Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

I Don’t Want You Always To Be Impressive

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photo by ArtsieAspie

One of the main reasons we hold ourselves back from taking action is our need to be perfect.

We want everything we do to be great AND we want everyone around us to think we are great too.

Often times if even the smallest thought exists that others aren't going to see us (and everything we do) as great we don't take action.

Most of the time this isn't a conscious choice. We just don't take the action we want to take and just get busy with something else.

I was recently working with “Rachel” on this issue. We did some great tapping on tuning into some of the reasons why she needed everything to be perfect before taking action.

About 45 minutes after our session I received this email:

I did some more tapping after our session, which brought me to a lightbulb moment – I seem to have believed, for God knows how long, that in order for me to be “good enough”, everything I do has to be impressive. That is an impossible standard, of course, but one that quite insidious in my daily thoughts…

So, I now give myself permission to be unimpressive, to make unimpressive art, to have unimpressive ideas and opinions, to have unimpressive dreams and goals, to have an unimpressive plan for the summer, to read unimpressive books… you get the idea.

What a relief! With impressive out of the way it has created real room to breathe.

I couldn't have said it better myself. It is amazing the space we can create for ourselves when we give ourselves permission to be unimpressive!

Take a deep breath and tap on this:

I give myself permission to be unimpressive…I give myself permission to make unimpressive art…I give myself permission to have unimpressive ideas and opinions…I give myself permission to have unimpressive dreams and goals…I give myself permission to read unimpressive books…I give myself permission to [insert your own ideas].

Take another deep breath.

How does that feel? Let me know down in the comment section. I would also love to hear the things you inserted for yourself.

If you would like guidance on how you can use tapping for issues like this one in just a few minutes every day, please check out the Ruach Center.

Pod #115: Struggling To Give Self Care w/ Loretta Sparks

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Taking care of others is easy to do. We see needs, suffering, and struggle. We respond.

Often (at least for me) it is hard for us to extend the same type of care and concern to ourselves.

In this interview with EFT Master Loretta Sparks we talk about some of the most common reasons that caring people have such a hard time taking care of themselves. We also talk about a number of simple tools and steps that can be implemented right now to make it easier to care for yourself.


Loretta Sparks

Guest: Loretta Sparks

Contact Loretta: web @ selfcarepower.com; facebook; youTube; twitter @<ahref=https: twitter.com=”” eftmaster=””>eftmaster; google+</ahref=https:>

About Loretta: Loretta Sparks is Past President of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and has been a licensed psychotherapist for more than 36 years. For almost 30 of those years she was on the clinical staff of a Addiction Medicine Department at Kaiser Permanente in Southern California. She is a Certified Addiction Specialist and trained extensively in Relapse Prevention. She is a Diplomat of Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and an Emotional Freedom Techniques Master and Trainer. She has contributed to five books written on the application of EFT and has written two guide books: Stress Relief and EFT, The EFT Personal Peace Procedure and a third book Compulsive Helping is in it final stages. Additionally, Loretta has 3 DVDs made on stress, compulsive helping and addiction. She has trained mental health professionals and as well as the public, nationally and internationally in energy psychology and Emotional Freedom Techniques since 1995.

She maintains a private practice in Hermosa Beach where in addition to seeing individuals and couples, she provides and consultation to other psychotherapists.

What A Former Felon Just Taught Me About EFT

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Good morning!

I was stunned by the response to the email I sent on Monday. (If you missed the email, you can check it out here .) I sent it as simply a piece of information and I didn't expect what happened next.

Emails of encouragement came from all over the world. It was incredible!

One email stood out from the rest. It came from Jean-Paul who is one of my guys. And when I say “one of my guys” I mean he was in my EFT class in jail.

Jean-Paul wrote:

Not sure if you remember me. I took your class at the jail over a year ago. I have been attending a wellness peer run support group called Journey To Wellness here in NJ. I have been going there 2 days a week for about 6 months now. We do a little bit of yoga and meditation. I also attend a mindfulness group on Fridays and ocean mental health. I've been bringing up EFT over and over for a while now and getting a lot of interest. Last week I contacted a guy I met who teaches EFT and had him come meet the staff at Journey To Wellness. We will be starting an EFT group every Thursday this week!!! I can't wait.

I know…that is awesome!

I emailed Jean-Paul to see if it was OK to share his email with you and if he wanted me to change his name for privacy. I received an even more stunning reply:

I don't mind one bit. You don't have to conceal identity if you don't want to. This is something I am very passionate about and am looking to be more active in the near future.

Not sure if I mentioned but I will be starting school in Sept. for social work and cadc. I am going to do my damnedest to get them to let me into ocean county jail to teach mediation and EFT as well. It will be hard considering I'm a felon and have been locked up there but nothing is impossible.

Take a moment and digest that.

Go back and reread the second email he sent.

(Really, reread it…I'll wait.)

My first thought was “Wow! That is fantastic and so inspiring.” My second thought was, “We ALL need to be showing this kind of dedication to improving our lives!”

