Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #148: What If I Can’t Say I Love And Accept Myself (Thoughts On The EFT Setup Phrase)

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cantsayiloveWhen Gary Craig first introduced the world to Emotional Freedom Techniques he used something he called the setup phrase.

You would tap on the side of your hand or rub the sore spot and say, “Even though I have [insert issue] I completely love and accept myself.”

As time has passed and EFT has evolved most teachers of tapping fall into one of two camps. They are either insistent that you do this every time or they never do it at all.

There are enough tapping teachers who are still sharing the setup phrase that about once every 10 days I receive an email asking “Do I really have to say the setup phrase?”

I think there is a middle ground. There are times when it is really useful and there are also times when it can slow the tapping process.

In this podcast we explore when to use the setup phrase. We will also look at why most people are avoiding it, which has nothing to do with its usefulness.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the setup phrase in the comments below.

Thank You For Hearing Me

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My walk home from Thanksgiving dinner took about a half an hour. It was a quiet afternoon and the Brooklyn streets were almost deserted.

As I was walking I started singing Sinéad O'Connor's “Thank You For Hearing Me.” I find it to be a such a profound and holy song (and I don't use the word holy lightly).

It would perfect to tap along to today.
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SPECIAL 200th Podcast: What I Have Learned In 200 Podcasts

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200 Podcasts!

Between the bonus podcasts and the full show I have shared over 200 podcasts!

It has been an amazing journey. I would like to thank:

Adele Wang, Alina Frank, AnaMaria Herrera, Andy Bryce, Ann Ross, Brad Yates, Brittany Watkins, Carol Look, Carol Tuttle, Catherine Poole, Colleen Flanagan, Dan Cleary, Dawson Church, Deborah Miller, Dene Ballantine, Elham Kashefi, Gina Parris, Gwenn Bonnell, Gwyneth Moss, Helen Walker, Jake Khym, Janet Hilts, Jaqui Crooks, Jared Tendler, Jenn Goddard, Jesse Jacobs, Jessica Ortner, Joanne Callahan, John Soriano, Jondi Whitis, Judy Byrne, Karin Davidson, Kris Ferraro, Linda Wood, Lindsay Kenny, Loretta Sparks, Louise Tremayne, Lynne Shaner, Michelle Price, Maggie Adkins, Margaret M. Lynch, Marie Holliday, Masha Bennett, Pamela Bruner, Pat Carrington, Paul Zelizer, Rebecca Kane, Rhona Clews,
Rick Wilkes, Robert G. Smith, Robert Kendall, Rod Sherwin, Ron Ball, Rue Hass, Sebastiaan van der Schrier, Shoshana Garfield, PhD, Stacey Vornbrock, Stephen W. Carter, Steve Wells, Sue Beer, Susan Peach, Susanne Peach, Tania A Prince, Ted Robinson, Terry Lynch, Till Schilling, and Wil Horton.

None of the guests was paid for their contribution. I feel so blessed that they were willing to share their time and their information and wisdom.

As the person who had a front row seat for the full catalog I know my life is richer because of it.

Recently, I was chatting with Gwyneth Moss and she asked if she could interview me about what I learned from doing 200 podcasts. That is the interview I am sharing this week.

Help The Podcast Grow

Even though you receive the podcast free of charge does not mean that it is free to produce. Between the time it takes to record, edit, and publish each podcast as well as the bandwidth costs for you to download the shows, it costs between $300 and $500 per episode to produce and distribute.

I am firmly committed to keep providing this resource free of charge. AND I am committed to keeping the entire library all the way to the first one available. (Did you know on average every day every podcast in the archive is downloaded at least once? Even the ones from way back in March 2009!)

My Audio Reflections On 200 Podcasts

Here are my reflections on 200 shows. I would love to hear yours down in the comments.

Pod #147: Is It Possible To Be Comfortable With Good Enough? (w/ Tap-Along)

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Good Enough!We live in a time of exceptionalism.

Everywhere we turn we are presented with the biggest, the best, the greatest, and the most important.

And it is not just coming from marketers. If you spend any time on social media you see people describing the best meal they have ever had, the greatest vacation of all time, and the most important thing they learned.

We have come to a place where if it isn't the best then it must be a failure.

Wanting To Be The Best All The Time Is Bad For Us

I think that it is important to strive for better and that we give it our all, but there are times where wanting to be the best just isn't good for us. It can even hold us back from taking action.

In this podcast I talk about the trap of needing to be the best all the time, the value of good enough being good enough, and how we can tap to find our way to the right level of excellence.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments about my challenging of your desire to be excellent at everything.

