Tapping is great because it can be used on so many different issues, both physical and emotional. It works for issue from the past and worries about the future.

Because the tool is so flexible, sometimes it is hard to know just where to start. You want to get the most out of your tapping and you don’t want to waste your effort. When we are worried that we are going to do something wrong, such as picking the issue to tap on, it’s easy for us not to take action at all.

This week’s podcast will teach you three ways to tap when you don’t know where to start.

In addition to the instructions in the podcast, I have included a written transcript of the audio below the player.

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PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

Three ways to start tapping when you don’t know where to start.

Number one just start.

It’s natural to want to get the most out of anything that we’re doing, so we don’t want to waste time and energy by pursuing something that isn’t going to be useful. So in our tapping practice, we want to go after the biggest, the most powerful, or the deepest issue. The problem is that in the beginning, sometimes we cannot see what the deepest, biggest, most powerful, most-useful-to-go-after issue is.

I have two analogies to help you to understand this.

The first analogy is to imagine the Everlasting Gobstopper that you might have seen in the Willy Wonka movies. The way that they’re sold in America is a piece of confectionary that has a sweet tart in the middle, with multiple layers of differently colored hard candy on the outside. As you suck on it, like a jawbreaker, the colors change, but eventually you get to the sweet tart that’s on the inside.

Sometimes our tapping is just like that! Even though there is an issue we want to reach, we can’t seem to get to it because it’s coated with so many other issues.

Much like the candy where we can’t get to the sweettart center until we have worked our way through the hard shell, by starting with whatever is available, what we do is we get the red layer right away. Then, there’s the blue layer and once that’s dealt with, there’s the green layer. By working on the layers a little bit at a time, we eventually find ourselves in the center.

So, by just starting, we’re actually working on the core issue, even though we don’t realize it, because we’re starting with whatever we have access to.

The other way I like to think of tapping is like something that is in my backyard. I can step out my back door first thing in the morning, but because it’s so early, there is mist everywhere and I can’t actually see what is in the backyard. But as the sun rises and it warms up, that mist slowly melts away and I’m able to see more and more of my backyard, until all of a sudden, I can see everything clearly.

When we’re tapping, not only do we get relief, but we also get clarity. When the issue we are seeking relief from is out of the way, it allows us to see the real issue.

As an example, I’ve been injured on and off over the course of the fall. This got in my way of being able to work out in the way I wanted. There was even a two and a half week period where I wasn’t allowed to work out at all. I wanted to tap on my lower back and the pain that was in my lower back. But, because I felt so much frustration that my body was letting me down, I couldn’t actually access the pain in my body very effectively because all of the emotion that was in the way.

So, I started with the emotion that I was feeling first. By tapping on the emotion, it created space for me to be able to see the core issue.

When we don’t know where to start, just starting is super valuable because as you do it, you will be able to take away the emotional edge that you feel right now and it will start to give you clarity about where to go next.

When it doubt, ask the question, “How do I feel right now?” Even if that feeling is, “I don’t know where to start with my tapping.” Start right there.

Even though I don’t know where to start with my tapping…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…Knowing that tapping on these points will create space…Which will make it possible to see the real problem.

By working in that way, you will clear away the mist and you’ll see the full backyard. AND you will be able to see the problem you actually want to go after.

Number two if you don’t know where to start, imagine the action that you want to take next and find the emotion associated with taking that next action.

I look at my to-do list and I say, “What’s the most valuable thing on my to-do list?” I tune in and I imagine myself doing that right away. I then tap on the emotion that comes up for that image.

I’m not trying to find the biggest issue. I’m not trying to find the deepest issue. I’m not trying to find the most valuable issue. But, I’m finding the issue that is most important because it’s getting in the way of me doing what is next on my to-do list.

By using that as an entry point, even if I’m not getting rid of the biggest issue, I’m getting rid of something that will allow me to take action and move forward in a thoughtful and deliberate way. By going through a process like that, it makes it a lot easier for you to move forward. So, number two…think about the action you want to take next and tap on any emotion that comes up around it.

Number three is basket tapping.

In basket tapping you imagine a basket in front of you. It really can be any type of container, a box, a jar, or whatever works for you.

You then imagine taking all of the issues, both conscious and unconscious, that need to be tapped on and you imagine putting them into the basket. Sometimes, for me, it looks like a stack of papers. Sometimes, it looks like a bunch of marbles. Sometimes, it looks like a whole bunch of icons that are just dumped in there. It doesn’t matter, just dump them all in your container.

