Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

TapAlong: Being Judgmental Of Others

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Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

I am much more judgmental of others than I would like to admit. I think I am a kind person. I think I give others the benefit of the doubt. But there are times when I judge others too quickly. I don’t do this because of who they are, but because of who I am. Often when I am judging others it is because they remind me of something in myself that I don’t like. I don’t like to be judged and I am going to work on being less judgmental.

Tapping Ninja Video – A Question You Have To Ask Yourself When Looking For What To Change

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Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastelli, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja videos because these are simple small techniques that you could add to your tapping protocol to make your transformation and your work more effective and last longer.

Today what I’d like to offer you is the most important question I ask myself and the question that I ask my clients. The question is simply this, how is it working for you? Now this can be applied in two ways. First we can apply to the work that we’re doing with tapping or any other protocol and second, it can be applied to the choices that we’re making in our daily life.

Now when it comes to looking at the way that we do work, tapping is something that’s really, really malleable, it’s something that we can try in lots of ways, it’s something that we can add protocols to. We can add NLP. We can add guided imagery. There’s lots of things that we can do. And so the question comes, what am I suppose to do and how am I suppose to use it? Well, it’s very simple. How is it working for you?

You can try a new tapping technique. You can try a new protocol in under 60 seconds. Maybe if you’re really uncomfortable saying the phrases and the words out loud when you’re tapping, and maybe you want to give yourself a pass and you want to do it quietly in your head because you know that that might work. Well, how is it working for you?

Now you do that for 15 minutes or you do it for a single round of tapping, when you’re done, how does it compare to your normal tapping? Did make it easier? Did you make more success? Were you more comfortable because you weren’t having to say uncomfortable things out loud? If that’s the case, great, it worked for you. But it’s also possible because you haven’t said anything out loud, you’re not tuning in as sharply as you once did because to create words requires a certain level of focus. And so it might be more comfortable while tapping, but the amount of progress you make just disappears, so it’s not really working for you.

So when you’re looking at a new way to tap or something that’s going to make it more comfortable, how is it working for you?

Secondly, the question is really when it comes to looking at our own life. It’s a question I’d like to ask my clients when they’re defending their actions or thinking it’s the best way for them to act. How is it working for you?

If it’s not making any progress, then it’s obviously not working or if it’s keeping stuck, it’s obviously not working. We all know the cliché definition insanity. It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. But often times, we don’t think of the pattern that we’re repeating and so by asking the question, how is it working for you? It’s going to help us to evaluate what really is working and what isn’t.

I’m angry all the time. Well, how is it working for you? When we start to look at what it’s doing, then we can evaluate different opportunities and different chances because we have something to compare it to. But we need to recognize the pattern that’s there in order to change it. And one of the ways to see that is to look at the outcome. How is it working for you? It’s a simple question but if you ask it, it’s going to help you to reframe, you need to recognize the change that needs to happen and I need to dive a little deeper.

For Tapping Q and A, this is Gene Monterastelli. I hope you enjoyed this little tip and hopefully you will come back and join us soon. Bye-bye.

Talking Emotions and Tapping With Kids /w Jondi Whitis

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I want to talk to my kids about their emotions and to teach them to tap, but I don’t know how to start. Do you have any recommendations?

I love tapping with kids, but not everyone is as comfortable as I am working with them. I had a chance to chat with Jondi Whitis of TappingStar about how to talk to kids about emotions, tapping, and what adults can do better when talking to kids about their emotions.

I hope you enjoy this interview!

You Have No Choice! Just Give-Up Right Now!

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by Alberto G.

With my day job I spend a lot of time talking to high school kids about the choices they make. When talking about their lives they often use the phrase, “I had no choice but to…” I hear it from my clients as well. “I had to. I had no choice!”

  • “I had no choice, I just couldn’t get out of bed.”
  • “I had no choice, it was the best job I could find.”
  • “I had no choice, everyone else was going.”

Those statements sound logical, but that is not “no choice.”

That is “in the short term with the least amount of risk, effort, or thought it was the easiest thing for me to choose.”

We can see the same thing when people talk about their identity.

  • “I had no choice, the men in my family aren’t good at sharing emotions.”
  • “I had no choice, you know how hot tempered we Irish are.”

Again, that is not “no choice”.

That is “it has always been that way for the people around me and it is easier for me not to fight the pattern.”

“No Choice” Stops All Movement

The moment we say that we have “no choice” then we are done.

