Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #101: What Happens When We Heal But Our Life Is No Different

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EFT is a powerful tool when it comes to healing and transformation. Burdens and wounds that we have carried for decades can be cleared. It is an amazing thing to experience this type of freedom in our lives.

After this type of release there can be a let down because after healing something so powerful we feel like our life should be much different. Sometime we can release so much and still feel the same day today.

Here are few thoughts on how to respond to the let down of things feeling like they are the same after healing something large.

Does Using EFT Erase Your Memory?

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photo by Kristin Nador

Here is part of an email I received from a reader last week:

“I had a profound experience with my first EFT session whilst just tapping along and now I'm almost scared to indulge in some more. It's as if I have large chunks of my memory missing. Am I really erasing my memories?”

This is a great question because it is a common experience. AND if we are worried that tapping will “erase” our memories it makes sense that we wouldn't want to use it.

There are two things we need to understand in order to answer this question: how memory works, and what happens to memories when using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).

Your Memory Isn't Accurate

The first thing to note is that our memory is not an accurate representation of what has happened. Our memories are incomplete interpretations of the past. If you don't believe me, ask three of your family members to tell the story of what happened last year over the holidays and you will be given three different versions of events.

In addition to our memories not being a perfect representation of what happened, they also alter over time. Each time we access a memory we are not just replaying what happened, but we are also adding to it.

That is why as time goes by our past looks better and better (or worse and worse). Not only are we remembering something that happened in the past, but each time we think about this past we add positive feelings to the memory.

Many people would describe their first kiss as a magical moment. The reality may have been it was an experience shared by two 13 year olds who had no idea what they were doing, but as the moment is recalled over and over again it is slowly turned into the most magical moment ever.

The fact that tapping changes the way we remember things is not surprising because we are always changing and reforming our memories without even realizing it.

We Didn't Erase It, We Released It

Once we understand that the memory is not static we can start see what happens to our memories when we are tapping.

Our memories are not just the fact of what happened. In addition to, “she said this, he said that, and then someone walked in,” our emotion also forms part of the memory.

The memory is: She said this and felt worried. He said that and I felt overwhelmed. He walked in I felt like I had an ally.

In many cases the emotions we remember (and relive when we remember) are a large portion of the memory. When we tap on a memory we release the emotion associated with the memory.

If the memory was 70% emotion and we release all the emotion, then we are only left with 30% of the memory. When this happens it feels like the memory has been erased. It is much like if we only had 30% of the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The picture would be so incomplete we couldn't tell what we were looking at.

It Is Part Of The Healing Process

When you tap on a deeply emotional past memory there is a very real possibility that it might feel like you are erasing your memory. In really you are just letting go of the emotional charge that is part of the memory. This is a natural part of the healing process and it is OK. There is no need to worry.

AND when this happens you are freeing yourself up to fill the space occupied by the emotion with better and richer feelings.

Pod #100: The Web Of Life w/ Gwyneth Moss

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We do not live in a vacuum. Not only do the choices we make impact others (and vice versa) in the moment, but there is also a lasting impact from the relationships we have had in the past.

Some of these relationships have obvious deep impact, while others affect us in ways of which we are unaware.

In this interview I talk to Gwyneth Moss about a new approach that she uses in helping people to understand and unpack the web of life. This is a tool that she uses only occasionally because of the unique circumstances required to execute it well.

Even though this is something that you won't reproduce there are many lessons to be learned that you can add to your own tapping right away.


Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

EFT For A Good Night’s Rest

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One of the issues I am asked about the most is tapping for a good night’s sleep. Below is the tapping script I use when I have trouble sleeping.

You can download a pdf version of the script here downloadable pdf.

[Note: If you find this script helpful I would encourage you to check MyEFTYear.com. This is the type of resource that shows up at least 4 days a week.]

Are you looking for something to help you sleep through the night? Try this right before you go to bed.

There are a number of things that didn't go as planned today.

Some of them are still on my mind.

They are floating around in the forms of regret and disappointment.

At this point there is nothing I can do about these things.

I give myself permission to let these worries and anxieties to melt away.

If I need theses worries and anxieties again tomorrow I can re-find them.

More than likely after a good night’s sleep these things will seem less daunting and tomorrow I will have the opportunity to respond in a new way.

There are a number of things that I am thinking about that are going to happen tomorrow or sometime in the future.

There is nothing that I can do about these things tonight.

The best thing that I can do about the unknown that is coming in the future is to get a good night’s sleep so that when I wake tomorrow I will be well rested and re-energized to take on these tasks and opportunities.

When I climb into bed tonight I will fall asleep easily and gently.

When my head hits the pillow my body will naturally relax.

It will happen easily and gently.

Even if I don't fall asleep right away that is OK because I know just resting in bed is going to do a lot for my system, giving it a chance to slow down and heal.

I know the part of my system that is responsible for sleep works very hard.

It wants me to sleep and to receive all the amazing benefits that come from a night of restful sleep.

I appreciate the part of me that is responsible for sleep, even though I sometimes am hard on myself and this part of my system when it has a hard time sleeping.

I want the part of my system that is responsible for sleep to know that it is not alone in providing me sleep.

