Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

It’s Not Your Fault – I Learned Everything I Needed To Know About Manifesting From Good Will Hunting

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The most memorable moment from the 1997 movie “Good Will Hunting” is when Will (played by Matt Damon) is talking with Sean (played by Robin Williams) about his history of abuse. Will is sharing how his father beat him.

Six times Sean says to Will, “It's not your fault”.

Again and again.

“It's not your fault.”

Will slowly breaks down.

“It's not your fault.”

By the end he finally believes him.

It's Not Your Fault!

Over the years it is amazing the range of things that my clients have taken credit for in their lives. Everything from partners cheating to animals being hit by a car. I even had one client take credit for a flash flood that destroyed everything in her basement.

Please, don't get me wrong.

I am not saying that we are simply at the whims of the universe and that we are helpless victims of the fates, but I do think people often take too much responsibility for what is happening to them.

Personally, I think the problem comes from the way most people use the word ‘manifest’. Because it is possible to create new opportunities in our lives people take it to an extreme and think that everything in their life is a direct result of their thoughts and the choices that they have made.

Somewhere there is a line between what we have created in our lives and what is outside of our control. And to be honest, I am not smart enough to know where that line is.

I do know this: most of my clients err on the side of taking too much responsibility.

AND what is worse is that they beat themselves up for “manifesting” these bad things into their lives. I think this causes two problems. First, I believe it is harmful to blame ourselves for something that isn't our fault. Second, when we do this we often remain in an emotional state of blame and self-recrimination and so we don't take any new positive action.

There are so many times where I just want to say over and over again to my clients “It's not your fault.”

It's Not My Fault, So Now What?

Regardless what has happened leading up to this point and whose “fault” it is, what is much more important is how we choose to react.

The one thing we DO have control over is our reaction. The one thing that we can take responsibility for is what happens next. In order to do this we need to release the feeling of blame and shame for what we have created in our life.

When my clients are caught up in this blame/shame response the first thing I have them do is tap to something like this:

Right now there is something in my life that I don't like…I might have manifested it in my life…Or it might be something that has shown up because of things outside of my control…Someday it will be important for me to get to the root of how this happened…But right now the most important thing is how I respond…Right now the most important thing is that I take responsibility for my response…Right now the most important thing is the choice I am going to make next…Part of me wants to blame myself for this…Part of me want to punish myself for creating this…I choose to let that desire go for now…I choose instead to make the best possible choice as I move forward…I choose to take responsibility for my response…I choose to make the best possible choice to get out of this…I choose to make the best possible choice to move forward…I choose to take responsibility for what I do next…That is where I have the most control.

It's About Your Next Action

I want to be very clear. I do think it is important to understand why things happen in our lives. It is even more important to recognize the patterns that are showing up and to take responsibility for any unhealthy choices that we are making.

BUT, in the short term what is more important (at least in my mind) is the choices that we make next in response to what is happening in our lives. What we do next is more important than how we got here.

When you are stuck in the blame/shame cycle and things aren't going right, take a few moments to tap through the script above.

If you are looking for more tools and tap-alongs to help you make better choices in response to where you are come join us in the Ruach Center. Currently there are over 100 tap-along audios and more than 25 tools to help you tap in response to wherever you find yourself.

Filed Under: Q&A

What To Do When EFT Isn’t Producing Results

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Good morning!

When I sit down to write these newsletters I do it in a vacuum.

Most of the time I am sitting at the big table in the back of Black Brick coffee in Brooklyn. My starting point is always the hope that I will produce something helpful.

But I really don't know what will happen.

Will you like it? Will it be useful? Or did I miss the mark?

It's always fun when something I write really hits home for you.

Based on the comments and personal emails I received I am guessing I struck a chord with last week’s article on tapping for action, tapping for relief, and being stuck in the tolerable middle. (If you missed it you can find it here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9270.)

After recognizing that we need to do more than tap just to feel better the next step is to have a plan that will move us toward action.

The mistake that is most often made when tapping is we deal with root cause.

YES, you read that right. It is a mistake to deal only with the root cause of the issue. Often there is one more step that needs to be taken for transformation to take place.

Read about the step that needs to happen after clearing the emotional root cause: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9288

I would love to hear your thoughts on this missing step to the healing process.

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

PS: On Monday I shared a quick note on how you can support ovarian cancer research and receive 10 tap-along audios to help you take action. You can see the details here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9282

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The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation
Knowing what we want to change and clearing the root causes to an issue sometime aren't enough. Often times there is a third that needs to be made for lasting change. In this article we look at what that third step is.

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EFT Inner RePatterning w/ Tania A. Prince

Cravings, Savoring Food, and 3 Steps To Approach Every Problem

Why I Hate Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

Tap-Along Audio: The Things That Drive You Crazy Are Your Greatest Teachers. Finding Calmness Within The Storm.

Video: Tapping Before Eating

The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation

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I was talking to one of my long term clients “Jesse” this week. She said, “Intellectually I get this, but I still can't seem to make the change.”

