Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Our Emotions Are Illogical And Make No Sense

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Sometimes the healing process is hampered by our logical mind. We get to the point where we can name our issues, but they make no sense at all. We can logically see how things are different from what our emotions believe. This can be a very difficult point in the healing process because we realize that we can’t talk ourselves out of misguided or wrong emotional beliefs. Because we can’t logic our way out of something, we don’t know where to turn and can feel helpless in the healing process.

I am sure I drive my clients crazy be telling them over and over again, “Just because it isn’t true doesn’t mean that it isn’t real.” When we encounter these emotions that are based in ridiculous notions it is important that we acknowledge this fact.

I love the fact that Gary Craig (http://emofree.com) has always described these as the comedies of our mind. They are comedies because once they are dragged out into the light of day we can see how ridiculous they are.

But, just because they are ridiculous to us logically doesn’t mean that they aren’t still very powerful. It’s frequently helpful to allow ourselves to be comfortable with the fact that these beliefs make no sense at all.

By using Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) on the fact that our emotional beliefs exist to protect us, we gain peace and clarity about how best to take care of ourselves. When we are easy about this fact it allows us to do the healing work we want to do without the frustration of it making no sense.

The tapping patter could look like this:

These thoughts and feelings make no sense at all…logically I can clearly see how my emotions are misinterpreting the situation, myself, and the world…I know these emotions and beliefs exist because there is a part of me that is trying to take care of me…this part of me is working very hard to make sure I stay safe and whole…it just happens to be doing it in a way that is not good for me in the short or long term…I am thankful that there are parts of me willing to do whatever they can to protect me…I affirm the work of this part of me…I don’t want to fight with this illogical part of myself…because we have the same goal…getting me to heal…I now ask this part to work with me in a more effective way to help my healing…I know from time to time that I have illogical emotional thoughts…because emotions are illogical by their very nature…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I heal these illogical thoughts and emotions.
[How to use these tapping phrases]

One Issue That Is Really Three or Four Issues

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I am dealing with homework issues and tantrums with my 8 year-old daughter. Parenting her really takes all my energy. It seems I spend more time battling with her than enjoying her. How can I approach this issue?


photo by Kathryn Rotondo

Sometimes when we face a situation it looks like one issue, because it is one situation, but in reality it’s more than one issue. At first it might seem daunting to break the issue down into smaller parts because it appears to require more work, but I have found it helpful to break the situation down into smaller, more manageable parts.

Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EvEFT/EFT) is even more powerful when we are dealing with small partsbecause we see progress faster, and that progress encourages us to do more.

Here is a very simple way to break down a problem into smaller issues. I will use the example in the question to demonstrate each part.

What in the situation is worthy of giving thanks for?
I love starting from a point of view of gratitude. Often when we are dealing with what we don’t like in a situation we forget all of the blessings that are present.

In this case the question clearly states the parent actively wants to appreciate the daughter. So the first thing I would do is tap on all the wonderful things about the daughter and spending time with the daughter:

I am really blessed to have such a wonderful daughter…she has so much spirit…I know the time we have together is short…she will be grown up before I know it…with that in mind I am going to savor each moment I have with her…even those moments of struggle are a blessing…because we get to share them together…I give myself permission to enjoy this moment and my daughter…even in the middle of this struggle…I am lucky and blessed to have my daughter

Simply naming the good in a situation lessens the emotional charge and gives us a clearer vision of what the root issue(s) is.

What are the emotions I am dealing with?
The second step is to consider, and list, all of the emotions you are feeling. In this case the list might look like:

  • Frustrated she is not doing what she needs to do
  • Tired of all the battling
  • Wanting to do fun stuff with my daughter
  • Wishing I was doing something else I enjoyed

And the list could go on
After you have created the list, ask why you feel that way. This will give you insight on what to tap on. Take each emotion one at a time and tap on them. Don’t be surprised that as you clear one emotion you clear the others as well.

Are there other actors in the situation that I could surrogately tap for?
The last step is to look at the other actors in the situation. Are there issues you could tap on for them? In this case the daughter is obviously resisting doing the homework. As a parent you would have special insight into why she might be resisting. She could be fearing failure, just being 8 and wanting to do something else, not enjoying it because she is not very good at it, or is worried she is going to fail and let you down.

Just take a deep breath and tune into the other actors. Guess why they are having such a hard time in the situation. You don’t need the special connection of a parent and child to do this. When we put aside our own emotional baggage about a situation it’s easy to guess what others are struggling with.

Once you have a guess about what the other person is struggling with, you can spend some time tapping on those issues for them. This will do two things. First, it will give you perspective on what they are going through. This might change your understanding of the situation, clearing some of your emotional charge. Second, it might make a difference in their life, the way surrogate tapping has been reported to make changes for others.

The Process
The steps aren’t very complicated. When you are facing a big problem break it down into three chucks.

  • What can I be thankful for?
  • What am I struggling with?
  • What might they be struggling with?

