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Pod #467: Tapping For Feeling Ignored and Dismissed

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Note: This podcast is a part of the Healing Fundamentals series. The topics covered in this series move beyond the basics of tapping to understanding the healing process. By understanding these fundamentals you will be able to get more out of your tapping faster. Make sure you check out the whole series.

One of the human experiences that cuts us the deepest is being ignored or dismissed as unimportant by whose attention we most want. The pain can come from being ignored by our friends, our family, or any one important in our life.

On one level, it taps into the primitive fear of being excluded from the safety of our tribe. And on another level, it pushes against our desire to be seen as worthy by others.

This week’s podcast explores:

  • Why this experience is so painful
  • What story we tell ourselves on an emotional level when we perceive that we are being ignored or dismissed
  • How to tap to manage this experience

As you will hear, there are often multiple aspects to this issue, which makes tapping for it tricky.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Strengthen My Nurturing Nature – Video

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There may be times when you’d like to be helpful in a situation or to a person, but you are worried about how your offer will be received. This tap-along will help you to feel more comfortable with being helpful.

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Round Up Question 2 – What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

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One of my favorite aspects of the tapping community is how willing people are to share their wisdom and experience. Recently I asked a number of practitioners I admire about how they approach healing, client work, and their own journey. Below are some of my favorite answers to one of those questions. Make sure you check out all five questions.

What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

That I’m not their source. I’m not their guru, I’m not “taking on” patients. I’m here to assist them, not help them, so by being connected myself, they find that connection within them. Kim D’Eramo, D.O.

Whole healing focuses on the whole person. There isn’t one technique that works for everyone all the time. I searched for years. Some techniques do have miraculous stories of healing. Those clients’ core issues were often found in one layer of the human experience: physical, emotional, mental, moral, or spiritual (energetic). A deep wound or trauma usually affects most or all the layers. Whole healing, moving beyond surviving into thriving, focuses on the flow of vibrant life through all five layers of the human experience. Alan Davidson

That helping clients heal is more in the things like the quality of presence, the amount of palpable safety you can help them connect with, the felt sense of compassionate patience and witness you create for them to ‘unpack their own suitcases’ much more than the specific modality or tools you use. Jondi Whitis

Before learning EFT/Tapping, I practiced as a psychotherapist who never asked about the body and the physicality of stress. I only focused on thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I missed an entire dimension of information and intervention. Robin Bilazarian, LCSW

Recently I’ve come more to use no-words tapping, similar to Gunilla Hamne and Ulf Sandström’s Trauma Tapping Technique (TTT) method, when starting out with a new client or teaching people to tap for themselves. No words takes the edge off, doesn’t confuse, and people are more likely to use tapping for themselves when they don’t have to worry about what to say. In training starting with no-words tapping gets the message across that the tapping does the work. It’s then easier to get people out of suggestions and using language to influence. Gwyneth Moss

When I first started I thought the transformation process was about healing the emotional and physical body. After working with children with cancer, I realized that healing the body wasn’t the only goal. Sometimes the transformation process was about getting better physically and living a longer, happier life. Sometimes it was about helping the person release false beliefs and actually leave their body with an inner calm and peace. Both journeys are beautiful and heart-warming. Deborah D Miller

Sometimes the healing process brings deeper restoration than quick healing fixes. Jake Khym

When I first came into the healing profession I came from a science background. At some level that limited me, I didn’t believe that the techniques could heal everything. It didn’t fit with my “scientific perspective”. Now I am very different. I believe everything is possible. I am open to the possibility of what may happen when I work with clients. The reason for this is that I have seen so many amazing transformations through the years. Transformations that have occurred even when the client’s doctors have said, nothing more can be done to help you with this problem. Tania A Prince

I changed my mind about the need to try relentlessly to get everything down to zero, with myself and with others. I’ve learned to help my clients understand that getting an issue to a low but manageable level can sometimes be enough, so that we don’t put pressure on ourselves to achieve complete neutrality on an issue. Ange Finn