What Jesse is experiencing is very common. The reason that most of us find our way to tapping is because understanding something intellectually often isn't enough for us to change our behavior.

In thinking about the process that most of my clients have gone through (and what I have experienced in my personal work) I have realized there are 3 basic steps to making a lasting change in our lives.

Intellectual/Cognitive Understanding

This happens all the time. This is when we know exactly what change we want to make and why we haven't been making the right choices in the past. For example we know intellectually that:

  • It doesn't need to be perfect. It only needs to be good enough.
  • It doesn't matter what my parents think about me looking for a new job.
  • If I commit to just 30 minutes of exercise three times a week I’ll see an improvement in my fitness.
  • Worrying continually about things I cannot change helps nobody.

Emotional Understanding

Just because we understand something intellectually doesn't mean that we will make new choices. Every single one of my clients who is a perfectionist knows they are a perfectionist, knows that it doesn't serve them to be a perfectionist, and wants to change this about themselves.

Most of them can feel themselves being too much of a perfectionist even as they are acting on their perfectionistic tendency. They can be saying out loud, “I don't need to do this perfectly” yet are still unable to stop themselves.

This is because on an emotional level there is a part that still believes it is dangerous to not be perfect.

Until there is an emotional understanding of the intellectual insight lasting change can’t take place.

Habitual Change

This is the type of change that is most often missed and the thing that causes tappers the most frustration about the process.

It goes something like this: We have an emotional belief that we need to have everything just perfect, so every night before we go to bed we spend 45 minutes cleaning the house. We tap for the sense of perfectionism, aiming to get to a place where we know that the house doesn't have to be perfectly clean every day…and we still spend 45 minutes cleaning before we can get to bed.

What Happened?

What has happened is part of our end of day routine is to clean for 45 minutes. It is no different than the habit of brushing our teeth before bed. It has become part of our muscle memory and so we do it even though the emotional motivation is gone.

This doesn't just apply to our action. We also create habitual emotions and self-talk. For example, I might have the habit of asking “What did I do wrong?” every time something goes wrong even if I had nothing to do with it. I can tap to recognize that it is not always my fault, but questioning my responsibility can be a habit.

Conclusion

To make long term lasting change we need to change three things: our understanding, our emotional response, and our habitual response.

If you are looking for help with doing this the Ruach Center has tools, tapping scripts, and tapping audios to help with you with all three steps. If you don't know how to do one of these steps for something you are trying to change in your life you should check it out.

10 Free Tap-Along Audios To Help You Take Action (+ 10 More)

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Good morning (and Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends)!

My friend Jasmin is in the process of raising money for ovarian cancer research and is willing to wear old silly dresses to do it!

As of the writing of this note she is only 35% of the way to her goal and we need to fix that.

If you donate as little as $10 to the cause (and you can give more) I will send you 10 tap-along audios that will help you to take action towards your goals. These are not available on any of my websites or elsewhere. AND if she reaches her goal by the end of the month I will send you 10 more.

It is this simple:

1) Go to this link and make a donation
https://frocktober.everydayhero.com/au/wonderwebby

2) Forward me (gene@tappingqanda.com) a copy of the email receipt and I will send you the audios.

I hope you will consider helping out. We can do this!

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

Sometimes Tapping Is No More Helpful Than Eating Ice Cream

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photo by Giuliano Maiolini

Good afternoon!

The other night wasn't my proudest moment.

I have been a little out of sorts and wasn't feeling my best.

I had ridden my skateboard (yes, I ride a skateboard) down to the 5th Street pier on the East River to do my evening prayers while looking over at Manhattan. Normally this is a great way to end the day. I am outside enjoying the fresh air blowing off the river, the beautiful view, and time to spend in thought and prayer.

Maybe it was because I have been working so much this week. Maybe it was because I hadn't made time to work out because I had so much work to do. Or maybe it was just one of those blah days.

I don't know why I was that way, but I did know what I needed to do.

I decided I needed ice cream.

So I walked to the grocery store and stared at the ice cream. For ten solid minutes I stared at ice cream. Part of me absolutely knew it was a bad choice and part of me just wanted ice cream. I can't imagine what I looked like just staring into the freezer?!

Bought the ice cream. (Dulce de leche if you must know.)

Walked home.

Ate two bowls.

Felt better.

And woke up at 3am feeling bad.

I know why I did it…I just wanted to feel better in the moment and my system knew on some level that a cheap ice cream fix would do the trick (in the short term).

I should have tapped, but I didn't.

The interesting thing is even though tapping right then would have been a better choice (and not eating crap food and getting a better night's sleep) I'm not sure it would have resulted in a long term change.

This week I want to share with you something I have been thinking a lot about lately.

The idea is this: There are times when I tap that it makes me feel better in the moment, but it doesn't result into any long term change. It is good that I feel better in the moment, but it is also easy to fall right back into the bad habit or bad feeling I was tapping for.

