Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #180: How To Talk About The Science Around EFT w/ Craig Weiner

by

When we introduce EFT to others it can catch them off guard. Most people have nothing to compare tapping to, which creates lots of questions.

It can be frustrating to lack a clear and believable way to talk about tapping that is appropriate for newcomers.

In this conversation Craig Weiner shares how we can explain EFT to others in a helpful and understandable manner.

[Note: If you are interested the scientific research around EFT check out this interview with Dawson Church.]


Craig Weiner

Guest: Craig Weiner

Contact Craig: web @ EFTtappingtraining.com; web @ TappingOutOfTrauma.com

About Craig: Craig Weiner, DC has immersed himself in the field of Mind-Body Medicine for nearly 30 years as a chiropractor and EFT Tapping trainer/practitioner. Together with his wife Alina Frank, he trains individuals and practitioners/professionals in the Science, Art and Business of EFT for multiple certifying organizations. His passion for making neuroscience understandable and accessible, has led him to working collaboratively on multiple projects relevant to that purpose, including co-producing the upcoming film, “The Science of Tapping” and co-creating the very successful online course, Tapping Out of Trauma.

Pod #179: EFT For The Shame Of Being Wrong

by

EFT For ShameI hate being wrong. I pride myself on making thoughtful choices and I work really hard to make sure I consider the best course of action and all the possible outcomes.

That doesn't mean that I expect myself to be perfect before I act (which is a different issue), but that I am really hard on myself when I make a mistake.

Especially a public mistake where others can see I messed up.

This week's podcast is about what comes up when we are dealing with the shame of making mistakes.

This is another example of me tapping for one of my own issues in real time. I hope you find it useful.

Pod #178: Trauma Busting Technique w/ Rehana Webster

by

EFT is a powerful tool for clearing trauma, but just because you know how to tap it doesn't mean that you have a clear understanding of how to tap for trauma.

Founding EFT Master Rehana Webster has created a systematic approach to tap for trauma.

In this conversation she shares the simple steps behind what she calls TBT (Trauma Busting Technique).


Rehana Webster

Guest: Rehana Webster, BSc, EFT Master, NLP Master

Contact Rehana: web @ http://TraumaBusterTechnique.com

About Rehana:Rehana Webster is the developer of TBT (Trauma Buster Technique- a mind body therapy for the elimination of PTS Symptoms). She is also a founding EFT Master and NLP Master. Her formal education is in biological anthropology from the University of Toronto, Canada

She is a well known trauma therapist and specializes in Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) resolution including GADs (generalized anxiety disorders) , OCDs (obsessive-compulsive disorders) and other behavioral issues. She has studied a range of mind-body energy therapies and developed TBT through a synthesis of NLP and Energy Meridians.

Pod #177: Responding To Repressed Memories / w Sophia Cayer

by

The human memory is incredibly complex. As our understanding of the workings of the brain grows it is increasingly evident that the human memory can be very unreliable.

Even when we have total confidence in a memory we could be mistaken.

On some level most people are aware that their memory is fallible. This can cause clients anxiety when what feels like a new memory shows up in a tapping session.

These may have been repressed or they may also be false memories.

In this conversation with Sophia Cayer we discuss the nature of memory and how to respond to a memory that might be false.


Sophia Cayer

Guest: Sophia Cayer

Contact Sophia: web @ SophiaCayer.com; web @ PersonalPeaceFoundation.org

About Sophia Cayer: An EFT Founding Master, Sophia has been devoted to a full-time EFT practice and teaching EFT for more than 12 years. Specializing in trauma and abuse, she is well-known for her ability to resolve core issues and, with EFT, for helping clients to reshape their lives and gain a level of comfort with their new “norm”. For more than 22 years she has been dedicated to helping clients define and generate the solutions to resolve challenges and achieve their goals.

Pod #176: EFT For How Others React To Us When We Make A Major Change

by

Major ChangeOver time we are going to change our minds. (At least, I hope I am changing my mind as I learn new things.)

And in a vacuum that seems like a good thing.

We are presented with new information and experiences. We re-evaluate the way we see the world and then we change our mind to think and act in a new way.

The problem is that we don't live in a vacuum. When we change our mind it doesn't only impact the choices we make, it also impacts the other people in our lives.