When start tapping for the entire basket. I visualize the basket and then I move from tapping point to tapping point. As I do this, I might imagine the papers blowing away, the marbles evaporating, or the basket getting smaller and smaller. Go with whatever your subconscious mind does as you place your intention on the container. You will find that you’re able to clear a huge number of things all at once.

When I do a few rounds of basket tapping, what often happens is one issue will become really sharp into my mind and, because it’s sharp in my mind, it makes it easy for me to move forward and know that’s the place I want to start with some more focused tapping.

Note: This is Part 4 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts.

Often our harshest critic is the one living inside our own head.

It points out everything we are doing wrong, all the expectations we are not living up to, and how we are destined to fail in the future.

As hard as it is to believe, our critical voice exists because it’s supposed to help us! By pointing out what we have done wrong in the past, it wants us to act differently in the future. The problem is that it doesn’t work out that way. Instead it just beats us and makes us feel bad.

Below I have a simple 8-step process for you to use to transform your critical voice into something more supportive and helpful. As well as audio instruction, I am including a text version of the 8-step process.

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1) Tune in and connect with the critical voice.

In this step all we need to do is connect with the critical voice. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and listen for the voice. It will not be hard to find. Pay attention to where the voice is coming from.

• Is it something that is internal or external?
• Is it the voice of someone you know, does it sound like your speaking voice, or is it some other voice?
• If you were to imagine that the voice belonged to a body, what would that body look like?

The specific answers to these questions aren’t important, but by asking them it will be easier for us to connect with the critical part of ourselves, allowing us to do healing work.

2) Affirm the critical voice.

This is going to be the most difficult step of the process because of the hurt and harm we associate with the critical voice. It is important to note that when doing this step we are NOT affirming the tactics of the critical voice and we are NOT affirming the way we feel after we encounter our critical voice. What we are affirming is that it is a part of us that is willing to work very hard to move us towards a better life. To do this we would tap on something like:

I would like to give thanks for my critical voice…I am NOT thankful for the tactic that it is using…I am NOT thankful for the way I feel after I experience the critical voice…But I am thankful for the fact that there is a part of me that is willing to work so hard…Because I know that even though it is not doing this…It is trying to make my life better…My critical voice thinks it is making my life better…It thinks that if it berates me…Or if it points out everything that is going wrong…That it will make me make better choices in the future…The critical voice is a very powerful part of me…Even if it is not working in a productive way…I know it is working for my betterment…I am thankful that there is a part of me that is willing to work day and night…Thinking it is doing what is best for me.

After doing a round of tapping like this we will take some of the edge off. We might not be super-happy with the critical voice, but there is less animosity towards it. At this point that is all we are trying to achieve. When we move from a state of animosity then we are no longer fighting a part of ourselves, and we can now start to work with it.

3) Explain to the critical voice what it is really doing.

As stated above, the critical voice in most cases believes that if it is constantly pointing out every flaw and fault, it will motivate us to make better choices. Its motives are either “You don’t know you are doing something wrong?” and/or “You don’t realize the consequences of these choices?”

In almost every case we are fully aware of the information that the critical voice is providing. In many cases the critical voice is actually over-stating and/or over-reacting to the situation around us. Because we have taken the last step and created a bit of a truce with the critical voice, we can now speak to it with new information.

In this step we are simply going let the critical voice know the consequences of its actions. Try tapping like this:

I know the critical voice is trying to be helpful…But it isn’t…The critical voice is pointing out things I already know…And many times is it pointing out things in a way that is much worse that it really is…The critical voice thinks it is going to encourage me by pointing out my failings…Instead I find having every flaw and failing being pointed out to be disheartening…Debilitating…I find it very hurtful…I find that it makes it very difficult to believe in myself…It is not pushing me to be better…But instead it is sucking my ability to try right out of my system…I know the critical voice believes it is being helpful…It is not…It is not creating a feeling of encouragement for better…It is creating a feeling of shame…Shame is not an emotion of achievement and growth…Shame is a feeling of not wanting to try.

4) Show the critical voice proof of its past tactics.

At this point it is very helpful to show the critical voice the proof of what we have just been tapping on. Again, just tune into the critical voice, begin to tap from point to point, and show the critical voice proof of all the ways it has been hurtful and debilitating.

5) Transforming the critical voice into something helpful.

