Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #390: Tapping To Be Our Authentic Self In A Way That Feels Safe

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Theoretically we all want to be our authentic selves and show up in the world as we actually are.

But for most of us it's just not that simple. From past experience we have learned that there are some situations where others don't understand us, or we have been judged harshly for being our authentic selves.

That makes us reluctant to present ourselves in a way that will be judged by others.

In truth, being our authentic selves is not an all-or-nothing proposition. We can choose how much of ourselves to share, with whom we share it, and when we share it. This will ensure we are doing in a way that is safe for us.

This week I have a tap-along audio and tapping script that will help you to feel safe as you find the ways in which you want to share your authentic self.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #389: I Accept All Parts Of Myself And Send Them Love

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As many of you know, I also run the member site the Ruach Center. Every day members of the site receive an email from me with a link to a tap-along audio that is designed to conquer self-sabotaging behavior.

Recently, as I was recording one of those audios, I personally experienced a huge emotional shift.

This tap-along is about connecting to and appreciating all parts of our being and our experience. Even though the audio and script are short, it will make you feel more grounded right away.

I thought it would be a great thing to share with everyone, not just the site members.

I hope you find it as powerful as did.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #388: The #1 Mistake People Make When Tapping On Their Own

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Tapping is a tool that is both relatively simple to learn and implement, but deceptively complicated to master.

The basics of tapping are easy to explain. So much so that I have given full instructions on the basics in under five minutes on the back of a bar napkin.

At the same time, tapping effectively for a particular issue can require much subtlety and nuance and sometimes we need the help of an outside practitioner to be successful. That's why, despite being an experienced tapper and practitioner myself, I regularly work with a practitioner on my own issues.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when tapping is choosing the wrong starting point for their issue. When this happens, progress is slow and relief is hard to find.

Here is a simple process that I use to ensure that I am using the best starting point for my tapping.

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Pod #387: Do These 3 Things Before You Tap For Maximum Success

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The basics of tapping are so simple that they can be taught in mere minutes.

But just because tapping is simple, doesn’t mean that effective tapping is easy. There is so much more to it than knowing the tapping points.

In this short audio I explain three simple ideas to keep in mind before you tap to help you to get the most out of your tapping sessions. Each of the three ideas comes with a short tap-along to help you execute them.

I would love to hear how this works for you. Let me know your results down in the comment section.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #386: Tapping For Well-Meaning Incompetence

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It is great that we have people in our lives who want to be helpful. They are willing to offer their time, attention and advice to make our lives better.

The problem is that just because someone wants to be helpful, doesn't mean that they are actually helpful – and sometimes they even make a situation worse!

I call this type of help “well-meaning incompetence”. Their heart is in the right place, but their advice or action doesn't actually do us any good.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #385: Tapping To Let Go Of The Emotional Burdens We Have Picked Up For Other

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It is difficult for us to see the people we love suffer but often we don’t consider the consequences when we rush in to help. Our need to bring peace and comfort can override all other thoughts and considerations. This is not always the healthiest choice for us in the short and/or long term.

Sometimes when we choose to help we do so by taking on the burdens of our loved ones. Many times we can carry these burdens for years without realizing, or we take on burdens when we are very young and do not remember choosing to do so.

When the burdens of others have been a part of our lives for so long they feel like they are a part of us and we don’t realize that they can be released.

Taking on someone else’s burden is an act of love motivated by wanting someone’s life to be better. But there is an even higher act of love which is to release the burden we have taken on, bringing freedom to ourselves and to others.

In this brief audio you will hear me leading a client through a demonstration of how we can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to let go of the burdens we are carrying for others.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #384: Tapping To Give Yourself Permission To Quit

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The idea of quitting comes with a lot of cultural baggage. Quitting is often seen as failure, or giving up, or as a sign of weakness.

I'm sure you have heard the old chestnut, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”

Don't get me wrong. It is a good thing to live up to commitments and take responsibility for the outcome of our choices, but at the same time, so is quitting the activities that are not producing positive outcomes.

