Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

How To Kill Craving

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I have decided (once again) that I need to cut caffeine out of my diet. In the past I have given it up cold turkey but have ended up with withdrawal headaches. Is there a way that I can use EFT to help me kick the caffeine habit in a pain-free way?

I get questions about craving management all the time. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool for dealing with any sort of craving (sweets, cigarettes, caffeine, or any thing you absolutely must have right now).

There are four basic steps to killing a craving. They are: eliminating resistance to changing behaviors; stopping the craving; managing withdrawal symptoms (if they exists); and taking steps to insure long-term success.

Resistance to Change
Often when we want to make a change there is a part of us that doesn’t want to change. It might be because we don’t know how life is going to look after a change, it might be because we are worried we are going to lose something we need by changing, or it could be both.

Sometimes there are side-effects to changing the foods and beverages we consume. Because we have eaten or drunk something regularly in the past, the body becomes used to — and often dependent upon — these substances. When we remove these from our diets it can take the body some time to transition.

For example, headaches are the most common side-effect of removing caffeine from our diet. Because we know side-effects are possible, we can resist making the change we want to make. I have found it very helpful to deal with the resistance to change whenever we are going to make a change in our lives.

Once you make the decision to change something in your diet you should take time daily to tap away any resistance to change. You can do it first thing in the morning to set your day up for success. It can be done in one or two rounds of tapping, which takes less than three minutes.

I really want to make this change….It’s the best choice for my health…I’m afraid that if I quit drinking coffee I won’t be able to get up in the morning…But I choose to know that once my body is no long dependant on the caffeine I will be able to wake up without it…I’m afraid that if I quit drinking coffee I will have withdrawal headaches…But I choose to know if I do have any sort of withdrawal symptom like headaches I can tap those away as well….I want to thank any part of me that is resistant to this change….I know it is resisting because it is uncertain how life will look after the change…It’s resisting change because it is trying to protect me from an uncertain future…But I know this change is best for me…I give myself permission to change.

Killing The Craving
Getting rid of cravings with EFT is a very easy task and can usually be done in a round or two of tapping. We deal with craving in the same fashion we deal with any other physical symptom. Tune in to the intensity and tap it away.

When a craving begins to build up, ask yourself “Zero to ten, how large is the craving?” After you have the SUDs level simply tap:

This craving for coffee

This craving for coffee

This craving for coffee

[How to use these tapping phrases]

After a round or two of tapping, re-rate the level of intensity. If there is still some craving left, do another round of tapping.

In my experience it usually only takes two (three at the most) rounds of tapping to lower the craving enough to insure that I make a good choice.

Withdrawal Symptoms
There can be withdrawal symptoms when we change our diets in any way. In this case we simply go after the symptoms themselves. If you need a refresher on how to deal with physical symptoms, check out Learn EFT – EFT 102: Step One – Tune in and Rate – (Physical Issue).

Planning For Success
Whenever we want to make a change in our lives, we would like it to happen right now. I know I wish I could simply snap my fingers and change my habits. This is very difficult to do.

The way our brains are wired, it takes us 14 to 21 days to create a new habit. This means for the first two to three weeks of creating a new habit we are working from will power alone. This is the reason New Year’s Resolutions often fail.

The easiest solution I have found to this problem is to make changes in very small steps. My favorite example of this was of the man who wanted to change his habit of eating lunch at McDonald’s every day. Instead of giving up fast food cold turkey he did it slowly. On the first day, before he ate his lunch he threw away one french fry. On the second day he threw away two. Then three. Then four. Before he knew it, he was eating a healthy lunch. The trick was to creep into it.

When giving up something we crave, we can take the same approach. Let’s take giving up coffee as an example. For the first week, eliminate drinking coffee after 6pm. You can drink your regular amount of coffee until 6 p.m., but every time you crave coffee after 6 p.m., you will tap the craving away instead of drinking coffee.

During week two, don’t drink coffee after 3 p.m. Again, you can drink your regular amount until 3 p.m., but nothing after. The next week move the cut-off time to noon. In the fourth week the cut-off time is 9 a.m.

In five weeks you will be coffee-free.

I don’t know where to start.

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What do I tap on when I don’t know what to tap on?

I’ve heard the same story from many clients. “I’ve tried Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) a few times with someone who knows what they are doing. I have seen great results and I’m very excited, but now that I’m on my own I don’t know were to start.”

Here are four easy suggestions for starting points when you don’t what to tap on.

I Don’t Know
I don’t like feeling lost. I don’t like feeling inadequate. I really don’t like the feeling of not knowing what I’m doing.

It is very easy to want to avoid tapping because you don’t know what you’re doing. Not knowing what to tap on is a great place to start.

I have no idea what I’m doing…This is all new to me…I am a little uncomfortable because I really don’t know what I’m doing…When I was working with someone else it was so easy…But they were experienced and I am not…And I don’t even know what I’m supposed to tap on…I’m not sure how to tune into or rate an issue…I feel like I’m just going to be wasting my time…Maybe my body or subconscious mind knows what I am supposed to be tapping on.

Tapping on this for a little while will make you more comfortable continuing this new technique. Also, after doing this sort of tapping, tune in to see if any specific issues have arisen.

Resistance to Change
Often we are resistant to change of any type, even if it’s change for health and well-being. Change means different and new. Change means unexpected.

It’s common for us to cling to what is in our life because we know how to manage it, even if we don’t like it. Sometimes the trouble we know is better than the trouble we don’t know. This might be pain, but we know how to manage this pain.

I have learned the importance of clearing any resistance to change before any major tapping from Maria and Ted Robinson. 

Even though there might be some resistance to change, I love and accept myself…It is possible there is part of me that doesn’t really want to change because it’s worried about what I will become…I give myself permission to heal and change…Change might be hard, but it can be very good…I let go of any resistance to change that I have…I let go of any fear that I have about what this change might mean for me. [How to use these tapping phrases]

By clearing the resistance to change, we clear out any thoughts or fears that are preventing us from tuning into the issue we really want to be working on.

Pain in Body
We all want to feel better physically. We move through each and every day with small aches and pains. Because of everything we need to get done we generally don’t give them much thought. We just push through.

A great way to start any tapping session is to start with what your body is feeling right now. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. After you have relaxed a little, just notice any aches, pains, or stiffness in the body.

Then one at a time, work your way through each of these pains.

