Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #11: Tapping for Romantic Relationships w/ Gina Parris

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As humans one of the places we have the opportunity to find joy and discover who we are is through our intimate relationships. Because of this we have a tendency to over-think, over- analyze, and over-function as we seek out these relationships. In the pod I talk to Gina Parris about how we can use tapping to find and develop thriving romantic relationships.


Gina Parris

Guest: Gina Parris

Contact Info: BuiltToWnCoaching.com

About Gina: Gina Parris is an internationally sought-after peak performance speaker and coach who has spent twenty years helping people overcome their obstacles to reach their full potential – joyfully. Her clients range from professional athletes to solo-preneurs. She is passionate about helping people balance all the areas of their lives so that their relationships thrive amid great personal and professional growth.

Music used in this podcast from stefsax and panu moon

When Reward Systems Go Bad: Food As A Reward

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photo by Infidelic

We are all familiar with reward systems (even if we don’t use that name). “If you clean your room you can watch TV.” “I will read one more chapter and then take a walk.” “Once I pay the bills I will go get a smoothie.”

Reward systems are very effective as a motivator to get a task done, but they can also become problematic unless they are carefully created and used. Sometimes they can be created and we don’t even realize it is happening.

Here is an example of how a reward system had become transformed. Although at one time it was beneficial, it had become a problem.

My client “Linda” was trying to change her diet. For some reason she was craving and eating sweets and carbohydrates, even when she was not hungry. Normally when I encounter cravings and mindless eating it’s because the food is being used to fill an emotional hole of some sort. Even though that was my assumption I knew we needed to check in with her system to see if this was the case.

After doing a few minutes of investigation using a guided imagery technique and a parts technique it became very clear that the food was being used as a reward system. Every time she did something good she got to eat something that was sweet.

But this is not how things were playing out.

She was having these cravings in the evening when she was watching TV. These cravings weren’t coming after she had done something that deserved a reward.

With a little more investigation it became clear that the evening was her lowest emotional point of the day. This was her least busy time, and therefore she was free to let her thoughts wander to all the limiting beliefs she had about herself as well as to her worries about her life.

This is when the reward system kicked in, but it did it in reverse. It started to work like this:

  • When I do something that is good it means I have value as a person
  • I get a treat when I have done something good
  • The more treats I get the more good I must be doing
  • The more good I am doing the more value I have
  • If I am eating lots of treats it must mean that I am really good and have lots of value
  • I am feeling bad about myself so I am going to have a treat because the only reason I would get a treat is because I have value

This is a really subtle shift. All of a sudden treats go from being a reward to becoming a way to feel better.

Through another technique we are able to take the reward system and transform it into a more useful resource.

Lessons form this session:
1) Your expectations can be wrong
Because of my past experience I had a strong belief why a particular action/belief was happening. I was wrong. Just because we believe we know the cause and effect doesn’t mean we do. Even when you are certain you know why a belief exists, ask the system for information. We think we know, but the body truly does know.

2) The issues and beliefs that are hindering us exist because in some way we think they are helping us.
This is a perfect example of this fact. The reward system created to remind Linda she was doing good, may have improved her self-worth, but eating enough junk to keep her self-worth high made her feel worse because of her poor eating choices. Trying to understand why it was being helpful, we came to understand the issue and transform it. If we had approached it from the point of view of, “It’s bad. It must be eliminated”, we never would have understood why it existed, making the fast transformation an impossibility.

3) Resource that were once helpful might not be helpful today
Our point of view changes, our lives change, and our circumstances change. For this reason we need to revisit why we act the way we do to see if it’s still serving us.

Being able to say “No.”

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Sometimes the hardest word to say is “no”. We want to be helpful. We want to give. We don’t want to be seen as selfish. We want to be asked again in the future. There are so many reasons to say “yes”. But there are also many good reasons to say “no”.

We have too much on our plate. We need to spend some time on ourselves. We are being asked to do something we can’t do. We are being asked to do something we just don’t want to do.

We need to be ok with saying “no” so we can say “yes” when the time is right. If you have a hard time saying no, here is a tapping patter that will help. If you have real trouble saying no, you might want to revisit this patter from time to time.

