Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

The Great Visualization Hoax – A 4 Step Tapping Plan Of Attack

By 5 Comments

Question: I would like to use visualization and law of attraction principles with my tapping. How can I do that?

[NOTE: I have a feeling this article is going to ruffle a few feathers. The science cited is far from definitive, but very interesting. I would love your feedback on this so please let me know your thoughts.]

The tool that is cited the most in the LOA community is visualization. “If you can see it, you can be it.”

Personally, I have always been a little skeptical. I fall much more in line with what Tony Robbins is credited with as saying about visualization: “If you sit all day in your living room thinking about what you want, something will show up. It will be the repo man!”

In my mind visualization alone has never been enough. If it were every teenage boy would be dating a Playboy bunny (something they spend a great deal of time visualizing very emotionally).

Action is required.

The Science Of Visualization

One of the reasons I love science so much is because the attitude is, “You think this is true? Great! Let’s test it to see if it really is so.”

To that end, a number of scientists have been putting visualization to the test. Four of these studies were featured at Forbes.com and what they found was that visualization in terms of just seeing what you want, actually makes it less likely for you to get what you want.

As the article states:

During the course of four experiments, Kappes and Oettingen demonstrated that conjuring positive fantasies of success drains the energy out of ambition. When we imagine having reached what we want, our brains fall for the trick. Instead of mustering more energy to get “there”, we inadvertently trigger a relaxation response that mimics how we would feel if we’d actually reached the goal. Physiologically, we slide into our comfy shoes; blood pressure lowers, heart rate decreases, all is well in the success world of our mind’s making.

The research also uncovers that the more pressing the need to succeed, the more deflating positive visualization becomes. One of the experiments tested whether water-deprived participants would experience an energy drain from visualizing a glass of icy cold water (a simple but elegant study design) and found that indeed, in even something so basic, the brain responds as if the goal has been reached.

From a “proof is in the pudding” standpoint, the research showed that participants told to visualize attaining goals throughout the course of the week ended up attaining far fewer goals than a control group told they could mull over the week’s challenges any way they liked. The positive visualizers also self-reported feeling less energetic than the control group, and physiological tests supported their claim.

That is a “WOW!”

Does That Mean We Stop Using Visualization?

In a word “No”!

What these studies point out is that just being in the moment and feeling what we want can be a harmful tool. It makes us feel better in the moment but it makes us less likely to take action.

But this not the only way to visualize. There are actually ways to use visualization that are very helpful. The key to using any tool is to ascertain how it can be useful in removing the things that are holding us back from taking action, and how it opens us up to opportunities to lead us to our goals.

There is a very simple way to do this and tapping will super-charge it.

Four Step Visualization Process Combined With Tapping That Works

There are a few things to keep in mind when looking at these four steps.

First, you don’t have to do them in the order they are presented and you don’t have to do all four steps in any one tapping session. As you will see each of these steps is set up to clear out different blocks to action. Clearing just one area is going to move you to a place where taking action is even easier.

Second, when doing each of these steps tap, tap, and then tap some more. Tap six or seven times on each point and then move to the next point. As you do each of the steps you are going to be tuning into the limiting beliefs and emotions that need to be tapped on. If we are tapping whilst these are surfacing we will clear them.

Third, for this to work you are going to need a clear vision of what you want and why you want it. There are many ways to write goals. I have a way that I think works best, but it is not the only way. Choose the way that makes the most sense for you.

Fourth, depending on the goal not every step is going to bring up every emotion and belief listed below. The ones that need to surface are the ones that will surface.

Step 1: Imagine Someone Else Achieving The Goal You Want

Task: In your mind imagine what it is like to witness someone else living the goal that you want to achieve. Imagine what their daily life is like as they have this goal. Imagine how they feel, imagine what they achieve, imagine what they feel as they achieve, and imagine the obstacles they encounter (AND how they get past these).

Goal: Doing this type of visualization can surface three types of emotions in us.

First, any jealousy that we have towards the people have achieved what we want will surface. Often the best resources we have to getting to our goal are the people who have already achieved something similar. If we are jealous of them it will be hard for us to look at their success from a distance and learn from it or, if we have access to the person, be able ask them for information to help to get ourselves to the same place. Our jealousy will shut us out from many resources we could use to take the right action.

Second, any emotions of inadequacy that we feel about the goal will start to surface. Thoughts of “That is right for them, but I could never have that!” If we don’t feel worthy or deserving of a goal then we will stop ourselves from taking the action that will lead us to achieving them.

Third, any negative beliefs we or others might have towards this type of success will surface. For example we could be doing this type of visualization around financial success. We might see someone who is very wealthy treating those around them with disdain and contempt. If we believe that rich people are mean then we will prevent ourselves from taking action to reach this goal because we don’t want to end up behaving the same way.

Step 2: Imagine Yourself Living The Goal

Task: This is not the “feel good and happy” as you imagine you are doing this. We are not looking to have warm fuzzy feelings while doing this. We are also not courting negative feelings. Instead, we want to feel realistically what it is like to have this goal happening in our life. How does it feel? What is exciting, frustrating, overwhelming, and impossible? Pay attention to all the emotions that come up. (Remember you are tapping while you do this.)

