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Self-Sabotage – Why We Don’t Tap When We Know It Works (8 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 8 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Ennor (Barry)

There are times when I drive the people in my life crazy. They will be complaining about something that isn't going well in their life and I will ask (out of curiosity and not condemnation), “Did you tap on it?”

Most of the time, if the issue is still bothering them, the answer is yes. Sometime they say they forgot. Other times they didn't think it would work. While still other times they just chose not to tap.

I can relate. There are lots of times in my own life where tapping would make a huge difference, but I just don't do it. There are of a number of reasons why we don't tap. I hear it from my weight release clients all the time. “I know I should be tapping, but for some reason I just don't get to it.”

Here are four of the most common reasons why we don't tap when we want to.

Fear Of Trying And Failing
The single most common reason for us to resist trying is the simple fear of failure. We don't want to step out and look foolish. Part of us recognizes that it just feels safer not to try. If we don't try we don't have to deal with all of the negatives that come with failure. We won't tap because we don't want to be the one person (in our mind) that tried tapping for this issue and failed.

There is a possibility that I am not going to succeed on this attempt…and that is a little bit scary…no one likes to fail…even when no one else is watching…it is not fun to fail…because when I fail at one thing…it feels like it is speaking to my total person…and my total life…if I am failing at one thing…it must mean that I am a failure…but this is not the case…if I fail at this…then I have failed at this…it does not mean that I am failure…and it does not mean that I don't get to try again…I have failed at things in the past…and have gotten over it…I have failed in the past and learned from those mistakes…I have failed in the past and survived…many times stronger than before…by acknowledging that I might fail…and acknowledging that I might fail again…is not a free pass not to try…this is not an excuse not to put forth effort…but it is to say that I can move forward…I can try…I can learn…and I can survive no matter the out come…I have failed in the past…and I will fail in the future…but this does not mean that I am going to stay in the same place…I give myself permission to try…I myself permission to fail…it is important that I try to move forward…by trying to move forward I am giving myself an opportunity for success…and giving myself an opportunity to grow…

Back Sliding
Another common reasons that my clients' site for not wanting to try tapping is that they are afraid to make progress, reaching some level of success, only to back slide to where they once were. Most of the time this belief is fed by past experiences. This is particularly true with weight release. We can do a great deal of work to release the weight only to have it creep back a little at a time.

I am worried about making progress…I am afraid that I am going to succeed for a little while…and then I am going to back slide into my old ways…I am worried about this for a number of reasons…I am worried that by making progress every one is going to notice…and then they are going to notice that I have lost all that progress…and I am going to look like a failure…if I don't change…they won't notice me…by taking a step forward…and a step back…they are going to see the fact that I am failing at my goal…I am also going to worry that it is going to be wasted energy…that I am going to put all this work in…only to lose it all…then it will be a big waste of time…and energy…also I hate back sliding because it is so frustrating…I get my hopes up when I see progress…only to fail…that takes an emotional toll…but I choose to know that even though back sliding is a possibility…it is also a possibility that I am not going to fail…this time might be different…also if I do back slide it is going to mean that things were better for a while…because I can't back slide without progress…I also know that I am going to learn about myself as I heal this part of my life…even if I back slide it is going to give me the chance to move forward next time in an easier fashion…this is about progress…and becoming who I want to be…it is okey to do this as a process…sometimes that process involves back sliding…I am going to keep pressing on…because I am going to get past the back sliding

Fear Of The Penalty of Success
Sometimes, and I know this can be hard to believe, there are times a part of our personality can believe that it is going to be a burden for us to succeed. If we succeed people are going to expect more things from us. If we succeed we are going to have to work harder to maintain this level of success. If we succeed we are not going to be satisfied and only want more. The last thing the system want is success to lead to more work. It is easier to not succeed than have to deal with more work.

I am worried that if I succeed people are going to see my success…they are going to see what I am capable of doing…and they are going to expect more…by showing them what I am capable of doing…even if it is a great deal of work…they are going to want me to reach higher and higher levels in the future…I don't want to add that burden…also I am worried about the amount of work it is going to require to maintain that level of success…I know the goal is going to take work…and I am afraid that it is going to require way to much for me to keep this level of success up…I know I want to improve…but the amount of work it might take to maintain that level of success is daunting…I am also worried that if I get some success it is not going to be enough…that I am going to want better and better…that my hopes and dreams are going to grow out of control…that I am going to expect more in my life than is possible…creating a situation where I am never going to be satisfied…I am worried that I am just wetting my appetite for something that I could never receive…but I choose to know…that I am worthy of success…that when I succeed my life is going to be different…that there are going to be new ways that I see myself…there are going to be new ways that others see me…there are going to be new ways in which I see the world…I know change me different…and I can't fully know what success means…but I do know I long for transformation in my life…I can handle what ever comes with change…even if there is challenge…it is going to be better that my current situation…I can move forward…I give myself permission to move forward…it is safe for me to be successful.

