Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

It’s all better! Should I keep using EFT on it?

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Should you keep tapping on the same issue day after day? If you’re doing okay without tapping, should you continue tapping on the same issue? For how long?


photo by TeeJe

That depends; all things with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) seem to be situational.

Here are a few things to consider:

Is it an issue that needs regular maintenance? For example, even when our teeth are healthy, we brush them every day because we are always adding things to our mouths that could create future decay. Is the issue something that has contributing factors every day? For example, you might have an issue with a frustrating boss. If he does things every day that might continue to frustrate you, then it might be good to tap every day on that issue.

Are you worried it’s going to come back? If you’re worried about something coming back, tap on the worry you have about the issue coming back.

(Even thought I have found healing, I’m afraid that it’s only temporary and it might come back.)

If you have no current issue but want to make sure it stays that way, tap in thanksgiving for your healing

I am so happy that my body has healed itself. I give thanks for the fact that my body has realized it no longer needs to hold onto these feelings. I am thankful for the fact that my body can heal itself in so many amazing ways.

If it’s a really big issue, it might be worth a few minutes of tapping each day, just to keep it at bay. Tapping is like wearing a seat belt. It doesn’t take much effort to do. You might only need it once in a million times, but you’re thankful the one time you need it. Err on the side of caution. Take three minutes each day to tap on the issue. If the issue is really big, it’s worth three minutes a day.

Stop tapping on it. Maybe you are done, BUT keep an eye out for any symptoms that may creep back. Keep checking in on the issue. The instant a hint of it comes back, go after it again. It’s always easier to deal with a small issue than a big one.

I don’t believe the words I say while doing EFT!

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I don’t believe some of the things I say when I tap. Does that matter?

For us to do work on any thought/emotion we need to bring it into our thought field (meaning we are feeling or thinking it) at the moment we are tapping. That might be a little bit of a confusing statement, so let’s think of it in terms of the analogy of washing dishes.

The only place we can wash our dirty dishes effectively is in the kitchen sink. We have dirty dishes all over the house. They can be by the TV from watching football last night, on the kitchen table from lunch today, and on the counter by the sink. We can know where all the dishes are, but until they get into the sink, we can’t wash them.

It doesn’t matter how those dishes get into the sink. It only matters that they get there. We can put them in the sink, or someone else can put them in the sink. Once they are in the sink we can start cleaning.

When we are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) we have to do the same thing. We need to get the thought, the physical pain, or the emotion into the “sink” before we can clean it. We can know intellectually what our issues are, but we can’t do anything about them until they are in the “sink”. Our “sink” is our thought field, meaning once we are feeling the emotion it is in our thought field.

Let’s suppose the following. I know my boss treated me badly at work today, but until I play the memory back as a movie in my head and really start to feel my rage, I haven’t moved this memory into my thought field (”sink”). Once I have done this, I can start doing EFT to get relief.

With that as background it brings us to the question of what words work best. The words that we say are not magic. They are only important in that they help us get what we want to work on into our thought field (get the dishes into the sink). Just like getting the dishes to the sink, it doesn’t matter how they get there. All that matters is that they get there.

Let’s say I want to improve up my self-esteem when it comes to talking to the opposite sex. In order to do any work in this area I need to bring the feeling of discomfort talking to a woman into my thought field. I have two options for doing this.

First, I could go right at the issue and tap like this:

“I am such a moron.
I can’t talk to women,
I always sound like a fool.
They think I am so stupid.
They wish I would leave them alone, because I’m wasting their time.”

This is a very simple direct approach to the problem.

Or I could take a second tack. I can instead take advantage of the little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough. Please note what the voice in my head does.
“I am a funny guy.
[voice in head: No, you are not.]
I am a charming conversationalist and people love talking to me.
[VIH: No you’re not. You sound like a fool talking to others. You never know the right thing to say.]
I am going to walk up to someone new tonight and just start chatting.
[VIH: No, you are going to be a sweaty mess and chicken out.]”
[How to use these tapping phrases]

In this instance, I didn’t believe a single thing I said out loud, but the voice in my head brought up all the stuff that needed to be cleared.

Both approaches brought the dirty dishes to the sink. In the second case, by saying things I didn't believe the little voice in my head brought the emotions that needed to be cleaned up into the thought field.

For anther example of this approach, see I don't know what to say! (part 1)

Doing It All Wrong

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I’m having trouble getting started with EFT. It’s almost like I have a fear that I will do it wrong. Any suggestions?

This questions was written in response to the article  Fear of fear, where I talked about clients who have a hard time starting because they are afraid of the emotions they may stir up by thinking about them in detail.