You might choose to leave a job, finish a relationship, or change the way you see God. When this happens the people in our lives may be impacted in practical or emotional ways.

Our loved ones may struggle because they have to change their understanding of who we are and how we see the world. They might not like our new choices or they might feel challenged by them.

In this week's podcast we tap for the difficulties around how others react to us when we make a significant change. This is also a great audio if you are struggling with a major change that someone close to you has made.

Pod #175: Being Busy Vs. Being Productive w/ Brad Yates

by

There is a difference between filling your time with tasks and doing the tasks that are most important.

As a way of keeping ourselves from doing the things we don't want to do we often we find ways to fill our time with tasks to keep us busy.

In the long term this is far from helpful!

In this conversation with Brad Yates we discuss how we distract ourselves with busy tasks to keep us safe from might go wrong with the productive tasks. We also talk about how we can tap for this to change the way we work.


Brad Yates

Guest: Brad Yates

Contact: twitter @EFTWizard; web @ TapWithBrad.com ; facebook @ facebook.com/BradYatesTapping

About Brad: Brad has had the privilege and pleasure of working with a diverse group of clients, from CEOs to professional and NCAA athletes, from chiropractors and psychiatrists to corporate and federal attorneys, from award-winning actors to residents at a program for homeless men and women in Santa Monica. For several years he taught a weekly class using EFT and guided imagery at Sacramento Drug Court. He has also been a presenter at a number of events, including several International Energy Psychology Conferences and the Walk On Water (WOW) Fest in Los Angeles. He has presented at Jack Canfield's Breakthrough to Success event, and has done teleseminars with “The Secret” stars Bob Doyle and Dr. Joe Vitale. He is also the co-author of the bestseller “Freedom at Your Fingertips,” a featured expert in the film “Try It On Everything” (along with Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Dr. Norman Shealy and Dr. Bruce Lipton), and has been heard internationally on a number of internet radio talk shows.

Are you looking for ways to stop being busy and start being productive? I have created an entire website design to help you. There are over 250 tap-along audios, tele-classes, and tools designed to help you move past your blocks and take the actions you want. Full details on Ruach Center.

Pod #174: EFT For Professional Jealousy

by

JealousyLast month I attended a conference as a delegate, which is not something I do often. I attend around 20 conferences a year as a speaker and only one or two as an audience member.

I loved the conference and learned a lot, but there were a number of occasions when I found myself feeling jealous of speakers teaching things I already knew.

I was jealous of the platform they had and the admiration they were receiving from the audience. I was jealous of their professional success.

Jealousy is such an unproductive energy. We become obsessed with outside forces, we feel sorry for ourselves, and we don't take action.

In this audio you will hear me tapping in real time for my jealousy of others and how I managed to shift it into a more positive frame of mind.

Feel free to tap along.

Pod #173: Working On Our Authority Figures Using EFT w/ Gary Williams

by

WORKING-ON-OURSomething interesting happens when families get together where the adult children fall right back into the roles they had when they were 13 years old. (At least that is what happens in my family.)

This happens not only when a whole family comes together, but also within certain relationships. No matter how much growth we have gone through as an adult, we fall back into our old patterns.

In this interview Gary Williams talks about the stress that can be caused by the dominant personalities which ruled our responses as children and how we can tap for them.


Greg Williams

Guest: Gary Williams

Contact: web @ EFTHub.com;

About Gary: Gary Williams is the founder and creator of the EFT Hub. Whilst still at school he started interviewing and broadcasting as a hobby and later worked for a commercial radio network under the name of Andy King.

Gary developed an interest in therapies such as Stress Management, Reiki, Kinesiology, NLP and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). His passion grew for the therapy world and he decided to make a career change.

With more than ten years of experience using EFT/tapping Gary has brought many of the top professionals in the field into the EFT Tapping Hub to share their valuable insights.

Pod #172: EFT For Rejection

by

EFT 4A few weeks ago I was at a conference in which Daniel Pink was talking about the sales process. One of the stories he talked about was a door to door brush salesman. He wasn't talking about someone from some bygone era.

He was talking about a man who in 2015 sells brushes door to door in the business district of San Francisco.

The salesman described his experience as “every day I face an ocean of rejection”. I couldn't imagine an daily existence like that.

Fear of rejection is a powerful force in not taking action in both our professional and personal lives. “No” can feel like the scariest word in the English language.

