In my client sessions over the last few weeks I have found myself repeatedly saying that there are four reasons why we sabotage ourselves and stand in the way of taking the action we know we want to take. Without exception my clients respond with, “Wait! I want to write this down.” So here are those four reasons written down for you: We don’t have a clear vision.We don’t know how to take the step.It is painful to take action.It is painful to be successful. There are practical and ...
In my early years of tapping I was super eager to share tapping with everyone I possibly could. Over time I learned that it was best to share tapping (or anything for that matter) only with people who are actually open to learning something new. A number of years ago I was on a flight from Los Angeles to Chicago and ended up in a conversation with a fellow passenger that led to us doing a tapping session right there on the flight. Here are the twelve lessons I took away from the ...
Note: If you find reading instructions more helpful than listening, you should check out the article version of the topic. When people unsubscribe from my mailing list they have the opportunity to leave a comment. I recently received a really interesting comment from someone who was unsubscribing from my list. She wrote: “I am very busy at the moment and I don’t have time to practice, so I feel stressed out.” I find that a fascinating comment. She is saying that her life feels so out ...
My first memory of using EFT on my own was getting rid of one of the most profound headaches I had ever had in about 90 seconds. My second big moment was dealing with my social anxiety. It makes sense that this is what I thought EFT was all about because in both cases I felt SO much better. But there will be times when using tapping only as a way to feel better will do us a disservice because it impacts the action we take. This week I explore the two different types of outcomes that ...
Trying again where we have failed in the past is one of the hardest things to do. I was recently faced with wanting to do something that didn’t go well in the past. It wasn’t that it went badly, but it was far from as successful as I would have liked, so I was hesitant about trying again. Here is an audio of me tapping in real time for this issue. You will hear me tapping for the issue and then processing each round of tapping to see what needs to be tapped on next. The tapping produces ...
Theoretically we all want to be our authentic selves and show up in the world as we actually are. But for most of us it's just not that simple. From past experience we have learned that there are some situations where others don't understand us, or we have been judged harshly for being our authentic selves. That makes us reluctant to present ourselves in a way that will be judged by others. In truth, being our authentic selves is not an all-or-nothing proposition. We can choose how much ...
As many of you know, I also run the member site the Ruach Center. Every day members of the site receive an email from me with a link to a tap-along audio that is designed to conquer self-sabotaging behavior. Recently, as I was recording one of those audios, I personally experienced a huge emotional shift. This tap-along is about connecting to and appreciating all parts of our being and our experience. Even though the audio and script are short, it will make you feel more grounded right ...
Tapping is a tool that is both relatively simple to learn and implement, but deceptively complicated to master. The basics of tapping are easy to explain. So much so that I have given full instructions on the basics in under five minutes on the back of a bar napkin. At the same time, tapping effectively for a particular issue can require much subtlety and nuance and sometimes we need the help of an outside practitioner to be successful. That's why, despite being an experienced tapper and ...
The basics of tapping are so simple that they can be taught in mere minutes. But just because tapping is simple, doesn’t mean that effective tapping is easy. There is so much more to it than knowing the tapping points. In this short audio I explain three simple ideas to keep in mind before you tap to help you to get the most out of your tapping sessions. Each of the three ideas comes with a short tap-along to help you execute them. I would love to hear how this works for you. Let me ...
It is great that we have people in our lives who want to be helpful. They are willing to offer their time, attention and advice to make our lives better. The problem is that just because someone wants to be helpful, doesn't mean that they are actually helpful – and sometimes they even make a situation worse! I call this type of help "well-meaning incompetence". Their heart is in the right place, but their advice or action doesn't actually do us any good. You can find the full tapping ...
It is difficult for us to see the people we love suffer but often we don’t consider the consequences when we rush in to help. Our need to bring peace and comfort can override all other thoughts and considerations. This is not always the healthiest choice for us in the short and/or long term. Sometimes when we choose to help we do so by taking on the burdens of our loved ones. Many times we can carry these burdens for years without realizing, or we take on burdens when we are very young and ...
The idea of quitting comes with a lot of cultural baggage. Quitting is often seen as failure, or giving up, or as a sign of weakness. I'm sure you have heard the old chestnut, "Winners never quit and quitters never win." Don't get me wrong. It is a good thing to live up to commitments and take responsibility for the outcome of our choices, but at the same time, so is quitting the activities that are not producing positive outcomes. It is good for us to let go of the tasks, plans, ...
This is a technique that I developed from some of the resources from Quantum Techniques. I use this with many of my clients at the end of sessions, especially when we have done powerful work. This is also a great way to relax at any time, but is particularly good for the end of the day or right before bedtime. The technique takes less than three minutes and it’s so easy to master that you only need to listen to it once. The interesting thing is how effective this tool is and it doesn't ...
If you have been following me of any length of time online, then you know how much I love goal setting. I find that goals are useful in clarifying what we want, helping us to create an actionable plan, and give us the tools to evaluate our progress. At the same time, having a clear idea of what we want can actually become a problem when we turn success into an all-or-nothing proposition. When we make our goals all or nothing, anything less than perfection will feel like a failure. For ...
While on retreat a number years ago Russ Hudson said, “We must be in touch with the mind, body, and spirit in order to be candidates for transformation.” Because of the nature of the modern world we have lost touch with our physical bodies. Most of us are not working the land, in tune with the seasons, or using our bodies for work. Just watch someone who is on-line. It looks as if they have left their bodies. It is very easy (and healthy) to reconnect with our physical bodies. This ...
Human beings are social creatures. That means that in order to thrive, we need to do more than just interact with others, we need to work together, whether collaboratively in a professional context, or by sharing enjoyable activities in our social lives. Whenever we ask someone to do something with or for us, we risk being turned down. That may seem obvious, but there is a deeper issue at play because on a subconscious level, a rejection may be read as a rejection of us and who we ...
I am a huge proponent of goal setting. Having clearly defined goals is helpful in two ways. First, it helps to define the actions we need to take to achieve them. Second, it gives us a measuring stick with which to evaluate our efforts along the way and after the fact. Without having set goals I wouldn’t be as happy and successful as I am. I love goal setting so much that I created an entire web site dedicated to working toward your goals. But there is a problem with goals: they ...
With some issues measuring our success is a simple task. For example, after going to the gym four times a week for a few months I can measure how much stronger I am by how much weight I can now lift compared with when I started. But not all types of transformation are as easy to track, particularly for issues and responses that are incrementally changing over time. For example, how could you measure more confidence or less anger? In this conversation Mary Ayers and I talk about how we can ...
We often treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the journey towards better health as a battle. We can feel betrayed by our bodies, and feel hopeless and frustrated by our slow or lack of progress. But our bodies are not our enemy. In reality, our bodies are doing what they can to be healthy and there are simply unseen obstacles to the healing process Once we recognize that we are not separate from our bodies, and that they are trying to function in an optimal way, it becomes ...
Recently I was introduced to the quote "I'm not who I think I am. I not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am." [Note: Unfortunately the source of this quote is not clear, or I would provide it. It is variously credited to Charles Horton Cooley, Thomas Cooley, and Dennis Cooley.] The gist of the quote is that we often find ourselves trying to live up to an imagined standard that we think other people have for us. This is a surefire recipe for self-sabotage! Either we will ...