Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

11 Best of the Last 6 Months

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photo by vectorportal

These are necessarily the best articles on the site, but these are some of my favorites. To make it easier to navigate I have chosen one entry from 11 different categories. Please add a comment to the bellow on what some of your favorites have been.

Information
From time to time I get an e-mail or a comment that says, “You are just money grubbing hack. How dare you charge to share healing information. It is good that we are all on the same page. Here is the most recent explanation of Why Tapping/EFT Q and A Was Created.

Podcast
There have been so many great pods it was hard to choose. Tapping for Trauma w/ Gwyneth Moss transformed the way I understood the ways we are wounded which directly impacts the way we heal.

Bonus Podcast
Bonus pods are quick records that have great infor, but don’t need a full show. In Something That Needs A Cool Name, But Doesn’t Have One I share a great little tool you can use everyday. The pod is only 4min long.

(subscribe to the the podcast feed in iTunes or check out the complete podcast archive)

Post I am Most Proud Of
I spent much or 2010 working on A Healing Manifesto – Recovering Self I think it is one of the best things I have written to date. I think this information is so important I am considering making it required reading for new clients. There is both English and Spanish versions of the ebook and an English version of the audio book.

Words
This is personally one of my favorite types of articles. I love language. I love words. I love the way the words we use shape the way we heal (or don’t heal). “…and I choose this for my reality!” I look at how the way we describe ourselves can stop our healing process dead in its tracks.

I would encourage you to check out the full words series.

Sessions
One of the reasons I love working with clients is because I learn so much. From time to time I share some of the lessons I have learned from working with clients. In 12 Lessons From Tapping With A Total Stranger On A Flight I share the story of what I learned from tapping with a stranger on a flight.

Question and Answer
The heart of this site is still answers peoples questions. The Q & A that received the most feedback was People Who Suck Us Emotionally Dry – AKA Emotional Vampires. You know who your emotional vampires are. Here is how you can care for yourself.

Big Picture Information
There are the detailed articles (how to tap for cravings) and then there are big picture ideas. I love the big picture stuff. It helps me to move from one issue to the next. One of the hardest concepts to get in tapping is Psychological Reversal. Here is my take on it.

Opinion
Sometimes I write about what I think, not just what I know. How One Minute Miracles Can Be Bad For The Tapping Community covers what I think is a very important idea to keep in mind.

TapAlong Audio
As you know I have been adding TapAlong Audios every week to the site. In “The crap I know is better than the crap I don’t know” you can tap on one of the main reasons we resist change.

Practitioner
I love helping other practitioners build and grow their practices. In the three part Content Creation Series I explain my process for creating free resources (like this) and products that I sell.

Guest Article
From time to timoe I feature an article from a practitioner I admore. In Round Up I was able to get great info from 10 awesome practitioners on the healing process.

Dealing With Procrastination When You Can’t Name The Drawback For Doing It?

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photo by Doug Waldron

I have read a lot of articles on tapping/EFT and procrastination. Almost every article talks about the first thing you should do is to name what could go wrong or what is the penalty for taking the action. I can see that if you cleared the emotional charge around these pitfalls how it could help you to move forward. The problem I have is I have no idea why I don’t want to do these tasks. I know they are important. I know they are needed. I know they will improve my life. I can’t figure out why, even on a subconscious level, why I think these are bad steps for me to take. How else can I use tapping to get through this procrastination?

I have heard from my clients and I have seen in my own life the biggest reason that we don’t have the success we want is our own procrastination.

The question above states it correctly: The fastest way to get past procrastination is to find what could go wrong or what penalty is associated with the action, but sometimes this is not possible. When you find yourself procrastinating but you can’t figure out why you are procrastinating, here are four things you can do to help get past the procrastination.

[Looking for a more comprehensive way of getting past what is keeping you stuck? Check out: 10 Steps To Getting Out Of Your Own Way]

Break The Task Into Steps
One of the reasons that we don’t start a project is because we aren’t clear on exactly what we need to do. Because we are unclear about this on a subconscious level it can feel unwieldy, overwhelming, or just plain confusing.

Merlin Mann recently said something really interesting on the Back To Work Podcast. He said (to paraphrase), that if something takes more than one step it is not a task, it is a project. The example he gave was putting up the Christmas tree. It feels like one small task, but you have to get the tree out of storage, clear the space the tree is going to go into, and put the stuff that was in that space somewhere else. AND, we haven’t even considered decorating the tree yet!

Suddenly, the one line on the to-do list “put up the Christmas tree” is a much bigger task. Subconsciously, we know there is more to it, but since we are unclear what the steps are, it just feels bigger. Bigger means it is going to be harder than we thought. It is easier to just avoid bigger.

If you have a task, no matter how small, that you can’t seem to get yourself to do, come up with a detailed list of the steps. This will make the project much more manageable. You will recognize that it can be done quickly or you will realize that you don’t have to do it all right now, but there is some of it you can do now.

Tapping would look something like this:

I have this task that I just don’t want to do…I know that if I break this task up into smaller pieces that I am going to be able to see that it is not that big of a deal…right now part of me knows that it is just bigger than the one task I am saying it is…even if I don’t know exactly what all the steps are…by taking a few minutes to think about this task in steps I am going to be able to get it done…I know I can figure out the steps

[take a few moments to come up with a list of steps and then continue tapping]

I can now see that this task isn’t as complicated as my subconscious thought…I now have a plan of what needs to be done…even if I can’t do all of these steps right now…I know what the next step is…each of these steps are manageable…and if one of the steps isn’t manageable and I procrastinate away from it…I can repeat this process…and break those steps down into smaller steps…this is possible…I can do this

Think Of Something You Failed At
Many times we have a hard time doing a task because there is part of us that feels like we have failed before and we are going to fail again. This can be hard to pinpoint because we might have failed at a relationship in the past and now we are trying to clean our house. I know that seems like a very extreme leap, but I have seen such wild connections with my clients.

When this happens it is very difficult for us to make the connection between these two extremes, therefore making it hard to tap on the original failure. When this happens it is possible for us to tap on failing in the past without having to know the exact manner in which it might be tied to this moment.

To do this start by thinking of something small that you failed at recently. It could be a meal that you burned, someone you forgot to pick up, or something you didn’t complete on time. Tune-in to as many of the details as possible. Pay attention to how you feel now about the situation. Tap on something like this:

I have made mistakes in the past…I hate when I make mistakes…I look silly…I look foolish…I look like I can’t do anything…but I have made many mistakes in the past that haven’t been the end of the world…Even when it feels like it is the end of the world…it wasn’t really the end of the world…I thought it was much worse than it was…as I look back now it just seems a little silly…I know there are times when I am not going to do everything right…but I can recover from these mistake…when I give something a try I am going to learn in the process of doing it…and I am going to do better the next time…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I try new things…I don’t have to do them alone…I can make this happen… in the past where things didn’t work out perfectly…but it worked out in the end…that can happen again.

After doing this, try the task you are struggling to do again. Most times you will be able to easily start the task. If not think of another past failure and tap on it. Even though these past failures are not directly related to what is going on, the tapping will help free our subconscious up from it’s misperception that imperfection is unacceptable, and this in turn will make taking action easier.

Is It A Priority?
We can say something is really a priority, we can say something is very important, and we can say something needs to get done, but do we really mean it? In the business world companies talk all the time about their core values as a business. They will choose things like integrity, quality, and customer service. In many cases these are just empty words that might seem like a good idea but the company isn’t really taking them seriously day-to-day.

The only time a company takes these values seriously is when they can state why they want this goal, there is a budget for it, there is a due dateand there is someone who is assigned to be in charge of making it happen. Otherwise they are just paying lip-service.

The same can be true for many of our tasks that don’t seem to get done. We can state that working out is a really good idea. In a concrete way we can name why it is a good idea. We might even tell others that working-out is something we want to do. Working-out can be on our to-do list every day, but if it isn’t really a priority it is never going to get done.

Here is how you can determine if a task is something that is a priority or if it is something that you are just paying lip-service to and therefore can just be crossed-off your list because your are never going to do it. Think of the task you are struggling to do and answer these four questions (also, write the answer out):

  • Budget/Resource: What are you willing to commit to achieve this goal? I am not talking about just financial resources, but also your time and your emotional energy. Some tasks are only going to take a little time while others are going to require you to carve out time regularly (like working out a couple days a week). Clearly name what you are willing to do for this task.
  • Due Date: When does it need to be done by? It is amazing how powerful a deadline can be.
  • Responsibility: Are you willing to take responsibility for it? This is something to consider seriously. Are you willing to say, “I am taking responsibility to do [insert task]”? If you aren’t, then the task is never going to get done.
  • Why do you want to do it? This is an important question. Often times we say what we want to do without giving any thought as to why we are doing it. It is hard to lose weight, but it becomes easier to work out when we are doing it to make sure we are healthy to be around for our children. What do you get from doing this task? How does your life change by doing this task?