In the short term the tapping is much better than eating ice-cream. In the long term it really doesn't make much of a difference (much like eating ice-cream doesn't make a long term difference) because I am still falling back into my old ways.

You can read my thoughts here on how we can feel better in the short term and make a long term difference: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9270

I would love to hear your thoughts on tapping to feel better, tapping for action, and getting caught somewhere in the tolerable middle.

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

NEW & FEATURED ARTICLES
The Two (Surprisingly )Different  Outcomes That Come From Tapping – We can tap to feel better and we can tap to take action. Both have their place. Are you tapping in the right way for the goals you have?

BEST OF TAPPING Q & A
Fear, Anxiety, Safety, and Freedom w/ Rick Wilkes

Using NLP Logical Levels When Tapping w/ Wil Horton

Why Didn't Surrogate EFT Stop The Cancer?

Tap-Along Audio: Dealing With Shame And Blame For Past Choices

Video: Knock Out The Last Little Bit w/ The Collarbone Eye-Roll

Pod #119: EFT For Long Term Change Not Just Short Term Relief

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EFT does a great job of helping us to feel better in the moment. In a very short time we can go from being emotionally overwhelmed to calm. But we know there is much more that can be achieved with tapping. Not only is it helpful for short-term relief but it can also help create long-term change.

I had an interesting conversation with a client this week. “Jackie” was relaying the fact we had tapped for an issue a few weeks earlier, a major shift had happened when we tapped, and it was still hard to make new choices in the moment when the issue came up.

In today's podcast I address why Jackie experienced what she did and some simple things you can do with your tapping to make sure you experience not just short-term relief but long-term change.

Here is the podcast I reference in this recording. Pod #91: Using The Gamut Point To Make Long Lasting Change

What Do You Mean I Don’t Want To Get Rid Of The Emotion?

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Yesterday morning I posted this on the Tapping Q & A facebook page:

Post by Tapping Q & A.

The first comment I received in response to the post was:

Isn't it really anger elimination when you tap? It does far more than manage, don't you agree?

That is a great question. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and so that would lead us to believe we are trying to be free of our emotions. But in fact, that is not our goal.

Here is my response:

No, it is not anger elimination because anger is helpful emotion. Anger shows up when we feel like we are being attacked. The guys I worked with in jail sometimes need the energy of anger to stay alive when they are in physical danger.

The problem is not anger. The problem is when the anger is disproportionately strong or shows up at a time when anger isn't the appropriate response.

It is OK to be angry when someone cuts us off while driving. The anger helps us to focus and avoid an accident. If we then pull over and cry for 45 minutes or follow the person who cut us off home so we can confront them, then the anger is too much.

No emotion is bad or should be eliminated. We want the emotions to show up at the right time and in the right proportion.

When we tap the goal is never the elimination of emotions. It is to help the emotions to show-up in proportionate and informed ways.

If you haven't done it yet, connect with Tapping Q & A on facebook.

Tapping Q & A | 

Pod #118: Using EFT To Stop Acting Like A Doormat

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photo by Jim Ellwanger

I recently had a great conversation with one of my clients. She started the call by saying, “I have some great news! I am no longer a doormat. I am asking for what I need. I am only helping others in a way that is healthy for me. Most importantly I am able to say ‘no' to others when I want to!”

After sharing this story in my newsletter many people wrote to me asking how they could achieve the same change in their own lives.

There are three main areas we can tap for when it comes to uprooting a doormat disposition. In order to enjoy the lasting effects of this transformation I would recommend regular if not daily tapping on these issues.

I encourage you to listen to the audio at the end of this post for examples of tapping for these three areas.

Take out a piece of paper and answer the questions below. The answer to each question will provide you with at least one tappable issue. Spending a little time tapping for one of these daily WILL lead to a powerful change.

Know That You Are Allowed To Say “No”

The easiest way to tell if you are acting like a doormat in your life is if you are never saying “no”. I am not implying that you should turn down every request you receive, but if you are never saying no then there is a problem.

I want you to think about times when you want to say ‘no' but you don't:

  • Who are the people you have the most trouble saying no to?
  • What would go wrong if you said no?
  • What negative thoughts would they think of you if you said no?
  • What negative things does it say about you when you say no?

Know That You Are Worthy Of Having Your Needs Met

One the reasons that we are a doormat to others is because on some level we believe that our needs are less important than theirs. Sometimes we don't even think our needs are worthy of notice at all.

  • What would go wrong if people knew what your true needs and desires are?
  • What could go wrong if you asked for your needs to be met?
  • Why are other people’s needs more important than yours?
  • In what area of your life do you feel like you have too much?
  • What emotion come up when you said out loud, “I am worthy of having my needs met”?

Being OK With Being Selfish

One of the biggest reasons we don't stand up for ourselves and our needs is because we’re worried that other people will perceive us as being selfish. I hear it all the time from clients, “I don't want to make it all about me.”

It’s great that we are concerned about the needs of others and that we don't want to make it all about ourselves. BUT chances are if we don't know how to take care of ourselves then we won’t be good at caring for others either.

  • What negative feelings do you experience when you do something for yourself?
  • How do you think others see you when you do something for yourself?
  • What would go wrong if you took time to care for yourself?
  • Who is being hurt and in what way because you aren't taking time to care for yourself for fear of feeling selfish?

Tapping Examples

Listen to this audio for some examples of how you can tap for answers to the questions above.

Note: Are you looking for more ways to change the way you stand in your personal power? Are you ready to stop acting like a doormat and start making “pro you” choices every day? Join us over at the Ruach Center for straightforward, practical tools to help you create the life you deserve.

Transforming from a doormat to being able to stand in your own power won’t happen overnight or after just one tapping session, but tapping a little every day will change how you see yourself. The Rauch Center has the tools to guide you through this process daily.

You Don’t Need One Minute Miracles, You Just Need To Do A Little Every Day (And Here Is One Way To Start)

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photo by Matthew

I have written before on how I think the way we talk about one minute miracles is bad for the EFT community. One minute miracles aren't bad, but I think they create a very unrealistic approach.

Just because we don't have one minute miracles with all of our tapping doesn't mean that it we need to do a huge amount in order to see change. Often it takes a little work every day.

One of the neatest examples of this that I have seen recently was in a link that Jen Dziura shared about a woman who taught herself to dance in just one year.

Here is the video proof:

It is amazing what doing a little work each day will do!

What To Do With Each Day?

Just because you decide to tap every day doesn't mean that you know what to do or say when tapping. If you don't know what you want to tap on try this:

I know that I need to do a little tapping each day…But right now I don't know what to tap for…And I don't know what words to say when I am tapping…The most important thing is the fact that I am taking the time right now to tap…By doing this I am getting the juices flowing and I am setting myself up to make progress…Even if nothing in particular comes to mind…The fact I am taking these few moments to tap will bring me peace…Bring me calm…Making it easier for me to make better choices for today.

If you tap in this way one of two things will happen. Either an issue that you need to tap on daily will come to mind OR you will still have blank mind but will feel great and ready to take on your day in a positive, calm way.

Either way it is a win!

Pod #117: Simple Energy Technique w/ Steve Wells

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One of the things I love most about tapping is its flexibility. Not only can it be used on a wide range of issues, but it can be used in a numerous ways.

Steve Wells and his colleague David Lake have spent years playing around with the basic EFT recipe. They asked what worked, what didn't work, and how it could be improved. In the end they created something they call Simple Energy Technique (SET) which is a user friendly collection of the best of the best techniques.

In this interview Steve talks about the ways in which SET is similar to and different from EFT. SET is so simple and straightforward that you will be able to add the parts you find useful to your tapping right away.

Guest: Steve Wells

Contact: web @ EFTDownunder.com

About Steve: Steve Wells is an international leadership coach and peak performance consultant based in Perth, Western Australia. He helps people to overcome the hidden blocks to achieving their goals and getting what they really want from life.

Steve was one of the first to apply tapping to performance enhancement work with elite athletes and to take tapping to the corporate environment. He regularly teaches and consults worldwide with elite sport and business achievers to improve their performance and enhance the performance of their teams.

Steve is co-creator (with Dr David Lake) of the user-friendly tapping approach Simple Energy Techniques (SET) and the unique advanced Energy-based approach Provocative Energy Techniques (PET). He has helped thousands of people through his worldwide personal development and professional training workshops.

Steve is on the faculty of the Curtin University Centre for Entrepreneurship, where he presents to business owners and senior leaders on peak performance and resilience. He is also on the faculty of the Emotional Intelligence Institute. He is co-author of 4 books, including Enjoy Emotional Freedom.

Steve's programs and presentations are always inspiring, engaging and filled with powerful practical strategies you can use immediately to get better results – with less stress. More information on Steve and his programs can be found at eftdownunder.com and stevewells.com.au.

The First Question I Ask When I Can’t Get To The Root Of My Self-Sabotage

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photo by Nina Matthews

Sometimes we can be in two minds when it comes to change.

There is one part of us that wants the change because it knows our life will be better because of it and then there is another part that wants things to stay the same.

My move to Brooklyn is a perfect example. The move has been an exciting adventure that I have been wanting to make for a really long time AND Baltimore was my home for ten years and I left behind many people I love.

When we are of two minds about a goal it can slow us down or even stop us from taking action toward our goals.

(If I am really honest I know that I made the move to New York a year later than I should have because I consistently failed to take the action I needed take to make the move.)

There are times when it is obvious why we are in two minds. We feel almost like we have a cartoon devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, each pulling us in a different direction.

And then there are times when this pull isn't as obvious. We aren't taking action towards achieving our goal but we don't exactly know why.

When my clients can see the action they need to take but simply aren't taking it I like to ask them the question: “What would you have to give up to achieve this goal?”

The answers given to this question are fascinating. They range from the pragmatic, “I will have to give up some of my free time”, to the philosophical, “I will give up my image as a hard worker because my colleagues will see me as lazy if I start taking more time to rest and take care of myself.”

