Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #425: How A Small Amount Of Work On Big Issues Can Make All The Difference When Tapping

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There is an interesting phenomenon that crops up as we become more experienced tappers and more experienced with healing and change work. We start to recognize what is possible with healing!

There are two sides to this. On one hand we can become excited about having such useful tools, while on the other hand it can feel daunting to recognize how much we actually have to do.

Feeling daunted can prevent us from wanting to tap because it feels like we have too much to do and it's too big a task even to begin.

The good news is we don't have to do all the work at once AND even only doing a small amount of work on a big issue can make a useful difference in how we feel.

This week I share a simple tap-along to help you to start the healing process when it feels too big.

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Pod #424: How Thinking Of Your Body As A Factory Can Speed Healing And Transformation

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If you have ever worked with me one-on-one or listened to an audio of me working with a client, then you know I spend a lot of time asking different parts of your body for feedback.

I regularly have my clients ask questions of the physical sensations they are feeling. That is not a metaphor for something else. I really have them ask questions of the physical sensations they are experiencing (like tightness in the chest that comes up with worry) as if the sensations can talk back.

Moving the focus to bodily sensations helps clients to get out of their conscious minds. The conscious mind can be inaccurate when it is trying to understand why we are the way we are. It can make an educated guess, but sometimes that is inaccurate.

Pretending that a physical sensation can talk back to us gives the subconscious mind an opportunity to share information it has about the issue we want to address with tapping.

Based on the success of this type of work, I have a tool that you can use at the start of the day to set you up for a successful day.

The tool combines this type of questioning within a framework of thinking of the body as a factory.

I know this sounds odd, but it is a powerful tool that I use regularly. And I know that if you give it a try, you will be thrilled with the outcome.

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I’m Too Tired And I Just Want To Give Up! – Video

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At a certain point we just don't want to take any more action. We have worked so hard and it all feels like too much.

Here is a simple tap-along for when we want to give up because we feel exhausted.

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She threatened me with karma (AKA why Tapping Q and A exists)

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Back in the first week of January I sent you an email telling you about the first podcast of the year. As a PS I mentioned that because it was my birthday I was offering a deal on one-on-one tapping sessions.

Every week people join my mailing list and people leave my mailing list. During the unsubscribe process my mailing list software offers the opportunity to submit feedback and let me know why you are unsubscribing.

Most people don't write anything, but from time to time there is useful feedback, which I appreciate.

After making the birthday offer this is the note that someone wrote as they unsubscribed:

I can't see how anyone can justify charging for tapping. I can get the same results from youtube videos. I hate that there are such greedy people in this world capitalizing off the sadness and sorrows of vulnerable people. Karma is all I can say.

In looking through my records I realized that I haven't sent an email explaining why TappingQandA.com exists since 2015 (which feels like a lifetime ago).

Prompted by that comment, I think it is a good idea to make sure that we are on the same page.

There are three reasons why I run the website, record podcasts, create videos, and send you emails just like this one.

Reason #1: To Provide Good, Useful Content
My hope is that every time I add a resource to TappingQ&A, you will find it helpful. That it will help you understand your issues in a new way and help you to grow your tapping skill set. I know that not everything I create will be useful for everyone on my list.

My aim is to listen to you, my readers, so that I am covering the topics that are most useful. If there is a topic that I haven't yet covered that you would find helpful, just reply to this message and let me know.

Reason #2: I Learn In The Creative Process
Running the website has been an amazing learning experience for me. I have had the chance to interview some of the brightest minds in change work and there have been countless occasions when I have written a post and then thought, “Wow! I didn't realize I believed that.”

Having to think about what serves you every week helps me to learn more and grow. I am so much healthier and happier because of this website. It means the world to me that you read, listen, and watch what I have created. AND at the exact same time I wonder if I am learning more than you.

Reason #3: To Grow My Business
Yes, this is in fact a business and my livelihood. The only way I am able to create so much free content for the site is because I also earn money from selling products and services. Most weeks I spend over five hours working on the free content I offer and that wouldn't be possible if this were just my hobby.

The nice thing about the way I have built my business is that its viability depends upon only a very small percentage of my readers. In most cases when I offer something for sale fewer than 1% of my readers buy it.

That means the odds are that you have never bought anything from me AND that is perfectly fine.

I hope at some point in the future you find an offering that works for you. Until that happens, keep enjoying the free content.

