Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

What If Results From EFT Are Nothing More Than The Placebo Effect?

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The old joke goes something like this:

Dave is complaining of headaches. After a full examination his doctor can find nothing wrong with him but Dave insists that his doctor prescribe him something. Wanting to get Dave out of his office the doctor prescribes him harmless and useless sugar pills. Dave leaves the doctor’s office happy that he has something for the pain.

A week later Dave calls his doctor to report that he has been pain free since taking the pills twice a day. The doctor says, “Dave, you need to understand that I didn't prescribe you anything other than sugar pills. The pills did nothing for your pain. It was a placebo.”

Dave listens for a moment and replies, “That's great doc! I have a really busy week ahead of me and I was hoping you would prescribe me another bottle of those placebos.”

I am asked all the time if I think that tapping isn't really doing anything and that the results that we get from tapping are just due to the placebo effect.

This is an interesting question, but I don't think it is the most important question.

For me the most important question when doing work is, “How is it working for you?” If it is a useful tool: Use it! If it isn’t useful, try something else.

I don’t understand how many of the things that I find useful in my life work. For example, I am typing these words on a small piece of plastic and circuitry. It’s not even connected by a cord to a power source but somehow my thoughts make it to wherever you are in the world. I can't explain how, but it works, and that is enough for me.

With that being said, it is important to pay attention to all the consequences of what we are doing. Eating ice cream works in that it makes me feel better in the moment, but if I used it habitually as a tool to deal with my emotions there would be less than desirable consequences.

I don't really understand what is happening when we tap. I have some ideas, but I can't say for sure.

With that being said, this is the calculation that I do: When I use tapping it is very beneficial in my life. Other than the occasional pimple because I didn't wash my hands before tapping, I can't see it causing any short or long term harm in my life, therefore I am going to continue to use it.

It works for me. I am always trying to learn more. I would love to know exactly what is going on because I am sure that would make me more effective as a tapper.

In the short term the fact that it works for me is enough.

I would love to hear your thoughts on EFT and the placebo effect in the comment box below.

Pod #120: Tapping For Social Anxiety w/ Sebastiaan van der Schrier

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Managing social anxiety can be difficult. It is not like the fear triggered by something like a snake we encounter in our path.

Social anxiety is insidious, sitting just below the surface, and impacting our every interaction in some way big or small. Not having one specific memory to start with can make tapping for it tricky.

I know this firsthand as this was the very issue that first brought me to tapping. I wish that I had known Sebastiaan van der Schrier when I started out on my own tapping journey.

Sebastiaan specializes in tapping for social anxiety. In this interview he walks us through his comprehensive 8-step process for working with social anxiety, which can also be applied to many other issues.


Sebastiaan van der Schrier

Guest: Sebastiaan van der Schrier

Contact: email @ address; web @ social-anxiety-solutions.com; youtube @ sebastiaandoc; tools @ Social Confidence System

About Sebastiaan: Sebastiaan is a social confidence coach who suffered from social anxiety disorder for nearly a decade. With persistence he eventually managed to become anxiety-free thanks to the power of EFT. Having experienced so much joy and connectedness after so much isolation and struggle, he decided to dedicate his life and make it his mission and exclusive focus to offer the best solutions to people dealing with social anxiety. As an EFT level III & Pro-EFT level III & Matrix Re-Imprinting & PSYCH-K & NLP Practitioner he has concentrated solely on working with people suffering from social anxiety disorder for over 4 years.

The 8-step framework to social confidence Sebastiaan introduces you to in the interview comes directly from his EFT-based “Social Confidence System”. This is an online DIY program where he guides you step-by-step via articles, EFT audio tap alongs, and subtitled videos from social anxiety to social confidence.

Roger Callahan Remembered

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Recently I was sitting on a flight that was about to take off and there was a small child crying a few rows behind me. I decided to try a little surrogate tapping for the poor little guy who was having a bad morning.

The person sitting next to me said, “Oh, you do that tapping thing too?”

When something like this happens I always ask lots of questions because I’m curious to how people find their way to tapping. In most cases it is a family member, friend, or health care provider who has introduced it to them.

Because tapping has now been around for a while many people know how to use it, but don't know much of its history.

Most people don't know that modern form of tapping as we know it came about because of the pioneering work of Roger Callahan, PhD.

Roger passed away on November 4th at the age of 88. Here is a beautiful tribute written by his family.

I was particularly touched by Gary Craig's reflection on Facebook:

Post by Gary Craig Eft and Emofree.com Founder.

I never met Roger, but was lucky enough to do an interview with his wife Joanne about Thought Field Therapy, which is the grandfather of the tapping most of us use.

I hope all of us are willing to be as bold as Roger was in sharing healing tools with the world.

The Main Reason EFT Doesn’t Work (And What You Can Do About It)

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Good Morning!

I don't know about you, but I love rollercoasters.

One of my favorite sounds in the world is the clicking sound of the car right as you are about to reach the top of a big hill on the track. Then there is a split second of silence that feels like an eternity. The next thing you are hurtling towards the earth at what feels like a million miles an hour.