Jean-Paul is taking his mental health seriously.

You need to be doing it as well.

I know you agree. AND I know you are busy, overwhelmed, and don't know where to start.

That is OK.

You don't have to do it all at once.

I have a great resource for you if you don't know where to begin.

Take a few moments to read it, pick one idea from it, and spend 5 minutes tapping right now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

Yes, I know you have a lot going on. But you DO have 5 minutes to take care of yourself.

What are you waiting for? Check it out now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful!

Gene

PS: I told you on Monday that things were changing. These are the types of emails you can start to expect!

* * *

There Is So Much, I Don't Know Where To Begin When Using EFT – I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping on, but I don't know where to begin. Should I deal with memories chronologically or should I approach them in chunks of related issues?

* * *

Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

Interviewing, Being Interviewed And Lessons Learned w/ Jessica Ortner

Tap-Along Audio: Changing How We See Ourselves And The World

Video: EFT For Physical Pain

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT

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I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping on, but I don’t know where to begin. Should I deal with the memories chronologically or should I do them in chunks of related issues?


photo by Brian Barnett

This is a question that I receive often. Once someone has been introduced to the power of EFT and understands how it can be used to address many physical and emotional issues, they start to look for all of the areas in their life to apply this powerful technique.

The problem comes when, as we do this self-assessment, we realize that there are many more issues beneath the surface than we initially thought.

At first this can feel overwhelming because there is so much to do. Once we get past the feeling of overwhelm (if you are having trouble with overwhelm see Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need – link) then the next task is to figure out where to begin.

There is no right or wrong place to start. With every issue we clean up we make progress, which will make it easier and easier for us to live with joy and fulfillment. What’s important is to recognize that not all issues have the same effect on our daily lives.

For example, let’s pretend I am phobic about monkeys. When I am around monkeys I lose my mind.

Could I use EFT to deal with this fear? Absolutely.

BUT, is this the most pressing issue in my life right now? If I lived in Costa Rica it might be, but since I don’t, it’s not the best use of my EFT time.

In my opinion the best place to start is with the issues and limiting beliefs that are affecting your life right now and having an impact on where you would like your life to go next. Clearing the emotional charges around the people and situations that you deal with regularly will bring immediate benefits and ensures that you invest your tapping time well.

Approaching What Is Going On Right Now With EFT & Tapping

I recommend that you make a few lists, starting with the people in your life you spend the most time with, or think about most. As well as those we see in person, we can expend a lot of energy in both positive and negative ways on the people we don’t see every day, like our family.

Take time to think about each person and your relationship with them. Pay particular attention to the emotions that come up as you think of them.

As you think of someone who elicits an emotion (or emotions), write down their name and what you are feeling. I would do this for the five to ten people you spend the most time with, or spend the most time thinking about.

Next go through the same process with the places where you spend most of your time and energy. These could be work, school, church, at your children’s activities, places where you shop often, and your neighborhood.

Again, give thought and attention to each of these places, writing down any emotions that arise on your list. Notice the emotions that you feel about the place itself as well as the emotions you feel when you are interacting with the community there.

Once you have finished creating these two lists you will have a wealth of areas on which to focus your tapping time.

Approaching The Future With EFT & Tapping

One of the main reasons that we don’t have the life we want is because of the limiting beliefs we hold about the world and ourselves. Figuring out what we want – because many of us don’t know what we truly want – and then finding and clearing our limiting beliefs is a more complex topic than can be dealt with in one short article.

There are many approaches to doing this. One approach is laid out in this four part series:

Getting The Most Out Of Your Tapping/EFT Time

When it comes to using EFT on a whole host of issues it is best to start in the place that will produce the greatest change in your life. If you can’t name one pressing issue, then find your focus by looking at where your life is right now, identifying the emotional struggles you face daily, and how you want your life to be different in the future. In this way you will see the greatest change for the time you invest in your healing.

People Have Been Asking, “Gene, are you still alive? Everything OK?

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Good morning!

Two people contacted me this weekend because they were concerned about me. One was a text message that simply read, “Are you OK?” The other was an email wondering if they had dropped off my mailing list, “because they hadn't heard from me in a while.”

And it is true…for the last two and a half weeks I have fallen off the face of the digital earth!

There have been good reasons for this. I spent time in North Carolina helping out my friend Pamela Bruner with her Transform event, followed by attending the WDS conference in Oregon.

Oh yeah, and I moved to my new home, Brooklyn, NY in the middle of all of that.

And truth be told, only part of the reason I have been out of touch is because of all this craziness.

There is another reason…but for that you will need a little background.

The Last 6 Months

I don't know if you have noticed, but over the last six months the emails I have been sending you and the things I have been writing about have been changing, although the topic has been the same: tapping and stopping self-sabotage.

What has changed is the way I have been talking about it all. Very slowly the things I have been sharing have become increasingly
personal. I have been writing in a much more specific way about my own struggles and my own tapping work.

