Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Do No Harm

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[Note: This article is part 2 of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Taber Andrew Bain

The Hippocratic Oath (or some oath similar to it) is taken by most medical doctors in the western world. It is believed that it is based upon an oath written by the father of western medicine Hippocrates in the 5th century BCE.

I am not a doctor and I never give any medical advice, but I think there is a lot that we as practitioners can learn from the Hippocratic Oath. Here it is in the modern version (Written in 1964 by Louis Lasagna, Academic Dean of the School of Medicine at Tufts University):

“I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,” nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.”

Share Knowledge
One of the things I love about the tapping community is the general willingness to share. Gary Craig deserves a great deal of credit for fostering this spirit in the ways he shared Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) from the very beginning. This tradition in continued through articles, blogs, videos, and forums. I know my knowable base and skill set have grown because the great generosity of others.

I think we should all strive for a generous spirit when it comes to sharing our knowledge and experience. The first three articles in this series talk about the many ways we can share our knowledge and participate in the community.

Art and Science
There is a great deal of talk in the tapping community about the “art of delivery”. This is such an important concept. The art of delivery is all about how we interact with our clients in terms of building relationship, guiding the healing process, and teaching new concepts and skills. Client work is not some math equation in which you enter in a few pieces of data and know what the next step is.

No two clients are the same and no two issues are the same. Some clients aren't very good at talking about what they are experiencing. They just know something isn't right. Often time our job as practitioners is simply to provide our clients a safe place to share their struggles and help them to find vocabulary to describe what they are experiencing.

In addition to spending time learning about new techniques and how to approach different types of issues we also need to spend time developing our skills to work with and understand people. I many times my clients know the next step on their healing path and simply need the space and safety to discover what that next step is.

Being Able To Say “I don't know.”
People come to us because we are the experts. We have skills, experience, and perspectives that our clients don't have. Because of this we are able to help our clients down the healing path.

I love the fact that my clients are willing to trust me with the issues they are facing in their lives. Often times this can be a very humbling experience. Because of this trust I want to do everything I can to help my clients.

It can be a very scary moment when we run in to an issue that we don't know how to help. We want to be helpful, we don't want to let our clients down, and we don't want to look like we aren't capable (hurting our chances to help them again in the future).

Even with these desires it is very important that we are able to say, “I don't know.” This does not mean that we have failed our clients. Instead we have served them by not creating a false sense of expectations of what is going to be accomplished and we are keeping them safe be doing work we are not comfortable or qualified to do.

Here are a list of phrases that every practitioner should add to their repertoire:

  • I don't know
  • I don't know, but you should check with…
  • I don't know, but I will do some research on that topic.

Some of these moments where I have admitted that I didn't know what the best approach should be have been some of the best learning experiences for myself. I have been forced to research new ideas and to reach out to other practitioners I trust for their wisdom and expertise.

Working With People Not Issues
One of the reasons I believe that I am good as a practitioner is because of the experience I can draw on. There are a number of issues that I have worked with for years. Because of this I can often find my way to the root cause of issues faster than I could have even just one year ago. Being able to see patterns can be a very helpful tool but we can't get so wrapped up in what we believe is going on that we miss what is truly going on.

When we work with clients we are working with a person with an issue they would like to see transformed, not working with an issue that needs to be fixed. Just because a client is describing an issue you have worked with hundreds of times before doesn't mean it is the same issue or experience as your other clients. It is important we keep our past experiences in mind, but we can't loose sight of whom we are working with.

Do No Harm
The modern version of the oath has replaced the phrase “do no harm” with “avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism”. Personal, I like “do no harm”.

It seems silly that we need to be reminded of something like this, but it is very easy to get very wrapped up in the work we are doing and the issues that are at hand that we forget about consequences of our work beyond this moment.

It is important that we keep our clients full life in mind when working with them, not just our time with them. We need to make sure that we are leaving them in a healthy place at the end of a session to issue they are going to be safe and healthy for the rest of day.

It does us no good to searching for painful past memories if we don't have the time to work with them. We also need to be sure that we are not leaving our client so exhausted at the end of a session that they are not going to be able to do what they need to do the rest of the day.

When I am working with particularly emotional issues I am continually checking in with my clients to insure they not only have enough energy to continue our work, but also that they are in a place to do what they need to do for the rest of the day.

Conclusion
I think Hippocrates was right in his desire to insure all of those involved in healing we reminding themselves of that they are truly called to do and why they are called to do. We would also do ourselves (and our clients) a great service if we reminded ourselves of the same thing from time to time.

If you have thought our idea that should be part of a practitioners understanding of mission please add it below in the comments.

In part three if the “4 Principles Series” we will look at the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a clients: Becoming the trusted expert.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Reinforcing Progress By Recognizing Progress

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photo by David Goehring

Sometimes we make progress with our tapping that is so sublet that we don't even notice it. This is much like going on a long walk. Because the pace is so slow you don't realize how far you have gone.

Other times we make such a radical change that it is impossible to believe we had the problem before. This is something that always makes me smile. I will be working with a client on an issue that is so gripping it is the only thing they can think of. After doing some work I will ask them to tune back into the issue and they will say something like, “Oh, we don't have to worry about that, because that isn't really an issue.”

We don't have to recognize the progress we are making. The simple fact that we are progressing and growing is reward enough for doing our tapping work, but there are some befits to recognizing our progress.

1) Encouragement
By seeing our progress we are going to keep working for more. It is very easy to be caught in our current emotional state. When it feels bad it is hard for us to recognize how much better thing are now than they once were. We when can take the long view and see our progress it encourages us to keep doing work.

With many of my regular clients every few weeks we have a conversation about the progress they are making because it is so easy to miss.

2) See what works
When we recognize progress in one area of our life we are willing to use the tool set in another. When we can see how tapping directly helped with our fear of speaking we are willing to use it on our procrastination.

3) Insight to be shared
When we can see the transformation that we are going through and why it is happening then we are able to share that experience with others. As we grow and change we can help other to do the same.

