Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #283: The 3 Reasons Why Our Loved Ones Don’t Want Us To Change

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I might seem counter intuitive, but there are three good reasons to why our loved ones don't want us to heal and transform. This can even be true for the people in our lives who are vocally supportive of us.

In most cases this lack of support from our loved ones is happening on a subconscious level.

This week in the podcast I talk about the three reasons why our loved ones don't want us to change and I provide a tap along audio for each of the reasons.

You can also find the tapping scripts written out below the audio player. (Did you know that you can take many of the tapping script with you through the free Tapping Q&A app? Download it here: Apple App | Google/Android App)

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I recognize the fact that as I change. As I transform. As I heal. As I move forward. My transformation impacts the people around me because we are connected. We are interdependent. Just because my transformation impacts others it does not mean I need to stand still. That I need to stay static. Because the world isn't static. The world is not staying the same. It only feels that way. I give myself permission to pursue transformation. To work towards healing. In an intentional and a deliberate way.

It is okay for me to make choices in the world that impact the people around me. Because the people around me are being impacted by me no matter what I do. They're going to be times in which loved ones feel subconsciously that my transformation is pointing out and heightening the discomfort in their own life. When they see me having better. When they see me healing. When they see me transformed. They might be reminded of the things that they are not happy within their own life. This might cause them to push back on my transformation. To undermine my healing. Just because they recognize the pain in their life. This does not mean I am responsible for the pain in their life. This does not mean I have caused the pain in their life. This does not mean I have to stop my transformation. They are responsible for their emotional state and I give myself permission to keep healing. Regardless how they see themselves.

It is also possible for the people around me to be jealous of my transformation. Because they are not having the same type of healing. They might even be putting in effort. They might even be working really hard. Not make the progress that I am making. Because of this they are jealous of my progress. I recognize the fact my healing is not undermining their healing. My transformation is not undermining their transformation. It simply means that I am transforming and I am healing at a rate that is faster than them. They can choose to be jealous if they like. But they are responsible for that jealousy. I give myself permission to trust myself. To know this healing path is right regardless how it relates to someone else's healing path. This process of healing that I am engaged in means and I am changing. Means that I am transforming.

When I transform one part of my life it often impacts many parts of my life. When I change it is possible for many of my relationships to change as well. There are people who aren't going to be happy with our relationships changing. Because they want their life to be predictable. They want their life to be the same. They want things to move forward in a consistent way. I can appreciate their desire for predictability. But the world is actually changing all of the time. Relationships are evolving all of the time. I give myself permission to recognize the fact I am not responsible for others transformation. I am allowed to change. I give myself permission to know that when people are frustrated with my transformation regardless of the reason it is about them and how they see the world. It is not about me. It is not about my right to transform. It is not about how I'm moving through the world. It is about their interpretation. I give myself permission to keep healing. To keep transforming. To keep evolving. Regardless what the people around me think. My transformation is about me. My transformation is about my life. My transformation is about how I move forward. I give myself permission to trust myself in this transformation. To know my transformation and healing is not only good for me but it is good for everyone.

Pod #282: EFT For Feeling Bad For Wanting More AND Feeling Bad For Not Having More

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Desire can be a double-edged sword.

When we want something that we don't have and see others with it, we feel left out. Sometimes we even feel as if we are not as worthy or not as valuable as others because they have it and we don't.

On the other hand, we can also feel bad for having desires at all, beating ourselves up for seeming ungrateful or unappreciative for what we do have.

What I find most amazing is the fact that we can feel both of these emotions at the same time. We can feel bad for not having what we want AND we can feel bad for wanting more.

This week I have a tap-along audio and script to respond to both ends of the emotional struggle with desire.

Join me at “Uncomplicate Your Relationship With Money”

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I have desires…I have goals…There are things that I want to have to be better…There are parts of my life I would like to transform…There are things in my life that I would like to heal…But I have a lot of emotional baggage around desire…Part of me feels bad because I have desires…Part of me feels bad because I want more…My desire feels selfish…My desire feels greedy…Because even though my life isn't perfect…I still have more than many…If I want more…It means that I am ungrateful…It means that I am unappreciative…It means I am being selfish…Because if I were truly thankful I would appreciate what I have and not want more…I give myself permission to know I can be grateful for what I have and still want to have more…I can appreciate where I am and want to make changes…Wanting more is not selfish…Wanting better is not greedy…It is possible for me to want more…It is possible for me to have more…Without robbing others of opportunity…Without robbing others of what they need…Improving my own life is not detrimental to others…Improving my own life gives me the opportunity to lift others up as well…Desiring more is safe…Wanting more is healthy…Lifting myself up can lift others up…Improving my status is not greedy…

