Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #68: Therapy v. Discipleship w/ Jake Khym

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Many of the practitioners I know are very spiritual people, but for one reason or another they are not connected to a particular denomination or faith tradition. My friend Jake Khym is a different in that regard. He explicitly does Christian counseling.

In this conversation we talk about how and why he transitioned from traditional counseling to Christian counseling and how his work now looks different. Also, we spend a great deal of time talking about what it means to provide instruction and teaching in a discipleship relationship vs. what a therapist would normally do.

Even if you are not Christian you are going to find this to be a fascinating conversation. Jake is one of the brights and most articulate people I know. His insights in to how people transform and what people are longing for are insightful and will help you with your healing journey regardless how you approach spiritually, faith, or religion.

 

Jake Khym (w/ wife Heather)

Guest: Jake Khym, BA, MA, RCC, CCC

Contact: web @ Life Restoration; twitter @jakekhym

About Jake: Jake offers inspiring and practical presentations throughout North America on many topics including the practical application of Christian psychology. Jake holds a BA in Theology and a Masters in Counselling Psychology. After working for almost 10 years in lay ministry, Jake has his own counselling practice and co-directs Life Restoration, a Catholic ministry offering restoration through counselling, workshops, and conferences. Jake and his wife Heather with their three children, Maria, Judah, and Eva, live in British Columbia Canada.

What do you think about Jake's approach? How do you see spiritually and faith connecting with your tapping? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

My 10 Favorite Articles From 2011 Featured On Tapping Q And A

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photo by Susanna S.

Here is a look back at some of my favorite posts from 2011. They are not necessarily the best, but they are thoughts, ideas, and articles that I still look back and learn from.

Knowing Good Enough Is Good Enough OR The Myth Of Excellence
This is the thought that changed my life!

Create v. Responsible
Ever thought to yourself, “Everything that is going wrong in my life is all my fault! How did I create this mess?” You didn't create it all! Here is new way of looking at what you create in your life.

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT
Feeling overwhelmed? Here is your starting point

Keeping the Long View – How To Understand The Healing Process With Tapping/EFT
When we understand how healing happens it is easier easier to create a space to heal.

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?
The title says it all. Here is why tapping is different (and powerful).

Set-Up Phrase Generator For Tapping/EFT
Having trouble with the set up phrases? Here is a over 2000 set-up phrases!

10 Lessons Learned From Teaching Tapping in Jail
One of the best things that happened to me in 2011 was getting a chance to teach a month long anger management class in a county jail. It is still one of my favorite parts of life. Here is what I have learned (so far) working with the guys.

Transforming Our Critical Voice In To Something Helpful With Tapping and EFT In 8 Easy Steps
My archenemy is my critical voice. Here is how I tame it (in 8 easy steps).

Is It A Big Deal?
It is okay to say something is a big deal when it is a big deal. By being honest with yourself you can begin healing.

10 Simple Steps To Tap On Any Emotion
Don't know where to begin. Here are 10 steps you can do anytime to start clearing any issue.

What is your favorite lesson you learned about tapping in the last year? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Saying “I am sorry.”

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Saying we are sorry is difficult. We have to admit that we are not perfect. Often we have to confront the fact that we have let someone else down or hurt them, but we need to do it.

Many times when I need to say I am sorry I have already decided that I am sorry and until I apologize the relationship will struggle. I need to say I am sorry for myself. I need to say I am sorry for the person I have hurt.

Better Then Any New Year’s Resolutions – Tap To Get Rid Of What Isn’t Needed

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This article was written while being powered by a tasty lunch bought by Lee Carter of FL. Thanks Lee!


photo by Roger Glenn

As we come to the end of another year I have been reflecting on my life, my goals, and how I spend my time. After careful concideration I have come to realize that my goals and dreams for the new year aren't much different than the goals I had at the beginning of last year.

I would like to have better health and well being, richer relationships, more opportunities to share my giftedness with my readers and clients, and a more grounded perspective to enjoy each moment.

AND, I know how to do all these things. I have a few new tools and tricks, but for the most part I know what I am doing.

