Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Children Who Are Reluctant To Tap

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My 8-year-old son has been taught how to tap by an EFT Practitioner and I have done it with him off and on. When something comes up and I tell him to tap on it, he doesn’t want to! Do you have any suggestions on helping my son make tapping a part of his life?

[[This article is written by Angie Muccillo. Angie is the author of “Tapping For Kids‚ A Children's Guide To EFT.” This book puts the extraordinary power of EFT firmly into the hands of children and young people, as a tool for life, to help them overcome their fears, worries and everyday traumas as well as build their self-esteem. Details on Angie's book can be found at Dragon Rising and she can be reached directly at http://tappingforkids.com]


photo by Ashok Saravanan

Let’s look at some of the reasons why children may not tap and what you can do to create an environment where tapping is encouraged.

Why Kids Won't Tap
Sometimes children will resist tapping even when they have been taught to use it and it has worked for them in the past. Firstly, no matter how much you may want your child to tap on something because you know it will help them, it is important to remember that you can’t “make” a child tap if they don’t want to. It is especially important to understand that EFT is not a strategy for getting children to do what you want or to get them to behave in a certain way. It is a way to help children release their emotions if and when THEY want to. We can show them when and how to tap but the decision to tap must ultimately be the child’s. Sometimes they may prefer to tap alone and other times they may prefer to tap with you or another person.

Some reasons why children may resist tapping:

1. Children may resist tapping because they are being “told” to tap rather than being “encouraged” to tap. When given as a directive children may react with a defiant or rebellious attitude. It can become “another thing mum nags me about” as opposed to when a child realizes that it’s “something I can do whenever I want to feel better.”

2. Children can often pick up on your desperation for them to tap and this can make them more resistant to it. Often the harder you try the more they resist.

3. They may not feel it is “cool” to tap. While some children take to EFT immediately, others may feel self-conscious or embarrassed about using it.

How To Encourage a “Reluctant” Child To Tap

1. Become an EFT Model

The key to encouraging a “reluctant” child to tap is to actively model it yourself as well as help create an environment where tapping is part of family life. When children see their parents tapping they are more likely to do it themselves. According to Karen Curry, author of EFT For Parents, “children do what we do, not what we say…if your kids see you tapping, especially when you are feeling emotional intensity, they will be encouraged to use it themselves under similar circumstances.” If they see you tapping and how it benefits you they may be more likely to do it with you or on their own.

2. Tap On Your Own Frustration/Desperation First

If you are frustrated or upset about the fact that your child won’t tap, then treat your own frustration or upset first. “Even though Tim won’t let me teach him to tap, he’s still a wonderful child and I love him unconditionally”…, “Even though I want to help him but he won’t let me…, “Even though I can’t get him to tap with me…”, Even though he pushes me away…”, “Even though he’s doing this just to make me mad…”, etc

3. Surrogate Tapping

Once you have brought your emotional intensity down by tapping on your own frustration/desperation first, you can then try surrogate tapping for your child, starting with any beliefs the child may have about EFT such as “Even though tapping can’t help me, I’m still okay,” “Even though nothing can help me with this problem, I’m still okay,” “Even though I would rather stay mad/sad/upset, I’m still a great kid,” “Even though I’m too scared to tap…” Also surrogate tap on the child’s actual resistance to tapping using their own words such as, “NO don’t make me tap, I don’t want to tap, I hate tapping, stop trying to make me do it, I won’t do it, I hate being told what to do,” etc. After a few rounds tap on some positive statements on behalf of the child such as “What if tapping helps me feel better,” “What if I can do it on my own,” “What if tapping helps me feel really really good,” “What if I don’t have to feel upset anymore,” “This tapping stuff is actually fun,” “What if I like doing it,’ etc. After you have finished surrogate tapping pay attention to any changes and notice if the child seems more willing to tap of their own accord or asks you to help them.

4. Tap On Behalf of Your Child

When you see your child getting upset, rather than telling him to tap, simply start tapping out loud on yourself so they can hear you, using a set-up that reflects what is going on. “Even though Tim is really mad and hurt because….., he’s still a great kid and I love him.” Encourage your child to join along with you or just keep tapping on their behalf (unless they object) using whatever you think is bothering them to tap on. If they see that you understand how they’re feeling they may start tapping themselves and be more open to telling you why and what they’re really upset about.

5. Add Some Humor

You can also add some humor and tap on something like “Even though mum is doing this crazy tapping thing again and I don’t want to do it, I’m still a great kid. I’ll tap if and when I want!”

6. Why It's Cool To Tap

Reinforce the benefits of tapping to your child, such as, “it’s a way to help you feel better whenever you want,” “it can help you calm down when you want to,” “it helps your anger melt away,” etc. When kids find out they can tap on their upset without having to tell you what it is about they start to pay attention! In her work with children, Ann Adams will often tell an upset child in her faculty who hasn’t been introduced to EFT yet that, “I’m going to give you something to calm yourself down and you don’t even have to talk to me.” She points out that “not asking a child to talk ’sets you apart’ from all other professionals who have tried to help this kid.” The Promise Of Energy Psychology pg 168

Setting up an environment where tapping is encouraged and offered as an option and a choice may go a long way to helping a “reluctant child to tap.” Through teaching, encouraging and modeling the use of EFT within the family, in the classroom, etc., a “reluctant child” may discover they have a tool for life.

Using EFT to Give Thanks!

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I always seem to be using EFT for the things that go wrong in my life or the things I want to change. Does it do any good to tap on things that are going right and if so how would I do this?


photo by Scott Ableman

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for giving thanks. I am a firm believer that one of the most powerful tools we have for moving our lives to the places we want is to recognize the blessings we have. This puts us at ease, giving us the ability to follow inspiration with less worry and anxiety. When we act with less worry and anxiety we are more likely to follow that inspiration with energy, leading us to richer and fuller lives.

The process I use is very simple, and I do it every day.

1) I get out my big book of gratitude, which is nothing more than a spiral notebook with the words “Big Book of Gratitude” written on the front.

2) I write on the top of a clean sheet of paper, “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving.”

3) I make a list of ten things I am thankful for. Some are big (like life) and some are small (like fresh blueberries).

4) I then fill the margins with “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” and “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving!” over and over again.

5) Next I do 10 rounds of tapping, one for each of the things on the list. “thank you for fresh blueberries…thank you…thank you…thank you…thank your for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving…thank your for fresh blueberries…”

It is impossible to start your day in a bad mood if you make this process a daily habit.

Using EFT In Tough Times

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Everywhere you turn there seems to be bad news. It’s hard to be hopeful for the future when all you hear is doom and gloom. How can I use EFT to lift my mood and make it possible to thrive in these troubled times?

[Note: This article is by Chip Engelmann. Make sure you check out Chip's web site ChipEFT.com for many great articles, ebooks, and recordings of past teleseminars.]


photo by Daniel H. Agostini

It is easy to get sucked in. We turn on the TV and a talking head economist is accusing a politician of playing a political campaign fiddle while Rome burns. The Republicans blame the Democratic congress and the Democrats blame the Republican leadership. Of course, the press loves bad news because bad news increases ratings and increased ratings means advertising dollars. All you have to do is listen to your TV, “Times are tough and the worst is yet to come.”

The time has come for you to take action. Switch your TV to the Golf Channel. Go out and rent When Harry Met Sally. Stop watching the news. It is toxic.

No, I’m not talking about putting your head in the sand and hoping it will go away. However, the Law of Attraction states that whatever you put your attention on is what you will bring into your life. If you allow yourself to become emotionally immersed in the world’s economic turmoil, personal economic turmoil will follow. If you perceive that you live in a world of doom and gloom, you will find an endless stream of evidence to support living in a harsh environment. If you see the world as overflowing with abundance, your personal world will be abundant.

No, this is not wishful thinking. It is a powerful tool we can use to shape the course of our lives. If we put our attention on how we want our lives to play out, the mind will search through billions of pieces of information to find what we need in order to thrive. If we set our attention on a goal and expect it to be achieved, our mind will find the information we need to make it happen.

The key to improving our world is as simple as switching our attention from what we don’t want, to what we do want.

My wife and I recently attended one of Esther and Jerry Hicks’ events in Toronto. I’ll share with you something Esther shared that is extremely relevant today and should give you great hope.

“What if one person in a relationship is allowing [abundance] and the other is blocking?”

It's a good question, right? The answer:

“One who is allowing is more powerful than a million who are not.”

What does that mean to us today? If every one of us takes our power to continue to see the world with hope and attention to what is good and what could be good, no matter what shows up in the news, we will profoundly affect the outcome both personally and as a society. So don’t give up and don’t give in – when you see what you don’t want, keep turning your attention back to what you do want.

People have pointed out that it is easy to say, but harder to do. We each have set ways of thinking about things.

You may notice that you have been feeling bad, thinking about what you don’t want, for three days before it dawns on you to retrain your attention on what it is you do want. It may take days to notice that you have been putting your attention on “The Economy,” and you are scared. But right now is all that matters, so refocus on what you want and you will feel better. Next time it may only take two and a half days to notice your attention has wandered. It’s a matter of learning through trial and error. You get better at it as you go along. Eventually, you will notice within a few seconds when your attention strays.

Yet it can be hard to focus on what you want when you are afraid, overwhelmed, or depressed. (It is no coincidence bad economic times are called depressions.) Luckily, EFT can help take the edge off. In fact, we can use EFT to lessen the emotional load and Dr. Pat Carrington’s Choices Technique to help us change our old perceptions.