After you answer these four questions you can do one of two things. One, you can realize it is something that you don’t want or need to do and it has ended up on your to-do list for some other reason. If this is the case, kill the task. Or secondly, take your answers and read them out loud as you tap. This will clear resistance and you will be doing the task before you know it.

What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen?
The question, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” is a very powerful reframe. I love using this when tapping with clients by pointing out really ridiculous outcomes that are not going to happen. For example, let’s say you want to ask for a raise, but can’t bring yourself to do it. Here is a way to tap for it:

I want to ask for a raise…but I am worried it is going to go badly…I know that when I ask for a raise the building is not going to blow up…I am not going to drop dead of a heart attack…my boss is not going to run out of the room screaming and yelling…I am not going to be fired on the spot.

Are all of those extreme? Yes, but when we tune-in to the absolute extreme it is going to take some of the power out of our fear. Even when we don’t know what might go wrong we can name a thousand really bad things that aren’t going to happen. Give it a try. Just start tapping and name the things that aren’t going to happen.

  • The world is not going to end
  • You are not doing to die
  • All hope and love are not going to be eliminated
  • Puppies are not going to die
  • Children are not going to cry
  • The BeeGees are not going to get back together

Yes it is laughable, but you will feel easier about what you would like to do.

Conclusion
The most import thing to remember when you are procrastinating about doing a task or taking a step is to not get frustrated with yourself. When we get frustrated we are compounding the problem. Not only are we not doing what we want to be doing, but we are also feeling bad about it. Be easy with yourself. Take a deep breath and try one of these steps and you will start moving towards your goal.

Another New Year’s Goal Setting Post (AND That’s A Good Thing)

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I know we are months past the beginning of the year. More than likely you have forgotten all your New Year’s Resolutions.

The fact that January 1st is the beginning of the “New Year” is somewhat arbitrary. Really the first day of the year could have been any day, but for some reason when calendars where being created they chose January 1st. If we use the “New Year” as a tool to reflect on our life and as a chance to look ahead then it can be a very helpful thing.

So now that we are well past the craziness of the holidays and you have some time to reflect on what you thought was going to be important this year, let’s try this again.

Let’s make today the Re-New Year to reflect and plan action.

Last year I wrote about “Why I Am Giving Up Self Improvement In The New Year” and I would encourage you to revisit (!) it as a new way of looking at taking care of yourself.

The last week of December Joe Vitale shared 7 Ways to Make 2011 Amazing on his blog. Here are a few of the points that I really loved. (If you are interested I would encourage you to read Joe’s full article.)

[Side note: This is really a two-part article in disguise. In this part I am talking about what you can do. In part two I am going to give you tapping scripts for each of these steps. If this feels overwhelming, just hang in there, help is coming.]

1. Set Intentions.

Tip: To get out of the ego’s trap of thinking in terms of limitations, add “this or something better” to each intention. Example: “I intend to increase my income in 2011 by 50%, or something better.”

I think setting goals is a really import part of success. I have been doing a little tapping experiment in my own life. I have been reviewing my goals for the year every week. When I say review I mean I am just reading the list every Monday. Then I am just doing my regular tapping. I am not even tapping on the issues around the goal. The simple fact that the goals are at the front of my mind is also bringing my resistance to the front of my mind. The combination of these facts with tapping daily is vaulting me towards my goals.

I also love Joe’s tip of “this or something better.” I have been using that for years. It really opens us up to possibilities that we didn’t know that are out there for us, but we might miss because we are not looking for them.

2. Schedule Actions.

Tip: If an intention seems overwhelming, break it down into doable smaller steps. As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you write a book? One chapter (or even one page) at a time.

I use the free version of the website Toodledo to manage all my tasks. This is not just for my business, but I also use it to remind me to work out, plan my day, and to take time to do my personal tapping. You don’t have to use some fancy tool, but naming the steps and putting them in writing is a great way to move forward.

3. Take Action.

Nothing happens until something moves.

Tip: Look at your schedule (in step two) to know what to do. Then go do it. Your rule of thumb is to take ten actions every day in the direction of making your intentions for 2011 come into reality.

Tony Robins once said something to the effect of, “If you sit at home all day gazing at your vision board something is going to happen . . . the repo man is going to show up and take all your stuff.” We need to be people of action.

I think expecting yourself to do 10 things every day is a great goal to work towards, but let’s start simple. If you spend 10 minutes working towards a goal today, by the end of the month you will have spent 5 hours working towards your goal. If you are looking for ideas on how to add action to your day, check out Making It Routine

4. Face Fears.

Along the way in the new year you’ll have doubts, fears, set-backs and blocks. Don’t let them stop you. Fear isn’t something to redirect you; if anything, it’s simply warning you that you are leaving your comfort zone and doing something new.

If there weren’t resistance, then you would have already reached your goal. There is something that is holding you back from moving forward. Be honest with yourself. Name your fears. Knock your fears out!

5. Feed Your Brain.

Turn off the mainstream news. It’s designed to program you with fear and uncertainty. Instead, listen to self-improvement audios, read success literature, and watch inspirational and informational shows.

Take time to take care of yourself. Make it a priority. It is really easy to say, “I really need to do this task and I can tap tomorrow.” The next thing you know you haven’t spent any time tapping in three weeks.

Make it a priority. Put it on your schedule. Make an appointment with yourself. Turn off your phone. Lock your door. Do what you have to do to do a little each day to care for yourself. YOU ARE WORTHY OF DOING THIS!

7. Get Support.

Surround yourself with people who encourage, motivate, and inspire you . . . find at least one person who believes in you.

None of us are going to get where we want to get alone. Get help with your tapping. Pick the brain of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve. Every Tuesday I have a 15 minute call with my business coach to make sure I am staying on track and to use the wisdom of a man who has owned a small business for over 30 years. At least once every six weeks I work with someone to help me to tap on my issues. Get help you are worthy of!

A Million Thoughts Going Through Your Head
As you read through this list I am sure you had a number of thoughts.

  • Yes! I already know that.
  • Wow! That is a new way of looking at that.
  • I’ve tried that before, but it didn’t work out so well.
  • There is too much to do all at once. I don’t know where to start!
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

It is one thing to know what we need to do, but it is something completely different to do it. Over the next few weeks I am going to take each one of these ideas and expand upon them with a tapping script to deal with the resistance that you are feeling. I know it is there because I feel it too! But that is ok . . . we can get through this together.

Pod #55: Cravings, Savoring Food, and 3 Steps To Approach Every Problem

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This is a slightly different type of podcast. Instead of a straightforward teaching or an interview it is much more a conversation. The topic of the conversation with my friend Sue is cravings, eating, and weight release. Because of the nature of conversation we touch on many other things.

We talk about:

  • Reasons people have cravings
  • Becoming the observer of our self
  • How to be able to tap when something is happening, not just after the fact
  • Why treat your inner voice like a 5 year old
  • The difference between craving and savoring (lessons in conscious choice)
  • What we can learn (and not learn) from “What Not To Wear”
  • The balance between losing ourselves in our goals and total apathy
  • Why it is good that we struggle with how we look
  • Degrees of pain
  • Trading one craving for another (changing habits v healing wounds)
  • 3 steps to approach every problem

Strategic Self Kindness

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[Note from Gene: One of the biggest struggles I face in my own healing is the ablity to be easy with myself. I want better for myself. I expect more of myself. I know what I am capable of better. I WANT IT NOW! This makes it very hard to be easy with myself. It is something I tap on almost daily. In this article Janet Hilts a wonderful plan on how we can be easy with ourselves.]

photo by Aunt Owwee

Being gentle with yourself feels good. But do you know that it’s also a very practical tool? Self kindness is a great strategy for moving ahead – either for personal development or for business. It works for whatever your focus is and here’s why:

Self kindness saves time and energy, leaving you more of both for what you really want to do.
If you’re NOT gentle with yourself, you lose momentum every time something goes wrong or doesn’t go the way you want it to.

  • Criticizing yourself takes head time: all your thoughts about what you did wrong, what you should have done instead, etc.
  • Criticizing yourself takes heart time: all the crummy feelings about yourself.
  • And your focus turns totally inward.

To pull out of this state takes even more time and energy — recovery time to get your head turned around, to open your heart back up and feel better emotionally, and to turn outward again.

Self kindness, on the other hand, leaves you buoyant – with plenty of energy to focus outward and keep moving. It subtracts nothing from you to be kind to yourself. It doesn’t use up energy; it increases it. And the vibe it creates is contagious.