My problem isn't knowing what, why I want it, or how to get it. My problem is filling my time and spending my energy on things that aren't helpful.

Marc over at “Marc and Angel Hack Life” wrote a great piece a few weeks ago called “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“. Such as:

    1) Stop spending time with the wrong people.
    5) Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
    10) Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
    18) Stop holding grudges.
    25) Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.

When I create enough space in my life it is easy for me to make the right choice and I seem to effortlessly move towards my goals. It is when I am spending time, energy, and emotions on things that aren't worth of my attention that I have a hard time doing (and being) who I want and need to be.

With that being said, sometimes it is really hard to get rid of things that have worked their way into our lives. When this happens I like to tap on it like this:

I know there are things in my life that I need to eliminate…they take my time…they take my energy…they take my emotional energy…they are not things I need to do…they are not things I want to do…they are there because they have been there for a really long time…they are there because I don't know another way…they are there because I am afraid to let them go…I might hurt others feelings by letting them go…I might not know what to do instead…they might serve as a great distraction…I have been keeping them around because on some level they are serving me…even if I don't know why they are serving me…I know it is going to be hard to let go of some of these things…I know that I am going to let them go for a short while and then pick them up again…I know it is going to be work to let some of them go…but I give myself permission to let go of the relationships that are not serving me…I give myself permission to let got of the tasks that are no longer serving me…I give myself permission to let go of the habits that are no longer serving me…by letting go of these things I am going to create space for the thing I need to do…I am going to create energy to do what I want to do…I am going to have time to become who I want to become.

Take a look at Marc's list of “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“.

What are the things you need to remove for your life in the new year to move toward becoming who you want to be? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Please See How Much I Am Putting Myself Last!

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I love helping other people out. I think I am good at it and I know that I enjoy it. I also know that others have noticed that I am good at helping people. I have personally and professionally been recognized for doing so. It is part of who I am and it is part of my identity. I am seen as a ‘go to’ guy.

None of this is bad unless I start defining myself as someone who helps others. None of this is bad unless I start to think this is the only way we can have value. We can find ourselves in a place where we are doing everything possible to make people see that we are helpers, that we are caregivers, or that we are putting everyone else first.

We start to think: “Please, please, please notice how much I am putting myself last!”

If we do this we risk losing our identity and ourselves and it can become very unhealthy.

Are You Tapping The Wrong Way? (You Are Going To Be Surprised!)

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I respond much better to doing setups on my sore spot(s) than on the Side of Hand point. But I have found that my best response is if I tap on, even thump a bit, on the sore spot(s) rather than rubbing. Is this common or am I very unusual? Also, when I tap on my collar-bone it works much better if I tap on my sore spot as well as my collar bone spot. Is this ok/normal?

There are a few things that need to be kept in mind when we consider using tapping as a tool in our lives.

First, the tapping protocols in their current form are in their infancy. In one of Gary Craig's DVDs, he jokes that one day people will look back at us and laugh at how primitive the tools are that we're using today. Practitioners all over the world are continuing to find ways to improve and expand these tools, refining and combining them with other techniques and protocols. How best to tap is a moving target.

[For a brief history of tapping in the western world see The Future of Meridian Tapping Scroll down to the paragraph that begins: “The history of meridian tapping began with Dr. George Goodheart…”]

Second, each person and issue is going be relieved most effectively in a unique way. The basic recipe of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was originally created as a way of sharing a general protocol that could be taught very easily, so most people could use it. It never claimed to be the best or fastest way, but instead one which was very, very effective and that anyone could do anywhere, anytime.

More than likely, for every issue we face there is a tapping order or tapping points that would be more effective than the EFT basic recipe. In many cases it effort to find the optimum tapping. It might take us twenty minutes of muscle testing to find that particular way, when three or four rounds of the basic recipe, which only takes a few minutes, accomplishes the same thing.

With those thoughts in mind, here is my advice when it comes to tapping the “right way”.

1) Be Safe When Tapping

When you are tapping, or doing anything else, be sure to make choices that are good for you. Just because someone says you need to do something to heal (both physically and emotionally) does not mean it is the best choice for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and your body.