By doing this we will resolve the issues in smaller and more manageable pieces.

Getting Back To That Session That Was So Powerful

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photo by Meredith Farmer

Occasionally we have unusually powerful Evolving Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) sessions. When we sit down later to tap, we wish there was a way to recapture the healing aspects of that session or continue to work on those issues. It is much easier to do than one would think.

There are times when I can relate to the issue my client is bringing up, so while they tap on their issue, I get to tap on my issue at the same time. There are other times when I can feel in my body what my client is feeling and we get a chance to tap on the issue together.

Recently I had an amazing experience with a client that was completely different from either of these. We were about 40 minutes into a session and were tapping on an issue that I had no particular relationship to. Very suddenly, I started yawning uncontrollably.
In this sort of energy work yawning is generally a sign of releasing energetic blocks, but I have never been in a circumstance where I yawned 30 times in a row. It was amazing, and afterwards I felt great. A huge burden that I had been working on for a number of weeks was released.

A few days later I wanted to tap back into this experience because I knew more needed to be done. As I tapped I just started thinking about the previous session, and once again the yawns starting coming fast and furious.

I was able to tap for three straight minutes thinking only of that last session, and the yawns didn’t stop. At that point I had finished the work I could do at that time.

As I thought about this experience, it wasn’t a great surprise. One of the things we do in hypnosis work is place a post-hypnotic suggestion allowing us to return instantly to the issue we are working on. This prevents us from having to do all the work of getting to the same point in the next session.

This works equally well with EFT. If you have worked on an issue before and had a great level of success, all you need do is tune into that tapping session and start tapping again. You can pick up right where you left off working before.

Need To Know How We Got Here

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To work down a path of healing we need to take stock of where we are and what issues we would like to heal. One of the questions that come to mind when we do this is, “How did I get here?” This can become a consuming question, to the point that it distracts us from the healing process itself.

It is a natural question to ask. First, we may think that it will help us to heal our way out of the current feeling or circumstance. Second, we may believe we need to know how we got here to insure that we never end up here again.

While it can be important to the healing process to understand how we got here and how we can avoid ending up here again, it’s much more important that we understand where we are and where we would like to be.

I think sometimes it’s a disservice to clients when we harp on the memories that have created the past situation. Yes, it can be very helpful to understand these aspects of an emotional charge, but plenty of clients have felt hopeless because they couldn’t bring up past memories.

Also, we can be mistaken about the original cause of an emotional charge.

Instead, if we are easy with ourselves about how our problem came to be, we can freely enter the emotions of the moment which will lead us to the true root cause.

I find it very helpful to tap on the idea of not needing to know how we got here before going after a big problem. Then we are only dealing with the essential issue rather than worrying about knowing why.

The tapping patter could look something like this:

There is a part of me that really wants to know how I got into this situation…it feels I need this information for the healing…it believes I need this information to protect myself from ending up in this place again…while it can be very helpful to know this information…it is not essential to the healing process…I can completely heal my current emotions without knowing a single thing about how I got here…it is possible to use the emotions I am feeling right now as the information to do the tapping…as I work on how I feel right now it is possible that memories and other information about how I ended up here will come up…if this happens it will provide more chances for me to heal…if it doesn’t happen that’s okay as well because I have all the information I need…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process…it is much more important to know where I am and where I am going…than to know how I got here. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I found myself being grounded and present every 15 minutes all day long!

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A Chime For The Soul
I spent the first three days of the New Year on retreat. It was everything a retreat is supposed to be. It was restful. It was challenging. It helped me to heal and gave me insight for more healing in the future.

We spent a great deal of time in silence. Each day began with a 20-minute contemplative sit. We were given two or three minutes of silence to quiet ourselves before each presentation and to absorb what we’d just heard after presentations.

Each of these silences started and ended with the striking of a chime. The simple pure sound pierced the air.

As the retreat wore on and we spent more time in silence the more I longed for these silences. Each time I heard that simple chime my body/mind/spirit knew exactly what we were doing — and loved it.

Taking It Home
The hard part of a retreat is going home and integrating this peace, reflection, and grounding into your daily life.

As we waited for the closing session to begin I was thinking of how I could bring this sense of grounding into my daily life.

The first thing that came to mind was that chime. I thought, “I could buy one of the chimes and use it before and after my own silent time.” But I immediately saw the flaw in this plan. I’d end up buying the chime and I might use it once or twice, but eventually it would end up as one more knickknack on my shelf.

Then my mind wandered to prayer traditions throughout the world that use the bell as a call to prayer.

The Annoyed Monk
A friend of mine is a monk who lives in an abbey with other members of his community. Several times a day the bells ring and they are required to drop whatever they’re doing to join the community in prayers.

He explained,

“At first, it can be really frustrating.  You can be right in the middle of an important task and you have to just stop.  It is the worst when you are really in the grove.  It can make it really hard to come to the chapel with a prayerful mind set when you are frustrated like this.

“But something happens when they ring the bells again calling us to prayer, you close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and bring yourself present to the Glory of God in that moment.

