Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Psychological Reversal

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One more time, what is the deal with psychological reversal and how does it relate to secondary gain?

A friend of mine was working on a writing project and she called to get my perspective on psychological reversal. Here are my reflections.

What is psychological reversal?
The entire body system and each piece of the system (such as a muscle group, organs, and individual muscle) have an electromagnetic current and frequency associated with it. It is this electromagnetic energy that manages much of the healing and growth inside they system.

For example, when we cut our finger the brain does not think over and over again, “Heal the finger. Heal the finger. Heal the finger.” until the finger is healed. Instead, the electromagnetic field around the finger changes. The body then responds to this new electromagnetic frequency in a number of ways. As white blood cells are floating by they encounter this new frequency, much like an alarm, and spring to action to create a scab to stop the bleeding. The skin cells respond to this new frequency buy building new cells to repair the wound. As the state of the wound changes the frequency will continue to change giving they parts of the system information to continue the healing until the cut is healed.

The electromagnetic frequency associated with the system (and each part of the system) has a current flow like any other current in nature. In the example of a magnet there is a north and south poles. If the current changes the directions it flow in a magnet the poles switch ends.

When we are psychologically reversed there is a reversal in the direction of the current in part or all of they system. When the current is reversed it is impossible for the system to create the frequency that will instruct the system to heal.

What is secondary gain?
Secondary gain is the name of the benefits that come from a certain issue. When secondary gain is present it is harder for us to change because we are losing the benefit from the issue.

Here are a few examples:

  • Pretend I am a smoker. As a smoker I am reasonably allowed to leave my desk every two hours for a 10 min break. If I quite smoking I will not be able to take these breaks.
  • Pretend that I am widower with adult children. I fall and hurt my hip. Now my kids are calling me each night, meals on wheels are coming by twice a day, and the pastor for my church is stopping by Sunday afternoon. If I get well I am going to lose all of this attention and be lonely once again.

As you can see in both of these examples, on a subconscious level the system is able to name something that is a gain by having this issue. For that reason the system is going to want to protect that gain by preventing the healing.

How are psychological reversal and secondary gain related?
Once the system recognized that there is gain in an issue it is going to do everything in is power to insure we don't lose that gain. The conscious mind might look at the smoking situation and think, “Yes, it is too bad that when I get better I am going to lose the attention I am currently receiving, but it is well worth it to lose the constant pain and to know that it is not going to develop into something much worse that could create long term health issues.”

The subconscious do not think in these cost benefit terms. Instead the subconscious mind thinks very simply in terms of protection. It is simply trying to protect the system from losing this newfound attention.

In this situation one of the ways the system can insure that it is going to keep getting the attention is by preventing the body from healing. A very easy tact to insure the body doesn't heal is to create psychological reversal in the area of the body that is injured, in this case the hip.

By reversing the electromagnetic field it is impossible to change frequencies to give the commands to heal. Since the system is not giving the signal to heal to wound persists. Therefore the system insures that the secondary gain of not being lonely is going to be preserved.

This is not the only reason for the system to by psychologically reversed, but to preserve secondary gain is one of the most common.

[Also, if this topic interests you please check out Podcast #25: Psychological Reversal w/ Gwenn Bonnell]

Being Able To Receive

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There are a number of goals I would like to achieve, but I feel like there is so much to do. I would like to ask others for help, but I am having a really hard time asking. Is there a way I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to help with this issue?


photo by Marcin Moga

I have always had really hard time receiving things. I was raised to work hard, do everything I can, and be self-reliant. I have always wanted to be successful. I have felt that when I needed help it meant that I weak or not good enough.

At the other end other end of the spectrum I also don't want my actions or efforts to be noticed. I don't like when others make a big deal of my work. For the longest time I had a very hard time taking a complement. I would defuse it and turn it into a joke.

Recently Deborah Miller, PhD (FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great tapping sequence on getting better at receiving. It is reprinted below with permission.

RECEIVING

Do you say you want something but complain when you don't get it? Do you really believe you can have what you desire? Or do you doubt it, or believe others can get what they desire but not you? Do you stop yourself from receiving what you desire even when it's being offered to you? Do you truly know how to receive?

Most of us have not learned how to “receive” gracefully. We've been taught things like: I must accept what there is, it's greedy to “want” things, others are suffering so I should be satisfied with what I have, or it is better to give than to receive. None of these beliefs helps us learn how to ask for and receive what we desire.

Let's do some tapping to open ourselves to gracefully receive: help, support, finances, time, energy, health, work, money, and especially love.

Even though I was taught it isn't ok to receive, because it is better to give than receive, I love myself completely and profoundly.

Even though I was taught that it wasn't ok to ask for things, or that I had to wait until someone choose to give me something, I love and accept myself profoundly.

Even though I would like to receive, I don't know how. I feel uncomfortable. I'm still a great lady (or guy).

Eyebrow: I can't receive. It's not ok to get things. I'm supposed to give things.

Side of Eye: I can't accept anything, not even something as simple as a compliment without having to shrug it off or feel uncomfortable, much less say “Thank You!”

Under the Eye: I want to receive but I'm not even sure what I want to receive so how can I receive it?

Under the Nose: I say I want this or that, but I'm saying I'd like that “thing” because it is an object I can identify.

Chin: I say I'd like to receive “objects” when deep down what I'd really like to receive is tenderness, kindness, respect, time, hugs, quality time with the people I love, and most of all love.

Collarbone: I'd like to receive respect, honest responses and encouragement from those I love, and from those who work with me.

Under the Arm: I'd also like to receive the physical objects and comforts that would make my life feel luscious and rich, which in turn allows me to give to those I love.

Top of Head: How could I receive when I didn't know what I really wanted? How could I receive when I didn't feel I deserved what I want?

Eyebrow: Now that I've identified what I'd like to receive, I choose to release any resistance I have to receiving. Aahhh! Now I can begin to receive.

Side of Eye: I learn to receive step by step. I listen to the compliments I receive and simply say “thank you!”. I learn to receive by rejoicing in all the things I receive that make me happy.

Under the Eye: It puts me in the right frame of mind and it opens my heart to receive deeply. It is my divine right to receive.

Under the Nose: Receiving is a blessing to those who want to give to me. Allowing them to give to me is allowing them to give from their heart. That is receiving and giving all at once.

Chin: I receive because it feels so good to do so. I receive because I love how happy it makes those who want to give so lovingly to me.

Collarbone: I rejoice in my ability to receive from my heart, and in turn give openly and gracefully.

Under the Arm: What a beautiful cycle it creates: first receiving from an open and loving heart, and then with a heart wide open give love.

Top of Head: I am so happy to receive; receive my divine gifts of time, energy, playfulness, joy, laughter, delight, even the things I desire, but especially love. Love is the best gift to receive. I receive love now.

People Might Not Like It When We Change

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I have been using tapping for the last six months and love the results. One thing I have noticed is that my family is not excited about my change at all. Some of the members of my family even resent it. Is this common and is there anything I can do about it?


photo by Jeremy Brooks

At first I was amazed at the number of times that I heard stories like these from my clients. As time has passed I have come to realize that not only is this a common occurrence, but it is something that makes a great deal of sense.

Every relationship that we have is a co-creation. Inside of this relationship there is an exchange of some sort. What I provide to the relationship is different from what my friend is providing and that is great. It wouldn't be a great deal of fun to have every relationship be exactly the same from each side. If that were the case every relationship we have would just be in relationship with ourselves.

For example, in the teacher/student relationship the teacher is getting a chance to share wisdom and knowledge and the student is getting a chance to learn. In a marriage the wife might be the encouragement to help the husband peruse bigger things and the husband might be the calming force in the wife's life.

[Note: I have a feeling the way I am talking about relationships might not be sitting well with you. This might seem like it is too much of a transaction and less of a loving relationship. I agree I am talking about relationships is very base terms here. I am only speaking in this way to understand why others struggle when we change.]

Every relationship not matter how big or small there is a give and take. Even if it is in very subtle small ways there is an exchange. In most cases is it not a clear cut set of roles and in most cases we don't even think about it.

When we change we change the basic nature of many of the relationships that we have. For example when the student has learned enough they are going to move on from the teacher. This is not a dismissal of the teacher or the teacher's knowledge, but an acknowledgement the dynamic of the relationship is now different. In some cases the relationship ends while other times the nature of the relationship changes as they be come peers.

On change is not preferable to another. It is just a nature of relationship. Each relationship has it own time and season. Some people pass through our live briefly, other pass in and out and back in again, while still others just keep changing and evolving with time.