If it hurts don't do it.

If a spot is too sore to tap, then rub it. If a spot is too sore to rub, then touch it and take a deep breath. If the spot is too sore to touch, then imagine you are tapping on it.

Safety has always been a concern from the beginning. You will notice that all of the tapping points in the basic recipe come from the beginning and end of the meridian pathways, except for the eyebrow point. The end of that path is actually on the inside of the bridge of the nose. I have heard, but don't know if this is true, that the reason Dr. Callahan chose the eyebrow point is because he was afraid people would poke their eyes while tapping on the inside of the bridge of the nose.

You don't want to create pain to gain relief. Be smart.

This is also true for the emotional issue you want to tackle. If you want to tap on an issue that is too emotional to work with on your one then get some profesional help. A good rule of thumb is, “If it is too emotional to work with on your own without tapping than it is too emotional to work with tapping.”

2) Be Flexible When Tapping

As long as you are following the first rule, then do what makes sense. Trust your body and trust your instincts. There are well over two hundred and fifty points on the body you could tap on. If it works better to tap on different points, do it! If it works better to tap in a different order, do it!

I have often advised clients, “If standing on one foot and humming ‘God Save the Queen' is going to help you heal, then do it.” The goal is not to tap in the “right” way. The goal is to heal.

The most important question with any tool or protocol is “How is it working for you?” If it works keep after it, if not change to what it needs to be.

As long as you are keeping yourself safe there is no ‘wrong way' to tap. It takes very little time to try something new (sometimes a little as 6 seconds to tap on a new point). Who knows? You might be discovering the next great breakthrough in tapping technologies.

What are some of the ways you have added or changed the basic tapping recipe? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping To Simplify Life

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For 18 months I lived in my car. It wasn't because times were hard, but because it was a choice. I went to see the movie Almost Famous. In the 20-minute walk home I was thinking about living the life of a touring musician and how awesome that would be.

At that point in my life I was already traveling over 100 days a year as a performer. Most of my travel was by air and my home base was Washington, DC.

As I continued my walk home from the movie I thought, “What would I need in order to live on the road and do the work I am already doing?”

The answer was simple: laptop, cell phone, clothing, juggling equipment, and something to read. That is all I would need.

“That is all I would need,” was the thought I was having as I opened my front door. I looked up at all my stuff and thought, “If I don't need this, why do I have it?” So I decided to find out.

That is what led to me getting rid of most of my worldly possessions and move into my car for 18 months.

The first two days I drove from Washington, DC to Jacksonville, FL. By the time I got to Jacksonville I realized I had too much stuff and gave a number of things away.

Being able to cleanse the things out of our lives that take up too much space is a good thing to do.

And it feels so freeing.

I am not recommending that you sell everything you own and move into a car, but cleaning house and simplifying is a good idea.

If you are lacking motivation to simplify, just use Emotional Freedom Techniques to tap along to these quotes about simplifying found on mnmlist.com.

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupe

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.” – Swedish proverb

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say let your affairs be as one, two, three and to a hundred or a thousand. We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Plurality should not be assumed without necessity.” – William of Ockham (also known as Ockham’s Razor)

“It looks like you can write a minimalist piece without much bleeding. And you can. But not a good one.” – David Foster Wallace

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” – Socrates

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

“A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” -Lao Tzu

“The simplest things are often the truest.” – Richard Bach

“Great acts are made up of small deeds.” – Lao Tzu

“He who is contented is rich.” – Lao Tzu

“Less is more.” – Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

“One can furnish a room very luxuriously by taking out furniture rather than putting it in.” – Francis Jourdain

“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris

“We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” – Leonardo da Vinci

“… in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers

“If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.” – Wu-Men

“Simplicity is the essence of happiness.” – Cedric Bledsoe

“Be wary of any enterprise that requires new clothes.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.” – Frederic Chopin

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” – Hans Hofmann

“Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate spiritual clutter.” – D.H. Mondfleur

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.” – E.F. Schumacker

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway

“Our life is frittered away by detail … Simplify, simplify, simplify! … Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose.” – Henry David Thoreau

“We don’t need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.”– Donald Horban

“People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results.” – Albert Einstein

Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tap Along #23A: You Are Worth A Better/Easier Life

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Often we don't feel comfortable making our own lives easier or better. We think, “Others have it so much harder than I do. A good life is only possible if I work very hard and struggle for it. I have wasted good opportunities before so why should life be easier for me now?”

