Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #379: The Problem With Goals And Expectations

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I am a huge proponent of goal setting.

Having clearly defined goals is helpful in two ways. First, it helps to define the actions we need to take to achieve them. Second, it gives us a measuring stick with which to evaluate our efforts along the way and after the fact.

Without having set goals I wouldn’t be as happy and successful as I am. I love goal setting so much that I created an entire web site dedicated to working toward your goals.

But there is a problem with goals: they create expectations.

Expectations aren't the problem, but they can create a false dichotomy. On a subconscious level we may believe that either we achieve our goals as written OR we have failed, with nothing in between.

Failing to recognize our progress can demotivate us.

In this short audio and tap-along I talk about how you can avoid the feeling of all or nothing that setting goals can create. (As always, the full tapping script can be found below the audio player.)

If you are interested in a systematic way of using tapping to achieve your goals and avoiding common pitfalls like the “all-or-nothing” disposition, I encourage you to check out The Ruach Center

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There is a part of me…That wants me to be successful…That wants so much better for myself…That wants me to move forward…It wants me to achieve my goals…I am so happy that there is a part of me that wants to be successful…That wants better…That knows I am capable of more…I can appreciate where I am…I can appreciate the blessings in my life…And still recognize the fact that more is possible…That growth is possible…That progress is possible…But sometimes I look at my goals and I feel disappointed…I feel sad…I feel overwhelmed…I feel angry…I feel frustrated…Because I haven't reached those goals…I know how much better my life will when I achieve them…But I'm not there yet…And that feels so disappointing…But I give myself permission to recognize the fact…That success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…It doesn't come down to simply success or simply failure…As I take steps…As I work towards my goal…I'm positioning myself to achieve what I want…And there will be success along the way…I am already getting better…I'm already making progress…When I don't take the time to acknowledge and appreciate that progress…I do myself a disservice…I end up demotivating myself…I make it harder for myself…To keep taking action…I give myself permission to recognize the fact that I am making progress…I am having success…It is making a difference…Success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…As I move forward…And as I get closer…Success comes with me…Success grows…And as those degrees of success increase…So does my enjoyment…So does my enrichment…So does the quality of my life…I give myself permission to keep striving for better…To work towards my well-crafted goals…To appreciate the progress I'm making in the moment… To appreciate how this progress is helping me to have a better life right now.

Pod #378: How to tell if you are making progress with Tapping w/ Mary Ayers

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With some issues measuring our success is a simple task. For example, after going to the gym four times a week for a few months I can measure how much stronger I am by how much weight I can now lift compared with when I started.

But not all types of transformation are as easy to track, particularly for issues and responses that are incrementally changing over time. For example, how could you measure more confidence or less anger?

In this conversation Mary Ayers and I talk about how we can measure our progress through the lenses of three different characteristics of the issue that are all measurable.

If you are tapping on an issue over the course of multiple tapping sessions, then understanding this is a must. First, it will help you to understand what is working so that you can continue to do it. Second, it will identify the areas where you need to try a different approach. Finally, seeing the progress that is often missed will help you to gain momentum in your transformational work.

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Guest: Dr. Mary Ayers

Contact: web @ TapIntoAction.com; web radio @ The Chickenshits Guide to Success; facebook @ Tap Into Action

About Mary: Dr. Mary Ayers knows how to get people un-stuck! With her years of experience as a therapist and a coach, you won't find the typical or ordinary coaching techniques in her programs. When it comes to taking action, she pulls out all the stops – delving deep to find those hidden fears and limiting beliefs. Known for her UNconventional, often “off the wall” methods, she will get you moving towards your goals without bullying, shaming or “pushing through the fear”. With over 27 years in the Human Development field, her accomplishments include 5 years as a coach with the Anthony Robbins Organization, EFT Expert on The Tapping World Summit, and Host of the radio show “The Chickenshit's Guide to Success”.

Pod #377: When The Body Is The “Enemy” and Weight Release Is A “Battle”

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We often treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the journey towards better health as a battle.

We can feel betrayed by our bodies, and feel hopeless and frustrated by our slow or lack of progress.

