Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Let The Subconscious Fill in the Blanks

By 2 Comments


photo by Adam Holloway

The most common reason my clients don’t do their EFT homework between sessions is, “I don’t know what words to say. When I tap with you it is so easy. When I’m on my own I get stuck.” But there is a way for the subconscious to solve this problem for you.

The reason may be lack of confidence, worry that you’ll do it wrong, worry that you’ll waste time, or that you simply don’t know how to approach the issue. At other times we may have a hard time saying some of the phrases out loud because they seem so ludicrous.

For example people who have a hard time believing they are worthy of being loved are not going to feel comfortable saying, “I deserve love, happiness, and well-being” because they really don’tt believe it.

It can be equally hard to say out loud (or even recognize) why we feel this way.

Rob Sherwin (http://www.tap4health.com/) has come up with a brilliant way to deal with the situation where we don’t know why we feel some way or it’s really hard for us to say out loud. His recommendation is to simply let the subconscious mind fill in the blanks for us. We could tap on something like this:

I don’t deserve healing because…
I don’t deserve to heal if it means…
I don’t know how to heal because…
If I heal then I will be stuck with…
I can’t heal because…
I am afraid to heal because…
I don’t want to heal because…
I don’t believe I deserve happiness because…
I don’t believe I deserve success because…
I don’t believe I deserve love because…

Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need

By 1 Comment

In the article Stages of Awareness I talk about how we move through the healing process. In stage one we are going through life unaware of what is going on internally. In stage two we start the investigation process. This stage can be the most difficult because we’ve taken our blinders off. We feel as if we have just added a whole new set of problems and issues.

The moment we start investigating what’s going on in our lives we become aware of many areas of healing that we had been blind to before. We can be overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and hopelessness.

We can logically know that we have just opened our eyes to what was already there, but that doesn’t take the feelings of overwhelm or frustration away. I have found it very helpful to use Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) on these feelings of overwhelm and frustration before doing the healing itself. Once the overwhelmed feeling is resolved, we are free to cope with the current issue.

To do this you could tap on something like this:

Right now I am dealing with more issues than I know what to do with…I don’t even know where to start…even if I take care of some of it, there is going to be so much more for me to deal with…I feel like I am trying to empty a bathtub with a thimble…I choose to know this is part of the healing process…in the beginning I feel like there is more than I can deal with…in the beginning it feels like I have added a bunch of new issues…but I really know these issues have always been here…I have just become aware of them…I give myself permission to know that I can take these issues one at a time… every issue I heal is going to make the next issue easier…it will be like a snowball rolling down a hill…each healing with happen easier and easier…faster and faster…I know it is only going to get better from here…as I come to terms with all that I need to heal…the easier it will be to heal…I give myself permission to do this healing at a rate that is best for my body…I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed…it is natural to be overwhelmed by what I am dealing with…I choose to take the next step forward now. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Physical Pain From Injury

By 1 Comment

I am very aware that there are times when we have pain in the body that has an emotional base. There are also times when we just hurt ourselves. I just twisted my knee and it still hurts a few days later. Do I tap in the same way with this sort of physical pain as I would for pain that is emotionally-based?

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) is a very powerful tool when dealing with physical pain. When I first teach EFT/EvEFT I generally start with physical pain for two reasons. First, EFT/EvEFT works so well, and second, it’s hard to deny the results. (The evaporation of emotional pain is easier for a new EFTer to dismiss, giving credit to factors other than EFT.)

When we are dealing with pain of any sort we need to remember that pain is nothing more than a signal. It’s one of the physical body’s ways of getting our attention and communicating information. Our shoulders can ache from stress because our body is telling us we need to slow down and take care of ourselves. Our ankle will hurt after an injury to tell us we should give it time to heal and avoid walking on it too much.

Even though EFT/EvEFT is so powerful at reducing (and/or eliminating) the pain we feel, we should make sure we are not just taking pain away without first listening to the information the body is trying to communicate to us. There is a famous story of a hypnotist who used hypnosis to numb the pain he was feeling in his chest. The pain was related to a heart attack. Since he only eliminated the pain and didn’t respond to what the pain was communicating — the need for medical care — he died from the heart attack.

Regardless of the source of the pain, we can use EFT/EvEFT for both physical and emotional aspects of the pain. Let’s look at how we can use EFT/EvEFT for a physical pain that has come from an injury and is not emotionally based.

1) The Physical Pain
Regardless of the source of the physical pain I generally approach physical pain the same way. While tapping from point to point I tune into the following (in no particular order):

  • Is there a lesson the pain wants me to learn
  • What is the shape?
  • What is the color?
  • What is size?
  • If I held the pain in my hand, how much would it weigh?
  • If I was going to make a model of the pain to show my friends what it is like, what substance would I use?
  • If the pain could say something, what would it say?
  • I trace the geography the physical pain with my mind

After I have done this for a round or two of tapping I tune back in to the SUDs level to see how it feels. If more work is needed, I repeat the process.

2) The Emotional Aspect of the Physical Pain
On the surface it might not seem obvious that there is work we can do with emotions of the physical pain. Just because the pain itself was caused by an injury, it doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions around the issue of having the pain or injury.

I am a firm believer that if we have negative emotions around a wound (physical or emotional) we slow down or hinder the healing process. When we have a physical pain it’s a good idea to spend time dealing with emotions about the pain. Some examples of the areas you can investigate are:

  • How you were injured: Are you mad at yourself for how you got injured?  Are you mad at someone else for how you got injured?
  • How the injury is effecting you: Are you having a hard time doing the things you want to do and how is this effecting you emotionally?
  • How people are responding to the injury: Are people trying to baby you?  Are people not giving you enough attention?
  • How the body is healing and responding to treatment: Is the body not healing fast enough for you and is this causing frustration?

As you can see, many emotions can arise from an injury that wasn’t emotionally induced. Dealing with these issues will help speed the healing process, or more accurately get out of the way of the natural healing process of the body.

The beautiful thing about EFT/EvEFT is it allows us to approach problems from many different angles. We can approach them through our minds (thoughts and memories), our bodies (physical sensations), and our spirits (emotions). For each issue you will find at least one of these entry points helpful. You will probably heal faster when you explore more than one.

Ev/EFT – Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques

By 1 Comment

Why do you use the term Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT) instead of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)?

When Gary Craig introduced EFT to the world I believe he did a very smart thing when chose the name. He called it Emotional Freedom Techniques. Most people don’t notice the “s” on the end of the word techniques, because it seems like one technique.

As far as I can tell Gary did this because he knew EFT would grow and change over time, as it indeed has. Part of the reason Gary has shared EFT with what he calls an “open hand” was to allow this amazing growth to occur easily.

But this has not always been a good thing.  Here are Gary’s words:

Over the years, I’ve discovered that this open-handed distribution system has obvious benefits for everyone – but has many significant challenges as well. First, with so many diverse attitudes and abilities among the EFT Community, EFT has been spread in an inconsistent manner. While some of this has simply reflected individual variations and personalities of the presenters, some of it, unfortunately, has been downright unethical or embarrassing. These inconsistencies, if left unattended, will tend to erode EFT’s credibility in the world.

Accordingly, if we are going to maximize the EFT experience for the ultimate good of all, there are some common sense ethical items that need to be observed…In essence, I wish to grant the freedom to ethically practice EFT, give workshops and create organizations, books, films, etc. so long as it is made clear to the public that your EFT activity represents YOUR own ideas, angles, versions, etc. and not necessarily those of Gary Craig or EFT.”

That is why I use the term EvEFT. It represents the fact that this tool set has evolved past Gary’s work and these are my own ideas. That is not to say my ideas are better. They are just my own.

Tapping/EFT Q & A is provided as a public courtesy to help expand the use of EFT in the world. While Gary Craig and EFT encourage such efforts, they cannot evaluate or endorse the multitudes of them that exist. Thus this website represents the good faith ideas of its founders but not necessarily those of Gary Craig or EFT.

EFT is a very flexible improvement tool that can be used for just about everything. I am using my version of it here and have had extraordinary results and urge you to contact me for more. The original version and complete training can be found at http://www.emofree.com

I Don’t Deserve Healing

By 4 Comments

One of the biggest struggles in our process of growing and changing is the fact that we don’t often believe that we deserve healing.

We believe:

  • We have too much
  • We have done too much wrong
  • It is too late

Sometimes it is just a deep ache that we can’t explain, a feeling that we don’t deserve any better.

I often use the image of a brick wall when dealing with this general sense of not deserving better. We are standing on one side of it, and our healing is on the other side. As long as we believe we don’t deserve healing we won’t get past the wall.

When we don’t know the root cause of the feeling it can be hard for us to approach because we are unsure where to begin or what to say. In these cases I imagine using Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) like a hammer and chisel. We might not be able to take the whole wall down in one tapping session, but bit by bit we can make progress.