We stop thinking, we stop trying, we stop moving forward, and we stop dreaming. Because if there really is no choice, why bother? We are assuming things are suck therefore consciously and (more importantly) unconsciously we are going to stop trying.

Owning Your Choice

Don’t get me wrong. I think it is OK to make any of the choices that are listed above as long as they are the choice we want to make.

  • “I really felt under the weather and exhausted. I knew I was going to be a grump and was going to do really poor work so I choose to stay in bed.”
  • “I had been looking for jobs for months and it was the only thing I could find that paid the bills. It is not my dream job and it really doesn’t pay enough, but I was exhausted and heartbroken and for the job search I needed to get back to work so I chose to take the job.”
  • “I didn’t really want to go to the party, but everyone else was going and I didn’t want to be alone or seen as an outsider.”
  • “The men in my family are traditionally really bad at talking about emotions and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”
  • “Everyone in my family talks about how hot tempered the Irish are and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”

 


When they are phrased this way we may or may not (more than likely “may not”) like who we are becoming in these choices, but because we are making them as choices we are back in control.

When we see our actions as choices and not as predestination then we are regaining control. We see where we stand and what we can change (if we are willing to put in the effort).

Tapping Your Way Out Of No Choice

Whenever I hear myself saying “I have no choice…” I try to catch myself. Here is a way to tap when we are feeling like we have no choice:

Right now I feel like I have no choice…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But I am feeling overwhelmed by what is going on…I am overwhelmed by what has happened in the past…I am overwhelmed by past patterns and expectations of others…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But really I am falling into the choice that is the easiest and takes the least effort…It is okay if I make this choice…If this is the choice I really want to make…I give myself permission to make the choice I want…As long as I know it is my choice…Not someone else’s choice…And that I am willing to take responsibility for my choices…Because they are my choices…They are not someone else’s choices…They are my choices…I have a choice…I am going to take responsibility for my choices…

What are the things you used to think you had no choice about? Where has naming choice helped you to regain control of your life? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #71: Using Metaphors For Healing w/ Rue Hass

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When I am setting up interviews for the podcast I normally ask my guest, “What is the thing that really gets your juices flowing? It doesn’t have to be what you are known for. I want to know what is exciting you right now!” Once we have agreed on a topic the guest sends me a few bullet points to help me to form questions.

When I was having this back and forth with Rue Hass she said, “This is something I am really excited about and it is so new to me that I can’t even send you an outline.”

I love getting to be a part of new things!

In this interview Rue shares a new technique that she is working with which uses metaphors and having clients draw pictures. It is absolutely brilliant. The technique is simple and elegant and as she was describing it I could see immediately how this could fit into my practice. I know you are going to love this.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue’s guest articles and podcast on Tapping Q and A.

What do you think about Rue’s new approach? How have used metaphors (not just pictures) in your tapping? What is your favorite healing metaphor? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong # 29A: I Don’t Have To Be Perfect

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It is great that we spend time naming what we want our life to look like. It is wonderful that we create plans for how we are going to achieve it.

But it is not going to happen the way we planned. It’s just not. Unexpected things will crop up. There will details we have missed. There will be days where we just choose to watch TV instead of doing what we need to do to move forward.

And that is OK.

I am not saying that we don’t need to try, but it is OK if we are not perfect. It is good for us to be easy with ourselves when it comes to not being perfect. If we beat ourselves up too much about not being perfect we will find ourselves not even wanting to try.

Be easy with yourself.

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Tapping Ninja Video – The Emotion About The Issue

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Sometimes there is resistance to clearing an issue (physical, emotional, and limiting belief) because we are emotionally charged about the issue we are dealing with. We might feel disappointed in ourselves for dealing with this issue, or sad that our body has let us down. In this video we explore how to clear this resistance so clear the core issue is easer.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastell, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja because they’re super small techniques that are really powerful, kind of like a ninja’s strike, something that you can stick in to your tapping arsenal super quickly will make a difference in the short and long term.

Today, what I’d like to do is talk about what I call the emotion about the issue. Now, we have tappable issues that can be physical issues, they can be emotional issues, they can be limiting beliefs. And we know how to tap about those things but sometimes it’s hard to get to those issues because there is something on top of it. There’s another layer that we need to deal with that’s preventing us from seeing what’s going on. So, let’s take an emotional example.

