Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Round up – What lessons have you learned about healing from a client?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What lessons have you learned about healing from a client?

Especially when using Emotional Freedom Technique, I have learned that the real issue isn't always what the conscious mind thinks it is. A client will often present themselves in my office and tell me all about “their issue” only to later discover that its really something quite different than what they thought. I have come to realize that the conscious mind often has little idea of what's going on within the subconscious mind, which is where the actual issues reside.
Ted Robinson

I learn lessons from my clients all the time. The best ones are about new ways of seeing things. When I hear what their limiting beliefs are, it gives me new insight into helping others. The most important thing that I've learned from working with clients over and over is not to judge where we start, just to go with it. This for me is the core of energy work.
Pamela Bruner

Over the years I have had a few clients that completed the healing process only after I suggested they acknowledge that I am not their “healer”. They had gotten to a plateau and only after we worked on their ability to recognize that it was their own bodies that were doing the healing did they finish the process. The part of EFT that is so empowering is that much can be done on one's own.
Alina Frank

I have learnt that rapport is key. When a client feels accepted and connected for who they are, great healing occurs.
Tania A Prince

I've learned much from working with EFT with children with cancer. Mostly how one can shift anything, from fear of needles to intense unsupportable pain, in a short period of time. That much laughter is involved in our sessions that makes the whole process more fun. For me, the time to suffer is over and that healing can be and is fun.

What I wasn't expecting to learn, but these children taught me, is that sometimes the healing takes place but the body does not follow suit and get better. In fact, these children passed on, but with such a deep sense of love, joy and peace in their hearts. That was the healing. The children reaffirmed that life is in the moment and it is to be savored. Love yourself, others and life now.
Deborah D Miller

I've learned so many lessons from clients. A big one I've learned from many clients is that we can never predict the far-reaching good consequences of healing one issue. I worked with a 62-year-old who was almost illiterate, clearing the shame and anxiety that had blocked her from learning despite repeated attempts through the years. I got a call from her saying, “I feel like a grown-up for the first time in my life. Do you know how good that feels? I never realized that I had always felt like a little kid because I couldn't read.” She said she trusts her judgment much more now because she feels like an adult. What a gift! And nobody could have predicted that outcome from working on inability to read.
Janet Hilts

Sometimes you need the courage to cry: I had been working with a client who had suffered emotional abuse from an OCD parent through all their schooling years. Everyday they would put on a brave face to cope with school and the scorn and judgment of teachers and students.

After a number of tapping session, the control required to get through each day was slipping but the old habit of holding on to the mask was still strong. Eventually, as we tapped on the fear of letting go and the courage it had taken to survive all those years the release of tension and shame resulted in a much-needed release of tears and stress from their whole body.

It takes great courage to let go and cry and we can help ourselves and others the courage required to do so within themselves.
Rod Sherwin

I used to think that anybody that said they wanted to heal would benefit from energy healing, but to heal, you must really be ready.

I've helped people who are skeptics or reluctant to use energy healing, but it doesn't matter, they didn't have to believe in the energy healing they just needed to be ready and willing to heal and I have helped them to heal and move on (often making rapid transformations in their lives). I've also helped others who believe it will work BUT it doesn't work for them, because they are not ready. You can't truly heal unless you are ready to let go – that is the one thing that is non-negotiable.
Mel

Perseverance.

A client comes to me after about a years worth of running from one doctor to another seeking relief for his Tinnitus. Researching on the Web he finds EFT and applies it immediately. Partial relief is obtained, but still no end of his Tinnitus in sight. So he digs deeper and finds out more about EFT on his own. After 4 months and no additional relief, he decided to consult a practitioner.

After 2 EFT sessions his Tinnitus has disappeared, the emotional link to his Mothers death via an accident where hindsight always is 20/20 is realized and a deep sigh brings relief of his Tinnitus.

What was admirable, was that this was a humble man from the countryside with barely an 7th grade education and scarce means to afford a practitioner. His desire to get rig of his Tinnitus made him go the distance and learn the basics about tapping for many other issues now as well.
Till Schilling

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

Pod #47: Adding Creative Imagination To Tapping w/ Betty Moore-Hafter

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One of the things I love about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is how flexible the tool set is. Not only is it a great stand-alone tool, but it is something that can be used with lots of other tools. In this interview I talk with Betty Moore-Hafter about the lessons she has learned from other tool sets and how you can easily add them into your own tapping. This is easy stuff that anyone can do.

 

Betty Moore-Hafter

Guest: Betty Moore-Hafter

Contact: web @ CreativeEFT.com; phone 802-860-7286; twitter @creativeeft

About Betty: Betty has been certified as a hypnotherapist through the National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH) and certified as a regression therapist through the International Board of Regression Therapy (IBRT). She holds special certifications in Past Life Regression (from Dr. Brian Weiss), Medical Hypnotherapy, Emergency Hypnosis, Reiki, Psychosynthesis (Levels I & II), and Spirit Releasement Therapy. She has completed the extensive Training Videos for EFT proficiency and also has some unique EFT experiences in her credentials. She holds the EFT Cert-1 Certification. Betty is also part of the leadership team that manages EFT Free Net.

Pod #46: EFT Inner RePatterning w/ Tania A. Prince

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One of the biggest hang-ups my clients have when tapping on their own is knowing what tune into and how to find past memories or core issues. Tania A Prince has developed a very easy process that only requires the person who is doing Emotional Freedom Techniques to tune into how they know they have the issue. It is really that easy. In this interview Tania explains EFT Inner RePatterning and how to do it.

 

Tania A. Prince

Guest: Tania A. Prince EFT Master

Contact: web @ eft-courses.co.uk, e-mail @ contact page

Biography: Tania is an EFT Master, (one of less than thirty in the world). She has extensive experience of using EFT with clients and has worked on a vast range of issues, including fear of public speaking, blushing, panic attacks, success coaching, phobias, depression, addictions, anxiety, weight management, agoraphobia and serious illnesses, etc. She works from two clinics in Cheshire, England as well as working with clients throughout the UK and internationally via the phone. Her work has been featured on TV and radio shows both in the UK and abroad. She presents regularly at major international conferences and is a TAT Professionals Trainer.

Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 3 Physical and Emotional Needs

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photo by Scott Ableman

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue, the faster we are going to find relief. Sometimes we think we are being specific when we really are not being as specific as possible.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any given point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow-up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry = I need space” and “angry = I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion, the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of physical and emotional needs created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe what you would like to achieve. It is not enough to say, “I want to be happy.” Figure out what happy means to you. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

CONNECTION
acceptance
affection
appreciation
belonging
cooperation
communication
closeness
community
companionship
compassion
consideration
consistency
empathy
inclusion
intimacy
love
mutuality
nurturing
respect/self-respect		 CONNECTION continued
safety
security
stability
support
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and be understood
trust
warmth

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
air
food
movement/exercise
rest/sleep
sexual expression
safety
shelter
touch
water

 HONESTY
authenticity
integrity
presence

PLAY
joy
humor

PEACE
beauty
communion
ease
equality
harmony
inspiration
order

AUTONOMY
choice
freedom
independence
space
spontaneity

 MEANING
awareness
celebration of life
challenge
clarity
competence
consciousness
contribution
creativity
discovery
efficacy
effectiveness
growth
hope
learning
mourning
participation
purpose
self-expression
stimulation
to matter
understanding

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505-244-4041

Why Work With A Practitioner and What Characteristics To Look For

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Gene, You have so many great resources on your web site. Aren't you worried you are going to put yourself out of business? Why would someone hire you (or any practitioner for that matter) when they can get so many free resources online at your site and other sites like EFT Universe?

photo by msspider66

This is a question I get quite a bit. But I think it has the exact opposite effect. I think there are four reasons why someone would work with a practitioner and I believe my web presence only helps me when it comes time for someone to pick a practitioner because I hope I am demonstrating these qualities.

Here are the four reasons why I work a practitioner (because I go to someone for my own work):

Expertise
There is more to Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping than just knowing the tapping points and the set up phrases. The basic recipe is a great place to start and for most people it is the only tapping tool they are going to need. But there are going to be times when the basic recipe is not enough to quickly knock out an issue.

For example, tapping is great for dealing with cravings, but it might take a very long time to knock out the root cause of the craving by only tapping on the symptom – the craving itself. Because of the training a qualified practitioner has, they are going to be able to cut to the quick on an issue like this. They are more than likely going to knock out the issue in just one session.

I think Gary Craig's assertion that the basic recipe is enough to take care of any issue is correct but for some issues there are much faster ways of healing. By working with a skilled practitioner their expertise is going to speed-up the healing process.

Experience
One of the benefits of working with an experienced practitioner is knowing that they have been down this road before and they are not going to be surprised by the possible outcomes.

I can remember the first time with a tapping client where there was a very unexpected jump. We were doing some work on a craving and all of a sudden we were talking about a very traumatic event from the client's childhood. Even though this jump was something that was unexpected, because of the training and experience I had with age regression from my hypnosis training it didn't catch me off guard.

An experienced practitioner is going be able to work with many different issues and know how to deal with something that is unexpected. In addition to begin able to work with the unexpected they are also going to be able to know when they are in over their head. I think knowing when you are not qualified to work with something is a very important skill to have. Experience doesn't guarantee that a practitioner has learned this skill, but they are more likely to understand this point of view.

Distance
One of the great skills that any practitioner has isn't really a skill at all. The simple fact that they are not caught-up in the client’s emotions means that the practitioner is going to see the situation much more clearly.

This is the reason we go to our friends for advice. Sometimes we even seek advice from friends in areas that we know more than they do, but we know that their outside point of view is going to see things we can't. I have had client sessions where I was able to help a client heal and transform with one simple observation.

I was recently working with a client who has been dealing with Lyme disease for a number of years. While tapping on how his body was dealing with it I suggested, “Maybe the system is trying as hard as it can and it is just really tired. That is why it is not being as successful as it could be.”

He said, “Wow! That is a completely new way of looking at this. I have been so mad at my body for not doing better. It never crossed my mind that it was really trying hard and that I need to support its work. I need to stop beating it up.”

The interesting thing about this exchange was that right before I made my observation he had described his body as being like a damp, rung-out rag. I just took his metaphor and said it back to him in new words. My distance from the situation provided the insight.

There is a second way that distance server a good practitioner. When working with someone else, it frees you from having to think about how to deal with an issue and actually deal with the issue at the same time. This came to my attention with a recent client.

To start a tapping session we did a simple exercise that I like to call “clearing the decks.” It is a very simple few rounds of tapping where we tune-in to the whole constellation of emotions they are feeling in the moment, we thank the emotions for doing their job, and we let them know they have been heard. By doing this we end up with a much clearer mind with which to tune-in to the issue we want to work on.

After a few minutes of tapping I asked my client how she felt. She replied, “I feel much more clam. I try to do that exercise all the time, but I can't seem to get the same effect. When you lead me through that, I can just tap and not give it any thought. It is much easier to relax when that is the case.”

It is so much easier to focus on one thing. When working with someone else we don't have to worry about how we are going to deal with an issue. We can just sit back, tap along, and let the practitioner guide us.

Accountability Structure
If there weren't such a thing as resistance we would have already made the change. Resistance is a fact of life. There are lots of reasons why we don't do the tapping we need to do or why we don't do it as completely as we could. It can be scary to do the work on our own. It can be uncomfortable to tune-in to negative emotions. There are a million other things that we feel we need to do with our time.

By working with someone else we are creating an accountably structure to increase our progress. First, when we are working with someone else they can help us to push-through the resistance. We are more likely to do our daily tapping when we know we are going to have to report to someone else in our next sessions. A good practitioner is going to push us (gently) to look at aspects we wouldn't be brave enough to look at on our own. Finally, a skilled practitioner is going to keep looping back over the same issue again and again to make sure we have taken care of all of the aspects when we might stop work a little sooner on our own.

Not For Everyone and Not For Every Issue
One of the reasons I love tapping is because it puts an amazing tool at everyone's disposal. There are going to be times when we all need (myself included) to reach out to a skilled professional to help us move through an issue quickly and safely.

Writing Articles To Build Your Practice – Part 1: Before You Start

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I know creating free content is a great way to show your competence and experience as a practitioner. You create so much stuff for your site and other sites. I would love to start to write stuff about tapping but don't know where to begin. How do you come up with ideas, and what is your process for writing?

photo by churl

Before we get too far into answering this question, I want to make one thing very clear. You don't need to create as much content as I do. When it comes to content creation I am extreme. Some weeks I spend as much as 15 hours on content creation between the free resources I provide on this site and products I sell in the on-line store.

I create free content for three reasons (in no particular order):

  • It is a great way to build my reputation as a trusted expert. The more quality material I create the more proof I am providing that I can be trusted with client's time, money, and issues.
  • I learn something in the process. Many times when I think I am dashing-off a quick e-mail in response to a reader's question it turns into a 750 word article. When I am done writing I think, “Wow, I didn't realize I believed that?!?” I have found explaining what I know is a great way to learn new ideas and gain mastery over the knowledge.
  • I really enjoy it. Explaining difficult concepts in simple ways is something I enjoy. There are days when writing feels like a chore, but most days I love the process.

Some of my favorite Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping writers only create new content a few times a year. You don't need to write as much as I do for you to get some or all of the benefits listed above.

The goal is to get started. In the first year of this web site I wrote less than 20 articles (less than two a month). At the time it didn't seem like a lot, but if someone visited my site for the first time after that first year it looked like a more comprehensive site.

If you do a little bit every now and then you are going to be surprised (in a very pleasant way) with what you end up with.