As we are going through change work, cleaning out the wounds from the past, and evolving into more complete people the relationships in our lives are going to change. Because we are different people we are going to need different things and we are going to provide different things from our relationships.

Let's look at an extreme example. That's say we start this process we a very low sense of self esteem. Because of this we let a number of our family members walk all over us and take advantage of us because we are not willing to stick up for ourselves. When they take advantage (and may times this is happening subconsciously) they are able to get us to tasks they don't want to do or they might get to feel better by putting us down.

After working with a practitioner a number of times we have been able to improve our self esteem to the point that we are willing to stand up for ourselves and we are no longer allowing ourselves to be talked into doing tasks for our family members when we don't what to.

It is very easy to see how our family members (again in a subconscious way) would not like the fact that we have made this change because they are no longer getting us to do stuff for them and they are loosing a chance to feel superior.

Most of the change we are going to go through is not going to be this dramatic, but every change we make is going to change the way we interact with the world, therefore causing the expectations of the people in our life to no longer be met.

All of this happens in a very subconscious way. Our loved ones are not thinking to themselves “You have changed and your are no longer giving me what I want out of this relationship.” Instead they are simply noticing their needs are no longer being met and therefore they are going to be angry.

What I have just explained here is a major piece of resistance many people have to making change in their life. They have made small changes in the past that they have felt the backlash from their loved ones. Because this has happened in a subconscious way they are going to prevent change in the future because they don't want to deal with this again.

There are good reasons to not change in this moment. How your loved ones are going to react to that change in most cases is not a good one.

You are worthy of change. The way they choose to react to that change is their choice. It is not your responsibility. They are responsible for their emotional state.

I share this information for two reasons. First, it is good to notice if you are preventing yourself form changing because you fear how others will react to the change. Second, it is helpful to be able to name why people are so resistant to your change. It will help you not to take is personally, but instead see that they are struggling with their own emotions and it is not something you are responsible for.

Here is some tapping you can do around this issue:

I know I want to change…I am worthy to evolve…I want my life to be richer…I want to be healthier…I want to be whole…I understand that there are people in my life who don't want me to change…they might say they want me to change…they might even believe they want me to change…but on a subconscious level there is a part of them that wants me to stay the way I am…because when I stay the way I am they don't have to make any changes to their life…therefore some of them are going to fight the changes I am making…and they are going to be angry at me for making those changes…I don't want to cause pain in other people's live…but that is NOT what I am doing here…the people in my life are responsible for their own emotional state…they are the ones who are creating that…I am worthy of change…I am not going to stop my change because it makes others uncomfortable…my evolution is too important…I give myself to permission to change…in my change I might even provide a model for those in my life that they can change too…I am not responsible for my loved ones emotional state…I am responsible to my true authentic self.

Teaching Others How To Tap

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I want to share Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping with my friends and family and I would even like to teach workshops on tapping, but I don't know where to begin. Do you have any suggestions on how to teach tapping to others?


photo by freeparking

Over the last four years I have taught tapping in formal and informal settings. Here are a few tips that I have learned from my successes and failures.

Don't Oversell Tapping, Undersell It
It is really easy to be excited about all the wonderful things that tapping can do. In addition to hearing the many stories of one-minute miracles, many of us have very profound personal stories to tell about tapping. I think we can do our teaching a real disservice by building up expectation of our students too high.

I have found in the beginning it is best to under sell how successful tapping can be. If you ever run in to a situation where it isn't working perfectly it can still look like a success.

For example, when asked “Will tapping work on (insert issue)?” you can respond, “It might, I know some people have had success with that type of issue.”

Or, when asked, “How often is tapping successful?” you can respond, “People have seen some level of relief in just a few minutes of tapping as much as half of the time?”

We know for our experience that the success rate is much higher than that, but this help to create a more forgiving audience if it doesn't work out the first time. By approaching it is this way you are giving yourself some room to have different degrees of success right off the bat.

Their Idea of Success
When teaching someone tapping it is important to keep in mind of what their idea of success is going to be, especially when you are teaching someone who is in pain at that moment. As noted before, if you are teaching tapping it is because you have seen its power. The people we are teaching in most cases have no idea what tapping is capable of doing.

I learned this lesson while sitting in a coffee shop in Costa Rica. I was reading when a group of travelers came and sat down. As we chatted I found out that they had just gotten off the zip lines and one of them was have real problems with his back.

I said, “I have something funky that might help.” And off we went.

He tuned into the level of pain at a 5. We did a round of tapping and I asked, “So, what is the pain level now?”

He responded, “It is at a 4.”

My heart fell. That is pathetic. The pain should be gone.

BUT, as my thoughts we going to despair everyone in his group, almost as if they were a chorus, said “WOW!”

After a moment of pause I realized that really was a wow. A total stranger in a coffee shop with no drugs of any sort in under 60 seconds just helped to remove 20% of the physical pain.

One minute wonders are great to talk about, but when people first being introduced to tapping it is okay is we also talk in term of smaller results because they can still be amazing.

Everything Is Perfect
One of the things I have learned from my hypnosis training is to recognize everything as perfect. This is particularly important in hypnosis because building repore with a client is very important. If they start to doubt you or the process then progress is going to be likely lost. As a hypnotist, regardless what happens, you act as if it is not a surprise to keep your repore with the client.

The nice thing about tapping is that it is mechanical. It works whether the client believes it or not, but it is still important to have the person trying tapping for the first time engaged so that they can stay tuned into their issues (which is required for success).

It is important to keep in mind that every round of tapping is successful. It might not be a round that leads to relief, but it does provide information.

For example the intensity might stay at the same level. This is just letting us know that there is something else we need to be more successful (clear PR, be more specific, drink water). The level might go up letting us know we are more tuned into the issue than before.

When I am checking in with someone after a round of tapping I say something like, “Did the intensity go up, stay the same, or go down?” By asking the question in this fashion I am setting it up so there is no failure, just information.

If you would like more ideas on this topic check out Feedback – What We Can Learn From Each Round of Tapping

Start Simple
When teaching someone how to do tapping for the first time it is best to get them to experience some level of success that we can build upon. To do this I recommend to start with something that is simple. Introducing someone to tapping through a major childhood trauma might be hard.

For physical symptoms I simply say, “Scan your body right now and I want to you to notice any aches or pains. I want to you to find one of the places that has the highest level of stress, strain, or pain, but I don't want you to choose something that is chronic.”

The last part of that set up is important. Often time when we are dealing with a pain that has been present for a long time it might be associated with deeper emotional roots. Tapping is prefect for these cases and it is great to go after the emotional roots in a client session, but as a first time teaching tool it might be too much.

To demonstrate tapping for emotional issues I ask them to, “I want you to think of a moment in the last few days in which you had a disproportionate emotional response to some event. You know what I mean by disproportionate? Right?”

Not only does this usually get a smile it will direct them to something that is very close to the surface. This is make it easier for them to tune into the emotion (opposed to something that is years or decades old.)

Remember, the goal is just to get them use to the idea of tapping. Small successes are enough to do this for someone who has never experienced the power of tapping.

You Might Be Planting Seeds (and that is enough)
There are people who are going to listen to your presentation or demonstration and just walk away with a closed mind.

BUT, the next time they hear about tapping their mind is going to be a little more open. When we hear about something odd once we question it, but the more places we hear about something the more believable it becomes.

Your demonstration of tapping might be sowing the seeds to more open mind. If you just plant a few seeds in someone mind you have done good work.

You Are Not The Right Teacher For Everyone
Every teacher has their own teaching style and every student has their own learning style. Their are people that you are the perfect voice to teach tapping to them and there are others who in a million years would not listen to you.

I became much more comfortable with my web site when I realized I didn't need to be all things to all people. Some are going to find my resources helpful whiles are not.

There are enough people in the world who could use tapping in their life that if one person (or a group of people) don't listen to me it is okay because there are many more to teach.

You are not the right teach for every person you encounter and that is okay.

It Is OK If They Don't Accept It
Tapping is not right for everyone. If someone isn't willing to be open to what you are offering that is perfectly okay. When someone doesn't want to learn they are making a choice about what they think is needed (or not needed) in their life. This is not a judgment on tapping, on your teaching style, or on you.

Even When Working With A Group Just Start With A Few People
Presenting in front of a large group is not comfortable for some people. If you are in this camp then I would recommend when teaching tapping and doing a demonstration do it for a small group and have everyone else watch.

What I mean by this is get a group of three or four people up front with you and teach them tapping and do a few demonstrations. If you are not comfortable in front of a large group you are more than likely comfortable in front of a few people. All you need to do is create this dynamic by getting a few volunteers.