My point is that it’s highly practical as a strategy. So I hope you’ll consider using self-kindess — deliberately.
These are the steps to take to start using self kindness on a regular basis for yourself:

1. First, investigate your resistance to making self kindness a deliberate strategy. Get quiet and listen to the little voice inside your head that tells you why it’s not a good idea to do that, and stirs up fears about it. If you’re not using self kindness, it’s because a part of you has some good reasons for that. So listen for those reasons, those fears and beliefs. And then write them down.

What beliefs come up for you? They could be things like:

  • I’ll lose my motivation if I’m too nice to myself. I won’t feel like doing anything.
  • I don’t know how to do it. The people I know don’t do this.
  • It’s going to be too hard. Maybe it’s impossible.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing. This sounds crazy to me.
  • I don’t know if this can help me. What’s the point?
  • Etc. (whatever comes to mind)

Write those down.

2. Then take the whole list and cluster them together as a package. Now measure the emotional impact of that package on a scale of 1 to 10. How strong is that resistance of all those fears and beliefs together? And write the number down.

3. Then start tapping. Do one round of “This resistance to self kindness.”

Then do a few rounds of tapping, giving voice to the resistance. You can just read off your list as you tap.

Continue tapping until you get your resistance down to a zero.

4. The next thing that you can do is to create some positive statements and tap those in as affirmations. For example:

  • I easily go to self kindness first thing.
  • I love how it makes me feel.
  • My self kindness is contagious to the people around me.
  • I can feel my heart opening as I relax into self kindness.
  • Etc. (whatever comes to YOUR mind)

Have fun creating the list. Then just tap those affirmations in as a practice, first thing in the morning – no need for a setup. Simply move around the points as you tap on the positive statements.

Then enjoy the rewards of practicing self kindness as a deliberate strategy – and the ripple effect. Everyone you come in contact with will reap the benefits.

With coaching and EFT, Janet Hilts helps creatives and professionals dissolve personal blocks to success so they can move forward to do what they really want to do. Find Janet on-line @ web; facebook; twitter; radio

How Progress Happens – 10 Lessons Learned From Working With The Feeling of Anxiety All Day At Work

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photo by Phil Hollenback

Recently I was working with “Kelly.” We had been working every week or two for 30 minutes at a time on the issue of anxiety she was feeling at work. When we started working she described the anxiety as being present from the moment she walked in the door until she left. There were moments that she just wanted to run from the room screaming.

In the last eight weeks we have had six 30-minute sessions. We have not completely taken care of the issue, but a lot of progress has been achieved. Here are the steps that we have taken and the lessons that can be learned from our process.

Thinking About The Day And Not Feeling The Stress
In the beginning the anxiety that Kelly felt lasted well beyond just the work day. As the weekend would come to an end the feeling would start to grow. She would wake up in the morning with that gross feeling in the pit in her stomach. Just thinking of the office would bring the feeling on.

To begin with we started very simple. I had her imagine a very specific day she was at work and to start describing how she felt. I had her explain, in very specific detail, how she felt physically in conjunction with the emotion. Each time it was a little different. It would manifest itself as wanting to run away, a sinking feeling in the stomach, her heart quickly beating, or fidgety hands.

With each of these symptoms I would have Kelly thank the symptom for trying to get her attention and ask the symptom why it felt the way it felt. The system would provide information like it is not safe, I don’t know what to do if too much comes up quickly, or I might say something foolish to the clients.

We took each of these issues one at a time and tapped on them like we would for any other issue. After clearing the particular issue I would have Kelly once again imagine that she was at work. We did this until she would feel no more anxiety while thinking she was at work.

When we chatted a week later she reported that she still felt the same level of anxiety at work.

Lesson 1: Just because we are able to clear an issue imagining that it is happening to us, it does not mean that we have cleared the issue. At the same time this does not mean that the tapping we have done is useless. There are many more triggers to anxiety when we are in the working environment versus just thinking of the working environment. It simply means that we are not done.

Lesson 2: We can get a great deal of information from a physical sensation. Many times all we need to do is ask what it is about. If you haven’t done this type of work before this might seem very odd. All you have to do is pretend the tight chest has a voice to speak and ask, “Why are you so scared?” You will be surprised. Treat this newly found voice as a friend that you are tapping with. Keep providing it information like, “I know you think you are not safe at work, but you know intellectually no one is going to hurt you at work.” As you do this you will continue to get more and more specific information about the issue at hand which will give you more specific tappable issues.

Thinking About Going To Work
We continued the same pattern in the next sessions. Kelly would tune-in to something happening at work. We would tap on the issue. We got to the point where we were quickly knocking out the anxiety around the past moments and they weren’t revealing any new information in regards to the core issues.

We then moved to having Kelly imagine future moments at work. Each time we did this we would add more and more details that we knew would make her more anxious. Kelly would imagine that more than one person would be approaching the desk at once, that the phone was ringing, that a co-worker came up from behind to ask for something, and we had her imagine that one of the people she didn’t know who was approaching her desk was particularly handsome. We didn’t add all of these details at once, but instead one at a time. As we added new details we would see where the anxiety was and why it was there. Once Kelly was able to tap it away we would add another detail.

We did this until she could imagine every detail at work and not feel any anxiety. Once we got to this point Kelly reported that she felt anxious at work, but no longer felt anxious heading into work in the morning. Many mornings she even felt a little calm, but the feeling of anxiety would slowly creep in. Before long it was at full bore.

Lesson 3: Once we have worked through past memories it is very helpful to place ourselves in future situations where we are experiencing the thing that is giving us trouble. The nice thing about EFT is we are able to creep up on an issue and not have to deal with everything all at once. I have found it to be most effective to add one new detail at a time so we make sure we are clearing as much as we can about one aspect before we move on to the next aspect. The nice thing about doing work in this fashion is we can create extreme scenarios without having to place ourselves in any sort of danger. Kelly may never experience everything going wrong at once, but we can pretend that that is what it is going to be like. As we saw above, this doesn’t mean that we are going to be symptom-free when we step into the situation, but we are going to deal with it in a better way.

Being Calm At Work
As more time passed it became easier and easier for Kelly at work. In addition to the weekly tapping we were doing, she was also tapping daily before going into work. She wasn’t spending a great deal of time, but just 10 minutes at the beginning of each day. At this point she was very familiar with the different aspects so she knew what to tap on. She reported that the calm now lasted through most of the morning. Most days as the afternoon got busy at the office the feeling of anxiety would come back. Some days it came back as strong as it did when we first started.

Lesson 4: Issues that have taken a lifetime to build are not going to change over night. Yes, we are making progress. Yes, things are better. An issue like general anxiety can knit itself into many parts of our life and isn’t going to be neutralized over night. That doesn’t mean that if we have taken 10 years for an issue to develop that it is going to take 10 years to remove it, but we need to be patient with ourselves and patient with the problem. Healing is a process and a process that we need to give time.

Lesson 5: Persistence pays off! The sessions we were doing weren’t my traditional full one hour sessions and Kelly wasn’t doing tapping work for hours a day. Instead, together and on her own, were doing a little work at a time, just chipping away at the issue. Thirty minutes of more intense tapping with me plus 10 minutes a day was being much more successful than if we just tapped once a week for those same 80 minutes. If you are going after a persistent issue, then being persistent with your tapping is the best way to go.

Naming What Is Going On As It Happens
In a recent session Kelly said, “This week at work when I was feeling really anxious, I decided to write down everything I was feeling in that moment so we could work on it.” This made me so happy because not only was she giving us information that would be helpful in our tapping, but it was also a sign of great progress. She was no longer so overwhelmed by the anxiety. Sure she felt it, but instead just being overwhelmed she was able to think, “Hey, it is happening again. I know what is going on.” When we do this it allows us to do work in the moment, not just after the fact.

Lesson 6: One of the real goals of this type of work is to become observers of our own lives. When we are able to notice our own thoughts and reactions we are able to change them. It is because of the persistence that Kelly had been working with that got her to this moment. She went from only noticing why things were happening at a great distance with the help of a practitioner, to being able to notice what was happening on her own after the fact, and finally to noticing important details in the moment.