This has happened for two reasons.

First, it is a reflection of the change in me. Since the first of the year I have changed the way I do my personal tapping and
amazing healing is taking place. As this transformation takes hold in my own life I am finding that I am much more comfortable in my own skin, which is allowing me to be more honest with myself, with my loved ones, and with you my readers.

Second, I have found that when I am more personal I am a better teacher and you get more benefit from what I share. I am no longer talking just in general terms about healing, but can point to specific examples in my own life.

The Other Reason For My Absence…More Change Is Coming

The other reason I have been on a bit of a break is because I have been doing some internal recalibration (and the move to a new city has helped this process along). I have decided it is time to stop making gradual change. It is time for my work to represent more accurately who I am.

Once I made that decision (about a month ago) I have been working on my own courage to implement the change. I have been clearing out worry and anxiety about how all this will be received by people like you.

What Will Not Change

There are a number of things that will not change. You will still hear from me regularly. New podcasts will come out every Wednesday. Every weekend a new article or video will be published.

In many ways it will be business as usual.

What Will Change

There are few things that you will notice.

You will probably hear from me more frequently. I don't want to be a gentle, occasional reminder that you need to be tapping. I want the be the standard-bearer showing that we want to see transformation in our lives then tapping is something to be taken seriously and done regularly.

I will be getting much more personal about how tapping is and is not working in my own life. As I stated above I think this is going to be a win for everyone.

I will be asking you to do more. Gone are the days of “here is a nice tool you might want to try at some point”. Of course I won't be mean or harsh but I WILL be encouraging and calling you to take more action.

How Will You Respond?

I have no idea. Really, none.

You might be one of my readers who will love the change and you will feel supported, loved, and challenged. And because of it you
will take more action.

Or you might be one of my readers who will find it annoying, a bit overwhelming, too personal, unprofessional, or maybe just too much.

However you feel, I want you to make the best choice for you in how you respond to the changes.

I Need To Do This!

After a lot of soul searching this is what I need to do to be myself more honestly and more authentically. I need to do this to be of more service in the world.

As I write this I am at peace with this decision and my desire is to be the best I can be for you.

If you have any questions about the changes in the site, the newsletter, or in me please feel free to drop me a note. All you have to do is hit reply to this email and I will receive it.

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

PS: Remember there are over 75 free hours of training audios, interviews, and tap-alongs here: http://TappingQandAPodcast.com

Keeping Calm

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One of the highlights of my recent visit to London was getting to visit the Churchill War Rooms. It was amazing to get that close to history.

There and everywhere else in London where tourists gathered you could find recreations of the World War II posters “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Though little used during WWII (full history) it made its way back into the public eye in 2000.

Here are two fun (or cheesy, depending on your point of view) twists on the posters. Feel free to use and share them however you like.

Version 1

Version 2

The Strangest Way To Improve Self-Discipline? Tap For Better Sleep

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Good Morning!

I don't know about you, but when I get up in the morning I normally have a good idea about what I need to achieve that day.

I might not like what I have to do and I might not know how it will turn out, but I know what to do.

But even when I know what to do, I don't always have the self-discipline to the actions required to achieve it.

This week I found some interesting research on how you can do something while lying down that will improve your self-discipline and I show you how to tap to make that happen.

Check this simple process: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9119

This week I also I have an interview with Terry Lynch. We talk about love, how we shield ourselves from others in an unloving way, and how to do the protocol EmoTrance. We even do a little work on my feeling of overwhelm with the logistics of moving to another city.

You can hear this great interview (and what it is like to have me as a client) here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9125

As always, please let me know what I can do for you.

Gene

PS: On Sunday we celebrated reaching 75 hours of insights, interviews, and teachings in the TappingQ&A podcast archive. I know, that is a lot of free stuff! Here is a simple guide to help you find the best place to start: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9109

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Pod #114: Love is Letting Go of Shields w/ Dr Terry Lynch
Love is an overused and loaded word. We use it for so many things that it’s hard to tell what it really means. In this interview with Terry Lynch we talk about the way she approaches the word love. In the interview she demonstrates the protocol of EmoTrance on me around her approach to love.

Want To Improve Your Self-Discipline? Tap For A Better Night’s Sleep
Did you know that your self-discipline is improved by a good night’s sleep? And did you know you can tap for a better night’s sleep? This means you can tap your way to more self-discipline! Here is how.

* * * * Best Of * * *

The Grounding Process

Don’t Do These 10 (plus 1) Things If You Want To Fail At Teaching Tapping

Tap-Along Audio: Being Who You Are – AKA Not Needing To Fit In

Video: Did You Know You Should Wash Your Hands Before And After You Tap?

Pod #114: Love is Letting Go of Shields w/ Dr. Terry Lynch

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Years ago a friend of mine wrote a book called “Real Love In A Pizza Love World”. In English at least, love is a tricky word. We use it for so many things, and in so many ways, that sometimes it can be hard to get our mind wrapped around the idea of wanting to be loving and be love.