More great stuff is coming
I have no plans to stop. I will keep creating free articles, podcasts, and videos. If 2020 goes according to plan, by the end of the calendar year there will be over 1000 free resources on the website.

The good thing is you can control whether or not you hear from me. If at any point you no longer want to receive these emails because they are not serving you, all you have to do is click unsubscribe at the top or bottom of the email.

You will never receive another message from me again.

I don't want to send you emails unless you want to receive them. I am actually happy when people unsubscribe because it means they are controlling their time and what is coming into their inbox.

Thanks for being a reader
It is amazing to think that all of this started from a free blog I hosted in my spare time! I have learned so much from my clients and readers and gained many friends along the way. My life is so much better because TappingQ&A exists.

Please continue to let me know how I can keep serving you in the future. As I mentioned above, the easiest way to reach me is to hit reply to a note like this one.

Blessings,

Gene

PS: I have extended the birthday offer through the end of January. You can get a one-on-one sessions with me for over 40% if you use the coupon code “birthday” at checkout. You can purchase time with me here: http://tappingqanda.com/one-on-one

Pod #423: Fix v. Transform

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When I am working with clients I pay particular attention to the words they use to describe what they are experiencing. That's because more often than not our emotional response is informed by how we describe what is going on, rather than what is actually going on.

To that end I have created a number of resources to help you decode the language you (or your clients) are using.

In this audio, you will hear me working with one of my clients as we discuss the difference between and “fix” and “transform” and how each of those words impacts the healing process.

An audio transcript can be found below the player.

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Sue: Could you repeat that thought again? That was really profound…the difference between fix and transform.

Gene: We so often say “I need to fix something” and for anything that we wish to “fix” we’re implying a sense of brokenness. It becomes a state that we're in that can have a lot of negative charge around it.

The first time the power of words in healing was pointed out to me was by my friend Dan Cleary. Something had come up when we were supposed to do an interview, so I had to reschedule. I sent him a note saying “I’m sorry”. He replied saying “Don’t say you're sorry! That's a really profound statement because it's not an apology. It's a statement of the type of thing that I am, “‘Oh that poor, sorry Gene.'”

Being able to recognize I apologize for what happened and it won't happen again is really different from saying “I’m sorry”. When we look at the work we need to do in terms of fixing something about ourselves, or the environment, or the world, it automatically implies something's broken.

Things aren’t necessarily broken. They may not be functioning optimally and they might not be functioning in a way that's healthy and beneficial in the short and long term, but everything we do is functional even if it is not achieving the function that we desire.

I have found it more useful in my own work to think in terms of transformation. I want to transform this from the way it's functioning now to a healthier way, both in the short and long term, so it makes it easier for me to approach the work I need to do. It helps me to shape my mind so I approach it with a better attitude to ensure that I’m doing better work for myself.

Sue: It also sounds more open-ended. When you fix something it feels like you have a definite aim in mind, whereas transformation has a sense of allowing and expansiveness.

Gene: Absolutely. Anytime we are thinking of fixing or broken, we immediately make problems binary. By binary I mean on or off, it's there or it's not. And many situations are more complex than that, they aren't just on or off.

For example, it's not that I don’t feel pain OR I do feel pain. There are gradations of pain and those gradations of pain impact the way I interact in the world. If I have a pain that's a 9 on a scale of 0-10, and I move the pain down to a 6 but my goal is to get rid of the pain, then I have failed. Even though I feel better, I am still hurt.

Moving from a 9 to a 6 on the SUDs scale doesn't mean I have achieved a complete transformation. That is, my pain is not fixed, BUT that reduction might allow me to leave the house for two hours, which I couldn’t do before because I have restored full mobility. That's a big difference and real success. Yes, I still feel pain but I’m able to do things I couldn’t do before. I am moving away from this sense of one way or another, with no shades of grey. Transformation helps us to understand that there are grades of experience, rather than I have them or I don’t.

For many of the things I want to improve in my life I might not ever reach perfection, and if I’m only satisfied with perfect, then I’ll never feel satisfied.

Sue: Wow, that kind of goes along with your “is there something better to…”

Gene: Absolutely yeah, the other part of it is when we make it binary we limit our possibilities and we could actually have something better than whatever we think “fixed” is.

Pod #422: How To Find Root Causes

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Recently I was working with a client who was frustrated with the process of tapping. He felt angry.

The process went like this:

  1. he felt angry
  2. he tapped for the anger
  3. he felt better
  4. some time would pass
  5. he felt angry again

Dealing with the same issue over and over again had him feeling incredibly frustrated.

