Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Being A Better Parent

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I know EFT can be powerful toll to help my children.  My kids and I tap together every night at bedtime, but I am wondering if there is something more I could do.  I want to be the best parent possible.  Is there a way to us EFT around parenting issues?

[Note: I have asked Deborah Donndelinger to answer this question.  One of Deborah's specialties is working with parents and parenting.  She is a Maryland based EFT practitioner who can be reached @ EFT with Deborah]

The history of parenting is rather brutal, with children once considered non-entities that could be discarded, killed, or used at the parent's whim. Over time, our collective approach to parenting is evolving and developing, which is good news indeed. How we collectively parent is the leading force that shapes how we are as a country and as a world. How we parent as a society determines whether we perpetrate violence or encourage peace.

According to Robin Grille, author of Parenting for A Peaceful World, we are in a shift from the socializing mode of parenting to the helping mode of parenting. The socializing mode of parenting tends to see children as good or bad and the goal is to make them productive members of society. The parent is concerned with raising a child that fits in. He follows the rules and sees himself judged by how well his children do. In the next evolution, called the helping mode, parents are concerned with what the child needs developmentally and choose meeting the child's individual needs above the need to fit in socially. In the helping mode, there is a greater compassion and recognition of children as unique persons on their own path.

As we consider how we personally fit into this parenting journey, we can look at our own history and our current parenting practices with more compassion. EFT fits into this introspection, offering us relief from patterns and reactions. Consider this a Personal Peace Procedure for Parenting.

The myth of the perfect parent, warm and nurturing, is just that, a myth.
Parents are products of their culture and humans have the potential to be the most brutal of the animal kingdom or the most loving. But being human is not a guarantee of parenting well. To move forward in our parenting journey, we first must accept ourselves as we are.

Consider all the times you have been less than pleased with your parenting choices and reactions. Make a list of at least five incidents where you shouted, hit, ignored, or shamed your child. Identify the emotions you were feeling as well as the response and emotions of your child. Tap on these incidents until your intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some cognitive shifts!

Parenting evolves.
It is perfectly okay that what our parents did for us, or to us, doesn't work for us as parents. Each of us has a mental list, a list from childhood of the things we swore we would never do as parents. Imagine our dismay, when we end up repeating the same exact patterns from our parents. We justify our parental behavior by telling ourselves that we are not so bad, we were treated that way and turned out okay. (Sound familiar?)

Or in an attempt to not be like our parents, we end up on another extreme, just the opposite of our parents. When this happens, it's a very good indication we are still reacting rather than creating how we want to be as a mother or father.

Make a list of at least five times you remember being shamed, punished, felt guilty as a child. How were you disciplined or punished? Were you hit, spanked, isolated, or shamed verbally? How were mealtimes? How were bedtimes? When were you made to feel wrong or less than? These memories are all excellent tapping material.

Parenting truly shapes the world.
As we treat children with respect and love and model being a democracy, we bring democracy to the larger world. And if we model violence and control and fear, we'll bring the same.

Consider all the times you felt fear as a child or used fear to control your children. Consider all the times you experienced violence or used violence to control your child. Pick five incidents and commit to tapping on them until the intensity gets to zero. Be prepared for some amazing cognitive shifts.

If you are reading this, you are already committed to supporting yourself and other parents. As we move towards the next evolution of parenting, we can release our pasts, our histories, and see that our parents did the best they could, even if it wasn't enough. We can heal our wounds and choose how to parent ourselves and our children. There is a growing international community of dedicated focused parents who are using EFT to heal their childhood memories and to become fully the parent they want to be. Welcome to the leading-edge of peaceful parenting.

Losing My Ability To Feel Emotions

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I have been successful with EFT when it comes to working on minor aches and pains. There are some big emotional things from my past I would like to tap on, but I am afraid. I worry that I am going to tap away my ability to feel emotions. Is EFT going to leave me emotionless?

This is a very common question.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) is a very powerful tool when you want to get relief from very powerful emotions. Many people equate moving from an emotional state to losing the ability to feel emotions at all. This is not the case. If you do EvEFT/EFT you can expect to feel healthy emotions more freely.

It is really important to remember our emotions are not enemies. They exist to help us understand how we feel about the situation we are in. When we feel emotions of joy and bliss it is our inner guidance system telling us that we are very much in tune with ourselves. When we feel emotions of desperation, frustration and anger, our inner guidance system is telling us something is out of alignment and we need to change something.

Therefore, emotions are very good for us, but what we need to do is make sure we are responding to these emotions in a healthy way.

The way we deal with our emotions runs on a spectrum from a) bottling up our emotions and not dealing with them to b) choosing to live in a particular emotion and not moving on. The consequences of these two extremes are usually detrimental.

When we choose not to deal with our emotions and bottle them up they remain a burden that we carry around. They become a block to our system. If this block persists if can often turn into greater problems than unfelt emotions. They can become physical manifestations of dis-ease.

At the other extreme we can choose to keep feeling the emotion over and over again. I am sure you know someone who has not moved past a loss of some sort. Even though the loss (of a loved one, an opportunity, or a relationship) could have happened years ago, the person is still living as if it has just happened. This makes him an emotional prisoner of the past. In this state he is unable to experience what is happening NOW.

We miss a great deal of life when this happens.

What we seek is a middle path in which we recognize our emotions, feel our emotions, learn the lesson our emotions are teaching us, and then let them pass. That is our goal with EvEFT/EFT.