In this interview with Terry Lynch we talk about the way she approaches the word love, and also demonstrates the protocol of EmoTrance on me.


Dr Terry LynchGuest: Dr Terry Lynch

Contact: TeresaLynch.com

About Terry: International Speaker, Energist, Author, Coach, and Trainer, Teresa E. Lynch, PT, DPT has been involved in the healing professions for over 30 years. She holds a Bachelor’s in Physical Therapy, a Master’s Degree in Health Sciences (both from the University at Stony Brook, Stony Brook, NY) and a Doctorate in Physical Therapy from Thomas Jefferson University, Philadelphia, Pa. She also received an alternative Graduate Degree in Advance Massage from Health Choices, Belle Mead, NJ. She has licenses to practice physical therapy in New York and New Jersey. Dr. Lynch is a Master Practitioner and Trainer of Emotrance and holds certifications as an AMT EFT Master Practitioner, AAMET EFT levels I & II, Reiki, Matrix Energetics, Events Psychology and others. She has applied the energetic components of physical pain relief into a technique she created called the Inner Awareness Method. Dr. Lynch has taught at both the College and University levels for more than a decade. She owns a business, Healing to Wellness incorporating Transformational Energy Therapy Techniques into her Coaching practice to bring people beyond physical and emotional pain to reach their own personal greatness.

She owns Healing to Wellness incorporating Energy Therapy Techniques to Coaching people beyond physical and emotional pain to reach their own personal greatness.

Want To Improve Your Self-Discipline? Tap For A Better Night’s Sleep

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I recently came across this very interesting quote on one of my favorite websites explore:

The amount of sleep you get predicts the discipline your body can produce. Why? Sleep deprivation depletes the glucose level in your pre-frontal cortex, Barnes writes. This has consequences for your decision-making: If you don’t get enough sleep, you leave your self-control engine running on empty. If you do get enough sleep, you restore that fuel base.


photo by reonis

I knew that sleep was important, I knew that I always felt better after a good night’s rest, and made better choices as a result.

I just didn't have a clue as to why that was the case.

If you are interested in the full research study on what was discovered you can check out details on the study.

Now that that is clear, did you know that it is really easy to tap for good night’s sleep?

Here is how I tap for a good night of sleep. The link will take you to the tapping script I use before I go to sleep and also a pdf you can print out and put on your nightstand so you don't forget to do it.

Tap for a good night’s sleep.

Get a good night’s sleep.

Improve glucose levels in your pre-frontal cortex.

Make better choices tomorrow.

Everybody wins!

Do it tonight: Tap for a good night of sleep!

75 Hours Of Free Training And Insight From The Brightest Minds In EFT (No Signup Required)

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With the publication of last week’s podcast there is are over 75 hours of free EFT training and insight from some of the brightest minds in the change work field. You can find the full podcast archive at TappingQandAPodcast.com.

Subscribe in: Apple | iPhone | Android | Google | Spotify | Pandora

To make it easier to find some of the best stuff I have created this handy list of some of the best of the best.

Please add your favorites in the comment section below.

Steve Wells shared what I think is the simplest and most elegant approach to tapping
in EFT For Self-Acceptance.

The tool I recommend most for clients to use when tapping on there own is The Grounding Process.

The tool I recommend most for clients to use when they tap for loved ones is
Talk About, Talk To, And Talk As If

I love what all my guests have to share. If that weren't the case they wouldn't be on the podcast. With that being said the guest I have learned the most from is Gwenn Bonnell.

The EFT For Improving Performance interview rocked the way I see the healing process and led me to write There Is No Such Thing As An Emotional Action.

I love it when readers and listeners share their insights about the podcasts. What Does Forgiveness Really Mean? has been the most commented upon episode.

From time to time I get interviewed. Here is the favorite interview I did:
Why I Hate The Word Manifest

Finally, I have two lists of the most downloaded podcasts. Because I changed the way I track downloads in March of 2011 I have a list of top 5 downloads post- and pre-March 2011.

Most downloaded post March 2011:

  1. The Power of The Gamut Point w/ Karin Davidson
  2. Tapping For Shame w/ Rhona Clews
  3. EFT For Money, Success, And Personal Power w/ Margaret Lynch
  4. Quiet The Inner Critic w/ Judy Byrne
  5. EFT For Feeling Overwhelmed w/ Carol Look

Most downloaded pre-March 2011:

  1. The Power of Identity w/ Brad Yates
  2. The Why Is More Important Than The Goal
  3. The Words Aren't Magic (But They Are Important) When Tapping
  4. The Grounding Process
  5. Tapping For Pain w/ Dan Cleary

The Inconvenient Truth About Shame And Guilt

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Good Morning!

We all know that shame and guilt are debilitating.

When I am feeling either of those emotions I would rather hide under the covers or eat unhealthy quantities of cookies and cream flavored ice cream than face the world. (Yes, cookies and cream ice cream is my go-to for unhealthy emotional eating!)