As long as we think are unworthy, we will never move forward. When we are able to recognize that we are worthy of a better life then we enable ourselves to start working towards it. This audio will help you to do just that.

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It’s Gone . . . For Now – Taking The Final Step

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photo by Susan NYC

I was working with a client this week and we were dealing with the emotional charge around a relationship with a family member. “Jackie” felt like her mother was demeaning her. Jackie's mother always had nice things to say about all of her other adult children, but for some reason she was just really hard on Jackie.

After about 15 minutes of tapping on lots of issues Jackie was feeling much better. She was no longer worried about her mother's unrealistic expectations, she was no longer frustrated at the injustice, and she was no longer disappointed in herself for not being who her mother thought she should be.

I had Jackie take a deep breath and a drink of water. I asked her how the issue felt over all. She said, “It feels great. I am not worried about my mother at all. It is all gone.” She then paused for just a half of a heartbeat and then added sheepishly, ” . . . for now.”

If I were to have her tune-in to the situation and use every trick in my practitioner arsenal it would have been very hard for me to get her to feel worried, frustrated, or disappointed to a number higher than a 1 on the SUDs scale. It was a really successful piece of tapping.

But, while we were clearing those emotions, very quietly, a new emotion crept in. The emotion of doubt that the results of this work were going to last in the long term could be heard in her very simple, ” . . . for now.”

We then spent a few minutes cleaning up this last emotion. We tapped on:

  • Knowing the work doesn't have to be permanent and we can work on it in the future.
  • The fact that she is worried is a sign that a part of her really wants to be free of this and that is a good thing.
  • That a healthy sense of skepticism is a good thing because it helps us to keep our eyes open to new issues as they arise.
  • We won't know for sure how this worked until she had spent time with her mother and her mother's catty comments. Once she has spent more time with her mother she will have learned about specific areas still requiring more work.

After spending time with these aspects she felt much better. There was no longer that ” . . . for now” feeling.

It is really important that we clear all the issues, emotions, and aspects around what we are tapping on. It is really easy to miss some of these behind-the-scenes issues because they are not as obvious as the issues we originally started tapping on.

There is a very simple way to make sure you are getting all the extra parts. Once you have done the initial tapping just take deep breath, tune-in to the issue from a big-picture or bird’s-eye perspective and just ask yourself, “What is left?” By doing this in a more general way we are giving our mind the chance to find any of these other extra aspects.

If anything other than “I feel GREAT!” comes to mind, it is a really good idea to spend time tapping on these secondary, previously hidden aspects. You are going to be doing important healing work and you are going to ensure you are not giving the issues you just worked on a foothold for working their way back in.

Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #21A: Mediocrity and Greatness

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Mediocrity asks “Why?” with hesitation. Greatness asks “Why not?” with expectation. – @TheSingleWoman

One of the biggest and most significant shifts we can make is moving from asking “why?” to asking “why not?” When we do this we are shifting from thinking about the place where we are stuck to moving towards what we can become. This is a powerful transformation. Even by simply being aware of what is possible, we feel like we are moving forward to something that is new and better.

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“There Is No Such Thing As An Emotional Action” – Is That True?

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This article came from an interview I did with Jared Tendler on performance (Improving Performance with Tapping). At one point in the interview Jared said, “I don't believe there is such thing as an emotional decision.” After a brief discussion I agreed with him.


photo by Nathan deGargoyle

Below is a longer explanation than what we got into in the interview of why I think he is right and how we can use this point of view to improve our Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping. I don't expect you to agree with me on this. Take it for what it is: food for thought. I would love to hear you feedback and thoughts in the comment section below.

