Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Why Self-Help Gurus Might Be Bad For You

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Note: This article was first published October 12th, 2014 and has been updated.

If you have been reading my website or newsletter for any length of time, then I am sure you have read something where I was bragging about my great editor. She is the best! (And more importantly she has become a good friend.)

She does more than make sure my dyslexic writing is clear and readable, she really cares about the quality of work that appears on the site. When what I have written is unclear, she provides great recommendations. If I have written something that is not quite accurate, her research ensures I am set straight. If I am behind on newsletters and articles, she gently reminds me about deadlines.

AND she is always (and I mean always) challenging any inflated, hypey language that I use in headlines, subject lines, or in sales letters.

On the surface I think this happens for two reasons. First, she is looking at my copy from how it feels as a consumer, rather than a marketer. Second, she is not American. The American style of marketing tends to be hypey. She is from Africa and lives in Europe, so she provides a larger perspective that I might miss.

Both of these things are invaluable, but it goes much deeper than that.

Marketing that points out the pain

I spend a lot of time working with my clients on marketing their products and services. I help them tweak their message, I clean up their sales copy, and I help them practice talking to prospective clients.

In the last fifteen years I have spent more time and money on learning how to write good sales copy and communicate in a sales setting than on all of my other training combined.

I understand the key to selling anything is getting your potential customer in touch with the pain they are experiencing. For extreme examples all you need to do is think of infomercials where you are shown an example of a blunt old knife smushing a tomato, the old garden hose in hopeless tangles, or an ancient mop making more of a mess than it is cleaning up.

As we have talked about many times before, we are most likely to make changes in our lives when we are either in a great deal of pain or really close to achieving a goal.

Effective marketing helps you to recognize your pain. It points out everything that is going wrong. The more clearly you see how bad your problem is, the more likely it is that you will want to take action to relieve your pain.

This is my life, not a salad

In principle, I do not have a problem with pointing out the pain someone is experiencing.

If you read any of the sales letters I have written, you will see I spend a lot of time doing just that. I am not trying to make your life worse. I am not trying to cause you more pain. I can honestly say I am trying to get you to level with yourself so that you recognize the cost of not changing.

But this becomes a tricky business.

It is one thing for me to point out how you are wrecking your tomatoes when you are making a salad with a blunt knife. It is a totally different matter when I am pointing out a part of your life, your work, or your body, with which you are less than satisfied.

When I (or any other marketer) start talking about what is unsatisfactory in your personal life, we are tapping into something that could be acutely painful.

In doing this my goal is always to be working from a place of wanting what is best for my readers. So when I point out dissatisfaction and pain, I am doing it because I know you are made for better and I want better for you.

But just because my intention is to do that in a helpful way doesn’t mean I am always successful.

Pain for sales’ sake

In some ways it is easier to sell self-help products than it is to sell anything else. It is hard to get you worked up about not liking the way your tomatoes are cut. It is really easy to get you worked up about the things you don’t like about your life.

You already know what those things are. They are the reason why you might emotionally eat or drink too much or stay in a job that isn’t right for you. For the most part we are able to numb that pain in our daily life.

But a good sales letter will pull all that pain to the surface and expose it to the bright light.

As marketers, once we have you in that pain, it is easy.

All you want to do is find relief from that pain. You read the promises of the product being sold. You read the glowing testimonials of the people who have used it.

You think, “This is too good to be true!” AND you are in so much pain that you pull out your credit card.

A hard drive full of self-help tools

I want to be clear. I am not saying self-help tools and coaching programs don’t work. Nor am I saying that all self-help marketers are hucksters and cheats.

I know lots of them. There are so many in the world who are creating amazing products, running transformational programs, and are making a real difference in their clients’ lives.

At this moment I am more concerned about the hard drives full of digital products that are collecting digital dust.

I am willing to bet your computer is full of them.

You don’t need another program. You don’t need another sure thing. You don’t need a miracle catch-all.

The first step is to look through the hard drive of materials you already have and use one of the tools.

If you are unable to find time or a way to use the tools you already have, then the problem probably isn’t in the tools. More than likely the issue is about actually doing the work. It is about the struggle of creating a routine or having a system to keep you accountable to taking consistent action.

Before you buy the next thing

I would like you to do this for me. Before you buy your next self-help thing, from me or from someone else (but especially if it is from me!) I want you to tap to these phases:

Right now I am in pain…The sales letter I just read…Has helped me to reconnect with this pain…But it is a pain that I already know is there…This is something I know I need to change…As I consider buying this product…I am open to the possibility that it might be helpful…It might be the exactly right thing for me to buy…And it might also be something that I think will fix my problems…I know that change is possible…I know that I can have better…I know that I am made for better…But buying another product…Or signing up for another class is not going to do it…I need to take the tool set I am considering buying and apply it…And I need to apply it consistently…That is how change will happen…It is OK if I buy this…If it is the right thing for me.