But our bodies are not our enemy. In reality, our bodies are doing what they can to be healthy and there are simply unseen obstacles to the healing process

Once we recognize that we are not separate from our bodies, and that they are trying to function in an optimal way, it becomes easier to work towards better health and well being.

Recently I was working with a client on returning to a healthier body after backsliding (again). After a great session he asked if we could spend some time on helping him to believe that progress was possible and to reconnect with his body.

When we had finished the session he said, “You should write that down so others can use it.” When I told him that I could share the recording if I had his permission, he insisted I did, so here it is.

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Pod #376: Tapping For How We Act Based On How Others See Us

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Recently I was introduced to the quote “I'm not who I think I am. I not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am.”

[Note: Unfortunately the source of this quote is not clear, or I would provide it. It is variously credited to Charles Horton Cooley, Thomas Cooley, and Dennis Cooley.]

The gist of the quote is that we often find ourselves trying to live up to an imagined standard that we think other people have for us.

This is a surefire recipe for self-sabotage! Either we will be trying to do what we want to do and trying to do what we think others want us to do. This has us taking action in multiple and often conflicting ways, which results in little to no progress. OR we take no action at all because we are caught between our own desires and the perceived desires of others.

In this week's podcast I provide two ways to remedy this situation.

First, I have a simple process for uncovering and tapping for the specific expectations we think others have for us. Second, I have more general tap-along to help you get moving even when you can't see the beliefs clearly.

As always, I have included a text version of the tapping script below the audio player that you can print out.

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I know that other people have impressions of me…They have beliefs about who I am…They have beliefs about what I am capable of…They have beliefs about how I act…And I also have an impression of what I think other people think about me…Based on who I am…Based on my experience…Based on her past interactions…I have written a story inside of my head about how they navigate the world…I've written a story inside of my head about what they think about me…It is possible that the story I have written about what they think about me has nothing to do with what they actually think about me…I'm in a situation where I respond to what I think they think…Because for me what I think they think is the reality I operate in…And my emotional response comes from this…The action I take is informed by it…This means my actions and emotions are impacted by a story written inside my head about what I'm guessing they think about me…It doesn't matter if this is what is really going on…Because I am responding emotionally to the story that I have written…I give myself permission to let go of these stories…I give myself permission to know I don't have to respond in this way…I give myself permission to define myself in my own terms…I give myself permission to choose who I am…Not what other people think I am…Not what I think other people think I am…But who I am…It is safe for me to be authentically me…It is safe for me to be my true self…It is safe for me to make choices and actions based on who I am…Knowing that it does not matter what I think others think about me…The reality is most people aren't thinking of me at all…They are so wrapped up inside their own experience they are completely missing me…I am not crossing their mind…And since I'm not crossing their mind…It doesn't matter what I think they think about me…All that matters is me being myself…It is safe for me to be myself.

Pod #375: The Grounding Process

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The human experience can be full of complications and conflicts. My clients often say things like “I am of two minds” or “My head is telling me one thing but my heart is telling me something else.”

It's difficult to move forward if we feel we are being pulled in multiple directions!

To help navigate this, I have created what I call the Grounding Process. It is designed to move you from feeling scattered to being fully grounded by connecting your mind, heart, and physical body to your higher self.

This is one of my favorite processes and I teach it in my advanced classes as an example of both guided imagery and parts work. I do this process myself at least once a week. The first time I did it I was amazed at the information my system gave me.

A number of years ago Jessica Ortner of the Tapping Insiders Club interviewed me about the process. We then did the process together, so that you can tap right along with it.

[Note: In an effort to make the Tapping Q & A Podcast archive easier to navigate, the old bonus podcasts have been turned into full episodes. This episode was originally released December 24th, 2009.]

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Pod #374: Tapping To Music From Your Teen Years

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Music can be so powerful at setting our mood.

So much so that experiments have shown that music can dictate our interpretation of events where images are accompanied by different kinds of music. For example, grave images with whimsical music were seen as humorous, and sad pictures with silly music were perceived as funny.