If you want guidance on how to tap for physical pain, check out: Learn EFT – EFT 102: Step One – Tune in and Rate – (Physical Issue)

The Last Few Days
Sometimes we don’t have a huge pressing emotional issue. Or sometimes we might just not have the energy to dive into a large emotional issue.

Even when we don’t attack something big, most of us have had things happen in the last few days that have rubbed us the wrong way or have caused us a little anxiety.

Every time we have feelings that are away from health and well being or when we have a disproportionate emotional response it gives us an opportunity to do some work.

Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Think back over the last 48 to 72 hours. What events cause discomfort? These don’t have to register a 7 or 8 on the SUDs scale. Just notice anything at all. On a piece of paper make a list of these issues. Then one at a time tap them away.

Emotional Trigger (Part 3 of 3)

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Is there anything I can do with EFT to help with my emotional triggers?

photo by ShimShamB

In part 1 of this series we looked at emotional triggers after they have been set off. In part 2 we examined the emotional triggers we know we have. In part 3 of the series we will look at how to take the emotional charge out of the triggers we might encounter in the future.

Looking into the future to see what’s coming up.
Many times our emotional triggers catch us off guard. There are other times when they are no surprise at all. We know what we’re walking into. We know we are going to encounter people, places, or experiences that are going to set us off. We simply need to take the time to consider all the people, places, and experiences of our day that might trigger us.

If we know what’s coming, we can do work ahead of time to help us respond in the way we truly want to. For a fuller explanation on how to tap on a specific event in the future read thisarticle on future tapping. 

Here is an example of how we can do work ahead of an event that we know is going to trigger us emotionally.

For example, you have a meeting later today with a co-worker who can be counted on to bad mouth you and your work. When this has happened in the past you’ve had feelings of self-doubt, making you useless for the rest of the day, because it’s the only thing you can think of.

You can’t avoid the meeting, and you can’t change the attitude or actions of your co-worker. You can change the way you are going to respond to this trigger.

First test 0 – 10 the truth of this statement: I am going to let my co-worker’s remarks about my work affect the way I feel about my work or myself.

If this statement rings true, we begin tapping…

I’m not looking forward to my meeting with Dave today…He always says horrible things about my work and about me…When he does I feel like a wreck for the rest of the day…When he says those things it makes me questions my own abilities…I don’t know why he says these things…Maybe he feels uncomfortable around me…Maybe he’s intimidated by my work…Maybe he’s afraid he doesn’t do very good work…This might be why he attacks me…I can’t change the way he thinks, what his fears are, or that he is attacking me…But I don’t have to take these things personally…Just because he says it doesn’t mean it’s true…When he says those horrible things about my work and about me I am just going to let them roll off my back…Because I know they aren’t true.

After doing this, recheck the statement. If it is not to a 0, tap through the sequence again.

Planning ahead to deal with the emotional triggers we are going to face in the upcoming day is powerful. Is it going to make it so your triggers have no effect at all on you? Maybe, maybe not. But it will lessen our emotional response to these triggers.

If you do still have some emotional response to the trigger, this again is good news. It tells you that you’re on the right track. The work you’ve done has made a difference, and now all you need to do is keep working on this issue.

Things to remember:

  • Be honest with yourself about your emotional triggers. It does no good to pretend they aren’t there. Tap to eliminate resistance to doing this work and then tap on the trigger itself.
  • Every time you encounter an emotional trigger it’s new information about you. This information is a gift. Don’t waste the gift. Take this information and use it to heal yourself.
  • Just because you are doing work on an emotional trigger doesn’t mean that you won’t be triggered by it in the future. But each time you work on a trigger, the closer you’ll be to having no negative emotional response at all.
  • You know the things you face in the future which are probably going to affect you. Take the time at the beginning of the day or right before you face one of your triggers and do some preventive work.

Emotional Triggers (part 1 of 3)
Emotional Triggers (part 2 of 3)

Emotional Triggers (Part 2 of 3)

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Is there anything I can do with EFT to help with my emotional triggers?

photo by Fergus Ray Murray

In part 1 of this series we looked at what emotional triggers are and what we can do after one of these triggers has been set off. In part 2 we are going to talk about the emotional triggers we know we have.

You know what your triggers are. Do something about them!

Our emotional triggers are not a secret. We know them. Our friends know them. Our family knows them. The problem is, it isn’t much fun to think about the people, places and experiences that sent us into a state of anger, frustration, sadness, or depression. Before we begin, it’s good to deal with the resistance we might have to making change and having to deal with these unpleasant thoughts.

This can simply be done by tapping (adding Choices phrases suggested by Pat Carrington)…

Even though I don’t know if I really want to face these emotional triggers, I choose to give this a try and see what happens…Even though I have some resistance to thinking about the people, places and things that set me off, I choose to find it pleasant and relieving to do so…Because if I think of them now I am going to bring up the feelings that come with these triggers…I don’t really want to go there…I also know part of the reason I have these triggers is because some part of myself thinks these triggers are protecting me and on some level are keeping me SAFE…But I know that even though this is true for part of me, it is not true for all of me, and it is in my best interest to take the sting out of these triggers…I give myself permission for the next few minutes to do work on these triggers…Even though it looks like I am stepping into an emotional mine field, I know this is good for me…I know by doing this work now I am going to respond better in the future…And if any strong emotions come up during this time I know I have the very powerful tool of EFT to deal with these emotions…By taking the time to do this work, I am demonstrating to myself that it is important that I take time to care for myself.

Once we are clear of any resistance to do this work, we can now take on our emotional triggers. Here is a simple exercise I recommend to my clients to help them find their triggers.

Sit in a quiet comfortable place where you can do your EFT work undisturbed. Make sure you have something to write with (pen or pencil) and some paper. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What are my emotional triggers?
  • What topics of conversation set me off?
  • Is there something, every time I see it, that causes an emotional reaction in me?
  • Who are the people who set me off?
  • Where am I (in what location) most often when my triggers are set off?
  • Who are the people I would like to avoid?
  • If I could live life over again, what one person or experience would I avoid?

As you ask yourself these questions, when a trigger comes up, open your eyes, write it down, and close your eyes again to think of more. Do this for five or ten minutes. Even if you get to a point where no new triggers are coming up, continue to sit with the questions, looking for more.

When you get to a point where no more triggers are coming up, ask yourself, “What triggers am I afraid to bring to mind?” After doing this, you will have a great list of emotional triggers to do work on!

You don’t have to work on all the triggers in one sitting. You might decide to work on only one or two during a single Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) session. With this list you have a great starting point. Even if it takes a few weeks to work your way through your list, you can’t help but make progress. What matters is that eventually you resolve everything on your list.

