Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Free EFT Podcasts and Radio Programs

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Lots of great Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) audios are on-line and free. Here are the ones I have listened to and liked. Let me know if I am missing anything.

EFT Q & A Podcast -(Yes, I am biased) These are interviews with some of the brightest minds in change work today and have answers to the most common (and uncommon) questions about EFT.

Showcasing EFT – This is a weekly radio program on BlogTalkRadio about EFT hosted by Michele Price. Every other week Michele is joined by Chip Engelmann and Paul Zelizer to talk all things EFT and abundance with their guests. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Class w/ Eleanore Duyndam – Each week Eleanore and her guests from around the world explore one topic on how to use EFT to improve your life. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Revealed – This site was put together by the folks who created the movie “Try It on Everything.” In January of 2009 they moved to a new site, but this site still has over 100 interviews about EFT and EFT-related topics.

The EFT Experience: Sharing the Art of EFT – Learn first-hand how emotional issues can be transformed to create deep, long-lasting physical and emotional change. It’s hosted by Advanced EFT Coach David “Jade” Barbee, featuring a special guest co-host and live “EFT” coaching sessions every week. All past shows are available for download.

EFT-Talk – These podcasts were done by Rick Wilkes and Carol Look. The last podcast was produced in October of 2008, but there are 25 episodes that you can tap along to.

Attracting Abundance w/ Carol Look – This was a radio program that Carol Look did for Voice America radio for a little more than a year. The last episode was in October of 2006, but all 65 shows can still be downloaded. Most of the episodes are about abundance, but not all of them are.

Parts Of The Body

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photo by Lady Pain

I was on a retreat recently where the retreat director spent a great deal of time talking about how we have become disconnected from our bodies in the modern world. This makes sense, as most of us no longer do work that requires a great amount of physical effort. Even though our lifestyle doesn’t require us to be in close contact with our bodies it doesn’t mean that we should lose that close connection with our bodies.

In addition to being essential to our interactions in the world, our bodies also contain a great deal of information. Injury or disease in the body can be read as a clear sign that our body is trying to share information or a lesson with us.

When I am not working on a specific issue, but instead just looking to the body for lessons and information, there are two ways I approach my body to get information and begin healing. With both techniques I have found myself starting with something small and moving to very profound healing. I call these “scanning the body” and “targeting specific systems and organs”.

Scan the Body
The first step is to simply scan the body through the following steps:

  • Sit up straight some where comfortable
  • Place your feel flat on the floor
  • Place your hands in your lap
  • Don’t cross your arms, hands, or feet
  • Close your eyes
  • Take a few nice easy deep breaths

Once you are resting comfortably let your mind’s eye scan your body from head to toe paying attention to any aches, pains, stiffness, or congestion in your energy. As you do this, you will notice certain parts of your body appear most in need of attention.

As you find these places, use your favorite method to tap on them. (Tune into shape, color, weight, intensity, what the ache or pain has to say).

Continue this process as you move from part to part that needs attention.

Targeting Specific Systems and Organs
The second process I like to use with the body is to choose systems or organs of the body and tune into them and tap. This is nothing more complicated than closing your eyes and placing all your attention on your liver (for example). As you pay attention to your liver, simply move from one tapping point to another and then another.

Begin to have an imaginary conversation with your liver. Trust your intuition on this. Ask the liver what is needs and what it wants. Ask it if there is anything you can do for it. Offer it words of thanks and encouragement as you tap. Simply send healing energy to the liver.

As you do this you will be surprised at what comes to mind. When thought, emotions, and memories come up, don’t give them too much attention. Simply feel them and let them pass.

Conclusion
While on retreat Russ Hudson said, “If you are in touch with your body, mind, and spirit then, and only then, are you a candidate for real change.” In our modern world it is very common for us to lose contact with our bodies. If you use either of the exercises listed above, you’ll find yourself more in tune with your body moment to moment, and you will find your way to places of healing very quickly.

Pod #2: Pain Is Not Real w/ Dan Cleary

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In this episode I talk with pain relief expert Dan Cleary. Gained from his own personal experience about chronic pain, Dan has an amazing point of view about how to gain pain relief. In this interview he talks about the “10% solution” that will reshape your understanding of pain, even if you don’t experience chronic pain.

Show Topic:Dan often starts his pain relief classes with the statement “Pain is not real!” This is a dramatic statement, often causing his students to sit up in their seats, ready to disagree. Decades of of personal experience with chronic pain makes him uniquely qualified to talk about the nature of pain. In this interview Dan talks about how pain is nothing more than a signal and how relief is possible. Even though Dan’s expertise is with chronic pain, his point of view of how to achieve relief is useful to all of us.


Dan Cleary

Guest: Dan Cleary

Contact Information: DanClearyHypnosis.com

Bio: Daniel F. Cleary, is an internationally recognized, Pain Relief Educator and Hypnosis Instructor. He provides individual and group programs in Pain Relief, Hypnotic Techniques, and Communication Skills, to Doctors, Psychologists, Therapists and Care Givers, throughout the United States, Europe and Australia,. His specialties include; Pain Relief, Personal Transformation, and Effective Communication. Dan lives in Hobe Sound Florida and is available world wide for phone and Skype sessions.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Video: Using EFT to heal without moving too far too fast w/ Rick Wilkes

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While it is true that there are some issues that can be solved in a very short period of time, most healing happens over a period of time. In this episode, EFT Expert Rick Wilkes and I reveal how we work this healing process without going too far, too fast. We believe that if we move to peak experiences too quickly, they can be followed by an emotional crash — much like the crash that follows a sugar high. Rick artfully shows how we can move up the emotional scale more steadily, insuring that we create a strong emotional foundation that allows us to thrive on a long-term basis.

