Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Archives for August 2009

Bonus Pod #2: How A Parent Can Tap For Their Child

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photo by photosavvy

I am asked all the time by parents about how they can surrogately tap for their children. There is a great deal of confusion around what to say and what to focus on.

Like all things with tapping the key is not in the words you use but where you place your focus. In this podcast I share with you a real tapping session in which I worked with a parent who they wanted to tap for their child's struggle with and hatred of math.

In this pod you will only hear my voice. I have edited out the parent’s voice. I was also given permission by the parent to share this audio with you.

Music used in this podcast from stefsax and panu moon

Want more info on surrogate tapping?

Not Knowing Where To Begin/A Good Way To Start

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photo by Let Ideas Compete

Recently I have been working with a number first time clients. Many of them are very experienced with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) and have come to work with me because they are dealing with something that is much larger than the normal day to day issues they use tapping for.

Even when I receive detailed information before the session I like to start by asking them what they would like work on. As they share what is going on in their life there is often a whole list of emotions based on the single circumstance for which they are seeking guidance.

As they share the details of what is going on I quickly make notes. When they are done I will state back everything they have shared to make sure we are on the same page. “It sounds like you are struggling with…”

We know that tapping is most effective the more specific we are, but it can be difficult to be specific when there are so many emotions all at once. It is hard to tell where the frustration starts and anger ends.

In these cases I have started using something I call “Clearing The Deck”.

All of the emotions we feel are nothing more than information. These emotions are letting us know that something in our life is not congruent with our truth or that there is something we need to look out for. Many times the system continues to hold these emotions we beyond the usefulness of this signal.

The process of clearing the deck allows us to release these emotions to see our way clear to the deeper roots of what is going on. It allows the body to hold onto the excess emotion that many times we aren't even aware we are carrying. The simple release of all this excess lightens our mood, relaxes the body, and helps us to see ourselves more clearly.

It is a great way to start session or a great way to end the day.

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Living Up To My Calling

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photo by pensiero

One of the things I find so enjoyable about my work is the type of clients I get to work with. Many of them are motivated to become, for lack of a better description, their ‘higher self'. Based on their background and belief system they may use many different terms and phrases to describe this desire, but the core desire is basically the same. Many of them use the term “calling” for this, believing that there is something higher compelling them to live in this way.

Often my clients find themselves struggling because they feel they are falling short of their goal, or because they believe they don't understand what their true calling is.

It's very common to be quite hard on one's self for falling short. I have observed with many clients that the way they beat themselves up is often far harsher than the failings they are beating themselves up for. It's so easy for us to believe that because we can see the vision of our higher selves that we must become our higher selves right now.

This is not the case. Whatever our motivations, we need to understand that there is a process we need to go through to reach this vision.

This is a struggle I have experienced in my own life: wondering if I am living to become all that I can and wondering if I am even clearly seeing this vision of all that I can be. When I bump into this I am brought back to the words of Thomas Merton. I have found them very useful to pray and to tap to.

Try tapping along:

“My Lord God. I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are always with me, and you will never leave me to face perils alone.” – Thomas Merton [How to use these phrases]

Struggling To Get Tapping/EFT To Work

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I know Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/EvEFT) and tapping works, but for some reason there are a few issues that I can't seem to make any progress with at all. Do you have any advice for jump-starting progress on a stubborn issue?


photo by ittichai

This is a very common experience. When we bump into an issue we aren’t making any progress with it is very easy to get frustrated and to lose faith in tapping.

There are a number of reasons why you might be struggling with success with tapping. Here are few of the most common:

1) Not being specific enough.
This is the most fundamental reason that we stop seeing progress with our tapping. We can only be successful with the issues we are able to bring into our thought field while tapping. There are two basic ways we can approach this:

First, we can use different ways to tune into the problem. Most people run into this problem when they are struggling to find the “right words” to tap to. We can also tune into issues by using imagery, tuning into how the body kinesthetically feels, or seeing what the issue reminds us of. Here is a list of a number of different ways you can tune in if you are having trouble being specific enough.

Second, sometimes the reason we can't get specific is that we are too close to the situation, issue, or emotion. Because we are so close to what is going on it's hard to separate the facts from the way we are interpreting them. A good idea to get some outside feedback. This doesn't mean you need to look to someone to solve your problems, but the outside point view can be very helpful.

Most of the clients I work with are very good at tapping and do it regularly on their own. They come to me because I am trained to help them see things differently and/or I can cut more quickly to the root of the issue precisely because I'm not involved in it.

2) Psychological Reversal
It is possible the body isn't in a state that will allow healing. When most of us received our basic tapping training we were introduced to this idea. (Unfamiliar with the term? Psychological Reversal read more…) There are many types of reversal, not jut PR. This is not my area of expertise, but if you are looking for some great introductory information on the different types of reversal and how to deal with them, check out the many on-line videos.

3) Resistance To Change
Even though we consciously want to make a change there is a part of our system that doesn't think it is safe, reasonable, or helpful to do this. There must be some resistance, because if there weren't, you would have already made the change. You can find a list of articles on the different types of resistance and how to get past them below; many include tapping phrases or tap-along audios.

4) The system is not ready to heal or it has healed as much as it can for this session.
As much as we would like our system and issues to heal in an instant, there are times when too much change too fast can be an unhealthy experience.

Take weight release as an example. It would be great to shed forty-five pounds overnight, but that would be much too hard on the body. Rapid weight release might seem like a good idea, but there is a speed of releasing the weight that is healthiest for the body.

The release of emotional issues is no different. Often it is very possible to completely release an issue in one tapping session. Other times, because of the magnitude of the change, it is better for the system to heal the emotional wound in stages.

When you are working on an issue and you feel like you have plateaued in your progress, I have found it very helpful to tap on:

I thank my body for its ability to heal…I am thankful for this time to work on myself…it is possible for me to get frustrated because I am not making progess as fast as I would like…sometimes I even feel like I am not getting anywhere at all…I give my body permission to know that I want it to heal at a rate that is safe and healthy…so that the changes that I am making are long lasting…and for my highest good…I would love to make more progress now…I would love to have more information now…I would love to know what else I could do now…but I know my body has wisdom that will help me to move forward…and it will make me aware of what I need to do in due time…I give the body permission to know it can be at ease as we work through this…I give my body permission to know that this not the last time I am going to ask it for information…this is not the last time I am going to spend time working with it…if this is all the healing that can be done in this tapping session…then so be it…I will continue this work when the body is ready. [How to use these phrases]

When we tap like this there are two possible outcomes. First, the system will open up and give us new information to work with. Second, we will be at peace with the progress we have made, making it possible for us to come back to tapping in the future with hope and enthusiasm.

Remember, every round of tapping is useful and successful regardless of the outcome. What we can learn from each round of tapping