Let’s say that a loved one has died and because as loved one has died, we’re really broken up and that makes perfect sense. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss. But we might have an emotional response about the fact that we’re feeling lost. Because I am feeling so much loss it might be preventing me from helping my family members who are also going through loss and now I feel like I’m letting them down or I feel like the emotion is becoming so debilitating. Or I can be in a circumstance where I feel like, I need to be tougher than that and to show that much emotion is not where I want to be.

So now there’s two emotions. Is the core emotion, the of feeling loss and sadness that goes along with it, and there’s a secondary emotion, how I feel about that emotion. I’m letting my family members down.

When we have an emotion about an issue, it’s going to be really difficult for us to deal with the issue at hand. So what we need to do is we need to deal with the emotion about the issue before we can deal with the issue. This will let us to see it much clearly.

So, if I was going to tap on an instant like this, first thing I’m going to do is I’m going to tap on how I feel about the emotion or the fact that I’m letting everyone down because I’m experiencing so much grief. Once I’ve cleared this external secondary emotion, it’s going to make it much easier and much clearer for me to see the loss and the sadness so I can tap on it and be able to clear that out.

This can happen as well for physical issues. You know, I could be in a circumstance where my knees have been acting up and it’s making it really hard for me to work. And so, my knee hurts and I want to tap on that issue. But the emotion about the issue is, my body is letting me down. My body should be working better so I can do all of the things I need to do. And so it’s going to be really hard for me to tap on the physical pain and clear that until I first clear the emotion about the issue, the frustration I feel about my body letting me down.

Now, to add this into your tapping, it’s a really simple thing to do. Tune in to the issue at hand, again, a limiting belief, a physical issue or an emotional charge and simply ask yourself the question, how do I feel about the fact I’m experiencing this. Does it feel overwhelming? Does it feel like I’m failing? Does it feel like I’m letting someone else down?

If we tap on these issues first, what it’s going to do is its going to make it really simple and much clearer for us to see the root cause that’s underneath.

So the next time you’re going to tap on an issue, ask yourself the question after you’ve tuned in, how do I feel about the fact I’m actually experiencing this issue? Whatever comes forward, tap on that and clear it which will open the door for you to do some more powerful work on the root cause.

For Tapping Q and A, I’m Gene Monterastelli. I hope you come back and you visit one of our videos soon. Have a great day! Bye-bye!

Things Your Intellectual Self Needs To Hear

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photo by Paul Downey

[Note: This is part 2 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each parts of our system and tap for it. ]

I have the tendency to live in my head. I am very thoughtful person and am very capable of over thinking things. Because of this I can miss other information for other parts of my system. It is good to recognize our intellectual selves AND to help it to understand how it fits into the whole system.

Take a deed breath. Tune into your intellectual self and tap:

I am so happy that I have such a powerful intellectual part of my system…It solves problems at the speed of light…It assess situation before I have the change to realize that something needs to be analyzed…I love the fact that my intellect is able to learn and grow…My mind is made to grow and develop…I want my intellectual self to know that I know how much is does…And I am happy it is here…

I also want my intellectual self know that it is not alone…It is not the only part of my system…It is not the most important part of my system…But one more important part of my system…I want my intellectual self to know that it can and it needs to work with my other parts…That is needs to work with the wisdom of the gut and heart when making decisions…

I also asked a number of friends and fellow practitioners what they would want their mind/intellectual self to know and hear. Take another deep breath and continue to tap:

Let go, there’s no need to keep such a tight grip on everything.
Pamela Bruner

Are you trying too hard? Does it feel like work? Stop.
Jade Barbee

I’m smarter than I think.
Tammy Evevard

“Gosh darn it you are smart. (chuckle).
I’m sorry that others misunderstand your brilliance.
You are really good at trying to keep me safe. However I have a new job for you now.
Thank you for giving me all sides of the options here. You’ve done a good job.
Thank you for being part of the team. Your role is very important.”
Deborah Donndelinger

Beautiful mind runs the show most of the time, thinking thoughts, thinking my life, thinking my feelings, remembering the past, projecting into the future and interpreting life through the thinking filter. I honor my brilliance AND i give my mind permission to let down, to slow down, to relax and let me FEEL into my body and life more. it’s okay, brilliant mind, it’s safe for me let go of some much thinking and analyzing and feel what i want…and from that place i am so much more inspired, creative and brilliant!
Margaret M. Lynch