I hate feeling guilty or ashamed! But did you know that when we feel these emotions we are more likely to make choices that hurt us AND more likely to hurt others as well?

Here is the inconvenient truth about shame and guilt (I warn you that if you read this it will change the way you approach these emotions): https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9085

Once we realize we need to deal with shame and guilt (or any other issue for that matter) we need a plan of attack for tapping.

This week I wanted to share with you how carrying an eraser in my pocket has transformed the way I tap.

If you have ever wondered how I think about my personal tapping work, here is the key: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9093

I hope you find these two tools helpful this week!

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

Gene

NEW & FEATURED ARTICLES

How Carrying An Eraser In My Pocket Changed The Way I Tap – Tapping is not about tapping something in or tapping something out. It's about clearing away what is unneeded. In this podcast I explain how an eraser helps me to know what to tap for.

Your Guilt Is Holding You Back AND It's Holding Others Back – Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of writing and recording on guilt and shame. It is clear that guilt and shame can hold us back, but did you know that guilt and shame can hurt those around you too? Here is why…

BEST OF TAPPING Q & A

EFT For Feeling Overwhelmed w/ Carol Look

5 Things You Must Know Before Doing EFT With Children and Teens

Tap-Along Audio: Feeling Bad For Taking Care Of Ourselves

Video: How To Avoid Being Sick With Tapping In 60 Seconds A Day

Pod #113: How Carrying An Eraser In My Pocket Changed The Way I Tap

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One of the questions I receive a lot from people new to tapping is, “Aren't you worried that you will tap something bad in?”

That is a reasonable concern. Often when we are tapping we are saying phrases about how we would like our life to be better while we are tapping. From the outside it almost looks like we are driving the positive phrases into our body and our mind.

But that isn't what is really happening.

Instead, from my point of view at least, we are in the process of clearing out inaccurate beliefs and perceptions.

In this podcast I explain what I think is really happening when we are tapping, how we can be more successful with our tapping, and why the big pink eraser I have in my front pocket informs the way I tap.

Your Guilt Is Holding You Back AND It’s Holding Others Back

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photo by id-iom

Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of writing and recording on guilt and shame.

There have been two reasons for this. First, they have come up a lot in client calls as of late. Second, because they have been coming up so much for my clients I have been reflecting on them a lot in my own life. As I have stated before, shame is the emotion I find the hardest to deal with and the most debilitating.

If you missed some of the recents posts on this topic, make sure you check out here, here, and here.

A few weeks ago I attended the Spring Energy Event in the Hudson River Valley in New York. One of the speakers said something really interesting about guilt. (Unfortunately, I can't remember who said it to give proper credit. If you were there and remember who it was please let me know so I can give credit.)

The statement was, “When you feel guilty about something you are holding the other person in a victim state.”

That is an amazing thought!

When I think I have done you wrong, not only does my guilt impact the way I see myself, but it also impacts the way I see you, and therefore the way I interact with you.

When I feel like I have hurt you, I will call you less, be hesitant in your presence, and be reluctant to spend time with you. Even if you don't think I have done you wrong, my feeling of guilt about something I have done to you will hurt you now.

For me this is a real eye opener. I know it is good for me to tap for my own guilt, but taking care of myself isn't always my strongest motivation to do work. But, I am more willing to do things that will help my loved ones.

By understanding that tapping for my own guilt and shame will help others encourages me to tap.

If you are looking for an easy way to tap for guilt or shame you can tap along with me in this short video.

What are your thoughts about seeing our own guilt as something that hurts others? Let me know below in the comments.

Why Tapping Q & A Exists

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Tapping Q and A is a labor of love for me. It is a very personal site, written from a very personal point of view.

It is far from the only EFT site out there, and I have never claimed it is the best EFT site. It is simply my point of view on what might be helpful.

From time to time I like to share with you why I created Tapping Q and A, my goals for it, and what you can do to get the most out of the site. This way we are all on the same page.

Why Tapping Q and A Exists

There are 3 reasons why the website, the podcast, and the newsletter exist.

1) To Teach You Something
I work really hard to share the best of the best when it comes to EFT and stopping self-sabotage. You will notice I don't flood your inbox with lots of affiliate links or sales letters from other people. I only want to share the things that I think are of value and will make your life better.

Before I share anything with you I make sure I know what problem it could solve, for whom it will solve the problem, and what it will look like if that problem is solved. If I can't articulate all three of those things then I won't send it.

I love teaching. I love sharing. I want your life to be better and I hope that everything I send works to that end.

2) To Learn Something
One of the reasons I love writing articles and doing interviews for the podcast is because in creating them I learn something every time. I will often sit down to write an article with just half an idea of what I want to articulate, and 90 minutes later I think, “Wow! I didn't realize that is what I thought.”

Every article or podcast makes me a better practitioner. One of the reasons I create more EFT content than anyone else is because it is part of my own learning process and it serves my clients.