Print this out. Bookmark this. Or just think of it the next time you are considering buying a new self-help product.

I want you to have the life you want. I know my life is better because I have invested in self-help tools. But I also know that my computer is filled with tools and programs and guides I have never used!

Make good choices, not just choices in the hope of a quick fix.

You are worth it.

[Note: Let me know if you are looking for an awesome editor or someone to do other tasks for your business. I would happily connect you with mine. Like I said, she really is the best!]

Attune-Explore-Lead: The Functions of the Words Used While Tapping

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

One of the biggest challenges in being an effective tapping practitioner comes down to this question: What words do I use (or ask my client to use) to accompany the tapping process?

Choosing the right words, phrases, or sentences based on an individual's temperament, history, and target problem or goal is often the critical difference between an effective tapping session and one that fails to create desired outcomes.

To uncover the ins and outs of the words and language used in conjunction with tapping, clinical psychologist David Feinstein, Ph.D., presents the first peer-reviewed report to examine the wording used during actual acupoint tapping sessions. The report analyzes hundreds of videotaped statements that were judged as moving a session in a positive direction. Read more.

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Pod #514: Why I’m OK with bad choices

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Tapping is a wonderful tool that can help us to feel better in the moment, which is why it’s sometimes referred to as emotional first aid.

As much as I love emotional first aid, I find tapping's ability to help us to clear fear and resistance so that we make better, more thoughtful choices even more impressive. If I am consistently able to make more choices that are congruent with my authentic self, then I am much less likely to be overwhelmed by emotions in the first place.

Emotional first aid is perfect for the moment. Clearing resistance and limiting beliefs sets me up for an easier, happier future.

With all that being said, I actually like making bad choices. And I don't mean that in a “I learn more from my failure than my successes” sort of way. I do think mistakes are a powerful way to learn, but that's not what I mean here.

I believe that making bad choices with no lesson to be learned has some interesting benefits.

But only in a certain context.

This week I share with you how I make bad choices, why I make bad choices, and how that relates to healing and tapping.

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Pod #513: The Root Cause Of Almost Every Issue Is…

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In order to get the most out of a tapping session we know that the more specific we are about an issue, the faster we will get results.

In more than a decade of working with clients I have come to realize that 95% of all issues have the exact same core issue. In this week's podcast I share what that core issue is, the best way to uncover it (it only takes two questions), and how you can tap for that issue.

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Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

How Tappers See Tapping

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Tapping on acupuncture points while saying certain statements aloud is a powerful tool for resolving mental, emotional, and physical difficulties. More than 120 clinical trials show the approach (which falls under the category of “Energy Psychology”) to be fast and effective in producing strong outcomes.

But how can tapping on the skin make a difference? It looks strange and seems like wishful thinking, yet informed estimates suggest that millions of people worldwide have experienced substantial positive change!

To unravel the mysteries of tapping, a new in-depth analysis by psychologist David Feinstein examined the reports of more than 800 practitioners and clients who participated in 15 studies based on interviews or online surveys.

Continue to a Summary of the Study and a Link to the Entire Paper…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

What If I don’t (or can’t say while Tapping/EFT) “Completely Love And Accept Myself”?

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Note: This article was originally published October 22nd 2012 and has been updated.

From the very beginning, the first step of Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was to tap on the side of the hand and use what he called the set-up phrase: “Even though I have this issue I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

I can appreciate the sentiment of wanting this for ourselves, but many clients over the years have queried why they need to use this phrase.

Here are five thoughts to consider when choosing tapping phrases:

1) The Words We Use While Tapping Aren’t Magic

This is the piece of advice I give most often to tapping beginners. When most of us learn tapping we are taught to tap on a point while saying a phrase. This can lead us to believe that to get relief what we need to do is say a phrase and tap.

In reality the way we find relief while tapping is by focusing on an issue and tapping on the points. Saying words out loud about the problem is one effective way of focusing your effort BUT it is not the only way.

Your focus is of most importance, not the words you use.

Sometimes a specific word, phrase, or reframe will help us to focus intensely, while at other times no words are needed at all. The great thing about tapping is that it is really quick and there are few consequences for trying something new.

My advice is to try lots of different phrases and find the ones that work best for you. If something is not ringing true, try something else, it will only cost you a few seconds. So if the phrase “I love and accept myself” isn’t useful, then look for something else that is.

[For more information on the types of information that we get from each round of tapping and what to try next check out Feedback: What We Can Learn From Each Round Of Tapping]

2) Even If We Don’t Believe The Words We Say While Tapping They Can Still Be Helpful

This builds on the principle of our focus being more important than the words we say. Often saying words we don’t believe helps us to focus on the issue we want to address.

Let’s take weight release as an example.