I have a very hard time saying “no”…I want to be helpful…I want the people in my life to know I care…I want to not be selfish…because I have so much…I want others to know that I have something to offer…I want to be there for others…I want to be asked again and I feel if I say “no” now I won’t be asked again…

I am allowed to say “no”…I can say “no” because I can’t do something… I can say “no” because I don’t want to do something… I can say “no” for no other reason than it is my choice…the only way I am going to be healthy is if I take care of myself…the only way I can take care of myself is by not always taking care of everyone else…by taking care of myself I can better care for important others in my life…I can say “no” even if people are thinking I am being selfish by saying “no”…it is much more important for me to take care of myself than it is to worry about what others think about me…when I say “no” I am also saying “yes” to many other possibilities and opportunities…therefore “no” is not a negative…it is a choice to allow the other…I give myself permission to make the choices that are best for me…”yes” or “no”…I give myself a chance to make the choices that are going to allow me to flourish and grow…I must take care of myself before I can take care of others…this doesn’t mean I ignore other’s needs…but I must also consider my needs when making choices…that is what is best for me…that is what is best for others…

I give myself permission to be easy with myself for all the times that I have said “yes” when I should have said “no”…there are times I have made my life harder because I’ve said “yes” when I should have said “no”…I‘ve said “yes” to things I could not do…I have said “yes” to things I shouldn’t have…I have made my life harder…I forgive myself for the times I should have said “no” but didn’t…it is ok that I have done this in the past…I choose to know I’ve learned from these moments…I choose to know I can make better choices in the future…I can change this pattern…and I will change this pattern…I will start by saying “no” to holding on to this regret…

I also let go the resentment I hold towards others who have taken advantage of my always saying “yes”…I am taking responsibility for my response….just because someone has asked doesn’t mean that I have to say “yes”…I take responsibility for the times I have said “yes” even when I didn’t want to…by taking responsibility for the times I have said “yes”, I am giving myself permission to take responsibilities for my choices in the future…by taking responsibility for my past…I get to have control over my future…I therefore let go of blame to others whom I have said “yes” to…I am now in control…I can and will make the choice that is right for me…be it “yes” or “no”.

Pod #10: Healing The Wounds of Abortion w/ Dene Ballantine

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Dene Ballantine

There are few wounds that run deeper than being part of a decision about abortion. In this pod I talk with Dene Ballantine about how it is possible to heal this type of wound. Dene offers expertise from her own story and her practice. There are many pearls of wisdom in this interview for anyone who is trying to heal.

Guest: Dene Ballantine

Contact Info: DeneBallantine.com/, 512-775-3363

About Dene: Dene works with clients using the tools of EFT and NLP. She is a speaker, an author, and a radio host.

Music used in this podcast from stefsax and panu moon

Pod #9: Turn your issues into your allies

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Every issue we have exists because it is functional on some level (example: fears are trying to protect us). The problem is these tend to create problems in our daily lives, due to misinformation or protection from something beneficial (example: irrational fear of water). This can slow the healing process because we are “at war” with ourselves. The healing process can be transformed when we first approach these issues with gratitude for their functional uses. By doing this we can work with these beliefs instead of fighting them, as we work to health and well being.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Host of Class EFT: ELEANORE DUYNDAM
Contact Info: web @ tap4freedom.com
About Class EFT: Get your questions answered about how to use EFT to help yourself and others. Each week we feature a different EFT Topic and have interviews with guest EFT experts. You can call the live show and get personal assistance using EFT. Listen in to find out how to win a FREE EFT SESSION, given away once a month. EFT is a unique energy balancing technique that helps alleviate emotional and physical problems by using key phrases while tapping on the body’s acupuncture meridians. EFT has been proven successful in thousands of clinical cases and it applies to just about every emotional, health and performance issue you can name; it often works where nothing else will. Tens of thousands of people worldwide are now using EFT.

Tapping For Learning and Trying New Things (part 2)

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Can I use meridian tapping (EvEFT) to help me learning new things?

photo by Steven S.

In part 1 of the series (“Attitude About Learning“) we looked at the way our beliefs (conscious and subconscious) can prevent us from learning something new, with all our energy. In this part we will look at how to use tapping in the process of learning or studying something new.

Process of Learning
Here I’ve found tapping useful in three parts of the learning process: before, during, and after.

Before
We live in a time of multi-tasking. Study after study has shown that multi-tasking is not a good way to work or learn because we spend too much time and energy shifting from one activity to another and another. We are going to study at our best if we are completely focused on that task.

To get ready for a study session I will

  • Clear my mind to be focused and relaxed
  • Remove any worry I have about the topic I am studying
  • Be open to knowing I will able to learn in this time

It only takes a minute or two and looks something like this:

I am going to spend the next 45 minutes working on [learning more Spanish]…I am happy to have this time to commit to learning and expanding myself…today has been a hectic day…I have a lot of things on my mind…I can deal with all of these things later…for the next 45 minutes I am going to be present to the task at hand…I let go of any of the worries I have about the other things going on in my life…I will get back to them after I study…It is now time to be present to the task at hand

I might be worried about my ability to learn this stuff…this might be outside my comfort zone…but that is what learning is about…stretching myself…I have learned lots of things in the past…and I am going to learn this…even if it takes longer than I like…I am going to do this…humans are made to learn new things…humans are made to adapt…I can and will learn during this time

Any blocks that I have to learning…I let them go…I know my mind is fertile…I make my mind open for the next 45 minutes to be a sponge…my intention is not just to understand…but to make this new information part of me…it is such a blessing to be able to learn in this way…at this time.

