is this true?): The content of this article was a total revelation to me. It took me more than a week to just the basic idea down in a form that I thought was understandable. Understanding the facts of how our conscious mind is so easily over run by emotional responses is very import in helping us understand how and we why act as well as making it easier for us to by easy with ourselves as we grow and heal. This is something I wish all my clients understood.

10 Most Read Articles On Tapping and EFT

Do you have a favorite article or podcast that I didn't list above? Add it as a comment below so others can find it easily.

TapAlong #4: Changing How We See Ourselves and the World

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A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Often the transformation process isn't about becoming something new but rather it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. Sometimes we are so caught up in an old image of ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to see a new one. This is also true of how we perceive our life situation. It is possible for the world around us to change in dramatic ways yet we continue to operate out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.

Pod #66: Fear As The Root Of Other Issues w/ Colleen Flanagan

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From my point of view the opposite of love is not hate, but instead fear. Fear is a very powerful force. It is very primal and is going to over ride most other emotions an thoughts. In this interview I talk with Colleen Flanagan about the many different faces of fear and how it can be at the root of many other issues. We spend a great deal of time talking about 5 distinct types of fear that can be used as lens to understand many of our deeper issues.


Colleen Flanagan

Guest: Colleen Flanagan

Contact: web @ EmoRescue.com; facebook @ Colleen Flanagan

About Colleen: An energizing and entertaining emotional wellness coach and speaker, Colleen Flanagan assists fear-ridden people and pets to get FREED of their stress, anxiety and struggle, with a dash of humor and a ton of compassion.

Colleen knows that most of what we don’t want comes from fears of failure, success or not feeling safe. Once those fears are clear, we're free of pain, able to move forward in love, creativity or business, living in hope, joy and peace again.

The author of eight popular wellness field e-books and audio-e-book packages, Colleen’s unique, effective work has been praised by clients on six continents.

The wildly popular business success package, “How to Follow Your Passion, Help Thousands and Make Great Money” featured Colleen as the Animal EFT Business Success Expert (below cover with horse), along with world-renown doctors and EFT Masters.

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?

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This article was written while powered by a few glasses of iced coffee bought by Frankie Collins of Seattle, WA . Thanks Frankie!

Is it necessary to have the intention of releasing or letting go a negative thought, feeling, or physical pain while tapping? I am trying to understand why fretting, stewing, or worrying about an issue consciously doesn't dissolve the negative emotions, but tapping while expressing it does.


photo by CARF Brazil

There are three distinct concepts relevant to the questions you are asking. When you understand all three and how they fit together it is easier to understand how Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) works. The three concepts are tuning in, tapping, and intention.

By getting a handle on these, it is easy to understand how the thoughts and emotions related to our past experience affect the present, and how EFT affects them.

We create models of the world in our minds to help us predict how the world works. By having these models we don't have to analyze how everything in our experience works. For example, when a server places a glass of ice water in front of me at a café I assume the water is going to be cold. I have experienced lots of glasses of water. When I see ice cubes present I assume the water is cold. As I bring the glass to my mouth I don't worry about burning my tongue. Because of the models I hold about water, ice, and cafés I don't give the water much thought.

Is it possible that the water is going to be lukewarm? Sure, but that is only disappointing, not dangerous. Is it possible that the water is scalding hot? It is possible, but so highly unlikely that I don’t have to worry about it.

The models I hold of the world save me time. By knowing what not to spent time and energy thinking, I can concentrate on what needs my attention.

But there is a flaw in this system.

It is possible that I hold inaccurate or incomplete models of a situation.

Let’s pretend that as I am writing this, a mouse runs by where I am sitting. Without stopping to think about it I react by I jumping up on the table and screaming like a small child. In this scenario I haven't given what has happened much thought. I just apply the model I have. In this case my model tells me that mice are terrifying and dangerous creatures, I am unsafe, and I need to run for my life.

The model has done its job. My model of mice was applied to the current experience and I acted without having to think. The issue is that mice aren't deadly creatures. In this case the model has not served me.

Now that we understand how models of information work, lets take a look at how we use EFT to affect these models.

If I were to use EFT to work on my fear of mice, the first step would be to into that fear. I could just imagine a mouse is running under my chair and my heart would start to race. When I tune into an issue, I am accessing a model of information. I think, “mouse under my chair,” and the model is applied. This is what we do when we are worrying about an issue. We are just accessing the models we hold but we aren't making any changes to the model itself. When we access that same model in the future the same feelings will result.

The next step in EFT is to start tapping on the issue. We know from the theory of EFT when we are thinking a thought that is not in line with health and wellbeing, the energy system of the body is in some way out of balance or disrupted. Every time we apply an inaccurate model to a scenario we are creating this state of energetic imbalance. By tapping we bring the system back to balance. This is the reason we feel better about after tapping.

The amazing part of EFT is that as well as bringing the system back into balance in the moment, we are changing the model by replacing the inaccurate information with information of health and well-being.

By changing the model, the next time it is referenced, I respond more appropriately. In our example:

  • I think about my fear of mice.
  • I use EFT to bring my system back to the balance which is its natural state.
  • As the system returns to balance the model is corrected.
  • The next time I see a mouse I apply the updated model and am not terrified.

EFT is a mechanical process. Tapping while you are tuned into a model will correct some or all of the inaccurate parts of that model. Since EFT is a mechanical process, if you do the steps correctly improvement will result.

This brings us to the third part of the question. How is intention involved in the healing process with EFT? As we have just shown, if the protocol is applied correctly, it doesn't matter if you have the intention for release. I have done EFT with a number of skeptical people. They didn't believe EFT was going to work and it did. But it did so because they fully engaged in the process. This is not a small point.