Imagine that you want to release 35 lbs. but there is a part of you that doesn’t believe it is possible. You could tap on the phrase “there is a part of me that doesn’t believe I can release this weight” as an easy way to tune in to that part of yourself that feels hopeless about shedding the excess pounds.

You could also say the exact opposite and achieve the same result. You could tap on a phrase like “I know that I am going to release 35 lbs!” and the little voice inside my head will respond “No, you are not! There is no way you will release this weight. It’s hopeless!”

Here the focus is not on the words, but on the feelings of hopelessness around the situation. In both cases you are tapping on the same issue, even though the phrases have opposite meanings.

The same can be true for the phrase “I love and accept myself.” When you say this phrase out loud and focus on whatever emotions arise, you will be tapping on the issue that needs to be addressed.

This is especially true if you believe the phrase because the critical voice inside your head will pipe up and tell you so.

3) There Might Be A Reason That You Don’t Like The “Love And Accept Myself” Phrase While Tapping

I find it interesting when my clients have an immediate visceral reaction to something because it tells me that we have struck a nerve.

For example, you could call me overly obsessive about sports. I may disagree with you on this, but you won’t get an emotional response from me because it’s not something I worry about in my own life.

On the other hand, if you were to call me self-absorbed, that would elicit an emotional response from me. I would feel attacked, hurt, and offended. Not because this is not true, but because I do personally I struggle with this concern. I would feel attacked because there is a wound around this area of my life and you just prodded that wound.

I believe one of the main reasons people don’t like saying “I love and accept myself” is because it hits close to home as something a part of them can’t believe. We don’t like saying these words because they remind us of our own failings.

Saying something we don’t believe in gives us the opportunity to tune in to the part of our personality that doesn’t believe the phrase. If there is a strong “I don’t like saying I love and accept myself” reaction, then this is a great area to explore when you are tapping on our own or with a practitioner.

4) Other Phrases To Try While Tapping

Occasionally some issues can be so emotionally charged that it is not useful or safe for us to dive into them. One of the reasons I love tapping is because it allows us to creep up on a problem slowly without having to go directly to the most painful part of it.

If the phrase “I completely love and accept myself” is too emotionally charged to be useful to you, try these alternatives instead:

  • I give myself permission to love and accept myself
  • I might not believe that I love and accept myself, but someday I know it will be possible to love and accept myself
  • I am worthy of loving and accepting myself if I don’t right now
  • I give myself permission to love and accept myself one day
  • I give myself permission to believe that it is possible to love and accept myself
  • It is safe for me to love and accept myself
  • There is a part of me that fully loves and accepts myself even if I don’t have access to that part at this moment
  • Even though I am not perfect, I am open to the possibility of loving and accepting myself anyway
  • This work is helping me to work towards loving and accepting myself

If you are looking for more creative set-up phrases you should check out the set-up phrase generator. Each time you refresh the page it will give you 10 new set-up phrases to try.

5) The Reason I Never Start With The Set-Up Phrase

Never might be a little strong, but as a general rule I don't start a round of tapping with the set-up phrase because the emotional reaction it prompts in many people can be distracting. If you are tapping on an issue that has nothing to do with love and acceptance and you have an issue with that idea, then you are complicating the moment.

For example, let's say I'm tapping on a pain in my knee and I tap on “Even though I have this pain in my knee I love and accept myself.” Now I am dealing with the pain in my knee AND I have surfaced issues with the self-acceptance issue. Instead, I find it more useful and natural to tap on self-acceptance when it arises in connection with another issue.

This last point is rather controversial and I know a number of respected practitioners who would strongly disagree with me. As always, do what works best for you.

Conclusion

Do you have to say, “I love and accept myself” for tapping to work? Of course not.

BUT if you are having a hard time saying it or you feel uncomfortable when you think about it, then it is more than likely that you have hit a nerve around an issue that needs some extra attention. As Mastin Kipp says, “Without self-acceptance self-help won’t work” so you might consider making time to tap specifically on this issue.

Pod #512: How To Speed Up The Healing Process

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We have all heard the old saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision” because it is so much easier to look back and see how we could have done things differently from the vantage point of the present.

When this happens we can end up judging ourselves very harshly. The problem with this type of evaluation is we are judging our past self with new knowledge. It's easy to think “What on earth was I thinking?! It is so clear that was the wrong choice to make!” when in reality we were doing the best we could with the knowledge and information we had at the time of the choice.

In this week’s podcast I share a fresh approach you can take when evaluating your past choices and use it to guide you towards more effective healing.

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Create v. Responsible

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our minds, giving us an opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series here: Tools:Words]

Note: This article was originally published November 20, 2011 and has been updated.

I was recently working with a client who has Lyme disease. At one point in the session he said, “I created this situation.”

This statement really struck me. I asked myself, “Did he really create the situation?” and more importantly, “Is it helpful to worry about how a situation was created?”