  • Even though I'm afraid I might lose my job…
  • Even though I'm worried about my retirement…
  • Even though I'm angry at the government..
  • Even though I'm angry at those big companies…
  • Even though I'm angry at myself for not being prepared…
  • Even though I'm afraid I will lose my house…
  • Even though I'm worried I can't sell my house…
  • Even though I'm afraid because I'm on a fixed income…
  • Even though I'm afraid my health insurance won't come through…
  • Even though I'm worried my car won't last until I can afford a new one…
  • Even though I can't handle one more thing…
  • Even though I'm afraid the other guy will get elected…
  • Even though I'm afraid the world is going to hell in a hand basket…

You get the idea. Tap on any of these types of statements that color your world.

It is, however, important not to put any more attention on what you don’t want than necessary to neutralize the negative emotions. The more time you spend looking for negative emotions, the more you will find. At some point, you must turn your attention back to what it is that you do want.

The Choices Technique is a good way of training your mind to focus on what you want, or the wonderful things you already have. We live in an abundant universe: lush green trees, beautiful birds, tenderly cared-for homes, creative people who love what they do are everywhere. It is been estimated that if we equally divided the wealth of the world between each of the 6 billion inhabitants, each person would have over ten million dollars. There is no shortage of money..

But many people tend to focus their thoughts on what is not right with the world. A set-up statement you might use is:

Even though I used to get drawn in to negative news,
I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.

This is what you say three times as you tap on side of hand. Follow with three rounds of tapping. The first round, tap on

I used to get drawn in to negative news

The second round, tap on

I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.

The third round, alternate back and forth with the two phrases

I used to get drawn in to negative news…
I now chose to see abundance every where I look…

Until you complete the round. It is important to end on the phrase that states what you do want. This exercise should be done three times a day for three weeks. You are attempting to change a mental habit.

Here are some other examples of set-up phrases you can use:

  • Even though I used to spend my time thinking about what I don't like about my life, I now choose to appreciate what makes me happy.
  • Even though I used to believe I was powerless, I now choose to reclaim my power by believing I can do anything I want.
  • Even though I tended to focus on not having enough money to pay my bills, I now choose to relish the relief I feel every time a bill is paid.
  • Even though I used to complain every time something bad happened to me, I now choose to see how the Universe always works for my benefit with amazing synchronicity.
  • Even though I used to think there was no way out, I now choose to trust that the next step and the next step will appear as I start moving toward what I want.
  • Even though I used to believe what happened in rest of the world greatly affected me, I now choose to see that where I place my attention determines my experience.

Remember that this is a trial and error process. Don’t beat yourself up. Just guide your attention to what it is you want to experience. There is no hurry, you don’t have to be perfect before lunch time.

Maybe you feel like this might work for others, but won’t work for you. You don’t have what it takes. Well, you can use a variation of the Choices Technique to give yourself those attributes.

  • Even though what I want is taking a long time to come, I give myself the patience to receive it.
  • Even though I have trouble deciding what I want, I give myself permission to make a long list of those things that would make me happy.
  • Even though I feel like I don't deserve anything good, I choose to focus my attention on those things that I like about myself.
  • Even though I can't seem to get it, I give myself the insight I need to figure it out.
  • Even though I feel so overwhelmed, I choose to find the baby steps I need to take to get things under control.

Finally, pay attention to what you tell others about the world, the economy and how it affects you. Are you casting yourself in the role of a victim or are you choosing words that maintain your responsibility? As Abraham said at the seminar, “You can’t beat the drum of where you are and still move to where you’re going.” Your experience of life reflects the story you tell. If you are a victim, find words that express that you have a more creative and self-determining role. Tell the truth, but make it the highest truth available to you.

For example, here are a series of sentences that might lead step-by-step from what you don’t want to what you do want. Notice how each truth sounds a little better than the one before it.

  • The economy is in the crapper.
  • Those politicians really were asleep at the wheel. It's about time they did something.
  • With the high speed communications we have today,
  • there's no way we'll have anything as bad as the Great Depression.
  • I've survived a lot of hard times in the past.
  • No matter what happens, I'll find a way – I always have.
  • Maybe this wake-up call in the economy will lead to some good changes.
  • I wonder how I can take advantage of this situation.
  • I'll bet I can come up with a good idea to help people and be profitable at the same time.

Your job is to tell the best story you can believe is true. As you do, notice how your life starts to change. Then see if you can tell a better and better story. You’ll find there is no limit to how good it can get.

You now have several tools to thrive no matter what appears to be going on around you.

Don’t Know How To Forgive Myself

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What is the best procedure a person can take to learn how to forgive one’s self? I need to forgive myself desperately but don’t know how!

The question of forgiveness comes up a lot with the clients I work with. In the article Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action I talk a great deal about forgiveness, why forgiveness is hard, and how we can forgive ourselves and others.

But what happens when we don’t think forgiveness is even possible?

There is an ongoing conversation among EFT practitioners about when to use forgiveness. Some feel that we can move to forgiveness too soon. If we haven’t worked through the emotional issues associated with the need for forgiveness, then we might simply be stirring the pot on these issues and making the client feel worse without making any progress.

I see some value in keeping this in mind. If a client is still working through the emotion of a specific issue and that client isn’t fully ready to tap on forgiveness but recognize the need for forgiveness, we will tap on the fact that forgiveness is possible.

The tapping patter can look something like this:

I give myself permission to forgive myself…I give myself permission to believe forgiveness is possible…I give myself permission to know I need forgiveness…there is a part of me that is afraid of forgiveness…that is okay…that part of me is only trying to protect me…any block to forgiveness I have I can let go…forgiveness is possible…I deserve forgiveness…I am worthy of forgiveness…even if part of me doesn’t believe that…there is a part of me that knows this is true…I give myself permission to be easy with myself about the fact I have not forgiven myself yet…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself…I don’t know how to forgive myself…I forgive myself for not knowing how to forgive myself…the more I forgive myself…the easier it will be to forgive myself…forgiveness is a process…I don’t have to forgive everything at once…when I forgive myself I am not saying what I did in the past is right…when I forgive myself I am choosing to stop being a prisoner to my past…this doesn’t mean I have to forget the past…or lose part of myself…instead I choose to learn from the past…and not be a prisoner to the past…I know forgiveness can take time…much like chipping a large boulder away…it is okay if I do it a bit at a time…forgiveness will come…with time…because I need it…and deserve it [How to use these tapping phrases]

Kill your Cravings (part 2)

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Right now I’m having trouble with cravings. There are times I crave Diet Dr. Pepper, but I don’t like the taste. I almost feel like a person possessed. I must consume it even though I don’t enjoy it. How do I use EFT to kill this type of craving?

My favorite part of this question is the phrase, “I almost feel like a person possessed. That is exactly what cravings feel like, a force that seems to exist outside of us, that comes into us, and draws us to choices we don’t want to make – choices we often know are bad for us.

In the article “Cravings Killing (part 1)” I wrote about using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for cravings in terms of our resistance to change, a simple way to eliminate the craving, how to deal with withdrawal symptoms, and how to plan for success.

In this article I’ll take this a step further. I will show in greater detail how to kill a craving for something we really want and (as in the case of the question) how to kill a craving for something we crave but don’t like.

Eliminating the Craving of Something We Want

The first step is to tune into the level craving that you have. To do this, simply rate how strong the craving is on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 represents no craving at all and 10 is I must have it now and I am willing to knock a little old lady over to get it.

Once you have rated your craving level we can begin tapping. The way I like to work on cravings is to simply repeat these 6 steps, using chocolate as an example:

  • Image the smell of the chocolate
  • Image what the chocolate tastes like in your mouth
  • Image where the craving lives
  • Image the part of the that the chocolate is going to fill up
  • Say with passion and feeling, “I want this chocolate”
  • Say with passion and feeling, “I need this chocolate”

For each of these steps you tap on one of the tapping points. Simply keep working through the steps as you move from tapping point to tapping point.

After you have tapped for a round or two. re-rate the craving level. If you have not reduced the craving level to a manageable level, repeat the process.
As you do the tapping, don’t be surprised if the actual smell of the item you are craving changes. Many times as the level of the craving goes down, the desirability of the smell is reduced. The thing you crave goes from smelling good and tasty to smelling bitter and gross.

[Note #1: I once had a client get very angry at me as we were working on a craving. Within a few rounds of tapping she not only didn't desire chocolate chip cookies, she could no longer smell them. She yelled, “You’ve ruined chocolate chip cookies for ever!” I reassured her that this was not the case. The good smell of chocolate chip cookies would come back. This was only temporary— a way to get through this moment of temptation.]

[Note #2: Remember, when working with cravings you only need to reduce the craving to a level where you are going to make healthy choices. If you get the craving down to a 3 and are able to choose not to eat chocolate then you don't need to tap anymore.]

As an alternative, you can do all six steps on each tapping point before moving on to the next point.

Eliminating the Craving of Something We DON'T Want
At first I was surprised the first time a client shared this type of craving. She described in great detail how she was consumed with a craving. How when it came up she couldn’t think of anything else. Sometimes the distraction was to the point where she could barely drive because the craving was all she could think about.

The surprising part was not how strong the craving was but that she was craving something she didn’t like the taste of. She talked about how much she needed to consume it, but at the same time how much the taste repulsed her. As time passed, more of my clients shared stories of craving for things they didn’t like.