The whole system is committed to a night of deep, relaxing, gentle sleep.

Whatever other parts of the system that the sleep part wants to call on, I give it permission to do that now.

AND I want it to know that I want it to work with the rest of the system.

My system works best when all the parts are working together.

I am going to have restful sleep tonight.

I am going to have gentle sleep tonight.

I am going to have re-energizing sleep tonight.

I am going to have healing sleep tonight.

I am going to sleep in such a way that it will feed my creativity and inspiration tonight.

In the morning I am going to wake up gently and easily.

I am going to wake up re-energized and ready to take on a new day.

I am going to wake with open eyes to new opportunities and bigger dreams.

I am going to wake knowing that this night’s sleep served me and the new day very well.

I give myself permission to have a gentle, restful night of sleep.

My sleep is important.

During sleep my system has the recharge and re-energize.

During sleep my conscious, subconscious, and unconscious minds have the opportunity to sort out all the new information and lessons form today.

While I am sleeping I don't need to give any of these functions any thought.

My system can take care of all of this while I get a gentle, restful night of sleep.

What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Beginner Tappers?

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I recently asked some of my favorite tappers “What are the biggest mistakes made by beginning tappers?” Below you will find their answers. When everyone answered they didn't know what anyone else was saying. I found it very instructive to see the number of similar answers that were given by many people.
[Read more…] about What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Beginner Tappers?

Pod #99: EFT For Resentment w/ Gwenn Bonnell

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Gwenn Bonnell is always one of my favorite guests on the Tapping Q and A Podcast because every time I talk to her I learn something new. This interview was no different.

In this interview we talk about how to tap for resentment. And this is not just about feeling resentment towards other people. We can also resent our computer for not working, a company for not being helpful, and ourselves for making the same bad choice again and again.

The interesting thing about resentment is that it is an emotion that bubbles below the surface so it isn’t always obvious to us, like anger or sadness. Because of this we can forget to tap for it because it doesn't feel like it is impacting our immediate present.

In this interview Gwenn shares a great 3 step tool to get to the core of resentment, and how to tap for it once you are there.

Guest: Gwenn Bonnell

Contact Gwenn: web @ TapIntoHeaven.com; web @ TapAwayPain.com; email @ gwenn@tapintoheaven.com; phone @ 954 370 1552

About Gwenn: Gwenn is a writer, teacher and lecturer. She offers private sessions and training and workshops at Heaven On Earth in Davie, Florida. A graduate of the College of Health and Human Development, Penn State University, she is a member of ACEP, the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and has trained personally with Gary Craig (developer of EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques), Dr. Larry Nims (BSFF, Be Set Free Fast), Tapas Fleming (TAT, Tapas Acupressure Techniques), Donna Eden and David Feinstein (Energy Medicine), Sandi Radomski (Allergy Antidotes), Alan Handelsman (Muscle Testing), Paul Burdelski (Touch for Health), and Piilani (Huna Kane).

EFT To Stay Healthy During Flu Season

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It has been one of the worst flu seasons in years here in the States. And even if you managed to avoid the flu, there were lots of colds and stomach viruses going around. Below is the tapping script I use when I feel a bug coming on.

You don't have to use the whole thing. Feel free to pick and choose the parts that work best for you.

Here is a downloadable pdf version of the script.

[Note: If you like this script I would encourage you to check MyEFTYear.com. This is the type of resource that shows up at least 4 days a week.]

My system is a powerful healing machine.

My system is made for health and well-being. I appreciate everything that my system does on unconscious and subconscious levels all day and night to keep me healthy and safe. I know my system isn’t perfect in doing this, but it is truly amazing in what is does.

I know that there are choices that I make that make it harder for my system to heal and grow. There are thoughts that I have, emotions that I feel, beliefs that I hold, things that I eat and drink, and choices that I make which makes it harder for my system to maintain optimum health. I apologize to my system for any of these that I have done, especially in the last twenty-four hours. I appreciate the fact that my system is willing to keep working towards my health and well-being.

There are many things that my system is holding onto that is slowing healing and growth. These can be in the forms of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and substance in my physical body. Some of these are known while some are unknown or hidden. At one point the system thought these were helpful or still thinks they are helpful. I give my system permission to let go of anything that is blocking health and well being. If it needs these things in the future, I will be able to pick them up again. I give my system permission to let them go even if the system doesn’t understand what they are or why the system thought they were helpful at one point.

My system is a powerful healing machine. I give my system permission to release its healing power, not just now, but throughout the whole day and as I sleep tonight. I do not need to be conscious of this healing and growth. My system has permission to heal.

There are many systems in my body that do so many amazing things. There might be blocks and impediments to these parts working to their optimum potential.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my body anything it needs for health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my digestive system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my respiratory system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my circulatory system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my nervous system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission and energy to remove any blocks and provide health and healing to my limbic system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my glandular system for optimum health and well-being.

I give my system permission to remove any blocks and provide to my reproductive system for optimum health and well-being.

I know that as I move through the day I encounter many things that it is hard for my system to process or can be hard for my system to process. My system and my immune system do an amazing job of keeping me healthy as I encounter things through my whole day that are working against my health and well-being.

