Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

TapAlong: Being Judgmental Of Others

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Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

I am much more judgmental of others than I would like to admit. I think I am a kind person. I think I give others the benefit of the doubt. But there are times when I judge others too quickly. I don’t do this because of who they are, but because of who I am. Often when I am judging others it is because they remind me of something in myself that I don’t like. I don’t like to be judged and I am going to work on being less judgmental.

TapAlong # 29A: I Don’t Have To Be Perfect

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It is great that we spend time naming what we want our life to look like. It is wonderful that we create plans for how we are going to achieve it.

But it is not going to happen the way we planned. It’s just not. Unexpected things will crop up. There will details we have missed. There will be days where we just choose to watch TV instead of doing what we need to do to move forward.

And that is OK.

I am not saying that we don’t need to try, but it is OK if we are not perfect. It is good for us to be easy with ourselves when it comes to not being perfect. If we beat ourselves up too much about not being perfect we will find ourselves not even wanting to try.

Be easy with yourself.

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TapAlong: Being Brave When Overwhelmed Or Tired

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There are times when we just don’t want to step up. It could be because we feel we have nothing left or it could be because we don’t think we are capable.

Woody Allen is famously quoted as saying “Ninety percent of life is just showing up.” Often all it takes is getting up and getting started. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Most of the time it doesn’t even have to be good. Just starting is enough. It gets the ball rolling and the juices flowing, and it gets us heading in the right direction.

TapAlong: Being Who You Are – AKA Not Needing To Fit In

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No two people are alike. That is something that we all understand, but for some reason we feel like we need to hold ourselves to some standard where we are constantly comparing ourselves to those around us. We compare our relationships, our jobs, our physical health, and our financial success. Not only do we make these comparisons about the things we achieve, but we also make these comparisons about the things we prefer. When we don’t like the same music, TV, food, and activities as the people in our lives we feel out of place.

We are not like anyone else in the world. It does us little good to make comparisons on how we are different from everyone else. Because we are.

TapAlong: Saying “I am sorry.”

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Saying we are sorry is difficult. We have to admit that we are not perfect. Often we have to confront the fact that we have let someone else down or hurt them, but we need to do it.

Many times when I need to say I am sorry I have already decided that I am sorry and until I apologize the relationship will struggle. I need to say I am sorry for myself. I need to say I am sorry for the person I have hurt.

TapAlong: Please See How Much I Am Putting Myself Last!

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I love helping other people out. I think I am good at it and I know that I enjoy it. I also know that others have noticed that I am good at helping people. I have personally and professionally been recognized for doing so. It is part of who I am and it is part of my identity. I am seen as a ‘go to’ guy.

None of this is bad unless I start defining myself as someone who helps others. None of this is bad unless I start to think this is the only way we can have value. We can find ourselves in a place where we are doing everything possible to make people see that we are helpers, that we are caregivers, or that we are putting everyone else first.

We start to think: “Please, please, please notice how much I am putting myself last!”

If we do this we risk losing our identity and ourselves and it can become very unhealthy.

Tap Along #23A: You Are Worth A Better/Easier Life

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Often we don’t feel comfortable making our own lives easier or better. We think, “Others have it so much harder than I do. A good life is only possible if I work very hard and struggle for it. I have wasted good opportunities before so why should life be easier for me now?”

As long as we think are unworthy, we will never move forward. When we are able to recognize that we are worthy of a better life then we enable ourselves to start working towards it. This audio will help you to do just that.

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TapAlong #21A: Mediocrity and Greatness

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Mediocrity asks “Why?” with hesitation. Greatness asks “Why not?” with expectation. – @TheSingleWoman

One of the biggest and most significant shifts we can make is moving from asking “why?” to asking “why not?” When we do this we are shifting from thinking about the place where we are stuck to moving towards what we can become. This is a powerful transformation. Even by simply being aware of what is possible, we feel like we are moving forward to something that is new and better.

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TapAlong #17A: What would you choose for today?

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Sometimes all we need to do to begin moving forward is to name our goals. By knowing what we want to achieve we can begin to see the path towards it, and if we tap while naming our goals, we can start to clear the resistance to them. It is a great way to start your day or week!

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TapAlong #16A Dealing With Shame And Blame For Past Choices

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Shame is an interesting emotion. It makes us recoil inside ourselves, wanting us to hide from our past and our present. Despite this negativity, shame is rooted in a good place because it wants us to have done better, and wants us to do better in the future. The problem is that it prevents us from moving forward because it is trying to keep us safe from repeating our mistakes. Because of this we can feel crippled by shame, but we don’t have to remain stuck in that place.

Tapping To The Lessons I Learned While Tapping

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photo by Stephan Reinwald

When I am tapping I like to write down the insights I have while tapping. Sometimes they are things I already know (and have known forever) and other times they are completely new insights. I might only get one or two of these insights when I sit down to tap, but when I collect them over time I end up with a lots of wisdom that I need to hear.

Here is a list of the some of the insights I have had recently while tapping. Every now and then I like to come back and tap to them.

PS: This is also a great way to end a tapping session. Just state what you have learned to reinforce the learning and the change.

  • Accountability structures are good for my progress.
  • I have more needs than I care to admit.
  • If I do work every day (or regularly) progress is inevitable.
  • It is time to heal.
  • I am really ready to heal.
  • Sometimes when things don’t work out we find new and better things.
  • Some issues and tasks are made harder by avoiding them.
  • Even if people who are close to me don’t appreciate the work I am doing, it can and will be appreciated in other places by other people.
  • I know lots of things that are good for me even if I am not willing to admit it in my conscious mind.
  • I need to take care of myself because I will receive the best care this way as I am the only one who has taking care of me as a responsibility. I can (and should) ask for help, but I am responsible for this work.
  • It is time to let others take responsibility for themselves. This is not longer my job.
  • It is good (and serves others) when I follow my dreams.
  • It is hard for people who are wounded for them not to act out of their wound.
  • I can’t assume I understand what really happened or what others really think.
  • I can’t assume others understand me.
  • I need to examine how I see myself.
  • My patterns are easy to change when I take the time to look at and understand them.
  • I am better at what I do than I give myself credit for.
  • Doing work is better than not doing work.
  • One easy change I can make is to work on change every day.
  • Physical health can be improved with lots of small choices and it doesn’t have to be about massive workout routines.
  • It is good I am making this change now.
  • I don’t have to do everything in my life alone to move forward. There are lots of people I can partner with.
  • Just because I have been stuck for a very long time doesn’t mean I have to stay stuck in the future.
  • I am open to change happening in a way that is unexpected and surprisingly easy.
  • When I give myself the benefit of the doubt it is easier to give others the benefit of the doubt.
  • Sometimes the hardest person to love is myself.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about wanting less for me.
  • Wanting the best for others is not about fixing them.
  • Desire isn’t bad because it is motivation to doing more, trying more, and being focused.
  • My complete focus on one outcome can lead me to miss other, better outcomes.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #15A Accepting Compliments

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One of the things I have struggled with over the years is accepting compliments. They made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel judged. They made me feel like I needed to point out the things that were wrong with me. Over time I have learned that it is OK to take a compliment. It gives me a chance to recognize that I am good at something and that others also see the things I do well.

Tapping To Beauty To Open Your Heart

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The key to a successful tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session is to find a way to tune into an emotion. It doesn’t matter how we find our way to that emotion. We can do it by saying phrases, retelling stories from the past, or just tuning into how a physical sensation feels in the body. The key is our focus and attention.

The world we live in is full of amazingly beautiful things. Many of them we miss (or at least I miss) because we are wrapped up in our ‘to do’ list. When we take the time to look at beauty, bathe in beauty, and absorb beauty, it touches us and tunes us into our emotional core.

Take 4 minutes to watch this amazing video my friend Sue passed along to me. As you do it, just tap. It is not about clearing up an issue or working through some piece of resistance. It is simply about being in touch with beauty…which is healing.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping For Inspiration & Creativity By Steve Jobs

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This article was written while being powered by an American with vanilla bought by Mrs S B Bridgeford of Dorset, UK.


photo by Apple

As I am sure you are aware last week Steve Jobs died. He was a galvanizing figure to say the least. He was a thought leader and he demanded a lot of himself (and of his employees). I always enjoyed his interviews and speeches because there always included wonderful nuggets of hope, inspiration and challenge. Here are some of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes.

Are you looking for a great way to start off your day on a creative, inspired foot? Then read through these quotes as you tap along.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

“… You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me… Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful…that’s what matters to me.” – Wall Street Journal 1993

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“There’s an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love. ‘I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.’ And we’ve always tried to do that at Apple. Since the very very beginning. And we always will.”

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.” – Fortune

“I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do.” – Businessweek

“I’m convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.”

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong #14A: Taking Risks

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“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso

Trying new things can be hard. It requires us to put ourselves at risk. It requires us to face the fact that we don’t know everything. We know intellectually that there are many things we have tried in the past that we didn’t know how to do. Some of them worked out right away while others took time for us to learn. When we recognize that it is OK for us to try new things and that it is OK to not be perfect during the learning process it makes it easier for us to venture out of our comfort zone.

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TapAlong #13A: It Is A Great Day To Be Alive

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Today is a perfect day. That does not mean that everything will be perfect today or that everything will work out the way we want. But there is no other day like today. It is unique, even if we are doing things that we’ve done many times before. This is not some naive way of approaching the day’s real challenges, but it is simply an acknowledgement that today will something special and will never be repeated.

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TapAlong #12A: Seeking Attention

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“It is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. ” R. Hudson

We all want attention. We want attention from our loved ones. We want attention from new friends. We want attention from people in power. It is ok to want attention, however it becomes dangerous when we start to judge our worth and value from the amount of attention we receive from others. In the end it is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny that we are. When we recognize the types of attention we want and why we want them, then we are able to move to a healthier place. If we deny that we are craving attention then we will keep acting out to get it, but doing so in a subconscious way.

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TapAlong #8A: Looking at things in new ways

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There are times when we want to move forward but can’t because we feel like we are taking a step too far. We need to know that sometimes it is OK to push the envelope.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

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TapAlong #6A: The crap I know is better than the crap I don’t know

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Sometimes it is hard to move forward because we are worried about what might go wrong. Our current situation may not be perfect, but we are aware of that and we know how to manage it. Making changes to our lives invites in the unknown. We might get what we want, but we might also encounter problems for which we are unprepared or problems we can’t handle. When considering making changes (even positive ones) part of us is willing to remain stuck with the manageable status quo instead of trying something new for fear that something bad will happen to us.

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TapAlong #4: Changing How We See Ourselves and the World

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A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Often the transformation process isn’t about becoming something new but rather it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. Sometimes we are so caught up in an old image of ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to see a new one. This is also true of how we perceive our life situation. It is possible for the world around us to change in dramatic ways yet we continue to operate out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.