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-304-284-0711 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Morgantown, WV. Over the last six years Rick has worked with over 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here’s what one of Rick’s loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”
Links & Resrouces From Episode:

God’s Love

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[Note: Please note most of the articles at EFT Q & A are written from a very general point of view so they are accessible to the largest audience possible. This article is a little different. The topic came up while e-mailing back and forth with a Christian. The theology contained in the article about God’s unconditional love comes from my (limited) understanding of God. I offer it, like everything on this site, as a point of view that is mine and mine alone, not as dogma. If these phrases work for you, great! If they don’t, feel free to click away. They are offered as one more possible approach to healing.]

There are times when we feel like we have messed up to the point that not only have we let ourselves down, but we have also let God down. In these times I have found Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) as a very helpful tool.

I understand God’s love to be unconditional. We don’t earn it, and we can’t lose it. The most difficult times in my own life are the times in which I choose to believe I’m not worthy of or I’m not willing to accept the love God offers.

When I have found it difficult to believe that God still loves me I tap on something like this:

Right now I am having a very hard time…I am struggling…but I choose to know that God loves me no matter what…His love is unconditional…There is nothing I can do to earn his love…Or lose his love…there are times like right now when I don’t believe I deserve God’s love…There are times when I beat myself up because I am letting God down…I choose to know that God wants nothing more than my healing to happen…God wants me to see myself with the same love that he has for me…I give myself permission to know God still loves me…I give myself permission to believe I deserve God’s love, even when I have a hard time loving myself…
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Pod #1: Using EFT to heal without moving too far too fast w/ Rick Wilkes (+ making EFT routine)

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In this episode we answer the question, “How can I make EFT part of my daily routine?” in this interview with Rick Wilkes where he shares how to heal effectively without excessive emotional highs and lows.
Show Topic: While it is true that there are some issues that can be resolved very quickly, most healing happens over a period of time. In this episode EFT expert Rick Wilkes and I reveal how we work this healing process without going too far, too fast. We believe that moving to peak experiences too quickly can result in an emotional crash, much like the crash that follows a sugar high. Rick succinctly explains how we can move up the emotional scale steadily, ensuring that we create a strong emotional foundation to allow us to thrive on a long-term basis. 


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-304-284-0711 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Morgantown, WV. Over the last six years Rick has worked with over 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here’s what one of Rick’s loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”

Links & Resources From Episode:

 

 

Sadness

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Sadness can be one of the hardest emotions to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) for. It just doesn’t do it justice to tap on the phrase, “I feel sad.”1

Somehow the word sad doesn’t encompass all that goes along with our feelings because there are many different flavors of sadness.

When I am faced with sadness the first thing I do is tap on the sadness without any words. I close my eyes and simply let the sadness grow in my heart. I am not running from it. I am not running to it. I am just being present to the feeling of the sadness. I feel it and let it pass. The whole time I am just moving from tapping point to tapping point.

The reason we use words when we are tapping is to help us focus in on the issue. Sadness is such a physically visceral emotion that it is very easy to tune into without words. After I have spent a little time tapping without words I will tap on a patter like this:

Right now I feel so sad…sad is such an inadequate word for this emotion…this sadness is cutting me right to my core…as if a part of me is being wrenched out…or slowly burned from the inside out…this sadness is trying to teach me a lesson…it’s worried I am losing or have lost something that is very important…it is afraid I am never going to get it back…it’s afraid that I am going to be without and incomplete…whatever I feel I have lost I am thankful that I did have it in my life…even if it was not for as long as I wanted it…I choose to know I am whole and complete without anything else…I have simply forgotten how I am connected to everything…even when it is not present…I forgive myself for any weakness or failure I feel because I am feeling sad…sadness is natural…it is nothing more than my body’s way of telling me that I fear not being complete…or whole…I am glad there is a part of me that worries about this…I know this sadness will pass…now that I have recognized the lesson this sadness is trying to teach me I thank it and let it pass
[How to use these tapping phrases]

It was like I didn’t have control over my own body!

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I would wake up in the middle of the night and…

walk into the kitchen for a glass of water.

The next thing I knew there was a pile of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Minis wrappers on the table.

I had no recollection of eating them.

If I licked my teeth I could taste the remnants of what I had just eaten, but I couldn’t even remember enjoying eating them.

This didn’t just happen once
At first I thought is was no big deal, a little midnight snack.

Then it started happening night after night.

It was as if I was possessed.

I didn’t feel like I could stop because I couldn’t even remember choosing to do it.

The only choice I had was to get rid of the sweets.

Then I found myself eating other things I didn’t want in the middle of the night.

Getting a Pad Lock
Locking the fridge to keep me out looked like my only option.

BUT then I was introduced to this simple NLP technique.