Along with fear of stirring up too many emotions, a very common worry about doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is the fear of doing wrong. I hear this often from my clients.

At the end of every session I give my clients homework. This enables them to make progress until our next session. One of the reasons

I love EFT is it empowers the client to do self care. They don’t have to be dependent on a practitioner to make progress.

To begin the next session, I check to see how much homework they did. Often, when they haven’t done much work on their own, it’s because they’re worried they can’t do it right.

When I am confronted with this circumstance I do two things.

First, I explain there are no known side-effects to doing EFT . It only takes 10 minutes to try. The worst thing that can happen is you waste a little time. If you do EFT in a private place no one will ever know you didn’t do it well.

All of this is true, but I know that even when I have the facts before me, if there is an emotional root explaining why it still might not work out, I won’t try.

Therefore, the second thing I do is ask why they are worried about doing it wrong. Some common responses are:

  • If it doesn’t work, it means EFT isn’t real, and I’m afraid to give up hope of getting over the things I’m struggling with
  • You do it so easily; I’m afraid to fail at something that is so simple
  • If it doesn’t work now, it means all the progress we’ve already made isn’t real
  • It’s been a long time since I learned something new, and I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty.
  • I don’t understand why it works, so there is no way I can do it right
  • If I get better, how am I going to explain the progress to my loved ones? They will think I lost my mind when I tell them it was from tapping.

So what we do is tap on these issues of worry. I encourage all my clients who struggle just to get started to begin each session they do on their with something like this until they are more comfortable

I’m having a hard time tapping on my own…I don’t know if it really works…I have failed when I tried in the past…I don’t know if I am going to do it right…Gene makes it seem so easy…But, I don’t know what to say. It is really hard to come up with all those words…It has been so long since I have tried something new. I don’t like feeling like a novice…But I understand the only way I can get better is if I try…There is nothing in my life I learned to do perfectly on the first try. …Today I take driving for granted, but it took time to learn…I walk without even thinking about it, and that took months to learn…I give myself permission to be okay with not being very good at this…Each time I do EFT I will do better…I know there are people out there who have experience, and I can ask them for help…They were novices at one point too…For the next 30 minutes I give myself permission to be really bad at this…I give myself permission to make lots of mistakes…Because I know it is in the mistakes that I am going to learn and get better…And because I can’t hurt myself by trying…Assuming I don’t poke out my own eye…The only thing I might do is waste 30 minutes…There are lots of times in my life where I have wasted 30 minutes on a TV program…I can try this for 30 minutes…I know it is best for me just to give it a try…I am doing this work in private, so no one will know I’m doing this…If I do it wrong, no one will know I didn’t do it right…I know there is a possibility that EFT might not work on this issue this time…But that doesn’t mean EFT doesn’t work…It doesn’t mean that EFT doesn’t work for me…It only means that it is not working for me this time…EFT has worked in the past for lots of people…EFT will continue to work…If it doesn’t work now for me I have learned what not to do…I have an experience I can explain to someone who is more experienced…This feedback will help them to help me…I know there are lots of people I can ask for help…That’s one of the great things about people who do EFT — they want to help others…If all else fails, I can email EFT Q & A for help…I am not alone in doing this…And I am allowed to try again and again with EFT. [How to use these tapping phrases]

One final note: Yes, it is ironic that people who are afraid to tap on their own are willing to tap on not being able to tap. I wish I could explain it. I just know people are willing to try, and it works.

Moron!

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My boss is a moron. He makes my life miserable. I’ve tapped on the issue, but it’s not getting any better. What can I do?


photo by redteam

Before we decide how to deal with this problem, I need to explain how to use truth phrases.

I’m a big fan of using truth phrases when working with emotional issues. With truth phrases we rate how true we think a phrase is. These phrases differ from the standard rating of intensity.

For example, with the phrase, “How angry do you feel?” we are rating the intensity of the anger. With the phrase, “I get angry when my partner doesn’t listen to me,” we are rating how true this statement sounds, 10 being completely true and 0 not being true at all.

At first, rating how true a phrase is can be a little tricky. Just remember how odd it felt to rate anger on a scale of 0 to 10. There is a reason we call the scale “SUBJECTIVE” units of distress. It’s just a benchmark to see if progress has been made. It’s more an art than a science.

Truth phrases can be very helpful because they incorporate what we feel (anger) and why we feel it (because my partner doesn’t listen). When we know what the emotion is and why it’s there, we are more likely to be tuned into the core issue of the emotion. The closer we are to the core, the more effective our work is going to be.

