Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Round up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

That they are not victims of the process, but they are in charge of it. Once they understand that they are an integral part of the underlying process, they then start to use it more effectively and extricate themselves from being victims.
Ted Robinson

That sometimes it isn't a straight progression and every bump on the healing journey isn't a failure but more knowledge and insight about the problem.
Alina Frank

I believe that any belief that doesn't serve you can be changed. If I could get my clients (and the world) to believe that, I would be content with that as my life's work.
Pamela Bruner

You are designed as a divine being that has the ability to constantly renew themselves. Just like a wound on your skin, this is the regenerative process that occurs naturally, you want it or not.

Emotional wounds will not heal if they are not allowed to through remembrance of these with resentment, anger, fear and hate. If you inundate your soul with Love and forgiveness you will heal. Remember an emotion is not a fact,.. you can let it go.
Till Schilling

Don't judge the shift by the drama!

For whatever reason, some clients believe that they need a massive cathartic experience with lots of drama to change and heal. Yet, in the hands of a skilled practitioner, healing can be gentle, subtle and complete.
Rod Sherwin

That is worth taking time of your busy day to spend on healing. Even if you don't feel like it (or should I say ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it). The longer you put it off, the longer you will feel unhealthy, unhappy or unfulfilled and there is absolutely no need for you to feel these negative emotions – you can heal. But none of the techniques will work unless you do them (or have sessions with a practitioner).
Mel

I wish they believed that it can be fun. It doesn't have to be deadly serious and earnestly heartfelt all the time. Humor is so healing in itself, and to mix it into any healing process is a total blessing. I have found that it really speeds things up. It goes against the common belief that unless the healing is a struggle, it's not worth much. I wished they believed that the healing process can feel good — because it most definitely can.
Janet Hilts

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

FEAR! – 4 Questions That Will Help Us To Deal With It. (part 2 of 2)

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Where do I start with unbridled fear?


photo by Loretta Prencipe

I recently asked the members of Tapping Q and A Facebook Group what topic I should spend some time writing about. The first response back was “Where do I start with unbridled fear?”

In part 1 we looked at why we experience fear (and how that is not a bad thing). In part two we are going to look at how we can address the fear.

As we saw in part 1 fear exists for a reason, but often times it is responding to things that aren't truly dangerous (even though they feel very dangerous) or it is a response to things that might be dangerous but the reaction is excessive.

When this happens, because of the nature of fear, it becomes our predominant thought and this can become crippling. When I am starting to work with the emotion of fear there are four basic questions that I ask the fear.

[Note: For the rest of this article I am going to discuss the emotion of fear as if it had its own personality. I don't believe that each emotion has its own personality and I am not saying someone who is able to do this work has multiple personalities. You know what it is like to be of two minds. That is when you have two thoughts seemingly simultaneously that are opposite of each other. You can feel as if these two parts of your mind are in conflict with each other.

In this article we are going to deal with fear in the exact same way. I am going to talk as if we are going to have the conscious mind ask the fear for information. It is just simply easier for clarity sake to talk as if it is distinct. It isn't really separate.]

These are the steps I take to use these questions:

  • Take a deep breath and feel yourself grounded in the moment.
  • Start to tap. All you need to do is just tap 6-8 times on each point and move on to the next while you do the whole process.
  • Tune-in to the feeling of fear. You might do this by thinking of the thing, event, or experience that causes you fear. If it is more just an overriding feeling that is always there in the background then simply tune-in to how it feels in your mind and your body.
  • Ask the fear, as if you were asking another person, one of the questions from below.
  • Wait for information to come back. This information might come right away, while at other times it might take some time to come into focus.
  • If you get information that is unclear or incomplete ask for more information.
  • Use the information gathered for more specific tapping.

Let's take a look at the 4 simple (and I mean very simple) but powerful questions before we look at a few concrete examples to see how this works.

What are you afraid of?
This seems like a very straightforward question, but often times we are so caught-up in the feeling of fear that we are only feeling fear and not thinking about what we are actually feeling the fear about. This is also a very good question for the feeling of fear that just always seems to be there. When we are on-edge and just feeling dread all the time there is very little thought given to what the fear is about, so this is a great question to ask.

What are you keeping safe from?
The feeling of fear is all about danger. There is something out there that can be harmful. This question is very similar to the first but comes at it in a little different way. By asking what we are being kept safe from, this is a great way to find out what the direct threat is. It is important to keep in mind that this question isn't just about physical danger in the world, like a tiger attack. The fear could be trying to keep us safe from being embarrassed, not living up to our potential, or creating unrealistic expectations for our life.

What could go wrong?
Fear is always on the lookout for what is coming next. One of the main things it is looking out for is what could go wrong as we move forward following a certain path. If we ask the question, “What are you afraid of?” the answer might be speaking in public. When we ask, “What could go wrong?” and the answer is, “I am going to look like a fool in front of my boss,” we are starting to get to the core of the matter.

What proof do you have this is true?
Often times the fears we have are reasonable. It is reasonable that we might do a bad job giving a presentation at work and that we would look like a fool in front of the boss. But just because it is a reasonable possibility doesn't mean that it is probable. When we ask the fear the question “What proof do you have that this is going to happen?” one of two things are going to happen. First we might be presented with a past situation where things didn't go well. This gives us a memory that we can tap on. Second we might get, “Well . . . I don't have any proof at all. Many times just this realization (while tapping) that there is not real proof this will happen will help to discharge some of the fear.

When we are using these questions we are going to do it in a fashion that is not necessarily in the order that is listed above. One question will often lead us to another and then again back to the first. These are just tools to help you with the conversation that you are having with the fear. It might look something like this.

Question: What are you afraid of?

Answer: Something bad is going to happen.

Q: What are you afraid of that is bad?

A: I am going to be exposed.

Q: What are you afraid you are going to be exposed as?

A: Being exposed as a fraud

Q: What proof do you have that you are going to be exposed as a fraud?

A: I don't have any, but I don't know what I am doing and they are going to see that

Q: What will go wrong if they see you as a fraud?

A: They are not going to trust me in the future

Q: When you didn't know what you were doing in the past and they found out, how did it turn out?

A: Actually not too bad. When they found out I didn't understand something they created space for me to learn the skills I needed.

Q: Now that you know it is okay to not know everything, are you still worried?

A: Yes

Q: What are you worried about?

A: I hate not being able to do the job right the first time

Q: What is the penalty for not getting it done right the first time?

A: Because I would be a loser

Q: What proof do you have that you are a loser if you don't get it right the first time?

A: My father always said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

By taking the time to have a conversation with the emotion and by making sure that you take time to keep asking for more information, it is going to lead you deeper to the roots of the issue. If you are tapping while doing this question-and-answer process, you are going to be taking the edge off of the fear and then when you come to a clearly tappable issue (like the memory of the father in the example above) you go after that issue. After that issue is clear you start the process again seeing if there is any fear left. If there is, you simply start asking the questions of the fear again.

Pod #52: Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

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When I approached my friend and fellow practitioner Rod Sherwin about what topic he wanted to talk about in a podcast interview he recommended a conversation about self-compassion. At the time of the interview I was unfamiliar with the word. Self-compassion is in stark contrast to self-esteem. It is all about seeing yourself in the same way as you see others. Often we are supportive and understanding when others fail, but when we fail we are very hard on ourselves. Self-compassion is about being able to extend that same love and understanding towards ourselves.

In this interview we explore self-compassion in depth and practical ways in which we can incorporate it into our daily lives and our daily tapping.