The next time you are stuck and can't figure out why you aren't taking the action you need just ask yourself the question, “What would I have to give up in order to do this successfully?”

Your answers will provide you with some great and possibly surprising information to tap on!

[Are you tired of feeling like you have no power over your own choices and that you keep sabotaging yourself as you try to move toward your goals? Over at the Ruach Center I have 49 reasons just like having to give up something to achieve your goal. There are tools to help you find the root cause of your self-sabotage and tools to knock those root causes out so that you can start taking the action you need.]

What To Do When It Feels Like EFT Has Lost Its Power

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Good Morning!

Most tappers go through the same process. They are introduced to tapping, they love tapping, tapping is really helpful…and then they hit a wall.

It feels like tapping isn't as effective as it once was. After a tapping session they might feel a little better, but major changes don't seem to be showing up like they once did.

I think that there is a very logical reason for this.

When we first start tapping most of the issues we work on are the easy ones. Because they are on the surface we have direct access to them AND we can see the immediate impact of clearing them out.

As time passes we find our way to issues with much deeper roots and our work isn't as quick and it isn't as easy.

Today I have two tools for you to use when you come up against this type of wall.

First, I have an approach for those issues where you can't seem to find a root cause.

(Sidenote: Did you know that looking for a root cause can actually slow the healing process in some cases? I know, crazy!)

Here is a simple way to move foward when you can't find the root cause: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9176

Second, often times it is hard to clear an issue when it is part of our identity. We start making statements like “The men in my family have always…” or “You know how Italians are…”

When we have been handed down beliefs from our family, heritage, and upbringing it can be difficult to let them go.

EFT Master Jaqui Crooks explains how we identify these generational beliefs AND how we can gently clear them out.

You can listen to the interview here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9183

I know there is an issue that you have been afraid to go after or you have tried to address in the past but haven't seen the progress you would like. Here is the perfect opportunity to make some headway with those issues.

Take a few moments and do it now.

You will feel better for it!

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

Gene

PS: August 4th was the 6th anniversary of the creation of TappingQandA.com. The site has enriched my life in so many ways. It has challenged me to grow, heal, and be honest with my own issues. It has also connected me with many amazing people from all over the world who have become close friends. I hope you find the website and its many resources helpful in your daily life. It is wonderful and humbling to think that you take time to read and listen to my words. Thanks for your care and support!

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EFT for Generational Work w/ Jaqui Crooks – We pick up many of our beliefs and worldview from our family of origin. As we grow up and grow into our own person many of these beliefs no longer serve us and in many cases hold us back. In the interview with EFT Master Jaqui Crooks we talk about how we can identify the old beliefs that are holding us back, how to let them go, and how to provide healing for our whole generational line.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn't There? – We know that the fastest way to get relief with tapping is to knock out the root cause, but the root cause isn't always obvious. Sometimes we stop the healing process because we are so fixated on finding the root cause. Here is what to do when you can't find the root cause.

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Being Addicted to Our Emotions w/ Stacey Vornbrock

I Don't Want To Fix, But I Do Want To Transform

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?

Tap-Along Audio – Feeling Bad Because We Started Tapping So Late

Video – 3 Steps To Use EFT For Hurtful Words

Pod #116: EFT for Generational Work w/ Jacqui Crooks

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A huge piece of who we are is where we came from. Our personality and our beliefs are shaped from a very early age by the people around us and the stories they told.

We describe ourselves by our family name, our heritage, where we grew up, and our nationality. This type of connection to our past is important and healthy, but there are times when it becomes a problem.

It becomes easy to use these descriptions of who we are as a way of limiting ourselves unnecessarily, for example:

  • The men in my family were never good at sharing their emotions
  • You know how hot tempered we Irish are
  • The women in my family always have had trouble with love

In this interview with EFT Master Jacqui Crooks we talk about the conscious and subconscious ways in which we adopt these beliefs as our own, how debilitating they can be, and what we can do to release them in a healthy way without damaging our connection with the people we love.


Jacqui Crooks

Guest: Jacqui Crooks

Contact Jacqui: web @ JacquiCrooks.com

About Jacqui: Jacqui is one of the pioneers in using Energy Psychology, finding EFT IN 1999. Her life's not been the same since! She is an International speaker and trainer and an EFT Founding Master. She specializes in helping people to change limiting beliefs and old family and ancestral patterns that create self sabotage and keep people stuck. Her background is in Ericksonian hypnotherapy and NLP and through the development of unique ways of combining EFT with hypnotic language and NLP, Jaqui is able to help effect deep level changes quickly and easily without trauma. She runs retreats in interesting places and trains EFT, worldwide. She presents at conferences and is one of the authors of EFT and Beyond.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn’t There?

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photo by Alberto G.

One of my favorite parts of working with clients is watching them work through the process of learning that they can have better, that it can happen sooner rather than later, and that they can make conscious choices every day to move towards that better life.