You are smart. You are capable of incredible things. You can always figure things out. You know how to handle each situation as it comes up. You know exactly the right thing to say in each situation.
Rev. Anne Presuel

You are as smart as you needs to be. And while you may get in the way of decisions that might be best left to the ‘gut’ to decide, I am grateful that I have my intellect to help protect me, reason things out, keep me safe, move me forward in life, remember the good things from the past and help me to walk into the future.
Lindsay Kenny

I spend too much time trying to prove to other people how much I know. The truth is I know very little. The problem is by the amount that I yammer on to other people you would never know that.
I am only 37 and I have a lot to learn about other people, the world, myself.
I need to say the words “”I don’t know”” a lot more often.
There is a lot of excitement in not knowing about a lot of things. It means that I have a long way to go before I become enlightened. It means that I am unfinished and I have many mysteries of the universe to solve before I pass on.
How boring it would be to know everything before turning 40!
I must not allow my world to be so small. I need to open myself to learning as much as I can in the time I have left. I also must be ready to allow my perspectives to shift based on new experiences or information I learn. Don’t become so deeply cemented into opinions or positions that I will never allow myself to change my mind.
Quit being afraid to learn.”
John Roedel

I have the capacity and talent, as well as the determination, to express all that it desires to express. That there is plenty of time and plenty of room for self expression. Mind, you don’t run the show, but you have incredible things to contribute.
Rhona Clews

You need to relax and understand that in any one circumstance you only going to perceive a small percentage of what is really happening. The bigger picture is almost never available to just the brain. Chill out. Relax. Enjoy the ride to greater understanding.
Alina Frank

It is okay to be great. I choose not to limit myself – or doubt myself – for fear of what others might think if I excelled. It is better to excel and show others how to do the same.
Brad Yates

“At the end of the day, does it really matter what you forgot? Or didn’t accomplish from that ridiculously long To-Do-List? What you remembered – and did – was really good enough? (Trust me.)”
Jondi Whitis

You are not me, you are something I use, you are very bright and very smart, but you work for Me.
Andy Bryce

What are the things your intellectual self needs to hear? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #70: Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto

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Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto By Gene Monterastelli

A manifesto is nothing more than a statement of beliefs. This is what I believe about the healing process. This is not about tapping the tool, but what happens when we heal and transform. This is how I think when I am working with clients.

Who “Recover Self – A Healing Manifesto” is For:

This if for anyone who is interested in transforming their lives, healing past wounds, and people who are trying to understand how these process happen. If you want to understand yourself a little better it is for you.

What You Will Learn In “Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto”:

  • Why you stop the healing process even when you know the steps you should take
  • Why others don’t want you to heal
  • The two categories that all healing falls into
  • What you need to know (and what you don’t need to know) to heal
  • How to stop fighting yourself and start healing

To download the ebook, the ebook in Spanish, or audiobook w/o podcast intro visit HealingManifesto.com

What do you think about this manifesto? I would love to hear your thoughts Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Being Brave When Overwhelmed Or Tired

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There are times when we just don’t want to step up. It could be because we feel we have nothing left or it could be because we don’t think we are capable.

Woody Allen is famously quoted as saying “Ninety percent of life is just showing up.” Often all it takes is getting up and getting started. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Most of the time it doesn’t even have to be good. Just starting is enough. It gets the ball rolling and the juices flowing, and it gets us heading in the right direction.

Warning: Ask These Healing Questions At Your Own Risk

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(For me) one of the basic tenets to all change work: If there wasn’t some resistance to making change the change already would have happened.

Most of the time we know what we want and we know how to get it, but we just don’t take the steps needed. Something is holding us back. In most cases, we know (or falsely believe) that something is going to go very wrong if we get the change we want.

Not that the change we want is bad, but it is also going to come with unwanted consequences.

For example:

  • If I lose weight my fat friends are going to make fun of me the way they make fun of other skinny people.
  • If get over my fear of public speaking they are going to expect me to speak more in my job which mean more work.
  • If I get everything done today then my family is going to expect me to get everything done everyday.

Finding The Resistance Is Scary

Most of the time we are not sure what these underlaying concerns are. Might have an idea, but we don’t know for sure.

We can find out what these resistances are, but it can be a very dangerous thing to do.

If we find out what the underlying resistance is then we have to do something about it. It is much more comfortable to say, “I would love to lose the weight, but my family has never been able to keep weight off,” than it is to recognize that you haven’t lost the weight because losing weight is scary.