We have a special connection to music in our teenage years for a number of reasons:

  • It's usually the time in our lives in which we listen to music the most
  • Teenagers are often most engaged in seeking out and listening to new music
  • We experience the most emotional change in our teenage years (see podcast 373 on the adolescent brain)

Hearing a song from your teenage years can instantly put you back in that time. It is more than a fleeting feeling of nostalgia, it's like you have been transported back in time. The strength of that connection means that music can be a great tool for clearing issues from the past that we are still carrying.

This week I have one of my favorite tools for you on how music from our teen years can be used with tapping to effect powerful transformation.

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Pod #373: Tapping for the Adolescent Brain w/ Janey Downshire

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Did you know that during adolescence the brain goes through more neurological changes that it does at any point in human development? That's even more changes than during the notorious “terrible twos” and one of the reasons why interacting with teenagers can be so complicated.

Being around teens can be challenging because they constantly seem to be on a giant emotional rollercoaster!

This week I have a conversation with Janey Downshire who is one of the co-authors of Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide. I met Janey at the EFT Gathering a number of years ago and was instantly impressed with her work in helping parents to understand and support their teenagers.

In the conversation we talk about:

  • The difference between the settled and the unsettled brain (for teens and parents)
  • How the adolescent brain is a work in progress
  • Why teenage boys struggle to talk about their emotions
  • Why teenage boys are risk seekers
  • Why teenage girls struggle with fallout from friend groups
  • Why parents often think something is a small deal when teens think it is a big deal
  • Why the teenage years are harder than the “terrible twos”
  • The goal we want for our teens: not calm, but good mental health habits that will stand them in good stead in later life
  • How parents can avoid escalating conflict with their teenagers
  • The best thing you can provide for your children
  • What to tap on and when to tap as a parent
  • How to introduce tapping to kids

If you have a teenager, spend time with teenagers, or have children who will soon be teenagers, I urge you to listen to this one.

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Guest: Janey Downshire

Contact: Web @ TeenagersTranslated.co.uk; Facebook @ TeenagersTranslated; email @ janey@teenagerstranslated.co.uk; Book @ Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide

About: Janey Downshire (Grad. Dip. Couns; Cert Emotional Literacy; MBACP) and her colleague Naella Grew are both qualified counsellors, specialising in teenage development. For over 10 years, they have worked together to design a unique range of courses for students, adults and teachers, which they deliver through their company Teenagers Translated. Their presentations distil the most current research in psychology, neuroscience, biochemistry and child development into practical, relevant strategies for their audiences. Their work aims to deepen understanding and awareness of the links between emotions, physiology, mental habits and behaviour in order to promote better communication and relationships and improve mental health, emotional regulation and wellbeing in families and schools. Janey and Naella are both parents, Janey has four children, now at university and working in London.

Pod #372: Tapping For And Responding To Feeling Like You SHOULD Do Something

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A concept that I learned very early on in my training as a practitioner was: Our emotional response is dictated by how we describe the world, and not the way the world actually is.

That's why I am constantly asking my clients for more details about how they understand what is going on in their lives. In many cases, when we are able to change the way they describe their situation, their emotions shift, even before we have started tapping.

One of the words that always gets my attention, is when a client uses the word “should”. Should, by its very nature, implies an expectation which may or may not be true. (In practice, it almost always implies an expectation that isn't true.)

There are three parts to this week's podcast:

  1. We explore where our sense of “should” comes from and why it can cause emotional problems, which in turn lead us to not taking action, or taking actions that aren't right for us.

  2. I share a simple process that you can use to interrogate the actions that you feel you “should” be taking. This process will help you to pin down the origin of a specific should, and whether or not it serves you.

  3. A simple tap-along to do once you realize you can let go of something you believe you should be doing. (I have included a written out script of the tap-along below the audio player.)

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I recognize the fact that I feel like I should do this…Should is a powerful word…When I use the word should…It feels like I must…When I use the word should…It feels like I have to…When I use the word should…It feels as if I am out of control…But it makes sense that I feel like I am obliged to something that others say I should do…There is an ancient and primitive part of me that recognizes that if I was pushed outside of the tribe, I would die…Because staying connected to the community was a matter of life or death…Staying connected to the community was a necessity…And going against the grain was dangerous…Going against the grain was perilous…Therefore I have learned to do what the community wants and expects…Because at one point in history it was a matter of life and death…But that is no longer the case…And I can go my own way and survive…I can make the choices that are best for me and thrive…And because of this, the word should doesn't have to hold so much power over me…Recognizing that can be difficult…Because most of the shoulds in our lives have been passed on by people close to us…We all want to belong and be connected…Especially to those closest to us…But I give myself permission to know that I can stay connected to my loved ones…Without having to do what they think I should be doing…I'm allowed to do what I want…I am safe choosing what I want…I can remain connected to others while choosing what I want…When anyone says I should do something…I can take that as input…I can take that as something to consider…But it is nothing more than someone else's opinion…And I am allowed to take it for as much or as little as I want…I get to choose what is right for me…Not because of the cultural norm…Not because someone else said I should do it…But simply because I want to do it…I give myself permission to let go of the word should…There's nothing I should do…There are only things that I choose to do…And things I choose not to do…I am responsible for those choices…I am responsible for the consequences of those choices…But they are my choices…Because I choose to do them…Not because I should do them…I give myself permission to have control over my own life and my own choices…I give myself permission to let go of should.

Pod #371: Tapping for Abusive and Toxic Relationships w/ Melissa Beasley

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In Pod #370 last week we talked about how best to use tapping when contemplating or going through a divorce.

This week I have a conversation with Melissa Beasley about abusive relationships.

Between these two conversations you can see how hard it is to talk about relationships that are going badly. There is so much cultural and personal baggage around admitting that a relationship hasn't worked out and it becomes even more complicated when emotional and physical abuse is part of the equation.

In this week's podcast Melissa Beasley and I talk about abusive and toxic relationships and cover:

  • How to identify an abusive relationship, including why it is so difficult to do this from inside such a relationship
  • The tools and tactics used by abusive partners
  • Why people stay in abusive relationships
  • The four stages of moving out of a toxic relationship and into a healthy post-relationship life
  • Steps for getting out of a toxic relationship
  • How to use tapping in all four stages of leaving a toxic relationship

This is a resource that everyone needs to listen to!

Here is a list of helpful resources if you find yourself in this situation:

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Guest: Melissa Beasley

Contact: web @ MelissaDawnBeasley.com; web @ LoveEssentialSkinCare.com; facebook @Love Essential Skin Care; Instagram @loveessentialskincare

About: Melissa is a natural skincare formulator and manufacturer. She started making skincare in her parents' kitchen as a way to support herself and her two boys after her divorce. She still manufactures her products for her own brand Love-Essential Skin Care, and she creates custom product lines for spas, salons and natural product companies.

Melissa now uses the skills and knowledge she learned while growing her skincare business to help other moms create and grow their own businesses. She understands the unique challenges that mothers, and especially single mothers, face when trying to grow a business and helps them navigate those challenges so they can have a successful business without giving up their sanity or time with their precious babies.

EFT was one of Melissa's most important tools when recovering from her divorce and growing Love-Essential Skin Care and is instrumental in helping her clients.

Pod #370: Tapping for Divorce w/ Kate Anthony

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Divorce is a tricky subject.

One one level there is all the cultural pressure to find a way of making a success of a struggling relationship. On the other, there is the desire to keep yourself happy and healthy by ending a relationship that is no longer working.

Because of these opposing desires, figuring out a divorce is seldom straightforward.

This week I have a conversation with Kate Anthony, a coach and the author of the “Divorce Survival Guide”.

We talk about the emotions that come up with considering divorce:

  • What will happen to my kids and how can I support them emotionally?
  • How will I cope on my own financially?
  • Isn't there one more thing I should try?
  • How will my friends and family react if I get divorced?
  • How will I face my faith community if I get divorced?
  • What if I am just over reacting to something that could be fixed?

If you are in an unfulfilling relationship, this is the perfect starting point to start sorting out (and tapping for) your emotions.

ALSO, if you know someone who is going through difficulties in their relationship, this conversation will give you ideas for a starting point to asking them thoughtful questions and how to be emotionally support in such a difficult time.

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Guest: Kate Anthony

Contact: web @ KateAnthony.com; facebook @ CoachKateAnthony; instagram @thedivorcesurvivalguide

About: Kate Anthony is a certified life coach who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then guides them through the divorce process should they choose to leave. Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence, even in the most disempowering of circumstances and helps them move forward with concrete plans, putting their children at the center (not in the middle) of all decisions.

In addition to her certification, Kate has also trained as a relationship coach and is an expert in communication, co-parenting, and emotional intelligence.

Pod #369: EFT for Being Too Nice

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A common characteristic of people involved in personal development and self-help is that they are caring and thoughtful people. As well as trying to improve their own lives, they strive to make the world a better place.

Because of this, they are sensitive to other people's needs and desires and they really want to make a difference.

At the same time, they tend to put other people's needs before their own and sometimes their loved ones take advantage of this. They start to feel like doormats and begin to resent others.

This week I have a tap-along audio and tapping script for those times when you feel like that you are too nice and that others are taking advantage of you.

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I like being nice…I like the fact that I am kind…I like the fact that I think about others…I like the fact that I am helpful to others…I like the fact that I'm trying to make the world a better place…The world would be a better place if more people were kind…The world would be a better place if more people were thoughtful…But at the same time…People take advantage of me…Because I am so nice…I know I will help them…I know I will show up…And they know I will stop what I'm doing in order to help them…And because of this, people take advantage of me…Because of this, people don't take the time to solve their own problems…It is easier for them to have me solve problems for them…And it makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of…I don't like being taken advantage of…I don't like being a doormat…I don't like being too nice…At the same time I don't want to turn into a jerk…I don't want to be mean…I don't want to be thoughtless…I don't want to be careless…I don't want to be cold hearted…There is a middle ground where I can have boundaries and still be kind…I can put my needs first and still be thoughtful…I can maintain clear boundaries and still have rich relationships…I can be healthy and not be too nice…I can be healthy and not be a heartless jerk…There is a middle path…Where I have clear boundaries and I'm also taking care of myself…While at the same time being thoughtful and caring of others…I give myself permission to create healthy boundaries…So the people are not taking advantage of me…When I do this, I will be thoughtful…I will be deliberate…I will be kind…When I have healthy boundaries, I am healthier…And when I am healthier it is easier for me to care for others…It's not an all-or-nothing proposition…I can have boundaries and be kind…I can be kind without being too nice.

Download the free Tapping Q & A app which includes this and over 50 other tapping scripts: Apple App | Google/Android App

Pod #368: EFT for the Critical Voice w/ Jacqui Letran

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Our internal critical voice is one of the key reasons we fail to take the action we want in life. This constant nagging voice in our heads points out all of our past failings, why we aren't capable of taking action now, and why we will fail in the future.

When we have a voice inside of our head telling us this over and over again, it can become crippling. The stronger the critical voice is, the less likely we are to take action.

In this podcast Jacqui Letran and I talk about why the critical voice exists (and there is a good reason), how we can tap for it, and a new analogy for how to think about it.

The image that Jacqui shares for the critical voice is one I had never thought of and is just perfect. Her description completely changed the way I think of my own critical voice.

We also talk about how best to tap in the moment to reduce the power of the critical voice.

Note: During the conversation we talk about forgiveness, the pitfalls around being able to forgive, and how to approach forgiveness in a healthy way. Here is a more comprehensive reflection on how to achieve forgiveness of others and of self into your tapping work.

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Guest: Jacqui Letran

Contact: Web @ JacquiLetran.com;
Amazon Author's Page @ Jacqui Lentran; Podcast @ Stop the Bully Within
Instagram @Roving.Vegans

About: Jacqui Letran is an Author, Speaker, Mindset Mentor and the Host of the Stop the Bully Within podcast. Jacqui’s Words of Wisdom for Teens book series won multiple awards and is often regarded as “must read” books for teens and young adults struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Through her one-on-one sessions, workshops, keynotes, as well as her books and podcast, Jacqui teaches that success and happiness are achievable by all, regardless of current struggles and circumstances. Jacqui is a gifted and energetic leader who dedicates her life’s work to help her clients and students transform their inner critic into their best friend and cheerleader, so they can create that powerful and resilient mindset needed to be happy and successful in life.