Examples of truth phrases are:

When I’m worried I eat to soothe myself.

I feel unvalued when my voice isn’t heard.

I’m worried because I don’t think I’ve done enough work for tomorrow’s meeting.

I’m sad my family doesn’t care about the work I do.

I’m angry that our government is so corrupt.

For truth phrases to be effective we need to have both parts of the phrase. We need to state what emotion we feel and what the causes of the emotion are.

Note: Many times we have no control over what is happening around us. Whether people refuse to hear us, whether they don’t care about our work or that our government is corrupt, we may just have to live with these facts. It would be great to believe that someday our family is going to be as passionate about our work as we are, but we have no control over the emotions of others. Usually all we can change is our emotional response to these states of the world.

A common mistake with truth statements is that we forget to add our emotional response, tapping only on the state of the world.
For example, the statement “My boss is a moron!” might rate as a 10, but no matter how much tapping we do, our boss is not going to get any smarter. This phrase is not properly structured because it’s missing the emotional response.

A more useful phrase is, “I’m very frustrated because my boss is a moron.” When this rates as a 10, we can then investigate why this is frustrating. (e.g., it creates more work. We look bad to the rest of the company. I have to do his tasks over after he messed them up).

As we tap and make progress on the reasons that cause frustration, we can come back to retest “I’m very frustrated because my boss is a moron.” Once this statement no longer feels true, we know we’ve done what we can. Our boss is still a moron, but this is no longer emotionally controlling our lives.

Cleaning House

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I’m having a hard time cleaning my office. Can I use EFT to help from being distracted and just get the job done?


photo by Jaymie

Recently one of my clients, “Julie,” was about to start packing up her office. She had quit her job as she was moving on to do work that she really loved. I offered the following suggestion. “Before you clean your office, sit in the middle of the mess and tune in to it. See if it has anything to say about how you feel about the transition you are going to make. If any emotions arise from this, simply pay attention to them. Do Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on any undesirable emotions before you start to clean the office.” Often the emotions we feel tell us something about how we fit in that situation. When we make necessary changes in ourselves first, the other tasks, even cleaning and organizing, are much easier.

Here is what she later wrote about the experience on her blog:

“Yesterday I received some wisdom from a friend regarding the only item on my to-do list this week…cleaning and packing my office. His advice was to tune myself in to the mess, let it speak to me, let any emotions related to the mess come to the surface and pay attention to them, acknowledge them, and then clean them.

“Having said that, I completely disregarded his advice when I got to the office this morning because I had done an amazing job on the drive in convincing myself that the state of my office is clearly about a lack of shelf space and couldn’t possibly be emotional, a reflection of myself, etcetera, on any level.

“Forty minutes into my cleaning and packing project all I had done was rearrange piles. Not one paper clip was packed. Not one piece of paper tossed in the recycle bin. I plunked myself onto my leather sofa, took a few deep breaths, and started to tune myself in to the space around me. And it began to speak. My bookshelf told me one thing. My desk told me another. The enormous box of Christmas lights whispered that I am really afraid that by choosing to leave my current job I am going to be left with a giant void of laughter in my life if I don’t spend time with teenagers on a regular basis. Who knew Christmas lights were so insightful? The wall in front of my desk covered in pictures, quotes, and notes, spoke very clearly about the struggle of managing long distance relationships. Little by little I was able to acknowledge and clean the feelings around cleaning my office…and as a result I made a serious dent in packing things up. By the time I got to the stack of paintings leaning against the wall, my perspective had completely shifted. (Sometimes we don’t want to hear what things, situations, or relationships have to say.) But now I was ready, even eager to keep moving forward. I will admit that I was tempted to take the artwork and spread it out around the room but I had at some point chosen to stack them in a pile way back when and needed to pay attention to that.

“So I did.

“And this is what was revealed…

“Don’t be afraid. You are an artist in bloom.”

Now, did the mess, the desk, the walls, or the paintings really talk? They talked no more or less then when I ask my clients, “If the pain in your knee could say something, what would it say right now to you?”

Did the information come from outside or within? In my mind it doesn’t matter, but by tuning in and listening Julie was able to identify emotions she was feeling about her transition. Before they were under the surface. They were hiding (or she was just refusing to hear them). By tuning in a different way — admittedly a very different way– she dealt with feelings that needed to be healed before she could move on.

From time to time I suggest this to my clients. The process is very.

