I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

So far we have named what we didn't want, named what we do what, and started to get clear of the emotional blocks that are preventing us from moving forward. There is one final step. We need to take action.

Often when the idea of getting what we want is presented it is oversimplified.

“Just think about what you want and you will get it. It's really that simple.”

But without action nothing happens. I can spend hours thinking and dreaming about the most beautiful amazing sandwich ever made, but if I don’t open my eyes and take some action I will just sit quietly in my living room slowly starving.

It is certainly possible for a great sandwich to arrive with little effort in a way I never dreamed, taste like nothing I have ever had before, and cost me nothing, but usually I need to do something first.

I need to act. This might seem to be the most obvious step, but somehow we often miss this step (or as we talked about in the last step, there are compelling reasons for us not to take this step).

I know how hard it is to take action to get what we want. As we talked about in step three, there can be many penalties for taking action. We could fail, be unsatisfied, or make the situation worse.

These possibilities often make action steps daunting. In step three we named many underlying unspoken fears. If we take the time to apply Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to these worries, taking action will be much easier because fears have subsided and resistance has melted away.

Now it’s time to consider what type of action you want to take. Not all actions will effectively lead you toward your goal.

We’ve been using the example of job satisfaction in this series of articles. Does this mean that since you’ve cleared your emotional blocks that it’s time to walk into your boss’s office and quit today? Maybe. Maybe not.

There are a number of ways that you can make changes to improve your job situation. Maybe because you have a better sense of what you need from your job and feel more confident to speak up for yourself you can negotiate a change at your current job. You also might be in a situation where you are supporting a family and it would be impractical to quit your job without having a new source for a paycheck.

So how do we know which is the right action to take? To be honest there is no way to “know” with 100% certainty which is the right action to take (at least I haven’t found it so), but there are times where I have felt inspired to take a certain action. This inspiration is not so much about believing the action will lead me to a definite, expected outcome. It’s more a case of feeling it is the right action to make now because it matches my new vision minus the limitations, or blocks, that once existed.

Let me explain.

I believe deep at my core is a still small voice of inspiration. This voice is never quiet. It is constantly speaking the truth of who I am. It sees past all of my worries, fears, and doubts. All of the emotional blocks we cleaned up in step three have no effect on this small voice. As it speaks the truth, it constantly encourages me to move closer and closer to who I am truly meant to be.

When we have all the “noise” of the emotional blocks running through our heads (for example, ”You can’t do that.” “What is your family going to think?” “You are going to fail again.” “You don’t deserve better.”), it’s very difficult to hear the still small voice of inspiration.

Once all the noise is quieted, we are more able to hear this still small voice. Then ideas, thoughts, and inspirations start floating to the forefront of our minds. We begin to see opportunities we didn’t see before, and progress comes easier to us.

I truly believe all of these opportunities and inspiration have always been there, but now we are able to see them.

For many of us it’s difficult to trust the inspiration that bubbles up inside. You might be asking yourself, “How can I tell the difference between some hair-brained scheme that gets me in trouble and true inspiration?”

For me, discerning between the two has been a learned skill. The more I trust my intuition, the more things works out easily, and the more I trust my intuition.

I have also added a tapping routine to being open to true inspiration in my life. It goes something like this:

I know a part of me is guiding me to my higher self…a part of me is only speaking the truth about who I am at my core…who I am in my very nature…I am very happy I have this still small voice guiding me…but there are times it is very hard for me to hear this voice…or to trust this is the part that is leading me forward…any block I have to hearing or trusting this voice…I now name it…thank it for trying to protect me…and let it go…I give myself permission to trust the wisdom that is inside me…as I move through my day I give this still small voice permission to speak up and guide…I know I am in full control and can make any choice I want…I am just looking for guidance…bring the guidance to me in unusual and unexpected ways…because if this happens I will be more likely to recognize where the inspiration is coming from…this will make me more willing to trust this inspiration in the future…I give myself permission to make the hard choices…in big and small ways…to make changes to my life today [How to use these tapping phrases]

When I start my day like this I am more likely to be open to the still small voice guiding me to better things.