When we use EvEFT/EFT we are going after the emotions that we have bottled up, or we are taking the emotions that we are refusing to let go of, and we are letting them pass naturally. When we do EvEFT/EFT we are not getting rid of our emotions, but we are letting them do exactly what they are made to do.

Here is some tapping patter that will help you if you are having a hard time reconciling with your emotions:

My emotions exists to serve me…they are just one more way my system is communicating with me…I am thankful that my system is trying to lead me by the right path…I am thankful for my emotions because they let me feel the richness of life…I know my emotions are nothing more than information…they are energy that need to do what energy does…and move on…when I tap on my emotions I am making sure I deal with my emotions in a healthy way…I give myself permission to feel the emotions that I have right now…to thank them…to learn from them…and to let them go…if I do this I know I will be on the path to emotional health…allowing me to feel and respond to my emotions in a healthy way in the future. [How to use these tapping phrases]

In podcast #1 Rick Wilkes talk a great deal about the emotions all scale.  He also has created a great resource that lays out the emotional scale.  I would encourage you to check both out.

Pod #4: Dispositions About Healing (from Radio EFT w/ M. Price)

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Have you ever wondered what an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) practitioner is thinking during a session and on what basis they decide what to do next? In this interview with Michele Price I give some insight into my thought process and the fundamental principles about healing that guide me. We talk about my 5 of my fundamental dispositions of healing and do some tapping. These are principles that shape the way I understand the world and healing.

Links & Resources From Episode:

Host of Showcasing EFT: Michele Price

Contact Info: Contact: web @ contact, twitter @ twitter.com/prosperitygal

About Radio EFT: This is a tool and modality that can help you in all areas of your life — your personal development, health, business — with ways to gain relief and peace of mind. Michele Price teaches how to improve and generate income. Each week guests on the show will bring their strengths with EFT too, showing you how to apply EFT in their areas of expertise.

Pod #3: What is surrogate tapping and how do I it

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Over the last few months I have received lots of questions about surrogate tapping. In this episode we take a detailed look at surrogate tapping, what it is, theories on why it works, and how to use it.

Show Topic:Getting your head around surrogate tapping with EFT can be difficult (EFT/EvEFT eveft.html). It is hard enough to accept that tapping on the body while tuning into physical and emotional issues can provide relief. It’s a much bigger leap to believe that tapping in the same way on our own body will provide relief for someone else.

In this episode we explore what surrogate tapping is and some theories on why it can be so effective. We also investigate how surrogate tapping can be beneficial for us, even when we think we are working on someone else's issues. Finally we talk about a simple way to add surrogate tapping to your tapping toolset.

Links & Resources From Episode:

  • Tapping On Someone Else's Behavior: There is someone at work who drives me crazy. They are always picking fights and causing lots of disharmony in the office. Changing jobs isn't really an option for me. Is it possible for me to tap to change their behavior? Read more...
  • Surrogate tapping for children with ASD (improvement in both speech and leaky gut): I have heard that EFT has been effective in working with kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). How can I use EFT with ASD? Read more…
  • Articles at emofree.com on surrogate tapping Read more..
  • Free ebook “Steps to Successful Surrogate Tapping” by Deborah Donndelinger and Karen McLaughlin Download info…
  • Study of entrainment

Host: Gene Monterastelli

Contact Info: web @ eftQandA.com, e-mail @ eftQandA.com/contact, twitter @ twitter.com/genedavid

Bio: Gene Monterastelli is a Baltimore based EFT practitioner. He regularly works with clients in the areas of stress, weight loss, limiting beliefs, anxieties, learning disabilities, pain management, and relationship issues. He is the editor of EFT Q & A. There is a very special place in his practice dedicated to parents of special needs children, especially for parents of children who have diagnosed with Autistic Spectral Disorder (ASD). Gene works with clients from all over the world one-on-one and in groups.

For more information on surrogate tapping:

Free EFT Podcasts and Radio Programs

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Lots of great Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) audios are on-line and free. Here are the ones I have listened to and liked. Let me know if I am missing anything.

EFT Q & A Podcast -(Yes, I am biased) These are interviews with some of the brightest minds in change work today and have answers to the most common (and uncommon) questions about EFT.

Showcasing EFT – This is a weekly radio program on BlogTalkRadio about EFT hosted by Michele Price. Every other week Michele is joined by Chip Engelmann and Paul Zelizer to talk all things EFT and abundance with their guests. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Class w/ Eleanore Duyndam – Each week Eleanore and her guests from around the world explore one topic on how to use EFT to improve your life. You can listen live and interact with the host and guest via call in and on-line chat. All past shows are available for download.

EFT Revealed – This site was put together by the folks who created the movie “Try It on Everything.” In January of 2009 they moved to a new site, but this site still has over 100 interviews about EFT and EFT-related topics.

The EFT Experience: Sharing the Art of EFT – Learn first-hand how emotional issues can be transformed to create deep, long-lasting physical and emotional change. It’s hosted by Advanced EFT Coach David “Jade” Barbee, featuring a special guest co-host and live “EFT” coaching sessions every week. All past shows are available for download.

EFT-Talk – These podcasts were done by Rick Wilkes and Carol Look. The last podcast was produced in October of 2008, but there are 25 episodes that you can tap along to.

Attracting Abundance w/ Carol Look – This was a radio program that Carol Look did for Voice America radio for a little more than a year. The last episode was in October of 2006, but all 65 shows can still be downloaded. Most of the episodes are about abundance, but not all of them are.