  1. Sit in a place where you spend a great deal of time (office, kitchen, bedroom, or car).
  2. Tune into the area around you.
  3. Ask if the car/desk/table/wall could say something, what would it say?
  4. If something arises, do EFT on what you were tuning into, but whatever emotion has just grown in yourself.

I Can’t Focus

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There just aren’t enough hours in the day. I know setting time aside to tap is important, but I have trouble focusing on my tapping. When I sit down to tap I have a million thoughts running through my head. What can I do to focus on the task at hand?


photo by Eni Turkeshi

This is a common problem. We know we need to take care of ourselves, and we think we have the time to do it. But somehow our responsibilities expand to absorb our whole day.

Despite busy days, we HAVE to find time to take of ourselves. When we don’t take care of ourselves we become less effective, which puts us even farther behind.

I encourage all my clients to take some time, to focus before they start tapping. I know when I do this I’m less distracted, more focused on the task at hand, and I.m more likely to spend enough time tapping.

Usually I recommend they address a few areas before tapping:

1) Dealing with any resistance to believing EFT works

EFT seems so weird…How is it possible that tapping on my face and body is going to help me emotionally…If my friends saw me now, they would think I’ve lost my mind…But tapping has worked in the past…It does make me feel better…And it only takes a few minutes of time…Even if the tapping has nothing to do with it, I feel better for taking the time to care for myself

2) Dealing with a cluttered over-busy mind

I have a million thoughts running through my head…I have so many things to do…My thought are running a million thoughts a second…But I choose to know that I can focus my mind…I know that I can slow the thoughts down…I give myself permission to let all those thought go…I know that as my mind slows down I will relax…I don’t need all those thoughts right now…I am focused here

3) Dealing with feelings of guilt for not doing the tasks that are at hand

I have so much to get done…I’m so far behind…Every time I catch up some new problem erupts…I don’t have time to do this tapping…I should be working on my to-do list…I should be making dinner, cleaning the house, getting work done, working out…But I choose to know that I need to take care of myself…I know that if I don’t take care of my self I will get sick and won’t be able to get done what I need to get done…I give myself permission to take time for myself…I deserve to take some time for myself…I know that when I take care of myself I am a happier, more efficient person

You can do each of these by themselves or you can just run through all three without stopping. The goal of this tapping is to get your self into the mindset that will allow you to take the time you need to tap, guilt-free.

If after doing all these phrases you are still unsettled and not focused, just tap through the phases again.

I’m doing it all WRONG!

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It’s hard for me to get motivated to do EFT because I’m afraid I’m going to do it wrong. What can I do?

Trying new things is always hard. We get used to being able to do things well. Most of us, as adults, don’t have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill we’re uncomfortable.

Learning a new skill means we have to admit we don’t know something.

It means we can expect to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.

When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.

Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.

Luckily we weren’t self conscious at that point in our lives. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail didn’t stop us either. We simply wanted to walk, and we were going to do whatever it took to do it.

As adult, it’s not as easy. We don’t like the feeling of failure. We don’t like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON'T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.

Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed in) talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.

These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won’t grow.

It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on their own at first.

First, EFT itself is so mysterious. It is a modality outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping my face will reduce my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be very hard to master.

Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to master.

Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I’m working with clients I’m often guessing right along with the client as to what phrase to use next. With experience I’ve gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don’t always know what I’m doing.

The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round is not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.

You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.

It also didn’t cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost you 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.

If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT, here are some phrases you can use to start your session.

I know EFT is a powerful tool….I have seen it work in my own life….I have felt it in my own body….I’ve heard amazing stories of all that it can do….But I worry that I am not going to do it right….It is still something I don’t understand….It worked great when I was working with Gene….He is really good at EFT…. I’m not as good as he is….But I choose to know I can’t do this wrong….Even if I use the wrong words….Even if I tap the wrong points….There is no penalty for doing this….I only waste a few second of my life….Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information….Making the next round of tapping more successful….I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes….Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn…I’m not very good at EFT right now….But the only way I can get better is if I try — and make mistakes….This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car….At the beginning those things were really hard to do….But with practice I got better….I am going to do the same with EFT….I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Yawn!

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Sometimes when I’m tapping I yawn a lot. Why do I yawn during tapping, and is it a good or bad thing?


photo by Daniel James

Fear not! Yawning is good news.

There are a number of common physical reactions to tapping, such as feeling:

  • Light and free
  • Very relaxed
  • Sleepy
  • Energized

or releasing:

  • Long signs
  • Yawning

When we are doing tapping, especially around an emotional issue, I have found yawning means a great deal of energy is being moved. So when I see lots of yawning, I know progress is being made.