Lesson 7: Getting things out of our head is a great way to defuse some of their power. I asked Kelly what it was like to write the symptoms down as she was feeling them. She said that is made some of the anxiety go away. Our minds often act as an echo chamber. As the thought bounces around it gets louder and slightly distorted. This is how we can work ourselves up about some feared event that hasn’t happened. When we get these thoughts out of our mind and observe them in the warm light of day we see they are silly and they lose their power. In Kelly’s case she wrote down that, “It is not safe at work and I need to escape.” The moment she saw that on her note pad she realized that this distorted thought wasn’t true, and so writing it down took some of the power out of the anxiety. Writing down what we are feeling is a great tool. You can take what you have written down and throw it away or you can use it for tapping phrases and then get rid of it. [Tapping and journaling]

Being Frustrated With Not Getting The Tapping To Work Every Time
Right now Kelly is getting through most mornings without a problem. There are still issues most afternoons and she reported that some of the time when she tapped in the afternoon it had little effect and this has hurt her enthusiasm for tapping at work.

Lesson 8: It is very easy to be frustrated with the new normal when we have lost touch with the old normal. In the beginning, for Kelly it was painful just to think about being at work. She is not at the point where most mornings are fine and some afternoons are good. But in the moment of her current frustration she is no longer thinking about the progress. She is only thinking about the feeling she has right now. This is what we all do. We are so engrossed in the emotion of the moment that we forget how far we have come. It is good from time to time to take a step back and see how much progress we have made. This will make it easier for us to move forward.

Lesson 9: Just because something doesn’t work every time doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try it. I wish tapping worked every time for every issue, but that is not the case. But consider this: I have something that is going to work half the time for that feeling of anxiety, it isn’t going to cost you anything, there are no negative side effects, and it will only take 10 minutes. Would you give it a try? When I framed it that way to Kelly she said of course she would. She even conceded that if it only worked one day a week it would be more than worth giving it a try.

Being Frustrated With Progress
This is one thing that Kelly hasn’t experienced. She has kept a very even head all the way through the process. She has recognized how much better her life is and excited to keep working toward more progress. But not everyone does this during the healing process. (I am one of those people who struggle with this!)

Lesson 10: Just because you don’t have total success doesn’t mean that you don’t have success. My friend Dan Cleary [Podcast interview with Dan Cleary] introduced me to the concept of the 10% solution. In a nut shell the 10% solution states that changing an issue 10% to the better can dramatically improve the quality of life. For example, someone who has 10% relief in chronic pain might now be able to sit through a full movie or now go out to dinner with a loved one. Sure they still have pain, but by reducing the pain just 10%, their life is noticeably better.

So often we look at an issue as we either have it or we don’t have it and we fail to realize that by changing the degree we experience something, that this can change our life. If you asked Kelly, “Do you still have anxiety at work?” the answer is obviously yes. This might look like a failure. But she has gone from feeling it every moment of every day to feeling it some afternoons, often to a lesser degree. Is it perfect? Not at all, but it is a major improvement and her life is much better because of it.

It is important that we don’t turn our issues into “we have it or we don’t,” but it is much more important to understand how the issue impacts our life and how we can move to reduce its impact.

Conclusion
Any issue that has knit its way into many parts of our lives is very often going to take time and persistence to knock it out. When we know this, it is possible to stay focused on the task at hand and create a reasonable plan for making the change.

Pod #53: Fibromyalgia w/ Rue Hass

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According to U.S. National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health Fibromyalgia is:

a common syndrome in which people experience long-term, body-wide pain and tender points in joints, muscles, tendons, and other soft tissues.

Fibromyalgia has also been linked to fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, depression, anxiety, and other symptoms.

The cause of this disorder is unknown. Although none have been well proven, possible causes or triggers of fibromyalgia include:

  • Physical or emotional trauma
  • An abnormal pain response. Areas in the brain that are responsible for pain may react differently in fibromyalgia patients.
  • Sleep disturbances, which are common in fibromyalgia patients.
  • An infectious microbe, such as a virus. At this point, no such virus or microbe has been identified.

The following conditions may be seen with fibromyalgia or mimic its symptoms:

  • Chronic neck or back pain
  • Chronic fatigue syndrome
  • Depression
  • Hypothyroidism
  • Lyme disease
  • Sleep disorders

More and more I am seeing clients with these symptoms. In this interview I spend time with EFT Rue Hass talking about her experience with clients who are experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia. We talk about causes as well things she has seen in her practice that has been helpful for these symptoms


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Links & Resrouces From Episode:

Round up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

That they are not victims of the process, but they are in charge of it. Once they understand that they are an integral part of the underlying process, they then start to use it more effectively and extricate themselves from being victims.
Ted Robinson

That sometimes it isn’t a straight progression and every bump on the healing journey isn’t a failure but more knowledge and insight about the problem.
Alina Frank

I believe that any belief that doesn’t serve you can be changed. If I could get my clients (and the world) to believe that, I would be content with that as my life’s work.
Pamela Bruner

You are designed as a divine being that has the ability to constantly renew themselves. Just like a wound on your skin, this is the regenerative process that occurs naturally, you want it or not.

Emotional wounds will not heal if they are not allowed to through remembrance of these with resentment, anger, fear and hate. If you inundate your soul with Love and forgiveness you will heal. Remember an emotion is not a fact,.. you can let it go.
Till Schilling

Don’t judge the shift by the drama!

For whatever reason, some clients believe that they need a massive cathartic experience with lots of drama to change and heal. Yet, in the hands of a skilled practitioner, healing can be gentle, subtle and complete.
Rod Sherwin

That is worth taking time of your busy day to spend on healing. Even if you don’t feel like it (or should I say ESPECIALLY when you don’t feel like it). The longer you put it off, the longer you will feel unhealthy, unhappy or unfulfilled and there is absolutely no need for you to feel these negative emotions – you can heal. But none of the techniques will work unless you do them (or have sessions with a practitioner).
Mel

I wish they believed that it can be fun. It doesn’t have to be deadly serious and earnestly heartfelt all the time. Humor is so healing in itself, and to mix it into any healing process is a total blessing. I have found that it really speeds things up. It goes against the common belief that unless the healing is a struggle, it’s not worth much. I wished they believed that the healing process can feel good — because it most definitely can.
Janet Hilts

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

FEAR! – 4 Questions That Will Help Us To Deal With It. (part 2 of 2)

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Where do I start with unbridled fear?

photo by Loretta Prencipe

I recently asked the members of Tapping Q and A Facebook Group what topic I should spend some time writing about. The first response back was “Where do I start with unbridled fear?”

In part 1 we looked at why we experience fear (and how that is not a bad thing). In part two we are going to look at how we can address the fear.

As we saw in part 1 fear exists for a reason, but often times it is responding to things that aren’t truly dangerous (even though they feel very dangerous) or it is a response to things that might be dangerous but the reaction is excessive.

When this happens, because of the nature of fear, it becomes our predominant thought and this can become crippling. When I am starting to work with the emotion of fear there are four basic questions that I ask the fear.

[Note: For the rest of this article I am going to discuss the emotion of fear as if it had its own personality. I don’t believe that each emotion has its own personality and I am not saying someone who is able to do this work has multiple personalities. You know what it is like to be of two minds. That is when you have two thoughts seemingly simultaneously that are opposite of each other. You can feel as if these two parts of your mind are in conflict with each other.

In this article we are going to deal with fear in the exact same way. I am going to talk as if we are going to have the conscious mind ask the fear for information. It is just simply easier for clarity sake to talk as if it is distinct. It isn’t really separate.]

These are the steps I take to use these questions:

  • Take a deep breath and feel yourself grounded in the moment.
  • Start to tap. All you need to do is just tap 6-8 times on each point and move on to the next while you do the whole process.
  • Tune-in to the feeling of fear. You might do this by thinking of the thing, event, or experience that causes you fear. If it is more just an overriding feeling that is always there in the background then simply tune-in to how it feels in your mind and your body.
  • Ask the fear, as if you were asking another person, one of the questions from below.
  • Wait for information to come back. This information might come right away, while at other times it might take some time to come into focus.
  • If you get information that is unclear or incomplete ask for more information.
  • Use the information gathered for more specific tapping.

Let’s take a look at the 4 simple (and I mean very simple) but powerful questions before we look at a few concrete examples to see how this works.

What are you afraid of?
This seems like a very straightforward question, but often times we are so caught-up in the feeling of fear that we are only feeling fear and not thinking about what we are actually feeling the fear about. This is also a very good question for the feeling of fear that just always seems to be there. When we are on-edge and just feeling dread all the time there is very little thought given to what the fear is about, so this is a great question to ask.

What are you keeping safe from?
The feeling of fear is all about danger. There is something out there that can be harmful. This question is very similar to the first but comes at it in a little different way. By asking what we are being kept safe from, this is a great way to find out what the direct threat is. It is important to keep in mind that this question isn’t just about physical danger in the world, like a tiger attack. The fear could be trying to keep us safe from being embarrassed, not living up to our potential, or creating unrealistic expectations for our life.

