Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #363: EFT for Grief w/ Lynne Staley

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Grief is a topic that we don't talk about much publicly. We talk about loss. We talk about moving on. But we don't talk about grief itself.

When we don't talk about and process grief, it lingers and can cause problems for us in the future.

This week I have a conversation with Lynne Staley. Lynne is a tapper and certified Grief Recovery™ Specialist. In this podcast episode we cover:

  • Why we experience grief
  • The difference between grief and mourning
  • All of the experiences that can cause grief in addition to the death of a loved one (and the list is longer than you might think)
  • Practical steps you can take to work through your own grief and how to help someone else through theirs
  • How to use tapping while using these steps

This interview is a must-listen because every single one of us has experienced grief and will experience it again. Our conversation is practical and you will be able to use what you learn right away.

Note: Here is the the feelings inventory from the Center For Nonviolent Communication that we talked about in the interview.

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Guest:Lynne Staley

Contact: website @ Llife-After-Loss.com/; facebook @ LifeAfterLossCoach; email @ lynne@life-after-loss.com; book @ In Death Is the Secret to Life: A Tribute Journal

About: Lynne Staley has been a Companion to Grievers since 2002 and has a wealth of knowledge about grief, loss and life transitions. She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner and incorporates tapping in her work with clients to address grief-related stress. Lynne recognizes that grief is not just related to death; there are more than 40 losses identified by The Grief Recovery Institute, including health diagnoses, job loss, family estrangement, etc. In addition to Grief Integration, she teaches EFT to elders, hospice staff, school personnel, student athletes, student musicians, other “creatives”, etc. She is the author of In Death Is the Secret to Life: A Tribute Journal.

Pod #362: Emotions Are Not The Enemy

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One the most important ideas that I try to convey to all of my clients is the fact that emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are not a problem that we need to fix.

Instead, our emotions can provide us with useful information about how we are interpreting what is happening to us in the moment.

The aim of tapping is not to get rid of our emotions. Instead, we are working towards understanding why we are feeling those emotions, which in turn enables us to transform our understanding so that our emotions show up in a proportionate, well-informed way.

Here is a tap-along audio and tapping script to help you to recognize your emotions for what they are and stop feeling like you are caught in a battle with your emotional state. This is a great way to tap by itself and it also serves as a perfect way to set up a tapping session when you are working on a bigger issue.

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I recognize the fact that my emotions are information…I recognize the fact that I feel emotions to understand the world…My emotions are my internal guidance system…And the sold objective of my emotions is to keep me safe and healthy…My emotions are simply trying to communicate information…My emotions are not the enemy…It is not a failing for me to feel emotions…I also understand that sometimes my emotions can work too hard…Sometimes my emotions are disproportionate for the situation…Sometimes my emotions are misinformed as to what is actually going on…And when this happens…My emotions are really big…When this happens…My emotions seem overwhelming…When this happens…It feels as if my emotions are too much…But just because I feel emotions that are too large….Does not mean that I am failing…And it does not mean I am doing this wrong…It does not mean that I am emotionally immature…It simply means that my emotional information system is working too hard and over functioning…When this happens…It is possible for me to return my emotions to a regulated state…This does not mean I am emotionless…This does not mean I am thoughtless…And this does not mean I am careless…It only means I am returning my emotions to their natural state…Emotions are not my enemy…Emotions have never been my enemy…My emotions are just pieces of information…By taking a few minutes to tap…I am simply returning my emotions to a proportionate, regulated state…Even though being in a highly emotional state can feel very challenging…I'm glad I feel the emotion…It is information from my system that is trying to keep me safe.

Download the free Tapping Q & A app that includes the above script: Apple App | Google/Android App

Pod #361: Tapping Success Stories

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It is always encouraging to hear first-person success stories.

Hearing about other people's success helps us in a couple of ways.

First, it shows us what is possible. When we aren't making the progress we would like, and as quickly as we would like, it is easy to feel discouraged. Hearing about the success others have had gives us encouragement and inspiration.

Second, other people's success stories offer us a great opportunity to learn. Hearing how they overcame obstacles and found their way to success gives us ideas on how we can do the same.

In this week's podcast I have three stories of people who have used tapping successfully. This a great chance for all of us to learn and take encouragement!

You can reach out my guests Esti Allina and Jackie Simek.

Over the next year I will be sharing more stories like these, so if you have your own stories about tapping you'd like to share, please let me know and I will follow up with you to see if it is a good fit.

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Pod #360: The Possibility of Healing Being More Than Just Relief

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Tapping is a powerful tool in helping us to find relief from physical and emotional discomfort. It can reduce pain in the moment, diminish overpowering emotions, and can even help us to see a problem more clearly.