Here is some sample tapping patter you could use:

There is part of me that doesn’t believe I am worthy of healing…there is a part of me that doesn’t believe I deserve any better…for some reason this part that doesn’t believe I deserve this is trying to protect me…it truly believes this protection is in my best interest…this part of me is working very hard to protect me, but it is doing it in a way that is not helpful for me in the short or long term…I recognize this part of me that is trying to keep me safe…I know this part of me is working hard…I thank this part of me for working so hard…even if it is preventing my healing…I honor the fact that this part of me wants what is best for me…I give this part of me permission to let its guard down…it no longer has to work so hard…I deserve to heal…I deserve better…I deserve to heal…as I say those phrases there is a part of me that recoils at this thought…even though part of me doesn’t believe this, there is a part of me that knows it is true…right now I tune into the part of me that knows I deserve to heal…the part of me that knows I deserve better…it might be very deep down inside…it might be a very long time since this part of my being has been accessed…but it is there…right now I speak light and love to the part of me that knows I deserve love…to the part of me that knows I deserve healing…I deserve love…I deserve healing…I deserve better…whatever part of me is blocking this thought and idea, I let go of it right now…I see and feel the blocks to knowing I deserve healing melting away a little at a time…with each breath and each tap I am removing the wall of undeserving that prevents me from moving forward…it’s melting away…in every moment I believe more and more that I deserve to heal…that I deserve better…I forgive myself for not believing this is true…I forgive myself for not believing this is true even as I tap right now…I forgive myself or whatever part of myself has built this wall…I know it has only done so because it is doing the best it can with what it has to protect me…I give myself permission to believe it is possible to see myself as deserving of better health…I deserve to heal…I deserve better…I deserve love.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Did you give up on your New Year’s Resolution today?

By

When I was at the gym today for my morning workout I didn’t have to wait in line for any of the machines, but everything was basically full.

When I went to the gym three days ago I had to wait 15 minutes to use one of the machines.

The reason why?

New Year’s resolutions!

Everyone makes them…and no one keeps them.

If you made a resolution to loose weight or exercise this year on New Year’s Eve then on average today or tomorrow is the day you will give up on that resolution.

You might not know you have given up on the resolution yet, but you have given up.

This morning you might have said something like, “It was Monday morning and that is why it was so hard to get to the gym today.  I will do it tomorrow.”

Or…

“I have been so good so far this year that I am going to reward myself with a little treat.”

You feel like you are on the right path, but you are not.

BUT, it is not your fault.

Because of there nature New Year’s Resolutions are destine for failure.  

Why Resolution Fail
The idea of New Year’s Resolutions is great!

We reflect on our life.  We see the areas we would like to improve.  We commit to change.

In order to do this we need to make new choices (like eating healthier and exercising more) and create new habits.

This is where the problem lies.

To create a new habit it takes 21 days.   This is because that is how long it takes to create the new neural path in your brain for the new action.

That means on will power alone you are going to have to make the right choice for 3 weeks.

That is the reason most New Year’s Resolutions fail today.  We are running out of will power.

A different approach.
It is possible to make these changes without having to have super human will power.

Instead of fighting your urges it is possible to take those urges away.

Instead of feeling like it is punishment to go to the gym it is possible to make exercising something you enjoy and desire.

By dealing with the emotions that underlie the current behaviors it is possible to make lasting change.

I have created a special 5-session program that will make change something that is not only possible, but natural and easy.

The New Year’s Program That Really Works
This program is not a teleclass (with lots of other people on the line).  Instead, this is five one-on-one sessions where we will deal directly with where you are in relationship to your body and your diet.

We will do a session every two or three weeks to make sure we are not just doing a quick fix, but are making long term changes.

Here is just some of what will happen in these five sessions.

  • We will discover the reasons that you emotionally eat and clear those emotional blocks
  • I will teach you kill craving in under two minutes
  • I will teach you a technique that you can use in under two minutes a day to return your metabolism back to functioning optimally.
  • I will teach you what to do before you are tempted so you re not fighting off major cravings.
  • We will get you motivated to do the exercise that you want to do.
  • I will teach you how stress is related to mindless eating how you can combat that in just a few minutes a day.
  • We will clean up the core issues that are causing you to mindlessly eat.

ALSO, I am going to record each of the sessions for you, so you can go back and listen to the tapping sessions again and again.

This stuff works!
Here is what some of the people who did the program is the past have said

“Still haven’t eaten sweets since our last session!!! Thank you a million.”  This was referring to a session 4 months earlier.

Here are two e-mails from the same person that came 24 hours apart:

“It worked!  I went to two dinner parties last night and both had fresh warm rolls, and I only had one at each, and it wasn’t hard to resist AT ALL!  And they didn’t taste as good as usual.   I’m so excited!”

“I was wrapping gifts today and adding four of my favorite candies to the bags and only had two pieces, and they weren’t that good, even though we only did a tiny bit of tapping on that.  And I swear my jeans are fitting quite a bit looser.”

I also know it works from experience
Not only am I working this program with clients I have been working it myself.

You would not look at me and think I am out of shape, but as I approached my 35th birthday I decided I wanted to be in the same shape I was when I graduated college.  My goal is to lose 20lbs.

I have a January birthday and it seemed like folly to try to loss weight over the holiday season.

This year Christmas week I attended three holiday parties, had a huge dinner with my family Christmas Eve, and a huge brunch Christmas Day.  The entire holiday there was sweets on the counter in the kitchen 24 hours a day.

This year Christmas Week I lost weight.

That’s right, I lost weight!

I didn’t do this by starving myself.  I didn’t do it by fighting craving every moment of the day. I didn’t do it by not eating any sweets.

Instead, I made easy choices about what I wanted and needed to eat.   I was in total control.

(I even made it to the gym everyday except Christmas Day when the gym was closed.)

I did it and you can too!

Special Deal
I am offering this special New Year’s Program That Really Works for only $298.  

That is $127 (or 30%) off if you paid full price for these five sessions.

(OR if you prefer you can make three monthly payments of $114)

But That’s Not All
In addition to the sessions (and the recordings of the sessions) I am going to give you 4 free Bonuses.

Bonus #1: “34 EFT Scripts that Help You Shed Weight and Love Your Body” ebook

This script book contains 25 EFT scripts to help you loss weight.  It is just like having an EFT practitioner on your bookshelf that you have access 24 hours a day.  (Value $49.95)

Bonus #2: “It is weight release, not weight loss” audio

Medicinal Intuitive Catherine Poole shares in this exclusive interview her experience of the metaphysics of weight.  As Catherine says, “When we lose something, we can find it again.  The process of getting the body we love is about healing and release.  It has nothing to do with loss.  It has everything to do with the healing we gain.”  (Value $14.95)

Bonus #3: “Spa of the Mind”

This is one of my favorite and best selling audios.  In this guided imagery audio you are lead through a process of letting go of the emotional blocks preventing you from healing.  You just need to sit back, listen, and feel the blocks to your healing melt away. (Value $13.71)

Bonus #4: Share the gift of EFT with someone else

Imagine you are at a holiday party with friends and family.  You hear the comments, “You look great.”  “I am amazed at your will power around all these sweets.”  “How do you do it?”  You can keep it a secret, telling them it is just will power, or you can tell them about the power of EFT.  For one of those lucky loved ones in your life you can give them the chance to experience EFT with a professional.  When you join this program you will receive one free EFT session to give to anyone in your life. (Value $85)

That is $161.61 in free bonuses alone, which is more than half of the price of the total program.  It is just like getting 5 EFT sessions for under $150 (less than $28 a session).

100% Money Back Guarantee
I know (because I have seen it in the lives of my clients) that EFT is a very powerful tool in helping you to make better choices about what and when you eat, help to motivate you t
o you exercise, and clearing the emotional blocks that are preventing your body from releasing the extra weight.

If after two sessions you are not satisfied that you are well on your way regaining the body you love I will refund your money in full.  

AND, you keep the audio and script book bonus as my gift to you.

There are only 6 spots
My spring is very full with travel, teaching, and working with clients.  For that reason I am only going to take on 6 clients for this comprehensive program.  Don’t miss out.

Remember, this is your chance to take control before the holiday season even starts.

Sign up now!
http://eftqanda.com/store/bodyyoulove.html

This is your opportunity to regain control of your body and be health for 2009.  Don’t miss it.

To a healthy new year!

Gene

PS: Image what it will be like when everyone else is complaining about failed resolutions knowing that you are in control and on your way to the body you love.

After A Powerful EFT Session

By Leave a Comment

I have found EFT to be a very powerful tool. I have used it to clean up a number of deep emotional issues, but have noticed a number of unusual sensations after doing a session. Sometime I am really tired after a session, while other times I feel a little more emotional than when I started but wake up the next day feeling like a new person. Are these common experiences? Is there anything I can do after a session to make sure I’m taking care of myself? Is there anything I can do to make sure the results of the session stick?

