How can I use EFT to deal with holiday stress?
The holidays can be stressful times. In tthis audio I lead you through many of the most common reasons for holiday stress and then lead you through 30 minutes of tapping. I hope you enjoy.
Children Who Are Reluctant To Tap
My 8-year-old son has been taught how to tap by an EFT Practitioner and I have done it with him off and on. When something comes up and I tell him to tap on it, he doesn’t want to! Do you have any suggestions on helping my son make tapping a part of his life?
[[This article is written by Angie Muccillo. Angie is the author of “Tapping For Kids‚ A Children's Guide To EFT.” This book puts the extraordinary power of EFT firmly into the hands of children and young people, as a tool for life, to help them overcome their fears, worries and everyday traumas as well as build their self-esteem. Details on Angie's book can be found at Dragon Rising and she can be reached directly at http://tappingforkids.com]
 photo by Ashok Saravanan |
Let’s look at some of the reasons why children may not tap and what you can do to create an environment where tapping is encouraged.
Why Kids Won't Tap
Sometimes children will resist tapping even when they have been taught to use it and it has worked for them in the past. Firstly, no matter how much you may want your child to tap on something because you know it will help them, it is important to remember that you can’t “make” a child tap if they don’t want to. It is especially important to understand that EFT is not a strategy for getting children to do what you want or to get them to behave in a certain way. It is a way to help children release their emotions if and when THEY want to. We can show them when and how to tap but the decision to tap must ultimately be the child’s. Sometimes they may prefer to tap alone and other times they may prefer to tap with you or another person.
Some reasons why children may resist tapping:
1. Children may resist tapping because they are being “told” to tap rather than being “encouraged” to tap. When given as a directive children may react with a defiant or rebellious attitude. It can become “another thing mum nags me about” as opposed to when a child realizes that it’s “something I can do whenever I want to feel better.”
2. Children can often pick up on your desperation for them to tap and this can make them more resistant to it. Often the harder you try the more they resist.
3. They may not feel it is “cool” to tap. While some children take to EFT immediately, others may feel self-conscious or embarrassed about using it.
How To Encourage a “Reluctant” Child To Tap
1. Become an EFT Model
The key to encouraging a “reluctant” child to tap is to actively model it yourself as well as help create an environment where tapping is part of family life. When children see their parents tapping they are more likely to do it themselves. According to Karen Curry, author of EFT For Parents, “children do what we do, not what we say…if your kids see you tapping, especially when you are feeling emotional intensity, they will be encouraged to use it themselves under similar circumstances.” If they see you tapping and how it benefits you they may be more likely to do it with you or on their own.
2. Tap On Your Own Frustration/Desperation First
If you are frustrated or upset about the fact that your child won’t tap, then treat your own frustration or upset first. “Even though Tim won’t let me teach him to tap, he’s still a wonderful child and I love him unconditionally”…, “Even though I want to help him but he won’t let me…, “Even though I can’t get him to tap with me…”, Even though he pushes me away…”, “Even though he’s doing this just to make me mad…”, etc
3. Surrogate Tapping
Once you have brought your emotional intensity down by tapping on your own frustration/desperation first, you can then try surrogate tapping for your child, starting with any beliefs the child may have about EFT such as “Even though tapping can’t help me, I’m still okay,” “Even though nothing can help me with this problem, I’m still okay,” “Even though I would rather stay mad/sad/upset, I’m still a great kid,” “Even though I’m too scared to tap…” Also surrogate tap on the child’s actual resistance to tapping using their own words such as, “NO don’t make me tap, I don’t want to tap, I hate tapping, stop trying to make me do it, I won’t do it, I hate being told what to do,” etc. After a few rounds tap on some positive statements on behalf of the child such as “What if tapping helps me feel better,” “What if I can do it on my own,” “What if tapping helps me feel really really good,” “What if I don’t have to feel upset anymore,” “This tapping stuff is actually fun,” “What if I like doing it,’ etc. After you have finished surrogate tapping pay attention to any changes and notice if the child seems more willing to tap of their own accord or asks you to help them.