We are going to look at this process in three parts. First, we are going to look at what to keep in mind when you are starting. Second, we are going to look at the different types of articles you can write. I have found it much easier to start when I have a more defined form or type of article to work within. Finally, we will look at how to pick a topic and how to start.

[Once published all three parts of this series can be found @ content creation series]

Getting started can be the hardest part. There are few things more intimidating than a blank page. There are endless possibilities but you don't know where start. Here a few things to keep mind.

It's called a first draft for a reason
We know what the finished product is supposed to look like. Even if we don't know what we are going to say we know the look, feel, and quality of a finished piece. When we start we don't have a finished product.

That's okay.

Your first draft is going to be rough. Things aren't going to be in the right order. You aren't going to explain things the way you’d like. You might not even know where you are going to end.

Sometimes the only thing that comes from a writing session is knowing how you are not going to explain something. The only way you are going to get to the finished product is to get the rough draft out of the way.

One of my favorite tricks is to turn off my monitor and just to start typing the article. This prevents me from being over-critical and going back to edit things while writing. By just letting it flow to begin with I can get the ideas out and then come back to polish it.

You don't need to explain everything all at once
One of the biggest mistakes writers make is trying to do too much in one article. Remember, the article you are working on right now is just one article. You don't need to do it all at once. The first article I ever wrote about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping wasn't about tapping at all. My first article was how to make tapping a part of your everyday routine.

I didn't talk about the tapping points. I didn't talk about psychological reversal. I didn't talk about the movie technique or the palace of possibilities. I chose a very narrow topic and explained it completely. When I try to do too much in a single article I end up not explaining anything very well. It's okay (and preferable) to choose a narrow topic.

If you are looking for a great example of effective short blog posts check out Seth Godin's blog. His entries are regularly less than 300 words.

Not everything is going to be great
Not every article you are going to write is going to be perfect. Not every article you write is going to be great. Not every idea you have is going to be earth-shattering.

That is okay.

Not every episode of The Simpsons is great. Not every movie directed by Spielberg is perfect. Not every resource on this site is amazing. (I know, it is hard to believe!).

This doesn't mean that we don't strive for excellence in our work, and this doesn't mean that we are satisfied with sharing crap. (There are articles that I have written that you will never see.)

One of the reasons I write articles is to get better at writing articles. From time to time I go back to re-read some of my earlier articles. It becomes (painfully) obvious how much better I am today at explaining things to my readers. Not only am I a better writer, but I know more because of my previous writings.

Not everything is going to be for everyone
Everything we write isn't going to perfect for everyone. When I write something I know that all six billion people of the world aren't going to read it, much less learn something from it.

When I started this site I was responding to an e-mail question I received. My thought was, “Instead of answering this question for one person, wouldn't it be cool if twenty five people read my response.”

There are times that I write things for a more general audience while other times I am writing for a much more specific audience. Take this article for example. Less than 15% of my readership is composed of actual EFT practitioners. I am okay knowing that the vast majority of the people who visit my site are not going to read these words.

If you write about a topic well, the right people are going to find their way to the article.

Even if you are writing something that has been written a hundred times before it doesn't mean the person who is reading it has read it before. You have access to people whom I will never have access to. Not only are you a unique voice in sharing information, you have unique avenues through which to share it.

Just know that you don't need to be all things to all people.

Conclusion
Now you know a few things to keep in mind before you start. In part 2 we will look at the types of articles you can write.

The Danger Of The Word “Need”

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photo by Omar MK

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, thereby giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

Because of my training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), I listen very closely to the words that people use. My clients find this skill very useful because it is helpful in finding the logical errors in their speech which, in turn, helps us to find root causes of core issues. My friends, on the other hand, simply find it annoying (kind of like the verbal grammar police).

One of the words that I always focus-in on is the word “need”. Very rarely when we use the word “need” do we mean “need”.

Recently Leo Babauta wrote very elegantly on the topic of need on his blog Minimalist in the article Letting Go of Fake Needs:

Our lives are filled with things we need to do. Until we look a little more closely at those needs.

Think about what needs you might have: the need to check your email every 15 minutes, or empty your inbox, or read all your blogs, or keep something perfectly neat, or dress to work in the latest fashions. The need to constantly badger your kids about things, or control your co-workers, or meet with everyone who wants a meeting, or be wealthier and wealthier, or own a nice car.

Where do these types of needs come from? They’re completely made up.

Sometimes the needs are created by society: the industry you’re in requires you to work until 9 p.m. or dress in impeccable suits. Your neighborhood has certain standards and if you don’t have an impeccable lawn and two BMWs in the driveway, you’ll be judged. If you don’t have the latest iPhone, you won’t have your geek cred or status symbol, and you’ll be jealous of those who do.

Sometimes the needs are made up by ourselves: we feel the urge to check our emails or RSS feeds or news websites or text messages or Twitter accounts constantly, even though there is no negative societal or work consequences if we don’t keep up with them. We want a perfectly made up bed even if no one else cares. We want to create a list of goals in life or for the year and achieve every one of them, even if nothing bad will happen if we don’t achieve most of them.

This article clearly points out one of the ways we use the word “need” inaccurately. Most of the time when we use the word “need” we mean “really want.”

The problem with the word “need” isn't a problem of communication with others. When you say, “I need a cup of coffee,” I don't think you need coffee to live the same way you need oxygen to live. I know you are really saying, “I would really, really like a cup of coffee and the quality of my life will improve in the short term with a cup of coffee.”

The real problem with the word “need” is a problem of communication with ourselves. When we say we need something our system responds by trying to fill that desire as if it were an absolute.

If we take the body’s need for oxygen as an extreme example, we can quickly see how this can cause problems. When the body is without oxygen it will do anything it can to get it. Try to prevent your body from getting oxygen. No matter how hard you try you can't prevent your system from trying to get oxygen.

Even if you go under water to prevent getting oxygen, at a certain point the system is going to force your mouth open in an attempt to get what it needs. Obviously, in the example of being under water it is not going to work, as you will suck water into your lungs. Even with the conscious knowledge that opening your mouth under water to get oxygen is not only going to not give you oxygen, but will be harmful to your health, your system’s real need forces you to do it.

Our subconscious mind is very literal. It doesn't understand nuance. It doesn't understand the difference between “need” and “really, really want.” Each time we speak a desire we are giving a command to our system.

  • “I need coffee to get going in the morning.”
  • “I need to get this done before I move forward.”
  • “I need to get rid of this debt before I can start a long term relationship.”

With each of these statements you are creating a contract with yourself that part of your system is going to want to live up to. I am not saying that the entire system is going to spend all of its resources to live-up to these contracts the same way the system seeks oxygen, but it is going to strive to fulfill this named need.

Here is how the system responds to these simple statements.

  • I am going to spend part of my time and attention on finding coffee regardless what task is in front of me. AND, I am not going to believe I am not happy and ready for the day without coffee.
  • I am going to ignore any and all opportunities that present themselves for me to move towards my goals until I get everything done I feel I need to get done.
  • I am not going to start dating and sabotage any and every relationship until I get rid of this debt.