It is good for us to let go of the tasks, plans, relationships, and activities that no longer serve who we are and who we want to be.

This week I have a tap-along audio that will help you to be comfortable with quitting the parts of your life that no longer serve you. This is one you might need to tap on more than once.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #383: Something That Needs A Cool Name, But Doesn’t Have One

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This is a technique that I developed from some of the resources from Quantum Techniques. I use this with many of my clients at the end of sessions, especially when we have done powerful work.

This is also a great way to relax at any time, but is particularly good for the end of the day or right before bedtime.

The technique takes less than three minutes and it’s so easy to master that you only need to listen to it once. The interesting thing is how effective this tool is and it doesn't even require you to tap at all.

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Pod #382: How Our Goals Can Impede Successful Tapping

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If you have been following me of any length of time online, then you know how much I love goal setting.

I find that goals are useful in clarifying what we want, helping us to create an actionable plan, and give us the tools to evaluate our progress.

At the same time, having a clear idea of what we want can actually become a problem when we turn success into an all-or-nothing proposition. When we make our goals all or nothing, anything less than perfection will feel like a failure.

For example, let's consider a painful knee that hurts at the level of a 7 on a 0 to 10 scale. If my all-or-nothing goal is to be completely pain free, even a reduction in the pain to a 2 will leave me feeling dissatisfied.

This causes two problems in the moment. First, we aren't able to appreciate the progress we have made. Second, we are much less likely to take action again in the future because we are unlikely to attempt tasks at which we “failed” in the past.

This week I have a simple tap-along audio to help you celebrate the success you are having and to clear any resistance to keep taking action because you haven't yet reached your goal.

You can find the full tapping script as a pdf of this audio over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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Pod #381:Tapping To Reconnecting With Our Physical Bodies

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While on retreat a number years ago Russ Hudson said, “We must be in touch with the mind, body, and spirit in order to be candidates for transformation.”

Because of the nature of the modern world we have lost touch with our physical bodies. Most of us are not working the land, in tune with the seasons, or using our bodies for work. Just watch someone who is on-line. It looks as if they have left their bodies.

It is very easy (and healthy) to reconnect with our physical bodies.

This simple little tap-along will help you to reconnect to your body and feel more grounded inside your body. It takes less than 4 minutes to do and is the prefect tap-along to start your day. After you do it a few times you are going to be able to repeat the process without having to listen to the audio again.

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Pod #380: Tapping For When We Need To Make An Ask

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Human beings are social creatures.

That means that in order to thrive, we need to do more than just interact with others, we need to work together, whether collaboratively in a professional context, or by sharing enjoyable activities in our social lives.

Whenever we ask someone to do something with or for us, we risk being turned down. That may seem obvious, but there is a deeper issue at play because on a subconscious level, a rejection may be read as a rejection of us and who we are.

Even though this isn't the case, if we are struggling with that emotion, we are unlikely to take the action that we want to take. When we don't ask to connect and work with others, we miss opportunities and our lives aren't as rich.

This week I have for you a simple tap-along (tapping script below) to help you to know it is safe to ask others, even if they might say no.

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I recognize that I really want someone to say yes…Because if they say yes, it will be good for me…And it will be good for them…Because we're doing something together, our lives will be better…If I ask them to do this…I'm giving them the opportunity to say no…And when someone says no to my request…Especially a request I really believe in…Especially a request I really want…It is easy to feel that when they say no, they are rejecting me as a person…Like they are saying I am not worth their time…They are saying I'm not worth their effort…They are saying I am not worth their energy…They are judging me as unworthy…Because when I ask for something…It is because I believe in it…On some level my request is part of me…And when they turn down my request, it feels as if they are turning me down…I give myself permission to recognize that when people say no to me…They are saying this is the wrong fit…They are saying this isn't the right time…They're saying they're not in the right emotional state to say yes…They are saying they don't understand what I am offering…When someone rejects my offer…That is not the same as rejecting me… They aren't making a value statement about me…They're not making a judgment of me…They are stating where they are…Therefore it is safe for me to ask…When I ask I'm giving them permission to say no…It is not judgment…It is not a statement of who they think I am…I give myself permission to know my life is better when I ask for what I want…Even if most of the time people say no…Every time someone says yes it is an opportunity and experience I wouldn't otherwise have…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I ask…Knowing that my ask doesn't have to be perfect…It is safe for me to want what I want…And it is safe for me to ask…It is even safe for me to hear them say no.