3) To Build My Business
I am not going to lie. This is a business. This is how I make my living. This is how I pay my bills. This is my job.

I want you to give me your money AND I want you to thank me after you have given me your money. Let me explain…

I was talking to a client the other night. She said, “I was so scared to sign up for this program. I have trouble with commitment and I was worried this wasn't going to work. I am so happy I am doing this. I can feel my life getting better. I am so happy you are working with me.”

She had paid for services, her life was better because of it, and she was happy she had spent the money!

Over 99% of the people who visit Tapping Q and A will never to buy anything and that is perfectly OK. If you show up, use the tools, and make your life better then I will be super happy.

Just know this is a business and I do sell my services and products, so don't be surprised when you receive a sales letter from me.

What I Expect From You

I know, that looks a bit odd. Why would I expect anything from you? I see this interaction as a relationship. I show up and you show up in the relationship. Here are the things I would ask from you.

1) Use The Tools
As I write this note there are over 500 free resources on the site. There are over 70 hours of audio instruction, over 40 tap-along audios, and over 20 instructional videos.

It does you very little good just to look at the tools on this site.

USE THEM!

Put them into practice. When you heal yourself you are healing the world.

2) Share Something
I have been extremely lucky over the last 6 years to grow the site beyond what I ever thought was possible, but I still only reach a microscopic fraction of the people who could benefit from these tools.

There are people who you can reach that I will never reach. If you see something on the site that you know a loved one could use, please share it.

I am not asking you to spam your address book and forward everything in the site. In a thoughtful manner, if you are so moved, please pass the tools along.

3) Participate
The heart and soul of the site is in answering your questions. That is how it all started. I learn so much from your questions and comments.

If you have a tapping question please let me know. If you read an article or listen to a podcast that resonates for you, then go ahead and add a comment to the site.

When you share your experience the whole community is enriched.

4) Consider Buying Something
There are number of products and services I believe in available on the site. I only offer the things that I think are valuable. Take a few moments to check out these two sites:

My EFT Year

ExpertTappingResources.com

Let Me Know How I Am Doing

I always love to hear from you. I love to hear what is going well and what you need help with. You can always just hit reply to these emails from me. I receive and read all of them.

Let me know how I can be helpful.

Gene

Pod #112: Discover Why You Are Sabotaging Yourself

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Last weekend I had the chance to speak at the Spring EFT & Energy Gathering (Northeastern USA) just outside NYC.

I was asked to speak on EFT and Self-Sabotage. My talk was about 5 lenses we can use to figure out the core issues of our self-sabotage. After explaining them I share how we can tap for those issues once they are identified.

You can download the handout for the talk here: handout

Please note that the sound quality isn't the greatest, but it is good enough to get the information across.

Pod #111: EFT for Smoking w/ Sue Beer

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On some level most people who smoke really want to quit. Even though the will to change is strong in the larger context of their lives, it is really hard to motivate change in the moment because “one cigarette won't kill me.”

Usually smoking isn't the core problem, but symptomatic of a larger issue.

In this interview Sue Beer and I talk about how we can use EFT to stop smoking.


Sue Beer

Guest: Sue Beer

Contact: web @ TheEFTCentre.com; twitter @TheEFTCentre; facebook @ The EFT Centre UK

About Sue: Sue originally trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy and is an experienced Hypnotherapist and Master NLP Practitioner. Sue uses her eclectic training as well as past experience gained from a very successful business career in her work. She is also a student of A Course in Miracles. Sue has extensive experience working with addictions, recovery and personal transformation – the themes of the workshops Healing the Addicted Heart and Opening to Love. She is the author of “Healing the Addicted Heart – 5 Stages of Transformation with EFT”.

You Don’t Have To Tap Away Your Fear With EFT In Order To Take Action

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photo by Svante Adermark

My life is a little crazy right now. From the outside it looks like I am being really brave in the midst of all the craziness.

I am in the process of moving from Baltimore to Brooklyn, NY. I am uprooting my life to move to the fourth largest metropolitan area in the world, where housing rentals are snapped up in a matter of hours, not days. At the moment I know I am certainly moving but I have no clue where I am moving to.

At the same time I am working on some new things that I will be offering on the website which are the most personal things I have ever shared. As those of you who are part of MyEFTYear.com know, one of my goals for this year was to work on my issues around dating and romantic relationships.

About six weeks ago I came up with a list of 32 fears that I have around relationships. Not only have I been tapping for these issues, I have been videoing myself tapping for each issue. Sometime later this summer I plan to make those videos available for you to tap along to too.

Oh boy are those videos raw and messy. Because of their honesty they are more than a bit embarrassing! And there is the little issue of how emotional I have become in a few of them.

“You really are in the brave space right now!!”
That is what one of my friends wrote while we were chatting online: “You really are in the brave space right now!!”

And the truth is, I'm not really in a brave space right now.

Instead I am having moments of bravery and I am taking full advantage of those moments and acting.