In all three examples there is a kernel of truth. A small caffeine boost can be helpful to start the day, being distracted by future projects can hinder us from getting done what needs to be done, and it is good to start a long-term relationship without a lot of personal debt.

I know you consciously understand these statements are not truly absolute terms.

The system doesn't notice these subtleties and this is where the problems begin.

To solve this problem all you need to do is pay attention to what you are saying. Every time you use the word “need,” transform the statement into a more accurate statement.

  • Most mornings I feel a lot better after my first cup of coffee. Today I have a feeling I will feel better after having some coffee.
  • It is really important that I don't get too wrapped-up in future projects while I still have tasks to get done.
  • It would be really nice to start my next long-term relationship without a huge amount of debt hanging over my head.

Those changes seem very small, but they make a big difference in the way we respond to our day.

If this is something you sometimes struggle with, here is a way you can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to respond:

I say the phrase “I need” a lot . . . in most cases I don't really mean that I need something . . . but instead I really want something . . . I know there is a difference between these two ideas . . . but sometimes my system doesn't know the difference . . . there are going to be times in the future where I will say “I need” when what I really mean is “I want” . . . that is okay . . . right now my goal is just to be more observant of my speech . . . when I say “I need” I am going to take a minute to rephrase what I mean . . . by saying what I really mean . . . as I start to see the way I use the word “need” I am going to get better and better about what I am saying . . . as I start to describe my wants better . . . then I am going to set myself up for success . . . it is okay that I said “I need” too much in the past . . . now is the time to be more accurate with what I say . . . as I change this it will make moving forward easier and easier.

Pod #45: Three Step Approach To Surrogate Tapping w/ Gwyneth Moss

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One of the questions I get the most often into the site is about surrogate tapping. In this interview Gwyneth explains how she came to understand the power of surrogate tapping and a very elegant three step approach that anyone can do any time. Over the course of the interview we talk about surrogate tapping for animals as well as people. We even spend a little time talking about if we need to get permission to tap surrogately for someone else.


Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Weight Loss with EFT against All Odds

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[Note From Gene: I have encountered a number of people who are willing to try Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping, but because they don't get earth shattering results right away they give up. There are many times issues can be cleared up right away, but that is not always the case.

Here is a great example, by Lynne Shaner, of the power of tapping when it is applied in a systematic way and applied to many different aspects of the issues. In this example she uses tapping for the emotions she is feeling, the medical treatment she is receiving, and for the cravings. This is a model we can all learn from.]

    Lynne Shaner is an EFT practitioner and hypnotherapist. She is director of Praxis: Wellness in Life + Work and has a practice based in Washington DC, where she works with clients locally and by phone/skype.

photo by James Jordan

I work every day as an EFT practitioner, and reassure my clients that EFT works. I also use hypnotherapy—the two are beautiful together. But then, sometimes, my own concerns need to be worked on, and I find myself as worried as a newcomer—will this work? What should I say? This is a medical thing—-how can it work?

As ever, we try it on everything. Most recently, I had a perfect storm of problems that pointed to a bad outcome. EFT did work, I am happy to report—though it took persistence.

Last December, I was faced with a difficult situation. Because of a serious medical condition, I had to go on a massive dose of steroids. I had tried other approaches but the condition was not improving, so steroids were necessary. It was the holiday season, the season of wonderful, high-calorie food. I had just turned 51 and my doctor and just let me know that menopause was in full swing. And now I was on heavy-duty steroids. A prescription for significant weight gain. I was terrified that I would gain twenty or more pounds. I had just lost a few pounds, and needed to lose about 10 more. I told my doctor that I intended to do just that and he basically said that it was impossible, that mostly (in almost 100% of the cases he worked with) people gained weight on steroids; they never lost weight.

So—a challenge. I decided to make this into a test of EFT. What would I do if a client came to me with this concern? And what might be possible? The story ends on a good note—I lost weight (and the steroids and other EFT work did the job of fixing the medical problem.)

Here’s how it worked.

Addressing the Fear
First, I addressed all of the fears I had, tapping on every fear and worry I had. I used language like this:

Even though I am afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though obesity runs in my family and I’m now on steroids and I’m afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though I’m starting menopause and women always gain weight, and now I’m on steroids so it must double the problem….
Even though my doctor believes I will gain weight…

I addressed all of the fears I had, all of the stories about weight gain with steroids, with menopause, and my fear that this was just a completely impossible situation.

I did this many times—not just once. Whenever fears came up, I addressed them, throughout the eight months I was on steroids.

Addressing the Medical Treatment
I then, every day, did a little ritual with my medication. I told my body, while tapping, that these were miracle drugs, and that we could take the miracles and leave the rest…that there was no need to take on any side effects.

I also did a little Reiki on the pills each morning before I took them, allowing them to be “blessed” with energy that I intended for healing—-without side effects.

When fear came up, I’d do a little round on that:

Even though I am afraid of the side effects, especially weight gain and sleeplessness…
Even though these are so powerful and I’m still afraid of them…I love and accept myself and I’m giving my body permission to take the miracles and leave the rest.

Doing the Footwork
I spent a lot of time online looking for “weight loss while on steroids,” and there isn’t much there. But there was one story of a woman who did lose weight while on steroids. That’s all I needed. If one other person could do it, so could I—especially since I have EFT at my fingertips. The power of suggestion, her example to me, helped lift my sense of hopefulness.

The other critically important part of the footwork was to do the calorie calculation needed to lose weight. I did that and lopped off a few more—(consult your medical doctor, please; I am not a health care professional and did what worked for me—you and your body’s needs are different from mine.). I stuck rigidly, religiously, slavishly to my nutritional program, which was a low-calorie regime. No exceptions. I was absolutely rigid on this.

Dealing with Cravings
The dirty little secret of steroids is that not only do they have the capacity for wreaking all sorts of havoc, they give you the appetite of a teenage linebacker. I was no exception. I wanted to eat everything in my path. So—I treated myself as I would an alcoholic and assigned myself a tapping routine for each time the cravings came up. Sometimes I had time to do a whole round:

Even though I want this (name the specific food) so badly, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to let it go…
Even though I feel hungry, and this looks so good, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to have water instead
Even though I really, really want this, I’m going to be ok without it….

Sometimes I wanted to rush into the refrigerator and there seemed to be no time for a round, so I tapped on the collar point and just said “releasing this craving,” as many times as I needed to (backing out of the kitchen.)

What Happened?
Month one: Five pounds dropped off. My doctor said he had never experienced that with a patient.

Month two: Another five pounds.

Month three: Three more pounds and I was at my goal weight. Again, the doctor just said that he had never seen this before.

Month eight: Steroid usage complete and terminated. I have kept the weight off and now am back to normal.

Mindful, creative use of EFT achieved what is considered to be practically impossible, given all of the factors in my situation. I lost weight while on steroids, going through menopause, despite starting off during a high-calorie holiday time. From now on I’ll never question whether EFT works for weight loss—in my own body and in any client’s. As long as the steps I outline above are used consistently, it is very likely to work every time.

Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto

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After months of work it is finally here: “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto”

A manifesto is nothing more than a statement of beliefs. This is what I believe about the healing process. This is not about tapping the tool, but what happens when we heal and transform. This is how I think when I am working with clients.

You can download the pdf or mp3 book for free here:

PDF Book Version (updated 10/25/2010)

Recuperando el Ser – Un Manifiesto de Sanación Español PDF “Traducido por Vera C. Malbaski” (Thanks to Vera! )

Audio Book Version (updated 10/15/2010)

* * *

Who “Recover Self – A Healing Manifesto” is For:

This if for anyone who is interested in transforming their lives, healing past wounds, and people who are trying to understand how this process happen. If you want to understand yourself a little better it is for you.

What You Will Learn In “Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto”:

  • Why you stop the healing process even when you know the steps you should take
  • Why others don't want you to heal
  • The two categories that all healing falls into
  • What you need to know (and what you don't need to know) to heal
  • How to stop fighting yourself and start healing

* * *

Like it? See something that is miss? Am I Wrong?

1) Let me know what you think in the comment section.

2) Tell a friend, a loved one, a client, your mailing list, or your enemies. This is free so tell the world about it. It would mean a lot to me.

Announcement

Thoughts on Surrogate Tapping By Gwyneth Moss

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Gwyneth Moss is an EFT Master and Trainer based in Yorkshire, United Kingdom. She currently offers EFT Level 1, 2 and 3 Workshops in the UK and for EFTUniverse in San Francisco, California.

photo by Stefano Corso

In Gary Craig’s retirement blog he said there are two things about EFT “What it does and Where it points” and that Surrogate Tapping is leading us to “Where it points.” When I first found EFT, the tapping itself was weird enough for me and the idea that you could tap on your own face and something would change for someone else at a distance was just too woo-woo.

However for the last few years I have been intrigued by experiences and stories of distant work. My first experience was when a passenger in heavy rush hour traffic in the centre of Manchester and my friend Masha who was driving complained of a 10/10 headache like a vice. Almost as a joke I started tapping on myself whilst she concentrated on navigating the crowded narrow streets. To the amazement of both of us her headache eased to a 6 then a 2 and then she forget it had ever been there.

Later I designed a group exercise to teach EFT Practitioners how to work with groups and deliver the borrowing benefits instructions. To illustrate that it does not matter who we borrow benefits from or how unrelated their problem, I had a member of the group role play their pet whist we all tapped along. My expectation that anything would change for the pet was close to zero. However if you read Two Cats and a Puppy (pdf), you can read the full story of Oscar the cat and how the tremor in his tail disappeared.

These tapping circles with animal role play continued and a succession of animals changed their behaviour. From this and with my colleague Heather Smiles who does marvelous work tapping for horses, we developed a three stage protocol for surrogate tapping using animals as our teachers. The three stages we call “talk about,” “talk to,” and “talk as.”

The three stages are designed to get you out of the way and gently increase the connection to the other’s energy. Here I’d simply like to share some of our learnings:

  1. Get yourself out of the way. Work first on your own stuff about wanting or needing change in the other. You have to simply get out of the way and let healing flow through you. This is not about your agenda. You are not out to “fix” someone. You are simply offering healing that they can accept or not. Think of it as a means of loosening an energetic stuckness around the person. Be unattached to the outcome. When that stuck energy starts to move the change will be how they choose to use that for themselves. It may not be the outcome you desire.
  2. Allow the words to come to you in a stream of consciousness. Don’t think about it or analyze. What comes may surprise you or be unexpected, that’s ok and if you feel like you are making it up then that is ok too. Let yourself pretend.
  3. Do not lead or use positive suggestion or over optimistic reframes. Stick to simple EFT, being specific and cleaning up all aspects. With animals the times it has not worked is when there has been direct suggestion of change – leading. Try to find or imagine earlier events, in what context would this behavior or emotion make sense.
  4. Start by telling the story, the facts and the feelings about the other, talk in the third person as you tap on yourself. That may lead you to having an imaginary dialogue as you talk to them, allow some silences for the responses and again let yourself pretend or make it up. And keep tapping.
  5. Don’t go to the first person “talk as” tapping unless you intuitively feel an open door, an energetic permission. Trust your intuition. And don’t worry if that door feels closed just continue with the “talk about” and “talk to” tapping, that is often sufficient. If you efforts are perceived as unwanted or you are working to your own agenda at best you will get nowhere at worst you may get an energetic kick back.
  6. Be relaxed and don’t go looking for changes after your tapping to “prove” that it worked. Sometimes the change may be something other that that which you directly tapped for.
  7. Find someone to partner you. It’s a good idea to do surrogate tapping together with a partner and this is how we teach it in the workshops. One of you manages the content by telling the story or role playing. The other of you manages the EFT process by asking simple questions, identifying aspects, testing and keeping the flow going.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Pod #44: Interviewing, Being Interviewed and Lessons Learned w/ Jessica Ortner

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Over the past few years I have been lucky enough to get to know Jessica Ortner through a number of projects. She just has a wonderful, joyful spirit. I asked Jessica if she would be willing to be interviewed for the podcast and she was initially a little bit hesitant as she is very good at doing interviews, but being interviewed isn't something she is used to.

We talked about how to do interviews and how to do a good job as an interviewee. My favorite part of our talk was exploring some of the lessons and wisdom Jessica has learned from all the great people she has has the opportunity to interview.


Jessica Ortner

About Jessica Otrner: Jessica is the producer of the documentary film on meridian tapping “The Tapping Solution.” She has been heard by over 100,000 people worldwide interviewing experts on Meridian Tapping for the Tapping World Summit.

Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 2 Positive Emotions

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photo by Thai Jasmine

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue the faster we are going to find relief. Sometime we think we are being specific when we really aren't as specific as we can be.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any give point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry=I need space” and “angry =I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of positive emotions created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe what you would like to achieve. It is not enough to say “I want to be happy.” Figure out what happy means to you.. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

AFFECTIONATE
compassionate
friendly
loving
open hearted
sympathetic
tender
warm

ENGAGED
absorbed
alert
curious
engrossed
enchanted
entranced
fascinated
interested
intrigued
involved
spellbound
stimulated

HOPEFUL
expectant
encouraged
optimistic

 CONFIDENT
empowered
open
proud
safe
secure

EXCITED
amazed
animated
ardent
aroused
astonished
dazzled
eager
energetic
enthusiastic
giddy
invigorated
lively
passionate
surprised
vibrant

 GRATEFUL
appreciative
moved
thankful
touched

INSPIRED
amazed
awed
wonder

JOYFUL
amused
delighted
glad
happy
jubilant
pleased
tickled

EXHILARATED
blissful
ecstatic
elated
enthralled
exuberant
radiant
rapturous
thrilled

 PEACEFUL
calm
clear headed
comfortable
centered
content
equanimous
fulfilled
mellow
quiet
relaxed
relieved
satisfied
serene
still
tranquil
trusting

REFRESHED
enlivened
rejuvenated
renewed
rested
restored
revived

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

When We Keep Making The Same Poor Choice

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Gene, I really like the concept you talk about all the time about how the system is always trying to do what is best for us. I especially like the way you describe the way a part of the system are trying to be helpful but sometimes is really causing trouble because it isn't working in the most helpful way. (I think you use the analogy of being afraid of mice. The fear is trying to keep us safe, which is good, but there is no real danger.) My question is this: How come my system knows that eating lots of ice cream isn't good for me, but I still crave (and eat) a large bowl every night after work? If my system were really trying to do what is best for it wouldn't be craving something that isn't healthy. I'm I doing something wrong or does my system have it out for me?