How To Reinforce
One of the skills I have taken from my hypnosis training is the recognition of the power of repeating an insight or change. By revisiting a thought again and again we can create a pattern that becomes our default position. We see that with our negative self-talk. Why not use it in a positive way?

A great way to do this is to tap on the insight and growth of the most recent session. All you need to do is complete and tap on the following phrases. This will help you to gain all the benefits of reinforcing your progress, plus give you great positive phrases to tune into.

  • I know I have changed because I now feel….
  • I know I have changed because I now believe…
  • I know I have changed because I now know…

Psychological Reversal

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One more time, what is the deal with psychological reversal and how does it relate to secondary gain?

A friend of mine was working on a writing project and she called to get my perspective on psychological reversal. Here are my reflections.

What is psychological reversal?
The entire body system and each piece of the system (such as a muscle group, organs, and individual muscle) have an electromagnetic current and frequency associated with it. It is this electromagnetic energy that manages much of the healing and growth inside they system.

For example, when we cut our finger the brain does not think over and over again, “Heal the finger. Heal the finger. Heal the finger.” until the finger is healed. Instead, the electromagnetic field around the finger changes. The body then responds to this new electromagnetic frequency in a number of ways. As white blood cells are floating by they encounter this new frequency, much like an alarm, and spring to action to create a scab to stop the bleeding. The skin cells respond to this new frequency buy building new cells to repair the wound. As the state of the wound changes the frequency will continue to change giving they parts of the system information to continue the healing until the cut is healed.

The electromagnetic frequency associated with the system (and each part of the system) has a current flow like any other current in nature. In the example of a magnet there is a north and south poles. If the current changes the directions it flow in a magnet the poles switch ends.

When we are psychologically reversed there is a reversal in the direction of the current in part or all of they system. When the current is reversed it is impossible for the system to create the frequency that will instruct the system to heal.

What is secondary gain?
Secondary gain is the name of the benefits that come from a certain issue. When secondary gain is present it is harder for us to change because we are losing the benefit from the issue.

Here are a few examples:

  • Pretend I am a smoker. As a smoker I am reasonably allowed to leave my desk every two hours for a 10 min break. If I quite smoking I will not be able to take these breaks.
  • Pretend that I am widower with adult children. I fall and hurt my hip. Now my kids are calling me each night, meals on wheels are coming by twice a day, and the pastor for my church is stopping by Sunday afternoon. If I get well I am going to lose all of this attention and be lonely once again.

As you can see in both of these examples, on a subconscious level the system is able to name something that is a gain by having this issue. For that reason the system is going to want to protect that gain by preventing the healing.

How are psychological reversal and secondary gain related?
Once the system recognized that there is gain in an issue it is going to do everything in is power to insure we don't lose that gain. The conscious mind might look at the smoking situation and think, “Yes, it is too bad that when I get better I am going to lose the attention I am currently receiving, but it is well worth it to lose the constant pain and to know that it is not going to develop into something much worse that could create long term health issues.”

The subconscious do not think in these cost benefit terms. Instead the subconscious mind thinks very simply in terms of protection. It is simply trying to protect the system from losing this newfound attention.

In this situation one of the ways the system can insure that it is going to keep getting the attention is by preventing the body from healing. A very easy tact to insure the body doesn't heal is to create psychological reversal in the area of the body that is injured, in this case the hip.

By reversing the electromagnetic field it is impossible to change frequencies to give the commands to heal. Since the system is not giving the signal to heal to wound persists. Therefore the system insures that the secondary gain of not being lonely is going to be preserved.

This is not the only reason for the system to by psychologically reversed, but to preserve secondary gain is one of the most common.

[Also, if this topic interests you please check out Podcast #25: Psychological Reversal w/ Gwenn Bonnell]

Pod #39: Questions and Answer

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Gene host's a radio program every other Tuesday @ EFT Radio On-line. In the most recent show Gene answered questions from beginners and practitioners alike from all over the world.

This week Gene answered:

  • I would like to know is why I just get temporaries results with EFT and tapping ?? and Why I don´t get good results with, self esteem ,fear of rejection, people speaking, failure, procrastination and discipline?
  • I want to tap everyday, but for some reason it doesn't happen. How can I make sure I tap every day?
  • As I do more work I am becoming more and more aware of my inner thoughts. One level this is good because I can see the areas of my life that I want to change, but in other ways it feels bad because I am always noticing it. Is there a way that I can keep from feeling so over whlemed about the amount of work i need to do?
  • Do I have to be seated while tapping or can I do it laying down?
  • My husband and I are having trouble conceiving a child. Can tapping help?
  • I am having a hard time coming up with phrases. Are there any tricks I can use?

Why It Is Good To Be Selfish

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by wonderferret

I think being selfish gets are really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad. We are taught we must not be selfish, but instead we must be giving. I personally don't believe these things are opposite.

I believe that every act I make is a selfish act because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridicules examples to help prove my point.

Right now as I type the article I am taking a deep breath in which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breath than to stay alive. That is very selfish.

When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. This is different than wanting to be seen as a loving person. I believe (and hope this is true) in my heart of hearts I can be and am a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice) I am defining myself as a loving person.

When I choose to run my practice and help other people I am being selfish because I am choosing how I us my time. Yes I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as person who guilds people on this path.

Yes, I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it okey to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill I am being selfish to make myself a different type of person later. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later this afternoon.

It is okay to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is very easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt other.

Other than this article I willing to bet less than five times in your life have you been told it is okey to be selfish.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves we are never going to be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves then we aren't taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this. That is okey. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don't want to be selfish…because I need to care for other people…there are people who have it so much worse than I do…that I can't ask for anything more or better…and the things I have…I have squandered…it would be really selfish to ask for more…but I choose to know that selfish means I am making self defining act…every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…because I want to be giving…this doesn't take anything away from those loving acts…this doesn't mean they are less valuable…it just mean that when I am share I am also defining myself…it is okey to want better for myself…because I can then share with other…it is okey to want more for myself because then I can share more of the self with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…that is not greedy…that is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…it is okey that I don't think being selfish is a bad thing…I don't want to be mean…I don't want to be greedy…but those are not the same a selfish…to be selfish is to choose to be the type of self I want to be.

