Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #167: How Many Tapping Sessions Do I Need To Clear My Issue 100%

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HowManyThis week's podcast sponsored by Pain Relief Miracle.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make with tapping is not spending enough time on an issue to make sure that it is completely cleared.

Because tapping brings relief so quickly in the moment it is easy to feel like we are done with the issue but in reality that’s often not the case.

A good way to think of it is to compare it to cleaning a room. While you are cleaning you feel great about the progress you are making. You feel satisfied with a job well done.

Then you leave the room and when you return you realize it wasn't was clean as you thought to begin with. It is not that the room got messier, but when you were cleaning the room you could see that it was so much better than before.

Upon returning you were no longer comparing it to how bad it was, but instead you are seeing it for what it is.

The same thing happens when we tap. While tapping we are only comparing our current state to what we just moved through, but we don't always have a clear picture if we have done enough.

In this week's podcast I share how we can know if we are 100% (and if we even need to be 100% clear).

Pod #166 EFT For Loneliness

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Tapping For Loneliness
I am always humbled at how willing my clients are to share some of the most private parts of their lives.

Once we have established a trusting relationship, during sessions I hear it all. And that’s a really positive thing because it makes it easier for me to help them because we know what we are going after.

But even with that being true, loneliness is an issue that my clients find difficult to talk about.

As we become more emotionally intelligent it is easier for us to be honest about where we are coming from, yet loneliness feels like the last emotion that we can be open about.

Loneliness feels like such a failure. Especially when we feel it in a room full of people.

Here is some tapping that you can do to help with the ache of loneliness.

I would love to hear how it works for you.

Pod #165: Using Hero Tapping To Take Action

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HERO TappingWe know that when we are trying to make a change but not taking the required action we need to find out what is behind our resistance.

We can ask ourselves what the penalties are for trying, for failing, and for succeeding. But sometimes these questions aren't helpful in discovering why we are resisting taking action.

When that happens to me I use this three-step version of hero tapping. Hero tapping is a handy tool where we use the example of someone doing what we want (aka the hero) to discover the reasons we are resisting stepping into action.

In this short audio I will show you how easy it is to use hero tapping to discover the reasons you are resisting taking action for both big and small goals.

I would love to hear about your experience with this tool.

When You Explain Cause And Effect Wrong It Makes Your Life Harder

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ThisDidNotCauseThat

When I am listening to my clients talk about their issues I am not just listening for the meaning of what they are sharing, but I am also listening to the very specific words they are using.

The words we use to describe something will impact the way we understand a situation which then in turn impacts our emotional response to the situation.

The example I love to use is when my client “Deb” said “Everyone at work hates me!”

I asked, “Really, everyone?”

She replied, “No. It's really just Dave and Sue.”

You can see the emotional difference between “everyone” hating us and just two people hating us. (And that doesn't even get into if they really do hate Deb.)

For this reason I pick apart my clients’ speech pattern to understand what is really going on vs. what they are responding to emotionally.

Cause And Effect

One of the places we commonly make the mistake of using words that do not line up with reality is in cause and effect statements.

We use cause and effect statements all the time.

  • (cause) Because I was late (effect) I missed out on the sale.
  • (cause) Because I didn't return her phone call (effect) she didn't know I was coming.
  • (effect) I can now legally work with clients (cause) because I passed the certification exam.
  • (cause) I forgot to close the shades (effect) so I didn't sleep in because of the sun coming in the window.

That is not too complicated. The problem comes when we start making statements that aren't accurate in describing their cause and effect relationship.

  • (effect) Thing went wrong this morning (cause) because it's Monday.
  • (cause) Smoking (effect) causes cancer.
  • (effect) I don't have a girlfriend (cause) because the men in my family are bad at relationships.

On the surface all three of these statements seem reasonable, but there are logical flaws in all of them which illustrated with a question or two.

Thing went wrong this morning because it's Monday. Do things go wrong every Monday? Do things not go wrong on other days of the week?

Smoking causes cancer. Does everyone who smoke get cancer?

I don't have a girlfriend because the men in my family are bad at relationships. Are all men in your family bad at relationships?

In all three cases the statements work in absolutes which lead us to react emotionally to situations in a particular way. But when we are able to see the statements for what they are then we are able to react in less emotional fashion.

Ask Questions About The Extremes

The way that we put this knowledge to use is to question our own statements. If there is something you are struggling with write down a statement that describes what you believe about the situation.

Once you have done this start to question it at the extremes. Is it really always this way? Is it really never this way? Does this outcome happen for other reasons?

By doing this we can see things more clearly which will help us to respond in a healthier way.