This is a great question. You are exactly right. The system is only going to do what is best for us. With that being said it seems odd that it would encourage us in the form of cravings to do something that was away from health and well-being especially when we know what health and well being is.

The answer can be found in understanding what to “do what is best for us” means.

The reason you are having a hard time with the craving is because the system has been put in a position of having to choose between two things that have benefits, but each of these outcomes also have some negative side effect(s). Because there is not a cut a dry best choice it makes the decision harder (and as we will see, it is very hard for the subconscious to deal with the understanding the future).

Let's look at a much simpler example of this situation to see the concept in action. Then we will apply that information to the situation that is posed in the question.

Let's pretend that it is late afternoon/early evening and you are gripped with a horrible migraine headache. This is one of those headaches that blurs your vision and makes you nauseous. If left untreated you are not going to be able to eat dinner and you are not going to sleep much tonight. (Not to mention you are in horrific pain.)

You have some medicine that can remove the all the symptoms of the pain and nausea. If you take it you are going to be able to sleep through the night, but because it takes a little time for the medicine to clear the system you are going to wake up a little groggy in the morning and you are not going to be very sharp until about lunchtime.

I don't know about you, but I am going to willing to exchange a slightly groggy morning to be pain free and nausea free right now. Even if I know I am going to be wiped out for the whole morning the next day I am going to be very temped to take the medicine. I am in pain right now and I am going to be willing to exchange that for a somewhat undefined feeling pain in the future.

The example of the ice cream given in the question has exact same situation happening. I just happens to be in a much more subtle form.

Typically when we are dealing with a craving it is because there is something that is currently undesirable going on inside of us. In most cases it is a negative emotion like anger, loneliness, and/or hopelessness. The system doesn't want to feel these emotions and it knows that there are certain foods that are going cover these emotions.

That is the reason we call some foods comfort food. Much like an aspirin provides comfort to our headache, comfort food provides relief to our undesirable emotions. In the example given in the question more than likely there is a negative emotion that is being experienced at the end of the workday and the system is just trying to comfort and mask it.

Much like the example of the migraine headache the system is trading comforting the negative emotion for the possibility of having negative health outcomes from eating ice cream every day.

With that being said there is one big difference between the decision to take the migraine medicine and the craving for comfort food. When we choose to take the migraine medicine we are making the decision with our conscious minds. We are able to choose the long-term goal over the short-term relief. It might be hard to put up with the pain, but if we have something really important the next morning we might choose to endure the pain right now so we are sharp in the morning.

The subconscious mind is not capable of this sort of understanding. To the subconscious mind the only moment is now. The subconscious doesn't understand the past or future. Since the subconscious only knows this moment it is not going to be able to consider the long-term consequences of the choice very well (if at all). In this case it only knows the pain of this moment and what it can do to comfort it.

The subconscious mind is doing “what is best for us” through the lens of it recognizes pain (the negative emotion) and it is going to do what it can to care for us (crave something that is going to mask the emotion).

That is the reason that it is so important for us to use tool like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to work with the underlying issues that are creating our “too much” behaviors (like craving too much ice cream).

Sure it is possible to tap every time a craving comes up to make it go away so we make a good choice in the moment, but it is much more effective if we are able to deal with the underlying issue which eliminates the lingering negative emotions. When the lingering negative emotions are gone then the system isn't going to have something to comfort and the craving will disappear.

Pod #43: Getting Out Of Your Own Way

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photo by Laura Chifiriuc

Most of the time the problem isn't knowing what we want. Usually the problem is taking the steps that we know we should take to move forward. In these cases there are fears and limiting beliefs that are preventing us from moving forward.

In this podcast I share with you a simple 10 step process that will help to uncover the fears and limiting beliefs that are preventing you from having what you want in your life. When you ask these 10 questions your limiting beliefs will quickly present themselves and give you the opportunity to tap them away.

For more information on a comprehensive way to use these 10 questions check out 10 Steps To Getting Out Of Your Own Way

People Who Suck Us Emotionally Dry

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There are people in my life who seem to always suck me emotionally dry. They either take all my energy or dump all their troubles on me. How do I prevent this from happing?


photo by Joriel “Joz” Jimenez

One of the things that I love about this question is the fact they used the phrase “suck me emotionally dry”. I have always referred to these type people as emotional vampires.

I love the term “emotional vampire” because the moment I use it my clients always get this wry smile. They know exactly what I am talking about.

In this article we are going to look at many different types of emotional vampires as well as what we can do to keep ourselves healthy in the face of emotional vampires.

The Naming of Vampires
This article is not a criticism of emotional vampires. I am not saying they are horrible people, mean people, or even people who are conscious of how their behavior affects other people.

We act the way we do for a number of reasons.

Emotional vampires are no different.

This article is not meant to give you fuel to be even more frustrated with the people in your life. Instead, the goal of this article is to help you to recognize the environment you are in, the people who share this environment with you, how they can effect you, and how you can navigate it in a safe way while continuing to grow and heal.

It is important for us to be able to name the emotional vampires in our lives. This is not an exercise of judgment (thought it can quickly become one). This is not an exercise meant to dwell on the negative (though it can quickly become one).

One of my main goals as a practitioner is to help my clients to become conscious observers of their own lives. When we become observers of our own lives we notice the things that push our buttons and the places that we over react. With this simple knowledge we can make radical changes to our lives. We see the problems as they come and we are able to either avoid the problem or nip it in the bud.

Much in the same way we plan our day by looking at the weather report or the traffic report we can prepare ourselves for our day by notices the experiences and people who can suck us dry.

To make sure we are entering this with the right point of view let's do a little tapping. (And yes, I want you to tap on this before you read the next section!)

It is important that I examine my life…It is important that I recognize the things in my daily life that affect my mood and my disposition…I choose to know that there are lots of reasons why people act the way the do…sometime they act because they are afraid…sometime they act because they are worried…sometime they act because they are hopeless…sometimes they act because they are lost…sometimes they act because they are overwhelmed…sometimes they act because they don' know what to do…the people I interact must take responsibility for their choices and their mood…but I choose not to judge them…it is important to understand how they effect me…it is important to know how I allow they to affect me…I am doing this exercise to make sure I am healthy and safe…I am not doing to this judge others…even if that is my natural disposition…I know that when I judge others it is because I am worried…afraid…or insecure…this is an opportunity to also do a little work on the places I would like to heal in my own life.