I want my immune system to know how much I appreciate how hard it works. I want my immune system to know it is not the only part of me that is trying to keep my safe and healthy. I give my immune system permission to access other parts of my system to ensure that I stay safe and healthy.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden obstacles that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden viruses that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden bacteria that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden fungi that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden ingestants that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden inhalants that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden contactants that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden injectants that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden emotions that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden memories that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden beliefs that are preventing health and well-being.

I give my system permission to heal and remove any known, unknown, and hidden darkness that is preventing health and well-being.

Did You Know You Aren’t Trying To Get Rid Of Emotions With EFT?

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photo by Kerr Photography

A recent conversation with my client went like this…

Client: I am really sad because I am never going to get to see him again.

Me: Good!

Client: What do you mean good?

Me: It is good that you are mourning the loss of the friendship. It is important to mourn that loss. It’s healthy to recognize that the relationship was important to you, recognize the positive things it gave you, and acknowledge you are going to be missing something.

Client: I didn’t know it was OK to feel this way.

If you search the internet you will find thousands of articles and videos on how to get rid of emotions. When we are working on a negative emotion our the goal is often to get that emotion down to a zero on the SUD scale.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool to use in responding to emotions.

BUT our goal with tapping is not to be emotionless!

Our emotions serve us. They give us information about how we are responding to what is going on around us.

When we feel angry it is because we perceive that we are under attack. When we feel frustrated it is because we feel like we want or need better. When we feel sad we are recognizing that we are missing something that is important to us.

The emotions themselves are not the problem. Emotions are only a problem when they spring from misinformation, or are disproportionate to the circumstance.

An example of a misinformed emotion would be when we get really mad at someone for not showing up to dinner when we didn't know they were involved in an accident on the way.

An example of a disproportionate emotion would be pulling over and crying for 45 minutes after we were cut off by another driver.

In both examples we experience the emotion because it is trying to convey information about our experience. The anger is there because we feel attacked because we were stood up. The overwhelm on the road came because there was a part of us that feared for our life. In both cases the emotion went too far and was too big.

We don't tap to get rid of our emotions, but instead to achieve balance and have them respond accurately and in proportion to our experience.

Many times when we tap we do release emotion completely because it has done its job and passed along the information needed.

At other times we will not get the emotion all the way to a zero and that is perfect because there are emotions we need to feel.

What are your thoughts on tapping for emotions and getting them all the way to a zero? I would love to hear about your experiences below.

Why Do I Always Make Change So Hard? How To Make It Easier With EFT!

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photo by mjzitek

Why do I always make it so hard for myself to change? I know there is an easier way, but I always choose the hard way. Why am I doing that?

That is a direct quote from one of my clients this week. (Did you know you can work with Gene too?)

In my experience, there are two main reasons why my clients make things harder for themselves: value and worth.

Making Our Work Valuable

As a culture we attribute value to hard work to the point of making it a virtue. Whenever we talk about someone who is hard worker it is almost always a compliment.

“He is someone you want on your team. He is such a hard worker.”

“Wow! That was so well done. You must have worked really hard at it.”

There is nothing wrong with hard work. Working hard is a good thing, but it is easy for us to turn working hard into an end in itself. When this happens it becomes distorted from, “It is good to work hard,” into “It is only good if I work hard.”

When this happens we will intentionally choose the harder path because there is a part of us that now believes that only hard work is valuable. To address this we can tap to something like this:

I want to be a hard worker…I want to pull my own weight…I want to make sure I am contributing…But the best way to contribute is to add something that is valuable…Value is calculated by what I add…Or by what I receive…My value is not in how hard I work…There is an easier way…I am allowed to choose the easier way…Even when I do things the easy way…I am contributing…And my work has value…When I do things the easy way it takes less time…And that makes it possible for me to do more…When I have more time I can contribute in more ways…I can add more to my life…And I can take time to enjoy my success…It doesn't have to be hard to be good…It doesn't have to be hard to be valuable…

Making Myself Worthy

In addition to making our work feel more valuable we can also make ourselves feel more valuable by doing something that is hard.

We might think on a subconscious level, “Look at how worthy I am! I am struggling therefore I deserve to be here and to be noticed.”

If we think the only way we are worthy is if we work hard, then we will make sure that our work is hard in order to feel more valuable. When this happens we can tap to something like this:

I want to be seen as valuable…I want to be seen as worthy…There is a part of me that believes that if I am working hard…I have a reason to be here…I have a reason to be seen…I have value…There is a part of me that thinks…”Look at me…I am working so hard…I am struggling…Therefore I am carrying my weight…And I am valuable…I am worthy”…I am glad there is a part of me that wants to be seen as valuable and worthy…But I don't have to work hard…To be valuable…Or to be worthy…I don't have to work hard…I don't have to struggle…I can be good and do things the easy way…I am not cheating by doing them the easy way…I am not a cheater by doing it the easy way…I am making the best choice for me…

Conclusion

We don't have to make it harder than it need be. When we are able to transform the thought that things have to be hard then we can start to make it easier for ourselves. This will allow us to move forward more quickly and with less effort.