The technique I described above is based on you tuning into the most desirable part of the craving. In this case, that technique is ineffective because there is nothing desirable about the substance itself.

In these cases I recommend a combination of argument tapping (where you state both sides of an argument as you tap) plus some statements about why we might have the craving.

Once again begin by rating the craving between 0 and 10.

The tapping phrases might look something like this (we will use chocolate as the object of craving again):

I really want some chocolate…No, I don’t…Part of me needs chocolate…I don’t even like the taste of chocolate…but it would make me feel so good to eat it…I should only be eating the things I want to eat…No. I really need this…I can’t stand its taste…but I am incomplete without the chocolate…but I don’t want the chocolate…the chocolate is only serving a short-term need…it is only filling some other hole that needs to be filled with something else…I know my body is craving something I don’t want because it sees it as some sort of medication…It’s craving this thing I don’t want because it will make me feel better…but it will only make me feel better in the short term…it isn’t something that will help me in the long-term…even if I don’t know what the underlying cause is for this craving…even if I don’t know what the emotional root for the craving is…I let those emotional roots go…I thank my body for the craving because the craving is trying to help me deal with those emotional roots…I have other better ways of dealing with these emotional roots…eating this thing I crave right now will only dull the emotional roots…it’s not dealing with them…by tapping on this craving right now I am allowing my body to let go of the emotional roots…even I don’t know what they are…this is a healthier way to deal with whatever is going on…in the future if I want to eat this chocolate I can…but I will only do it because I want to eat it…not because I need to eat it
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Re-rate the craving level. If the craving is still so strong that you are going to have a hard time resisting it, tap through this series of phrases again.

When doing this, also pay very close attention to the things that come to mind while tapping. With this type of tapping patter the emotional issues that cause the craving often surface, giving you great information for future tapping sessions.

Only Takes A Few Moments
Getting rid of cravings with EFT is a very simple task. The more you do it, the more likely you are to reach for EFT when you experience cravings. The more successfully you do this, the more control you will gain over your own eating.

Tapping On Someone Else’s Behavior

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There is someone at work who drives me crazy, always picking fights and causing lots of disharmony in the office. Changing jobs isn’t really an option for me. Is it possible for me to tap to change their behavior?

If you read most EFT websites (especially Gary's site) you will find a number of accounts of how surrogate tapping has been successful. (To surrogately tap for someone else means to tap on your own body for someone else’s issues and that other person receives healing or relief.) You can even find a few articles on this site which reference situations where patents have tapped on themselves and seen healing benefits in their children.

BUT (and this is a big but) just because we are tapping on ourselves while tuning into someone else’s issue and the other person has a change, it doesn’t necessarily mean that tapping on ourselves is causing a change in another person. Most people who talk about surrogate tapping assume that is the case, but I don’t think the cause and effect relationship is as clear as it might appear on the surface.

I’m not saying they’re wrong, but I recognize another possibility. The alternative theory I’m suggesting links directly to the example that is cited in this question.

I believe the only thing we truly control is ourselves. We can control our thoughts and our actions. Everything else is out of our control. We might act in a certain way expecting or hoping others will act in a predictable way. But these are nothing more than hopes and expectation. There is no certainty.

If we can only control ourselves, and therefore only be able to change ourselves, then how do we explain evidence that surrogate tapping seems to be successful? I believe the answer lies in the fact that we are co-creating our experience with everyone else. To illustrate this let’s look at the example in the question of a person at work who is causing problems.

We Co-Created the Situation

Every relationship we are a part of we are a co-creator of. Relationships aren’t static; over time people – and their thoughts, feelings and actions – change. These strengthen, weaken, or otherwise change the relationships between the individuals.

For example, think of old friends you just aren’t as close to today as you once were. We often say, “We just grew apart.” We mean that one or both of us have changed and therefore the nature of the relationship changed.

This is simply a fact of life, neither bad nor good. Hopefully, we will continue to grow and change throughout our lifetimes. Because of this we are going to have different levels of relationships with specific people at different points in our lives. Even life-long friendships change in nature as the participants in that friendship grow and change over time.

When we recognize this fact we can use it to our advantage. We always have the chance to change our actions and our beliefs. In the process we change our relationships.

This includes relationships we find unpleasant.

Let’s take the person at work who always starts an argument with you. Once we accept that you are a co-creator of this relationship, then you have to accept some responsibility for the argumentative nature of that relationship.

Let’s look at this from your co-worker’s point of view. For this example, your co-worker Joe is very insecure. He starts arguments with people so he can win the arguments and show that he’s smarter than his opponent. He might not be consciously starting arguments with this outcome in mind, but he’s learned from life experience that he always feels better after putting someone down in an argument.

For Joe starting an argument is completely functional because he feels better with every argument he wins. But the only way he can get the outcome he desires is if someone else is willing to argue with him.

If you are arguing with Joe regularly, obviously you are co-creating the situation. Joe knows, on some level, you are game for a fight.

There is nothing you can do to change Joe’s behavior, but you can take control of the situation. You can change the part of the situation you are creating. If you refuse to argue with Joe, an argument can’t happen. If the argument can’t happen then Joe no longer gets what he’s seeking out of the interaction (e.g., the opportunity to feel superior). Because Joe is no longer getting what he wants from the relationship, the interaction is no longer functional for him. Therefore, he will find someone else to argue with.

In the beginning Joe has his need (to feel superior) and the environment (your willingness to push back) in place to meet his needs. When you change your behavior (no longer willing to engage in the argument), you have completely changed the environment. You’re not changing Joe’s actions, but since he can no longer get what he needs in this environment he moves to a new environment (another person) to have his needs fulfilled.

The beauty of this is you have not had to change someone else’s behavior, you have simply changed the one thing you have control over: yourself. When we work from this point of view we are no longer a victim of a situation/circumstance; instead we are taking charge of ourselves – the one thing we CAN control.

Knowing What To Change In Ourselves

Most of our relationships won’t be as cut and dried as the example I ‘ve just given. Most of the time we won’t know other people’s motives and what they are getting functionally out of our relationships. The only thing we are going to know is that we have relationships and interactions that are less than fulfilling and often draining or painful.

The good news is we don’t have to know why others are acting the way they are or what they’re getting out of the interaction. The only thing we need to know is what we find uncomfortable and what we would like to see changed.

This is where EFT enters into the equation. Even if we don’t know what part of ourselves is allowing the situation to be co-created we are going to be able to tap to change ourselves. Either the relationship will become more as we want it to be, or the other person will seek out another person who will accept the old style of relationship.

The first thing we tap on is the emotions we feel. In this case there are a whole host of emotions that you could be feeling from the interaction with Joe. You could feel angry, overwhelmed, or annoyed whenever Joe comes around because an argument is inevitable. You might also be frustrated that you can’t get your job done, that you are being picked on, that you are not in control, and so on. All of these are tappable issues.

The second thing we can do is tap on the fact that we are co-creating this relationship and on some level this interaction must be feeding us as well. Now it might sound silly to say we are creating such a painful situation for ourselves, but I think it’s true. For example, you may feel insecure at work and afraid that if you take on too much responsibility you are going to become overwhelmed and fail. So you allow the fight to happen because it will keep you where you’re comfortable with your responsibilities. In this example the argument is functional for you as well because it is serving this need.

Usually it is very hard to see how difficult relationships that we co-create are serving us. In those cases we can simply tap on the fact that even though part of us is being served, we want to change whatever benefits from our difficult relationships.

The tapping could look something like this:

I am in a relationship that I don’t like…Joe finds a way to start an argument with me every day…I really don’t enjoy it…I wish he would stop…at the same time I am willing to admit that I’m co-creating this relationship on some level…I must be willing to accept my responsibility for the part of the relationship I’m creating…this is hard to admit…but I know the only way I can heal past this is if I admit this fact…I forgive myself for co-creating this relationship…I forgive myself for believing this is serving me on some level … whatever part of me that feels this is serving me can now let this go…I choose to heal the part of me that feels it needs this relationship…I give myself permission to change the way I approach this relationship…I give myself permission to think different thoughts about this relationship…I take back the power to choose a different action in this relationship…I know I can’t change anyone but myself…I know that if I change myself I will change the landscape of this relationship, and then by its very nature the relationship will have to change…I know I can make this change…because all I need to change is myself. [How to use these tapping phrases]

A number of my clients have reported radical changes in their relationships in a very short period of time by doing this two-step approach to tapping on their relationships. I believe the reason this approach is so effective and powerful is because we are taking back control over ourselves instead of hoping factors in the world would change.

So to that end, we have not truly done surrogating tapping for someone else. Even though we are tuning in to someone else, really what we are doing is tuning in to someone else and seeing what is arising in us — that is, our stuff — and we are tapping on our own stuff.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Cold and Flu

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Cold and Flu season is coming. Is there a way I can use EFT to keep myself healthy?

I have used Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) very effectively against cold and flu symptoms in two ways. One is preventive and the other is symptom management.

