Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Letting Go

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photo by Melanie Milliken

Often times when we are approaching transformation we look to adding new skills and resources (to do new things) or to heal past wound (that have us trapped in the past). These are great paths to pursue with our work, but they are not the only paths.

Many times we are carrying emotions, memories, or beliefs from the past that are no longer useful in the present. We also choose to carry burdens and problems for our loved ones. Letting go of these no longer useful burdens can quickly open us for healing of the issues we face in this moment.

When I am working with clients one of the first things I have them do is to let go of anything extra from the past that they don’t need now. To do this I have them simply scan their system. While they are scanning the system I have them look for anything that they are holding on to that is no longer useful. I have them simply say (as they tap):

“At one time these thoughts, feels, and emotions were useful…they were there to serve some purpose…they have done their job and are no longer needed…because they have done their job I thank them…and let them pass on…if they are needed again in the future…they can come back…but they have done all they need to do…I also recognize what I am carrying for others…it is a high act of love to carry someone else’s burden…but it is a higher act of love to let it go…I am not giving it back…but I am releasing it.”

Just this short set of tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT) will quickly bring the system to calm and balance to deal with what is at hand. By releasing the excess we can see the true issue at hand.

Another great way to achieve this state is to tap to a poem like this:

Letting Go by Suzanne Marshall Lucas

Giving up is merely quitting. Letting go is sweet release.
Giving up is cries of anguish. Letting go is perfect peace.
Giving up is hard and heavy. Letting go is loose and light.
Giving up is simply failure. Letting go, success in sight.
Letting go I train my blueprint for a perfect pure design.
Giving up is very human. Letting go is most Divine.
Giving up is death at sundown. Letting go, the Rising Sun.
Giving up is “there, it’s over.” Letting go, “I’ve just begun.”

Creativity Boosting Techniques That Accelerate Tapping Success (AKA: How To Keeping Tapping When It Gets Boring Or Stale) Part 1 of 4

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[This article is part of a four part series on how to get create with tapping when you are stuck or bored with tapping. A new part willed be added every few weeks. See the parts that have been published so far and check back regularly to see the full series.]

photo by Maureen Flynn-Burhoe

Mechanically tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very easy thing to do. All you need is to provide stimulus to the tapping points plus tuning into the issue at hand. The tapping part is easy; what can be hard is the tuning in part. Often we are so close to an issue or we have been working on an issue that it is difficult to see it clearly.

Recently Jeremy Dean’s PSYBlog had a very interesting two part series (via kottke.org) which explored 14 of ways we can become more creative and more efficient problem solvers. In this four part series I am going to explore how we can apply many of these insights to tune into our issues in new ways (plus a few of my own).

Obviously not all of these are going to work for every issue, but by having a complete menu to choose from you are going to find new ways to approach the issue.

Psychological Distance (via part 1)

People often recommend physical separation from creative impasses by taking a break, but psychological distance can be just as useful.
Participants in one study who were primed to think about the source of a task as distant, solved twice as many insight problems as those primed with proximity to the task (Jia et al., 2009).

◊ For insight: Try imagining your creative task as distant and disconnected from your current location. This should encourage higher level thinking.

How to apply to tapping: You can use this issue in two ways.

First, imagine you are having your same issue, but place yourself having the issue in some distant place. Make this place distinct from your daily life without any of the people you normally interact with. Notice what happens to the issue in this new context. Is it stronger, weaker, or do you have insight about the issue?

Second, image yourself in a complete safe (and a place that you can leave anytime you want) space. It might be an empty room or it might be just a vast empty space. As you experience your issue in a space that is disconnected from everything else is it stronger, weaker, or do you have a new insight about the issue?

Fast Forward In Time (via part 1)

Forster et al. (2004) asked participants to think about what their lives would be like one year from now. They were more insightful and generated more creative solutions to problems than those who were thinking about what their lives would be like tomorrow.
Thinking about distance in both time and space seems to cue the mind to think abstractly and consequently more creatively.

◊ For insight: Project yourself forward in time; view your creative task from one, ten or a hundred years distant.

How to apply to tapping: You can use this to find information about the issue as well information on how to transform the issue.

First, see yourself one, five, and ten years from now. How is the issue impacting your life now? Is it the same or is it different? If it is different, different how? What new information and insight do you have about the issue?

Second, see yourself one, five, and ten year from now without the issue. How does it feel to be free of the issue? Ask this future you how it was able to make this transformation.

Use Bad Moods (via part 1)

Positive emotional states increase both problem solving and flexible thinking, and are generally thought to be more conducive to creativity. But negative emotions also have the power to boost creativity.

One study of 161 employees found that creativity increased when both positive and negative emotions were running high (George & Zhou, 2007). They appeared to be using the drama in the workplace positively.

◊ For insight: negative moods can be creativity killers but try to find ways to use them—you might be surprised by what happens.

How to apply to tapping: When we are tapping we can become very frustrated with the lack of progress. Many times this frustration can become full blown anger. Anger is a powerful emotion. It exists as a power to defend ourselves. Why not tune into this power solve your problem.

I would recommend tapping on something like this:

Right now I am very angry…I am very mad…I am mad because things are going the way I would like…I am mad because I am stuck in this place…I am angry because I don’t know where to go next…I know this anger is a part of me that very powerfully wants better…I know this anger is wanting me to be healthier and more peaceful…the anger is fighting for me…It is just not being very effective…Right now I want my anger to transform into something more useful…I want to use its power not to just fight off the perceived attack…but instead become a force to look for solutions to the issue at hand…I know my anger has power…now is the time I tap into it.

This is part 1 of a 4 part series. Check out all 4 parts for more creative ideas.

Getting specific with EFT

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One of the biggest problems with getting results while tapping with Emotional Freedom Techniques is we impede our success because we are not specific enough. In this article Rod Sherwin shows very simple way of using four questions to help us to get more specific.


photo by Jake Bouma

One of the consistent guidelines from EFT Founder Gary Craig was to identify specific events to tap on for broad emotional issues such as depression, stress, anger, and anxiety.

I recommend a few rounds of EFT initially focusing on the general feeling because it helps to take the edge of the intensity of the issue and feel safer about dropping deeper into the feelings and core issues. Being generic will help relieve the intensity but if you want the issue gone for good you want to get to specific events. This initial tapping on the general feeling might include:

“Even though I feel…I acknowledge how I feel”
“Even though I feel…and it seems so global, I’m curious about exploring this issue from the safety of where I am right now”
“Even though I feel…I choose to feel safe and secure in exploring this issue in more detail”

Repeat the above tapping for a few rounds until you feel ready to explore the issues in more detail.

Once you do feel ready to continue, it’s time to get specific with these key questions:

  • What?
  • When?
  • Where?
  • Who?

The first question, “What?”, is to identify something that has happened (or is still happening) that you feel contributes to the general issue with which you are dealing. Sometimes a memory or event will come into mind while you are doing the initial tapping described above. Go with that memory even if you can’t see a logical connection because you subconscious has brought it up for a reason. Once you have identified the event, write down a title for the event. Just one sentence to describe it, like a title for a movie.

The second question, “When?”, helps you locate the event in you own personal timeline. How old were you when the event occurred? What year was it? Were you still at school? Were you at college or university? What was your occupation at the time? Was it before or after you got married; had your first child? All of these questions help you fix the event in time. Write down the answer to “When?”.

Next is “Where did the event happen?”. Was it at home, work, or school? If it was in the home, was it in the bedroom, kitchen, lounge room, or back yard? If it was at work, was it in the bosses office, the kitchen, a meeting room? If it was a school, was it in the common room, science lab or playground? Again these questions help make the event specific.

You do not necessarily need answers to all of these questions before you start tapping as tapping on what you do remember will sharpen the memory anyway. When working with clients, I continuously see more and more details about a memory emerge as we tap on an issue until we have dealt with every aspect.

The final question to investigate is “Who else was there?” This can be the most emotionally charged question, so if even the thought of answering this question makes you uncomfortable, do a few rounds of tapping until you comfortable continuing. See if you can identify everyone who was in that memory as it can be useful to tap while focusing on each of them in turn. If someone was absent and should have been there, write them down as well to tap on the feelings that come up when you tune into them in association with this memory.