For example, one of the reasons the move to NY is happening right now is because I had to let the property managers of my building know this week if I was going to renew my lease. Had I taken no action, then my lease would have renewed automatically.

To let them know I was leaving I had to notify them in an official letter via certified mail.

I wrote the letter, put the letter in an envelope, and stuck the postage on the outside.

AND then I had a hard time breathing. My head was filled with: “What if I can't find a place to live? What if I can't really afford the move? Am I going to wreck the relationships I have with my friends here in Baltimore by leaving? Oh crap…moving is hard!”

So I started to tap. I calmed myself down. I walked to the postal box and dropped the letter in.

Fifteen minutes later I was gripped with panic again.

BUT that was OK because the process of moving had started.

The Fear Doesn't Have To Be Completely Gone To Act
About eight times a day I feel some (or a lot) of anxiety about the move. But just because the worry is still there doesn't mean that I have to stop making progress. With each passing day I’m progressing and crossing more items off my moving todo list.

I haven't had to be brave every moment. I haven't had to eliminate the fears of everything going wrong.

I have only had to keep the fear at bay long enough to take an action that moves me closer to my goal. Once an action is taken it sets off a chain reaction of events to which I respond.

I now have to move out of my place in Baltimore, which is pushing me forward to take more action.

You Don't Have To Tap It All The Way To A Zero
A lot of tappers make the mistake of thinking that they have to tap an issue completely away. They think that if they haven't erased the issue with tapping then it isn't done and they can't act until it is.

We only need to tap our way to being able to take the next step towards our goal. We might have to start tapping the moment we have completed that step, but what is more important is the fact that we have acted and are closer to our goal.

When tapping our goal isn't to be anxiety free (though that would be great). Our goal is to make it possible for us to take the action we need to take to progress.

Sometimes those actions might be made in a state of fear, but they are being taken.

You don't need to tap your way to total relief.

You just need to tap to action.

(And if you need it you can start tapping again.)

Is My Self-Sabotaging Critical Voice Always Going To Be With Me?

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photo by Steve Corey

This week I was working with my client “Molly”. Over the last few weeks we had been tapping for a number of public speaking sales situations. She said:

“Last week was really great. I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. I was so much more present to my audience and so much less inside of my own head. But I have a question, will that little voice in my head always be there? It feels like it is less powerful now, but it just won't go away.”

This is a great question. In the article “Transforming Your Critical Voice Into Something Helpful In 8 Steps” I showed you how to begin to get a handle on your critical voice. But you will notice I don't talk about making it go away.

There are two things to keep in mind with the critical voice.

It Is There To Be Helpful
I know it can be hard to believe that the critical voice inside your head that is always beating you up is being helpful, but it really is trying to keep you safe. It’s operating from the assumption that if it points out all the things you are doing wrong, you will then correct your actions and make better choices.

You know as well as I do that it doesn't work like that. That nagging voice doesn't usually produce any positive change, it simply brings us down and saps our motivation.

When we do something like this 8 step process we can start to transform our critical voice into something useful.

At first blush it would seem that we just want to silence that tireless, nagging voice, but it can be very useful in pointing out possible obstacles and opportunities.

We Will Keep Trying Harder Things
Even when we have tamed our critical voice and have it under control, it will still be useful to us as we move ahead and aim higher. When we stretch ourselves and attempt new and different things that may be a little scary, our critical voice will show up to try to keep us safe.

The moment my internal voice goes mute is the moment that I have stopped growing and progressing.

Making Sure It Is Helpful
So, to answer Molly's question directly: No, your critical voice will not go away AND that isn’t a bad thing.

Our aim is to move away from an internal battle and to welcome our internal voice as a watchful ally. In doing this we will feel better about ourselves because we aren't being beaten up for the inside out AND we will be able to move forward in a helpful way.

I would encourage you to re-visit “Transforming Your Critical Voice Into Something Helpful In 8 Steps” and start the transformation right now.

Pod #110: FasterEFT w/ Robert G. Smith

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I recently did a survey of some of my favorite professional tappers. One of the questions I asked was, “Who in the field is doing the most controversial and experimental work?” The name that came back the most was Robert Smith.

I have done a number of reader surveys over the years asking who you’d like to hear on the podcast. Of practitioners who have not already been interviewed, who is nominated most often? Robert Smith.

So after a number of false starts I finally have an interview with Robert about Faster EFT.

I find Robert's approach very thoughtful and that I agree with his world view about healing.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the interview and Faster EFT.


RobertSmith

Name: Robert G. Smith

Contact: web @ FasterEFT.com; youtube @ HealingMagic; facebook @ Faster EFT; twitter @fastereft

About Robert: Robert G. Smith is the creator of FasterEFT. He is a Life Coach, a respected leader in the field of personal growth, a popular radio guest and sought after speaker. He is one of America’s leading experts on stress, spirituality and healing.
Robert has reached thousands of people with his positive message about personal power, love and healing with the largest free online healing library available on YouTube with over 250,000 views per month and translated in 14 different languages. He’s travelled all over the world giving public seminars since 2002. Robert has produced over 96 DVDs and continues to ship them worldwide since 2004.