Prevention
I have found it is very helpful to take a little time each morning and night to do tapping for general health. I take a few deep breaths to relax myself, tune into my body, and tap on phases like this:

I am so blessed to have the body I have…it is so sophisticated in all that it can do…it is a system that is built with amazing balance…when something doesn’t work well it has the power and tools to correct and heal…I know my body has everything it needs to maintain optimum health…my body was made for heath…I am thankful for this fact…right now I give all my intention to the healing powers of my body…if there are any blocks to the healing power of my body…I tune into them right now…I see these blocks clearly…and I let them go…my body can remove these blocks effortlessly…as the blocks are removed my body is able to function as it was made to…in total health…I tune into any bacteria, fungus, or virus that prevents my body from being at total health…be these bacteria, fungus, or viruses be known or hidden…I release the body’s healing powers on these bacteria, fungus, and viruses…my body is able to manage all of these intruders…bring my body back to total health…I am thankful for how my body is able to work back to health…any resources the healing part of my body needs to bring my body back to health I hand those resources over right now…once again I tune into any blocks to my healing that are in my body, mind, or spirit…I give my body permission to let these blocks go…anything that is preventing my body from maintaining health I remove and clear right now…I now tune into any part of my body that is designed for growth…I give thanks for the parts of my body that are committed to my growth…I tune in to any of the blocks in my mind, body, or spirit that are preventing my body from growing in the ways it is designed to grow…I let go of any and all of the blocks I have to growth…these blocks are no longer needed…I see and feel them being let go…I give thanks for the amazing power of my body…I know my body is made to heal and grow…I give my body permission to heal and grow [How to use these tapping phrases]

Symptom Management
Just because I know (and teach) the tools of keeping my body healthy it doesn’t mean that I always use them, so even I get sick. One of my favorite techniques for dealing with cold and flu symptoms is what I call the “Tissue Technique”.

This technique is very simple – all you do is blow your nose AND spit into the tissue.

This sounds gross, but what you’ve just done is collected a live culture of most of the bugs that are in your system.

Next you hold the tissue in your hand, place your intention on what is in your hand, and begin tapping on all the bugs at once. I recommend doing this every hour or so.

Note: Just because you are no longer feeling the symptoms does not mean that you have gotten rid of all the bugs. I have tended to forget tapping every hour once I feel better, giving the bugs a chance to reclaim my body. I recommend that you use this technique for 24 hours past the time that you feel better. This will insure you are completely cleaning out all the bugs.

When I was first introduced to this technique I was very sick. Over the course of a day I had a spit cup that I spit into throughout the day. Every hour or so I’d pick up the cup, focus on it, and tap. As I did this I could feel congestion breaking up and my energy level rising. Yes, that’s really gross! But it’s worth it to get healthy.

Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action

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I was introduced to EFT about a year ago and I love it. I’m amazed at the way it quickly gets rid of unwanted emotions, but I’m wondering if this is always a good thing. I made some really poor choices in the past. I feel really bad about these choices. I know EFT would be a great tool for getting rid of these emotions, but I’m afraid that if I don’t feel bad about them that I am condoning the past behavior. Is it okay to let go of these negative emotions about my past choices?

At its core this question is about forgiveness. Sometimes this question is about forgiving ourselves (like the questions above); other times it’s about forgiving others. “If I forgive them for hurting me I am saying what they did is okay.”

The person who asked this question is exactly right. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool for helping us to forgive, but forgiveness can be a tricky business.

Forgiveness can come along with lots of baggage.

  • “If I forgive myself I am going to make the same mistake again”
  • “If I forgive I am saying what happen was right”
  • “If I forgive they are going to do the same thing to someone else and I will have condoned it.”
  • “I did something wrong and I deserve to suffer, not to be forgiven.”
  • “If I forgive them then I am going to give up my status as victim and I don't know how to live not as a victim.  People only give me attention because I am a victim and they will all leave me.” [This was a real fear of one of my clients.]

When discussing forgiveness it’s a good idea to look at forgiving oneself and forgiving others separately.

Forgiving Ourselves
Forgiveness and un-forgiveness are routinely accompanied by regret and/or guilt. Even though these two emotions are very similar they are different in a very striking way.

For example, I may say, “I regret eating that extra candy bar.” When I make this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice because I now understand the consequences of that choice, but it’s not something I am emotionally bound up in right now.

To feel guilty about something is not only to wish we had made a different choice, but we also feel emotionally bad in the moment. “I feel guilty for eating that extra candy bar.” With this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice and I feel bad about that choice right now.

When we forgive ourselves we are not saying we made a good choice in the past. We are not saying we will make the same choice again. We are not saying we didn’t learn from the past. Instead, when we forgive we are moving from guilt to regret.

Guilt is debilitating. Regret is instructive. That is why forgiveness of our self is so important. When we forgive we move from being an emotional prisoner of the past to learning from the past.

Forgiving Others
When it comes to forgiving others the most powerful idea I have encountered is, “When we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive someone else we are wishing ill on them and taking the poison ourselves.” When we refuse to forgive someone else we are not hurting the person in any way. We are only hurting ourselves by carrying around the ill will (and sometimes hatred) for someone else.

When we choose to forgive someone else we are doing this solely for ourselves. We are not condoning their action. We are not saying they can take this action against us (or anyone else) again. We are simply saying, “I choose not to be a prisoner to this past action. I will no longer carry this poison of guilt, hatred and un-forgiveness in my body.”

How To Use EFT To Forgive
Often we hear the phrase, “forgive and forget.” This is a really accurate — and sometimes destructive — sentiment. When we forgive we are not forgetting what has come before. We still keep the lessons from the past. We are going to make choices in the future to keep us safe from the same situation. When we forgive we are simply choosing not to be an emotional prisoner to the past.

With that in mind, I think it is very important to carry the ideas of why we forgive into our tapping, not just the fact that we are forgiving. By doing this we are able to not only deal with the emotions around what needs to be forgiven, but we are also dealing with all the resistance we have to offering forgiveness.

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving oneself:

Just because I am forgiving myself for past actions, this doesn’t mean I am saying those were good choices…those choices are who I was…not who I am…I have learned from those choices…I don’t need to be holding onto the guilt to make sure I make good choices in the future…by holding onto guilt I am continuing to punish myself…I don’t need to keep punishing myself…I give my self permission to forgive myself…I choose to know forgiving myself is allowed…I choose to know forgiving myself is a path to health…and not forgiving myself is not a path to health…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself yet…I know I have learned the lesson from the past poor choice…I give myself permission to let this go and move on. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving someone else:

I give myself permission to forgive [insert name]…When I forgive them I am not saying what they did is right…when I offer forgiveness it is all about me…it has nothing to do with them…it has nothing to do with condoning their actions…I am letting go of this so I am no longer imprisoned by the past…when I hold a grudge it is like I am wishing ill on someone else but taking the poison myself…I need to forgive for my health and well being…this choice is for me…it is not for them…I also forgive myself for not giving forgiveness earlier…what matters is that I am now choosing to move on…by giving forgiveness I am not giving them permission to do the same thing again…when I forgive it doesn’t mean that I have not learned a lesson from this…I have learned from this…when I forgive I am not inviting this in again…I am forgiving so I can move on…when I forgive I still might remember what happened, but I am no longer imprisoned by what happened…forgiveness can be hard…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I go through the forgiveness process…I am doing this for me…and no one else…and I am allowed to do this for myself…it doesn’t matter if the other person deserves forgiveness…I deserve to forgive…because it is the best thing for me [How to use these tapping phrases]

Using Color With EFT

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I was on the teleclass you did with Catherine Poole on color and I loved it. But there is still something I am confused about. She talked about how each type of physical issue is related to a color (or a couple of colors). It sounds like if we are suffering in that part of our body we could tap using EFT and just image that color coming in. My questions is how do I know which color to bring in?

I asked Catherine if she would answer this question by creating a list of issues, by color, that we could pay attention to when we are doing EFT on ourselves or with a client. Below you will find her response on (in her words) “how to listen to what the body needs”.

[This article is by Catherine Poole. Catherine is a medical intuitive who has spent decades studying and teaching color theory. In this article she explores what each color represents when it comes to healing. At the end of this article there is a short audio which shows you how to combine color with EFT. Catherine is available for private readings (which can be done in phone sessions) and can be contacted at http://CatherinePoole.com/.]

Base/Red Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about family, their church, their government? Parents (living or dead)? Childhood? Job? Money?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Foundation/Solids
  • Any system or organ that relates to solids can be affected when one gives too much of this base energy away or they are attracting too much to them.
  • Arthritis
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Constipation
  • Teeth
  • Joints
  • Muscles
  • Bones
  • Legs
  • Weight
  • Lower Back
  • ED

Sacral/Orange Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about one particular person that “ticks them off”? Are they emotional? Afraid? Resentful? Guilty? Do they have sexual issues? Mother issues? Daughter/Son issues? Sibling issues?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Kidneys, Urethra, Bladder
  • Lower Back
  • Reproductive System
  • Lymphatic System
  • Circulatory w/Heart Center
  • ED/Impotence/Frigidity
  • Endometriosis
  • Infertility
  • Cysts/Cancer
  • Allergies
  • Bedwetting (incontinence)
  • Crohn's Disease
  • Diarrhea
  • Lymph glands (Hodgkin's, Swollen)
  • Kidney Stones
  • Lupus
  • Breast Cancer (also Heart Chakra)
  • Compromised Immune System

Solar Plexus/Yellow Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they consistently apologize? Choose to “not make waves”? Are they always “tired” of something? Depressed? Confused? Feel that others control their life? Always worried? “I'm afraid”

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Represents element of fire: how we burn energy.
  • Stomach
  • Pancreas, gall bladder
  • Small intestine
  • The sugar level in our blood relates to the amount of sweetness and love in our lives.
  • There is a great desire for affection and love, yet an inability to know how to act if it is received.
  • This gives rise to anger and resentment, a blaming of others for our own inner fear and confusion in dealing with love.
  • Acne (low self esteem)
  • Anorexia (rejection)
  • Bulimia (abandonment)
  • Blood Cell Disorders (not worth living)
  • Crohn's Disease (gripping fear)
  • Diabetes (sweetness)
  • Obesity (ashamed)
  • Agoraphobia
  • Adrenal Gland Challenges (fight or flight)
  • Indigestion (can't stomach life)
  • Back Pain (5th-11th Dorsal Vertebrae)-material
  • Nausea (worry)
  • Motion Sickness (control)
  • Ulcer (no control)

Heart /Green Energy
What do they talk about?
Are they fearful of relationships? Letting go, being free? getting hurt? being abandoned? Family members getting hurt? Do they “hate” things? Do they need constant reassurance? (always ask if everything is “OK”?)