4. Tap On Behalf of Your Child
When you see your child getting upset, rather than telling him to tap, simply start tapping out loud on yourself so they can hear you, using a set-up that reflects what is going on. “Even though Tim is really mad and hurt because….., he’s still a great kid and I love him.” Encourage your child to join along with you or just keep tapping on their behalf (unless they object) using whatever you think is bothering them to tap on. If they see that you understand how they’re feeling they may start tapping themselves and be more open to telling you why and what they’re really upset about.
5. Add Some Humor
You can also add some humor and tap on something like “Even though mum is doing this crazy tapping thing again and I don’t want to do it, I’m still a great kid. I’ll tap if and when I want!”
6. Why It's Cool To Tap
Reinforce the benefits of tapping to your child, such as, “it’s a way to help you feel better whenever you want,” “it can help you calm down when you want to,” “it helps your anger melt away,” etc. When kids find out they can tap on their upset without having to tell you what it is about they start to pay attention! In her work with children, Ann Adams will often tell an upset child in her faculty who hasn’t been introduced to EFT yet that, “I’m going to give you something to calm yourself down and you don’t even have to talk to me.” She points out that “not asking a child to talk ’sets you apart’ from all other professionals who have tried to help this kid.” The Promise Of Energy Psychology pg 168
Setting up an environment where tapping is encouraged and offered as an option and a choice may go a long way to helping a “reluctant child to tap.” Through teaching, encouraging and modeling the use of EFT within the family, in the classroom, etc., a “reluctant child” may discover they have a tool for life.
Using EFT to Give Thanks!
I always seem to be using EFT for the things that go wrong in my life or the things I want to change. Does it do any good to tap on things that are going right and if so how would I do this?
 photo by Scott Ableman |
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very powerful tool for giving thanks. I am a firm believer that one of the most powerful tools we have for moving our lives to the places we want is to recognize the blessings we have. This puts us at ease, giving us the ability to follow inspiration with less worry and anxiety. When we act with less worry and anxiety we are more likely to follow that inspiration with energy, leading us to richer and fuller lives.
The process I use is very simple, and I do it every day.
1) I get out my big book of gratitude, which is nothing more than a spiral notebook with the words “Big Book of Gratitude” written on the front.
2) I write on the top of a clean sheet of paper, “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving.”
3) I make a list of ten things I am thankful for. Some are big (like life) and some are small (like fresh blueberries).
4) I then fill the margins with “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” and “Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving!” over and over again.
5) Next I do 10 rounds of tapping, one for each of the things on the list. “thank you for fresh blueberries…thank you…thank you…thank you…thank your for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving…thank your for fresh blueberries…”
It is impossible to start your day in a bad mood if you make this process a daily habit.
Using EFT In Tough Times
Everywhere you turn there seems to be bad news. It’s hard to be hopeful for the future when all you hear is doom and gloom. How can I use EFT to lift my mood and make it possible to thrive in these troubled times?
[Note: This article is by Chip Engelmann. Make sure you check out Chip's web site ChipEFT.com for many great articles, ebooks, and recordings of past teleseminars.]
 photo by Daniel H. Agostini |
It is easy to get sucked in. We turn on the TV and a talking head economist is accusing a politician of playing a political campaign fiddle while Rome burns. The Republicans blame the Democratic congress and the Democrats blame the Republican leadership. Of course, the press loves bad news because bad news increases ratings and increased ratings means advertising dollars. All you have to do is listen to your TV, “Times are tough and the worst is yet to come.”
The time has come for you to take action. Switch your TV to the Golf Channel. Go out and rent When Harry Met Sally. Stop watching the news. It is toxic.
No, I’m not talking about putting your head in the sand and hoping it will go away. However, the Law of Attraction states that whatever you put your attention on is what you will bring into your life. If you allow yourself to become emotionally immersed in the world’s economic turmoil, personal economic turmoil will follow. If you perceive that you live in a world of doom and gloom, you will find an endless stream of evidence to support living in a harsh environment. If you see the world as overflowing with abundance, your personal world will be abundant.
