Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #433: What does forgiveness really mean?

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One of the most difficult ideas that my clients wrestle with is that of forgiveness and I have found that they often lack a clear understanding of what forgiveness is and what it is not.

When we forgive someone else it can feel like we are saying it is okay, that they don't have to take responsibility for their actions, or that they are allowed to hurt us again.

This is NOT what forgiveness is!

Instead forgiveness is the process of choosing no longer to be stuck in the past emotionally.

In this episode I define what I understand forgiveness is and what it is not. This will help you to embrace forgiveness in a healthier way.

I also demonstrate how I tap for this idea of forgiveness to make it even easier to integrate.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #432: Using Metaphor To Supercharge Your Tapping

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The tool that I use the most often from my hypnosis training while doing tapping and EFT is metaphor.

The subconscious mind often works in imagery as a way of presenting struggle, trauma, and limiting beliefs. Since this is the language of the subconscious mind, it makes sense that when we are doing work on this level that we would use metaphor as well.

In this episode I share with you:

  • How I understand metaphor
  • How our subconscious mind uses it
  • How we can use metaphor to create faster transformation
  • How to integrate it into tapping

I have also included some of my favorite metaphors to use when doing inner child work.

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You Are Not Responsible For Healing Or Fixing Others – Video

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It is easy to mistake our desire for someone to have a better, healthier life and taking responsibility for that transformation.

This tapping video will help you to remain connected to the desire for others to heal without taking responsibility for it.

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Pod #431: My Favorite Tapping Tool: Talk About, Talk To, and Talk As If

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The majority of the issues that I work on with my clients have something to do with the people in their lives.

Sometimes the issue concerns someone we interact with now, and at other times it is about the limiting beliefs people have given us in the past.

The struggle with issues that have to do with someone else is that we can't change another person and we can't take responsibility for their transformation. And even if someone else wanted us to take on their transformation and we were willing to do so, it can't be done.

To that end I have created a tool called Talk About, Talk To, Talk As If. It is a framework for tapping that allows us to look at a relationship from three different vantage points, giving us the ability to tap on any issue from each of these points of view.

Two important notes: First, I think this tool is so powerful and useful that it's the very first tool I teach people after I have taught them the basics of tapping. Second, this is also the tool I teach people when they ask about surrogate tapping. It is not surrogate tapping, but understanding this tool will help you to understand my approach to surrogate tapping.

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Pod #430: It’s Not Intuition, But It Is Your Superpower

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When I am asking my clients why they have made certain past choices, they often say something like, “I don't know. I just had this gut feeling.” OR “I just had this sense of intuition that it was the right thing to do.”

I know exactly what this sensation feels like because I experience it all the time when I am working with clients and also when I am making decisions about my life.

But I don't believe in intuition – well, at least not in the way most people understand it.

When we define our intuition as something mysterious or magical that's somehow beyond our understanding, I believe we undermine what is really happening and prevent ourselves from getting the most out of these feelings.

This week I share with you:

  • What I believe intuition actually is
  • How to get the most out of it
  • How to cultivate it so that is even more powerful

I realize that I am flying in the face of convention on this one and I'd love to hear your thoughts on my interpretation of intuition in the comments below.

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The Success Or Failure Of The World is Not Up To You – Video

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Feeling like we need to take responsibility for our choices and our success is a good thing BUT it's all too easy to get caught up in the mistaken belief that we are responsible for everything.

This tapping video will help you to move away from feeling as if the success of everything in the world is up to you.

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Pod #429: Using Tapping To Improve Metabolic Function – Or Any Other System In The Body (10 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 10 of a 10-part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]

Tapping can be used to help manage the functions and systems of our bodies where our systems can often be over- or under-functioning.

Here is a great little tool I use to help tune into the body to gain a sense of how it is working and how we can tap to improve its function. It is called a scoreboard.

In this audio I demonstrate the tool using the example of metabolic function, but the same technique can be used for any of the body’s functions or systems.

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Pod #428: How To Supercharge Your Tapping With Visualization

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I have always found the law of attraction's teaching of “visualizing a positive outcome and somehow the universe will just magically make it happen” a little suspect.