What could go wrong?
Fear is always on the lookout for what is coming next. One of the main things it is looking out for is what could go wrong as we move forward following a certain path. If we ask the question, “What are you afraid of?” the answer might be speaking in public. When we ask, “What could go wrong?” and the answer is, “I am going to look like a fool in front of my boss,” we are starting to get to the core of the matter.

What proof do you have this is true?
Often times the fears we have are reasonable. It is reasonable that we might do a bad job giving a presentation at work and that we would look like a fool in front of the boss. But just because it is a reasonable possibility doesn’t mean that it is probable. When we ask the fear the question “What proof do you have that this is going to happen?” one of two things are going to happen. First we might be presented with a past situation where things didn’t go well. This gives us a memory that we can tap on. Second we might get, “Well . . . I don’t have any proof at all. Many times just this realization (while tapping) that there is not real proof this will happen will help to discharge some of the fear.

When we are using these questions we are going to do it in a fashion that is not necessarily in the order that is listed above. One question will often lead us to another and then again back to the first. These are just tools to help you with the conversation that you are having with the fear. It might look something like this.

Question: What are you afraid of?

Answer: Something bad is going to happen.

Q: What are you afraid of that is bad?

A: I am going to be exposed.

Q: What are you afraid you are going to be exposed as?

A: Being exposed as a fraud

Q: What proof do you have that you are going to be exposed as a fraud?

A: I don’t have any, but I don’t know what I am doing and they are going to see that

Q: What will go wrong if they see you as a fraud?

A: They are not going to trust me in the future

Q: When you didn’t know what you were doing in the past and they found out, how did it turn out?

A: Actually not too bad. When they found out I didn’t understand something they created space for me to learn the skills I needed.

Q: Now that you know it is okay to not know everything, are you still worried?

A: Yes

Q: What are you worried about?

A: I hate not being able to do the job right the first time

Q: What is the penalty for not getting it done right the first time?

A: Because I would be a loser

Q: What proof do you have that you are a loser if you don’t get it right the first time?

A: My father always said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

By taking the time to have a conversation with the emotion and by making sure that you take time to keep asking for more information, it is going to lead you deeper to the roots of the issue. If you are tapping while doing this question-and-answer process, you are going to be taking the edge off of the fear and then when you come to a clearly tappable issue (like the memory of the father in the example above) you go after that issue. After that issue is clear you start the process again seeing if there is any fear left. If there is, you simply start asking the questions of the fear again.

Pod #52: Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

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When I approached my friend and fellow practitioner Rod Sherwin about what topic he wanted to talk about in a podcast interview he recommended a conversation about self-compassion. At the time of the interview I was unfamiliar with the word. Self-compassion is in stark contrast to self-esteem. It is all about seeing yourself in the same way as you see others. Often we are supportive and understanding when others fail, but when we fail we are very hard on ourselves. Self-compassion is about being able to extend that same love and understanding towards ourselves.

In this interview we explore self-compassion in depth and practical ways in which we can incorporate it into our daily lives and our daily tapping.


Rod Sherwin

Guest: Rod Sherwin

Rod’s Contact Info: web @ tap4health.com, e-mail @ rod@tap4health.com, phone @ +61 3 9650 0250, twitter @ rodsherwin; facebook @ facebook.com/Tap4Health; youtube youtube.com/rodsherwin; google+ Tap4Health

About Rod: Rod Sherwin, known as “the tapping man”, is an Energy Therapist from Melbourne, Australia. Rod runs the Tap4Health EFT Practice and works with clients all over the world on issues such as stress, anxiety, trauma, abuse, anger management, depression, weight loss, public speaking and presenting. Rod’s approach is an unconventional and original combination of genuine warmth, respect, intuition, and skill.

Rod’s primary tool is the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) which he combines with his experience in Energy Medicine, Solutions-Focus Brief Therapy, 6-Human Needs Psychology, and Neuro-Associative Conditioning. Rod’s original qualifications are in Computer System Engineering and Computer Science which gives him a very grounded and practical approach that focuses on getting real results.

Rod loves spreading the word about EFT and speaks to groups, small and large, including community groups, social groups, and corporates. Rod has lived in Melbourne for since 2005 and, while he enjoys the city life, he is originally from a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers.

Links & Resources From Episode:

My Favorite Thing My Clients Say During a Session & How You Can Use It To Accelerate Your Healing

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photo by Karen Eliot

I love working with clients. I have learned so much from them. When working with them my favorite thing for them to say is, “I know this has nothing to do with it, but…”

Before we get to that, let’s take a step back.

One of the problems we face when working with an issue is we can get caught in our own story. It is very natural for us to want to know why we are the way we are. This can make it easier to manage what is going on. If we see a cause and effect, then it can give us an entry point to understanding how we can heal.

For example, I was working with a client who had a fear of snakes. When he was 9 years old his older brother threw a snake into his sleeping bag while he was trying to get to sleep. In this case it seemed very reasonable to start our Emotional Freedom Technique/tapping with that memory.

There are other times when the reason we feel the way we feel might not have anything to do with the issue we are working on. We might have an issue speaking in front of a group of people and we are convinced that the reason we have this issue is because when we were 8 years old everyone laughed at us during show-and-tell, therefore speaking in public is no longer safe.

It is perfectly possible that this memory is the root (or one of the roots) to the reason why public speaking is so hard. If we put ourselves in a position to believe that it is the reason for the issue, then we are going to spend a great deal of time on this one memory and not make any progress with our issue because it has little or nothing to do with the issue at hand.

This brings us to my favorite phrase that my clients say. We will be working along at an issue. We will take a moment for them to take a deep breath and consider the progress so far. Out of nowhere my client will say, “I know this has nothing to do with it but . . . ” and they will share a story, memory, or feeling about someone else that up to this point may seem completely unrelated to what we are working on.

The reason I love this SO much is because there is a reason that this came up now. When we are focused, our mind doesn’t have a tendency to wander unless there is good reason. If my client says it has nothing to do with what is going on, more than likely it has everything to do with what is going on.

This does not mean that we need to abandon the path we had been following up to this point with the issue, and it does not mean that this new piece of information is the only piece of information that is important. It is just something that we need to pay attention to.

If you yourself or one of your clients are tapping on an issue and something comes up that seems to have nothing to do with the issue at hand, don’t dismiss it. Instead, take some time to thoughtfully consider why that sort of issue would come up. Just because it has come to mind doesn’t mean that it does in fact have something to do with the core issue that you are after, but there is a reason that it has come forward. If you don’t know why it has come to mind just ask, “Boy, that is an odd thought. Why did that come to mind right now? What does this have to do with the issue at hand?” You might be surprised at the healing you and/or your client will be able to find your way to.

Tapping Q & A Is Expanding It’s Offerings!!!

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photo by Jeremy Brooks

A number of you have commented on the subtle changes that have been happening at TappingQandA.com. I haven’t talked about them yet because I wanted to make sure I had worked out the kinks first.

Now it is ready!

I am adding some premium services to the site!

Does this mean that if I don’t become a member that I am going to see less free content at TappingQandA.com?

NO! This is simply an upgrade to the regular site. Every Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday a new article, tap-along audio, or podcast is going to show up on the site. As always there is no charge for any of these resources. Also, the entire archive of past articles and podcasts is there for you to check out. (Right now there are over 300 articles and podcasts available. By the end of 2011 there will be over 430 free resources on the site!)

If you are adding stuff, what stuff are you adding?

I am adding three services: tap-along, sessions, and premium.

Tap-Along Members will receive access to:

  • The ability to download a commercial-free version of the Monday Tap-Along audio. Non-members can only hear the audio in their web browser and there is a 60 second commercial that you must listen to before you can tap.
  • A printable transcript of the Monday Tap-Along.
  • A bonus downloadable tap-along audio on Thursdays (plus printable transcript). This is an audio that non-members can’t hear on the site.
  • Printable transcripts of podcast interviews.
  • One bonus podcast per month for members only.
  • Special members-only discounts for digital tools and one-on-one sessions.

Sessions Members will receive access to:

  • Each month sessions members will have access to two audios. The first audio is of me working one-on-one with a client. The second audio is the session a second time, but I interrupt the audio every few minutes to explain what I am thinking, what I am doing, and why I am doing it.

Premium Members will receive access to:

  • All audios and downloads from the Tap-Along Membership.
  • All audios from the Sessions Membership.

What is the deal with the Sessions Membership?

This is the part that I am most excited about! I have been working on this part of the membership since early in September. In my own training I have learned so much from watching others working with their own clients. Being able to take a step back and watch the process is such a great way to learn.

AND this isn’t just for practitioners. Much of the stuff I have learned by watching and listening to others work has been applied to the work I do on myself. This week’s podcast is a short example of this type of audio so you can hear first-hand what it is going to be like (Link below).