When I first experienced it I thought, “There is no way that did anything! It’s way too simple. I can’t change my desires just by changing a few images in my mind.”

I am happy to say I was wrong
I can’t believe how wrong I was. I know the power of the mind. I use it all the time in work, but this even blew me away.

Overnight (literally) the midnight eating stopped.

NOT ONLY THAT, but I also found my cravings for Reese’s candy had melted away.

PEAS! PEAS! PEAS!
The technique is so powerful that I tried it on a friend in a busy restaurant on a Friday night (the last place I thought it would work).

She knew that for health reasons she should be eating more peas.

We didn’t even do the full process. Just a shortcut version!

Three days later she sent me an e-mail explaining that she could get enough. Peas went from being disgusting to delicious.

It wasn’t that she could now tolerate something she needed, but she now loved them!

You too can have this transformation in your own home!
I have created a very special audio that helps you to create the exact same transformation in the comfort of your own home any time you want.

The full process is done in two parts.

FIRST, it will take the foods you don’t want your body to crave any more and move them from being uncontrollably desirable to you having no need for them.

SECOND, it will take the foods you do want to eat more of and make the first thing that comes to mind when you ask the question, “What do I want to eat?”

Do it over and over again
The best part is, this is an audio you can listen to again and again. As you encounter new foods you want to add or remove form your desires you can just listen to the audio again.

When I do this process just once with clients it takes 15 to 20 minutes, which is a third of a full session. That means my clients pay close to $30 to just do the process once.

With this audio you can do the process as many times as you want for one third of the price of working with me one-on-one just once.

Money Back Guarantee
If this does not completely eliminate the desires you have for the food you don’t want, just let me know and I will give you a full refund. That is how much I believe in this audio!

Price: $13.77 $9.95


Act now!

PS: Image what it is going to be like to want and love the foods that are good for you!

Not Knowing What To Tap On

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There are times when we know Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT), but we don’t know where to begin. We are either faced with so many issues our mind jumps from one issue to another, or we have so much going on that we can’t seem to get a grip on any one issue.

Almost every EFT/EvEFT resource instructs you to be as specific as possible. (This web site even does it in the basic introduction to EFT.) But sometimes this is just not possible, and then it is okay to deal with everything all at once just to make a little headway and to get some clarity.

The process is very simple. Tune into all the emotions at once as a giant constellation of emotions. Don’t worry about whether you can pull any particular piece off. Tap on a patter like this:

I know EFT is a very powerful tool…I believe it can help me…but right now I am having a very hard time…I can’t quite figure out what I need to tap on…I either can’t find one issue because there is so much…or there is so much that I just jump from issue to issue, never spending enough time on one issue to make a difference…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process…I give myself permission to know that I don’t need to do everything today…there is a part of all of this that is most important…I give myself permission to tune into my natural intuition to find the issues I need to be working on right now…I let all the other issues just pass away…like evaporating mist in the morning…I know I have lessons to learn from those issues as well…but I can deal with those another time…I let my natural resources of focus and intuition take me to and keep me on the issues I need to be working on…even if I never land on the issue I need to be working on…the fact that I have taken time to get a few deep breaths and to tap a little will serve me…I know by just taking this moment I am healing in a small way…even if I am not knocking out the issues I want to deal with.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

When Our Change Affects Others

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I love EFT and use it a lot. It’s been very helpful with small emotional issues and simple physical pains. But when it comes to bigger issues I have a concern. I’m afraid that if I change the person I am I will hurt the people I love. Do you have any advice?

Change of any sort can be scary. We can fear that we are not going to be able to manage the new situation, we can fear not knowing how to be in the new situation, and we can fear that others are going to be disappointed with us.

I see this quite often with my weight loss clients. Many have shared thoughts like:

  • “My fat friends aren’t going to like me if I am thin.”
  • “If I loose weight my fat friends are going to think that I think I am too good for them.”
  • “If I loose weight I am going to make my friends who can’t loose weight feel bad.”

It’s not a bad thing to think about how others are going to respond to our actions. This is rooted in our love for them. We don’t want to do things that will complicate the lives of our loved ones. BUT this can’t be the only thing we take into consideration when we a making a choice or a change.

The weight loss example above demonstrates this perfectly. It would be really nice if losing weight didn’t make our friends feel self-conscious, but our health is more important — giving use a chance to live a longer, more active life — than how our friends might feel.

From the outside this is very obvious, but when it comes to making these choices in our own lives it becomes very difficult for a number of reasons.

  • We don’t want to make someone else feel bad
  • We feel selfish by choosing our needs over others
  • We fear that if we makes someone else’s life harder they are going to leave
  • We don’t deserve to make our life better at someone else expense.

These are all very real and powerful feelings that make it very hard to choose what’s best for us.

It is very important to recognize that not only do we deserve to take care of ourselves (making positive change of all types), but also we must recognize that these changes will benefit our loved ones, too. When we are healthy emotionally and physically it is easier for us to care for them.