Goal: By realistically feeling (both good and bad) what comes along with the goal we will find our way to feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and overwhelm. We also might find emotions of “if we succeed we can lose it”. It is very hard for us to take action when we don’t think we are worthy of the goal. By tapping on these emotions we are removing the block of thinking that it is impossible, making action more possible.

Step 3: Imagine You Know How Others Feel About Your Success

Task: This step is exactly like step two, but in step three we are going to add everyone else in our lives. As you see yourself living the goal also imagine that you can read the minds and hear the whispers of others as you enjoy success. Are they supportive, jealous, or saying how much you have changed? Are they feeling sad about their own lives or overwhelmed because your success is pointing out their failure? Obviously you have no idea what others are thinking, but just make a guess.

Goal: There are times where we will hold ourselves back because of what others might think about us.. I once had a client report “I know how my fat friends talk about my skinny friends. If I lose weight they will say the same horrible catty things about me.” If we think our success is going to hurt our relationships or how people see us in negative ways, then we will prevent our own success.

By imagining what others are saying and thinking about our success we are going to be able to name (and clear) the blocks that are holding back our action.

Step 4: Imagine Encountering Obstacles

Task: Imagine all possible roadblocks and obstacles to you achieving your goal. Imagine the things you don’t know how to do. Imagine the people you ask for help saying “no”. Imagine your plans not working out. Imagine having everything go to plan and still not have it work out.

How do you feel when you imagine these scenarios? Keep playing them out in your mind. Now that something hasn’t worked out what is your next step or next plan of attack. Did that work? If not, in your imagination try something new.

Goal: One of the types of visualization that Kappes and Oettingen recommend from their research is to imagine that we are facing different obstacles and roadblocks. By doing this we have the opportunity to practice responding to things that didn’t work out. Instead of falling in a heap on the floor because it didn’t work out, we are training ourselves to respond to changes of plans. We are getting a chance to deal with the emotions of rejection and failure when the stakes are very low. So that when obstacles come up (and they are going to come up) we are going to be emotionally prepared to deal with them.

Take Action

The time is now. You need to do something. You can’t sit around imagining things and expect them to show up at your doorstep. You need to know what you want, know what is going to stop you, clear yourself emotionally, and TAKE ACTION! Otherwise you are just daydreaming. Take some time each day and work these steps and you will start moving towards your goals.

Let me know what you think of this in the comments below.

Pod #73: Why I Hate The Word Manifest – A Conversation About What We Create, What We Responsible For, and How To Make Choices

By 1 Comment

There is a lot of talk about the idea of what we manifest in our lives, both positive and negative. I personally think that we pay too much attention to manifesting and attracting and give nowhere near enough credit to personal choice and response. In this conversation with my friend Jondi Whitis we talk about what we can control, what we create, and what we are responsible for.

This is just one point of view and I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic.

What are your thoughts on create, manifest, and responsibility? I would love to hear your thoughts. Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say.

TapAlong: It Doesn’t Always Have To Be Hard

By 1 Comment

There is a very American ethic that says that if something is worth having it is worth working hard for. Great virtue is attached to working hard so that you are able to say you “deserve” what you received. I have nothing against hard work, but it doesn’t always have to be hard. I take flights because it is much easier than travelling in a covered wagon. I use my stove because it is easier than cooking over a campfire. I shop for food because it is easier than farming.

We often feel bad about taking the easy way out. There is nothing wrong with having things come to us easily. We are worthy of things being easy.

Here is a great little tap-along to help you to be easy with yourself.

Tapping Ninja Video – Knock Out The Last Little Bit w/ The Collarbone Eye-Roll

By 2 Comments

Sometimes when we tap we are able to reduce our SUDs level down to less than a two, or to the point where it feels like just a shadow of the issue. When this happens there is a very simple way to knock out that last little bit. In this video I explain how to do this.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastelli, the Editor of TappingQandA.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them tapping ninja because these are super simple, super quick techniques that you can use to cut to the chase and improve your tapping right away.

Today what I’d like to talk about is the collarbone eye-roll. Now if you spent time looking at the early, early EFT videos produced by Gary Craig you saw a much more complicated tapping procedure than most of us are used to today. That there was a gamut procedure where we’re tapping in the back of our hand and doing a number of things with our eyes and humming and counting. We used many more points.

And as time has gone, what many practitioners have learned is that we can shorten the protocol, and shorten the protocol and just use the basic points in the body and make lots of progress. But because of this, I think something really important has been lost and that’s the collarbone eye-roll.

Now to do it, all you need to do is three simple things all at once. Number one, you tune in to the issue at hand like you’re used to doing. Number two, you’re just going to tap on the collarbone point. And number three, what you’re going to do is you’re going to hold your head straight but you’re going to roll your eyes from floor to ceiling, roll your eyes from floor to ceiling just like that.

Now, the time we use the collarbone eye-roll is when we have an issue and we’ve gotten the SUDs level to a two or less. So there’s just a little wisp, a little remaining shadow of the issue at hand. Because often times it will feel like it’s gone but for some reason there’s a little space where it was there. This is a perfect time for the collarbone eye-roll.