Sometimes it is obvious when we create a situation, such as choosing to accept a job offer. At other times our lack of action creates a situation, like having your power turned off for failing to pay an electric bill.

But just because something is happening in my life does not mean that I have created it. I think this is one of the areas in which Law of Attraction teaching only goes so far. To assume I am creating everything in my life would mean that my intention is more powerful than the free will of the people around me.

For example, if I am sitting in my living room and a baseball smashes through my front window, it wasn't because I created that situation.

Even if you are willing to argue that I did somehow create the situation of the baseball shattering the window, in the short term it doesn't matter how or why it happened. What matters is what comes next as the window will not fix itself. It is up to me to take responsibility for the broken window, clear up the glass so that nobody gets hurt, and have the window fixed to keep the elements out.

One of the pitfalls of looking at the world through the eyes of “how we created” a situation is it can impede the healing process. It's often helpful to reflect on why something happened so it won't happen again. At the same time, if we are only trying to figure out how it was created or how we created it, we will get stuck.

In our example, if I am only worried about how and why the baseball came through my window, my living room will remain covered with broken glass.

For me, it is much better first to respond to what I am responsible for in a situation without allowing myself to get entangled in the emotional trap of wondering why or how I got there.

In the example of my client with Lyme disease, worrying about the specifics of how he got it will not be helpful. More than likely he will never again be in a situation where he is exposed to the disease. Instead he can move forward by recognizing what he is responsible for. He is responsible for how he feels physically right now, for taking his medication, following his doctor's advice, and understanding the lifestyle choices and environments that cause a flare up of the symptoms.

By focusing on what we are responsible for we are able to leave behind the emotions of what was and move to the energy of working with what is.

That is why I think it is so important that we understand the difference between creating and being responsible for something in our lives. First, I respond to what I am responsible for. This is what is in front of me and what I am going to do next. Once that is done there will be the opportunity to ask questions about how something was created. It might be the consequence of a choice I made, the choices of others, or a situation that will never happen again.

Doing our investigation in this order allows us to take care of the healing in the most efficient order and prevents us from taking more responsibility than is warranted.

Click here to read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #511: How Our Ancestral Past Makes Us Feel Unsafe Today

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As my friend Jondi Whitis likes to say, “At our core we are herd animals.” This statement has some profound impact when it comes to how we see ourselves, the actions we take, and how self-sabotaging behaviors show up in our lives.

When we are making choices and taking action, we aren't just considering facts and practicalities, we are also influenced by our genetic heritage.

This week I explore how some of our hardwired survival instincts impact our ability to make choices that line up with our authentic selves AND how we can use tapping to get past this and live the lives we want.

Link mentioned in the episode:

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Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Knowing Good Enough Is Good Enough OR The Myth Of Excellence

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Note: This article was originally shared on June 4th, 2013. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

While working with small business owners I bump into the issue of perfectionism a great deal. We all worry about what other people think of us but this becomes a particularly acute problem for small business owners whose success is directly related to their personal credibility and how they are perceived by others.

As an example, a client I'll call “Jane” was building a WordPress website for her business and she was unsure how she wanted it to look.

WordPress allows users to change the look and feel of an entire website at the click of a button by switching from one theme to another. There are thousands of free WordPress themes and Jane was overwhelmed by the choice. She wanted the website to be just perfect.

What Is “Just Perfect”?

I find the concept of “just perfect” interesting. What exactly does that mean?

For many the idea of “just perfect” means that what we choose has to be top of the line or in the top one percent. It needs to be better than everyone else.

But is that really worth striving for?

I don't think it is.

Often “just perfect” means that it is doing its job.

Where building a new website is concerned, it needs to provide information to prospective clients, so “just perfect” means that the site is visually clear, and easy to navigate and understand.

A $40 logo can be perfectly acceptable, so there's no need to spend $4000 on one.

Plain, easy-to-read text does the job just fine, so animations and videos are optional extras.

Ideally, a website is a delivery system for great content. Jane's readers will visit the site because of what they want to learn, not because of its fancy design.

That's not to downplay beautiful design and the thought that goes into the look and feel of a good website BUT it's important to understand the concept of “good enough”. Especially when we are just starting out, good enough is an excellent goal.

When Not Perfect = Failing

It is amazing that many of us feel like we have failed when something is just good enough.

We have been taught constantly to strive for better. We have been encouraged to dream. We long for a richer life. Because of all this expectation, we believe that if something isn't perfect, then it is bad.

I believe that in the majority of cases, good enough IS good enough!

Years ago, my father gave me a great example of understanding this concept. In order to sell a new product at work he needed to get at least 70% in a certification exam. In the weeks leading up to the exam he studied diligently. When he got home from the test I asked him how he did and he told me, “I got 74%…I studied too hard.”

He knew exactly what good enough was. He wasn’t looking for an ego boost in wanting the best score in the region or needing to prove anything to himself (or anyone else). He just needed to pass the test so that he could move on to the next thing.

