Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #156: How To Share Tapping With Others Without Sounding Like A Whackjob

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HOW-TO-TAPI love talking about the work I do.

When I am meeting someone for the first time I don't jump right into tapping or EFT. I talk about self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, and emotional healing.

At some point in the conversation, because people are so interested in what I do, the conversation turns to how I do it.

This means we have to talk about tapping and EFT. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about EFT, but to the uninitiated it sounds weird.

OK, it's not just weird, it’s really weird.

Because of this I think we need to be careful in the way we share tapping with others. I am not saying that we should hold anything back or be dishonest, but instead we need to remember where the other person is coming from when we are sharing new information.

Here are few simple things to keep in mind when sharing about EFT so that others will be more willing to hear what you are saying.

Pod #155: Creating Emotional Boundaries w/ Rue Hass

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Create Emotional BoundariesI love people who have a natural healing disposition. They see their healing talents as a gift that they want to share with others.

Sometimes this giftedness has the drawback of attracting many more people than we are capable of helping.

For helpers and healers it can be hard to create healthy boundaries. When our boundaries are overrun it’s easy simply to want to cut ourselves off.

In this conversation with Rue Hass we talk about how we can establish boundaries from a generative rather than a defensive posture.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: web @ IntuitiveMentoring.com, email @ rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue's guest articles and podcasts on Tapping Q and A.

Getting Past The Extinction Burst

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Extinction-BurstYou have been there before. You are trying to make a change, like giving up sweets.

The first day is hard. The second is harder. The third day, for some unknown reason, is really easy. You feel awesome. You are making progress. Real change is happening.

Then along comes day four…

You come home from work and you find yourself eating one little piece of candy. You think, “This is no big deal. It is only one piece.”

Then it is two, then four, and then the bag is empty and you think, “Screw it! It’s too late!” and you devour every sweet in the house plus some potato chips for good measure.

Within moments you’re filled with shame and self-loathing. You wake up the next morning feeling defeated.

The Extinction Burst

What you have just experienced is an “extinction burst”. I think David McRaney described extinction burst perfectly when he writes: “a predictable and common blast of defiance from the recesses of a brain denied familiar rewards.”

In more common terms you are in the process of making a change and some part of your system is not getting what it wants, it is royally pissed off, and so it does whatever it can to get what it wants.

In our example, the body was expecting a feel good sugar high from sweets. When it didn’t get what it wanted it it turned you into an emotional monster that was willing to eat everything in sight.

What You Can Do To Overcome The Extinction Burst

First, knowledge is power. When we know that something troubling is coming (aka an inflection point) we are much more likely to make a good choice if we have a plan to deal with it.

Imagine this is like the fire drill you practiced as a kid at school. If there ever was a fire you would know exactly what to do.

The way I deal with this is when I feel an extinction burst coming on I name it and tap for it. It looks something like this:

Right now my system is throwing a bit of a temper tantrum…It wants its needs met in a way that I know is unhealthy…I know I could easily give in to its needs…And I would feel better for about 7 seconds…But then I would feel really awful and disappointed in myself…I am making choices that are going to serve me in the long term…If I can last through this extinction burst then the habit of making better choices will be stronger…I am stronger than this…And I am worthy of making the better long-term choice.

Do you think saying this out loud and tapping is silly? You're right. But since the first of the year I have effectively fought off donuts, chocolate, and white bread just like this.

Second, understand your system is seeking to have a need filled when you are having an extinction burst. As I was working my way off sweets my body was having a hard time because it needed them. In the first 3 days where I completely cut all carbohydrates out of my diet I was having headaches in exactly the say way I had caffeine withdrawal when I cut down on coffee a few months ago.

Even when I am tapping for fighting the extinction burst there is still an underlying need for pleasure or comfort or relaxation that requires satisfaction. It’s a good idea to plan how you you can meet that need in another way.

When my friend was quitting smoking she realized that part of the reason she was doing it was because she was looking for an excuse to go outside to get away from her crazy co-workers. So when she craved a cigarette she took a walk around the block instead to give her a break from the office.

When I was cutting out carbs it was permissible for me to have a teaspoon of all natural almond butter. When the extinction burst showed up and I wanted to eat everything I would allow myself the little treat and it got me through the afternoon.

Third, it is important to have clearly defined, measurable stepping stone goals so that you can reward yourself for reaching them as you work towards a bigger goal.

For me, I usually experienced an extinction burst when there was some unmet emotional need. I am much less likely to have emotional needs when I am feeling good about myself and my progress.

To boost my self-esteem I celebrate my successes along the way. For example, every time I lost another 3 lbs of body fat I would go to one of my favorite places in NYC and take photos.

Getting outside, with no work responsibilities, trying to find beauty, and give myself a chance to work on being a better photographer is a real treat for me.

By allowing myself a chance to celebrate my successes I was much more likely to have the will to make good choices as I kept working towards my goals.

Unfortunately (And Fortunately) It Is A Natural Thing

Unfortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone experiences when they are trying to change a habit.

Fortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone goes through. You are not crazy. You didn't fail miserably. AND you are not alone. Because this is something we all go through. You will notice the use of the the word “predictable” in the definition above. It is not a matter of if this is going to happen, but when.

But with the right planning and preparation we can respond to it in a way that doesn't derail our goals.

Pod #154: EFT For Romantic Relationship w/ Stefan Gonick

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TAPPING-RelationshipCreating the loving relationship we desire it isn't simply about finding a partner. We want to find our way to the right relationship that feeds and nurtures us.

Unfortunately many people keep finding themselves in the same type of relationship that isn't right for them.

In this conversation Stefan Gonick talks about what we can learn from our past relationship patterns and how to address our conscious and unconscious fears around them, thereby making useful action towards creating a fulfilling relationship possible.


Stefan Gonick

Guest: Stefan Gonick

Contact: web @ FindingTheLoveYouWant.com; phone @ 413/527-5491

About Stefan: Stefan Gonick is an internationally recognized Soulmate Attraction Mentor and Expert EFT Practitioner. For over 20 years, Stefan has helped smart, loving people attract the spine-tingling and lasting love they've always longed for, even when they thought it wasn't possible for them.

Before It Is Too Late

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Too-LateOver the last few weeks my Facebook timeline has been filled with memorials.

First, a friend and colleague, Mark, died suddenly of a heart attack. Second, American sports news personality Stuart Scott died from the cancer he had fighting for years.

The flood of kind words, memories, well wishes for the families, and stories of learning from the lives of the deceased was amazing. I discovered things about two men I admired that I didn't know. I was touched to know how the lives of so many were deeply affected because of the admirable way that these two men lived.

[Read more…] about Before It Is Too Late

Pod #153: Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin (w/ Tap-Along Audio & Script)

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YOUROWNSKIN2BWhen I look at the work that I have done on myself since I discovered tapping I can distill almost every issue down to one thing.

Being comfortable inside my own skin.

When I am comfortable inside my own skin I am more likely to follow inspiration, I am more likely act with confidence, and I am more likely to see situations as they truly are.

If any of those things are true at the time of action I will be much happier with outcome. When all three are true, amazing things happen.

In this short audio I explore the importance of being comfortable inside our own skin and provide a short tap-along to nurture this sense.

Let me know your thoughts on this idea below.

There is a part of me…That wants the people around me…To love me…To appreciate me…To accept me…To see me as good…Because as a human being…I am communal…I am connected to others…It’s part of my nature…It’s part of who I am…It’s part of who I will always be…So it makes sense…That that there is a part of me…That is thinking about what others think…That is concerned about how they see me…But I recognize the fact…What is most important…Is the way I see myself…Because at the end of it all…At the end of each moment…At the end of each day…At the end of my life…The only person…Who is completely connected to my choices is me…Therefore I need to be comfortable with me…I need to be comfortable with my choices…I need to be comfortable with the way I see myself…When I see myself as good…When I see myself as worthy…I become comfortable inside of me…I am home inside of me…That doesn’t mean I’m perfect…That doesn’t mean I always get it right…That doesn’t mean I make the best choice in every circumstance…But it means in the moment…Because I’m only concerned with…The way I value myself…And not how others value me…I put myself into the position…That allows me to be successful…That allows me to be safe…That allows me to be truly me each day…I give myself permission…To work towards…Being comfortable in my own skin…To work towards loving myself…Because if I am capable of doing that…Then I will be able to handle whatever comes…With grace…With strength…And become who I am supposed to be…I give myself permission…Every single day…To be a little more comfortable…Inside of my own skin.

Pod #152: How To Tap For Self-Acceptance

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how-to-acceptA few weeks ago in podcast #149 we talked about the trouble with saying “I love and accept myself”. As we discussed, sometimes it is hard to say and there are also times where it isn't helpful to say.

It was a useful discussion you should check out.

I was overwhelmed with the response to that podcast. I as I noted in the Best Of 2014 I received the most emails about this particular post in the whole year.

One question came up again and again: “How exactly do I tap for self-acceptance?”

Here is a simple tool to do just that. You will need to use the Setup Phrase Generator and it only takes a few minutes a day.

I would love to hear how this works for you in the comments below.

The Best Of 2014

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Best of 2014There are a number of books and movies that I revisit at least once a year. I do this because even though the stories and information are the same, I have changed and therefore they impact me in a new way.

It might be the sixth time I have re-read a particular book, but it feels like there are passages that I have never seen before.

As we come the end of 2014 I thought it would be useful to revisit some of the best of the best from TappingQ&A. If there is something from the site you loved this year, but I missed on my list please add it to comments below.

Thanks again for your continued support.

[Read more…] about The Best Of 2014

Pod #151: Why Didn’t The Surrogate Tapping Cure Her Cancer?

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Why Didn't It Work?Surrogate tapping is a tricky topic. Tapping itself is difficult enough to explain, but trying to explain how I can tap on my body to promote change in someone else is a whole other level.

At that point it sounds like we are talking about woo-woo crap that just can't be true.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed some amazing things with surrogate tapping (or at least they appear to be the result of surrogate tapping).

First, my sister regularly takes her dog Addison to the vet. Like many animals, Addison gets really nervous when she visits the vet and she especially hates having her nails clipped. When a trip to the vet is scheduled my sister will send me a text so that I can tap for Addison (from the other side of the United States). And next I receive a picture from my sister of Addison lying calmly on the ground completely relaxed and serene. It has happened too many times for me to dismiss this as some kind of coincidence.

Second, I have been working with a family with a child who has been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Over the last six months the family has seen some amazing results with surrogate tapping. A few weeks ago their son started to backslide and lost almost all the progress he had made to date. I put together a short tapping sequence and within a day he not only regained everything the family had achieved from the tapping, but it also triggered a significant clearing and release on a physical level from his system (I won’t go into detail here but am sure you get the picture!).

Sometimes people ask me how all this works and all I can think to say is, “I have no idea!”

With that being said, it doesn't always work. Just because we are surrogate tapping it doesn't mean that progress happens. There are times when we tap and yet we cannot perceive any progress.

Two years ago, a very dear friend of mine's 33-year-old body succumbed to cancer. As I wrote about what it was like to tap for her I asked, “Why didn't the surrogate tapping work?”

Because of the number of people who have been asking me about surrogate tapping (and specifically about my experience tapping for a friend with cancer) I thought this would be the perfect time to revisit the idea of surrogate tapping.

In this audio I talk about surrogate tapping, when I do it, and why I think it didn't work on my friend's cancer.

All I Want For Christmas…

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All I Want For ChristmasGood morning,

When I was a kid my mother would ask me wanted I wanted for Christmas and she’d always end the question with the addendum “and you are not allowed to ask for world peace.”

It's not that my mother didn't want world peace. She just knew that she wasn't going to be able to find it in my size in time for Christmas day.

This year I have a different request for Christmas.

My friend Laura Reach is an amazing tattoo artist. (I happen to carry hours of her work on my left arm.) In recent years she has increasingly moved away from artistic tattoo and instead she is dedicating her time to doing incredibly realistic mammographic tattoos for breast cancer survivors.

[Read more…] about All I Want For Christmas…

Pod #150: 3 Key Things To Keep In Mind Before You Start An EFT Session (w/ tap-alongs)

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HowToStartOften our biggest obstacle we have to using tapping in the healing process is ourselves. This plays out in two ways.

First, sometimes a part of us doesn’t feel it is safe for us to heal. Since a part of our system doesn't feel safe healing we short circuit the healing process. When this happens we don't tap as much as we would like and always seem to have other things to do.

Second, there are times when we are tapping for the “wrong issue” or have the “wrong expectation” of how the tapping/healing process should look. In this scenario we can tap and tap and tap…but not get anywhere.

In this week's podcast I explore how we can respond to the second way we prevent ourselves from getting the most out of tapping. Our mindset about what to tap on and what the healing process should look like make a world of difference in determining our success.

By keeping these 3 simple ideas in mind before you tap you will find your way to quicker and more effective healing.

Pod #149: The Real Goal Of EFT – Proportional Well Informed Emotions

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MORE-NEWMy clients often complain that even though they tap regularly for their issues, there are times when their emotions get the better of them.

The goal of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is not for us to become emotionless.

Our emotions are important because they allow us to feel in order to navigate the world and they are what give our experience richness.

The problems isn't the emotions themselves, but when and how strongly they show up.

In this week's podcast I talk about the ultimate goal of tapping AND how we can best understand our experience of our emotions.

I would love to hear what you think the main goal of tapping is in the comments below.

Pod #148: What If I Can’t Say I Love And Accept Myself (Thoughts On The EFT Setup Phrase)

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cantsayiloveWhen Gary Craig first introduced the world to Emotional Freedom Techniques he used something he called the setup phrase.

You would tap on the side of your hand or rub the sore spot and say, “Even though I have [insert issue] I completely love and accept myself.”

As time has passed and EFT has evolved most teachers of tapping fall into one of two camps. They are either insistent that you do this every time or they never do it at all.

There are enough tapping teachers who are still sharing the setup phrase that about once every 10 days I receive an email asking “Do I really have to say the setup phrase?”

I think there is a middle ground. There are times when it is really useful and there are also times when it can slow the tapping process.

In this podcast we explore when to use the setup phrase. We will also look at why most people are avoiding it, which has nothing to do with its usefulness.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the setup phrase in the comments below.

Thank You For Hearing Me

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My walk home from Thanksgiving dinner took about a half an hour. It was a quiet afternoon and the Brooklyn streets were almost deserted.

As I was walking I started singing Sinéad O'Connor's “Thank You For Hearing Me.” I find it to be a such a profound and holy song (and I don't use the word holy lightly).

It would perfect to tap along to today.
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SPECIAL 200th Podcast: What I Have Learned In 200 Podcasts

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200 Podcasts!

Between the bonus podcasts and the full show I have shared over 200 podcasts!

It has been an amazing journey. I would like to thank:

Adele Wang, Alina Frank, AnaMaria Herrera, Andy Bryce, Ann Ross, Brad Yates, Brittany Watkins, Carol Look, Carol Tuttle, Catherine Poole, Colleen Flanagan, Dan Cleary, Dawson Church, Deborah Miller, Dene Ballantine, Elham Kashefi, Gina Parris, Gwenn Bonnell, Gwyneth Moss, Helen Walker, Jake Khym, Janet Hilts, Jaqui Crooks, Jared Tendler, Jenn Goddard, Jesse Jacobs, Jessica Ortner, Joanne Callahan, John Soriano, Jondi Whitis, Judy Byrne, Karin Davidson, Kris Ferraro, Linda Wood, Lindsay Kenny, Loretta Sparks, Louise Tremayne, Lynne Shaner, Michelle Price, Maggie Adkins, Margaret M. Lynch, Marie Holliday, Masha Bennett, Pamela Bruner, Pat Carrington, Paul Zelizer, Rebecca Kane, Rhona Clews,
Rick Wilkes, Robert G. Smith, Robert Kendall, Rod Sherwin, Ron Ball, Rue Hass, Sebastiaan van der Schrier, Shoshana Garfield, PhD, Stacey Vornbrock, Stephen W. Carter, Steve Wells, Sue Beer, Susan Peach, Susanne Peach, Tania A Prince, Ted Robinson, Terry Lynch, Till Schilling, and Wil Horton.

None of the guests was paid for their contribution. I feel so blessed that they were willing to share their time and their information and wisdom.

As the person who had a front row seat for the full catalog I know my life is richer because of it.

Recently, I was chatting with Gwyneth Moss and she asked if she could interview me about what I learned from doing 200 podcasts. That is the interview I am sharing this week.

Help The Podcast Grow

Even though you receive the podcast free of charge does not mean that it is free to produce. Between the time it takes to record, edit, and publish each podcast as well as the bandwidth costs for you to download the shows, it costs between $300 and $500 per episode to produce and distribute.

I am firmly committed to keep providing this resource free of charge. AND I am committed to keeping the entire library all the way to the first one available. (Did you know on average every day every podcast in the archive is downloaded at least once? Even the ones from way back in March 2009!)

My Audio Reflections On 200 Podcasts

Here are my reflections on 200 shows. I would love to hear yours down in the comments.

Pod #147: Is It Possible To Be Comfortable With Good Enough? (w/ Tap-Along)

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Good Enough!We live in a time of exceptionalism.

Everywhere we turn we are presented with the biggest, the best, the greatest, and the most important.

And it is not just coming from marketers. If you spend any time on social media you see people describing the best meal they have ever had, the greatest vacation of all time, and the most important thing they learned.

We have come to a place where if it isn't the best then it must be a failure.

Wanting To Be The Best All The Time Is Bad For Us

I think that it is important to strive for better and that we give it our all, but there are times where wanting to be the best just isn't good for us. It can even hold us back from taking action.

In this podcast I talk about the trap of needing to be the best all the time, the value of good enough being good enough, and how we can tap to find our way to the right level of excellence.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments about my challenging of your desire to be excellent at everything.

Pod #146: Stages Of The Emotional Healing Process

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I was recently having drinks with a friend and we were talking about my time teaching anger management in jail. She asked if I would teach her one of the tools I taught the guys.

So I explained one of my favorites.

She responded, “I can see how that tool would useful, but that is just about emotions generally. How is that tool an ‘anger management' tool?”

And she was right.

Every tool I taught in jail was about having a healthy emotional response. Yes, the guys were looking to manage their anger, but the tools and techniques we use for anger are no different than those we would use any other disproportionate emotion.

The Real Goal

When we are working with our emotional response, the goal of tapping is not to be emotionless. The goal is to have a proportional, well-informed response.

Everything we do when tapping for our emotions is about returning them to balance. We can successfully use the same techniques for all emotions is because the process of transforming our emotional response is the same regardless of the emotion we are working on.

Very early on in tapping with clients I realized there was a consistent process that we go through as we work our way to well-informed, proportional emotional responses.

In this podcast I explain the stages we move through when we are healing our emotional responses.

Understanding this transformed the way I worked with clients AND how I understand my own healing journey.

I would listen to this audio two or three times. Once you understand this process it will give you an understanding of where to start with your issue to gain the fastest results from your tapping.

Pod #145: Compare and Contrast EMDR v. EFT w/ Masha Bennett

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COMPARE-AND-CONTRASTEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a healing protocol that is gaining more and more acceptance worldwide.

I see it very much as a cousin of EFT and tapping.

In this podcast I interview Masha Bennett who is very experienced in both. She compares and contrasts the two protocols. In doing so she shares what tappers can learn from EMDR and what EMDR practitioners can learn from tapping.

Regardless how much tapping training and experience you have you will learn from this comparison.


Masha Bennett

Guest: Masha Bennett

Contact: web @ PracticalHappiness.co.uk/; twitter @ MashaBennett](https://twitter.com/MashaBennett); facebook @ Practical Happiness

About:Masha is an accredited Neurolinguistic Psychotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner, Advanced Practitioner and Trainer in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). She also has years of experience and extensive training in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, Hypno-Psychotherapy, Stress Management (individual and corporate) and addiction treatment, is trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing) to an advanced level, and is continually working on improving her skills and flexibility in helping people achieve their goals and dreams.

Pod #144: How I Approach An EFT Session With A Client

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ApproachClientRecently my friend Rebecca Kane asked me about my approach to working with clients and how I structure my client sessions.

It turned into a very constructive conversation.

If you have ever wondered what a practitioner is thinking when they are doing a session and why they do what they do, here is your chance to hear my point of view.

This is not the only way or the best way to do a session, but these are things I keep in mind to ensure I am keeping my clients safe and providing the best care possible.

If you are interested in working with me one-on-one drop me a note.

If you are interested in tapping training created by Gene you can get Advanced Tapping Training at a discount and a full year of the the Ruach Center.

In addition to her work as a tapping practitioner, Rebecca Kane is a very talented graphic designer. You can see samples of her work and contact her at: KaneDesignConsulting.com

Pod #143: A Comprehensive Approach To Health /w Elham Kashefi

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Personally, I don't like the terms alternative medicine or complementary care.

The things we do either are working toward helping us to maintain and improve our health or they are not.

Elham Kashefi recently watched her dear friend Tara succumb to cancer. During the time she was receiving treatment it became very clear that the medical system taking care of her was incomplete.

The system was built only to respond to things after they had gone wrong and was only able to respond in a limited number of ways.

Based on this experience Elham founded the Tara Project with the goal of providing people with the information they need to recognize the things they can do to maintain and improve their health in daily life. It also aims to help people post-diagnosis by providing them with comprehensive information so that they can make informed choices about their health.


Elham Kashefi

Guest: Elham Kashefi

Contact: web @ IWantNaturalHealth.org.uk/; facebook @ The Tara Project; twitter @thetaraproject

About: Elham is the Director of Tara Project social enterprise, academic researcher, EFT practitioner, sound healer, and is passionate about health, healing and community.