The Growing Up Method

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photo by flydime

I am always on the look for new ways and easy ways to get tap on issues. Here is a great process by Natalie Hill. (Natalie writes regularly on new ways to approach tapping at EFT Tapping Techniques.

I really like Natalie's process because it is very straight forward and allows you to be very easy with yourself when coming up with phrases. I receive questions all the time about what is the right phrases to be used for a specific issue. The process is as easy as explaining to a close friend what is going on, what you would like to be able handle, and what you would like the outcome to be. Is a prefect example of how flexible the tapping protocols can be.

Step One: Dumping

When you first tune in to a strong emotional issue…

…you may hear things a two, five, 10 or 15-year old might think and feel.

Dumping is the ideal place to start, when you’re in that immature place.

In other words, for the first phase and rounds of this tapping technique, allow yourself be petty and childish.

Dump, vent, rant, whine, complain, moan, gripe.

Let all the negative out.

Don’t worry about accentuating or increasing the positive –
– you are doing a psychological cleanse.

Up and out with those petty thoughts and emotions.

If you ignore the crummy thoughts and feelings, try to deny or repress them, they will prevent you from fully resolving the issue. You’ll have an inner conflict, even if you’re not consciously aware of it.

After a few rounds of Dumping, you’ll feel a lot better.

The way I would do this step is just to start talking. Don't worry about crafting the perfect tapping phrase. Just start letting it out. As you do this just move from tapping point to tapping point. Just tap and let it out.

This is a great first step. I often refer to this step clearing the decks. Yes, it is very important to be very specific on the issue that we are tapping on, but sometimes there is so much spinning around in our head that it is impossible to focus. By dumping in this fashion we are going to clear out all the extraneous emotions and thoughts. This is the step that is going to allow us to find our way to what is really at the heart of the issue.

Often time when I this type of step with my clients a great deal of clarity is found. They go from “feeling really frustrated” to being able name what is really going on, giving us a great spring board to go after the deeper roots.

This step is not meant to take care of the issue completely. As Natalie writes, ” When you’re feeling somewhat better, down from where you started (or from an 8, 9 or 10) to somewhere between 4 and 7, move to Dreaming.”

Step Two: Dreaming

Dreaming is the way we sneak the change we want by the conscious and unconscious gatekeepers that don’t want us to change.

In this tapping technique, we are introducing the possibility of letting go of the stuck place, without raising so many objections.

In the dreaming phase, we start our EFT affirmations with the words,

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
“Wouldn’t it be great if…” or
“What if…”

For example if we were tapping for overwhelm, this might be your Dreaming tapping round:

Eyebrow: What if I could slow down a little?
Side of Eye: What if I could acknowledge that I don’t have to do everything right now?
Under Eye: What if could just focus on one task at a time?
Under Nose: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could relax, knowing I can’t get it all done in a day?
Chin: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could feel more confidence in myself?
Collarbone: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could trust that it will all work out?
Under Arm: What if I could focus on just the most important thing first?
Top of Head: What if I could let go of everything else?

You can do one, or several rounds in this Dreaming phase.

I love using questions when tapping. The subconscious mind does a wonderful job of filling in the blanks. Often times when we tap in this fashion we are going to come to insights and realizations. Clients often report a being amazed that the things there own system comes up with when tapping on questions.

One recommendation I might add to this is not to rush through a list of questions like these. Instead, linger on each question for a few tapping points allowing the system to sit with each questions, giving it a chance to provide useful information.

Natalie recommends that you do this type of tapping until you have reached the SUDs level of 3 or lower.

Step Three: Deciding

This will be your final round or two. Its intent is to bring you to a fully positive and empowered state, with your desired result.

You begin your EFT affirmations in this Deciding part of the process with the phrases,

“I have decided…” and
“I choose…”

To continue our example of tapping on feeling overwhelmed, this final round would go like this:

Eyebrow: I have decided I actually can handle everything I want and need to do.
Side of Eye: I have decided to focus on just one task at a time.
Under Eye: I have decided to feel confident about my abilities.
Under Nose: I choose to relax and do one thing at a time.
Chin: I choose to trust my judgment.
Collarbone: I choose to know that it will all work out fine.
Under Arm: I choose to remember I’m good at prioritizing.
Top of Head: I have decided to feel calm and confident.

It is amazing how much of a difference making a choice can make. Even if it is about something in the future, the simple act of committing to something moves the mind from the place of living in all of the possible outcomes.

I would also add “I give myself permission…” to this list of tapping phrases. I have found that giving permission is a powerful act that allows us to make transformation.

Natalie thoughtfully adds:

If, in any stage of this process, a new disturbing emotion or memory arises, take a little side-trip by returning to Dumping to clear it. Use the whole Growing Up process on that new emotion or memory. Then return to the place you left off in the process.

Giving It Away For Free – How I Give Things Away For Free (1c of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1c of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by lazysupper

In part 1a we looked at the reasons for giving things away for free. In part 1b we looked at the costs and benefits of different types of free information and services. In this part we are going to look at the ways I use free in my practice.

Let me be very clear; this is not the best way or only way to use free stuff, it jus the way I am doing it.

1) The Web Site And Podcast
This is by far my biggest effort when it comes to free. I will be honest; my publication schedule is crazy. There is a new free resource on this site every three or four days. I spend as much as 20 hours a week on content. I would not recommend this for you (or anyone for that matter), especially when you are first starting out.

There are some great websites I read and podcasts I listen to that only produce content once a month. If you are starting to produce free content once a month is a great publication schedule to start with. People's lives are busy and they don't have time to consume all of the content that is out there.

I have other goals for the content that I create beyond just what we are talking about here and that is part of the reason I have such an ambitious publication schedule. [Read more about why I have this site.]