Over time my clients go from needing help from me to doing lots of work on their own between sessions.

As this happens they gain skill at finding the root causes of the symptoms they are experiencing in their daily lives.

Finding root causes to our issues is an important skill to develop. When we are able to knock out the root causes not only are we dealing with the symptom that we are experiencing right now, but we are also clearing the issue so that it doesn't come back again.

But there are times when looking for the root cause will actually hold up the healing process and lead to self-sabotage. What happens is that we get so focused on finding the root cause we can’t see the wood for the trees!

Sometimes there just isn't a root cause or we don't have the right tool to find it. If we continue to focus only on looking for the root cause we will become frustrated by our lack of progress and might even feel worse emotionally as a result.

When this happens I like to tap on the idea that I don't need to find the root cause in order to heal. The tapping goes something like this:

There is a part of me that knows there is often a root cause to my issues…And I know that if I am able to find the root cause it will help me to heal faster…There is a part of me that really wants to find that root cause…And because I want to find the root cause so badly…I might be pressing too hard…But when I press too hard I sometimes miss what I am looking for…I give myself permission to know that it is possible to heal this without knowing the root cause…I can find relief even if I never know why this is the way it is…I can be free of this just by tuning into the symptoms that are there…I am also willing to accept that sometimes there isn't just one reason why…Sometimes there are issues that have lots of small aspects that have added up to create the whole…And there is no way that I will ever know…And that is OK…I don't have to know to heal…I can heal without knowing…As nice as it would be to know the root cause…Relief is more important…And I can have lasting relief without ever knowing the root cause.

After tapping like this we will have one of two results.

1) We will feel relaxed about not knowing the root cause. This will improve our mood and help the process. We will feel better when we can let go of the worry about doing it right or getting it solved right now.

2) We will find the information we are looking for. It is an odd thing, but there have been countless times when I have been tapping where I will say something like, “I am OK not knowing the answer right now,” and in the very next moment the information that I am looking for comes right to mind.

Either way it is a win. You will either feel better and at peace or you will have the information you need.

The next time you can't find the root cause you can relax. Tap for the idea that you don't need to identify the root cause and you will open yourself up to new avenues for healing.

If you would like to expand the number of creative ways you know to uncover root causes please check out the Ruach Center. Some of the best tools I know can be found there.

I Don’t Want You Always To Be Impressive

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photo by ArtsieAspie

One of the main reasons we hold ourselves back from taking action is our need to be perfect.

We want everything we do to be great AND we want everyone around us to think we are great too.

Often times if even the smallest thought exists that others aren't going to see us (and everything we do) as great we don't take action.

Most of the time this isn't a conscious choice. We just don't take the action we want to take and just get busy with something else.

I was recently working with “Rachel” on this issue. We did some great tapping on tuning into some of the reasons why she needed everything to be perfect before taking action.

About 45 minutes after our session I received this email:

I did some more tapping after our session, which brought me to a lightbulb moment – I seem to have believed, for God knows how long, that in order for me to be “good enough”, everything I do has to be impressive. That is an impossible standard, of course, but one that quite insidious in my daily thoughts…

So, I now give myself permission to be unimpressive, to make unimpressive art, to have unimpressive ideas and opinions, to have unimpressive dreams and goals, to have an unimpressive plan for the summer, to read unimpressive books… you get the idea.

What a relief! With impressive out of the way it has created real room to breathe.

I couldn't have said it better myself. It is amazing the space we can create for ourselves when we give ourselves permission to be unimpressive!

Take a deep breath and tap on this:

I give myself permission to be unimpressive…I give myself permission to make unimpressive art…I give myself permission to have unimpressive ideas and opinions…I give myself permission to have unimpressive dreams and goals…I give myself permission to read unimpressive books…I give myself permission to [insert your own ideas].

Take another deep breath.

How does that feel? Let me know down in the comment section. I would also love to hear the things you inserted for yourself.

If you would like guidance on how you can use tapping for issues like this one in just a few minutes every day, please check out the Ruach Center.

Pod #115: Struggling To Give Self Care w/ Loretta Sparks

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Taking care of others is easy to do. We see needs, suffering, and struggle. We respond.

Often (at least for me) it is hard for us to extend the same type of care and concern to ourselves.

In this interview with EFT Master Loretta Sparks we talk about some of the most common reasons that caring people have such a hard time taking care of themselves. We also talk about a number of simple tools and steps that can be implemented right now to make it easier to care for yourself.


Loretta Sparks

Guest: Loretta Sparks

Contact Loretta: web @ selfcarepower.com; facebook; youTube; twitter @<ahref=https: twitter.com=”” eftmaster=””>eftmaster; google+</ahref=https:>

About Loretta: Loretta Sparks is Past President of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and has been a licensed psychotherapist for more than 36 years. For almost 30 of those years she was on the clinical staff of a Addiction Medicine Department at Kaiser Permanente in Southern California. She is a Certified Addiction Specialist and trained extensively in Relapse Prevention. She is a Diplomat of Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and an Emotional Freedom Techniques Master and Trainer. She has contributed to five books written on the application of EFT and has written two guide books: Stress Relief and EFT, The EFT Personal Peace Procedure and a third book Compulsive Helping is in it final stages. Additionally, Loretta has 3 DVDs made on stress, compulsive helping and addiction. She has trained mental health professionals and as well as the public, nationally and internationally in energy psychology and Emotional Freedom Techniques since 1995.