During
Tapping can also be a very powerful tool when it comes to learning something that is difficult. When I’m trying to learn something new (be it a concept, a definition, vocabulary, or even a phone number) I will say what I am trying to learn and remember out loud a few times while tapping form point to point.

After
After I have finished a study session I will spend a few more minutes tapping. I do this mostly from the point of view of gratitude. I believe we will return to anything we are grateful for.

My post study tapping looks like this:

I am so happy that I had this time to commit to learning something new…I learned more in this time than I think…there are concepts and ideas that have become part of me in ways I can't imagine…the simple fact I have time to learn something is a blessing…as the rest of the day unfolds and through my sleep tonight I know this information is going to be integrated more fully…any blocks I have to making this information a part of me I let go right now…I look forward to the next chance I get to study this material…because I will surprise myself with how much I have remembered.

Conclusion
There are two basic ways we can use tapping to help us learn more. We can use it to clear any of the stumbling blocks we have to learning something new, and we can use it to be fully present during our study session..

Tapping For Learning and Trying New Things (part 1) – AKA Finding the reason we don’t do the things that will improve our lives

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Can I use meridian tapping (EvEFT) to help me learning new things? [Note: In this part of the series I use tapping to learn something new as to show how we can find the reasons we talk ourselves out of making the choices and taking the action that will move us forward.]

photo by m00by

Tapping is a great tool for learning new things and can be helpful in two regards. The first is our attitude about learning new thing and the second is the process of learning new things.

Attitude About Learning
On the surface it might see a little odd to consider our attitude towards learning. It makes sense that we might not be skilled in a certain area, making learning something harder for us than it is for others. It would seem that if we want to learn something new our attitude would be in the right place. But this isn't always the case.

No matter how much we want to make a change in our lives it is very important to consider the consequences of the change. Every change we attempt is going to have a ripple effect in other parts of our life. If part of us believes that these ripples are going to have negative consequences them we are going to talk ourselves out of making the choices we need to make to achieve our goal.

A very simple example of this is the fear of failure preventing us from stepping out. When we have a part of us that is very scared that we might fail — and believes failure to be painful — it is going to work very hard to come up with excuses not to spend time working on the new skill. (“I can do it later.” “I need to do the dishes first.” “I don't study well at night. I can wait until morning.”)

In this case, fears of the pain of failure is going to prevent us from trying, even if we know the new choice is something we really want. If we are able to name the beliefs that are going to prevent us from moving forward and clean them out then we are going to be much more likely to make the changes we want.

As we look at doing something new, like learning, I am going to speak of these in terms of cost because with everything we do we are spending a number of resources. Not only do we sometimes spend our money to make a change we are also spending our time, our emotions, and our energy.

Just because something is a cost doesn't mean it is bad. I am very happy to pay with my emotions, my time, and my money for things that bring me joy and improve my life. But understanding that there is a cost involved in making changes helps us more clearly understand where we might resist making this change.

In each of the areas I am providing a series of questions you can ask to help you unearth the tappable issues. These are by no means comprehensive but will provide a good start.

The Cost of Failure
The reason I used this example above is because it is the most obvious source of worry that can prevent us from trying to learn something new. No one likes to feel like a failure. It is no fun to invest our time, resources, and emotions in to something only to have it fail. Not only do we feel like was have wasted these resources we don't like having it pointed out that we are no good at something.

Ask yourself:

  • What happens if I try this and fail? How will I feel?
  • How have I felt about failure in the past?
  • What are other people going to think if I say I am going to do this and then don't follow through?
  • How will I feel if I only accomplish half my goal?

Failure is a fact of life (at least for me). I am not going to get everything right the first time. The more we can do to equip ourselves to deal with these failure the easier it is going to be for us to try something new.

Many times the fear of failure feels so much bigger than actual consequences of failing itself. There are times were I have been able to tap on the idea of “It is possible I might fail at this, but it won't be the end of the world. The upside to trying is so much bigger than giving it a go and failing.”

The Cost of Time and Other Resources
Almost every change in our life takes more than simply changing our mind. If we are going to learn something new we have to spend time in the learning process. In some cases it is even going to cost us money for classes and/or study aides. It is important to understand what these costs are before we begin.