Pod #367: Tools to add to your tapping tool box w/ Kris Ferraro

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As much as I love tapping, it is not the only or best tool that we can use for our health and wellbeing.

In her latest book “Energy Healing: Simple and Effective Practices to Become Your Own Healer” Kris Ferraro goes beyond the basic EFT tapping recipe and teaches many other tapping-type tools. They are all easy to learn, can be self-applied and each take less than a minute to perform.

Kris shares three of those tools on this week's podcast, which you will be able to use right away. In the conversation we cover:

  • Polarity switching
  • How to calm the flight, fight, and freeze response
  • How to clear governing vessel

I recommend that you add all of these tools to your tapping tool box!

Note: During the interview I talked about where I learned muscle testing. In case you are interested, this is the training I did from Quantum Techniques: Truth Techniques – digital download

Did you know that as a supporter of the podcast, you receive a number of bonuses? Learn about supporting the podcast!

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Guest: Kris Ferraro

Contact:
web @ KrisFerraro.com; email @ me@krisferraro.com

About: Kris Ferraro is an Energy Coach, Author, and Speaker based in northern NJ. She is the creator of Spiritual Freedom Techniques, a series of practices that combine ancient wisdom with EFT for transformation. Kris is a “true believer” in everyone's innate ability to heal. She helps clients release their debilitating emotional patterns so they can step into their power and purpose. Her book, “Energy Healing: Simple and Effective Practices to Become Your Own Healer”, published by St. Martin's Press, introduces energy psychology to new audiences.

Pod #366: Midday Tapping

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In part one of “Getting Out Of My Own Way”, the ten-part guide for using tapping to eliminate self-sabotage, I shared with you tapping to use at each end of your day.

Tapping is a great way to start off your day on the right foot. Ending the day with tapping helps to let go any unresolved emotions from the day and helps us to get a better night's sleep.

But tapping in the middle of the day is often overlooked and can be really helpful, providing the opportunity to:

  • Release any disappointment about what you haven't achieved in the morning
  • Catch your breath and re-ground yourself
  • Set your intention for the rest of the day

Tapping in this way is super easy! I have included a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to reset at midday.

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This is my chance to reset…This is my chance to reground myself…In the middle of the day it is so easy to feel rushed…In the middle of the day it is so easy to feel overwhelmed…I give myself a few moments to reground myself…I give myself permission to be refocused where I am…I give myself permission to take a pause without feeling panicked or overwhelmed…I acknowledge and appreciate everything I have done so far today…Even if I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do…Even if everything didn't go as planned…Everything that happened this morning is behind me…And I appreciate the fact that it is done…There are some things that didn't get done this morning…And I give myself permission to be easy with myself…They were even things that I avoided this morning…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…There are lots of things that I wish had gone better this morning…But the morning is over…I can't change what happened…But I get a chance to start again…I get a chance to refocus…I get a chance to resettle myself…I get a chance to be in this moment…My intention is to be grounded this afternoon…My intention is to stay in flow this afternoon…My intention is to do one task at a time…Being as present as I can to the task I'm doing…And doing the best job that I can…Knowing that I'm not going to be perfect this afternoon…Knowing I might not get everything done this afternoon…Knowing that unexpected things may happen this afternoon…I give myself permission to be in the moment…If I do that I will be successful…If I do that, my afternoon will be everything it needs to be…Even if that is imperfect…I give myself permission to be me and to be fully present this afternoon.

Download the free Tapping Q & A app which includes this and 50 other tapping scripts: Apple App | Google/Android App

Pod #365: EFT for Feeling Like a Fraud

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Feeling like we don't belong is tough. It might be because we don't feel we are smart enough, talented enough, have something offer the world, or that we just don't fit in.

Feeling like a fraud means that we don't contribute or speak up, we hide in the background, or we don't even show up. All of these strategies are to keep us safe because we don't want to be found out.

In most cases, feeling like a fraud has nothing to do with who we are, what we can do, and what we have to offer. Instead, it is because we are comparing what is going on inside our head with what we see on the outside of those around us.

We know our intentions and when we don't live up to them. We know the fear or insecurity we feel when we are taking action. At the same time, we only see what others do and assume (wrongly) that they are acting with perfect confidence and calm.

This means we aren't treating ourselves fairly!

Below is a tap-along audio and tapping script that will help you to tap when you feel like a fraud. It will help you to see yourself for who you are and see those around you for who they are.

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I know what my interior life is like…I know the thoughts that I have…I know the feelings I have experienced…I know when I'm afraid to take action…I know when I'm insecure about what I'm doing…When I see others around me taking action…I assume they are calm…I assume they are confident…Because all that I can see is their outside…I don't know their emotional state…I don't know their internal dialogue…I don't understand their true level of confidence in the moment…When I don't understand their emotional state and I do understand my emotional state…It's easy for me to make an unfair comparison…I assume they have everything together…And I know that I don't know what to do…Therefore I don't feel like I belong…I feel like I shouldn't be respected…I feel like I have less to offer…I feel like I'm a giant fraud…And when I feel like I'm a fraud…I'm even more hesitant to take action…I'm afraid that I'm going to be found out…I'm afraid they're going to see me for who I truly am…I believe they are going to think less of me…The truth is that I do belong…The truth is I do have much to offer…The truth is they aren't as confident as they seem…Because they have an internal dialogue as well…They have an internal emotional state as well…When I feel like a fraud…It is because I'm making an unfair comparison…I'm comparing their external facade with my internal turmoil…That's not fair to me…That is not a fair comparison…I give myself permission to feel present and connected…I give myself permission to know that I belong…I give myself permission to know that I have something to offer.

Download the Tapping Q & A app for free which include this and 50 other tapping scripts: Apple App | Google/Android App

Pod #364: Getting To The Bottom Of It w/ Lori Lamont

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In Recovering Sell – A Healing Manifesto I share twelve thoughts on healing. Number six is: “There is always resistance to change because if there weren't resistance, you would have changed already.”

As a tapper, this means that one of our most important tasks is to find the root cause(s) preventing us from taking action or making change.

Lori Lamont has developed an easy tool that you can use as a practitioner, or when you are tapping on your own to uncover these hidden resistances.

In addition to showing you how to uncover resistance, we also talk about a new way to capture these underlying issues so you can come back to them again and again.

This is a tool that every tapper needs to have in their tapping tool box.

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Guest: Lori Lamont

Contact: website @ FemaleEmpowermentEFT.com; email @ FemaleEmpowermentEFT@gmail.com; facebook @ Female Empowerment EFT; youtube @ Lori Lamont

About: Lori Lamont is a Certified and Accredited Advanced EFT Practitioner through EFT International (formerly AAMET). She is also certified in Matrix Reimprinting and Level 2 Goddess Reiki. Lori guides and inspires women to claim their power through EFT classes, workshops, speeches and sessions.

Being a mother of four, married, and a business owner, she understands what it is like to be pulled in too many directions. She has learned how to use EFT to her advantage, how to balance her life, and how to live life to the fullest. She teaches moms how to use EFT to have a positive impact on their children and more harmony in the home.

Pod #363: EFT for Grief w/ Lynne Staley

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Grief is a topic that we don't talk about much publicly. We talk about loss. We talk about moving on. But we don't talk about grief itself.

When we don't talk about and process grief, it lingers and can cause problems for us in the future.

This week I have a conversation with Lynne Staley. Lynne is a tapper and certified Grief Recovery™ Specialist. In this podcast episode we cover:

  • Why we experience grief
  • The difference between grief and mourning
  • All of the experiences that can cause grief in addition to the death of a loved one (and the list is longer than you might think)
  • Practical steps you can take to work through your own grief and how to help someone else through theirs
  • How to use tapping while using these steps

This interview is a must-listen because every single one of us has experienced grief and will experience it again. Our conversation is practical and you will be able to use what you learn right away.

Note: Here is the the feelings inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication that we talked about in the interview.

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Guest:Lynne Staley

Contact: website @ Llife-After-Loss.com/; facebook @ LifeAfterLossCoach; email @ lynne@life-after-loss.com; book @ In Death Is the Secret to Life: A Tribute Journal

About: Lynne Staley has been a Companion to Grievers since 2002 and has a wealth of knowledge about grief, loss and life transitions. She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner and incorporates tapping in her work with clients to address grief-related stress. Lynne recognizes that grief is not just related to death; there are more than 40 losses identified by The Grief Recovery Institute, including health diagnoses, job loss, family estrangement, etc. In addition to Grief Integration, she teaches EFT to elders, hospice staff, school personnel, student athletes, student musicians, other “creatives”, etc. She is the author of In Death Is the Secret to Life: A Tribute Journal.

Pod #362: Emotions Are Not The Enemy

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One the most important ideas that I try to convey to all of my clients is the fact that emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are not a problem that we need to fix.

Instead, our emotions can provide us with useful information about how we are interpreting what is happening to us in the moment.

The aim of tapping is not to get rid of our emotions. Instead, we are working towards understanding why we are feeling those emotions, which in turn enables us to transform our understanding so that our emotions show up in a proportionate, well-informed way.

Here is a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to recognize your emotions for what they are and stop feeling like you are caught in a battle with your emotional state. This is a great way to tap by itself and it also serves as a perfect way to set up a tapping session when you are working on a bigger issue.

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I recognize the fact that my emotions are information…I recognize the fact that I feel emotions to understand the world…My emotions are my internal guidance system…And the sold objective of my emotions is to keep me safe and healthy…My emotions are simply trying to communicate information…My emotions are not the enemy…It is not a failing for me to feel emotions…I also understand that sometimes my emotions can work too hard…Sometimes my emotions are disproportionate for the situation…Sometimes my emotions are misinformed as to what is actually going on…And when this happens…My emotions are really big…When this happens…My emotions seem overwhelming…When this happens…It feels as if my emotions are too much…But just because I feel emotions that are too large….Does not mean that I am failing…And it does not mean I am doing this wrong…It does not mean that I am emotionally immature…It simply means that my emotional information system is working too hard and over functioning…When this happens…It is possible for me to return my emotions to a regulated state…This does not mean I am emotionless…This does not mean I am thoughtless…And this does not mean I am careless…It only means I am returning my emotions to their natural state…Emotions are not my enemy…Emotions have never been my enemy…My emotions are just pieces of information…By taking a few minutes to tap…I am simply returning my emotions to a proportionate, regulated state…Even though being in a highly emotional state can feel very challenging…I'm glad I feel the emotion…It is information from my system that is trying to keep me safe.

Download the free Tapping Q & A app that includes the above script: Apple App | Google/Android App

Pod #361: Tapping Success Stories

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It is always encouraging to hear first-person success stories.

Hearing about other people's success helps us in a couple of ways.

First, it shows us what is possible. When we aren't making the progress we would like, and as quickly as we would like, it is easy to feel discouraged. Hearing about the success others have had gives us encouragement and inspiration.

Second, other people's success stories offer us a great opportunity to learn. Hearing how they overcame obstacles and found their way to success gives us ideas on how we can do the same.

In this week's podcast I have three stories of people who have used tapping successfully. This a great chance for all of us to learn and take encouragement!

You can reach out my guests Esti Allina and Jackie Simek.

Over the next year I will be sharing more stories like these, so if you have your own stories about tapping you'd like to share, please let me know and I will follow up with you to see if it is a good fit.

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Pod #360: The Possibility of Healing Being More Than Just Relief

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Tapping is a powerful tool in helping us to find relief from physical and emotional discomfort. It can reduce pain in the moment, diminish overpowering emotions, and can even help us to see a problem more clearly.

As wonderful as all of this is, I believe we are missing half of the benefits tapping can provide by focusing only on finding relief.

What if it were possible for us to have more than relief with tapping?

A few weeks ago at the Spring Energy Event I presented two tools that can be used to move not just from pain to relief, but from pain to empowerment.

This week's podcast teaches you one of those two tools.

After you listen to the instruction, all you will need are the five steps below to execute this simple but powerful tool. (And, yes, these instructions will make total sense after you listen to the audio!)

  1. Name the negative emotion you're experiencing
  2. Name the positive emotion you would like to experience instead
  3. Rate from -10 to +10
  4. Do three rounds of tapping, checking in each time with the new number and to gather more information
  5. Repeat the process described in step 2, redefining the emotion you are moving towards

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