Rod Sherwin

Guest: Rod Sherwin

Rod's Contact Info: web @ tap4health.com, e-mail @ rod@tap4health.com, phone @ +61 3 9650 0250, twitter @ rodsherwin; facebook @ facebook.com/Tap4Health; youtube youtube.com/rodsherwin; google+ Tap4Health

About Rod: Rod Sherwin, known as “the tapping man”, is an Energy Therapist from Melbourne, Australia. Rod runs the Tap4Health EFT Practice and works with clients all over the world on issues such as stress, anxiety, trauma, abuse, anger management, depression, weight loss, public speaking and presenting. Rod's approach is an unconventional and original combination of genuine warmth, respect, intuition, and skill.

Rod's primary tool is the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) which he combines with his experience in Energy Medicine, Solutions-Focus Brief Therapy, 6-Human Needs Psychology, and Neuro-Associative Conditioning. Rod's original qualifications are in Computer System Engineering and Computer Science which gives him a very grounded and practical approach that focuses on getting real results.

Rod loves spreading the word about EFT and speaks to groups, small and large, including community groups, social groups, and corporates. Rod has lived in Melbourne for since 2005 and, while he enjoys the city life, he is originally from a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers.

Links & Resources From Episode:

My Favorite Thing My Clients Say During a Session & How You Can Use It To Accelerate Your Healing

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photo by Karen Eliot

I love working with clients. I have learned so much from them. When working with them my favorite thing for them to say is, “I know this has nothing to do with it, but…”

Before we get to that, let's take a step back.

One of the problems we face when working with an issue is we can get caught in our own story. It is very natural for us to want to know why we are the way we are. This can make it easier to manage what is going on. If we see a cause and effect, then it can give us an entry point to understanding how we can heal.

For example, I was working with a client who had a fear of snakes. When he was 9 years old his older brother threw a snake into his sleeping bag while he was trying to get to sleep. In this case it seemed very reasonable to start our Emotional Freedom Technique/tapping with that memory.

There are other times when the reason we feel the way we feel might not have anything to do with the issue we are working on. We might have an issue speaking in front of a group of people and we are convinced that the reason we have this issue is because when we were 8 years old everyone laughed at us during show-and-tell, therefore speaking in public is no longer safe.

It is perfectly possible that this memory is the root (or one of the roots) to the reason why public speaking is so hard. If we put ourselves in a position to believe that it is the reason for the issue, then we are going to spend a great deal of time on this one memory and not make any progress with our issue because it has little or nothing to do with the issue at hand.

This brings us to my favorite phrase that my clients say. We will be working along at an issue. We will take a moment for them to take a deep breath and consider the progress so far. Out of nowhere my client will say, “I know this has nothing to do with it but . . . ” and they will share a story, memory, or feeling about someone else that up to this point may seem completely unrelated to what we are working on.

The reason I love this SO much is because there is a reason that this came up now. When we are focused, our mind doesn't have a tendency to wander unless there is good reason. If my client says it has nothing to do with what is going on, more than likely it has everything to do with what is going on.

This does not mean that we need to abandon the path we had been following up to this point with the issue, and it does not mean that this new piece of information is the only piece of information that is important. It is just something that we need to pay attention to.

If you yourself or one of your clients are tapping on an issue and something comes up that seems to have nothing to do with the issue at hand, don't dismiss it. Instead, take some time to thoughtfully consider why that sort of issue would come up. Just because it has come to mind doesn't mean that it does in fact have something to do with the core issue that you are after, but there is a reason that it has come forward. If you don't know why it has come to mind just ask, “Boy, that is an odd thought. Why did that come to mind right now? What does this have to do with the issue at hand?” You might be surprised at the healing you and/or your client will be able to find your way to.

Tapping Q & A Is Expanding It’s Offerings!!!

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photo by Jeremy Brooks

A number of you have commented on the subtle changes that have been happening at TappingQandA.com. I haven't talked about them yet because I wanted to make sure I had worked out the kinks first.

Now it is ready!

I am adding some premium services to the site!

Does this mean that if I don't become a member that I am going to see less free content at TappingQandA.com?

NO! This is simply an upgrade to the regular site. Every Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday a new article, tap-along audio, or podcast is going to show up on the site. As always there is no charge for any of these resources. Also, the entire archive of past articles and podcasts is there for you to check out. (Right now there are over 300 articles and podcasts available. By the end of 2011 there will be over 430 free resources on the site!)

If you are adding stuff, what stuff are you adding?

I am adding three services: tap-along, sessions, and premium.

Tap-Along Members will receive access to:

  • The ability to download a commercial-free version of the Monday Tap-Along audio. Non-members can only hear the audio in their web browser and there is a 60 second commercial that you must listen to before you can tap.
  • A printable transcript of the Monday Tap-Along.
  • A bonus downloadable tap-along audio on Thursdays (plus printable transcript). This is an audio that non-members can't hear on the site.
  • Printable transcripts of podcast interviews.
  • One bonus podcast per month for members only.
  • Special members-only discounts for digital tools and one-on-one sessions.

Sessions Members will receive access to:

  • Each month sessions members will have access to two audios. The first audio is of me working one-on-one with a client. The second audio is the session a second time, but I interrupt the audio every few minutes to explain what I am thinking, what I am doing, and why I am doing it.

Premium Members will receive access to:

  • All audios and downloads from the Tap-Along Membership.
  • All audios from the Sessions Membership.

What is the deal with the Sessions Membership?

This is the part that I am most excited about! I have been working on this part of the membership since early in September. In my own training I have learned so much from watching others working with their own clients. Being able to take a step back and watch the process is such a great way to learn.

AND this isn't just for practitioners. Much of the stuff I have learned by watching and listening to others work has been applied to the work I do on myself. This week's podcast is a short example of this type of audio so you can hear first-hand what it is going to be like (Link below).

Are you going to offer transcripts for new podcasts only, or are there going to be transcripts for past podcasts as well?

Right now the plan is to eventually have every podcast in the archive transcribed. My team of transcribers are working their way backwards through the archived podcasts. Right now the transcripts for podcast 48, 49, 50, and 51 are up (and each is over 10 pages long). Each week, in addition to the transcripts to the new podcasts, we will be adding transcripts of archived podcasts.

Let's get to the nitty-gritty…How much does it cost?

Both the Tap-Along and Sessions Memberships are only $7.95 a month.

The Premium Membership (Tap-Along + Sessions) is only $11.95 a month (which is a 25% discount off the combined prices).

How do I sign up?

Simple, just sign up here.

What if I have other questions that you didn't answer here?

Just ask!

Round Up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

That they are perfect the way they are. They are beings of light and love who have created their universe. Some of the things they created they have outgrown and so they no longer like creations. But that does not mean that they are broken. All it means is they have to put their attention on creating what they want their life to be like.
Chip Engelmann

That they are worthy. I get a lot of clients that come to me with a particular issue like wanting to go for a new career etc but it soon becomes apparent that they do not feel worthy of the things they desire (new career, love, happiness).
Mel

“I wish they would accept that they are the “story tellers” of their life and they establish the illusions and then place themselves into each story perfectly to learn a new lesson each time. If they could accept that, they could then tell different stories and learn different lessons which I believe would be more beneficial for them.”
Ted Robinson

That persistence is sometimes the key.
Alina Frank

One thing I wish they believed is that it's OK to ask for help or use EFT yourself as a first resort instead of the last resort. I wish they believed that bucking up is being unnecessarily hard on themselves. In our culture, suffering is highly overrated!
Janet Hilts

That they understand the amazing resiliency of the human spirit. Having worked with hundreds of clients who have managed to function in daily life when they have experienced horrendous tragedy just blows me away – and I'm humbled to be able to help them experience emotional freedom from their past as a gift of the courage and strength they have already demonstrated.
Rod Sherwin

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Is It Weird If I Say “Is it weird if I . . . ?”