A final note: Often the idea that we have to work hard is given to us by other people, such as our parents and teachers. When working with this issue you might also want to look at how to let go the beliefs we have picked up from loved ones. These can be particularly hard to change because it might feel like we are disrespecting or letting our loved ones go when we let go their beliefs. Here is a simple process to release beliefs given to us by others.

3 Things You Need To Keep In Mind Before You Start An EFT Session

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photo by The Happy Rower

Often, in advance of working with someone one-on-one, we will have short conversation to see if we will be a good fit to work together. (If you are interested in working with me one-on-one visit WorkWithGene.com.) Recently, during one of these consultations, I was asked this thoughtful question:

“I have never worked with a practitioner before, is there anything I should know or keep in mind as we start to do this work?”

I have a pre-session audio [link] which helps clients to prepare for the mechanics of the session, but I had never given much thought to what should be kept in mind to get the most out of tapping.

Here are the 3 things that I think will help you to be more efficient with your Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT)/tapping sessions.

Be Willing To Let Go Of Your Story

When I first work with a client on an issue I ask them to give me its history. This includes how the issue is impacting their life, what they have tried (tapping or otherwise) to deal with the issue, and how they think it started.

As they are telling their story one thing I always keep in mind is that most people (myself included) are notoriously bad at accurately reporting what is going in their lives. When a client is talking about their life I treat everything they say the same way eyewitness testimony is treated in a court of law.

Eyewitness testimony is helpful, and a great place to start an investigation. Eyewitness testimony is not a record of facts but an interpretation of what happened from one point of view.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe my client or that I think they are consciously trying to mislead me (or themselves). It is just a fact that we are biased when it comes to our perceptions of our own lives.

Many times when a client comes to me they have already been working on an issue for years. I have lots of thoughtful clients who have done a great deal of work on understanding how the issue they are addressing has come to be. Because of this they will often have a story of why they are the way they are.

    “When I was a child everyone thought my sister was amazing. Everything she did was perfect. She was good in school, she was popular, and she was a great athlete. I was always compared to her and I never matched up. The reason I have such low self-esteem is because I always feel like I am never going to match up to the people around me.”

There is an interesting phenomenon that happens when someone starts to tell the story of why they are the way the are when they have been telling that same story for a long time. It is like they have hit the play button in their head and the story they have told many times before starts. You can almost feel them not paying attention to the story any more because they have told it so often that they are on autopilot in the telling of it.

I want to be very clear that I am not criticizing this. I do the same thing. What I am pointing out is how it’s possible for us to become attached to a reasonable story for why we are the way we are.

This story can be a useful jumping off point, but just because it is reasonable does not mean that it is true. If we cling to our story as true, then that is the only avenue we will investigate in our tapping and we may never find the root cause and succeed in getting past this issue.

When we are tapping (with a practitioner or alone) we need to be willing to give up our story of why we are the way we are. This can be difficult because the story we have been telling is reasonable. Look at the example above. That is a perfectly logical reason why someone might struggle with self-esteem, but if we are married to that as the reason we may never move on.

One of the ways I like to deal with this is to tap to something like this:

I would like to heal this issue…I know my life will be better when I resolve this…I have spent a lot of time thinking about the issue…And why I have this issue…The reasons I have come up with are reasonable…And they very likely could be the reason why I am experiencing what I am experiencing…But I also know that I might be wrong…There could be a completely different reason for why I am the way I am…Even though I have invested a lot of time and energy into my story…I give myself permission to let my story go…I give myself permission to be open to other possibilities…In the end it doesn’t matter if I am right about why I am the way I am…What is most important is my healing.

If you take just a moment to tap to this idea before you start your session it will help you to see fresh ways of approaching your problem and open you up to new healing possibilities.

Don’t Need To Know Why In Order To Heal

One of the reasons that we come up with a story to why we are experiencing an issue is because it makes it understandable. When understand something it give us more control over the situation. When something is understandable then we are able to prevent it from happening again.

So the desire to understand why something happens is helpful, but at the same time it can be a hinderance to the healing process. If there is a part of us that needs to understand why something happens it can prevent us from healing.

The logic is this:

  • I don’t like what is happening.
  • I don’t want it to happen again.
  • Therefore, I am going to put all my energy into understanding why.

If we find ourselves in this place it will be difficult to move forward. Clear this idea by tapping to this:

I have had this issue for a while…And I really don’t like how it feels…And I don’t want to experience this ever again…There is a part of me that wants to understand how this happened…If I knew how or why this happened then I could prevent it from happening again…As important as it is to understand why this happened…It is more important to heal and move beyond it…There will be times when I understand exactly what the root cause of an issue is…There will be other times when I will have no idea why this happened…As nice as it would be to understand why…It is much more important to heal…I give myself permission to heal this issue without ever knowing why or how it happened…It would nice to know that…but it is not necessary.

It Is A Process

It is easy to be seduced with stories of and personal experience with “one minute miracles.” I have seen people go from total scepticism about tapping, to frustration that tapping isn’t fixing everything in their lives in one session.