Also, come back to each item on your list several times; there may be several aspects to each. Make sure you clear every aspect.

In part 3 of this series we will explore how we can look into the future to see what situations are going to contain emotional triggers for you. This way you can easily take the sting out of the triggers that cause problems frequently.

Emotional Triggers (part 1 of 3)
Emotional Triggers (part 3 of 3)

No Words At All – AKA: I don’t know what to say (part 4)

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Is it really necessary to verbalize the issue and give a number rating when doing EFT?

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very flexible tool. There are no hard and fast rules of how you must do things. However, it is important that you understand the intention of each step. If you know why you are doing a step, it will give you flexibility in exactly how to do the step.

1) The words we say
The words are not magic. There is no perfect phrase.

We say phrases out loud to help us stay focused on the issue we want to work on. It is possible to be verbalizing phrases about our issue and be thinking of what we need to do when we get home.

Initially, our intention is to make sure we are focusing on the issue we want to improve. This can be done by thinking about the issue, saying phrases out loud, or thinking of a symbol (sight, sound, memory, feeling in the body) that is related to the issue.

I have found saying phrases out loud is helpful because putting a feeling in the body into words requires both sides of the brain and helps us to tune in more. This is not a requirement. If a client is in tears, we are fully tuned in. Adding verbalization is not going to bring the issue more into focus.

Remember, the goal is to engage the issue.

2) Rating the level
We give a rating is before and after tapping to evaluate progress. You don’t have to use numbers for this.

I often ask clients, “How big is the issue and where does it live? If you were to create a model of this feeling, what would it be made of? What color is it?” These questions give us another way to access information about the issue. As we tap, the visual of the issue can change in size, shape, color, texture, and location. When this happens there is progress, in the same way a SUDS level would go down. I have one client who creates very vivid visuals of the issue we’re working on. We never use number to rate her issue; after each round of tapping we simply check her visual.

Remember, the goal is to be able to identify progress with the issue.

Trouble on the phone

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I have hesitancy (read as fear) when making phone calls. How can I use EFT on this issue?

photo by Jason Nicholls

When we are using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for any issue of fear there are two basic approaches I use with my clients.

[Note: As always it is best to have a pen and paper on hand to take notes as you do any of these techniques.]

Movie Technique
The movie technique is one of the most common approaches for dealing with something that has an emotional charge form the past.  Here is longer description of the movie technique.

The movie technique is straightforward. Pick one experience in your past where there is an emotional charge. In this example think back to a time you needed to make a phone call and it was hard to make or you weren’t able to make it at all. This is the “movie” we are going to use.

Give the movie a name, something simple like “calling the radio station”. Play the movie in your head. As you do this, pay attention to what emotions arise.

Pay attention to the emotions that are coming up now as you play the movie. The emotions you feel now might be different from the emotions you felt at the time. We are concerned how it affects you now, not then.

Whatever emotions arise, write them down on your paper. Again, be as specific as you can. It is possible that you have more than one emotion (eg fear, overwhelm, desperation, anger). Write each of these emotions down.

After you have written down the emotion(s), write down why you feel this emotion. (e.g., I am afraid because they are going to ask me to do something I don’t want to do, and I can’t say “no”.)

It is possible to have different reasons for one emotion. You might feel fear, but for three different reasons (e.g., they are going to ask me to do something, they are going to say no to what I asked, they are going to feel I am wasting their time, they won’t remember who I am). If there are multiple reasons for one emotion, write each of them down.

Next, on a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you feel each emotion when you play the movie? It is important to note this for each thing you have written down. If you have three reasons to fear, they are very likely to have different levels of intensity. Rate each one separately.
Now that you have your list of emotions and reasons, pick one to start tapping on. It is important to do this one issue at a time. The most logical place to start is with the emotion that has the highest intensity, but this is not always the case. Trust your intuition.

After you’ve done a round of tapping, re-rate the intensity by playing the movie in your head again. Do as many rounds of tapping as you need to get to zero. Each time you finish a round, replay the movie and re-rate.

Once you have eliminated the first fear/reason/issue, move on to the second. Before you tap on the next issue, check to see if the original levels of intensity you wrote down for the remaining issues are still accurate by replaying the movie again, tuning into these remaining issues. It is important to check these levels because they may have changed.

It’s not uncommon to have lots of different emotions about one memory. When the first is eliminated, the others can be reduced because they are connected. It is also possible, as we worked on issue number one, that none of the others changed at all.

Once you have rechecked all the remaining issues, move on to a second issue. Again, choose the one that makes the most sense to do next. Repeat this process until you can replay the movie, having no negative emotional charges remaining.

To continue the process, either now, or at a future time, pick another memory, repeating the steps.

See yourself  in the future doing what you fear.
The process is exactly the same as the process we just did, but instead of playing a movie that is in the past, you are going to make up a movie in the future. For example, in this case, you need to make a phone call in future. Play the movie in your head of what you imagine is going to happen.

Again be as specific as possible with the movie. Who are you calling and why? See yourself looking up the phone number, dialing the phone, hearing the phone ring, hearing someone answer, and hearing the response to whatever you say.

The process is exactly the same. Play the movie, write down your emotions, rate the intensity of each emotion, and tap.

You can repeat this process a number of times with as many future events as you would like to try.

Emotional Triggers (Part 1 of 3)

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Is there anything I can do with EFT to help with my emotional triggers?

I can remember from my childhood a “conversation” between my mother and sister, the way only mothers and daughters can have a “conversation”).

Mother: You are doing that on purpose just to push my buttons!

Sister: How can I not? Your buttons are this big! (Holding her hands about three feet apart.)

We all have emotional triggers; those people, places, memories and situations that just set us off. One moment we’re fine, the next we’re a mess of anger, frustration, or even sadness. Sometimes this happens in reaction to words someone says. Other times it happens because we’ve returned to a place in our past that has an emotional charge. The trigger could be as small as the song on the radio, a single word, or an image in a commercial on TV.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool for dealing with the emotions that come up after our emotional triggers have been fired. We simply need to tune into what’s going on and what we’re feeling and then notice what happened that set off those feelings. But this isn’t always the easiest thing to do.

The environment around us, at an unexpected time, often touches off these emotional triggers.  Generally, when it is fired we are in a public setting. This can make it difficult for us to find the time and space we need to tap.

