Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Fail Forward Fast

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A few weeks ago I wrote about the main reasons we don't take action is fear.

Of all the fears we experience the one my clients talk about most is the fear of failure and the consequences that come with failure, such as the waste of time, feeling embarrassed that others have seen us fail, and missing an opportunity, to name just a few.

The truth is that often failing is the best thing that can happen to us because of how much we learn about failure.

Ready! Fire! Aim!

There is a common misconception about the skill of sharpshooters. Most people believe that they are so skilled and prepare so much for a shot that when they fire they are prefect.

In reality, particularly for long distance shots, they quickly line up the best shot they can and once they have fired, they follow the trajectory of the bullet. When they see where their first shot lands they have a better understanding of the conditions (like wind). They rapidly adjust and fire again.

The second bullet is fired so quickly that their target hasn't had a chance to respond to the first shot.

You could see the first shot as a failure as it missed the target, but because a lot was learned from the first shot, the second is much more precise.

Fail Forward Fast

When successful business men and women are asked what they would do differently in growing their businesses a common response is, “I would have made my mistakes much quicker. I didn't know what I didn't know and my assumptions were flawed. Only through trial and error did I find my way to the right path.”

In the first press conference after Cam Cameron was hired as head coach of the Miami Dolphins he declared that the team was going to “fail forward fast”. He was setting the tone for his players and coaches that mistakes were OK as long as they were made in the right direction and lessons were learned from them.

Not Failing For Failure's Sake

It’s important to note in the sharpshooter example that the first shot is fired with thought, training, and experience. Once a reasonable shot is lined up feedback is gathered from the results.

When we take action we are not doing it mindlessly or carelessly. We are not seeking failure just so we can claim progress from it.

Instead we are doing enough planning to take a reasonable action that will move us forward and if we do fail we will also have the opportunity to learn from it.

Here is a simple way to tap to help you to take action when the fear of failure is holding you back:

There is a part of me that is afraid that I will fail…Failure is no fun..Failure hurts…Failure shows others I can't do this…Failure is a waste of time…Failure is a waste of an opportunity…Because I am worried about failure I am not taking action…I recognize the fact that everything I can do today…At some point I couldn't do it…And I failed many times while learning how to do it…When I fail I am gaining real world experience…And that will help me to make better choices next time…I will never get it perfect by planning and planning and planning…At some point I need to take action…I am not going to be careless…And I am not going to be thoughtless…I give myself permission to take action knowing I won’t be perfect…Because I can make progress and be successful without having to be perfect…I have survived failure before and I will survive it again…I am not failing just to fail…I am not seeking failure…But when it happens I will make the most of it.

Clearing The Fear

If you are looking for help clearing the fears (named and unnamed) you have before taking action I would encourage you to check out the Ruach Center where you will find over 280 tap-along audios, with over 100 of them geared towards clearing resistance to action which shows up in the form of fear.

There are over 45 minutes of tap-along audios geared to dealing with the fear of failure and over 30 minutes designed specifically to clear the need to be perfect before taking action.

Just Because We Can Try It On Anything Doesn’t Mean It Works For Everything

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I love the emails that I receive from my readers. (You can always email me directly.)

At least once a day I receive some version of the question: “What are the tapping phrases I should use for [insert issues]?”

This question is flawed in two ways.

First, the words we use are not magic. There are no “right” words to tap to. (I address this in “The Most Misunderstood Part Of Tapping: The Words You Say”.)

Second, there are times when tapping isn't going to solve the problem.

For example, one of my clients recently started our session with, “I am having trouble sitting down to build the website for my business. I would like to tap for that.”

I didn't ask about emotional issues. I didn't ask what she was afraid of. I didn't ask about past childhood traumas with computers.

I asked, “Do you know how to build a website?”

She said, “No.”

[Read more…] about Just Because We Can Try It On Anything Doesn't Mean It Works For Everything

You Can’t Think Your Way Out Of Irrational Fear

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[Note: If I were to boil down the root cause for why people don't take action it would be fear. Today we are going to explore fear and how it impacts our capacity to take action.]

Of all the emotions that we experience, fear is the most powerful.

I don't mean that it is the strongest emotion. In my experience that is sadness.

When I say fear is the strongest what I mean is that if we are feeling a number of different emotions at once, fear will override all others.

[Read more…] about You Can't Think Your Way Out Of Irrational Fear

Your Goals Are Holding You Back

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I am a huge fan of goal setting!

About once a year I sit down to craft out my goals for the next year. Once a month I look at my goals and rewrite them to meet the changes in my life. Every Monday morning I spend a few minutes reading and tapping with my goals.

I have found that goal setting has been hugely beneficial in my life and I don't say that in a “I feel better” way. There is tangible evidence that I am more productive, happier, and healthier because of setting goals.

But there is a dark side to goal setting.

Sometimes we set the wrong goal.
[Read more…] about Your Goals Are Holding You Back

You Are Acting Too Responsible AND It Is Hurting You

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I'm lucky.

My life is filled with caring people. People who go much more than the extra mile to take care others. They are thoughtful, they are insightful, and they often know the needs of their loved ones before their loved ones do.

When I see this type of love, care, and concern I am inspired.

And I am heartbroken.

Give Too Much
The problem that very insightful and caring people have is that because they so clearly see the suffering and needs of other that they often put other people's needs first.

Well, that is not true.

Often they put other people's needs first, second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth.

When this happens they end up putting themselves last.

Not only does this make it harder to pursue their goals but there are times where they end up hurting themselves.

Creating Boundaries
Once we realize that we are giving too much we realize that we need to start creating boundaries.

There are two problems with this.

One, we feel like we are letting other people down. We feel like we are being selfish. We feel like we are no longer being caring. Or at the extreme we can feel like because we are not taking care of others we are actively hurting them.

Two, it is hard to recalibrate relationships after we have created a precedent of us always taking care of the needs of others first.

I was talking to my sister last week about this idea and her struggle to create boundaries with some of her co-workers. She said something that I think rings true.

I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for my co-workers.

I really think that sums it up perfectly.

It puts us in the right frame of mind. We are not saying we don't care. We are not saying we are only thinking of ourselves. We are saying that we are going to be responsible adults.

Responsible adults help those in desperate need. Responsible adults are thoughtful about how their actions impact others.

But at the same time we are not taking responsibility for someone else's life or actions. They need to do that.

I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for my co-workers.

For me that statement cuts a nice middle ground of not giving up and not taking on too much.

Tapping To Create Boundaries
If you are struggling to create boundaries in your life the first thing I would do is to take my sisters phrase “I need to be a responsible adult. I am not responsible for other.” and just tap on that over and over again.

Next, I would take these aspects one at a time and tap for them

  • I feel like I am letting other people down.
  • I feel like I am being selfish.
  • I feel like I am no longer being caring.
  • I feel like I am actively hurting others by caring for myself.

If you are looking for support in helping to clear this issue there are lots of tap-along audios around letting others down, being selfish, and how others will respond to you if you are following your goals in the Ruach Center.

There you will find over 160 tap-along audios (with more added each week) and there are a number of them are focused on creating boundaries and being able to put ourselves first. Full details: Ruach Center.