My doubt was a prompt for me to do some research and when looking into visualizing an outcome without action, this is what I found:

During the course of four experiments, Kappes and Oettingen demonstrated that conjuring positive fantasies of success drains the energy out of ambition. When we imagine having reached what we want, our brains fall for the trick. Instead of mustering more energy to get “there”, we inadvertently trigger a relaxation response that mimics how we would feel if we’d actually reached the goal. Physiologically, we slide into our comfy shoes; blood pressure lowers, heart rate decreases, all is well in the success world of our mind’s making.

The research also uncovers that the more pressing the need to succeed, the more deflating positive visualization becomes. via Forbes.com

This is not to say that visualization doesn't have its place. It can be a useful tool that can become even more powerful when combined with tapping.

This week I share four ways in which you can use visualization to supercharge your tapping (and vice versa).

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Taking Action When We Can’t See The Path – Video

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It is so hard to take action when we can't see a clear path in front of us because part of our subconscious mind doesn't want us to waste effort by heading in the wrong direction. 

In reality, moving forward, even in the wrong direction, will teach us about the best way to progress. This tap-along will help you to take action even when you feel stuck and can't see the path ahead.

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Pod #427: The Most Effective Way To Start A Tapping Session

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One of the great things about tapping is that we can jump right into doing work any time and anywhere. Even though we can start a tapping session without any preparation, I have found that if we give some thought to how we begin a session, then we will get more out of it.

Here are five easy things to do at the beginning of a tapping session to make sure that you are grounded in your body and in the moment AND that you are fully present to the work you are going to do.

You don't have to do all five, so you can mix and match to the ones that make the most sense to you.

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Pod #426: Tapping For The Next Best Emotion

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When we sit down to tap we are doing it because we want to feel better. It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like the only way our tapping will be successful is if we feel absolutely wonderful when we have finished.

In truth, that isn't always possible but there are many times when we can gain relief without achieving total relief.

If we set the standard for tapping that it is only successful if we gain total relief and we only have partial relief, then we will be disappointed with our tapping even though we feel better.

In this podcast I talk about a simple four-step process that you can use to get the most out of your tapping and feel satisfied with your results. Using a process like this means you will get more out of an individual tapping sessions, have a better sense of your transformation, and feel encouraged to tap again in the future.

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Why Am I The Only One Who Has To Work This Hard? – Video

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Sometimes it feels like everyone else has it easy and we are the only ones who are having to work super hard. And because it feels so unfair, it's hard to keep taking action.

Here is a tap-along to help you through those times.

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Pod #425: How A Small Amount Of Work On Big Issues Can Make All The Difference When Tapping

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There is an interesting phenomenon that crops up as we become more experienced tappers and more experienced with healing and change work. We start to recognize what is possible with healing!

There are two sides to this. On one hand we can become excited about having such useful tools, while on the other hand it can feel daunting to recognize how much we actually have to do.

Feeling daunted can prevent us from wanting to tap because it feels like we have too much to do and it's too big a task even to begin.

The good news is we don't have to do all the work at once AND even only doing a small amount of work on a big issue can make a useful difference in how we feel.

This week I share a simple tap-along to help you to start the healing process when it feels too big.

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Pod #424: How Thinking Of Your Body As A Factory Can Speed Healing And Transformation

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If you have ever worked with me one-on-one or listened to an audio of me working with a client, then you know I spend a lot of time asking different parts of your body for feedback.

I regularly have my clients ask questions of the physical sensations they are feeling. That is not a metaphor for something else. I really have them ask questions of the physical sensations they are experiencing (like tightness in the chest that comes up with worry) as if the sensations can talk back.

Moving the focus to bodily sensations helps clients to get out of their conscious minds. The conscious mind can be inaccurate when it is trying to understand why we are the way we are. It can make an educated guess, but sometimes that is inaccurate.

Pretending that a physical sensation can talk back to us gives the subconscious mind an opportunity to share information it has about the issue we want to address with tapping.

Based on the success of this type of work, I have a tool that you can use at the start of the day to set you up for a successful day.

The tool combines this type of questioning within a framework of thinking of the body as a factory.

I know this sounds odd, but it is a powerful tool that I use regularly. And I know that if you give it a try, you will be thrilled with the outcome.

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I’m Too Tired And I Just Want To Give Up! – Video

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At a certain point we just don't want to take any more action. We have worked so hard and it all feels like too much.

Here is a simple tap-along for when we want to give up because we feel exhausted.

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She threatened me with karma (AKA why Tapping Q and A exists)

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Back in the first week of January I sent you an email telling you about the first podcast of the year. As a PS I mentioned that because it was my birthday I was offering a deal on one-on-one tapping sessions.