The environment around us, at an unexpected time, often touches off these emotional triggers. Generally, when it’s fired we are in a public setting. This can make it difficult for us to find the time and space we need to tap.

Also, when we have a significant emotional response from an emotional trigger, we are very wrapped up in the emotions. We aren’t thinking of much else because of the intensity. I know when I experience any emotion over a 7 on the SUDS (Intensity) scale I don’t always have the presence of mind to think, “I should be tapping on this.”

One of the reasons I love EFT is that it’s not only helpful with emotions that come up in the moment, but it can also be used to reduce the potency of or even eliminate the trigger that caused the emotion completely.

For example, I received a call from a client named “Julie”. She was very excited and wanted to tell me about a reception she had attended the night before. During the happy hour before the awards banquet, she was chatting with a few colleagues. One of them, “Jane,” turned to Julie out of the blue and insulted the quality of her work.

Julie explained that in the past she would have said nothing at the time, but for the rest of the evening she would have replayed the conversation over and over in her head, each time agreeing more and more with the person’s assessment of her work and ability, each moment questioning her own abilities. Finally, she would have cried herself to sleep that night.

Instead, she said, “I have done so much EFT work on my self-esteem that I knew what she said wasn’t true. Instead of getting mad, frustrated, or depressed, I just said a little prayer in my head for Jane. I prayed that somebody would affirm the work she was doing.”
That story is the perfect example of how doing work ahead of time will prevent our emotional triggers from going off.

There are three ways to reduce or eliminate the power of these triggers with EFT: take care of the emotion that has been triggered by recent experiences; work on the triggers we already know we have (our ongoing triggers), and look ahead to see what possible triggers are coming up in our future.

Take the time to deal with the emotional triggers that have been set off during the day
Every time an emotional trigger is set off it is a good thing. And, I am not one of those people who love pain. Every time we have an emotional response we gain information. A negative emotional response means we’ve encountered something that is associated with a root problem, belief, or memory that is better healed now than later.

Every symptom we have is attached to a root problem, feeling or belief. It’s very easy for us to forget that every time we work on a symptom, we are also working on the root of the symptom. When we reduce our response to an emotional trigger we are dealing with at least a piece of the core issue. The next time we encounter the same type of trigger our response is going to be less, or even non-existent.

In the best of all worlds, the moment we notice unwanted emotions we would immediately tap them away. When we don’t, or can’t, tap the moment the emotion impacts us, it’s important to come back to this experience at a later time. The experience has given us valuable information about a weakness in ourselves that is better healed.

I take time at the end of every day, before I go to sleep, to review my day. I think of every moment in which I had a disproportionate emotional response. I revisit each of these memories, tapping on them until they no long have an emotional charge.

By doing this, I can get a good night’s sleep because I’m no longer feeling the stresses of the day, and I’m making progress on the core issues that underlie the emotional triggers I have.

Emotional Triggers (part 2 of 3)
Emotional Triggers (part 3 of 3)

What words and phrases do I use? AKA: I don’t know what to say! (part 3)

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When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I’m working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is different from most protocols in its flexibility. There is not just one way to do it. What works on one problem might be less effective on the next. What works for one person is not going to work as well on the next. This is particularly true with the words and phrases we say.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the question, “Are these the right words?”

The problem is that’s the wrong question. When I say wrong, I mean that it’s not a helpful question.

There are no right or wrong words with EFT. The words we use are not magical. They are useful only insofar as they help us to stay focused on the issue we want to resolve. Just saying words out loud doesn’t mean that we’re focused on what those words mean.

On more than one occasion I’ve been in church saying the creed with the rest of the congregation. The words are just coming out of my mouth as my mind wanders to what I want to do with my afternoon. All of a sudden I snap back into the moment and I have no idea where we are in the prayer. I’ve been on autopilot. Words have been coming out of my mouth, but they mean nothing to me.

In the same fashion, I can be saying, “This pain in my knee…This pain in my knee…This pain in my knee…This pain in my knee…This pain in my knee…” and be thinking of anything but my knee.

Also, it’s possible for me to tune into the pain in my knee without ever saying those words out loud.

Often when my clients are dealing with something that is very emotional, rating a 9 or 10, I don’t have them say anything out loud. To start, they can just tap. If they are at a 9 or 10 they are fully tuned in to the emotion. As the emotional level comes down, we start using reminder phrases to stay focused.

The key take away is this: It’s more important to remember why we use the reminder phrase than how to do the reminder phrase. If you remember its purpose, to keep us focused, then you can say anything you want while tapping, as long as it keeps you focused on the issue at hand.

For example, I’ve worked with clients who have an issue with a person I also know. The client doesn’t want to put me in the middle of the dispute. When they are tapping I have them say, “This anger at old what’s his name because he stabbed me in the back.”

In this example my client knows who “old what’s his name” is. By using that phrase, they are tuned in to the issue, and I never have to know who the issue is with.

Here are a few guidelines for choosing phrases:

1) Keep it simple. Using the phase, “this pain in my knee,” is powerful enough. You don’t have to get any more sophisticated that that.

2) Be as specific as possible. Before you start tapping on “this pain in my knee,” make sure you think about the pain in your knee. Ask the question listed in EFT 102: Tune In – (Physical Pain) to get a really good idea of what it feels like. You can even use those words:

This pain in my knee…That feels red…And is the shape of a rod…That feels like it is made of fire

These descriptive words will help you tune in.

3) For an emotion, just tell the story of what happened.

My boss came in at the end of the day to give me extra work…I needed to get home to help my wife…It was so inconsiderate…I can’t help it if he can’t get his work done on time…It’s unfair that he’s heaping it on me…It really made me mad…It hurts that he doesn’t think my time is as important is his

And so on. It’s as simple as telling the story. State the facts and state how they make you feel.

4) Break the issue down to the smallest pieces possible. The easiest way to do this is to keep asking why.

I’m mad at my roommate…Why are you mad?…The kitchen is a mess….Why does this make you mad?…Because it feels like I live in a pigsty….Why does living in a pigsty make you mad?…Because my friends see it when they come over….Why does it make you mad that your friends might think you live in a pigsty?…Because they think I’m irresponsible.

Being mad because the kitchen is dirty and being mad because it makes me look bad are very different things. Get specific. You can now tap on, “When my roommate makes our place a mess I ‘m afraid that others are going to judge me.”

5) If you don’t know what to say, tap on that.