When the world is conspiring against us then it is not our fault. When we name what is really going on then we are responsible to do something.

You Have A Choice

So you have a choice. You can continue to live in your blissful ignorance. You can continue to wish for better and be resigned to the fact that the world is against you and it will never happen.

Or…

You can ask the hard questions. You can face the ugly facts about your life and you can recognize that it is up to you.

I will give you a moment to make your choice.

If you want to ask the hard questions…read on.

  • What would people expect of me if I really did change?
  • What would I expect of myself if I if really did change?
  • What crutches would I have to give up if I really did change?

I know they are not revolutionary questions. I am sure you have read them before in other articles on resistance, but they are powerful, useful, and (to be honest) at times painful to ask.

3 Steps To Getting Past Resistance

Now that you have chosen to face the questions let’s do something really helpful with them to create change! You can do this in three simple steps.

1) Think of an area of your life you want to change.
Narrow this down, because the resistance in each part of your life is going to be a little different. You can repeat the process as many times as you like with as many issues as you like. Choose one thing to start with.

2) Ask the questions?
Do this one at a time. Give each question a few minutes. Write down each of your answers. When you think you are done force yourself to come up with two more.

3) Tap for each thing you have written down.
It I very simple just start tapping and say “Even though I am afraid that if I get the change I want I am going to have to deal with [insert something from your list] I love and accept myself’

Repeat step 3 for each thing you have written down. If you want to you can go through your list twice (or three times even).

Now It Is Time For The Healing/Change Work

Don’t be mistaken at what we have just accomplished. What we have done is cleared the resistance to making the steps to the change you want. Doing this isn’t going to magical de-clutter the kitchen, have 30 lbs. disappear over night, or get you up in front of the office staff doing stand up comedy.

What it does do is clear the space so you are no longer getting in your own way. It clears the space for you to take the steps you know you need to take to move forward, grow, and/or heal.

It is not time to take the action you have known you need to do…but fear not. It is no longer scary and you will want to do it, because you want and are worthy of the change it is going to bring.

What is your experience with resistance to change? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #69: What Google and Zappos Know About Emotions That You Should Know Too w/ Paul Zelizer

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The history of business is a history about how companies and organizations can be more efficient. Much of this work is about how companies and organizations can create an environment where they can get their employees to be more productive. For most of history this has been about automating processes, educating employees, and learning how to empower employees to make better choice.

Today, forward thinking companies like Google and Zappos are starting to look beyond people as cogs in the machine that fill specific tasks, but starting to see them as whole people. When companies feed and support the whole person they are finding their employees are happier, healthier, and more productive.

Regardless if you work for someone else, if you employ people, or don’t work in a traditional job the lessons about emotional intelligence that these companies are learning can be applied directly to your daily life. In this interview I talk to Paul Zeilzer about what he has learned by visiting companies like Google and Zappos and how they can applied to our daily lives to increase our success.

 

Paul Zelizer

Guest: Paul Zelizer, MA, EFT-Cert I

Contact: Web @ PaulZelizer.com; Email @ info@paulzelizer.com; Twitter @PaulZelizer; Facebook @ facebook.com/paul.zelizer

About Paul: Paul Zelizer has studied psychology, spirituality and conscious business for more than 30 years. After almost 20 years as a psychotherapist, he left the counseling world and shifted to a coaching and energy psychology practice. It was instant love!

Paul was one of the first coaches to combine energy psychology with the principles of conscious business and social marketing. As a result, his business grew rapidly. Today Paul runs a global coaching business where he helps spiritual people create the businesses and attract the work life of their dreams.

What do you think about what Paul share here? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Being Who You Are – AKA Not Needing To Fit In

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No two people are alike. That is something that we all understand, but for some reason we feel like we need to hold ourselves to some standard where we are constantly comparing ourselves to those around us. We compare our relationships, our jobs, our physical health, and our financial success. Not only do we make these comparisons about the things we achieve, but we also make these comparisons about the things we prefer. When we don’t like the same music, TV, food, and activities as the people in our lives we feel out of place.

We are not like anyone else in the world. It does us little good to make comparisons on how we are different from everyone else. Because we are.