Desire can also be painful…Because it points out what I don't have…It points out what I have not achieved…There is a part of me that interprets this lack as a failing…There is a part of me that interprets the lack as a judgement…Lack says that I am unworthy…Lack says that I am not good enough…Lack says that I am failing…Because if I were good enough…I would have already achieved it…If I were worthy of success…I would have success…Seeing others with success tells me they are good enough and I am not…Tells me they are valuable and I am not…I give myself permission to know it is possible for me to evolve to being able to recognize the fact that not achieving is not a statement on my worth…That not having is not a statement on my value…It is simply a statement of where I am in this moment…It is simply a statement of the process that I am in…I give myself permission to embrace the fact that this is a process that is unfolding in a gentle natural way…That is allowing me to achieve…My current status is not a statement on who I am…My lack of achievement is not a statement on what I can be…Where I am is simply a statement of where I am…In this spot I am worthy…In this spot I am whole…I am capable of more…I can work towards more…I appreciate where I am in this moment…I give myself permission to continue to have desires…To use my desires as a motivation…As I continue to move forward…As I continue to evolve…In big and small ways.

Pod #281: Tapping and EFT For Dread

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Tapping for negative past experiences is often the easiest kind of tapping because we know the details of the past experience. While tapping we have the opportunity to state exactly what happened, how we interpret those events, how we felt about them back then, and how we feel now.

No matter how long we have to tap to find relief, the tapping itself is straightforward.

Tapping for the emotion of dread can be much less straightforward. Dread is a worry about the future and, since the future is unknown, it is much harder to find specific details to tap for.

Here is a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to tap for dread. I recorded the audio while I was in the grip of feeling dread myself, so you have the opportunity to experience the way I tap when dealing with an issue firsthand.

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There is a deep feeling of dread…That is encompassing my entire body…Because it is dread there is no specific focal point…There's no specific place that lives in my body…There is no epicenter to the pain…Even when I have a sense with the dread is and what it is about I don't know what that is in detail…Which makes tapping for this emotion really hard…I give myself permission to know that it is okay to tap…It is effective to tap…Even when I don't know exactly what I'm focusing on…Because of what is going on around me and because of the things outside of my control…My system is feeling a sense of dread…It's feeling a sense of hopelessness…Things are bad…Or are going to continue to be bad…Or are going to get worse…I appreciate the fact of my system is pointing this out…I am fully aware of what is going wrong…I am fully aware of what might go wrong…My system has done its job…I give the dread permission to release…Because I am aware of what it is trying to point out…Letting go of the dread is not saying the current situation is okay…Letting go of the dread is not me giving up my power to take action…Letting go of the dread he's not giving up…Instead by releasing the dread it puts me in a position to take action…It puts me in a position to move forward…It allows me to regain my control…Not control over everything…But control over me…Control over the small actions I can take…Control over the kindness that I can share…Control over being able to be present in this moment…Not ignoring what is going on…But instead not being debilitated by what is going on…Even when it feels hopeless…Even when it feels overwhelming…I give myself permission to allow myself to move forward…In This Moment, being a positive agent of change…That does not mean it is easy…That does not mean it is fun…That does not mean it is pain-free…It means that I am in a situation where I can control this moment in controlling how I respond…I am glad my system is recognizing things that are troubling…I appreciate my systems pointing out things that are difficult for my system to overcome the dread has done its job…It can release…It can let go…So I can move forward.

Pod #280: Why We Use EFT

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Why do you tap?

It seems like such a silly question to consider. Obviously (!) we tap to make ourselves feel better, remove pain, to be healthier, and to create a more enjoyable life.

I don't disagree with any of those ideas. In a global way that is why I use Emotional Freedom Techniques as well. But it doesn't get to the heart of the reason why we tap.

For me, there is a simple underlying principle that informs how I understand change, where to start when working with an issue, and how I can evaluate the long term success of tapping.

I am always trying to get better at what I do. In order to do that I need constantly to re-evaluate and challenge my own assumptions. I would love to hear your thoughts on this idea in the comments below. Your feedback will make me a better practitioner.

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Pod #279: Tapping For The Right Emotion

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One of the first techniques that any good tapper learns is the “movie technique”.

In the movie technique you replay the details of a past event in your mind, as if you are watching them in a film. As you replay the past events, the moment you get to an emotion in the memory, you stop and tap for the emotion.

This is a very effective way of clearing the emotions from a past event. The problem is that there are often more emotions that need to be cleared than just the ones that show up while you are replaying the past memory.

Not only do we need to deal with what happened, but we also need to clear the emotions we feel today as we think about that past event.

Here is a simple technique to make sure you are clearing the emotional baggage from the past memory AND also clearing your relationship to the past.

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Something special for those in the UK

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At the end of month I will be in the UK on vacation and I would love to see you!

The last two times I have been in London I arranged informal meetups. We talked about tapping, the healing process, and life in general. I had a great time getting to know my readers and those who showed up made new tapping friends.

On Monday July 31st I am going to be at Mulberry Bush (89 Upper Ground, Southbank, SE1 9PP, very close to the National Theatre ) from 6:30 pm – 8:30 pm.

If you are in the city please do come along to hang out and have drink. You can stop by anytime and can stay for as long or short as you would like.