When doing the process with clients something very interesting usually happens. Clients describe the fact that they can feel the critical voice feeling bad that it has not done its job. I have even had clients describe their critical voice as feeling bad because it feels it is about to be eliminated from the system.

Because we are not fighting with the critical voice (like we were in the beginning), but instead have a relationship with it, we can now guide it to a resource that his helpful. The tapping for this transformation might look like this:

I know the critical voice is very powerful…I have felt the force of its power…But instead of pointing out all of the things I have done wrong…There is a way this voice can be more helpful…I want to harness the power of the voice to be used for my higher good…Because I know this voice wants my higher good…I want this voice to stop being a critical voice and become an encouraging voice…Because I respond so much better to encouragement…I want this encouraging voice to pick me up when I am down…I want this encouraging voice to push me on to take those last few hard steps…I want the encouraging voice to help me to get started when I can’t quite focus on the task at hand…I want the encouraging voice to use the power it had to see my faults in the past to start to look forward to the opportunities in my future…I want this encouraging voice to move me forward…Not keep me stuck in the past…And when it does this I will move forward and heal.
This is such an empowering step.

6) Giving the encouraging voice the resources and tools to do its new job.

Just because we want the voice to change (and just because the critical voice wants to become the encouraging voice) doesn’t mean the change will happen. I have had many clients describe the feeling of having the critical voice being on board with the change but not know what to do next.

I have found the easiest way to complete the change is to ask the critical/encouraging voice what it needs for transformation. The process for this is simple:

1. Start tapping from point to point. 

2. Tune back into the critical/encouraging voice. 

3. Ask it one of the questions listed below. 

4. If it states a need based on the questions, simply imagine that need being fulfilled.


For example, if it needs permission to change, give it permission. If it needs to know how to encourage you, show it.

Here is a list of sample questions you can ask the voice to help it transform from critical to encouraging.

• Do you need permission to transform?
• Do you need training to transform? If so, what type?
• Do you energy to transform? If so, what type?
• Do you need to be connected to other parts of the system? What type of connections need to be made?
• What do you need from me to make the transformation?

7) Reassure the encouraging voice.

Even when we choose to make this type of transformation, it doesn’t always take place all at once. And that is OK. The transformation process can take time. We want the healing to happen in a fashion that is long lasting; we are not looking for a short-term quick fix.

The last part of the process is to reassure the encouraging voice that this is going to take time and that we are willing to help it through the transformation.

Try tapping like this:

I am very happy that my internal voice is willing to become an encouraging voice…I know this process will take a little time…Which is OK because I want lasting change…And not a quick fix…I want my encouraging voice to know that I don’t expect it to be perfect right way…I know it will need to learn its way into this new role…I commit to check in regularly with the encouraging voice…Making sure it has everything it needs to complete this transformation…I give the encouraging voice permission to ask for help from me…Even when I am not checking in with it…This is a change that is good for me now…And for the future.

8) Check back regularly.

If this is a process that is helpful for you, I encourage you to do it two or three times a month for a few months to help the transformation process along. I think it is obvious how making the small change of changing one aspect of our personality will cascade into many radical changes for the better in our lives.

Note: This is Part 3 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts.

Attempting to tame clutter can feel like an overwhelming task. There have been times when I’ve spent hours trying to clean up… I work and work and work, but somehow it doesn’t feel like I am getting anywhere.

When clutter persists and you just can’t seem to get a handle on it, it’s usually because there is an emotional issue underlying your resistance to cleaning up.

This week I share with you a simple process that you can do to start getting rid of your clutter. The process will help you to uncover the underlying emotional resistance AND it will show you how to tap to resolve it.

(A full transcript of the audio can be found below the player.)

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

Today, we are going to talk about the best way to tap for the clutter in your life. It’s really interesting that when we’re dealing with clutter, it feels like it is a systemic problem. “I am just not organized enough, and therefore everything in my space is cluttered.”

But often times, there are some emotional components to that clutter. We might be afraid of the information hidden inside of the clutter. For example, a pile of unopened mail might make you fear that, “If I go through that pile of mail, then I have to confront all of the bills I have to pay.” Or “there is a pile of stuff from something that we were trying to achieve at some point in our life and we stopped doing it. Sifting through the details and the pieces of that thing will make it difficult for us because we have to admit the fact that we failed.