How and Why I am Thinking About You When I Write My Newsletter

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I'm not sure if this is clear, but everytime I send something out my goal is to be helpful and to serve you in some way.

This is true of something as short as a 140 character tweet or as long as an 3000 word article.

It is even true when I send out a sales letter about a new program. When I send out a sales letter (like the one I sent last week) I have two goals:

1) To share something with you that I believe to be of the highest quality and will enrich your life if you choose to invest in it.

2) I would like you to learn something. Even if you don't choose to buy, my hope is that as I talk about why I created the program and its structure, it will teach you something helpful about the healing process.

With my new 8-month program I received a number of thank you notes from people for whom it is not the right fit.

I think this is great!

It is great that people were able to learn from me selling a program AND it is great when people know that something isn't the right fit for them.

There are still 2 spots available and I thought it would be helpful to answer some of the questions I have received about the program.

Even if the program isn't right for you I encourage you to read these questions and answers as it will help you to understand how I see the healing process which may enhance your personal work.

If you can't remember what I am talking about, here are the details on the program: full detials

* * *

Q: I see in the program that each week we can get an emergency tapping session with you. Is that really true? I don't want to be a pest and take up all your time.

A: Yes, as part of the program as often as once a week for the whole 8 months you are entitled to an emergency tapping session. You would send me a text or an email when you need a session, and we would find a time when we can tap together.

I am a very good gatekeeper of my time. Part of the reason this is being offered to so few people is because I am making myself available in a way that gives them a lot of attention and also respects my time.

Q: I would like to do this. Let's do a deal? We do this together and I promise I will do all you ask me, but I only pay you after I get results, OK?

A: This is an interesting idea. You might think that if I am so confident in my work I would happily do something like this, but in my experience when clients have not made a financial investment in the work they simply don't do it.

65% of the people who have been given a free session by me don't make the calls. Most of them never follow up, ask for another time, or explain why they didn’t show up. The only time paying clients miss calls is because of extenuating circumstances. They always follow up.

When something is free people show up to use it with the best of intentions, but since there is nothing at stake they simply stay rooted in their self-sabotage.

I know this to be true in my own life. There are many free resources I have downloaded that would do me lots of good but I have not found the time to use them. Yet in the most expensive program I purchased last year I have listened to every audio twice. I set aside 45 minutes every single day for 8 weeks to work with it. It was a major investment and I made sure that I got everything I could out of it.

When you make an financial investment in something you are also making an emotional investment. This will help you to stay focused and achieve success.

Q: I have a concern that came up for me because I can feel some deep resistance to jumping in. It's a big commitment of time, money, faith and emotion, so I know that's natural. I'm worried that I'm trying to buy myself out of my misery like I have in the past (e.g. the gym membership or other magic “fix”) and that I'll cave and fail and end up feeling worse. What are your thoughts on this?

A: Of all the questions I received in this process, this is my favorite. It is honest and accurate. It is a common concern when we are on the edge of doing something difficult.

One of the strengths of the program and its structure is that it is designed to deal with the ups and downs of change work. There are times where we (and I say “we” because this is true for me as well) are just kicking ass and knocking our issues out. And then there are times when it gets hard. We bump into parts of ourselves that we dislike and would prefer to ignore. We are ashamed of past choices. We feel hopeless about the parts of ourselves that seem too wounded and painful to fix.

One of the main reasons I am moving to this type of model is because it gives me permission to work much more closely with my clients. There is a structure built in to deal with the hard times. If clients are just working in occasional hourly sessions then when the going gets tough they often disappear, at the precise moment they most need support and to do work.

Some of the most fruitful work of the last 9 months has been achieved exactly when my clients felt overwhelmed, on edge, and even very frustrated. Those are not fun times to go through and I don't go looking to create those moments. But when they show up, we work through them and get to the amazing stuff on the other side of the pain.

In this process you are allowed to feel overwhelmed, sad, worried, and even mad at me. It is part of the healing process. I love EFT and this work because it walks a perfect balance. It allows us to find ways to deal with the tough issues without having to seek them out or throw ourselves into the middle of them for the sake of the pain.

Because there is an established structure and regular contact it will help to keep you on track, and ensures that you are tapping with me when you need it the most.

The gym doesn't call you when you don't show up. I will be present when you are knocking out blocks AND I will be there when the work feels painful. I know what it feels like when this work is hard. I know what is like to be in the middle of pain and unable to see or feel beyond it. I am there to stand outside of that for you, to remind you what healing feels like, and be the beacon guiding you to move past it.

* * *

If you are interested in joining me in this type of work let me know so that we can chat to see if this program is the right fit for you.

Again, full program details are here: full detials

Only 2 spots left!

If you have any other questions please let me know.

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene