Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

It’s Not Working! What Am I Doing Wrong?

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When tapping is not producing progress, it does not necessarily mean that tapping is not working.

There are a number of reasons why you might not be seeing results. The three most common reasons are resistance to change, dehydration, and not being specific enough. When I encounter someone who is not making progress these are the steps I take.

First, we clear resistance. To do this tap on the side of the hand and use the four set up phrases:

Even though I feel [insert issue] I love and accept myself.
Even though I feel [insert issue] I forgive myself for however I contributed to this.
Even though I feel [insert issue] I forgive anyone else who contributed to this.
Even I feel [insert issue] for the rest of my life, I love and accept myself.”

We then do a full round of tapping on the issue. If progress is made we can continue working on this issue. If there is still no progress we look to the second possible reason tapping is not working.

The second most common reason for not making any progress is not having enough water in the system. This is an easy problem to solve. Drink some water.

You don’t have to drink so much that you are floating away. In most cases a small glass is more than enough. After taking a drink, wait a minute or two and then try doing another round of tapping. If you make progress you can continue to work on the issue. If you don’t make any progress you move to the third possible reason you are not making progress.

The third common hurdle is of not being specific enough about our issue when we are tapping.

Tapping is a powerful tool, but it is much more like a laser than a wrecking ball. When you are using a wrecking ball, you just need to be kind of close to knock down what you are after. With a laser, you need to be much more precise. In order to make progress with tapping we must be as precise about the issue as possible.

For example you might be tapping on feeling frustrated, which is rather general. It is not uncommon to fail to make progress when we are this general. The most effective way of getting more specific is by asking, “Why?”

Here is a conversation with a client to show how this might play out:

Client: I am very frustrated!
Gene: Why are you frustrated?
Client: Because the family business is closing.
Gene: Why does that frustrate you?
Client: Because I am worried about being able to take care of my family.

Feeling frustrated about the business closing and worrying about not being able to care for my family are very different issues. At first glance and without a lot of self-examination, it might feel like frustration. But that is not the core issue and tapping on frustration is unlikely to produce a lot of progress. When we start to tap on the worry about being able to caring for the family we are much more likely to make progress.

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Why Did The Intensity Go Up When I Started Tapping?

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One of the real benefits of using tapping is the fact that each round of tapping is so short. After each round it is easy to check in to see how we are doing and if we are working in the right direction, which helps us to know what we need to do next.

In my experience there are four typical outcomes to a round of tapping which give us information.

1) The pain/emotion reduces in intensity. This tells us we are doing the right work in the right place and so we should keep tapping in the same fashion for the same issue.

2) The pain/emotion increases in intensity. This reaction to tapping can be the most confusing. When this happens it feels like tapping has made matters worse. What has really happened is that with this round of tapping we have simply focused more clearly on the issue.

This is much like when you have a knee injury. As you move through your day you might not notice it but the moment you sit down at the end of the day all of a sudden you notice how much your knee hurts. Sitting down and relaxing didn't make it hurt more, but because we are resting we give the knee more attention and notice the pain more.

Tuning into an issue brings it into sharper focus, which can feel like we are making the issue worse. When this happens it means we are on the right track and should keep tapping on the issue.

3) The pain/emotion changes in location, texture, or type. This is an odd sensation. When you start tapping there is a feeling in your stomach. A moment later you feel it in your throat.
This informs us that we are getting closer to the root, but haven’t yet reached it. We are getting closer, but need to keep working.

4) There is no change in intensity. This means we need to change our approach. Typically this means we don’t have enough water in the system, are resisting, or we are not being specific enough.

All four of these outcomes are good news. We are either healing, or have more information about what is the best next step to healing.

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Why Do I Sometimes Get Sad Or Agitated After A Session?

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This is not something I have experienced often, but from time to time it happens. Here is how Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Master Lindsay Kenny responds to this question on her web site:

It’s not uncommon for people to experience a negative reaction after (or during) an EFT session, especially if you are tapping for yourself. Feelings such as anger, anxiety, uneasiness, sadness, or even a temporary worsening of the issue(s) might emerge. They are not side effects of EFT, nor is there anything wrong with you. There are several possible causes for these odd-feeling emotions you may experience during or after tapping. Here are some of them:

1) You may be regretting previous choices you’ve made in life (or things that have happened to you). Or you may be saddened when reminded of the “opportunities wasted” in your life due to your issue. These regrets or feelings are often suppressed until EFT is introduced and things become stirred up. It’s natural to think, then, that EFT has caused these “new” feelings, when in fact EFT has simply reminded you of something you have suppressed that needs to be dealt with. Remember EFT’s Discovery Statement is “The cause of ALL negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system”. Left untreated, those energy blockages (manifested as negative emotions) can lead to a plethora of physical ailments.

2) While in the process of clearing major traumas or issues with EFT some people become anxious or fearful sensing the possibility of living life with a different set of rules. Being free from past baggage might mean risking rejection rather than living inside a “bubble of protection” provided by the previous challenges. For instance, those who have been victimized may have often blamed others for their crummy life or bad choices. Once EFT starts lifting the curtain of pain, blame, shame and resentment, they realize that they don’t really know how to live a life of accountability. They might feel like a fish-out-of-water as they begin to see life from a completely different perspective.