I don’t know what to say…I’m afraid I’m going to use the wrong words…I’m worried this is a waste of time…But I know you really can’t do this wrong…Even if I have no progress I’m only going to waste one minute of time…There really is no penalty for doing it wrong…I give myself permission to try. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Then give it a shot. You will find the right words.

It’s all better! Should I keep using EFT on it?

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Should you keep tapping on the same issue day after day? If you’re doing okay without tapping, should you continue tapping on the same issue? For how long?

photo by TeeJe

That depends; all things with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) seem to be situational.

Here are a few things to consider:

Is it an issue that needs regular maintenance? For example, even when our teeth are healthy, we brush them every day because we are always adding things to our mouths that could create future decay. Is the issue something that has contributing factors every day? For example, you might have an issue with a frustrating boss. If he does things every day that might continue to frustrate you, then it might be good to tap every day on that issue.

Are you worried it’s going to come back? If you’re worried about something coming back, tap on the worry you have about the issue coming back.

(Even thought I have found healing, I’m afraid that it’s only temporary and it might come back.)

If you have no current issue but want to make sure it stays that way, tap in thanksgiving for your healing

I am so happy that my body has healed itself. I give thanks for the fact that my body has realized it no longer needs to hold onto these feelings. I am thankful for the fact that my body can heal itself in so many amazing ways.

If it’s a really big issue, it might be worth a few minutes of tapping each day, just to keep it at bay. Tapping is like wearing a seat belt. It doesn’t take much effort to do. You might only need it once in a million times, but you’re thankful the one time you need it. Err on the side of caution. Take three minutes each day to tap on the issue. If the issue is really big, it’s worth three minutes a day.

Stop tapping on it. Maybe you are done, BUT keep an eye out for any symptoms that may creep back. Keep checking in on the issue. The instant a hint of it comes back, go after it again. It’s always easier to deal with a small issue than a big one.

I don’t believe the words I say while doing EFT!

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I don’t believe some of the things I say when I tap. Does that matter?

For us to do work on any thought/emotion we need to bring it into our thought field (meaning we are feeling or thinking it) at the moment we are tapping. That might be a little bit of a confusing statement, so let’s think of it in terms of the analogy of washing dishes.

The only place we can wash our dirty dishes effectively is in the kitchen sink. We have dirty dishes all over the house. They can be by the TV from watching football last night, on the kitchen table from lunch today, and on the counter by the sink. We can know where all the dishes are, but until they get into the sink, we can’t wash them.

It doesn’t matter how those dishes get into the sink. It only matters that they get there. We can put them in the sink, or someone else can put them in the sink. Once they are in the sink we can start cleaning.

When we are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) we have to do the same thing. We need to get the thought, the physical pain, or the emotion into the “sink” before we can clean it. We can know intellectually what our issues are, but we can’t do anything about them until they are in the “sink”. Our “sink” is our thought field, meaning once we are feeling the emotion it is in our thought field.

Let’s suppose the following. I know my boss treated me badly at work today, but until I play the memory back as a movie in my head and really start to feel my rage, I haven’t moved this memory into my thought field (”sink”). Once I have done this, I can start doing EFT to get relief.

With that as background it brings us to the question of what words work best. The words that we say are not magic. They are only important in that they help us get what we want to work on into our thought field (get the dishes into the sink). Just like getting the dishes to the sink, it doesn’t matter how they get there. All that matters is that they get there.

Let’s say I want to improve up my self-esteem when it comes to talking to the opposite sex. In order to do any work in this area I need to bring the feeling of discomfort talking to a woman into my thought field. I have two options for doing this.

First, I could go right at the issue and tap like this:

“I am such a moron.
I can’t talk to women,
I always sound like a fool.
They think I am so stupid.
They wish I would leave them alone, because I’m wasting their time.”

This is a very simple direct approach to the problem.

Or I could take a second tack. I can instead take advantage of the little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough. Please note what the voice in my head does.
“I am a funny guy.
[voice in head: No, you are not.]
I am a charming conversationalist and people love talking to me.
[VIH: No you’re not. You sound like a fool talking to others. You never know the right thing to say.]
I am going to walk up to someone new tonight and just start chatting.
[VIH: No, you are going to be a sweaty mess and chicken out.]”
[How to use these tapping phrases]

In this instance, I didn’t believe a single thing I said out loud, but the voice in my head brought up all the stuff that needed to be cleared.

Both approaches brought the dirty dishes to the sink. In the second case, by saying things I didn’t believe the little voice in my head brought the emotions that needed to be cleaned up into the thought field.

For anther example of this approach, see I don’t know what to say! (part 1)

Doing It All Wrong

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I’m having trouble getting started with EFT. It’s almost like I have a fear that I will do it wrong. Any suggestions?

This questions was written in response to the article  Fear of fear, where I talked about clients who have a hard time starting because they are afraid of the emotions they may stir up by thinking about them in detail.

Along with fear of stirring up too many emotions, a very common worry about doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is the fear of doing wrong. I hear this often from my clients.

At the end of every session I give my clients homework. This enables them to make progress until our next session. One of the reasons

I love EFT is it empowers the client to do self care. They don’t have to be dependent on a practitioner to make progress.

To begin the next session, I check to see how much homework they did. Often, when they haven’t done much work on their own, it’s because they’re worried they can’t do it right.

When I am confronted with this circumstance I do two things.

First, I explain there are no known side-effects to doing EFT . It only takes 10 minutes to try. The worst thing that can happen is you waste a little time. If you do EFT in a private place no one will ever know you didn’t do it well.

All of this is true, but I know that even when I have the facts before me, if there is an emotional root explaining why it still might not work out, I won’t try.

Therefore, the second thing I do is ask why they are worried about doing it wrong. Some common responses are:

  • If it doesn’t work, it means EFT isn’t real, and I’m afraid to give up hope of getting over the things I’m struggling with
  • You do it so easily; I’m afraid to fail at something that is so simple
  • If it doesn’t work now, it means all the progress we’ve already made isn’t real
  • It’s been a long time since I learned something new, and I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty.
  • I don’t understand why it works, so there is no way I can do it right
  • If I get better, how am I going to explain the progress to my loved ones? They will think I lost my mind when I tell them it was from tapping.