Types of Vampires
None of the descriptions listed here are going to be a surprise to you. In many cases you are going to be thinking of how this affects you before I get into my description. Again, the first goal is to be able to name what is affecting us. When we name it we can respond to it. Here are just a few.

    Drama Shark
    Drama Sharks are so named because of the myth that if a shark stops moving it will die. Drama Sharks will die if they are not in the middle of some type of drama somewhere. It could be drama at work, with friends, with family, or something in the news. They are constantly in the middle of something that is getting them bent out of shape. They can't stop talking about it and they are always trying to draw everyone around them into the feeding frenzy.

    Dump Truck
    Dump Trucks take their emotional baggage and unload it on everyone around them. They don't ask permission and they often have no sense of when it is appropriate to talk about emotional issues. At a moments notice they are unloading. Often times Dump Trucks feel much better in the short term because they have unloaded everything on those around them.

    Chicken Little
    We all know the common refrain of Chicken Little: “The sky is falling!” Chicken Little sees danger in every moment and around every corner. The sense of pending doom is not limited to their own life, but often times to everyone else around them as well. They often over react and almost never have solutions. They just point out what they think is wrong and this is not limited to their own lives. They are more than willing to point out what went wrong, what is going wrong, and what will go wrong in everyone else life.

    Sandbag
    A Sandbag is very much like a Chicken Little, but instead of pointing out what is wrong the Sandbag drags your dreams down by telling you all the things that can't happen. They might not know what is possible, but they certainly know what is impossible, why it is impossible, and what horrible things are going to happen if you try.

    Black Hole
    The Black Hole sucks every bit of life and joy out of any room they enter. Sometime they do this with what they say, sometimes they do it with a simple phrase, and other times their simple presents is enough to suck the joy out of the room.

This is not a compressive list by any means (add your favorite or least favorites below!), but it is a good start. Once we are able to recognize who the emotional vampires are in our lives and how they affect us then we can respond.

Before We Encounter Emotional Vampires
One of the easiest things we can do to keep ourselves healthy to simply be aware of what we are about to get ourselves into. You don't know everything that is going to happen over the course of a day, but you have a very good idea. There are emotional vampires that we interact with regularly. When we know it is coming we can do something about it.

Here is a sample tapping patter for a day when we know we are going to encounter a Drama Shark.

I know today I am going to spend time with [insert name of drama shark]…for some reason they are always in the middle of someone's business…it is as if they feed on the emotion and drama of those around them…it seems to drive them and feed them…because of their energy for the drama it is very easy to get sucked into what they are doing and talking about…just because they are so involved in the drama doesn't mean that I have to be…I can choose to ignore it…I can choose to change the topic…I can choose to excuse myself when the Drama Shark get going…just because there is drama…it doesn't mean that I have to be involved in it.

I know that tapping patter looks very simple, but just by taking 60 seconds to tap on something like that it will make a huge difference.

During Encounters With Emotional Vampires
There are two simple things you can do to take care of yourself when you are encountering an emotional vampire.

The first thing you can do is to be very conscious of what is happening and how it is affecting you in the moment. Like a said before, when we become observers of our own lives we quickly recognize what we have control over and what we don't.

When you realize you are encountering an emotional vampire you can name the type of vampire you are interacting with and name how this type of vampire normally sucks you dry. When you do this you can choose to not to be caught up in what is going on.

It is very important to be in a place where you are just naming what is happening. By this I mean you are stating the facts of what they are doing and how it is affecting you.

This could be just thoughts that are going through your head or it could be something you tap on:

Right now my co-worker is acting like a sand bag…For some reason, he is pointing out every possible thing that could go wrong with the new project…He is over stating what could go wrong and he isn't seeing anything that could right…I choose not to get caught up in his negativity.

You will notice that nowhere in this patter are we writing motive for why the person is acting like a Sandbag, nor are we saying the choices they are making are bad choices. We are simply stating what is.

When we get caught up in blame and judgment we are giving our control over to someone else and that exactly what we are trying to avoid.

The second thing we can do in the moment is to recognize that it is too bad for the emotional vampire that they are acting like an emotional vampire. This is not an act of pity, but more of a recognition why things might be the way they are. By doing this it is going to make it easier to not blame or judge the acts of an emotional vampire.

Again, this can just be thought or tapped on:

I am not sure why my co-worker is acting like an emotional vampire…they might be afraid of something…they might be worried about repeating a past poor choice…they might not know they can choose another way…I don't have to be sucked into the life of an emotional vampire…to be able to see there are many reasons for them acting the way they act.

This simple act of recognizing the possibilities of why they are acting the way they are going to free us from lots of negative emotions making it hard for us to choose the act the way we want to act.

After We Encounter Emotional Vampires
There are two things we can do after we have encountered an emotional vampire.

First, we can tap on what just happened.

Here is a sample tapping patter for being around a Black Hole:

I can't believe how negative [insert name of Black Hole] is…it is so hard to be positive when I am around them…for some reason they just seem to suck the joy out of the room…I have no idea why they are this way…I wish they weren't this way because it is hard on me and other…but I am sure it is even harder on them…it must be a good feeling to be in that place all of the time…maybe they don't realize that they don't have to choose to be that way…maybe they have forgotten what it is like to feel joyful…I choose to know that even though they are in that space that I don't have to be in that space…I choose to know that I have access to the light, life, and joy that was just sucked out of me…I can choose where I want to be emotionally…I choose to be in the place of light…I choose to be in the place of love…I choose to be in the place of joy.

Again, this doesn't look very complicated (because it is not), but it is very powerful. If you take 60 seconds to tap on something like this right after you have encountered an emotional vampire you will make sure the experience doesn't touch the rest of your day. By doing this you are prevent this one moment from cascading into something bigger.

Second, you can spend sometime tapping for the emotional vampires in your life. I am not saying that you need to tap to change them because you know what is best. What I am suggesting is that you tap for the relationships you have with the emotional vampires you have in your life. When you do this you are going to be able to produce the most profound change because you are changing what you have the most control over. You are changing your part of the relationship.

For more information about this type of tapping and some guidance on how to do it check out the free audio: It’s Not Surrogate But It Helps Others To Make Different Choices

They Don't Have To Suck You Dry
Just because there are emotional vampires out there doesn't mean you have to let them affect you in the moment or after the fact. With a little awareness, preparation, and care after the fact you can insure that you continue to be safe and healthy.

I would love to hear what other types of emotional vampires you encounter in your daily life. Please add your emotional vampires in the comment section below.

[Note: Some people are more susceptible to emotional vampires than others. If you recognize that this is something you deal with daily I would encourage you to check out the resources on sensitive temperaments.]