2) Six Audios + Newsletter
My newsletter is very important because it gives me the opportunity to reach out to readers. It is one thing to have a website that people are going to visit, but everyone has busy lives. They are going to forget you are out there. But when you have permission to send them e-mails then you have a chance to remind them that you are out there. Every Thursday I send a note to my readers that lists all the new information on the site, if there are any new products, and just a quick note to say hi.

I am sure we all have newsletter overload. There is so much out there. The free six audios I offer are an enticement to get visitors to sign up. Sure they can unsubscribe anytime they want (like right after they receive the sixth audio), but it cost me nothing to offer it to them once the audios were produced and hopefully they will stick around.

A common mistake I see made with newsletters is they don't contain any content. There are a number of newsletters I get that only have announcements of new classes and new products. Yes, I want to hear what these people are up to, but if it is nothing more than a string of announcements I am not going to rush to open it. About once every three or four weeks I send a direct sales letter, but every other newsletter I send out over the month contains links to at least two free resources (sometimes more).

I want people to be excited to get my newsletter because they know they are going to get content that will improve their Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping skill set. Every time I deliver something of value I am building my credibility and reputation with my readers that will lead to sales and session.

It is important to note that less than 5% of my readers are ever going to buy anything. That is fine because it cost me very little time to provide this free information to my readers.

3) Being Interviewed
I can't think of a time that I have turned down being interviewed. This true for articles, podcast, teleclasses, and radio programs. Being interviewed costs us very little time and gives us the benefit of having someone else speak to our value by introducing us to their readers and listeners. I see a spike in newsletter sign-ups and have tracked sales directly to these interviews.

When people are interviewing you they know you are giving your time and expertise. In exchange for this they are willing to let you promote yourself. When I do an interview I always set up something for the listeners. I will create a special web page just for the interview and give the listeners a free audio.

4) Free One-On-One Sessions
As we talked about before this is a high cost, but high impact give away. The main way I give free sessions away in through the podcast. In each podcast I share a word or phrase with the listeners. If they e-mail the word or phrase in they placed in drawing. One any given week I will do between one and three free sessions.

I have a very specific follow plan with these sessions. Three or four days after the session I send a note thanking them for giving me a chance to work with them, I ask them for a testimonial, and I offer them a chance to purchase a session or a bundle of sessions at discount.

5) Enticements To Buy
It has been proven that giving bonus with any purchase works. Every sales letter I have sent to my list (with only one exception) have contained bonuses. Yes the phrase, “But, that's not all” seems very cheesy, but the sentiment works. My basic rule of thumb is to offer 125% of the price of what I selling worth of bonus.

The nice thing about digital products (like tap along audios) is they cost me nothing more to add. I have already invested the time in their creation and it costs me nothing to give the buyer access to them.

Conclusion
These are just five ways you can use free to build your readership and/or client base. There are a million other ways to use free. What is most important is that you are doing it with a plan and to track your results to see if you are getting value for your free offers.

In part two if the “4 Principles Series” we will look at the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a clients: Do no harm!

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Pod #38: EFT/Tapping, Religious Traditions, and Spiritual Practice

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One of the conversations I have most often around Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping is how it relates to religious traditions and spiritual practice. The questions range from, “Is it OK to tap based on my religion/belief system?” to “Can tapping help my spiritual practice?” I was interviewed by TapFest host Jondi Whitis and Co-Host Lillian Fimbres on EFT Radio and here is our complete conversation on the subject.

Giving It Away For Free – Types Of Things To Give Away For Free (1b of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1b of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Kevin Dooley

In part 1a of this series we looked at all of the reasons to give something away for free. In this part we are going to look at what you have to offer for free and type of impact each of these things will have.

There are few things to keep in mind when giving things away for free. We need to look at how much money something will cost us, how much time it will cost us, how many people we are going to reach, and what is the level of impact the give away is going to have.

1) Financial Cost
This is the easiest for figure out. Because my web server is a fixed cost it costs me nothing to offer free digital product (like audio and e-book downloads), articles, and podcasts. When I am doing live presentations or at health fairs I give free instruction and tap along CDs away. Because I already own a computer it costs me very little to produce these CDs. I only need to buy the blank CDs and envelops to put them in. I know a practitioner who gives away books instead of business cards. This cost a few dollars each for the book printing. I have given away $5 gift cards to Starbucks and ColdStone as part of promotions.

2) Time
With the exception of buying something to give away (like gift cards) everything we give away is going to cost some time. It takes time to write articles, record audios, give a free presentation, and work with someone one-on-one. Often times we don't think about this as an expense, but we only have limited amount of time each day. When we are giving something away for free we need to consider how much time it is going to cost us.

3) The Number Of People It Is Going To Reach
Everything we give away is going to have different number of people it can reach or will reach. When I put something on line the possible reach is anyone who makes it to my web site. (Note: Just because it can reach millions on -line doesn't mean it will reach millions.) When I am doing a live demonstration I could be reaching between 10 and 100 people. When I am giving away one-on-one session I am only reaching the person I am working with.

4) Impact Of The Give Away
Not all free things are created equal. The impact of a free audio is going to differ greatly from working with someone one-on-one because the one-on-one session is going to be much more personal than a general weight release audio. Giving a free book to someone is going to have a bigger impact than giving a business card.

Formula
So there is not hard and fast rule for how to figure this out, but you going to want to consider all these factors these factors when you are considering the types of giveaways you are going to do. Obviously the higher the cost (time and money) the higher the impact you are going to want. Let take a look at three examples.

1) Articles
It only costs me 1 hour to 90 minutes and no money (minus the coffee I consume while writing it) to create and publish a new article on my web site. The reach of this article can be very large (based on the number of people we are visiting my site). As time passes, the more regular readers I have the larger the reach of each article has. The impact of the article on an individual reader is relatively low.

As an extra bonus the article will live on my site forever. This allows readers to find it through web searches for years to come. As an added bonus, often times I receive a question from a reader about something I have already written about. I can give them a personal and immediate answer to their questions by sending them the link to the article with a note that reads, “Check this link out and let me know what further questions you have on the topic.

The goal of the article is to continue to build my reputation and relationship with my readers. From time to time one of my articles is going to go viral. Someone else will really like the article and share it with their readers expanding the reach, but I have no control over this factor. Also, it might only happen one in every twenty articles.