Conclusion
It is possible for us to radically change our lives for the better. EFT can be a great tool in achieving these changes. Before we can make changes to our life we need to know how we want to change our lives. Often it is easier to name what we don’t want in our lives than what we do want. Once we have named how we would like to change our lives, it is important to clear out the emotional blocks that are preventing us from making these changes. Even when we have a very clear picture of how we would like our lives to change and have very compelling reasons to make these changes, it can be very hard to make these changes because of these emotional blocks. Finally, as the emotional blocks melt away, it becomes possible for us to take direct action, not just mind action. Because we have cleared out the noise that comes along with emotional blocks, we are able to hear the still voice of inspiration leading us to live as we truly are.

• Knowing what we don't want
• Knowing what we want
• Getting clear of emotional blocks
• Taking inspired action (this step)

I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number three in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we will look at the third of four steps in using EFT to change aspects of our lives.]

So far we have looked at What We Don't Want and Knowing What We Do Want. Both of these steps are very important in making all types of changes in our lives, whether big or small.

There are countless books and on-line resources to help you to make changes to your life to get what you want. Almost without exception they define a process similar to the one outlined in steps one and two of naming what we want.

The problem? This is where most of them stop. Creating lists of goals (which is basically what we have done thus far) have been proven time and again to move us closer to the changes we want to see in our lives.

But this is not enough. If it were really as easy as simply writing down what we want to accomplish then our “To Do” list would get done everyday. If you’re like me, this just doesn’t happen.

Getting into shape is a perfect example of how writing lists of goals is not enough. There is very little mystery to getting into shape. We need to find a little time three or four times a week and do some exercise.

Getting into shape is a perfect example of how writing lists of goals is not enough. There is very little mystery to getting fit. We need to schedule in exercise three or four times a week. That’s all. Yet so many of us can’t stick with this relatively simple goal.

So what’s really the problem? It’s not clarity of the goal. We’ve identified that. It’s not coming up with an exercise plan. Even if we have no experience with exercise, finding the steps of a good beginner program are just a few clicks of a computer mouse away. For most of us the issue isn’t even the time it takes. Most of us can find 20 minutes three days a week to exercise.

[Note: Some goals and changes we might wish to make will involve steps we can’t identify easily. We will address these types of goals in step four.]

The problem? Generally it’s emotional blocks that keep us from following through on our goals.

There are three basic types of emotional blocks: believing we are not capable of achieving the goal, believing we are not worthy of achieving the goal, and believing there is a penalty for achieving the goal. Let’s look at these one at a time.

Not Being Capable: This occurs when we have the emotional belief that the goal is too big for us. We might easily see others achieving this goal, but we honestly doubt it is possible for us. In many cases we are intellectually able to see this belief is wrong. We know logically that we can work out regularly to get into shape, but part of us believes “I don’t have the will power to work out three times a week.” Because we have the belief it is not possible for us, something in us prevents us from acting so we don’t try something at which we are inevitably going to fail.

Not Being Worthy: This is a subtler emotional block than not being capable. With this emotional block we believe it is possible to have something better, but for some reason we can’t believe that we are worthy of this sort of change. The emotional block can best be summarized in belief statements like: “I have it so much better than others. I shouldn’t ask for more.‚” “I don’t work hard enough to deserve that.” Because we believe we are not worthy of the goal we will prevent ourselves from acting.

Believing There Is A Penalty: When we have this emotional block we expect to suffer negative consequences for achieving our goal. Some of these beliefs are: “If I achieve this, people are going to keep expecting better things from me and I will let them down.” “If I achieve this goal I may backslide and then I’ll feel worse.” “If I achieve this goal my friends/family are going to be jealous.” “If I achieve this goal it will mean more (unwanted) work for me.” Because part of us believes that achieving this goal is going to cause us some sort of problem, we block ourselves from taking the steps to achieve the goal. Of the three basic types of emotional blocks this is often the most difficult to name.

As we know, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is an excellent tool for clearing emotional blocks like the three types sketched out above. Doing this is very simple. We now apply three questions to each of the characteristics of what we want.

The questions are based on the three types of emotional blocks. These questions are very powerful, even though they seem quite obvious. They are:

• Why don't I think I am capable of achieving this?
• Why don't I think I am worthy of achieving this?
• What is the worse thing that could happen if I achieve this?