Being Perfect At Being Good Enough

I was talking about the idea of “good enough is good enough” with another client. She asked, “How do I master the idea of ‘knowing good enough is good enough’?”

I paused for a moment.

And then she laughed at herself as she realized how ridiculous that statement was…she had just asked “How do I be perfect at ‘not needing to be perfect all the time'?”

The key to transforming our sense of perfectionism is first to be easy with ourselves, and to be easy with the process of not being so hard on ourselves. By doing this we can focus on what is needed to be successful and release the need for everything to be perfect in order to be successful.

Here's a tapping script you can use when you are struggling with the need to be perfect when good enough is just that:

It is important that I continue to strive in my life…There are parts of my life that I would like to be richer…There are relationships I would like to be fuller…I have gifts and talents I want to share with the world…But this doesn't mean that everything has to be the very best…It is important that I keep all of my goals in perspective…Just because something can be done better doesn't mean that it has to be done better…My laundry needs to be folded well enough…My bed needs to be made well enough…My car needs to be parallel parked well enough…It is possible for me to do all these things better…But nothing would be achieved by the extra effort…There are so many things I would like to grow into…That I need only spend as much time as is necessary on each task…I don't want to do less than is necessary…But it is important that I maintain balance and perspective…What is essential is the final goal…Not each of the pieces…I give myself permission to be comfortable with good enough…And to know that good enough isn't settling…But instead by achieving good enough I am giving myself the time and resources for all the parts making up what I am trying to achieve…I am going to keep the big picture in mind…To understand what is good enough in each situation…Good enough is not failing…It is good enough…And that is just perfect.

Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #510: The Reason I Wasn’t Taking Action

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One of my favorite ways to use tapping is to help people to take the actions they want more consistently. At this point it is probably the number one focus of my work with clients in private sessions.

It's an issue that I love working with BUT it doesn't mean that I am immune to self-sabotage in my own life.

In August of 2019 I conceived a new project that resonated with me all the way to my core. It felt more like a calling than a project. It is now 19 months later and I am just now getting around to doing it.

In this week's podcast I talk about how and why I got in my own way, the catalyst that pushed me past my fear and, most importantly, how you too can use these same steps to take charge of your own sabotaging behaviors.

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Why I Am Giving Up On Self-Improvement (But I Haven’t Stopped Tapping)

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This was originally written Jan 5th, 2010 and has been updated.

Author Nick Hornby was interviewed by Jesse Thorn from the radio program The Sound of Young America around the time that his new book “Juliet, Naked” was published.

In the interview Thorn asked Hornby about his screenplay for the movie “An Education”. Thorn commented that his wife, Theresa, had thought that the movie was identifiably Horby's work because it is about people becoming comfortable with who they are, rather than trying to be better.

The idea of not improving, but becoming comfortable with who we are is really interesting to me.

If you were in a bookstore, whether brick and mortar or virtual, the topics covered here at Tapping Q & A would be found in the self-help or self-improvement section.

In some ways the aim of self-improvement implies that there is something wrong with us, or else there wouldn't be anything to improve upon. Of course I'm not saying there is nothing I could improve on, but on some level I do believe that humans are all perfect and eternal.

It is good that we strive for better. It is good that we strive to be all that we can be, but I believe we are doing ourselves a profound disservice by thinking we are always in need of improvement.

Much of the peace I have found in the world goes back to becoming comfortable with who I am.

Blessing who I am.

Loving who I am.

By shifting my focus from self-improvement to self-acceptance and self-love, I am able to be everything I am and appreciate everything that the world is. When I am fully myself I am best able to find and appreciate the richness of life. That is where I find joy, happiness, and blessings.

At the beginning of each year I decide on a specific focus for the internal work that I want to do in the months ahead. In 2020 my work was to be gentle with myself. Being gentle with myself isn't about improving myself, but loving and accepting myself in all my imperfections.

Here is a simple tapping script to help you to work towards the same:

I have been made perfectly…This does not mean I do everything perfectly…This does not mean that I can’t strive for more and better…It simply means that at my core…At my essence…I am perfect…When I am able to recognize the part of me that is perfect…Then I am able to become everything I am made to be in this moment…I can recognize the part of me that is perfect without being complacent…I can recognize the part of me that is beautiful and still grow…I can see the blessings in my life and be open to receiving more…I am no longer going to strive for self-improvement…I am going to strive to become who I am in every moment…I don’t need to improve who I am…I desire to be who I am made to be more fully…I am made for love…I am made for connection…I am made to be who I am in this moment…I am not made to be who others think I should be…I am not made to be what others want me to be…This does not mean I am complacent…This does not mean I am stagnant…It means that I am striving to live who I am fully in every moment…I will not do this perfectly…But I am going to strive for this…When I strive to be who I am fully…Then I will recognize the grace of the moment…I will be filled with joy in the moment…I will be who I truly am.