Today's audio is another example of me tapping in real time for an issue that I struggle with. Take the time to tap along with me.

Pod #171: The Heart Of EFT w/ Jondi Whitis

by

The Heart Of EFTWhen it comes to using EFT effectively I think that Jondi Whitis is one of the best. She is insightful, deliberate, and so compassionate. (She is also a great trainer if you are looking to up your tapping game.)

Every year she hosts a wonderful event outside NYC called the Spring Energy Event. (You should join the mailing list and come along next year!)

This year she gave a talk called “The Heart Of EFT!” It was one of the most thoughtful reflections I could imagine on the healing process. As I was sitting at the sound board making sure everyone could hear her clearly my thought was, “I have to share this on the podcast!”

Jondi was kind enough to allow me to share her talk here.

Take your time to savor this, it will inform not only the way you tap and the way you work, but also how you interact with others.

It is good stuff!


Jondi Whitis

Conversation with: Jondi Whitis

Jondi's Contact: web @ EFT4Results.com;

About Jondi: Jondi Whitis is a certified EFT Master Trainer, Practitioner, Mentor and Board Member for AAMET International, delighting in creating practitioners of excellence. She’s passionately interested in refining and up-levelling core EFT skillsets, cutting-edge techniques, and training for practitioners and trainers worldwide, upholding the most thorough and professional EFT standards. She offers deeply personal, hands-on training to anyone interested in heart-centered healing, from children to teachers, parents to professionals, and for diverse communities worldwide, including veterans, Native Americans, teachers, healthcare professionals, and those who work with kids.

An ‘integration specialist’, Jondi enthusiastically guides each person to find authentic ways to integrate EFT into their purpose, professional practice and life. Join her in person, at the annual gathering just north of NYC, Spring Energy Event

Pod #170: What Phrases Should I Use For…

by

WhatPhrasesForI love receiving questions from my listener and readers. They help me to understand what the community needs and how I can best serve you.

You can always ask a question here.

The question I get more than any other is “What are the right tapping phrases for [insert issue]?” (emphasis added)

I can understand where this question comes from.

When most people learn EFT they are taught to say words. When we see an expert practitioner leading someone else we marvel at the “perfect” phrases they use in the moment.

This leads us to believe that there are perfect and right phrases.

In reality this is not the case. There are phrases that are more useful than others, but there is no right and wrong.

In this audio I will teach you some of the ways I come up with tapping phrases that will make your tapping more effective.

The 10 Questions That Changed My Life

by

Good morning,

Last week I was having dinner with a friend I’ll call “Sally” at a place that serves the most amazing chicken and waffles.

As we were enjoying dinner she explained that she was having a really hard time. She was in the middle of a move. Her job was stressing her out. She was thinking of changing careers. AND she had been sick for weeks.

I was listening closely as caring friend.

She stopped. Looked me dead in the eye and said, “I know you like to leave your work at work, but right now I don't need my friend Gene. I need Gene the coach. Help!”

So I smiled, ordered another drink, and began to ask her some questions.

It Only Took 10 Questions

Over the next 45 minutes I asked her ten questions. With each answer she gave I repeated back what she had said in my own words and asked a few follow-up questions.

At the end of 45 minutes she said, “Wow! You’re so smart. Thank you for helping me out with that.”

The funny thing is, I didn't say anything smart.

I didn't offer any advice. I didn't make any suggestions. I didn't help her plan anything.

I simply asked ten questions and in the process of answering those questions she was able to see clearly what she wanted – and, more importantly, needed – the steps she needed to take, and the emotional blocks she needed to clear in order to be successful.

These Are Not Random Questions

10 Question System When Sally asked me to put my coach hat on I didn't just start asking her random questions, but instead I worked her through a specific process designed to move us from confusion, to clarity, and then to action.

The 10 Question System (I know it’s not an awfully catchy name) is very powerful and something I use in my own life as well as with my clients.

This system guides me when I’m trying to do something as small as reorganizing my office or something as large as creating a new product line.

I Want You To Learn This System

On the surface this system looks super simple and that is because it is simple.

BUT just because something is simple doesn't mean that it is easy to do at first.

To that end I have created a training program that will walk you through the full system. Not only will you know the right questions to ask and the right order in which to ask them, but you will understand the motivation behind each of the questions.