How The Brain Works

Please bear with me. This is going to be a gross over-simplification of how the mind works, but it will help to explain what is happening. Even if the specifics are inaccurate, the basic principles are correct.

Our brain is a giant ball of brain cells (like I said, gross over-simplification). Each of these brain cells can be connected to lots of other brain cells, sometimes as many as tens of thousand of other cells. Information, in the form of energy, moves along these connections to create brain function such asthinking and instructing the body to move.

These connections are not permanent. Any and all of these connections can be changed over time.

When we are learning new skills we create a new set of connections based off the old connections of the brain plus the new information.

For example, in my brain right now there connections between brain cells that contain all of the information that I need to walk, but there are no connections that know how to do the foxtrot.

As I take dance lessons and repeat the steps over and over again I am taking the information that my brain already has about moving my body, such as walking, and making new connections between my brain cells to add the new types of movement.

The more often I do a movement the more connections that are made around a specific move, making it easier and easier each time to make the move in the future.

After one dance class I might have only a few connections, if any at all. After a few weeks I have a few hundred, and after a few months I might have a few million. The more connections between brain cells around a certain action, the easier this action becomes. This is the reason we can do things like walking without any thought at all.

Think of these connections like walking a path. The more people walk along a certain path through a field, the wider the path becomes and the harder it is for the grass to grow over the path. The less a path is walked on, the skinner it becomes and the easier it is for the brush to take over the path.

Also, the wider the path, the easier it is to walk down and the skinner the path, the more work it takes to walk down.

In the brain the more we use a certain set of brains cells connected (repeating the same movement) in a specific way, the stronger and wider this path becomes. While the paths that are very new or hardly used, for example new dance steps or skills we rarely use, the more quickly these paths are going to disappear.

This means that something I have done a million times before like walking is very easy, while doing the new dance step requires much more concentration because the path to that action is so much skinnier.

For this reason it takes 14 to 21 days to form a new habit. That is the amount of time it takes to create enough new paths between brain cells to make an action habitual.

The brain works the same way when it comes to remembering information. For example remembering your name is an easy thing to do. This is something you do often and the path to this piece of information is very wide and well worn, but if I asked you to name the person who sat behind you in 4th grade it would be a much harder task. This is not a piece of information you access often (if ever) therefore the path is going to be very narrow.

How This Plays Out In Our Choices And Actions

The brain/system only has a limited amount of energy to act. For this gross over-simplification let’s say that amount is 10 units of energy. The tasks that we do regularly, like walking only take 1 unit of the energy, while a task that is very new, like a new dance step, takes all 10 units.

Here is a perfect example. Think of the last time you saw someone do something they don’t normally do, like threading a needle. As they are concentrating you can almost see the gears moving in their head. It is obvious they have to use much more of their brain energy to perform this task.

I can spend these 10 units of energy in lots of different ways. I can walk and hold a complicated conversation at the same time. It might require 1 unit to walk, 1 unit to talk and ,8 eight units to think about what we are talking about. But as we are walking along and I need to think of something really specific I am going to stop walking, close my eyes, and concentrate all 10 units on to finding that piece of information that is stored in the deep recesses of my mind.

How Emotions Use Brain Energy

When we feel an emotion we also use some of this brain energy. Let’s say for the sake of simplicity the SUDs level of an emotion is equal to the amount of brain energy it is taking to feel that emotion. Meaning that if I am angry to a SUDs level of 8, then I am going to use 8 out of the 10 units of brain energy.

Let’s say that I have been working on the foxtrot long enough that it now only takes 5 units of brain energy to do the dance step. When I am in the dance studio with my instructor it requires some concentration to do the steps, but I am able to do the dance in such a fashion that it is no longer work, and I can enjoy it.

A few days later I find myself at a dance. I ask a beautiful woman to dance with me. Now I am nervous. I want to impress her and I want her to like me. My nervousness is at SUDs level of 6. Because I am using so much energy to be nervous I am not going to dance very well because I only have 4 units of brain energy left to do a task that requires 5 units.