That healing can happen in an instant – it doesn’t need to take weeks or months. Peta Stapleton

We are all more resilient than we think we are. Just when you think nothing can change or when you think you have done everything possible to make a change, or when you think you have to learn to live with pain, or it’s just meant to be this way…there is always another way. There is ALWAYS another way. Julie Schiffman

I now know from experience that many of the things I accepted as true about me were really just beliefs that I had attached to. Now, I don’t accept anything is necessarily set in concrete, everything is potentially open to change. Steve Wells

Trying to force change with affirmations doesn’t work: No one likes to be told what to do. Trying to force change by tapping in positive affirmation usually results in more resistance to change. Instead, I would rather tapping on the resistance and barriers to change and then test if the affirmation feels real rather than trying to beat it into me.
This also applies to the more extreme forms of personal change where the consequences of not changing are magnified to cause you so much pain that your system cannot stay there and instead you must go to a different place. There are much more gentle ways to make change without the fear, drama, and intensity. Rod Sherwin

I used to believe that everyone wants to heal as quickly as possible, but that just isn’t true. The blocks and reversals that go along with chronic conditions stand in the way of full alignment between the subconscious and conscious choice to heal quickly.
Alina Frank

When I first started working with clients, I was very intent on being totally present and very observant. I think I was afraid I would miss some all-important signals, and therefore shortchange my clients.
Over time I came to realize that the more relaxed I am, the more easily I can tune in to the client’s needs and my own intuition. Then I can be of service at the highest level possible and participate in the healing process more fully. The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed and trusting my clients are, enabling them to open up faster, go deeper, and speed up their own healing process. Who knew that could all come from me relaxing more?
Janet Hilts

I used to believe that it was possible to heal without experiencing any pain, and if we were intentional about our healing and growth process, we could grow without discomfort. I no longer believe that – instead, I think that discomfort shows us where we need to heal, and gives us opportunities. We can remove discomfort and pain (that’s what healing is all about, both emotional and physical) but we don’t grow if we never experience it.
Pamela Bruner

Pod #466: Navigating Troubled Times With The CREATE Method w/ J Nycole Ralph

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The murder of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and others as well as the ongoing protests at centuries of racial injustice have galvanized many to speak truth more forcefully in their daily lives. One of those people is my friend J Nycole Ralph.

As J Nycole was processing her own emotions, she realized that she was being more impacted by the death of another black American AND she wasn’t standing up in as powerful a way she wanted to.

To that end, she created a process called The CREATE Method. It stands for

  • C – Claim that you feel something
  • R – Recognize the feeling
  • E – Embrace the feeling
  • A – Address the feeling
  • T – Take action
  • E – Educate and Engage

In today’s podcast, J Nycole walks me through these six steps. As someone who has helped people process their emotions for over a decade, I learned a number of new ideas in this conversation. It is well worth your time.

Listen to this. Take notes. Implement the ideas as you are working on and tapping for your issues and struggles. This is timely for this moment, but it is a tool you can use always.

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Guest: J Nycole Ralph

Contact: email @ JNycoleRalph@gmail.com; Instagram @jnycoleralph; Instagram @wokseries; Schedule a free CREATE Strategy Session with J Nycole

About: J Nycole Ralph teaches the C.R.E.A.T.E. process and helps entrepreneurs, artists, and personal development junkies to implement it into their lives so that they can make an impact on the world and get paid well to do it! She does this via life coaching through the world-renowned company, Inner Access, as well as via independent life coaching for actors & performers. J Nycole has been living her dream of performing on Broadway and touring around the world for the past several years, telling the heartwarmingly impactful yet hilarious story, The Book of Mormon (written by Matt Stone & Trey Parker, writers of South Park). She has also created her own comedic series called Working Out the Kinks that not only makes you laugh but also uses hair as a vehicle to explore and educate on the differences between black and white culture. Additionally, J Nycole is an executive producer on the upcoming feature film, Lola, the first African-American female boxing movie, starring Taja V. Simpson of The Bold and the Beautiful and Tyler Perry’s Boo 2. J Nycole’s mission is to carry out the legacy of entertaining while empowering and educating, a legacy left to her by her mother and grandparents to whom she gives thanks and honor for, without them, she would not be the woman she is today.