“The frustration just melts away because you are grounded in the bigger picture.  You realize it is good that you have been pulled away form the daily tasks for a few minutes to put it all in perspective.”

My Call To Silence
That is what I wanted in my daily life, but I didn’t want to move into a hermitage to get it.

Since I spend most of my day sitting in front of my computer I decided to write a computer program that would chime every 15 minutes as a reminder to re-ground myself.

At first, like my monk friend, I was a little annoyed by the constant interruption. But I decided that I needed to give it an honest effort.

Initially I was very strict with myself. The moment the chime rang I stopped what I was doing, even if I was in the middle of typing a sentence or a word. I‘d close my eyes and do a simple grounding exercise that took less than sixty seconds.

The results were amazing!

Being Fully Present
In those few short seconds of taking pause I was able to refocus.

I found myself clearing stress that I wasn’t even aware was there.

I was able to put the tasks at hand in perspective.

I was more productive and focused in my work, and at the end of the day I felt great, not exhausted.

Then My Friends Ask For One
I told my friend Christi, who was on the same retreat, about the software program I had created and she said, “I WANT ONE!”

Within an hour of sending her the program she sent an e-mail saying:

“The first time the chime went off it was a little surprising because I had my speakers turned up too loud, but now I love this.  It is such a great way to break up the day.  I feel so much more grounded already.”

“Hey, I want one too!”
The more people I told about the program the more people were asking for one as well.

Before sharing it with others I decided to improve the program. I recorded a much more peaceful chime. I also made it so you can set whatever interval of time you would like between chimes.

Since this is a brand new product I am offering it for over 50% off the eventual price.

For the next two weeks I’m offering the Breathe Easy Reminder software for only $7.45. (The regular retail price will be $14.95).

(And yes there is a both Mac and PC versions.)

But that’s not all!
If you order as part of this special introduction I have three free amazing free bonuses:

Bonus #1: 60 Seconds To Presence: 9 Exercises & Meditations That Can Be Done Anytime, Anywhere In Under 60 Seconds ebook ($17.49 value)

It is one thing to take pause every fifteen minutes through out your day, but it is something completely different to use that time to really ground yourself.  When you ground yourself you are less stressed and more present to the moment. Grounding yourself is not a complicated task.  You can do it in less than sixty seconds.

In this book I teach you 9 different grounding activities you can do in less than 60 seconds. This book contains my favorite techniques using EFT, Qi Gong, guided imagery, breathing exercises, and movement meditation.  You can choose a new one each day or find the one you respond to best to use over and over again.

Bonus #2: Anchoring Relaxation audio ($13.77 value)

There is a very powerful tool in NeuroLinguistic Psychology (NLP) called “anchoring”.  When using anchoring you are able to attach one emotion or motivation to another piece of stimulus.  In stop smoking work the feeling of “I am now a non-smoker and will be a non-smoker for the rest of my life” is anchored to the color red.  When the person sees the color red it reinforces this belief.  (Red is everywhere so they are re-reminding themselves of this over and over again all day!)

In this very special audio the feeling of relaxation and healing is anchored to the sound of the chime in the Breath Easy Reminder program.  After listening to this audio your body will be automatically disposed to the feeling of relaxation at the sound of the chime.  As the program runs through out the day on your computer you will be relaxed over and over again.

Bonus #3: Total Relaxation audio ($13.77 value)

In this audio I use my 10 favorite relaxation images and stack them one on top of another.  By doing this it takes advantage of a phenomena we refer to in hypnosis as “compounding”.  When you follow a suggestion of relaxation by another suggestion it multiplies the first.

By building one on top of the next it multiplies the relaxing and stress relieving power.

Look at what Jay wrote me after using the audio:

“The Total Relaxation audio is so powerful it took me two weeks before I knew how it ended because it put me right to sleep each time I listened to it.”

This audio is a prefect way to end a hectic day.

That is $45.03 in bonus!
Each of the bonuses by themselves are worth more than double the special introductory price of the software.

The three bonuses combined are worth more than SIX times the price of the software.

100% Iron Clad Guarantee!
I have seen the power of this little program.  As I said above I wrote the program at first just for myself.  I was looking for a way to create some grounding in my own life.

This has worked beyond my wildest dreams.

If you don’t find that this program doesn’t make you more grounded and calm as you sit at your computer I will refund your money AND you can keep the three bonuses as my gift to you just for trying it out.

You have nothing to loose but your stress and lack of grounding!
The program is so easy to use that including download time you will have it up in running in less than 2 minutes.

You know you want to bring peace and grounding to your day.

Bring a moment of peace right now!

And 15 minutes after that…

And 15 minutes after that…

(You get the idea!)

Order now!

http://eftqanda.com/store/remind.html

Peace and grounding,

Gene

PS: Image what it is going to be like to have your day punctured with peace, relaxations, and the feeling of being grounded.  You can have that feeling right now…and it takes less than sixty seconds to feel it.