It is important to pay attention to your body. Lots of yawning also mean your body has less energy than when you started. If you feel very tired, it’s best to tap more later.

ALSO, if you are feeling drowsy after a tapping session you shouldn’t drive or do anything that requires intense concentration until your energy level is up again.

Remember, if your body is feeling pain or responding in a way that is not comfortable, stop tapping and consult a medical professional.

It Hurts!

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When I tap, some of the spots are very sensitive, even to the point of hurting a little. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it’s not always the same spot. Should I be worried?

It’s a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.

Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definitely in need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) you are taking total responsibility for your body. I’m not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won’t tap them. Instead I use one of two options.

The first option is “Touch and Breath” (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is avery effective alternative to tapping. Some practitioners I know only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it’s as effective as tapping.

The second option is to close your eyes and imagine you’re tapping on the point. The body responds and changes in response to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from your body.

It is very simple to do.

Say (or think) “This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.

“This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.

[How to use these tapping phrases]

Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It helps to watch yourself tap in a mirror; it builds the mental picture of you tapping. Initially it may not be as effective as tapping, but it can be very powerful.

There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public and nobody will notice. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.

Fear of Fear

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I have a really big emotional issue I need to deal with, but I’m afraid. In the past when I tried to work on the issue it was too painful, and I’m afraid to even think about the issue now. Is there some way I can get over my fear of the emotions that might come up?

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, a number of clients have come in for a session and have spent the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.

A perfect example would be “Jane,” a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted me after her mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.

Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, “Do you want to do this or not?”

She said she didn’t know. She explained, “I know this is going to be very emotional, and the feelings are so raw. I don’t want to go into
that pain.”

I thanked her for her honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.

[Note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprises themselves.]

I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get, the better Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is going to work, but in this case I didn’t think there was going to be any way that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.

She responded to my question by outlining something about the size of a egg-shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:

This is such a scary time…My heart is broken…I know this has hurt me…I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it’s going to hurt…It’s easier to just not think about this and bury it…But I know I need to heal…I need to move on…I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things…I know it will work for this…I have worked with Gene in the past, and he won’t allow me to be harmed…I trust the process. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the
emotions surrounding the reason she had come in.

There are a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):

1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to take the step towards healing. Something in ourselves prevents us from seeking the help we need because we expect it to be painful.

Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will first check to see if we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.

2) In the case documented it appears that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don’t know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interpret the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.

I have seen instances where clients can’t seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is their emotional response to the memory.

I don’t know what to say! (part 1)

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When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I’m working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a very common question. Remember, the words are simply intended to help us pull whatever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they feel like they are going to use the wrong words.

Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What matters is your focus on the problem, not the words.

Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.

Here is my first…
“Christi,” an EFT phone client, was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the “penalties” for going to gym:

Everyone will see she is so out of shape … She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing … She is so out of shape it’s hopeless … She will fail again.

We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.

I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future, the thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don’t name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique). I thought future tapping might work for Christi.

So I had Christi rate the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the
gym.” She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped…

I am going to climb into bed and be relaxed….My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep….I am going to get a good night’s sleep….The sleep will be restful….I will wake up energized and ready for the day….I am going to be ready to go to the gym….I am going have a great workout….I am going to be happy with my progress….I’m going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day. [How to use these tapping phrases]

We then tested the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym.” It had become an 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn’t feel true. We dealt with whatever residual issues there were (which I can’t remember right now). Christi has reported back that this has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. In fact, it was so effective, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.

I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don’t feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus on when they are tapping on their own. All they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:

  1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g., I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
  2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
  3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a perfect world.
  4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true, repeat the process.

Making Tapping and EFT Routine

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I love EFT, but find it hard to remember to use it. Do you have any suggestions to help me remember to use EFT regularly?
I find it very funny. When friends, family and clients are sharing with me something that has happened in the past week, when I ask, “Did you tap on it?,” inevitably they respond, “I always forget.”

Initially, in my practice, I found that very few clients were doing the homework we had agreed upon. As I started to investigate this, generally the response was as simple as, “I forgot.” In response to this, I started to give homework AND assign the time they should be doing the homework (e.g., sitting in the car before walking in to work, right before bed, while taking a morning walk).

Basically, without saying this, we were creating an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) routine. Here is an example of a routine for one of my clients, “Jane”.

Jane works for an agency that places and supports children in the foster care system, an emotionally trying job. It is stressful too because they are trying to do so much with limited resources. Jane was taking quite a bit of anxiety home from work.