Things Your Physical Body Needs To Hear You Say

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photo by David E. Merino

[Note: This is part 1 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each parts of our system and tap for it. ]

Our physical body is a truly amazing thing. It is literally billions of little pieces works in concert moving us through the day, keeping us safe and healthy from disease, and helping us to explore the world. It is something that I know I take for granted. Every tapping session I do with clients one of the first steps I do is have us ground ourselves in our bodies and thank it for all the amazing things it does in unconscious and subconscious ways.

Take a deep breath. Feel yourself grounded in your body. Start tapping and say this to your physical body:

I love you…I appreciate everything you do for me that is seen and unseen…You keep me safe through out the day in ways that I never know about…I don’t have to think about my health and well being in every moment because you do it for me…Thank you. Thank you…Thank you…I know you are not perfect…I know that you don’t keep everything at bay…I know there are times where you over function…or misunderstand threats to my health and well being…but I know that you are always working from a place of wanting the best for me…even if you don’t make the right choices…you are always making what you think are the best choices…

Know that you are not alone in your work…you are not the only part of me that is trying to keep me healthy and safe…You have other parts of the systems that are willing to work with you…Know that you are not expected to do it alone…You are allowed to ask for help…You need to ask for help…I want you to ask for help…Please tell me what you need to do your job better…

I am sorry that I don’t always listen to you…I am sorry that you have to work so hard to get my attention…It is not that I don’t care…It is not that I don’t want to listen…I just sometimes forget to listen…I sometimes get so in my head that I forget to listen to my physical system…Please keep letting me know what I need to do to be healthier…Please let me know what I need to do to just be at peace in you…In this moment.

I also asked number of my friends and fellow practitioners what they would what their physical body to hear. There are also great phrases to tap along to. Take another deep breath and tap…

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You know exactly what you need to maintain balance, and you are completely capable of maintaining balance. You know exactly how to heal any situation, and you do just that, whenever it is needed.
Rev. Anne Presuel

Focus on how you want to feel and how you want to be. Breathe.
Jade Barbee

Even though I reject you in so many ways, I honor my body, my solid, real physical body. I am opening to really FEELING my body, my solid presence, my humanity, my foundation of strength, power and energy. I am opening to remembering that my body LOVES being ALIVE…every cell in my body wants to live and LOVES living and changing and growing. I notice my body and remember that I am alive with energy, sensation and swirling power and I say THANK YOU to my beautiful body.
Margaret M. Lynch

You don’t have to do everything, and be so tense. You can relax.
Pamela Bruner

I’m sorry I haven’t been listening. I’m listening now.
I’m sorry I haven’t been able to hear your messages. I’m open to hearing your innate wisdom now.
I’m sorry I haven’t been making good choices. I’m willing to let you guide me now.
Deborah Donndelinger

You are loved, that I am interested in listening to your needs, that there is plenty of time for rest, fun and play. I am interested in exploring new ways of honouring you and making you feel good. I am listening.
Rhona Clews

I love and appreciate all the billions of functions it performs for you each and every day.
Alina Frank

It’s never too late! I love you, anyway. And by the way, you’re doing a good job keeping up with all this I’m throwing at you! Deep apologies for making you carry all this around!
Jondi Whitis

Thank you for all your messages, especially the ones you have to repeat, thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you for being so healthy and being such a great place to live for a while.
Andy Bryce

That strength begins with choices. I choosing to take care of my body which creates inner strength too.
Tammy Evevard

What are the things your physical self needs to hear? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #68: Therapy v. Discipleship w/ Jake Khym

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Many of the practitioners I know are very spiritual people, but for one reason or another they are not connected to a particular denomination or faith tradition. My friend Jake Khym is a different in that regard. He explicitly does Christian counseling.

In this conversation we talk about how and why he transitioned from traditional counseling to Christian counseling and how his work now looks different. Also, we spend a great deal of time talking about what it means to provide instruction and teaching in a discipleship relationship vs. what a therapist would normally do.

Even if you are not Christian you are going to find this to be a fascinating conversation. Jake is one of the brights and most articulate people I know. His insights in to how people transform and what people are longing for are insightful and will help you with your healing journey regardless how you approach spiritually, faith, or religion.

 

Jake Khym (w/ wife Heather)

Guest: Jake Khym, BA, MA, RCC, CCC

Contact: web @ Life Restoration; twitter @jakekhym

About Jake: Jake offers inspiring and practical presentations throughout North America on many topics including the practical application of Christian psychology. Jake holds a BA in Theology and a Masters in Counselling Psychology. After working for almost 10 years in lay ministry, Jake has his own counselling practice and co-directs Life Restoration, a Catholic ministry offering restoration through counselling, workshops, and conferences. Jake and his wife Heather with their three children, Maria, Judah, and Eva, live in British Columbia Canada.