Pod #379: The Problem With Goals And Expectations

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I am a huge proponent of goal setting.

Having clearly defined goals is helpful in two ways. First, it helps to define the actions we need to take to achieve them. Second, it gives us a measuring stick with which to evaluate our efforts along the way and after the fact.

Without having set goals I wouldn’t be as happy and successful as I am. I love goal setting so much that I created an entire web site dedicated to working toward your goals.

But there is a problem with goals: they create expectations.

Expectations aren't the problem, but they can create a false dichotomy. On a subconscious level we may believe that either we achieve our goals as written OR we have failed, with nothing in between.

Failing to recognize our progress can demotivate us.

In this short audio and tap-along I talk about how you can avoid the feeling of all or nothing that setting goals can create. (As always, the full tapping script can be found below the audio player.)

If you are interested in a systematic way of using tapping to achieve your goals and avoiding common pitfalls like the “all-or-nothing” disposition, I encourage you to check out The Ruach Center

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There is a part of me…That wants me to be successful…That wants so much better for myself…That wants me to move forward…It wants me to achieve my goals…I am so happy that there is a part of me that wants to be successful…That wants better…That knows I am capable of more…I can appreciate where I am…I can appreciate the blessings in my life…And still recognize the fact that more is possible…That growth is possible…That progress is possible…But sometimes I look at my goals and I feel disappointed…I feel sad…I feel overwhelmed…I feel angry…I feel frustrated…Because I haven't reached those goals…I know how much better my life will when I achieve them…But I'm not there yet…And that feels so disappointing…But I give myself permission to recognize the fact…That success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…It doesn't come down to simply success or simply failure…As I take steps…As I work towards my goal…I'm positioning myself to achieve what I want…And there will be success along the way…I am already getting better…I'm already making progress…When I don't take the time to acknowledge and appreciate that progress…I do myself a disservice…I end up demotivating myself…I make it harder for myself…To keep taking action…I give myself permission to recognize the fact that I am making progress…I am having success…It is making a difference…Success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…As I move forward…And as I get closer…Success comes with me…Success grows…And as those degrees of success increase…So does my enjoyment…So does my enrichment…So does the quality of my life…I give myself permission to keep striving for better…To work towards my well-crafted goals…To appreciate the progress I'm making in the moment… To appreciate how this progress is helping me to have a better life right now.

Pod #378: How to tell if you are making progress with Tapping w/ Mary Ayers

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With some issues measuring our success is a simple task. For example, after going to the gym four times a week for a few months I can measure how much stronger I am by how much weight I can now lift compared with when I started.

But not all types of transformation are as easy to track, particularly for issues and responses that are incrementally changing over time. For example, how could you measure more confidence or less anger?

In this conversation Mary Ayers and I talk about how we can measure our progress through the lenses of three different characteristics of the issue that are all measurable.

If you are tapping on an issue over the course of multiple tapping sessions, then understanding this is a must. First, it will help you to understand what is working so that you can continue to do it. Second, it will identify the areas where you need to try a different approach. Finally, seeing the progress that is often missed will help you to gain momentum in your transformational work.

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Guest: Dr. Mary Ayers

Contact: web @ TapIntoAction.com; web radio @ The Chickenshits Guide to Success; facebook @ Tap Into Action

About Mary: Dr. Mary Ayers knows how to get people un-stuck! With her years of experience as a therapist and a coach, you won't find the typical or ordinary coaching techniques in her programs. When it comes to taking action, she pulls out all the stops – delving deep to find those hidden fears and limiting beliefs. Known for her UNconventional, often “off the wall” methods, she will get you moving towards your goals without bullying, shaming or “pushing through the fear”. With over 27 years in the Human Development field, her accomplishments include 5 years as a coach with the Anthony Robbins Organization, EFT Expert on The Tapping World Summit, and Host of the radio show “The Chickenshit's Guide to Success”.