As wonderful as all of this is, I believe we are missing half of the benefits tapping can provide by focusing only on finding relief.

What if it were possible for us to have more than relief with tapping?

A few weeks ago at the Spring Energy Event I presented two tools that can be used to move not just from pain to relief, but from pain to empowerment.

This week's podcast teaches you one of those two tools.

After you listen to the instruction, all you will need are the five steps below to execute this simple but powerful tool. (And, yes, these instructions will make total sense after you listen to the audio!)

  1. Name the negative emotion you're experiencing
  2. Name the positive emotion you would like to experience instead
  3. Rate from -10 to +10
  4. Do three rounds of tapping, checking in each time with the new number and to gather more information
  5. Repeat the process described in step 2, redefining the emotion you are moving towards

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Pod #359: Tapping for the Fear of Rejection

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Through my work with clients, I have come to realize that the fear of rejection is the biggest obstacle to taking positive action in our lives.

The power of this particular fear goes right to the heart of why the human species has survived. Thousands of years ago, humans were able to survive because of the protection and support of their tribe. Exclusion from the tribe would have meant facing a dangerous world alone, an almost certain death.

That's why rejection stirs up this powerful and primitive fear, and usually stops us in our tracks.

Tapping on the fear of rejection is one of the most important types of tapping that we can do!

This week I have for you three different tap-alongs you can use to help you overcome the fear of rejection.

Tapping scripts for all three tap-alongs are included below the audio player.

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The basic fear of rejection

I recognize the fact…That there is a part of me…That is worried I will be rejected by others…They will see who I am…And decide that I am not good enough…They will see who I am…And decide that I am not worth connecting with…They will see who I am…And they will decide I am not worth their time…And that I am not worth their energy…I appreciate why this fear of rejection is so big…Because at one point in our history as a species…Being rejected meant certain death…Being rejected meant the end…Being rejected meant being pushed to the outside forever…It is true that not everyone will accept me…It is true that not everyone will understand me…It is true that not everyone will appreciate me…Just because they reject me in this way does not mean I am in danger…It does not mean I am in peril…It does not mean that I'm going to die…Instead it simply means that we are not a good fit and we are not a good connection…That is not a value judgment of who I am…That is not a value judgment on my existence…I can be in a situation where I don't connect with everyone and still be safe…There are lots of people I do connect with…There are lots of people I do resonate with…Even if they aren't always around me…They are there and they exist…I recognize that I am safe even when I am not accepted by all…I give myself permission to know that I am safe when I am myself.

Fear that my work will be rejected

I recognize that the work I do is not for everyone…The type of work that I do is right for me…The type of work that I do is good for me…There will be times when I have a preference for the type of work that I want to do that other people are not going to resonate with…They will have different ideas about how things should be done…They will have different ideas about the work that I should do…People can even be well-intentioned and wanting me to do something else…But that does not mean I should be doing something else…I can truly be me and still be safe…I can do the work that I'm supposed to do and be safe…I can offer the work that I want to do, have that work rejected, and still be safe…I can be in a position where I offer my work and be OK if someone turns me down…They are not rejecting me as a person…They're simply saying the work I do isn't the right fit for them…I give myself permission to do the work that I want to do…Knowing that I will find the right people to connect with…The people who were right for me…When someone says no to my work I am still safe…When someone says no to my work I am not in trouble…It is simply a statement of best fit…I give myself permission to keep working in the way that I work…Because I know I can find the right connections…I know I can serve the right people…I can be safe even in the face of someone rejecting my work…I can be happy in the face of someone rejecting my work…I can be healthy in the face of someone rejecting my work.

Fear that people will reject my offer

I believe in the work that I do…And I believe in the way that I do that work…It is the right way for me to work…It is the best way for me to use my gifts and talents…I enjoy the work that I do…This does not mean the way I work is the right fit for everyone…Or the way I work is good for everyone…Or that everyone will be open to my work…That is OK…The way I work doesn't have to resonate with everyone…There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to doing this kind of work…And because that is the case…People will say no to me…When they say no to me they aren't saying I am bad…They aren't saying my work is useless…They aren't saying I'm doing this wrong…They are simply saying this is not a good fit for them…I give myself permission to be OK with that fact…It's not always going to be the right fit…When someone says no they are making a statement about best fit…Someone can say no to how I work and I will still be safe…Someone can say no to how I work and I can still be healthy…Someone can say no to how I work and I can still move through the world in a way where I'm connecting with those I am supposed to connect to…It is safe for me to work in the way that I want…Even if that way isn't right for everyone…The way I work is right for me…The way I work is right for those I serve…I can be healthy and safe working in the way that makes the most sense for me…Even if it isn't the right way for everyone.