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Pod #374: Tapping To Music From Your Teen Years

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Music can be so powerful at setting our mood.

So much so that experiments have shown that music can dictate our interpretation of events where images are accompanied by different kinds of music. For example, grave images with whimsical music were seen as humorous, and sad pictures with silly music were perceived as funny.

We have a special connection to music in our teenage years for a number of reasons:

  • It’s usually the time in our lives in which we listen to music the most
  • Teenagers are often most engaged in seeking out and listening to new music
  • We experience the most emotional change in our teenage years (see podcast 373 on the adolescent brain)

Hearing a song from your teenage years can instantly put you back in that time. It is more than a fleeting feeling of nostalgia, it’s like you have been transported back in time. The strength of that connection means that music can be a great tool for clearing issues from the past that we are still carrying.

This week I have one of my favorite tools for you on how music from our teen years can be used with tapping to effect powerful transformation.

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Pod #373: Tapping for the Adolescent Brain w/ Janey Downshire

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Did you know that during adolescence the brain goes through more neurological changes that it does at any point in human development? That’s even more changes than during the notorious “terrible twos” and one of the reasons why interacting with teenagers can be so complicated.

Being around teens can be challenging because they constantly seem to be on a giant emotional rollercoaster!

This week I have a conversation with Janey Downshire who is one of the co-authors of Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide. I met Janey at the EFT Gathering a number of years ago and was instantly impressed with her work in helping parents to understand and support their teenagers.

In the conversation we talk about:

  • The difference between the settled and the unsettled brain (for teens and parents)
  • How the adolescent brain is a work in progress
  • Why teenage boys struggle to talk about their emotions
  • Why teenage boys are risk seekers
  • Why teenage girls struggle with fallout from friend groups
  • Why parents often think something is a small deal when teens think it is a big deal
  • Why the teenage years are harder than the “terrible twos”
  • The goal we want for our teens: not calm, but good mental health habits that will stand them in good stead in later life
  • How parents can avoid escalating conflict with their teenagers
  • The best thing you can provide for your children
  • What to tap on and when to tap as a parent
  • How to introduce tapping to kids

If you have a teenager, spend time with teenagers, or have children who will soon be teenagers, I urge you to listen to this one.

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Guest: Janey Downshire

Contact: Web @ TeenagersTranslated.co.uk; Facebook @ TeenagersTranslated; email @ janey@teenagerstranslated.co.uk; Book @ Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide

About: Janey Downshire (Grad. Dip. Couns; Cert Emotional Literacy; MBACP) and her colleague Naella Grew are both qualified counsellors, specialising in teenage development. For over 10 years, they have worked together to design a unique range of courses for students, adults and teachers, which they deliver through their company Teenagers Translated. Their presentations distil the most current research in psychology, neuroscience, biochemistry and child development into practical, relevant strategies for their audiences. Their work aims to deepen understanding and awareness of the links between emotions, physiology, mental habits and behaviour in order to promote better communication and relationships and improve mental health, emotional regulation and wellbeing in families and schools. Janey and Naella are both parents, Janey has four children, now at university and working in London.

Pod #372: Tapping For And Responding To Feeling Like You SHOULD Do Something

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A concept that I learned very early on in my training as a practitioner was: Our emotional response is dictated by how we describe the world, and not the way the world actually is.

That’s why I am constantly asking my clients for more details about how they understand what is going on in their lives. In many cases, when we are able to change the way they describe their situation, their emotions shift, even before we have started tapping.

One of the words that always gets my attention, is when a client uses the word “should”. Should, by its very nature, implies an expectation which may or may not be true. (In practice, it almost always implies an expectation that isn’t true.)

There are three parts to this week’s podcast:

  1. We explore where our sense of “should” comes from and why it can cause emotional problems, which in turn lead us to not taking action, or taking actions that aren’t right for us.

  2. I share a simple process that you can use to interrogate the actions that you feel you “should” be taking. This process will help you to pin down the origin of a specific should, and whether or not it serves you.

  3. A simple tap-along to do once you realize you can let go of something you believe you should be doing. (I have included a written out script of the tap-along below the audio player.)