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Element of Air anything that flows.
  • Heart
  • Lungs
  • Esophagus/Trachea
  • Arteries/Blood
  • Immune System: thymus, lymph glands
  • Asthma (take on too much)
  • Upper Back and Neck (stop being the emotional support for others)
  • Cancer
  • old (easily influenced by external forces)
  • Cough (easily irritated)
  • Hiccups (enough is enough, gain control)
  • Snoring (repressed your “noise” during the day)
  • Blood Disorders: urgent message that you need a profound shift in self-image
  • High cholesterol  (arteriosclerosis)
  • High Blood Pressure

Throat /Blue Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they often say “to tell you the truth”? Do they “uhm”? Are they shy? Quiet? Inconsistent? Unreliable? Manipulative? Have trouble expressing their thoughts? Clear their throat? Persistent cough? Use words associated with talking, hearing, listening?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Any organ that involves communication.
  • Ears/Mouth/Throat
  • Thyroid/Parathyroid
  • Hearing Loss
  • Inner Ear (off balance)
  • Vertigo/Meniere's Dis-ease
  • Ear Infections
  • Lip Biting
  • TMJ (anger, resentment, revenge)
  • Teeth (defensive, fear of wrong decisions)

Third Eye/Indigo and Violet Energy
What do you talk about?
Are they undisciplined? Oversensitive to the feelings of others? Read too much into things? Other examples are authoritarian personalities, “egomaniacs” are opinionated visionaries, there is an imbalance between higher self and ego self. Nightmares and night terrors as well as overactive imaginations can create deficiencies in this area.

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Pineal Gland
  • Third Eye
  • Eyes
  • Sinuses
  • Nose
  • Nose: Represents Self Recognition
  • Sinus (Irritation to one person)
  • Nose Bleeds (Recognition)
  • Snoring (also with green and blue)

Crown/All (White) Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they talk about feeling hopeless? Or a relationship being hopeless? Lack joy? Refer to someone or something as “a headache”? Are they constantly frustrated and can't make decisions? Saying “I don't know”?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Corresponding Organs
  • Crown of the Head
  • Pituitary Gland
  • Brain
  • Only place on the body where bone (foundation) covers tissue rather than tissue covers bone.
  • White energy represents the capacity to process
  • Autism
  • ADD, ADHD
  • Coma (escape, fear of something, someone)

What if you don't know what color to bring?
Still confused on what color you might want to add to your EFT? The body knows what you need. Trust its wisdom. Here is a simple way to make sure you get the right color.

  • Would you like to have a version of this audio you can download, burn to a CD or load on your mp3 player? Buy it here
  • You can hear a full version of the teleclass Catherine gave here: Color, Disease, and EFT

Not Sure How To Be Specific – AKA I Don’t know what to say (part 6)

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I know EFT is most effective when I am really specific about what I am tapping on, but I am really having a problem with that because there are so many emotions at once I don’t know where to start. One thought leads to the next that leads to the next. What do I do when I don’t know what to focus on because there is so much going on at once?

Almost every resource on Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), including mine, will tell you that the fastest way to have success with EFT is to be as specific as possible. But there are times when this is really hard to do. Unfortunately, when we don’t know where to start we are much less likely to do any EFT at all.

Having a whole constellation of emotions all at once is much more common than you would think. It most often happens with my clients when we are starting a session. At the beginning of a session, after the small talk, I generally ask the client, “What would you like to spend our time on today?”

My client will then share what their hope is for the session. Sometimes they will have a whole list of issues. These issues can be related to each other, or they might be just a whole group of issues that have come up since we last talked. Often after talking about what they would like to work on they will be very emotional (because of all the emotion they stirred up as they described their issues) or they will say something like, “…and I have no idea where to begin.”

In these cases I would lead them in a tapping session much like this:

“I would like you to start tapping and close your eyes…take a deep breath…I would like you to tune into all the emotions and issues you just brought up…not in any specific way…but just in a general way…tune into the total constellation of emotions…don’t try in any way to see any specific part…just tune into them all together…you might notice them somewhere in your body…or outside your body…just listen to my words…right now I have lots of emotions all at once…I am not sure where to start with all these emotions…but that’s okay…we have lots of time to deal with them in the order they need to be dealt with…I am thankful for all these emotions…every one of these emotions represents a part of my that is trying to protect me…or a lesson my body wants me to learn…I am thankful that my body is willing to do this for me…to take care of me by having me feel these emotions…but right now what I really want to do is learn these lessons…and let these emotions pass…I thank my body for its healing ability…and the fact that I can let these go right now…right now I see light and energy and healing pouring into this constellation of emotions…there is some other place these emotions are needed in the universe…they are no longer needed here…so any of these emotions that need to go somewhere else can do that now…any of the emotions that want to stick around are now changed into something else that is helpful to me…just feel the constellation of emotion melting away…one more deep breath…and open your eyes. [How to use these tapping phrases]

After we do this, I check in with my client to see what has come to mind and where we need to head next. Typically this has calmed my client down a great deal, enough that they can see much more clearly what they need to be tapping on next.

This might be compared to cleaning a house that hasn’t been lived in for a long time. When you first walk in it’s completely overwhelming because trash and dirt are everywhere. The first step is to get some big plastic bags and just walk through the house grabbing all the big things that are obviously trash. After you do this you can see more clearly what the next step is.

You don’t need to be working with a practitioner to do something like this. The next time you’re struggling to know where to begin your tapping, take a few moments to just tap on the group of emotions. After you do this you will have a little more focus knowing which issues to tune in to first.

The Power of Color

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There are a number of healing traditions that use color as part of the healing process. Is it possible to use these techniques or color in general in combination with EFT?

[This article is by Catherine Poole.  Catherine is a medical intuitive who has spent decades studying and teaching color theory. In this article she explores what each color represents when it comes to healing.  At the end of this article there is a short audio which shows you how to combine color with EFT. Catherine is available for private reading (which can be done in phone sessions) and can be contacted at http://CatherinePoole.com/.
Teleclass with Catherine Poole: Color, Disease and EFT]

Your body knows what colors you need to improve and balance your emotional state. Color is not simply a pleasurable aesthetic experience. Color is energy and our bodies are energy. Color does not solely exist in order to make our world look pretty. Color vibrates, is energy, and it gives us energy and can help with our moods. Color influences each of us physically as well as psychologically and emotionally. Color is associated with specific qualities and certain colors can be used to promote certain abilities.

Every color projects a mood because each color effects certain emotions and certain centers of energy in your body, and also influence certain organs and functions. I taught color theory and human response to color for many years and was a professor at the University of Notre Dame from 1991-2001. I now use my research and knowledge to help clients, doctors and their patients understand color, energy, health and attitude. As a medical intuitive, my work is similar to how a criminal profiler works with police, I help clients understand WHAT their body is communicating and how to listen, understand and heal. Color is a vital factor in the healing process. Color can provide you with energy, healing opportunities and insight into your life.

Red symbolizes raw human emotions therefore sex, drugs and rock & roll! It is unpredictable, intense and can be associated with fear and control. It stimulates the release of adrenaline into the blood stream. Red is associated with all body parts involving solids. Bones, muscles, teeth, and organs dealing with solid waste (large intestine and colon) are all associated with base or red energy.

  • Provides strength, stamina, energy and can indicate one to “stop” and make a choice.
  • Loosens muscles, relieves joint pain
  • Aids in reconditioning paralyzed muscles, great for physical therapy.
  • Helps with circulation
  • Beneficial to people that chill or catch colds easily

Orange influences areas of your body dealing with fluid/water such as kidneys, lymphatic system, blood, even menstrual flow and reproductive areas. Orange also represents emotions and creativity, promotes a happy outlook, so it helps with issues of sadness.

Bring on the orange when:

  • you need to speed things up
  • you need to initiate interest in what is going on around you
  • you need to stop taking yourself too seriously
  • you are afraid to enjoy yourself (sexually)
  • you can't let go of your past (“what if’s” or “if I had only’s”)*

Yellow represents your sense of self. Yellow influences areas of your body that burn energy, such as stomach, pancreas, small intestine and any organs which deal with metabolizing food. Yellow promotes healthy self-image, and supports ego. Yellow stimulates thinking and supports the quest for knowledge.

Bring on the yellow when:

  • there's confusion or indecision
  • there is a tendency to SAD in dull weather
  • dieting
  • there is nervous exhaustion, “burn out” panic attacks‚ – boost a weak, confused immune system

Many associate the color pink or red with love. However, it is actually green which emanates love. Green represents teaching and relationships. Green assists us in relating to our environment, our relationships with ourselves or others, and with our spiritual source. Green influences areas of your body dealing with air, control and nurturing such as lungs, heart and breasts. I do not encourage wearing a lot of green when healing from cancer, blue is more beneficial, although green holds the self-esteem qualities of yellow and the healing qualities of blue, green can promote growth, so use it in balance, but not extensively.