Send me a note if you are thinking of coming so I can send you updated information if anything changes.

I am also going to be in north Wales July 28th, 29th, and 30th. I’m not currently planning a meetup there but if you are in that part of the world, reply to this email and we might arrange a little gathering.

Let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you soon!

Gene

Pod #278: EFT For When You Are Unwilling To Accept Help

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People with a kind heart and helping disposition are often those who have the hardest time reaching out for help.

This can happen for reasons ranging from not wanting to be a burden to others, to believing that since we possess the tools of healing, we are responsible for taking care of ourselves.

Everyone (and I mean everyone) needs help from the outside. We can't and aren't meant to go it alone. This week I have a tap-along audio and tapping script for those who find it difficult to ask for help or to accept help when it is offered.

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I recognize the fact that I want to do it all…I want to take responsibility for myself…I want to take responsibility for my work…There is a part of me that feels as if I am failing if I ask someone else for help…There is a part of me that feels like I am being a burden if I ask someone else to assist me…It's good that I want to take responsibility for myself…It is good that I'm thoughtful in the ways that I ask for help…It is good that I don't want to be a burden to other people…But there are some truths that I need to accept…I need to accept the fact that I cannot do this on my own…I need to accept the fact that I do need help in this world…I need to accept the fact that they're actually people who would love to help me…There are even people in my life who are offended because I don't ask them for help…It is not a failing to ask for help…It is not a weakness to ask for help…It is not a failing to look to others for help…Because I am human…Help is something that I need…Because I'm human…I need to connect with others…I give myself permission to know that that is appropriate…I give myself permission to know that that is healthy…I give myself permission to know that this is how transformation will happen in the long term…I give myself permission to know I'm worthy of that help…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to ask for that help…I give myself permission to know it is the right thing for me to do…To ask for help in big and small ways…I can't do this on my own…That is perfectly OK…That is allowed…I give myself permission to be OK with that…This does not mean I expect others to do everything for me…This doesn't mean I'm giving up responsibility in my own life…It only means I am willing to do the work…And I am willing to reach out to get the help I need.

Why I hate (the name) Emotional Freedom Techniques

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Note: This article was originally shared on Sept 2nd, 2012 with the title “Why I Hate Emotional Freedom Techniques”. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

I have a confession to make. I hate Emotional Freedom Techniques.

OK, I don't hate the tool, but I do hate the name.

In the beginning I hated the name because I thought it did the technique such a disservice.

Here we were being given this amazingly powerful tool that was changing people’s lives. It was helping them to release lifelong limiting beliefs, ameliorate chronic physical pain, ease deep-seated emotional issues, and eliminate cravings. It has brought relief to people in hospitals, in war-torn countries and disaster zones, and in prisons.

As a professional using EFT I thought the name “Emotional Freedom Techniques” undermined just how powerful a tool it is.

As someone who has used tapping for many years, I know what that freedom feels like after a powerful tapping session. The world feels new because we have released what has been holding us back. But this is the language of someone who has used EFT and experienced its benefits.

For those who haven't used it before, it is easy to perceive EFT as something frivolous and unpowerful.

For a number of years I was given the opportunity to teach tapping as part of an anger management class in a county jail. One day in class I was telling the guys in jail about my disdain for the name and one of them piped up and said, “You’re right. It shouldn't be called EFT. It should be BET: Balanced Emotion Techniques.”

It wasn't just the fact the name was undermining its power, but instead the name wasn't accurately describing what was going on.

The Goal Is Not To Be Free From Emotions

His comment made me think about the way I teach tapping. Over and over again I teach that emotions are not the problem. Emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are information.

Every time we feel an emotion, our system is just giving us information. When I feel sad, it is saying that something important is missing. When I feel angry, it is telling me that it perceives attack. When I feel frustrated, it is letting me know I am not getting what I want.

This information is both helpful and useful. The goal of tapping isn't to be free of these emotions.

First, the goal of tapping is to make sure that emotions show up at the right time.

For example, it is right that I fear lions, but if I fear them so much that I can't leave my apartment in Brooklyn because I know there is a lion ten miles away in the Bronx Zoo, then that fear is completely out of proportion.

Second, the goal of tapping is to make sure emotions are showing up to the right degree.

For example, when someone cuts me off on the highway the rush of adrenalin triggered will help sharpen my senses and help me to control the car and stay safe. If that rush goes on so long that it overwhelms my system and I end up on the side of the road crying for 45 minutes because I almost died, the reaction produced is out of proportion.

I want and need my emotions. They are an important part of how I navigate the world. I don't want to be free of them.

What Is Important In The End

I have arrived at a point where I mostly just call what I do tapping, because I don't tap in exactly the way Gary Craig originally taught. But again, that is less important.

What is more important is the fact that we have a clear understanding of what the goal of tapping is. For me, the goals are:

  • to help my emotions to show up in a proportional and well-informed way
  • to create the space to hear the message these emotions are trying to convey
  • to release any useful or limiting beliefs about about myself and the world
  • to take the actions I want to take with confidence

I know that if I tap regularly on my emotions, issues, and beliefs, then that will happen. If that happens, then it doesn't matter if we call it tapping, EFT or Chad. It only matters that I am living the life I want.

Pod #277: EFT For When It Is Too Late For A Loved One To Change

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It would be great if we could find a solution for every problem.

But that is simply not possible. Some illness can't be cured. Death is inevitable.

There are even times when solutions are available, but for a variety of complex reasons our loved ones aren't willing or able to choose change.

Whether there is no clear solution or the solution isn't being chosen, it can leave you feeling helpless and heartbroken.

Below is a tap-along audio and script for those times when there is nothing you can do and you still hurt.

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I want better for those around me…I want better for those I love…I want them to make better choices…I want them to have access to better options…The truth of the matter is that at a certain point…There are no more options…There is nothing that we can do to create change…Because the situation is so grave…There's a part of us that doesn't want to admit that…There is a part of me that doesn't believe I am helpless in this regard…It is a part of me that wishes I could tap a little longer and a little harder to create change…But what is happening is happening…There are times when we cannot change that…I feel like a failure when this happens…I feel like I'm giving up because I'm not trying something new…I feel like there must be some deficiency in me otherwise I would have solved this problem…Otherwise I would have found an answer…Otherwise I would have found a way around this…Sometimes there's nothing I can do…And that breaks my heart…It breaks my heart to see a loved one suffer…It breaks my heart to see them in pain…It breaks my heart to not see them take the action that might make a difference…I give myself permission to be sad…I give myself permission to be heartbroken…These are the emotions of wanting better for my loved ones…I give myself permission to be angry…Because that is the emotion of trying to fight for better…I give myself permission to feel lost…Because sometimes I just don't have the answers…Even though this is out of my control…I can still be present…I can still be loving…I can share this moment with them…And that is real…That is significant…That is meaningful…Even if there's a part of me that doesn't accept that to be true…Even if there's a part of me that feels like I am failing…Even if there's a part of me that wants me to do more…I give myself permission to be with them…In this moment…With whatever they are dealing with…Knowing that they must take action…That this is their moment too…I give myself permission to know that it is significant…I give myself permission to know that this is not giving up…I give myself permission to know this is not giving in…This is being in the moment for them…This is being in the moment with them…That is meaningful…That is real…That is what I can do…That is who I can be in this moment.

Pod: #276: The Difference Between Knowing What To Do And Doing It

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There is a huge difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Just because tapping is a powerful tool doesn't mean that you will always remember to reach for it in times of emotional distress.

When my clients are recounting something from the previous week that was hard, I ask them if they tried tapping for the issue. They usually reply somewhat sheepishly, “No… I forgot.” My aim is not to try to shame them by asking that question. I just want to know what happened so we can do the best work in the moment.

We set amazingly high standards for ourselves. Part of us believes that if we know how to do something, then we must be perfect at it every time. That is simply not the case.

It takes time for new skills to become a habit. But we are human beings and we simply aren't perfect, meaning that we don’t always reach for the right tool.

Below you will find a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to be easier with yourself when you aren't doing the action you want to take perfectly. When tapping like this we are not excusing ourselves from not making the best choices, but instead making sure that we understand why we don't always make the best choices.

Right now, think of an area in your life where you are beating yourself up because you aren't doing it well enough, and tap for it. Not only will you feel better, but it will be easier to take positive action.

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I recognize the fact that I am not perfect…I recognize the fact that I will make mistakes…Even though I can intellectually accept that fact…There is a part of me that does not want to accept that…There is a part of me that thinks I need to get it right…Especially when I have the skills…Especially when I know what to do…When I don't use the skills that I have…There is a part of me that decides to beat myself up…There is a part of me that needs to let me know that I am wrong…There's a part of me that wants to punish me for this mistake…I appreciate the fact that something in me wants to hold myself to a very high standard…I appreciate the fact that there is a part of me that wants me to make the best choices possible…I also recognize the fact that this part of me is over functioning…That this part works way too hard…That this part believes if it beats me up for making a mistake…I will then make good choices in the future…I know this isn't the case…I know that harsh words and beating myself up are not helpful…I know chastising myself is not useful…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…I give myself permission to be gentle with myself…I give myself permission to be kind to myself…There's a part of me that finds this unacceptable…There is a part of me that believes I'm taking the easy way out…There is a part of me that thinks that when I am easy with myself…What I'm really doing is giving myself permission to make more mistakes…But when I’m easy with myself I can still take responsibility for my past choices…When I’m easy with myself I can still take responsibility for the consequences of my choices…When I’m easy with myself I am still deciding to learn the lessons of the past…Learning from my past is useful…Learning from my past is instructive…Beating myself up for bad choices is destructive…I give myself permission to be imperfect…I can be imperfect and still strive to do my best…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…Knowing that being easy with myself is not letting myself off easy…When I learn from my past without beating myself up…It is the fastest route to transformation…It is the fastest way to creating positive new habits.

Pod #275: EFT For Grief

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Unfortunately, death is an unfortunate fact of life. Even with the passing of a loved one is expected it is an emotionally difficult experience.

When we are facing the emotions that come after the death of a loved one, the goal is not to eliminate all of our emotion. Sadness is appropriate. Sadness is healthy. Instead we can tap to make sure that we are have proportional well informed emotions.

The tap-along audio and script that you can find below is perfect any time you are feeling the pain of the death of a loved one. It could be right when it happened, on the anniversary of their death, or on a random day that you are reminded of them.

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Having a loved one die hurts…I am overcome with sadness…Because I'm never again going to get a chance again to spend time with this person I loved…I won't get to ask them for advice…I won't get to share a joke…I won't get to cry alongside them…Those moments are gone…Because of that I hurt deeply…The hurt that I am feeling is just my system telling me that I miss someone who is really important…I want my system to know that I am completely aware of that fact…I am aware of the loss…I am aware of the disconnection…I give my system permission to feel that sadness…I'm not running away from this sadness…I'm not avoiding the sadness…It is simply my experience in this moment…But I also recognize the fact…Then I don't have to stay in that loss…It's not the only part of this experience…How lucky am I to have had this person in my life…I know my life is better because of their presents in it…I know my life is richer because of that experience…And I appreciate deeply the fact that I knew them…Even though I miss them…I recognize the fact that this feeling isn't going to last forever…That this sadness isn't going to last forever…That this pain isn't going to last forever…Even though in this moment it feels like it will…In this moment I'm allowed to feel grief…I don't have to fight it…I give myself permission to know it's not my total experience…This experience is more than the grief…I'm allowed to appreciate and I'm allowed to celebrate period I'm allowed to honor this friendship…They will be missed…I will feel the sadness of their loss again because they are loved…I don't have to feel sadness to honor the friendship…Feeling sadness is one of the ways to honor the friendship…I give myself permission to honor it in so many other ways…I am so lucky they were in my life…Remembering that is so much more important than the sadness of their loss…This sadness will pass…This grief will pass…But my connection to them will remain forever.

Pod #274: How To Tap When Your Emotions Are So Strong You Can’t Find The Right Words

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A key reason we don't tap in the moment is because we are so engulfed by what we are feeling that we don't remember tapping is something helpful we can do.

Or sometimes we may remember to tap, but we still don't do it because we don't know where to start. In the middle of strong emotions it can be difficult to describe what we are feeling. We can't find the words to describe the root cause and we aren't thinking clearly enough to come up with a reframe for the situation.

Because we can't find an entry point to tapping, we simply don't do it.

Here is a simple 3-step process to use when you are in the moment and don't know what to say when you are tapping. The process is so simple that you will be able to master it after listening just once.

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Pod #273: EFT For Big Decisions

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Back in Pod #199 I shared with you a tap-along audio to help you when you are facing a big decision. The tap-along is about trusting yourself, creating space, and knowing that everything will work out for the best.

I went back to listen to it again and I think it is an excellent and useful tap-along.

At the same time, I think there is more we can do to create space for making good choices when facing a big decision.

This week I have for you a simple tool with step-by-step instruction on how you can use tapping in the decision-making process. It's more than just feeling better about making the choice, but tapping while you are figuring out what is best for you.

If you use the tool, please let me know how it worked for you in the comment section below.

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Pod #272: EFT For The Frustration Of Stalled Progress

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When tapping works, it feels like magic. You tap on a few points, you say a few phrases, and you get relief.

When tapping doesn't work, you feel like a fool. You are sitting alone in your room muttering phrases to yourself, tapping on your body, and hoping it will get better.

When this happens to me, not only do I question tapping in the moment, I also question all of the tapping I did in the past. I wonder if I have imagined my past successes.

This week I have for you a simple tap-along that you can do when you feel like you have reached a plateau in your progress. I recorded it in the middle of feeling this exact frustration. So this isn't me giving you an option for this type of tapping, it is actually me dealing with it for myself.

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Right now I am frustrated by the fact that I am not moving forward…No matter what I try…I'm not making any progress at all…When I am stuck in this place…It’s difficult for me to focus…It's difficult for me to take action….It is difficult for me to believe that it is possible to be better…Right now I am trying really hard…I'm doing everything I know how to do…I'm putting forth full effort…But it’s making no difference at all…It feels like a waste of time…It feels like I'm going backwards…It feels like no matter what I do, it is useless…Not only am I questioning what I'm doing right now…I'm questioning everything I did before…Was my past success a fluke?…Were my past efforts actually helpful?…I hate feeling stuck like this…I hate feeling like I can't move forward…Even though all of this is true…I can recognize the fact that this is a process….Sometimes when we are in the middle of a process…It doesn't go as smoothly as we would like…It doesn't move forward as easily as we would like…I recognize the fact the effort that I am putting forth right now is adding to my success…Even if I can't see the success in this moment..Even if I can't feel that success with this effort…I'm not going to be stuck like this forever…The simple fact that I have invested some time to try and transform this issue…To keep moving forward…Is good…I give myself permission to do the work…To know the results are going to come…Even if they're not coming right now…Even if they're not coming as fast as I would like…The results are going to come…I trust myself…I trust the process…I trust my toolset…Knowing that when I put forth this effort…I'm eventually going to make progress…I am open to the possibility of that progress being quick…I am open to the possibility of that happening easily…I give myself permission to trust myself….I trust the process…To keep taking action…Knowing that this will ultimately lead me to my goal.

Pod #271: Tapping To Boost Creativity

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Embarking on a creative endeavor, whether for our personal or professional lives, can feel daunting.

We struggle with creativity because:

  • We want the ideas to emerge fully formed
  • We are worried that our efforts will be judged harshly by others
  • We are concerned about wasting time and not coming up with anything good
  • We don't know where to start so it feels like a waste of time and energy even to try

Because we don't want the process to go badly, we simply don't start (think of staring at a blank Word document and being taunted by that blinking cursor!).

This tap-along audio (with script below) will help you to clear the emotional blocks holding you back from creative endeavours. Take a few moments to tap through this audio (or script) before brainstorming or working on a task that requires creativity and you will find your flow much more easily.

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There is a part of me that wants to do this task successfully..But there is also a part of me feeling resistance…There's a part of me avoiding taking action…It is doing this to keep me safe…It is doing this to avoid danger…On the surface I know how silly that sounds…Being creative is not dangerous…But this part of me is worried…It is worried that I will waste my time…It is worried that I won’t come up with good ideas…It is worried that others will judge my ideas…It is worried that whatever I come up with isn't going to be good enough…This is going to be a giant waste of time and effort…I appreciate this worry…Because worry comes with the creative process…The creative process is uncertain…The creative process is full of unknowns…The creative process is full of bad ideas…The creative process is full of half ideas…I don't want to waste my time with those…I know what it feels like to get this right…I know what it feels like to have this completed…But that feels so far away…That feels so impossible in this moment…I give myself permission to recognize the fact that creativity is a process…Ideas are not going to spring from my head fully formed…It will take a little time…It will take a little effort…For me to find my way to the ideas that work for me…No one has to see the ideas that I come up with first…Unless I decide to share them…It's OK if they are half ideas…It's OK if they are incomplete ideas…It's even OK if they are bad ideas…Because no one is ever going to see them unless I decide to share them…So the process is safe…It doesn't have to be perfect…Many of the ideas I come up with might be seeds of much better ideas…I might not have those much better ideas right away…But I know spending time with the process will lead to what I need…It is OK if it takes time…It is OK if it slowly unfolds…It is even OK for me to spend time on this problem right now and not come up with a useful answer…There will be times when the creative process will involve me working through the least useful ideas first…That's OK…Because that is the process…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I give myself the space to come up with ideas that are useful…I give myself permission to trust myself in this process…Knowing that good and useful ideas will come…If I give myself the space and time that I need…I will come up with ideas that are so good that they surprise even me.

Pod #270: How To Support Those With Serious Illness w/ Annabel Fisher, Annie Siegel Alexander, and Ange Finn

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When a loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness it can difficult to know what to do next.

On one level we want to be helpful but also recognise that they may need their space so we don't want to be intrusive. Often we are so shocked ourselves that we just don't know what to do next.

At the 2017 Spring Energy Event I was given the opportunity to moderate a panel discussion between Annabel Fisher, Annie Siegel Alexander, and Ange Finn. All three of these amazing women (and tapping practitioners) have battled life-threatening diseases. (You can read more about the three of them at the bottom of this post.)

The conversation is not primarily about how to use EFT for life-threatening illness, though all three of them talk about how tapping was helpful in their own journey. Instead we cover:

  • Their individual experiences of diagnosis and treatment
  • How they managed their emotional experience
  • How their loved ones responded to the situation

In the conversation you will hear practical advice on how you can best support your loved ones in these kinds of situations.

I feel fortunate to have participated in this very honest and powerful conversation in which these brave women were willing to share their stories.

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Ange Finn: Ange is an AAMET Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. In addition to working with clients to resolve the patterns of behavior that keep them stuck, she also specializes in helping horseback riders overcome fear after falls. She can be found online at TapIntoYourself.com and RideWithoutFear.com

Annabel Fisher: Annabel is a British Columbia based practitioner who works with clients struggling with chronic and serious illnesses. She can be found online at EFTTappingSessions.com/ and you can also listen to her past Tapping Q&A podcast interviews here.

Annie Siegel Alexander: Annie uses EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, and hypnotherapy for anxiety, stress, relationships, and sleep problems. She can be found online at RoadToEmotionalFreedom.com/

Pod #269: How Tapping and Acupuncture Are Related (Part 2) w/ Beth Kearns

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Last August I had a conversation with acupuncturist Beth Kearns about each of the tapping points we use in the basic tapping routine. If you haven't listened to the conversation, I encourage you to go back to it because it is informative.

There are three main differences between tapping and acupuncture. The first and most obvious is that we tap with our hands and an acupuncturist uses needles. Second, when we are tapping we usually say phrases out loud and if not, we are still focused on a particular issue. This is not required with acupuncture. Third, when tapping we use the same seven to fifteen tapping points for any issue. An acupuncturist uses a custom set of points on the body for each issue from a choice of hundreds.

In this conversation Beth explains her intake process to me, what she is looking for when working with clients, and how she decides which points to use. We even play act the intake process with me talking about the specific issue that first brought me to tapping.

I found all of this information extremely interesting.

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Beth Kearns
Beth Kearns

Guest: Beth Kearns

Contact Beth: web @ BethKearnsAcupuncture.com

About Beth: Beth is a fully licensed acupuncturist in the State of Colorado. She is a certified Diplomat (Dipl.Ac) by the National Certification Commission in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (NCCAOM). She completed the four-year program at the Institute of Taoist Education and Acupuncture (ITEA) in Louisville, CO. ITEA is a Classical Five-Element Acupuncture school. In addition to acupuncture, Beth is also an advanced Neuro-Structural Integration Technique (NST) practitioner. Beth is a teacher at ITEA and loves sharing this amazing form of acupuncture with students. She is available to bring acupuncture and NST to businesses and groups and give lectures on many topics including acupuncture, depression/anxiety, grief, women’s issues, and much more.

Pod #268: Letting Go of Limiting and Unhelpful Beliefs

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We enter this world as a blank slate. With each new experience and relationship we begin to form a series of beliefs about the world and our place within it.

These beliefs become the bedrock of our emotional experience because they determine our interpretation of everything that happens to us in life.

This becomes problematic when the beliefs informing our experience are not useful or are outdated. For example, if I believe it is unsafe for me to be who I am called to be, I will live my life constantly feeling like an impostor because I am not being true to myself.

At the 2017 Spring Energy Event I was given the opportunity to talk about how we form our beliefs and what to do when those beliefs become limiting and no longer serve us.

In the talk I cover:

  • How our beliefs are formed
  • The eight operating principles I work from when working on changing or releasing limiting beliefs
  • A simple process you can use to identify the beliefs holding you back and how to tap to transform them

Below the audio player you will find the notes from the presentation.

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Operating principles:

  1. We always make the best choice possible based on the __ we have and the _________________ that we are in.
  2. The goal is to have well _________________ responses.
  3. We learn _________________ because it is fuel efficient.
  4. Fear is our _________________.
  5. Trauma is caused by events that are _________________, _________________, _________________, and in which we have a _________________.
  6. Our primary work is _________________ rules, patterns, and cause/effect relationships.
  7. We are notoriously bad _________________ to our own experience.
  8. As practitioner my goal is to be _________________.

How To Identify The Belief

  1. Imagine taking the action
  2. Feel it in the body
  3. Ask it:
    1. What is it afraid of?
    2. What proof does it have this is true?
    3. Who will be disappointed if you let go of this belief?
    4. Who also holds that this belief is true?
    5. What goes wrong if you release this belief?

How To Release The Belief

  1. Name the new belief you would like to have
  2. When I tap for this:
    1. I am not letting go of the people who gave it to me
    2. I am not saying they tried to hurt me
    3. I am not saying they are wrong for trying to give it to me
    4. I am not saying I am wrong for picking it up
    5. I am not saying it wasn't useful for them
  3. When tapping for this I am
    1. …Picking up a new belief…
    2. …That is helpful in the moment…
    3. …I have the right to pick up the old belief in the future if I decide it is useful…

Overcome The Three Biggest Obstacles To Tapping Success

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When people first sign up for my mailing list I send them an email asking them for the two biggest obstacles they encounter when tapping for their issues.

Far and away the three most common responses are:

  1. Not taking the time to tap even when you know you should.
  2. Not knowing what to say when tapping.
  3. Not knowing where to start with a particular issue.

In many ways I think the second and third responses are the reasons for the first. If you don't know what to say or where to start, you will avoid tapping. Nobody likes to feel incompetent.

In the end, it feels safer subconsciously and emotionally not to try than to deal with feeling inadequate.

I know I behave in this way from time to time.

There is a simple solution, but first a little story…

It was a great big experiment
Back in January I had this wild idea of offering just a few people the opportunity to tap with me for 15 minutes once week for an entire year. When I made the offer I mainly felt confident that it would work, but at the same time I was a little nervous.

First, I was nervous because I had never made an offer like this before and I didn't know how my audience would respond. Second, I had never worked clients in that way before. I was confident in my ability and confident in the power of tapping regularly, but I didn't know how the format it would work out for clients.

It was an experiment.

AND it turned out even better than I planned. I absolutely love these client calls! It is so much fun to work with a client over a long period and have the chance to help them exactly where they are each week.

What the participants are saying
It's one thing for me to feel like the process has been a success, it is something else to hear from the people with whom I have been tapping. Last week I sent each of the participants a note asking if they would be willing to share their experience.

Here is what a few of them had to say:

“With the combination of tapping, Gene's insights, and the recordings to use forever after, SO much is accomplished in just 15 minutes! I'm very grateful — and a little amazed — by the richness of these short sessions.”

“When I saw Gene’s offer for weekly 15-minute tapping sessions, I jumped at the chance. I appreciate the brevity of the appointments, the ease of scheduling sessions online, getting reminders via email, and that Gene calls me and I don’t have to do anything but answer my phone. I would probably not find time to tap without these quick weekly sessions. Gene has a gift for finding exactly the right thing to tap about in a thoughtful and non-judgmental way.” — Catherine

“Tapping with Gene has been one of the most effective forms of personal development work I have experienced. Gene has the unique gift for grasping the topic I want to work on with minimal explanations and instantly finds the right words to help uncover core issues. Additionally his sense of humor makes working with him as pleasurable as it is rewarding.”

“Here’s what you need to know – 1) It’s definitely worthwhile and amazing value for money, and 2) 15 minutes is definitely long enough for a highly impactful session! Furthermore, Gene records the sessions which means I can go back to them at any time and draw on what we did together on that day. I now have new resources I didn’t have before that are helping me each day to cope in a world where we’re all way too busy and believe that perfection is the standard.” — Caren Hendrie

“This is the most helpful thing that I am doing right now for my business and for my personal healing. Gene is a first-class coach who focuses just on my needs and the weekly sessions allow me just the right amount of time to digest what we discuss and to have my questions ready for the next session. Feeling totally supported in this way means I can take bolder steps. Things are really shifting.” — Dan

Why work with a practitioner?
One of reasons that tapping with another person can feel so much more powerful than tapping alone is because it solves the three problems listed above. First, you show up to tap because you have made the commitment, second, they provide the words for you, and third (when they are a skilled practitioner) they help you quickly to get to the root cause of what is going on.

Clients have told me countless times, “I had no idea that was the real issue. Thanks for helping me to find it!”.

Room for 6 more people
It’s been a lot of fun doing this type of work and I have seen how powerful these regular sessions have been for my clients, so I have decided to open up the offer to six more people in a slightly modified way.

You can have someone to help you to tap every week for the next six months for only $997. That price represents a 30% discount off my normal hourly rate.

There are only six spots. Once they are filled, that’s it. In order to be fully present to each of my clients I have to limit how many new people I can take on.

Read all of the details below carefully before you sign up. If you have any questions all you need to do is reply to this email.

  • You will receive a 15-minute session once a week for six months (26 weeks).
  • You are allowed to skip two weeks and have them added to the end of the six months.
  • You may not combine weeks to create longer sessions.
  • I am available for sessions 7:00 am to 5:30 pm Eastern time Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. My regular office hours are between 10:00 am and 5:30 pm. I have added the extra morning hours just for this program.
  • Because of travel I am not always available every single Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, but will always be available at least two of these days a week.
  • It is the client's responsibility to schedule their sessions on my online calendar.
  • The purchase is non-refundable.
  • Every effort will be made to record the sessions so that you can go back and tap along to the audio again in the future, but there is no guarantee the session will be recorded. I make every effort to make this happen, but very occasionally technical issues that corrupt the audio get in the way.

I know. All of those details seem kind of heavy and not in the spirit of healing. I wrote those bullet points in blunt terms to make sure that we are all on the same page.

Like I said, there are only six spots.

If you would like to sign up, you can do so here: https://tappingqanda.com/6months

Filed Under: Q&A

Pod #267: EFT for Fibromyalgia Follow-Up w/ Sue Ingebretson

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Last month I shared an interview with Dr. Norman Shealy about fibromyalgia. Dr. Shealy shared his experience from the point of view of a medical doctor who has worked with fibromyalgia for more than three decades. It’s a great interview and if you haven't yet listened to it, it is well worth your time.

The interview stuck a nerve and I received a huge amount of feedback about it, including from a number of people who have worked with fibromyalgia successfully in different ways. I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to interview Sue Ingebretson about her work in the field and her own experience of overcoming fibromyalgia.

This is not a debate between Norm and Sue, or anyone else. Instead this is more information that you will find useful.

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Sue Ingebretson

Guest: Sue Ingebretson

Contact: web @ RebuildingWellness.com; facebook @ FibroWHYalgia; twitter @ sueinge

About: Sue Ingebretson is an author, speaker, a certified holistic health care practitioner, and the director of program development for the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Center at California State University, Fullerton. She is a Fibromyalgia Editor for ProHealth.com, as well as a Patient Advocate and the Fibromyalgia Expert for the Alliance Health community of health conditions website. Her #1 Amazon chronic illness bestselling book, FibroWHYalgia, details her own journey from illness to wellness.