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool, but as stated in the question there can be effects of doing EFT that go beyond just the issues we are working on. When we are doing EFT (regardless of the magnitude of the issue) we need to pay very close attention to the information our bodies and emotions are giving us.

Here are 4 basic things to keep in mind.

1) Knowing when enough is enough
Doing any sort of change work can stir up memories and beliefs that we are not ready to deal with. EFT is wonderful because it allows us to creep slowly up on problems, but there are times where we uncover more than we can handle on our own.

Also, there can be a point at which we have done as much healing as is healthy just then, having resolved only part of the problem. We might feel driven to soldier on because we’re not done with an issue, but we need to accept whatever stopping point is best for us.

Just because running 3 miles a day is healthy doesn’t mean running 100 miles a day is better. The body can only do so much before it needs rest. It’s the same with EFT. Just because there is more work to do doesn’t mean the body can deal with that work right now.

I had a client who was physically exhausted after just three rounds of tapping. He headed right to bed after less than 5 minutes of work.

Listen to your body…It will know when you are done for the session.

2) How to care for yourself after a session
There are lots of different ways the body can respond to an EFT session. Even when we work on the same issues, no two sessions produce the same effects in us. These feeling can range from light and euphoric to totally wiped out. Regardless of how we feel after a session there are two basic things we can do to take care of ourselves.

First, make sure you drink plenty of water. This is good advice even if you don’t do an EFT session, but it is especially important after doing EFT because we generally use and release a lot of energy. It takes time for our bodies to recharge. Water will help this process. You don’t need to drink so much that you float away, but it is a good idea to keeping sipping as the day unfolds.

Second, make sure you get enough rest. If you expend or release a lot of energy during an EFT session it’s a good idea to take it easy. You shouldn’t do anything that requires a great deal of energy, and you should make sure you get a good night’s sleep or even take a nap. As you will see in the next item, sleep can be important in the healing

3) The next day
When clients have a particularly emotional session I like to touch base the next day to see how he or she is doing. There have been times when we’ve done all we can do in a session, but my client is still emotional. When I touch base with my client the next day he/she is doing great. Many have described themselves as feeling like “a new person”.

When we are doing profound work it’s going to affect many parts of our life, not just the issue we are working through. The best analogy I’ve come up with is that it’s like doing a software update on our computers. Sometimes the changes are so fundamental to the way the computer works that the computer needs to be restarted for the changes to take effect.

I see a similar thing happening when we do major energy work. It takes a “reboot” for the changes to work through our system. This happens for us when we sleep. Scientists are still not completely sure why we sleep or dream. Many of the theories assume this is the time for our minds to sort out all the new data we’ve received throughout the day and integrate it fully into the body/mind/spirit.

The next time you do a major EFT session, either with a practitioner or on your own, pay attention to how you feel the next day. Even if you have a fitful night’s sleep, you will notice great changes beyond what you felt at the end of a session.

4) Getting it to stick
Sometimes we can find it very hard to sit down to do an EFT session. We know we will benefit from it, but something just keeps us from doing it. The reason is because in some fashion our issues benefit us. (See Getting Started) The same thing can happen after we do EFT. There may be something in us that resists the change working its way totally through the system (like discussed about) because something in us still sees benefits in keeping the problem.

I have found a very simple way around this problem. Tapping on it! (*wink*)

At the end of a session it is really easy to add some tapping phases like this:

I am so happy I had the chance to spend some time doing EFT…I am thankful that my body was able to reveal the areas that needed healing through my physical body and my emotions…I am thankful I found the time to do this work…I know over the next few hours and days these changes are going to slowly creep into every part of my life…the life, love, and energy that was opened up in this session is not going to just stay in this session…but is going to continue into my life….As my day unfolds I give my body permission to keep giving me information about the areas that need healing…I give myself permission to know this healing work is not over…I will have opportunities to do more work…Over the next few hours as these changes and healings become more and more real they are going to fill my life…tonight as I sleep I am going to have a restful night’s sleep…As I sleep these changes and healing are going to become more and more real in my life…My dreams will help me to sort out these changes to make them permanent…As good as I feel now…I am going to wake up tomorrow and every day of my life feeling better and better…As good as this feels…and it feels great…ever better things are to come…I am thankful for the chance to learn more and heal more [How to use these tapping phrases]

Peace (Personal and World)

By 1 Comment

During the holiday season we are re-reminded that it is important to give thanks for the peace in our lives, homes, and world. We are also given the chance to consider the peace we long for. Please take some time this week and tap on these phrase to help bring peace.

I give thanks for the fact that I am reminded to consider the peace I have in my life…I am thankful for moments of peace…for people who create peace…and the people who call me to peace…I know there are places in my life that need more peace…I know I must take responsibility for creating that peace…that does not mean that I have created all the disharmony in my life, but I give myself permission to be responsible for the peace in my life…right now I tune into any block that I have to creating peace in my life…these might be big blocks…or they might be small…I know my body is holding on to these blocks for a reason…because it thinks these block are protecting me from something…I thank my body for holding these blocks…but right now I choose to let them go…any block I’m holding that prevents peace in my life…and in my world…I let it go now…knowing in this moment that I no longer need it…as I let it go I feel my body…I feel the freedom that comes with this peace…I forgive myself for carrying these blocks for so long…I love and accept myself…knowing I deserve peace in my life…and in my world…any part of me that feels I don’t deserve peace…I thank that part of me…because it believes it is protecting me…and I let these beliefs go…I deserve peace in my life…I was made for peace…I am at my fullest and my best…when I am at peace…I also know I desire peace not just in myself…but also in the world…I know I can help to create peace in the world…in my thoughts…my deeds…and my actions…I know it can be scary to step out…to take actions that will create peace…others might judge these actions…thinking I am a do-gooder…thinking I am being arrogant…thinking I am messing in places I shouldn’t be…I give myself permission to help create peace in the world…I give myself permission to be a peacemaker…the world needs peace…it is not just better for me…but better for everyone…when I create peace in myself…I create peace in the world…when I create peace in the world…I create peace in myself…Let there be peace on Earth…and let it begin with me.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Not Knowing What To Tap On/Tapping To Help Getting To Sleep/Tapping For Relaxation

By 2 Comments

There are times when I want to spend a little time tapping, but I don’t have a specific issue or I don’t really want to dive into a very emotional issue. Is there any benefit to just tapping with no particular intention? [Note: The example in this article on how to tap without words is a perfect way to tap to help you get a good night’s sleep or to just relax.]


photo by James Blann

One of the reason I love Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is because it costs us nothing more than a little time to do. So even if we aren’t doing EFT in the most effective fashion we are just spending a few minutes thinking positively about our health and well-being.

Also, it is important to remember that if we are tapping while there is any sort of block in our thoughtfields while we are tapping (even if we aren’t consciously aware of it) we are doing work on it. It’s not the words we are saying but the thoughts that we have while we are tapping that make the change.

To this end I do some tapping every night before I go to bed in which I don’t think of anything in particular. I just let whatever needs to be bubbling up to bubble up on its own. I will either do this while taking a short walk or while listening to or watching something (podcast, DVD, or evening news).

A great deal has been written in the EvEFT community about which hand we should tap with or what side of the body we should be tapping on. (For my point of view on this topic, click here.)  To take advantage of the possibility that there is benefit from switching this up I tap in every possible combination.

The pattern looks like this:

  1. Take a long cleansing deep breath to clear my mind and relax my
  2. With my right hand starting on the top of my head I work my way down tapping on each point on the right side of the body until I have tapped on every point.
  3. With my left hand starting on the top of my head I work my way down tapping on each point on the left side of my body until I have tapped on every point.
  4. With my right hand starting on the top of my head I work my way down tapping on each point on the left (notice the switch) side of the body until I have tapped on every point.
  5. With my left hand starting on the top of my head I work my way down tapping on each point on the right (notice the switch) side of my body until I have tapped on every point.
  6. Repeat

I do this for about 10 minutes. It is very, very relaxing and puts me in a great place to climb into bed for a good night’s sleep.

Recently I have been experimenting with a slightly different approach to this tapping routine. I was introduced to it by Angela Treat Lyonin her blog. You would do the exact same exercise as explained above but would tap in the way she describes on her web site (which you should visit because it has lots of great stuff). She has come with something called Cascade Tapping.

I’ve used Cascade Tapping for hundreds of people now (both in live sessions and in my teleclasses), and I’ve found that this way of tapping helps take them from thought to feeling in seconds.

It’s really very simple. Instead of jumping from one point to the next and tapping on each one 5 – 7 times, you move gently and gradually in little half-inch increments from one point to the next, only tapping on the incremental spots once (see diagram).

There are many variations and ideas about where to start, tapping but I like to start at the top of the head with very gentle circle of tapping, then trek on down to the third eye, and on down. No hard fast rules.

I’m finding that there’s an almost instant yawn or sigh factor for anxiety and fear, in particular. I do it while I’m driving in heavy weather and am calm almost immediately.