It is good to understand the power of tapping, but it is also important that we keep it in perspective. If it took a lifetime for an issue to take root, it also makes sense that will take time to unroot it.

Healing is a process and it is important we bear this in mind or we will miss the progress we are making (see “The 10% Solution”), get frustrated, and quit. To help keep this in mind I like to start (and end) sessions with tapping something like this:

I know that healing is a process…There is a part of me that would like this healing to happen right now…And it is good that I am motivated to have healing happen sooner rather than later…But it is a process…Each time I tap I will make progress…Each time I tap I will get closer to my goal…But I choose to be easy with myself…And be easy with the process…As it unfolds…Healing is happening…At a rate that will help ensure that the effects are lasting.

Conclusion

One of the fastest ways for us to give up on tapping is to experience ineffective tapping sessions. If you give yourself permission to surrender your own story, release the need to know why you are the way you are, and give up the need to heal right now, you will set yourself up for a useful and successful tapping session.

What stumbling blocks have you run into when tapping? I would love to hear about them in the comments below.

Pod #97: Dealing With Misperceptions That Can Hinder The Healing Process w/ Dr. Shoshana Garfield, PhD

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One of the biggest struggles we have in doing any sort of transformational work is the fact that it is possible for us to NOT see the issue at hand clearly. We are shaped by our experience, our training, our biases, the stories we tell about ourselves, and what we hope is true. Because of this, even with the intention to do healing work, we can end up going down a path that is not fruitful.

The problem with these misperceptions is that it is nearly impossible know when this is the case and if we need to change course in our approach.

In this interview I talk with Dr. Shoshana Garfield about how to deal with misperceptions about our issues, ourselves, and the world. Based on her own life experiences and over 20 years of working with severe trauma, Shoshana talks about ways we can see ourselves and our world more clearly to help us to move forward. (We even do a little tapping for it!)


Dr. Shoshana Garfield, PhD

Guest: Dr. Shoshana Garfield, PhD

Contact Shoshana: web @ UnlimitedEmotionalFreedom.com; ShoshanaGarfield.com; twitter @TraumaReliefDoc

About Shoshana: Shoshana combines several threads in her work, deeply influenced by attachment theory and psychoanalytical insights and principles: PEP, EFT, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP; regarding the structure of thought). and Three Principles (regarding the nature of thought and relationship between circumstances/ thoughts/ feelings) to get spectacular results for herself and her clients. She has taught London Fire Brigade staff, NHS staff, drug rehab staff, CBT therapists and co-taught mental health practitioners with Dr Phil Mollon. She is on the International Training and Certification Board as the UK representative of AAMET (Association for the Advancement of Meridian Energy Techniques). She is also on the Register of Trauma Specialists and a member of TAG (Trauma and Abuse Group) and ACEP (Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology).

Is It OK To Say “Not” While Doing EFT?

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In a number of your EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) scripts you use the words “not” and “does not” For example in your forgiveness tapping script, “When I choose to forgive John, what I'm choosing to do is to no longer be emotionally tied up in this past instance…More than likely, John doesn't give this transgression any thought at all…It doesn't do me any good to keep re-living this wound over and over again…” I have heard that the subconscious mind ignores the word “not” and every time we say we don't want something we are really telling the subconscious we want it. Do you think this is true and how should it impact our tapping?


photo by Nathan Gibbs

It is really interesting that when we hear something said over and over again from a source that we deem credible, we take it as the truth. It would be too time consuming to question everything that we hear throughout the day, but a healthy sense of questioning is important, especially when what is said is contrary to our own experience.

Here are my thoughts on the matter.

1) How Is It Working For You?

Before I share my thoughts on what I think about what should be said with tapping we need to keep in mind the most important question when it comes to all types of tapping:

“How is it working for you?”

The nice thing about tapping is that it only takes a few moments to try something new. Assuming you are taking total responsibility for your health and your actions, give it a try.

This goes for the phrases you use, the places you tap, how long you tap on each point, and the order in which you tap on the points. If it works for you, keep doing it. If it doesn't, try something new.

2) We Aren't Tapping Anything In

EFT isn't about tapping the good things in and tapping the bad things out. EFT is about bringing the system back to balance. The words we use aren't magic and there are no right or wrong words. There are only useful and un-useful tapping phrases.

The tapping phrases we use are different from a daily affirmation or mantra. It is possible (and encouraged) to tap to these if you have found ones that are powerful and meaningful to you. It is important to remember that EFT is a very different process than changing your beliefs through exposure to new ideas in a cognitive way.

The goal of a tapping phrase is to help us to tune into the emotion around an issue and to get us in touch with the pain, misinformation, or limiting belief. It really doesn't matter what those words are.

If saying, “I will never be a success” helps you to tune into the hopelessness you are feeling, then that is a perfect tapping phrase. You might want to add, “and I give myself permission to believe it will not always be this way” to expand the tapping experience.

With EFT finding a way to the emotion is more important than the words we choose to say while tapping.

3) Needing To Know What We Don't Want

When we are in pain the thing we think most about is the pain. Because we are in pain it is hard to see past it so we often have to start with what we don't want to be able to name what we do want.