If you do not have the intention for release and health it is more likely that you will not use the protocol correctly. Remember that the words we use are not magic. The words help us to tune into an issue, but it is possible to say words, “this fear of mice…this fear of mice..this fear of mice” and to be thinking about what is on TV tonight and not mice. Even though it looks like I am doing EFT correctly, I will not make progress.

So intention is not a prerequisite for EFT to work, but I encourage all my clients to hold the intention of moving towards health and wellbeing because it helps them to stay focused and on-task.

A few thoughts to keep in mind:

  • We hold models of how the world works to make the world easier to navigate.
  • It is possible to have inaccurate or incomplete models of the world.
  • Simply activating these models will not change them.
  • If we tune into our inaccurate or incomplete models of the world while tapping we can correct those models.
  • Intention is not a requirement for EFT to work but it helps us to use the protocol correctly.

TapAlong #3: Dreaming + Work = Progress and Transformation

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[Every Monday a new free tap-along audio is added to TappingQandA.com. Make sure you check out the entire Tap-Along Archive. To be able to download these audios comercial free (with a printable script) visit the Tap-Along Premium Membership.]

“There are those who work all day. Those who dream all day. And those who spend an hour dreaming before setting to work to fulfill those dreams. Go into the third category because there’s virtually no competition.” Steven J. Ross

Pod #65: Tapping for Stress w/ Louise Tremayne

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    Stress is one of the biggest issues of modern life but I think that it is talked about so much that sometimes we tune it out. We need to keep our eye on how stress affects us day-to-day. Tapping for stress is easy to do and is much like brushing your teeth, you need do a little bit daily to make lasting change. In this interview I talk to Louise Woods about the impact of stress on the body and some simple things that you can do right now to improve your mood and your health.

LouiseWoodsEFTDevon
Louise Tremayne

Guest: Louise Tremayne

Contact: web @ FreeFlowingEnergy.com;  phone @ 07866 013 637; twitter @FFELou

About Louise: Louise Woods is an experienced EFT and Holistic Health Practitioner. She is based in Devon, UK and has been practicing EFT since 2006. She specializes in working with stress and anxiety, topics close to her own heart. Having left a stressful job in software engineering, she undertook a journey of self discovery to find the best way to deal with stress and found the answer in EFT. Louise is also qualified in NLP, Reiki and Crystal Therapy and draws on all of her skills and experiences when working with her clients.

Overwhelmed By Emotions While Using Tapping/EFT: Preventing it from happening and dealing with it if it happens

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I have so many emotions and memories coming up all at once that I’m overwhelmed by them. It feels like they are queuing up to get fixed! Yes, I’m glad this stuff comes up and I deal with it as it comes, but issues are tumbling out so fast they are landing on top of each other. I can’t spend all day in the bathroom at work! How do I deal with all these emotions without being so overwhelmed?


photo by Ashley Pollak

I have heard of this experience from a number of my clients. It is much like stirring up pond water. The water looks very clear, but the moment you start poking around in the water the sediment from the bottom clouds the water.

We can be very unaware of all the emotions and memories we are carrying around. When we start to poke around with healing work we can stir the pot and find much more than we bargained for.

I have two recommendations, one before you dive in and one for those moments when you’ve stirred up more than you bargained for.

Preventing Feeling Overwhelmed By Your Feelings

One of the benefits of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is the fact that we are able to slowly creep up on a problem while still doing effective work. Some techniques and therapies require you to dive into the deep part of the pain before you can start healing. It is possible to use EFT in this fashion, but I’m not a big fan of this approach.

I’m not a fan of feeling pain for the sake of pain. Why do healing work in a very painful way when you can do it in a much gentler way? A perfect example of this is how we can use EFT to deal with an individual’s fear of being in high places.

We could blindfold someone, not give them a clue as to the intent, transport them to the top of a 67-story building, let them freak out and start to do EFT.

Is it possible to be successful like this? Maybe, but we’d cause a lot of undue pain in the process.

When I work with someone who has this type of fear we start in the suburbs. I tell them that in just a little bit we’ll be going downtown to the top of the tallest building. For someone who fears heights this will cause the anxiety level to rise. We deal with this anxiety by doing EFT.

When they are at ease with the thought of heading downtown, we move to the car. In most cases their level of anxiety again rises as the time of climbing to the top of the building comes nearer. Again, we do EFT to deal with the anxiety. Once the anxiety is gone we start to drive downtown.

We repeat the process as many times as necessary, stopping to use EFT every time the anxiety gets above a 5 until we reach the top of the building. If this means we have to stop the car every 10 minutes and do EFT with each step we take toward the elevator, we do it.

Can this take a great deal of time? Yes. Is it a safe way to heal? In my mind it clearly is.

I recommend that whatever issue you are working on you creep up on it as gently as possible. By doing this you are going to more readily prevent yourself from going on tilt. I am in favor of erring on the side of caution even if it means that the healing takes a little more time.

When The Overwhelmed Feeling Strikes

Sometimes we can’t prevent feeling overwhelmed by emotions and memories. We might stumble into issues we had no idea were there as we do healing work, or circumstances in life may arise that catch us completely off guard.

We know that EFT is most effective when we can take memories one at a time and emotions from those memories one at time. When we feel unexpectedly overwhelmed it’s often difficult to do this. There is simply a whirlwind of emotions and/or memories all coming to the surface at once. Trying to separate these emotions or memories is like trying to separate one raindrop from another in a rainstorm. There might be a fleeting moment where you can see a single drop, but a moment later it is lost into the storm.