The System Doesn't Want To Lose A Key Protection
This is by far the subtlest of all the reasons that we sabotage ourselves. In this situation our system starts to recognize that tapping is a very useful tool. It believes that it is going to take our coping mechanisms away.

This is easier to understand with an example.

I have a friend, “James”, whom I have done work with a number of times. Where were speaking at an event together and it came to light that he has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies (ex. needing to turn around three times after being touched in a certain way). It is not a big deal and James is very light hearted about it. I told him during the next break we could work on that. He got very pale and started backing away saying, “Noooo…..”

His response was not a surprise. What is happening to James when he is touched a pressure builds up inside of him. When he spins around three times he is able to release that pressure. When I said, “Would you like to do some work on that?” he heard, “Would you like to get rid of spinning around three time or your pressure release valve.” In his mind he thought I was offering to get rid of the action of spinning around. Even though that is a silly action, it is something that serves him. Of course he didn't want to lose that because then he would be left with the built up pressure.

In reality what I was offering was to take away the pressure so the release valve wasn't needed. The exact same thing can happen to our system. Let's pretend that I use chocolate as my comfort food. My system knows that whenever I am in a bad mood the chocolate is going to mask it. The system also knows that tapping can get rid of cravings. The system can understand this in the same way James understood my offer. If I lose the craving I am going to lose the tool to eliminate the emotional pain.

This is not the case when we are tapping. When we are working on cravings we are working the emotions that need the cravings to medicate the emotions, but it is very easy to see how the system would misunderstand this and talk us out of doing the tapping that would be helpful.

There is a part of my that is afraid to do tapping…it believes that if I tap I am going to lose the tools I need to get through the day…but I know that when I am tapping…I am dealing with the root causes…I am not getting rid of any of the tools that make my day manageable…instead I am doing the work on the root issue…by dealing with the root issue I don't need to call on the tools…in this way I am changing my choices…in this way I am transforming my life…I am not leaving m self without the resources I need…but making it easier to make better choices…for this reason…it is safe for me to heal…it is safe for me to move forward.

Go After These Reasons
Simply recognizing the reasons we self sabotage ourselves is not enough. We need to go after these issues. And these are often not one-time issues. I would recommend spending a little time at the beginning of each tapping sessions going after one (or all) of these issues. The more work we do on our self sabotaging behaviors the fast we are going to see progress towards all of our goals, not just our weight release goals.

In part 9 of this series we will look at some of the reasons the system is holding onto the weight in the first place.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Using The Ways Others Aggravate Us As A Tool To Self-Healing

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Here is a tweet that I love: @robpurdie i am the things i don't like about other people.

Sometimes this is a really hard fact to admit, but I know in my own life it is true. When I am really bent out of shape by someone else's actions it is providing me an opportunity to take a look at myself.

Here is a simple exercise that I use from time to time. I wish I could remember where I learned it form. For this activity you will need a sheet of paper divided into three columns.

1) Who are you frustrated with and why?
In the first column make a list of the people who are frustrating you and why they are frustrating:

Jane only talks about herself
Bill is always late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it
Jill picks on other behind their back
…

2) Write a statement of forgiveness
In the second column write a sentence that is forgiving of them.

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it.
Jill picks on other behind their back I forgive Jill for picking on others
… …

3) Change the forgiveness statement about yourself

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself I forgive myself for only talking about myself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late I forgive myself for being late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it. I forgive myself for not realizing how good I have it
Jill picks on other behind their I forgive Jill for picking on others I forgive myself for picking on others
… … …

4) Look at the third column for a starting point for tapping.
Each of the statements in the third column are great set-up statements. Now, each of them might not apply to you, but be honest. You might be surprised in what you discover.