No, this is not wishful thinking. It is a powerful tool we can use to shape the course of our lives. If we put our attention on how we want our lives to play out, the mind will search through billions of pieces of information to find what we need in order to thrive. If we set our attention on a goal and expect it to be achieved, our mind will find the information we need to make it happen.
The key to improving our world is as simple as switching our attention from what we don’t want, to what we do want.
My wife and I recently attended one of Esther and Jerry Hicks’ events in Toronto. I’ll share with you something Esther shared that is extremely relevant today and should give you great hope.
“What if one person in a relationship is allowing [abundance] and the other is blocking?”
It's a good question, right? The answer:
“One who is allowing is more powerful than a million who are not.”
What does that mean to us today? If every one of us takes our power to continue to see the world with hope and attention to what is good and what could be good, no matter what shows up in the news, we will profoundly affect the outcome both personally and as a society. So don’t give up and don’t give in – when you see what you don’t want, keep turning your attention back to what you do want.
People have pointed out that it is easy to say, but harder to do. We each have set ways of thinking about things.
You may notice that you have been feeling bad, thinking about what you don’t want, for three days before it dawns on you to retrain your attention on what it is you do want. It may take days to notice that you have been putting your attention on “The Economy,” and you are scared. But right now is all that matters, so refocus on what you want and you will feel better. Next time it may only take two and a half days to notice your attention has wandered. It’s a matter of learning through trial and error. You get better at it as you go along. Eventually, you will notice within a few seconds when your attention strays.
Yet it can be hard to focus on what you want when you are afraid, overwhelmed, or depressed. (It is no coincidence bad economic times are called depressions.) Luckily, EFT can help take the edge off. In fact, we can use EFT to lessen the emotional load and Dr. Pat Carrington’s Choices Technique to help us change our old perceptions.
- Even though I'm afraid I might lose my job…
- Even though I'm worried about my retirement…
- Even though I'm angry at the government..
- Even though I'm angry at those big companies…
- Even though I'm angry at myself for not being prepared…
- Even though I'm afraid I will lose my house…
- Even though I'm worried I can't sell my house…
- Even though I'm afraid because I'm on a fixed income…
- Even though I'm afraid my health insurance won't come through…
- Even though I'm worried my car won't last until I can afford a new one…
- Even though I can't handle one more thing…
- Even though I'm afraid the other guy will get elected…
- Even though I'm afraid the world is going to hell in a hand basket…
You get the idea. Tap on any of these types of statements that color your world.
It is, however, important not to put any more attention on what you don’t want than necessary to neutralize the negative emotions. The more time you spend looking for negative emotions, the more you will find. At some point, you must turn your attention back to what it is that you do want.
The Choices Technique is a good way of training your mind to focus on what you want, or the wonderful things you already have. We live in an abundant universe: lush green trees, beautiful birds, tenderly cared-for homes, creative people who love what they do are everywhere. It is been estimated that if we equally divided the wealth of the world between each of the 6 billion inhabitants, each person would have over ten million dollars. There is no shortage of money..
But many people tend to focus their thoughts on what is not right with the world. A set-up statement you might use is:
Even though I used to get drawn in to negative news,
I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.
This is what you say three times as you tap on side of hand. Follow with three rounds of tapping. The first round, tap on
I used to get drawn in to negative news
The second round, tap on
I now chose to see abundance everywhere I look.
The third round, alternate back and forth with the two phrases
I used to get drawn in to negative news…
I now chose to see abundance every where I look…
Until you complete the round. It is important to end on the phrase that states what you do want. This exercise should be done three times a day for three weeks. You are attempting to change a mental habit.
Here are some other examples of set-up phrases you can use:
- Even though I used to spend my time thinking about what I don't like about my life, I now choose to appreciate what makes me happy.
- Even though I used to believe I was powerless, I now choose to reclaim my power by believing I can do anything I want.
- Even though I tended to focus on not having enough money to pay my bills, I now choose to relish the relief I feel every time a bill is paid.
- Even though I used to complain every time something bad happened to me, I now choose to see how the Universe always works for my benefit with amazing synchronicity.