She maintains a private practice in Hermosa Beach where in addition to seeing individuals and couples, she provides and consultation to other psychotherapists.

What A Former Felon Just Taught Me About EFT

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Good morning!

I was stunned by the response to the email I sent on Monday. (If you missed the email, you can check it out here .) I sent it as simply a piece of information and I didn't expect what happened next.

Emails of encouragement came from all over the world. It was incredible!

One email stood out from the rest. It came from Jean-Paul who is one of my guys. And when I say “one of my guys” I mean he was in my EFT class in jail.

Jean-Paul wrote:

Not sure if you remember me. I took your class at the jail over a year ago. I have been attending a wellness peer run support group called Journey To Wellness here in NJ. I have been going there 2 days a week for about 6 months now. We do a little bit of yoga and meditation. I also attend a mindfulness group on Fridays and ocean mental health. I've been bringing up EFT over and over for a while now and getting a lot of interest. Last week I contacted a guy I met who teaches EFT and had him come meet the staff at Journey To Wellness. We will be starting an EFT group every Thursday this week!!! I can't wait.

I know…that is awesome!

I emailed Jean-Paul to see if it was OK to share his email with you and if he wanted me to change his name for privacy. I received an even more stunning reply:

I don't mind one bit. You don't have to conceal identity if you don't want to. This is something I am very passionate about and am looking to be more active in the near future.

Not sure if I mentioned but I will be starting school in Sept. for social work and cadc. I am going to do my damnedest to get them to let me into ocean county jail to teach mediation and EFT as well. It will be hard considering I'm a felon and have been locked up there but nothing is impossible.

Take a moment and digest that.

Go back and reread the second email he sent.

(Really, reread it…I'll wait.)

My first thought was “Wow! That is fantastic and so inspiring.” My second thought was, “We ALL need to be showing this kind of dedication to improving our lives!”

Jean-Paul is taking his mental health seriously.

You need to be doing it as well.

I know you agree. AND I know you are busy, overwhelmed, and don't know where to start.

That is OK.

You don't have to do it all at once.

I have a great resource for you if you don't know where to begin.

Take a few moments to read it, pick one idea from it, and spend 5 minutes tapping right now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

Yes, I know you have a lot going on. But you DO have 5 minutes to take care of yourself.

What are you waiting for? Check it out now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful!

Gene

PS: I told you on Monday that things were changing. These are the types of emails you can start to expect!

* * *

There Is So Much, I Don't Know Where To Begin When Using EFT – I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping on, but I don't know where to begin. Should I deal with memories chronologically or should I approach them in chunks of related issues?

* * *

Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

Interviewing, Being Interviewed And Lessons Learned w/ Jessica Ortner

Tap-Along Audio: Changing How We See Ourselves And The World

Video: EFT For Physical Pain

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT

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I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping on, but I don’t know where to begin. Should I deal with the memories chronologically or should I do them in chunks of related issues?


photo by Brian Barnett

This is a question that I receive often. Once someone has been introduced to the power of EFT and understands how it can be used to address many physical and emotional issues, they start to look for all of the areas in their life to apply this powerful technique.

The problem comes when, as we do this self-assessment, we realize that there are many more issues beneath the surface than we initially thought.

At first this can feel overwhelming because there is so much to do. Once we get past the feeling of overwhelm (if you are having trouble with overwhelm see Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need – link) then the next task is to figure out where to begin.

There is no right or wrong place to start. With every issue we clean up we make progress, which will make it easier and easier for us to live with joy and fulfillment. What’s important is to recognize that not all issues have the same effect on our daily lives.

For example, let’s pretend I am phobic about monkeys. When I am around monkeys I lose my mind.

Could I use EFT to deal with this fear? Absolutely.

BUT, is this the most pressing issue in my life right now? If I lived in Costa Rica it might be, but since I don’t, it’s not the best use of my EFT time.

In my opinion the best place to start is with the issues and limiting beliefs that are affecting your life right now and having an impact on where you would like your life to go next. Clearing the emotional charges around the people and situations that you deal with regularly will bring immediate benefits and ensures that you invest your tapping time well.

Approaching What Is Going On Right Now With EFT & Tapping

I recommend that you make a few lists, starting with the people in your life you spend the most time with, or think about most. As well as those we see in person, we can expend a lot of energy in both positive and negative ways on the people we don’t see every day, like our family.

Take time to think about each person and your relationship with them. Pay particular attention to the emotions that come up as you think of them.

As you think of someone who elicits an emotion (or emotions), write down their name and what you are feeling. I would do this for the five to ten people you spend the most time with, or spend the most time thinking about.