When I bump into the issue of not wanting to change, I tap using phrases like these:

I would like to make a change in my life…but I know my life is tied to so many other people’s lives…if I change my life I am going to change others people’s lives as well…I worry about doing this…I don’t want to make anyone else’s life harder…especially if it is because of the choices I am making…I feel bad when I make others’ lives harder…or when I make them self-conscious about their own lives…many times I would rather carry my burden than pass a burden on to someone else…also, I feel very selfish for doing this…what right do I have to make my life better by making other people’s lives harder….I already have too much….who do I think I am that I deserve more…

I choose to know that I should be able to take care of myself…I deserve to make my life better…I know that even though I have it better than others…I deserve more…I am thankful for what I have…but that doesn’t mean that I should stop growing and changing…Many times when people feel bad about my change it’s because they are jealous of the work I’m doing…they are taking their feelings out on me for the change that they are not willing to make…if nothing else I can be a model for them of what change can be like…

When I make a change to myself I am not choosing myself over someone else…I am not choosing to make my life better at someone else’s expense…I am choosing to be better…I deserve better even if others aren’t going to make that choice for themselves…the fact that I worry about how this affects others means I am a loving person…but my choosing to change myself doesn’t mean I’m being selfish…I am not showing that I don’t love others…

I need to understand it is not an either/or situation…it is not that I can be better OR they can be happy…I can change, and they can be happy…It is not my job only to take care of everyone else’s needs…my needs are important too…I can change my life…and it might affect others….but I need to know my needs are important too…others don’t ask for my permission when they change…I don’t have to ask permission from others to change…

I need to make changes in my life…we all need to grow and change…when I make changes it is going to impact the lives of others …but I am not going to let this stop my healing…and growing…I deserve change…I need change
[How to use these tapping phrases]

I would recommend tapping on something like this before every tapping session to insure that you are doing the work that you really want and need to do.

Feeling Like You Are Backsliding

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Often when we do change work we feel like the deeper we dig into an issue the worse it gets. It is almost as if we stir up issues that weren’t there before. This can be frustrating and overwhelming.

We might ask, “If all I do is make this worse, why am I bothering? It’s not worth it! I give up!”

Even though we feel like we are not making progress, in reality we are. It just appears we are backsliding. Here is an analogy I like to use with my clients.

I grew up in Wyoming (one of the western states of the USA). Wyoming is filled with wide-open spaces. There are places in the state where you can see for well over 100 miles. Because you have no point of reference — like man-made structures — it is difficult to know how far you are from something or how big it is. This can create some interesting misperceptions.

For example, you could believe that the mountain that you are looking at is just on the other side of this hill. Once you get to the top of the hill you realize that there are really seven more hills before you get to the mountain. Because you can’t tell how big the mountain is you have no real sense of how far away it is. As you gain a greater perspective of the landscape, you gain a better sense of where you are in relationship to the mountain.

Even though you are moving forward, it feels like the mountain has moved further away because your perception of the mountain’s location has changed.

The same thing can happen when we are working on emotional issues. As we do work on the emotional issue we realize how big it really is (often much bigger than we thought it was in the first place).

As we come to these insights we ARE healing. We ARE moving closer to our goal. We’ve gained a new perspective of the issue at hand. Still, we can feel frustrated at the illusion of having lost ground. Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) can take the edge off the feeling of backsliding to allow us to deal with the issues at hand.

Here is some tapping patter you could use with this issue:

It feels like I am backsliding…every time I do some tapping it feels like it is getting worse…I keep finding more issues than I fix…it is very frustrating…if it is going to be like this I want to quit…why do I want to make things worse…but I choose to know that I really am making progress…not only am I clearing out emotional issues…I am getting a better understanding of what I’m dealing with…this isn’t fun because I’m finding things I didn’t know were there…but by finding these things I now know the areas of my self and my life that can use healing…even though it feels like I am losing ground I know I am gaining ground…with each step forward…no matter how small…I am getting closer to where I want to be…the goal has not moved…it is in the same place…I just have a clearer vision of what that goal is…making it easier for me to get there
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Journaling

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photo by Luigi Anzivino

A number of studies have indicated that the simple act of writing down what we are thinking and worrying about takes some of the charge out of the emotions. Dragging the thoughts into the light of day helps us to see what we are overreacting to and what is truly going on.

When we leave our thoughts alone in our head they have a tendency to be magnified. The mind serves as an echo chamber (especially in the middle of the night). Each time a thought or worry is bounced around it get stronger and stronger. We can combine Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) with a simple task to take the charge out of our thoughts and feelings.

TYou simply set some time aside to write down everything that is bouncing around in your mind. Take the self-talk that is in your head and just let it flow. You don’t need any special journal to do this. You can even type it on the computer.

After you have done this you don’t have to save your writing. You can throw it away or just erase the computer file. The important task is to get it out of your head where it tends to be amplified.

I like to add EFT to this activity to continue to clean up the emotional charge. I do this is by opening a blank document on my computer and just letting my fingers go. I type as fast as the thoughts come to me. As this happens I start to see the things I am overreacting to, which takes some of the charge away.

After I finish typing I go back and re-read everything I have just written, tapping from point to point as I read. The emotions that have not been completely cleared out rise again while I read my own words. By tapping while reading my thought processes, I clear out even more of the emotional charge.

For the areas that have a great deal of emotional charge I read the passage two or three times while tapping.

In the process I tune in to the problem without worrying about exactly the right words to say because I’ve already produced them.

When I am done tapping I delete the file.

Our Emotions Are Illogical And Make No Sense

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Sometimes the healing process is hampered by our logical mind. We get to the point where we can name our issues, but they make no sense at all. We can logically see how things are different from what our emotions believe. This can be a very difficult point in the healing process because we realize that we can’t talk ourselves out of misguided or wrong emotional beliefs. Because we can’t logic our way out of something, we don’t know where to turn and can feel helpless in the healing process.

I am sure I drive my clients crazy be telling them over and over again, “Just because it isn’t true doesn’t mean that it isn’t real.” When we encounter these emotions that are based in ridiculous notions it is important that we acknowledge this fact.

I love the fact that Gary Craig (http://emofree.com) has always described these as the comedies of our mind. They are comedies because once they are dragged out into the light of day we can see how ridiculous they are.

But, just because they are ridiculous to us logically doesn’t mean that they aren’t still very powerful. It’s frequently helpful to allow ourselves to be comfortable with the fact that these beliefs make no sense at all.

By using Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) on the fact that our emotional beliefs exist to protect us, we gain peace and clarity about how best to take care of ourselves. When we are easy about this fact it allows us to do the healing work we want to do without the frustration of it making no sense.

The tapping patter could look like this:

These thoughts and feelings make no sense at all…logically I can clearly see how my emotions are misinterpreting the situation, myself, and the world…I know these emotions and beliefs exist because there is a part of me that is trying to take care of me…this part of me is working very hard to make sure I stay safe and whole…it just happens to be doing it in a way that is not good for me in the short or long term…I am thankful that there are parts of me willing to do whatever they can to protect me…I affirm the work of this part of me…I don’t want to fight with this illogical part of myself…because we have the same goal…getting me to heal…I now ask this part to work with me in a more effective way to help my healing…I know from time to time that I have illogical emotional thoughts…because emotions are illogical by their very nature…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I heal these illogical thoughts and emotions.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

One Issue That Is Really Three or Four Issues

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I am dealing with homework issues and tantrums with my 8 year-old daughter. Parenting her really takes all my energy. It seems I spend more time battling with her than enjoying her. How can I approach this issue?

photo by Kathryn Rotondo

Sometimes when we face a situation it looks like one issue, because it is one situation, but in reality it’s more than one issue. At first it might seem daunting to break the issue down into smaller parts because it appears to require more work, but I have found it helpful to break the situation down into smaller, more manageable parts.

Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) is even more powerful when we are dealing with small partsbecause we see progress faster, and that progress encourages us to do more.

Here is a very simple way to break down a problem into smaller issues. I will use the example in the question to demonstrate each part.

What in the situation is worthy of giving thanks for?
I love starting from a point of view of gratitude. Often when we are dealing with what we don’t like in a situation we forget all of the blessings that are present.

In this case the question clearly states the parent actively wants to appreciate the daughter. So the first thing I would do is tap on all the wonderful things about the daughter and spending time with the daughter:

I am really blessed to have such a wonderful daughter…she has so much spirit…I know the time we have together is short…she will be grown up before I know it…with that in mind I am going to savor each moment I have with her…even those moments of struggle are a blessing…because we get to share them together…I give myself permission to enjoy this moment and my daughter…even in the middle of this struggle…I am lucky and blessed to have my daughter

Simply naming the good in a situation lessens the emotional charge and gives us a clearer vision of what the root issue(s) is.

What are the emotions I am dealing with?
The second step is to consider, and list, all of the emotions you are feeling. In this case the list might look like:

  • Frustrated she is not doing what she needs to do
  • Tired of all the battling
  • Wanting to do fun stuff with my daughter
  • Wishing I was doing something else I enjoyed

And the list could go on
After you have created the list, ask why you feel that way. This will give you insight on what to tap on. Take each emotion one at a time and tap on them. Don’t be surprised that as you clear one emotion you clear the others as well.

Are there other actors in the situation that I could surrogately tap for?
The last step is to look at the other actors in the situation. Are there issues you could tap on for them? In this case the daughter is obviously resisting doing the homework. As a parent you would have special insight into why she might be resisting. She could be fearing failure, just being 8 and wanting to do something else, not enjoying it because she is not very good at it, or is worried she is going to fail and let you down.

Just take a deep breath and tune into the other actors. Guess why they are having such a hard time in the situation. You don’t need the special connection of a parent and child to do this. When we put aside our own emotional baggage about a situation it’s easy to guess what others are struggling with.

Once you have a guess about what the other person is struggling with, you can spend some time tapping on those issues for them. This will do two things. First, it will give you perspective on what they are going through. This might change your understanding of the situation, clearing some of your emotional charge. Second, it might make a difference in their life, the way surrogate tapping has been reported to make changes for others.

The Process
The steps aren’t very complicated. When you are facing a big problem break it down into three chucks.

  • What can I be thankful for?
  • What am I struggling with?
  • What might they be struggling with?

By doing this we will resolve the issues in smaller and more manageable pieces.

Getting Back To That Session That Was So Powerful

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photo by Meredith Farmer

Occasionally we have unusually powerful Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) sessions. When we sit down later to tap, we wish there was a way to recapture the healing aspects of that session or continue to work on those issues. It is much easier to do than one would think.