Bring on the green when:

  • you're feeling restricted
  • you need change but fear the unknown
  • there is a need for new ideas
  • you would like to break habits or patterns
  • you need balance

The throat center is your center of communication. Truth, loyalty, honesty are all represented by the color blue. Blue influences areas of your body that address communication, such as the throat, ears and even hands. Blue is calming and healing. I often recommend those healing from breast cancer wear blue bras, but also wear a blue stone or necklace which helps enhance the healing process.

Bring on the blue when:

  • Blue is the OPTIMUM healing color! When healing, wear blue, envision blue.
  • You want to calm agitated, excitable, or chaotic states
  • You want to communicate clearly
  • You are looking for peace, detachment, solitude and rest

Violet is the color of intuition and integration of ideas. It is associated with eyes and your sinuses. It combines the healing, calming qualities of blue and the energy of red, therefore it helps in balancing your life.

Bring on the violet when:

  • You want to speed up natural healing of the body
  • You want to calm hyperactivity or energize lethargy or depression
  • You want to remove obstacles from your life
  • You want to stimulate your imagination in positive ways

Indigo holds more healing qualities of blue, whereas violet has a tendency toward red.

Bring on the indigo when:

  • A need to focus on personal issues, beliefs and ideas
  • A need to cool and quiet normal mental processes
  • A need to relieve physical, mental and emotional pain
  • A need for temporary relief of everyday
  • A need for space and solitude

White is all colors and when added to create pastels, white brings a sense of calming. The addition of white promotes a “higher” quality of the color from which it originates. Pink, for example is nurturing and spiritual because it takes the passion and energy of red and calms it down to the nurturing qualities of pink.

Black is what I refer to as a magnifier. Those trying to intimidate by wearing all black are really communicating they need direction! Black magnifies any adjacent color Black absorbs color and is easily influenced. If you need benefits of a color but do not want to be decked out in red or yellow, wear black and accent with the color you feel you need. Let black do the work for you and take the color healing and color energy to the place on your body that needs it most! This can be done with jewelry, a scarf, a belt or a shirt or sweater.

Accenting with a color can bring in a mood or certain direction into your life. If you are depressed, buy an orange mouse pad or placemats. Drink from a green coffee mug if you do not like who you are at the moment! (“I love me” is a great corresponding affirmation with green.) You can change the entire energy of a room by painting a corresponding stripe on the wall or changing the throw rugs or accent pillows. It does not have to be a complete renovation. But again ask yourself what you need to bring into your life and work with the corresponding color. What was going on in your life when you decided to paint your bedroom?, bought a new shirts? or introduced a new color in your life? You can better understand what is happening and what energy you need by comparing color to what is occurring in their life. Chances are you need the energy of that color to help you heal and move forward.

  • Would you like to have a version of this audio you can download, burn to a CD or load on your mp3 player? Buy it here

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

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[Note: Since posting this in 2008 I have written a guide for parents. You can find it here: EFT for ASD]

Anyone who has the opportunity to get to know a family with a child who has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) knows how baffling and mysterious ASD can be.

One of my regular clients has a son, “Nathan”, who was diagnosed with ASD. About two years ago I approached Nathan’s father, “Jason”, and share with him that EFT can be very effective for clearing up substance sensitivities. In a number of cases symptoms of children with ASD have radically improved when substance sensitivities had been cleared up.

[“Defeat Autism Now! (DAN)” (a collection of medical doctors, research scientists, and parents) is leading the charge in showing how substance sensitivities can be related to the symptoms of ASD. Their protocol is very thorough, dealing with but not limited to allergies, diet, digestive enzymes, vitamins and minerals, and the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. These areas are taken one at a time. Each child responds differently to each step, but it gives parents and doctors a methodical approach to deal with symptoms.]
With some skepticism Jason agreed to try surrogate tapping for Nathan’s sensitivities. Using surrogate muscle testing I created a protocol of substances to tap for and time frames to tap for each substance (e.g., times a day and number of days). To help reduce Jason’s skepticism I told him, “Even if nothing comes of the tapping, you will be thinking loving thoughts about your son a few times a day.”

Just as a coincidence the day Jason started tapping for Nathan, Nathan was taken to a language lab and tested out having the verbal skills of a 20 month old. He was six at the time. Two weeks later, when the language lab started for the school year, Nathan was asked to leave because his verbal skills tested equal to those of a 5 1/2 year old.

Seemingly overnight Nathan started speaking in complete sentence and using three syllable words. The only change in those two weeks was the surrogate tapping of the parents.

Within three months Nathan’s general practitioner had taken him off all of his behavior medications. Jason reported the GP saying, “I have no idea what you’re doing, but don’t stop.”

Over the last few years Nathan’s parents have been slowly working through the DAN protocol. As part of the process a number of months ago Nathan was tested for and diagnosed with “leaky gut,” a very common condition for children with ASD. In very simple terms, leaky gut involves microscopic holes in the lining of the GI tract. Particles of food slip through these holes, moving directly into the blood stream without being properly processed.

Because of some other medical treatments Nathan was going through, they were not going to start the leaky gut treatment for three months after the diagnosis. I asked Jason if he was willing to do another surrogate tapping experiment. Having seen the obvious successes from clearing up the substance sensitivities, he was excited to try.

I drew Jason a very crude drawing of what the cells in the lining of the GI tract look like and what happens when leaky gut occurs. Each night for a few minutes Jason would tune into Nathan and see the cells moving back together, closing the holes, while tapping.

Three months later when it was time to start the leaky gut treatment Nathan was retested for a base line. In the three months that Jason had been tapping Nathan’s leaky gut had improved dramatically. The doctors were quite surprised.

We are now looking at each of the steps of the DAN protocol to find ways that each of those steps can be surrogately tapped for.

Getting Started

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I know EFT works because it has worked for me before. For some reason I just can’t get myself to sit down and do the tapping I want and need to do. What is my problem, and is there anything I can do about it?


photo by Jon Marshall

I’ve lived this reality myself. I know how powerful Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is. But there are times that I just can’t do the work I know I need to do. [As a side note, sometimes I then get frustrated with myself for not doing the work I need to do, which makes me feel worse. That is a story for another time.]y for another time.]

Avoidance of tapping is a very common problem. There are a number of very good reasons for this type of resistance.

First, change can be scary. Change implies something different. Different is unknown. Unknown can bring problems we doubt we can handle. Sure there might be problems right now, but we know how to manage these problems. It may not be perfect, but we have tools to deal with it. Even though it feels good to leave these problems behind, it’s hard to move to a place where there might be new problems we can’t manage.

Second, the current situation with its associated emotional baggage is serving us. Every piece (e.g., a fear that protects us from danger or a limiting belief that keeps us from stepping out only to fail). On some level we know this baggage is serving us.

Intellectually we can understand that these are not good reasons to resist doing the EFT work we need to do, but that does not stop there power from preventing us from sitting down to do EFT. For this reason, I love starting an EFT session by tapping away any resistance to change that exists.

It takes only a few minutes. Once I have done this I am ready to go after my issues.

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Getting What We Want (Part 4 of 4) – Taking Inspired Action

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I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

So far we have named what we didn't want, named what we do what, and started to get clear of the emotional blocks that are preventing us from moving forward. There is one final step. We need to take action.

Often when the idea of getting what we want is presented it is oversimplified.

“Just think about what you want and you will get it. It's really that simple.”

But without action nothing happens. I can spend hours thinking and dreaming about the most beautiful amazing sandwich ever made, but if I don’t open my eyes and take some action I will just sit quietly in my living room slowly starving.

It is certainly possible for a great sandwich to arrive with little effort in a way I never dreamed, taste like nothing I have ever had before, and cost me nothing, but usually I need to do something first.

I need to act. This might seem to be the most obvious step, but somehow we often miss this step (or as we talked about in the last step, there are compelling reasons for us not to take this step).

I know how hard it is to take action to get what we want. As we talked about in step three, there can be many penalties for taking action. We could fail, be unsatisfied, or make the situation worse.

These possibilities often make action steps daunting. In step three we named many underlying unspoken fears. If we take the time to apply Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to these worries, taking action will be much easier because fears have subsided and resistance has melted away.

Now it’s time to consider what type of action you want to take. Not all actions will effectively lead you toward your goal.

We’ve been using the example of job satisfaction in this series of articles. Does this mean that since you’ve cleared your emotional blocks that it’s time to walk into your boss’s office and quit today? Maybe. Maybe not.

There are a number of ways that you can make changes to improve your job situation. Maybe because you have a better sense of what you need from your job and feel more confident to speak up for yourself you can negotiate a change at your current job. You also might be in a situation where you are supporting a family and it would be impractical to quit your job without having a new source for a paycheck.

So how do we know which is the right action to take? To be honest there is no way to “know” with 100% certainty which is the right action to take (at least I haven’t found it so), but there are times where I have felt inspired to take a certain action. This inspiration is not so much about believing the action will lead me to a definite, expected outcome. It’s more a case of feeling it is the right action to make now because it matches my new vision minus the limitations, or blocks, that once existed.

Let me explain.

I believe deep at my core is a still small voice of inspiration. This voice is never quiet. It is constantly speaking the truth of who I am. It sees past all of my worries, fears, and doubts. All of the emotional blocks we cleaned up in step three have no effect on this small voice. As it speaks the truth, it constantly encourages me to move closer and closer to who I am truly meant to be.