Let Go Of Anger – Video

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When we feel anger, our emotional guidance system is letting us know that it is perceiving an attack. This is designed to keep us safe, but sometimes anger shows up in disproportionate strength to the circumstances we are experiencing. Tap along to bring your anger in check.

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Pod #465: 3 Steps To Use When Tapping For Hurtful Words

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The phrase “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is often taught to us as children. As adults, we know this isn’t true. It would be great if what other people said about us didn’t have the power to hurt us, but we are doing ourselves a disservice by pretending it doesn’t.

Here is a simple 3-step process to tease out the reason why certain words hurt more than others and help you to identify the source of the hurt. Is it the words themselves, who is saying them, or who is hearing the words when they are spoken?

All three of those possibilities can add to the feeling of hurt. When you are able to recognize the different components causing the hurt, it will be much easier to tap to gain relief.

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Round Up Question 1 – What lessons have clients taught you about healing?

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One of my favorite aspects of the tapping community is how willing people are to share their wisdom and experience. Recently I asked a number of practitioners I admire about how they approach healing, client work, and their own journey. Below are some of my favorite answers to one of those questions. Make sure you check out all five questions

What lessons have clients taught you about healing

If I just hold the space from the deepest part of myself, present to my depth, my darkness, my pain, my light, all of it unconditionally, HEALING HAPPENS AUTOMATICALLY through them. I’m not “doing” anything but allowing it. Kim D’Eramo, D.O.

I always say my clients are the experts and I am the educated guide. I learn where to go and where not to go. I am always respectful that my thoughts are different from my clients’ thoughts. If I ask what bothers them about work, I think they will say their boss or co-workers. I am surprised when they say the commute. So, I have learned to keep asking questions, keep exploring and being a detective to understand what this situation and emotion is for them. Robin Bilazarian, LCSW

I’ve learned that self-judgment of our uncomfortable emotions prevents them from processing naturally like they are designed to do. This is the brilliance of the EFT setup statement. We start with simply stating the truth. Of course, it’s not always that simple because we aren’t often honest with ourselves – or it’s not conscious – about what we are feeling and why. We get to tap on that confusion, the ruses, the excuses, and the truth then presents itself. As soon as we clear the judgment, shame, lack of acceptance of and resistance to pain, the rest of the clearing often happens quite organically. It’s always been easier to see this self-judgment in my clients than myself. It’s led me to take my own advice and that has made a tremendous difference for me. Kris Ferraro

I learned that no matter how much I know or how much I want to give and support someone in their healing journey, they will receive only up to the point that they are ready to receive. Thus, whatever I have to offer, I give it with all my heart and allow the person to receive what he/she can receive. It will be perfect. Deborah D Miller

I have learned four lessons. People are much stronger than they seem. Motivation is key to healing. People aren’t as self-aware as they might believe. Clients notice what’s happening in the heart of the therapist more than it might seem, so authenticity is key. Jake Khym

I have learned to respect their healing path and to respond with patience. I’ve learned to set my agenda aside and keep meeting them where they are each time. When I do this, we make progress–not on my timetable but on theirs. Ange Finn

What I’m learning from clients now is that psychological and emotional safety is the number one condition for healing. That psychological/emotional safety is a much more ‘slippery’ deal than we realize. With the majority of clients they will say that they are experiencing safety, however that is a ‘conditioned safety’ or what I’m calling a ‘pseudo safety’ which has more in common with a nervous system chronically conditioned to a freeze response rather than a true embodied sense of safety. This makes the EFT conversation around psychological reversal enormously important. As well the conversation around the pace of the work with clients. Nancy Forester

Healing is possible even when they are and I am convinced it isn’t. There is a deeper part of us that is always working to make us whole and when we can engage with it. Healing isn’t just possible, it is inevitable. Steve Wells