So, after you’ve been tapping on an issue for a while, you’ve got it reduced to a two or less where it feels like it’s gone but there’s something hanging around. Just take a few moments to do the collarbone eye-roll. Tune in to the issue. Tap on the collarbone and roll your eyes from floor to ceiling two or three times. And then take a moment and retune in to see what’s there. And I’ve found this to be a really helpful, really powerful way to put yourself in a circumstance where you’re going to knock out that last little bit. So, the next time you’re tapping, take a moment and try it out.

For Tapping Q and A, this is Gene Monterastelli. Make sure you go to TappingQandA.com/videos to check out all of our instructional videos and see all the other great free resources we have.

Things Your Heart/Emotional Self Needs To Hear

By 1 Comment

[Note: This is part 3 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each part of our system and tap for it.]

Our hearts are powerful. In a moment they can feel and release emotions that can overcome everything we are thinking and seemingly everything else in the world. I have tendency to live in one of two extremes. I am either so immersed in my emotions that I miss everything else or I try and block them out. I need to spend more time listening to my emotional self without losing touch with everything else.

Here is a simple way to tap for our emotional selves. Take a nice deep breath and tap:

It is ok to feel what you’re feeling…I want to hear what you have to say…I know every emotion is information about how I experience the world…I don’t need to fix or change any of my emotions…I am sorry that I don’t listen to you more….You don’t have to be stuck in the past…I hear the messages you have about the past…They have served their purpose…Thank you for helping to feel so deeply…It is not a bad thing to feel deeply…even when you feel things that aren’t always pleasant…thank you for helping me to experience the richness of life.

I need my emotions to inform the other parts of my system…Because my emotions have very important pieces of information about myself and about the world…I love the fact I can feel emotions…They give me a chance to enjoy a richness in this world…My emotions are very much about where I am this moment…It is good to be connected to this moment in that way…I love my heart…I love my emotions…Even if they get the best of me…I don’t need to fear my emotional self.

I asked a number of friends and fellow practitioners what they would like to say to their heart/emotional self. Take another deep breath and tap:

Know that it’s OK to love and to be vulnerable. Thank you for continuing to beat, in spite of it being broken, over and over again.
Keep open, in spite of the risk of being hurt. It’s where your joy, happiness and love comes from.
Keep alive by sharing it with others.
Lindsay Kenny

Know when you are talking to me and that I am willing to listen. That I am really ready to be led by you. I am grateful and open to joy. That I know that it knows the way.
Rhona Clews

I love you
Pamela Bruner

Literally – You are strong. You know exactly how to keep pumping life through this beautiful body.
Metaphorically – You are beautiful and powerful and open. You are kind-hearted and know grace and graciousness, and aren’t afraid to use the power of love whenever and wherever you know it is appropriate.
Rev. Anne Presuel

Seeking after joy and happiness is a good thing – not selfish.
Tammy Evevard

You are in charge. I trust your wisdom to guide me.
Thank you for being so expansive that we can weep together.
Your capacity for love astounds me. Thank you.
Your strength astounds me.
Deborah Donndelinger

Be more emotionally honest with people. Have the courage to tell those in my life that I love them and how grateful I am that they are in my life.
Have courage to have me stand up for myself and my family when other people may not be treating us with kindness.
It is ok to be less afraid to express to the world how I feel. Don’t hide everything under an icy sheet of humor or indifference. Be willing to show love to those who support me and show conviction to those who would see me fail.
You have permission to stop being afraid to have emotions.”
John Roedel

I forgive myself for forgetting that I have always been doing my best, that I have always been perfect exactly as I am, as a human with a spirit evolving through life. I give myself permission to let go – even if just for a few minutes – of the energy of “I should have done it better” and “I don’t think I deserve YET…” so I can remember that I deserve love, pleasure, peace and compassion right here and now. I gift myself the gift of compassion and wrap myself around my heart with a huge hug of accepting love.
Margaret M. Lynch

What are the things your emotional self needs to here? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #72: Strengthening Romantic Relationships with Tapping/EFT w/ Alina Frank

By 1 Comment

Our romantic relationships take up a great deal of our time and energy. They can bring us great joy and great frustration (and sometimes both at the same time). Even though each relationship is a new and different experience we can find ourselves falling into the same patterns. Some repeat themselves from relationship to relationship, whilst others keep repeating themselves inside the same relationship.

In this interview with Alina Frank we talk about how we can identify these patterns and how they were created. We also spend time looking at how we can use tapping/EFT to clear the negative patterns in our current relationships and those of repeating the same type of negative relationship experiences.


Alina Frank

Guest: Alina Frank

Contact Alina: web @ TapYourPower.net; twitter @tapyourpower; email @ here

About Alina: Alina Frank is a highly sought after international EFT and Matrix Reimprinting trainer. Her trainings provide continuing education credits for many healing arts professionals including social workers and massage therapists. Along with her husband, Dr. Craig Weiner, Alina Frank runs the EFT MBA program which focuses on business and marketing skills for new or struggling EFT coaches. Through their annual tapping conference in the Pacific NW they’ve raised thousands of dollars for continuing EFT research.