Now that you have identified the what, when, where, and who, you can combine them all into one tapping set-up phrase or break them up and use each snippet of information as you progress through the tapping points. After a few rounds, check through the questions again to see if you have more information, the emotional charge has changed in some way or you are done with that aspect all together.

Asking what, when, where and who helps you identify a specific event related to a general issue, clear all aspects the event, and give you emotional freedom from this memory. It will also contribute to the generalisation effect of healing related events.

Do No Harm

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[Note: This article is part 2 of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Taber Andrew Bain

The Hippocratic Oath (or some oath similar to it) is taken by most medical doctors in the western world. It is believed that it is based upon an oath written by the father of western medicine Hippocrates in the 5th century BCE.

I am not a doctor and I never give any medical advice, but I think there is a lot that we as practitioners can learn from the Hippocratic Oath. Here it is in the modern version (Written in 1964 by Louis Lasagna, Academic Dean of the School of Medicine at Tufts University):

“I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.

I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,” nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.”

Share Knowledge
One of the things I love about the tapping community is the general willingness to share. Gary Craig deserves a great deal of credit for fostering this spirit in the ways he shared Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) from the very beginning. This tradition in continued through articles, blogs, videos, and forums. I know my knowable base and skill set have grown because the great generosity of others.

I think we should all strive for a generous spirit when it comes to sharing our knowledge and experience. The first three articles in this series talk about the many ways we can share our knowledge and participate in the community.

Art and Science
There is a great deal of talk in the tapping community about the “art of delivery”. This is such an important concept. The art of delivery is all about how we interact with our clients in terms of building relationship, guiding the healing process, and teaching new concepts and skills. Client work is not some math equation in which you enter in a few pieces of data and know what the next step is.

No two clients are the same and no two issues are the same. Some clients aren’t very good at talking about what they are experiencing. They just know something isn’t right. Often time our job as practitioners is simply to provide our clients a safe place to share their struggles and help them to find vocabulary to describe what they are experiencing.

In addition to spending time learning about new techniques and how to approach different types of issues we also need to spend time developing our skills to work with and understand people. I many times my clients know the next step on their healing path and simply need the space and safety to discover what that next step is.

Being Able To Say “I don’t know.”
People come to us because we are the experts. We have skills, experience, and perspectives that our clients don’t have. Because of this we are able to help our clients down the healing path.

I love the fact that my clients are willing to trust me with the issues they are facing in their lives. Often times this can be a very humbling experience. Because of this trust I want to do everything I can to help my clients.

It can be a very scary moment when we run in to an issue that we don’t know how to help. We want to be helpful, we don’t want to let our clients down, and we don’t want to look like we aren’t capable (hurting our chances to help them again in the future).

Even with these desires it is very important that we are able to say, “I don’t know.” This does not mean that we have failed our clients. Instead we have served them by not creating a false sense of expectations of what is going to be accomplished and we are keeping them safe be doing work we are not comfortable or qualified to do.

Here are a list of phrases that every practitioner should add to their repertoire:

  • I don’t know
  • I don’t know, but you should check with…
  • I don’t know, but I will do some research on that topic.

Some of these moments where I have admitted that I didn’t know what the best approach should be have been some of the best learning experiences for myself. I have been forced to research new ideas and to reach out to other practitioners I trust for their wisdom and expertise.

Working With People Not Issues
One of the reasons I believe that I am good as a practitioner is because of the experience I can draw on. There are a number of issues that I have worked with for years. Because of this I can often find my way to the root cause of issues faster than I could have even just one year ago. Being able to see patterns can be a very helpful tool but we can’t get so wrapped up in what we believe is going on that we miss what is truly going on.

When we work with clients we are working with a person with an issue they would like to see transformed, not working with an issue that needs to be fixed. Just because a client is describing an issue you have worked with hundreds of times before doesn’t mean it is the same issue or experience as your other clients. It is important we keep our past experiences in mind, but we can’t loose sight of whom we are working with.

Do No Harm
The modern version of the oath has replaced the phrase “do no harm” with “avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism”. Personal, I like “do no harm”.

It seems silly that we need to be reminded of something like this, but it is very easy to get very wrapped up in the work we are doing and the issues that are at hand that we forget about consequences of our work beyond this moment.

It is important that we keep our clients full life in mind when working with them, not just our time with them. We need to make sure that we are leaving them in a healthy place at the end of a session to issue they are going to be safe and healthy for the rest of day.

It does us no good to searching for painful past memories if we don’t have the time to work with them. We also need to be sure that we are not leaving our client so exhausted at the end of a session that they are not going to be able to do what they need to do the rest of the day.

When I am working with particularly emotional issues I am continually checking in with my clients to insure they not only have enough energy to continue our work, but also that they are in a place to do what they need to do for the rest of the day.

Conclusion
I think Hippocrates was right in his desire to insure all of those involved in healing we reminding themselves of that they are truly called to do and why they are called to do. We would also do ourselves (and our clients) a great service if we reminded ourselves of the same thing from time to time.

If you have thought our idea that should be part of a practitioners understanding of mission please add it below in the comments.

In part three if the “4 Principles Series” we will look at the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a clients: Becoming the trusted expert.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Reinforcing Progress By Recognizing Progress

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photo by David Goehring

Sometimes we make progress with our tapping that is so sublet that we don’t even notice it. This is much like going on a long walk. Because the pace is so slow you don’t realize how far you have gone.

Other times we make such a radical change that it is impossible to believe we had the problem before. This is something that always makes me smile. I will be working with a client on an issue that is so gripping it is the only thing they can think of. After doing some work I will ask them to tune back into the issue and they will say something like, “Oh, we don’t have to worry about that, because that isn’t really an issue.”

We don’t have to recognize the progress we are making. The simple fact that we are progressing and growing is reward enough for doing our tapping work, but there are some befits to recognizing our progress.

1) Encouragement
By seeing our progress we are going to keep working for more. It is very easy to be caught in our current emotional state. When it feels bad it is hard for us to recognize how much better thing are now than they once were. We when can take the long view and see our progress it encourages us to keep doing work.

With many of my regular clients every few weeks we have a conversation about the progress they are making because it is so easy to miss.

2) See what works
When we recognize progress in one area of our life we are willing to use the tool set in another. When we can see how tapping directly helped with our fear of speaking we are willing to use it on our procrastination.

3) Insight to be shared
When we can see the transformation that we are going through and why it is happening then we are able to share that experience with others. As we grow and change we can help other to do the same.

How To Reinforce
One of the skills I have taken from my hypnosis training is the recognition of the power of repeating an insight or change. By revisiting a thought again and again we can create a pattern that becomes our default position. We see that with our negative self-talk. Why not use it in a positive way?

A great way to do this is to tap on the insight and growth of the most recent session. All you need to do is complete and tap on the following phrases. This will help you to gain all the benefits of reinforcing your progress, plus give you great positive phrases to tune into.

  • I know I have changed because I now feel….
  • I know I have changed because I now believe…
  • I know I have changed because I now know…

Why It Is Good To Be Selfish

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by wonderferret

I think being selfish gets are really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad. We are taught we must not be selfish, but instead we must be giving. I personally don’t believe these things are opposite.

I believe that every act I make is a selfish act because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridicules examples to help prove my point.

Right now as I type the article I am taking a deep breath in which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breath than to stay alive. That is very selfish.

When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. This is different than wanting to be seen as a loving person. I believe (and hope this is true) in my heart of hearts I can be and am a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice) I am defining myself as a loving person.

When I choose to run my practice and help other people I am being selfish because I am choosing how I us my time. Yes I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as person who guilds people on this path.

Yes, I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it okey to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill I am being selfish to make myself a different type of person later. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later this afternoon.

It is okay to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is very easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt other.

Other than this article I willing to bet less than five times in your life have you been told it is okey to be selfish.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves then we aren’t taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this. That is okey. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don’t want to be selfish…because I need to care for other people…there are people who have it so much worse than I do…that I can’t ask for anything more or better…and the things I have…I have squandered…it would be really selfish to ask for more…but I choose to know that selfish means I am making self defining act…every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…because I want to be giving…this doesn’t take anything away from those loving acts…this doesn’t mean they are less valuable…it just mean that when I am share I am also defining myself…it is okey to want better for myself…because I can then share with other…it is okey to want more for myself because then I can share more of the self with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…that is not greedy…that is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…it is okey that I don’t think being selfish is a bad thing…I don’t want to be mean…I don’t want to be greedy…but those are not the same a selfish…to be selfish is to choose to be the type of self I want to be.