Once you master the why of each question it will stop being a formula and start to be something that you can integrate into your daily life as you make choices, as you are helpful to your friends and family, and can be integrated into client work if that is what you do.

And it is not just ten questions!

Each step along the way I teach you how you can tap for the information that comes up from each of the questions. You are not just figuring out what you want and need but also how to clear the issues that will (and always do) come up along the way.

What Is In The Program?

The system consists of more than 4 hours of audios which will teach you:

  • How and why we create limiting beliefs, and how to break down your goals in a way so that you can find every fear and limiting belief lurking in your subconscious.
  • Tools to knock out these limiting beliefs anytime, anywhere. THIS IS KEY: Not only will this tool set help you when you are sitting at home working through your goal list, but when any fear or limiting belief pops up in any situation you will be able to knock it out.
  • How to recognize when limiting beliefs are holding you back (because sometimes we don’t even see them)
  • In addition to more than 4 hours of instruction you will also receive a digital workbook that will take you through the ten steps. Because this system works for any of your goals, when it is time to go after the next one you’ll easily be able to print out a fresh copy of the workbook to guide you through the steps.

Bonus Tools To Help You Achieve Your Goals

This system is great at uncovering the root causes for not taking action and the limiting beliefs that make it difficult for you to take action.

I want you to be successful. I want you to achieve your goals. To that end I am adding four audio bonuses that you can use to knock out these common beliefs and fears:

Resistance To Change: If there weren’t resistance to change we would have already changed. Sometimes this resistance has nothing to do with the specific change, but is about change in general. This audio will make you more comfortable with change, which will help you to take action. ($13.77 value)

Being Open To The Process: It can be scary to think that we will uncover our fears and limiting beliefs. This audio will help you to know that it is safe and good to do this investigation and work. ($13.77 value)

Believing You Are Worthy of Better: Almost daily I talk to clients who don’t believe they deserve a better life. This audio helps you recognize your worthiness which will help you take action. ($13.77 value)

Permission To Be Easy With Yourself: We are our own worst critics. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else ever could be. When we are kinder and more loving towards ourselves we are able to move forward faster. ($13.77 value)

That is $55 in free tap-along audios that you can use over and over again.

Very Special Deal

The system normally costs $189, but for the next two weeks I am making a special offer. In addition to the $55 in bonus tap-along audios you can get the system in one of three ways.

1) The Full Program: You receive the bonus audios and the full program for only $97. That is a 49% discount. Get It Now!

2) The Program + A Little Help: You will receive the bonus audios, the program, and one full hour working one-on-one with me to help you quickly knock out the stubborn issues uncovered by the system for only $197. That is an 89% discount on the program. Get It Now!

3) The Program + A Lot Of Help: You will receive the bonus audio, the program, and five one-on-one sessions with me. Imagine what it will like to have someone walking with you helping to clear out these issues. You get all of this for $787. When you do this you receive the whole system free of charge! Get It Now!

Act Today!

People just like you are taking control of their lives and taking the action that they want. Join them today. Don't miss this opportunity to transform the way you approach your problems.

When you order you will be given instant access to all the downloads.

Do it now: Yes! I want access to the system right now.

Gene

PS: The longer you wait to get clear the longer you are going to be stuck where you are right now. That is time that you are never going to get back. The sooner you take action the sooner you will have what you want. Order now!
https://tappingqanda.com/actnow

Pod #169: Clearing The Habits Created By Old Root Causes

by

changing-habitsOver the last few years I have noticed a pattern with a number of my clients. It would play out something like this…

  • Client would come to me with an issue
  • We would work to find the root cause
  • They would have relief for a few weeks
  • The symptoms would come back
  • We would do more work looking for more root cause, but would find nothing

As I researched what all these clients had in common it turned out that all of them had come to me for an issue that had been with them a long time and the actions they were taking were no longer motivated by the root cause, but had instead become a habit.

In this audio from the 2015 Spring Energy Event I show you how this phenomena happens and 5 times you can do clear the habit created by root issues after you clear the root issue.

Pod #168: Is It OK For Christians To Use EFT

by

is-it-OK-for(Today's podcast is sponsored by PRM. Click the link to get 20% off your order.)