Are you going to offer transcripts for new podcasts only, or are there going to be transcripts for past podcasts as well?

Right now the plan is to eventually have every podcast in the archive transcribed. My team of transcribers are working their way backwards through the archived podcasts. Right now the transcripts for podcast 48, 49, 50, and 51 are up (and each is over 10 pages long). Each week, in addition to the transcripts to the new podcasts, we will be adding transcripts of archived podcasts.

Let’s get to the nitty-gritty…How much does it cost?

Both the Tap-Along and Sessions Memberships are only $7.95 a month.

The Premium Membership (Tap-Along + Sessions) is only $11.95 a month (which is a 25% discount off the combined prices).

How do I sign up?

Simple, just sign up here.

What if I have other questions that you didn’t answer here?

Just ask!

Round Up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about themselves?

That they are perfect the way they are. They are beings of light and love who have created their universe. Some of the things they created they have outgrown and so they no longer like creations. But that does not mean that they are broken. All it means is they have to put their attention on creating what they want their life to be like.
Chip Engelmann

That they are worthy. I get a lot of clients that come to me with a particular issue like wanting to go for a new career etc but it soon becomes apparent that they do not feel worthy of the things they desire (new career, love, happiness).
Mel

“I wish they would accept that they are the “story tellers” of their life and they establish the illusions and then place themselves into each story perfectly to learn a new lesson each time. If they could accept that, they could then tell different stories and learn different lessons which I believe would be more beneficial for them.”
Ted Robinson

That persistence is sometimes the key.
Alina Frank

One thing I wish they believed is that it’s OK to ask for help or use EFT yourself as a first resort instead of the last resort. I wish they believed that bucking up is being unnecessarily hard on themselves. In our culture, suffering is highly overrated!
Janet Hilts

That they understand the amazing resiliency of the human spirit. Having worked with hundreds of clients who have managed to function in daily life when they have experienced horrendous tragedy just blows me away – and I’m humbled to be able to help them experience emotional freedom from their past as a gift of the courage and strength they have already demonstrated.
Rod Sherwin

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Is It Weird If I Say “Is it weird if I . . . ?”

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, thereby giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by Hernán Kirsten

Sometimes the words we use to describe a problem do not prove to be helpful in the process of us getting what we really want or need. Here is a perfect example of asking the wrong question about our situation and how we can easily change the question to make a big difference.

When asking for advice, one of my clients, “Cathy” almost always starts off by querying, “Is it weird if . . . ?” For example:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating?
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone?
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy?

The questions as listed above are about what is normal and what is not normal, AKA “weird.” The problem with these questions is that they set us up to become unnecessarily subject to how the world perceives our choices. In other words, these questions do not leave room for decision-making that is based on what is best for us.

Many times in my life I have done things that the world would see as weird (e.g., leaving full-time computer science, getting rid of everything I owned and living out of my car for 18 months, dying my hair blue). In most of these cases where I have done things that are not normal it has worked out for me.

I am not saying that we can simply ignore what the world thinks is normal. There is often some wisdom in normal. It is weird to eat glass for breakfast, drive the whole way to work in reverse, and listen to ABBA. However, whether something is normal or weird simply can’t be the only question being asked to see if something is right.

A much more useful way to start these questions is to ask, “Is it in my best interest in the short and long term for me to . . . ?”

Yes, that is a little wordy, but you get the idea. By reshaping the question we are now moving from what is culturally normative to something much more important, what is best for me.

The transformation looks something like this:

  • Is it weird if I stop doing online dating? If you want to find a mate yes. One in five relationships start online
  • Is it right for me stop doing online dating? Yes. I have given it an honest effort. It is just too much work right now and I am not meeting the type of person I want right now. Maybe it will be right for me in the future.
  • Is it weird if I like to eat out alone? Yes, eating out is about being with others. Eating out alone seems sad.
  • Is it right for me to eat out alone? Sure. I haven’t had time to shop this week, I love this restaurant, and I am an introvert and get energy from spending time with my own thoughts.
  • Is it weird that I want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. You should be grateful for what you have. Others are struggling.
  • Is it right for me to want to change jobs in such a tough economy? Yes. Just because it is hard over all doesn’t mean that there isn’t something better out there for me. Wanting better for myself is not wanting worse for others.

Remember, it is not about what the world thinks, but about what is best for you.

FEAR! – Why It Exists (part 1 of 2)

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Where do I start with unbridled fear?

photo by Sasha Wolff

I recently asked the members of Tapping Q & A Facebook Group what topic I should spend some time writing about. The first response back was “Where do I start with unbridled fear?”

On the surface, that seems like such a simple question. I have found in my work with clients that on some level fear is one of the two most common problems that lie at the root of most other issues. With that being said, it is such a powerful emotion it makes it very hard to work with.

When we are tapping we are very much in our conscious mind. We are making choices about what to tune-in to and how to approach it with tapping phrases.

Fear is just the opposite of everything that is rational and conscious. Fear is the most primitive of all feelings. It is the fight or flight instinct that has kept all creatures great and small alive over the eons.

Because fear is so basic and primal it is very hard to get out of the emotion in order to access our ability to tap on it.

[Side note: Because fear is such a powerful emotion it is really helpful when dealing with any issue that is rooted in fear to seek outside help from a trained professional. It can be very difficult to work on an issue when we are so deep in the emotion. At least this is true for me.]

We are going to look at fear in two parts. First, we are going to look at the nature of fear, why it exists, and how this understanding can be the first step to finding our way to relief. Second, we are going to look at 4 Questions we can ask that will help us to deal with fear.

Why We Feel Fear, Why Fear Is Good, & Why We Don’t Want To Get Rid Of It
As I stated above, fear is a very natural and primal feeling. The job of fear is to keep us safe. The very primitive sense of fear was and is about keeping us physically safe from predators. As we have evolved our ability to feel fear has evolved as well.

Fear now moves to keep us safe from anything that is perceived as a danger. Not only does it try to move me from the harm of an escaped lion and the danger of an oncoming car but it also moves to keep us safe from the possibility that we might look foolish when we get up to speak in front of the whole office staff.

When we experience fear, our system is just saying “Look OUT! Here comes danger!”

There are two important characteristic of fear. First, it is the information that we are going to hear over every other piece of information. It is much like if you are sitting in a coffee shop talking to a friend and someone from the street comes in screaming. No matter how hard you try to concentrate on what your friend is saying you are going to only hear the person screaming.

This is really good, because the last thing you want to do is miss the danger signal. When I am standing in the middle of the street and a car is about the hit me I don’t want to think, “Ohhhh. A 1962 Mustang. I love Mustangs.” Instead you want to think, “MOVE!!!!!!”

The second characteristic of fear is the fact that it will persistently keep speaking-up until it believes the danger is gone. So it doesn’t say: “Look OUT! Here comes danger!” Instead it says: “Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! Look OUT! Here comes danger! . . . “

This is a really good thing as well. The last thing we want to think as we are about to be hit by a car is, “Look out! There is a car! Move! . . . Hey look at that squirrel.”

It is good that we hear the danger signal over all other pieces of information and it is good that the signal is persistent to make sure we are responding to the danger. But we can quickly see how each of these characteristics can cause us issues.

With the first characteristic it can become problematic when the system is letting us know about something that isn’t a real danger to us, a small mouse for example. If the system is over-riding all other information with a danger signal pertaining to something that isn’t actually dangerous, then we are going to either be stuck and unable to act (i.e., paralyzed), or, we are going to over-react out of fear and most likely make the situation worse.

With the second characteristic it is possible that our system is pointing out a perceived danger over and over again that isn’t a reality in this moment. For example, I might be worried about something that I am worried is going to happen at work tomorrow. If my system is saying over and over again, “Don’t look like a fool. Don’t look like a fool. Don’t look like a fool. Don’t look like a fool. Don’t look like a fool . . .” then it is going to cripple me in this moment.

When we are doing EFT/tapping we are trying to move to a place where the fear is functioning in a way that is helpful.

The Goal Is Proportional Fear
I am asked all the time by beginning tappers, “If I keep tapping am I going to make it so I can’t feel any emotion?”

The answer is an emphatic “NO!”

When we are tapping we are not removing our ability to feel emotion. What we are doing is getting our emotions to work in a more functional and useful way. For example, when we are tapping on the fear of mice we are not stopping our ability to feel fear, but instead we are stopping our system from perceiving the mouse as dangerous.

The goal of our tapping when it comes to fear is to make sure we are only feeling fear in situations that we actually need to be aware of a real danger and to make sure that we are only feeling the level of fear that is proportional to what is going on.

Tapping In Recognition Of The Fear
Now that we see that fear in itself isn’t bad, but is actually motivated to help us, we can use this information to start to create relief.

It is very easy for us to be frustrated with ourselves and our emotions. When we get to the point that we want to tap on an emotion like fear it is obvious we are not happy with how we are experiencing the moment. If we are frustrated with the way that fear makes us feel (“I hate the fact I am feeling fear!”) it is very difficult for us to be able to understand what the real issue is that needs to be tapped on, and it makes it almost impossible for us to tap it away.

If we are able to move away from this level of frustration with how we are feeling in this moment, it going to clear some space so that we can work our way to the core of the issue. One of the ways we can do this is by simply acknowledging the emotion and why we are experiencing it.

The way that we do this with fear is by acknowledging the reason the fear exists. As we already have seen, fear exists because it is trying to protect us. When we are able to let the fear know that we understand that it is trying to keep us safe and/or point out some danger, then the fear has done some of its job and it will decrease.

For this example let’s pretend we need to make a difficult phone call and we feel paralyzed and just can’t do it. To begin with we would tap like this:

Right now I am feeling a great deal of fear about making this call . . . the reason I am feeling this fear is because there is a part of me that feels it is not safe for me to make this call . . . there is a part of me that is worried that I might say something silly . . . or that I might hear something that I don’t want to hear . . . or it could be something else that is bad . . . I am glad that there is a part of me that is looking out for me . . . even if it is working way too hard right now . . . even if there isn’t any real danger . . . it takes a lot of energy to be scared . . . and I am glad that my system is willing to work so hard to keep me safe . . . I know there is no real physical danger in making this call . . . and I think the part of me that is worried about this call . . . and what might at work is worrying about something that isn’t really dangerous . . . I let the fear know that it is heard . . . I know it wants me to be careful . . . I know it wants me to be safe . . . I just want the fear to know that I have heard it loud and clear . . . It wants me to be careful and I am going to be careful for that reason . . . I want the fear to know it has done it’s job . . . it has pointed out the danger it perceives . . . therefore the fear can move on . . . it can come back when it is needed again . . . but for the moment it has done what it needs to.

It is amazing how much progress we can make with a simple tapping pattern like this. This works for any emotion. The emotion is just trying to get our attention. By letting it know it has done what it has set out to do, it is going to lose some of its charge.

For many emotions this is going to be enough and we are going to be done tapping. This is normally just the first step when working to reduce fear. By tapping in this way we are going to calm the fear down, but more than likely we are not going to have gotten rid of all of it AND there is still the issue of dealing with why the fear was there in the first place.

Once we have calmed the fear down a bit it is going to allow us to see more clearly the root of the fear, allowing us to knock that out in order to prevent the triggering of the same over-reacting fear in the future.

In part two of this article we are going to look at 4 simple questions we can ask ourselves that will help us get to the root of the fear and which will help us in cleaning out that root. We will also look at the 4 questions we can ask the fear to help us to transform it so that it will work for us in a helpful way.

Pod #51: Money and Financial Success w/ Margaret M. Lynch

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There are few things more emotionally charged than money. Often one of the reasons we talk in terms of abundance and success is because we don’t even want to say “I want money” or “I want cash” out loud. In this pragmatic interview with Margaret Lynch shares the four areas of money that we can tune into and start clearing issues right away.


Margaret M. Lynch

Guest: Margaret M. Lynch

Contact Info: MargaretMLynch.com

Bio: The Wall Street Journal Calls her “The Wealth Manifestation Authority”! Margaret M. Lynch has x-ray vision for seeing the fears and limiting beliefs that keep success minded people limited in their money and personal power. An accomplished Success Coach, bestselling author and top Emotional Freedom Technique (“Tapping”) expert , Margaret delivers high-impact transformation that clears the inner blocks to wealth and success and creates the “on-fire enthusiasm and charisma” that is key to skyrocketing wealth.

From Episode:

Round Up – If you were to start your own healing journey over again what would you do differently?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

If you were to start your own healing journey over again what would you do differently?

I would have liked to reach the understanding that lack of money is a symptom of something else sooner rather than later. I spent a lot of time and money trying to make more money when instead it would have been to understand what money meant to me and what the lack of it was protecting me from.
Rod Sherwin

“I’d start much earlier. My journey started because I became very ill and couldn’t breathe. To this day, it has never been successfully diagnosed, however, I have come to believe it’s emotionally based.

Thankfully, it led me into a spiritual journey that is ongoing to this day. It is that spiritual journey that changed my life dramatically and profoundly. I now use what I’ve learned over two decades to help others in their healing journey and it seems to work quite well.”
Ted Robinson

Not a thing, I’m content with the process.
Pamela Bruner

All the steps I took were necessary. I’m not sure there could have been a better way. I can say that many times during this process, I might have disagreed with that statement.
Chip Engelmann

Get help! I did it all alone, but it wasn’t until I became a qualified practitioner that I realized it is better to work with someone else for the big stuff. For example don’t try to sort out your phobia or a past trauma alone. It’s not worth it, you could bite off more than you can chew AND it will probably take months for you do to it alone when it could be sorted in a couple of sessions by a qualified practitioner.

Mel

NOTHING…I had to bite the dust of my own pride and prejudice before I could see the path that I am on right now. I do not think that it would have been possible any other way. I would not change a thing.
Till Schilling

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping with a Loved One

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I’ve always known that to practice Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) with our loved ones may be more difficult than to do it with others. I realize that probably the main reason is that one cannot get him/herself out of the way, as personal feelings/emotions energetically block EFT action. Could you please comment on specific methods of working with loved ones?

photo by freeparking

This is a very insightful question. Many times our loved ones are the ones we want to share EFT/tapping with the most, but it can be very hard to work with people we have a great deal of history and emotional investment with.

However, just because it can be harder doesn’t mean it is impossible. Here are a few things to keep in mind when working with loved ones while doing EFT/tapping.

Knowing It Can Be Tricky
The first step in doing work with a loved one is to understand that it can be tricky. I am not saying that every time we tap with someone who is close to us it is going to be hard. For example, if we are tapping on a physical pain it is normally going to be very straightforward. This is also true for many emotional issues as well. Tapping on something like a fear of public speaking or mice shouldn’t cause much trouble either. When it can be difficult is when we have a personal stake in the healing, when we have specific beliefs about how our loved one should change, and/or we know the other people involved in the situation.

Whenever we go into a situation where we know the possible pit falls we are more likely to deal with it in a proper manner. When we are tapping with loved ones, if we are aware of the possible pitfalls then we are going to do a better job.

When we are tapping with a loved one, it can be hard for both the person we are tapping with as well as hard for us.

Why it can be hard for them
First, it can be hard to be open and honest with a loved one. We want the people who love us the most to think the best about ourselves. It can be hard to open up about our weaknesses to people who are close to us because we are afraid they are going to judge us (on the surface this seems silly. Our loved ones should be the ones we can be most honest with, but this fear is very real). Because of this fear our loved ones might not share what is really going on. Because of this it is going to make it hard to be successful because we are not working with the real issue.

Second, as a continuation of the first fear, often times where we are tapping we can be surprised by the information that comes forward. I see this all the time with my clients. We start by tapping something as simple as a craving for chocolate and end up working with the fact they are feeling disconnected from their grown children. When this happens we can end up in a place where our loved one no longer feels safe. When we started they were gung-ho, but now it no longer feels safe and they shut down, making it hard for us to continue the work.

The best way to deal with the fact it might be hard for them is to be open and honest with them during the tapping and to name the possible problems. Explain to them that it is often hard to work with someone who is so close, but there are going to be a number of things you are going to do to make it easier for them (which will be discussed below). Also give them permission to stop at any point where they are feeling uncomfortable.

Why it can be hard for us working with them
Often it can be difficult for us to work with loved ones because of history and knowledge. When I am working with a new client I have a completely clean slate. I don’t know any of the actors involved in the client’s situation. Because of this I am able to meet and work with a client exactly where they are. This is really hard to do with a loved one because I am bringing all of my own assumptions and perceptions to the situation.

For example, I know my friend David’s propensity to overreact to the criticism he receives from his coworkers. When tapping with David about his bad day at work it is very easy to just jump to tapping on “I know I am over-reacting to what everyone else is saying.”

We might get to tapping phrases like that rather quickly, but that is only valuable if and/or when he is ready for that. He first needs to get through the emotions of feeling judged before he can deal with his reaction.

When working with clients I am always striving to meet them where they are in the situation. I need to try doubly hard with loved ones because in many ways I know where we are going (or I think I know).

By keeping this in mind as you go into the tapping you are going to be in a better place to stay personally and emotionally detached.