The routine we created was very simple. Each day before she left work she would stop in the restroom, go into one of the stalls, and do EFT for five to ten minutes. She would address any emotions she had at that moment, as well as take a quick review of the day to see if there was anything she needed to clean up. Then, symbolically, she would flush the toilet to show her self that she had gotten rid of all the stress she was carrying around.

We very intentionally chose her workplace as the place she was going to do the work. Her concern was that she was bringing the emotion from work home with her. We very easily could have had her wait until she got home before she did EFT.

There are two problems with this. First, by waiting until she got home she was still bringing the emotion home (which is what we were trying to fix). Second, it was very easy to get distracted when she got home. There was the dog to take care of, her husband to greet and spend time with, and dinner to fix. It would be very easy to get distracted with all that was happening at home and not get to the EFT work she needed to do.

By having her do the EFT at her workplace both of these problems were resolved. First, doing the EFT at work, all of the emotion associated with the job was staying at work. Second, by making it part of her exit routine from the office there was no way she was going to get distracted from doing EFT. It simply became one more step to getting out the door, like turning off her computer, packing her bag, and turning the voice mail on.

4 Steps to Tapping and Doing EFT Everyday

1) Do it at the same time everyday.
There will be occasions when we need to do EFT right away, but most things can be dealt with at a designated time. Look at how well we brush our teeth. Every night before we go to bed, the last thing we all do is brush our teeth. I know I don’t think why I’m brushing, it’s just part of the routine. It’s much easier to do any sort of maintenance for our health when it’s done at a regular time. This is true for brushing our teeth, going to the gym, or doing EFT.

2) Do it in the same place every time.
Now this might not be possible, but I have found it very helpful to have a consistent location. I do all of my prayer, meditation, and EFT in a special chair, which I use the chair only for these activities. The moment I start moving toward that chair, I immediately start to feel relaxed because my body, mind, and spirit know what’s coming.

You don’t have to have a special place where you only do EFT, but by having a consistent location (in bed, the kitchen table, the porch swing) you’re more likely to do it.

Also, it is important to pick a place where you won’t be distracted. In the living room while the kids are watching TV might not be the best choice.

3) Have a game plan when you sit down.
Mine looks something like this. First, I scan my body for any aches and pains and work on them first.

Second, I review my day to see what residual emotions are kicking around.

Third, I think about what’s happening tomorrow. I see if I’m worried about what is to come and then do one round of future tapping. 

Fourth, I do work on whatever pressing issue there is in my life (e.g., a new job, relationship with someone). This is some area of my life that needs work, but isn’t going to happen in just one session.

Finally, I do a round of thanks-giving tapping.

This routine might be too involved for you, but having a game plan assures that you make good use of your time.
Also, this is not set in stone. If I find there is something else I need to do with my time, I can do it, but it’s a good starting point.

4) Don’t get too ambitious when creating a routine.
When you create your routine, start small. The quickest way to stop doing a routine is to simply avoid doing a routine that’s too complex. When you are first creating your routine, make it as simple as just working on your aches and pains, in bed, right before you fall asleep. After you’ve done this for a week or two, add another component to your routine.

What is TFT, EFT, and Tapping? and What is the difference?

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[None: This short history lesson is offered because many people ask about it. You do not need to understand the history of tapping in order to utilize it in your life. If you aren't interested in the history lesson, no worries. Skip to the next section and don't give it a second thought.]

The brief history of tapping goes something like this…

First there was Thought Field Therapy. Thought Field Therapy was developed in the early eighties by Dr. Rodger Callahan. Over the years the techniques have evolved. Different variations can be referred to as Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Evolving Thought Field Therapy (EvTFT), and the Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy (CTTFT).

In TFT there is a particular and unique way to tap for each and every issue. TFT is a very effective protocol, but some people find it frustrating because it can be complicated and cumbersome to beginners. (If you would like more info about TFT please visit [link]).

In the nineties Gary Craig studied TFT with Dr. Callahan and innovated Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) from this and other trainings. When creating EFT Gary's intention was to create a powerful tool that was simpler than TFT that anyone could do with limited training.

This original version of EFT is often referred to as the basic recipe.

When presenting the basic recipe to the world in the late 90's early 00's Gary encouraged people to take his work to add, change, and transform in as many ways as possible.

And people all over the world did just that.

If you spend any time poking around the internet looking for tapping stuff you will find TFT, EFT, FasterEFT, Ask and Receive, Adv. EFT, Matrix Re-Patterning, Matrix Re-Imprinting, and I am sure if you look long enough I'm sure you will find Gene's Really Cool Tapping Technique That Will Make You Rich, Handsome, and Allow You To Live Forever Technique.