One of the reasons that EFT is so appealing is that it can be easily combined with other tools and modalities. In fact I know few people who do just EFT.

The problem with this for a newcomer to EFT is knowing what is EFT and what is the stuff that is added to it. This becomes even more complicated for Christians because it is often the other things that are combined with EFT that make many of them uncomfortable.

Most people who visit this site don't know that since 1997 I have traveled the US and Canada working in Catholic youth ministry with the group APeX Ministries. We have worked with hundreds of thousands of young people. We were even Pope John Paul II’s opening act in 2001.

Because of this I have had the opportunity to give a lot of thought to and have a lot of conversations about whether it is OK for Christians to be using EFT.

To be clear, I am not a theologian or am I an ecclesial minister (meaning I am not commissioned by or speaking for the church). These are the questions I am asked, the reasons I feel comfortable using EFT, and the setting within which I feel comfortable using it.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

The Problem With “I Should”

by

ShouldShouldntAndOughtToA few weeks ago in When You Explain Cause And Effect Wrong It Makes Your Life Harder I started with:

When I am listening to my clients talk about their issues I am not just listening for the meaning of what they are sharing, but I am also listening to the very specific words they are using.

The words we use to describe something will impact the way we understand a situation which then in turn impacts our emotional response to the situation.

The example I love to use is when my client “Deb” said “Everyone at work hates me!”

I asked, “Really, everyone?”

She replied, “No. It's really just Dave and Sue.”

You can see the emotional difference between “everyone” hating us and just two people hating us. (And that doesn't even get into if they really do hate Deb.)

Should, Shouldn't And Ought To

This week we are looking at another way in which we use language that leads us to respond to our daily experience in ways that aren’t useful. In this article we are examining the words “should”, “shouldn't” and “ought to”.

The problem with these words is that often we give them too much weight.

When we say should or ought what we mean is “it would be my preference to have” but on an emotional level it feels like “I have failed because I haven't.”

The same is true with shouldn't. What we mean is “it would be my preference not to have” but we feel it as “I failed because I did.”

Let's look at a few examples.

“I should have gotten more work done today.”
* What we mean when we say this: “In order to stay on track with this project I would have liked to have gotten more done today.”
* What we feel when we say this: “I have failed today because I don't live up to my expectations.”

“I should have been born in a different era.”
* What we mean when we say this: “Because of my world view and preferences my life might be more enjoyable if I had been born at a different time.”
* What we feel when we say this: “I am in the wrong time and this will always be painful for me.”

“You shouldn't be mad at me.”
* What we mean when we say this: “It hurts me that you are mad at me and you might feel differently if you have more information.”
* What we feel when we say this: “You are not allowed to feel this way and you are betraying me by doing so.”

You can see the clear emotional difference between what we mean and what we end up feeling. In all of these examples what we feel will have a much stronger (and often much less healthy) response to what is going on.

My Preference Would Be

When one of my clients uses a should, ought to, or shouldn't I generally ask a the question “What proof do you have that it has to be this way?” Often this is enough to help them to see they are turning an opinion or preference into a fact.

When you are doing work on your own and you notice you are use one of these words, try the simple step of replacing them with “it would be my preference”.

“I should have gotten more work done today” becomes “It would have been my preference to have gotten more work done today.” It is also helpful to ask the reason why. So this example now becomes “It would have been my preference to have gotten more work done today because then we would still be on track and I wouldn't be rushing around.”

There is still an emotional charge to that statement, but instead of feeling like a failure we feel a little rushed or overwhelmed because of the work we need to do. Even though the second emotion is also negative it is easier to respond to it in a healthier way.

Sometimes We Really Should Do Something

There will be some cases where using the word should is helpful and we don't want to make the substitution.

For example, “I should not embezzle money from my employer” is more accurate than “It would be my preference not to embezzle money from my employer.”

If you are looking for more resources about how to respond to the things you should do check out EFT For Shoulders And Shoulds where Gwenn Bonnell shares a simple tapping process for things you feel like you should do.

Pod #167: How Many Tapping Sessions Do I Need To Clear My Issue 100%

by

HowManyThis week's podcast sponsored by Pain Relief Miracle.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make with tapping is not spending enough time on an issue to make sure that it is completely cleared.

Because tapping brings relief so quickly in the moment it is easy to feel like we are done with the issue but in reality that’s often not the case.

A good way to think of it is to compare it to cleaning a room. While you are cleaning you feel great about the progress you are making. You feel satisfied with a job well done.

Then you leave the room and when you return you realize it wasn't was clean as you thought to begin with. It is not that the room got messier, but when you were cleaning the room you could see that it was so much better than before.

Upon returning you were no longer comparing it to how bad it was, but instead you are seeing it for what it is.

The same thing happens when we tap. While tapping we are only comparing our current state to what we just moved through, but we don't always have a clear picture if we have done enough.

In this week's podcast I share how we can know if we are 100% (and if we even need to be 100% clear).

Pod #166 EFT For Loneliness

by

Tapping For Loneliness
I am always humbled at how willing my clients are to share some of the most private parts of their lives.

Once we have established a trusting relationship, during sessions I hear it all. And that’s a really positive thing because it makes it easier for me to help them because we know what we are going after.

But even with that being true, loneliness is an issue that my clients find difficult to talk about.

As we become more emotionally intelligent it is easier for us to be honest about where we are coming from, yet loneliness feels like the last emotion that we can be open about.

Loneliness feels like such a failure. Especially when we feel it in a room full of people.

Here is some tapping that you can do to help with the ache of loneliness.

I would love to hear how it works for you.

Pod #165: Using Hero Tapping To Take Action

by

HERO TappingWe know that when we are trying to make a change but not taking the required action we need to find out what is behind our resistance.

We can ask ourselves what the penalties are for trying, for failing, and for succeeding. But sometimes these questions aren't helpful in discovering why we are resisting taking action.

When that happens to me I use this three-step version of hero tapping. Hero tapping is a handy tool where we use the example of someone doing what we want (aka the hero) to discover the reasons we are resisting stepping into action.

In this short audio I will show you how easy it is to use hero tapping to discover the reasons you are resisting taking action for both big and small goals.

I would love to hear about your experience with this tool.

When You Explain Cause And Effect Wrong It Makes Your Life Harder

by

ThisDidNotCauseThat

When I am listening to my clients talk about their issues I am not just listening for the meaning of what they are sharing, but I am also listening to the very specific words they are using.

The words we use to describe something will impact the way we understand a situation which then in turn impacts our emotional response to the situation.

The example I love to use is when my client “Deb” said “Everyone at work hates me!”

I asked, “Really, everyone?”

She replied, “No. It's really just Dave and Sue.”

You can see the emotional difference between “everyone” hating us and just two people hating us. (And that doesn't even get into if they really do hate Deb.)

For this reason I pick apart my clients’ speech pattern to understand what is really going on vs. what they are responding to emotionally.

Cause And Effect

One of the places we commonly make the mistake of using words that do not line up with reality is in cause and effect statements.

We use cause and effect statements all the time.

  • (cause) Because I was late (effect) I missed out on the sale.
  • (cause) Because I didn't return her phone call (effect) she didn't know I was coming.
  • (effect) I can now legally work with clients (cause) because I passed the certification exam.
  • (cause) I forgot to close the shades (effect) so I didn't sleep in because of the sun coming in the window.

That is not too complicated. The problem comes when we start making statements that aren't accurate in describing their cause and effect relationship.

  • (effect) Thing went wrong this morning (cause) because it's Monday.
  • (cause) Smoking (effect) causes cancer.
  • (effect) I don't have a girlfriend (cause) because the men in my family are bad at relationships.

On the surface all three of these statements seem reasonable, but there are logical flaws in all of them which illustrated with a question or two.

Thing went wrong this morning because it's Monday. Do things go wrong every Monday? Do things not go wrong on other days of the week?

Smoking causes cancer. Does everyone who smoke get cancer?

I don't have a girlfriend because the men in my family are bad at relationships. Are all men in your family bad at relationships?

In all three cases the statements work in absolutes which lead us to react emotionally to situations in a particular way. But when we are able to see the statements for what they are then we are able to react in less emotional fashion.

Ask Questions About The Extremes

The way that we put this knowledge to use is to question our own statements. If there is something you are struggling with write down a statement that describes what you believe about the situation.

Once you have done this start to question it at the extremes. Is it really always this way? Is it really never this way? Does this outcome happen for other reasons?

By doing this we can see things more clearly which will help us to respond in a healthier way.