They don’t have to say everything out loud
One of the really nice things about the tapping protocols is the fact that the practitioner doesn’t need to know any of the details of what the client is working on for progress to happen. Sometimes it makes guiding the client easier when we know the details, but it is never a requirement. For tapping to work, the client simply needs to be focused on what is going on (i.e., the “problem”) while tapping.

There are varying degrees regarding how much our loved one may need to share out loud. One of the most basic levels is when we have them tune-in to the issue they are feeling and tap without saying anything about the emotion at all. In this case I would have my loved one tune-in to the emotion at hand. I would say something like, “I want you to name the emotion you are feeling and rate it 0-10 in intensity. Just let me know when you have done this.” I would then have them tap on “this emotion . . . this emotion . . .” I would then repeat the process checking to see if the emotion is still the same emotion that we started with and what its intensity level currently is at on the SUDs scale.

The next level of sharing can be when the loved one feels comfortable sharing the emotion, but they don’t want to share the details of the situation. It can look as simple as having our loved one name the emotion they feel (let’s say anger) and rate it on the SUDs scale and then have them tap on “This anger . . . this anger . . . this anger . . . ” After doing a few rounds of tapping check to see if the emotion is still anger or if it has morphed into frustration. Have them rate it on the SUDs scale again and tap some more.

In addition to tapping on the specific emotion, we can have them share why they feel this emotion without sharing too many specifics. For example, if they are angry we can ask, “Angry – why?” “Because I feel betrayed!” This would then allow us to tap on, “I feel angry because I was betrayed . . . ” We could also ask, “Why does it feel so bad to be betrayed in this situation?” “Because I thought I could trust them with something this important.”

You can see how we can ask questions about describing what is going on without getting in to any specific details that might be uncomfortable because of our closeness to them and the situation.

Finally, we can also have them share all details except who is involved. They might feel comfortable sharing the details about what happened, but are not comfortable sharing who is involved. For example, they might feel very hurt because someone is gossiping about them, but because we also know the person who is the gossip they don’t want to share who it is. In cases like this we can just have them change the name to something like the letter X.

The tapping might look like, “I feel really hurt because X has been talking behind my back . . . I can’t believe that X wouldn’t bring the issue to me . . . ”

I find it really helpful (even with my clients whom I do not know personally) to just let them know that it is possible for tapping to work without having to share many of the details that are going on. By letting them know it is OK to not share details, it puts them more at ease and makes progress easier.

Work with the kinesthetic not the emotional
Sometimes it is really hard to talk about how we feel. This isn’t just the case when working with loved ones, but it is true for any client. As we talked about above, it can be particularly true when working with loved ones. I have found that instead of working with the emotions we can be just as successful working with the physical/kinesthetic feelings that go with the emotions.

Let’s again use anger as an example. I would have my loved one describe the physical sensation of anger. “Is it heat in the face, tight chest, clenched fists, or something else?” After they explain how it feels physically, then we tap on that. When we relieve the physical sensation associated with the emotion, we are doing work on the emotion as well.

After doing a few rounds of tapping on the physical sensation, I would check to see if the emotion is still anger or if it is something else. After having them name the emotion I would now have them describe how it feels in the body. We would then tap on this.

By taking this approach we do not need to know any of the specifics.

Don’t assume you know why something is the way it is (ask more questions than normal)
The most important tool I have when working with clients is the ability to ask questions. When I ask questions I get my client to describe things in their own words. This not only gives me greater understanding, but it also gives me phrases and words to tap on. Because they are the client’s words I know they are going to resonate with them and bring healing more quickly.

Asking questions is even more important when we are working with loved ones because we know them and we are already familiar with the history of the issue(s) we are tapping on, and so if we do not ask questions our preconceived notions about why things are the way they are will tend to get in the way. I have found it is best to ask even more questions when working with loved ones. I even ask questions to which I think the answer is obvious. By doing this I am going to insure I am truly understanding where my loved one is coming from. The more they describe, the less of me that is going to be getting in the way of the tapping.

It’s OK if you are not the right person
The last thing to keep in mind is it is OK if you are not the person that works with them. Sometimes we are just too close to a loved one and to what is going on in their life to be helpful. If you are too close, admit it. Let your loved one know that tapping is a great tool that would help them and then direct them to resources and practitioners you trust. This will enable you to be the loving friend without also having to be the one who is responsible for leading the healing. Sometimes we really can’t be both. That is OK!

How To End A Session Part 2 – Stating Insight

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photo by jinjian liang

In “How to End a Tapping Session” I shared a tapping pattern I use at the end of an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) session that helps the healing process to continue throughout the day.

In addition to setting up the body’s energy system to continue the healing process throughout the day, it also is very helpful to restate all that we learned and achieved during this tapping session.

When we are tapping we are engrossed in the process. We are tuning-in to the emotions and memories that are coming up and we trust ourselves to come up with the right phrases and images. I know that when I am in the middle of tapping for myself that I am not fully consciously aware of everything I am thinking and saying.

I have found it very helpful at the end of a session to take a few moments to consider what I have learned (or relearned) during the session. I have found this is a great way to reinforce the work and sometimes I find affirmations that I can use to tap on at a later date.

The process is very simple. I keep tapping and I have myself finish these three statements.

During this tapping session I learned the following about myself. . .

During this tapping session I learned the following about my system . . .

During this tapping session I learned the following about my relationships . . .

I use each of the phrases three or four times each. Each time I come up with a new insight. Sometimes the insights come right away. Other times I need to pause for a few moments for my thoughts to come together.

It only takes a minute or two and it can make a big difference in helping the changes and benefits from one tapping session have a more lasting effect, and you will be surprised with the wisdom you have uncovered during the session.

Trying On The Old Positive Feeling

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Things in my life have gone all pear-shaped lately. About three years ago life was just going great then everything seemed to fall apart. I started to have health issues, I ended a long-term relationship, and I just didn’t have the same energy when I got up in the morning. Is there a way that I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to make my way back to feeling good?

photo by Maria Morr

I love synchronicity in life. I received this e-mail the same day I worked with a client for a very similar issue. The client call was with “Betty.” Betty wanted to do some work because physically she was exhausted all the time and life seemed like a real chore.

At the beginning of our call Betty shared that in the last six years she has had two loved ones die, she had gained weight, and she was feeling very disconnected at work from a job she used to enjoy.

To start with we spent some time with her emotional state and how she felt in the immediate moment. I have found when working with an issue that is multifaceted it is best to start with how we feel about all the issues and how all the issues are affecting our lives today.

I do this because it can be hard to focus on any one aspect of the issues when we feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done. I have found if we take just a few rounds of tapping to deal with the current emotional state that we will have much more clarity around the larger issues that need our attention.

Betty and I spent about 15 minutes just working with how overwhelming it felt to be dealing with so many issues. We also spent some time with how overwhelming life felt because of the lack of energy she was feeling. After doing this work she was much more at peace. Life wasn’t perfect, but she was ready for the next step.

Without being asked she started talking about what life was like six years ago. She talked about how she just felt like she had a “spark” back then and that she really wanted to feel and experience that spark again. Her goal was not to somehow achieve an issue-free life, but instead she really just wanted have energy for life again.

I had her start tapping again and asked her to take a few deep breathes. I asked if she could tune-in to the feeling she felt six years ago when she felt the “spark.” After a few seconds she said, “Yes” and I could hear a little more energy in her voice.

I asked her, figuratively speaking, to “try on” the old feeling of that spark, energy, and zest for life as if it was a new outfit that she was trying on at a store. She said, “That feels really good.” I then followed up by asking, “What doesn’t fit quite right? Is it too small, too big, or does it feel uncomfortable in any way?”

Betty then described that it didn’t fit right because some of the relationships at work had changed. A good friend had been promoted and she felt it would change their relationship. We then did some tapping around that issue. Very quickly she was at peace around this relationship.

Again, I had her “try on” the outfit of feeling that old spark for life. It felt even better, but this time she was worried because of her health. She was afraid that she wasn’t going to be able to do as much at work as she did before. Since she was doing less work she was concerned that it was going to be less enjoyable. We spent some time tapping around having balance at work and not doing too much. We also did some tapping around the idea that good work is judged by the quality of work, how we are challenged, and being able to contribute. Good work is not judged by the quantity of work that is done.

We repeated this process three or four more times. Each time Betty tried the outfit of spark on again. We found the parts that didn’t fit right. By doing this each time the feeling of spark became more and more possible.

Obviously this isn’t going to work in every satiation but if you are struggling to find a place to start tapping think about how it would feel to be back to your old self. Try that feeling on. Doing this will help you to find the parts that don’t “fit” right and are a little off which, in turn, will give you a great place to start tapping.