As you read that last paragraph you were either thrilled or scared to death.

Fear (and our relationship with fear) is a funny thing.

I know I have a love/hate relationship with it. On a roller coaster I crave that feeling of fear in the silence at the top of the hill. While in my daily life there are few emotions that feel worse than fear.

When fear is experienced because of something we are encountering in our daily life it is crippling. Be it something like speaking in front of an audience or finding some unexpected creepy crawly thing under the bed, it shuts us down.

This week I was asked a question by someone who spent 20 minutes tapping for fear. After 20 minutes she had made no progress at all and was still just as fearful as when she started tapping.

I think the answer to why she didn't make progress can be found in that love/hate relationship. On one level we need fear to keep us aware of dangerous situation and on another level it can cripple us.

This week I have for you a straightforward but powerful way to tap before you tackle fear (or any issue for that matter) to make sure your tapping is successful.

Here is that simple step with a tapping script: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9306

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

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What To Tap On Before Tapping On The Issue (Which Will Make All The Difference) – There are times when we can do everything right with tapping and still get not make any progress. Here is a simple step that is often missed that can make all the difference in how successful your tapping session is.

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Not Everything That Feels Personal Is Personal (And How To Respond With EFT)

The Most Forgotten & Most Powerful EFT Point – Gamut Point w/ Karin Davidson

A Thousand Paper Cuts Would Be Better Than Tapping On These Issues – Issues To Be Tapped On Someday

Tap-Along Audio: When We Don't Feel Worthy Of Love

Video: Relax Your Body In 20 Seconds With The Rake

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My Ego Gets In The Way Of My Healing

It’s Not Your Fault – I Learned Everything I Needed To Know About Manifesting From Good Will Hunting

The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation

The Two (Surprisingly) Different Outcomes That Come From Tapping

What To Tap On Before Tapping On An Issue (Which Will Make All The Difference)

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photo by Robobobobo

In the discussion forum of a program I help out with an interesting question was posted this week.

The poster, “Debbie”, told the story of having to deal with a lizard in her house. Debbie is petrified of lizards. When she saw the lizard she started tapping and tapping and tapping. Twenty minutes later she was still suck in the fear.

She didn't feel one bit better and her question was, “Why did tapping fail?”

This is a really good question and a common experience. To understand what is going we need understand why the emotion showed up in the first place before looking at why EFT didn't work.

Fear Is Good!

I know it seems counterintuitive, but fear is a good thing. Fear keeps us safe and it keeps us out of trouble. Fear helps us to recognize the things that could harm us.

So the problem is NOT fear. The problem is when fear shows up in a disproportionate or misinformed way.

It is good that I fear lions, but if my fear keeps me from leaving my apartment in Brooklyn then it is disproportionate.

Debbie’s paralysis over a small, harmless lizard is an example of fear showing up in a misinformed way.

Our System Doesn't Want To Lose The Fear

At the most basic level our system “knows” that fear is a good thing because keeps us safe from danger. It assumes that if we are fearful of something it is for good reason and therefore it would be dangerous to release our fears and not respond to threat in the correct manner.

As in my example of being so fearful of lions that I don't leave my apartment in a big city, my system’s instinct of self-preservation fights against tapping for and releasing my fear in case I decide to head up to the Bronx Zoo and climb into the lion enclosure.

I know that sounds silly, but the system will not allow me to clear the fear of lions because it believes the only reason I am safe is because of this fear.

Clearing The Resistance To Change

I believe that this is what was happening when Debbie tapped for her fear of lizards. Her system clung on resolutely to the fear of lizards because it believed that clearing it would lead to certain danger.

When it comes to tapping for anything, not just fear, it is important that we tap for our resistance to change before we tap for the issue itself. If there is a resistance to change then the healing and transformation process will be slower and harder.

Here is how you can tap in a general way to clear resistance to change before you jump into tapping for a specific issue:

There is a reason that my system is holding on to this issue…My system is convinced that this is how it can keep me safe and healthy…My system believes that if I release this issue I will be in more pain…But I give my system permission to know that it is safe to heal this issue…I give my system permission to know that I am only trying to change the misinformed information it is working from…I trust my system and want it to work as well as it can…I want what is best for me…And I know my system wants what is best for me too…It is safe and healthy for me to heal this issue…And if my system is unhappy with the change I can return to the old way…I am tapping on this because I want what is best for me…And I know my system wants what is best for me too.

Starting in this way will set you up for success. If you are looking for another simple way to set up your tapping sessions for success I would encourage you to watch this short video: 5 Steps I Take To Start An EFT Session (That Only Take 45 Seconds)

If you are looking for a boatload of tools to help you each time you sit down to tap you should check out the Ruach Center. In addition to over 100 tap-along audios there are 25 tools to help you tackle those issues where you feel stuck.

[Note: You might be wondering why there is a photo of a cute bunny rabbit on an article about fear. I was going to put a photo of a lizard, but didn't want to trigger anyone who was afraid of lizards. I am guessing bunnies are a much safer bet.]