I am always in awe of what /people are willing to do to become more of who they really are. Clients are willing to take the leap with someone they barely know and then share their deepest fears and trust that they will be safe. Mary Ayers

Especially when using Emotional Freedom Techniques, I have learned that the real issue isn’t always what the conscious mind thinks it is. A client will often present themselves in my office and tell me all about “their issue” only to later discover that it’s really something quite different than what they thought. I have come to realize that the conscious mind often has little idea of what’s going on within the subconscious mind, which is where the actual issues reside.
Ted Robinson

Over the years I have had a few clients that completed the healing process only after I suggested they acknowledge that I am not their “healer”. They had gotten to a plateau and only after we worked on their ability to recognize that it was their own bodies that were doing the healing did they finish the process. The part of EFT that is so empowering is that much can be done on one’s own. Alina Frank

I have learnt that rapport is key. When a client feels accepted and connected for who they are, great healing occurs. Tania A Prince

Sometimes you need the courage to cry. I had been working with a client who had suffered emotional abuse from an OCD parent through all their schooling years. Every day they would put on a brave face to cope with school and the scorn and judgment of teachers and students.
After a number of tapping sessions, the control required to get through each day was slipping but the old habit of holding on to the mask was still strong. Eventually, as we tapped on the fear of letting go and the courage it had taken to survive all those years the release of tension and shame resulted in a much-needed release of tears and stress from their whole body. It takes great courage to let go and cry and we can help ourselves and others to find the courage required to do so within themselves.
Rod Sherwin

Pod #464 Tapping For Compassion Fatigue w/ Robin Bilazarian

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Before doing this I didn’t understand the difference between compassion fatigue and burnout. I thought compassion fatigue was just a specific type of burnout experienced by helpers and healers.

In reality, compassion fatigue is not only different, but can be much more serious than burnout.

To understand compassion fatigue more I interviewed licensed mental health professional Robin Bilazarian. Robin has experience of working with countless clients who are in danger of being traumatized by working with people who are in trouble.

In this podcast Robin and I talk about:

  • The difference between compassion fatigue and burnout
  • The signs of compassion fatigue
  • Why at this moment in history we are more susceptible to it
  • How to prevent and how to heal compassion fatigue

At one point in the conversation we discuss how a forgiveness practice can be helpful in combating compassion fatigue. You can find that resource here.

Even if you are not a professional helper, if you are a person who helps others in your personal life, I strongly recommend you listen to this episode.

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Guest: Robin Bilazarian LCSW, DCSW, DCEP

Contact: Web @ RobinEFT.net

About: Robin Bilazarian is a licensed mental health professional who has been tapping with her clients for 24 years. In addition to her private practice, she worked 20 hours a week serving the staff of an urban hospital, frequently assisting with compassion fatigue and other issues with the hospital staff, physicians and medical students.

In her hospital work Robin regularly helps people who have NOT come to her because she is a tapping practitioner. In fact, most of her clients at the hospital and in her clinical practice have never heard of tapping before walking into her office. She has also toured the USA teaching other psychotherapists how to bring EFT and tapping into their clinical practice.

Understand And Accept Sadness – Video

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Feeling sadness is how we process and mourn the loss of something that is valuable or important to us. It’s possible to feel sadness without being consumed by it.

This tap-along will help you to establish a healthy relationship to sadness as you allow yourself to move through and then release it.

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Pod #463: Tapping To Release Concern About Other People’s Judgment Of Our Choices

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Do you sometimes hold yourself back from making choices because of concern about how they may impact those around you?

It is good to be thoughtful about how your actions affect others, but we can’t allow this to dictate our choices. If we put everyone else’s needs first, we will never be able to take care of ourselves, and chances are that nobody else will do that for us.