When this happens I go through a few steps to calm the storm.

1) Deal with any emotion that you have about being overwhelmed.
Once we know that we are supposed to break memories and emotions to effectively clear them it can be frustrating when we aren’t able to break them down. If there is any frustration about being overwhelmed that is the best place to start. The more frustrated you are, the less clearly you’ll see the issues at hand. As you tap give yourself permission to take this slowly; remember it’s okay not to know everything at once.

Tap on:

I know EFT works better when I can break things down…right now the emotions are coming all at once…I don’t know where to begin…and I feel like I am never going to get clear of all of this…but I don’t need to be frustrated or overwhelmed…I will be able to use EFT to take it apart a bit at a time…by taking it apart a bit a time it is going to manageable…as I break it apart it is going to be easier and easier to manage…I give myself permission to take this slowly…it’s okay that I don’t know everything that is going on…[How to use these tapping phrases]

[Side Note: You might also want to take a look at this article on the fear of fear.  Sometime we feel overwhelmed because we are afraid of what we are going to find.  If that is the case I think this is a very helpful approach: Fear of Fear]

2) Paint a picture of all the emotions at once
Since we are unable to deal with the emotions one at a time we might as well go after them all at once. Again, this is going to be a bit of a gross approach, but the goal of this step is to help us get some clarity so we can start picking the emotions apart.
In this step tune in to all the emotions you are feeling at once. Create a picture in your mind’s eye. Is it something inside of you or surrounding you? Is it a weight that is on you or something swirling around you? Is it a mist, a fog, or a storm? Or is it something completely different?

It doesn’t matter what your mind’s eye leads you to, just tune into that image. What color is it? What shape is it? How much does it weigh? What is it made of? Treat this image exactly the same way you would tune into a physical pain.

Now start to tap. At first, just tune into all the characteristics of the image you have just created. As you move from tapping point to tapping point move to a different characteristic — the color, shape, size, weight, where it is. Just keep tuning in.

As you do this you will notice the storm of emotion is losing its intensity.

3) Change the image into what needs to happen next
After spending a little time tapping with the image you have in mind, it’s time to change the image. You will either turn it into something new, get rid of it, or destroy it.

If it’s a tornado, see it move off the into the distance. If it’s a fog or mist, see the warm morning sun melt it away. If it’s a haze hanging in the air, see environmental engineers with air filters suck the polluted air into air filters, leaving pure air. If it’s goo in your chest, see little street cleaners work the area over and clean it up. If it’s a heavy metal weight on your chest or shoulders, see little workmen with jackhammers breaking it up.

While doing this, just keep tapping. How you change the image doesn’t matter, but change it for the better. Ask yourself the questions, “How could I make this feel better?” and see it happen.

As you do this you are going to find that you are more relaxed, your issues seem smaller, and you can start picking the individual emotions apart.

Conclusions

The beauty of EFT is we don’t have to feel a great deal of pain for it to work.  We can creep up on any issue we want to work on.  There are going to be times when we become overwhelmed with emotions.  When this happens we can still do work.  We can:

  • deal with the frustration of being overwhelmed
  • group all the emotions together
  • bring their intensity down as a group giving us the space we need to break the emotions apart into manageable pieces.

TapAlong #2: Not Needing Others’ Permission To Change

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We are connected to many people in our lives, some very closely, others less so. When we make choices we don't make them in a vacuum as we know that they impact other people, either affecting them directly or simply in the way they see us. Because we consider how our choices influence how others think about us we sometimes hesitate to act because we are unsure of their reaction, or we fear that they will react negatively. Our subconscious may restrain us from taking action unless we feel we have the permission of those around us to go after our dreams. It seems a little odd to ask someone permission to chase our dreams, but it is important to be aware of the areas in which we are holding ourselves back.

When Unexpected Things Come To Mind

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When I am tapping all sorts of things come to mind. Sometimes the memories are clearly connected to what I am tapping on. Other times they are thoughts about memories and people that seem to have nothing to do with what I am tapping on. What should I do with these thoughts?


When I am working with a client during an Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping session, typically the first question I ask them after a round of tapping is, “What came to mind as we did that round of tapping?”

You will notice I ask this question before I ask how much relief they’ve felt or what their SUDs level is. I do this because I believe the thoughts that come to mind during a round of tapping contain more important information than the level of relief.

Real relief is going to last and we will be able to check in on that progress in a moment, but the thoughts that have come to mind are often fleeting — so much so that frequently when I’ve asked this question my clients have said something like:

“Uh…ahhh…it was right there…now the thought is gone.”

Our thoughts and memories are not like files in a computer. Files in a computer are distinct. Each file exists on its own. It might have information about other files or be connected to specific programs, but these files are self-contained pieces of data.

Our thoughts and memories are not at all like this. They exist as complicated networks of interconnections. No single thought is contained by itself. Even when we intend to bring up a specific memory we also bring up all of its connections.

Think about the last time you let your mind wander. You might have been waiting for a friend or sitting in a car. One thought leads to another, then another, and another. It might seem random, but these thoughts and memories are all connected.

When we are doing a round of tapping we tap into this network of memories and thoughts, and we usually gain information about what the truer root of a problem is.

I use the term “truer root” because there are countless times when we think we understand why we feel the way we feel, but on further investigation we find out we are wrong.

For example, I may think I am mad because a waiter brought me the wrong food, but really it’s one more example of me feeling like my needs haven’t been heard.

Also, you will notice I didn’t say “true root” because often the new information we gain gets us closer; then we find out we can get closer still.