There are times when I can relate to the issue my client is bringing up, so while they tap on their issue, I get to tap on my issue at the same time. There are other times when I can feel in my body what my client is feeling and we get a chance to tap on the issue together.

Recently I had an amazing experience with a client that was completely different from either of these. We were about 40 minutes into a session and were tapping on an issue that I had no particular relationship to. Very suddenly, I started yawning uncontrollably.
In this sort of energy work yawning is generally a sign of releasing energetic blocks, but I have never been in a circumstance where I yawned 30 times in a row. It was amazing, and afterwards I felt great. A huge burden that I had been working on for a number of weeks was released.

A few days later I wanted to tap back into this experience because I knew more needed to be done. As I tapped I just started thinking about the previous session, and once again the yawns starting coming fast and furious.

I was able to tap for three straight minutes thinking only of that last session, and the yawns didn’t stop. At that point I had finished the work I could do at that time.

As I thought about this experience, it wasn’t a great surprise. One of the things we do in hypnosis work is place a post-hypnotic suggestion allowing us to return instantly to the issue we are working on. This prevents us from having to do all the work of getting to the same point in the next session.

This works equally well with EFT. If you have worked on an issue before and had a great level of success, all you need do is tune into that tapping session and start tapping again. You can pick up right where you left off working before.

Need To Know How We Got Here

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To work down a path of healing we need to take stock of where we are and what issues we would like to heal. One of the questions that come to mind when we do this is, “How did I get here?” This can become a consuming question, to the point that it distracts us from the healing process itself.

It is a natural question to ask. First, we may think that it will help us to heal our way out of the current feeling or circumstance. Second, we may believe we need to know how we got here to insure that we never end up here again.

While it can be important to the healing process to understand how we got here and how we can avoid ending up here again, it’s much more important that we understand where we are and where we would like to be.

I think sometimes it’s a disservice to clients when we harp on the memories that have created the past situation. Yes, it can be very helpful to understand these aspects of an emotional charge, but plenty of clients have felt hopeless because they couldn’t bring up past memories.

Also, we can be mistaken about the original cause of an emotional charge.

Instead, if we are easy with ourselves about how our problem came to be, we can freely enter the emotions of the moment which will lead us to the true root cause.

I find it very helpful to tap on the idea of not needing to know how we got here before going after a big problem. Then we are only dealing with the essential issue rather than worrying about knowing why.

The tapping patter could look something like this:

There is a part of me that really wants to know how I got into this situation…it feels I need this information for the healing…it believes I need this information to protect myself from ending up in this place again…while it can be very helpful to know this information…it is not essential to the healing process…I can completely heal my current emotions without knowing a single thing about how I got here…it is possible to use the emotions I am feeling right now as the information to do the tapping…as I work on how I feel right now it is possible that memories and other information about how I ended up here will come up…if this happens it will provide more chances for me to heal…if it doesn’t happen that’s okay as well because I have all the information I need…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process…it is much more important to know where I am and where I am going…than to know how I got here. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I found myself being grounded and present every 15 minutes all day long!

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A Chime For The Soul
I spent the first three days of the New Year on retreat. It was everything a retreat is supposed to be. It was restful. It was challenging. It helped me to heal and gave me insight for more healing in the future.

We spent a great deal of time in silence. Each day began with a 20-minute contemplative sit. We were given two or three minutes of silence to quiet ourselves before each presentation and to absorb what we’d just heard after presentations.

Each of these silences started and ended with the striking of a chime. The simple pure sound pierced the air.

As the retreat wore on and we spent more time in silence the more I longed for these silences. Each time I heard that simple chime my body/mind/spirit knew exactly what we were doing — and loved it.

Taking It Home
The hard part of a retreat is going home and integrating this peace, reflection, and grounding into your daily life.

As we waited for the closing session to begin I was thinking of how I could bring this sense of grounding into my daily life.

The first thing that came to mind was that chime. I thought, “I could buy one of the chimes and use it before and after my own silent time.” But I immediately saw the flaw in this plan. I’d end up buying the chime and I might use it once or twice, but eventually it would end up as one more knickknack on my shelf.

Then my mind wandered to prayer traditions throughout the world that use the bell as a call to prayer.

The Annoyed Monk
A friend of mine is a monk who lives in an abbey with other members of his community. Several times a day the bells ring and they are required to drop whatever they’re doing to join the community in prayers.

He explained,

“At first, it can be really frustrating.  You can be right in the middle of an important task and you have to just stop.  It is the worst when you are really in the grove.  It can make it really hard to come to the chapel with a prayerful mind set when you are frustrated like this.

“But something happens when they ring the bells again calling us to prayer, you close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and bring yourself present to the Glory of God in that moment.

“The frustration just melts away because you are grounded in the bigger picture.  You realize it is good that you have been pulled away form the daily tasks for a few minutes to put it all in perspective.”

My Call To Silence
That is what I wanted in my daily life, but I didn’t want to move into a hermitage to get it.

Since I spend most of my day sitting in front of my computer I decided to write a computer program that would chime every 15 minutes as a reminder to re-ground myself.

At first, like my monk friend, I was a little annoyed by the constant interruption. But I decided that I needed to give it an honest effort.

Initially I was very strict with myself. The moment the chime rang I stopped what I was doing, even if I was in the middle of typing a sentence or a word. I‘d close my eyes and do a simple grounding exercise that took less than sixty seconds.