Ask yourself:

  • How much time am I going to have to invest to achieve my goal?
  • What am I going to have to give up in order to have the time to work to my goal?
  • How much money is it going to cost me?
  • Is the goal worth the time and money it is going to cost to achieve the goal?
  • How is perusing the goal going to effect other people in my life? [Ex. Does going to night school mean less time with the family?]
  • Is there anyone in my life who is going to be frustrated with me if I invest my time in this goal?

This might seem like a trivial example, but this is something that really came up with a client. My client “Jane” was looking to add exercise to her daily routine, but was worried how the other ladies at the coffee shop would take it if she didn't come in and talk every day. These were not her close friends. There was still a part of her that was worried what they were going to think. Exercising was going to cost her time hanging out in the coffee shop. Once we were able to name this we were able to tap on the fact that it really didn't matter what the ladies in the coffee shop thought about her. The exercise was much more important.

The Cost of Achievement
This is an example of another cost that doesn't always come right to mind. There are consequences (and perceived consequences) to us achieving our goal. The fear of success can talk us out of making the choices and changes we want to make.

Ask yourself:

  • What happens if I do achieve this?
  • Will people expect more of me?
  • Will people expect me to live up to this standard again and again?
  • What happens if I achieve this, enjoy the change, and then loss it?
  • What will other people of me think if I achieve this?

The last question is a tricky one because it brings up a fear that on the surface is very illogical. Why would what other people think matter? The amazing thing is how commonly this fear can affect us. For example, we could be worried that other people in our lives are going to think that we are snobbish because we have taking the time and effort to move forward.

I am sure you have people like this in your life. They say things (or think things) like, “Who does she think she is getting a new job? Does she think she is better than the rest of us?”

Worried about how others are going to perceive our success can be very powerful is slowing us down. Again, I am not suggesting that we don't act because people might think this way, but instead by naming these worries we are able to tap our way emotionally clear making it easier for us to act.

Conclusion
It is possible for us to have thoughts and feelings that prevent us from trying to do new things or learn new things. It is important that we spend a little time identifying and clearing these issues before we start something new.

This doesn't mean that we need to be completely clear before we start. This is going to be an on going process. As we do or learn new things we are going to find new resistant thoughts and feelings.

What is most important is to be away of the thoughts and feelings that are possible pit falls. We are much better dealing with the possible issues that are named than the ones that go unnamed.

In part 2 of this series (“Act of Learning“) we will look at using tapping during the act of learning and studying.

Pod #8: Energy Hygiene – Managing the Energy of Other’s Emotions

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After podcast #7 (Sensitive Temperaments) I was inundated with requests. Lots of readers and clients said something to the effect of, “Rue was talking about me. I never knew what was going on. Now that I know this is who I am, what do I do about it?”

In this episode I go through five of my favorite ways of dealing with the emotions of others that sensitive temperaments feel so deeply.

We’ll explore what surrogate tapping is and a couple of the current theories on why it can be so effective, as well as how surrogate tapping can be beneficial for us even when we think we are doing work for someone else’s issues. Finally we talk about a very simple way you can add surrogate tapping to your tapping tool set.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Video: Energy Hygiene – Managing the Energy of Other’s Emotions

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After podcast #7 (Sensitive Temperaments) I was inundated with requests. Lots of readers and clients said something to the effect of, “Rue was talking about me. I never knew what was going on. Now that I know this is who I am, what do I do about it?”

In this episode I go through 5 of my favorite ways of dealing with the emotions of others that sensitive temperaments feel so deeply.

Show Topic: Surrogate tapping can be one of the most confusing topics when learning Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT eveft.html). It can be difficult enough to accept that tapping on the body while tuning into physical and emotional issues can provide relief. It can be a much more difficult leap to believe that tapping in the same way on our own body will provide relief for someone else.

We’ll explore what surrogate tapping is and a couple of the current theories on why it can be so effective, as well as how surrogate tapping can be beneficial for us even when we think we are doing work for someone else’s issues. Finally we talk about a very simple way you can add surrogate tapping to your tapping tool set.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Host: Gene Monterastelli

Contact Info: web @ eftQandA.com, e-mail @ eftQandA.com/contact, twitter @ twitter.com/genedavid

Bio: Gene Monterastelli is a Baltimore-based EFT practitioner. He regularly works with clients in the areas of stress, weight loss, limiting beliefs, anxieties, learning disabilities, pain management, and relationship issues. He is the editor of EFT Q & A. There is a very special place in his practice for parents of special needs children, especially for parents of children who have been diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Gene works with clients from all over the world, one-on-one and in groups.