When we are tapping on one issue, the mind/body system naturally tunes into everything that one issue or symptom is connected to. As I stated above, sometimes these connections are obvious. Other times they are not.

My favorite phrase that my clients use when I ask them what came to mind is, “I am sure this has nothing to do with what we are working on but…”

I’ve found that the less obvious the connection between a thought and the tapping issue is, the more informative the thought is likely to be.

For me this is really good news because I expect the thought to be very helpful in the healing process.

The question then comes, “What do we do with this information?”

In some cases the connection is so obvious it becomes the issue we tap on next. In other case it is not so obvious. When I get information while tapping that has nothing to do with what I am doing work on I do two things.

First, I make a note of the thought, memory, or person who has come to mind. I don’t want to disturb the work I am doing right now, but I also don’t want to lose track of this new information.

Second, when I return to the new information, if I still can’t figure out what it means, I will tap on something like this.

During my last tapping session a piece of information came to mind…I have no idea what it means…or why it would come to mind while I was tapping on that issue…the new information might be very helpful in my healing path…I would love to know why this information came to mind…but I give myself permission to know that when I need to know what it means I will know what it means…I would like to know sooner than later…but I trust my body will give me the information I need to heal when I need it.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Often it becomes very clear why that information has come to mind before I even end those few phrases. But even if it doesn’t, by the time I’ve finished that patter I am comfortable not knowing right now.

The way our thoughts and feelings are interconnected makes it very easy for us to dig our way to deeper roots and connected problems by simply paying attention to what is coming to mind as we tap. With all things, it is important that we be easy with ourselves as we are tapping. Don’t get too wrapped up in figuring out what it is — just enjoy the healing process.

Pod #64: Thought Field Therapy w/ Joanne Callahan

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As more time passes few and few people are aware of the roots of tapping as we know it. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) as presented by Gary Craig build upon the foundations of Thought Field Therapy (TFT). In this interview I chat with Joanne Callahan the co-developer of Thought Field Therapy with her husband Roger Callahan. Joanne has many great insights into not only how Thought Field Therapy came to be created and how we can add the tools and techniques of TFT to our daily tapping.

In this conversation we cover the differences between FTF and EFT. We also talk about what psychological reversal is, how toxins affect the healing process, and how we can do something about both right away.

We also spend time talking about one of Joanne's passions tapping for trauma (both big and small).


Joanne Callahan

Guest: Joanne Callahan, MBA

Contact: web @ Thought Field Therapy

About Joanne: Co-developer of Thought Field Therapy with her husband Roger, and CEO of Callahan Techniques, Ltd.

Joanne Callahan, is a graduate of the University of California Santa Barbara and received her MBA in Healthcare Administration from California State University San Marcos.

Joanne Callahan is Director of the Thought Field Therapy Training Center and publisher and co-editor of The Thought Field, a quarterly newsletter.

She is trained in TFT at the Advanced and Voice Technology™ levels and the only person other than Dr. Callahan certified to teach all levels of TFT.

Joanne Callahan co-authored Thought Field Therapy and Trauma: Treatment and Theory, and the recently revised Stop the Nightmares of Trauma (with Forward by Jack Canfield, co-author Chicken Soup for Soul® Series), and Chapter 12, Thought Field Therapy: Aiding the Bereavement Process, in Death and Trauma: The Traumatology of Grieving.

Durring the interview we talk about a number of free resources for tapping for trauma. These are great tool, please check them out @ TFT Trauma Relief (link).

Joanne is also offering a free Tapping Stress Guild (link) that you should check out.

Creative and Alternate Set-Up Phrase Generator For Tapping/EFT

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I am asked all the time by clients, “Do I really have to say ‘I love and accept myself…’ when I am tapping?”

You don't have to say it. If it doesn't feel right for you consider this before you abandon it.

To make it easier for you I have created The Random Set-Up Phrase Generator.

Below you will find 10 alternative set up phrases. Reload the page and it will generate 10 more phrases. The generator is built to come up with over 2500 unique phrases.

All you need to do is read the phrase and tap along.

Please add your favorite alternative set up phrases comment section.

10 Randomly Generated Set Up Phrases

Even though I have this issue and part of me doesn't want to heal this
I choose to no longer be a victim to this any more

Even though I don’t know what is going to happen to me tomorrow
I know that I can find peace love

I give myself permission to believe that some day I might think it is possible to not feel this way
Even though I have this issue and part of me doesn't want to heal this

Even though I don’t know what is going to happen to me tomorrow
I'm choosing to have compassion for myself even though I can't yet love and accept myself

I choose to be free
Even though I can't love and accept myself right now especially because of this issue

I give myself permission to believe that some day I might think it is possible to not feel this way
Even though I have this issue and my mother always said it is going to be like this

I choose to allow my subconscious to work it out
Even though I have this issue and it feels overwhelming

Even though I have this issue and my mother always said it is going to be like this
I honor myself for wanting better

I accept myself, I respect myself and I love myself
Even though I don’t know what is going to happen to me tomorrow

I give myself permission to know that I am not going to be stuck here forever
Even though I have this issue

Pod #63: Self Love With Brad Yates

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Doing this interview was particularly special to me. My guest Brad Yates was the person who first introduced me to Tapping/EFT. In this spirited conversation we talk about the importance of self-love, the obstacles to loving ourself, and what we can do with tapping to improve our view of ourselves.

I know we talk a lot about self love and self acceptance when it comes to tapping. It is right there in the set up phrase, “I love and accept myself.” Even with that being the case it is still one of the issues for my clients (and to be honest for myself) that we struggle with most and it is the topic we are least likely to tap for.

I firmly believe all healing is rooted in self love and self acceptance.