Every week people join my mailing list and people leave my mailing list. During the unsubscribe process my mailing list software offers the opportunity to submit feedback and let me know why you are unsubscribing.

Most people don't write anything, but from time to time there is useful feedback, which I appreciate.

After making the birthday offer this is the note that someone wrote as they unsubscribed:

I can't see how anyone can justify charging for tapping. I can get the same results from youtube videos. I hate that there are such greedy people in this world capitalizing off the sadness and sorrows of vulnerable people. Karma is all I can say.

In looking through my records I realized that I haven't sent an email explaining why TappingQandA.com exists since 2015 (which feels like a lifetime ago).

Prompted by that comment, I think it is a good idea to make sure that we are on the same page.

There are three reasons why I run the website, record podcasts, create videos, and send you emails just like this one.

Reason #1: To Provide Good, Useful Content
My hope is that every time I add a resource to TappingQ&A, you will find it helpful. That it will help you understand your issues in a new way and help you to grow your tapping skill set. I know that not everything I create will be useful for everyone on my list.

My aim is to listen to you, my readers, so that I am covering the topics that are most useful. If there is a topic that I haven't yet covered that you would find helpful, just reply to this message and let me know.

Reason #2: I Learn In The Creative Process
Running the website has been an amazing learning experience for me. I have had the chance to interview some of the brightest minds in change work and there have been countless occasions when I have written a post and then thought, “Wow! I didn't realize I believed that.”

Having to think about what serves you every week helps me to learn more and grow. I am so much healthier and happier because of this website. It means the world to me that you read, listen, and watch what I have created. AND at the exact same time I wonder if I am learning more than you.

Reason #3: To Grow My Business
Yes, this is in fact a business and my livelihood. The only way I am able to create so much free content for the site is because I also earn money from selling products and services. Most weeks I spend over five hours working on the free content I offer and that wouldn't be possible if this were just my hobby.

The nice thing about the way I have built my business is that its viability depends upon only a very small percentage of my readers. In most cases when I offer something for sale fewer than 1% of my readers buy it.

That means the odds are that you have never bought anything from me AND that is perfectly fine.

I hope at some point in the future you find an offering that works for you. Until that happens, keep enjoying the free content.

More great stuff is coming
I have no plans to stop. I will keep creating free articles, podcasts, and videos. If 2020 goes according to plan, by the end of the calendar year there will be over 1000 free resources on the website.

The good thing is you can control whether or not you hear from me. If at any point you no longer want to receive these emails because they are not serving you, all you have to do is click unsubscribe at the top or bottom of the email.

You will never receive another message from me again.

I don't want to send you emails unless you want to receive them. I am actually happy when people unsubscribe because it means they are controlling their time and what is coming into their inbox.

Thanks for being a reader
It is amazing to think that all of this started from a free blog I hosted in my spare time! I have learned so much from my clients and readers and gained many friends along the way. My life is so much better because TappingQ&A exists.

Please continue to let me know how I can keep serving you in the future. As I mentioned above, the easiest way to reach me is to hit reply to a note like this one.

Blessings,

Gene

PS: I have extended the birthday offer through the end of January. You can get a one-on-one sessions with me for over 40% if you use the coupon code “birthday” at checkout. You can purchase time with me here: http://tappingqanda.com/one-on-one

Pod #423: Fix v. Transform

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When I am working with clients I pay particular attention to the words they use to describe what they are experiencing. That's because more often than not our emotional response is informed by how we describe what is going on, rather than what is actually going on.

To that end I have created a number of resources to help you decode the language you (or your clients) are using.

In this audio, you will hear me working with one of my clients as we discuss the difference between and “fix” and “transform” and how each of those words impacts the healing process.

An audio transcript can be found below the player.

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Sue: Could you repeat that thought again? That was really profound…the difference between fix and transform.

Gene: We so often say “I need to fix something” and for anything that we wish to “fix” we’re implying a sense of brokenness. It becomes a state that we're in that can have a lot of negative charge around it.

The first time the power of words in healing was pointed out to me was by my friend Dan Cleary. Something had come up when we were supposed to do an interview, so I had to reschedule. I sent him a note saying “I’m sorry”. He replied saying “Don’t say you're sorry! That's a really profound statement because it's not an apology. It's a statement of the type of thing that I am, “‘Oh that poor, sorry Gene.'”

