(For me) one of the basic tenets to all change work: If there wasn’t some resistance to making change the change already would have happened.
Most of the time we know what we want and we know how to get it, but we just don’t take the steps needed. Something is holding us back. In most cases, we know (or falsely believe) that something is going to go very wrong if we get the change we want.
Not that the change we want is bad, but it is also going to come with unwanted consequences.
- If I lose weight my fat friends are going to make fun of me the way they make fun of other skinny people.
- If get over my fear of public speaking they are going to expect me to speak more in my job which mean more work.
- If I get everything done today then my family is going to expect me to get everything done everyday.
Finding The Resistance Is Scary
Most of the time we are not sure what these underlaying concerns are. Might have an idea, but we don’t know for sure.
We can find out what these resistances are, but it can be a very dangerous thing to do.
If we find out what the underlying resistance is then we have to do something about it. It is much more comfortable to say, “I would love to lose the weight, but my family has never been able to keep weight off,” than it is to recognize that you haven’t lost the weight because losing weight is scary.
When the world is conspiring against us then it is not our fault. When we name what is really going on then we are responsible to do something.
You Have A Choice
So you have a choice. You can continue to live in your blissful ignorance. You can continue to wish for better and be resigned to the fact that the world is against you and it will never happen.
You can ask the hard questions. You can face the ugly facts about your life and you can recognize that it is up to you.
I will give you a moment to make your choice.
If you want to ask the hard questions…read on.
- What would people expect of me if I really did change?
- What would I expect of myself if I if really did change?
- What crutches would I have to give up if I really did change?
I know they are not revolutionary questions. I am sure you have read them before in other articles on resistance, but they are powerful, useful, and (to be honest) at times painful to ask.
3 Steps To Getting Past Resistance
Now that you have chosen to face the questions let’s do something really helpful with them to create change! You can do this in three simple steps.
1) Think of an area of your life you want to change.
Narrow this down, because the resistance in each part of your life is going to be a little different. You can repeat the process as many times as you like with as many issues as you like. Choose one thing to start with.
2) Ask the questions?
Do this one at a time. Give each question a few minutes. Write down each of your answers. When you think you are done force yourself to come up with two more.
3) Tap for each thing you have written down.
It I very simple just start tapping and say “Even though I am afraid that if I get the change I want I am going to have to deal with [insert something from your list] I love and accept myself’
Repeat step 3 for each thing you have written down. If you want to you can go through your list twice (or three times even).
Now It Is Time For The Healing/Change Work
Don’t be mistaken at what we have just accomplished. What we have done is cleared the resistance to making the steps to the change you want. Doing this isn’t going to magical de-clutter the kitchen, have 30 lbs. disappear over night, or get you up in front of the office staff doing stand up comedy.
What it does do is clear the space so you are no longer getting in your own way. It clears the space for you to take the steps you know you need to take to move forward, grow, and/or heal.
It is not time to take the action you have known you need to do…but fear not. It is no longer scary and you will want to do it, because you want and are worthy of the change it is going to bring.