Pod #42: Carrying Burdens For Others and Generational Work

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Carrying an emotional burden for someone else is a very high act of love, but it can have consequences for our own emotions and health. In this episode we look at how and why we carry burdens for others and past generations, and how we can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to release these burdens.

Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 1 Negative Emotions

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photo by swissrolli

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue the faster we are going to find relief. Sometime we think we are being specific when we really aren't as specific as we can be.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any give point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry=I need space” and “angry =I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of negative emotions created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe your emotions. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

AFRAID
apprehensive
dread
foreboding
frightened
mistrustful
panicked
petrified
scared
suspicious
terrified
wary
worried

ANNOYED
aggravated
dismayed
disgruntled
displeased
exasperated
frustrated
impatient
irritated
irked

ANGRY
enraged
furious
incensed
indignant
irate
livid
outraged
resentful

AVERSION
animosity
appalled
contempt
disgusted
dislike
hate
horrified
hostile
repulsed

 CONFUSED
ambivalent
baffled
bewildered
dazed
hesitant
lost
mystified
perplexed
puzzled
torn

DISCONNECTED
alienated
aloof
apathetic
bored
cold
detached
distant
distracted
indifferent
numb
removed
uninterested
withdrawn

DISQUIET
agitated
alarmed
discombobulated
disconcerted
disturbed
perturbed
rattled
restless
shocked
startled
surprised
troubled
turbulent
turmoil
uncomfortable
uneasy
unnerved
unsettled
upset

 EMBARRASSED
ashamed
chagrined
flustered
guilty
mortified
self-conscious

FATIGUE
beat
burnt out
depleted
exhausted
lethargic
listless
sleepy
tired
weary
worn out

PAIN
agony
anguished
bereaved
devastated
grief
heartbroken
hurt
lonely
miserable
regretful
remorseful

SAD
depressed
dejected
despair
despondent
disappointed
discouraged
disheartened
forlorn
gloomy
heavy hearted
hopeless
melancholy
unhappy
wretched

 TENSE
anxious
cranky
distressed
distraught
edgy
fidgety
frazzled
irritable
jittery
nervous
overwhelmed
restless
stressed out

VULNERABLE
fragile
guarded
helpless
insecure
leery
reserved
sensitive
shaky

YEARNING
envious
jealous
longing
nostalgic
pining
wistful

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

Toa Te Ching/Doa De Jing as a tapping tool?

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photo by Bill Anderson

The Toa Te Ching (wikipedia) is one of the few books that I will always own. It is not a book a spend time with daily or weekly for that matter. But from time to time it has been a bedrock of peace in my life.

The Toa Te Ching is an ancient Chinese text that is a collection of 81 short passages. As wikipedia rightly states, “The passages are ambiguous, and topics range from political advice for rulers to practical wisdom for people.”

Some passages are insightful, others are profound, and still others will leave you just scratching your head in bafflement.

The topic of the Toa Te Ching came up during a client session recently. The types of issues we were tapping(EFT) on reminded me of many passages. After the session I dug out my dog-eared and tattered copy. I was amazed at how much peace it brought to tap along to the passages.

Give a try. Just move from tapping point to tapping point while reading aloud.

Just in a quick glance here are some of my favorite passages:

[Note: All experts are from “A New English Version: Toa Te Ching” By Stephen Mitchell]

8
…
When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

9
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and if will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

27
A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
He is ready to be use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

….

44
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to other for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy win yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way thing are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

This type tapping isn't for everyone. This type of tapping isn't for everyday. I just know some days this type of tapping is the just the thing I need to feel grounded. There are many free translation of the Tao Te Ching on-line.

If you do try this please add the passages that you found helpful in your tapping below in the comments.

Taking Care Of Yourself As A Practitioner

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Gene, I always read your materials with interest and would appreciate your comment concerning energy protection. I have two questions.

First, I understand, before a practitioner starts treating clients he/she can create a protective energy layer around himself. How does this affect a practitioner as they connect with a client to muscle test or tune into what the client is experiencing? Won't this type of protection prevent the practitioner from doing their work?

Second, I understand one can “cut he cord” of energy between a practitioner and client, to stop the energy from flowing between them after the treatment. What about the energies that the practitioner has already “caught” over the course of the session?


photo by Łukasz Strachanowski

These are two really great questions. Let's look at them one at a time.

Before A Session
At the start of the day and before every session I do a number of things to take care of my heath and well-being. One of the steps I always take is much like what is described in the question, but when I do it I do it a little differently. I don't just create a force field around myself to keep myself safe. Instead I create a filter with the intention “to only let through the energy and information that is helpful and healthy to me.”

At one point in my practice I wouldn't have been able to take a step like this. I would have been worried “that by keeping out some of the information that I wouldn't be able to help my clients” and “it would be unfair to my client to keep out that information”.

As I have matured as a practitioner I have come to realize that it is not my job to “fix” everyone. It is not even my job to “fix” anyone. My job as practitioner is to use my expertise, experience, and emotional detachment from my client's situation to provide guidance as they walk down a healing path.

Coming to this realization has helped me to understand that not only am I NOT responsible for my client's healing (they are), but I am also not the right practitioner for every client. There are clients who are not health for me to work with, there are clients I am not the right person to help them, and there are clients who are not looking for help in healing, but instead are just looking for someone to validate their wounded identity.

If my willingness to make a choice to protect myself from energy and information that is harmful to me is going to prevent me from helping a client down a healing path than I am not the right practitioner for that client. Not only is it important that I do no harm to my clients, but it just as important that I do no harm to myself.

It took me a while before I could admit that I was not the right practitioner for every client. Now it is a very liberating knowing when I take care of myself and refer out the clients that are not a good fit that I am taking care of my clients and myself.

After A Session
After a session and at the end of the day I have a similar set of steps I go through to take care of myself.

First, I do what was recommended in the questions. At one point I would recommend to practitioners that they “cut the cord”. I have found that some people find this image too violent. If you are not comfortable cutting the cord you can also do what I, which is to unplug. When I do this I think about the old telephone operators who connected and disconnected calls with a series of wires.

When I do this I reach to my chest and pantomime pulling out the cord. This is less violent then cutting and it gives the sense that when I want to reconnect in the future with the client I can just plug back in.

Second, depending on the nature of the client, the number of clients I have worked with, and my general state of well being I do a number of things to clean up any extra emotion that I have picked up from my client. Here are is a short list of some of the things I do:

  • Shake my hands over an imaginary ceramic pot of poison, shaking off any and all excess that I have picked up durring the conversation.
  • Tap on the fact that it is a very high act of love to pick up burdens for another person, but is a higher act of love to let them go (which is not the same as giving them back). As I continue to tap I visualize letting go and releasing these burdens.
  • Going for a walk or jog in area with lots of trees. (the air is much cleaner than on city street)
  • Taking a salt bath (the ions are great a breaking up energy>

I would love to hear you take care of yourself before and after a session. Please add your routine to the comment section below.