Because there have been so many changes, innovation, interaction, and (honestly) renaming of the same thing eight ways to Sunday I am going to simple call it all tapping.

In the end it doesn't matter what you call it. All that matters is if tapping works for you.

Does Tapping Work For [insert issue]?

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The question I am most often asked is, “Does tapping work on [insert physical or emotional ailment]?”

The answer is yes and no.

In my own practice I have seen success with tapping for joint aches, headaches, warts, nasal congestion, upset stomachs, and swollen kidneys.

Some of my clients have experienced success with anger, inability to forgive, sadness, and loss. It has worked on writer’s block and difficulty in concentrating. I have clients who have seen progress with learning disabilities and autism, and others who have successfully killed cravings for sweets, carbs, and cigarettes.

So, yes, more than likely tapping can be helpful for your physical or emotional issue.

BUT (and this is a very important but) it is essential to keep two things in mind.

First, some issues will take much more work than others. As you spend time tapping you will probably experience “one minute miracles”, where after one round of tapping you will gain total relief. This won’t happen every time. You wouldn’t expect a cut finger and a torn muscle to heal in the same way and at the same rate. Tapping is no different.

Keep your expectations realistic when tapping.

Second, some issues are way more complicated than others. Some issues are going to be straightforward to deal with but others, especially those that have taken years to develop, will be very complex. For a beginner, even knowing where to start might feel overwhelming.

That’s OK. We were all beginners once. Just because you don’t have success right away does not mean that tapping does not work for that issue. It only means that how tapping is being applied at this time is not successful. It is quite possible that you are just not approaching the issue the right way.

Like all things, this will come with time. The more you try tapping, and the more time you spend reading about the experiences of others with tapping, the better you will be and the higher your success rate.

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Are Results From Tapping Due To Either Placebo Effects Or Distraction?

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That depends…

Our bodies are very powerful healing machines. Healing machines that we still don’t fully understand. There have been a number of studies in the last 100 years showing that the body will heal if it thinks it is receiving some sort of healing treatment or medication, even when it is not. In one recent study people were told that they were going to receive antidepressants without the active ingredients (meaning it didn’t contain the medicine) yet some still showed an improvement in their condition.

This phenomenon of the body healing itself without any treatment is known as “the placebo effect”. The name comes from the fake pills given in double blind drug tests, called placebos. It was first observed when test subjects receiving placebos showed improvement.

If you are interested in the topic, I highly recommend reading Timeless Healing by Herbert Benson and Marg Stark. In the book they explore what “remembered wellness” (a more precise term than the placebo effect) is and how it might work.

It is entirely possible that this is the case with some experiences of tapping. I would not be surprised if this were true in some of my clients.

I have worked with skeptical clients, even those who didn’t want tapping to work because they thought it was just “new age mumbo jumbo”. Where I was able to get them actively to try the protocol we had success, letting me know anecdotally there is a mechanical component to tapping.

With all of that being said, I don’t really care. I don’t care if tapping is powerful or if it is just the power of the body and mind believing that tapping is powerful. All I am concerned about is healing in a safe and effective way.

As there are no known side effects to EFT, we will not cause harm in using it. To me, therefore, it doesn’t really matter why it works.

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Is Tapping The Only Thing You Use For Your Health? Should Tapping Replace Traditional Medicine And Healthcare?

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I am not one of those fanatics who reject Western medicine. There is a time and place for using diet, exercise, yoga, tapping, massage, drugs, and surgery. There are no one-size-fits- all solutions.

There is still a great deal we don’t know about the body and how it works. No doubt people living one hundred years from now will think our approach at the beginning of the 21st century is quaint, outdated, and maybe even foolish, in the same way that we regard the medical practices of the 1800s.

I would be wary of anyone who tried to convince me that tapping (or anything else) is the one and only way. I have experienced in my own life and seen in my client’s lives the power of tapping, but it is not the only answer.

Tapping is a great complement to many other health practices. I would never advise anyone to use only tapping. My advice is always:

  • Educate yourself about your body to understand your current health issues and your family medical history.
  • Research all possible treatment options thoroughly so that you are aware of all the short and long term beneficial outcomes, as well as potential side effects of any treatment.
  • Remember it is your body and your health. Seek advice from professionals but remember that the choice on what treatment you pursue should always be yours.

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How Long Do The Results Last?

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That depends.

I have seen tapping provide relief for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months, and forever.

No two problems are alike. A cut finger and a torn muscle will heal in different ways and at different rates, just like your partner saying horrible things about you will not have the same impact as a total stranger saying the same words.