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, thereby giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by Hernán Kirsten

Sometimes the words we use to describe a problem do not prove to be helpful in the process of us getting what we really want or need. Here is a perfect example of asking the wrong question about our situation and how we can easily change the question to make a big difference.

When asking for advice, one of my clients, “Cathy” almost always starts off by querying, “Is it weird if . . . ?” For example:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating?
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone?
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy?

The questions as listed above are about what is normal and what is not normal, AKA “weird.” The problem with these questions is that they set us up to become unnecessarily subject to how the world perceives our choices. In other words, these questions do not leave room for decision-making that is based on what is best for us.

Many times in my life I have done things that the world would see as weird (e.g., leaving full-time computer science, getting rid of everything I owned and living out of my car for 18 months, dying my hair blue). In most of these cases where I have done things that are not normal it has worked out for me.

I am not saying that we can simply ignore what the world thinks is normal. There is often some wisdom in normal. It is weird to eat glass for breakfast, drive the whole way to work in reverse, and listen to ABBA. However, whether something is normal or weird simply can't be the only question being asked to see if something is right.

A much more useful way to start these questions is to ask, “Is it in my best interest in the short and long term for me to . . . ?”

Yes, that is a little wordy, but you get the idea. By reshaping the question we are now moving from what is culturally normative to something much more important, what is best for me.

The transformation looks something like this:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating? If you want to find a mate yes. One in five relationships start online
  • Is it right for me stop doing online dating? Yes. I have given it an honest effort. It is just too much work right now and I am not meeting the type of person I want right now. Maybe it will be right for me in the future.
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone? Yes, eating out is about being with others. Eating out alone seems sad.
  • Is it right for me to eat out alone? Sure. I haven't had time to shop this week, I love this restaurant, and I am an introvert and get energy from spending time with my own thoughts.
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. You should be grateful for what you have. Others are struggling.
  • Is it right for me to want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. Just because it is hard over all doesn't mean that there isn't something better out there for me. Wanting better for myself is not wanting worse for others.

Remember, it is not about what the world thinks, but about what is best for you.

FEAR! – Why It Exists (part 1 of 2)

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Where do I start with unbridled fear?


photo by Sasha Wolff

I recently asked the members of Tapping Q & A Facebook Group what topic I should spend some time writing about. The first response back was “Where do I start with unbridled fear?”

On the surface, that seems like such a simple question. I have found in my work with clients that on some level fear is one of the two most common problems that lie at the root of most other issues. With that being said, it is such a powerful emotion it makes it very hard to work with.

When we are tapping we are very much in our conscious mind. We are making choices about what to tune-in to and how to approach it with tapping phrases.

Fear is just the opposite of everything that is rational and conscious. Fear is the most primitive of all feelings. It is the fight or flight instinct that has kept all creatures great and small alive over the eons.

Because fear is so basic and primal it is very hard to get out of the emotion in order to access our ability to tap on it.

[Side note: Because fear is such a powerful emotion it is really helpful when dealing with any issue that is rooted in fear to seek outside help from a trained professional. It can be very difficult to work on an issue when we are so deep in the emotion. At least this is true for me.]

We are going to look at fear in two parts. First, we are going to look at the nature of fear, why it exists, and how this understanding can be the first step to finding our way to relief. Second, we are going to look at 4 Questions we can ask that will help us to deal with fear.

Why We Feel Fear, Why Fear Is Good, & Why We Don't Want To Get Rid Of It
As I stated above, fear is a very natural and primal feeling. The job of fear is to keep us safe. The very primitive sense of fear was and is about keeping us physically safe from predators. As we have evolved our ability to feel fear has evolved as well.

Fear now moves to keep us safe from anything that is perceived as a danger. Not only does it try to move me from the harm of an escaped lion and the danger of an oncoming car but it also moves to keep us safe from the possibility that we might look foolish when we get up to speak in front of the whole office staff.

When we experience fear, our system is just saying “Look OUT! Here comes danger!”

There are two important characteristic of fear. First, it is the information that we are going to hear over every other piece of information. It is much like if you are sitting in a coffee shop talking to a friend and someone from the street comes in screaming. No matter how hard you try to concentrate on what your friend is saying you are going to only hear the person screaming.

This is really good, because the last thing you want to do is miss the danger signal. When I am standing in the middle of the street and a car is about the hit me I don't want to think, “Ohhhh. A 1962 Mustang. I love Mustangs.” Instead you want to think, “MOVE!!!!!!”

The second characteristic of fear is the fact that it will persistently keep speaking-up until it believes the danger is gone. So it doesn't say: “Look OUT! Here comes danger!” Instead it says: “Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! . . . “

This is a really good thing as well. The last thing we want to think as we are about to be hit by a car is, “Look out! There is a car! Move! . . . Hey look at that squirrel.”

It is good that we hear the danger signal over all other pieces of information and it is good that the signal is persistent to make sure we are responding to the danger. But we can quickly see how each of these characteristics can cause us issues.

With the first characteristic it can become problematic when the system is letting us know about something that isn't a real danger to us, a small mouse for example. If the system is over-riding all other information with a danger signal pertaining to something that isn't actually dangerous, then we are going to either be stuck and unable to act (i.e., paralyzed), or, we are going to over-react out of fear and most likely make the situation worse.

With the second characteristic it is possible that our system is pointing out a perceived danger over and over again that isn't a reality in this moment. For example, I might be worried about something that I am worried is going to happen at work tomorrow. If my system is saying over and over again, “Don't look like a fool. Don't look like a fool. Don't look like a fool. Don't look like a fool. Don't look like a fool . . .” then it is going to cripple me in this moment.

When we are doing EFT/tapping we are trying to move to a place where the fear is functioning in a way that is helpful.

The Goal Is Proportional Fear
I am asked all the time by beginning tappers, “If I keep tapping am I going to make it so I can't feel any emotion?”

The answer is an emphatic “NO!”

When we are tapping we are not removing our ability to feel emotion. What we are doing is getting our emotions to work in a more functional and useful way. For example, when we are tapping on the fear of mice we are not stopping our ability to feel fear, but instead we are stopping our system from perceiving the mouse as dangerous.

The goal of our tapping when it comes to fear is to make sure we are only feeling fear in situations that we actually need to be aware of a real danger and to make sure that we are only feeling the level of fear that is proportional to what is going on.

Tapping In Recognition Of The Fear
Now that we see that fear in itself isn't bad, but is actually motivated to help us, we can use this information to start to create relief.

It is very easy for us to be frustrated with ourselves and our emotions. When we get to the point that we want to tap on an emotion like fear it is obvious we are not happy with how we are experiencing the moment. If we are frustrated with the way that fear makes us feel (“I hate the fact I am feeling fear!”) it is very difficult for us to be able to understand what the real issue is that needs to be tapped on, and it makes it almost impossible for us to tap it away.

If we are able to move away from this level of frustration with how we are feeling in this moment, it going to clear some space so that we can work our way to the core of the issue. One of the ways we can do this is by simply acknowledging the emotion and why we are experiencing it.

The way that we do this with fear is by acknowledging the reason the fear exists. As we already have seen, fear exists because it is trying to protect us. When we are able to let the fear know that we understand that it is trying to keep us safe and/or point out some danger, then the fear has done some of its job and it will decrease.