It is important that when you are selecting volunteers you do this in a way that is going to give you good demonstration subjects. I would do it something like this:

“I just a moment I am going to teach you how to do tapping to deal with physical pain and emotional issues. To do this I am going to need a few volunteers to demonstrate and teach. Those who volunteer will be given a first hand experience of tapping, just like working with a practitioner. If you do volunteer your going to need to be willing to talk about the issue you would like to tap for, like the pain in your knee or being frustrated with a co-worker, so that everyone can learn for the processes. I am not going to ask anything too personal, such as the name of the person you are frustrated with, but it is import that you are willing to talk, at least in general terms, about what we are going to work on.”

If you do something like this before you ask for volunteers you are going to help to insure you are going to work with someone willing to talk and will be more likely to avoid a deep trauma issue. Again, tapping is great for these types of issues, but they are not always ideal as a teaching tool, especially if you are not use to teaching tapping to groups.

Conclusion
I hope these tips are helpful in making it easier for you to teach tapping. If you have some suggestions I missed, I would encourage you to add them to the comments below.

Fear of Loving and Being Loved

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I know I would like to have deeper loving relationships in my life, but for some reason I keep self-sabotaging. Is there a reason I might be doing this and is there a way to us Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to deal with it?

Often times self-sabotage is rooted in the fear of being successful and who would come with us being successful. Right before Valentines Day Deborah D. Miller, PhD
(FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great article on this topic. Here is the article shared here with permission.

There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone's love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in. ~ John Welwood

We are fast approaching Valentine's Day, that day that reminds of love, of whether we are in a happy and loving relationship or not in one. With it can come to the surface our fears about being loved and giving love. It can remind of us feeling lonely and isolated – again when in or not in a relationship. It can remind us that love is fabulous but also requires that we are vulnerable. That is something most of us don't like to feel.

Do you have to feel vulnerable to be loved? Does it have to be scary to love someone? Do you have to feel insecure about your loved ones?

Of course not. Love can be open, honest, delightful, and a deep sharing. It can. It starts with self-love. As you love yourself you will automatically open to being loved. More people will love who you are. More people will love you as you are. Doesn't that feel great?

How does one get to the place of feeling so secure and safe in their own love that they can give and receive love opening? Let's do some tapping to create just that feeling of love inside of you.

FEAR OF LOVING AND BEING LOVED

Even though I desire to be loved and accepted as I am, I'm afraid of what that would mean if I really got it. I choose to love myself anyway.

Even though I've learned that love is not safe, that opening up to someone means being vulnerable and unsafe, I love that I can see how love starts within me. I create safety by loving myself.

Even though it is not safe to give my love because I can't be assured that it will be returned, and feels really scary, best to run the other way, or not open up or just ignore the opportunity, I love myself because I'm just trying to protect myself.

Eyebrow:
I feel threatened and scared when I think about receiving love.

Side of Eye:
What if I invest all that time, energy and love and it's not returned? What if I'm scorned or found not to be good enough?

Under the Eye:
What if I'm abandoned again? What if I feel unworthy again?

Under the Nose:
What if I surrender to love and it doesn't work out? Will I be hurt and sad again? Will I have more wounds?

Chin:
How will I ever know love if I don't open up to it? How can someone love me if I'm closed down and afraid of being hurt?

Collarbone:
How will I ever create love if I am not willing to open up and receive love and give love?

Under the Arm:
I choose to begin by loving and accepting myself more, by being open to look at my vulnerabilities.

Top of Head:
I choose to smile and hold myself with compassion as I look at old hurts and patterns. That allows me to release them.

Eyebrow:
I choose to observe my patterns in love with gentleness so that I can identify them, modify them and begin to love in a healthier fashion.

Side of Eye:
That feels so good. It feels good to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself. It shows me that it is ok and that I will survive.

Under the Eye:
Loving myself even with my vulnerabilities allows me to love others as they are – with their vulnerabilities and fears.

Under the Nose:
Loving in this open accepting way allows me and those I love to share deeply.

Chin:
It feels so good to love myself, be open to love, to share my love, and to know that as I feel good about myself love comes to me easily.

Collarbone:
Loving includes trusting and surrendering to the process, to the journey of love.

Under the Arm:
A part of loving includes allowing someone to give to me. Scary as that may be, I would like to receive that love.

Top of Head:
Scary as it may be to give love not knowing if it will be returned, love is always returned. It may not be from the object or person I'm giving my love too but love given out always returns to me. That is how love works – give love and then you receive love.

Negative Thoughts (A New Way To Use Negative Thoughts To Clear Issues)

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I am trying to get rid of the negative thoughts and feelings. Isn't saying and thinking negative thoughts while Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping just reinforcing the negative situation I am in? Shouldn't I just be saying positive things?


photo by Christine Vaufrey

This is one of the most common questions that beginner tapper ask. It seem counter intuitive to think of negative thoughts to get better. In the article Why do I have to tap? How is Tapping Different From Just Thinking About The Issue? I explain the whys and hows of negative thoughts while tapping.

In a nut shell when we are tuning into the negative emotion we are tuning into the root of the issue and giving us direct access to the issue we would like to heal. Recently Dr. Kiya Immergluck shared a really interesting thought in her news letter on one of the ways we can use negative thoughts to clear the issues.

What Kiya suggests is that we indulge our mind in revenge fantasies while we are tapping. I think this is helpful for two reasons. First, at least for me, when I am really angry at someone my mind is going to drift some of these thoughts any way so I might as well use them for healing. Second, I think it is health to meet head on the thoughts we have that aren't for our highest good. Instead of pretending these thoughts aren't there, we are getting a chance to recognize and heal them.

Here is Kiya's article in its entirety (reprinted with permission) followed by a few more comments.

Revenge Tapping
Dr. Kiya L. Immergluck, LCPC
eft-tap.com

I went to hear a very wise woman speak recently, and she answered someone’s question in a very unusual way. A woman I’ll call “Jane” asked: “How can I get over the resentment I feel about being stuck taking care of my abusive mother now that she’s old and there are no other relatives?”

I was sure the wise woman was going to speak about forgiveness, or the possibility of learning valuable lessons, or the “gift” of having time to heal a toxic relationship. But the message was very clear and very controversial. She said:

“Entertain revenge fantasies!”

I was so shocked, I almost fell out of my chair, and then I began to laugh. I realized that it was actually a very good idea. She emphasized that the exercise was about fantasy and not about anything real. Jane began to laugh and said immediately: I just pictured the movie “Misery!”

If you don’t remember, the movie pictured a very crazy woman holding a man captive and causing him great bodily harm. I knew that Jane wouldn’t ever really hurt her mother, but giving herself permission to have violent fantasies was very comforting for her.

I knew that tapping would be an excellent tool so that a person could have unacceptable and inappropriate negative fantasies, and feel totally neutral about them with no guilt or discomfort.

For example, Jane could have tapped:

SoH: Even though I am having terrible fantasies about revenge on my mother, I accept myself anyway. (3X)
EB: These “Misery” fantasies…
SE: These “Misery” fantasies…
UE: I feel so guilty…
UN: These “Misery” fantasies…
Ch: I shouldn’t have them…
CB: I am being a “bad daughter.”
UA: These “Misery” fantasies…
UB: I would never REALLY do anything to hurt her…
Wr: But it is so comforting
T of H: I am being a “bad daughter.”
(Side of Hand, Eye Brow, Side of Eye, Under Eye, Under Nose, Chin, Collar Bone, Under Arm, Under Breast, Wrist, Top of Head.)

The idea of giving voice to negative thoughts has often been confusing for some of my students. Once, a retired minister in her 80’s came to one of my tapping workshops, and couldn’t understand why we were saying such “un-Christian” statements about situations, other people, and ourselves. She spent her lifetime teaching people to be kind, patient and loving. Her message to her congregation was always to “be patient,” “show Christian charity,” and work hard to get to a place of “forgiveness” for our enemies.

What I always emphasize is that we are only giving voice to the negative thoughts that already exist within us. I believe that some of our stress-related physical illnesses can be traced back to the “unacceptable” negative emotions that we bury in our psyches.

With the added tool of tapping, we let those emotions out in the open so that the negative emotions are neutralized and really dispersed for good. Remember, revenge tapping is only about fantasy, never about seriously wanting to harm yourself or anyone else.

Like all tapping tools, this isn't for everyone. If this is something you are not comfortable indulging in, then don't. Be safe. Know your self. If this is something you are comfortable doing then it is going to take the edge off your rage and anger by moving it from something that is bubbling under the surface and bring it in to the light of day it is going to lose its power and were are going to be able to heal it.