We often have two parts of us that battle for dominance. The old, familiar part feels out-of-sorts or fearful because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself in a different paradigm…with a new identity. Being accountable, responsible and optimistic can be frightening if you’ve never or seldom experienced those sensations. Yet the “other” part of you may yearn for that freedom and peace of mind. It could be this dichotomy that causes the discomfort during or after tapping.

3) Another cause for anxiety or fear during or after tapping is that there may be a payoff for keeping your issues. Some people are financially compensated for a disability, while others may get emotional support with attention, sympathy or special favors as a result of their issues. When these payoffs are threatened by using EFT, a part of you may be reluctant to change or to give up these payoffs. Similarly the grief over losing a loved one, the pain from being traumatized or victimized, or the memory of a horrific incident can grow into an “excuse” for your life not working. The realization that you may no longer have this excuse might be overwhelming.

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that you would consciously choose to be incapacitated, or stay ill, or continue to live in pain or to remain traumatized. However, a part of you may be very protective of these secondary benefits and therefore be reluctant to let them go, triggering the anger, sadness or anxiety after an EFT session.

4) A part of you may be sad (or even sick to your stomach) when you strive to leave the old identity behind. Sometimes there’s a reluctance to do say goodbye for reasons that vary among different people. Just as people stay in bad marriages or keep a clunky care because it’s at least familiar, we sometimes want to stay with what we perceive as a safe place, habit or personality. To change what’s become so familiar is disconcerting to some, while exhilarating and uplifting for others.

5) The most likely cause, however, for feeling unsettled after doing EFT is that you simply haven’t reached the core issue yet. Sometimes getting close to a painful memory causes us to back off. Perhaps you’ve peeled the first layer of the onion and the layer underneath is “stinging your eyes.” You may be only partially into your issues and are stirring things up before completion. My friend and workshop co-facilitator, Zoe Walton says this about core issues:

“If you don’t know what your Core Issue is when you start a session and you proceed to tap on the various aspects you do know about, you may end a session without finding the actual cause of your problem — the Core Issue. For example, you may be tapping on an uncomfortable emotion or body sensation that is happening at the moment, such as rage or tightness in the throat. But you would only be addressing a symptom, not the main cause. Underneath that rage, a deeper Core Issue, such as “he never really loved me” or “my mother abandoned me” still needs to be addressed for full resolution.

When the Core Issue is not dealt with, it is like chopping off the green weeds in a lawn but never getting to their roots. Also there might be many Core Issues around a particular issue and one session only dealt with one of the Core Issues, leaving more work to do. Confusion, “foggy-headedness”, anxiety, headaches, anger, or sadness often means that you’re simply not done with the problem or haven’t found the all-important core issue.

It is often hard to discover Core Issues on your own. It is sometimes hard for us to see our own problems clearly, just as a dentist would have a hard time giving himself (or herself) a root canal. That is where a good practitioner can help.

6) There’s still another possibility for post-tapping problems. It’s highly likely that you are working on issues far too complex for you to handle alone. EFT is magical and extremely effective in the right hands. Beginners should generally stay with simple, rather than complex issues. Serious trauma issues, abuse, depression and other complex topics usually need the perspective of an accomplished practitioner. Sometimes people get frustrated that EFT isn’t working for them, when in fact it’s just that they’re not experienced enough to deal with their own issues.

Look at it this way — if you experience negative stirrings after a session it’s actually a good sign that EFT is in fact starting to work. Your body or emotions are reacting because you’ve scratched the surface of something that needs to be dealt with.

So if you get stuck, don’t stop! Find some help to work through your issues. Check Gary’s practitioner listings on this site for a competent practitioner to assist you and don’t give up on yourself or on EFT!

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When And Why Should I Ask A Professional For Help?

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One of the reasons I love tapping so much is because it is a powerful self-care tool. It can be done anywhere and any time. But there are times when it is best to work with a professional.

1) Working with a professional is a great way to learn. I know in my practice, one of the goals is to equip my clients so they don’t need my help in the future. In most forms of therapy the only time you can do work is when you are in a session. You make progress for an hour, and then have to wait until your next appointment before you can continue the work. All of my clients receive homework at the end of their session, so if they choose they can make progress between sessions.

When you work with a professional, tell them you are not only looking for help with the current problem, but are trying to get better at using EFT, so you can be more empowered in the future.

2) The benefit of an outside perspective. Sometimes we are so close to a problem, we can’t see what is really happening. This is the same reason we talk through our problems with our friends and family. They give us a fresh perspective. A professional is trained to help you to see things in other ways.

3) It is a really big problem. Sometimes we face issues which are just too big for us to manage alone. When we work with a professional they are able to not only guide us through the healing process but also to do it in a safe and caring way.

Big Issues v. Small Issues

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I can remember when I was first introduced to tapping. I was blown away. On some level I was blown away, and on another I was very skeptical.

As I got better at applying the protocol I started sharing it with anyone who would listen. Typically one of two things happened: It was either a great success or a great failure. There didn’t seem to be much in between.

As time passed I came to realize that not all problems are equal. All stiff necks are not the same. One stiff neck might be from poor posture, while another could be from years of working for an overbearing boss. One is a small problem; the other is huge.

As a beginner it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of EFT. It is important to keep in mind that every issue and problem is different, even if all the symptoms are the same.

At first you are going to be very good at small problems and struggle with larger problems.

The first step is to start to be aware of the difference between small and big problems. This is just going to take time and experience. As this becomes more apparent you will then be more skilled at dealing with the big problems.

I would encourage you to read as much as you can about EFT as you can.

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