The audio on this podcast is a little rough. I have included a full transcript below because I didn't want you to miss the goodness.


Brad Yates

Guest: Brad Yates

Contact: twitter @EFTWizard; web @ TapWithBrad.com ; facebook @ facebook.com/BradYatesTapping

About Brad: Brad has had the privilege and pleasure of working with a diverse group of clients, from CEO's to professional and NCAA athletes, from chiropractors and psychiatrists to corporate and federal attorneys, from award-winning actors to residents at a program for homeless men and women in Santa Monica. For several years he taught a weekly class using EFT and guided imagery at Sacramento Drug Court. He has also been a presenter at a number of events, including several International Energy Psychology Conferences and the Walk On Water (WOW) Fest in Los Angeles. He has presented at Jack Canfield's Breakthrough to Success event, and has done teleseminars with “The Secret” stars Bob Doyle and Dr. Joe Vitale. He is also the co-author of the best-seller “Freedom at Your Fingertips,” a featured expert in the film “Try It On Everything” (along with Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Dr. Norman Shealy and Dr. Bruce Lipton), and has been heard internationally on a number of internet radio talk shows.

10 Lessons Learned From Teaching Tapping in Jail

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photo by Bernardo Borghetti

For the last few months I have been blessed to be spending my Monday and Wednesday mornings in the local county jail helping out with the Advanced Anger Management class. It has been an amazing experience.

Recently I ran into my friend whose place I have taken as assistant teacher for the class. She asked, “Isn't it addictive?” Addictive is the only way I can describe it. It is one of the coolest things I have going in my life right now.

I have learned so much from the class. These lessons are not limited to how best to use or teach tapping, but I have also learned lots of lessons about life. By first understanding these lessons it will make it easier for you to access the tools in this book.

Here are ten lessons that I learned from teaching tapping in jail:

Choice

One of my favorite things about the class is the fact that it has not been court-ordered. Everyone is in the class by choice. I will admit that a few of the guys show up because they receive a certificate of participation for their file upon completion, but even these guys fully participate.

There is no mystery about what is going on. These guys recognize that because of their anger they have made choices that have created negative outcomes and they want to change this. Sometimes they are trying to change just to avoid negative outcomes while other times they are trying to change in order to be better people overall.

Regardless of why they are in class, it is their choice. Because of this openness we are willing to push them and challenge them to look very honestly at their lives, their past choices, and their beliefs about themselves. Sometimes this is a little work, but we all need to be pushed a bit to be honest with ourselves.

Lesson 1: Healing and transformation will not take place unless it is a choice. We can’t force someone to change. We can encourage people to change and we can support people in their change work, but we cannot force someone else to change.

Safe Space

I am in awe of the woman who runs the class. She works for the county and is the one who is in charge of this class, as well as many others types of classes. She spends five days a week working inside an extremely restrictive environment trying to make the lives of a very marginalized population (both male and female) better. In her words and, more importantly, in her actions she shows how much she cares for the guys in class.

One of the main reasons the class works is because it feels like a safe space. The guys know they can talk about their issues and worries without fear of judgment or of negative repercussions. This safe and loving space exists because of the safe space that has been created with her heart.

One day the guys were asking if I am paid to teach the class. I told them I am a volunteer. When they asked the teacher the same questions she responded, “Yes, but they don’t pay me to care.” There are lots of people who the guys interact with in the facility who don’t care. She does, and it makes all the difference.

Lesson 2: It is important that the people we are working with understand that we care about them and that they are in a safe space when we work with them. Doing change work can be hard. Often we have to admit the things we don’t like about ourselves. Creating a loving and safe environment makes it easier for them to choose the steps to healing.

Other People’s Emotions

We spend a great deal of time in class working with the guys’ emotions about their relationships. These emotions fall into three basic categories. First there are the relationships that are contentious. These are normally relationships with the mothers of their children. Second, there are the relationships where they feel like they have let others down. The guys are seeing firsthand how their choices are affecting others like their parents, their partners, and their children. It is really hard to see how our choices negatively impact others. Finally, there are emotions about the relationships in which they feel helpless. Because they are incarcerated the guys can’t be helpful to their family members who are struggling with other personal problems.

As the guys have limited interaction with their loved ones (telephone, letters and occasional visits), it puts what they can and can’t control into stark relief. When we are around someone frequently, I think we misunderstand how much influence we have over someone else’s life. When we don’t have much contact with them, it becomes much more obvious just how little influence we really have.

Because of this, we help the guys to spend a great deal of time talking about and tapping for what they do have control over, which is their own emotions. (The tool we use the most is “About…To…As if…” which we will cover in Part 5 of this book.)

Lesson 3: In the end the only thing we control is our emotional response and our choices. We can’t control other people’s choices or their emotions nor are we responsible for other people’s choices or emotions. When we stop spending time and energy trying to change the emotions of others we can direct our energy to the place we have the most control: inside ourselves.

Twice A Week, Every Week

It is easy to pick out specific moments about the class to rave about. There are moments where there are amazing breakthroughs. There are great unplanned conversations about life where the guys wrestle with the really tough questions. As wonderful as these moments are they don’t happen all class long and they don’t even happen in every class. There are classes that feel long. There are times where the guys look at me bored, because I am sure they are bored with me.

Even though each class isn’t amazing they create a cumulative effect. By being there twice a week every week, it helps to build a relationship. The more we show up, the more the guys trust us and trust the tool set. Sometimes it takes weeks before one of the guys will open up in class, but it is because of the constant contact and relationship that the opening-up eventually happens.