To see how this works, let’s take the example of finding a better job from parts one and two of this series. In part two we created this list of things we would like to see in our future job.

• I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday.
• I look forward to going to work.
• I am appreciated and valued by my supervisor and coworkers for my contribution.
• I enjoy the job and learn form it.
• I am paid more than enough to take care of my family‚Äôs needs and wants.
• The workday allows me to spend time with my family and to do the activities I enjoy.
• There is no unexpected overtime or radical unexpected changes to the schedule.
• I see my family and friends enough to develop and maintain loving nurturing relationships.
• The job challenges me creatively.

To do this process we take each of these statements one at a time. We’ll look at the first statement as an example.

I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday

Why don't I think I am capable of achieving this?

Work is hard.
Work isn't enjoyable, that is why it called work.
It is not possible to do work and leave with energy because it is work.

Why don't I think I am worthy of achieving this?

If work is easy then I am not pulling my weight.

If work was supposed to be easy and enjoyable I won't be work.

What is the worse thing that could happen if I achieve this?
If I am not working hard, my family will think I am lazy.

This process is repeated for each of the statements. Keep in mind two points. First, you will find a great deal of overlap as you name emotional blocks. Some of them might appear for every single part of your goal. Second, you might not come up with emotional blocks for each question. For some parts of your goal you might find only one or two emotional blocks, while for others there might be no emotional blocks at all.

Once the emotional blocks are named we can now use EFT to go after each one. You will do this in the exact same way you would go after any other limiting belief. Let’s take the blocking emotional belief, “Work isn’t enjoyable, that’s why it’s called work,” for example. The tapping phrases might look like this:

 

My whole life I’ve been told work is hard… lots of people in my life and my family complain about work all the time…they call it work for a reason…it is supposed to be hard…part of everyday conversation is complaining about work…it almost becomes a competition to see whose life is harder…I know there are people who love their jobs…they have found the exact right thing for them to do… that doesn’t mean that their work isn’t hard…but they find joy in what they are doing…because they find joy it doesn’t feel like it’s hard…they are not taking a shortcut or cheating…instead they have found something enjoyable that also pays the bills. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Clearing these emotional blocks isn’t generally going to happen in one tapping session, though it is possible). It’s best to set aside a little time each day to work on these emotional blocks.

So far we have looked at naming what we don’t want, naming what we do want, and naming and getting clear of the emotional blocks that prevent us from moving forward. In the last article of this series we will look at taking action to achieve these goals.

Getting what we want into our lives:

• Knowing what we don't want
• Knowing what we want
• Getting clear of emotional blocks (this step)
• Taking inspired action

I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number two in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we look at the second of four steps in using EFT to change our lives.]

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for changing our lives for the better. In part one of this series (Knowing What We Don't Want) we started by looking at the areas of our lives that we wanted to change. We then listed everything about these parts of our life we didn’t like.

There are many thoughts and writings suggesting that we should not dwell on the negative when we want to make changes in our life. I agree that spending a great deal of time wallowing in negative emotions and frustrations with our current situation is not the best use of time or energy, but these frustrations can be very helpful by providing contrast. We can guide ourselves towards the things we do want by identifying the circumstances we don’t want.

That is the reason we spent time in step one looking at what we don’t want. These are going to help us define how we want our lives to change. In part one, we used changing jobs as the example. Our list of frustrations looked like this (remembering that each of these is listed down the left-hand side of the page with a few spaces between each entry):

• It sucks the life out of me
• I hate going to work
• My boss does not appreciate me
• It is very boring
• I am not paid enough
• The hours are too long
• There is unexpected over time
• I don't get to see my family enough
• It is not creative

In the second step of this process we take each of these negative statements and turn them into statements of what we do want. These we are going to write in the right-hand column of the page. It might look something like:

• I am energized when I leave work, and not just because I am leaving but because I have enjoyed the workday
• I look forward to going to work
• I am appreciated and valued by my supervisor and coworkers for my contribution.
• I enjoy the job and learn form it
• I am paid more than enough to take care of my family’s needs and wants
• The workday allows me to spend time with my family and to do the activities I enjoy
• There is no unexpected overtime or radical unexpected changes to the schedule.
• I see my family and friends enough to develop and maintain loving nurturing relationships
• The job challenges me creatively

We now have a clearer understanding of how we would like our lives to change. It is important to note I used the word “clearer,” not “clear”. The process of understanding how we want to change our lives is an ongoing, lifelong process.