Our Relationships Around Food (7 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 7 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]

photo by lfl

Much of the time we spend with loved ones food is present. It can be in the form of celebration, gift, or just mealtime with loved ones. Because food is present in so may different aspects of our relationships our relationship to food can get tangled up in our relationship to relationships.

Here are two examples:

Being Shown Love With Food
Food is literal nourishment and many times can be put into a place of metaphorical nourishment. I think the old wives tale is, “Feed a cold; starve a fever”. In my house growing up we always joked, “Feed a cold; feed a fever; feed a sprained ankle.”

When we are trying to make someone feel better, showing them sympathy for a loss, or celebrating something we show up with food. Because of this it can become very easy for us to equate food with love. The subconscious can make the connections that “Many times when there is food present people are showing me love and affections. Therefore, if I have food present I will have love and affection.”

You don't have to have a post gradate degree in logic to see how wrong that statement is, but it can create a very powerful link in the subconscious mind. When this sort of link is created the body will crave food everything time it is feeling sad or lonely. It is no surprise that we call it comfort food.

Tapping for this might look like:

I know there are many times in my life where food has been a central element…food is present when we celebrate…when we grieve…when we care for each other…food is a wonderful way to show love and affection…just because I am doing this work does not mean that I am going to stop using food as one expression of love…and it does not mean that I am going to stop accepting food as others expression of love…but food does not equal love…food is not the same as love…when I eat food I am not going to find love…love and food can be present at the same time…food can be an expression of love…food is not love…food does not equal love…it is good my system is seeking love…I need love…but I am not going to find it in food…right now I am going to speak to the part of me that thinks food equals love…thank you for wanting more love in my life…i want more love in my life as well…but I am not going to get that love by having food…there are time that when people love me they bring food…but food and love are not the same thing…right now I am going to think of three examples of what real love is…so you can see that love has many form…(tap as long as you need to as you think of these things)…thank you for trying to fill my life with love…I now ask that you help me fill my life in new ways

The Only Time We Get Together Is With Food
I grew up in a wonderful family. One of the rules in the house while growing up was that we ate dinner together. Even when my parents, my siblings, and myself we involved in school, community, church, and sporting activities we ate dinner together.

I am not sure what I thought about it at the time. I have a feeling I gave it little thought then. In hindsight it was a real blessing.

With that being said, it is very easy for the subconscious mind to take a feeling like that and twist it around. It can conclude, “If I serve a meal…then everyone will come around…and we can spend quality time together…and we will be a happy loving family.”

Again, there isn't a straight line to this logic. Just because a family is gathering around a table doesn't mean that it is doing it in a loving way. Not all families work the same way. For some families meal times were the most chaotic time because everyone had to be in the same place. By doing this we can cause two problems. First, we can be creating lots of extra meals we don't need because we are trying to create connections. Second, when those connections don't work out we can get stress or frustrated causing us to eat more.

In part 8 of this series we will look at the why we sabotage our own success.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Relationship To Food (6 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 6 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Carl Carpenter

One of the places it is easiest to emotionally beat ourselves up is over the types of foods we are eating. There are days that we can feel great because we have eaten “good” food, while other days we can be emotionally distraught be cause we ate “bad” foods.

It can be a dangerous when we build our emotional state off of the types foods that we have eaten. Part of the problem is the fact that there are no such thing as good food and bad food. Food is nothing more than nourishment and energy that the body uses to help to power and maintain the body.

Now, it is true that some foods are better at doing these jobs than others, but it is not a simple cut a dry good and bad. Consider these examples:

  • foods that are good for one functions, but not another (protein is a great source of energy and building blocks for the body, but most froms of protein take time for the body to break down and if they are eaten in the evening they hinder necessary sleep)
  • foods that are good for one person, but not for another (I love nuts, but I have friends that could die from eating them)
  • foods that are good in one portion (eating few raisins is good, but 2lbs of raisins for lunch and I am not going to be leaving the

    • bathroom for hours)

Our worth, our value, and who we are going to become is not related to the food we eat. Food is a tool. As we talked in Dealing With Mindless Eating sometimes the food is serving another function than just providing nourishment and energy, but as a way to deal with emotions. Even here, even thought it is not being used for our betterment, it is still a tool.

By taking steps to eliminate mindless eating we are going to help change our emotional state about when we are eating. In addition to that step we also do some work improving our relationship the food that we are eating when we do eat and take the emotional charge away from that experience.