Sometimes our clutter just provides us with an amazing sense of protection. “If everything is a mess, then I don’t have to be productive, and sometimes being productive and being successful is actually scary, and that feels dangerous.” The clutter becomes an insulation and a way of keeping us safe. Because that is the case, it can be difficult for us to see a clear starting point to cleaning up because the clutter itself doesn’t have a giant sign on top of it saying why it is sticking around.

This is the really simple process that I use to tap for clutter. I find it super effective to do the process with pen and paper in hand. First, we’re going to answer some questions and based on the answers to these questions, they will become the genesis for the tapping script we’re going to use.

As a side note before we jump into this, I find it really important to break clutter down into smaller parts. It’s really easy to look at your living room, your kitchen, your office, your entire house and say, “It’s cluttered, and I need to tap for clutter.” That might be true, but by trying to tap for all of the clutter at once, it is too generalized for us to be able to uncover the emotional issues behind it.

The clutter that is scattered throughout your office or scattered throughout your entire house might be associated and have the same emotional root cause underneath of it. If this is the case, when we clear it for one pile, we’re clearing it for all of them.

But sometimes there are actually different emotional roots for the different piles that are on our desk, or the different types of clutter in our house. By taking it one bit at a time, we are:

1. making the problem more manageable by only trying to change one little bit of it, which does make a difference, and
2. making it easier for us to uncover the root causes of the underlying emotion.

For me, the process goes like this:

First, choose a piece of the clutter you want to work on. Again, be really specific about this. Let’s say we’re going to do the pile of mail on our desk.

Second, we’re going to answer some questions about that clutter, but our intellectual mind isn’t always the best tool for figuring out what is going on. So, you’re going to pretend that your pile of clutter is alive! If you’re a child of the ’80s like me, you might remember the enormous trash heap in Fraggle Rock. From time to time the main character would go out and talk to the trash heap. The trash heap was actually a giant talking puppet with a huge face. So, that’s the image that I see: a big pile of stuff, and I imagine it has a face on the front of it.

Once we have personified the trash, the clutter, the pile, the whatever it is, we are then going to ask it three questions. I know this sounds and feels really weird to be asking a pile of stuff on our desk questions, but what we’re doing in this process is disassociating our intellectual self, which can get in the way. By personifying the pile, we’re giving our subconscious a vehicle to communicate with us. It’s not the pile that is speaking to us, but the underlying root cause in our subconscious that we’re giving the pile the opportunity to be the tool to bring that out.

With your pen and your piece of paper, you’re going to ask these questions:

1) What would go wrong if I cleaned up this pile? With as much detail as you can muster, imagine the pile speaking to you and telling you everything that would go wrong if you cleaned up the pile. The answers that are going to come here will often fall into one of two categories. Either it’s going to be the most obvious thing in the world like, “Yeah. I really need to tap for that,” OR it will show up as something that completely comes out of left field, and will be a big surprise.

2) What does the pile need? By asking a general question, we’re giving the subconscious mind the opportunity to give us as much information as it can. Just keep writing and sit patiently with that question for a few moments and don’t feel like, “Oh, there’s a pause. I need to move on,” but stick with it for a little bit.

3) What would be gained if the pile was cleared? Again, come up with as much information as you possibly can.

After taking a few moments to answer these questions you now have the starting point for a really amazing tapping script. The first time through, just read everything that is on the page, saying it out loud, and tap along to it.

On the first round of tapping, as new information and new ideas come up, add them immediately to the paper. Tap through that you have written a second time. Start at the top. Read through it. Pay attention to what comes to mind. Make some notes. Keep tapping.

If you are doing this and an old memory pops up, you now have something that might be perfect for the movie technique.

The process is straightforward. You talk to the pile. You write down the information. You tap on it. Then try to clean the pile up. Organize it. Straighten it out. Throw things away.

What you will notice is that some or all of the resistance has been reduced, and because the resistance is reduced, it makes it easier for you to do some of the work.

The process itself won’t take care of all of the clutter in your life in one sitting. Instead, this process will help you to keep peeling away resistance, and you will keep cleaning. I find that doing decluttering and cleaning of a space often works best, particularly if we’re talking about a space that hasn’t been touched in months, if we continue to do this sort of tapping over time and we do this sort of cleaning over time.

When you sit down to do something like this, the goal is not to eliminate the clutter. The goal is to reduce the clutter. When the clutter is reduced, we have more space. Our space is more organized. We feel more comfortable in it, and that means we will be more productive. Even though we didn’t take care of everything, we’ve taken care of enough to be able to move forward, and then you have the opportunity to come back to it again tomorrow to make more progress.

Note: This is Part 2 of 5 in the Most Commonly Asked Questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts.

It can often feel like we are dealing with the same issues over and over again and when that happens, it can feel like tapping is just a giant waste of time. Our reasoning tells us that if tapping was working, the issue would be taken care of.

There are three main reasons behind why it can feel like we aren’t making any progress with our tapping. This week I explore these reasons and what we can do to recognize the true progress we are making.

(Full transcript of the audio can be found below the player.)

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple | Android | Spotify

PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

This week we’re dealing with: Why is it that I keep dealing with the same issue over and over again? I spend time tapping on it, I’m thoughtful about it, I watch videos. I use scripts. I might even work with a practitioner, and I’m just not making the progress I want.

I even regularly have this conversation with my clients that will be five or six sessions into multiple months of work. My clients will say something like, “You know, Gene? I really enjoy our time. You are charming. This is lots of fun. But I don’t feel like we’re actually making any progress.” In those moments my response is, “Great. I appreciate the feedback. Let’s pull out your intake form and let’s take a look and see what has actually happened.”

Then what we’re able to do is we’re able to compare the current moment to where they started, and then there’s this recognition that transformation actually has happened.

There are three reasons why we feel like we keep dealing with the same issue over and over again. Two of those reasons are like the example I just gave – they are a perception that we’re dealing with the same issue over and over again. The third reason is why we of do keep dealing with the same issue over and over again. It’s important to keep these three things in mind when you are frustrated with the amount of progress it doesn’t feel like you’re making; or it’s a good thing to keep in mind when you begin to work on a new issue, so that you’re positioning yourself in a way so it is able unfold in a way where your appreciating the progress that is happening.

Reason number one why we feel like we keep dealing with the same issue over and over again is the phenomenon of the new normal. What this is about is when things change we adapt to the change very, very quickly, and we forget what the old way is like.

As a practical example, last year about this time I got the new iPhone X. And the new iPhone X doesn’t have the home button on it like the other ones. There’s not button that you push. It’s all just screen. It’s a new form factor and you use it in a new way. I got the new phone and it took me a couple of days to get used to the new way of interacting with the phone because the button wasn’t there and I had to interact with it differently.

A week after I got used to the new phone, I was at a conference where a friend of mine wanted me to videotape some of the stuff that he was doing onstage. He handed me his older iPhone. It took me about a minute to figure out how to actually video him. Now keep in mind, this is a phone, ten days earlier, I owned. But because I had moved to the new operating system, my brain just let go of the old operating system because it was no longer useful.

We adapt to what we are dealing with and we forget what comes before. How that shows up in transformation is … Let’s take pain for example. Let’s say that you have a knee injury and on the SUDs scale of zero to ten you would describe the pain as a seven. You and I do some tapping and all of a sudden the pain level is a four. You’re very happy about that because we’ve almost reduced the pain by half. You wake up tomorrow and the pain level is only a four and you’re still appreciative of that fact. You wake up the next day and the pain level is a four and you’re still appreciative of that fact. You wake up the next day, and the only thing that you notice is, “I’m in pain and I hate being in pain.”

Four has become the new normal and you have forgotten what it was like to be at a seven. Because the further distance you get from the old discomfort, the more likely you are to forget it. It feels like you’re dealing with the same issue, which is the pain in your knee, but it’s not the same issue. Because the issue before was a seven and now the issue is a four.

You might be saying, “Well that’s just semantics. It’s a lower level.” For me it’s a different issue because when it’s a four it could actually be a different problem. That we’ve solved problem number one which has reduced some of the pain, and now there’s problem number two that is there.

The same thing can happen with a fear. I might be afraid of speaking in public and that fear is at a seven. We tap on the fact that you’re afraid that you’re going to lose your place. We get that all taken care of and now the fear of speaking in public in only a four because you’re comfortable with that. But in that four what is left is you’re afraid you’re going to be judged. Even though we only had one number of discomfort, it was a couple of issues that were joined together. If you’re still afraid at a four, then it doesn’t feel like you’re making any progress and you’re still dealing with the same issue.

The phenomenon of the new normal makes it really easy for us to miss the progress that we are making, and it feels like we’re dealing with the same issue.

The second reason why it can feel like we’re dealing with the same issue, and it’s very related to the first, is how we understand the transformation in relation to the action that we are taking.

This is an analogy that I have actually been using quite a bit over the course of the last two months with my clients. What I want you to imagine that you are standing next to a lake on a beach. The reason why it’s a lake is because I don’t want you to imagine waves coming in and out. You’re standing at the edge of the water and the water is three inches from your toes. As you look down you can only move forward three inches before you get wet It’s kind of like imagine the water being a fear or an issue or something that is holding you back.

We do a bunch of tapping and you feel better and you have more confidence. As that happens, imagine that the water is receding away because that fear is getting smaller. But because the fear is getting smaller, you take advantage of all of this new land that you get to walk on. What you do is you walk up to the edge of the water again, because you’re moving forward, because you now have the opportunity to do that.

From this new position, if you look down at your feet the water is still only three inches away from your feet. The distance from where you are to where the edge of what is comfortable is still exactly the same, and what you’ve done is you have forgotten that you have walked forward. There’s now all of this new land that you can walk on. But because you’re trying to move forward, you’ve pushed yourself to the edge.

Again, the fear is still there and it’s the same distance from us. It feels as if we’re dealing with the exact same issue, because we have lost track of the context of how far we’ve moved . We’re only looking in relation between where we are and we’re our struggle is. When we do this, we mistake the fact that we haven’t made progress with the relationship between us and the fear. Hopefully, you are in a circumstance that as you are clearing fears, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to move forward and try new things.

A perfect way of thinking about this is thinking about speaking in public. At the beginning you might be in a situation where speaking in public is not something you are comfortable at all with. We do some work and all of a sudden you feel good enough that when you are at a meeting at work and there’s ten of you sitting around the circle, you now feel comfortable enough to speak in public and you can share your idea.

But because your idea is so good, your boss wants you to share it with the whole team. Now you’re in a situation where you have to stand in front of 25 people. It’s not a circle, everybody around the same level, but you’re now standing in front of the group and you’re having to share from that position. All of a sudden you’re nervous again.

So we tap and we tap and we tap, and all of a sudden you are super comfortable presenting in front of 25 people. The presentation goes so well, the boss wants you to give the presentation to the entire company. Now you have to speak in front of 125 people. Once again, you’re worried and you’re afraid.

So the entire time, over the arc of this story, you’re afraid of speaking in public. Every single time you and I tap together, we’re tapping on the fact that you’re afraid of speaking in public. It feels as if you’re dealing with the exact same issue, but we’ve had three radically different contexts: me sitting around a conference room table with ten people; me standing in front of 25 people; me standing in front of 125 people.

Because those are different, they’re actually different issues but they feel the same. The analogy with the water at our feet. The water is at my feet; sitting around a table with ten people. We tap, the water recedes, but you walk to the edge of the water because now you’re speaking in front of 25 people, and so on. It’s important for us to recognize that even though we name the problem the same – speaking in public – it’s really a different problem each time.

The third reason why it feels like we keep dealing with the same issue is because in some cases, we actually are dealing with the same issue over and over again. But what we don’t realize is we’re dealing with the issue on a different level.

Let’s pretend that the issue that we’re tapping for is feeling comfortable inside of my own skin around other people.We tap on this issue and you feel better. Then as time passes, you notice again that you’re uncomfortable being around these people and being comfortable inside of your own skin. What you don’t realize is before you were uncomfortable with talking about the news of the day. You get comfortable with that but then you become uncomfortable talking about the work that you do. Then you get through that and then you worry about talking about your personal life.

What happens when we’re doing that, because we’re passing through the same issue over and over again, it’s like going up a spiral staircase. If you look at someone from above, who’s walking up a spiral staircase and you’re straight above them, it literally looks like they’re walking in a circle. They’re just going round and round and round. But if you’re looking at them from the side what you do is you see them going up, and what’s happening is they’re passing through the same spot.

If you imagine on a clock, at 12 o’clock you’re walking in the circle around and around, and 12 o’clock is that self-esteem issue. From above it looks like as you walk in the circle you pass through self-esteem, you pass through self-esteem, you pass through self-esteem. But when we look at it from the side what happens is as you pass through self-esteem, you’re six feet higher, and then you’re six feet higher, and then you’re six feet higher. The issue is the same but you’re standing in a new place. You’re actually moving forward, and in this case moving up and making progress, but it’s easy to miss that.

The big take-away from all of this is as we do the transformation process, it’s really easy for us to miss the progress we’re making either because of: 1) the new normal; 2) we keep pushing to the edge and only notice the edge; or 3) as we pass through an issue again and again, we’re not recognizing that we’re moving up.