How have you used tapping to improve your relationships? What patterns do you see yourself falling into in relationships? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Being Judgmental Of Others

By Leave a Comment

Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

I am much more judgmental of others than I would like to admit. I think I am a kind person. I think I give others the benefit of the doubt. But there are times when I judge others too quickly. I don’t do this because of who they are, but because of who I am. Often when I am judging others it is because they remind me of something in myself that I don’t like. I don’t like to be judged and I am going to work on being less judgmental.

Tapping Ninja Video – A Question You Have To Ask Yourself When Looking For What To Change

By 3 Comments

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastelli, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja videos because these are simple small techniques that you could add to your tapping protocol to make your transformation and your work more effective and last longer.

Today what I’d like to offer you is the most important question I ask myself and the question that I ask my clients. The question is simply this, how is it working for you? Now this can be applied in two ways. First we can apply to the work that we’re doing with tapping or any other protocol and second, it can be applied to the choices that we’re making in our daily life.

Now when it comes to looking at the way that we do work, tapping is something that’s really, really malleable, it’s something that we can try in lots of ways, it’s something that we can add protocols to. We can add NLP. We can add guided imagery. There’s lots of things that we can do. And so the question comes, what am I suppose to do and how am I suppose to use it? Well, it’s very simple. How is it working for you?

You can try a new tapping technique. You can try a new protocol in under 60 seconds. Maybe if you’re really uncomfortable saying the phrases and the words out loud when you’re tapping, and maybe you want to give yourself a pass and you want to do it quietly in your head because you know that that might work. Well, how is it working for you?

Now you do that for 15 minutes or you do it for a single round of tapping, when you’re done, how does it compare to your normal tapping? Did make it easier? Did you make more success? Were you more comfortable because you weren’t having to say uncomfortable things out loud? If that’s the case, great, it worked for you. But it’s also possible because you haven’t said anything out loud, you’re not tuning in as sharply as you once did because to create words requires a certain level of focus. And so it might be more comfortable while tapping, but the amount of progress you make just disappears, so it’s not really working for you.

So when you’re looking at a new way to tap or something that’s going to make it more comfortable, how is it working for you?

Secondly, the question is really when it comes to looking at our own life. It’s a question I’d like to ask my clients when they’re defending their actions or thinking it’s the best way for them to act. How is it working for you?

If it’s not making any progress, then it’s obviously not working or if it’s keeping stuck, it’s obviously not working. We all know the cliché definition insanity. It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. But often times, we don’t think of the pattern that we’re repeating and so by asking the question, how is it working for you? It’s going to help us to evaluate what really is working and what isn’t.

I’m angry all the time. Well, how is it working for you? When we start to look at what it’s doing, then we can evaluate different opportunities and different chances because we have something to compare it to. But we need to recognize the pattern that’s there in order to change it. And one of the ways to see that is to look at the outcome. How is it working for you? It’s a simple question but if you ask it, it’s going to help you to reframe, you need to recognize the change that needs to happen and I need to dive a little deeper.

For Tapping Q and A, this is Gene Monterastelli. I hope you enjoyed this little tip and hopefully you will come back and join us soon. Bye-bye.

Talking Emotions and Tapping With Kids /w Jondi Whitis

By Leave a Comment

I want to talk to my kids about their emotions and to teach them to tap, but I don’t know how to start. Do you have any recommendations?

I love tapping with kids, but not everyone is as comfortable as I am working with them. I had a chance to chat with Jondi Whitis of TappingStar about how to talk to kids about emotions, tapping, and what adults can do better when talking to kids about their emotions.

I hope you enjoy this interview!

You Have No Choice! Just Give-Up Right Now!

By 3 Comments

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by Alberto G.

With my day job I spend a lot of time talking to high school kids about the choices they make. When talking about their lives they often use the phrase, “I had no choice but to…” I hear it from my clients as well. “I had to. I had no choice!”

  • “I had no choice, I just couldn’t get out of bed.”
  • “I had no choice, it was the best job I could find.”
  • “I had no choice, everyone else was going.”

Those statements sound logical, but that is not “no choice.”

That is “in the short term with the least amount of risk, effort, or thought it was the easiest thing for me to choose.”

We can see the same thing when people talk about their identity.

  • “I had no choice, the men in my family aren’t good at sharing emotions.”
  • “I had no choice, you know how hot tempered we Irish are.”

Again, that is not “no choice”.

That is “it has always been that way for the people around me and it is easier for me not to fight the pattern.”

“No Choice” Stops All Movement

The moment we say that we have “no choice” then we are done.

We stop thinking, we stop trying, we stop moving forward, and we stop dreaming. Because if there really is no choice, why bother? We are assuming things are suck therefore consciously and (more importantly) unconsciously we are going to stop trying.

Owning Your Choice

Don’t get me wrong. I think it is OK to make any of the choices that are listed above as long as they are the choice we want to make.