Pod #164 EFT For The Times It Feels Like It Is Too Late And There Is No Hope

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It's Too Late For MeWhen working with clients I have noticed that people often believe change is possible and they believe EFT is the tool that will help them to make that change…but they don't believe it is possible for them.

They tell me stories of how they have made too many bad choices, their family history runs too deep, or their habits are just too ingrained.

Over and over again I have heard them say, “It's just too late to change.”

When a part of us doesn't believe it is possible for us to change, it’s very difficult to transform because we don't want to waste effort.

We think, “Since this isn't going to work out in the end why would I bother putting forth any effort to make change?”

And when this happens it is obvious that nothing will change.

Here is a tap-along audio for when it feels like you are too far gone and that transformation just can’t happen for you.

Download it. Listen to it again and again. Each time you tap through it you are creating a little more room for hope. Hope is key to taking action.

Pod #163: EFT For Responding To Criticism

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Responding To CriticismDealing with unwanted criticism is hard.

It’s painful in the moment because the attack feels personal, and it often is. After the fact it tends to fester and gnaw at us.

It would be great to believe that we are able to see past the criticism and understand the motivation of the person making it. But it can and does hurt.

And if we aren't willing to deal with that hurt, it will get worse.

Even if you haven't been criticized lately I would encourage you to spend some time with this audio because, if you are like me, there is a piece of criticism that you are still carrying with you.

Can’t Keep Up? 6 Ways to Simplify Your Daily EFT Routine

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SimplifyLearning EFT can be very exciting at first. Tapping is so easy.

Anyone can do it!

It can be done anywhere!

It seems to work for everything!

You download podcasts, tapping scripts, and ebooks. You attend online seminars and sign up for programs. You start working on a personal peace procedure (listing every bad memory you have in your life to tap on in turn). You decide you are going to tap for your health, your relationships, your creativity, and getting a better job.

And then…

It just becomes too much!

[Read more…] about Can't Keep Up? 6 Ways to Simplify Your Daily EFT Routine

Pod #162: EFT For Not Feeling Special

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You Are Not A Special SnowflakeAs much as we would like to believe in ourselves, our actions, and our future there are times when that is really difficult to do.

We can be filled with self-doubt, feeling like we have squandered our opportunities, or that we have made so many mistakes it is hard for us to keep moving forward.

I know I have a great life and most of the time I am very much at peace with who and where I am.

But there are times when I doubt…when I really don't feel like that special snowflake I was told I would be.

Here is one of those moments caught on tape. This is me tapping for not feeling like I am at all special.

I encourage you to tap along with me.

Pod #161: Getting To 100% Yes When Taking Action w/ Steve Wells

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100% Yes!If you type “setting goals” into Google it will return over 450 million results. Study after study has shown how crucial setting goals can be to progress.

But goals aren't enough. They can get you moving down the right path, but we need more to take action consistently.

In this conversation with Steve Wells we talk about how can get in our own way when we are taking action. Often there is a part of our system that is committed to our goal AND at the very same time a part of our system doesn't believe it is safe to take action.

When this happens we find ourselves starting and stopping and not moving forward.

Steve shares how we can discover the true values beneath our goals and how we can use this information to facilitate deep healing. And when we have healed, we can move to taking consistent, powerful action.

Guest: Steve Wells

Contact: web @ EFTDownunder.com

About Steve: Steve Wells is an international leadership coach and peak performance consultant based in Perth, Western Australia. He helps people to overcome the hidden blocks to achieving their goals and getting what they really want from life.

Steve was one of the first to apply tapping to performance enhancement work with elite athletes and to take tapping to the corporate environment. He regularly teaches and consults worldwide with elite sport and business achievers to improve their performance and enhance the performance of their teams.

Steve is co-creator (with Dr David Lake) of the user-friendly tapping approach Simple Energy Techniques (SET) and the unique advanced Energy-based approach Provocative Energy Techniques (PET). He has helped thousands of people through his worldwide personal development and professional training workshops.

Steve is on the faculty of the Curtin University Centre for Entrepreneurship, where he presents to business owners and senior leaders on peak performance and resilience. He is also on the faculty of the Emotional Intelligence Institute. He is co-author of 4 books, including Enjoy Emotional Freedom.

Steve's programs and presentations are always inspiring, engaging and filled with powerful practical strategies you can use immediately to get better results – with less stress. More information on Steve and his programs can be found at eftdownunder.com and stevewells.com.au.

Getting More Help In Clearing The Blocks To Taking Action

If this conversation struck a chord with you, helping you to recognize that there are a number of tappable issues that are holding you back from taking action, I would encourage you to check out the Ruach Center. The Ruach Center was built to help you to identify and clear the blocks to taking action.

