I am in talk therapy and I do my EFT. I think I have been not succeeding/just barely making it, because I am worried my mother is going to take credit for my success (just like she did when I was younger). I’m stuck, and I’m not sure that I want to be unstuck because of this fear. Any suggestions?
I have always felt the reason we as humans are different from other animals is our amazing ability to hold two completely contradictory thoughts in our heads at the same time and think both thoughts are true.
The place I see this most with my clients (and sometimes in myself) is when they want to heal some part of their life, but at the same time they think there is going to be a penalty for healing.
Some of the most recent reasons I have encountered:
- If I get over this fear of public speaking then they’ll expect me to speak more.
- If I get better others are going take credit for my progress.
- Others are going to be jealous of my progress.
- Even if I make progress I’m going to backslide again, and that sort of failure will be devastating.
- People only give me attention to help me with my problem. If my problem goes away no one will pay attention to me.
- If I get over my heartbreak for him, then I’ll have to face the fact that there is no else out there for me.
When we have beliefs like these it is very difficult for us to heal because part of us believes healing is bad for us. In such cases there are two steps I normally take with clients before we start attacking the main issue.
The first step is to go after any sort of resistance to change. I have found this is a good thing to do before all EFT sessions.
Even though I worry that my mother is going to take credit for my progress I love and accept myself…Even though my mother always takes credit for all my progress I give myself permission to heal…It doesn’t matter if my mother takes credit for my progress; the most important thing is that I am healing…Even if my mother takes credit for my progress, I know in my heart I am the root of all my healing and progress…It’s more important that I heal than it is to worry about whether my mother is going to take credit for my progress…I don’t care if my mother takes credit for my progress…I’m worried other people are going to think I am not strong enough to take care of myself, and this is just one more time in which I needed my mother to bail me out…I give myself permission to heal regardless of what other people are going to say and do…I deserve to heal, regardless of how others are going to act…
After doing this sort of tapping Anne realized it was still a possibility that her mother was going to try and take credit for her progress, but it no longer affected her emotionally. With this fear gone we were able to attack the problem she had visited me for.
If you know there is an area of your life you need to work on, but you feel apprehensive about doing the work:
- Spend a little time tapping around any resistance you have about the change.
- Ask the question, “If I make this change, what new problems will it add to my life?” This is a great way to identify any of the penalties you might have for healing. Tap on these issues.
By taking these two steps we can move from fear of healing to enthusiasm about healing.
I think most of the above sentences are a good start. However I believe the sentences that start with “I don’t care that my mother takes credit…” will not be received well with EFT. EFT is best with beliefs we hold about ourselves, not the wishful thinking. I would definitely ask myself the question: “Why do you care that your mother takes all the credit for everything you do?” and write them all down, even making up some. Sometimes the ones we make up are deep seeded beliefs that are very important to tap on. Then I would tap on all those answers. Any thoughts that come up.. tap on them too. Tap on your mother. Tap what you dare say and what you dare not say about your mother. Scream and rant! (unless you’re in public) with as many sentences as you have strength for. Then when you think the SUDS level is down, start putting in CHOICE affirmations like, “Even though my mother takes credit for everything I do, she has that need, I choose to take pride and delight in everything I do.” I found that tapping when a bad or limiting thought comes though my head, even if it’s in the elevator or car, I just tap on it. This has been great. It’s almost like a game. Enjoy it! EFT is so versatile, just about everything will have some impact. Good luck and blessings to you!
Thanks for taking the time to provide your thoughts.
I wanted to respond to your comment:
However I believe the sentences that start with “I don’t care that my mother takes credit…” will not be received well with EFT
I disagree because the words we use are not magic. The words are only important in so far as they help us to bring emotions up. I have found that wishful thinking phrases are very powerful because there is a part of us that doesn’t believe the wishful thinking and whatever resistances there is going to speak up. Since we are tapping while this resistance rises we are going to be able to work on it.
I have found it doesn’t matter if I say “I am going to weight 140” or “Losing weight is too hard” because regardless of which phase I say my emotions are going to say “Losing weight is too hard.” In the second case this is obvious because it is what I am saying. If the first case it happens as well because the moment I say “I am going to weight 140” my emotions are going to say, “No you are not, losing weight is way to hard.” Either way we have gotten to the root of the issue while tapping.
I have found it doesn’t matter if I say “I am going to weight 140” or “Losing weight is too hard” because regardless of which phase I say my emotions are going to say “Losing weight is too hard.” In the second case this is obvious because it is what I am saying. If the first case it happens as well because the moment I say “I am going to weight 140” my emotions are going to say, “No you are not, losing weight is way to hard.” Either way we have gotten to the root of the issue while tapping.
Totally agree, Gene
Dear Gene,
Thank you for this website. I got aware of this website only this morning while seeking for possible reasons after a session with a friend of mine who felt tired. I wanted to look about it. Your website came up. Out of curiosity, i clicked on it. The answer was enough.
About this article, while i do fully agree with your suggestions and explanations to resistance. In similar cases, i invite client to apply Reiki treatment. It is a very gentle but powerful, liberating healing technique with no harm or side-effects. i find Reiki compliments well other healing therapeutic methods including psychotherapy. I am a fully qualified psychotherapist. Even in therapy, when i get stuck i tend to refer to Reiki. It makes wonders!!!
thank you and peace
reuben