This tapping is a simple guide to help us to be thoughtful about how our choices impact others, but without allowing that thought to control how we make choices and move through our lives.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #462: Tapping For Judgment vs. Evaluation

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Note: This podcast is a part of the Healing Fundamentals series. The topics covered in this series move beyond the basics of tapping to understanding the healing process. By understanding these fundamentals you will be able to get more out of your tapping faster. Make sure you check out the whole series.

Wanting to fit in and belong is a basic human desire, not a failure. It’s natural to want others to like and accept us and to appreciate the work that we do.

Because of this fundamental desire to belong, part of us is always on the lookout for slights and judgments, which we may imagine even when they’re not there. That makes us prone to mistaking someone’s evaluation that something we’re offering is not a good fit for them for a negative judgment of us or our worth.

This week’s podcast examines:

  • The difference between evaluation and judgment
  • How we can mistake one for the other
  • Why we respond so emotionally to judgment
  • How to tap for a better understanding of evaluation vs. judgment

You can find the full tapping script from the end of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Reduce Shame – Video

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Of all the negative emotions, shame is my least favorite. Shame is the result of our emotional guidance system believing that it will drive us to make better choices. In most cases it just makes us feel worse.

This tap-along video will help you to reconcile and release shame without having to fight it.

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Pod #461: Lessons Learned From Gene’s Experience Tapping With Survivors Of Super Typhoon Haiyan

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In May 2014 I was lucky enough to be invited to join the group Empowering The Philippines in teaching EFT Tapping to the residents of Tacloban City and the surrounding areas. Six months earlier the region had been ravaged by Super Typhoon Haiyan (called Yolanda in the Philippines), displacing four million people and leaving one million homes damaged or destroyed.

Our days in the Philippines were split between teaching local people how to use tapping to deal with their experience of the typhoon, and teaching teachers, doctors, and mental health professionals how to use tapping in their work.

After the experience my friend Helen McConnell (bio below) interviewed me about the work we did, my experience, and what we can all learn from this type of work.

I also wrote a daily diary with my personal reflections while in the Philippines, which you can read on on my personal blog.

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About Helen McConnell: Helen McConnell is a Certified EFT Practitioner, trained in clinical and advanced EFT. She specializes in helping people release the limiting beliefs that stand in the way of the success they desire – whether its business, finances, health, weight release, love, or creating their legacy.

Pod #460: Emotions Are Stronger Than Rational Thinking When Making Good Choices

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Note: This podcast is a part of the Healing Fundamentals series. The topics covered in this series move beyond the basics of tapping to understanding the healing process. By understanding these fundamentals you will be able to get more out of your tapping faster. Make sure you check out the whole series.

I often hear my clients say “I should have known better” OR “I know better, but for some reason I keep making the same choice” when they are judging their actions. Just knowing what the right choice is doesn’t mean we will make it, because information alone is not enough.

Most of the reasons we don’t make the right choice or take the right action, even though we know intellectually what we want to do, have to do with our emotional state. In almost every case, emotions will win out over reason.

This week’s podcast explores:

  • Why our emotions win
  • How dealing with regret for poor choices in the past is key to making better choices in future
  • How to use EFT Tapping to make better choices more often

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Trust My Intuition More – Video

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Intuition is easy to dismiss or mistrust because it doesn’t come with any sort of proof. This tap-along video will help you to feel more comfortable with trusting those gut feelings that your intuition provides.

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Pod #459: Conscious and Connected w/ Jennifer H. Carey and Dayna Wood

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In response to everything that is going on the world my friends Jennifer Carey and Dayna Wood have been doing a video show three times a week called “Connected and Conscious”. On the show they ask their friends and colleagues how they are staying healthy, focused, and happy during this time of great upheaval and uncertainty.

In addition to talking about how the guests are taking care of themselves, they also offer a gift in every episode in the shape of a tool that the audience can use right away. As they say when talking about the focus of the show, “We all have something to offer!”

I was lucky enough to be a guest on the show on May 13th. Dayna and Jennifer have graciously allowed me to share the audio here.

You can check out the full video series on Integrative Counsel.

I hope you find our conversation helpful.