Sensitive Temperaments

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Everyone in my life says that I am “way too sensitive” and it’s frustrating. I love the fact that I feel so deeply, but I don’t like everyone thinking I am overreacting. Is there something wrong with me?

There are lots of people in the world who are very aware of and in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others. EFT Master Rue Hass describes this as having a “sensitive temperament”. People with sensitive temperaments feel very deeply their own emotions and the emotions of those in their lives.

There is nothing wrong with having a sensitive temperament, but it can be hard having a sensitive temperament because you can feel that your emotions are out of control and that others don’t understand what you are experiencing.

When I interviewed Rue for Pod #7 – Sensitive Temperaments she talked about how we can use EFT to feel more comfortable as a person who has a sensitive temperament.

During the interview she talked about ways in which we can use EFT in this process.

Below is a number of thoughts and resources that Rue (Intuitive Mentoring) provided me after the interview on how to understand sensitive temperaments and how to work with that point of view.

Blessings of Sensitive Temperaments

The essence of the sensitive temperament is the spirit of:

  • Freedom
  • Creativity
  • Imagination (Flow, Movement, Flexibility, Growth, Change, and Expansion)

The intention of the person with a sensitive temperament is to foster:

  • Profound awareness of sensations
  • Loving goodness
  • Mission to bring peace
  • Deep sense of connection
  • Vision of possibilities/Idealism
  • Healing
  • High standards
  • Intuitive, empathic, perceptive
  • Sense of unity, oneness
  • Originality
  • Deep sense of joy, beauty
  • Love of nature

Struggles of Sensitive Temperaments
Common worries, struggles, and questions of people with sensitive temperaments are:

  • What is wrong with me?
  • Told I am too energetic, too smart, too talkative, too emotional
  • I am not good enough
  • I can't express who I am
  • Let me out , I'm trapped
  • I am all alone, no one understands
  • I have to tough it out and soldier on
  • I have to save the world   before I can tend to myself
  • I have to make the world a better, safer place, so that I can be here
  • Only death will bring me peace
  • Overwhelmed
  • Dissociation
  • Compulsive helping, boundary issues
  • Low self worth
  • Perfectionism
  • Fear, anger, shame, grief
  • Chronic emotional/physical pain, illness

Reframing Sensitivity
A profound tool that can be used with EvEFT is to reframe our point of view. A reframe is nothing more than looking at something in a new way. Some common ways to reframe the characteristics of people with sensitive temperaments are to:

  • See Too Sensitive/Overwhelm as Profound awareness of sensations
  • See Compulsive Helping as Mission to bring peace
  • See Boundary Issues as Deep sense of connection
  • See Perfectionism as Vision of possibilities

Tapping Phrases if You Have a Sensitive Temperament
Here are a number tapping phrases that sensitive temperaments can use as a jumping off point:

  • Especially because I LOVE THAT I AM SO SENSITIVE…
  • I CHOOSE to deepen and expand my sensitivity in even more powerful wonderful ways.
  • I hunger for deep and meaningful relationships.  I make creating and maintaining a good and satisfying relationship with myself my first priority.
  • I have a mission of bringing peace into the world, I CHOOSE a mission of bringing peace into my own life. I deserve this!
  • I CHOOSE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF, and express who I am with love and a light heart.
  • I CHOOSE to love and appreciate and honor this world-changing soul quality that I embody.  The world needs what I have to offer.  I am ready to be more!

Make sure you check out the interview with Rue (Pod #7) and her web site (Intuitive Mentoring)

Pod #7: Sensitive Temperaments w/ Rue Hass

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Have people often told you, “Oh, you are just too sensitive…You take things so hard…Why can’t you just let it go…What’s wrong with you…You are such a cry baby”? If the answer is yes, then you probably have a sensitive temperament. BUT that is not a bad thing. In this podcast I talk with Rue Hass about what a sensitive temperament is, how it can be a blessing, and how you can use EFT to manage the challenges of having a sensitive temperament.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Information: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Video: Sensitive Temperaments w/ Rue Hass

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Have you ever heard, “Oh, you are just too sensitive…You take things so hard…Just let it roll off your back…Why can’t you just let it go…What’s wrong with you…You are such a cry baby”??? Then you probably have a sensitive temperament. BUT this is not a bad thing. There are many blessing that come with a sensitive temperament. In this podcast I talk with Rue Hass about what sensitive temperament is, how it can be a blessing, and how you can use EFT to manage the challenges of sensitive temperament.

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Links & Resrouces From Episode:

EFT/Tapping For Parents with Autistic (ASD) and Special Needs Children

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I know EFT can be a very powerful tool to help with getting my emotions under control. My daughter was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and I am just a ball of emotions. I don’t know where to start. What can I tap on?