Pod #146: Stages Of The Emotional Healing Process

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I was recently having drinks with a friend and we were talking about my time teaching anger management in jail. She asked if I would teach her one of the tools I taught the guys.

So I explained one of my favorites.

She responded, “I can see how that tool would useful, but that is just about emotions generally. How is that tool an ‘anger management' tool?”

And she was right.

Every tool I taught in jail was about having a healthy emotional response. Yes, the guys were looking to manage their anger, but the tools and techniques we use for anger are no different than those we would use any other disproportionate emotion.

The Real Goal

When we are working with our emotional response, the goal of tapping is not to be emotionless. The goal is to have a proportional, well-informed response.

Everything we do when tapping for our emotions is about returning them to balance. We can successfully use the same techniques for all emotions is because the process of transforming our emotional response is the same regardless of the emotion we are working on.

Very early on in tapping with clients I realized there was a consistent process that we go through as we work our way to well-informed, proportional emotional responses.

In this podcast I explain the stages we move through when we are healing our emotional responses.

Understanding this transformed the way I worked with clients AND how I understand my own healing journey.

I would listen to this audio two or three times. Once you understand this process it will give you an understanding of where to start with your issue to gain the fastest results from your tapping.

Pod #145: Compare and Contrast EMDR v. EFT w/ Masha Bennett

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COMPARE-AND-CONTRASTEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a healing protocol that is gaining more and more acceptance worldwide.

I see it very much as a cousin of EFT and tapping.

In this podcast I interview Masha Bennett who is very experienced in both. She compares and contrasts the two protocols. In doing so she shares what tappers can learn from EMDR and what EMDR practitioners can learn from tapping.

Regardless how much tapping training and experience you have you will learn from this comparison.


Masha Bennett

Guest: Masha Bennett

Contact: web @ PracticalHappiness.co.uk/; twitter @ MashaBennett](https://twitter.com/MashaBennett); facebook @ Practical Happiness

About:Masha is an accredited Neurolinguistic Psychotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner, Advanced Practitioner and Trainer in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). She also has years of experience and extensive training in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, Hypno-Psychotherapy, Stress Management (individual and corporate) and addiction treatment, is trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing) to an advanced level, and is continually working on improving her skills and flexibility in helping people achieve their goals and dreams.

Pod #144: How I Approach An EFT Session With A Client

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ApproachClientRecently my friend Rebecca Kane asked me about my approach to working with clients and how I structure my client sessions.

It turned into a very constructive conversation.

If you have ever wondered what a practitioner is thinking when they are doing a session and why they do what they do, here is your chance to hear my point of view.

This is not the only way or the best way to do a session, but these are things I keep in mind to ensure I am keeping my clients safe and providing the best care possible.

If you are interested in working with me one-on-one drop me a note.

If you are interested in tapping training created by Gene you can get Advanced Tapping Training at a discount and a full year of the the Ruach Center.

In addition to her work as a tapping practitioner, Rebecca Kane is a very talented graphic designer. You can see samples of her work and contact her at: KaneDesignConsulting.com

Pod #143: A Comprehensive Approach To Health /w Elham Kashefi

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Personally, I don't like the terms alternative medicine or complementary care.

The things we do either are working toward helping us to maintain and improve our health or they are not.

Elham Kashefi recently watched her dear friend Tara succumb to cancer. During the time she was receiving treatment it became very clear that the medical system taking care of her was incomplete.

The system was built only to respond to things after they had gone wrong and was only able to respond in a limited number of ways.

Based on this experience Elham founded the Tara Project with the goal of providing people with the information they need to recognize the things they can do to maintain and improve their health in daily life. It also aims to help people post-diagnosis by providing them with comprehensive information so that they can make informed choices about their health.


Elham Kashefi

Guest: Elham Kashefi

Contact: web @ IWantNaturalHealth.org.uk/; facebook @ The Tara Project; twitter @thetaraproject

About: Elham is the Director of Tara Project social enterprise, academic researcher, EFT practitioner, sound healer, and is passionate about health, healing and community.

Pod #142: Tapping For Our Shadow Self w/ Kris Ferraro

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According to Wikipedia the shadow is:

In Jungian psychology, the shadow or “shadow aspect” may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious.

In Kris Ferraro’s client work she works directly with the shadow self. She has found it to be a very effective way to find and clear the parts of the self that hold us back from being who we want to be.

In this interview she shares a simple process that you can use to tap with your shadow self.