For this example let's pretend we need to make a difficult phone call and we feel paralyzed and just can't do it. To begin with we would tap like this:

Right now I am feeling a great deal of fear about making this call . . . the reason I am feeling this fear is because there is a part of me that feels it is not safe for me to make this call . . . there is a part of me that is worried that I might say something silly . . . or that I might hear something that I don't want to hear . . . or it could be something else that is bad . . . I am glad that there is a part of me that is looking out for me . . . even if it is working way too hard right now . . . even if there isn't any real danger . . . it takes a lot of energy to be scared . . . and I am glad that my system is willing to work so hard to keep me safe . . . I know there is no real physical danger in making this call . . . and I think the part of me that is worried about this call . . . and what might at work is worrying about something that isn't really dangerous . . . I let the fear know that it is heard . . . I know it wants me to be careful . . . I know it wants me to be safe . . . I just want the fear to know that I have heard it loud and clear . . . It wants me to be careful and I am going to be careful for that reason . . . I want the fear to know it has done it’s job . . . it has pointed out the danger it perceives . . . therefore the fear can move on . . . it can come back when it is needed again . . . but for the moment it has done what it needs to.

It is amazing how much progress we can make with a simple tapping pattern like this. This works for any emotion. The emotion is just trying to get our attention. By letting it know it has done what it has set out to do, it is going to lose some of its charge.

For many emotions this is going to be enough and we are going to be done tapping. This is normally just the first step when working to reduce fear. By tapping in this way we are going to calm the fear down, but more than likely we are not going to have gotten rid of all of it AND there is still the issue of dealing with why the fear was there in the first place.

Once we have calmed the fear down a bit it is going to allow us to see more clearly the root of the fear, allowing us to knock that out in order to prevent the triggering of the same over-reacting fear in the future.

In part two of this article we are going to look at 4 simple questions we can ask ourselves that will help us get to the root of the fear and which will help us in cleaning out that root. We will also look at the 4 questions we can ask the fear to help us to transform it so that it will work for us in a helpful way.

Pod #51: Money and Financial Success w/ Margaret M. Lynch

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There are few things more emotionally charged than money. Often one of the reasons we talk in terms of abundance and success is because we don't even want to say “I want money” or “I want cash” out loud. In this pragmatic interview with Margaret Lynch shares the four areas of money that we can tune into and start clearing issues right away.


Margaret M. Lynch

Guest: Margaret M. Lynch

Contact Info: MargaretMLynch.com

Bio: The Wall Street Journal Calls her “The Wealth Manifestation Authority”! Margaret M. Lynch has x-ray vision for seeing the fears and limiting beliefs that keep success minded people limited in their money and personal power. An accomplished Success Coach, bestselling author and top Emotional Freedom Technique (“Tapping”) expert , Margaret delivers high-impact transformation that clears the inner blocks to wealth and success and creates the “on-fire enthusiasm and charisma” that is key to skyrocketing wealth.

From Episode:

Round Up – If you were to start your own healing journey over again what would you do differently?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

If you were to start your own healing journey over again what would you do differently?

I would have liked to reach the understanding that lack of money is a symptom of something else sooner rather than later. I spent a lot of time and money trying to make more money when instead it would have been to understand what money meant to me and what the lack of it was protecting me from.
Rod Sherwin

“I'd start much earlier. My journey started because I became very ill and couldn't breathe. To this day, it has never been successfully diagnosed, however, I have come to believe it's emotionally based.

Thankfully, it led me into a spiritual journey that is ongoing to this day. It is that spiritual journey that changed my life dramatically and profoundly. I now use what I've learned over two decades to help others in their healing journey and it seems to work quite well.”
Ted Robinson

Not a thing, I'm content with the process.
Pamela Bruner

All the steps I took were necessary. I'm not sure there could have been a better way. I can say that many times during this process, I might have disagreed with that statement.
Chip Engelmann

Get help! I did it all alone, but it wasn't until I became a qualified practitioner that I realized it is better to work with someone else for the big stuff. For example don't try to sort out your phobia or a past trauma alone. It's not worth it, you could bite off more than you can chew AND it will probably take months for you do to it alone when it could be sorted in a couple of sessions by a qualified practitioner.

Mel

NOTHING…I had to bite the dust of my own pride and prejudice before I could see the path that I am on right now. I do not think that it would have been possible any other way. I would not change a thing.
Till Schilling

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping with a Loved One

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I've always known that to practice Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) with our loved ones may be more difficult than to do it with others. I realize that probably the main reason is that one cannot get him/herself out of the way, as personal feelings/emotions energetically block EFT action. Could you please comment on specific methods of working with loved ones?

photo by freeparking

This is a very insightful question. Many times our loved ones are the ones we want to share EFT/tapping with the most, but it can be very hard to work with people we have a great deal of history and emotional investment with.

However, just because it can be harder doesn't mean it is impossible. Here are a few things to keep in mind when working with loved ones while doing EFT/tapping.

Knowing It Can Be Tricky
The first step in doing work with a loved one is to understand that it can be tricky. I am not saying that every time we tap with someone who is close to us it is going to be hard. For example, if we are tapping on a physical pain it is normally going to be very straightforward. This is also true for many emotional issues as well. Tapping on something like a fear of public speaking or mice shouldn't cause much trouble either. When it can be difficult is when we have a personal stake in the healing, when we have specific beliefs about how our loved one should change, and/or we know the other people involved in the situation.

Whenever we go into a situation where we know the possible pit falls we are more likely to deal with it in a proper manner. When we are tapping with loved ones, if we are aware of the possible pitfalls then we are going to do a better job.

When we are tapping with a loved one, it can be hard for both the person we are tapping with as well as hard for us.

Why it can be hard for them
First, it can be hard to be open and honest with a loved one. We want the people who love us the most to think the best about ourselves. It can be hard to open up about our weaknesses to people who are close to us because we are afraid they are going to judge us (on the surface this seems silly. Our loved ones should be the ones we can be most honest with, but this fear is very real). Because of this fear our loved ones might not share what is really going on. Because of this it is going to make it hard to be successful because we are not working with the real issue.

Second, as a continuation of the first fear, often times where we are tapping we can be surprised by the information that comes forward. I see this all the time with my clients. We start by tapping something as simple as a craving for chocolate and end up working with the fact they are feeling disconnected from their grown children. When this happens we can end up in a place where our loved one no longer feels safe. When we started they were gung-ho, but now it no longer feels safe and they shut down, making it hard for us to continue the work.

The best way to deal with the fact it might be hard for them is to be open and honest with them during the tapping and to name the possible problems. Explain to them that it is often hard to work with someone who is so close, but there are going to be a number of things you are going to do to make it easier for them (which will be discussed below). Also give them permission to stop at any point where they are feeling uncomfortable.

Why it can be hard for us working with them
Often it can be difficult for us to work with loved ones because of history and knowledge. When I am working with a new client I have a completely clean slate. I don't know any of the actors involved in the client's situation. Because of this I am able to meet and work with a client exactly where they are. This is really hard to do with a loved one because I am bringing all of my own assumptions and perceptions to the situation.

For example, I know my friend David's propensity to overreact to the criticism he receives from his coworkers. When tapping with David about his bad day at work it is very easy to just jump to tapping on “I know I am over-reacting to what everyone else is saying.”

We might get to tapping phrases like that rather quickly, but that is only valuable if and/or when he is ready for that. He first needs to get through the emotions of feeling judged before he can deal with his reaction.

When working with clients I am always striving to meet them where they are in the situation. I need to try doubly hard with loved ones because in many ways I know where we are going (or I think I know).