Remember to be easy with yourself. Don’t feel like you need to accomplish too much with your tapping, knowing that any time you spend tapping is a small step forward to health and well-being. Our objective is not to be standing in the right place but to instead be constantly moving forward (even if it is only a little at a time).

Children Who Are Reluctant To Tap

By Leave a Comment

My 8-year-old son has been taught how to tap by an EFT Practitioner and I have done it with him off and on. When something comes up and I tell him to tap on it, he doesn’t want to! Do you have any suggestions on helping my son make tapping a part of his life?

[[This article is written by Angie Muccillo. Angie is the author of “Tapping For Kids‚ A Children’s Guide To EFT.” This book puts the extraordinary power of EFT firmly into the hands of children and young people, as a tool for life, to help them overcome their fears, worries and everyday traumas as well as build their self-esteem. Details on Angie’s book can be found at Dragon Rising and she can be reached directly at http://tappingforkids.com]


photo by Ashok Saravanan

Let’s look at some of the reasons why children may not tap and what you can do to create an environment where tapping is encouraged.

Why Kids Won’t Tap
Sometimes children will resist tapping even when they have been taught to use it and it has worked for them in the past. Firstly, no matter how much you may want your child to tap on something because you know it will help them, it is important to remember that you can’t “make” a child tap if they don’t want to. It is especially important to understand that EFT is not a strategy for getting children to do what you want or to get them to behave in a certain way. It is a way to help children release their emotions if and when THEY want to. We can show them when and how to tap but the decision to tap must ultimately be the child’s. Sometimes they may prefer to tap alone and other times they may prefer to tap with you or another person.

Some reasons why children may resist tapping:

1. Children may resist tapping because they are being “told” to tap rather than being “encouraged” to tap. When given as a directive children may react with a defiant or rebellious attitude. It can become “another thing mum nags me about” as opposed to when a child realizes that it’s “something I can do whenever I want to feel better.”

2. Children can often pick up on your desperation for them to tap and this can make them more resistant to it. Often the harder you try the more they resist.

3. They may not feel it is “cool” to tap. While some children take to EFT immediately, others may feel self-conscious or embarrassed about using it.

How To Encourage a “Reluctant” Child To Tap

1. Become an EFT Model

The key to encouraging a “reluctant” child to tap is to actively model it yourself as well as help create an environment where tapping is part of family life. When children see their parents tapping they are more likely to do it themselves. According to Karen Curry, author of EFT For Parents, “children do what we do, not what we say…if your kids see you tapping, especially when you are feeling emotional intensity, they will be encouraged to use it themselves under similar circumstances.” If they see you tapping and how it benefits you they may be more likely to do it with you or on their own.

2. Tap On Your Own Frustration/Desperation First

If you are frustrated or upset about the fact that your child won’t tap, then treat your own frustration or upset first. “Even though Tim won’t let me teach him to tap, he’s still a wonderful child and I love him unconditionally”…, “Even though I want to help him but he won’t let me…, “Even though I can’t get him to tap with me…”, Even though he pushes me away…”, “Even though he’s doing this just to make me mad…”, etc

3. Surrogate Tapping

Once you have brought your emotional intensity down by tapping on your own frustration/desperation first, you can then try surrogate tapping for your child, starting with any beliefs the child may have about EFT such as “Even though tapping can’t help me, I’m still okay,” “Even though nothing can help me with this problem, I’m still okay,” “Even though I would rather stay mad/sad/upset, I’m still a great kid,” “Even though I’m too scared to tap…” Also surrogate tap on the child’s actual resistance to tapping using their own words such as, “NO don’t make me tap, I don’t want to tap, I hate tapping, stop trying to make me do it, I won’t do it, I hate being told what to do,” etc. After a few rounds tap on some positive statements on behalf of the child such as “What if tapping helps me feel better,” “What if I can do it on my own,” “What if tapping helps me feel really really good,” “What if I don’t have to feel upset anymore,” “This tapping stuff is actually fun,” “What if I like doing it,’ etc. After you have finished surrogate tapping pay attention to any changes and notice if the child seems more willing to tap of their own accord or asks you to help them.

4. Tap On Behalf of Your Child

When you see your child getting upset, rather than telling him to tap, simply start tapping out loud on yourself so they can hear you, using a set-up that reflects what is going on. “Even though Tim is really mad and hurt because….., he’s still a great kid and I love him.” Encourage your child to join along with you or just keep tapping on their behalf (unless they object) using whatever you think is bothering them to tap on. If they see that you understand how they’re feeling they may start tapping themselves and be more open to telling you why and what they’re really upset about.

5. Add Some Humor

You can also add some humor and tap on something like “Even though mum is doing this crazy tapping thing again and I don’t want to do it, I’m still a great kid. I’ll tap if and when I want!”

6. Why It’s Cool To Tap

Reinforce the benefits of tapping to your child, such as, “it’s a way to help you feel better whenever you want,” “it can help you calm down when you want to,” “it helps your anger melt away,” etc. When kids find out they can tap on their upset without having to tell you what it is about they start to pay attention! In her work with children, Ann Adams will often tell an upset child in her faculty who hasn’t been introduced to EFT yet that, “I’m going to give you something to calm yourself down and you don’t even have to talk to me.” She points out that “not asking a child to talk ’sets you apart’ from all other professionals who have tried to help this kid.” The Promise Of Energy Psychology pg 168

Setting up an environment where tapping is encouraged and offered as an option and a choice may go a long way to helping a “reluctant child to tap.” Through teaching, encouraging and modeling the use of EFT within the family, in the classroom, etc., a “reluctant child” may discover they have a tool for life.

Using EFT to Give Thanks!

By 5 Comments

I always seem to be using EFT for the things that go wrong in my life or the things I want to change. Does it do any good to tap on things that are going right and if so how would I do this?


photo by Scott Ableman

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for giving thanks. I am a firm believer that one of the most powerful tools we have for moving our lives to the places we want is to recognize the blessings we have. This puts us at ease, giving us the ability to follow inspiration with less worry and anxiety. When we act with less worry and anxiety we are more likely to follow that inspiration with energy, leading us to richer and fuller lives.

The process I use is very simple, and I do it every day.

1) I get out my big book of gratitude, which is nothing more than a spiral notebook with the words “Big Book of Gratitude” written on the front.

2) I write on the top of a clean sheet of paper, “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving.”

3) I make a list of ten things I am thankful for. Some are big (like life) and some are small (like fresh blueberries).

4) I then fill the margins with “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” and “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving!” over and over again.

5) Next I do 10 rounds of tapping, one for each of the things on the list. “thank you for fresh blueberries…thank you…thank you…thank you…thank your for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving…thank your for fresh blueberries…”

It is impossible to start your day in a bad mood if you make this process a daily habit.

Using EFT In Tough Times

By 1 Comment

Everywhere you turn there seems to be bad news. It’s hard to be hopeful for the future when all you hear is doom and gloom. How can I use EFT to lift my mood and make it possible to thrive in these troubled times?

[Note: This article is by Chip Engelmann. Make sure you check out Chip’s web site ChipEFT.com for many great articles, ebooks, and recordings of past teleseminars.]


photo by Daniel H. Agostini

It is easy to get sucked in. We turn on the TV and a talking head economist is accusing a politician of playing a political campaign fiddle while Rome burns. The Republicans blame the Democratic congress and the Democrats blame the Republican leadership. Of course, the press loves bad news because bad news increases ratings and increased ratings means advertising dollars. All you have to do is listen to your TV, “Times are tough and the worst is yet to come.”

The time has come for you to take action. Switch your TV to the Golf Channel. Go out and rent When Harry Met Sally. Stop watching the news. It is toxic.

No, I’m not talking about putting your head in the sand and hoping it will go away. However, the Law of Attraction states that whatever you put your attention on is what you will bring into your life. If you allow yourself to become emotionally immersed in the world’s economic turmoil, personal economic turmoil will follow. If you perceive that you live in a world of doom and gloom, you will find an endless stream of evidence to support living in a harsh environment. If you see the world as overflowing with abundance, your personal world will be abundant.

No, this is not wishful thinking. It is a powerful tool we can use to shape the course of our lives. If we put our attention on how we want our lives to play out, the mind will search through billions of pieces of information to find what we need in order to thrive. If we set our attention on a goal and expect it to be achieved, our mind will find the information we need to make it happen.

The key to improving our world is as simple as switching our attention from what we don’t want, to what we do want.

My wife and I recently attended one of Esther and Jerry Hicks’ events in Toronto. I’ll share with you something Esther shared that is extremely relevant today and should give you great hope.

“What if one person in a relationship is allowing [abundance] and the other is blocking?”

It’s a good question, right? The answer:

“One who is allowing is more powerful than a million who are not.”

What does that mean to us today? If every one of us takes our power to continue to see the world with hope and attention to what is good and what could be good, no matter what shows up in the news, we will profoundly affect the outcome both personally and as a society. So don’t give up and don’t give in – when you see what you don’t want, keep turning your attention back to what you do want.