Pod #509: Exciting Changes Are Coming To Tapping Q & A

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Today's podcast is a little bit different. I'm going to give you an update on some really great changes that are coming to the Tapping Q & A website. Below is an edited transcript of the information that I am sharing in this week's podcast so that you can either listen by clicking the play button above or read the text below, whichever works best for you.

Before I share the story of the upcoming website changes, I'd like to provide some context based on what has happened over the course of the last couple of months, as well as the last 14 years.

Since I started working with clients about 14 years ago, there have been three separate occasions on which a number of clients fired me, all within the space of about ten days.

The reasons they gave ranged from changes in their lives…to someone complaining about the clinking of the ice cubes in my water glass, which led them to believe I wasn't paying attention to them or the session. (It's a long story.)

The first time this happened it completely freaked me out. All of a sudden a number of clients decided to stop working with me and I started to wonder if my business could succeed. The second time it happened, some years later, it freaked me out, but much less so.

Since this had happened twice I took the time to think and reflect to see if I could figure out what was going on. On both occasions I came to the realization that I had been going through a transformation and evolution at a rate that the people I was serving were not.

This doesn't mean that I was more evolved than my audience, but rather the things that were interesting and transformational for me were not the same things that were lining up with my audience.

We were out of sync and no longer a good fit. I coach my business clients all the time around the idea that when someone says “no” they're not judging you and they're not judging your work. They're saying this is not the right fit for them right now, based on the information they have and on their current resource state.

It's a statement of fit and nothing more.

The third time that this happened in my practice I didn't freak out. Instead I thought “Oh! Look at that. Yes, I have been evolving and I have been transforming.” I was excited because the last two times this had happened new people, new opportunities, and new experiences showed up that were a much better fit for me, and were a much better fit for my clients.

I want you to hear that particular piece of information loud and clear. It's not a value judgment on me or a value judgment on them. It's a statement of fit.

The fourth time

If you've been paying attention to the website at all, in the last couple of months, I have been sharing with you a truly amazing program called the Tapping Success Academy.

Over the course of February, March, and April I felt frustrated and disheartened that the program had not been as successful as I'd hoped. I spent hundreds of hours creating and refining it and was so excited about the quality and depth of the content that it was deeply disappointing not to have a more enthusiastic reception.

Last month I was on Zoom with one of my clients. It is her habit at the beginning of every call together for her to check in with me. She likes to know what's going on in my life because it makes it easier for her to be coached. I shared with her my disappointment in how the program had not been as successful as I would like it to be.

She is a highly intuitive person and her response was, “Well, of course, it isn't working out the way you would like. I know why and you'll figure it out.” I replied by saying “Please, if you know, just tell me what's going on!” She replied, “You've outgrown your audience.”

And that made perfect sense to me.

The reality is “outgrown” is again the wrong word. The reality is that over the course of the last year and a half I have been doing a great deal of internal work. I have been tapping daily and that has resulted in some amazing transformations in my life, both personally and professionally.

The problem is I have been presenting and producing content from that pre-transformational space, not from where I am right now.

Reflection on where to go from here

Over the course of the last three or four weeks, I've spent a lot of time ruminating on this and trying to figure out the best way forward. I have realized that my messaging and how I share resources need to be much clearer. I need to make it much easier for you to find the resources you need on the website.

Right now the website is trying to do too many different things, which leads to confusion on where to find the most useful tool in the moment when you are looking for it.

Last weekend I was working in one of my favorite coffee shops here in Brooklyn and I came to a drawing that makes a great deal of sense for me. It is a Venn diagram with three intersecting circles that has made the way forward for the website clear and concise so that you will easily be able to find the content you need.

If you have been paying attention to the website, then the three areas that most fascinate me will not surprise you.

The first is the idea of changing resource state. When I say resource state, I am referring to the way that we feel. It is about changing our emotions. It's going from sad to happy, from hesitant to confident, or from tired to energetic. Our resource state is something that we can change in a moment, and when we shift our resource state, we are able to make different choices.

The second area I'm interested in is taking action and clearing self-sabotage. I love thinking about this because for me the consequence of transformation is taking new action, which leads to new possibilities and results.

The third area of my focus is the philosophical and spiritual ideas around transformation and how we show up in the world. Sometimes this is purely a spiritual conversation, while at other times is a deeper exploration of how we see ourselves in the world and how we use these tools.

As a perfect example of this, at the end of last month's Art of Delivery Monthly class, the session ended with a profound group conversation on the topic of revenge. We talked about what revenge is, why we have revenge fantasies, and how we approach feeling vengeful. We discussed how you can tap for it and why it is part of the human experience.

The new structure

I have realized that I need to restructure the way I present content.