He Called Me An Internet Huckster (AKA: Why TappingQ&A Exists)

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You Internet Hucksters!Good Morning,

I recently received another one of those emails when I was selling my Advanced Tapping Training.

It went like this:

“Oh I see how it is! You promise that you are going to give us all this free stuff only so you can sell us products.

I have seen this from other internet hucksters. Your bait and switch isn't going to work on me.

I never want to hear from you again! You should be ashamed!!!!!

It has been a while since I last did this and I thought this was a good prompt to re-explain why TappingQandA.com and this newsletter exist.

So here are the 3 reasons I send these newsletters and one change coming up.

Reason #1: To Provide Good, Useful Content

My hope is that every time I add a resource to TappingQ&A you will find it helpful. That it will help you understand your issues in a new way and that it will help you to grow your tapping skill set.

I know that not everything I create will be useful for everyone on my list. My aim is to listen to you, my readers, so that I am covering the topics that are most useful.

Reason #2: I Learn A Lot

The process of running the website has been an amazing learning experience for me. I have had the chance to interview some of the brightest minds in change work and there have been countless times where I have written a post and then thought, “Wow! I didn't realize I believed that.”

Having to think about what serves you every week is helping me to learn more and grow. I am so much healthier and happier because of this website.

Reason #3: To Grow My Business

Yes, this is in fact a business and livelihood. The only way I am able to create so much free content for the site is because I am able to make money from selling products and services.

The nice thing about the way I have built my business is that it’s dependant upon only a very small percentage of my readers. In most cases when I offer something for sale fewer than 1% of my readers buy it.

That means the odds are that you have never bought anything from me AND that is perfectly fine.

I hope at some point in the future you find an offering that works for you. Until that happens, keep enjoying the free content.

The One Change That Is Coming

I have been looking at the site data from the last few years and I have noticed an interesting trend. When I send emails less frequently, more people unsubscribe and when I send emails more often, people become more engaged.

I know, that seems backwards, but it is what is happening.

To that end you are going to start hearing from me more often. Instead of once a week it will be closer to twice a week.

The good thing is you control whether or not you hear from me. If at any point you no longer want to receive these emails because they are not serving you, all you have to do is click unsubscribe at the top or bottom of the email.

You will never receive another message from me again.

I don't want to send you emails unless you want to receive them. I am happy when people unsubscribe because it means they are controling their time and what is coming into their inbox.

Thanks For Being A Reader

It is really amazing to think that all of this started from a blog that I hosted free of charge in my spare time. I have learned so much from my clients and readers. My life is so much better because TappingQ&A exists.

Please continue to let me know how I can keep serving you in the future. The easiest way to reach me is to hit reply to a note like this.

Blessings,

Gene

Pod #160: The Problem With Empathy

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The Porblem With Empathy[Note: Last change for the 40% the Advanced Tapping Training go here http://bit.ly/gatherdeal]

One of the keys to being an emotionally intelligent human being is understanding what the people around us are feeling and experiencing.

This skill can be particularly useful when we are helping and caring for others.

When it comes to emotional intelligence there is a big difference between empathy and sympathy. Both are can be useful, but for us to be healthy we need to understand the difference between the two and when each is appropriate.

In this podcast we explore the difference between these two approaches, the consequences for using the wrong one, and how to be present in a healthy way to loved ones and clients.

I would love to hear your experience of how you have been successful and unsuccessful with this issue in your own life.

Pod #159: Action, Belief, and Identity – 3 Levels Of Change With Tapping

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Action Belief and IdentityThe things we want to change in our life show up most obviously in the choices we make daily. Because of this it makes the most sense to focus our tapping work on trying to transform these choices.

Even if our tapping is successful in doing this, it is often not enough to make long-term, lasting change. In addition to the choices we make moment to moment, our success is impacted by our beliefs about the world and our self-identity.

In this conversation with Adele Wang I share how we can distinguish between actions, belief, and identity. We also discuss how you can tap on each one to ensure long-term change and transformation.


Adele Wang

Guest Host: Adele Wang

Contact Adele: web @ SafeHavenHealing.net; YouTube @ Adele Wang

About Adele: Adele helps smart and sensitive women break through the stress of perfectionism and overwhelm so they can have better relationships, more professional success and better health. With an energy medicine and EFT background, she works with women to clear anxiety without the use of drugs so they can reclaim their lives and their natural feminine radiance. She is a licensed Art of Feminine Presence instructor, a frequent guest blogger on websites devoted to spirituality and consciousness, an advanced energy healer, and an EFT practitioner. She works with clients via Skype and in person in her office in Atlanta, GA.