People have pointed out that it is easy to say, but harder to do. We each have set ways of thinking about things.

You may notice that you have been feeling bad, thinking about what you don’t want, for three days before it dawns on you to retrain your attention on what it is you do want. It may take days to notice that you have been putting your attention on “The Economy,” and you are scared. But right now is all that matters, so refocus on what you want and you will feel better. Next time it may only take two and a half days to notice your attention has wandered. It’s a matter of learning through trial and error. You get better at it as you go along. Eventually, you will notice within a few seconds when your attention strays.

Yet it can be hard to focus on what you want when you are afraid, overwhelmed, or depressed. (It is no coincidence bad economic times are called depressions.) Luckily, EFT can help take the edge off. In fact, we can use EFT to lessen the emotional load and Dr. Pat Carrington’s Choices Technique to help us change our old perceptions.

  • Even though I’m afraid I might lose my job…
  • Even though I’m worried about my retirement…
  • Even though I’m angry at the government..
  • Even though I’m angry at those big companies…
  • Even though I’m angry at myself for not being prepared…
  • Even though I’m afraid I will lose my house…
  • Even though I’m worried I can’t sell my house…
  • Even though I’m afraid because I’m on a fixed income…
  • Even though I’m afraid my health insurance won’t come through…
  • Even though I’m worried my car won’t last until I can afford a new one…
  • Even though I can’t handle one more thing…
  • Even though I’m afraid the other guy will get elected…
  • Even though I’m afraid the world is going to hell in a hand basket…

You get the idea. Tap on any of these types of statements that color your world.

It is, however, important not to put any more attention on what you don’t want than necessary to neutralize the negative emotions. The more time you spend looking for negative emotions, the more you will find. At some point, you must turn your attention back to what it is that you do want.

The Choices Technique is a good way of training your mind to focus on what you want, or the wonderful things you already have. We live in an abundant universe: lush green trees, beautiful birds, tenderly cared-for homes, creative people who love what they do are everywhere. It is been estimated that if we equally divided the wealth of the world between each of the 6 billion inhabitants, each person would have over ten million dollars. There is no shortage of money..

But many people tend to focus their thoughts on what is not right with the world. A set-up statement you might use is:

Even though I used to get drawn in to negative news,
I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.

This is what you say three times as you tap on side of hand. Follow with three rounds of tapping. The first round, tap on

I used to get drawn in to negative news

The second round, tap on

I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.

The third round, alternate back and forth with the two phrases

I used to get drawn in to negative news…
I now chose to see abundance every where I look…

Until you complete the round. It is important to end on the phrase that states what you do want. This exercise should be done three times a day for three weeks. You are attempting to change a mental habit.

Here are some other examples of set-up phrases you can use:

  • Even though I used to spend my time thinking about what I don’t like about my life, I now choose to appreciate what makes me happy.
  • Even though I used to believe I was powerless, I now choose to reclaim my power by believing I can do anything I want.
  • Even though I tended to focus on not having enough money to pay my bills, I now choose to relish the relief I feel every time a bill is paid.
  • Even though I used to complain every time something bad happened to me, I now choose to see how the Universe always works for my benefit with amazing synchronicity.
  • Even though I used to think there was no way out, I now choose to trust that the next step and the next step will appear as I start moving toward what I want.
  • Even though I used to believe what happened in rest of the world greatly affected me, I now choose to see that where I place my attention determines my experience.

Remember that this is a trial and error process. Don’t beat yourself up. Just guide your attention to what it is you want to experience. There is no hurry, you don’t have to be perfect before lunch time.

Maybe you feel like this might work for others, but won’t work for you. You don’t have what it takes. Well, you can use a variation of the Choices Technique to give yourself those attributes.

  • Even though what I want is taking a long time to come, I give myself the patience to receive it.
  • Even though I have trouble deciding what I want, I give myself permission to make a long list of those things that would make me happy.
  • Even though I feel like I don’t deserve anything good, I choose to focus my attention on those things that I like about myself.
  • Even though I can’t seem to get it, I give myself the insight I need to figure it out.
  • Even though I feel so overwhelmed, I choose to find the baby steps I need to take to get things under control.

Finally, pay attention to what you tell others about the world, the economy and how it affects you. Are you casting yourself in the role of a victim or are you choosing words that maintain your responsibility? As Abraham said at the seminar, “You can’t beat the drum of where you are and still move to where you’re going.” Your experience of life reflects the story you tell. If you are a victim, find words that express that you have a more creative and self-determining role. Tell the truth, but make it the highest truth available to you.

For example, here are a series of sentences that might lead step-by-step from what you don’t want to what you do want. Notice how each truth sounds a little better than the one before it.

  • The economy is in the crapper.
  • Those politicians really were asleep at the wheel. It’s about time they did something.
  • With the high speed communications we have today,
  • there’s no way we’ll have anything as bad as the Great Depression.
  • I’ve survived a lot of hard times in the past.
  • No matter what happens, I’ll find a way – I always have.
  • Maybe this wake-up call in the economy will lead to some good changes.
  • I wonder how I can take advantage of this situation.
  • I’ll bet I can come up with a good idea to help people and be profitable at the same time.

Your job is to tell the best story you can believe is true. As you do, notice how your life starts to change. Then see if you can tell a better and better story. You’ll find there is no limit to how good it can get.

You now have several tools to thrive no matter what appears to be going on around you.

Don’t Know How To Forgive Myself

By Leave a Comment

What is the best procedure a person can take to learn how to forgive one’s self? I need to forgive myself desperately but don’t know how!

The question of forgiveness comes up a lot with the clients I work with. In the article Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action I talk a great deal about forgiveness, why forgiveness is hard, and how we can forgive ourselves and others.

But what happens when we don’t think forgiveness is even possible?

There is an ongoing conversation among EFT practitioners about when to use forgiveness. Some feel that we can move to forgiveness too soon. If we haven’t worked through the emotional issues associated with the need for forgiveness, then we might simply be stirring the pot on these issues and making the client feel worse without making any progress.

I see some value in keeping this in mind. If a client is still working through the emotion of a specific issue and that client isn’t fully ready to tap on forgiveness but recognize the need for forgiveness, we will tap on the fact that forgiveness is possible.

The tapping patter can look something like this:

I give myself permission to forgive myself…I give myself permission to believe forgiveness is possible…I give myself permission to know I need forgiveness…there is a part of me that is afraid of forgiveness…that is okay…that part of me is only trying to protect me…any block to forgiveness I have I can let go…forgiveness is possible…I deserve forgiveness…I am worthy of forgiveness…even if part of me doesn’t believe that…there is a part of me that knows this is true…I give myself permission to be easy with myself about the fact I have not forgiven myself yet…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself…I don’t know how to forgive myself…I forgive myself for not knowing how to forgive myself…the more I forgive myself…the easier it will be to forgive myself…forgiveness is a process…I don’t have to forgive everything at once…when I forgive myself I am not saying what I did in the past is right…when I forgive myself I am choosing to stop being a prisoner to my past…this doesn’t mean I have to forget the past…or lose part of myself…instead I choose to learn from the past…and not be a prisoner to the past…I know forgiveness can take time…much like chipping a large boulder away…it is okay if I do it a bit at a time…forgiveness will come…with time…because I need it…and deserve it [How to use these tapping phrases]

Kill your Cravings (part 2)

By Leave a Comment

Right now I’m having trouble with cravings. There are times I crave Diet Dr. Pepper, but I don’t like the taste. I almost feel like a person possessed. I must consume it even though I don’t enjoy it. How do I use EFT to kill this type of craving?

My favorite part of this question is the phrase, “I almost feel like a person possessed. That is exactly what cravings feel like, a force that seems to exist outside of us, that comes into us, and draws us to choices we don’t want to make – choices we often know are bad for us.

In the article “Cravings Killing (part 1)” I wrote about using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for cravings in terms of our resistance to change, a simple way to eliminate the craving, how to deal with withdrawal symptoms, and how to plan for success.

In this article I’ll take this a step further. I will show in greater detail how to kill a craving for something we really want and (as in the case of the question) how to kill a craving for something we crave but don’t like.

Eliminating the Craving of Something We Want

The first step is to tune into the level craving that you have. To do this, simply rate how strong the craving is on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 represents no craving at all and 10 is I must have it now and I am willing to knock a little old lady over to get it.

Once you have rated your craving level we can begin tapping. The way I like to work on cravings is to simply repeat these 6 steps, using chocolate as an example:

  • Image the smell of the chocolate
  • Image what the chocolate tastes like in your mouth
  • Image where the craving lives
  • Image the part of the that the chocolate is going to fill up
  • Say with passion and feeling, “I want this chocolate”
  • Say with passion and feeling, “I need this chocolate”

For each of these steps you tap on one of the tapping points. Simply keep working through the steps as you move from tapping point to tapping point.

