photo by Susan NYC
I was working with a client this week and we were dealing with the emotional charge around a relationship with a family member. “Jackie” felt like her mother was demeaning her. Jackie’s mother always had nice things to say about all of her other adult children, but for some reason she was just really hard on Jackie.
After about 15 minutes of tapping on lots of issues Jackie was feeling much better. She was no longer worried about her mother’s unrealistic expectations, she was no longer frustrated at the injustice, and she was no longer disappointed in herself for not being who her mother thought she should be.
I had Jackie take a deep breath and a drink of water. I asked her how the issue felt over all. She said, “It feels great. I am not worried about my mother at all. It is all gone.” She then paused for just a half of a heartbeat and then added sheepishly, ” . . . for now.”
If I were to have her tune-in to the situation and use every trick in my practitioner arsenal it would have been very hard for me to get her to feel worried, frustrated, or disappointed to a number higher than a 1 on the SUDs scale. It was a really successful piece of tapping.
But, while we were clearing those emotions, very quietly, a new emotion crept in. The emotion of doubt that the results of this work were going to last in the long term could be heard in her very simple, ” . . . for now.”
We then spent a few minutes cleaning up this last emotion. We tapped on:
- Knowing the work doesn’t have to be permanent and we can work on it in the future.
- The fact that she is worried is a sign that a part of her really wants to be free of this and that is a good thing.
- That a healthy sense of skepticism is a good thing because it helps us to keep our eyes open to new issues as they arise.
- We won’t know for sure how this worked until she had spent time with her mother and her mother’s catty comments. Once she has spent more time with her mother she will have learned about specific areas still requiring more work.
After spending time with these aspects she felt much better. There was no longer that ” . . . for now” feeling.
It is really important that we clear all the issues, emotions, and aspects around what we are tapping on. It is really easy to miss some of these behind-the-scenes issues because they are not as obvious as the issues we originally started tapping on.
There is a very simple way to make sure you are getting all the extra parts. Once you have done the initial tapping just take deep breath, tune-in to the issue from a big-picture or bird’s-eye perspective and just ask yourself, “What is left?” By doing this in a more general way we are giving our mind the chance to find any of these other extra aspects.
If anything other than “I feel GREAT!” comes to mind, it is a really good idea to spend time tapping on these secondary, previously hidden aspects. You are going to be doing important healing work and you are going to ensure you are not giving the issues you just worked on a foothold for working their way back in.