Limiting Beliefs About Money

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I would like to be more financially successful, but for some reason I just keep making really poor choices. It is almost as if a part of me wants me to stay poor. I don't even know where to begin with this issue. Do you have any suggestions?


photo by Andrew Magill

Like lots of issues, when we struggle with financial success it is often because we believe there is some penalty for having more money. On the surface that might seem silly that there is a penalty for having money. Many of these beliefs are not only rooted in our subconscious but are also rooted in our culture.

For example, we might fear being rich because a part of us believes that “All rich people are jerks!” We know this not to be true, but think of every rich person as they are portrayed in movies, tv shows, and books. Other than Daddy Warbucks from Annie I can't think of a single nice rich person in fiction. When we recognize these facts it is becomes very obvious on how we might hold this sort of belief in our subconscious.

The part of us that is preventing us from being financially successful is protecting us. By keeping us from being financially successful it is keeping us becoming a jerk.

I have found that when it comes to this sort of limiting belief the easy way to deal with it is through a kind of conversation Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping where we state both sides of the argument. It might look something like this:

All people who are rich are jerks…I know this isn't true…but when you are rich you only think of yourself…I know lots of rich people who have do good work…but you have to step on people to get rich…but not everyone who is rich has gotten rich by stepping on people…it is possible to get rich and help people at the same time…when you are rich you only hang out with rich people and you will forget where you came from…I can become rich and still keep my friends and connections…

That is only the beginning of the tapping, but you can easily see how all you are doing is stating both sides of the argument and tapping away.

Here is a great list of limiting beliefs about money and financial success published at the web site money-attraction.com

1. Rich people are greedy and dishonest
2. I could become overly dependent on money.
3. It will tarnish my sense of who I am as a person.
4. I’ll become a greedy and uncaring person.
5. I’ll attract the unwanted envy of others.
6. I will do wrong if I become rich
7. I will become a bad man if I have a lot of money
8. It’ll make me stand out and I’ll lose my privacy.
9. If I get rich I’ll abandon my values
10. I can’t be rich and spiritual!
11. If I’m successful, my friends will be jealous and stop liking me
12. I’m no better than my parents, so I shouldn’t make more than they did
13. I might forget what’s truly important and not like the person I’ve become
14. Money is dirty.
15. Money is the root of all evil
16. Money is not spiritual
17. It’s a sin to be rich
18. I am poor but I am a good man
19. I will never have enough money
20. I can’t get ahead
21. I’m not worthy
22. I’ll probably just fail anyway
23. We can’t afford anything we want
24. I’m not smart enough to be wealthy!
25. It is too greedy for me to earn more than ** in a month
26. It is impossible for me to earn so much
27. Friends around me don’t make so much money, so do I
28. Financial success will mean working all the time
29. You have to lie and cheat to get rich
30. It takes too much effort to earn it.
31. Money doesn’t grow on trees!
32. I have to work harder if I want to earn more money!
33. It is greedy/bad/joking to making money easily and effortlessly
34. It is impossible for me to making money effortlessly and easily
35. Getting by is good enough
36. I don’t deserve it.
37. I’m not like those people
38. There is virtue in poverty, and wealthy people are morally bankrupt.
39. Those who have figured out a way to achieve wealth and financial security are just lucky.
40. Only people who have access to large amounts of money from family and friends can be assured financial success
41. There are limits to how one can attain wealth and how much money one can make.
42. Saving money means making money
43. Spending money is far faster than making money
44. I can’t charge too much
45. Never lend money to others
46. I must save money for unexpected things
47. I hate/envy those wealthy people
48. I work to pay for the debt
49. I can’t afford what my wife/someone loves
50. I can’t buy what I like most but the cheapest because I have to save for the unexpected

Podcast 15 is all about tapping for financial success. You should also check out 3 Keys To Having and Keeping Finacial Abundance in the Tapping Q & A online store.

[Note: As I wrote this article I had a very hard time writing the word “rich”. I could easily write “financially successful”. Obviously there is a limiting belief I have about the work “rich”. I guess I should tap on that!]

Not Knowing Where To Start

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I am new to Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping and love it, but I don't know where to start. I set time aside everyday to tap. When I sit down to tap either nothing comes to mind or everything comes to mind all at once. I know there are lots of areas of my life that need transformation. Any suggestion on getting started?


photo by Jon Marshall

One of the misconceptions we have about tapping is the belief that we need to know what we are going to be tapping on before we start tapping. We think, “I need to know exactly the issue at hand and what I am going to use as my set-up phrases before I can begin.”

Here are few suggestions that will help you when you find yourself in this situation.

Tap While You Are Trying To Figure Out What To Tap On
Yes, it is true the more specific we are the faster we are going to find results. This does mean that we are going to be unsuccessful while we are being unspecific. As a starting point I recommend that you tap while you are trying to figure out what the issue is you would like to tap on.

For example, you know that work is causing you stress. There could be lots of reasons for this. It could be your relationship with your co-workers, a demanding supervisor, a pressing dead line, or work that is unfulfilling. It might even be many or all of these things.

It is a good idea to figure out exactly what part of your workday that is causing you stress. Instead of making this two steps, figuring out the issue(s) and tapping, why not do both at the same time. While you are thinking though your workday and all the relationships you have with co-workers you should be tapping. Not only will this help you clarify the issues faster it will also start to bring relief before you do your specific tapping for an issue.

This process can be used for any and all parts of your life. You know that you want better health, stronger relationships, success in your work, ease at public speaking, or anything else. Just start tapping, moving from point to point, as you think about this part of your life. I have found when I do this I feel calmer and find my way to clarity of the real issues I need to be working on.

Tap On Not Knowing What To Tap On
Another very useful tool you can use when you don't know exactly what to tap on is to tap on not know what to tap on. It could look something like this:

I know I need to do some tapping…I know tapping has worked in the past…and it can work now…I know the more specific I am about the issue the faster tapping can work…and right now I am not sure what to tap on…but just because I don't know what to tap on…doesn't mean that I can't be successful right now…as I tap and try and figure out what to tap on…I know I am making a small bit of progress….I know I don't need to know all the details of what is at hand for progress…by relaxing about needing to know exactly what I need to work on…will make it easy for me to make progress…therefore I choose to let the problems unfold in front of me slowly….knowing the system will give me the information I need for healing when I need it….the system knows the rate I can heal safely…

I have found this sort of tapping bring clarity very quickly to very specific areas that we can tap on.

Stress About The Issus
What I have found in my practice (both in dealing with my own issues and with working with my clients) is often times the stress about an issue/situation is much trouble some than the issue/situation itself.

Often times when we are able to release and relieve the stress we have around an issue we are able to look at what is going on much more objectively and find an outcome that is very satisfactory.

To that end, when we don't know where to start with an issue and great place to start is with the stress you feel about the situation. In many cases I have found just by dealing with the stress of the issue we can find as much as 80% (and often times total) relief before we even deal with the issue at hand.

Here is a list of great ways to start off dealing with an issue.

Reframes for stress:

  • I don't have to deal with this all at once
  • I don't have to deal with all of these issues all at once
  • It might not be the big deal I am making it out to be
  • I have dealt with things tougher than this
  • People really aren't thinking of me as much as I think
  • I don't have to go diving into all the issue to heal this
  • The stress is just a signal telling me something is wrong
  • Things are not going to be this way forever
  • It might think it helping by running, but it is going to get worse by running from it
  • I can release this issue without knowing what the root causes are
  • I can release this issue without having to know what the original event was
  • I can release this issue without having to dive in the a past painful memory

If you follow these three approaches you will find your way to what the specifies are you need to tap on as well as to relief quickly with tapping.

Medical Implants Effect On Tapping Success

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Can people with neurostimulator implants or pacemakers receive benefits from tapping? I understand the presence of the body's natural energy (electricity) system, but don't both of these medical devices also produce electrical charges within the body?

[Note: I am not a medical doctor. I am not qualified to provide medical advice or diagnosis. This article is provided for informational purposes only. Please consult with your primary care physician before making any changes to your health regimen.]


photo by John (jlcwalker)

I believe there are two ways we can approach this question, and improve the effectiveness of tapping, by working with the implant and the energy created by the implant.

The Implant
Our bodies are designed so that they are very effective in fighting off substances that might be harmful to our system. We have processes and protocols that deal with environmental allergens, diseases, fungus, and viruses. As effective as these systems are, they are relatively primitive.

These systems simply detect what is foreign and proceed to eliminate it. There are times when they over respond (e.g. a major allergy attack), or when they attack something that is actually helpful for the body. A good example is an organ transplant. It's obvious to us that something foreign has been replaced for health reasons, but the body doesn't recognize this and attacks the new organ as if it were harmful. This is equally true for any sort of medical implant.