The results were amazing!

Being Fully Present
In those few short seconds of taking pause I was able to refocus.

I found myself clearing stress that I wasn’t even aware was there.

I was able to put the tasks at hand in perspective.

I was more productive and focused in my work, and at the end of the day I felt great, not exhausted.

Then My Friends Ask For One
I told my friend Christi, who was on the same retreat, about the software program I had created and she said, “I WANT ONE!”

Within an hour of sending her the program she sent an e-mail saying:

“The first time the chime went off it was a little surprising because I had my speakers turned up too loud, but now I love this.  It is such a great way to break up the day.  I feel so much more grounded already.”

“Hey, I want one too!”
The more people I told about the program the more people were asking for one as well.

Before sharing it with others I decided to improve the program. I recorded a much more peaceful chime. I also made it so you can set whatever interval of time you would like between chimes.

Since this is a brand new product I am offering it for over 50% off the eventual price.

For the next two weeks I’m offering the Breathe Easy Reminder software for only $7.45. (The regular retail price will be $14.95).

(And yes there is a both Mac and PC versions.)

But that’s not all!
If you order as part of this special introduction I have three free amazing free bonuses:

Bonus #1: 60 Seconds To Presence: 9 Exercises & Meditations That Can Be Done Anytime, Anywhere In Under 60 Seconds ebook ($17.49 value)

It is one thing to take pause every fifteen minutes through out your day, but it is something completely different to use that time to really ground yourself.  When you ground yourself you are less stressed and more present to the moment. Grounding yourself is not a complicated task.  You can do it in less than sixty seconds.

In this book I teach you 9 different grounding activities you can do in less than 60 seconds. This book contains my favorite techniques using EFT, Qi Gong, guided imagery, breathing exercises, and movement meditation.  You can choose a new one each day or find the one you respond to best to use over and over again.

Bonus #2: Anchoring Relaxation audio ($13.77 value)

There is a very powerful tool in NeuroLinguistic Psychology (NLP) called “anchoring”.  When using anchoring you are able to attach one emotion or motivation to another piece of stimulus.  In stop smoking work the feeling of “I am now a non-smoker and will be a non-smoker for the rest of my life” is anchored to the color red.  When the person sees the color red it reinforces this belief.  (Red is everywhere so they are re-reminding themselves of this over and over again all day!)

In this very special audio the feeling of relaxation and healing is anchored to the sound of the chime in the Breath Easy Reminder program.  After listening to this audio your body will be automatically disposed to the feeling of relaxation at the sound of the chime.  As the program runs through out the day on your computer you will be relaxed over and over again.

Bonus #3: Total Relaxation audio ($13.77 value)

In this audio I use my 10 favorite relaxation images and stack them one on top of another.  By doing this it takes advantage of a phenomena we refer to in hypnosis as “compounding”.  When you follow a suggestion of relaxation by another suggestion it multiplies the first.

By building one on top of the next it multiplies the relaxing and stress relieving power.

Look at what Jay wrote me after using the audio:

“The Total Relaxation audio is so powerful it took me two weeks before I knew how it ended because it put me right to sleep each time I listened to it.”

This audio is a prefect way to end a hectic day.

That is $45.03 in bonus!
Each of the bonuses by themselves are worth more than double the special introductory price of the software.

The three bonuses combined are worth more than SIX times the price of the software.

100% Iron Clad Guarantee!
I have seen the power of this little program.  As I said above I wrote the program at first just for myself.  I was looking for a way to create some grounding in my own life.

This has worked beyond my wildest dreams.

If you don’t find that this program doesn’t make you more grounded and calm as you sit at your computer I will refund your money AND you can keep the three bonuses as my gift to you just for trying it out.

You have nothing to loose but your stress and lack of grounding!
The program is so easy to use that including download time you will have it up in running in less than 2 minutes.

You know you want to bring peace and grounding to your day.

Bring a moment of peace right now!

And 15 minutes after that…

And 15 minutes after that…

(You get the idea!)

Order now!

http://eftqanda.com/store/remind.html

Peace and grounding,

Gene

PS: Image what it is going to be like to have your day punctured with peace, relaxations, and the feeling of being grounded.  You can have that feeling right now…and it takes less than sixty seconds to feel it.

Let The Subconscious Fill in the Blanks

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photo by Adam Holloway

The most common reason my clients don’t do their EFT homework between sessions is, “I don’t know what words to say. When I tap with you it is so easy. When I’m on my own I get stuck.” But there is a way for the subconscious to solve this problem for you.

The reason may be lack of confidence, worry that you’ll do it wrong, worry that you’ll waste time, or that you simply don’t know how to approach the issue. At other times we may have a hard time saying some of the phrases out loud because they seem so ludicrous.

For example people who have a hard time believing they are worthy of being loved are not going to feel comfortable saying, “I deserve love, happiness, and well-being” because they really don’tt believe it.

It can be equally hard to say out loud (or even recognize) why we feel this way.

Rob Sherwin (http://www.tap4health.com/) has come up with a brilliant way to deal with the situation where we don’t know why we feel some way or it’s really hard for us to say out loud. His recommendation is to simply let the subconscious mind fill in the blanks for us. We could tap on something like this:

I don’t deserve healing because…
I don’t deserve to heal if it means…
I don’t know how to heal because…
If I heal then I will be stuck with…
I can’t heal because…
I am afraid to heal because…
I don’t want to heal because…
I don’t believe I deserve happiness because…
I don’t believe I deserve success because…
I don’t believe I deserve love because…

Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need

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In the article Stages of Awareness I talk about how we move through the healing process. In stage one we are going through life unaware of what is going on internally. In stage two we start the investigation process. This stage can be the most difficult because we’ve taken our blinders off. We feel as if we have just added a whole new set of problems and issues.

The moment we start investigating what’s going on in our lives we become aware of many areas of healing that we had been blind to before. We can be overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and hopelessness.

We can logically know that we have just opened our eyes to what was already there, but that doesn’t take the feelings of overwhelm or frustration away. I have found it very helpful to use Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) on these feelings of overwhelm and frustration before doing the healing itself. Once the overwhelmed feeling is resolved, we are free to cope with the current issue.

To do this you could tap on something like this:

Right now I am dealing with more issues than I know what to do with…I don’t even know where to start…even if I take care of some of it, there is going to be so much more for me to deal with…I feel like I am trying to empty a bathtub with a thimble…I choose to know this is part of the healing process…in the beginning I feel like there is more than I can deal with…in the beginning it feels like I have added a bunch of new issues…but I really know these issues have always been here…I have just become aware of them…I give myself permission to know that I can take these issues one at a time… every issue I heal is going to make the next issue easier…it will be like a snowball rolling down a hill…each healing with happen easier and easier…faster and faster…I know it is only going to get better from here…as I come to terms with all that I need to heal…the easier it will be to heal…I give myself permission to do this healing at a rate that is best for my body…I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed…it is natural to be overwhelmed by what I am dealing with…I choose to take the next step forward now. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Physical Pain From Injury

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I am very aware that there are times when we have pain in the body that has an emotional base. There are also times when we just hurt ourselves. I just twisted my knee and it still hurts a few days later. Do I tap in the same way with this sort of physical pain as I would for pain that is emotionally-based?

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) is a very powerful tool when dealing with physical pain. When I first teach EFT/EvEFT I generally start with physical pain for two reasons. First, EFT/EvEFT works so well, and second, it’s hard to deny the results. (The evaporation of emotional pain is easier for a new EFTer to dismiss, giving credit to factors other than EFT.)

When we are dealing with pain of any sort we need to remember that pain is nothing more than a signal. It’s one of the physical body’s ways of getting our attention and communicating information. Our shoulders can ache from stress because our body is telling us we need to slow down and take care of ourselves. Our ankle will hurt after an injury to tell us we should give it time to heal and avoid walking on it too much.

Even though EFT/EvEFT is so powerful at reducing (and/or eliminating) the pain we feel, we should make sure we are not just taking pain away without first listening to the information the body is trying to communicate to us. There is a famous story of a hypnotist who used hypnosis to numb the pain he was feeling in his chest. The pain was related to a heart attack. Since he only eliminated the pain and didn’t respond to what the pain was communicating — the need for medical care — he died from the heart attack.

Regardless of the source of the pain, we can use EFT/EvEFT for both physical and emotional aspects of the pain. Let’s look at how we can use EFT/EvEFT for a physical pain that has come from an injury and is not emotionally based.

1) The Physical Pain
Regardless of the source of the physical pain I generally approach physical pain the same way. While tapping from point to point I tune into the following (in no particular order):

  • Is there a lesson the pain wants me to learn
  • What is the shape?
  • What is the color?
  • What is size?
  • If I held the pain in my hand, how much would it weigh?
  • If I was going to make a model of the pain to show my friends what it is like, what substance would I use?
  • If the pain could say something, what would it say?
  • I trace the geography the physical pain with my mind

After I have done this for a round or two of tapping I tune back in to the SUDs level to see how it feels. If more work is needed, I repeat the process.

2) The Emotional Aspect of the Physical Pain
On the surface it might not seem obvious that there is work we can do with emotions of the physical pain. Just because the pain itself was caused by an injury, it doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions around the issue of having the pain or injury.

I am a firm believer that if we have negative emotions around a wound (physical or emotional) we slow down or hinder the healing process. When we have a physical pain it’s a good idea to spend time dealing with emotions about the pain. Some examples of the areas you can investigate are:

  • How you were injured: Are you mad at yourself for how you got injured?  Are you mad at someone else for how you got injured?
  • How the injury is effecting you: Are you having a hard time doing the things you want to do and how is this effecting you emotionally?
  • How people are responding to the injury: Are people trying to baby you?  Are people not giving you enough attention?
  • How the body is healing and responding to treatment: Is the body not healing fast enough for you and is this causing frustration?

As you can see, many emotions can arise from an injury that wasn’t emotionally induced. Dealing with these issues will help speed the healing process, or more accurately get out of the way of the natural healing process of the body.

The beautiful thing about EFT/EvEFT is it allows us to approach problems from many different angles. We can approach them through our minds (thoughts and memories), our bodies (physical sensations), and our spirits (emotions). For each issue you will find at least one of these entry points helpful. You will probably heal faster when you explore more than one.