The dance steps are no different, my ability is no different, but the resources I have to do those steps are different.
This is the same reason it is harder for us to do complicated things when we are tired. When we are tired we don’t have the full 10 units, but maybe 3 or 4. The more brain energy the task takes the sharper we need to be to do it.

How Emotions Effect Our Choices And Actions

We can see very quickly how emotion can start to affect the choices we are making.

For example, let’s pretend that I love chocolate, but I know that I can’t eat a lot of it. For me to be able to think, “I know I like chocolate, but I am only going to limit myself to one piece of high quality chocolate a day and therefore not going to eat the cheap stuff here at work” takes 7 units of energy.

As I am sitting at my desk I receive a call from a disgruntled customer who just unloads on me. They are screaming at me for 10 minutes for something I had nothing to do with. When I get off the phone I am frustrated to the SUDs level of 5.

I walk into the staff room to refill my water and a co-worker has some chocolate cake and she offers me some. It takes 7 units of energy for me to say “no”. I am spending 5 units on being frustrated leaving with just 5 more units. I don’t have the resources to make the choice to say “no” and I end up eating the cake.

These Are Not Emotional Choices

If we follow all of this to its logical conclusion we are not making emotional choices. What we are doing instead is making the best choice we can make based on the amount of resources we have in any given moment. The emotions affect the choices we make and the actions we take by affecting our environment.

Because of the natural rhythms of our system we have fewer resources available in the middle of the night: very few good choices are made at 3am. This is the reason that, as resident assistants living in a university resident hall, that we warned our students against drinking when they were hungry, angry, tired, or lonely. This is the reason that the more I practice the foxtrot, the easier it is going to be to dance it when I am nervous on a first date.

How This Information Informs Our Tapping

There are two main types of tapping that we can do. We can do “first aid” tapping in response to something that is happening in the moment as well as tapping to deal with core issues. When we look at both of these types of tapping through the lens we can see how it profoundly affects our choices.

First, when it comes to first aid tapping we can see that when we are tapping for an emotion or craving that has arisen in the moment, we are not just clearing the emotion to feel better. In addition to clearing the emotional charge we are also freeing up the energy it is taking to maintain that emotional charge. This frees up resources to make the better choices.

Second, we can use tapping to make changes to the information/beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world that are already connected to the wide paths that take the least amount of brain energy. To explain this let’s use our self-concept as an example.
There is a part of my brain that contains all of the information on what I think of myself. This contains all the information about what I think I do well and what I think I struggle with. This would be my self-esteem. There is a very well worn and very wide path to this part of my brain because I am accessing this information all day long.

Since this is the information that we always going to have access to regardless of our emotional state, because it is so easy to access, it becomes very clear how this can be problematic. If I hold the belief in this area that “I have failed before and am going to fail again,” then this will be the information that I am going to access in the most emotional situations. If this is the information I am accessing then I am not going to be making the choices I really want to make.

This creates the second opening for us to use tapping to change our ability to make choices. What tapping allows us to do is to take advantage of these well-worn paths by allowing us to transform the information at the ends of these paths. With tapping we are able to transform the limiting belief of “I have failed before and will fail again,” to “I have failed in the past, but I have learned from those mistakes and am going to make better choices today.”

The path that requires very little energy is still in place, but we have changed the information at the destination. This is the main reason why tapping can be so powerful. We are utilizing the network and paths of the brain, but we are allowing it to access information that is going to permit us to make better choices.

Conclusion

I feel it is very important that we understand not only the choices we make but why we make those choices. When we are only looking at the outcome of the choices we have made it becomes very easy to beat ourselves up. When we understand why we are making the choices we are making, based on the information we have about the world and the amount of mental energy we have to access it, it is easier for us to be easy with ourselves as well as see the path to transforming ourselves by giving us the opportunity to make better choices in the future.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #17A: What would you choose for today?

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Sometimes all we need to do to begin moving forward is to name our goals. By knowing what we want to achieve we can begin to see the path towards it, and if we tap while naming our goals, we can start to clear the resistance to them. It is a great way to start your day or week!