A number of years ago I was working with a client who had surgery where her rib cage was opened up. The ribs were then reattached to each other with wire to keep them in place as they healed back together. She was having a very hard time post operatively.

Her body was trying to expel the unfamiliar substance, which had been added in a very traumatic way. This wire had been chosen specifically to last and stay in place, so her body was simply going to keep fighting and fighting and the wire wasn't going to go anywhere.

As strange as it sounds, the way we worked on the problem was to reconcile the body to the wire. The tapping went something like this:

“There is a wire that is in my body…I did not choose to have it placed there…the doctors put it in without my consent…the surgery was an emergency and I didn't have a choice in the matter…I am still angry and frustrated about the surgery…but I am not angry at the wire…the wire didn't force its way into my body…the wire doesn't choose to stay in my body…it is just there…the wire was placed to help my body to heal…the wire was used to help the bones to grow back together…I am happy the wire is trying to help my body heal…even if my body thinks the wire is something that needs to be expelled…I give my body permission to know that in its current form the wire is not a danger to my health…I want my body to continue to work to remove anything that is a danger to me…but this wire is not a danger…it is there to assist the healing…the wire is not something that needs to be fought…I am happy my body is working so hard to keep me safe and healthy…but it doesn't have to work on the wire…I choose to make the wire a member of my body until it is no longer needed…I release any hurt, anger, and frustration I have towards the wire…it is not the wire's choice to be inside me…it does me no good to hold hard feelings against the wire.”

You will notice in this tapping pattern we dealt with both the physical response to the wire as well as the emotions about how the wire got there and the fact that it was still there.

The client reported a great deal of relief after this tapping. I have found it very helpful to do this sort of tapping for any type of implant.

First, get emotionally clear about the need to have the implant. Second, work with the body to help it to understand that even though this is a foreign substance, that doesn't mean it's a danger.

Energetic Charge In The Body
There are specific types of implants that also have an energetic charge to them because of the function they perform, like the ones mentioned in the question. The approach I would use for this is very similar to any other implant, but I would add the following.

“The implant that I have is creating an energetic charge…the energy it is creating is there to help my body find healing and relief…this is a foreign source of energy that my body does not know…I am happy my body is trying to keep me safe…I ask my body to reconcile with this new form of energy…I am not asking my body to accept all energy as good and healthy…I am asking my body to tune into this particular new form of energy…I ask the body to understand with the wisdom from my higher self why this new energy has been added…I ask my body to utilize this new energy for my health and well being…only accepting in ways that are helpful and healing…knowing full well that my body is designed to and needs to keep me safe…I trust my body can find balance to use this energy for my health and well-being…I trust my body to reject any energy that is not useful and unhealthy…I let my body know I do not think it has failed and that is why I have added this implant…I let my body know the reason I have added the implant is to help it in its job…I let my body know I will continue to check in with it around this issue…I will continue to listen to the feedback from my body around this issue…I want the body's feedback around this issue…I will continue to work with my body around this issue.”

Tapping in this fashion will assist the body in discerning what is helpful and what is not, open it to being more accepting of what is helpful, clear the emotional charge around the new energy, and give it encouragement to continue communicating its needs with us.

In the long term all of these outcomes will be helpful.

Tapping For Physical Issues AND Can I Tap Too Much?

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In the past week I discovered that I have high blood pressure. I am fit, a vegetarian, and in my forties. Because of a medical condition from my thirties the high blood pressure is a serious issue. I am under the care of a medical doctor in regards to this, but am wondering the best way to use tapping to assist the healing process. Also, should I go overboard and tap every hour, or is there such a thing as too much tapping?


photo by Reavel

Before I answer the question I want to point out a very important idea. Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques/EvEFT) should not be your only form of self-care. Our health is going to be maintained through diet, exercise, meditation, western medicine, and a whole host of tools and techniques used in concert. I love tapping as much as anyone, but make sure you are making good choices and taking total responsibility for your health and well being.

When it comes to tapping there are three things to keep in mind and work on: the response, the symptoms, and balance.

1) The Response
This might seem slightly counter intuitive, but the place I always start when tapping for anything is my emotional response to what is going on.

If we are feeling fear, anxiety, overwhelm, anger, or resentment towards a situation, it is going to be very difficult to heal the issue at hand. These emotions will prevent us from focusing and tuning in to the issue at hand. Also, any emotion that is not in harmony with health and well being is going to slow or stop the natural healing processes.

I have found that spending some time with the emotions surrounding the issue not only speeds the healing process, but it also helps us to gain clarity on what the real issue is.

When we have an issue, e.g. high blood pressure, jumbled in with the emotions of fear for our health and feeling overwhelmed by our possible future, it's very hard to know where to start. Often it is easier to tune in to how we feel about the situation than the situation itself.

This does't mean that you need to get completely emotionally clear before working on the issue, but the clearer you get the easier and more effective the tapping is going to be. Simply ask yourself how you feel about what is going on. Spend a little time with each of these emotions.

If you are looking for some guidance on how to do this check out “Not Knowing Where To Start/A Good Way To Start”

2) The Symptoms
Now that you have spent some time clearing the emotions it's now time to move on to the issue itself. There are many different ways you can approach this.

The example given above is about a physical symptom. I have written a number of articles on how to deal with physical symptoms. For more information check out:

3) Finding Balance
Tapping/EvEFT is something that can be done anytime, anywhere. This is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it only cost us our time and makes healing so accessible, literally putting control in our own hands. It can be a curse, because we can become very frustrated with ourselves for not using this tool as often as we could.

If I had a nickel for every client who was feeling bad about not doing all the tapping they could between sessions I would be a very rich man.

With this in mind, when considering how much tapping we need to do around a particular issue, there are two things to keep in mind:

First, we need to make sure we are taking it easy with ourselves and the healing process. It does us little to no good if we get stressed out about how much tapping we need to do or the fact that we are not tapping when we ‘should'. This questions is the prefect example of how worrying about tapping can compound a problem. The last thing a person with high blood pressure needs is more stress in their life around how little they are tapping.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the optimum tapping schedule, just tap on that issue:

“I know tapping is a powerful tool…I know it can help and speed my body's healing process…but I don't want to get too worked up about the process…as much as I would like to be healed right now…I know the body knows the right rate for me to heal…I know if I spend the time I need in caring for myself…the healing process will happen in due time…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…especially when I don't do all the tapping I can…My body can heal…My body will heal…I am going to let that healing unfold.”

The second thing to consider is knowing how much tapping is enough and how much is too much. I have found in most cases that there is a physical limit to how much tapping is beneficial at any one time. It's a lot like running. Just because running one mile is good for you doesn't mean running fifty miles is better.

Unfortunately, there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to knowing how much is too much. This threshold is going to vary from person to person and from issue to issue.

The key is to trust your system.

Be easy with yourself. Don't feel like you need to do everything right now. After you have tapped for a while to calm your mind, take a few deep breaths, and ask your system if you can do more work now or if you have done as much as you can for the moment, knowing full well that you can come back and do more work later.

Abundance

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At the beginning of every yoga class our teacher asks us to pick a word or short phrase to use as the intention for the class. Last night the word that came to mind was “abundance”. Obviously this is something my higher wisdom is wanting me to spend some time with, but I am not sure what to do with the word. Do you have any suggestions on how I could incorporate this idea into my tapping?


photo by (nz)Dave

Abundance (or any specific desire, for that matter) can be a double-edged sword. It is good that we are recognizing a part of our life that we would like to see improvement, growth, and/or development in. The contrast between where we are and where we would like to be becomes the motivation for us to make the changes.

Problems can arise out of the frustration that things are not how we wish they were. We can feel overwhelmed by the perceived work it is going to take for us to move forward. We can feel saddened by the fact we have missed opportunities in the past that would have moved us closer to our goal/desire.

When we want more abundance of any type in our life, it is important that we don't get hung up on the desire to find abundance. If our primary thought is “I want abundance”, we're going to continue to create more opportunities for us to want to find abundance and we will keep ourselves in a perpetual state of longing for more.

The easiest way to find our way to abundance is to recognize all that is here already. When we notice it around us, everywhere, then we're moving from wanting abundance to allowing the abundance that surrounds us into our lives.

For me, the easiest way to understand this is in terms of grace. God's grace is not something that is doled out discriminately, but instead is surrounding every part of my life. That grace has a direct impact in my life when I have the awareness to see it. My task is not to seek it, but to see what is there. The more I notice grace, the easier it is to let it in. The more I let grace in, the easier it becomes to recognize it. Now it becomes a process that builds upon itself.

