Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Tapping To The Lessons I Learned While Tapping

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photo by Stephan Reinwald

When I am tapping I like to write down the insights I have while tapping. Sometimes they are things I already know (and have known forever) and other times they are completely new insights. I might only get one or two of these insights when I sit down to tap, but when I collect them over time I end up with a lots of wisdom that I need to hear.

Here is a list of the some of the insights I have had recently while tapping. Every now and then I like to come back and tap to them.

PS: This is also a great way to end a tapping session. Just state what you have learned to reinforce the learning and the change.

  • Accountability structures are good for my progress.
  • I have more needs than I care to admit.
  • If I do work every day (or regularly) progress is inevitable.
  • It is time to heal.
  • I am really ready to heal.
  • Sometimes when things don't work out we find new and better things.
  • Some issues and tasks are made harder by avoiding them.
  • Even if people who are close to me don't appreciate the work I am doing, it can and will be appreciated in other places by other people.
  • I know lots of things that are good for me even if I am not willing to admit it in my conscious mind.
  • I need to take care of myself because I will receive the best care this way as I am the only one who has taking care of me as a responsibility. I can (and should) ask for help, but I am responsible for this work.
  • It is time to let others take responsibility for themselves. This is not longer my job.
  • It is good (and serves others) when I follow my dreams.
  • It is hard for people who are wounded for them not to act out of their wound.
  • I can't assume I understand what really happened or what others really think.
  • I can't assume others understand me.
  • I need to examine how I see myself.
  • My patterns are easy to change when I take the time to look at and understand them.
  • I am better at what I do than I give myself credit for.
  • Doing work is better than not doing work.
  • One easy change I can make is to work on change every day.
  • Physical health can be improved with lots of small choices and it doesn't have to be about massive workout routines.
  • It is good I am making this change now.
  • I don't have to do everything in my life alone to move forward. There are lots of people I can partner with.
  • Just because I have been stuck for a very long time doesn't mean I have to stay stuck in the future.
  • I am open to change happening in a way that is unexpected and surprisingly easy.
  • When I give myself the benefit of the doubt it is easier to give others the benefit of the doubt.
  • Sometimes the hardest person to love is myself.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about wanting less for me.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about fixing them.
  • Desire isn't bad because it is motivation to doing more, trying more, and being focused.
  • My complete focus on one outcome can lead me to miss other, better outcomes.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #15A Accepting Compliments

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One of the things I have struggled with over the years is accepting compliments. They made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel judged. They made me feel like I needed to point out the things that were wrong with me. Over time I have learned that it is OK to take a compliment. It gives me a chance to recognize that I am good at something and that others also see the things I do well.

Tapping To Beauty To Open Your Heart

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The key to a successful tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session is to find a way to tune into an emotion. It doesn't matter how we find our way to that emotion. We can do it by saying phrases, retelling stories from the past, or just tuning into how a physical sensation feels in the body. The key is our focus and attention.

The world we live in is full of amazingly beautiful things. Many of them we miss (or at least I miss) because we are wrapped up in our ‘to do’ list. When we take the time to look at beauty, bathe in beauty, and absorb beauty, it touches us and tunes us into our emotional core.

Take 4 minutes to watch this amazing video my friend Sue passed along to me. As you do it, just tap. It is not about clearing up an issue or working through some piece of resistance. It is simply about being in touch with beauty…which is healing.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping For Inspiration & Creativity By Steve Jobs

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This article was written while being powered by an American with vanilla bought by Mrs S B Bridgeford of Dorset, UK.


photo by Apple

As I am sure you are aware last week Steve Jobs died. He was a galvanizing figure to say the least. He was a thought leader and he demanded a lot of himself (and of his employees). I always enjoyed his interviews and speeches because there always included wonderful nuggets of hope, inspiration and challenge. Here are some of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes.

Are you looking for a great way to start off your day on a creative, inspired foot? Then read through these quotes as you tap along.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

“… You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me… Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful…that's what matters to me.” – Wall Street Journal 1993

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“There's an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love. ‘I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.' And we've always tried to do that at Apple. Since the very very beginning. And we always will.”

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.” – Fortune

“I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do.” – Businessweek

“I’m convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.”

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #14A: Taking Risks

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“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso

Trying new things can be hard. It requires us to put ourselves at risk. It requires us to face the fact that we don't know everything. We know intellectually that there are many things we have tried in the past that we didn't know how to do. Some of them worked out right away while others took time for us to learn. When we recognize that it is OK for us to try new things and that it is OK to not be perfect during the learning process it makes it easier for us to venture out of our comfort zone.

TapAlong #13A: It Is A Great Day To Be Alive

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Today is a perfect day. That does not mean that everything will be perfect today or that everything will work out the way we want. But there is no other day like today. It is unique, even if we are doing things that we’ve done many times before. This is not some naive way of approaching the day’s real challenges, but it is simply an acknowledgement that today will something special and will never be repeated.

TapAlong #12A: Seeking Attention

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“It is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. ” R. Hudson

We all want attention. We want attention from our loved ones. We want attention from new friends. We want attention from people in power. It is ok to want attention, however it becomes dangerous when we start to judge our worth and value from the amount of attention we receive from others. In the end it is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny that we are. When we recognize the types of attention we want and why we want them, then we are able to move to a healthier place. If we deny that we are craving attention then we will keep acting out to get it, but doing so in a subconscious way.

TapAlong #8A: Looking at things in new ways

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There are times when we want to move forward but can't because we feel like we are taking a step too far. We need to know that sometimes it is OK to push the envelope.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

TapAlong #6A: The crap I know is better than the crap I don’t know

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Sometimes it is hard to move forward because we are worried about what might go wrong. Our current situation may not be perfect, but we are aware of that and we know how to manage it. Making changes to our lives invites in the unknown. We might get what we want, but we might also encounter problems for which we are unprepared or problems we can't handle. When considering making changes (even positive ones) part of us is willing to remain stuck with the manageable status quo instead of trying something new for fear that something bad will happen to us.

TapAlong #4: Changing How We See Ourselves and the World

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A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Often the transformation process isn't about becoming something new but rather it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. Sometimes we are so caught up in an old image of ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to see a new one. This is also true of how we perceive our life situation. It is possible for the world around us to change in dramatic ways yet we continue to operate out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.

TapAlong #3: Dreaming + Work = Progress and Transformation

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[Every Monday a new free tap-along audio is added to TappingQandA.com. Make sure you check out the entire Tap-Along Archive. To be able to download these audios comercial free (with a printable script) visit the Tap-Along Premium Membership.]

“There are those who work all day. Those who dream all day. And those who spend an hour dreaming before setting to work to fulfill those dreams. Go into the third category because there’s virtually no competition.” Steven J. Ross

TapAlong #2: Not Needing Others’ Permission To Change

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We are connected to many people in our lives, some very closely, others less so. When we make choices we don't make them in a vacuum as we know that they impact other people, either affecting them directly or simply in the way they see us. Because we consider how our choices influence how others think about us we sometimes hesitate to act because we are unsure of their reaction, or we fear that they will react negatively. Our subconscious may restrain us from taking action unless we feel we have the permission of those around us to go after our dreams. It seems a little odd to ask someone permission to chase our dreams, but it is important to be aware of the areas in which we are holding ourselves back.

Avoiding Bitterness

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[Note: From time to time some of the resources on this site come from a more personal world-view. I do not claim to have a monopoly on truth. This is just a point of view. If this does not serve you I hope you are able to find other resources on the site that speak to you.]

Here is a quote from one of the many newsletters I am subscribed to:

photo by Sean Dreilinger
    In order to let suffering transform us, we must let it take us to the edge of our own inner resources where alone we can “fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31), even against our will. We must pray for the profound grace of this second stage of softening and opening in the presence of suffering.

    My personal opinion is that this is the very meaning of the phrase “deliver us from evil” in the Our Father (the Lord’s Prayer). We aren’t asking to avoid all suffering. It is more that we pray, “when the big trials come, God, hold onto me, and don't let me turn bitter or blaming—an evil that leads to so many other evils. When I am led to the edge of my own resources may I fall into YOU, who are my true and lasting Source.”


Excerpted and adapted from “Opening the Door: Great Suffering and Great Love”
from “The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See”
by Fr. Richard Rohr

Which leads me to tap:

I know that through out this day I am going to face trails and struggles…some will be created by the situation…while others will be created by my choices…some will be big and some will be small…the emotions I feel in these moments will be real…but I know that they will not all reflect the truth…I pray that I am able to recognize in every trail and struggle that I face…that I am able to see this as another moment of healing…I am not seeking out struggle for the sake of growth…but know that in these moments of struggle I will be given the opportunity to heal and grow…help me on this day not to give way to bitterness…hopelessness…and…disconnection from the love of God…give me vision to see God's presents in all moments…help me to know that God's love is not something I need to seek…but that it is full here…and I need to simply accept it…I know that struggle can make me jaded and bitter…preventing me form not only miss God's love in this moment, but the next as well…struggle is not the enemy…bitterness is…I can make loving choices in the middle of struggle…it is hard for me to make loving choices in the midst of my own bitterness…help me not to dismiss struggle…but to see it for what it truly is

Not Knowing Where To Begin/A Good Way To Start

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photo by Let Ideas Compete

Recently I have been working with a number first time clients. Many of them are very experienced with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) and have come to work with me because they are dealing with something that is much larger than the normal day to day issues they use tapping for.

Even when I receive detailed information before the session I like to start by asking them what they would like work on. As they share what is going on in their life there is often a whole list of emotions based on the single circumstance for which they are seeking guidance.

As they share the details of what is going on I quickly make notes. When they are done I will state back everything they have shared to make sure we are on the same page. “It sounds like you are struggling with…”

We know that tapping is most effective the more specific we are, but it can be difficult to be specific when there are so many emotions all at once. It is hard to tell where the frustration starts and anger ends.

In these cases I have started using something I call “Clearing The Deck”.

All of the emotions we feel are nothing more than information. These emotions are letting us know that something in our life is not congruent with our truth or that there is something we need to look out for. Many times the system continues to hold these emotions we beyond the usefulness of this signal.

The process of clearing the deck allows us to release these emotions to see our way clear to the deeper roots of what is going on. It allows the body to hold onto the excess emotion that many times we aren't even aware we are carrying. The simple release of all this excess lightens our mood, relaxes the body, and helps us to see ourselves more clearly.

It is a great way to start session or a great way to end the day.

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Being able to say “No.”

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Sometimes the hardest word to say is “no”. We want to be helpful. We want to give. We don’t want to be seen as selfish. We want to be asked again in the future. There are so many reasons to say “yes”. But there are also many good reasons to say “no”.

We have too much on our plate. We need to spend some time on ourselves. We are being asked to do something we can’t do. We are being asked to do something we just don’t want to do.

We need to be ok with saying “no” so we can say “yes” when the time is right. If you have a hard time saying no, here is a tapping patter that will help. If you have real trouble saying no, you might want to revisit this patter from time to time.

I have a very hard time saying “no”…I want to be helpful…I want the people in my life to know I care…I want to not be selfish…because I have so much…I want others to know that I have something to offer…I want to be there for others…I want to be asked again and I feel if I say “no” now I won’t be asked again…

I am allowed to say “no”…I can say “no” because I can’t do something… I can say “no” because I don’t want to do something… I can say “no” for no other reason than it is my choice…the only way I am going to be healthy is if I take care of myself…the only way I can take care of myself is by not always taking care of everyone else…by taking care of myself I can better care for important others in my life…I can say “no” even if people are thinking I am being selfish by saying “no”…it is much more important for me to take care of myself than it is to worry about what others think about me…when I say “no” I am also saying “yes” to many other possibilities and opportunities…therefore “no” is not a negative…it is a choice to allow the other…I give myself permission to make the choices that are best for me…”yes” or “no”…I give myself a chance to make the choices that are going to allow me to flourish and grow…I must take care of myself before I can take care of others…this doesn’t mean I ignore other’s needs…but I must also consider my needs when making choices…that is what is best for me…that is what is best for others…

I give myself permission to be easy with myself for all the times that I have said “yes” when I should have said “no”…there are times I have made my life harder because I’ve said “yes” when I should have said “no”…I‘ve said “yes” to things I could not do…I have said “yes” to things I shouldn’t have…I have made my life harder…I forgive myself for the times I should have said “no” but didn’t…it is ok that I have done this in the past…I choose to know I’ve learned from these moments…I choose to know I can make better choices in the future…I can change this pattern…and I will change this pattern…I will start by saying “no” to holding on to this regret…

I also let go the resentment I hold towards others who have taken advantage of my always saying “yes”…I am taking responsibility for my response….just because someone has asked doesn’t mean that I have to say “yes”…I take responsibility for the times I have said “yes” even when I didn’t want to…by taking responsibility for the times I have said “yes”, I am giving myself permission to take responsibilities for my choices in the future…by taking responsibility for my past…I get to have control over my future…I therefore let go of blame to others whom I have said “yes” to…I am now in control…I can and will make the choice that is right for me…be it “yes” or “no”.

Sensitive Temperaments

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Everyone in my life says that I am “way too sensitive” and it’s frustrating. I love the fact that I feel so deeply, but I don’t like everyone thinking I am overreacting. Is there something wrong with me?

There are lots of people in the world who are very aware of and in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others. EFT Master Rue Hass describes this as having a “sensitive temperament”. People with sensitive temperaments feel very deeply their own emotions and the emotions of those in their lives.

There is nothing wrong with having a sensitive temperament, but it can be hard having a sensitive temperament because you can feel that your emotions are out of control and that others don’t understand what you are experiencing.

When I interviewed Rue for Pod #7 – Sensitive Temperaments she talked about how we can use EFT to feel more comfortable as a person who has a sensitive temperament.

During the interview she talked about ways in which we can use EFT in this process.

Below is a number of thoughts and resources that Rue (Intuitive Mentoring) provided me after the interview on how to understand sensitive temperaments and how to work with that point of view.

Blessings of Sensitive Temperaments

The essence of the sensitive temperament is the spirit of:

  • Freedom
  • Creativity
  • Imagination (Flow, Movement, Flexibility, Growth, Change, and Expansion)

The intention of the person with a sensitive temperament is to foster:

  • Profound awareness of sensations
  • Loving goodness
  • Mission to bring peace
  • Deep sense of connection
  • Vision of possibilities/Idealism
  • Healing
  • High standards
  • Intuitive, empathic, perceptive
  • Sense of unity, oneness
  • Originality
  • Deep sense of joy, beauty
  • Love of nature

Struggles of Sensitive Temperaments
Common worries, struggles, and questions of people with sensitive temperaments are:

  • What is wrong with me?
  • Told I am too energetic, too smart, too talkative, too emotional
  • I am not good enough
  • I can't express who I am
  • Let me out , I'm trapped
  • I am all alone, no one understands
  • I have to tough it out and soldier on
  • I have to save the world   before I can tend to myself
  • I have to make the world a better, safer place, so that I can be here
  • Only death will bring me peace
  • Overwhelmed
  • Dissociation
  • Compulsive helping, boundary issues
  • Low self worth
  • Perfectionism
  • Fear, anger, shame, grief
  • Chronic emotional/physical pain, illness

Reframing Sensitivity
A profound tool that can be used with EvEFT is to reframe our point of view. A reframe is nothing more than looking at something in a new way. Some common ways to reframe the characteristics of people with sensitive temperaments are to:

  • See Too Sensitive/Overwhelm as Profound awareness of sensations
  • See Compulsive Helping as Mission to bring peace
  • See Boundary Issues as Deep sense of connection
  • See Perfectionism as Vision of possibilities

Tapping Phrases if You Have a Sensitive Temperament
Here are a number tapping phrases that sensitive temperaments can use as a jumping off point:

  • Especially because I LOVE THAT I AM SO SENSITIVE…
  • I CHOOSE to deepen and expand my sensitivity in even more powerful wonderful ways.
  • I hunger for deep and meaningful relationships.  I make creating and maintaining a good and satisfying relationship with myself my first priority.
  • I have a mission of bringing peace into the world, I CHOOSE a mission of bringing peace into my own life. I deserve this!
  • I CHOOSE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF, and express who I am with love and a light heart.
  • I CHOOSE to love and appreciate and honor this world-changing soul quality that I embody.  The world needs what I have to offer.  I am ready to be more!

Make sure you check out the interview with Rue (Pod #7) and her web site (Intuitive Mentoring)

EFT/Tapping For Parents with Autistic (ASD) and Special Needs Children

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I know EFT can be a very powerful tool to help with getting my emotions under control. My daughter was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and I am just a ball of emotions. I don’t know where to start. What can I tap on?

Over the last few years I have been blessed to work with a number of special needs parents in my practice. Often the first time they approach me to have me do work with their children. I love that type of work, but in most cases I will insist that the parent first work on themselves for their own emotions.

It is very important that we are emotionally clear when we are going to help or support someone else in any setting. The more emotionally clear we are, the more present we are going to be to those we are serving.

I have created a list of truth-statements that I use to help parent focus on the areas that need the most attention.

The list is very easy to use. Read the statement out loud and see how true it rings. Not feeling true at all would rate a 0. Completely true would rate a 10. Go through the whole list writing your rating down for each statement. After you have done the whole list, start with the areas that ring the most true.

General Emotions

  • This is never going to change
  • I am always going to carry this burden
  • If my child gets any better it is only going to be for a short time
  • Things are only going to get worse

Myself

  • I want a normal life
  • This is my fault
  • I did something wrong, and this is God’s way of punishing me
  • I don’t deserve this burden
  • I deserve a normal life
  • I did something wrong to deserve this
  • I am missing out on many things because of the special attention my child needs
  • I never have time for myself
  • I am constantly overwhelmed
  • I think I am a bad parent
  • There are things I could have done to prevent this
  • I feel alone in this struggle
  • No one really knows what I am going through

Child

  • I feel bad that I think my child is a burden
  • I feel bad that I think my child’s condition is a burden

Family/Friends/ Others

  • I can’t be present to my spouse because I give so much attention to my child
  • I don’t get any support from my family
  • I don’t get any support from my friends
  • My family thinks I am a bad parent
  • My friends thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s teacher thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s principal thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s school counselor thinks I am a bad parent
  • The school system thinks I am a bad parent
  • Strangers in public think I am a bad parent
  • This is putting a strain on my relationship with my spouse
  • This is going to end my marriage
  • I am depriving my other children by giving the one so much attention
  • My other children are missing out on the attention they need

Treatment

  • I can’t try any new treatments because I am going to get my hopes up, have it fail and be let down again.
  • I am overwhelmed by all the treatment options
  • I am not smart enough to understand what is going on in my child
  • I am not smart enough to understand all the treatment options
  • I am afraid I am going to make a poor choice about my child’s treatment options

God’s Love

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[Note: Please note most of the articles at EFT Q & A are written from a very general point of view so they are accessible to the largest audience possible. This article is a little different. The topic came up while e-mailing back and forth with a Christian. The theology contained in the article about God's unconditional love comes from my (limited) understanding of God. I offer it, like everything on this site, as a point of view that is mine and mine alone, not as dogma. If these phrases work for you, great! If they don't, feel free to click away. They are offered as one more possible approach to healing.]

There are times when we feel like we have messed up to the point that not only have we let ourselves down, but we have also let God down. In these times I have found Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) as a very helpful tool.

I understand God’s love to be unconditional. We don’t earn it, and we can’t lose it. The most difficult times in my own life are the times in which I choose to believe I’m not worthy of or I’m not willing to accept the love God offers.

When I have found it difficult to believe that God still loves me I tap on something like this:

Right now I am having a very hard time…I am struggling…but I choose to know that God loves me no matter what…His love is unconditional…There is nothing I can do to earn his love…Or lose his love…there are times like right now when I don’t believe I deserve God’s love…There are times when I beat myself up because I am letting God down…I choose to know that God wants nothing more than my healing to happen…God wants me to see myself with the same love that he has for me…I give myself permission to know God still loves me…I give myself permission to believe I deserve God’s love, even when I have a hard time loving myself…
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Sadness

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Sadness can be one of the hardest emotions to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) for. It just doesn’t do it justice to tap on the phrase, “I feel sad.”1

Somehow the word sad doesn’t encompass all that goes along with our feelings because there are many different flavors of sadness.

When I am faced with sadness the first thing I do is tap on the sadness without any words. I close my eyes and simply let the sadness grow in my heart. I am not running from it. I am not running to it. I am just being present to the feeling of the sadness. I feel it and let it pass. The whole time I am just moving from tapping point to tapping point.

The reason we use words when we are tapping is to help us focus in on the issue. Sadness is such a physically visceral emotion that it is very easy to tune into without words. After I have spent a little time tapping without words I will tap on a patter like this:

Right now I feel so sad…sad is such an inadequate word for this emotion…this sadness is cutting me right to my core…as if a part of me is being wrenched out…or slowly burned from the inside out…this sadness is trying to teach me a lesson…it’s worried I am losing or have lost something that is very important…it is afraid I am never going to get it back…it’s afraid that I am going to be without and incomplete…whatever I feel I have lost I am thankful that I did have it in my life…even if it was not for as long as I wanted it…I choose to know I am whole and complete without anything else…I have simply forgotten how I am connected to everything…even when it is not present…I forgive myself for any weakness or failure I feel because I am feeling sad…sadness is natural…it is nothing more than my body’s way of telling me that I fear not being complete…or whole…I am glad there is a part of me that worries about this…I know this sadness will pass…now that I have recognized the lesson this sadness is trying to teach me I thank it and let it pass
[How to use these tapping phrases]

Not Knowing What To Tap On

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There are times when we know Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT), but we don’t know where to begin. We are either faced with so many issues our mind jumps from one issue to another, or we have so much going on that we can’t seem to get a grip on any one issue.

Almost every EFT/EvEFT resource instructs you to be as specific as possible. (This web site even does it in the basic introduction to EFT.) But sometimes this is just not possible, and then it is okay to deal with everything all at once just to make a little headway and to get some clarity.

The process is very simple. Tune into all the emotions at once as a giant constellation of emotions. Don’t worry about whether you can pull any particular piece off. Tap on a patter like this:

I know EFT is a very powerful tool…I believe it can help me…but right now I am having a very hard time…I can’t quite figure out what I need to tap on…I either can’t find one issue because there is so much…or there is so much that I just jump from issue to issue, never spending enough time on one issue to make a difference…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process…I give myself permission to know that I don’t need to do everything today…there is a part of all of this that is most important…I give myself permission to tune into my natural intuition to find the issues I need to be working on right now…I let all the other issues just pass away…like evaporating mist in the morning…I know I have lessons to learn from those issues as well…but I can deal with those another time…I let my natural resources of focus and intuition take me to and keep me on the issues I need to be working on…even if I never land on the issue I need to be working on…the fact that I have taken time to get a few deep breaths and to tap a little will serve me…I know by just taking this moment I am healing in a small way…even if I am not knocking out the issues I want to deal with.
[How to use these tapping phrases]