Lesson 4: Not everyone will trust us and start tapping right away. Sometimes we have to prove ourselves and our commitment to them over time. This does not mean that we run people over with our care, but it is important that we demonstrate that we are there for the long haul.

What is that word?

Recently I brought to class a list of emotions that was created by The Center for Nonviolent Communication . The goal of the list is to help the guys develop a more specific vocabulary in describing how they feel. The more specifically we can describe how we feel, the easier it is to change how we feel.

When printed, the list is two pages long. After I handed out the list to the guys I started to explain why I had given them the list. As I was finishing “K” just blurted out, “What does this word mean?” He then asked about another and another and another. K is in his late thirties and is comfortable enough in his own skin that he wasn’t concerned what I (or his classmates) thought about the fact he didn’t understand something. His learning was more important than that.

I wish I could always approach learning in the same way.

Lesson 5: It is OK to admit that we don’t have all the answers and it is important to let others know that it is OK to ask for clarification when needed. If we remain in the dark we will not learn and we will often feel stupid because we don’t know, which in turn shuts down the learning and/or healing process.

Filling The Tool Box

There are lots of reasons why guys don’t make it to class. It could be the unit’s day to go to the library, they could be meeting with their lawyer, they could be in court, or something could have happened overnight and their unit is in lockdown so that no one can leave for any reason.

Because of this reality it is hard to teach concepts that build upon previous work because you never know who is going to be there and which classes they have already attended. To combat this I have broken down all the topics down into discrete parts. Each part contains two pieces: a tool that can be used right now and an explanation of how it fits into the big picture.

“Ten Steps To Tap For Any Emotion” is a perfect example of this approach that I created for class. If you know the tapping points and follow the steps you will find relief. When working with the guys I presented the steps one at a time and had them write out their answers for each step.

After they completed the whole process we spent some time talking about how and why the process worked. We talked about the importance of each step and how it impacted the overall results.

In the end it didn’t matter if they understood any of the big picture stuff. Of course understanding the big picture makes using and customizing the tools easier, but if the tools are understood and used regularly they will bring healing, and that is what is most important.

Lesson 6: Don’t give people concepts and theory. Give them tools they can use right now to improve their lives. If they are interested in theory they will ask about it. It is more important for someone to regain control of their life than it is for them to be able explain what is happening on an energetic level when someone is experiencing psychological reversal. This book is put together in such a way that you don’t have to understand any of the concepts to be successful. If you work the steps you will see change.

Class Time

Because of the nature of the facility it is hard to get the guys to class. They come from as many as ten different units, many of the inmates are not allowed to move through the facility on their own, class lists need to be submitted ahead of time, keys need to be checked out by officers, and the classroom has to be unlocked. There are an amazing number of moving parts and because of this we have two hour classes twice a week. This is so we can get a maximum amount of time in class with the least amount of disruption to the facility.

To be honest, two hours is a really difficult length of time in which to teach. It is just a little too long to go straight through and it is too short to take a break. It can be hard to hold the guys’ attention and sometimes I find it hard to keep my energy up as a teacher for two straight hours. Also, the class is at 8:30 am so many of the guys have just rolled out of bed and aren’t yet fully awake.

Lesson 7: When you are doing this type of work it is important that you don’t try to do too much at once. It is best to set aside a time each day to do this work instead of trying to do everything in one go. If you teaching this type of class it is important that when planning your material you keep in mind how long people can stay focused, how long you can teach, and the energy level of the room based on what has come right before class. If you are going to be teaching for a large chunk of time, switch from direct teaching/lecturing to providing experiential/hands-on activities in order to keep everyone focused and energized.

Breathe In And Hold

Tapping in public can be a little bit embarrassing. Let’s be honest, it does look rather silly. You can only imagine how much harder it must be to tap in jail! There is no privacy, your reputation can be very important, and you definitely don’t want to look foolish.

At the beginning of one of the classes I asked the guys how it was going and if they were tapping back in the unit on their own. One of the guys said that he wasn’t tapping, but he tried one of the “breathing thingies.” (At the beginning or the end of most of the classes we do a guided imagery or breathing exercise. He was referring to one of these.)

He said that he was having a really hard time falling asleep because the jail is never quiet. There is always someone talking or something banging. Not being able to fall asleep really agitates him. He said that doing one of the breathing exercises calmed him enough to fall asleep. He then apologized for not tapping.

I told him that it didn’t matter if he tapped or not. What was most important is he recognized what was going on, reached for a tool that he thought might work for him, and then used it. That was all I could ever ask for.

Lesson 8: It is always about doing what makes sense and is useful. It is never about the toolset. I would love it if everyone in the world learned to tap, but I would love it even more if everyone were willing to take responsibility for their own healing and do something about it. It is easy for us to get wrapped up in getting people to tap because it has been so effective for us. We shouldn’t let our love of the tool get in the way of other people’s healing. When working through this book you will find things that work for you and things that don’t. Do the ones that work for you.

If You Have Time In Your Busy Schedule

One day in class I was introducing a tool that would take less than ten minutes to work through. I turned to the guys and said, “Sometime in the next 48 hours I would appreciate it if you could find some time in your busy schedule to carve out five or ten minutes to try this on your own.” They all looked at me stunned and then broke out laughing.

Lesson 9: It is good to be honest about where you are. It is not a mystery that the guys are in jail, that they have limited freedom, and are wearing colored jumpsuits for a reason. They know they are in jail. I know they are in jail. Being honest about where we are and what is going on gives us the greatest chance for healing. As you engage in the tools in this book remember you are not being graded and no one will see your answers. This is about you and your healing. The more honest you are about what is going on, the more likely it is that you will effect change and transformation.