The Tapping Q & A Podcast will continue to exist in a form that you are used to, but there will be a couple of slight changes. The first change is that the podcast will come out every other week instead weekly. It will be focused on interviews with other practitioners to give listeners access to new worldviews and particularly how you can hone the art of delivery for deeper transformation when tapping.

In the weeks that new podcasts do not come out, I will share resources that focus on how we can change our resource state. Resources will include tools, approaches, tapping scripts and tap-along audios to shift your resource state and help you to feel better in this moment.

To facilitate this there will be upgrades to the website to make it much easier for you to find the right resource. Over the coming months, as the changes happen, if you struggle to find something that you knew where it was before just shoot me an email.

Two New Podcasts

To serve my other two areas of interest, over the course of the next four months I will be creating two new podcasts. One will be purely a conversation about the spiritual aspects of who we are in the world and how we are called to connect with others as we love, support, and learn from one another.

It will not be specifically a tapping podcast, but the same concepts will apply. When that podcast is launched around the second or third week of June, I will send you a short note about it, but I promise not to flood your inbox or this podcast with that content because they are so different.

The second podcast will come out three or four times a week, starting later this summer. These episodes will be short five-minute reflections, specifically around taking action, clearing self-sabotage, and business building.

The Future

All of these changes reflect what is going in my mind, heart, and soul. I hope you continue to join me on this journey, but if these changes do not serve you, I'm sure you will find another source of great resources that meet you where you are.

If you have any questions about anything that I have shared, I would love to hear from you.

As we move forward I encourage you to:

  • Keep asking questions
  • Keep making recommendations about what resources would be useful for you
  • Share the resources with others who might find them useful

I understand that I am not everybody's cup of tea. I do not have a monopoly on the best way for transformation. My hope is that as I share what I learn from my client experiences, from my training, from my personal reflection, and from my own transformation, that it might occasionally contain a nugget or two in there that is useful for you too.

Again, just drop me a note, if you have any thoughts or questions.

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Pod #508: Recently Asked Questions

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One of my favorite parts of running a question and answer website are the questions I am asked by readers and listeners like you. The reason I love it so much is because answering your questions pushes me to think about the work that I do in new ways so that I can clearly articulate and share my approach to tapping.

In this week's podcast I answer the following questions:

  • How do you approach tapping for guilt and shame?
  • Is it normal to have drastic ups and downs on the tapping journey? Sometimes I feel like I am making great progress only to fall back to where I was before.
  • What should I do if I am feeling too stressed and panicked even to think about tapping?
  • I have been suffering for 13 months with long COVID where I am dealing with symptoms daily. How would you tap for that?
  • Often when I'm tapping I get stuck in crying mode. Do you have any advice as to whether to allow myself to keep crying until it runs its course, or if I should do something to stop it?

If you have questions about tapping, please let me know.

Here are my answers to this week's questions.

(Don't forget, you can support the podcast and receive some wonderful thank you gifts!)

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My best skill as a human being

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Last summer I was on a second or third date. As we were (illegally) drinking wine in the park, my date said to me, “We have to talk about your confidence. I want to know all about it.”

I raised an eyebrow of concern.

She quickly said, “No, no, don't get me wrong. I'm not calling you conceited. You just have this ease and confidence about you that is appealing and it's something I am a bit jealous of.”

To be honest, I was a little taken aback.

In my professional life I am quite clear that I am confident in most situations. Even if I'm not 100% certain of what is going on, or if I will be successful, I do know who I am professionally (for good and bad) and I'm comfortable with that.

As for my personal life, that wasn't always the case. I found my way to tapping over 15 years ago when I was looking for a way to manage my acute social anxiety. At that time I couldn't answer my phone or ask for help in a store.

I was anything but confident.

AND now, fifteen years later, here I was being complimented for my confidence in a social situation.

Personally, I wouldn't call it confidence. Instead I describe it as being comfortable in my own skin. For me, that means knowing what I am good at and what I'm not. I know what I enjoy and what I like to avoid. I have a sense of what other people think about me, and I have a clear understanding of whose opinion matters to me.

Having this sort of understanding about yourself allows you to move through the world with more ease. It is not that I am confident, but I am comfortable. Feeling comfortable makes it so much easier to show up as my authentic and imperfect self.

At this point in my life, that's how I feel most of the time. Not just professionally as I did in the past, but in all settings.

The combination of self-acceptance and self-knowledge is another way of expressing being comfortable in our own skin. Being able to know and accept myself as I am is the most important skill, trait, or attribute that I have. (I'm not sure what is the right word there.)

  • It makes it easier for me to love myself
  • It makes it easier for me to love others
  • It makes it easier for me to handle failure
  • It makes it easier for me to learn
  • It makes it easier for me to grow and evolve
  • It makes it easier for me to know what to do next in the moment
  • It makes it easier for me to step back to care for myself
  • It makes it easier for me to stand up for others
  • It makes it easier for me to take care of myself

Self-acceptance just makes life easier.