If you are having trouble coming up with phrases for the right-hand column because you have resistance to naming changes or because you continue focusing on the negative, you can tap to gain clarity. It might look something like this:

I am trying to come up with how I want my life to look…I am having a hard time…For some reason all I can do is focus on the negative…I know my life can be better… Whatever blocks I have to coming up with positive descriptions I release right now…I give myself permission to let these blocks go…I give myself permission to dream big dreams and know that they are possible…[How to use these tapping phrases]

In step three of this process we will look at how to clear the emotional blocks that prevent us from moving forward and making the changes we want.

Getting what we want into our lives:

• Knowing what we don't want
• Knowing what we want (this step)
• Getting clear of emotional blocks
• Taking inspired action

I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

[Note: This is article number one in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we will look at the first of four steps in using EFT to make changes to our lives.]

I would bet at least half of my client sessions are about helping clients make changes in their lives. They are seeking better health, a different work situation, financial abundance, or more vibrant loving relationships.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a wonderful tool for making changes in our lives, from the small to the big. The amazing thing I have found in working with clients on these issues is most clients know they want a change, but they are not sure what that change is.

They say: “I want a better job…or…I want a partner I can spend the rest of my life with…or…I want to be healthier…or…I want more.”

So, I ask them, “What does that look like? What type of job do you want? What type of partner and relationship do you want? What do you want your health to be like?”

Almost always they respond: “I don't know?”

Being able to name what you want and having a vision for the future is a skill, one that can be learned and cultivated. It just happens to be a skill that most of us were never taught.

Before we can start changing our lives to be the way we want them to be (and to use EFT to clear the blocks that are preventing us from having this life) we need to know what we want.

I have found that even if clients don’t know what they do want, they can articulate in great detail what they don’t want. Since coming up with a list of what we don’t want is easy, we start there. Doing this lays the groundwork for naming what we do want.

Doing this very simple, but for this first step to be effective we must do it in a very detailed way. To explain this, let’s look at an example. Let’s look at wanting to make a job change.

If the question is: “What don't you like about your present job?” it might be true to say “It sucks!” but it is not going to very helpful in defining what you do want.

Coming up with a list of things you don't like about your current job might look like this:

• It sucks the life out of me
• I hate going to work
• My boss does not appreciate me
• It is very boring
• I am not paid enough
• The hours are too long
• There is unexpected over time
• I don't get to see my family enough
• It is not creative

This might seem like a very simple first step, but if we do it well it will set up the next step very easily. Get out a notebook or a number of sheets of paper, one for each area of your life you would like to change. Across the top of the piece of paper put a label for the area of your life you would like to see change (ex: health, relationships, family, job, car I drive, home, education, spiritual growth).

Draw a line down the middle of the page creating two columns. In the left hand column write in great detail everything about this area of your life you don’t like. Between each detail skip a line or two.

While doing this step it is better to be too detailed than not detailed enough.

Some people find this step very easy; complaining comes as second nature. For others this might be hard. We’ve been told not to be complainers and to suck it up and deal with things. I would agree it isn’t good to obsess about what we don’t like about our lives, but if we don’t know what we don’t want it’s going to be hard to know what we do want.

If you struggle with this step, give yourself permission to look at this darker side.

Tapping for this might look like:  I am not a complainer…and I don’t want to be seen as a complainer…I know that there are many blessings in my life…I am thankful for these blessings…but I know that I can have more and I deserve more…in order to move down this path to get closer to what I want I need to name what I don’t want…for this short period of time I give myself permission to name the things I don’t like about my life…I know I won’t harp on these things…but this is just a step in getting closer to the life I want…I am thankful I have the chance to consider these changes. [How to use these tapping phrases]

In step two of this process we are going to look at how we can transform these details in to the characteristic of what we would like to see come into our lives.

Getting what we want in to our lives:

• Knowing what we don't want (this step)
• Knowing what we want
• Getting clear of emotional blocks
• Taking inspired action