What do you think about Jake’s approach? How do you see spiritually and faith connecting with your tapping? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

My 10 Favorite Articles From 2011 Featured On Tapping Q And A

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photo by Susanna S.

Here is a look back at some of my favorite posts from 2011. They are not necessarily the best, but they are thoughts, ideas, and articles that I still look back and learn from.

Knowing Good Enough Is Good Enough OR The Myth Of Excellence
This is the thought that changed my life!

Create v. Responsible
Ever thought to yourself, “Everything that is going wrong in my life is all my fault! How did I create this mess?” You didn’t create it all! Here is new way of looking at what you create in your life.

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT
Feeling overwhelmed? Here is your starting point

Keeping the Long View – How To Understand The Healing Process With Tapping/EFT
When we understand how healing happens it is easier easier to create a space to heal.

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?
The title says it all. Here is why tapping is different (and powerful).

Set-Up Phrase Generator For Tapping/EFT
Having trouble with the set up phrases? Here is a over 2000 set-up phrases!

10 Lessons Learned From Teaching Tapping in Jail
One of the best things that happened to me in 2011 was getting a chance to teach a month long anger management class in a county jail. It is still one of my favorite parts of life. Here is what I have learned (so far) working with the guys.

Transforming Our Critical Voice In To Something Helpful With Tapping and EFT In 8 Easy Steps
My archenemy is my critical voice. Here is how I tame it (in 8 easy steps).

Is It A Big Deal?
It is okay to say something is a big deal when it is a big deal. By being honest with yourself you can begin healing.

10 Simple Steps To Tap On Any Emotion
Don’t know where to begin. Here are 10 steps you can do anytime to start clearing any issue.

What is your favorite lesson you learned about tapping in the last year? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Saying “I am sorry.”

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Saying we are sorry is difficult. We have to admit that we are not perfect. Often we have to confront the fact that we have let someone else down or hurt them, but we need to do it.

Many times when I need to say I am sorry I have already decided that I am sorry and until I apologize the relationship will struggle. I need to say I am sorry for myself. I need to say I am sorry for the person I have hurt.

Better Then Any New Year’s Resolutions – Tap To Get Rid Of What Isn’t Needed

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This article was written while being powered by a tasty lunch bought by Lee Carter of FL. Thanks Lee!


photo by Roger Glenn

As we come to the end of another year I have been reflecting on my life, my goals, and how I spend my time. After careful concideration I have come to realize that my goals and dreams for the new year aren’t much different than the goals I had at the beginning of last year.

I would like to have better health and well being, richer relationships, more opportunities to share my giftedness with my readers and clients, and a more grounded perspective to enjoy each moment.

AND, I know how to do all these things. I have a few new tools and tricks, but for the most part I know what I am doing.

My problem isn’t knowing what, why I want it, or how to get it. My problem is filling my time and spending my energy on things that aren’t helpful.

Marc over at “Marc and Angel Hack Life” wrote a great piece a few weeks ago called “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“. Such as:

    1) Stop spending time with the wrong people.
    5) Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
    10) Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
    18) Stop holding grudges.
    25) Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.

When I create enough space in my life it is easy for me to make the right choice and I seem to effortlessly move towards my goals. It is when I am spending time, energy, and emotions on things that aren’t worth of my attention that I have a hard time doing (and being) who I want and need to be.

With that being said, sometimes it is really hard to get rid of things that have worked their way into our lives. When this happens I like to tap on it like this:

I know there are things in my life that I need to eliminate…they take my time…they take my energy…they take my emotional energy…they are not things I need to do…they are not things I want to do…they are there because they have been there for a really long time…they are there because I don’t know another way…they are there because I am afraid to let them go…I might hurt others feelings by letting them go…I might not know what to do instead…they might serve as a great distraction…I have been keeping them around because on some level they are serving me…even if I don’t know why they are serving me…I know it is going to be hard to let go of some of these things…I know that I am going to let them go for a short while and then pick them up again…I know it is going to be work to let some of them go…but I give myself permission to let go of the relationships that are not serving me…I give myself permission to let got of the tasks that are no longer serving me…I give myself permission to let go of the habits that are no longer serving me…by letting go of these things I am going to create space for the thing I need to do…I am going to create energy to do what I want to do…I am going to have time to become who I want to become.