When we have all the “noise” of the emotional blocks running through our heads (for example, ”You can’t do that.” “What is your family going to think?” “You are going to fail again.” “You don’t deserve better.”), it’s very difficult to hear the still small voice of inspiration.

Once all the noise is quieted, we are more able to hear this still small voice. Then ideas, thoughts, and inspirations start floating to the forefront of our minds. We begin to see opportunities we didn’t see before, and progress comes easier to us.

I truly believe all of these opportunities and inspiration have always been there, but now we are able to see them.

For many of us it’s difficult to trust the inspiration that bubbles up inside. You might be asking yourself, “How can I tell the difference between some hair-brained scheme that gets me in trouble and true inspiration?”

For me, discerning between the two has been a learned skill. The more I trust my intuition, the more things works out easily, and the more I trust my intuition.

I have also added a tapping routine to being open to true inspiration in my life. It goes something like this:

I know a part of me is guiding me to my higher self…a part of me is only speaking the truth about who I am at my core…who I am in my very nature…I am very happy I have this still small voice guiding me…but there are times it is very hard for me to hear this voice…or to trust this is the part that is leading me forward…any block I have to hearing or trusting this voice…I now name it…thank it for trying to protect me…and let it go…I give myself permission to trust the wisdom that is inside me…as I move through my day I give this still small voice permission to speak up and guide…I know I am in full control and can make any choice I want…I am just looking for guidance…bring the guidance to me in unusual and unexpected ways…because if this happens I will be more likely to recognize where the inspiration is coming from…this will make me more willing to trust this inspiration in the future…I give myself permission to make the hard choices…in big and small ways…to make changes to my life today [How to use these tapping phrases]

When I start my day like this I am more likely to be open to the still small voice guiding me to better things.

Conclusion
It is possible for us to radically change our lives for the better. EFT can be a great tool in achieving these changes. Before we can make changes to our life we need to know how we want to change our lives. Often it is easier to name what we don’t want in our lives than what we do want. Once we have named how we would like to change our lives, it is important to clear out the emotional blocks that are preventing us from making these changes. Even when we have a very clear picture of how we would like our lives to change and have very compelling reasons to make these changes, it can be very hard to make these changes because of these emotional blocks. Finally, as the emotional blocks melt away, it becomes possible for us to take direct action, not just mind action. Because we have cleared out the noise that comes along with emotional blocks, we are able to hear the still voice of inspiration leading us to live as we truly are.

Where To Tap

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How do I use the tapping phrases you suggest in your articles?

Here is the exact question I received recently from one of my readers:

Q: At the end of your first article you give a tapping suggestion:

“Tapping for this might look like: I am not a complainer…and I don’t want to be seen as a complainer…I know that there are many blessings in my life…I am thankful for these blessings…but I know that I can have more and I deserve more…in order to move down this path to get closer to what I want I need to name what I don’t want…for this short period of time I give myself permission to name the things I don’t like about my life…I know I am not going to harp on these things…but this is just a step in getting closer to the life I want…I am thankful I have the chance to consider these changes.”

This is a lot of talking, just how do you tap saying all of this? Do you tap it all using the Side of Hand? Or do you tap on all 9 points while saying all of this?

A: My personal style of tapping is very free form. I have found it just as helpful and sometime more helpful to tap out of sequence. I basically let my tapping hand go where it needs to tap next. Each of the phrases listed here would be for a tapping point. So each time you come to a “…” you move on to a new point. If you would like to follow the basic recipe and tap in that order, that is great. If you want to tap in some other order that is great as well.

Also, these are just suggested phrases. You might have more appropriate phases for your worldview. Trust yourself. Be easy with yourself.

Getting What We Want (part 3 of 4) – Getting Clear of Emotional Blocks

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I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number three in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we will look at the third of four steps in using EFT to change aspects of our lives.]

So far we have looked at What We Don't Want and Knowing What We Do Want. Both of these steps are very important in making all types of changes in our lives, whether big or small.

There are countless books and on-line resources to help you to make changes to your life to get what you want. Almost without exception they define a process similar to the one outlined in steps one and two of naming what we want.

The problem? This is where most of them stop. Creating lists of goals (which is basically what we have done thus far) have been proven time and again to move us closer to the changes we want to see in our lives.

But this is not enough. If it were really as easy as simply writing down what we want to accomplish then our “To Do” list would get done everyday. If you’re like me, this just doesn’t happen.

Getting into shape is a perfect example of how writing lists of goals is not enough. There is very little mystery to getting into shape. We need to find a little time three or four times a week and do some exercise.

Getting into shape is a perfect example of how writing lists of goals is not enough. There is very little mystery to getting fit. We need to schedule in exercise three or four times a week. That’s all. Yet so many of us can’t stick with this relatively simple goal.

So what’s really the problem? It’s not clarity of the goal. We’ve identified that. It’s not coming up with an exercise plan. Even if we have no experience with exercise, finding the steps of a good beginner program are just a few clicks of a computer mouse away. For most of us the issue isn’t even the time it takes. Most of us can find 20 minutes three days a week to exercise.

[Note: Some goals and changes we might wish to make will involve steps we can’t identify easily. We will address these types of goals in step four.]

The problem? Generally it’s emotional blocks that keep us from following through on our goals.

There are three basic types of emotional blocks: believing we are not capable of achieving the goal, believing we are not worthy of achieving the goal, and believing there is a penalty for achieving the goal. Let’s look at these one at a time.

Not Being Capable: This occurs when we have the emotional belief that the goal is too big for us. We might easily see others achieving this goal, but we honestly doubt it is possible for us. In many cases we are intellectually able to see this belief is wrong. We know logically that we can work out regularly to get into shape, but part of us believes “I don’t have the will power to work out three times a week.” Because we have the belief it is not possible for us, something in us prevents us from acting so we don’t try something at which we are inevitably going to fail.

Not Being Worthy: This is a subtler emotional block than not being capable. With this emotional block we believe it is possible to have something better, but for some reason we can’t believe that we are worthy of this sort of change. The emotional block can best be summarized in belief statements like: “I have it so much better than others. I shouldn’t ask for more.‚” “I don’t work hard enough to deserve that.” Because we believe we are not worthy of the goal we will prevent ourselves from acting.

Believing There Is A Penalty: When we have this emotional block we expect to suffer negative consequences for achieving our goal. Some of these beliefs are: “If I achieve this, people are going to keep expecting better things from me and I will let them down.” “If I achieve this goal I may backslide and then I’ll feel worse.” “If I achieve this goal my friends/family are going to be jealous.” “If I achieve this goal it will mean more (unwanted) work for me.” Because part of us believes that achieving this goal is going to cause us some sort of problem, we block ourselves from taking the steps to achieve the goal. Of the three basic types of emotional blocks this is often the most difficult to name.

As we know, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is an excellent tool for clearing emotional blocks like the three types sketched out above. Doing this is very simple. We now apply three questions to each of the characteristics of what we want.

The questions are based on the three types of emotional blocks. These questions are very powerful, even though they seem quite obvious. They are:

  • Why don't I think I am capable of achieving this?
  • Why don't I think I am worthy of achieving this?
  • What is the worse thing that could happen if I achieve this?

To see how this works, let’s take the example of finding a better job from parts one and two of this series. In part two we created this list of things we would like to see in our future job.

  • I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday.
  • I look forward to going to work.
  • I am appreciated and valued by my supervisor and coworkers for my contribution.
  • I enjoy the job and learn form it.
  • I am paid more than enough to take care of my family‚Äôs needs and wants.
  • The workday allows me to spend time with my family and to do the activities I enjoy.
  • There is no unexpected overtime or radical unexpected changes to the schedule.
  • I see my family and friends enough to develop and maintain loving nurturing relationships.
  • The job challenges me creatively.

To do this process we take each of these statements one at a time. We’ll look at the first statement as an example.

I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday

Why don't I think I am capable of achieving this?

Work is hard.
Work isn't enjoyable, that is why it called work.
It is not possible to do work and leave with energy because it is work.

Why don't I think I am worthy of achieving this?

If work is easy then I am not pulling my weight.

If work was supposed to be easy and enjoyable I won't be work.

What is the worse thing that could happen if I achieve this?
If I am not working hard, my family will think I am lazy.

This process is repeated for each of the statements. Keep in mind two points. First, you will find a great deal of overlap as you name emotional blocks. Some of them might appear for every single part of your goal. Second, you might not come up with emotional blocks for each question. For some parts of your goal you might find only one or two emotional blocks, while for others there might be no emotional blocks at all.

Once the emotional blocks are named we can now use EFT to go after each one. You will do this in the exact same way you would go after any other limiting belief. Let’s take the blocking emotional belief, “Work isn’t enjoyable, that’s why it’s called work,” for example. The tapping phrases might look like this:

 

My whole life I’ve been told work is hard… lots of people in my life and my family complain about work all the time…they call it work for a reason…it is supposed to be hard…part of everyday conversation is complaining about work…it almost becomes a competition to see whose life is harder…I know there are people who love their jobs…they have found the exact right thing for them to do… that doesn’t mean that their work isn’t hard…but they find joy in what they are doing…because they find joy it doesn’t feel like it’s hard…they are not taking a shortcut or cheating…instead they have found something enjoyable that also pays the bills. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Clearing these emotional blocks isn’t generally going to happen in one tapping session, though it is possible). It’s best to set aside a little time each day to work on these emotional blocks.