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I recognize the fact that I feel like I should do this…Should is a powerful word…When I use the word should…It feels like I must…When I use the word should…It feels like I have to…When I use the word should…It feels as if I am out of control…But it makes sense that I feel like I am obliged to something that others say I should do…There is an ancient and primitive part of me that recognizes that if I was pushed outside of the tribe, I would die…Because staying connected to the community was a matter of life or death…Staying connected to the community was a necessity…And going against the grain was dangerous…Going against the grain was perilous…Therefore I have learned to do what the community wants and expects…Because at one point in history it was a matter of life and death…But that is no longer the case…And I can go my own way and survive…I can make the choices that are best for me and thrive…And because of this, the word should doesn’t have to hold so much power over me…Recognizing that can be difficult…Because most of the shoulds in our lives have been passed on by people close to us…We all want to belong and be connected…Especially to those closest to us…But I give myself permission to know that I can stay connected to my loved ones…Without having to do what they think I should be doing…I’m allowed to do what I want…I am safe choosing what I want…I can remain connected to others while choosing what I want…When anyone says I should do something…I can take that as input…I can take that as something to consider…But it is nothing more than someone else’s opinion…And I am allowed to take it for as much or as little as I want…I get to choose what is right for me…Not because of the cultural norm…Not because someone else said I should do it…But simply because I want to do it…I give myself permission to let go of the word should…There’s nothing I should do…There are only things that I choose to do…And things I choose not to do…I am responsible for those choices…I am responsible for the consequences of those choices…But they are my choices…Because I choose to do them…Not because I should do them…I give myself permission to have control over my own life and my own choices…I give myself permission to let go of should.

Pod #371: Tapping for Abusive and Toxic Relationships w/ Melissa Beasley

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In Pod #370 last week we talked about how best to use tapping when contemplating or going through a divorce.

This week I have a conversation with Melissa Beasley about abusive relationships.

Between these two conversations you can see how hard it is to talk about relationships that are going badly. There is so much cultural and personal baggage around admitting that a relationship hasn’t worked out and it becomes even more complicated when emotional and physical abuse is part of the equation.

In this week’s podcast Melissa Beasley and I talk about abusive and toxic relationships and cover:

  • How to identify an abusive relationship, including why it is so difficult to do this from inside such a relationship
  • The tools and tactics used by abusive partners
  • Why people stay in abusive relationships
  • The four stages of moving out of a toxic relationship and into a healthy post-relationship life
  • Steps for getting out of a toxic relationship
  • How to use tapping in all four stages of leaving a toxic relationship

This is a resource that everyone needs to listen to!

Here is a list of helpful resources if you find yourself in this situation:

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Guest: Melissa Beasley

Contact: web @ MelissaDawnBeasley.com; web @ LoveEssentialSkinCare.com; facebook @Love Essential Skin Care; Instagram @loveessentialskincare

About: Melissa is a natural skincare formulator and manufacturer. She started making skincare in her parents’ kitchen as a way to support herself and her two boys after her divorce. She still manufactures her products for her own brand Love-Essential Skin Care, and she creates custom product lines for spas, salons and natural product companies.

Melissa now uses the skills and knowledge she learned while growing her skincare business to help other moms create and grow their own businesses. She understands the unique challenges that mothers, and especially single mothers, face when trying to grow a business and helps them navigate those challenges so they can have a successful business without giving up their sanity or time with their precious babies.

EFT was one of Melissa’s most important tools when recovering from her divorce and growing Love-Essential Skin Care and is instrumental in helping her clients.

Pod #370: Tapping for Divorce w/ Kate Anthony

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Divorce is a tricky subject.

One one level there is all the cultural pressure to find a way of making a success of a struggling relationship. On the other, there is the desire to keep yourself happy and healthy by ending a relationship that is no longer working.

Because of these opposing desires, figuring out a divorce is seldom straightforward.

This week I have a conversation with Kate Anthony, a coach and the author of the “Divorce Survival Guide”.

We talk about the emotions that come up with considering divorce:

  • What will happen to my kids and how can I support them emotionally?
  • How will I cope on my own financially?
  • Isn’t there one more thing I should try?
  • How will my friends and family react if I get divorced?
  • How will I face my faith community if I get divorced?
  • What if I am just over reacting to something that could be fixed?

If you are in an unfulfilling relationship, this is the perfect starting point to start sorting out (and tapping for) your emotions.

ALSO, if you know someone who is going through difficulties in their relationship, this conversation will give you ideas for a starting point to asking them thoughtful questions and how to be emotionally support in such a difficult time.

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Guest: Kate Anthony

Contact: web @ KateAnthony.com; facebook @ CoachKateAnthony; instagram @thedivorcesurvivalguide

About: Kate Anthony is a certified life coach who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then guides them through the divorce process should they choose to leave. Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence, even in the most disempowering of circumstances and helps them move forward with concrete plans, putting their children at the center (not in the middle) of all decisions.

In addition to her certification, Kate has also trained as a relationship coach and is an expert in communication, co-parenting, and emotional intelligence.