After you have tapped for a round or two. re-rate the craving level. If you have not reduced the craving level to a manageable level, repeat the process.
As you do the tapping, don’t be surprised if the actual smell of the item you are craving changes. Many times as the level of the craving goes down, the desirability of the smell is reduced. The thing you crave goes from smelling good and tasty to smelling bitter and gross.

[Note #1: I once had a client get very angry at me as we were working on a craving. Within a few rounds of tapping she not only didn’t desire chocolate chip cookies, she could no longer smell them. She yelled, “You’ve ruined chocolate chip cookies for ever!” I reassured her that this was not the case. The good smell of chocolate chip cookies would come back. This was only temporary— a way to get through this moment of temptation.]

[Note #2: Remember, when working with cravings you only need to reduce the craving to a level where you are going to make healthy choices. If you get the craving down to a 3 and are able to choose not to eat chocolate then you don’t need to tap anymore.]

As an alternative, you can do all six steps on each tapping point before moving on to the next point.

Eliminating the Craving of Something We DON’T Want
At first I was surprised the first time a client shared this type of craving. She described in great detail how she was consumed with a craving. How when it came up she couldn’t think of anything else. Sometimes the distraction was to the point where she could barely drive because the craving was all she could think about.

The surprising part was not how strong the craving was but that she was craving something she didn’t like the taste of. She talked about how much she needed to consume it, but at the same time how much the taste repulsed her. As time passed, more of my clients shared stories of craving for things they didn’t like.

The technique I described above is based on you tuning into the most desirable part of the craving. In this case, that technique is ineffective because there is nothing desirable about the substance itself.

In these cases I recommend a combination of argument tapping (where you state both sides of an argument as you tap) plus some statements about why we might have the craving.

Once again begin by rating the craving between 0 and 10.

The tapping phrases might look something like this (we will use chocolate as the object of craving again):

I really want some chocolate…No, I don’t…Part of me needs chocolate…I don’t even like the taste of chocolate…but it would make me feel so good to eat it…I should only be eating the things I want to eat…No. I really need this…I can’t stand its taste…but I am incomplete without the chocolate…but I don’t want the chocolate…the chocolate is only serving a short-term need…it is only filling some other hole that needs to be filled with something else…I know my body is craving something I don’t want because it sees it as some sort of medication…It’s craving this thing I don’t want because it will make me feel better…but it will only make me feel better in the short term…it isn’t something that will help me in the long-term…even if I don’t know what the underlying cause is for this craving…even if I don’t know what the emotional root for the craving is…I let those emotional roots go…I thank my body for the craving because the craving is trying to help me deal with those emotional roots…I have other better ways of dealing with these emotional roots…eating this thing I crave right now will only dull the emotional roots…it’s not dealing with them…by tapping on this craving right now I am allowing my body to let go of the emotional roots…even I don’t know what they are…this is a healthier way to deal with whatever is going on…in the future if I want to eat this chocolate I can…but I will only do it because I want to eat it…not because I need to eat it
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Re-rate the craving level. If the craving is still so strong that you are going to have a hard time resisting it, tap through this series of phrases again.

When doing this, also pay very close attention to the things that come to mind while tapping. With this type of tapping patter the emotional issues that cause the craving often surface, giving you great information for future tapping sessions.

Only Takes A Few Moments
Getting rid of cravings with EFT is a very simple task. The more you do it, the more likely you are to reach for EFT when you experience cravings. The more successfully you do this, the more control you will gain over your own eating.

Tapping On Someone Else’s Behavior

By 2 Comments

There is someone at work who drives me crazy, always picking fights and causing lots of disharmony in the office. Changing jobs isn’t really an option for me. Is it possible for me to tap to change their behavior?

If you read most EFT websites (especially Gary’s site) you will find a number of accounts of how surrogate tapping has been successful. (To surrogately tap for someone else means to tap on your own body for someone else’s issues and that other person receives healing or relief.) You can even find a few articles on this site which reference situations where patents have tapped on themselves and seen healing benefits in their children.

BUT (and this is a big but) just because we are tapping on ourselves while tuning into someone else’s issue and the other person has a change, it doesn’t necessarily mean that tapping on ourselves is causing a change in another person. Most people who talk about surrogate tapping assume that is the case, but I don’t think the cause and effect relationship is as clear as it might appear on the surface.

I’m not saying they’re wrong, but I recognize another possibility. The alternative theory I’m suggesting links directly to the example that is cited in this question.

I believe the only thing we truly control is ourselves. We can control our thoughts and our actions. Everything else is out of our control. We might act in a certain way expecting or hoping others will act in a predictable way. But these are nothing more than hopes and expectation. There is no certainty.

If we can only control ourselves, and therefore only be able to change ourselves, then how do we explain evidence that surrogate tapping seems to be successful? I believe the answer lies in the fact that we are co-creating our experience with everyone else. To illustrate this let’s look at the example in the question of a person at work who is causing problems.

We Co-Created the Situation

Every relationship we are a part of we are a co-creator of. Relationships aren’t static; over time people – and their thoughts, feelings and actions – change. These strengthen, weaken, or otherwise change the relationships between the individuals.

For example, think of old friends you just aren’t as close to today as you once were. We often say, “We just grew apart.” We mean that one or both of us have changed and therefore the nature of the relationship changed.

This is simply a fact of life, neither bad nor good. Hopefully, we will continue to grow and change throughout our lifetimes. Because of this we are going to have different levels of relationships with specific people at different points in our lives. Even life-long friendships change in nature as the participants in that friendship grow and change over time.

When we recognize this fact we can use it to our advantage. We always have the chance to change our actions and our beliefs. In the process we change our relationships.

This includes relationships we find unpleasant.

Let’s take the person at work who always starts an argument with you. Once we accept that you are a co-creator of this relationship, then you have to accept some responsibility for the argumentative nature of that relationship.

Let’s look at this from your co-worker’s point of view. For this example, your co-worker Joe is very insecure. He starts arguments with people so he can win the arguments and show that he’s smarter than his opponent. He might not be consciously starting arguments with this outcome in mind, but he’s learned from life experience that he always feels better after putting someone down in an argument.

For Joe starting an argument is completely functional because he feels better with every argument he wins. But the only way he can get the outcome he desires is if someone else is willing to argue with him.

If you are arguing with Joe regularly, obviously you are co-creating the situation. Joe knows, on some level, you are game for a fight.

There is nothing you can do to change Joe’s behavior, but you can take control of the situation. You can change the part of the situation you are creating. If you refuse to argue with Joe, an argument can’t happen. If the argument can’t happen then Joe no longer gets what he’s seeking out of the interaction (e.g., the opportunity to feel superior). Because Joe is no longer getting what he wants from the relationship, the interaction is no longer functional for him. Therefore, he will find someone else to argue with.

In the beginning Joe has his need (to feel superior) and the environment (your willingness to push back) in place to meet his needs. When you change your behavior (no longer willing to engage in the argument), you have completely changed the environment. You’re not changing Joe’s actions, but since he can no longer get what he needs in this environment he moves to a new environment (another person) to have his needs fulfilled.

The beauty of this is you have not had to change someone else’s behavior, you have simply changed the one thing you have control over: yourself. When we work from this point of view we are no longer a victim of a situation/circumstance; instead we are taking charge of ourselves – the one thing we CAN control.

Knowing What To Change In Ourselves

Most of our relationships won’t be as cut and dried as the example I ‘ve just given. Most of the time we won’t know other people’s motives and what they are getting functionally out of our relationships. The only thing we are going to know is that we have relationships and interactions that are less than fulfilling and often draining or painful.

The good news is we don’t have to know why others are acting the way they are or what they’re getting out of the interaction. The only thing we need to know is what we find uncomfortable and what we would like to see changed.

This is where EFT enters into the equation. Even if we don’t know what part of ourselves is allowing the situation to be co-created we are going to be able to tap to change ourselves. Either the relationship will become more as we want it to be, or the other person will seek out another person who will accept the old style of relationship.

The first thing we tap on is the emotions we feel. In this case there are a whole host of emotions that you could be feeling from the interaction with Joe. You could feel angry, overwhelmed, or annoyed whenever Joe comes around because an argument is inevitable. You might also be frustrated that you can’t get your job done, that you are being picked on, that you are not in control, and so on. All of these are tappable issues.

The second thing we can do is tap on the fact that we are co-creating this relationship and on some level this interaction must be feeding us as well. Now it might sound silly to say we are creating such a painful situation for ourselves, but I think it’s true. For example, you may feel insecure at work and afraid that if you take on too much responsibility you are going to become overwhelmed and fail. So you allow the fight to happen because it will keep you where you’re comfortable with your responsibilities. In this example the argument is functional for you as well because it is serving this need.

Usually it is very hard to see how difficult relationships that we co-create are serving us. In those cases we can simply tap on the fact that even though part of us is being served, we want to change whatever benefits from our difficult relationships.