- Even though I used to think there was no way out, I now choose to trust that the next step and the next step will appear as I start moving toward what I want.
- Even though I used to believe what happened in rest of the world greatly affected me, I now choose to see that where I place my attention determines my experience.
Remember that this is a trial and error process. Don’t beat yourself up. Just guide your attention to what it is you want to experience. There is no hurry, you don’t have to be perfect before lunch time.
Maybe you feel like this might work for others, but won’t work for you. You don’t have what it takes. Well, you can use a variation of the Choices Technique to give yourself those attributes.
- Even though what I want is taking a long time to come, I give myself the patience to receive it.
- Even though I have trouble deciding what I want, I give myself permission to make a long list of those things that would make me happy.
- Even though I feel like I don't deserve anything good, I choose to focus my attention on those things that I like about myself.
- Even though I can't seem to get it, I give myself the insight I need to figure it out.
- Even though I feel so overwhelmed, I choose to find the baby steps I need to take to get things under control.
Finally, pay attention to what you tell others about the world, the economy and how it affects you. Are you casting yourself in the role of a victim or are you choosing words that maintain your responsibility? As Abraham said at the seminar, “You can’t beat the drum of where you are and still move to where you’re going.” Your experience of life reflects the story you tell. If you are a victim, find words that express that you have a more creative and self-determining role. Tell the truth, but make it the highest truth available to you.
For example, here are a series of sentences that might lead step-by-step from what you don’t want to what you do want. Notice how each truth sounds a little better than the one before it.
- The economy is in the crapper.
- Those politicians really were asleep at the wheel. It's about time they did something.
- With the high speed communications we have today,
- there's no way we'll have anything as bad as the Great Depression.
- I've survived a lot of hard times in the past.
- No matter what happens, I'll find a way – I always have.
- Maybe this wake-up call in the economy will lead to some good changes.
- I wonder how I can take advantage of this situation.
- I'll bet I can come up with a good idea to help people and be profitable at the same time.
Your job is to tell the best story you can believe is true. As you do, notice how your life starts to change. Then see if you can tell a better and better story. You’ll find there is no limit to how good it can get.
You now have several tools to thrive no matter what appears to be going on around you.
Don’t Know How To Forgive Myself
What is the best procedure a person can take to learn how to forgive one’s self? I need to forgive myself desperately but don’t know how!
The question of forgiveness comes up a lot with the clients I work with. In the article Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action I talk a great deal about forgiveness, why forgiveness is hard, and how we can forgive ourselves and others.
But what happens when we don’t think forgiveness is even possible?
There is an ongoing conversation among EFT practitioners about when to use forgiveness. Some feel that we can move to forgiveness too soon. If we haven’t worked through the emotional issues associated with the need for forgiveness, then we might simply be stirring the pot on these issues and making the client feel worse without making any progress.
I see some value in keeping this in mind. If a client is still working through the emotion of a specific issue and that client isn’t fully ready to tap on forgiveness but recognize the need for forgiveness, we will tap on the fact that forgiveness is possible.
The tapping patter can look something like this:
I give myself permission to forgive myself…I give myself permission to believe forgiveness is possible…I give myself permission to know I need forgiveness…there is a part of me that is afraid of forgiveness…that is okay…that part of me is only trying to protect me…any block to forgiveness I have I can let go…forgiveness is possible…I deserve forgiveness…I am worthy of forgiveness…even if part of me doesn’t believe that…there is a part of me that knows this is true…I give myself permission to be easy with myself about the fact I have not forgiven myself yet…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself…I don’t know how to forgive myself…I forgive myself for not knowing how to forgive myself…the more I forgive myself…the easier it will be to forgive myself…forgiveness is a process…I don’t have to forgive everything at once…when I forgive myself I am not saying what I did in the past is right…when I forgive myself I am choosing to stop being a prisoner to my past…this doesn’t mean I have to forget the past…or lose part of myself…instead I choose to learn from the past…and not be a prisoner to the past…I know forgiveness can take time…much like chipping a large boulder away…it is okay if I do it a bit at a time…forgiveness will come…with time…because I need it…and deserve it [How to use these tapping phrases]