The Growing Up Method

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photo by flydime

I am always on the look for new ways and easy ways to get tap on issues. Here is a great process by Natalie Hill. (Natalie writes regularly on new ways to approach tapping at EFT Tapping Techniques.

I really like Natalie’s process because it is very straight forward and allows you to be very easy with yourself when coming up with phrases. I receive questions all the time about what is the right phrases to be used for a specific issue. The process is as easy as explaining to a close friend what is going on, what you would like to be able handle, and what you would like the outcome to be. Is a prefect example of how flexible the tapping protocols can be.

Step One: Dumping

When you first tune in to a strong emotional issue…

…you may hear things a two, five, 10 or 15-year old might think and feel.

Dumping is the ideal place to start, when you’re in that immature place.

In other words, for the first phase and rounds of this tapping technique, allow yourself be petty and childish.

Dump, vent, rant, whine, complain, moan, gripe.

Let all the negative out.

Don’t worry about accentuating or increasing the positive –
– you are doing a psychological cleanse.

Up and out with those petty thoughts and emotions.

If you ignore the crummy thoughts and feelings, try to deny or repress them, they will prevent you from fully resolving the issue. You’ll have an inner conflict, even if you’re not consciously aware of it.

After a few rounds of Dumping, you’ll feel a lot better.

The way I would do this step is just to start talking. Don’t worry about crafting the perfect tapping phrase. Just start letting it out. As you do this just move from tapping point to tapping point. Just tap and let it out.

This is a great first step. I often refer to this step clearing the decks. Yes, it is very important to be very specific on the issue that we are tapping on, but sometimes there is so much spinning around in our head that it is impossible to focus. By dumping in this fashion we are going to clear out all the extraneous emotions and thoughts. This is the step that is going to allow us to find our way to what is really at the heart of the issue.

Often time when I this type of step with my clients a great deal of clarity is found. They go from “feeling really frustrated” to being able name what is really going on, giving us a great spring board to go after the deeper roots.

This step is not meant to take care of the issue completely. As Natalie writes, ” When you’re feeling somewhat better, down from where you started (or from an 8, 9 or 10) to somewhere between 4 and 7, move to Dreaming.”

Step Two: Dreaming

Dreaming is the way we sneak the change we want by the conscious and unconscious gatekeepers that don’t want us to change.

In this tapping technique, we are introducing the possibility of letting go of the stuck place, without raising so many objections.

In the dreaming phase, we start our EFT affirmations with the words,

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
“Wouldn’t it be great if…” or
“What if…”

For example if we were tapping for overwhelm, this might be your Dreaming tapping round:

Eyebrow: What if I could slow down a little?
Side of Eye: What if I could acknowledge that I don’t have to do everything right now?
Under Eye: What if could just focus on one task at a time?
Under Nose: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could relax, knowing I can’t get it all done in a day?
Chin: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could feel more confidence in myself?
Collarbone: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could trust that it will all work out?
Under Arm: What if I could focus on just the most important thing first?
Top of Head: What if I could let go of everything else?

You can do one, or several rounds in this Dreaming phase.

I love using questions when tapping. The subconscious mind does a wonderful job of filling in the blanks. Often times when we tap in this fashion we are going to come to insights and realizations. Clients often report a being amazed that the things there own system comes up with when tapping on questions.

One recommendation I might add to this is not to rush through a list of questions like these. Instead, linger on each question for a few tapping points allowing the system to sit with each questions, giving it a chance to provide useful information.

Natalie recommends that you do this type of tapping until you have reached the SUDs level of 3 or lower.

Step Three: Deciding

This will be your final round or two. Its intent is to bring you to a fully positive and empowered state, with your desired result.

You begin your EFT affirmations in this Deciding part of the process with the phrases,

“I have decided…” and
“I choose…”

To continue our example of tapping on feeling overwhelmed, this final round would go like this:

Eyebrow: I have decided I actually can handle everything I want and need to do.
Side of Eye: I have decided to focus on just one task at a time.
Under Eye: I have decided to feel confident about my abilities.
Under Nose: I choose to relax and do one thing at a time.
Chin: I choose to trust my judgment.
Collarbone: I choose to know that it will all work out fine.
Under Arm: I choose to remember I’m good at prioritizing.
Top of Head: I have decided to feel calm and confident.

It is amazing how much of a difference making a choice can make. Even if it is about something in the future, the simple act of committing to something moves the mind from the place of living in all of the possible outcomes.

I would also add “I give myself permission…” to this list of tapping phrases. I have found that giving permission is a powerful act that allows us to make transformation.

Natalie thoughtfully adds:

If, in any stage of this process, a new disturbing emotion or memory arises, take a little side-trip by returning to Dumping to clear it. Use the whole Growing Up process on that new emotion or memory. Then return to the place you left off in the process.

Giving It Away For Free – How I Give Things Away For Free (1c of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1c of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by lazysupper

In part 1a we looked at the reasons for giving things away for free. In part 1b we looked at the costs and benefits of different types of free information and services. In this part we are going to look at the ways I use free in my practice.

Let me be very clear; this is not the best way or only way to use free stuff, it jus the way I am doing it.

1) The Web Site And Podcast
This is by far my biggest effort when it comes to free. I will be honest; my publication schedule is crazy. There is a new free resource on this site every three or four days. I spend as much as 20 hours a week on content. I would not recommend this for you (or anyone for that matter), especially when you are first starting out.

There are some great websites I read and podcasts I listen to that only produce content once a month. If you are starting to produce free content once a month is a great publication schedule to start with. People’s lives are busy and they don’t have time to consume all of the content that is out there.

I have other goals for the content that I create beyond just what we are talking about here and that is part of the reason I have such an ambitious publication schedule. [Read more about why I have this site.]

2) Six Audios + Newsletter
My newsletter is very important because it gives me the opportunity to reach out to readers. It is one thing to have a website that people are going to visit, but everyone has busy lives. They are going to forget you are out there. But when you have permission to send them e-mails then you have a chance to remind them that you are out there. Every Thursday I send a note to my readers that lists all the new information on the site, if there are any new products, and just a quick note to say hi.

I am sure we all have newsletter overload. There is so much out there. The free six audios I offer are an enticement to get visitors to sign up. Sure they can unsubscribe anytime they want (like right after they receive the sixth audio), but it cost me nothing to offer it to them once the audios were produced and hopefully they will stick around.

A common mistake I see made with newsletters is they don’t contain any content. There are a number of newsletters I get that only have announcements of new classes and new products. Yes, I want to hear what these people are up to, but if it is nothing more than a string of announcements I am not going to rush to open it. About once every three or four weeks I send a direct sales letter, but every other newsletter I send out over the month contains links to at least two free resources (sometimes more).

I want people to be excited to get my newsletter because they know they are going to get content that will improve their Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping skill set. Every time I deliver something of value I am building my credibility and reputation with my readers that will lead to sales and session.

It is important to note that less than 5% of my readers are ever going to buy anything. That is fine because it cost me very little time to provide this free information to my readers.

3) Being Interviewed
I can’t think of a time that I have turned down being interviewed. This true for articles, podcast, teleclasses, and radio programs. Being interviewed costs us very little time and gives us the benefit of having someone else speak to our value by introducing us to their readers and listeners. I see a spike in newsletter sign-ups and have tracked sales directly to these interviews.

When people are interviewing you they know you are giving your time and expertise. In exchange for this they are willing to let you promote yourself. When I do an interview I always set up something for the listeners. I will create a special web page just for the interview and give the listeners a free audio.

4) Free One-On-One Sessions
As we talked about before this is a high cost, but high impact give away. The main way I give free sessions away in through the podcast. In each podcast I share a word or phrase with the listeners. If they e-mail the word or phrase in they placed in drawing. One any given week I will do between one and three free sessions.

I have a very specific follow plan with these sessions. Three or four days after the session I send a note thanking them for giving me a chance to work with them, I ask them for a testimonial, and I offer them a chance to purchase a session or a bundle of sessions at discount.

5) Enticements To Buy
It has been proven that giving bonus with any purchase works. Every sales letter I have sent to my list (with only one exception) have contained bonuses. Yes the phrase, “But, that’s not all” seems very cheesy, but the sentiment works. My basic rule of thumb is to offer 125% of the price of what I selling worth of bonus.

The nice thing about digital products (like tap along audios) is they cost me nothing more to add. I have already invested the time in their creation and it costs me nothing to give the buyer access to them.

Conclusion
These are just five ways you can use free to build your readership and/or client base. There are a million other ways to use free. What is most important is that you are doing it with a plan and to track your results to see if you are getting value for your free offers.

In part two if the “4 Principles Series” we will look at the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a clients: Do no harm!

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Giving It Away For Free – Types Of Things To Give Away For Free (1b of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1b of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Kevin Dooley

In part 1a of this series we looked at all of the reasons to give something away for free. In this part we are going to look at what you have to offer for free and type of impact each of these things will have.

There are few things to keep in mind when giving things away for free. We need to look at how much money something will cost us, how much time it will cost us, how many people we are going to reach, and what is the level of impact the give away is going to have.

1) Financial Cost
This is the easiest for figure out. Because my web server is a fixed cost it costs me nothing to offer free digital product (like audio and e-book downloads), articles, and podcasts. When I am doing live presentations or at health fairs I give free instruction and tap along CDs away. Because I already own a computer it costs me very little to produce these CDs. I only need to buy the blank CDs and envelops to put them in. I know a practitioner who gives away books instead of business cards. This cost a few dollars each for the book printing. I have given away $5 gift cards to Starbucks and ColdStone as part of promotions.

2) Time
With the exception of buying something to give away (like gift cards) everything we give away is going to cost some time. It takes time to write articles, record audios, give a free presentation, and work with someone one-on-one. Often times we don’t think about this as an expense, but we only have limited amount of time each day. When we are giving something away for free we need to consider how much time it is going to cost us.

3) The Number Of People It Is Going To Reach
Everything we give away is going to have different number of people it can reach or will reach. When I put something on line the possible reach is anyone who makes it to my web site. (Note: Just because it can reach millions on -line doesn’t mean it will reach millions.) When I am doing a live demonstration I could be reaching between 10 and 100 people. When I am giving away one-on-one session I am only reaching the person I am working with.

4) Impact Of The Give Away
Not all free things are created equal. The impact of a free audio is going to differ greatly from working with someone one-on-one because the one-on-one session is going to be much more personal than a general weight release audio. Giving a free book to someone is going to have a bigger impact than giving a business card.

Formula
So there is not hard and fast rule for how to figure this out, but you going to want to consider all these factors these factors when you are considering the types of giveaways you are going to do. Obviously the higher the cost (time and money) the higher the impact you are going to want. Let take a look at three examples.

1) Articles
It only costs me 1 hour to 90 minutes and no money (minus the coffee I consume while writing it) to create and publish a new article on my web site. The reach of this article can be very large (based on the number of people we are visiting my site). As time passes, the more regular readers I have the larger the reach of each article has. The impact of the article on an individual reader is relatively low.

As an extra bonus the article will live on my site forever. This allows readers to find it through web searches for years to come. As an added bonus, often times I receive a question from a reader about something I have already written about. I can give them a personal and immediate answer to their questions by sending them the link to the article with a note that reads, “Check this link out and let me know what further questions you have on the topic.

The goal of the article is to continue to build my reputation and relationship with my readers. From time to time one of my articles is going to go viral. Someone else will really like the article and share it with their readers expanding the reach, but I have no control over this factor. Also, it might only happen one in every twenty articles.

The cost is relatively low, the impact is relatively low, and the reach is large.

2) Podcast
Podcast are very similar to articles with a few exceptions. It costs me about 4 to 5 hours and no money to create one episode of the Tapping/EFT Q and A podcast between setting up the interviews, doing the interviews, creating the webpage, and editing the podcast.

The impact of the podcast is higher than that of an article. First, people hear my voice and feel like they know me more than when they read my stuff helping to build my reputation more.

Second, the podcast market is much less crowded at this point. If you search “EFT” in google my web site isn’t in the first 300 search results. If you search “EFT podcast” I am on the first page of search results. If you search “EFT” in iTunes I am in the first 10 results. I will grant that many fewer people are looking for podcasts than just tapping information, but when I did my survey of readers in March almost 20 percent of respondent said they found my site because of searching in iTunes.

Third, many of the podcasts I do are interviews with other people who have mailing lists and website. Many of the people I have interviewed in the past shared a link to the podcast with their reads helping to spread my site to their readers.

Like articles, I have the benefit of having the podcast on my site for all time allowing people to find them through search engines and I can send people to podcasts when they have a specific question. (I send the link to my podcast on surrogate tapping on average of once a day.)

The cost in time is higher, the impact is higher, and the reach is smaller.

3) Free One-On-One Session
Between setting-up the session, my pre-session prep, post-session follow up, and the session itself it cost me about 1h and 45min to do one-on-one session.

There is another cost with a one-on-one session that we haven’t talked about yet and that is energy. In comparison to content creation it costs me more energy to do a session with a client. There is a limit to the number of sessions that I can do in one day and I need to have certain energy level to start a session. This is just one more cost to keep in mind.

When you work with someone one-on-one you they are not only getting a chance to see how you work but they are also feeling the transformation in their own life. Almost every free session I have done (since creating my free session follow up process) has turned into a testimonial and many of these free sessions have turned into paying clients. Some have turned in to clients whom I have worked with on and off with for years.

The cost in time is high, the impact is very high, and the reach is very small.

No Hard And Fast Rules
As you can see each type of give away has it pluses and minuses based on cost and benefit. I would also recommend that you don’t put all your egg in one basket. I have created a whole portfolio of free things. Some of them are things that I do regularly (articles, podcasts) while other are one-off giveaways for a very specific reason (10 one-on-one session as part of getting people to take the survey).

There is no right or wrong way to do this. And as your practice grows the math of the formula is going to change. As your website traffic grows it costs you less to create an article in compared to the impact.

If it takes me one hour to write an article and 10 people read it then I spend 6 min a person for that article, but if 60 people read it then it only cost me 1 min a person. The cost is the same but impact has improved six fold.

Also, not all strategies are right for all people. I recently interviewed a practitioner who is really good at speaking, but writing an article is like pulling teeth. It is going to cost her very little to give a free presentation, but it is going to be “painful” (her words) to write an article.

It is best to find what works for you, but to do this it is going to cost you. In the beginning it is going to cost you your time (what is often referred to as sweat equity). One of the benefits of giving something away for free is learning people don’t want this particular free offering. The key is to know why you are giving something away and see if you are meeting your goals with that give away.

In part 1c we will look at how I use free information and services in my practice.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Giving It Away For Free, But Only For Good Reason (1a of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1a of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by Patrick Haney

Giving stuff away for free can be a tricky thing to do as a practitioner. On one hand it feels like a good idea because we are exposing potential clients to our products and services. On the other hand we can worry that if we give too much away potential clients are only going to take the free things and never buy.

Giving products and services away for free is a very key part of my business and marketing plan, but it needs to be more than “give it away and hope.” Every time we are giving something away for free (products, services, or our time) we need to be doing for a very specific reason. We need to be giving away for free with a plan.

There are a number of reasons to give things away. Every time I give something away for free it meets at least one of the following reasons. In many cases it meets more.

1) Because It Is A Good Thing To Do
I don’t want to reduce giving away good and services to a simple transaction. We are going to talk about a number of things that we get back from free, but there are times when giving is a good thing to do because it is a good thing to do.

There are a number of places that I use my gifts and talents for people I love, people who can’t afford my stuff, and places that have a soft spot in my heart. There is some much good that comes out of doing something simply as an act of love.

BUT, and this is a big but, it is very important that you keep this part of your life and your practice in balance. There are only so many hours in the day and there is only so much energy that you have to share with others. If you are not taking care of your own well-being by doing too much work you are going to be no good to anyone. If you are not getting paid for what you do then you are going to need to find another job.

This is a major pit fall for many people in the care-taking fields. We see the suffering of others and know that we can help. How can we possibly say “no”? It is great to help others, but not at the risk of hurting ourselves.

One of the ways I deal with this balance is I have decided there are a certain number of hours of my time I give away. This does two things. First, it challenges me to reach out to others when it is very easy to get lost in my own stuff. Second, it helps me keep balance and not give too much of my time to the detriment to the rest of my life.

2) To Get Experience
The art of delivery is a skill. Just because you know the Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping points and a few techniques it does not mean that you are equipped to run a full time practice. We need practice at our skills. I hope I am much better helping clients than I was a few years ago.

It is a great idea when you are getting ready to starting a practice to decide that over the course of two months you are going to do 20 free sessions as a way of improving your skills. It is important to be up front with your clients that you are newer to the skill set, but this won’t deter people. Lots of people are willing to go to barber schools, dental schools, and massage schools for free and discounted work.

As a side note: I also believe that it is really important that you are getting supervision from an experienced practitioner while you are doing this sort of work. It is one thing to spend time with clients, it is something much more to be able to talk through your sessions to see what you could do better in the future.

After each session you are doing to improve your skills I would take a few minutes to review the session. What are the things you did well? What are the things you could improve in the future? You don’t get better by accident. You need to plan for your success.

3) To Help Determine If It Is A Good Match
Lots of practitioners will give a free 20min consultation. It is nice to know that if you found a practitioner on-line that you can chat with them to see if your personalities and approaches are going to match, but this is a two way street. This is also an opportunity to see if they are the right clients for you.

I know that if you are just starting out that it is hard to believe that you would ever turn business away, but it is true. There are lots of clients who would be willing to pay you money but are more of a headache than they are worth. Personally, I only want to be working with clients who want to get better. I have encountered clients who are just looking for someone to reaffirm the fact that they are wounded and have no desire to heal. I don’t have the time or energy for this in my practice. This will come with experience, but you will start to understand what clients are going to be more trouble than they are worth.

Also, you might get to the point in your practice where you decided to specialize in one area (weight release, children, business) and you will realize that people would be served better somewhere else. There is a practitioner that refers people to me all the time because she wants to be doing only one type of work and she knows I am more of a generalist.

4) To Get Testimonials
One of the great bonuses of living in the modern world is that anyone can communicate with anyone else almost any where in the world. One of the great struggles of the modern world is that anyone can communicate with anyone else almost any where in the world.

There is so much noise out there. You need to find a way to stand out in the crowd. One of the great ways to stand out is having people you worked with talk about their experience. I recently added a client who specifically mentioned the testimonials on my website as a reason she contacted me. It is one thing to say that you are good; it is something else when others say it.

Every time you do a presentation, teach a class, or work with someone one-on-one ask them for a testimonial. When I ask for a testimonial I explain why it is so important to my business and ask them if they are willing to write one for me. I give them the opportunity to put their name on it or keep it anonymous. I also provide them samples of what others have written so they can see what I am looking for. (Here are some of the testimonials I have received.)

5) Introduce Yourself, Your Personality, And Your Competency
When you are giving something away for free (be it a session or information like an article) it gives you a chance to let possible clients know who you are. I mean this more than just being able to put your name with your face, but instead to get a real understanding of who you are.

Tapping Q and A is a very personal web site. I don’t spend a great deal of time talking about myself, but if you have been reading this for a while or listening to the podcast you have a sense of who I am. You know what I am passionate about. You can get a sense of how I see the healing process. You can see if I know what I am talking about.

I received a great complement from a client recently. At the end of our first session working together he said, “That felt like our second session because I felt like I knew you from your site and podcast.”

6) To Build A Relationship
Some people aren’t ready to sign up for a session when they first encounter you. At first they might be very hesitant because they are new to tapping, they aren’t able to afford a session, or they don’t ye realize they need outside help yet. I have readers who are on my list for as much as two years before they are ready to do a session with me.

Because I am a presents in their lives by providing a stream of free information to them when it comes time for them to choose a practitioner I am at the front of their minds.

Also, when we build a long-term relationship with people we then have permission to sell things to them. I don’t send a lot of sales letter to my list, but I do send them. Most of the times they are very well received because my readers what to hear from me because of the relationship we have. I am not forcing my way into there life with “BUY! BUY! BUY!” but I am already there and this time I happen to have something for sale.

I knew that I had cultivated a good relationship with my readers when I received an email that read, “Can you please start selling things so I can buy them.”

7) To Give Another Offer For A Sale
Many times after I have given something away for free I will then offer something for sales. Because of the law of reciprocity people are going to feel compelled to listen to your pitch because you have just given them something for free.

8) To Get Information
In March I did a comprehensive survey of my readers. I learned some amazing things. I received a lot of great article topics and realized a number of areas that I could be serving with my work. This article series you are reading right now is based on the fact I had some many readers ask for practice building ideas and information. Basically, I traded digital goods and free sessions for valuable information.

Conclusion
Every choice you make should be made for a reason. The more mindful we are of our choices the more likely we are going to find success. When you are giving things away for free do it for a reason. In part 1b of this series I will explain the types of products, services, and information that you can give away for free.

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]

Finding the Words To Use – Quick Tip

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I love this tip. This is an easy, straight forward way of coming up with phrases by Tania A. Prince. I would encourage you to check out her web site http://www.eft-courses.co.uk/ as well as the interview we did earlier this year (Getting To The Root Of A Current Issue).

* * *

For many people knowing which words to tap on is a major block that can stop them in their tracks when they think about using EFT.

One of the easiest ways to identify the words to tap on is to ask yourself, “how do I know that I have this problem?”

Do I have a feeling attached to it? If so, what is it, where is it, what quality does it have? ( For example is it heavy, light, moving, still etc)

How intense is the feeling now? (This is important so that you can keep a check on the progress that you are making)

What did I think to get that feeling?

Once you have this information you can set the EFT up as follows:

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about), I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about), I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Karate Point: “So even though I have this (describe the feeling) in my (location of feeling) when I think about (describe what you thought about) I completely and totally love and approve of myself”.

Eye Brow Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

Side of the Eye Point: “in my (location of feeling)”

Under the Eye Point: “when I think about (describe what you thought about)”

Under the Nose Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

Chin Point: “in my (location of feeling)”

Collar Bone Point: “when I think about (describe what you thought about)”

Under the Arm Point: “this (describe the feeling)”

(This is the EFT Shortened tapping sequence- it differs from the original Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping sequence as it does not use the finger tapping points)

Now check how intense the feeling is and keep tapping until the intensity goes to zero. You may need to modify the words that you use to describe the feeling as you go along as these can change.

The Reason For The Weight (9 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 9 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Wilson Bilkovich

The extra weight exists on the body for two basic reasons. The first is the most obvious. When the body takes in too many calories and the system can’t burn them fast enough we hold the energy as fat in the body to be used at a later date. There two basic steps to dealing with this sort of weight: regulating the caloric intake (type and amount) and maintain the body in such a fashion that it is more efficient in burning calories.

This is why I think it is very important that if you are choosing to go through a weight release program that you are receiving proper exercise and nutrition advice that meets your needs based on age, body type, body condition, and disposition. I firmly believe to improving the bodies health it is both/and proposition. We need to take care of the emotional issues as well as the physical issues.

Please seek guidance and information for a trained and reputable source.

The second reason the body won’t release weight is because the weight is serving a very particular function. I have clients who have changed their diet and exercise only to have their physical body not release any weight. As we have talked about in a number of the articles in this series, if the body thinks something is useful it is not going to change. The body’s only goal is to do what it thinks is best. Often times when we are holding weight it is because if believes the weight is serving us.

For a detailed examination of some of the specific reasons weight is held in particular parts of the body please see Weight and Emotion.

Even when we have an idea of why the body thinks the weight is useful (based on information from region of the body it is held or some other belief) I find it best to ask the system why the weight is there and what purpose it is serving.

When I am doing weight release work with clients this is one of the first things that we will do. The process is very simple. I would encourage you to tap from point to point as you are doing this process.

1) Ground Your Self
To begin with take a few deep breaths and just tune into your physical body. Because we live much less labor intensive lives from previous generations we are much less in touch with our body. Hours can past without giving our body any conscious thought. Feel yourself in your body.

2) Give Thanks To Your Body
Our bodies are really amazing things. It is a community of over 3 trillion cells working harmony. So much is happening at every moment from digestion to circulation, new parts are being built while others are being repaired, and intruders and harmful elements are being eliminated. All of this happens without us thinking, but all of these functions are necessary for us to do all of the things we enjoy in life.

Revel in the amazing system that your body is. Give thanks for all it does. Pay attention to how your body responds to this affirmation. It will surprise you.

3) Tune Into The Weight
In the same way that you tuned into your full body, do the same thing for the extra weight you have not released. Simply notice where it is and how it feels.

4) Give Thanks For The Weight
Remember, the body thinks the weight is necessary and is holding it for a very specific purpose. We might be happy with the outcome and it might be holding for a reason that isn’t helpful, but the fact that the body is trying to do its best for us is good to recognize. We are not thanking the weight for its tactic and we are not thanking the weight for the outcome. We are thanking it for trying to do its best for us. You might tap on something like this:

I know this extra weight is not healthy for me…and I know I would like to release this weight…but I want to give my body thanks for trying to keep me safe and healthy…the body believes this weight is serving a purpose…and is only holding the weight for good reason…this weight is nothing more than energy…all matter is nothing more than energy…that is being held is a solid state…the body must be working really hard…if it is able to hold that much energy…in a solid state…it must be working really hard…because it thinks it is doing the best for me…I am thankful it is willing to work so hard…even if the outcome isn’t what I want…I believe I can transform this powerful force in to a new tactic…that will produce an outcome that is helpful to me.

Pay attention to how the weight responds to this. Again, it will be surprising

5) Ask The Weight Why It Is There
It is that simple, just ask. If it gives you an answer you don’t understand just ask a follow up question. Here is a list of reasons I have heard from clients.

  • If you are fat you won’t attract unwanted attention.
  • If you are attractive they are going to want to get to know you, only to be let down by who you really are.
  • If you lose weight you will move forward to quickly.
  • If you lose weight your family will think you think you are better than them.
  • People always steal your energy and emotion. This is to protect you from the emotional vampire.

That is a very incomplete list, but it gives you an idea of what might come up. This information will give you insight into the emotional roots preventing the weight release, giving you lots of fodder for your tapping sessions.

6) What If You Get No Information Back?
That is okay. If you get no information back tap on something like this:

It is okay that the system didn’t give me any information about why the weight is there…I know there are lots of ways to get to the roots of the weight issue…and I can even heal this problem without ever know what the roots are…maybe the body is keeping me safe from information that I don’t need right now…either way I am happy my body is trying to take care of me…I have confidence we will work this out.

When tapping like this one of two things will happen. First, the system might just give up the information the way a 5 year old gives up a toy once you show no interest in it. Second, you might not get any information but you are going to be comfortable in know they process has begun and can rest in the peace of that thought.

In part 10 of this series we will look at how we can use tapping to regulate body functions.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Self-Sabotage – Why We Don’t Tap When We Know It Works (8 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 8 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Ennor (Barry)

There are times when I drive the people in my life crazy. They will be complaining about something that isn’t going well in their life and I will ask (out of curiosity and not condemnation), “Did you tap on it?”

Most of the time, if the issue is still bothering them, the answer is yes. Sometime they say they forgot. Other times they didn’t think it would work. While still other times they just chose not to tap.

I can relate. There are lots of times in my own life where tapping would make a huge difference, but I just don’t do it. There are of a number of reasons why we don’t tap. I hear it from my weight release clients all the time. “I know I should be tapping, but for some reason I just don’t get to it.”

Here are four of the most common reasons why we don’t tap when we want to.

Fear Of Trying And Failing
The single most common reason for us to resist trying is the simple fear of failure. We don’t want to step out and look foolish. Part of us recognizes that it just feels safer not to try. If we don’t try we don’t have to deal with all of the negatives that come with failure. We won’t tap because we don’t want to be the one person (in our mind) that tried tapping for this issue and failed.

There is a possibility that I am not going to succeed on this attempt…and that is a little bit scary…no one likes to fail…even when no one else is watching…it is not fun to fail…because when I fail at one thing…it feels like it is speaking to my total person…and my total life…if I am failing at one thing…it must mean that I am a failure…but this is not the case…if I fail at this…then I have failed at this…it does not mean that I am failure…and it does not mean that I don’t get to try again…I have failed at things in the past…and have gotten over it…I have failed in the past and learned from those mistakes…I have failed in the past and survived…many times stronger than before…by acknowledging that I might fail…and acknowledging that I might fail again…is not a free pass not to try…this is not an excuse not to put forth effort…but it is to say that I can move forward…I can try…I can learn…and I can survive no matter the out come…I have failed in the past…and I will fail in the future…but this does not mean that I am going to stay in the same place…I give myself permission to try…I myself permission to fail…it is important that I try to move forward…by trying to move forward I am giving myself an opportunity for success…and giving myself an opportunity to grow…

Back Sliding
Another common reasons that my clients’ site for not wanting to try tapping is that they are afraid to make progress, reaching some level of success, only to back slide to where they once were. Most of the time this belief is fed by past experiences. This is particularly true with weight release. We can do a great deal of work to release the weight only to have it creep back a little at a time.

I am worried about making progress…I am afraid that I am going to succeed for a little while…and then I am going to back slide into my old ways…I am worried about this for a number of reasons…I am worried that by making progress every one is going to notice…and then they are going to notice that I have lost all that progress…and I am going to look like a failure…if I don’t change…they won’t notice me…by taking a step forward…and a step back…they are going to see the fact that I am failing at my goal…I am also going to worry that it is going to be wasted energy…that I am going to put all this work in…only to lose it all…then it will be a big waste of time…and energy…also I hate back sliding because it is so frustrating…I get my hopes up when I see progress…only to fail…that takes an emotional toll…but I choose to know that even though back sliding is a possibility…it is also a possibility that I am not going to fail…this time might be different…also if I do back slide it is going to mean that things were better for a while…because I can’t back slide without progress…I also know that I am going to learn about myself as I heal this part of my life…even if I back slide it is going to give me the chance to move forward next time in an easier fashion…this is about progress…and becoming who I want to be…it is okey to do this as a process…sometimes that process involves back sliding…I am going to keep pressing on…because I am going to get past the back sliding

Fear Of The Penalty of Success
Sometimes, and I know this can be hard to believe, there are times a part of our personality can believe that it is going to be a burden for us to succeed. If we succeed people are going to expect more things from us. If we succeed we are going to have to work harder to maintain this level of success. If we succeed we are not going to be satisfied and only want more. The last thing the system want is success to lead to more work. It is easier to not succeed than have to deal with more work.

I am worried that if I succeed people are going to see my success…they are going to see what I am capable of doing…and they are going to expect more…by showing them what I am capable of doing…even if it is a great deal of work…they are going to want me to reach higher and higher levels in the future…I don’t want to add that burden…also I am worried about the amount of work it is going to require to maintain that level of success…I know the goal is going to take work…and I am afraid that it is going to require way to much for me to keep this level of success up…I know I want to improve…but the amount of work it might take to maintain that level of success is daunting…I am also worried that if I get some success it is not going to be enough…that I am going to want better and better…that my hopes and dreams are going to grow out of control…that I am going to expect more in my life than is possible…creating a situation where I am never going to be satisfied…I am worried that I am just wetting my appetite for something that I could never receive…but I choose to know…that I am worthy of success…that when I succeed my life is going to be different…that there are going to be new ways that I see myself…there are going to be new ways that others see me…there are going to be new ways in which I see the world…I know change me different…and I can’t fully know what success means…but I do know I long for transformation in my life…I can handle what ever comes with change…even if there is challenge…it is going to be better that my current situation…I can move forward…I give myself permission to move forward…it is safe for me to be successful.

The System Doesn’t Want To Lose A Key Protection
This is by far the subtlest of all the reasons that we sabotage ourselves. In this situation our system starts to recognize that tapping is a very useful tool. It believes that it is going to take our coping mechanisms away.

This is easier to understand with an example.

I have a friend, “James”, whom I have done work with a number of times. Where were speaking at an event together and it came to light that he has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies (ex. needing to turn around three times after being touched in a certain way). It is not a big deal and James is very light hearted about it. I told him during the next break we could work on that. He got very pale and started backing away saying, “Noooo…..”