My Ego Gets In The Way Of My Healing

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If you spent any time on Facebook this week I'm sure you noticed a lot of people's profile pictures were of a giraffe.

This wasn’t because people love giraffes. It was because they had lost a bet. It went like this…on Sunday morning I saw this posted on a friend's Facebook wall:

Here is the riddle: 3 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors… it's your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread, and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Remember… message me only. If you get it right, I will post your name here. If you get it wrong, you have to change your profile picture to a giraffe for three days.

I read the post and immediately fired off my reply, “The front door of course.” I waited confidently knowing I was going to receive a congratulatory message back.

Three minutes later I was changing my profile picture to the photo you see above.

My Ego Got In The Way

This is an interesting bet. I would not have answered this bet with a guess. The only way I would have responded was if I knew I was right. The bet was designed to play on my over-confidence

I ran into trouble (not that it was real trouble) because I was convinced I was right when I was not.

I see the same thing all the time with my clients (and myself) when it comes to working on the right issue. We get caught up in what we “know” to be the root cause of our issue.

This isn't because we are egomaniacs who think we are right all the time, or because we are stupid. No, the reason is that we are often so close to our own issues that it can be really difficult to see things clearly. And in not seeing everything clearly we are convinced what we see is true.

When this happens we can end up wasting a lot of time tapping for the wrong issue!

How To Get Out Of Your Own Way

Here three things to help you to get out of your own way.

1) Work with a practitioner.
In addition to the expertise and experience a good practitioner brings, they have the advantage of not being inside your head. They have perspective on the issue that we don't have and can see things more objectively.

One of the advantages of working with a practitioner is that we don't even have to do all the work with the practitioner. My clients often gain new insight working with me and then take that new information to continue tapping on their own.

2) What if it is something else?
I really like asking the question, “What could be the root cause of this issue if what I thought was the root cause of the issue was proven to be wrong?”

I know that question doesn't look like much, but when we give ourselves permission to let go of what we think is right we are better able to explore other possible solutions.

3) Ask lots questions from many angles.
Sometimes when we are working on a issue we are looking at it the wrong way. For example, let's say you wanted to create a blog about a hobby you love. You are really excited to get started, but for some reason it never happens. You decided that the reason that you are not creating the blog is because you are worried people are going to judge the quality of your work.

That seems very logical. Not being a professional writer and then sharing your writing with world can be scary. You spend the next few weeks tapping for being seen, being judged, and being good enough.

After all this tapping you feel great, you feel confident…and still you don't do any writing.

The real problem turns out to be that you have no idea how to create a website and don't want to feel stupid trying something new.

The tapping that was done was helpful, but it wasn't for the issue that was holding you back.

Over in the Ruach Center I have list of 52 possible reasons that you are stuck in something. You can access the full list free of charge here: Finding Out Why You Are Stuck

When you have an issue you have been tapping for, but can't seem to knock it out, it might be time to find a new angle on the problem and this is a great tool to help you do just that.

.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With:

It’s Not Your Fault – I Learned Everything I Needed To Know About Manifesting From Good Will Hunting

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The most memorable moment from the 1997 movie “Good Will Hunting” is when Will (played by Matt Damon) is talking with Sean (played by Robin Williams) about his history of abuse. Will is sharing how his father beat him.

Six times Sean says to Will, “It's not your fault”.

Again and again.

“It's not your fault.”

Will slowly breaks down.

“It's not your fault.”

By the end he finally believes him.

It's Not Your Fault!

Over the years it is amazing the range of things that my clients have taken credit for in their lives. Everything from partners cheating to animals being hit by a car. I even had one client take credit for a flash flood that destroyed everything in her basement.

Please, don't get me wrong.

I am not saying that we are simply at the whims of the universe and that we are helpless victims of the fates, but I do think people often take too much responsibility for what is happening to them.

Personally, I think the problem comes from the way most people use the word ‘manifest’. Because it is possible to create new opportunities in our lives people take it to an extreme and think that everything in their life is a direct result of their thoughts and the choices that they have made.

Somewhere there is a line between what we have created in our lives and what is outside of our control. And to be honest, I am not smart enough to know where that line is.

I do know this: most of my clients err on the side of taking too much responsibility.

AND what is worse is that they beat themselves up for “manifesting” these bad things into their lives. I think this causes two problems. First, I believe it is harmful to blame ourselves for something that isn't our fault. Second, when we do this we often remain in an emotional state of blame and self-recrimination and so we don't take any new positive action.

There are so many times where I just want to say over and over again to my clients “It's not your fault.”

It's Not My Fault, So Now What?

Regardless what has happened leading up to this point and whose “fault” it is, what is much more important is how we choose to react.

The one thing we DO have control over is our reaction. The one thing that we can take responsibility for is what happens next. In order to do this we need to release the feeling of blame and shame for what we have created in our life.