  • “I really felt under the weather and exhausted. I knew I was going to be a grump and was going to do really poor work so I choose to stay in bed.”
  • “I had been looking for jobs for months and it was the only thing I could find that paid the bills. It is not my dream job and it really doesn’t pay enough, but I was exhausted and heartbroken and for the job search I needed to get back to work so I chose to take the job.”
  • “I didn’t really want to go to the party, but everyone else was going and I didn’t want to be alone or seen as an outsider.”
  • “The men in my family are traditionally really bad at talking about emotions and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”
  • “Everyone in my family talks about how hot tempered the Irish are and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”

 


When they are phrased this way we may or may not (more than likely “may not”) like who we are becoming in these choices, but because we are making them as choices we are back in control.

When we see our actions as choices and not as predestination then we are regaining control. We see where we stand and what we can change (if we are willing to put in the effort).

Tapping Your Way Out Of No Choice

Whenever I hear myself saying “I have no choice…” I try to catch myself. Here is a way to tap when we are feeling like we have no choice:

Right now I feel like I have no choice…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But I am feeling overwhelmed by what is going on…I am overwhelmed by what has happened in the past…I am overwhelmed by past patterns and expectations of others…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But really I am falling into the choice that is the easiest and takes the least effort…It is okay if I make this choice…If this is the choice I really want to make…I give myself permission to make the choice I want…As long as I know it is my choice…Not someone else’s choice…And that I am willing to take responsibility for my choices…Because they are my choices…They are not someone else’s choices…They are my choices…I have a choice…I am going to take responsibility for my choices…

What are the things you used to think you had no choice about? Where has naming choice helped you to regain control of your life? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #71: Using Metaphors For Healing w/ Rue Hass

By 1 Comment

When I am setting up interviews for the podcast I normally ask my guest, “What is the thing that really gets your juices flowing? It doesn’t have to be what you are known for. I want to know what is exciting you right now!” Once we have agreed on a topic the guest sends me a few bullet points to help me to form questions.

When I was having this back and forth with Rue Hass she said, “This is something I am really excited about and it is so new to me that I can’t even send you an outline.”

I love getting to be a part of new things!

In this interview Rue shares a new technique that she is working with which uses metaphors and having clients draw pictures. It is absolutely brilliant. The technique is simple and elegant and as she was describing it I could see immediately how this could fit into my practice. I know you are going to love this.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue’s guest articles and podcast on Tapping Q and A.

What do you think about Rue’s new approach? How have used metaphors (not just pictures) in your tapping? What is your favorite healing metaphor? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong # 29A: I Don’t Have To Be Perfect

By 6 Comments

It is great that we spend time naming what we want our life to look like. It is wonderful that we create plans for how we are going to achieve it.

But it is not going to happen the way we planned. It’s just not. Unexpected things will crop up. There will details we have missed. There will be days where we just choose to watch TV instead of doing what we need to do to move forward.

And that is OK.

I am not saying that we don’t need to try, but it is OK if we are not perfect. It is good for us to be easy with ourselves when it comes to not being perfect. If we beat ourselves up too much about not being perfect we will find ourselves not even wanting to try.

Be easy with yourself.

Tapping Ninja Video – The Emotion About The Issue

By 7 Comments

Sometimes there is resistance to clearing an issue (physical, emotional, and limiting belief) because we are emotionally charged about the issue we are dealing with. We might feel disappointed in ourselves for dealing with this issue, or sad that our body has let us down. In this video we explore how to clear this resistance so clear the core issue is easer.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastell, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja because they’re super small techniques that are really powerful, kind of like a ninja’s strike, something that you can stick in to your tapping arsenal super quickly will make a difference in the short and long term.

Today, what I’d like to do is talk about what I call the emotion about the issue. Now, we have tappable issues that can be physical issues, they can be emotional issues, they can be limiting beliefs. And we know how to tap about those things but sometimes it’s hard to get to those issues because there is something on top of it. There’s another layer that we need to deal with that’s preventing us from seeing what’s going on. So, let’s take an emotional example.

Let’s say that a loved one has died and because as loved one has died, we’re really broken up and that makes perfect sense. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss. But we might have an emotional response about the fact that we’re feeling lost. Because I am feeling so much loss it might be preventing me from helping my family members who are also going through loss and now I feel like I’m letting them down or I feel like the emotion is becoming so debilitating. Or I can be in a circumstance where I feel like, I need to be tougher than that and to show that much emotion is not where I want to be.

So now there’s two emotions. Is the core emotion, the of feeling loss and sadness that goes along with it, and there’s a secondary emotion, how I feel about that emotion. I’m letting my family members down.

When we have an emotion about an issue, it’s going to be really difficult for us to deal with the issue at hand. So what we need to do is we need to deal with the emotion about the issue before we can deal with the issue. This will let us to see it much clearly.

So, if I was going to tap on an instant like this, first thing I’m going to do is I’m going to tap on how I feel about the emotion or the fact that I’m letting everyone down because I’m experiencing so much grief. Once I’ve cleared this external secondary emotion, it’s going to make it much easier and much clearer for me to see the loss and the sadness so I can tap on it and be able to clear that out.