His response was not a surprise. What is happening to James when he is touched a pressure builds up inside of him. When he spins around three times he is able to release that pressure. When I said, “Would you like to do some work on that?” he heard, “Would you like to get rid of spinning around three time or your pressure release valve.” In his mind he thought I was offering to get rid of the action of spinning around. Even though that is a silly action, it is something that serves him. Of course he didn’t want to lose that because then he would be left with the built up pressure.

In reality what I was offering was to take away the pressure so the release valve wasn’t needed. The exact same thing can happen to our system. Let’s pretend that I use chocolate as my comfort food. My system knows that whenever I am in a bad mood the chocolate is going to mask it. The system also knows that tapping can get rid of cravings. The system can understand this in the same way James understood my offer. If I lose the craving I am going to lose the tool to eliminate the emotional pain.

This is not the case when we are tapping. When we are working on cravings we are working the emotions that need the cravings to medicate the emotions, but it is very easy to see how the system would misunderstand this and talk us out of doing the tapping that would be helpful.

There is a part of my that is afraid to do tapping…it believes that if I tap I am going to lose the tools I need to get through the day…but I know that when I am tapping…I am dealing with the root causes…I am not getting rid of any of the tools that make my day manageable…instead I am doing the work on the root issue…by dealing with the root issue I don’t need to call on the tools…in this way I am changing my choices…in this way I am transforming my life…I am not leaving m self without the resources I need…but making it easier to make better choices…for this reason…it is safe for me to heal…it is safe for me to move forward.

Go After These Reasons
Simply recognizing the reasons we self sabotage ourselves is not enough. We need to go after these issues. And these are often not one-time issues. I would recommend spending a little time at the beginning of each tapping sessions going after one (or all) of these issues. The more work we do on our self sabotaging behaviors the fast we are going to see progress towards all of our goals, not just our weight release goals.

In part 9 of this series we will look at some of the reasons the system is holding onto the weight in the first place.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Using The Ways Others Aggravate Us As A Tool To Self-Healing

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Here is a tweet that I love: @robpurdie i am the things i don’t like about other people.

Sometimes this is a really hard fact to admit, but I know in my own life it is true. When I am really bent out of shape by someone else’s actions it is providing me an opportunity to take a look at myself.

Here is a simple exercise that I use from time to time. I wish I could remember where I learned it form. For this activity you will need a sheet of paper divided into three columns.

1) Who are you frustrated with and why?
In the first column make a list of the people who are frustrating you and why they are frustrating:

Jane only talks about herself
Bill is always late
Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it
Jill picks on other behind their back
…

2) Write a statement of forgiveness
In the second column write a sentence that is forgiving of them.

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late
Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it.
Jill picks on other behind their back I forgive Jill for picking on others
… …

3) Change the forgiveness statement about yourself

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself I forgive myself for only talking about myself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late I forgive myself for being late
Sam doesn’t realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it. I forgive myself for not realizing how good I have it
Jill picks on other behind their I forgive Jill for picking on others I forgive myself for picking on others
… … …

4) Look at the third column for a starting point for tapping.
Each of the statements in the third column are great set-up statements. Now, each of them might not apply to you, but be honest. You might be surprised in what you discover.

Our Relationships Around Food (7 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 7 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]

photo by lfl

Much of the time we spend with loved ones food is present. It can be in the form of celebration, gift, or just mealtime with loved ones. Because food is present in so may different aspects of our relationships our relationship to food can get tangled up in our relationship to relationships.

Here are two examples:

Being Shown Love With Food
Food is literal nourishment and many times can be put into a place of metaphorical nourishment. I think the old wives tale is, “Feed a cold; starve a fever”. In my house growing up we always joked, “Feed a cold; feed a fever; feed a sprained ankle.”

When we are trying to make someone feel better, showing them sympathy for a loss, or celebrating something we show up with food. Because of this it can become very easy for us to equate food with love. The subconscious can make the connections that “Many times when there is food present people are showing me love and affections. Therefore, if I have food present I will have love and affection.”

You don’t have to have a post gradate degree in logic to see how wrong that statement is, but it can create a very powerful link in the subconscious mind. When this sort of link is created the body will crave food everything time it is feeling sad or lonely. It is no surprise that we call it comfort food.

Tapping for this might look like:

I know there are many times in my life where food has been a central element…food is present when we celebrate…when we grieve…when we care for each other…food is a wonderful way to show love and affection…just because I am doing this work does not mean that I am going to stop using food as one expression of love…and it does not mean that I am going to stop accepting food as others expression of love…but food does not equal love…food is not the same as love…when I eat food I am not going to find love…love and food can be present at the same time…food can be an expression of love…food is not love…food does not equal love…it is good my system is seeking love…I need love…but I am not going to find it in food…right now I am going to speak to the part of me that thinks food equals love…thank you for wanting more love in my life…i want more love in my life as well…but I am not going to get that love by having food…there are time that when people love me they bring food…but food and love are not the same thing…right now I am going to think of three examples of what real love is…so you can see that love has many form…(tap as long as you need to as you think of these things)…thank you for trying to fill my life with love…I now ask that you help me fill my life in new ways

The Only Time We Get Together Is With Food
I grew up in a wonderful family. One of the rules in the house while growing up was that we ate dinner together. Even when my parents, my siblings, and myself we involved in school, community, church, and sporting activities we ate dinner together.

I am not sure what I thought about it at the time. I have a feeling I gave it little thought then. In hindsight it was a real blessing.

With that being said, it is very easy for the subconscious mind to take a feeling like that and twist it around. It can conclude, “If I serve a meal…then everyone will come around…and we can spend quality time together…and we will be a happy loving family.”

Again, there isn’t a straight line to this logic. Just because a family is gathering around a table doesn’t mean that it is doing it in a loving way. Not all families work the same way. For some families meal times were the most chaotic time because everyone had to be in the same place. By doing this we can cause two problems. First, we can be creating lots of extra meals we don’t need because we are trying to create connections. Second, when those connections don’t work out we can get stress or frustrated causing us to eat more.

In part 8 of this series we will look at the why we sabotage our own success.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Relationship To Food (6 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 6 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Carl Carpenter

One of the places it is easiest to emotionally beat ourselves up is over the types of foods we are eating. There are days that we can feel great because we have eaten “good” food, while other days we can be emotionally distraught be cause we ate “bad” foods.

It can be a dangerous when we build our emotional state off of the types foods that we have eaten. Part of the problem is the fact that there are no such thing as good food and bad food. Food is nothing more than nourishment and energy that the body uses to help to power and maintain the body.

Now, it is true that some foods are better at doing these jobs than others, but it is not a simple cut a dry good and bad. Consider these examples:

  • foods that are good for one functions, but not another (protein is a great source of energy and building blocks for the body, but most froms of protein take time for the body to break down and if they are eaten in the evening they hinder necessary sleep)
  • foods that are good for one person, but not for another (I love nuts, but I have friends that could die from eating them)
  • foods that are good in one portion (eating few raisins is good, but 2lbs of raisins for lunch and I am not going to be leaving the

    • bathroom for hours)

Our worth, our value, and who we are going to become is not related to the food we eat. Food is a tool. As we talked in Dealing With Mindless Eating sometimes the food is serving another function than just providing nourishment and energy, but as a way to deal with emotions. Even here, even thought it is not being used for our betterment, it is still a tool.

By taking steps to eliminate mindless eating we are going to help change our emotional state about when we are eating. In addition to that step we also do some work improving our relationship the food that we are eating when we do eat and take the emotional charge away from that experience.

The tapping might look something like:

I have to eat food…food is necessary for me to stay alive…I need it to maintain and energize my body…i am very blessed to have some many different food options in my life…I live in a time and place in which I can choose foods not only because they help my body to function…but I also can choose food based off of what I enjoy eating…sometimes I am very hard on myself because of the foods I choose to know…I know there are foods that are better for me…but I choose food that is bad for me…I recognize the fact that there is no such thing as bad food…there are foods that might not provide as much nourishment as others…there are foods that are better for me at one time than another…there are some foods that are better for me in one amount, but not another…there are even foods that my body can’t process affectively and I should avoid…but none of this means that food is bad…food is not the enemy…I know I need to make good choices about the food I consume…but by understanding what food is…I am going to be less likely to be hard on myself when I eat “bad” food…my body knows the food that I need in every situation…there are times that I need fiber…or protein…or vitamins…or minerals…when I recognize that food is not the enemy…then I can trust my body to ask for the food that it needs in this moment…my body has the wisdom to ask for the needs that are needed to grown…maintain…and power the body…I give myself to trust my body to ask for the food it needs…to do this I need to be in tune with my body…which I can do…by doing this I will be more likely to eat the food the body needs for this moment in time…because this is a unique moment in time…and the body has unique needs…food is not the enemy…the goal is good choices…and I am not going to make the right choice every time…but we have a body that can handle that…I choose to see food as a tool…an enjoyable tool at times…but a tool…it is not good…or bad…food does not have a morality…there are foods that are more right for this moment…food is not bad.