The cost is relatively low, the impact is relatively low, and the reach is large.

2) Podcast
Podcast are very similar to articles with a few exceptions. It costs me about 4 to 5 hours and no money to create one episode of the Tapping/EFT Q and A podcast between setting up the interviews, doing the interviews, creating the webpage, and editing the podcast.

The impact of the podcast is higher than that of an article. First, people hear my voice and feel like they know me more than when they read my stuff helping to build my reputation more.

Second, the podcast market is much less crowded at this point. If you search “EFT” in google my web site isn't in the first 300 search results. If you search “EFT podcast” I am on the first page of search results. If you search “EFT” in iTunes I am in the first 10 results. I will grant that many fewer people are looking for podcasts than just tapping information, but when I did my survey of readers in March almost 20 percent of respondent said they found my site because of searching in iTunes.

Third, many of the podcasts I do are interviews with other people who have mailing lists and website. Many of the people I have interviewed in the past shared a link to the podcast with their reads helping to spread my site to their readers.

Like articles, I have the benefit of having the podcast on my site for all time allowing people to find them through search engines and I can send people to podcasts when they have a specific question. (I send the link to my podcast on surrogate tapping on average of once a day.)

The cost in time is higher, the impact is higher, and the reach is smaller.

3) Free One-On-One Session
Between setting-up the session, my pre-session prep, post-session follow up, and the session itself it cost me about 1h and 45min to do one-on-one session.

There is another cost with a one-on-one session that we haven't talked about yet and that is energy. In comparison to content creation it costs me more energy to do a session with a client. There is a limit to the number of sessions that I can do in one day and I need to have certain energy level to start a session. This is just one more cost to keep in mind.

When you work with someone one-on-one you they are not only getting a chance to see how you work but they are also feeling the transformation in their own life. Almost every free session I have done (since creating my free session follow up process) has turned into a testimonial and many of these free sessions have turned into paying clients. Some have turned in to clients whom I have worked with on and off with for years.

The cost in time is high, the impact is very high, and the reach is very small.

No Hard And Fast Rules
As you can see each type of give away has it pluses and minuses based on cost and benefit. I would also recommend that you don't put all your egg in one basket. I have created a whole portfolio of free things. Some of them are things that I do regularly (articles, podcasts) while other are one-off giveaways for a very specific reason (10 one-on-one session as part of getting people to take the survey).

There is no right or wrong way to do this. And as your practice grows the math of the formula is going to change. As your website traffic grows it costs you less to create an article in compared to the impact.

If it takes me one hour to write an article and 10 people read it then I spend 6 min a person for that article, but if 60 people read it then it only cost me 1 min a person. The cost is the same but impact has improved six fold.

Also, not all strategies are right for all people. I recently interviewed a practitioner who is really good at speaking, but writing an article is like pulling teeth. It is going to cost her very little to give a free presentation, but it is going to be “painful” (her words) to write an article.

It is best to find what works for you, but to do this it is going to cost you. In the beginning it is going to cost you your time (what is often referred to as sweat equity). One of the benefits of giving something away for free is learning people don't want this particular free offering. The key is to know why you are giving something away and see if you are meeting your goals with that give away.

In part 1c we will look at how I use free information and services in my practice.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Pod #37: Tapping for Trauma w/ Gwyneth Moss

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Trauma is one of the words that we throw around when talking about difficult times. In this interview I talk with EFT Master Gwyneth Moss about the true nature of trauma. She very succinctly explains how we experience trauma and how to deal with it. Trauma is not about something that happens, but the after effects, and when we understand its true nature we are much more likely to be able to heal. This is one of those interviews that is worth listening to a number of times.


Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

Giving It Away For Free, But Only For Good Reason (1a of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1a of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Patrick Haney

Giving stuff away for free can be a tricky thing to do as a practitioner. On one hand it feels like a good idea because we are exposing potential clients to our products and services. On the other hand we can worry that if we give too much away potential clients are only going to take the free things and never buy.

Giving products and services away for free is a very key part of my business and marketing plan, but it needs to be more than “give it away and hope.” Every time we are giving something away for free (products, services, or our time) we need to be doing for a very specific reason. We need to be giving away for free with a plan.

There are a number of reasons to give things away. Every time I give something away for free it meets at least one of the following reasons. In many cases it meets more.

1) Because It Is A Good Thing To Do
I don't want to reduce giving away good and services to a simple transaction. We are going to talk about a number of things that we get back from free, but there are times when giving is a good thing to do because it is a good thing to do.

There are a number of places that I use my gifts and talents for people I love, people who can't afford my stuff, and places that have a soft spot in my heart. There is some much good that comes out of doing something simply as an act of love.

BUT, and this is a big but, it is very important that you keep this part of your life and your practice in balance. There are only so many hours in the day and there is only so much energy that you have to share with others. If you are not taking care of your own well-being by doing too much work you are going to be no good to anyone. If you are not getting paid for what you do then you are going to need to find another job.

This is a major pit fall for many people in the care-taking fields. We see the suffering of others and know that we can help. How can we possibly say “no”? It is great to help others, but not at the risk of hurting ourselves.

One of the ways I deal with this balance is I have decided there are a certain number of hours of my time I give away. This does two things. First, it challenges me to reach out to others when it is very easy to get lost in my own stuff. Second, it helps me keep balance and not give too much of my time to the detriment to the rest of my life.

2) To Get Experience
The art of delivery is a skill. Just because you know the Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping points and a few techniques it does not mean that you are equipped to run a full time practice. We need practice at our skills. I hope I am much better helping clients than I was a few years ago.

It is a great idea when you are getting ready to starting a practice to decide that over the course of two months you are going to do 20 free sessions as a way of improving your skills. It is important to be up front with your clients that you are newer to the skill set, but this won't deter people. Lots of people are willing to go to barber schools, dental schools, and massage schools for free and discounted work.