This can happen as well for physical issues. You know, I could be in a circumstance where my knees have been acting up and it’s making it really hard for me to work. And so, my knee hurts and I want to tap on that issue. But the emotion about the issue is, my body is letting me down. My body should be working better so I can do all of the things I need to do. And so it’s going to be really hard for me to tap on the physical pain and clear that until I first clear the emotion about the issue, the frustration I feel about my body letting me down.

Now, to add this into your tapping, it’s a really simple thing to do. Tune in to the issue at hand, again, a limiting belief, a physical issue or an emotional charge and simply ask yourself the question, how do I feel about the fact I’m experiencing this. Does it feel overwhelming? Does it feel like I’m failing? Does it feel like I’m letting someone else down?

If we tap on these issues first, what it’s going to do is its going to make it really simple and much clearer for us to see the root cause that’s underneath.

So the next time you’re going to tap on an issue, ask yourself the question after you’ve tuned in, how do I feel about the fact I’m actually experiencing this issue? Whatever comes forward, tap on that and clear it which will open the door for you to do some more powerful work on the root cause.

For Tapping Q and A, I’m Gene Monterastelli. I hope you come back and you visit one of our videos soon. Have a great day! Bye-bye!

Things Your Intellectual Self Needs To Hear

By 1 Comment

photo by Paul Downey

[Note: This is part 2 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each parts of our system and tap for it. ]

I have the tendency to live in my head. I am very thoughtful person and am very capable of over thinking things. Because of this I can miss other information for other parts of my system. It is good to recognize our intellectual selves AND to help it to understand how it fits into the whole system.

Take a deed breath. Tune into your intellectual self and tap:

I am so happy that I have such a powerful intellectual part of my system…It solves problems at the speed of light…It assess situation before I have the change to realize that something needs to be analyzed…I love the fact that my intellect is able to learn and grow…My mind is made to grow and develop…I want my intellectual self to know that I know how much is does…And I am happy it is here…

I also want my intellectual self know that it is not alone…It is not the only part of my system…It is not the most important part of my system…But one more important part of my system…I want my intellectual self to know that it can and it needs to work with my other parts…That is needs to work with the wisdom of the gut and heart when making decisions…

I also asked a number of friends and fellow practitioners what they would want their mind/intellectual self to know and hear. Take another deep breath and continue to tap:

Let go, there’s no need to keep such a tight grip on everything.
Pamela Bruner

Are you trying too hard? Does it feel like work? Stop.
Jade Barbee

I’m smarter than I think.
Tammy Evevard

“Gosh darn it you are smart. (chuckle).
I’m sorry that others misunderstand your brilliance.
You are really good at trying to keep me safe. However I have a new job for you now.
Thank you for giving me all sides of the options here. You’ve done a good job.
Thank you for being part of the team. Your role is very important.”
Deborah Donndelinger

Beautiful mind runs the show most of the time, thinking thoughts, thinking my life, thinking my feelings, remembering the past, projecting into the future and interpreting life through the thinking filter. I honor my brilliance AND i give my mind permission to let down, to slow down, to relax and let me FEEL into my body and life more. it’s okay, brilliant mind, it’s safe for me let go of some much thinking and analyzing and feel what i want…and from that place i am so much more inspired, creative and brilliant!
Margaret M. Lynch

You are smart. You are capable of incredible things. You can always figure things out. You know how to handle each situation as it comes up. You know exactly the right thing to say in each situation.
Rev. Anne Presuel

You are as smart as you needs to be. And while you may get in the way of decisions that might be best left to the ‘gut’ to decide, I am grateful that I have my intellect to help protect me, reason things out, keep me safe, move me forward in life, remember the good things from the past and help me to walk into the future.
Lindsay Kenny

I spend too much time trying to prove to other people how much I know. The truth is I know very little. The problem is by the amount that I yammer on to other people you would never know that.
I am only 37 and I have a lot to learn about other people, the world, myself.
I need to say the words “”I don’t know”” a lot more often.
There is a lot of excitement in not knowing about a lot of things. It means that I have a long way to go before I become enlightened. It means that I am unfinished and I have many mysteries of the universe to solve before I pass on.
How boring it would be to know everything before turning 40!
I must not allow my world to be so small. I need to open myself to learning as much as I can in the time I have left. I also must be ready to allow my perspectives to shift based on new experiences or information I learn. Don’t become so deeply cemented into opinions or positions that I will never allow myself to change my mind.
Quit being afraid to learn.”
John Roedel

I have the capacity and talent, as well as the determination, to express all that it desires to express. That there is plenty of time and plenty of room for self expression. Mind, you don’t run the show, but you have incredible things to contribute.
Rhona Clews

You need to relax and understand that in any one circumstance you only going to perceive a small percentage of what is really happening. The bigger picture is almost never available to just the brain. Chill out. Relax. Enjoy the ride to greater understanding.
Alina Frank

It is okay to be great. I choose not to limit myself – or doubt myself – for fear of what others might think if I excelled. It is better to excel and show others how to do the same.
Brad Yates

“At the end of the day, does it really matter what you forgot? Or didn’t accomplish from that ridiculously long To-Do-List? What you remembered – and did – was really good enough? (Trust me.)”
Jondi Whitis

You are not me, you are something I use, you are very bright and very smart, but you work for Me.
Andy Bryce

What are the things your intellectual self needs to hear? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #70: Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto

By Leave a Comment

 

Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto By Gene Monterastelli

A manifesto is nothing more than a statement of beliefs. This is what I believe about the healing process. This is not about tapping the tool, but what happens when we heal and transform. This is how I think when I am working with clients.