So far we have looked at naming what we don’t want, naming what we do want, and naming and getting clear of the emotional blocks that prevent us from moving forward. In the last article of this series we will look at taking action to achieve these goals.

Getting what we want into our lives:

Self Esteem Boost

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Is there a way I could use EFT for a little bit of a self-esteem boost?

The other night as I was finishing a call with one of my regular clients I asked, “Is there anything else you would like to do before we end this call?”

She replied, “Is there something we could do to give me a little bit of a self-esteem boost?”

When pressed to see what she meant by that she continued, ”It’s not like I can think of something specific right now as far as a memory or an issue, but I just know I have a hard time seeing myself the way God sees me. God sees me as worthy, lovable, and beautiful. I don’t always see that. Is there something we could do to reinforce that?”

After we did some tapping she felt much better and knew this was something she was going to be able to do regularly without my guidance.

As we were doing this tapping, the thought entered my mind that I needed to share this.

Here is a version of something you can do anytime, anywhere. Just sit back and listen to the phrases. Each time you hear a chime, move on to the next tapping point.

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Getting Help

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When Do I Need the Help of an EFT Practitioner?

[AnaMaria Herrera aka “Agent EFT,” is a California based EFT practitioner.  She publishes  ‘Success In Your Fingertips' a weekly E-zine for business owners and professionals to reach their goals with ease and elegance using Emotional Freedom Technique. Info at www.gotEFTsystem.com]


photo by Thewmatt

In the many years I’ve worked as a healthcare practitioner, it still amazes me the trap that health professionals get into of assisting others with their conditions and yet not reaching out and getting treatment for themselves!

I don’t think this is a phenomenon that occurs in just one field of others’ medicine or service, but rather it seems to happen to many practitioners, solo professionals and service professionals without them realizing it.

The most disparaging part is that while practitioners are assisting others with their conditions, challenges and goals, many of these practitioners themselves also have areas of their lives that are desperately requiring treatment. Whether they have unresolved grief from a family member passing, past negative memories and traumas that haven’t been cleared or even a secret goal or desire that remains unfulfilled, the practitioners are often in ‘I’m the Healer Mode’ and fail to get care for themselves.

Many will plug along until a breaking point or frustrating incident tilts them over the edge. Only then will they seek treatment for the nagging issue or condition.

How do I know? Both from observing other professionals in various fields and having been guilty of this many times myself!

In fact just recently I sent a “SOS” email to my EFT Practitioner with a couple of challenges (some chronic, some more recent) I was having and signed up for a series of EFT sessions.

You know the first thought I had a few minutes into our session?

“Why did I wait this long to make an appointment for an EFT session for myself?”

But how does one know when he or she needs a practitioner? For this article I’m going to focus on those using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), whether the person is an EFT Practitioner with a private practice or someone using EFT on themselves.
Here are 3 simple signs that a session with an EFT Practitioner might be needed:

1. Feeling stuck at an issue or condition or a past event
No matter how much tapping you have done on yourself, no matter how many ebooks you have read or workshops you’ve attended, the issue or condition remains. This condition can be emotional, physical or even a past trauma or memory.

2. You aren’t reaching a goal you’ve set for yourself
Perhaps you’ve had great success in your business life but you feel lack in your love life. Or you’ve been stuck in a job you hate for years, and no matter how much you try, you find yourself feeling there is no way out. It can even be a secret desire or wish that’s never been given focus: writing a book, speaking in public, learning a second language or starting your first business.

3. You aren’t sure if you are doing EFT correctly
I’ve had many a person email me sharing that after downloading a free ebook or attending an hour workshop, they lament, “I’m not sure if I’m doing EFT right.” An EFT lesson with a skilled practitioner who has taught others, can greatly increase your confidence and results.
No matter how long you’ve been an EFT Practitioner or doing EFT on yourself, chances are there’s an area (or two!) in your life that’s less than ideal. The good news is you can reach out to the many skilled, wonderful EFT Practitioners that are in practice and get the assistance and support you deserve to have.

Getting What We Want (Part 2 of 4) – Know what we do want

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I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number two in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we look at the second of four steps in using EFT to change our lives.]

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for changing our lives for the better. In part one of this series (Knowing What We Don't Want) we started by looking at the areas of our lives that we wanted to change. We then listed everything about these parts of our life we didn’t like.

There are many thoughts and writings suggesting that we should not dwell on the negative when we want to make changes in our life. I agree that spending a great deal of time wallowing in negative emotions and frustrations with our current situation is not the best use of time or energy, but these frustrations can be very helpful by providing contrast. We can guide ourselves towards the things we do want by identifying the circumstances we don’t want.

That is the reason we spent time in step one looking at what we don’t want. These are going to help us define how we want our lives to change. In part one, we used changing jobs as the example. Our list of frustrations looked like this (remembering that each of these is listed down the left-hand side of the page with a few spaces between each entry):

  • It sucks the life out of me
  • I hate going to work
  • My boss does not appreciate me
  • It is very boring
  • I am not paid enough
  • The hours are too long
  • There is unexpected over time
  • I don't get to see my family enough
  • It is not creative

In the second step of this process we take each of these negative statements and turn them into statements of what we do want. These we are going to write in the right-hand column of the page. It might look something like:

  • I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday
  • I look forward to going to work
  • I am appreciated and valued by my supervisor and coworkers for my contribution.
  • I enjoy the job and learn form it
  • I am paid more than enough to take care of my family’s needs and wants
  • The workday allows me to spend time with my family and to do the activities I enjoy
  • There is no unexpected overtime or radical unexpected changes to the schedule.
  • I see my family and friends enough to develop and maintain loving nurturing relationships
  • The job challenges me creatively

We now have a clearer understanding of how we would like our lives to change. It is important to note I used the word “clearer,” not “clear”. The process of understanding how we want to change our lives is an ongoing, lifelong process.

If you are having trouble coming up with phrases for the right-hand column because you have resistance to naming changes or because you continue focusing on the negative, you can tap to gain clarity. It might look something like this:

I am trying to come up with how I want my life to look…I am having a hard time…For some reason all I can do is focus on the negative…I know my life can be better… Whatever blocks I have to coming up with positive descriptions I release right now…I give myself permission to let these blocks go…I give myself permission to dream big dreams and know that they are possible…[How to use these tapping phrases]

In step three of this process we will look at how to clear the emotional blocks that prevent us from moving forward and making the changes we want.

Getting what we want into our lives:

Getting What We Want (Part 1 of 4) – Know what we don’t want?

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I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number one in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we will look at the first of four steps in using EFT to make changes to our lives.]

I would bet at least half of my client sessions are about helping clients make changes in their lives. They are seeking better health, a different work situation, financial abundance, or more vibrant loving relationships.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a wonderful tool for making changes in our lives, from the small to the big. The amazing thing I have found in working with clients on these issues is most clients know they want a change, but they are not sure what that change is.

They say: “I want a better job…or…I want a partner I can spend the rest of my life with…or…I want to be healthier…or…I want more.”

So, I ask them, “What does that look like? What type of job do you want? What type of partner and relationship do you want? What do you want your health to be like?”

Almost always they respond: “I don't know?”

Being able to name what you want and having a vision for the future is a skill, one that can be learned and cultivated. It just happens to be a skill that most of us were never taught.

Before we can start changing our lives to be the way we want them to be (and to use EFT to clear the blocks that are preventing us from having this life) we need to know what we want.

I have found that even if clients don’t know what they do want, they can articulate in great detail what they don’t want. Since coming up with a list of what we don’t want is easy, we start there. Doing this lays the groundwork for naming what we do want.

Doing this very simple, but for this first step to be effective we must do it in a very detailed way. To explain this, let’s look at an example. Let’s look at wanting to make a job change.

If the question is: “What don't you like about your present job?” it might be true to say “It sucks!” but it is not going to very helpful in defining what you do want.

Coming up with a list of things you don't like about your current job might look like this:

  • It sucks the life out of me
  • I hate going to work
  • My boss does not appreciate me
  • It is very boring
  • I am not paid enough
  • The hours are too long
  • There is unexpected over time
  • I don't get to see my family enough
  • It is not creative

This might seem like a very simple first step, but if we do it well it will set up the next step very easily. Get out a notebook or a number of sheets of paper, one for each area of your life you would like to change. Across the top of the piece of paper put a label for the area of your life you would like to see change (ex: health, relationships, family, job, car I drive, home, education, spiritual growth).

Draw a line down the middle of the page creating two columns. In the left hand column write in great detail everything about this area of your life you don’t like. Between each detail skip a line or two.

While doing this step it is better to be too detailed than not detailed enough.

Some people find this step very easy; complaining comes as second nature. For others this might be hard. We’ve been told not to be complainers and to suck it up and deal with things. I would agree it isn’t good to obsess about what we don’t like about our lives, but if we don’t know what we don’t want it’s going to be hard to know what we do want.

If you struggle with this step, give yourself permission to look at this darker side.

Tapping for this might look like:  I am not a complainer…and I don’t want to be seen as a complainer…I know that there are many blessings in my life…I am thankful for these blessings…but I know that I can have more and I deserve more…in order to move down this path to get closer to what I want I need to name what I don’t want…for this short period of time I give myself permission to name the things I don’t like about my life…I know I won’t harp on these things…but this is just a step in getting closer to the life I want…I am thankful I have the chance to consider these changes. [How to use these tapping phrases]

In step two of this process we are going to look at how we can transform these details in to the characteristic of what we would like to see come into our lives.

Getting what we want in to our lives: