Mediocrity asks “Why?” with hesitation. Greatness asks “Why not?” with expectation. – @TheSingleWoman
One of the biggest and most significant shifts we can make is moving from asking “why?” to asking “why not?” When we do this we are shifting from thinking about the place where we are stuck to moving towards what we can become. This is a powerful transformation. Even by simply being aware of what is possible, we feel like we are moving forward to something that is new and better.
Sometimes all we need to do to begin moving forward is to name our goals. By knowing what we want to achieve we can begin to see the path towards it, and if we tap while naming our goals, we can start to clear the resistance to them. It is a great way to start your day or week!
Shame is an interesting emotion. It makes us recoil inside ourselves, wanting us to hide from our past and our present. Despite this negativity, shame is rooted in a good place because it wants us to have done better, and wants us to do better in the future. The problem is that it prevents us from moving forward because it is trying to keep us safe from repeating our mistakes. Because of this we can feel crippled by shame, but we don’t have to remain stuck in that place.
 photo by Stephan Reinwald |
When I am tapping I like to write down the insights I have while tapping. Sometimes they are things I already know (and have known forever) and other times they are completely new insights. I might only get one or two of these insights when I sit down to tap, but when I collect them over time I end up with a lots of wisdom that I need to hear.
Here is a list of the some of the insights I have had recently while tapping. Every now and then I like to come back and tap to them.
PS: This is also a great way to end a tapping session. Just state what you have learned to reinforce the learning and the change.
Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!
One of the things I have struggled with over the years is accepting compliments. They made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel judged. They made me feel like I needed to point out the things that were wrong with me. Over time I have learned that it is OK to take a compliment. It gives me a chance to recognize that I am good at something and that others also see the things I do well.
The key to a successful tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session is to find a way to tune into an emotion. It doesn't matter how we find our way to that emotion. We can do it by saying phrases, retelling stories from the past, or just tuning into how a physical sensation feels in the body. The key is our focus and attention.
The world we live in is full of amazingly beautiful things. Many of them we miss (or at least I miss) because we are wrapped up in our ‘to do’ list. When we take the time to look at beauty, bathe in beauty, and absorb beauty, it touches us and tunes us into our emotional core.
Take 4 minutes to watch this amazing video my friend Sue passed along to me. As you do it, just tap. It is not about clearing up an issue or working through some piece of resistance. It is simply about being in touch with beauty…which is healing.
Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!
This article was written while being powered by an American with vanilla bought by Mrs S B Bridgeford of Dorset, UK.
 photo by Apple |
As I am sure you are aware last week Steve Jobs died. He was a galvanizing figure to say the least. He was a thought leader and he demanded a lot of himself (and of his employees). I always enjoyed his interviews and speeches because there always included wonderful nuggets of hope, inspiration and challenge. Here are some of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes.
Are you looking for a great way to start off your day on a creative, inspired foot? Then read through these quotes as you tap along.
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997
“… You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005
“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me… Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful…that's what matters to me.” – Wall Street Journal 1993
“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005
“There's an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love. ‘I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.' And we've always tried to do that at Apple. Since the very very beginning. And we always will.”
“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.”
“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”
“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.” – Fortune
“I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do.” – Businessweek
“I’m convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.”
“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005
Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!
“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso
Trying new things can be hard. It requires us to put ourselves at risk. It requires us to face the fact that we don't know everything. We know intellectually that there are many things we have tried in the past that we didn't know how to do. Some of them worked out right away while others took time for us to learn. When we recognize that it is OK for us to try new things and that it is OK to not be perfect during the learning process it makes it easier for us to venture out of our comfort zone.
Today is a perfect day. That does not mean that everything will be perfect today or that everything will work out the way we want. But there is no other day like today. It is unique, even if we are doing things that we’ve done many times before. This is not some naive way of approaching the day’s real challenges, but it is simply an acknowledgement that today will something special and will never be repeated.
“It is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. ” R. Hudson
We all want attention. We want attention from our loved ones. We want attention from new friends. We want attention from people in power. It is ok to want attention, however it becomes dangerous when we start to judge our worth and value from the amount of attention we receive from others. In the end it is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny that we are. When we recognize the types of attention we want and why we want them, then we are able to move to a healthier place. If we deny that we are craving attention then we will keep acting out to get it, but doing so in a subconscious way.
There are times when we want to move forward but can't because we feel like we are taking a step too far. We need to know that sometimes it is OK to push the envelope.
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997
Sometimes it is hard to move forward because we are worried about what might go wrong. Our current situation may not be perfect, but we are aware of that and we know how to manage it. Making changes to our lives invites in the unknown. We might get what we want, but we might also encounter problems for which we are unprepared or problems we can't handle. When considering making changes (even positive ones) part of us is willing to remain stuck with the manageable status quo instead of trying something new for fear that something bad will happen to us.
A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Often the transformation process isn't about becoming something new but rather it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. Sometimes we are so caught up in an old image of ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to see a new one. This is also true of how we perceive our life situation. It is possible for the world around us to change in dramatic ways yet we continue to operate out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.
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“There are those who work all day. Those who dream all day. And those who spend an hour dreaming before setting to work to fulfill those dreams. Go into the third category because there’s virtually no competition.” Steven J. Ross
We are connected to many people in our lives, some very closely, others less so. When we make choices we don't make them in a vacuum as we know that they impact other people, either affecting them directly or simply in the way they see us. Because we consider how our choices influence how others think about us we sometimes hesitate to act because we are unsure of their reaction, or we fear that they will react negatively. Our subconscious may restrain us from taking action unless we feel we have the permission of those around us to go after our dreams. It seems a little odd to ask someone permission to chase our dreams, but it is important to be aware of the areas in which we are holding ourselves back.
[Note: From time to time some of the resources on this site come from a more personal world-view. I do not claim to have a monopoly on truth. This is just a point of view. If this does not serve you I hope you are able to find other resources on the site that speak to you.]
Here is a quote from one of the many newsletters I am subscribed to:
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My personal opinion is that this is the very meaning of the phrase “deliver us from evil” in the Our Father (the Lord’s Prayer). We aren’t asking to avoid all suffering. It is more that we pray, “when the big trials come, God, hold onto me, and don't let me turn bitter or blaming—an evil that leads to so many other evils. When I am led to the edge of my own resources may I fall into YOU, who are my true and lasting Source.”
Excerpted and adapted from “Opening the Door: Great Suffering and Great Love”
from “The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See”
by Fr. Richard Rohr
Which leads me to tap:
I know that through out this day I am going to face trails and struggles…some will be created by the situation…while others will be created by my choices…some will be big and some will be small…the emotions I feel in these moments will be real…but I know that they will not all reflect the truth…I pray that I am able to recognize in every trail and struggle that I face…that I am able to see this as another moment of healing…I am not seeking out struggle for the sake of growth…but know that in these moments of struggle I will be given the opportunity to heal and grow…help me on this day not to give way to bitterness…hopelessness…and…disconnection from the love of God…give me vision to see God's presents in all moments…help me to know that God's love is not something I need to seek…but that it is full here…and I need to simply accept it…I know that struggle can make me jaded and bitter…preventing me form not only miss God's love in this moment, but the next as well…struggle is not the enemy…bitterness is…I can make loving choices in the middle of struggle…it is hard for me to make loving choices in the midst of my own bitterness…help me not to dismiss struggle…but to see it for what it truly is
 photo by Let Ideas Compete |
Recently I have been working with a number first time clients. Many of them are very experienced with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) and have come to work with me because they are dealing with something that is much larger than the normal day to day issues they use tapping for.
Even when I receive detailed information before the session I like to start by asking them what they would like work on. As they share what is going on in their life there is often a whole list of emotions based on the single circumstance for which they are seeking guidance.
As they share the details of what is going on I quickly make notes. When they are done I will state back everything they have shared to make sure we are on the same page. “It sounds like you are struggling with…”
We know that tapping is most effective the more specific we are, but it can be difficult to be specific when there are so many emotions all at once. It is hard to tell where the frustration starts and anger ends.
In these cases I have started using something I call “Clearing The Deck”.
All of the emotions we feel are nothing more than information. These emotions are letting us know that something in our life is not congruent with our truth or that there is something we need to look out for. Many times the system continues to hold these emotions we beyond the usefulness of this signal.
The process of clearing the deck allows us to release these emotions to see our way clear to the deeper roots of what is going on. It allows the body to hold onto the excess emotion that many times we aren't even aware we are carrying. The simple release of all this excess lightens our mood, relaxes the body, and helps us to see ourselves more clearly.
It is a great way to start session or a great way to end the day.
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Sometimes the hardest word to say is “no”. We want to be helpful. We want to give. We don’t want to be seen as selfish. We want to be asked again in the future. There are so many reasons to say “yes”. But there are also many good reasons to say “no”.
We have too much on our plate. We need to spend some time on ourselves. We are being asked to do something we can’t do. We are being asked to do something we just don’t want to do.
We need to be ok with saying “no” so we can say “yes” when the time is right. If you have a hard time saying no, here is a tapping patter that will help. If you have real trouble saying no, you might want to revisit this patter from time to time.
I have a very hard time saying “no”…I want to be helpful…I want the people in my life to know I care…I want to not be selfish…because I have so much…I want others to know that I have something to offer…I want to be there for others…I want to be asked again and I feel if I say “no” now I won’t be asked again…
I am allowed to say “no”…I can say “no” because I can’t do something… I can say “no” because I don’t want to do something… I can say “no” for no other reason than it is my choice…the only way I am going to be healthy is if I take care of myself…the only way I can take care of myself is by not always taking care of everyone else…by taking care of myself I can better care for important others in my life…I can say “no” even if people are thinking I am being selfish by saying “no”…it is much more important for me to take care of myself than it is to worry about what others think about me…when I say “no” I am also saying “yes” to many other possibilities and opportunities…therefore “no” is not a negative…it is a choice to allow the other…I give myself permission to make the choices that are best for me…”yes” or “no”…I give myself a chance to make the choices that are going to allow me to flourish and grow…I must take care of myself before I can take care of others…this doesn’t mean I ignore other’s needs…but I must also consider my needs when making choices…that is what is best for me…that is what is best for others…
I give myself permission to be easy with myself for all the times that I have said “yes” when I should have said “no”…there are times I have made my life harder because I’ve said “yes” when I should have said “no”…I‘ve said “yes” to things I could not do…I have said “yes” to things I shouldn’t have…I have made my life harder…I forgive myself for the times I should have said “no” but didn’t…it is ok that I have done this in the past…I choose to know I’ve learned from these moments…I choose to know I can make better choices in the future…I can change this pattern…and I will change this pattern…I will start by saying “no” to holding on to this regret…
I also let go the resentment I hold towards others who have taken advantage of my always saying “yes”…I am taking responsibility for my response….just because someone has asked doesn’t mean that I have to say “yes”…I take responsibility for the times I have said “yes” even when I didn’t want to…by taking responsibility for the times I have said “yes”, I am giving myself permission to take responsibilities for my choices in the future…by taking responsibility for my past…I get to have control over my future…I therefore let go of blame to others whom I have said “yes” to…I am now in control…I can and will make the choice that is right for me…be it “yes” or “no”.
Everyone in my life says that I am “way too sensitive” and it’s frustrating. I love the fact that I feel so deeply, but I don’t like everyone thinking I am overreacting. Is there something wrong with me?
There are lots of people in the world who are very aware of and in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others. EFT Master Rue Hass describes this as having a “sensitive temperament”. People with sensitive temperaments feel very deeply their own emotions and the emotions of those in their lives.
There is nothing wrong with having a sensitive temperament, but it can be hard having a sensitive temperament because you can feel that your emotions are out of control and that others don’t understand what you are experiencing.
When I interviewed Rue for Pod #7 – Sensitive Temperaments she talked about how we can use EFT to feel more comfortable as a person who has a sensitive temperament.
During the interview she talked about ways in which we can use EFT in this process.
Below is a number of thoughts and resources that Rue (Intuitive Mentoring) provided me after the interview on how to understand sensitive temperaments and how to work with that point of view.
Blessings of Sensitive Temperaments
The essence of the sensitive temperament is the spirit of:
The intention of the person with a sensitive temperament is to foster:
Struggles of Sensitive Temperaments
Common worries, struggles, and questions of people with sensitive temperaments are:
Reframing Sensitivity
A profound tool that can be used with EvEFT is to reframe our point of view. A reframe is nothing more than looking at something in a new way. Some common ways to reframe the characteristics of people with sensitive temperaments are to:
Tapping Phrases if You Have a Sensitive Temperament
Here are a number tapping phrases that sensitive temperaments can use as a jumping off point:
Make sure you check out the interview with Rue (Pod #7) and her web site (Intuitive Mentoring)
I know EFT can be a very powerful tool to help with getting my emotions under control. My daughter was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and I am just a ball of emotions. I don’t know where to start. What can I tap on?
Over the last few years I have been blessed to work with a number of special needs parents in my practice. Often the first time they approach me to have me do work with their children. I love that type of work, but in most cases I will insist that the parent first work on themselves for their own emotions.
It is very important that we are emotionally clear when we are going to help or support someone else in any setting. The more emotionally clear we are, the more present we are going to be to those we are serving.
I have created a list of truth-statements that I use to help parent focus on the areas that need the most attention.
The list is very easy to use. Read the statement out loud and see how true it rings. Not feeling true at all would rate a 0. Completely true would rate a 10. Go through the whole list writing your rating down for each statement. After you have done the whole list, start with the areas that ring the most true.
General Emotions
Myself
Child
Family/Friends/ Others
Treatment