As we did some work, it emerged that his anger was a symptom of a much deeper issue. The tapping for the anger was helpful in the short term, but since it wasn't the core issue, it kept coming back again and again.

In my client's case, his anger was like a notification light on the dashboard of a car where the problem isn't the red light itself, but the light is pointing out the actual problem. For him, tapping for the anger was no different than turning off the red notification light. It wasn't responding to the problem.

Identifying if what you are tapping on is the core issue or just a symptom can be tricky. Here are eight questions that you can ask while tapping to help you to go past the symptoms and reach the core issue.

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I Forgive Myself For My Past Mistakes – Video

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There is a part of our subconscious mind that wants to remember all of our mistakes. It believes that if we keep coming back to these mistakes again and again, then we won't repeat those mistakes.

In reality, when we beat ourselves up like this, we do exactly the opposite. Instead, we shy away from taking new actions to avoid beating ourselves up again in the future. That's why forgiving ourselves for past mistakes makes it easier for us to make good choices in the future.

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Pod #421: The Container Process

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We know that the most effective way to tap is when we are able to be as specific as possible with the issue at hand.

But a common misconception about this idea is that tapping is only useful if we are specific. But that is not what the statement above says. It says “as specific as possible”. There are times when we can't be super specific because what we are feeling isn't super specific!

Sometimes our experience is a collection of emotions and feelings that are much more general OR we are processing so much at once we can't be specific about any one issue or aspect.

When that happens I use what I call the Container Process. It's a tool I regularly use with my clients.

It is perfect for:

  • when you are experiencing lots of emotions at once
  • when you can't pin down exactly what you want to tap on
  • letting go of everything at the end of the day

Also, you will be able to master the process after hearing it just two or three times so you won't need the audio if you want to do it on your own.

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Best of 2019

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When I am planning the free resources for TappingQandA.com I take a number of factors into consideration. I receive feedback and requests from readers like you, common topics come up over and over again in my sessions with clients, and I look at past performance.

I am not one to obsess over download stats, but every few weeks I check in to see how the show is doing.

As I was looking back on 2019 and looking forward to 2020, I thought I would share with you some of the best of the best from the past year.

You might have missed these free resources when they came out the first time OR they weren't right for you when they first came out, but might be exactly what you need right now.

If you are only going to listen to one:
The Grounding Process – This is my favorite tapping tool ever. As I was compiling this list, I committed to doing this grounding process every night before I go to bed for the next 10 days.

My favorite tool:
Tapping To Music From Your Teen Years – Music is a powerful force anchoring us to our past. Here is a simple way to use music from your teen years to clear up any emotional baggage you are carrying from that time.

My favorite interview:
How to tell if you are making progress with Tapping w/ Mary Ayers – Of all the interviews I did last year, I learned the most from this one. I now use the way Mary talks about measuring progress with my own clients all the time.

Most commented upon:
What My Reaction To Others Says About Me – The most recent comment on this podcast was “Your best podcast, Gene. More, please.” I think this one struck a chord because it was so personal.

Most downloaded:

Most Downloaded from the archive:

As I stated above, I take reader and listener recommendations seriously. Some of the best episodes ever came from those recommendations. Please let me know who you would like me to interview and what topics you would like me to cover. All you need to do is reply to this note.

Just as a reminder. You can subscribe to the Tapping Q and A Podcast in a number of ways. It is – and will remain – completely free of charge. This isn't like a Netflix subscription.

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Thanks for listening,

Gene

PS: Did you know that you can support the Tapping Q and A Podcast and receive some amazing thank you gifts? Full details: http://tappingqanda.com/support

Pod #420: All The Choices You Make Are Functional

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Working with clients has allowed me to understand a fundamental of human nature: All the choices we make are functional choices.

In practical terms this means that all of the choices we make are the best choices that we can make in any given moment based on the information we have and our current resource state.

This does not mean that we always make good choices, choices we are proud of, or choices that we would like to make again in the future. Instead it means that we are making choices for a reason.

When we are able to recognize the emotional and intellectual reasons behind our choices, it highlights the areas we can address with tapping so that we can make better choices in the future.

In this podcast I share how you can understand why on a subconscious level we are making “functional” choices AND how we can make better choices in the future.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Tapping For Focus – Video

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Sometimes we try to focus but find that our minds are jumping all over the place. This short tap-along will help you to focus on the task before you.

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Pod #419: Tapping To Create Space For Your Goals

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Recently I was working with a client on using tapping to help him to go after some major goals in his life.

He didn’t need to address a particular issue, but instead he was looking for a good way to set himself up to pursue his goals. After we had done a few minutes of tapping, he felt at peace and was ready to pursue his goals for the day and in the long-term. He then said to me, “You need to share this as a podcast. Others will find it super helpful.”

So here it is! The audio is less than seven minutes long and I hope it also helps you to go after your goals today.

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Pod #418: Tapping For A Fresh Start

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We all know that New Year Resolutions don't work. It would be nice to believe that making a statement at midnight on December 31st would be enough to create fresh ways of thinking and acting, but it doesn't work that way.

With that being said, a new year is a great time to reevaluate our lives AND tapping is a great way to support any new goals.

This week I have a simple tap-along audio that will help you to create lasting change, rather than just a fleeting thought about what you'd like to improve at the beginning of the year that quickly evaporates.

This will help you to take new action and also help you with the emotional ups and downs of trying to realize a new goal.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Tapping For The Fear Of Missing Out – Video

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We live in a time of so many options. If we choose to do one thing, then we are choosing away from something else. This creates a fear of missing out which causes us to choose to do nothing at all. Here is a simple tap-along for when you are fearing that you are missing out.

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Pod #417: Tapping For A Better Night’s Sleep

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It seems like every client I've worked with in the last ten days has asked me about using tapping to help them to sleep better.

Daily stress is a common cause of sleep disruption because our systems can get caught up in trying to solve the problems of the previous day and consumed with the worries of tomorrow.

In this simple tap-along audio we spend time on physical and mental fatigue, as well as emotional exhaustion, and work on preparing the system for a great night of rest and relaxation. Let me know in the comments section below if this helps you out.

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Pod #416: Tapping For Urgency And Focus Without Fear

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Even though we spend most of our time tapping to try to reduce emotions, emotions are not our enemy. Our emotional response is our internal guidance system trying to keep us safe and on track.

Fear is an extremely helpful emotion in that it helps us to see danger BUT problems arise if our fear response is excessive and causes us to go into a state of flight, fight, freeze, or fog. When this happens, the fear moves from pointing out a problem, to crippling us.

Even when we notice that we are feeling fearful, it can be difficult to leave that state because our system thinks this is the best way to keep us on guard.

Today we are going to tap for neutralizing our fear and moving to a more useful state of focus and urgency. By having a proper sense of urgency we can stay on task without being crippled by fear.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Tapping For When We Feel Like An Outsider – Video

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Often times we move to the beat of a different drummer than those in our lives. This can feel overwhelming and isolating. Here is some simple tapping you can do when you feel like an outsider.

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Pod #415: What My Reaction To Others Says About Me

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I live in New York City, a pedestrian city where most people don’t drive. Even when you take mass transit you still need to walk a lot just to get around. The subway stop I use most is 3/4 of a mile walk from my apartment.

As a result, people here tend to be healthier than the national average because of the daily walking they're required to do, so I see far fewer obese people in NYC than I do in other parts of the United States.

Back in 2014 when this was originally recorded, I was in a rural part of the US. As we were entering a restaurant there was a group of people walking out. Two members of the group leaving the restaurant were obese; they were so big it was hard for them to walk.

And this is the really embarrassing part…when I saw them my first thought and emotion was one of disgust. It washed over my whole body so intensely that I felt sick to my stomach for a second.

The second emotion was of total shame for being disgusted. I was, and am, so disappointed in myself.

When something like this happens, our emotional response is about us. It is about how we see ourselves, the world, and what we think is safe. My feelings of disgust had little to do with the people I saw and everything to do with how I see myself.

In this recording you will hear me tap in real time for the feelings of disgust I experienced, the shame that soon followed, and all the issues that came up as I found my way to the root causes of those feelings.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #414: Tapping For When We Want Others To Change

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On a recent episode of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, one of the litigants (when talking about her husband) said “I want him to have what he wants. I just want him to want something different.”

That is such a relatable sentiment. Sometimes we believe we can see the best path for our loved ones, but at the exact same time we want them to be in control of their own lives and choices.

This week we talk about and tap about how to come to terms with wanting the best for others when they are making choices that we might not love.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Tapping of Holiday Stress – Video

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The holidays are a cray time. There is a all the extra holiday events, the financial stress of gift giving, and a never ending to do list. Here is a simple tap-along to help you with holiday stress.

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