The amount of healing that is provided by tapping is in direct proportion to how much of the problem we can tune into at any given time. Some issues have many aspects to them. At this moment we might only be aware of one or two of these aspects. This is where we can do work right away. At a later date we might find other aspects of the same issue to address.

This does not mean that tapping didn’t work. It just means there is still more work to do.

Also, it is important to remember that if it has taken a lifetime to develop a problem, it is unlikely to go away with a round or two of tapping.

Tapping is a great tool for providing temporary relief. Every time we create relief in the moment, we are making progress on the issue as a whole and how it will affect us in the future.

An analogy I use a lot is of weeding the yard. We can cut off the heads of dandelions and the yard will look good for a while, but they will grow back. If we also remove the leaves, they will still grow back, but it will take much longer. But, if we get the roots they will never grow back.

Sometimes when we work on an issue we remove the heads, sometimes the leaves, and sometimes the roots. This determines how long our progress lasts.

Just remember, any progress we make, no matter how small, is progress towards a healthier self. Using EFT we are doing this in a way that does not require any surgery or drugs.

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Are There Any Negative Side Effects Or Abnormal Reactions?

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There are no known side effects of using tapping. With that being said, you should keep four things in mind.

1) Before you begin any physical or emotional treatment you should ALWAYS seek the advice of your primary care physician. This is true for a new diet, a new exercise program, or tapping. The understanding of the human body is constantly growing and changing. Make sure you find the most current information before making any decisions about the type of care you choose.

2) If you encounter any negative side effects or adverse reaction, STOP. Seek the advice of a trained medical professional. Note that it is common for the tapping points to be a little sensitive. The article It Hurts! discusses what you can do when tapping points feel tender.

3) Just because tapping is a useful tool for a problem, doesn’t mean you are the right person to use that tool. For example, tapping works wonderfully on Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as multi-personality disorder), but there is no way that I am qualified to do that sort of work. DID is very complicated and I could do more harm than good.

So being proficient with tapping doesn’t mean you should use it with someone else to deal with an issue for which you aren't qualified. Tapping is a tool to use in an appropriate context. If you are not trained to work in a certain context without tapping, then you shouldn’t use tapping in that context. You should seek the help of a trained professional.

4) Scratches and pimples are two physical reactions I have encountered using tapping. When my fingernails are too long I scratch myself when tapping. I also sometimes forget to wash my face after an hour of tapping. It’s easy to find the tapping points on my face the next day, just look for the pimples!

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Does It Matter If I Am Skeptical About Tapping?

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Yes and no.

In my experience, tapping is mechanical. This means that if it is done right, it works. Much like you don’t have to believe an aspirin will work for it to help your headache, if tapping is done correctly it will be effective whether or not the subject believes it will work. But there are a few important things to keep in mind.

1) You must do it correctly. For tapping to work, the person who is doing the tapping has to be tuned into issue being addressed. Just because you are saying the words out loud doesn’t mean you are tuned in to the problem.

I can be saying “This pain in my foot. This pain in my foot. This pain in my foot…” but be thinking about what is on TV tonight. If this is the case I am not tuned into the problem or following the tapping protocol correctly so it will not work.

If a person is skeptical they are less likely to commit fully to the process and there is a higher probability that tapping won’t work because they are not doing it correctly.

2) Understand what you mean by success. We call an aspirin a success if it stops a headache for a few hours, but we don’t expect to never have a headache again. Hold tapping to the same standard. It is very easy for a skeptic to dismiss tapping because the change isn’t permanent.

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How Much Tapping Do I Need To Do To Make It Work?

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No two issues are the same.

Similar issues don’t always have the same root. You can have a headache because you are dehydrated, because you received a blow to the head, or because of a sinus infection. The symptom is the same, but the causes are very different.

Each of these causes might require a different approach and a different amount of time to achieve relief with tapping or any other approach.

Using the tapping basics you will have success with a number of issues. You will be able to be successful with most non-chronic physical pain and many simple emotional issues.

Remember, each time you don’t have success with tapping you have the opportunity to challenge yourself to be more creative with the protocol and to seek out more information.

Every time I have encountered an issue where I have not had immediate success, I’ve learned something new, which makes each successive attempt more efficient.

Learning new things is hard. We don’t like being unsuccessful. Someone who is very good at tapping makes it look effortless. This is because they have made lots of mistakes along the way and have chosen to continue to learn.

You didn’t learn to walk in the first time. Tapping is no different.

The more you try, the better you will become.

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