Being able to recognize I apologize for what happened and it won't happen again is really different from saying “I’m sorry”. When we look at the work we need to do in terms of fixing something about ourselves, or the environment, or the world, it automatically implies something's broken.

Things aren’t necessarily broken. They may not be functioning optimally and they might not be functioning in a way that's healthy and beneficial in the short and long term, but everything we do is functional even if it is not achieving the function that we desire.

I have found it more useful in my own work to think in terms of transformation. I want to transform this from the way it's functioning now to a healthier way, both in the short and long term, so it makes it easier for me to approach the work I need to do. It helps me to shape my mind so I approach it with a better attitude to ensure that I’m doing better work for myself.

Sue: It also sounds more open-ended. When you fix something it feels like you have a definite aim in mind, whereas transformation has a sense of allowing and expansiveness.

Gene: Absolutely. Anytime we are thinking of fixing or broken, we immediately make problems binary. By binary I mean on or off, it's there or it's not. And many situations are more complex than that, they aren't just on or off.

For example, it's not that I don’t feel pain OR I do feel pain. There are gradations of pain and those gradations of pain impact the way I interact in the world. If I have a pain that's a 9 on a scale of 0-10, and I move the pain down to a 6 but my goal is to get rid of the pain, then I have failed. Even though I feel better, I am still hurt.

Moving from a 9 to a 6 on the SUDs scale doesn't mean I have achieved a complete transformation. That is, my pain is not fixed, BUT that reduction might allow me to leave the house for two hours, which I couldn’t do before because I have restored full mobility. That's a big difference and real success. Yes, I still feel pain but I’m able to do things I couldn’t do before. I am moving away from this sense of one way or another, with no shades of grey. Transformation helps us to understand that there are grades of experience, rather than I have them or I don’t.

For many of the things I want to improve in my life I might not ever reach perfection, and if I’m only satisfied with perfect, then I’ll never feel satisfied.

Sue: Wow, that kind of goes along with your “is there something better to…”

Gene: Absolutely yeah, the other part of it is when we make it binary we limit our possibilities and we could actually have something better than whatever we think “fixed” is.

Pod #422: How To Find Root Causes

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Recently I was working with a client who was frustrated with the process of tapping. He felt angry.

The process went like this:

  1. he felt angry
  2. he tapped for the anger
  3. he felt better
  4. some time would pass
  5. he felt angry again

Dealing with the same issue over and over again had him feeling incredibly frustrated.

As we did some work, it emerged that his anger was a symptom of a much deeper issue. The tapping for the anger was helpful in the short term, but since it wasn't the core issue, it kept coming back again and again.

In my client's case, his anger was like a notification light on the dashboard of a car where the problem isn't the red light itself, but the light is pointing out the actual problem. For him, tapping for the anger was no different than turning off the red notification light. It wasn't responding to the problem.

Identifying if what you are tapping on is the core issue or just a symptom can be tricky. Here are eight questions that you can ask while tapping to help you to go past the symptoms and reach the core issue.

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I Forgive Myself For My Past Mistakes – Video

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There is a part of our subconscious mind that wants to remember all of our mistakes. It believes that if we keep coming back to these mistakes again and again, then we won't repeat those mistakes.

In reality, when we beat ourselves up like this, we do exactly the opposite. Instead, we shy away from taking new actions to avoid beating ourselves up again in the future. That's why forgiving ourselves for past mistakes makes it easier for us to make good choices in the future.

Did you know you can receive an email reminder every time a new tapping video is uploaded? >>Sign up here!<<

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Pod #421: The Container Process

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We know that the most effective way to tap is when we are able to be as specific as possible with the issue at hand.

But a common misconception about this idea is that tapping is only useful if we are specific. But that is not what the statement above says. It says “as specific as possible”. There are times when we can't be super specific because what we are feeling isn't super specific!

Sometimes our experience is a collection of emotions and feelings that are much more general OR we are processing so much at once we can't be specific about any one issue or aspect.

When that happens I use what I call the Container Process. It's a tool I regularly use with my clients.

It is perfect for:

  • when you are experiencing lots of emotions at once
  • when you can't pin down exactly what you want to tap on
  • letting go of everything at the end of the day

Also, you will be able to master the process after hearing it just two or three times so you won't need the audio if you want to do it on your own.

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