Pod #158: Getting Unstuck w/ Carol Look

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Getting-UnstuckI think we all know what it is like to feel stuck. We know what we want to do or we know what we want to change, but for some reason we just can't take action.

There is an obvious cost to being stuck. For every passing moment that we don't change the thing we want changed, we lose that moment and never get it back.

Even more than that being stuck costs us all the emotion and energy we spend on the how we feel about being stuck.

In this interview with Carol Look we talk about the emotional cost of being stuck, how it impacts other parts of our life, and how we can tap for it.

Guest: Dr. Carol Look

Contact: web @ CarolLook.com; twitter @CarolLookEFT;

About Carol: A pioneer in the Energy Psychology field, Dr. Carol Look has brought unprecedented innovations to the application of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), and has produced outstanding results for her clients around the world.

Also, do forget to check out all of Carol's other podcast interviews.

Pod #157: Lovership w/ Rick Wilkes

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lovership-mainI always find my conversations with Rick Wilkes interesting. Of all of the interviews I do they tend to be the least planned because they are much more interesting conversations than they are traditional interviews.

When I email Rick to see what he wanted to chat about this time he replied with the world “lovership”.

My first thought was, “That sounds great!” and then, “I have no idea what that means.”

When Rick uses the word lovership he is talking about how we create relationships (that aren't sexual) in a way that is open, transparent, and in congruence with the other person.

It is somewhere between making choices out of obligation (saying yes or no without thought) and always saying yes to any request a friend has.

It is a state of intentional friendship building.

It is a great conversation that will help you to evaluate if your relationships are serving you.


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-828-357-4674 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Asheville, NC. Over the last six years Rick has worked with more than 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here's what one of Rick's loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”

Rick's articles, programs, and products Thriving Now

They Would Arrest You If They Could Hear Your Thoughts

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If-They-Could-Hear-Your-ThoughtsA number of years ago Andy Hunt wrote an interesting article on his site Practical Wellbeing that has stuck with me.

In Self-Hate Speech he looks at the hate speech laws of the UK and asked the question of how would law enforment respond to you if they heard the words you thought about yourself.

I don't know about you, but I am certainly capable of thinking some nasty things about myself.

In addition to thinking nasty, hateful things about ourselves, for some reason we also give those thoughts much more weight than the positive thoughts..

[Read more…] about They Would Arrest You If They Could Hear Your Thoughts

Pod #156: How To Share Tapping With Others Without Sounding Like A Whackjob

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HOW-TO-TAPI love talking about the work I do.

When I am meeting someone for the first time I don't jump right into tapping or EFT. I talk about self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, and emotional healing.

At some point in the conversation, because people are so interested in what I do, the conversation turns to how I do it.

This means we have to talk about tapping and EFT. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about EFT, but to the uninitiated it sounds weird.

OK, it's not just weird, it’s really weird.

Because of this I think we need to be careful in the way we share tapping with others. I am not saying that we should hold anything back or be dishonest, but instead we need to remember where the other person is coming from when we are sharing new information.

Here are few simple things to keep in mind when sharing about EFT so that others will be more willing to hear what you are saying.

Pod #155: Creating Emotional Boundaries w/ Rue Hass

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Create Emotional BoundariesI love people who have a natural healing disposition. They see their healing talents as a gift that they want to share with others.

Sometimes this giftedness has the drawback of attracting many more people than we are capable of helping.

For helpers and healers it can be hard to create healthy boundaries. When our boundaries are overrun it’s easy simply to want to cut ourselves off.

In this conversation with Rue Hass we talk about how we can establish boundaries from a generative rather than a defensive posture.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: web @ IntuitiveMentoring.com, email @ rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue's guest articles and podcasts on Tapping Q and A.

Getting Past The Extinction Burst

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Extinction-BurstYou have been there before. You are trying to make a change, like giving up sweets.

The first day is hard. The second is harder. The third day, for some unknown reason, is really easy. You feel awesome. You are making progress. Real change is happening.

Then along comes day four…

You come home from work and you find yourself eating one little piece of candy. You think, “This is no big deal. It is only one piece.”

Then it is two, then four, and then the bag is empty and you think, “Screw it! It’s too late!” and you devour every sweet in the house plus some potato chips for good measure.

Within moments you’re filled with shame and self-loathing. You wake up the next morning feeling defeated.

The Extinction Burst

What you have just experienced is an “extinction burst”. I think David McRaney described extinction burst perfectly when he writes: “a predictable and common blast of defiance from the recesses of a brain denied familiar rewards.”

In more common terms you are in the process of making a change and some part of your system is not getting what it wants, it is royally pissed off, and so it does whatever it can to get what it wants.

In our example, the body was expecting a feel good sugar high from sweets. When it didn’t get what it wanted it it turned you into an emotional monster that was willing to eat everything in sight.

What You Can Do To Overcome The Extinction Burst

First, knowledge is power. When we know that something troubling is coming (aka an inflection point) we are much more likely to make a good choice if we have a plan to deal with it.

Imagine this is like the fire drill you practiced as a kid at school. If there ever was a fire you would know exactly what to do.

The way I deal with this is when I feel an extinction burst coming on I name it and tap for it. It looks something like this:

Right now my system is throwing a bit of a temper tantrum…It wants its needs met in a way that I know is unhealthy…I know I could easily give in to its needs…And I would feel better for about 7 seconds…But then I would feel really awful and disappointed in myself…I am making choices that are going to serve me in the long term…If I can last through this extinction burst then the habit of making better choices will be stronger…I am stronger than this…And I am worthy of making the better long-term choice.

Do you think saying this out loud and tapping is silly? You're right. But since the first of the year I have effectively fought off donuts, chocolate, and white bread just like this.

Second, understand your system is seeking to have a need filled when you are having an extinction burst. As I was working my way off sweets my body was having a hard time because it needed them. In the first 3 days where I completely cut all carbohydrates out of my diet I was having headaches in exactly the say way I had caffeine withdrawal when I cut down on coffee a few months ago.

Even when I am tapping for fighting the extinction burst there is still an underlying need for pleasure or comfort or relaxation that requires satisfaction. It’s a good idea to plan how you you can meet that need in another way.

When my friend was quitting smoking she realized that part of the reason she was doing it was because she was looking for an excuse to go outside to get away from her crazy co-workers. So when she craved a cigarette she took a walk around the block instead to give her a break from the office.

When I was cutting out carbs it was permissible for me to have a teaspoon of all natural almond butter. When the extinction burst showed up and I wanted to eat everything I would allow myself the little treat and it got me through the afternoon.

Third, it is important to have clearly defined, measurable stepping stone goals so that you can reward yourself for reaching them as you work towards a bigger goal.

For me, I usually experienced an extinction burst when there was some unmet emotional need. I am much less likely to have emotional needs when I am feeling good about myself and my progress.

To boost my self-esteem I celebrate my successes along the way. For example, every time I lost another 3 lbs of body fat I would go to one of my favorite places in NYC and take photos.

Getting outside, with no work responsibilities, trying to find beauty, and give myself a chance to work on being a better photographer is a real treat for me.

By allowing myself a chance to celebrate my successes I was much more likely to have the will to make good choices as I kept working towards my goals.

Unfortunately (And Fortunately) It Is A Natural Thing

Unfortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone experiences when they are trying to change a habit.

Fortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone goes through. You are not crazy. You didn't fail miserably. AND you are not alone. Because this is something we all go through. You will notice the use of the the word “predictable” in the definition above. It is not a matter of if this is going to happen, but when.

But with the right planning and preparation we can respond to it in a way that doesn't derail our goals.

Pod #154: EFT For Romantic Relationship w/ Stefan Gonick

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TAPPING-RelationshipCreating the loving relationship we desire it isn't simply about finding a partner. We want to find our way to the right relationship that feeds and nurtures us.

Unfortunately many people keep finding themselves in the same type of relationship that isn't right for them.

In this conversation Stefan Gonick talks about what we can learn from our past relationship patterns and how to address our conscious and unconscious fears around them, thereby making useful action towards creating a fulfilling relationship possible.


Stefan Gonick

Guest: Stefan Gonick

Contact: web @ FindingTheLoveYouWant.com; phone @ 413/527-5491

About Stefan: Stefan Gonick is an internationally recognized Soulmate Attraction Mentor and Expert EFT Practitioner. For over 20 years, Stefan has helped smart, loving people attract the spine-tingling and lasting love they've always longed for, even when they thought it wasn't possible for them.

Before It Is Too Late

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Too-LateOver the last few weeks my Facebook timeline has been filled with memorials.

First, a friend and colleague, Mark, died suddenly of a heart attack. Second, American sports news personality Stuart Scott died from the cancer he had fighting for years.

The flood of kind words, memories, well wishes for the families, and stories of learning from the lives of the deceased was amazing. I discovered things about two men I admired that I didn't know. I was touched to know how the lives of so many were deeply affected because of the admirable way that these two men lived.

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