Who “Recover Self – A Healing Manifesto” is For:

This if for anyone who is interested in transforming their lives, healing past wounds, and people who are trying to understand how these process happen. If you want to understand yourself a little better it is for you.

What You Will Learn In “Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto”:

  • Why you stop the healing process even when you know the steps you should take
  • Why others don’t want you to heal
  • The two categories that all healing falls into
  • What you need to know (and what you don’t need to know) to heal
  • How to stop fighting yourself and start healing

To download the ebook, the ebook in Spanish, or audiobook w/o podcast intro visit HealingManifesto.com

What do you think about this manifesto? I would love to hear your thoughts Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Being Brave When Overwhelmed Or Tired

By Leave a Comment

There are times when we just don’t want to step up. It could be because we feel we have nothing left or it could be because we don’t think we are capable.

Woody Allen is famously quoted as saying “Ninety percent of life is just showing up.” Often all it takes is getting up and getting started. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Most of the time it doesn’t even have to be good. Just starting is enough. It gets the ball rolling and the juices flowing, and it gets us heading in the right direction.

Warning: Ask These Healing Questions At Your Own Risk

By 4 Comments

(For me) one of the basic tenets to all change work: If there wasn’t some resistance to making change the change already would have happened.

Most of the time we know what we want and we know how to get it, but we just don’t take the steps needed. Something is holding us back. In most cases, we know (or falsely believe) that something is going to go very wrong if we get the change we want.

Not that the change we want is bad, but it is also going to come with unwanted consequences.

For example:

  • If I lose weight my fat friends are going to make fun of me the way they make fun of other skinny people.
  • If get over my fear of public speaking they are going to expect me to speak more in my job which mean more work.
  • If I get everything done today then my family is going to expect me to get everything done everyday.

Finding The Resistance Is Scary

Most of the time we are not sure what these underlaying concerns are. Might have an idea, but we don’t know for sure.

We can find out what these resistances are, but it can be a very dangerous thing to do.

If we find out what the underlying resistance is then we have to do something about it. It is much more comfortable to say, “I would love to lose the weight, but my family has never been able to keep weight off,” than it is to recognize that you haven’t lost the weight because losing weight is scary.

When the world is conspiring against us then it is not our fault. When we name what is really going on then we are responsible to do something.

You Have A Choice

So you have a choice. You can continue to live in your blissful ignorance. You can continue to wish for better and be resigned to the fact that the world is against you and it will never happen.

Or…

You can ask the hard questions. You can face the ugly facts about your life and you can recognize that it is up to you.

I will give you a moment to make your choice.

If you want to ask the hard questions…read on.

  • What would people expect of me if I really did change?
  • What would I expect of myself if I if really did change?
  • What crutches would I have to give up if I really did change?

I know they are not revolutionary questions. I am sure you have read them before in other articles on resistance, but they are powerful, useful, and (to be honest) at times painful to ask.

3 Steps To Getting Past Resistance

Now that you have chosen to face the questions let’s do something really helpful with them to create change! You can do this in three simple steps.

1) Think of an area of your life you want to change.
Narrow this down, because the resistance in each part of your life is going to be a little different. You can repeat the process as many times as you like with as many issues as you like. Choose one thing to start with.

2) Ask the questions?
Do this one at a time. Give each question a few minutes. Write down each of your answers. When you think you are done force yourself to come up with two more.

3) Tap for each thing you have written down.
It I very simple just start tapping and say “Even though I am afraid that if I get the change I want I am going to have to deal with [insert something from your list] I love and accept myself’

Repeat step 3 for each thing you have written down. If you want to you can go through your list twice (or three times even).

Now It Is Time For The Healing/Change Work

Don’t be mistaken at what we have just accomplished. What we have done is cleared the resistance to making the steps to the change you want. Doing this isn’t going to magical de-clutter the kitchen, have 30 lbs. disappear over night, or get you up in front of the office staff doing stand up comedy.

What it does do is clear the space so you are no longer getting in your own way. It clears the space for you to take the steps you know you need to take to move forward, grow, and/or heal.

It is not time to take the action you have known you need to do…but fear not. It is no longer scary and you will want to do it, because you want and are worthy of the change it is going to bring.

What is your experience with resistance to change? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #69: What Google and Zappos Know About Emotions That You Should Know Too w/ Paul Zelizer

By 1 Comment

The history of business is a history about how companies and organizations can be more efficient. Much of this work is about how companies and organizations can create an environment where they can get their employees to be more productive. For most of history this has been about automating processes, educating employees, and learning how to empower employees to make better choice.

Today, forward thinking companies like Google and Zappos are starting to look beyond people as cogs in the machine that fill specific tasks, but starting to see them as whole people. When companies feed and support the whole person they are finding their employees are happier, healthier, and more productive.