Lesson 10: Just because something is grave doesn’t mean it has to be serious all the time. There are lots of things that are both serious and important, but I have found in my own life that if I lose my sense of humor in the serious moments I am more likely to feel overwhelmed. It is ok for us to laugh. Gallows humor can be very helpful and healing. Don’t be afraid to joke about what you are going through. There are times where joking about how far you need to go will help your healing process.

* * * *

I have learned so much by being stretched by these guys. It has forced me to rethink the way I teach and what I can learn from the classes I teach. I hope you are willing to stretch yourself a little and share tapping with someone outside your comfort zone.

If you do I would love to hear how it goes in the comments below.

Pod #62: Being Honest With Ourselves, Being In The Moment, and Other Thoughts w/ Jondi Whitis

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In this podcast my friend Jondi Whitis discuss a bunch of topics around tapping and healing. In the conversation we cover:

    • Being able to be honest about where we really are and why that is paramount to healing.
    • Using where we are to build on knowing where would like to be.
    • How to stay in the moment (which leads to healthier choices).
    • Noticing what is happening emotionally.
    • Is tapping similar to hypnotic induction?
    • Why we resist healing and how can we deal with it.
    • Why tapping doesn't work when I tap on my own.
    • How I can move forward and still feel like I am going backwards.
    • What to do when I don't know what I want.
    • What to do when a client doesn't know how to talk about their emotions.

How do I continue to grow my understanding that I am enough.


Jondi Whitis

Conversation with: Jondi Whitis

Jondi's Contact: web @ EFT4Results.com;

About Jondi: Jondi Whitis is a certified EFT Master Trainer, Practitioner, Mentor and Board Member for AAMET International, delighting in creating practitioners of excellence. She’s passionately interested in refining and up-levelling core EFT skillsets, cutting-edge techniques, and training for practitioners and trainers worldwide, upholding the most thorough and professional EFT standards. She offers deeply personal, hands-on training to anyone interested in heart-centered healing, from children to teachers, parents to professionals, and for diverse communities worldwide, including veterans, Native Americans, teachers, healthcare professionals, and those who work with kids.

An ‘integration specialist’, Jondi enthusiastically guides each person to find authentic ways to integrate EFT into their purpose, professional practice and life. Join her in person, at the annual gathering just north of NYC, Spring Energy Event

Transforming Our Critical Voice Into Something Helpful With Tapping and EFT In 8 Easy Steps

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[Note: In this article I am going to be addressing the role of the critical voice. I am going to speak as if the critical voice has a personality and motives. I am not saying the critical voice is a distinct personality or that it is separate from us in any way. But by speaking of it as if it is distinct it will give us the ability to deal effectively with only one part of our personality, helping us to get some perspective on what is going on and enabling faster transformation.]

One of the reasons that I love EFT/tapping is because it is very effective in dealing with our critical voice. The critical voice is nothing more than that little nagging voice that is always pointing out everything we have done wrong, everything we are going to do wrong, and everything we are never going to be.

Sometimes this voice is nothing more than a simple annoyance, while at other times it can be so crippling that it prevents us from getting out of bed in the morning.

Because of this most of us don’t have a very good relationship with our critical voice. Many of us resent it and even hate it. One of the underlying themes of my work is to transform the relationship we have with ourselves and with parts of our personality in order to facilitate lasting change. Working with our critical voice is a perfect example of a place where we can apply this principle.

It is very difficult for us to transform our critical voice when we are angry at it. When we are angry at a part of our personality it will entrench itself and fight back. If we are willing to change our attitude toward this part of our personality then we can get it to work with us to create lasting and deep transformation.

Before we can begin the process we need to understand why the critical voice exists.

And the reason might surprise you.

The Critical Voice Exists To Make Our Life Better

I know that statement is very hard to believe. I would even be willing to bet that when you read that statement there was a strong emotional reaction against it, but it’s true.

All parts of our personality exist because they are trying to bring us to our higher good. Just because a part’s motivation is for higher good does NOT mean that it is leading us to our higher good. In this example the critical voice is not pointing things out to make us feel bad or to punish us, but instead is doing so to help us see the errors of our ways so that we will make better choices in the future.

And yes, I know, it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like it is just judging and criticizing.

But, when we are able to recognize that it is trying to help us, it will make it easier for us to transform it into something that is truly helpful. As you will see in this process we do not need to celebrate what the critical voice has done to us to recognize its motivation.

The Process For Transforming Your Critical Voice with Tapping and EFT

One of the nice things about the EFT/tapping protocols is that they are very short and give us the chance to try something out for a few minutes. If it doesn’t work then we can return to what we were doing before. This process is no different. You should be able to complete this process in under 10 minutes.

If you don't buy my “The critical voice is here to help you, but is just doing it in the wrong way”, I would encourage you to give this process a try. If it doesn't work out for you then go back to being mad at the critical voice. The only thing you will have lost is a few minutes tapping on something new.

1) Tune in and connect with the critical voice.
In this step all we need to do is connect with the critical voice. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and listen for the voice. It will not be hard to find. Pay attention to where the voice is coming from.

  • Is it something that is internal or external?
  • Is it the voice of someone you know, does it sound like your speaking voice, or is it some other voice?
  • If you were to imagine that the voice belonged to a body, what would that body look like?

The specific answers to these questions aren't important, but by asking them it will be easier for us to connect with the critical part of ourselves, allowing us to do healing work.

2) Affirm the critical voice.
This is going to be the most difficult step of the process because of the hurt and harm we associate with the critical voice. It is important to note that when doing this step we are NOT affirming the tactics of the critical voice and we are NOT affirming the way we feel after we encounter our critical voice. What we are affirming is that it is a part of us that is willing to work very hard to move us to a better life. To do this we would tap on something like:

I would like to give thanks for my critical voice…I am NOT thankful for the tactic that it is using…I am NOT thankful for the way I feel after I experience the critical voice…I am thankful for the fact that there is a part of me that is willing to work so hard…I know that even though it is not doing this…it is trying to make my life better…my critical voice thinks it is making my life better…it thinks that if it berates me…or if it points out everything that is going wrong…that it is going make me make better choices in the future…the critical voice is a very powerful part of me…even if it is not working in a productive way…I know it is working for my betterment…I am thankful that there is a part of me that is willing to work day and night…thinking it is doing what is best for me.

After doing a round of tapping like this we will take some of the edge off. We might not be super-happy with the critical voice, but there is less animosity towards it. At this point that is all we are trying to achieve. When we move from a state of animosity then we are no longer fighting a part of ourselves, and we can now start to work with it.

3) Explain to the critical voice what it is really doing.
As stated above the critical voice in most cases believes that if it is constantly pointing out every flaw and fault, it will motivate us to make better choices. Its motives are either “You don't know you are doing something wrong?” and/or “You don't realize the consequences of these choices?”

In almost every case we are fully aware of the information that the critical voice is providing. In many cases the critical voice is actually over-stating and/or over-reacting to the situation around us. Because we have taken the last step and created a bit of a truce with the critical voice, we can now speak to it with new information.

In this step we are simply going let the critical voice know the consequences of its actions. Try tapping like this:

I know the critical voice is trying to be helpful…but it isn’t…the critical voice is pointing out things I already know…and many times is it pointing out things in a way that is much worse that it really is…the critical voice thinks it is going to encourage me by pointing out my failings…instead I find having every flaw and failing being pointed out to be disheartening…debilitating…I find it very hurtful…I find that it makes it very difficult to believe in myself…it is not pushing me to be better…but instead it is sucking my ability to try right out of my system…I know the critical voice believes it is being helpful…it is not…it is not creating a feeling of encouragement for better…it is creating a feeling of shame…shame is not an emotion of achievement and growth…shame is a feeling of not wanting to try.

4) Show the critical voice proof of its past tactics.
At this point it is very helpful to show the critical voice the proof of what we have just been tapping on. Again, just tune into the critical voice, begin to tap from point to point, and show the critical voice proof of all the ways it has been hurtful and debilitating.

5) Transforming the critical voice into something helpful.
When doing the process with clients there is something very interesting that happens. Clients describe the fact that they can feel the critical voice feeling bad that it has not done its job. I have even had clients describe their critical voice as feeling bad because it feels it is about to be eliminated from the system.

Because we are not fighting with the critical voice (like we were in the beginning), but instead have a relationship with it, we can now guide it to a resource that his helpful. The tapping for this transformation might look like this:

I know the critical voice is very powerful…I have felt the force of its power…but instead of pointing out all of the things I have done wrong…there is a way this voice can be more helpful…I want to harness the power of the voice to be used for my higher good…because I know this voice wants my higher good…I want this voice to stop being a critical voice and become an encouraging voice…because I respond so much better to encouragement…I want this encouraging voice to pick me up when I am down …I want this encouraging voice to push me on to take those last few hard steps…I want the encouraging voice to help me to get started when I can’t quite focus on the task at hand…I want the encouraging voice to use the power it had to see my faults in the past to start to look forward to the opportunities in my future…I want this encouraging voice to move me forward…not keep me stuck in the past…when it does this I will move forward and heal.

This is a very empowering step.

6) Giving the encouraging voice the resources and tools to do its new job.
Just because we want the voice to change (and just because the critical voice wants to become the encouraging voice) doesn't mean the change is going to happen. I have had many clients describe the feeling of having the critical voice being on board with the change but not know what to do next.

I have found the easiest way to complete the change is to ask the critical/encouraging voice what it needs for transformation. The process for this is simple. First, start tapping from point to point. Second, tune back into the critical/encouraging voice. Third, ask it one of the following questions. Fourth, if it states a need based on the questions simply imagine that need being fulfilled.

For example, if it needs permission to change, give it permission. If it needs to know how to encourage you, show it.

Here is a list of sample questions you can ask the voice to help it transform from critical to encouraging.

  • Do you need permission to transform?
  • Do you need training to transform? If so what type?
  • Do you energy to transform? If so what type?
  • Do you need to be connected to other parts of the system? What type of connections need to be made?
  • What do you need from me to make the transformation?

7) Reassure the encouraging voice.
Even when we choose to make this type of transformation it doesn't always take place all at once. And that is ok. The transformation process can take time. We want the healing to happen in a fashion that is long lasting. We are not looking for a short-term quick fix.

The last part of the process is to reassure the encouraging voice that this is going to take time and that we are willing to help it through the transformation.

Try tapping like this:

I am very happy that my internal voice is willing to become an encouraging voice…I know this process is going to take a little time…which is ok because I want lasting change…not a quick fix…I want my encouraging voice to know that I don’t expect it to be perfect right way…I know it is going to need to learn its way into this new role…I commit to check in regularly with the encouraging voice…making sure it has everything it needs to complete this transformation…I give the encouraging voice permission to ask for help from me…even when I am not checking in with it…this is a change that is good for me now…and for the future.

8) Check back regularly.
If this is a process that is helpful for you I would encourage you to do it two or three times a month for a few months to help this transformation process along. I think it is obvious how making the small change of changing one aspect of our personality will cascade into many radical changes in our lives.