[Note: This is part 8 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]
photo by Ennor (Barry)
There are times when I drive the people in my life crazy. They will be complaining about something that isn’t going well in their life and I will ask (out of curiosity and not condemnation), “Did you tap on it?”
Most of the time, if the issue is still bothering them, the answer is yes. Sometime they say they forgot. Other times they didn’t think it would work. While still other times they just chose not to tap.
I can relate. There are lots of times in my own life where tapping would make a huge difference, but I just don’t do it. There are of a number of reasons why we don’t tap. I hear it from my weight release clients all the time. “I know I should be tapping, but for some reason I just don’t get to it.”
Here are four of the most common reasons why we don’t tap when we want to.
Fear Of Trying And Failing
The single most common reason for us to resist trying is the simple fear of failure. We don’t want to step out and look foolish. Part of us recognizes that it just feels safer not to try. If we don’t try we don’t have to deal with all of the negatives that come with failure. We won’t tap because we don’t want to be the one person (in our mind) that tried tapping for this issue and failed.
There is a possibility that I am not going to succeed on this attempt…and that is a little bit scary…no one likes to fail…even when no one else is watching…it is not fun to fail…because when I fail at one thing…it feels like it is speaking to my total person…and my total life…if I am failing at one thing…it must mean that I am a failure…but this is not the case…if I fail at this…then I have failed at this…it does not mean that I am failure…and it does not mean that I don’t get to try again…I have failed at things in the past…and have gotten over it…I have failed in the past and learned from those mistakes…I have failed in the past and survived…many times stronger than before…by acknowledging that I might fail…and acknowledging that I might fail again…is not a free pass not to try…this is not an excuse not to put forth effort…but it is to say that I can move forward…I can try…I can learn…and I can survive no matter the out come…I have failed in the past…and I will fail in the future…but this does not mean that I am going to stay in the same place…I give myself permission to try…I myself permission to fail…it is important that I try to move forward…by trying to move forward I am giving myself an opportunity for success…and giving myself an opportunity to grow…
Another common reasons that my clients’ site for not wanting to try tapping is that they are afraid to make progress, reaching some level of success, only to back slide to where they once were. Most of the time this belief is fed by past experiences. This is particularly true with weight release. We can do a great deal of work to release the weight only to have it creep back a little at a time.
I am worried about making progress…I am afraid that I am going to succeed for a little while…and then I am going to back slide into my old ways…I am worried about this for a number of reasons…I am worried that by making progress every one is going to notice…and then they are going to notice that I have lost all that progress…and I am going to look like a failure…if I don’t change…they won’t notice me…by taking a step forward…and a step back…they are going to see the fact that I am failing at my goal…I am also going to worry that it is going to be wasted energy…that I am going to put all this work in…only to lose it all…then it will be a big waste of time…and energy…also I hate back sliding because it is so frustrating…I get my hopes up when I see progress…only to fail…that takes an emotional toll…but I choose to know that even though back sliding is a possibility…it is also a possibility that I am not going to fail…this time might be different…also if I do back slide it is going to mean that things were better for a while…because I can’t back slide without progress…I also know that I am going to learn about myself as I heal this part of my life…even if I back slide it is going to give me the chance to move forward next time in an easier fashion…this is about progress…and becoming who I want to be…it is okey to do this as a process…sometimes that process involves back sliding…I am going to keep pressing on…because I am going to get past the back sliding
Fear Of The Penalty of Success
Sometimes, and I know this can be hard to believe, there are times a part of our personality can believe that it is going to be a burden for us to succeed. If we succeed people are going to expect more things from us. If we succeed we are going to have to work harder to maintain this level of success. If we succeed we are not going to be satisfied and only want more. The last thing the system want is success to lead to more work. It is easier to not succeed than have to deal with more work.
I am worried that if I succeed people are going to see my success…they are going to see what I am capable of doing…and they are going to expect more…by showing them what I am capable of doing…even if it is a great deal of work…they are going to want me to reach higher and higher levels in the future…I don’t want to add that burden…also I am worried about the amount of work it is going to require to maintain that level of success…I know the goal is going to take work…and I am afraid that it is going to require way to much for me to keep this level of success up…I know I want to improve…but the amount of work it might take to maintain that level of success is daunting…I am also worried that if I get some success it is not going to be enough…that I am going to want better and better…that my hopes and dreams are going to grow out of control…that I am going to expect more in my life than is possible…creating a situation where I am never going to be satisfied…I am worried that I am just wetting my appetite for something that I could never receive…but I choose to know…that I am worthy of success…that when I succeed my life is going to be different…that there are going to be new ways that I see myself…there are going to be new ways that others see me…there are going to be new ways in which I see the world…I know change me different…and I can’t fully know what success means…but I do know I long for transformation in my life…I can handle what ever comes with change…even if there is challenge…it is going to be better that my current situation…I can move forward…I give myself permission to move forward…it is safe for me to be successful.
The System Doesn’t Want To Lose A Key Protection
This is by far the subtlest of all the reasons that we sabotage ourselves. In this situation our system starts to recognize that tapping is a very useful tool. It believes that it is going to take our coping mechanisms away.
This is easier to understand with an example.
I have a friend, “James”, whom I have done work with a number of times. Where were speaking at an event together and it came to light that he has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies (ex. needing to turn around three times after being touched in a certain way). It is not a big deal and James is very light hearted about it. I told him during the next break we could work on that. He got very pale and started backing away saying, “Noooo…..”
His response was not a surprise. What is happening to James when he is touched a pressure builds up inside of him. When he spins around three times he is able to release that pressure. When I said, “Would you like to do some work on that?” he heard, “Would you like to get rid of spinning around three time or your pressure release valve.” In his mind he thought I was offering to get rid of the action of spinning around. Even though that is a silly action, it is something that serves him. Of course he didn’t want to lose that because then he would be left with the built up pressure.
In reality what I was offering was to take away the pressure so the release valve wasn’t needed. The exact same thing can happen to our system. Let’s pretend that I use chocolate as my comfort food. My system knows that whenever I am in a bad mood the chocolate is going to mask it. The system also knows that tapping can get rid of cravings. The system can understand this in the same way James understood my offer. If I lose the craving I am going to lose the tool to eliminate the emotional pain.
This is not the case when we are tapping. When we are working on cravings we are working the emotions that need the cravings to medicate the emotions, but it is very easy to see how the system would misunderstand this and talk us out of doing the tapping that would be helpful.
There is a part of my that is afraid to do tapping…it believes that if I tap I am going to lose the tools I need to get through the day…but I know that when I am tapping…I am dealing with the root causes…I am not getting rid of any of the tools that make my day manageable…instead I am doing the work on the root issue…by dealing with the root issue I don’t need to call on the tools…in this way I am changing my choices…in this way I am transforming my life…I am not leaving m self without the resources I need…but making it easier to make better choices…for this reason…it is safe for me to heal…it is safe for me to move forward.
Go After These Reasons
Simply recognizing the reasons we self sabotage ourselves is not enough. We need to go after these issues. And these are often not one-time issues. I would recommend spending a little time at the beginning of each tapping sessions going after one (or all) of these issues. The more work we do on our self sabotaging behaviors the fast we are going to see progress towards all of our goals, not just our weight release goals.
In part 9 of this series we will look at some of the reasons the system is holding onto the weight in the first place.
Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.