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TapAlong #16A Dealing With Shame And Blame For Past Choices

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Shame is an interesting emotion. It makes us recoil inside ourselves, wanting us to hide from our past and our present. Despite this negativity, shame is rooted in a good place because it wants us to have done better, and wants us to do better in the future. The problem is that it prevents us from moving forward because it is trying to keep us safe from repeating our mistakes. Because of this we can feel crippled by shame, but we don’t have to remain stuck in that place.

Tapping To The Lessons I Learned While Tapping

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photo by Stephan Reinwald

When I am tapping I like to write down the insights I have while tapping. Sometimes they are things I already know (and have known forever) and other times they are completely new insights. I might only get one or two of these insights when I sit down to tap, but when I collect them over time I end up with a lots of wisdom that I need to hear.

Here is a list of the some of the insights I have had recently while tapping. Every now and then I like to come back and tap to them.

PS: This is also a great way to end a tapping session. Just state what you have learned to reinforce the learning and the change.

  • Accountability structures are good for my progress.
  • I have more needs than I care to admit.
  • If I do work every day (or regularly) progress is inevitable.
  • It is time to heal.
  • I am really ready to heal.
  • Sometimes when things don't work out we find new and better things.
  • Some issues and tasks are made harder by avoiding them.
  • Even if people who are close to me don't appreciate the work I am doing, it can and will be appreciated in other places by other people.
  • I know lots of things that are good for me even if I am not willing to admit it in my conscious mind.
  • I need to take care of myself because I will receive the best care this way as I am the only one who has taking care of me as a responsibility. I can (and should) ask for help, but I am responsible for this work.
  • It is time to let others take responsibility for themselves. This is not longer my job.
  • It is good (and serves others) when I follow my dreams.
  • It is hard for people who are wounded for them not to act out of their wound.
  • I can't assume I understand what really happened or what others really think.
  • I can't assume others understand me.
  • I need to examine how I see myself.
  • My patterns are easy to change when I take the time to look at and understand them.
  • I am better at what I do than I give myself credit for.
  • Doing work is better than not doing work.
  • One easy change I can make is to work on change every day.
  • Physical health can be improved with lots of small choices and it doesn't have to be about massive workout routines.
  • It is good I am making this change now.
  • I don't have to do everything in my life alone to move forward. There are lots of people I can partner with.
  • Just because I have been stuck for a very long time doesn't mean I have to stay stuck in the future.
  • I am open to change happening in a way that is unexpected and surprisingly easy.
  • When I give myself the benefit of the doubt it is easier to give others the benefit of the doubt.
  • Sometimes the hardest person to love is myself.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about wanting less for me.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about fixing them.
  • Desire isn't bad because it is motivation to doing more, trying more, and being focused.
  • My complete focus on one outcome can lead me to miss other, better outcomes.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Deserve v. Worthy

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photo by Annette Pedrosian

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools:Words]

“I don't deserve better…”

One of the phrases I hear frequently from clients is “I don't deserve…” This phrase comes is all shapes and forms.

  • I haven't done enough in the past to heal. I don't deserve to get better now.
  • I have screwed up so many times. I don't deserve God's love.
  • I have so much in my life compared to others. I don't deserve to more.
  • I have had success in the past and squandered it. I don't deserve to have success now.

When we are in the mindset of “don't deserve” it is very difficult for us to experience transformation and healing. There are a number of reasons for this, but mostly it comes down to the fact that when we don't feel we deserve to heal then we are not going to put the effort or take the steps necessary for transformation. If we don't do the work we are unlikely to heal.

Whenever I encounter a client who doesn't believe they deserve something I like to draw a contrast between the words deserve and worthy. In my mind deserve means to earn something while worthy means being made for something. Here is an example to make it clearer.

I work with a number of clients in a spiritual context. Very often my clients feel they “do not deserve God's love”. They believe they are not good enough, they have made too many wrong choices, or that it is just too late for them.