The tapping could look something like this:

I am in a relationship that I don’t like…Joe finds a way to start an argument with me every day…I really don’t enjoy it…I wish he would stop…at the same time I am willing to admit that I’m co-creating this relationship on some level…I must be willing to accept my responsibility for the part of the relationship I’m creating…this is hard to admit…but I know the only way I can heal past this is if I admit this fact…I forgive myself for co-creating this relationship…I forgive myself for believing this is serving me on some level … whatever part of me that feels this is serving me can now let this go…I choose to heal the part of me that feels it needs this relationship…I give myself permission to change the way I approach this relationship…I give myself permission to think different thoughts about this relationship…I take back the power to choose a different action in this relationship…I know I can’t change anyone but myself…I know that if I change myself I will change the landscape of this relationship, and then by its very nature the relationship will have to change…I know I can make this change…because all I need to change is myself. [How to use these tapping phrases]

A number of my clients have reported radical changes in their relationships in a very short period of time by doing this two-step approach to tapping on their relationships. I believe the reason this approach is so effective and powerful is because we are taking back control over ourselves instead of hoping factors in the world would change.

So to that end, we have not truly done surrogating tapping for someone else. Even though we are tuning in to someone else, really what we are doing is tuning in to someone else and seeing what is arising in us — that is, our stuff — and we are tapping on our own stuff.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Cold and Flu

By 4 Comments

Cold and Flu season is coming. Is there a way I can use EFT to keep myself healthy?

I have used Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) very effectively against cold and flu symptoms in two ways. One is preventive and the other is symptom management.

Prevention
I have found it is very helpful to take a little time each morning and night to do tapping for general health. I take a few deep breaths to relax myself, tune into my body, and tap on phases like this:

I am so blessed to have the body I have…it is so sophisticated in all that it can do…it is a system that is built with amazing balance…when something doesn’t work well it has the power and tools to correct and heal…I know my body has everything it needs to maintain optimum health…my body was made for heath…I am thankful for this fact…right now I give all my intention to the healing powers of my body…if there are any blocks to the healing power of my body…I tune into them right now…I see these blocks clearly…and I let them go…my body can remove these blocks effortlessly…as the blocks are removed my body is able to function as it was made to…in total health…I tune into any bacteria, fungus, or virus that prevents my body from being at total health…be these bacteria, fungus, or viruses be known or hidden…I release the body’s healing powers on these bacteria, fungus, and viruses…my body is able to manage all of these intruders…bring my body back to total health…I am thankful for how my body is able to work back to health…any resources the healing part of my body needs to bring my body back to health I hand those resources over right now…once again I tune into any blocks to my healing that are in my body, mind, or spirit…I give my body permission to let these blocks go…anything that is preventing my body from maintaining health I remove and clear right now…I now tune into any part of my body that is designed for growth…I give thanks for the parts of my body that are committed to my growth…I tune in to any of the blocks in my mind, body, or spirit that are preventing my body from growing in the ways it is designed to grow…I let go of any and all of the blocks I have to growth…these blocks are no longer needed…I see and feel them being let go…I give thanks for the amazing power of my body…I know my body is made to heal and grow…I give my body permission to heal and grow [How to use these tapping phrases]

Symptom Management
Just because I know (and teach) the tools of keeping my body healthy it doesn’t mean that I always use them, so even I get sick. One of my favorite techniques for dealing with cold and flu symptoms is what I call the “Tissue Technique”.

This technique is very simple – all you do is blow your nose AND spit into the tissue.

This sounds gross, but what you’ve just done is collected a live culture of most of the bugs that are in your system.

Next you hold the tissue in your hand, place your intention on what is in your hand, and begin tapping on all the bugs at once. I recommend doing this every hour or so.

Note: Just because you are no longer feeling the symptoms does not mean that you have gotten rid of all the bugs. I have tended to forget tapping every hour once I feel better, giving the bugs a chance to reclaim my body. I recommend that you use this technique for 24 hours past the time that you feel better. This will insure you are completely cleaning out all the bugs.

When I was first introduced to this technique I was very sick. Over the course of a day I had a spit cup that I spit into throughout the day. Every hour or so I’d pick up the cup, focus on it, and tap. As I did this I could feel congestion breaking up and my energy level rising. Yes, that’s really gross! But it’s worth it to get healthy.

Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action

By Leave a Comment

I was introduced to EFT about a year ago and I love it. I’m amazed at the way it quickly gets rid of unwanted emotions, but I’m wondering if this is always a good thing. I made some really poor choices in the past. I feel really bad about these choices. I know EFT would be a great tool for getting rid of these emotions, but I’m afraid that if I don’t feel bad about them that I am condoning the past behavior. Is it okay to let go of these negative emotions about my past choices?

At its core this question is about forgiveness. Sometimes this question is about forgiving ourselves (like the questions above); other times it’s about forgiving others. “If I forgive them for hurting me I am saying what they did is okay.”

The person who asked this question is exactly right. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool for helping us to forgive, but forgiveness can be a tricky business.

Forgiveness can come along with lots of baggage.

  • “If I forgive myself I am going to make the same mistake again”
  • “If I forgive I am saying what happen was right”
  • “If I forgive they are going to do the same thing to someone else and I will have condoned it.”
  • “I did something wrong and I deserve to suffer, not to be forgiven.”
  • “If I forgive them then I am going to give up my status as victim and I don’t know how to live not as a victim.  People only give me attention because I am a victim and they will all leave me.” [This was a real fear of one of my clients.]

When discussing forgiveness it’s a good idea to look at forgiving oneself and forgiving others separately.

Forgiving Ourselves
Forgiveness and un-forgiveness are routinely accompanied by regret and/or guilt. Even though these two emotions are very similar they are different in a very striking way.

For example, I may say, “I regret eating that extra candy bar.” When I make this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice because I now understand the consequences of that choice, but it’s not something I am emotionally bound up in right now.

To feel guilty about something is not only to wish we had made a different choice, but we also feel emotionally bad in the moment. “I feel guilty for eating that extra candy bar.” With this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice and I feel bad about that choice right now.

When we forgive ourselves we are not saying we made a good choice in the past. We are not saying we will make the same choice again. We are not saying we didn’t learn from the past. Instead, when we forgive we are moving from guilt to regret.

Guilt is debilitating. Regret is instructive. That is why forgiveness of our self is so important. When we forgive we move from being an emotional prisoner of the past to learning from the past.

Forgiving Others
When it comes to forgiving others the most powerful idea I have encountered is, “When we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive someone else we are wishing ill on them and taking the poison ourselves.” When we refuse to forgive someone else we are not hurting the person in any way. We are only hurting ourselves by carrying around the ill will (and sometimes hatred) for someone else.

When we choose to forgive someone else we are doing this solely for ourselves. We are not condoning their action. We are not saying they can take this action against us (or anyone else) again. We are simply saying, “I choose not to be a prisoner to this past action. I will no longer carry this poison of guilt, hatred and un-forgiveness in my body.”

How To Use EFT To Forgive
Often we hear the phrase, “forgive and forget.” This is a really accurate — and sometimes destructive — sentiment. When we forgive we are not forgetting what has come before. We still keep the lessons from the past. We are going to make choices in the future to keep us safe from the same situation. When we forgive we are simply choosing not to be an emotional prisoner to the past.

With that in mind, I think it is very important to carry the ideas of why we forgive into our tapping, not just the fact that we are forgiving. By doing this we are able to not only deal with the emotions around what needs to be forgiven, but we are also dealing with all the resistance we have to offering forgiveness.

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving oneself:

Just because I am forgiving myself for past actions, this doesn’t mean I am saying those were good choices…those choices are who I was…not who I am…I have learned from those choices…I don’t need to be holding onto the guilt to make sure I make good choices in the future…by holding onto guilt I am continuing to punish myself…I don’t need to keep punishing myself…I give my self permission to forgive myself…I choose to know forgiving myself is allowed…I choose to know forgiving myself is a path to health…and not forgiving myself is not a path to health…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself yet…I know I have learned the lesson from the past poor choice…I give myself permission to let this go and move on. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving someone else:

I give myself permission to forgive [insert name]…When I forgive them I am not saying what they did is right…when I offer forgiveness it is all about me…it has nothing to do with them…it has nothing to do with condoning their actions…I am letting go of this so I am no longer imprisoned by the past…when I hold a grudge it is like I am wishing ill on someone else but taking the poison myself…I need to forgive for my health and well being…this choice is for me…it is not for them…I also forgive myself for not giving forgiveness earlier…what matters is that I am now choosing to move on…by giving forgiveness I am not giving them permission to do the same thing again…when I forgive it doesn’t mean that I have not learned a lesson from this…I have learned from this…when I forgive I am not inviting this in again…I am forgiving so I can move on…when I forgive I still might remember what happened, but I am no longer imprisoned by what happened…forgiveness can be hard…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I go through the forgiveness process…I am doing this for me…and no one else…and I am allowed to do this for myself…it doesn’t matter if the other person deserves forgiveness…I deserve to forgive…because it is the best thing for me [How to use these tapping phrases]

Using Color With EFT

By 1 Comment

I was on the teleclass you did with Catherine Poole on color and I loved it. But there is still something I am confused about. She talked about how each type of physical issue is related to a color (or a couple of colors). It sounds like if we are suffering in that part of our body we could tap using EFT and just image that color coming in. My questions is how do I know which color to bring in?