Kris Ferraro

Guest: Kris Ferraro

About: Kris Ferraro is an Energy Coach, Author, and Speaker based in northern NJ. She is the creator of Spiritual Freedom Techniques, a series of practices that combine ancient wisdom with EFT for transformation. Kris is a “true believer” in everyone's innate ability to heal. She helps clients release their debilitating emotional patterns so they can step into their power and purpose. Her book, “Energy Healing: Simple and Effective Practices to Become Your Own Healer”, published by St. Martin's Press, introduces energy psychology to new audiences.

Tapping To Let Go Of Pleasing Others (w/ tapping script)

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Back in April Seth Godin wrote on his blog:

You will never, ever run out of strangers.

And so, the goal of perfectly pleasing an infinite number of passersby is a fool's errand. They come with their own world view, their own issues, their own biases.

Not only is this true for a world full of strangers, it is also true for the much smaller group of people in your life.

No two people you know are alike, have the same world view, or will be pleased by the same things.

Every choice you make about your life risks disappointing someone.

That is just a fact of life.

[Read more…] about Tapping To Let Go Of Pleasing Others (w/ tapping script)

Pod #141: How To Approach Perfectionism with Tapping and EFT

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perfectionism

One of the key reasons my clients don't take action is because of perfectionistic tendencies.

The tendencies show up because there is a part of our system that is trying to keep us safe. We are worried that if something isn't done just right then things will go wrong. We keep working and working until something is perfect so nothing goes wrong.

The problem is that we will never arrive at perfection so therefore we will never act.

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by Adele Wang about how I understand and approach perfectionism with my clients.

If you struggle with perfectionistic tendencies I think you will find this point of view helpful.

If you are interested in learning more about Adele's see below.

Daily Tapping For Perfectionism

Over at the Ruach Center there are over 35 tap-along audios devoted to helping to clear perfectionistic tendencies. If you are ready to stop perfectionism from holding you back from taking the action you know you need to take you should check it out today!


Adele Wang

Guest Host: Adele Wang

Contact Adele: web @ SafeHavenHealing.net; YouTube @ Adele Wang

About Adele: Adele helps smart and sensitive women break through the stress of perfectionism and overwhelm so they can have better relationships, more professional success and better health. With an energy medicine and EFT background, she works with women to clear anxiety without the use of drugs so they can reclaim their lives and their natural feminine radiance. She is a licensed Art of Feminine Presence instructor, a frequent guest blogger on websites devoted to spirituality and consciousness, an advanced energy healer, and an EFT practitioner. She works with clients via Skype and in person in her office in Atlanta, GA.

Pod #140: EFT For Social Anxiety w/ Helen Walker

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There is no question that our world is becoming increasingly complicated as our down time diminishes.

Because we are being pulled in so many different directions with little time to process our experiences it is easy to feel disquieted. In extreme cases this can develop into full-blown social anxiety.

In this conversation Helen Walker talks about how we can identify the roots of social anxiety in this sense of overwhelm and disconnection from what is important in life.

If you are are feeling overwhelmed by your day you will find what Helen has to offer very helpful.


Helen Walker

Guest: Helen Walker

Contact: web @ eft-guide.com/

About: Helen is an internationally recognised EFT expert, writer and training consultant. She is a highly qualified EFT Practitioner and is also the European Lead EFT Trainer for the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP).

The Problem With Priorities, Overwhelm, And How To Tap For Them (w/ Tapping Script)

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You-eventually-learn that-true

Merlin Mann is a technologist, a productivity specialist, and a professional provocateur. I mention the last part because he has the tendency to say things that are true and useful, but in a rather blunt way.

During one of his fabulous podcasts (Back To Work) he was describing a question and answer session with a group of top level executives at a very large company.

One of the execs was asking about how to manage her time and her inbox. She was describing how she had so many priorities that it was impossible to get anything done.

Merlin asked her how many priorities she had. Without skipping a beat she replied, “Twenty-seven!”

Merlin’s response: “You eventually learn that true priorities are like arms; if you think you have more than a couple, you're either lying or crazy.”

[Read more…] about The Problem With Priorities, Overwhelm, And How To Tap For Them (w/ Tapping Script)

The Root Of My Issues

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Can't see the image? Click display. Last week I met up with a friend to catch up over a couple of drinks.

As always, the topic of my dating life came up. Since we had last chatted there wasn't anything new to share.

Interesting first dates that didn't lead to second dates. Dates who were really interested and interesting who ended up ghosting [1]. Chances to try new restaurants and bars in the city.

Really, it was just more of the same.

My friend said incredulously, “I don't know what is wrong with them!” referring to the women I’d dated.

I appreciated the support but I was stuck by one fact.

Every single one these interactions had one thing in common.

