If you have been following me of any length of time online, then you know how much I love goal setting. I find that goals are useful in clarifying what we want, helping us to create an actionable plan, and give us the tools to evaluate our progress. At the same time, having a clear idea of what we want can actually become a problem when we turn success into an all-or-nothing proposition. When we make our goals all or nothing, anything less than perfection will feel like a failure. For ...
While on retreat a number years ago Russ Hudson said, “We must be in touch with the mind, body, and spirit in order to be candidates for transformation.” Because of the nature of the modern world we have lost touch with our physical bodies. Most of us are not working the land, in tune with the seasons, or using our bodies for work. Just watch someone who is on-line. It looks as if they have left their bodies. It is very easy (and healthy) to reconnect with our physical bodies. This ...
Human beings are social creatures. That means that in order to thrive, we need to do more than just interact with others, we need to work together, whether collaboratively in a professional context, or by sharing enjoyable activities in our social lives. Whenever we ask someone to do something with or for us, we risk being turned down. That may seem obvious, but there is a deeper issue at play because on a subconscious level, a rejection may be read as a rejection of us and who we ...
I am a huge proponent of goal setting. Having clearly defined goals is helpful in two ways. First, it helps to define the actions we need to take to achieve them. Second, it gives us a measuring stick with which to evaluate our efforts along the way and after the fact. Without having set goals I wouldn’t be as happy and successful as I am. I love goal setting so much that I created an entire web site dedicated to working toward your goals. But there is a problem with goals: they ...
With some issues measuring our success is a simple task. For example, after going to the gym four times a week for a few months I can measure how much stronger I am by how much weight I can now lift compared with when I started. But not all types of transformation are as easy to track, particularly for issues and responses that are incrementally changing over time. For example, how could you measure more confidence or less anger? In this conversation Mary Ayers and I talk about how we can ...
We often treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the journey towards better health as a battle. We can feel betrayed by our bodies, and feel hopeless and frustrated by our slow or lack of progress. But our bodies are not our enemy. In reality, our bodies are doing what they can to be healthy and there are simply unseen obstacles to the healing process Once we recognize that we are not separate from our bodies, and that they are trying to function in an optimal way, it becomes ...
Recently I was introduced to the quote "I'm not who I think I am. I not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am." [Note: Unfortunately the source of this quote is not clear, or I would provide it. It is variously credited to Charles Horton Cooley, Thomas Cooley, and Dennis Cooley.] The gist of the quote is that we often find ourselves trying to live up to an imagined standard that we think other people have for us. This is a surefire recipe for self-sabotage! Either we will ...
The human experience can be full of complications and conflicts. My clients often say things like "I am of two minds" or "My head is telling me one thing but my heart is telling me something else." It's difficult to move forward if we feel we are being pulled in multiple directions! To help navigate this, I have created what I call the Grounding Process. It is designed to move you from feeling scattered to being fully grounded by connecting your mind, heart, and physical body to your ...
Music can be so powerful at setting our mood. So much so that experiments have shown that music can dictate our interpretation of events where images are accompanied by different kinds of music. For example, grave images with whimsical music were seen as humorous, and sad pictures with silly music were perceived as funny. We have a special connection to music in our teenage years for a number of reasons: It's usually the time in our lives in which we listen to music the mostTeenagers ...
Did you know that during adolescence the brain goes through more neurological changes that it does at any point in human development? That's even more changes than during the notorious "terrible twos" and one of the reasons why interacting with teenagers can be so complicated. Being around teens can be challenging because they constantly seem to be on a giant emotional rollercoaster! This week I have a conversation with Janey Downshire who is one of the co-authors of Teenagers Translated: ...
A concept that I learned very early on in my training as a practitioner was: Our emotional response is dictated by how we describe the world, and not the way the world actually is. That's why I am constantly asking my clients for more details about how they understand what is going on in their lives. In many cases, when we are able to change the way they describe their situation, their emotions shift, even before we have started tapping. One of the words that always gets my attention, is ...
In Pod #370 last week we talked about how best to use tapping when contemplating or going through a divorce. This week I have a conversation with Melissa Beasley about abusive relationships. Between these two conversations you can see how hard it is to talk about relationships that are going badly. There is so much cultural and personal baggage around admitting that a relationship hasn't worked out and it becomes even more complicated when emotional and physical abuse is part of the ...
Divorce is a tricky subject. One one level there is all the cultural pressure to find a way of making a success of a struggling relationship. On the other, there is the desire to keep yourself happy and healthy by ending a relationship that is no longer working. Because of these opposing desires, figuring out a divorce is seldom straightforward. This week I have a conversation with Kate Anthony, a coach and the author of the "Divorce Survival Guide". We talk about the emotions that ...
A common characteristic of people involved in personal development and self-help is that they are caring and thoughtful people. As well as trying to improve their own lives, they strive to make the world a better place. Because of this, they are sensitive to other people's needs and desires and they really want to make a difference. At the same time, they tend to put other people's needs before their own and sometimes their loved ones take advantage of this. They start to feel like ...
Our internal critical voice is one of the key reasons we fail to take the action we want in life. This constant nagging voice in our heads points out all of our past failings, why we aren't capable of taking action now, and why we will fail in the future. When we have a voice inside of our head telling us this over and over again, it can become crippling. The stronger the critical voice is, the less likely we are to take action. In this podcast Jacqui Letran and I talk about why the ...
As much as I love tapping, it is not the only or best tool that we can use for our health and wellbeing. In her latest book "Energy Healing: Simple and Effective Practices to Become Your Own Healer" Kris Ferraro goes beyond the basic EFT tapping recipe and teaches many other tapping-type tools. They are all easy to learn, can be self-applied and each take less than a minute to perform. Kris shares three of those tools on this week's podcast, which you will be able to use right away. In ...
In part one of "Getting Out Of My Own Way", the ten-part guide for using tapping to eliminate self-sabotage, I shared with you tapping to use at each end of your day. Tapping is a great way to start off your day on the right foot. Ending the day with tapping helps to let go any unresolved emotions from the day and helps us to get a better night's sleep. But tapping in the middle of the day is often overlooked and can be really helpful, providing the opportunity to: Release any ...
Feeling like we don't belong is tough. It might be because we don't feel we are smart enough, talented enough, have something offer the world, or that we just don't fit in. Feeling like a fraud means that we don't contribute or speak up, we hide in the background, or we don't even show up. All of these strategies are to keep us safe because we don't want to be found out. In most cases, feeling like a fraud has nothing to do with who we are, what we can do, and what we have to offer. ...
In Recovering Sell - A Healing Manifesto I share twelve thoughts on healing. Number six is: "There is always resistance to change because if there weren't resistance, you would have changed already." As a tapper, this means that one of our most important tasks is to find the root cause(s) preventing us from taking action or making change. Lori Lamont has developed an easy tool that you can use as a practitioner, or when you are tapping on your own to uncover these hidden resistances. In ...
Grief is a topic that we don't talk about much publicly. We talk about loss. We talk about moving on. But we don't talk about grief itself. When we don't talk about and process grief, it lingers and can cause problems for us in the future. This week I have a conversation with Lynne Staley. Lynne is a tapper and certified Grief Recovery™ Specialist. In this podcast episode we cover: Why we experience griefThe difference between grief and mourningAll of the experiences that can cause ...