In part 7 of this series we will look at our relationship to others in regard to food.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Pre-Emptive Tapping (5 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 5 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Mai Bui

Most of the time when it comes to our mindless eating we know where our problem spots are. Not only do we know the types of food that cause us problems, we know the situations that are going to be hard for us. Going out with friends, the donuts that are at work on Monday, and heading to any sort of party can cause us worry.

It would be great to believe that will power would be enough in the situations that we know are going to be hard for us. The reality is there are going to be times when will power is not enough until we get the issues that are underlying the mindless eating under control. Until this is accomplished we can tap ahead of time to insure we are going to make healthier choices.

Step one is tune into the level of craving we believe we might feel in the problem situation. For example, if we are going to a party where there is going be lots of yummy sweets just image what it is going to be like around all your temptation foods. By doing this you should be able to get a good sense of how hard it is going to be.

Step two is to tap on what is coming. For the party example the patter might look something like this:

I know I am going to go into a situation where I am going to be surrounded by foods I am going to crave…there is a very specific reason why my body is going to crave these things…but right now those underlying root causes don’t matter…those are things I can deal with in the future…I know that by doing so work right now I am going to insure that I am going to make better choices…my system knows exactly the types foods I need for the short or long term…not in terms of using food to cover up some immediate need…but instead my body knows exactly what it needs to be strong and healthy so it can grow and thrive…I give this part of my body permission to tune into the part of me that knows how to deal with these situations…I give the part of my body that knows exactly the right choices to come forward…and to be with me at the party…I know that I can and will make good choices at this party…any part of me that wants to eat my cravings I tune into right know…I thank that part of me that wants to eat my craving foods because it is trying to take care of me…I am not thanking it for the choices that it is trying to make…but instead I am thanking it for wanting to take care of me…even if eating these cravings doesn’t serve me…in part of me that wants to eat healthy food will be present with me in a powerful way the rest of the day…even if there is no food that it good for me to eat…I can survive and make good…healthy…eating choices.

Step three is to tune back in the how you image you are going to feel at the party. At this point you should feel that you are more confident that you are going to make good eating choices. If you are not feeling confident then do a little more tapping.

There are few things to keep in mind. First, pre-emptive tapping is useful for any situation that we are stepping into that we know is going to be hard. This is not just for cravings. We can tap ahead of time for situations that we know are going to be hard, emotional, or unknown. Just tap for the issues and emotions as if they are happening now while you are imaging what is going to happen.

Second, this is not going to insure that you are going to be craving free, but our goal is not to be craving free. Our goal is to make healthy eating choices. Even we have craving we are able to make good eating choices, but it becomes much harder when the craving is a 7 on a scale of 10 verses when it is a 3. By doing this tapping we are going to knock out at least part of the craving ahead of time (if not all of it). By doing this you are going to reduce the craving to the point that it will be easier for you to make healthy choices.

In part 6 of this series we will look at our relationship to food.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

“But I Don’t Know How to!”

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[Note: This article is by AnaMaria Herrera. AnaMaria Herrera, EFT Practitioner and Trainer, teaches EFT fans and practitioners how to get great results that last with Emotional Freedom Techniques. Through her workshops, coaching programs, and products, AnaMaria shows her participants and clients how to use EFT to resolve their chronic conditions and reach their goals.]


photo by Thomas Roche

There is a lot of things I don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m going to have for dinner. I don’t know where I’ll be in 20 years time. And I don’t know how to change a flat tire on my bike (I wish I did!)

But I do know one thing for sure. That when we focus on an area of our life this is yucky we gain power.

We are taking a stand for greatness and change in our own lives. Especially when using the word ‘DECIDE.’ Say one of these aloud:

“I’ve decided to…
… work on my self -confidence
… focus on my finances so I can have more abundance
… start that online business or go back to school
… have my business/job take a back seat so I can tend to my love life
… lose the weight and have a healthy relationship with food”

Feel the power and energy in those words?

Even if you don’t know HOW you are going to accomplish the goal, the first step is always deciding!

When you decide, you’re setting energy, attention, and focus to that area of your life. Talk about power! Can I share a personal story here?

Some years ago I had a physical condition that conventional or alternative medicine couldn’t heal.

I remember thinking, “I’ve tried EVERYTHING!”

Being in the health care field I thought I saw every modality there was.

But somehow I decided (even though I didn’t know the solution at the time) to reach out and try one more time. The act of deciding brought me to a lovely practitioner. What did she teach me?

Emotional Freedom Techniques. And the rest, they say, is history.

But I had to first DECIDE!

YOUR SUCCESS ASSIGNMENT
Choose one (1) area that you are going to focus on. Maybe it’s in the area of health, finances, or a creative pursuit. Which one feels/looks the most messy or nagging you?

Now let’s tap together:

Even though…
I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish _____________________
I’ve deciding to be open to it
Even though…
I’m afraid to focus in this area because of the
sadness/pain/disappointment I feel, and I’ve tried before, I’m
deciding to give myself another chance
Even though…
I don’t know where to begin to have/be/do ______________,I’m
intending to draw the resources and support I need to assist me

reminder phrases:
– I don’t know how
– I’m deciding to be open
– I’m afraid still
– what if I fail?- I’ve decided to move forward, even if I don’t know how yet
– I need help!
– what if I attract the resources and help I need?
– I’m deciding I deserve this

Deciding can be scary.

Lucky for us, we have our secret weapon, EFT, to calm our fears so we are in a confident state to have, be and do what we really want.

Dealing With Mindless Eating (4 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 1 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Mo Riza

One of the most difficult parts of releasing weight is making changes to how we eat. There are two aspects to changing the way we eat: mealtime eating and between meal eating.

When it comes to meal planning: I am not a nutritionist and would encourage you to find the right meal plan that makes the most sense for your goals, body type, age,a nd general health.

The mindless eating we do between meals is a different matter. When I am speaking “mindless eating” I am talking not only about cravings but also comfort eating and the eating we do that we are not thinking about at all (such as eating while watching tv). The meal plan you craft for yourself is a very mindful way of eating; therefore, all of the other eating you do is mindless.

There are already a number of resources on the site that show the many aspects of mindless eating. Many of these resources talk about a specific type of craving (one even uses smoking as an example), but each of these approaches and examples can be used for all types of mindless eating.

How To Kill Craving
I have decided (once again) that I need to cut caffeine out of my diet. In the past I have given it up cold turkey but have ended up with withdrawal headaches. Is there a way that I can use EFT to help me kick the caffeine habit in a pain-free way?

Kill your Cravings (part 2)
Right now I’m having trouble with cravings. There are times I crave Diet Dr. Pepper, but I don’t like the taste. I almost feel like a person possessed. I must consume it even though I don’t enjoy it. How do I use EFT to kill this type of craving?

Bridging From Physical Feelings To The Emotion and Memories That Are Underneath (Pod #17)
In the podcast I share part of a client session around the issue of quitting smoking. Even if you are not a smoker you are going to find this very helpful and informative. This session provides a number of very clear examples of how we can bridge from a physiological feel (in this case the desire to smoke a cigarette) to thoughts and memories from the past.

Zapping Cravings w/ Pat Carrington (Pod #21)
One of the most common uses of tapping is weight release and craving control. In this interview Pat talks about the basic steps we need to take to be success in weight release. After giving this overview Pat talks emotional eating and then talks in very specific term about the mindless eating we do and how we can use tapping to deal with the craving eating and the habitual eat (e.g. eating every time we watch tv).

In part 5 of this series we will look at what we can do before we get into situation of temptation.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.