Over the last few years I have been blessed to work with a number of special needs parents in my practice. Often the first time they approach me to have me do work with their children. I love that type of work, but in most cases I will insist that the parent first work on themselves for their own emotions.

It is very important that we are emotionally clear when we are going to help or support someone else in any setting. The more emotionally clear we are, the more present we are going to be to those we are serving.

I have created a list of truth-statements that I use to help parent focus on the areas that need the most attention.

The list is very easy to use. Read the statement out loud and see how true it rings. Not feeling true at all would rate a 0. Completely true would rate a 10. Go through the whole list writing your rating down for each statement. After you have done the whole list, start with the areas that ring the most true.

General Emotions

  • This is never going to change
  • I am always going to carry this burden
  • If my child gets any better it is only going to be for a short time
  • Things are only going to get worse

Myself

  • I want a normal life
  • This is my fault
  • I did something wrong, and this is God’s way of punishing me
  • I don’t deserve this burden
  • I deserve a normal life
  • I did something wrong to deserve this
  • I am missing out on many things because of the special attention my child needs
  • I never have time for myself
  • I am constantly overwhelmed
  • I think I am a bad parent
  • There are things I could have done to prevent this
  • I feel alone in this struggle
  • No one really knows what I am going through

Child

  • I feel bad that I think my child is a burden
  • I feel bad that I think my child’s condition is a burden

Family/Friends/ Others

  • I can’t be present to my spouse because I give so much attention to my child
  • I don’t get any support from my family
  • I don’t get any support from my friends
  • My family thinks I am a bad parent
  • My friends thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s teacher thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s principal thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s school counselor thinks I am a bad parent
  • The school system thinks I am a bad parent
  • Strangers in public think I am a bad parent
  • This is putting a strain on my relationship with my spouse
  • This is going to end my marriage
  • I am depriving my other children by giving the one so much attention
  • My other children are missing out on the attention they need

Treatment

  • I can’t try any new treatments because I am going to get my hopes up, have it fail and be let down again.
  • I am overwhelmed by all the treatment options
  • I am not smart enough to understand what is going on in my child
  • I am not smart enough to understand all the treatment options
  • I am afraid I am going to make a poor choice about my child’s treatment options

Pod #6: Using EFT with Autism (ASD)

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Recent studies have shown that as many as 1 out of every 142 children born today will be diagnosed some where on the autism spectrum (ASD). Even now very little is known about the causes of the symptoms associated with ASD. In this episode I interview John Roedel. He shares his family journey with ASD and how they have used EFT in that journey.

Guest: John Roedel
Contact Info: John's Blog where John writes regularly about life, the world, and everything in it (esp. about his families journey with ASD).

Bio: John Roedel was born and raised in Cheyenne Wyoming. He is married and has three children. John is a writer, actor, and advocate for autism research.
Links & Resouces From Episode:

Video: Using EFT with Autism (ASD) w/ John Roedel

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Recent studies have shown that as many as 1 out of every 142 children born today will be diagnosed some where on the autism spectrum (ASD). Even now very little is known about the causes of the symptoms associated with ASD. In this episode I interview John Roedel. He shares his family journey with ASD and how they have used EFT in that journey.

Guest: John Roedel
Contact Info: John's Blog where John writes regularly about life, the world, and everything in it (esp. about his families journey with ASD).

Bio: John Roedel was born and raised in Cheyenne Wyoming. He is married and has three children. John is a writer, actor, and advocate for autism research.
Links & Resouces From Episode:

Pod #5: Why It Is Important To Use EFT On Stress w/ Ron Ball

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It seems like we are living in an ever increasingly stressed world. In this podcast we’ll learn what stress is, the difference between good and bad stress, how it affects the body in the short and long term, and how to use EFT to deal with stress. Stress expert Ron Ball talks about how stress can cause long-term damage and how easy it is to deal with it using EFT in just a few minutes a day.


Ron Ball

Guest: Ron Ball

Contact Info: EFT Zone

Bio: After working for years as a vice president of marketing in the super-stressful world of high technology, Ron Ball set out to find a solution to help busy executives and employees both to relieve stress overload, and to improve their health and wellbeing.

In his quest, he discovered a breakthrough method called EFT. Some people call it tapping or acupuncture with your fingertips instead of needles. Emotional Freedom Techniques is an elegant, simple and powerful method anyone can learn for managing stress, worries, pain, and health issues. In fact, he recommends that people try EFT on everything.

Ron has received both the Basic EFT and Advanced EFT Certificates. He is also publisher of the well-respected blog on EFT, www.EFTzone.com. He is co-author and publisher of the EFT book, Freedom at Your Fingertips: Get Rapid Physical and Emotional Relief with the Breakthrough System of Tapping.

Ron Ball has had an eclectic career, proving you can do whatever you set your mind to. An entrepreneur, Ron is a professional speaker, author, trainer and EFT stress expert. In his work life he’s also been a professional photographer, syndicated radio broadcast interviewer, copywriter, and business executive.
Links & Resources From Episode:

Video: Why It Is Important To Use EFT On Stress w/ Ron Ball

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It seems like we are living in an ever more stressed world. Now we’ll learn what stress is, the difference between good and bad stress, how stress affects the body in the short and long term, and how to use EFT to deal with stress. Stress expert Ron Ball talks about how stress can cause long-term damage and how easy it is to deal with stress in just a few minutes a day.

Guest: Ron Ball

Contact Info: EFT Zone

Bio: After working for years as a vice president of marketing in the super-stress world of high technology, Ron Ball set out to find a solution to help busy executives and employees to both relieve stress overload and improve their health and well being.

In his quest, he discovered a breakthrough method called EFT. Some people call it tapping or acupuncture with your fingertips instead of needles. Emotional Freedom Techniques is an elegant, simple and powerful method anyone can learn for managing stress, worries, pain, and health issues. In fact, he recommends that people try EFT on everything.

Ron has received both the Basic EFT and Advanced EFT Certificates. He is also publisher of the well-respected blog on EFT, www.EFTzone.com. He is co-author and publisher of the EFT book, Freedom at Your Fingertips: Get Rapid Physical and Emotional Relief with the Breakthrough System of Tapping.

Ron Ball has had an eclectic career, proving you can do whatever you set your mind to. An entrepreneur, Ron is a professional speaker, author, trainer and EFT stress expert. In his work life, he’s also been a professional photographer, syndicated radio broadcast interviewer, copywriter, and business executive.
Links & Resrouces From Episode:

Being A Better Parent

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I know EFT can be powerful toll to help my children.  My kids and I tap together every night at bedtime, but I am wondering if there is something more I could do.  I want to be the best parent possible.  Is there a way to us EFT around parenting issues?

[Note: I have asked Deborah Donndelinger to answer this question.  One of Deborah's specialties is working with parents and parenting.  She is a Maryland based EFT practitioner who can be reached @ EFT with Deborah]

The history of parenting is rather brutal, with children once considered non-entities that could be discarded, killed, or used at the parent's whim. Over time, our collective approach to parenting is evolving and developing, which is good news indeed. How we collectively parent is the leading force that shapes how we are as a country and as a world. How we parent as a society determines whether we perpetrate violence or encourage peace.

According to Robin Grille, author of Parenting for A Peaceful World, we are in a shift from the socializing mode of parenting to the helping mode of parenting. The socializing mode of parenting tends to see children as good or bad and the goal is to make them productive members of society. The parent is concerned with raising a child that fits in. He follows the rules and sees himself judged by how well his children do. In the next evolution, called the helping mode, parents are concerned with what the child needs developmentally and choose meeting the child's individual needs above the need to fit in socially. In the helping mode, there is a greater compassion and recognition of children as unique persons on their own path.

As we consider how we personally fit into this parenting journey, we can look at our own history and our current parenting practices with more compassion. EFT fits into this introspection, offering us relief from patterns and reactions. Consider this a Personal Peace Procedure for Parenting.

The myth of the perfect parent, warm and nurturing, is just that, a myth.
Parents are products of their culture and humans have the potential to be the most brutal of the animal kingdom or the most loving. But being human is not a guarantee of parenting well. To move forward in our parenting journey, we first must accept ourselves as we are.

Consider all the times you have been less than pleased with your parenting choices and reactions. Make a list of at least five incidents where you shouted, hit, ignored, or shamed your child. Identify the emotions you were feeling as well as the response and emotions of your child. Tap on these incidents until your intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some cognitive shifts!

Parenting evolves.
It is perfectly okay that what our parents did for us, or to us, doesn't work for us as parents. Each of us has a mental list, a list from childhood of the things we swore we would never do as parents. Imagine our dismay, when we end up repeating the same exact patterns from our parents. We justify our parental behavior by telling ourselves that we are not so bad, we were treated that way and turned out okay. (Sound familiar?)

Or in an attempt to not be like our parents, we end up on another extreme, just the opposite of our parents. When this happens, it's a very good indication we are still reacting rather than creating how we want to be as a mother or father.

Make a list of at least five times you remember being shamed, punished, felt guilty as a child. How were you disciplined or punished? Were you hit, spanked, isolated, or shamed verbally? How were mealtimes? How were bedtimes? When were you made to feel wrong or less than? These memories are all excellent tapping material.

Parenting truly shapes the world.
As we treat children with respect and love and model being a democracy, we bring democracy to the larger world. And if we model violence and control and fear, we'll bring the same.

Consider all the times you felt fear as a child or used fear to control your children. Consider all the times you experienced violence or used violence to control your child. Pick five incidents and commit to tapping on them until the intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some amazing cognitive shifts.

If you are reading this, you are already committed to supporting yourself and other parents. As we move towards the next evolution of parenting, we can release our pasts, our histories, and see that our parents did the best they could, even if it wasn't enough. We can heal our wounds and choose how to parent ourselves and our children. There is a growing international community of dedicated focused parents who are using EFT to heal their childhood memories and to become fully the parent they want to be. Welcome to the leading-edge of peaceful parenting.

Losing My Ability To Feel Emotions

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I have been successful with EFT when it comes to working on minor aches and pains. There are some big emotional things from my past I would like to tap on, but I am afraid. I worry that I am going to tap away my ability to feel emotions. Is EFT going to leave me emotionless?

This is a very common question.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) is a very powerful tool when you want to get relief from very powerful emotions. Many people equate moving from an emotional state to losing the ability to feel emotions at all. This is not the case. If you do EvEFT/EFT you can expect to feel healthy emotions more freely.

It is really important to remember our emotions are not enemies. They exist to help us understand how we feel about the situation we are in. When we feel emotions of joy and bliss it is our inner guidance system telling us that we are very much in tune with ourselves. When we feel emotions of desperation, frustration and anger, our inner guidance system is telling us something is out of alignment and we need to change something.

Therefore, emotions are very good for us, but what we need to do is make sure we are responding to these emotions in a healthy way.

The way we deal with our emotions runs on a spectrum from a) bottling up our emotions and not dealing with them to b) choosing to live in a particular emotion and not moving on. The consequences of these two extremes are usually detrimental.

When we choose not to deal with our emotions and bottle them up they remain a burden that we carry around. They become a block to our system. If this block persists if can often turn into greater problems than unfelt emotions. They can become physical manifestations of dis-ease.

At the other extreme we can choose to keep feeling the emotion over and over again. I am sure you know someone who has not moved past a loss of some sort. Even though the loss (of a loved one, an opportunity, or a relationship) could have happened years ago, the person is still living as if it has just happened. This makes him an emotional prisoner of the past. In this state he is unable to experience what is happening NOW.

We miss a great deal of life when this happens.

What we seek is a middle path in which we recognize our emotions, feel our emotions, learn the lesson our emotions are teaching us, and then let them pass. That is our goal with EvEFT/EFT.

When we use EvEFT/EFT we are going after the emotions that we have bottled up, or we are taking the emotions that we are refusing to let go of, and we are letting them pass naturally. When we do EvEFT/EFT we are not getting rid of our emotions, but we are letting them do exactly what they are made to do.

Here is some tapping patter that will help you if you are having a hard time reconciling with your emotions:

My emotions exists to serve me…they are just one more way my system is communicating with me…I am thankful that my system is trying to lead me by the right path…I am thankful for my emotions because they let me feel the richness of life…I know my emotions are nothing more than information…they are energy that need to do what energy does…and move on…when I tap on my emotions I am making sure I deal with my emotions in a healthy way…I give myself permission to feel the emotions that I have right now…to thank them…to learn from them…and to let them go…if I do this I know I will be on the path to emotional health…allowing me to feel and respond to my emotions in a healthy way in the future. [How to use these tapping phrases]

In podcast #1 Rick Wilkes talk a great deal about the emotions all scale.  He also has created a great resource that lays out the emotional scale.  I would encourage you to check both out.

Pod #4: Dispositions About Healing (from Radio EFT w/ M. Price)

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Have you ever wondered what an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) practitioner is thinking during a session and on what basis they decide what to do next? In this interview with Michele Price I give some insight into my thought process and the fundamental principles about healing that guide me. We talk about my 5 of my fundamental dispositions of healing and do some tapping. These are principles that shape the way I understand the world and healing.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Host of Showcasing EFT: Michele Price

Contact Info: Contact: web @ contact, twitter @ twitter.com/prosperitygal

About Radio EFT: This is a tool and modality that can help you in all areas of your life — your personal development, health, business — with ways to gain relief and peace of mind. Michele Price teaches how to improve and generate income. Each week guests on the show will bring their strengths with EFT too, showing you how to apply EFT in their areas of expertise.