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Dayna Wood: Dayna is known for her approachable, honest, and non-judgmental style. She applies creativity, mindfulness, and neuro-leadership principles to counsel and coach busy professionals, business leaders, and corporations to achieve their full potential. She combines out-of-the-box thinking with solid scientific research, so her clients get the best of both worlds. You can contact her and learn more about her work at IntegrativeCounsel.com.

Jennifer H. Carey EdS, LMHC: Jennifer’s experience in psychotherapy, mindfulness, and interpersonal communication are highly-valued skills that she applies to working with individuals, couples and groups. Jennifer holds a Master’s and Specialist degrees in Counselor Education from the University of Florida, as well as a Reiki Master Practitioner certification. She has experience in the profit, nonprofit and educational sectors. Her clinical work included running a Dialectical Behavior Therapy group where she learned how to teach and apply mindfulness. Her own passion for personal growth is evident in her work. She loves any opportunity to cook and share a meal with family and friends. You can contact her and learn more about her work at JenniferHCarey.com/.

Pod #458: Tapping For When We Judge Our Past Choices Harshly

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Note: This podcast is a part of the Healing Fundamentals series. The topics covered in this series move beyond the basics of tapping to understanding the healing process. By understanding these fundamentals you will be able to get more out of your tapping faster. Make sure you check out the whole series.

A significant amount of my time tapping with clients is spent looking into the past. We identify and examine the past experiences and beliefs that have shaped the way that the subconscious influences present action.

Tapping and EFT excel at this task!

Human beings are not usually good at seeing the past clearly. We end up judging our past choices based on current beliefs. You have experienced this if you have ever thought, “I should have known better!”

It is particularly hard because we find it almost impossible to remember what it is like to not know something. Once we have learned a lesson, it feels as if we have always known it.

When we judge ourselves harshly in this way, it slows the healing process.

This week I have a simple tapping process to help you to be gentler with your past self and past choices, which will speed the healing process.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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A Clear Vision Of The Future – Video

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Sometimes we get caught up in a space of feeling dissatisfied with our current circumstances, yet not knowing what we want next in our lives. We resist creating a positive vision of the future because of all the times in the past when our planning didn’t work out as we’d hoped.

This tap-along will help to create the space to know it is safe to vision and dream.

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Pod #457: Tapping To Say “Yes” More

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New York City is a wacky place. One of the things that I have encountered firsthand is how amazingly different the dating scene is here compared with other cities.

First, there are millions of people, many of whom are single, which vastly increases the pool of potential dates. Second, everyone is very busy so dates can be short (and feel a bit rushed) because everyone seems to have less time. Third, because of the first two points, people move on to the next prospective suitor more quickly than I have experienced other places.

Because of this I have met some fascinating and wonderful women, I have consumed lots of really good food and drink on these dates, and I have been on more first dates in my short time in NYC than most people go on in their entire life.

In this process I’ve learned two major lessons that have impacted my entire life:

  1. Say yes more.
  2. Making sure your yes means yes and your no means no.

Embracing these two lessons in all parts of life, not just dating, has made my life richer and my relationships stronger.

In this episode I have included a tap-along audio for each lesson.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #456: Everyone’s Least Favorite Tapping Phrase

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Note: This podcast is a part of the Healing Fundamentals series. The topics covered in this series move beyond the basics of tapping to understanding the healing process. By understanding these fundamentals you will be able to get more out of your tapping faster. Make sure you check out the whole series.

Last week a client asked me, “Why do you make me tap on that phrase all the time? Is it something you see in me that makes you think we need to tap on it?”

I reassured her that it had nothing to do with her in particular, but something I tapped on with all of my clients. And then, right on cue, two other clients this week asked me about the same tapping phrase!

The phrase is:

“I give myself permission to be easy and gentle with myself.”

This is the phrase my clients tend to resist the most AND I believe it is one of the most important topics for us to address with tapping.

This week’s podcast explores why it is so hard for us (me included) to tap on the idea of being gentle with ourselves and why it is important for us to do so.

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