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Pod #146: Stages Of The Emotional Healing Process

November 14, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

I was recently having drinks with a friend and we were talking about my time teaching anger management in jail. She asked if I would teach her one of the tools I taught the guys.

So I explained one of my favorites.

She responded, “I can see how that tool would useful, but that is just about emotions generally. How is that tool an ‘anger management' tool?”

And she was right.

Every tool I taught in jail was about having a healthy emotional response. Yes, the guys were looking to manage their anger, but the tools and techniques we use for anger are no different than those we would use any other disproportionate emotion.

The Real Goal

When we are working with our emotional response, the goal of tapping is not to be emotionless. The goal is to have a proportional, well-informed response.

Everything we do when tapping for our emotions is about returning them to balance. We can successfully use the same techniques for all emotions is because the process of transforming our emotional response is the same regardless of the emotion we are working on.

Very early on in tapping with clients I realized there was a consistent process that we go through as we work our way to well-informed, proportional emotional responses.

In this podcast I explain the stages we move through when we are healing our emotional responses.

Understanding this transformed the way I worked with clients AND how I understand my own healing journey.

I would listen to this audio two or three times. Once you understand this process it will give you an understanding of where to start with your issue to gain the fastest results from your tapping.

Pod #145: Compare and Contrast EMDR v. EFT w/ Masha Bennett

October 29, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a healing protocol that is gaining more and more acceptance worldwide.

I see it very much as a cousin of EFT and tapping.

In this podcast I interview Masha Bennett who is very experienced in both. She compares and contrasts the two protocols. In doing so she shares what tappers can learn from EMDR and what EMDR practitioners can learn from tapping.

Regardless how much tapping training and experience you have you will learn from this comparison.

Masha Bennett

Guest: Masha Bennett

Contact: web @ PracticalHappiness.co.uk/; twitter @ MashaBennett](https://twitter.com/MashaBennett); facebook @ Practical Happiness

About:Masha is an accredited Neurolinguistic Psychotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner, Advanced Practitioner and Trainer in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). She also has years of experience and extensive training in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, Hypno-Psychotherapy, Stress Management (individual and corporate) and addiction treatment, is trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing) to an advanced level, and is continually working on improving her skills and flexibility in helping people achieve their goals and dreams.

Pod #144: How I Approach An EFT Session With A Client

October 22, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Recently my friend Rebecca Kane asked me about my approach to working with clients and how I structure my client sessions.

It turned into a very constructive conversation.

If you have ever wondered what a practitioner is thinking when they are doing a session and why they do what they do, here is your chance to hear my point of view.

This is not the only way or the best way to do a session, but these are things I keep in mind to ensure I am keeping my clients safe and providing the best care possible.

If you are interested in working with me one-on-one drop me a note.

If you are interested in tapping training created by Gene you can get Advanced Tapping Training at a discount and a full year of the the Ruach Center.

In addition to her work as a tapping practitioner, Rebecca Kane is a very talented graphic designer. You can see samples of her work and contact her at: KaneDesignConsulting.com

Pod #143: A Comprehensive Approach To Health /w Elham Kashefi

October 15, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Personally, I don't like the terms alternative medicine or complementary care.

The things we do either are working toward helping us to maintain and improve our health or they are not.

Elham Kashefi recently watched her dear friend Tara succumb to cancer. During the time she was receiving treatment it became very clear that the medical system taking care of her was incomplete.

The system was built only to respond to things after they had gone wrong and was only able to respond in a limited number of ways.

Based on this experience Elham founded the Tara Project with the goal of providing people with the information they need to recognize the things they can do to maintain and improve their health in daily life. It also aims to help people post-diagnosis by providing them with comprehensive information so that they can make informed choices about their health.

Elham Kashefi

Guest: Elham Kashefi

Contact: web @ IWantNaturalHealth.org.uk/; facebook @ The Tara Project; twitter @thetaraproject

About: Elham is the Director of Tara Project social enterprise, academic researcher, EFT practitioner, sound healer, and is passionate about health, healing and community.

Pod #142: Tapping For Our Shadow Self w/ Kris Ferraro

October 8, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

According to Wikipedia the shadow is:

In Jungian psychology, the shadow or “shadow aspect” may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious.

In Kris Ferraro’s client work she works directly with the shadow self. She has found it to be a very effective way to find and clear the parts of the self that hold us back from being who we want to be.

In this interview she shares a simple process that you can use to tap with your shadow self.

Kris Ferraro

Guest: Kris Ferraro

About: Kris Ferraro is an Energy Coach, Author, and Speaker based in northern NJ. She is the creator of Spiritual Freedom Techniques, a series of practices that combine ancient wisdom with EFT for transformation. Kris is a “true believer” in everyone's innate ability to heal. She helps clients release their debilitating emotional patterns so they can step into their power and purpose. Her book, “Energy Healing: Simple and Effective Practices to Become Your Own Healer”, published by St. Martin's Press, introduces energy psychology to new audiences.

Tapping To Let Go Of Pleasing Others (w/ tapping script)

October 5, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Back in April Seth Godin wrote on his blog:

You will never, ever run out of strangers.

And so, the goal of perfectly pleasing an infinite number of passersby is a fool's errand. They come with their own world view, their own issues, their own biases.

Not only is this true for a world full of strangers, it is also true for the much smaller group of people in your life.

No two people you know are alike, have the same world view, or will be pleased by the same things.

Every choice you make about your life risks disappointing someone.

That is just a fact of life.

Pod #141: How To Approach Perfectionism with Tapping and EFT

October 1, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

One of the key reasons my clients don't take action is because of perfectionistic tendencies.

The tendencies show up because there is a part of our system that is trying to keep us safe. We are worried that if something isn't done just right then things will go wrong. We keep working and working until something is perfect so nothing goes wrong.

The problem is that we will never arrive at perfection so therefore we will never act.

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by Adele Wang about how I understand and approach perfectionism with my clients.

If you struggle with perfectionistic tendencies I think you will find this point of view helpful.

If you are interested in learning more about Adele's see below.

Daily Tapping For Perfectionism

Over at the Ruach Center there are over 35 tap-along audios devoted to helping to clear perfectionistic tendencies. If you are ready to stop perfectionism from holding you back from taking the action you know you need to take you should check it out today!

Adele Wang

Guest Host: Adele Wang

Contact Adele: web @ SafeHavenHealing.net; YouTube @ Adele Wang

About Adele: Adele helps smart and sensitive women break through the stress of perfectionism and overwhelm so they can have better relationships, more professional success and better health. With an energy medicine and EFT background, she works with women to clear anxiety without the use of drugs so they can reclaim their lives and their natural feminine radiance. She is a licensed Art of Feminine Presence instructor, a frequent guest blogger on websites devoted to spirituality and consciousness, an advanced energy healer, and an EFT practitioner. She works with clients via Skype and in person in her office in Atlanta, GA.

The Problem With Priorities, Overwhelm, And How To Tap For Them (w/ Tapping Script)

September 22, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Merlin Mann is a technologist, a productivity specialist, and a professional provocateur. I mention the last part because he has the tendency to say things that are true and useful, but in a rather blunt way.

During one of his fabulous podcasts (Back To Work) he was describing a question and answer session with a group of top level executives at a very large company.

One of the execs was asking about how to manage her time and her inbox. She was describing how she had so many priorities that it was impossible to get anything done.

Merlin asked her how many priorities she had. Without skipping a beat she replied, “Twenty-seven!”

Merlin’s response: “You eventually learn that true priorities are like arms; if you think you have more than a couple, you're either lying or crazy.”

The Root Of My Issues

September 7, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Last week I met up with a friend to catch up over a couple of drinks.

As always, the topic of my dating life came up. Since we had last chatted there wasn't anything new to share.

Interesting first dates that didn't lead to second dates. Dates who were really interested and interesting who ended up ghosting [1]. Chances to try new restaurants and bars in the city.

Really, it was just more of the same.

My friend said incredulously, “I don't know what is wrong with them!” referring to the women I’d dated.

I appreciated the support but I was stuck by one fact.

Every single one these interactions had one thing in common.

It wasn't the way I was treated. It wasn't the fact that I felt undervalued or misunderstood.

And that one thing?

ME!

Patterns

When doing any sort of analysis or problem solving one of the fundamental principles I use is: “Once is an anomaly. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern.”

When I look at my dating/relationship history honestly (or as honestly as any of us can do with self-reflection) I see lots of patterns: spending time with the wrong people, dating people with only a short term goal in mind, and not communicating clearly (as in not letting my ‘no’ mean ‘no’ and my ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’).

I don't have control over the people who choose to go out with me, but I do control the type of people I seek, how I seek them, and how I act once I have connected with them.

Almost all of my recent dating experience has at least one of those things in common (most have more than one).

Things I Can Change

Because of this revelation I have decided that I need to spend some time daily tapping on my relationship fears. All of my unhelpful patterns can be traced back to my fears around being seen and being rejected.

Doing this work doesn't mean that I will end up in a lasting love relationship, but it does mean that I am much less likely to continue making the choices standing in the way of that type of relationship.

Taking Responsibility

This work is not about fault or claiming that we are the sole creator of everything we experience. Others have free will and their choices impact us.

This work IS about taking responsibility for ourselves and our role in creating our experience. It is about recognizing that we are present for all of our issues.

What this means for me is that I need to look clearly at my own experience, recognize the parts for which I am responsible, and take ownership of those parts.

If this is something you would like to do too, here are some tapping phrases to start you on the right path:

I recognize the fact that there are things in the world beyond my control…I recognize that there are things in the world that I DO control…And I recognize that I tend to believe I have much less control than I actually do…I am not the sole creator of my experience…I am co-creating my day and my life with everyone I interact with…I choose to take responsibility for the things that I do control…I can control my thoughts…I can control my emotions…I can control my actions…Often it is easier to let the world act on me and my life…It is easier just to react…Claiming that I don't have control…Today I choose to take more responsibility for my own life…Today I choose to recognize that I am present in all my issues…Today I choose to recognize that I can make different choices…This doesn't mean everything will change all at once…But by being more aware I am more likely to make better choices…Regardless of what choice I make next…I know I can learn from that choice as well.

I hope you find this point of view helpful.

I know it is changing the way I live day to day.

[1] Ghosting: the act of disappearing in a phantom-like fashion from someone you are seeing.

Pod #139: Tapping For Issues With Many Aspects w/ Lindsay Kenny

September 3, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

We often find ourselves in need to tap for issues that have many aspects either because the issue is so large or because it has unfolded over a long time.

For example:

an auto accident that is impacting your health, your finances, and your ability to work
a divorce
poor financial decisions that have left you feeling embarrassed and powerless

It can be tough knowing where to start and how to tap for complex issues.

EFT Master Lindsay Kenny has created a simple tool using the image of a tree to create a structure for our tapping.

In this conversation we talk about (and demonstrate) how the straightforward approach can be used for multifaceted issues with many aspects.

This discussion will give you enough of an explanation to start using the tool, but if you would like a more detailed description of the method please listen to Podcast #109.

Lindsay Kenny

Guest: Lindsay Kenny

Contact: All past Interviews with Lindsay; web @ ProEFT.com; twitter @ProEFT

Bio: Lindsay Kenny is an EFT Master, author, and Founder of Pro EFT™, and the Pro EFT™ Institute. She’i also a Life Coach, writer, and certified Trainer of Trainers. Coming from a background of poverty, abuse and deprivation, she has used Tapping and the Law of Attraction to create the life of her dreams. Lindsay’s mission in life has been helping others be their best.

She is happy to have had the tools of tapping to fulfill her mission for the past 16 year. While Lindsay will be retiring in 2016, she is turning over the wheel to several of her highly talented, board certified practitioners. This group of Pro EFT™ Masters and Trainers is being headed by Tess Pierson, a long-time student of Lindsay and Pro EFT™. Lindsay will still be maintaining her website ProEFT.com

Pod #138: Working With Childhood Traumas That We Don’t Remember All The Details Of w/ Gwyneth Moss

August 20, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

We hear it over and over again in our tapping training.

“The more specific you are with your issue, the more effective the healing will be.”

“The earlier the memory you can find related to the issue, the faster you will be able to release it.”

For the most part these statements are true, but what happens when you are dealing with something general, like low self-esteem, or you are working on an issue without any memories attached to it?

This week I talk with Gwyneth Moss who has developed a gentle technique for getting in touch with our younger selves in a way that allows us to do healing work without having to know specific memories.

Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

Pod #137: Building Communities of Support w/ Jondi Whitis

August 6, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

We do not live in a vacuum. We are impacted by the issues others struggle with and vice versa.

The healing process is also not something that takes place independently of others. Often our fastest route to healing is by walking that journey with others.

Jondi Whitis has seen the impact of trauma on a community and the impact of a community on an individual's trauma firsthand. She has worked with both the families of those directly impacted by the New Town shooting and also with veterans and veterans’ groups around the issue of PTSD.

In this interview she shares what she has learned from this work, what can be applied to our own healing process, and how we can reach out to others.

There is a great deal of wisdom to be learned from Jondi's experiences. I encourage you to listen and take advantage of it.

Jondi Whitis

Conversation with: Jondi Whitis

Jondi's Contact: web @ EFT4Results.com;

About Jondi: Jondi Whitis is a certified EFT Master Trainer, Practitioner, Mentor and Board Member for AAMET International, delighting in creating practitioners of excellence. She’s passionately interested in refining and up-levelling core EFT skillsets, cutting-edge techniques, and training for practitioners and trainers worldwide, upholding the most thorough and professional EFT standards. She offers deeply personal, hands-on training to anyone interested in heart-centered healing, from children to teachers, parents to professionals, and for diverse communities worldwide, including veterans, Native Americans, teachers, healthcare professionals, and those who work with kids.

An ‘integration specialist’, Jondi enthusiastically guides each person to find authentic ways to integrate EFT into their purpose, professional practice and life. Join her in person, at the annual gathering just north of NYC, Spring Energy Event

I Feel Sad…I Am Not Sad

August 4, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

In all of the training I have done to improve myself as a practitioner, learning about NLP meta-models has been some of my favorite.

At its simplest, it looks at the way people use language to describe the world. Often by examining the way people talk we can identify the beliefs causing distress.

Here is a simple example. Recently one of my clients “Debbie” said, “Everyone at work hates me.” My follow up question was, “Really, everyone?”

It is possible but highly unlikely that everyone at work hates Debbie. But if she walks into the office every morning believing that everyone hates her then she will be constantly on the defensive and prepared for attack.

When I ask, “Really, everyone?” she replied, “Well, no, not everyone.” By using the correct language to describe what was truly going on we were able to find our way to the real problem and address it.

Pod #136: How To Clear All Aspects Of An Issue, Not Just The Obvious Ones w/ Linda Wood

July 23, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

There is a counterbalance to most things in life. Success to failure. Happy to sad. Action to rest. Growth to deterioration.

Often when we tap we are working only on the part we see as negative, thereby addressing only half of this balance.

Even though the negative side is most obvious and painful there are often tappable issues on both sides. For example, I might feel frustrated that I don't have a better job, but there is also a part of me that fears the challenges a new job might bring.

Feeling frustrated about not having a good job is an obvious thing to tap for, but if we may miss the flip side, which is our fear of the unknown. If we don't clear both sides it will be hard for us to take action.

In this interview Linda Woods presents a straightforward approach to looking at an issue from both sides. If you work through the simple steps of this tool you will not only identify new aspects but will also have documentation of your discovery, allowing to you to come back again and again to ensure you haven't missed anything.

Linda Wood

Guest: Linda Wood

Contact: web @ MagicTapping.com

About Linda: Linda Wood is an EFT Innovator and creator of the world’s first
EFT projection tool, Magic Buttons Bears. She’s developed All-Day
Intensives and most recently, her new “EFT Discovery & Unification Techniques,” which are
amazing tools to help find all hidden aspects.

The Dirty Secret About Being Successful

July 16, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

The other night I had a vivid dream.

It was about a group of five friends in their early 20s who moved to New York City to pursue careers in entertainment. In the dream I didn't know the five of them well but I think they were friends of a friend.

I was helping them to find their way in the city, like so many did for me when I moved here.

In the dream they had been in the city for a few months, they had established themselves and we were meeting for drinks.

As we were chatting I kept asking them, “Are you here for the adventure and story of pursuing something in NYC or are you here to be successful?”

They just looked at me and shrugged. They didn't understand my question.

The Story Of Success Vs. Success

For a year and a half I pretended that I was moving to New York City.

I would catch up with friends and they would ask what is going on in my life. I would excitedly tell them, “I'm moving to New York!”

In most cases they would be excited for me. “That sounds like such a great adventure.”

Looking forward to something fun felt great. My friends shared the thrill vicariously by daydreaming a little about adventure and what it might be like for them to make a big change.

Then the conversation would move on and we would move on.

But I was no closer to taking action.

Pod #135: Tuning Into Our Bodies For Information w/ Carol Tuttle

July 9, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

When I am tapping on my issues it is my conscious mind that most often gets in the way.

The conscious mind is wired to figure out explanations for what is going on and won't rest until it has done so.

This becomes problematic when the reason it has decided is behind an issue is wrong.

I have seen this with countless clients. They come to me because they can't seem to get tapping to work on their issue. After a little investigation it becomes clear they had been approaching the wrong root cause.

Knowing that the conscious mind isn't always the best at figuring out the healing path, what are we to do?

In this interview I talk with Carol Tuttle about how we can use the information and wisdom of our physical body to identify the right focus for our tapping work.

Carol Tuttle

Guest: Carol Tuttle

Contact: web @ CarolTuttle.com; twitter @CarolTuttle; blog @ TheCarolBlog.com; radio show @ Carol Tuttles Better Parenting Show; facebook @ TheCarolTuttle

About Carol: Carol Tuttle is a 20 year pioneer in the personal development field. She is the best-selling author of “Remembering Wholeness” and the creator of Energy Profiling and Dressing Your Truth. Her legions of fans acknowledge her for making a lasting difference in their lives through her books, CDs, DVDs, home study courses and online learning portals. If you are ready to “live your truth” Carol Tuttle will help you in that pursuit.

Carol is the mother of 5 children (4 of whom are married) and has been married to Jon Tuttle for over 30 years. They are the owners of their family based business and employee their 2 sons, daughter, daughter-in-law, and son-in-law. They love the harmony and abundance they create as a family and enjoy not only working together, but playing together.

Why You Are So Scared To Take Action

July 9, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

There are lots of reasons why we don't take action.

In the end most of those reasons boil down to fear.

We are afraid that we will fail, be judged, look stupid, show that we aren't good enough, prove that we aren't worthy of success…and the list goes on.

Sometimes we are able to name our fear clearly but often it is something indistinct that is holding us back, bubbling away in the background.

It makes perfect sense that fear would hold us back from taking action. Fear is a vital primitive response that kicks in when danger threatens our safety. It keeps us safe.

So fear is not the problem.

The problem is when fear shows up in the absence of danger or when we experience fear much larger than is warranted for the situation.

How Big Does The Fear Need To Be?

One of the things I love about NYC in the warmer months is cycling around the city. I put on my helmet and off I go. But that wasn't always the case.

I can remember when I moved to Washington, DC to go to university. The first time I rode a bike in a major city was a scary experience. I was not used to being just inches away from cars or having to avoid parked cars everywhere.

I grew up in a small town in Wyoming where most cars were parked in driveways, the roads were wide, and with the exception of a few major roadways there was very little traffic.

The difference between today and my first ride in a major city is lots of experience. I don't cycle in a carefree, thoughtless way today, but because of my experience I know which situations are dangerous and which aren't.

The Problem Of No Experience

A lack of experience when we are trying new things is one of the reasons that fear crops up. The part of us trying to keep us safe doesn't know how things are going to turn out so it over reacts and perceives situations as more dangerous than they really are.

The fear of the unknown creates a situation where it is very hard to take action.

How To Tap Before The Action

I find tapping before I try something new really helpful. When I spend a few moments tapping to clear my resistance and fear it allows me to move forward without feeling paralyzed or overwhelmed.

The tapping looks something like this:

I understand that I am about to try something new…And because it’s something that I don't have a great deal of experience with…There is a part of me that is hesitant…There is a part of me that is worried this won’t work out…There is a part of me that is worried that I don't even know the right things to be worried about…But I have done new things before…And I have done them successfully…I’m not going to rush in blindly…I am not going to be careless…Or thoughtless…But I trust myself enough to know that I will learn from this attempt…I know that I don’t have to do it perfectly the first time…The next time I do it I will do it better…And I choose to be calm and confident as I embrace this new experience.

After tapping in this fashion I know that I am more likely to take action AND with lowered stress levels my action feels more comfortable and manageable.

Clearing The Fear

If you are looking for help with clearing the fears (named and unnamed) you have before taking action I would encouge you to check out the Ruach Center where you will find over 280 tap-along audios. More than 100 of them are geared towards clearing resistance to action, which shows up in the form of fear.

Pod #134: Having A Plan With Your Tapping w/ Gwyneth Moss

June 25, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Knowing how to tap is not enough. We need to have a plan when we approach an issue.

In this interview, Founding EFT Master Gwyneth Moss shares a simple and elegant approach that you can use for every tapping session.

Whether you are new to tapping or have been tapping for decades you will find this 4-step approach useful and it is so easy you can start using it immediately.

Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

Gwyneth is the host and curator of EFT Gathering every year in York, UK. I will be one of the speakers at the event in January 2015. We would love to see you there!

Can I Tap For More Willpower?

June 16, 2014 by Gene Monterastelli

Recently I was working with a client I’ll call “Devon”. During our call she was giving me an update on her week and her progress with her to-do list.

She said, “Things are going really well. I’m starting each day with the tapping we talked about and I’m making lots of good choices in the morning. The problem is that by the end of the day I seem to have no willpower left. Is it possible to tap for more willpower?”

My answer to this was, “No and sort of.”

Let me explain…