For someone who wants to release weight they often need to tune into all the things they don't like and are painful about carrying extra weight (physical pain, poor health, low self esteem, and/or shame of losing control) before they can name the things they do want.

All they can think of is what is wrong.

But we can build on these NOT statements.

  • I do not want to be overweight, but instead I want to have a healthy body.
  • I do not want to be ashamed of the way I look, but instead I want to be comfortable in my own body.
  • I do not want people to see me as someone who has lost control of simple daily choices, but instead I want to be a model of self control for my children so they learn to feel empowered in their own lives.

The second half of these statements are powerful things to tap on, but I have found that tapping both the negative and positive can also be very powerful.

4) Is It Really True?

The most common place to hear people talk about “the subconscious mind ignoring the word not” is from the law of attraction community. Their thinking is not so much that the subconscious ignores the word “not,” but more the idea that when I think of the things I don't want then I am giving them energy, which will in turn bring more of them into my life.

In the last few years scientists and social scientists have used a rigorous, repeatable methodology to test how visualizing the things we want relate to us getting what we want. The findings point to the fact that simply focusing on what we want is a demotivating factor and the more time we spend emotionally experiencing what we want in our minds, the less likely we are to take action.

Visualization is most powerful is when we tune into what we don't want AND see ourselves solving the problems around it to achieve to what we do want.

[For full details on this research please see “The Great Visualization Hoax”)

If this were the case statements like, “I don't want to be late” and “I don't want to be in a car accident” would compel us to make choices to make us late and involved in accidents. Further studies have shown that by thinking about what we don't want and creating a plan (like a fire escape route) we are much more likely to not get swept up in emotion, but instead make good choices that lead us to safety.

I will admit that I only did a cursory search, but I was not able to find any evidence supporting the claim that the subconscious ignores the word “not.” I was only able to find many sources stating it as fact.

As always, I am trying to learn more and would love to hear your thoughts. Please let me know in the comment section below if your experience is different, and if you can point me to any studies or research which give this idea credence.

This Is Just Like My Mother/Father

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photo by sean dreilinger

I've noticed a pattern in my life that is just like my parents and I can't seem to tap it away. Is there something special I need to do when dealing with issues that I have picked up from my parents?

It makes perfect sense that we pick up the patterns, traits, and beliefs from our parents. They are the ones who cared for us and taught us during our most formative years. Not all of these patterns and beliefs are helpful. Tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is great for dealing with issues, but I have found in my work with clients it can be particularly hard to deal with beliefs that have been passed on to us by people we love and respect.

It is possible for us to feel that when we are letting go of these beliefs we are also dismissing, letting go, or disrespecting the people who gave us them to us.

The subconscious can think:

  • If I let go of this I am saying I don't love my mother
  • If I let go of this I am saying that I am letting go of my father
  • If I let go of this I am saying that my mother was wrong
  • If I let go of this I am saying that my father is not worth anything to me

When we believe any of these things it makes it difficult for us to release those beliefs that are no longer serving us, and to heal and move forward. In order to heal we need to recognize that it is possible to let go of the beliefs held by people who are very important to us, without dismissing or diminishing our relationship with them.

In this example we will assume that we’re working on a money issue passed on to us by our father. Tapping might look like this:

I know that I am approaching money just like my father…and I know that this approach is not serving me…but there is a part of me that doesn't want to let go this belief…there is a part of me that believes that if I let this belief go then I am also letting go my father…I am saying that my father was wrong…I am saying that I don't love my father…I am saying that I am not grateful for what my father has done for me…but I know this isn’t true…I can let go of beliefs that my father had without letting go of my father…I can know that I love my father and that my father loves but and not hold everything he said or did as true…my father was imperfect…and it is OK to say that he was and is imperfect…and there are many beliefs that served him in a time and place that don't serve me…parents want what is best for us…and they might think that one way is right…but even when they want things for us that aren't perfect for us…they do this because they want what is best for us…I can do what is best for me and still love my father…I can do what is best for me and still appreciate everything my father has done for me…I can do what is best for me and keep the relationship strong…letting go of something my father has given me is not the same as letting go of him

Pod #96: Best Practices To Get The Most Out Of EFT w/ Dawson Church, Ph.D.

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EFT is a very powerful tool for bringing about change and can be used in many different settings. It can be done alone, with a practitioner, in groups, in short bursts, over a number of sessions, and over the telephone or Skype.

As time passes not only are studies being done to explore what EFT is effective for, but the data from these studies is also being used to uncover the best ways to use EFT.

In this interview Dawson Church and I discuss what these studies tell us about how to get the most out of EFT. (There are even a few things that I found surprising.)


Dawson Church, Ph. D.

Guest: Dawson Church, Ph.D

Contact: web @ EFTUniverse.com

Bio: Dawson Church is the author/coauthor of 8 books (including The Genie In Your Genes) and manages the web site EFTUniverse.com. He travels the world as a trainer and speaker. His passion is tapping and getting tapping into the hands of those who could benefit most from its power.

My Holiday Embarrassment

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I spent the Christmas holiday in my home state of Wyoming. The last night I was home my sister asked if I could share a way she could tap for a friend who was grappling with a lot of difficult changes in his life.

I spent about 30 minutes talking my sister (and my mother) through the “Talk About, Talk To, Talk As If” tool.

My sister then asked if it would a good idea if we tapped for a family member, “Bob,” who was having a particularly hard time.

It hit me like a ton of bricks… not only could Bob use some surrogate tapping, so could so many people in my life. And not just the people who were having a really tough time.

In the “My EFT Year” project I am obviously making it a priority to look at my goals but somehow I had lost track of what was outside me.

Then my mother asked if anyone has ever tried tapping on world peace… and again I felt crushed by disappointment. I knew things like this had been done before (see crime reduction in Washington, DC).

Years ago I even created the website Tapping4Peace.com encouraging people to do just that.

I regularly tap surrogately for people who ask, but somehow I lost my way in just tapping for others in my life.

For the last week I have been finding a little time each day to tap for others. I am not doing anything too complicated, just thinking of a loved one and of all the wonderful things I would like to show up in their life, and tapping.

It only takes two or three minutes.

It is really that simple.

By doing this regularly it has changed my daily disposition and has helped me to act in a more loving way.

Give it a try.

It will only take two minutes.

And let me know below how it goes.

Pod #95: EFT For Self Love And The Power Of Self-Love w/ Brad Yates

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It is very easy to say (especially in tough times) “All we need is love”.

The hard part is to know what that means beyond bumper sticker sentimentality.

In this interview with Brad Yates we talk about in real terms what is love, what is self-love, and most importantly how can we use EFT to feel a sense of love in a tangible way.


Brad Yates

Guest: Brad Yates

Contact: twitter @EFTWizard; web @ TapWithBrad.com ; facebook @ facebook.com/BradYatesTapping

About Brad: Brad has had the privilege and pleasure of working with a diverse group of clients, from CEOs to professional and NCAA athletes, from chiropractors and psychiatrists to corporate and federal attorneys, from award-winning actors to residents at a program for homeless men and women in Santa Monica. For several years he taught a weekly class using EFT and guided imagery at Sacramento Drug Court. He has also been a presenter at a number of events, including several International Energy Psychology Conferences and the Walk On Water (WOW) Fest in Los Angeles. He has presented at Jack Canfield's Breakthrough to Success event, and has done teleseminars with “The Secret” stars Bob Doyle and Dr. Joe Vitale. He is also the co-author of the bestseller “Freedom at Your Fingertips,” a featured expert in the film “Try It On Everything” (along with Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Dr. Norman Shealy and Dr. Bruce Lipton), and has been heard internationally on a number of internet radio talk shows.

What would you do with 113 articles, podcasts, tap-alongs, and videos? – The Best Of 2012

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I want to thank you for your continued support of TappingQandA.com. The website is a labor of love and it always warms my heart when I receive your emails and read your comments.

There are a lot of great things planned for 2013 including a new season of the Tapping Q & A podcast, the launch of 2 new websites, and few other surprises.

Before we move on to all that is new it good to look back on 2012. This year 113 new articles, podcast, tap-along audios, and videos were added to TappingQandA.com.

Here are some of my favorites. Please take a moment to read on of them. If I missed your favorite, let me know and I will add it to the best of list.

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

Top 9:

Honorable Mention

Helping Someone With EFT Right Now!

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I recently had a chance to do EFT with someone who was having a really bad day. I didn’t have a lot of time to explain what we were doing and I didn’t know how to start. Because I wasn’t sure how to explain what we were going to do, I didn’t do anything. Do you have any suggestions on how to share EFT when you don’t have time to explain what you are doing?


photo by eyesplash Mikul

Here’s a story about using EFT when the person didn’t even know she was doing EFT.

I am part of a team which works in a school system to provide aid and support to faculties and staff in the first 72 hours of an emergency situation. We provide emotional support, debriefing opportunities, and response activities to help begin the healing process.

Recently we were called into a middle school on a Monday morning after one of the seventh grade teachers, “Jane”, had committed suicide over the weekend. By 11am much of our work was done. The students had had a chance to respond, we had identified the students and faculty who would need special attention, and the students were ready to get back to the school day.

Most of the team was debriefing in a hallway as we were waiting for one final class to finish. The vice-principal approached us to ask if one of us would be willing to talk with a second grade teacher who was having a particularly hard time.

I went downstairs to talk to the second grade teacher, “Sally”.

The teacher who had died had only been in the school a year and didn’t particularly get along with the rest of the staff. Sally had been one of Jane’s few confidants at the school. Sally was struggling with two issues.

First, she knew how hard Jane’s situation had been and was feeling guilty that she didn’t do more to help her. Second, she was mad because Jane had left behind a 13-year-old daughter.

I asked her if she wanted to try a relaxation technique that might help a little. I asked her to show me by holding her hands apart how big these emotions were. She held her hands about 2 feet apart.

So I said:

“Place both of your hands on your temples like this,” which I demonstrated by touching both of my temples with my fingertips, “take a few deep breaths and just listen to my voice”:

How could she have left her daughter like this…I should have done more…I knew it was coming and did nothing…her husband has to raise a child on his own.

“Now touch just below your nose like this,” as I demonstrated pressing above the upper lip, “take a few more deep breaths and just listen to my voice”:

Guilty I didn’t do more…mad she left them behind

I repeated this for the chin and collarbone points. I then checked in to see what was left, knowing we had made progress just by looking at her face. She showed her hands 4 inches apart, so we did one more round with just the four points.

I asked if she needed anything else.

She just wanted to give me a hug of thanks and headed back into her classroom.

There are a few things I learned or were reinforced from this experience:

  • Not all the points are always necessary. We have seen this as the basic protocol has moved from 14 to 7 points. Sometimes we don’t need more than one point. Use what is useful.
  • Client don’t have to say anything to tune into the issue. If the issue is intense enough they are fully tuned in and words are unnecessary. Also, the practitioner can provide the words of focus when the client can’t. In this case it was easiest for me to do it, since I didn’t have time to explain what we were doing.
  • Sometimes it’s easiest just to do the work, rather than explain what you’re doing. I know in the past I have talked people out of EFT by trying to talk them into it. People don’t want EFT (or any other tool or protocol), they just want to feel better. By asking, “You want to try something that helps?” they say yes to meet a need. But if I were to say, “Do you want to try a meridian-based psychotherapy that works with the energy of the body to heal at the cellular level?”, I’d be likely to encounter some resistance because I then have to explain every part of the question I just asked.
  • ALSO, because I didn’t feel that I had a lot of time to explain what we were doing, I had her use the touch and breathe method instead of tapping. I figured if I was going to have her tap it was a chance to place one more question in her mind. Keeping it as simple as possible removed all resistance to trying something new.
  • It’s not the best option, but it is possible to work with two issues at once. I have seen in my own practice how dealing with one small piece at a time can resolve bigger things, often collapsing more than just the particular issue we are working on. In this case I didn’t have a lot of time. I had pulled a second grade teacher out of a full class. I took a chance on a super shortcut. I only used four points for two issues at once. It worked. If it hadn’t, I would have moved to more points and dealt with one issue at a time. Since the first round of tapping took less than 60 seconds it was a chance worth taking.

I would love to hear about your experiences of working with others at short notice, please add them to the comment box below.

Trying On The Old Positive Feeling

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Things in my life have gone all pear-shaped lately. About three years ago life was going great and then everything seemed to fall apart. I started to have health issues, I ended a long-term relationship, and I just didn't have the same energy when I got up in the morning. Is there a way that I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to make my way back to feeling good?


photo by Maria Morr

I love synchronicity in life. I received this email the same day I worked with a client for a very similar issue. The client call was with “Betty” who wanted to do some work because she was physically exhausted all the time and life seemed like a real chore.

At the beginning of our call Betty shared that in the last six years two of her loved ones had died, she had gained weight, and she was feeling very disconnected from a job she used to enjoy.

To start with we spent some time on her emotional state and how she felt in the immediate moment. I have found when working with a multifaceted issue that it is best to start with how we feel about all the issues and how they are affecting our lives today.

I do this because it can be hard to focus on any one aspect of our issues when we feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done. By taking time to do just a few rounds of tapping to deal with the current emotional state we will gain clarity around the larger issues that need our attention.

Betty and I spent about 15 minutes just working with how overwhelming it felt to be dealing with so many issues. We also spent some time on how overwhelming life felt because of her lack of energy. After doing this work she felt much more at peace. Life wasn't perfect, but she was ready for the next step.

Without being asked she started talking about what life was like six years ago. She talked about how she felt like she used to “spark” back then and that she really wanted to experience that again. Her goal was not to somehow achieve an issue-free life, but she really wanted have energy for life again.

I had her start tapping again and asked her to take a few deep breaths and tune into the feeling she felt six years ago when she felt the “spark.” After a few seconds she said that she could, and I could hear a little more energy in her voice.

I asked her, figuratively speaking, to “try on” the old feeling of that spark, energy, and zest for life, as if it were a new outfit that she was trying on at a store. She reported that it felt really good. I followed up by asking, “What doesn't fit quite right? Is it too small, too big, or does it feel uncomfortable in any way?”

Betty then described that it didn't fit right because some of the relationships at work had changed. A good friend had been promoted and she felt it would change their relationship. We then did some tapping around that issue and very quickly she said that she felt at peace about this relationship.

Again, I had her “try on” the outfit of feeling that old spark for life. It felt even better, but this time she was worried because of her health. She was afraid that she wasn't going to be able to do as much at work as she did before and since she was doing less work she was concerned that it would be less enjoyable. We spent some time tapping on having balance at work and not doing too much. We also did some tapping around the idea that good work is judged by the quality of work, how we are challenged, and being able to contribute. Good work is not judged by the quantity of work that is done.

We repeated this process three or four more times. Each time Betty tried the outfit of spark on again. We found the parts that didn't fit right and by doing this each time the feeling of spark became more and more possible.

Obviously this won’t work in every situation but if you are struggling to find a place to start tapping think about how it would feel to be back to your old self. Try that feeling on. Doing this will help you to find the parts that don't “fit” right and are a little off and that will provide you with a great place to start tapping.