As a side note: I also believe that it is really important that you are getting supervision from an experienced practitioner while you are doing this sort of work. It is one thing to spend time with clients, it is something much more to be able to talk through your sessions to see what you could do better in the future.

After each session you are doing to improve your skills I would take a few minutes to review the session. What are the things you did well? What are the things you could improve in the future? You don't get better by accident. You need to plan for your success.

3) To Help Determine If It Is A Good Match
Lots of practitioners will give a free 20min consultation. It is nice to know that if you found a practitioner on-line that you can chat with them to see if your personalities and approaches are going to match, but this is a two way street. This is also an opportunity to see if they are the right clients for you.

I know that if you are just starting out that it is hard to believe that you would ever turn business away, but it is true. There are lots of clients who would be willing to pay you money but are more of a headache than they are worth. Personally, I only want to be working with clients who want to get better. I have encountered clients who are just looking for someone to reaffirm the fact that they are wounded and have no desire to heal. I don't have the time or energy for this in my practice. This will come with experience, but you will start to understand what clients are going to be more trouble than they are worth.

Also, you might get to the point in your practice where you decided to specialize in one area (weight release, children, business) and you will realize that people would be served better somewhere else. There is a practitioner that refers people to me all the time because she wants to be doing only one type of work and she knows I am more of a generalist.

4) To Get Testimonials
One of the great bonuses of living in the modern world is that anyone can communicate with anyone else almost any where in the world. One of the great struggles of the modern world is that anyone can communicate with anyone else almost any where in the world.

There is so much noise out there. You need to find a way to stand out in the crowd. One of the great ways to stand out is having people you worked with talk about their experience. I recently added a client who specifically mentioned the testimonials on my website as a reason she contacted me. It is one thing to say that you are good; it is something else when others say it.

Every time you do a presentation, teach a class, or work with someone one-on-one ask them for a testimonial. When I ask for a testimonial I explain why it is so important to my business and ask them if they are willing to write one for me. I give them the opportunity to put their name on it or keep it anonymous. I also provide them samples of what others have written so they can see what I am looking for. (Here are some of the testimonials I have received.)

5) Introduce Yourself, Your Personality, And Your Competency
When you are giving something away for free (be it a session or information like an article) it gives you a chance to let possible clients know who you are. I mean this more than just being able to put your name with your face, but instead to get a real understanding of who you are.

Tapping Q and A is a very personal web site. I don't spend a great deal of time talking about myself, but if you have been reading this for a while or listening to the podcast you have a sense of who I am. You know what I am passionate about. You can get a sense of how I see the healing process. You can see if I know what I am talking about.

I received a great complement from a client recently. At the end of our first session working together he said, “That felt like our second session because I felt like I knew you from your site and podcast.”

6) To Build A Relationship
Some people aren't ready to sign up for a session when they first encounter you. At first they might be very hesitant because they are new to tapping, they aren't able to afford a session, or they don't ye realize they need outside help yet. I have readers who are on my list for as much as two years before they are ready to do a session with me.

Because I am a presents in their lives by providing a stream of free information to them when it comes time for them to choose a practitioner I am at the front of their minds.

Also, when we build a long-term relationship with people we then have permission to sell things to them. I don't send a lot of sales letter to my list, but I do send them. Most of the times they are very well received because my readers what to hear from me because of the relationship we have. I am not forcing my way into there life with “BUY! BUY! BUY!” but I am already there and this time I happen to have something for sale.

I knew that I had cultivated a good relationship with my readers when I received an email that read, “Can you please start selling things so I can buy them.”

7) To Give Another Offer For A Sale
Many times after I have given something away for free I will then offer something for sales. Because of the law of reciprocity people are going to feel compelled to listen to your pitch because you have just given them something for free.

8) To Get Information
In March I did a comprehensive survey of my readers. I learned some amazing things. I received a lot of great article topics and realized a number of areas that I could be serving with my work. This article series you are reading right now is based on the fact I had some many readers ask for practice building ideas and information. Basically, I traded digital goods and free sessions for valuable information.

Conclusion
Every choice you make should be made for a reason. The more mindful we are of our choices the more likely we are going to find success. When you are giving things away for free do it for a reason. In part 1b of this series I will explain the types of products, services, and information that you can give away for free.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Pod #36: Questions and Answers About Tapping

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Gene host's a radio program every other Tuesday @ Emotional Freedom Techniques Community Radio. In the most recent show Gene answered questions from beginners and practitioners alike from all over the world.

This week Gene answered:

  • Will tapping right before bed keep you up?
  • Is it possible to tap for things that happen that our subconscious mind is perceiving, but our conscious mind is not?
  • How do I tap for seasonal allergies?
  • How do I tap for Male Pattern Baldness?
  • How do I tap for weight loss?

Important Links:

Being Able To Receive

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There are a number of goals I would like to achieve, but I feel like there is so much to do. I would like to ask others for help, but I am having a really hard time asking. Is there a way I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to help with this issue?


photo by Marcin Moga

I have always had really hard time receiving things. I was raised to work hard, do everything I can, and be self-reliant. I have always wanted to be successful. I have felt that when I needed help it meant that I weak or not good enough.

At the other end other end of the spectrum I also don't want my actions or efforts to be noticed. I don't like when others make a big deal of my work. For the longest time I had a very hard time taking a complement. I would defuse it and turn it into a joke.

Recently Deborah Miller, PhD (FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great tapping sequence on getting better at receiving. It is reprinted below with permission.

RECEIVING

Do you say you want something but complain when you don't get it? Do you really believe you can have what you desire? Or do you doubt it, or believe others can get what they desire but not you? Do you stop yourself from receiving what you desire even when it's being offered to you? Do you truly know how to receive?

Most of us have not learned how to “receive” gracefully. We've been taught things like: I must accept what there is, it's greedy to “want” things, others are suffering so I should be satisfied with what I have, or it is better to give than to receive. None of these beliefs helps us learn how to ask for and receive what we desire.

Let's do some tapping to open ourselves to gracefully receive: help, support, finances, time, energy, health, work, money, and especially love.

Even though I was taught it isn't ok to receive, because it is better to give than receive, I love myself completely and profoundly.

Even though I was taught that it wasn't ok to ask for things, or that I had to wait until someone choose to give me something, I love and accept myself profoundly.

Even though I would like to receive, I don't know how. I feel uncomfortable. I'm still a great lady (or guy).

Eyebrow: I can't receive. It's not ok to get things. I'm supposed to give things.

Side of Eye: I can't accept anything, not even something as simple as a compliment without having to shrug it off or feel uncomfortable, much less say “Thank You!”

Under the Eye: I want to receive but I'm not even sure what I want to receive so how can I receive it?

Under the Nose: I say I want this or that, but I'm saying I'd like that “thing” because it is an object I can identify.

Chin: I say I'd like to receive “objects” when deep down what I'd really like to receive is tenderness, kindness, respect, time, hugs, quality time with the people I love, and most of all love.

Collarbone: I'd like to receive respect, honest responses and encouragement from those I love, and from those who work with me.

Under the Arm: I'd also like to receive the physical objects and comforts that would make my life feel luscious and rich, which in turn allows me to give to those I love.

Top of Head: How could I receive when I didn't know what I really wanted? How could I receive when I didn't feel I deserved what I want?

Eyebrow: Now that I've identified what I'd like to receive, I choose to release any resistance I have to receiving. Aahhh! Now I can begin to receive.

Side of Eye: I learn to receive step by step. I listen to the compliments I receive and simply say “thank you!”. I learn to receive by rejoicing in all the things I receive that make me happy.

Under the Eye: It puts me in the right frame of mind and it opens my heart to receive deeply. It is my divine right to receive.

Under the Nose: Receiving is a blessing to those who want to give to me. Allowing them to give to me is allowing them to give from their heart. That is receiving and giving all at once.

Chin: I receive because it feels so good to do so. I receive because I love how happy it makes those who want to give so lovingly to me.

Collarbone: I rejoice in my ability to receive from my heart, and in turn give openly and gracefully.

Under the Arm: What a beautiful cycle it creates: first receiving from an open and loving heart, and then with a heart wide open give love.

Top of Head: I am so happy to receive; receive my divine gifts of time, energy, playfulness, joy, laughter, delight, even the things I desire, but especially love. Love is the best gift to receive. I receive love now.

Pod #35: Improving Performance or Learning with Tapping w/ Jared Tendler

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Our ability to be successful with any task is not dependent just on our skill set, but also our mental frame of mind before, during, and after we take action. This frame of mind can impact not only our ability but also how we learn new tasks and improve our skill. In this podcast I talk to Jared Tendler. Jared works with golfers and poker players around their mindset and frame of mind. Both of these games are great for looking at how our mindset affects us because of the immediate feedback we get from each choice. In this interview Jared talks about many different ways we can look at our mental outlook and how it relates to choice. The experienced tapper will see right away how to combine these mindset approaches with our Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping.

This interview is packed with information. There are times when I finish an interview and am just blown away by what I have learned, and this is one of those instances. I recommend listening to the podcast a few times and doing with a pen and paper to hand.

 

Jared Tendler

Guest: Jared Tendler

Contact: web @ JaredTendlerGolf.com; web @ JaredTendlerPoker.com; e-mail @ contact; Phone @ (480) 240-8983

About Jared: Jared Tendler, MS, LMHC, is the leading expert in the mental game poker without being a player himself. He has coached over 350 poker players hailing from 40 countries, including several of the top poker players in the world. He is also the author of two best-selling books, The Mental Game of Poker 1 & 2.

Prior to becoming the leading expert in poker, Jared was a mental game coach for golfers. His interest in golf psychology was born from his own mental game issues. Jared played collegiate golf for Skidmore College, where he was a three-time All-American and won nine tournaments. But he was continually choking in major national events.

Driven to find answers, he got a Master’s degree in psychology and became a licensed therapist to solve the problems conventional golf psychology couldn’t. In 2005, he began working with golfers and coached players on the LPGA, PGA and Nationwide Tour, top-ranked juniors, and serious amateurs. In 2007, after coaching a former professional golfer turned poker player, Jared began translating his practical and straightforward approach to poker. Seven years later, his methods have proven to help players of varying abilities, from top professionals to beginners.

Links From Is Podcast:

  • Jared's book Mental Game Strategy

Pod #34: Using NLP Logical Levels w/ Wil Horton

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In a number of Gary Craig's original EFT DVDs he talked about how helpful knowing and understanding NLP concepts are. I can speak from my own experience at how valuable these principles, concepts, and techniques are when working with clients or doing self-work. In this pod I interview the National Foundation Of Neuro Linguistic Programming founder Dr. Wil Horton. In this interview we talk about the different logical levels of change. When we recognize all of the different levels in which change can happen at it can speed the healing process as well as identify the places we need to do extra work.


Dr. Wil Horton

Guest: Dr. Wil Horton

Contact: web @ NFNLP.com; Phone @ (941) 408-8551

About Wil: William D. Horton, Psy. D., CADC, is a licensed Psychologist, an alcohol and drug counselor, a Master Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming, a Certified Hypnotherapist and trained through the Red Cross program for Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. He has been trained in crisis/hostage negotiation by the FBI at the FBI Academy in Quantico, VA, and also recently taught at an FBI Lead Crisis Negotiation Course. A veteran of the Army and Naval Reserve, Dr. Horton is considered one of the leading experts in subconscious communications.

He is the founder of the National Federation of Neurolinguistic Psychology, NFNLP, one of the fastest growing organizations for NLPers in the world. NFNLP serves as a network for professionals who use NLP to share experiences, new techniques and applications, and other useful information from their fields of expertise. NFNLP and Dr. Horton have changed the face of NLP forever. It is NLP for the 21st Century!

Finding the Words To Use – Quick Tip

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I love this tip. This is an easy, straight forward way of coming up with phrases by Tania A. Prince. I would encourage you to check out her web site http://www.eft-courses.co.uk/ as well as the interview we did earlier this year (Getting To The Root Of A Current Issue).