Next go through the same process with the places where you spend most of your time and energy. These could be work, school, church, at your children’s activities, places where you shop often, and your neighborhood.

Again, give thought and attention to each of these places, writing down any emotions that arise on your list. Notice the emotions that you feel about the place itself as well as the emotions you feel when you are interacting with the community there.

Once you have finished creating these two lists you will have a wealth of areas on which to focus your tapping time.

Approaching The Future With EFT & Tapping

One of the main reasons that we don’t have the life we want is because of the limiting beliefs we hold about the world and ourselves. Figuring out what we want – because many of us don’t know what we truly want – and then finding and clearing our limiting beliefs is a more complex topic than can be dealt with in one short article.

There are many approaches to doing this. One approach is laid out in this four part series:

Getting The Most Out Of Your Tapping/EFT Time

When it comes to using EFT on a whole host of issues it is best to start in the place that will produce the greatest change in your life. If you can’t name one pressing issue, then find your focus by looking at where your life is right now, identifying the emotional struggles you face daily, and how you want your life to be different in the future. In this way you will see the greatest change for the time you invest in your healing.

People Have Been Asking, “Gene, are you still alive? Everything OK?

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Good morning!

Two people contacted me this weekend because they were concerned about me. One was a text message that simply read, “Are you OK?” The other was an email wondering if they had dropped off my mailing list, “because they hadn't heard from me in a while.”

And it is true…for the last two and a half weeks I have fallen off the face of the digital earth!

There have been good reasons for this. I spent time in North Carolina helping out my friend Pamela Bruner with her Transform event, followed by attending the WDS conference in Oregon.

Oh yeah, and I moved to my new home, Brooklyn, NY in the middle of all of that.

And truth be told, only part of the reason I have been out of touch is because of all this craziness.

There is another reason…but for that you will need a little background.

The Last 6 Months

I don't know if you have noticed, but over the last six months the emails I have been sending you and the things I have been writing about have been changing, although the topic has been the same: tapping and stopping self-sabotage.

What has changed is the way I have been talking about it all. Very slowly the things I have been sharing have become increasingly
personal. I have been writing in a much more specific way about my own struggles and my own tapping work.

This has happened for two reasons.

First, it is a reflection of the change in me. Since the first of the year I have changed the way I do my personal tapping and
amazing healing is taking place. As this transformation takes hold in my own life I am finding that I am much more comfortable in my own skin, which is allowing me to be more honest with myself, with my loved ones, and with you my readers.

Second, I have found that when I am more personal I am a better teacher and you get more benefit from what I share. I am no longer talking just in general terms about healing, but can point to specific examples in my own life.

The Other Reason For My Absence…More Change Is Coming

The other reason I have been on a bit of a break is because I have been doing some internal recalibration (and the move to a new city has helped this process along). I have decided it is time to stop making gradual change. It is time for my work to represent more accurately who I am.

Once I made that decision (about a month ago) I have been working on my own courage to implement the change. I have been clearing out worry and anxiety about how all this will be received by people like you.

What Will Not Change

There are a number of things that will not change. You will still hear from me regularly. New podcasts will come out every Wednesday. Every weekend a new article or video will be published.

In many ways it will be business as usual.

What Will Change

There are few things that you will notice.

You will probably hear from me more frequently. I don't want to be a gentle, occasional reminder that you need to be tapping. I want the be the standard-bearer showing that we want to see transformation in our lives then tapping is something to be taken seriously and done regularly.

I will be getting much more personal about how tapping is and is not working in my own life. As I stated above I think this is going to be a win for everyone.

I will be asking you to do more. Gone are the days of “here is a nice tool you might want to try at some point”. Of course I won't be mean or harsh but I WILL be encouraging and calling you to take more action.

How Will You Respond?

I have no idea. Really, none.

You might be one of my readers who will love the change and you will feel supported, loved, and challenged. And because of it you
will take more action.

Or you might be one of my readers who will find it annoying, a bit overwhelming, too personal, unprofessional, or maybe just too much.

However you feel, I want you to make the best choice for you in how you respond to the changes.

I Need To Do This!

After a lot of soul searching this is what I need to do to be myself more honestly and more authentically. I need to do this to be of more service in the world.

As I write this I am at peace with this decision and my desire is to be the best I can be for you.

If you have any questions about the changes in the site, the newsletter, or in me please feel free to drop me a note. All you have to do is hit reply to this email and I will receive it.

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

PS: Remember there are over 75 free hours of training audios, interviews, and tap-alongs here: http://TappingQandAPodcast.com

Keeping Calm

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One of the highlights of my recent visit to London was getting to visit the Churchill War Rooms. It was amazing to get that close to history.

There and everywhere else in London where tourists gathered you could find recreations of the World War II posters “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Though little used during WWII (full history) it made its way back into the public eye in 2000.

Here are two fun (or cheesy, depending on your point of view) twists on the posters. Feel free to use and share them however you like.

Version 1

Version 2