By keeping this in mind as you go into the tapping you are going to be in a better place to stay personally and emotionally detached.

They don't have to say everything out loud
One of the really nice things about the tapping protocols is the fact that the practitioner doesn't need to know any of the details of what the client is working on for progress to happen. Sometimes it makes guiding the client easier when we know the details, but it is never a requirement. For tapping to work, the client simply needs to be focused on what is going on (i.e., the “problem”) while tapping.

There are varying degrees regarding how much our loved one may need to share out loud. One of the most basic levels is when we have them tune-in to the issue they are feeling and tap without saying anything about the emotion at all. In this case I would have my loved one tune-in to the emotion at hand. I would say something like, “I want you to name the emotion you are feeling and rate it 0-10 in intensity. Just let me know when you have done this.” I would then have them tap on “this emotion . . . this emotion . . .” I would then repeat the process checking to see if the emotion is still the same emotion that we started with and what its intensity level currently is at on the SUDs scale.

The next level of sharing can be when the loved one feels comfortable sharing the emotion, but they don't want to share the details of the situation. It can look as simple as having our loved one name the emotion they feel (let's say anger) and rate it on the SUDs scale and then have them tap on “This anger . . . this anger . . . this anger . . . ” After doing a few rounds of tapping check to see if the emotion is still anger or if it has morphed into frustration. Have them rate it on the SUDs scale again and tap some more.

In addition to tapping on the specific emotion, we can have them share why they feel this emotion without sharing too many specifics. For example, if they are angry we can ask, “Angry – why?” “Because I feel betrayed!” This would then allow us to tap on, “I feel angry because I was betrayed . . . ” We could also ask, “Why does it feel so bad to be betrayed in this situation?” “Because I thought I could trust them with something this important.”

You can see how we can ask questions about describing what is going on without getting in to any specific details that might be uncomfortable because of our closeness to them and the situation.

Finally, we can also have them share all details except who is involved. They might feel comfortable sharing the details about what happened, but are not comfortable sharing who is involved. For example, they might feel very hurt because someone is gossiping about them, but because we also know the person who is the gossip they don't want to share who it is. In cases like this we can just have them change the name to something like the letter X.

The tapping might look like, “I feel really hurt because X has been talking behind my back . . . I can't believe that X wouldn't bring the issue to me . . . ”

I find it really helpful (even with my clients whom I do not know personally) to just let them know that it is possible for tapping to work without having to share many of the details that are going on. By letting them know it is OK to not share details, it puts them more at ease and makes progress easier.

Work with the kinesthetic not the emotional
Sometimes it is really hard to talk about how we feel. This isn't just the case when working with loved ones, but it is true for any client. As we talked about above, it can be particularly true when working with loved ones. I have found that instead of working with the emotions we can be just as successful working with the physical/kinesthetic feelings that go with the emotions.

Let's again use anger as an example. I would have my loved one describe the physical sensation of anger. “Is it heat in the face, tight chest, clenched fists, or something else?” After they explain how it feels physically, then we tap on that. When we relieve the physical sensation associated with the emotion, we are doing work on the emotion as well.

After doing a few rounds of tapping on the physical sensation, I would check to see if the emotion is still anger or if it is something else. After having them name the emotion I would now have them describe how it feels in the body. We would then tap on this.

By taking this approach we do not need to know any of the specifics.

Don't assume you know why something is the way it is (ask more questions than normal)
The most important tool I have when working with clients is the ability to ask questions. When I ask questions I get my client to describe things in their own words. This not only gives me greater understanding, but it also gives me phrases and words to tap on. Because they are the client's words I know they are going to resonate with them and bring healing more quickly.

Asking questions is even more important when we are working with loved ones because we know them and we are already familiar with the history of the issue(s) we are tapping on, and so if we do not ask questions our preconceived notions about why things are the way they are will tend to get in the way. I have found it is best to ask even more questions when working with loved ones. I even ask questions to which I think the answer is obvious. By doing this I am going to insure I am truly understanding where my loved one is coming from. The more they describe, the less of me that is going to be getting in the way of the tapping.

It's OK if you are not the right person
The last thing to keep in mind is it is OK if you are not the person that works with them. Sometimes we are just too close to a loved one and to what is going on in their life to be helpful. If you are too close, admit it. Let your loved one know that tapping is a great tool that would help them and then direct them to resources and practitioners you trust. This will enable you to be the loving friend without also having to be the one who is responsible for leading the healing. Sometimes we really can't be both. That is OK!

How To End A Session Part 2 – Stating Insight

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photo by jinjian liang

In “How to End a Tapping Session” I shared a tapping pattern I use at the end of an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) session that helps the healing process to continue throughout the day.

In addition to setting up the body's energy system to continue the healing process throughout the day, it also is very helpful to restate all that we learned and achieved during this tapping session.

When we are tapping we are engrossed in the process. We are tuning-in to the emotions and memories that are coming up and we trust ourselves to come up with the right phrases and images. I know that when I am in the middle of tapping for myself that I am not fully consciously aware of everything I am thinking and saying.

I have found it very helpful at the end of a session to take a few moments to consider what I have learned (or relearned) during the session. I have found this is a great way to reinforce the work and sometimes I find affirmations that I can use to tap on at a later date.

The process is very simple. I keep tapping and I have myself finish these three statements.

During this tapping session I learned the following about myself. . .

During this tapping session I learned the following about my system . . .

During this tapping session I learned the following about my relationships . . .

I use each of the phrases three or four times each. Each time I come up with a new insight. Sometimes the insights come right away. Other times I need to pause for a few moments for my thoughts to come together.

It only takes a minute or two and it can make a big difference in helping the changes and benefits from one tapping session have a more lasting effect, and you will be surprised with the wisdom you have uncovered during the session.

Trying On The Old Positive Feeling

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Things in my life have gone all pear-shaped lately. About three years ago life was just going great then everything seemed to fall apart. I started to have health issues, I ended a long-term relationship, and I just didn't have the same energy when I got up in the morning. Is there a way that I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to make my way back to feeling good?


photo by Maria Morr

I love synchronicity in life. I received this e-mail the same day I worked with a client for a very similar issue. The client call was with “Betty.” Betty wanted to do some work because physically she was exhausted all the time and life seemed like a real chore.

At the beginning of our call Betty shared that in the last six years she has had two loved ones die, she had gained weight, and she was feeling very disconnected at work from a job she used to enjoy.

To start with we spent some time with her emotional state and how she felt in the immediate moment. I have found when working with an issue that is multifaceted it is best to start with how we feel about all the issues and how all the issues are affecting our lives today.

I do this because it can be hard to focus on any one aspect of the issues when we feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done. I have found if we take just a few rounds of tapping to deal with the current emotional state that we will have much more clarity around the larger issues that need our attention.

Betty and I spent about 15 minutes just working with how overwhelming it felt to be dealing with so many issues. We also spent some time with how overwhelming life felt because of the lack of energy she was feeling. After doing this work she was much more at peace. Life wasn't perfect, but she was ready for the next step.

Without being asked she started talking about what life was like six years ago. She talked about how she just felt like she had a “spark” back then and that she really wanted to feel and experience that spark again. Her goal was not to somehow achieve an issue-free life, but instead she really just wanted have energy for life again.

I had her start tapping again and asked her to take a few deep breathes. I asked if she could tune-in to the feeling she felt six years ago when she felt the “spark.” After a few seconds she said, “Yes” and I could hear a little more energy in her voice.

I asked her, figuratively speaking, to “try on” the old feeling of that spark, energy, and zest for life as if it was a new outfit that she was trying on at a store. She said, “That feels really good.” I then followed up by asking, “What doesn't fit quite right? Is it too small, too big, or does it feel uncomfortable in any way?”

Betty then described that it didn't fit right because some of the relationships at work had changed. A good friend had been promoted and she felt it would change their relationship. We then did some tapping around that issue. Very quickly she was at peace around this relationship.

Again, I had her “try on” the outfit of feeling that old spark for life. It felt even better, but this time she was worried because of her health. She was afraid that she wasn't going to be able to do as much at work as she did before. Since she was doing less work she was concerned that it was going to be less enjoyable. We spent some time tapping around having balance at work and not doing too much. We also did some tapping around the idea that good work is judged by the quality of work, how we are challenged, and being able to contribute. Good work is not judged by the quantity of work that is done.

We repeated this process three or four more times. Each time Betty tried the outfit of spark on again. We found the parts that didn't fit right. By doing this each time the feeling of spark became more and more possible.

Obviously this isn't going to work in every satiation but if you are struggling to find a place to start tapping think about how it would feel to be back to your old self. Try that feeling on. Doing this will help you to find the parts that don't “fit” right and are a little off which, in turn, will give you a great place to start tapping.

When Excited Clients Disappear

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Recently I had three clients that I had great first sessions with. We did amazing work. They were excited. One of them was even talking about how she was also going to get her husband to come see me for a session. Now they are gone. I have tried e-mailing and calling all three of them and I have heard nothing back. Did I do something wrong?

photo by Wisconsin Historical Images

There are certainly things that we can do to undermine our client's confidence and there are times where we are not the right fit for a client. When this happens to me I generally have a sense of this during the session. Much of the time I can tell when a client isn't engaged in the process or if we are just not clicking. (NOte: Just because Emotional Freedom Techniques is right for a situation does not mean that I am the right practitioner).

With that being said there are going to be times when we click with a client and they still just disappear. There is no way that we can know for sure why this happens, but here are some of the common reasons for excited clients not coming back.

Talked Out Of It
I know that when I have something exciting happen to me I share it with my friends and family. I want them to share in my excitement and maybe they will also enjoy whatever I am excited about. After a great tapping session your clients are going to tell their friends and loved ones about what just happened. They are going to talk about how weird it was, how quick it was, and how effective it was. This is great because it spreads the word about tapping far and wide. I have lots of clients who are referrals from past and present clients.

The problem comes in the response of your clients' friends and loved ones. I have heard stories from lot of clients about how much resistance the people in their lives have to tapping. Often times our clients are very new to tapping and are not accustomed to talking about tapping. Because of this they are not confident about talking about tapping with others. When this happens they can be talked out of coming back by their skeptical friends and loved ones.

Life Gets Busy
This is just a fact of life for all of us. Our days seem to get fuller and fuller. Because of the busyness of life a client doesn't get right back to us and so they may feel embarrassed about having lost touch for a bit. This embarrassment makes them uncomfortable about e-mailing or calling us back after we have left two or three messages. Also, because of the busyness of client's lives they don't get around to doing the homework we have assigned them. It is embarrassing to commit to something and not living up to your word. They often feel like they have let us down and therefore do not want to face us.

Scared of What They Have or Will Uncover
When we work with clients we can easily and gently lead them to root causes of issues. Many times they have no idea about the number of limiting beliefs they have, how these beliefs were created, and how much control these beliefs have over their daily lives. The work we do with them is wonderful and a revelation.

Then they go home. I imagine it happens something like this. They are lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep. They are reviewing everything that happened during the day and their thoughts go something like this:

“Oh that was a good day . . . how cool it was to do that tapping thing . . . I can't believe that Gene was able to help me so quickly . . . who knew that what happened to me when I was six would have such an effect on me today? . . . I wonder what else is lurking around in there . . . I wonder if Gene is going to be able to help me as easily with new issues that come up . . . I wonder if it is always that easy . . . maybe the next time it isn't going to be as easy . . . maybe next time we are going to find something bigger . . . maybe next time we are going to uncover something Gene doesn't know how to deal with . . . I wonder what Gene thought about today's session . . . I bet he is telling his friends about this weird client who had this small thing that happened when they were six and how it crippled them today.”

And the next thing we know a part of the client believes a tapping session is unsafe. I can speak from experience: The path of self-discovery can be a bit scary. It becomes especially scary when we stumble onto knowledge about our past, our hidden issues, and other unpleasant aspects of ourselves unexpectedly. Sometimes a very successful session can be too much in the moment. Because of this they choose not to come back for fear of what is next.

The Take Away and What We Can Do
Once I started to realize some of the reasons that good clients don't come back I gained a few insights.

First, it isn't about me. There are lots of reasons for a client not to come back for a second session. It is good for me as a practitioner to evaluate why a client might not come back for a second session, but there are reasons outside my control that affect that decision.

Secondly, the fact that they did one session is a really good thing. The fact that they took one hour to do some change work and learned more about tapping is a good thing. Besides, while change was happening during the session, seeds were sown that will bear fruit in the future even if it is months or years before they tap with a practitioner again.

Finally, this provides a good opportunity to do some work on ourselves and to do some surrogate tapping for our clients. Whenever we start to question why clients aren't coming back it will likely bring up some emotional charge in us about how good we are at our job. We can let these feelings fester or we can do some work for ourselves.

In addition to tapping for ourselves we can tap for our clients as well. At the end of each session, after I have hung up the phone, I take just a few moments to tap for my clients. I tap with the intention that they will continue to heal, that they will find people in their lives who will support their healing process, and that they will have the courage to continue down the healing path. I am not sure if this has much effect on them, but I know it helps me to be more at peace with whatever step comes next for the client and myself.

Three Steps to Letting Go of Your Unwanted Story

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[Note From Gene: Here is a great article from Chip Engelmann. It is very easy for us to get caught up in our own story. There are time when I am working with clients in which I can almost hear them hitting play as they start to tell me the pre-recorded message that is their. The issue has moved from just being an issue to the clients identity. Chip explains a nice little three step process to get out of our own story to start the healing.]


photo by Michelle W

As I have mentioned before, emotions themselves are neither good or bad. They feel good if the thoughts you are thinking are in alignment with how you want your life to be, or they feel bad if you are thinking thoughts about things that you do not want in your life.
Our thoughts create our world. Our emotions tell us whether our thoughts are creating the world we want or not.
It is our thought habits that keep us “stuck.”

That’s right. You can tap until you have furrows, but if you don’t change unwanted habits of thought, your situation will remain what it is. You might feel better for a while, but the more you repeat these thoughts, the more likely you will feel worse again. It might even seem like EFT or Light Tapping isn’t working, but that is not what is happening.

The truth is you are a being of light and love that believes a story.

Your story is another word for your habits of thought. The more you tell an unwanted story about what is “real” for you, the more difficult it will be for you to make a change.

Here are some examples of stories.

  • I can never commit to a relationship because my mother abandoned me.
  • I was programmed to believe that rich people are evil.
  • I have low self-esteem because my father always criticized anything I did.
  • I can’t because I’ve been diagnosed with asthma, arthritis, anxiety…
  • I’ll never love again.
  • I can just look at dessert and it goes straight to my hips.

The stories of themselves are neither good or bad. At some point in your life, you created your story because it felt better to do so. It served you for a while, but now you want a different story. In that way it is very similar to a sentinel. The difference is that while the sentinel is an energetic vibrational field that is emotional in its make-up, a story is an energetic vibrational field that is thought-based.

The good news is you can use meridian tapping to help you release these stories. There are three parts to this process.