When we add tapping to this process, we are not tapping to find abundance, but to open ourselves to recognize the abundance that is already present. Tapping might look like this:

“I know there is opportunity and abundance all around me…there are opportunities for growth, development, and healing in every moment and in every place…many times I miss these opportunities and moments…I forgive myself for missing these moments…I am easy with myself for missing these moments…right now I give myself permission to know the abundance, grace, and opportunity that are saturating this moment…I give myself permission to open my eyes to these opportunities…knowing full well I don't need to capture everything at once…by opening my eyes to this for just a moment it is going to make it easier to do it again in a future moment…I recognize the grace around me right now…helping me to move to who I would like to be…in all parts of my life…Right now I know I am surrounded by abundance….I am surrounded by grace…I am surrounded by opportunity…Even if I miss it right now…It will all be present in the next moment…and the next moment…and the next moment…I will see what is in this moment…not needing to find it…all that I need is already here…even if I can't see it right now…bit by bit I open myself to seeing this.”

Can I Tap In Something Bad?

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I have a very important decision to make. When I consider one of the options I have a very strong emotional reaction. I am not sure if this is my higher-self warning me about making the choice or if it is a limiting belief that I shouldn't heed. I am worried that I am going to tap away my higher wisdom and make a bad choice. How do I know if I should use EFT/Tapping on this issue?

photo by Orin Zebest

This is a great question. I am often asked if we can tap something useful away or something harmful in. The great news is we can't.

When we are using EFT/tapping we are not tapping something in or tapping something out. We are bringing the system back into balance. This being true, we can't do damage by tapping.

For example, if I have a very strong fear of tigers I can tap to get to the point where I can watch a tiger on TV and no longer get scared. But if I tapped non-stop for the next ten years I would never clear the fear I would feel if I was three feet from a tiger that was growling at me.

In this case balance exists between a natural fear that serves to keep me safe, and an excessive reaction to something that is not a real threat.

The emotions experienced by the questioner above are very useful to him. They could be the higher-self giving very important information or they could be arising from a limiting belief that is not accurate. If he takes the time to tune into these emotions and tap on them, he will achieve one of two possible results: either he will clear a limiting belief, making it easier for him to access a better choice on the matter; or he will be getting more information from his higher self, which will further clarify what is in his best interest.

Regardless of what the root is, by taking the time to tap, we are going are going to much clearer about our decisions.

Also, as a side note, I think it is important to point out that if we are receiving information from our higher-self and it has an emotional charge to it, then we are not congruent with that information. When we are congruent with the information from our higher-self, we see it as truth.

Pain After Tapping

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When I do tapping/EFT I normally tap for thirty minutes (or more). Many times I have noticed that with in the next 24 hours gets very sore, from the top of my head to my tailbone. This is muscle pain and it feels something like lactic acid when you work your muscles too hard and they become inflamed. Do you have any idea what is causing this and how it can be avoided in future?

photo by Martin Kingsley

IMPORTANT: It is very important that you are taking total responsibility for your own wellbeing. EFT and tapping can be very powerful tool, but they are not the end-all-be-all when it comes to taking care of your self. If something is causing your pain stop it. Consult your primary care physician before you continue.

To be honest, this is the first time I have heard of these specific symptoms after a tapping session. But that is not to say that these sensations aren't a side effect of the tapping. The fact that you are having a physical symptom consistently after the fact might very well be related to the tapping.

Here are few things you might consider trying that might provide some relief.

1) Shorten Your Tapping Session
I often use the comparison of physical exercise when talking about our tapping practice. Just because running 1 mile is good for us doesn't mean that running 50 miles is better. The body might be reacting with physical pain because of the amount of work that is being done.

Tap for a shorter period of time might make difference. This sometimes can be a hard choice to make. We want progress to happen now and so we feel we must do as much as we can right now. But, if the rate of progress is causing physical symptoms then we do well to heed what the body is telling us.

2) Clearing Limiting Beliefs About Healing
It is possible that we believe that healing and progress is something that needs to be painful. The old adage, “No pain, no gain” can run very deep in our consciousness.  If the body thinks progress must be painful then it might create pain to justify the progress.

I know this notion might seem silly on the surface, but our bodies are very literal. They are going to respond directly to the beliefs we have. If you feel this might be something you are experiencing you could tap with something like this:

“It is okay for me to progress without pain…it is okay for me to heal without pain…sometime progress comes with work and pain…while other times it is a much easier task…I know my body can heal in a way that is gentle and easy…I let my body and system know that release can come without pain…I let me body know that I can heal without feeling pain…health and well-being is my bodies natural state…I allow it to gently move to this place.”

3) Tap For The Symptoms Preemptively
This is true for all issues. If we know something might be coming it is a good idea to tap for it ahead of time. This is true for both physical symptoms and emotional issues.

In the example of this question at the end of the tapping session we would tune into the physical feelings we felt in the past and preemptively tap for those sensation.

“In the past it has hurt after I have tapped…the pain lasted for a couple days…I tune into that pain right now…know that my body can heal and release this pain…the pain is a signal of something the body is trying to tell me…I let it know I want to know what that signal is…it can get my attention without so much pain…”

4) Take Care Of Your Self After The Session
There are a number things you can do after a session to help the healing process and to take of your self. I covered many of these ideas in “After A Powerful Session”

Struggling To Get Tapping/EFT To Work

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I know Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/EvEFT) and tapping works, but for some reason there are a few issues that I can't seem to make any progress with at all. Do you have any advice for jump-starting progress on a stubborn issue?


photo by ittichai

This is a very common experience. When we bump into an issue we aren’t making any progress with it is very easy to get frustrated and to lose faith in tapping.

There are a number of reasons why you might be struggling with success with tapping. Here are few of the most common:

1) Not being specific enough.
This is the most fundamental reason that we stop seeing progress with our tapping. We can only be successful with the issues we are able to bring into our thought field while tapping. There are two basic ways we can approach this:

First, we can use different ways to tune into the problem. Most people run into this problem when they are struggling to find the “right words” to tap to. We can also tune into issues by using imagery, tuning into how the body kinesthetically feels, or seeing what the issue reminds us of. Here is a list of a number of different ways you can tune in if you are having trouble being specific enough.

Second, sometimes the reason we can't get specific is that we are too close to the situation, issue, or emotion. Because we are so close to what is going on it's hard to separate the facts from the way we are interpreting them. A good idea to get some outside feedback. This doesn't mean you need to look to someone to solve your problems, but the outside point view can be very helpful.

Most of the clients I work with are very good at tapping and do it regularly on their own. They come to me because I am trained to help them see things differently and/or I can cut more quickly to the root of the issue precisely because I'm not involved in it.

2) Psychological Reversal
It is possible the body isn't in a state that will allow healing. When most of us received our basic tapping training we were introduced to this idea. (Unfamiliar with the term? Psychological Reversal read more…) There are many types of reversal, not jut PR. This is not my area of expertise, but if you are looking for some great introductory information on the different types of reversal and how to deal with them, check out the many on-line videos.

3) Resistance To Change
Even though we consciously want to make a change there is a part of our system that doesn't think it is safe, reasonable, or helpful to do this. There must be some resistance, because if there weren't, you would have already made the change. You can find a list of articles on the different types of resistance and how to get past them below; many include tapping phrases or tap-along audios.

4) The system is not ready to heal or it has healed as much as it can for this session.
As much as we would like our system and issues to heal in an instant, there are times when too much change too fast can be an unhealthy experience.

Take weight release as an example. It would be great to shed forty-five pounds overnight, but that would be much too hard on the body. Rapid weight release might seem like a good idea, but there is a speed of releasing the weight that is healthiest for the body.

The release of emotional issues is no different. Often it is very possible to completely release an issue in one tapping session. Other times, because of the magnitude of the change, it is better for the system to heal the emotional wound in stages.

When you are working on an issue and you feel like you have plateaued in your progress, I have found it very helpful to tap on:

I thank my body for its ability to heal…I am thankful for this time to work on myself…it is possible for me to get frustrated because I am not making progess as fast as I would like…sometimes I even feel like I am not getting anywhere at all…I give my body permission to know that I want it to heal at a rate that is safe and healthy…so that the changes that I am making are long lasting…and for my highest good…I would love to make more progress now…I would love to have more information now…I would love to know what else I could do now…but I know my body has wisdom that will help me to move forward…and it will make me aware of what I need to do in due time…I give the body permission to know it can be at ease as we work through this…I give my body permission to know that this not the last time I am going to ask it for information…this is not the last time I am going to spend time working with it…if this is all the healing that can be done in this tapping session…then so be it…I will continue this work when the body is ready. [How to use these phrases]

When we tap like this there are two possible outcomes. First, the system will open up and give us new information to work with. Second, we will be at peace with the progress we have made, making it possible for us to come back to tapping in the future with hope and enthusiasm.