Take a look at Marc’s list of “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“.

What are the things you need to remove for your life in the new year to move toward becoming who you want to be? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Please See How Much I Am Putting Myself Last!

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I love helping other people out. I think I am good at it and I know that I enjoy it. I also know that others have noticed that I am good at helping people. I have personally and professionally been recognized for doing so. It is part of who I am and it is part of my identity. I am seen as a ‘go to’ guy.

None of this is bad unless I start defining myself as someone who helps others. None of this is bad unless I start to think this is the only way we can have value. We can find ourselves in a place where we are doing everything possible to make people see that we are helpers, that we are caregivers, or that we are putting everyone else first.

We start to think: “Please, please, please notice how much I am putting myself last!”

If we do this we risk losing our identity and ourselves and it can become very unhealthy.

Are You Tapping The Wrong Way? (You Are Going To Be Surprised!)

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I respond much better to doing setups on my sore spot(s) than on the Side of Hand point. But I have found that my best response is if I tap on, even thump a bit, on the sore spot(s) rather than rubbing. Is this common or am I very unusual? Also, when I tap on my collar-bone it works much better if I tap on my sore spot as well as my collar bone spot. Is this ok/normal?

There are a few things that need to be kept in mind when we consider using tapping as a tool in our lives.

First, the tapping protocols in their current form are in their infancy. In one of Gary Craig’s DVDs, he jokes that one day people will look back at us and laugh at how primitive the tools are that we’re using today. Practitioners all over the world are continuing to find ways to improve and expand these tools, refining and combining them with other techniques and protocols. How best to tap is a moving target.

[For a brief history of tapping in the western world see The Future of Meridian Tapping Scroll down to the paragraph that begins: “The history of meridian tapping began with Dr. George Goodheart…”]

Second, each person and issue is going be relieved most effectively in a unique way. The basic recipe of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was originally created as a way of sharing a general protocol that could be taught very easily, so most people could use it. It never claimed to be the best or fastest way, but instead one which was very, very effective and that anyone could do anywhere, anytime.

More than likely, for every issue we face there is a tapping order or tapping points that would be more effective than the EFT basic recipe. In many cases it effort to find the optimum tapping. It might take us twenty minutes of muscle testing to find that particular way, when three or four rounds of the basic recipe, which only takes a few minutes, accomplishes the same thing.

With those thoughts in mind, here is my advice when it comes to tapping the “right way”.

1) Be Safe When Tapping

When you are tapping, or doing anything else, be sure to make choices that are good for you. Just because someone says you need to do something to heal (both physically and emotionally) does not mean it is the best choice for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and your body.

If it hurts don’t do it.

If a spot is too sore to tap, then rub it. If a spot is too sore to rub, then touch it and take a deep breath. If the spot is too sore to touch, then imagine you are tapping on it.

Safety has always been a concern from the beginning. You will notice that all of the tapping points in the basic recipe come from the beginning and end of the meridian pathways, except for the eyebrow point. The end of that path is actually on the inside of the bridge of the nose. I have heard, but don’t know if this is true, that the reason Dr. Callahan chose the eyebrow point is because he was afraid people would poke their eyes while tapping on the inside of the bridge of the nose.

You don’t want to create pain to gain relief. Be smart.

This is also true for the emotional issue you want to tackle. If you want to tap on an issue that is too emotional to work with on your one then get some profesional help. A good rule of thumb is, “If it is too emotional to work with on your own without tapping than it is too emotional to work with tapping.”

2) Be Flexible When Tapping

As long as you are following the first rule, then do what makes sense. Trust your body and trust your instincts. There are well over two hundred and fifty points on the body you could tap on. If it works better to tap on different points, do it! If it works better to tap in a different order, do it!

I have often advised clients, “If standing on one foot and humming ‘God Save the Queen’ is going to help you heal, then do it.” The goal is not to tap in the “right” way. The goal is to heal.

The most important question with any tool or protocol is “How is it working for you?” If it works keep after it, if not change to what it needs to be.

As long as you are keeping yourself safe there is no ‘wrong way’ to tap. It takes very little time to try something new (sometimes a little as 6 seconds to tap on a new point). Who knows? You might be discovering the next great breakthrough in tapping technologies.

What are some of the ways you have added or changed the basic tapping recipe? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!