So what we do is tap on these issues of worry. I encourage all my clients who struggle just to get started to begin each session they do on their with something like this until they are more comfortable

I’m having a hard time tapping on my own…I don’t know if it really works…I have failed when I tried in the past…I don’t know if I am going to do it right…Gene makes it seem so easy…But, I don’t know what to say. It is really hard to come up with all those words…It has been so long since I have tried something new. I don’t like feeling like a novice…But I understand the only way I can get better is if I try…There is nothing in my life I learned to do perfectly on the first try. …Today I take driving for granted, but it took time to learn…I walk without even thinking about it, and that took months to learn…I give myself permission to be okay with not being very good at this…Each time I do EFT I will do better…I know there are people out there who have experience, and I can ask them for help…They were novices at one point too…For the next 30 minutes I give myself permission to be really bad at this…I give myself permission to make lots of mistakes…Because I know it is in the mistakes that I am going to learn and get better…And because I can’t hurt myself by trying…Assuming I don’t poke out my own eye…The only thing I might do is waste 30 minutes…There are lots of times in my life where I have wasted 30 minutes on a TV program…I can try this for 30 minutes…I know it is best for me just to give it a try…I am doing this work in private, so no one will know I’m doing this…If I do it wrong, no one will know I didn’t do it right…I know there is a possibility that EFT might not work on this issue this time…But that doesn’t mean EFT doesn’t work…It doesn’t mean that EFT doesn’t work for me…It only means that it is not working for me this time…EFT has worked in the past for lots of people…EFT will continue to work…If it doesn’t work now for me I have learned what not to do…I have an experience I can explain to someone who is more experienced…This feedback will help them to help me…I know there are lots of people I can ask for help…That’s one of the great things about people who do EFT — they want to help others…If all else fails, I can email EFT Q & A for help…I am not alone in doing this…And I am allowed to try again and again with EFT. [How to use these tapping phrases]

One final note: Yes, it is ironic that people who are afraid to tap on their own are willing to tap on not being able to tap. I wish I could explain it. I just know people are willing to try, and it works.

Moron!

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My boss is a moron. He makes my life miserable. I’ve tapped on the issue, but it’s not getting any better. What can I do?

photo by redteam

Before we decide how to deal with this problem, I need to explain how to use truth phrases.

I’m a big fan of using truth phrases when working with emotional issues. With truth phrases we rate how true we think a phrase is. These phrases differ from the standard rating of intensity.

For example, with the phrase, “How angry do you feel?” we are rating the intensity of the anger. With the phrase, “I get angry when my partner doesn’t listen to me,” we are rating how true this statement sounds, 10 being completely true and 0 not being true at all.

At first, rating how true a phrase is can be a little tricky. Just remember how odd it felt to rate anger on a scale of 0 to 10. There is a reason we call the scale “SUBJECTIVE” units of distress. It’s just a benchmark to see if progress has been made. It’s more an art than a science.

Truth phrases can be very helpful because they incorporate what we feel (anger) and why we feel it (because my partner doesn’t listen). When we know what the emotion is and why it’s there, we are more likely to be tuned into the core issue of the emotion. The closer we are to the core, the more effective our work is going to be.

Examples of truth phrases are:

When I’m worried I eat to soothe myself.

I feel unvalued when my voice isn’t heard.

I’m worried because I don’t think I’ve done enough work for tomorrow’s meeting.

I’m sad my family doesn’t care about the work I do.

I’m angry that our government is so corrupt.

For truth phrases to be effective we need to have both parts of the phrase. We need to state what emotion we feel and what the causes of the emotion are.

Note: Many times we have no control over what is happening around us. Whether people refuse to hear us, whether they don’t care about our work or that our government is corrupt, we may just have to live with these facts. It would be great to believe that someday our family is going to be as passionate about our work as we are, but we have no control over the emotions of others. Usually all we can change is our emotional response to these states of the world.

A common mistake with truth statements is that we forget to add our emotional response, tapping only on the state of the world.
For example, the statement “My boss is a moron!” might rate as a 10, but no matter how much tapping we do, our boss is not going to get any smarter. This phrase is not properly structured because it’s missing the emotional response.

A more useful phrase is, “I’m very frustrated because my boss is a moron.” When this rates as a 10, we can then investigate why this is frustrating. (e.g., it creates more work. We look bad to the rest of the company. I have to do his tasks over after he messed them up).

As we tap and make progress on the reasons that cause frustration, we can come back to retest “I’m very frustrated because my boss is a moron.” Once this statement no longer feels true, we know we’ve done what we can. Our boss is still a moron, but this is no longer emotionally controlling our lives.

Cleaning House

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I’m having a hard time cleaning my office. Can I use EFT to help from being distracted and just get the job done?

photo by Jaymie

Recently one of my clients, “Julie,” was about to start packing up her office. She had quit her job as she was moving on to do work that she really loved. I offered the following suggestion. “Before you clean your office, sit in the middle of the mess and tune in to it. See if it has anything to say about how you feel about the transition you are going to make. If any emotions arise from this, simply pay attention to them. Do Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on any undesirable emotions before you start to clean the office.” Often the emotions we feel tell us something about how we fit in that situation. When we make necessary changes in ourselves first, the other tasks, even cleaning and organizing, are much easier.

Here is what she later wrote about the experience on her blog:

“Yesterday I received some wisdom from a friend regarding the only item on my to-do list this week…cleaning and packing my office. His advice was to tune myself in to the mess, let it speak to me, let any emotions related to the mess come to the surface and pay attention to them, acknowledge them, and then clean them.

“Having said that, I completely disregarded his advice when I got to the office this morning because I had done an amazing job on the drive in convincing myself that the state of my office is clearly about a lack of shelf space and couldn’t possibly be emotional, a reflection of myself, etcetera, on any level.

“Forty minutes into my cleaning and packing project all I had done was rearrange piles. Not one paper clip was packed. Not one piece of paper tossed in the recycle bin. I plunked myself onto my leather sofa, took a few deep breaths, and started to tune myself in to the space around me. And it began to speak. My bookshelf told me one thing. My desk told me another. The enormous box of Christmas lights whispered that I am really afraid that by choosing to leave my current job I am going to be left with a giant void of laughter in my life if I don’t spend time with teenagers on a regular basis. Who knew Christmas lights were so insightful? The wall in front of my desk covered in pictures, quotes, and notes, spoke very clearly about the struggle of managing long distance relationships. Little by little I was able to acknowledge and clean the feelings around cleaning my office…and as a result I made a serious dent in packing things up. By the time I got to the stack of paintings leaning against the wall, my perspective had completely shifted. (Sometimes we don’t want to hear what things, situations, or relationships have to say.) But now I was ready, even eager to keep moving forward. I will admit that I was tempted to take the artwork and spread it out around the room but I had at some point chosen to stack them in a pile way back when and needed to pay attention to that.