The tapping might look something like:

I have to eat food…food is necessary for me to stay alive…I need it to maintain and energize my body…i am very blessed to have some many different food options in my life…I live in a time and place in which I can choose foods not only because they help my body to function…but I also can choose food based off of what I enjoy eating…sometimes I am very hard on myself because of the foods I choose to know…I know there are foods that are better for me…but I choose food that is bad for me…I recognize the fact that there is no such thing as bad food…there are foods that might not provide as much nourishment as others…there are foods that are better for me at one time than another…there are some foods that are better for me in one amount, but not another…there are even foods that my body can't process affectively and I should avoid…but none of this means that food is bad…food is not the enemy…I know I need to make good choices about the food I consume…but by understanding what food is…I am going to be less likely to be hard on myself when I eat “bad” food…my body knows the food that I need in every situation…there are times that I need fiber…or protein…or vitamins…or minerals…when I recognize that food is not the enemy…then I can trust my body to ask for the food that it needs in this moment…my body has the wisdom to ask for the needs that are needed to grown…maintain…and power the body…I give myself to trust my body to ask for the food it needs…to do this I need to be in tune with my body…which I can do…by doing this I will be more likely to eat the food the body needs for this moment in time…because this is a unique moment in time…and the body has unique needs…food is not the enemy…the goal is good choices…and I am not going to make the right choice every time…but we have a body that can handle that…I choose to see food as a tool…an enjoyable tool at times…but a tool…it is not good…or bad…food does not have a morality…there are foods that are more right for this moment…food is not bad.

In part 7 of this series we will look at our relationship to others in regard to food.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Pre-Emptive Tapping (5 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 5 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Mai Bui

Most of the time when it comes to our mindless eating we know where our problem spots are. Not only do we know the types of food that cause us problems, we know the situations that are going to be hard for us. Going out with friends, the donuts that are at work on Monday, and heading to any sort of party can cause us worry.

It would be great to believe that will power would be enough in the situations that we know are going to be hard for us. The reality is there are going to be times when will power is not enough until we get the issues that are underlying the mindless eating under control. Until this is accomplished we can tap ahead of time to insure we are going to make healthier choices.

Step one is tune into the level of craving we believe we might feel in the problem situation. For example, if we are going to a party where there is going be lots of yummy sweets just image what it is going to be like around all your temptation foods. By doing this you should be able to get a good sense of how hard it is going to be.

Step two is to tap on what is coming. For the party example the patter might look something like this:

I know I am going to go into a situation where I am going to be surrounded by foods I am going to crave…there is a very specific reason why my body is going to crave these things…but right now those underlying root causes don't matter…those are things I can deal with in the future…I know that by doing so work right now I am going to insure that I am going to make better choices…my system knows exactly the types foods I need for the short or long term…not in terms of using food to cover up some immediate need…but instead my body knows exactly what it needs to be strong and healthy so it can grow and thrive…I give this part of my body permission to tune into the part of me that knows how to deal with these situations…I give the part of my body that knows exactly the right choices to come forward…and to be with me at the party…I know that I can and will make good choices at this party…any part of me that wants to eat my cravings I tune into right know…I thank that part of me that wants to eat my craving foods because it is trying to take care of me…I am not thanking it for the choices that it is trying to make…but instead I am thanking it for wanting to take care of me…even if eating these cravings doesn't serve me…in part of me that wants to eat healthy food will be present with me in a powerful way the rest of the day…even if there is no food that it good for me to eat…I can survive and make good…healthy…eating choices.

Step three is to tune back in the how you image you are going to feel at the party. At this point you should feel that you are more confident that you are going to make good eating choices. If you are not feeling confident then do a little more tapping.

There are few things to keep in mind. First, pre-emptive tapping is useful for any situation that we are stepping into that we know is going to be hard. This is not just for cravings. We can tap ahead of time for situations that we know are going to be hard, emotional, or unknown. Just tap for the issues and emotions as if they are happening now while you are imaging what is going to happen.

Second, this is not going to insure that you are going to be craving free, but our goal is not to be craving free. Our goal is to make healthy eating choices. Even we have craving we are able to make good eating choices, but it becomes much harder when the craving is a 7 on a scale of 10 verses when it is a 3. By doing this tapping we are going to knock out at least part of the craving ahead of time (if not all of it). By doing this you are going to reduce the craving to the point that it will be easier for you to make healthy choices.

In part 6 of this series we will look at our relationship to food.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.