Remember, every round of tapping is useful and successful regardless of the outcome. What we can learn from each round of tapping

Fertility Issues

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My husband and I are having trouble conceiving a child. Can tapping help?

photo by Aldo Risolvo

There are few things more heart breaking than working with clients who want to grow their families, but are having a hard time doing it. Even with infertility medicine there are still many couples that have trouble conceiving. In this article UK based Sejual Shah talks about some on the non-medical reasons that can make conceiving difficult as well as advice on how to approach some of these with tapping (EvEFT/EFT).

[Sejual Shah is a Hertfordshire, UK base practitioner. She works in person, by phone, and webcam with clients on over 4 continents. She loves seeing the joy her work brings to her clients. She can be contacted @ healthyinmind.com]

Wanting to conceive a baby is a natural part of our growth and development as humans. However, many find starting their families difficult. Using controlled practices such as timing intercourse to ovulation can lead to a lot of stress for both parents and conceiving even the first baby becomes a nightmare instead of the anticipated joy.

Pregnancies attempted late in life are perceived in the medical field as difficult since a woman’s fertility declines heavily after her mid-30s. What many Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) practitioners, myself included, are finding is that these and other problems can be neutralised with tapping to enable a healthy conception leading all the way to realising that cherished birth of innocent joy.

The support I give is of help to both people in the relationship. Men’s stress levels and worries about conceiving are equally important as the problems a woman experiences as both parents need to be healthy to create a baby.

Common Problems with Fertility
The most common problems I encounter in my practice and have success in helping with EFT are:

  • Unresolved grief about earlier miscarriages, stillbirths and traumatic loss of loved ones
  • High stress levels
  • Residual post-natal depression
  • Previous problematic births
  • Couple problems – relationship and communication issues.

This article will deal with the first two.

Unresolved Grief
Conceiving a child is an act of joy. When we are harbouring a deep-seated grief it is too far removed for the joy and happiness to come in. It is like the two sets of emotions are incompatible and as the grief has been there longer it stops the new possibilities from coming in.

This grief comes in so many shapes and forms. “Heather” was 44 and was still waiting to conceive her first child. She felt the pressure of not being able to, conceive. She had tried natural approaches and IVF, but nothing was working. When we talked about her personal history it quickly became evident that she’d never finished grieving over the loss of her beloved mother ten years before. She still had her mother’s ashes in a cupboard in the bedroom.

Very gently we tapped away the grief. We created emotional space so Heather could express all the things she never got to tell her mum before she passed away. Over several sessions Heather went through a gentle clearing process to lastingly let go of the grief. With this approach she was able to create mental space within herself to bring in new life. Four months ago she gave birth to a healthy set of twins that have brought countless joy and new opportunities for growth in her life.

Lasting grief often accompanies pregnancies lost before the baby reaches full term. One client shared, “I miscarried at ten weeks. The doctors just said it happens to everyone and that I should get over it”. Yet, in those ten precious weeks that same woman was already connecting from the heart with this longed-for baby. While it may have been as tiny as a beetle, that baby was still real and alive for her. If we can’t grieve properly over what could have been, then it’s difficult for us to make way for what we wish to realise.

It’s equally important to clear that grief over stillbirths, or other upsetting losses like losing a sibling when they were young.

High stress levels
Stress can be a huge barrier to conceiving. Stress can come from high-pressured jobs, draining situations in our lives, and feeling that we must be perfect at everything we do.

Some of the women who come to me for help have very full active lives. They feel empowered by their successes – and they have every right to – but nobody has yet taught them how they can release the accompanying stress that constantly builds up. Keeping up their work successes turns sour – they’ve fought for their career progression but now it is cruelly taking away a cherished goal.

In this situation, I help them address their work stress so that instead of constantly fire-fighting, their bodies can relax and get on with conceiving.

“Diane” came from a background where her parents were proud of her high-flying achievements. She had gone further than her brothers and sisters in her studies and was a well-paid executive. That hard work attitude had helped her create huge success, but hard work didn’t pay off when it came to conceiving. She and her husband had been trying for years and wondered if the time had come to give up. But it wasn’t in her nature to quit – hadn’t she fought for each promotion?

Initially she came to see me for help in moving up the next rung of the ladder up to the boardroom. She saw the glass ceiling and was determined to crack it.

Diane and I worked to help her relax in these work situations and so have more energy to put into her work. She learned to thrive without high levels of stress in her demanding role by using EFT in sessions with me, and then learning how to do basic structured tapping exercises outside of our work. Her body realised she didn’t need to feel stressed all the time.

In that process of releasing the stress she conceived naturally and used our work to help her manage her still hectic schedule with the demands the growing baby was making on her physically, so that she could still nurture the foetus. Her baby son was born bouncingly healthy one year ago. With the work we had already done she was able to devise a healthy strategy for balancing her return to her career while enjoying motherhood in a balanced way.

EFT as a stress management tool can also support a man experiencing problems with sperm health as a result of a pressurized life-style.

Conclusion
There is a very complicated connection between our physical and emotional health. Many times the emotions we are carrying prevent the body from fulfilling its potential. By doing work on these core emotional issues we can see transformation in our physical health.

[Note From Gene: Recently I had the opportunity to interview Dene Ballantine about the grief some people feel after being part of an abortion decision. You can hear that interview in Pod #10]

Tapping For Learning and Trying New Things (part 2)

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Can I use meridian tapping (EvEFT) to help me learning new things?

photo by Steven S.

In part 1 of the series (“Attitude About Learning“) we looked at the way our beliefs (conscious and subconscious) can prevent us from learning something new, with all our energy. In this part we will look at how to use tapping in the process of learning or studying something new.

Process of Learning
Here I’ve found tapping useful in three parts of the learning process: before, during, and after.

Before
We live in a time of multi-tasking. Study after study has shown that multi-tasking is not a good way to work or learn because we spend too much time and energy shifting from one activity to another and another. We are going to study at our best if we are completely focused on that task.

To get ready for a study session I will

  • Clear my mind to be focused and relaxed
  • Remove any worry I have about the topic I am studying
  • Be open to knowing I will able to learn in this time

It only takes a minute or two and looks something like this:

I am going to spend the next 45 minutes working on [learning more Spanish]…I am happy to have this time to commit to learning and expanding myself…today has been a hectic day…I have a lot of things on my mind…I can deal with all of these things later…for the next 45 minutes I am going to be present to the task at hand…I let go of any of the worries I have about the other things going on in my life…I will get back to them after I study…It is now time to be present to the task at hand

I might be worried about my ability to learn this stuff…this might be outside my comfort zone…but that is what learning is about…stretching myself…I have learned lots of things in the past…and I am going to learn this…even if it takes longer than I like…I am going to do this…humans are made to learn new things…humans are made to adapt…I can and will learn during this time

Any blocks that I have to learning…I let them go…I know my mind is fertile…I make my mind open for the next 45 minutes to be a sponge…my intention is not just to understand…but to make this new information part of me…it is such a blessing to be able to learn in this way…at this time.

During
Tapping can also be a very powerful tool when it comes to learning something that is difficult. When I’m trying to learn something new (be it a concept, a definition, vocabulary, or even a phone number) I will say what I am trying to learn and remember out loud a few times while tapping form point to point.

After
After I have finished a study session I will spend a few more minutes tapping. I do this mostly from the point of view of gratitude. I believe we will return to anything we are grateful for.

My post study tapping looks like this:

I am so happy that I had this time to commit to learning something new…I learned more in this time than I think…there are concepts and ideas that have become part of me in ways I can't imagine…the simple fact I have time to learn something is a blessing…as the rest of the day unfolds and through my sleep tonight I know this information is going to be integrated more fully…any blocks I have to making this information a part of me I let go right now…I look forward to the next chance I get to study this material…because I will surprise myself with how much I have remembered.

Conclusion
There are two basic ways we can use tapping to help us learn more. We can use it to clear any of the stumbling blocks we have to learning something new, and we can use it to be fully present during our study session..

Tapping For Learning and Trying New Things (part 1) – AKA Finding the reason we don’t do the things that will improve our lives

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Can I use meridian tapping (EvEFT) to help me learning new things? [Note: In this part of the series I use tapping to learn something new as to show how we can find the reasons we talk ourselves out of making the choices and taking the action that will move us forward.]

photo by m00by

Tapping is a great tool for learning new things and can be helpful in two regards. The first is our attitude about learning new thing and the second is the process of learning new things.