“So I did.

“And this is what was revealed…

“Don’t be afraid. You are an artist in bloom.”

Now, did the mess, the desk, the walls, or the paintings really talk? They talked no more or less then when I ask my clients, “If the pain in your knee could say something, what would it say right now to you?”

Did the information come from outside or within? In my mind it doesn’t matter, but by tuning in and listening Julie was able to identify emotions she was feeling about her transition. Before they were under the surface. They were hiding (or she was just refusing to hear them). By tuning in a different way — admittedly a very different way– she dealt with feelings that needed to be healed before she could move on.

From time to time I suggest this to my clients. The process is very.

  1. Sit in a place where you spend a great deal of time (office, kitchen, bedroom, or car).
  2. Tune into the area around you.
  3. Ask if the car/desk/table/wall could say something, what would it say?
  4. If something arises, do EFT on what you were tuning into, but whatever emotion has just grown in yourself.

I Can’t Focus

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There just aren’t enough hours in the day. I know setting time aside to tap is important, but I have trouble focusing on my tapping. When I sit down to tap I have a million thoughts running through my head. What can I do to focus on the task at hand?

photo by Eni Turkeshi

This is a common problem. We know we need to take care of ourselves, and we think we have the time to do it. But somehow our responsibilities expand to absorb our whole day.

Despite busy days, we HAVE to find time to take of ourselves. When we don’t take care of ourselves we become less effective, which puts us even farther behind.

I encourage all my clients to take some time, to focus before they start tapping. I know when I do this I’m less distracted, more focused on the task at hand, and I.m more likely to spend enough time tapping.

Usually I recommend they address a few areas before tapping:

1) Dealing with any resistance to believing EFT works

EFT seems so weird…How is it possible that tapping on my face and body is going to help me emotionally…If my friends saw me now, they would think I’ve lost my mind…But tapping has worked in the past…It does make me feel better…And it only takes a few minutes of time…Even if the tapping has nothing to do with it, I feel better for taking the time to care for myself

2) Dealing with a cluttered over-busy mind

I have a million thoughts running through my head…I have so many things to do…My thought are running a million thoughts a second…But I choose to know that I can focus my mind…I know that I can slow the thoughts down…I give myself permission to let all those thought go…I know that as my mind slows down I will relax…I don’t need all those thoughts right now…I am focused here

3) Dealing with feelings of guilt for not doing the tasks that are at hand

I have so much to get done…I’m so far behind…Every time I catch up some new problem erupts…I don’t have time to do this tapping…I should be working on my to-do list…I should be making dinner, cleaning the house, getting work done, working out…But I choose to know that I need to take care of myself…I know that if I don’t take care of my self I will get sick and won’t be able to get done what I need to get done…I give myself permission to take time for myself…I deserve to take some time for myself…I know that when I take care of myself I am a happier, more efficient person

You can do each of these by themselves or you can just run through all three without stopping. The goal of this tapping is to get your self into the mindset that will allow you to take the time you need to tap, guilt-free.

If after doing all these phrases you are still unsettled and not focused, just tap through the phases again.

I’m doing it all WRONG!

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It’s hard for me to get motivated to do EFT because I’m afraid I’m going to do it wrong. What can I do?

Trying new things is always hard. We get used to being able to do things well. Most of us, as adults, don’t have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill we’re uncomfortable.

Learning a new skill means we have to admit we don’t know something.

It means we can expect to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.

When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.

Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.

Luckily we weren’t self conscious at that point in our lives. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail didn’t stop us either. We simply wanted to walk, and we were going to do whatever it took to do it.

As adult, it’s not as easy. We don’t like the feeling of failure. We don’t like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON’T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.

Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed in) talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.

These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won’t grow.

It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on their own at first.

First, EFT itself is so mysterious. It is a modality outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping my face will reduce my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be very hard to master.

Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to master.

Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I’m working with clients I’m often guessing right along with the client as to what phrase to use next. With experience I’ve gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don’t always know what I’m doing.

The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round is not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.

You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.

It also didn’t cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost you 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.

If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT, here are some phrases you can use to start your session.

I know EFT is a powerful tool….I have seen it work in my own life….I have felt it in my own body….I’ve heard amazing stories of all that it can do….But I worry that I am not going to do it right….It is still something I don’t understand….It worked great when I was working with Gene….He is really good at EFT…. I’m not as good as he is….But I choose to know I can’t do this wrong….Even if I use the wrong words….Even if I tap the wrong points….There is no penalty for doing this….I only waste a few second of my life….Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information….Making the next round of tapping more successful….I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes….Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn…I’m not very good at EFT right now….But the only way I can get better is if I try — and make mistakes….This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car….At the beginning those things were really hard to do….But with practice I got better….I am going to do the same with EFT….I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Yawn!

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Sometimes when I’m tapping I yawn a lot. Why do I yawn during tapping, and is it a good or bad thing?

photo by Daniel James

Fear not! Yawning is good news.

There are a number of common physical reactions to tapping, such as feeling:

  • Light and free
  • Very relaxed
  • Sleepy
  • Energized

or releasing:

  • Long signs
  • Yawning

When we are doing tapping, especially around an emotional issue, I have found yawning means a great deal of energy is being moved. So when I see lots of yawning, I know progress is being made.

It is important to pay attention to your body. Lots of yawning also mean your body has less energy than when you started. If you feel very tired, it’s best to tap more later.

ALSO, if you are feeling drowsy after a tapping session you shouldn’t drive or do anything that requires intense concentration until your energy level is up again.

Remember, if your body is feeling pain or responding in a way that is not comfortable, stop tapping and consult a medical professional.

It Hurts!

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When I tap, some of the spots are very sensitive, even to the point of hurting a little. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it’s not always the same spot. Should I be worried?

It’s a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.

Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definitely in need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) you are taking total responsibility for your body. I’m not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won’t tap them. Instead I use one of two options.

The first option is “Touch and Breath” (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is avery effective alternative to tapping. Some practitioners I know only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it’s as effective as tapping.

The second option is to close your eyes and imagine you’re tapping on the point. The body responds and changes in response to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from your body.

It is very simple to do.

Say (or think) “This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.

“This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.

[How to use these tapping phrases]

Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It helps to watch yourself tap in a mirror; it builds the mental picture of you tapping. Initially it may not be as effective as tapping, but it can be very powerful.

There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public and nobody will notice. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.

Fear of Fear

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I have a really big emotional issue I need to deal with, but I’m afraid. In the past when I tried to work on the issue it was too painful, and I’m afraid to even think about the issue now. Is there some way I can get over my fear of the emotions that might come up?

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, a number of clients have come in for a session and have spent the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.

A perfect example would be “Jane,” a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted me after her mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.

Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, “Do you want to do this or not?”

She said she didn’t know. She explained, “I know this is going to be very emotional, and the feelings are so raw. I don’t want to go into
that pain.”

I thanked her for her honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.

[Note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprises themselves.]

I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get, the better Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is going to work, but in this case I didn’t think there was going to be any way that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.

She responded to my question by outlining something about the size of a egg-shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:

This is such a scary time…My heart is broken…I know this has hurt me…I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it’s going to hurt…It’s easier to just not think about this and bury it…But I know I need to heal…I need to move on…I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things…I know it will work for this…I have worked with Gene in the past, and he won’t allow me to be harmed…I trust the process. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the
emotions surrounding the reason she had come in.

There are a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):

1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to take the step towards healing. Something in ourselves prevents us from seeking the help we need because we expect it to be painful.

Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will first check to see if we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.

2) In the case documented it appears that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don’t know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interpret the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.

I have seen instances where clients can’t seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is their emotional response to the memory.

I don’t know what to say! (part 1)

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When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I’m working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a very common question. Remember, the words are simply intended to help us pull whatever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they feel like they are going to use the wrong words.

Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What matters is your focus on the problem, not the words.

Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.

Here is my first…
“Christi,” an EFT phone client, was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the “penalties” for going to gym:

Everyone will see she is so out of shape … She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing … She is so out of shape it’s hopeless … She will fail again.

We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.

I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future, the thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don’t name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique). I thought future tapping might work for Christi.

So I had Christi rate the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the
gym.” She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped…

I am going to climb into bed and be relaxed….My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep….I am going to get a good night’s sleep….The sleep will be restful….I will wake up energized and ready for the day….I am going to be ready to go to the gym….I am going have a great workout….I am going to be happy with my progress….I’m going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day. [How to use these tapping phrases]

We then tested the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym.” It had become an 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn’t feel true. We dealt with whatever residual issues there were (which I can’t remember right now). Christi has reported back that this has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. In fact, it was so effective, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.

I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don’t feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus on when they are tapping on their own. All they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:

  1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g., I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
  2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
  3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a perfect world.
  4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true, repeat the process.

Making Tapping and EFT Routine

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I love EFT, but find it hard to remember to use it. Do you have any suggestions to help me remember to use EFT regularly?
I find it very funny. When friends, family and clients are sharing with me something that has happened in the past week, when I ask, “Did you tap on it?,” inevitably they respond, “I always forget.”

Initially, in my practice, I found that very few clients were doing the homework we had agreed upon. As I started to investigate this, generally the response was as simple as, “I forgot.” In response to this, I started to give homework AND assign the time they should be doing the homework (e.g., sitting in the car before walking in to work, right before bed, while taking a morning walk).

Basically, without saying this, we were creating an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) routine. Here is an example of a routine for one of my clients, “Jane”.

Jane works for an agency that places and supports children in the foster care system, an emotionally trying job. It is stressful too because they are trying to do so much with limited resources. Jane was taking quite a bit of anxiety home from work.

The routine we created was very simple. Each day before she left work she would stop in the restroom, go into one of the stalls, and do EFT for five to ten minutes. She would address any emotions she had at that moment, as well as take a quick review of the day to see if there was anything she needed to clean up. Then, symbolically, she would flush the toilet to show her self that she had gotten rid of all the stress she was carrying around.

We very intentionally chose her workplace as the place she was going to do the work. Her concern was that she was bringing the emotion from work home with her. We very easily could have had her wait until she got home before she did EFT.

There are two problems with this. First, by waiting until she got home she was still bringing the emotion home (which is what we were trying to fix). Second, it was very easy to get distracted when she got home. There was the dog to take care of, her husband to greet and spend time with, and dinner to fix. It would be very easy to get distracted with all that was happening at home and not get to the EFT work she needed to do.

By having her do the EFT at her workplace both of these problems were resolved. First, doing the EFT at work, all of the emotion associated with the job was staying at work. Second, by making it part of her exit routine from the office there was no way she was going to get distracted from doing EFT. It simply became one more step to getting out the door, like turning off her computer, packing her bag, and turning the voice mail on.

4 Steps to Tapping and Doing EFT Everyday

1) Do it at the same time everyday.
There will be occasions when we need to do EFT right away, but most things can be dealt with at a designated time. Look at how well we brush our teeth. Every night before we go to bed, the last thing we all do is brush our teeth. I know I don’t think why I’m brushing, it’s just part of the routine. It’s much easier to do any sort of maintenance for our health when it’s done at a regular time. This is true for brushing our teeth, going to the gym, or doing EFT.

2) Do it in the same place every time.
Now this might not be possible, but I have found it very helpful to have a consistent location. I do all of my prayer, meditation, and EFT in a special chair, which I use the chair only for these activities. The moment I start moving toward that chair, I immediately start to feel relaxed because my body, mind, and spirit know what’s coming.

You don’t have to have a special place where you only do EFT, but by having a consistent location (in bed, the kitchen table, the porch swing) you’re more likely to do it.

Also, it is important to pick a place where you won’t be distracted. In the living room while the kids are watching TV might not be the best choice.

3) Have a game plan when you sit down.
Mine looks something like this. First, I scan my body for any aches and pains and work on them first.

Second, I review my day to see what residual emotions are kicking around.

Third, I think about what’s happening tomorrow. I see if I’m worried about what is to come and then do one round of future tapping. 

Fourth, I do work on whatever pressing issue there is in my life (e.g., a new job, relationship with someone). This is some area of my life that needs work, but isn’t going to happen in just one session.

Finally, I do a round of thanks-giving tapping.

This routine might be too involved for you, but having a game plan assures that you make good use of your time.
Also, this is not set in stone. If I find there is something else I need to do with my time, I can do it, but it’s a good starting point.

4) Don’t get too ambitious when creating a routine.
When you create your routine, start small. The quickest way to stop doing a routine is to simply avoid doing a routine that’s too complex. When you are first creating your routine, make it as simple as just working on your aches and pains, in bed, right before you fall asleep. After you’ve done this for a week or two, add another component to your routine.