Pod #377: When The Body Is The “Enemy” and Weight Release Is A “Battle”

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We often treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the journey towards better health as a battle.

We can feel betrayed by our bodies, and feel hopeless and frustrated by our slow or lack of progress.

But our bodies are not our enemy. In reality, our bodies are doing what they can to be healthy and there are simply unseen obstacles to the healing process

Once we recognize that we are not separate from our bodies, and that they are trying to function in an optimal way, it becomes easier to work towards better health and well being.

Recently I was working with a client on returning to a healthier body after backsliding (again). After a great session he asked if we could spend some time on helping him to believe that progress was possible and to reconnect with his body.

When we had finished the session he said, “You should write that down so others can use it.” When I told him that I could share the recording if I had his permission, he insisted I did, so here it is.

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Pod #376: Tapping For How We Act Based On How Others See Us

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Recently I was introduced to the quote “I'm not who I think I am. I not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am.”

[Note: Unfortunately the source of this quote is not clear, or I would provide it. It is variously credited to Charles Horton Cooley, Thomas Cooley, and Dennis Cooley.]

The gist of the quote is that we often find ourselves trying to live up to an imagined standard that we think other people have for us.

This is a surefire recipe for self-sabotage! Either we will be trying to do what we want to do and trying to do what we think others want us to do. This has us taking action in multiple and often conflicting ways, which results in little to no progress. OR we take no action at all because we are caught between our own desires and the perceived desires of others.

In this week's podcast I provide two ways to remedy this situation.

First, I have a simple process for uncovering and tapping for the specific expectations we think others have for us. Second, I have more general tap-along to help you get moving even when you can't see the beliefs clearly.

As always, I have included a text version of the tapping script below the audio player that you can print out.

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I know that other people have impressions of me…They have beliefs about who I am…They have beliefs about what I am capable of…They have beliefs about how I act…And I also have an impression of what I think other people think about me…Based on who I am…Based on my experience…Based on her past interactions…I have written a story inside of my head about how they navigate the world…I've written a story inside of my head about what they think about me…It is possible that the story I have written about what they think about me has nothing to do with what they actually think about me…I'm in a situation where I respond to what I think they think…Because for me what I think they think is the reality I operate in…And my emotional response comes from this…The action I take is informed by it…This means my actions and emotions are impacted by a story written inside my head about what I'm guessing they think about me…It doesn't matter if this is what is really going on…Because I am responding emotionally to the story that I have written…I give myself permission to let go of these stories…I give myself permission to know I don't have to respond in this way…I give myself permission to define myself in my own terms…I give myself permission to choose who I am…Not what other people think I am…Not what I think other people think I am…But who I am…It is safe for me to be authentically me…It is safe for me to be my true self…It is safe for me to make choices and actions based on who I am…Knowing that it does not matter what I think others think about me…The reality is most people aren't thinking of me at all…They are so wrapped up inside their own experience they are completely missing me…I am not crossing their mind…And since I'm not crossing their mind…It doesn't matter what I think they think about me…All that matters is me being myself…It is safe for me to be myself.

Pod #375: The Grounding Process

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The human experience can be full of complications and conflicts. My clients often say things like “I am of two minds” or “My head is telling me one thing but my heart is telling me something else.”

It's difficult to move forward if we feel we are being pulled in multiple directions!

To help navigate this, I have created what I call the Grounding Process. It is designed to move you from feeling scattered to being fully grounded by connecting your mind, heart, and physical body to your higher self.

This is one of my favorite processes and I teach it in my advanced classes as an example of both guided imagery and parts work. I do this process myself at least once a week. The first time I did it I was amazed at the information my system gave me.