I asked Catherine if she would answer this question by creating a list of issues, by color, that we could pay attention to when we are doing EFT on ourselves or with a client. Below you will find her response on (in her words) “how to listen to what the body needs”.

[This article is by Catherine Poole. Catherine is a medical intuitive who has spent decades studying and teaching color theory. In this article she explores what each color represents when it comes to healing. At the end of this article there is a short audio which shows you how to combine color with EFT. Catherine is available for private readings (which can be done in phone sessions) and can be contacted at http://CatherinePoole.com/.]

Base/Red Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about family, their church, their government? Parents (living or dead)? Childhood? Job? Money?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Foundation/Solids
  • Any system or organ that relates to solids can be affected when one gives too much of this base energy away or they are attracting too much to them.
  • Arthritis
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Constipation
  • Teeth
  • Joints
  • Muscles
  • Bones
  • Legs
  • Weight
  • Lower Back
  • ED

Sacral/Orange Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about one particular person that “ticks them off”? Are they emotional? Afraid? Resentful? Guilty? Do they have sexual issues? Mother issues? Daughter/Son issues? Sibling issues?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Kidneys, Urethra, Bladder
  • Lower Back
  • Reproductive System
  • Lymphatic System
  • Circulatory w/Heart Center
  • ED/Impotence/Frigidity
  • Endometriosis
  • Infertility
  • Cysts/Cancer
  • Allergies
  • Bedwetting (incontinence)
  • Crohn’s Disease
  • Diarrhea
  • Lymph glands (Hodgkin’s, Swollen)
  • Kidney Stones
  • Lupus
  • Breast Cancer (also Heart Chakra)
  • Compromised Immune System

Solar Plexus/Yellow Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they consistently apologize? Choose to “not make waves”? Are they always “tired” of something? Depressed? Confused? Feel that others control their life? Always worried? “I’m afraid”

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Represents element of fire: how we burn energy.
  • Stomach
  • Pancreas, gall bladder
  • Small intestine
  • The sugar level in our blood relates to the amount of sweetness and love in our lives.
  • There is a great desire for affection and love, yet an inability to know how to act if it is received.
  • This gives rise to anger and resentment, a blaming of others for our own inner fear and confusion in dealing with love.
  • Acne (low self esteem)
  • Anorexia (rejection)
  • Bulimia (abandonment)
  • Blood Cell Disorders (not worth living)
  • Crohn’s Disease (gripping fear)
  • Diabetes (sweetness)
  • Obesity (ashamed)
  • Agoraphobia
  • Adrenal Gland Challenges (fight or flight)
  • Indigestion (can’t stomach life)
  • Back Pain (5th-11th Dorsal Vertebrae)-material
  • Nausea (worry)
  • Motion Sickness (control)
  • Ulcer (no control)

Heart /Green Energy
What do they talk about?
Are they fearful of relationships? Letting go, being free? getting hurt? being abandoned? Family members getting hurt? Do they “hate” things? Do they need constant reassurance? (always ask if everything is “OK”?)

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Element of Air anything that flows.
  • Heart
  • Lungs
  • Esophagus/Trachea
  • Arteries/Blood
  • Immune System: thymus, lymph glands
  • Asthma (take on too much)
  • Upper Back and Neck (stop being the emotional support for others)
  • Cancer
  • old (easily influenced by external forces)
  • Cough (easily irritated)
  • Hiccups (enough is enough, gain control)
  • Snoring (repressed your “noise” during the day)
  • Blood Disorders: urgent message that you need a profound shift in self-image
  • High cholesterol  (arteriosclerosis)
  • High Blood Pressure

Throat /Blue Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they often say “to tell you the truth”? Do they “uhm”? Are they shy? Quiet? Inconsistent? Unreliable? Manipulative? Have trouble expressing their thoughts? Clear their throat? Persistent cough? Use words associated with talking, hearing, listening?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Any organ that involves communication.
  • Ears/Mouth/Throat
  • Thyroid/Parathyroid
  • Hearing Loss
  • Inner Ear (off balance)
  • Vertigo/Meniere’s Dis-ease
  • Ear Infections
  • Lip Biting
  • TMJ (anger, resentment, revenge)
  • Teeth (defensive, fear of wrong decisions)

Third Eye/Indigo and Violet Energy
What do you talk about?
Are they undisciplined? Oversensitive to the feelings of others? Read too much into things? Other examples are authoritarian personalities, “egomaniacs” are opinionated visionaries, there is an imbalance between higher self and ego self. Nightmares and night terrors as well as overactive imaginations can create deficiencies in this area.

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Pineal Gland
  • Third Eye
  • Eyes
  • Sinuses
  • Nose
  • Nose: Represents Self Recognition
  • Sinus (Irritation to one person)
  • Nose Bleeds (Recognition)
  • Snoring (also with green and blue)

Crown/All (White) Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they talk about feeling hopeless? Or a relationship being hopeless? Lack joy? Refer to someone or something as “a headache”? Are they constantly frustrated and can’t make decisions? Saying “I don’t know”?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Corresponding Organs
  • Crown of the Head
  • Pituitary Gland
  • Brain
  • Only place on the body where bone (foundation) covers tissue rather than tissue covers bone.
  • White energy represents the capacity to process
  • Autism
  • ADD, ADHD
  • Coma (escape, fear of something, someone)

What if you don’t know what color to bring?
Still confused on what color you might want to add to your EFT? The body knows what you need. Trust its wisdom. Here is a simple way to make sure you get the right color.

  • Would you like to have a version of this audio you can download, burn to a CD or load on your mp3 player? Buy it here
  • You can hear a full version of the teleclass Catherine gave here: Color, Disease, and EFT

Not Sure How To Be Specific – AKA I Don’t know what to say (part 6)

By Leave a Comment

I know EFT is most effective when I am really specific about what I am tapping on, but I am really having a problem with that because there are so many emotions at once I don’t know where to start. One thought leads to the next that leads to the next. What do I do when I don’t know what to focus on because there is so much going on at once?

Almost every resource on Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), including mine, will tell you that the fastest way to have success with EFT is to be as specific as possible. But there are times when this is really hard to do. Unfortunately, when we don’t know where to start we are much less likely to do any EFT at all.

Having a whole constellation of emotions all at once is much more common than you would think. It most often happens with my clients when we are starting a session. At the beginning of a session, after the small talk, I generally ask the client, “What would you like to spend our time on today?”

My client will then share what their hope is for the session. Sometimes they will have a whole list of issues. These issues can be related to each other, or they might be just a whole group of issues that have come up since we last talked. Often after talking about what they would like to work on they will be very emotional (because of all the emotion they stirred up as they described their issues) or they will say something like, “…and I have no idea where to begin.”

In these cases I would lead them in a tapping session much like this:

“I would like you to start tapping and close your eyes…take a deep breath…I would like you to tune into all the emotions and issues you just brought up…not in any specific way…but just in a general way…tune into the total constellation of emotions…don’t try in any way to see any specific part…just tune into them all together…you might notice them somewhere in your body…or outside your body…just listen to my words…right now I have lots of emotions all at once…I am not sure where to start with all these emotions…but that’s okay…we have lots of time to deal with them in the order they need to be dealt with…I am thankful for all these emotions…every one of these emotions represents a part of my that is trying to protect me…or a lesson my body wants me to learn…I am thankful that my body is willing to do this for me…to take care of me by having me feel these emotions…but right now what I really want to do is learn these lessons…and let these emotions pass…I thank my body for its healing ability…and the fact that I can let these go right now…right now I see light and energy and healing pouring into this constellation of emotions…there is some other place these emotions are needed in the universe…they are no longer needed here…so any of these emotions that need to go somewhere else can do that now…any of the emotions that want to stick around are now changed into something else that is helpful to me…just feel the constellation of emotion melting away…one more deep breath…and open your eyes. [How to use these tapping phrases]

After we do this, I check in with my client to see what has come to mind and where we need to head next. Typically this has calmed my client down a great deal, enough that they can see much more clearly what they need to be tapping on next.

This might be compared to cleaning a house that hasn’t been lived in for a long time. When you first walk in it’s completely overwhelming because trash and dirt are everywhere. The first step is to get some big plastic bags and just walk through the house grabbing all the big things that are obviously trash. After you do this you can see more clearly what the next step is.

You don’t need to be working with a practitioner to do something like this. The next time you’re struggling to know where to begin your tapping, take a few moments to just tap on the group of emotions. After you do this you will have a little more focus knowing which issues to tune in to first.