In this month's Art of Delivery Monthly class we are going to cover self-acceptance and being comfortable in our own skin.

You will learn:

  • How to tell if you are truly comfortable in your own skin
  • How to uncover blocks and past traumas that may be preventing you from fully accepting yourself
  • How to heal those wounds in simple and gentle ways

Just like every other month there will be teaching, a demonstration of the tools I am teaching, your chance to try them out in a small group, and answers to every question you have (even the ones that are about tapping, but off topic).

This month's classes are scheduled for:

  • Tuesday, April 20th at 8 PM Eastern time
  • Sunday, April 25th at 12 noon Eastern time

You can attend either or both classes AND you receive a recording of both classes regardless which one you show up to. Some people can't make the live classes and just watch the replays.

The class only costs $37 (they generally run about two hours) OR you can save $10. For only $27/month you can attend as many classes as you like, and you can cancel any time.

Often people ask “Is it OK if I sign up for this month, pay $27, and then cancel to avoid rebilling?” The answer is yes, you are more than welcome to do that if you like.

You can find full details on the program and sign up here: ArtOfDeliveryMonthly.com

Let me If you have any questions,

Gene

Pod #507: Using Archetypes To Supercharge Your Tapping w/ Alan Davidson

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The human experience is complicated. At times it can feel like we are being pulled in multiple directions, as if we are of two (or many) minds. I recently thought this was expressed perfectly on one of my favorite TV shows, Project Runway (US version). In the midst of struggling with choosing her creative direction one of the contestants, Victoria Cocieru, said “In my brain I have a thousand little brains and they are fighting with each other.”

It can be hard to take action or create a space for healing when we are of so many minds.

Alan Davidson was the perfect guest for a discussion of how humans can simultaneously be pulled in many different directions. I am a big fan of parts work and in this conversation Alan shares his unique and powerful work with archetypes, and we explore how it intersects with and complements parts work.

It was with huge sadness that I learned of Alan's death in April of 2021. This was one of the last interviews he did. He was a thoughtful practitioner, a loving man, and a friend. He will be missed, but the power of his work and words live on.

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Guest: Alan Davidson

Contact: web @ https://throughyourbody.com/

About: Alan Davidson created Evolutionary Mystic Meditation, the synthesis of Voice Dialogue, Big Mind, EFT/Tapping and Shadow Work, and the founder of ThroughYourBody.com. He was also the author of Body Brilliance: Mastering Your Five Vital Intelligences, the #1 best-selling Health and Wellness book and winner of TWO national book of the year awards.

Pod #506: Tapping Resources For Grief

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Over the weekend my friend, and all-around amazing thinker and practitioner, Alan Davidson died. Next week I will be sharing the last interview I did with him.

In this week's podcast I would like to highlight the amazing interviews that I have done in the past about responding to grief. Grief is not an emotion that we only feel when a loved one passes away. It is an emotion we experience whenever we experience losses, no matter how big or small.

Here are all the past podcast episodes about grief. They include interviews with experts on grief as well as tap-along audios to help you to move through grief.

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Pod #505: Tapping Tools You Might Have Forgotten About

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Recently I was writing about the history of tapping, tracing the different tapping points used over time and also why different practitioners and innovators had added and subtracted points.

In doing the research I realized that a number of tapping points have “fallen out of favor”. Usually this was to do with how to teach tapping in the easiest way possible and had nothing to do with the efficacy of the points.

In this week's podcast I explore three different tapping points that are seldom taught in current tapping training, but I think are super useful in achieving longer lasting results with your tapping.

This is a great opportunity for you to reacquaint yourself with these tools OR for you to learn about them for the first time. I use one of these tools almost daily with my clients because it is that useful and essential.

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Pod #504: Tapping For An Energy Boost

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Here in North America we are just emerging from a long, dark winter and many of my clients have shared their struggles with low energy levels, particularly first thing in the morning or when they hit a wall mid-afternoon.

This week's podcast shares a simple procedure to reset your energy. As I was recording this, even though I thought my energy levels were fine, I immediately started feeling an extra boost of energy and had to stifle a number of yawns while recording.

Even if you aren't feeling low energy right now you will feel better after tapping along to this.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #503: Tapping to be Fiercely Kind

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Recently in a social media post a friend used the phrase “fiercely kind” which really stuck in my mind, although to be honest I wasn't exactly sure what it meant.

At one end of the spectrum we can be too kind-hearted for our own good, which is a kind way of saying we are being doormats to others. On the other end of the spectrum, we might think we know what is best for others and run them over with our ferocity.

Being fiercely kind falls somewhere in the middle of those two extremes where we make kindness a priority without coming across as pushy or all-knowing.

In this week's podcast I reflect more deeply on the idea of fierce kindness and tap to help make that a priority.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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