Attitude About Learning
On the surface it might see a little odd to consider our attitude towards learning. It makes sense that we might not be skilled in a certain area, making learning something harder for us than it is for others. It would seem that if we want to learn something new our attitude would be in the right place. But this isn't always the case.

No matter how much we want to make a change in our lives it is very important to consider the consequences of the change. Every change we attempt is going to have a ripple effect in other parts of our life. If part of us believes that these ripples are going to have negative consequences them we are going to talk ourselves out of making the choices we need to make to achieve our goal.

A very simple example of this is the fear of failure preventing us from stepping out. When we have a part of us that is very scared that we might fail — and believes failure to be painful — it is going to work very hard to come up with excuses not to spend time working on the new skill. (“I can do it later.” “I need to do the dishes first.” “I don't study well at night. I can wait until morning.”)

In this case, fears of the pain of failure is going to prevent us from trying, even if we know the new choice is something we really want. If we are able to name the beliefs that are going to prevent us from moving forward and clean them out then we are going to be much more likely to make the changes we want.

As we look at doing something new, like learning, I am going to speak of these in terms of cost because with everything we do we are spending a number of resources. Not only do we sometimes spend our money to make a change we are also spending our time, our emotions, and our energy.

Just because something is a cost doesn't mean it is bad. I am very happy to pay with my emotions, my time, and my money for things that bring me joy and improve my life. But understanding that there is a cost involved in making changes helps us more clearly understand where we might resist making this change.

In each of the areas I am providing a series of questions you can ask to help you unearth the tappable issues. These are by no means comprehensive but will provide a good start.

The Cost of Failure
The reason I used this example above is because it is the most obvious source of worry that can prevent us from trying to learn something new. No one likes to feel like a failure. It is no fun to invest our time, resources, and emotions in to something only to have it fail. Not only do we feel like was have wasted these resources we don't like having it pointed out that we are no good at something.

Ask yourself:

  • What happens if I try this and fail? How will I feel?
  • How have I felt about failure in the past?
  • What are other people going to think if I say I am going to do this and then don't follow through?
  • How will I feel if I only accomplish half my goal?

Failure is a fact of life (at least for me). I am not going to get everything right the first time. The more we can do to equip ourselves to deal with these failure the easier it is going to be for us to try something new.

Many times the fear of failure feels so much bigger than actual consequences of failing itself. There are times were I have been able to tap on the idea of “It is possible I might fail at this, but it won't be the end of the world. The upside to trying is so much bigger than giving it a go and failing.”

The Cost of Time and Other Resources
Almost every change in our life takes more than simply changing our mind. If we are going to learn something new we have to spend time in the learning process. In some cases it is even going to cost us money for classes and/or study aides. It is important to understand what these costs are before we begin.

Ask yourself:

  • How much time am I going to have to invest to achieve my goal?
  • What am I going to have to give up in order to have the time to work to my goal?
  • How much money is it going to cost me?
  • Is the goal worth the time and money it is going to cost to achieve the goal?
  • How is perusing the goal going to effect other people in my life? [Ex. Does going to night school mean less time with the family?]
  • Is there anyone in my life who is going to be frustrated with me if I invest my time in this goal?

This might seem like a trivial example, but this is something that really came up with a client. My client “Jane” was looking to add exercise to her daily routine, but was worried how the other ladies at the coffee shop would take it if she didn't come in and talk every day. These were not her close friends. There was still a part of her that was worried what they were going to think. Exercising was going to cost her time hanging out in the coffee shop. Once we were able to name this we were able to tap on the fact that it really didn't matter what the ladies in the coffee shop thought about her. The exercise was much more important.

The Cost of Achievement
This is an example of another cost that doesn't always come right to mind. There are consequences (and perceived consequences) to us achieving our goal. The fear of success can talk us out of making the choices and changes we want to make.

Ask yourself:

  • What happens if I do achieve this?
  • Will people expect more of me?
  • Will people expect me to live up to this standard again and again?
  • What happens if I achieve this, enjoy the change, and then loss it?
  • What will other people of me think if I achieve this?

The last question is a tricky one because it brings up a fear that on the surface is very illogical. Why would what other people think matter? The amazing thing is how commonly this fear can affect us. For example, we could be worried that other people in our lives are going to think that we are snobbish because we have taking the time and effort to move forward.

I am sure you have people like this in your life. They say things (or think things) like, “Who does she think she is getting a new job? Does she think she is better than the rest of us?”

Worried about how others are going to perceive our success can be very powerful is slowing us down. Again, I am not suggesting that we don't act because people might think this way, but instead by naming these worries we are able to tap our way emotionally clear making it easier for us to act.

Conclusion
It is possible for us to have thoughts and feelings that prevent us from trying to do new things or learn new things. It is important that we spend a little time identifying and clearing these issues before we start something new.

This doesn't mean that we need to be completely clear before we start. This is going to be an on going process. As we do or learn new things we are going to find new resistant thoughts and feelings.

What is most important is to be away of the thoughts and feelings that are possible pit falls. We are much better dealing with the possible issues that are named than the ones that go unnamed.

In part 2 of this series (“Act of Learning“) we will look at using tapping during the act of learning and studying.

Being A Better Parent

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I know EFT can be powerful toll to help my children.  My kids and I tap together every night at bedtime, but I am wondering if there is something more I could do.  I want to be the best parent possible.  Is there a way to us EFT around parenting issues?

[Note: I have asked Deborah Donndelinger to answer this question.  One of Deborah's specialties is working with parents and parenting.  She is a Maryland based EFT practitioner who can be reached @ EFT with Deborah]

The history of parenting is rather brutal, with children once considered non-entities that could be discarded, killed, or used at the parent's whim. Over time, our collective approach to parenting is evolving and developing, which is good news indeed. How we collectively parent is the leading force that shapes how we are as a country and as a world. How we parent as a society determines whether we perpetrate violence or encourage peace.

According to Robin Grille, author of Parenting for A Peaceful World, we are in a shift from the socializing mode of parenting to the helping mode of parenting. The socializing mode of parenting tends to see children as good or bad and the goal is to make them productive members of society. The parent is concerned with raising a child that fits in. He follows the rules and sees himself judged by how well his children do. In the next evolution, called the helping mode, parents are concerned with what the child needs developmentally and choose meeting the child's individual needs above the need to fit in socially. In the helping mode, there is a greater compassion and recognition of children as unique persons on their own path.

As we consider how we personally fit into this parenting journey, we can look at our own history and our current parenting practices with more compassion. EFT fits into this introspection, offering us relief from patterns and reactions. Consider this a Personal Peace Procedure for Parenting.

The myth of the perfect parent, warm and nurturing, is just that, a myth.
Parents are products of their culture and humans have the potential to be the most brutal of the animal kingdom or the most loving. But being human is not a guarantee of parenting well. To move forward in our parenting journey, we first must accept ourselves as we are.

Consider all the times you have been less than pleased with your parenting choices and reactions. Make a list of at least five incidents where you shouted, hit, ignored, or shamed your child. Identify the emotions you were feeling as well as the response and emotions of your child. Tap on these incidents until your intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some cognitive shifts!

Parenting evolves.
It is perfectly okay that what our parents did for us, or to us, doesn't work for us as parents. Each of us has a mental list, a list from childhood of the things we swore we would never do as parents. Imagine our dismay, when we end up repeating the same exact patterns from our parents. We justify our parental behavior by telling ourselves that we are not so bad, we were treated that way and turned out okay. (Sound familiar?)

Or in an attempt to not be like our parents, we end up on another extreme, just the opposite of our parents. When this happens, it's a very good indication we are still reacting rather than creating how we want to be as a mother or father.

Make a list of at least five times you remember being shamed, punished, felt guilty as a child. How were you disciplined or punished? Were you hit, spanked, isolated, or shamed verbally? How were mealtimes? How were bedtimes? When were you made to feel wrong or less than? These memories are all excellent tapping material.

Parenting truly shapes the world.
As we treat children with respect and love and model being a democracy, we bring democracy to the larger world. And if we model violence and control and fear, we'll bring the same.

Consider all the times you felt fear as a child or used fear to control your children. Consider all the times you experienced violence or used violence to control your child. Pick five incidents and commit to tapping on them until the intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some amazing cognitive shifts.

If you are reading this, you are already committed to supporting yourself and other parents. As we move towards the next evolution of parenting, we can release our pasts, our histories, and see that our parents did the best they could, even if it wasn't enough. We can heal our wounds and choose how to parent ourselves and our children. There is a growing international community of dedicated focused parents who are using EFT to heal their childhood memories and to become fully the parent they want to be. Welcome to the leading-edge of peaceful parenting.