* * *

For many people knowing which words to tap on is a major block that can stop them in their tracks when they think about using EFT.

One of the easiest ways to identify the words to tap on is to ask yourself, “how do I know that I have this problem?”

Do I have a feeling attached to it? If so, what is it, where is it, what quality does it have? ( For example is it heavy, light, moving, still etc)

How intense is the feeling now? (This is important so that you can keep a check on the progress that you are making)

What did I think to get that feeling?

Once you have this information you can set the EFT up as follows:

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about), I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about), I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about) I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Eye Brow Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

Side of the Eye Point: “in my (location of feeling)”

Under the Eye Point: “when I think about (describe what you thought about)”

Under the Nose Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

Chin Point: “in my (location of feeling)”

Collar Bone Point: “when I think about (describe what you thought about)”

Under the Arm Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

(This is the EFT Shortened tapping sequence- it differs from the original Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping sequence as it does not use the finger tapping points)

Now check how intense the feeling is and keep tapping until the intensity goes to zero. You may need to modify the words that you use to describe the feeling as you go along as these can change.

Pod #33: Two Keys To A Thriving Practice w/ Carol Look

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As time passes I am increasingly working with clients on building their own practices. There is a real feeling of “try it on everything” in the Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping community but as we move from helping our friends with headaches and cravings for chocolate to working with clients, we need more than just a willing spirit. In this interview EFT Master Carol Look speaks frankly about two key issues to keep in mind when you are starting a practice.
[Read more…] about Pod #33: Two Keys To A Thriving Practice w/ Carol Look

People Might Not Like It When We Change

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I have been using tapping for the last six months and love the results. One thing I have noticed is that my family is not excited about my change at all. Some of the members of my family even resent it. Is this common and is there anything I can do about it?


photo by Jeremy Brooks

At first I was amazed at the number of times that I heard stories like these from my clients. As time has passed I have come to realize that not only is this a common occurrence, but it is something that makes a great deal of sense.

Every relationship that we have is a co-creation. Inside of this relationship there is an exchange of some sort. What I provide to the relationship is different from what my friend is providing and that is great. It wouldn't be a great deal of fun to have every relationship be exactly the same from each side. If that were the case every relationship we have would just be in relationship with ourselves.

For example, in the teacher/student relationship the teacher is getting a chance to share wisdom and knowledge and the student is getting a chance to learn. In a marriage the wife might be the encouragement to help the husband peruse bigger things and the husband might be the calming force in the wife's life.

[Note: I have a feeling the way I am talking about relationships might not be sitting well with you. This might seem like it is too much of a transaction and less of a loving relationship. I agree I am talking about relationships is very base terms here. I am only speaking in this way to understand why others struggle when we change.]

Every relationship not matter how big or small there is a give and take. Even if it is in very subtle small ways there is an exchange. In most cases is it not a clear cut set of roles and in most cases we don't even think about it.

When we change we change the basic nature of many of the relationships that we have. For example when the student has learned enough they are going to move on from the teacher. This is not a dismissal of the teacher or the teacher's knowledge, but an acknowledgement the dynamic of the relationship is now different. In some cases the relationship ends while other times the nature of the relationship changes as they be come peers.

On change is not preferable to another. It is just a nature of relationship. Each relationship has it own time and season. Some people pass through our live briefly, other pass in and out and back in again, while still others just keep changing and evolving with time.

As we are going through change work, cleaning out the wounds from the past, and evolving into more complete people the relationships in our lives are going to change. Because we are different people we are going to need different things and we are going to provide different things from our relationships.

Let's look at an extreme example. That's say we start this process we a very low sense of self esteem. Because of this we let a number of our family members walk all over us and take advantage of us because we are not willing to stick up for ourselves. When they take advantage (and may times this is happening subconsciously) they are able to get us to tasks they don't want to do or they might get to feel better by putting us down.

After working with a practitioner a number of times we have been able to improve our self esteem to the point that we are willing to stand up for ourselves and we are no longer allowing ourselves to be talked into doing tasks for our family members when we don't what to.

It is very easy to see how our family members (again in a subconscious way) would not like the fact that we have made this change because they are no longer getting us to do stuff for them and they are loosing a chance to feel superior.

Most of the change we are going to go through is not going to be this dramatic, but every change we make is going to change the way we interact with the world, therefore causing the expectations of the people in our life to no longer be met.

All of this happens in a very subconscious way. Our loved ones are not thinking to themselves “You have changed and your are no longer giving me what I want out of this relationship.” Instead they are simply noticing their needs are no longer being met and therefore they are going to be angry.

What I have just explained here is a major piece of resistance many people have to making change in their life. They have made small changes in the past that they have felt the backlash from their loved ones. Because this has happened in a subconscious way they are going to prevent change in the future because they don't want to deal with this again.

There are good reasons to not change in this moment. How your loved ones are going to react to that change in most cases is not a good one.

You are worthy of change. The way they choose to react to that change is their choice. It is not your responsibility. They are responsible for their emotional state.

I share this information for two reasons. First, it is good to notice if you are preventing yourself form changing because you fear how others will react to the change. Second, it is helpful to be able to name why people are so resistant to your change. It will help you not to take is personally, but instead see that they are struggling with their own emotions and it is not something you are responsible for.

Here is some tapping you can do around this issue:

I know I want to change…I am worthy to evolve…I want my life to be richer…I want to be healthier…I want to be whole…I understand that there are people in my life who don't want me to change…they might say they want me to change…they might even believe they want me to change…but on a subconscious level there is a part of them that wants me to stay the way I am…because when I stay the way I am they don't have to make any changes to their life…therefore some of them are going to fight the changes I am making…and they are going to be angry at me for making those changes…I don't want to cause pain in other people's live…but that is NOT what I am doing here…the people in my life are responsible for their own emotional state…they are the ones who are creating that…I am worthy of change…I am not going to stop my change because it makes others uncomfortable…my evolution is too important…I give myself to permission to change…in my change I might even provide a model for those in my life that they can change too…I am not responsible for my loved ones emotional state…I am responsible to my true authentic self.