photo by Jim Ellwanger
I recently had a great conversation with one of my clients. She started the call by saying, “I have some great news! I am no longer a doormat. I am asking for what I need. I am only helping others in a way that is healthy for me. Most importantly I am able to say ‘no’ to others when I want to!”
After sharing this story in my newsletter many people wrote to me asking how they could achieve the same change in their own lives.
There are three main areas we can tap for when it comes to uprooting a doormat disposition. In order to enjoy the lasting effects of this transformation I would recommend regular if not daily tapping on these issues.
I encourage you to listen to the audio at the end of this post for examples of tapping for these three areas.
Take out a piece of paper and answer the questions below. The answer to each question will provide you with at least one tappable issue. Spending a little time tapping for one of these daily WILL lead to a powerful change.
Know That You Are Allowed To Say “No”
The easiest way to tell if you are acting like a doormat in your life is if you are never saying “no”. I am not implying that you should turn down every request you receive, but if you are never saying no then there is a problem.
I want you to think about times when you want to say ‘no’ but you don’t:
- Who are the people you have the most trouble saying no to?
- What would go wrong if you said no?
- What negative thoughts would they think of you if you said no?
- What negative things does it say about you when you say no?
Know That You Are Worthy Of Having Your Needs Met
One the reasons that we are a doormat to others is because on some level we believe that our needs are less important than theirs. Sometimes we don’t even think our needs are worthy of notice at all.
- What would go wrong if people knew what your true needs and desires are?
- What could go wrong if you asked for your needs to be met?
- Why are other people’s needs more important than yours?
- In what area of your life do you feel like you have too much?
- What emotion come up when you said out loud, “I am worthy of having my needs met”?
Being OK With Being Selfish
One of the biggest reasons we don’t stand up for ourselves and our needs is because we’re worried that other people will perceive us as being selfish. I hear it all the time from clients, “I don’t want to make it all about me.”
It’s great that we are concerned about the needs of others and that we don’t want to make it all about ourselves. BUT chances are if we don’t know how to take care of ourselves then we won’t be good at caring for others either.
- What negative feelings do you experience when you do something for yourself?
- How do you think others see you when you do something for yourself?
- What would go wrong if you took time to care for yourself?
- Who is being hurt and in what way because you aren’t taking time to care for yourself for fear of feeling selfish?
Listen to this audio for some examples of how you can tap for answers to the questions above.
Note: Are you looking for more ways to change the way you stand in your personal power? Are you ready to stop acting like a doormat and start making “pro you” choices every day? Join us over at the Ruach Center for straightforward, practical tools to help you create the life you deserve.
Transforming from a doormat to being able to stand in your own power won’t happen overnight or after just one tapping session, but tapping a little every day will change how you see yourself. The Rauch Center has the tools to guide you through this process daily.