It’s important to recognize this because if you don’t recognize this, it’s really easy to be discouraged. It’s really easy to be overwhelmed. It’s really easy to feel as if the tapping and the time that you’re investing in this is not working. That’s why it’s so important when you’re working on an issue over time by yourself, or you’re working on an issue over time with a practitioner, that you are documenting where you’re starting and you’re documenting where you’re going along the way so that it’s really easy to recognize the progress that is happening.

Sometimes the progress is self-evident. Sometimes it’s like, “I couldn’t do this thing and now I can do it, and we don’t need to be doing this.” But lots of times, particularly with these issues that we’re creeping through, it’s really easy to miss the change that is happening.

Keeping this in mind before you begin, and documenting your progress along the way, is going to make a huge difference in getting you to a place where you can see the actual progress as it’s happening. And you’re going to be able to celebrate that, and you’re going to be able to build on it.

Note: This is part 1 of 5 in the Most commonly asked questions series. Make sure you check out all 5 parts.

When someone joins my mailing list, one of the two questions I ask them is, “What is the biggest issue you have when it comes to tapping?”

When I started asking this question I expected to receive lots of answers about specific topics or issues that are particularly hard to deal with. I do get a lot of these types of responses, but a good 25% of the responses say something along the lines of, “I know tapping works, but I just don’t do it.”

This week I have for you three simple steps you can take that will transform tapping from this thing you beat yourself up for not doing, into something you reach for every day. (Full transcript of the audio can be found below the player.)

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PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

I would be willing to bet that when people tell me the most common struggle that they have with tapping 25% of the time the response is, I just don’t reach for tapping. I know it’s a useful tool, but I never seem to be able to do it.

Today, what I’m going do is I’m going to share with you three things that will make it much easier for you to make tapping something that you regularly reach for, and reach for in the moment when you are struggling, and turning it into a routine so it happens more and more often. We know it’s so useful, and if you know it’s useful, and you don’t do it, then it becomes really easy to start beating yourself up, because you are missing opportunity, and you are wasting time.

Here are some things to keep in mind that will make it much easier for you.

Number one, create a new habit. It takes time for us to get into a space where something becomes habitual, and the reason that is, is that when we do something over and over again, we are creating neural paths for doing that activity, but it takes us doing it a certain number of time before it becomes something that is habitual.

You’ll hear people often quote that it takes between 14 and 21 days to create a new habit, and there’s a really amazing study that leads us to that. The details of that study aren’t super important at this point, but just know that it takes time to do it.

As an analogy, think of it kind of like a path. If you were walking through a field in which you’ve never walked through before, after you walk through the field, we might be able to see your footsteps, we might see the grass that’s matted down, but a few hours later there might be no recollection of that as all, as the leaves of the plants have regained their strength, and stood back up again.

But, if you walk that path over and over again, slowly that path becomes more trodden. It’s easier to see because there are remnants of the path, and it actually creates space for you to move through. That’s basically what happens inside of our brain. The more we do something, the deeper the path becomes, the easier it is for us to fall into that. Think about putting on a pair of pants, you always put on a pair of pants one leg first, and the other leg second, just because of that habit, and you don’t think about it. It’s just the steps that happen.

Here are some easy ways to make something a habit.

Number one is, to do it at the same time. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to do it at the exact same time, at 6:47 every single day, but to do it at the same point in your day consistently. For example, you might choose to do it after you brush your teeth in the morning. The exact time you brush your teeth in the morning is going depend on when you get up, and what your day looks like. For me, I get up depending on the day as early as 4:00 in the morning as late as 8:00 in the morning, but I still brush my teeth as one of those first few steps in the morning, so the exact time isn’t important, but the time within my day is important.

The second thing is, to do it in the same location. That if you do it in the same location, that location starts to remind you of that task. It becomes anchored in. It’s a time of day, it’s a location that makes it easier for us.

The third thing to do, and I’ve already mentioned it, is to attach it to a habit that you already have.
Starting a new habit from scratch is difficult, because you’re having to think about it, and do it from willpower until it becomes that habitual thing. If we’re attaching it to something that you already do, then it becomes easy to do.

One of the ones I use the most often is the example I already gave, which is brushing your teeth, because almost all of us do that every single day. Most of us do it at least twice a day in the morning, and in the evening. It’s something that we’re already connected to. For me, I spend some time stretching every single morning, and I spend some time on my foam roller just because I have a better day when I do that, and so, tapping is a really natural thing to attach to that thing. If there’s something that you are doing every day already, tap after it, or before it, because that habit is already installed.