It wasn't the way I was treated. It wasn't the fact that I felt undervalued or misunderstood.

And that one thing?

ME!

Patterns

When doing any sort of analysis or problem solving one of the fundamental principles I use is: “Once is an anomaly. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern.”

When I look at my dating/relationship history honestly (or as honestly as any of us can do with self-reflection) I see lots of patterns: spending time with the wrong people, dating people with only a short term goal in mind, and not communicating clearly (as in not letting my ‘no’ mean ‘no’ and my ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’).

I don't have control over the people who choose to go out with me, but I do control the type of people I seek, how I seek them, and how I act once I have connected with them.

Almost all of my recent dating experience has at least one of those things in common (most have more than one).

Things I Can Change

Because of this revelation I have decided that I need to spend some time daily tapping on my relationship fears. All of my unhelpful patterns can be traced back to my fears around being seen and being rejected.

Doing this work doesn't mean that I will end up in a lasting love relationship, but it does mean that I am much less likely to continue making the choices standing in the way of that type of relationship.

Taking Responsibility

This work is not about fault or claiming that we are the sole creator of everything we experience. Others have free will and their choices impact us.

This work IS about taking responsibility for ourselves and our role in creating our experience. It is about recognizing that we are present for all of our issues.

What this means for me is that I need to look clearly at my own experience, recognize the parts for which I am responsible, and take ownership of those parts.

If this is something you would like to do too, here are some tapping phrases to start you on the right path:

I recognize the fact that there are things in the world beyond my control…I recognize that there are things in the world that I DO control…And I recognize that I tend to believe I have much less control than I actually do…I am not the sole creator of my experience…I am co-creating my day and my life with everyone I interact with…I choose to take responsibility for the things that I do control…I can control my thoughts…I can control my emotions…I can control my actions…Often it is easier to let the world act on me and my life…It is easier just to react…Claiming that I don't have control…Today I choose to take more responsibility for my own life…Today I choose to recognize that I am present in all my issues…Today I choose to recognize that I can make different choices…This doesn't mean everything will change all at once…But by being more aware I am more likely to make better choices…Regardless of what choice I make next…I know I can learn from that choice as well.

I hope you find this point of view helpful.

I know it is changing the way I live day to day.

[1] Ghosting: the act of disappearing in a phantom-like fashion from someone you are seeing.

Pod #139: Tapping For Issues With Many Aspects w/ Lindsay Kenny

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We often find ourselves in need to tap for issues that have many aspects either because the issue is so large or because it has unfolded over a long time.

For example:

  • an auto accident that is impacting your health, your finances, and your ability to work
  • a divorce
  • poor financial decisions that have left you feeling embarrassed and powerless

It can be tough knowing where to start and how to tap for complex issues.

EFT Master Lindsay Kenny has created a simple tool using the image of a tree to create a structure for our tapping.

In this conversation we talk about (and demonstrate) how the straightforward approach can be used for multifaceted issues with many aspects.

This discussion will give you enough of an explanation to start using the tool, but if you would like a more detailed description of the method please listen to Podcast #109.


Lindsay Kenny

Guest: Lindsay Kenny

Contact: All past Interviews with Lindsay; web @ ProEFT.com; twitter @ProEFT

Bio: Lindsay Kenny is an EFT Master, author, and Founder of Pro EFT™, and the Pro EFT™ Institute. She’i also a Life Coach, writer, and certified Trainer of Trainers. Coming from a background of poverty, abuse and deprivation, she has used Tapping and the Law of Attraction to create the life of her dreams. Lindsay’s mission in life has been helping others be their best.

She is happy to have had the tools of tapping to fulfill her mission for the past 16 year. While Lindsay will be retiring in 2016, she is turning over the wheel to several of her highly talented, board certified practitioners. This group of Pro EFT™ Masters and Trainers is being headed by Tess Pierson, a long-time student of Lindsay and Pro EFT™. Lindsay will still be maintaining her website ProEFT.com

Pod #138: Working With Childhood Traumas That We Don’t Remember All The Details Of w/ Gwyneth Moss

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We hear it over and over again in our tapping training.

“The more specific you are with your issue, the more effective the healing will be.”

“The earlier the memory you can find related to the issue, the faster you will be able to release it.”

For the most part these statements are true, but what happens when you are dealing with something general, like low self-esteem, or you are working on an issue without any memories attached to it?

This week I talk with Gwyneth Moss who has developed a gentle technique for getting in touch with our younger selves in a way that allows us to do healing work without having to know specific memories.


Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

Pod #137: Building Communities of Support w/ Jondi Whitis

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We do not live in a vacuum. We are impacted by the issues others struggle with and vice versa.

The healing process is also not something that takes place independently of others. Often our fastest route to healing is by walking that journey with others.

Jondi Whitis has seen the impact of trauma on a community and the impact of a community on an individual's trauma firsthand. She has worked with both the families of those directly impacted by the New Town shooting and also with veterans and veterans’ groups around the issue of PTSD.

In this interview she shares what she has learned from this work, what can be applied to our own healing process, and how we can reach out to others.

There is a great deal of wisdom to be learned from Jondi's experiences. I encourage you to listen and take advantage of it.


Jondi Whitis

Conversation with: Jondi Whitis

Jondi's Contact: web @ EFT4Results.com;

About Jondi: Jondi Whitis is a certified EFT Master Trainer, Practitioner, Mentor and Board Member for AAMET International, delighting in creating practitioners of excellence. She’s passionately interested in refining and up-levelling core EFT skillsets, cutting-edge techniques, and training for practitioners and trainers worldwide, upholding the most thorough and professional EFT standards. She offers deeply personal, hands-on training to anyone interested in heart-centered healing, from children to teachers, parents to professionals, and for diverse communities worldwide, including veterans, Native Americans, teachers, healthcare professionals, and those who work with kids.

An ‘integration specialist’, Jondi enthusiastically guides each person to find authentic ways to integrate EFT into their purpose, professional practice and life. Join her in person, at the annual gathering just north of NYC, Spring Energy Event

I Feel Sad…I Am Not Sad

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In all of the training I have done to improve myself as a practitioner, learning about NLP meta-models has been some of my favorite.

At its simplest, it looks at the way people use language to describe the world. Often by examining the way people talk we can identify the beliefs causing distress.

Here is a simple example. Recently one of my clients “Debbie” said, “Everyone at work hates me.” My follow up question was, “Really, everyone?”

It is possible but highly unlikely that everyone at work hates Debbie. But if she walks into the office every morning believing that everyone hates her then she will be constantly on the defensive and prepared for attack.

When I ask, “Really, everyone?” she replied, “Well, no, not everyone.” By using the correct language to describe what was truly going on we were able to find our way to the real problem and address it.

[Read more…] about I Feel Sad…I Am Not Sad

Pod #136: How To Clear All Aspects Of An Issue, Not Just The Obvious Ones w/ Linda Wood

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There is a counterbalance to most things in life. Success to failure. Happy to sad. Action to rest. Growth to deterioration.

Often when we tap we are working only on the part we see as negative, thereby addressing only half of this balance.

Even though the negative side is most obvious and painful there are often tappable issues on both sides. For example, I might feel frustrated that I don't have a better job, but there is also a part of me that fears the challenges a new job might bring.

Feeling frustrated about not having a good job is an obvious thing to tap for, but if we may miss the flip side, which is our fear of the unknown. If we don't clear both sides it will be hard for us to take action.

In this interview Linda Woods presents a straightforward approach to looking at an issue from both sides. If you work through the simple steps of this tool you will not only identify new aspects but will also have documentation of your discovery, allowing to you to come back again and again to ensure you haven't missed anything.


Linda Wood

Guest: Linda Wood

Contact: web @ MagicTapping.com

About Linda: Linda Wood is an EFT Innovator and creator of the world’s first
EFT projection tool, Magic Buttons Bears. She’s developed All-Day
Intensives and most recently, her new “EFT Discovery & Unification Techniques,” which are
amazing tools to help find all hidden aspects.

The Dirty Secret About Being Successful

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The other night I had a vivid dream.

It was about a group of five friends in their early 20s who moved to New York City to pursue careers in entertainment. In the dream I didn't know the five of them well but I think they were friends of a friend.

I was helping them to find their way in the city, like so many did for me when I moved here.

In the dream they had been in the city for a few months, they had established themselves and we were meeting for drinks.

As we were chatting I kept asking them, “Are you here for the adventure and story of pursuing something in NYC or are you here to be successful?”

They just looked at me and shrugged. They didn't understand my question.

The Story Of Success Vs. Success

For a year and a half I pretended that I was moving to New York City.

I would catch up with friends and they would ask what is going on in my life. I would excitedly tell them, “I'm moving to New York!”

In most cases they would be excited for me. “That sounds like such a great adventure.”

Looking forward to something fun felt great. My friends shared the thrill vicariously by daydreaming a little about adventure and what it might be like for them to make a big change.

Then the conversation would move on and we would move on.

But I was no closer to taking action.

[Read more…] about The Dirty Secret About Being Successful