When my clients are caught up in this blame/shame response the first thing I have them do is tap to something like this:

Right now there is something in my life that I don't like…I might have manifested it in my life…Or it might be something that has shown up because of things outside of my control…Someday it will be important for me to get to the root of how this happened…But right now the most important thing is how I respond…Right now the most important thing is that I take responsibility for my response…Right now the most important thing is the choice I am going to make next…Part of me wants to blame myself for this…Part of me want to punish myself for creating this…I choose to let that desire go for now…I choose instead to make the best possible choice as I move forward…I choose to take responsibility for my response…I choose to make the best possible choice to get out of this…I choose to make the best possible choice to move forward…I choose to take responsibility for what I do next…That is where I have the most control.

It's About Your Next Action

I want to be very clear. I do think it is important to understand why things happen in our lives. It is even more important to recognize the patterns that are showing up and to take responsibility for any unhealthy choices that we are making.

BUT, in the short term what is more important (at least in my mind) is the choices that we make next in response to what is happening in our lives. What we do next is more important than how we got here.

When you are stuck in the blame/shame cycle and things aren't going right, take a few moments to tap through the script above.

If you are looking for more tools and tap-alongs to help you make better choices in response to where you are come join us in the Ruach Center. Currently there are over 100 tap-along audios and more than 25 tools to help you tap in response to wherever you find yourself.

Filed Under: Q&A

What To Do When EFT Isn’t Producing Results

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Good morning!

When I sit down to write these newsletters I do it in a vacuum.

Most of the time I am sitting at the big table in the back of Black Brick coffee in Brooklyn. My starting point is always the hope that I will produce something helpful.

But I really don't know what will happen.

Will you like it? Will it be useful? Or did I miss the mark?

It's always fun when something I write really hits home for you.

Based on the comments and personal emails I received I am guessing I struck a chord with last week’s article on tapping for action, tapping for relief, and being stuck in the tolerable middle. (If you missed it you can find it here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9270.)

After recognizing that we need to do more than tap just to feel better the next step is to have a plan that will move us toward action.

The mistake that is most often made when tapping is we deal with root cause.

YES, you read that right. It is a mistake to deal only with the root cause of the issue. Often there is one more step that needs to be taken for transformation to take place.

Read about the step that needs to happen after clearing the emotional root cause: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9288

I would love to hear your thoughts on this missing step to the healing process.

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

PS: On Monday I shared a quick note on how you can support ovarian cancer research and receive 10 tap-along audios to help you take action. You can see the details here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9282

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The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation
Knowing what we want to change and clearing the root causes to an issue sometime aren't enough. Often times there is a third that needs to be made for lasting change. In this article we look at what that third step is.

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EFT Inner RePatterning w/ Tania A. Prince

Cravings, Savoring Food, and 3 Steps To Approach Every Problem

Why I Hate Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

Tap-Along Audio: The Things That Drive You Crazy Are Your Greatest Teachers. Finding Calmness Within The Storm.

Video: Tapping Before Eating

The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation

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I was talking to one of my long term clients “Jesse” this week. She said, “Intellectually I get this, but I still can't seem to make the change.”

What Jesse is experiencing is very common. The reason that most of us find our way to tapping is because understanding something intellectually often isn't enough for us to change our behavior.

In thinking about the process that most of my clients have gone through (and what I have experienced in my personal work) I have realized there are 3 basic steps to making a lasting change in our lives.

Intellectual/Cognitive Understanding

This happens all the time. This is when we know exactly what change we want to make and why we haven't been making the right choices in the past. For example we know intellectually that:

  • It doesn't need to be perfect. It only needs to be good enough.
  • It doesn't matter what my parents think about me looking for a new job.
  • If I commit to just 30 minutes of exercise three times a week I’ll see an improvement in my fitness.
  • Worrying continually about things I cannot change helps nobody.

Emotional Understanding

Just because we understand something intellectually doesn't mean that we will make new choices. Every single one of my clients who is a perfectionist knows they are a perfectionist, knows that it doesn't serve them to be a perfectionist, and wants to change this about themselves.

Most of them can feel themselves being too much of a perfectionist even as they are acting on their perfectionistic tendency. They can be saying out loud, “I don't need to do this perfectly” yet are still unable to stop themselves.

This is because on an emotional level there is a part that still believes it is dangerous to not be perfect.

Until there is an emotional understanding of the intellectual insight lasting change can’t take place.

Habitual Change

This is the type of change that is most often missed and the thing that causes tappers the most frustration about the process.

It goes something like this: We have an emotional belief that we need to have everything just perfect, so every night before we go to bed we spend 45 minutes cleaning the house. We tap for the sense of perfectionism, aiming to get to a place where we know that the house doesn't have to be perfectly clean every day…and we still spend 45 minutes cleaning before we can get to bed.

What Happened?

What has happened is part of our end of day routine is to clean for 45 minutes. It is no different than the habit of brushing our teeth before bed. It has become part of our muscle memory and so we do it even though the emotional motivation is gone.

This doesn't just apply to our action. We also create habitual emotions and self-talk. For example, I might have the habit of asking “What did I do wrong?” every time something goes wrong even if I had nothing to do with it. I can tap to recognize that it is not always my fault, but questioning my responsibility can be a habit.

Conclusion

To make long term lasting change we need to change three things: our understanding, our emotional response, and our habitual response.

If you are looking for help with doing this the Ruach Center has tools, tapping scripts, and tapping audios to help with you with all three steps. If you don't know how to do one of these steps for something you are trying to change in your life you should check it out.

10 Free Tap-Along Audios To Help You Take Action (+ 10 More)

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Good morning (and Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends)!

My friend Jasmin is in the process of raising money for ovarian cancer research and is willing to wear old silly dresses to do it!

As of the writing of this note she is only 35% of the way to her goal and we need to fix that.

If you donate as little as $10 to the cause (and you can give more) I will send you 10 tap-along audios that will help you to take action towards your goals. These are not available on any of my websites or elsewhere. AND if she reaches her goal by the end of the month I will send you 10 more.

It is this simple:

1) Go to this link and make a donation
https://frocktober.everydayhero.com/au/wonderwebby

2) Forward me (gene@tappingqanda.com) a copy of the email receipt and I will send you the audios.

I hope you will consider helping out. We can do this!

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

Sometimes Tapping Is No More Helpful Than Eating Ice Cream

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photo by Giuliano Maiolini

Good afternoon!

The other night wasn't my proudest moment.

I have been a little out of sorts and wasn't feeling my best.

I had ridden my skateboard (yes, I ride a skateboard) down to the 5th Street pier on the East River to do my evening prayers while looking over at Manhattan. Normally this is a great way to end the day. I am outside enjoying the fresh air blowing off the river, the beautiful view, and time to spend in thought and prayer.

Maybe it was because I have been working so much this week. Maybe it was because I hadn't made time to work out because I had so much work to do. Or maybe it was just one of those blah days.

I don't know why I was that way, but I did know what I needed to do.

I decided I needed ice cream.

So I walked to the grocery store and stared at the ice cream. For ten solid minutes I stared at ice cream. Part of me absolutely knew it was a bad choice and part of me just wanted ice cream. I can't imagine what I looked like just staring into the freezer?!

Bought the ice cream. (Dulce de leche if you must know.)

Walked home.

Ate two bowls.

Felt better.

And woke up at 3am feeling bad.

I know why I did it…I just wanted to feel better in the moment and my system knew on some level that a cheap ice cream fix would do the trick (in the short term).

I should have tapped, but I didn't.

The interesting thing is even though tapping right then would have been a better choice (and not eating crap food and getting a better night's sleep) I'm not sure it would have resulted in a long term change.

This week I want to share with you something I have been thinking a lot about lately.

The idea is this: There are times when I tap that it makes me feel better in the moment, but it doesn't result into any long term change. It is good that I feel better in the moment, but it is also easy to fall right back into the bad habit or bad feeling I was tapping for.

In the short term the tapping is much better than eating ice-cream. In the long term it really doesn't make much of a difference (much like eating ice-cream doesn't make a long term difference) because I am still falling back into my old ways.

You can read my thoughts here on how we can feel better in the short term and make a long term difference: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9270

I would love to hear your thoughts on tapping to feel better, tapping for action, and getting caught somewhere in the tolerable middle.

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

NEW & FEATURED ARTICLES
The Two (Surprisingly )Different  Outcomes That Come From Tapping – We can tap to feel better and we can tap to take action. Both have their place. Are you tapping in the right way for the goals you have?

BEST OF TAPPING Q & A
Fear, Anxiety, Safety, and Freedom w/ Rick Wilkes

Using NLP Logical Levels When Tapping w/ Wil Horton

Why Didn't Surrogate EFT Stop The Cancer?

Tap-Along Audio: Dealing With Shame And Blame For Past Choices

Video: Knock Out The Last Little Bit w/ The Collarbone Eye-Roll

Pod #119: EFT For Long Term Change Not Just Short Term Relief

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EFT does a great job of helping us to feel better in the moment. In a very short time we can go from being emotionally overwhelmed to calm. But we know there is much more that can be achieved with tapping. Not only is it helpful for short-term relief but it can also help create long-term change.

I had an interesting conversation with a client this week. “Jackie” was relaying the fact we had tapped for an issue a few weeks earlier, a major shift had happened when we tapped, and it was still hard to make new choices in the moment when the issue came up.

In today's podcast I address why Jackie experienced what she did and some simple things you can do with your tapping to make sure you experience not just short-term relief but long-term change.

Here is the podcast I reference in this recording. Pod #91: Using The Gamut Point To Make Long Lasting Change

What Do You Mean I Don’t Want To Get Rid Of The Emotion?

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Yesterday morning I posted this on the Tapping Q & A facebook page:

Post by Tapping Q & A.

The first comment I received in response to the post was:

Isn't it really anger elimination when you tap? It does far more than manage, don't you agree?

That is a great question. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and so that would lead us to believe we are trying to be free of our emotions. But in fact, that is not our goal.

Here is my response:

No, it is not anger elimination because anger is helpful emotion. Anger shows up when we feel like we are being attacked. The guys I worked with in jail sometimes need the energy of anger to stay alive when they are in physical danger.

The problem is not anger. The problem is when the anger is disproportionately strong or shows up at a time when anger isn't the appropriate response.

It is OK to be angry when someone cuts us off while driving. The anger helps us to focus and avoid an accident. If we then pull over and cry for 45 minutes or follow the person who cut us off home so we can confront them, then the anger is too much.

No emotion is bad or should be eliminated. We want the emotions to show up at the right time and in the right proportion.

When we tap the goal is never the elimination of emotions. It is to help the emotions to show-up in proportionate and informed ways.

If you haven't done it yet, connect with Tapping Q & A on facebook.

Tapping Q & A | 

Pod #118: Using EFT To Stop Acting Like A Doormat

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photo by Jim Ellwanger

I recently had a great conversation with one of my clients. She started the call by saying, “I have some great news! I am no longer a doormat. I am asking for what I need. I am only helping others in a way that is healthy for me. Most importantly I am able to say ‘no' to others when I want to!”

After sharing this story in my newsletter many people wrote to me asking how they could achieve the same change in their own lives.

There are three main areas we can tap for when it comes to uprooting a doormat disposition. In order to enjoy the lasting effects of this transformation I would recommend regular if not daily tapping on these issues.

I encourage you to listen to the audio at the end of this post for examples of tapping for these three areas.

Take out a piece of paper and answer the questions below. The answer to each question will provide you with at least one tappable issue. Spending a little time tapping for one of these daily WILL lead to a powerful change.

Know That You Are Allowed To Say “No”

The easiest way to tell if you are acting like a doormat in your life is if you are never saying “no”. I am not implying that you should turn down every request you receive, but if you are never saying no then there is a problem.

I want you to think about times when you want to say ‘no' but you don't:

  • Who are the people you have the most trouble saying no to?
  • What would go wrong if you said no?
  • What negative thoughts would they think of you if you said no?
  • What negative things does it say about you when you say no?

Know That You Are Worthy Of Having Your Needs Met

One the reasons that we are a doormat to others is because on some level we believe that our needs are less important than theirs. Sometimes we don't even think our needs are worthy of notice at all.

  • What would go wrong if people knew what your true needs and desires are?
  • What could go wrong if you asked for your needs to be met?
  • Why are other people’s needs more important than yours?
  • In what area of your life do you feel like you have too much?
  • What emotion come up when you said out loud, “I am worthy of having my needs met”?

Being OK With Being Selfish

One of the biggest reasons we don't stand up for ourselves and our needs is because we’re worried that other people will perceive us as being selfish. I hear it all the time from clients, “I don't want to make it all about me.”

It’s great that we are concerned about the needs of others and that we don't want to make it all about ourselves. BUT chances are if we don't know how to take care of ourselves then we won’t be good at caring for others either.

  • What negative feelings do you experience when you do something for yourself?
  • How do you think others see you when you do something for yourself?
  • What would go wrong if you took time to care for yourself?
  • Who is being hurt and in what way because you aren't taking time to care for yourself for fear of feeling selfish?

Tapping Examples

Listen to this audio for some examples of how you can tap for answers to the questions above.

Note: Are you looking for more ways to change the way you stand in your personal power? Are you ready to stop acting like a doormat and start making “pro you” choices every day? Join us over at the Ruach Center for straightforward, practical tools to help you create the life you deserve.

Transforming from a doormat to being able to stand in your own power won’t happen overnight or after just one tapping session, but tapping a little every day will change how you see yourself. The Rauch Center has the tools to guide you through this process daily.

You Don’t Need One Minute Miracles, You Just Need To Do A Little Every Day (And Here Is One Way To Start)

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photo by Matthew

I have written before on how I think the way we talk about one minute miracles is bad for the EFT community. One minute miracles aren't bad, but I think they create a very unrealistic approach.

Just because we don't have one minute miracles with all of our tapping doesn't mean that it we need to do a huge amount in order to see change. Often it takes a little work every day.

One of the neatest examples of this that I have seen recently was in a link that Jen Dziura shared about a woman who taught herself to dance in just one year.

Here is the video proof:

It is amazing what doing a little work each day will do!

What To Do With Each Day?

Just because you decide to tap every day doesn't mean that you know what to do or say when tapping. If you don't know what you want to tap on try this:

I know that I need to do a little tapping each day…But right now I don't know what to tap for…And I don't know what words to say when I am tapping…The most important thing is the fact that I am taking the time right now to tap…By doing this I am getting the juices flowing and I am setting myself up to make progress…Even if nothing in particular comes to mind…The fact I am taking these few moments to tap will bring me peace…Bring me calm…Making it easier for me to make better choices for today.

If you tap in this way one of two things will happen. Either an issue that you need to tap on daily will come to mind OR you will still have blank mind but will feel great and ready to take on your day in a positive, calm way.

Either way it is a win!

Pod #117: Simple Energy Technique w/ Steve Wells

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One of the things I love most about tapping is its flexibility. Not only can it be used on a wide range of issues, but it can be used in a numerous ways.

Steve Wells and his colleague David Lake have spent years playing around with the basic EFT recipe. They asked what worked, what didn't work, and how it could be improved. In the end they created something they call Simple Energy Technique (SET) which is a user friendly collection of the best of the best techniques.

In this interview Steve talks about the ways in which SET is similar to and different from EFT. SET is so simple and straightforward that you will be able to add the parts you find useful to your tapping right away.

Guest: Steve Wells

Contact: web @ EFTDownunder.com

About Steve: Steve Wells is an international leadership coach and peak performance consultant based in Perth, Western Australia. He helps people to overcome the hidden blocks to achieving their goals and getting what they really want from life.

Steve was one of the first to apply tapping to performance enhancement work with elite athletes and to take tapping to the corporate environment. He regularly teaches and consults worldwide with elite sport and business achievers to improve their performance and enhance the performance of their teams.

Steve is co-creator (with Dr David Lake) of the user-friendly tapping approach Simple Energy Techniques (SET) and the unique advanced Energy-based approach Provocative Energy Techniques (PET). He has helped thousands of people through his worldwide personal development and professional training workshops.

Steve is on the faculty of the Curtin University Centre for Entrepreneurship, where he presents to business owners and senior leaders on peak performance and resilience. He is also on the faculty of the Emotional Intelligence Institute. He is co-author of 4 books, including Enjoy Emotional Freedom.

Steve's programs and presentations are always inspiring, engaging and filled with powerful practical strategies you can use immediately to get better results – with less stress. More information on Steve and his programs can be found at eftdownunder.com and stevewells.com.au.

The First Question I Ask When I Can’t Get To The Root Of My Self-Sabotage

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photo by Nina Matthews

Sometimes we can be in two minds when it comes to change.

There is one part of us that wants the change because it knows our life will be better because of it and then there is another part that wants things to stay the same.

My move to Brooklyn is a perfect example. The move has been an exciting adventure that I have been wanting to make for a really long time AND Baltimore was my home for ten years and I left behind many people I love.

When we are of two minds about a goal it can slow us down or even stop us from taking action toward our goals.

(If I am really honest I know that I made the move to New York a year later than I should have because I consistently failed to take the action I needed take to make the move.)

There are times when it is obvious why we are in two minds. We feel almost like we have a cartoon devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, each pulling us in a different direction.

And then there are times when this pull isn't as obvious. We aren't taking action towards achieving our goal but we don't exactly know why.

When my clients can see the action they need to take but simply aren't taking it I like to ask them the question: “What would you have to give up to achieve this goal?”

The answers given to this question are fascinating. They range from the pragmatic, “I will have to give up some of my free time”, to the philosophical, “I will give up my image as a hard worker because my colleagues will see me as lazy if I start taking more time to rest and take care of myself.”

The next time you are stuck and can't figure out why you aren't taking the action you need just ask yourself the question, “What would I have to give up in order to do this successfully?”

Your answers will provide you with some great and possibly surprising information to tap on!

[Are you tired of feeling like you have no power over your own choices and that you keep sabotaging yourself as you try to move toward your goals? Over at the Ruach Center I have 49 reasons just like having to give up something to achieve your goal. There are tools to help you find the root cause of your self-sabotage and tools to knock those root causes out so that you can start taking the action you need.]

What To Do When It Feels Like EFT Has Lost Its Power

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Good Morning!

Most tappers go through the same process. They are introduced to tapping, they love tapping, tapping is really helpful…and then they hit a wall.

It feels like tapping isn't as effective as it once was. After a tapping session they might feel a little better, but major changes don't seem to be showing up like they once did.

I think that there is a very logical reason for this.

When we first start tapping most of the issues we work on are the easy ones. Because they are on the surface we have direct access to them AND we can see the immediate impact of clearing them out.

As time passes we find our way to issues with much deeper roots and our work isn't as quick and it isn't as easy.

Today I have two tools for you to use when you come up against this type of wall.

First, I have an approach for those issues where you can't seem to find a root cause.

(Sidenote: Did you know that looking for a root cause can actually slow the healing process in some cases? I know, crazy!)

Here is a simple way to move foward when you can't find the root cause: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9176

Second, often times it is hard to clear an issue when it is part of our identity. We start making statements like “The men in my family have always…” or “You know how Italians are…”

When we have been handed down beliefs from our family, heritage, and upbringing it can be difficult to let them go.

EFT Master Jaqui Crooks explains how we identify these generational beliefs AND how we can gently clear them out.

You can listen to the interview here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9183

I know there is an issue that you have been afraid to go after or you have tried to address in the past but haven't seen the progress you would like. Here is the perfect opportunity to make some headway with those issues.

Take a few moments and do it now.

You will feel better for it!

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

Gene

PS: August 4th was the 6th anniversary of the creation of TappingQandA.com. The site has enriched my life in so many ways. It has challenged me to grow, heal, and be honest with my own issues. It has also connected me with many amazing people from all over the world who have become close friends. I hope you find the website and its many resources helpful in your daily life. It is wonderful and humbling to think that you take time to read and listen to my words. Thanks for your care and support!

* * *

EFT for Generational Work w/ Jaqui Crooks – We pick up many of our beliefs and worldview from our family of origin. As we grow up and grow into our own person many of these beliefs no longer serve us and in many cases hold us back. In the interview with EFT Master Jaqui Crooks we talk about how we can identify the old beliefs that are holding us back, how to let them go, and how to provide healing for our whole generational line.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn't There? – We know that the fastest way to get relief with tapping is to knock out the root cause, but the root cause isn't always obvious. Sometimes we stop the healing process because we are so fixated on finding the root cause. Here is what to do when you can't find the root cause.

* * *

Being Addicted to Our Emotions w/ Stacey Vornbrock

I Don't Want To Fix, But I Do Want To Transform

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?

Tap-Along Audio – Feeling Bad Because We Started Tapping So Late

Video – 3 Steps To Use EFT For Hurtful Words

Pod #116: EFT for Generational Work w/ Jacqui Crooks

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A huge piece of who we are is where we came from. Our personality and our beliefs are shaped from a very early age by the people around us and the stories they told.

We describe ourselves by our family name, our heritage, where we grew up, and our nationality. This type of connection to our past is important and healthy, but there are times when it becomes a problem.

It becomes easy to use these descriptions of who we are as a way of limiting ourselves unnecessarily, for example:

  • The men in my family were never good at sharing their emotions
  • You know how hot tempered we Irish are
  • The women in my family always have had trouble with love

In this interview with EFT Master Jacqui Crooks we talk about the conscious and subconscious ways in which we adopt these beliefs as our own, how debilitating they can be, and what we can do to release them in a healthy way without damaging our connection with the people we love.


Jacqui Crooks

Guest: Jacqui Crooks

Contact Jacqui: web @ JacquiCrooks.com

About Jacqui: Jacqui is one of the pioneers in using Energy Psychology, finding EFT IN 1999. Her life's not been the same since! She is an International speaker and trainer and an EFT Founding Master. She specializes in helping people to change limiting beliefs and old family and ancestral patterns that create self sabotage and keep people stuck. Her background is in Ericksonian hypnotherapy and NLP and through the development of unique ways of combining EFT with hypnotic language and NLP, Jaqui is able to help effect deep level changes quickly and easily without trauma. She runs retreats in interesting places and trains EFT, worldwide. She presents at conferences and is one of the authors of EFT and Beyond.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn’t There?

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photo by Alberto G.

One of my favorite parts of working with clients is watching them work through the process of learning that they can have better, that it can happen sooner rather than later, and that they can make conscious choices every day to move towards that better life.

Over time my clients go from needing help from me to doing lots of work on their own between sessions.

As this happens they gain skill at finding the root causes of the symptoms they are experiencing in their daily lives.

Finding root causes to our issues is an important skill to develop. When we are able to knock out the root causes not only are we dealing with the symptom that we are experiencing right now, but we are also clearing the issue so that it doesn't come back again.

But there are times when looking for the root cause will actually hold up the healing process and lead to self-sabotage. What happens is that we get so focused on finding the root cause we can’t see the wood for the trees!

Sometimes there just isn't a root cause or we don't have the right tool to find it. If we continue to focus only on looking for the root cause we will become frustrated by our lack of progress and might even feel worse emotionally as a result.

When this happens I like to tap on the idea that I don't need to find the root cause in order to heal. The tapping goes something like this:

There is a part of me that knows there is often a root cause to my issues…And I know that if I am able to find the root cause it will help me to heal faster…There is a part of me that really wants to find that root cause…And because I want to find the root cause so badly…I might be pressing too hard…But when I press too hard I sometimes miss what I am looking for…I give myself permission to know that it is possible to heal this without knowing the root cause…I can find relief even if I never know why this is the way it is…I can be free of this just by tuning into the symptoms that are there…I am also willing to accept that sometimes there isn't just one reason why…Sometimes there are issues that have lots of small aspects that have added up to create the whole…And there is no way that I will ever know…And that is OK…I don't have to know to heal…I can heal without knowing…As nice as it would be to know the root cause…Relief is more important…And I can have lasting relief without ever knowing the root cause.

After tapping like this we will have one of two results.

1) We will feel relaxed about not knowing the root cause. This will improve our mood and help the process. We will feel better when we can let go of the worry about doing it right or getting it solved right now.

2) We will find the information we are looking for. It is an odd thing, but there have been countless times when I have been tapping where I will say something like, “I am OK not knowing the answer right now,” and in the very next moment the information that I am looking for comes right to mind.

Either way it is a win. You will either feel better and at peace or you will have the information you need.

The next time you can't find the root cause you can relax. Tap for the idea that you don't need to identify the root cause and you will open yourself up to new avenues for healing.

If you would like to expand the number of creative ways you know to uncover root causes please check out the Ruach Center. Some of the best tools I know can be found there.