By using the phrase “I don't deserve God's love” they are saying (most time without thinking about it) that God's love is something they must earned. The only way that God will love them is if they live a certain way, make certain choices, or achieve certain goals. If they are incapable of living in this way then God is not going to love them.

When I encounter this I encourage my clients to reframe this understanding to they are “worthy of God's love”. God's love is no longer a prize or a reward, but instead something that we are made for. God's love is an intrinsic characteristic of who we are. This simple shift moves us from earning God's love to giving ourselves permission to allow God's ever present love into our life.

A sample tapping patter for this might look like:

Right now I am having a very hard time…I am struggling…but I choose to know that God loves me no matter what…His love is unconditional…There is nothing I can do to earn his love…Or lose his love…there are times like right now when I don’t believe I deserve God’s love…There are times when I beat myself up because I am letting God down…I choose to know that God wants nothing more than my healing to happen…God wants me to see myself with the same love that he has for me…I give myself permission to know God still loves me…I give myself permission to believe I deserve God’s love, even when I have a hard time loving myself…

This same approach can be used when we are working with issues of healing, weight release, success, and abundance just to name a few. We are made for health, well-being, and success. It is our intrinsic nature. When we are able to accept this fact we eliminate many of the self sabotaging behaviors because we are no longer fighting part of our self that don't believe it is something we deserve.

If you hear yourself saying or thinking “I don't deserve X…” tap on the phrase “I am worthy of X and I give myself permission to allow X into my life.”

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you thing!

TapAlong #15A Accepting Compliments

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One of the things I have struggled with over the years is accepting compliments. They made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel judged. They made me feel like I needed to point out the things that were wrong with me. Over time I have learned that it is OK to take a compliment. It gives me a chance to recognize that I am good at something and that others also see the things I do well.

Tapping To Beauty To Open Your Heart

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The key to a successful tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session is to find a way to tune into an emotion. It doesn't matter how we find our way to that emotion. We can do it by saying phrases, retelling stories from the past, or just tuning into how a physical sensation feels in the body. The key is our focus and attention.

The world we live in is full of amazingly beautiful things. Many of them we miss (or at least I miss) because we are wrapped up in our ‘to do’ list. When we take the time to look at beauty, bathe in beauty, and absorb beauty, it touches us and tunes us into our emotional core.

Take 4 minutes to watch this amazing video my friend Sue passed along to me. As you do it, just tap. It is not about clearing up an issue or working through some piece of resistance. It is simply about being in touch with beauty…which is healing.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping For Inspiration & Creativity By Steve Jobs

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This article was written while being powered by an American with vanilla bought by Mrs S B Bridgeford of Dorset, UK.


photo by Apple

As I am sure you are aware last week Steve Jobs died. He was a galvanizing figure to say the least. He was a thought leader and he demanded a lot of himself (and of his employees). I always enjoyed his interviews and speeches because there always included wonderful nuggets of hope, inspiration and challenge. Here are some of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes.

Are you looking for a great way to start off your day on a creative, inspired foot? Then read through these quotes as you tap along.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

“… You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me… Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful…that's what matters to me.” – Wall Street Journal 1993

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“There's an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love. ‘I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.' And we've always tried to do that at Apple. Since the very very beginning. And we always will.”

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.” – Fortune

“I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do.” – Businessweek

“I’m convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.”

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping To Lift Your Spirits – (This Will Make You Laugh & Make You Feel Better

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I came across this video at kottke.org. Tho post simple read: “Two minutes of laughing. If this doesn't make you smile, YOU'RE A MONSTER!”.

To put yourself in a good mode just hit play and tap (or just hit play). You will smile!

LAUGHS! from Everynone on Vimeo.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you thing!

TapAlong #14A: Taking Risks

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“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso

Trying new things can be hard. It requires us to put ourselves at risk. It requires us to face the fact that we don't know everything. We know intellectually that there are many things we have tried in the past that we didn't know how to do. Some of them worked out right away while others took time for us to learn. When we recognize that it is OK for us to try new things and that it is OK to not be perfect during the learning process it makes it easier for us to venture out of our comfort zone.

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