A number of years ago Jessica Ortner of the Tapping Insiders Club interviewed me about the process. We then did the process together, so that you can tap right along with it.

[Note: In an effort to make the Tapping Q & A Podcast archive easier to navigate, the old bonus podcasts have been turned into full episodes. This episode was originally released December 24th, 2009.]

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Pod #374: Tapping To Music From Your Teen Years

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Music can be so powerful at setting our mood.

So much so that experiments have shown that music can dictate our interpretation of events where images are accompanied by different kinds of music. For example, grave images with whimsical music were seen as humorous, and sad pictures with silly music were perceived as funny.

We have a special connection to music in our teenage years for a number of reasons:

  • It's usually the time in our lives in which we listen to music the most
  • Teenagers are often most engaged in seeking out and listening to new music
  • We experience the most emotional change in our teenage years (see podcast 373 on the adolescent brain)

Hearing a song from your teenage years can instantly put you back in that time. It is more than a fleeting feeling of nostalgia, it's like you have been transported back in time. The strength of that connection means that music can be a great tool for clearing issues from the past that we are still carrying.

This week I have one of my favorite tools for you on how music from our teen years can be used with tapping to effect powerful transformation.

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Pod #373: Tapping for the Adolescent Brain w/ Janey Downshire

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Did you know that during adolescence the brain goes through more neurological changes that it does at any point in human development? That's even more changes than during the notorious “terrible twos” and one of the reasons why interacting with teenagers can be so complicated.

Being around teens can be challenging because they constantly seem to be on a giant emotional rollercoaster!

This week I have a conversation with Janey Downshire who is one of the co-authors of Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide. I met Janey at the EFT Gathering a number of years ago and was instantly impressed with her work in helping parents to understand and support their teenagers.

In the conversation we talk about:

  • The difference between the settled and the unsettled brain (for teens and parents)
  • How the adolescent brain is a work in progress
  • Why teenage boys struggle to talk about their emotions
  • Why teenage boys are risk seekers
  • Why teenage girls struggle with fallout from friend groups
  • Why parents often think something is a small deal when teens think it is a big deal
  • Why the teenage years are harder than the “terrible twos”
  • The goal we want for our teens: not calm, but good mental health habits that will stand them in good stead in later life
  • How parents can avoid escalating conflict with their teenagers
  • The best thing you can provide for your children
  • What to tap on and when to tap as a parent
  • How to introduce tapping to kids

If you have a teenager, spend time with teenagers, or have children who will soon be teenagers, I urge you to listen to this one.

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Guest: Janey Downshire

Contact: Web @ TeenagersTranslated.co.uk; Facebook @ TeenagersTranslated; email @ janey@teenagerstranslated.co.uk; Book @ Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide

About: Janey Downshire (Grad. Dip. Couns; Cert Emotional Literacy; MBACP) and her colleague Naella Grew are both qualified counsellors, specialising in teenage development. For over 10 years, they have worked together to design a unique range of courses for students, adults and teachers, which they deliver through their company Teenagers Translated. Their presentations distil the most current research in psychology, neuroscience, biochemistry and child development into practical, relevant strategies for their audiences. Their work aims to deepen understanding and awareness of the links between emotions, physiology, mental habits and behaviour in order to promote better communication and relationships and improve mental health, emotional regulation and wellbeing in families and schools. Janey and Naella are both parents, Janey has four children, now at university and working in London.

Pod #372: Tapping For And Responding To Feeling Like You SHOULD Do Something

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A concept that I learned very early on in my training as a practitioner was: Our emotional response is dictated by how we describe the world, and not the way the world actually is.

That's why I am constantly asking my clients for more details about how they understand what is going on in their lives. In many cases, when we are able to change the way they describe their situation, their emotions shift, even before we have started tapping.

One of the words that always gets my attention, is when a client uses the word “should”. Should, by its very nature, implies an expectation which may or may not be true. (In practice, it almost always implies an expectation that isn't true.)

There are three parts to this week's podcast:

  1. We explore where our sense of “should” comes from and why it can cause emotional problems, which in turn lead us to not taking action, or taking actions that aren't right for us.

  2. I share a simple process that you can use to interrogate the actions that you feel you “should” be taking. This process will help you to pin down the origin of a specific should, and whether or not it serves you.

  3. A simple tap-along to do once you realize you can let go of something you believe you should be doing. (I have included a written out script of the tap-along below the audio player.)

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I recognize the fact that I feel like I should do this…Should is a powerful word…When I use the word should…It feels like I must…When I use the word should…It feels like I have to…When I use the word should…It feels as if I am out of control…But it makes sense that I feel like I am obliged to something that others say I should do…There is an ancient and primitive part of me that recognizes that if I was pushed outside of the tribe, I would die…Because staying connected to the community was a matter of life or death…Staying connected to the community was a necessity…And going against the grain was dangerous…Going against the grain was perilous…Therefore I have learned to do what the community wants and expects…Because at one point in history it was a matter of life and death…But that is no longer the case…And I can go my own way and survive…I can make the choices that are best for me and thrive…And because of this, the word should doesn't have to hold so much power over me…Recognizing that can be difficult…Because most of the shoulds in our lives have been passed on by people close to us…We all want to belong and be connected…Especially to those closest to us…But I give myself permission to know that I can stay connected to my loved ones…Without having to do what they think I should be doing…I'm allowed to do what I want…I am safe choosing what I want…I can remain connected to others while choosing what I want…When anyone says I should do something…I can take that as input…I can take that as something to consider…But it is nothing more than someone else's opinion…And I am allowed to take it for as much or as little as I want…I get to choose what is right for me…Not because of the cultural norm…Not because someone else said I should do it…But simply because I want to do it…I give myself permission to let go of the word should…There's nothing I should do…There are only things that I choose to do…And things I choose not to do…I am responsible for those choices…I am responsible for the consequences of those choices…But they are my choices…Because I choose to do them…Not because I should do them…I give myself permission to have control over my own life and my own choices…I give myself permission to let go of should.

Pod #371: Tapping for Abusive and Toxic Relationships w/ Melissa Beasley

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In Pod #370 last week we talked about how best to use tapping when contemplating or going through a divorce.

This week I have a conversation with Melissa Beasley about abusive relationships.

Between these two conversations you can see how hard it is to talk about relationships that are going badly. There is so much cultural and personal baggage around admitting that a relationship hasn't worked out and it becomes even more complicated when emotional and physical abuse is part of the equation.

In this week's podcast Melissa Beasley and I talk about abusive and toxic relationships and cover:

  • How to identify an abusive relationship, including why it is so difficult to do this from inside such a relationship
  • The tools and tactics used by abusive partners
  • Why people stay in abusive relationships
  • The four stages of moving out of a toxic relationship and into a healthy post-relationship life
  • Steps for getting out of a toxic relationship
  • How to use tapping in all four stages of leaving a toxic relationship

This is a resource that everyone needs to listen to!

Here is a list of helpful resources if you find yourself in this situation:

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Guest: Melissa Beasley

Contact: web @ MelissaDawnBeasley.com; web @ LoveEssentialSkinCare.com; facebook @Love Essential Skin Care; Instagram @loveessentialskincare

About: Melissa is a natural skincare formulator and manufacturer. She started making skincare in her parents' kitchen as a way to support herself and her two boys after her divorce. She still manufactures her products for her own brand Love-Essential Skin Care, and she creates custom product lines for spas, salons and natural product companies.

Melissa now uses the skills and knowledge she learned while growing her skincare business to help other moms create and grow their own businesses. She understands the unique challenges that mothers, and especially single mothers, face when trying to grow a business and helps them navigate those challenges so they can have a successful business without giving up their sanity or time with their precious babies.

EFT was one of Melissa's most important tools when recovering from her divorce and growing Love-Essential Skin Care and is instrumental in helping her clients.