Regardless if you work for someone else, if you employ people, or don’t work in a traditional job the lessons about emotional intelligence that these companies are learning can be applied directly to your daily life. In this interview I talk to Paul Zeilzer about what he has learned by visiting companies like Google and Zappos and how they can applied to our daily lives to increase our success.

 

Paul Zelizer

Guest: Paul Zelizer, MA, EFT-Cert I

Contact: Web @ PaulZelizer.com; Email @ info@paulzelizer.com; Twitter @PaulZelizer; Facebook @ facebook.com/paul.zelizer

About Paul: Paul Zelizer has studied psychology, spirituality and conscious business for more than 30 years. After almost 20 years as a psychotherapist, he left the counseling world and shifted to a coaching and energy psychology practice. It was instant love!

Paul was one of the first coaches to combine energy psychology with the principles of conscious business and social marketing. As a result, his business grew rapidly. Today Paul runs a global coaching business where he helps spiritual people create the businesses and attract the work life of their dreams.

What do you think about what Paul share here? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong: Being Who You Are – AKA Not Needing To Fit In

By 1 Comment

No two people are alike. That is something that we all understand, but for some reason we feel like we need to hold ourselves to some standard where we are constantly comparing ourselves to those around us. We compare our relationships, our jobs, our physical health, and our financial success. Not only do we make these comparisons about the things we achieve, but we also make these comparisons about the things we prefer. When we don’t like the same music, TV, food, and activities as the people in our lives we feel out of place.

We are not like anyone else in the world. It does us little good to make comparisons on how we are different from everyone else. Because we are.

Things Your Physical Body Needs To Hear You Say

By 2 Comments

photo by David E. Merino

[Note: This is part 1 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each parts of our system and tap for it. ]

Our physical body is a truly amazing thing. It is literally billions of little pieces works in concert moving us through the day, keeping us safe and healthy from disease, and helping us to explore the world. It is something that I know I take for granted. Every tapping session I do with clients one of the first steps I do is have us ground ourselves in our bodies and thank it for all the amazing things it does in unconscious and subconscious ways.

Take a deep breath. Feel yourself grounded in your body. Start tapping and say this to your physical body:

I love you…I appreciate everything you do for me that is seen and unseen…You keep me safe through out the day in ways that I never know about…I don’t have to think about my health and well being in every moment because you do it for me…Thank you. Thank you…Thank you…I know you are not perfect…I know that you don’t keep everything at bay…I know there are times where you over function…or misunderstand threats to my health and well being…but I know that you are always working from a place of wanting the best for me…even if you don’t make the right choices…you are always making what you think are the best choices…

Know that you are not alone in your work…you are not the only part of me that is trying to keep me healthy and safe…You have other parts of the systems that are willing to work with you…Know that you are not expected to do it alone…You are allowed to ask for help…You need to ask for help…I want you to ask for help…Please tell me what you need to do your job better…

I am sorry that I don’t always listen to you…I am sorry that you have to work so hard to get my attention…It is not that I don’t care…It is not that I don’t want to listen…I just sometimes forget to listen…I sometimes get so in my head that I forget to listen to my physical system…Please keep letting me know what I need to do to be healthier…Please let me know what I need to do to just be at peace in you…In this moment.

I also asked number of my friends and fellow practitioners what they would what their physical body to hear. There are also great phrases to tap along to. Take another deep breath and tap…

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You know exactly what you need to maintain balance, and you are completely capable of maintaining balance. You know exactly how to heal any situation, and you do just that, whenever it is needed.
Rev. Anne Presuel

Focus on how you want to feel and how you want to be. Breathe.
Jade Barbee

Even though I reject you in so many ways, I honor my body, my solid, real physical body. I am opening to really FEELING my body, my solid presence, my humanity, my foundation of strength, power and energy. I am opening to remembering that my body LOVES being ALIVE…every cell in my body wants to live and LOVES living and changing and growing. I notice my body and remember that I am alive with energy, sensation and swirling power and I say THANK YOU to my beautiful body.
Margaret M. Lynch

You don’t have to do everything, and be so tense. You can relax.
Pamela Bruner

I’m sorry I haven’t been listening. I’m listening now.
I’m sorry I haven’t been able to hear your messages. I’m open to hearing your innate wisdom now.
I’m sorry I haven’t been making good choices. I’m willing to let you guide me now.
Deborah Donndelinger

You are loved, that I am interested in listening to your needs, that there is plenty of time for rest, fun and play. I am interested in exploring new ways of honouring you and making you feel good. I am listening.
Rhona Clews

I love and appreciate all the billions of functions it performs for you each and every day.
Alina Frank

It’s never too late! I love you, anyway. And by the way, you’re doing a good job keeping up with all this I’m throwing at you! Deep apologies for making you carry all this around!
Jondi Whitis

Thank you for all your messages, especially the ones you have to repeat, thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you for being so healthy and being such a great place to live for a while.
Andy Bryce

That strength begins with choices. I choosing to take care of my body which creates inner strength too.
Tammy Evevard

What are the things your physical self needs to hear? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!