Number two is to do it earlier in the day. When we’re creating a new habit, it is requiring us to use willpower to do that. It’s a conscious act of our will to do this thing that is not regular. Willpower is a limited resource. As the day goes on, you’re using that willpower to make all of the choices throughout your day. What you’re going to have to lunch? What you’re going to wear? What order you’re going to do tasks at work? And, because that is the case, you’re putting yourself in a position where it becomes more difficult to navigate all of these things later in the day, because you have spent that willpower.

That’s the reason why when you create a new eating plan, breakfast is really, really easy, and dinner, and after dinner is really hard. It is because you have expelled all of that willpower throughout the day, and it becomes harder, so if you’re creating a new habit. The earlier in the day you do it, the more likely you are to be able to make that conscious choice. By doing it over and over again, we start deepening that path which makes it a habit.

Number three is to initially to only do it for a small amount of time. I think of my clients who decide that at new years they’re going to get themselves in shape, and to get themselves in shape. They’re going to work out three times a week for 90 minutes. That is a huge ask, because what you are doing. You are asking yourself to find four and a half hours to do something that you weren’t doing before. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have four and a half hours just lying around in my schedule where I can throw in something new.

When we choose a large chunk of time that we’re going to try, and do, it becomes really difficult, because of the amount of changing we have to do the rest of our lives to accomplish it. It would be great if you were in a circumstance where every single morning you were going to spend 30 minutes tapping, and that’s what was going to happen. Because finding 30 minutes every single day becomes a difficult thing for something that is not habitual, it makes it hard to do.

Start with a small amount of time so that the habit becomes you are tapping every single day. Then once that becomes a habit, then you can expand the amount of time that you’re tapping every single day, because the habit is already installed.

The second thing you can do is to set the goal of tapping every single day around the amount of time you are tapping, not the amount of progress you are making.

Sometimes when we tap it can go really super fast, and we can go really super deep. I was working with a client on Friday, and we were supposed to tap for a half an hour, and after about 11 minutes we had done really profound work around money, and family, and a bunch of stuff, and she was done. We had just completely wrung her out, and doing more work wouldn’t have been useful.

There are other times where I can spend 45 minutes on an issue, and I don’t see this real tangible progress. I know I am doing work, and I’m undermining the belief system, and I’m making it easier for me to see the world in a new way, but there’s not this immediate tangible results inside of that session.

Even though both of those sessions happened, and they’re both valuable, our emotional response to them is different. 11 minutes profound work, 45 minutes, boy it just feels like I’m scratching the surface. If your definition of success is based specifically on the outcome, then it becomes really easy to become frustrated.

When you’re trying to integrate tapping, and to make it happen more often, say I am going to tap for this many minutes, set a timer, and then you are successful, because I know if my goal is to tap for seven minutes every single morning, I can achieve that. I can find seven minutes in my morning. I can find an issue to tap on for seven minutes. I can execute it for seven minutes.

Some days those seven minutes might be absolutely amazing, and absolutely transforming, and other days not so much. But because you are doing it every single day, you are making a habit out of it, so the goal being the amount of time not the amount of outcome makes it easier for you to persist, because you have been successful even if there hasn’t been world transforming changes.

Three, make tapping every single day a non-negotiable. That no matter what happens today, this particular thing is going to happen, and what I have found in my life is, typically, I can only have two, maybe three non-negotiables.

That doesn’t mean I have two non-negotiables in my personal life, and two non-negotiables in my health, and two non-negotiables in my work. No, I have such a limited amount of willpower. They’re only two things that hell or high water I’m going to do those things. When I’m working on those things, sometimes I might be doing it at 11:45 at night before I’m going to bed, but I’ve said this is a non-negotiable, this is something I’m going to do every day.

If you do those three things, 1) go through the steps that I laid out on how you can create a habit, 2) as you’re making that plan, choose the amount of time that you’re going to tap, not the amount of progress you’re going to make, and 3) make it non-negotiable. This is something I am going to do every single day.

If you do these three things over the course of the next couple of weeks, you are going to be in a circumstance where tapping every single day is something that happens, that becomes easier, and easier for you to use.

Two great things will come out of that. One, you’re going to tap a lot more, and two, you’re going to be in a circumstance where you’re not going to be beating yourself up for not tapping regularly, so you get a bonus both directions.