1) You appreciate the story for how it has served you.

2) You release your attachment to the story. In previous articles and posts I have commented that different emotions tell us different things. Sadness indicates you have an attachment. So you tap on the sadness of releasing your story.

Even though I am sad to see my [mother abandoned me] story go – it is like an old friend, it kept me safe, it served me well – I deeply and completely accept myself.

3) You release the fear of not having your story around. It is scary to step outside the comfort zone of your story. The story was safe and familiar. You may not like the results you are getting in your life, but at least you are accustomed to them.

Even though I’m afraid to release my [mother abandoned me] story – I’m afraid of how I will feel, I’m afraid I won’t know how to react – I deeply and completely accept myself.

Now thank your story once more and allow it to return to the Source. It should leave completely.

If it does not, ask it what needs to happen before it can leave. There will be some emotion or fear that it is still protecting you from. Tap on this emotion. If you get a vague answer like, “I’m protecting you from yourself,” then ask, “What is it you are afraid I’ll do?”
Continue asking the story what it needs in order to leave, until it is completely gone.

Pod #50: Business, Work, Stress and Trauma w/ Rick Wilkes

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We spend a great number of our waking hours at work. Not only do our working hours consume our time but also our emotions and our energy. In this interview with Rick Wilkes we talk about how stress and trauma in our personal and professional lives can affect our ability to be healthy and successful in our work. We talk about ways of discovering how these past traumas are impacting us now and how we can use tapping to clear them, enabling us to be more present in the moment.


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-304-284-0711 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Morgantown, WV. Over the last six years Rick has worked with over 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here's what one of Rick's loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”
Links & Resources From Episode:

Round Up – What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

I not longer believe in the one-minute wonder. Looking at my own transformation I can see that it was a life-long endeavor. If a person makes a seemingly instantaneous pivot, it is because they had already done the inner preparation. More likely, people seek aid when they truly believe they are stuck. They hear about the one-minute wonder and look for that magic bullet that will save them the inner transformation process. When they don't get it, some people can become disappointed. Most however, realize that it is worth the effort.
Chip Engelmann

Try to force change with affirmations doesn't work: No one likes to be told what to do. Trying to force change by tapping in positive affirmation usually results in more resistance to change. Instead, I would rather tapping on the resistance and barriers to change and then test if the affirmation feels real rather than trying to beat it in to me.

This also applies to the more extreme forms of personal change where the consequence of not changing are magnified to cause you so much pain that your system cannot stay there and instead you must go to a different place.

There are much more gentle ways to make change with out the fear, drama, and intensity.
Rod Sherwin

I used to believe that everyone wants to heal as quickly as possible, butthat just isn't true. The blocks and reversals that go along with chronic conditions stand in the way of full alignment between the subconscious and conscious choice to heal quickly.
Alina Frank

I used to work from a very “now”, place with therapy, working with strategies and cognitions. Then I found great benefit in working with the feelings and regressing back to the deep past and helping people change their perceptions. However now I am drawn to working in the “now” and looking for ways that the mind/ body can heal itself.

So for me, my transformation process has been all about how can we bring about deep healing in the most simple and effective way. It makes sense to me that the mind/ body system would have an auto heal, a reset button. Our role as therapists is to find this process.
Tania A Prince

When I first started working with clients, I was very intent on being totally present and very observant. I think I was afraid I would miss some all-important signals, and therefore shortchange my clients.

Over time I came to realize that the more relaxed I am, the more easily I can tune in to the client's needs and my own intuition. Then I can be of service at the highest level possible and participate in the healing process more fully. The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed and trusting my clients are, enabling them to open up faster, go deeper, and speed up their own healing process. Who knew that could all come from me relaxing more?
Janet Hilts

I used to think that the whole tapping process should always be free of charge, after all, no high cost tools are involved and no additional degrees are needed to be a fairly efficient tapper.

Some how while I thought that way, none of my clients really made any progress. It was at about the $60 threshold that they began to feel the improvements, mind shifting, etc,.. Now at about $120 per session, I am inundated with one or two session miracles where before I was taking on similar issues with 4 to 7 sessions. Did I do anything different? Maybe, but I am still the same old enthusiastic and humorous tapper that I ever was.
Till Schilling

I used to believe that it was possible to heal without experiencing any pain, and if we were intentional about our healing and growth process, we could grow without discomfort. I no longer believe that – instead, I think that discomfort shows us where we need to heal, and gives us opportunities. We can remove discomfort and pain (that's what healing is all about, both emotional and physical) but we don't grow if we never experience it.
Pamela Bruner

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

An Unexpected Place To Start With Physical Pain

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Recently one of my clients, “Ann,” who wanted to do some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for her ankle, contacted me. She had been jogging in a park. Because of the way the grass had grown she did not see a large hole. She stepped into it and went down hard.

Fortunately for Ann she did not rip or break anything. However, she was in a great deal of pain and was told that she needed to be on crutches for two weeks to give the ankle a chance to heal.

As it turned out, we had a chance to do some tapping five days after she had hurt herself. At first glance you would have thought that we would have started with the physical pain and the physical healing process. Instead we started with emotions around the injury itself and how she felt about it at that moment.

I took this approach for two reasons. First, I am not a doctor and physical injury is not my expertise. Second, even though I have no proof, I believe that if we are spending energy on emotions (like overwhelm and worry) then we are spending resources that could be used for the physical healing process. We can also create secondary gain issues around not having the injury heal.

Our tapping sessions happened in 5 steps.

Embarrassment
To begin with, I had Ann take a few deep breaths and tune-in to all that had happened. I had her think about how she hurt herself and how everything had unfolded since the fall. She reported that she felt embarrassed.

I asked her if she felt embarrassed because she fell while simply running on seemingly flat ground. Ann said, “No, I am more embarrassed by the fact that I am on crutches and everywhere I go people ask me about what happened.”

You will notice that my initial thought was wrong. I was injecting my perceptions of what I would personally find embarrassing into her moment. Remember, whenever you are tapping with someone who says they feel a certain emotion it is good to ask them why they feel that emotion.

Once Ann had identified that she was embarrassed by the attention she was getting we tapped on:

  • People are asking because they are concerned and care
  • This will only happen for a short period of time
  • In a few weeks no one is going to remember

Missing Running In The Fall
After we had cleared the embarrassment I again asked Ann what emotion was dominant now. She reported a little sadness. When pressed on why she was sad she said that she really enjoyed running at this time of year and felt the injury was causing her to miss an opportunity.

So we tapped on:

  • Appreciating the fact that she has run during this time of year in the past
  • Running isn't the only thing she can do outside at this time of year
  • That because she can't run this time of year it is helping her to realize that she can do lots of other things in this weather besides just running
  • It was only temporary

Breaking Down
Once the feeling of sadness was clear I asked again what she was feeling. She said that she was realizing that she wasn't as young as she once was. Now she is starting to break down physically.

So we tapped on:

  • Aging is a reality
  • But she is in better shape today than she was 10 years earlier because of the fact that she had been running on a regular basis
  • A moment like this gives her a chance to recognize that her health is a blessing
  • It is a reminder that she needs to keep working to maintain her health and well-being
  • She was going to bounce back from this much faster because she was in shape. When she started running again she wouldn't be in the exact same shape, but she wouldn't have lost as much as she thought.

Appreciating The Healing Process
Ann then reported that there wasn't an emotional charge left so we moved on.

The next thing I had her do was to tune-in to the physical pain itself. I had her think about the whole ankle area. After having her tune-in to the level of pain and to the type of pain I had her concentrate on the work the body was already doing. We tapped on something like this:

Right now my body is healing in many ways . . . most of these ways are happening on a subconscious and unconscious level . . . I love the fact that my body is able to do so much healing in big and small ways without me having to think about it . . . I know my body has been working day and night to continue the healing process . . . I give my system permission to continue this healing process . . . I know that if it needs anything it can just ask.

After tapping in this fashion Ann reported feeling even more at peace.

What Does The Space Need
Finally, after all of this we did some work on the actual physical pain. Ann said that there was a feeling of pressure coming from the inside of the ankle. She reported that it felt like a conflict between the flesh around her ankle that was swelling to heal and the compression of the wrap that was helping the healing process.

So we tapped on:

I appreciate the fact that my ankle is swelling to be able to heal . . . but I want my ankle to know that it is not the only part of my system that is working for my ankle's health . . . I am adding compression to my ankle to help the healing process . . . by doing this I am using the intellect and advice of my medical team . . . to insure that I am healing at the right rate . . .

After tapping in this fashion she asked her ankle what else it needed in that space. Ann reported that it needed support on the inside, “Kind of like little crutches on the inside.” As she tapped she imagined that happening.

At that point she reported that her ankle felt much better.

It is important to note that she did not jump up and start dancing on the ankle. The healing process was not done, we had just helped it along. I encouraged her to keep tuning-in to the emotions around the injury and to keep tapping for the ankle.

If you are interested in a longer conversation about how to tap for pain and how to manage pain, check out Tapping For Physical Pain w/ Carol look and Pain Is Not Real w/ Dan Cleary.

Writing Articles To Build Your Practice – Part 3: Picking a Topic and Starting

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I know creating free content is a great way to show your competence and experience as a practitioner. You create so much stuff for your site and other sites. I would love to start to write stuff about tapping but don't know where to begin. How do you come up with ideas, and what is your process for writing?

photo by Gene Wilburn

In part 1 of this series we looked at what to keep in mind before starting. In part 2 we looked at the types of articles you can write. Now let's take a look at picking a topic and what you can do to make the writing process easier.

[All three parts of this series can be found @ content creation series]

Coming Up With Topics
Earlier I talked about ways of coming up with content for Q and A articles. Here is a more comprehensive list of the places I get ideas for all types of articles:

    Questions from readers: The first time I had an article published in Gary's newsletter I received 20 questions from his readers. Not all of them were enough to write full articles about, but I got some great ideas from their questions. Also, just because it comes to you as a question doesn't mean it has to be a question-and-answer type article. You can use the question to generate the idea for a regular article.

    Things that come up from client sessions: Almost every client session I have ever done sparked the idea for an article or tapping script. This doesn't mean that I want to write about all of them, but it provides real-world examples of what you could write about.

    Things I learn in my own tapping: I have found it much harder to come up with ideas from my own tapping because as I am tapping I am tuning-in to my issues and not thinking about content. With that being said, some of my best ideas have come from my own healing journey.

    Other sources of self-help material: Look at Anne Landers' web site. Read articles and comments on other self-help websites. Read self-help forums (not just tapping-based ones). People are going to forums looking for advice. Whenever people are seeking help ask yourself, “How would I help this person with tapping?” I came up with 25 tapping scripts from the ideas found in the comments section of a blog that asked, “Why is it hard to love yourself?” The same is true for self-help sections of bookstores. Just look at the titles. Read the titles. Write a tapping article on the same subjects.

    I ask my readers what they want to know more about I did a readers survey in March and just asked them what topics they wanted covered. I ended up with a list 30 deep of topics.

    Offer to tap for people: Every day I spend some time tapping for my readers’ needs. Each week I asked for surrogate tapping requests in my newsletter. Again, real world issues that I could write about.

When you start to think in terms of “Where are the topics I could write about?” you start to notice them everywhere. I carry a small notebook with one page dedicated to possible topics. When an idea comes, I jot it down. Then when I sit down to write I get the list out and see what is striking my fancy on that day.

Knowing when it is okay to move on
Just because you start writing something doesn't mean you need to finish writing it. That seems obvious, but it can be really easy to get wrapped-up in the idea that we have already spent so much time on this piece that we can't quit. We think, “If I give up on this piece I will have wasted time that could have been used for other things. I must make this effort worthwhile by finishing this.”

First, in my mind, spending time working on a new idea is never a waste of time. The process of working with a new idea makes me better at writing as well as better at explaining things to clients. Sometimes the only fruit of a writing session is I now know that this is not the way I want to explain this topic.

Second, not everything needs to be shared. The article you are reading was started during a writing session when I was working on something completely different. I really thought it was going to be a good idea. (It was going to be an article inspired by this Joey Roth print which hangs in my office.)

After about 20 minutes it was obvious that it wasn't going to work. As I was coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to work, the idea of this article popped into my mind. Sometimes a false start will lead us to a topic we wouldn't have found otherwise.

Third, just because it isn't working today doesn't mean it is not going to work. I have a whole folder filled with nothing more than started and half-finished articles. Every few weeks I sift through them. Sometimes I pick something up from the past because I have a new insight, sometimes I am inspired to write something new based on the false start, and sometimes I just think, “Yeah, there is a reason this never got finished.”

Don't feel like you need to finish everything you start in this writing session. Be easy with yourself, considering that this is not a linear process.

Create A Writing Schedule
I have time set aside every day to write. This is one of the few nonnegotiable tasks in my day. It might happen at a time it was not planned, but it will happen. I know I write better when I do it regularly and I am more likely to end up with work I am happy with if I am constantly working at it.

I am not saying that you need to write every day. If you are just starting out that might be too much. Even if you are just going to spend 45 minutes once a week writing, that is a perfect start. It is going to get you in the habit of doing it. By making it a habit you are saying it is important.

There are two choices that have transformed my website the most in the last three years. One of them is a regular writing schedule.

Get Feedback From People You Trust
Writing articles is something you are going to get better at over time IF you are willing to get better at it. After you have written a few things let some friends or trusted colleagues take a look at your work. When you do this, ask them for some very specific feedback.

Here are the normal questions I ask people who are reviewing my work:

  • Does the article make logical sense?
  • Is any of it too long or too short?
  • What is the strength of the article?
  • What could use improvement?

By asking very specific questions you are going to ensure you get the feedback that is most helpful to you in the process of getting better at writing stuff.

I always love reading other people’s stuff. If you would like some feedback on something you have written let me know.

Do something now!
Writing isn't something that happens on its own. It is something you have to do.

It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be complete. It doesn't even need to end up as something that others see.

But you should write something.

It will get you closer to a great finished product that will make someone else’s life and healing journey easier.

Pod #49: Being Full Present In The Moment w/ Ted Robinson

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One of the biggest challenges of the modern world is being fully present in the moment. Our attention seems constantly to be pulled in a million directions between the media we consume (even if it is just constantly chattering in the background), our loved ones, all the tasks that need to be done during the day, and everything we would like to achieve for our own growth. Being present in this moment is very challenging. In this interview with Ted Robinson we talk about how being present in the moment can benefit us and how we can use tapping to help us to achieve this state.

 

Ted Robinson

Guest: Ted Robinson

About Ted: Ted is a criminal defense lawyer and the director of the Center For Inner Healing on Long Island in NY. He is the author of a number of books, faculty for the National Guild of Hypnotists, and regularly works with clients one-on-one. Ted is also the host of a weekly TV show which is devoted to helping people be present in the current moment.

Contact: web @ centerforinnerhealing.com/; e-mail @ ted@centerforinnerhealing.com; phone @ (516) 248-5346

Links from this episode: