Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Negative Thoughts (A New Way To Use Negative Thoughts To Clear Issues)

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I am trying to get rid of the negative thoughts and feelings. Isn't saying and thinking negative thoughts while Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping just reinforcing the negative situation I am in? Shouldn't I just be saying positive things?


photo by Christine Vaufrey

This is one of the most common questions that beginner tapper ask. It seem counter intuitive to think of negative thoughts to get better. In the article Why do I have to tap? How is Tapping Different From Just Thinking About The Issue? I explain the whys and hows of negative thoughts while tapping.

In a nut shell when we are tuning into the negative emotion we are tuning into the root of the issue and giving us direct access to the issue we would like to heal. Recently Dr. Kiya Immergluck shared a really interesting thought in her news letter on one of the ways we can use negative thoughts to clear the issues.

What Kiya suggests is that we indulge our mind in revenge fantasies while we are tapping. I think this is helpful for two reasons. First, at least for me, when I am really angry at someone my mind is going to drift some of these thoughts any way so I might as well use them for healing. Second, I think it is health to meet head on the thoughts we have that aren't for our highest good. Instead of pretending these thoughts aren't there, we are getting a chance to recognize and heal them.

Here is Kiya's article in its entirety (reprinted with permission) followed by a few more comments.

Revenge Tapping
Dr. Kiya L. Immergluck, LCPC
eft-tap.com

I went to hear a very wise woman speak recently, and she answered someone’s question in a very unusual way. A woman I’ll call “Jane” asked: “How can I get over the resentment I feel about being stuck taking care of my abusive mother now that she’s old and there are no other relatives?”

I was sure the wise woman was going to speak about forgiveness, or the possibility of learning valuable lessons, or the “gift” of having time to heal a toxic relationship. But the message was very clear and very controversial. She said:

“Entertain revenge fantasies!”

I was so shocked, I almost fell out of my chair, and then I began to laugh. I realized that it was actually a very good idea. She emphasized that the exercise was about fantasy and not about anything real. Jane began to laugh and said immediately: I just pictured the movie “Misery!”

If you don’t remember, the movie pictured a very crazy woman holding a man captive and causing him great bodily harm. I knew that Jane wouldn’t ever really hurt her mother, but giving herself permission to have violent fantasies was very comforting for her.

I knew that tapping would be an excellent tool so that a person could have unacceptable and inappropriate negative fantasies, and feel totally neutral about them with no guilt or discomfort.

For example, Jane could have tapped:

SoH: Even though I am having terrible fantasies about revenge on my mother, I accept myself anyway. (3X)
EB: These “Misery” fantasies…
SE: These “Misery” fantasies…
UE: I feel so guilty…
UN: These “Misery” fantasies…
Ch: I shouldn’t have them…
CB: I am being a “bad daughter.”
UA: These “Misery” fantasies…
UB: I would never REALLY do anything to hurt her…
Wr: But it is so comforting
T of H: I am being a “bad daughter.”
(Side of Hand, Eye Brow, Side of Eye, Under Eye, Under Nose, Chin, Collar Bone, Under Arm, Under Breast, Wrist, Top of Head.)

The idea of giving voice to negative thoughts has often been confusing for some of my students. Once, a retired minister in her 80’s came to one of my tapping workshops, and couldn’t understand why we were saying such “un-Christian” statements about situations, other people, and ourselves. She spent her lifetime teaching people to be kind, patient and loving. Her message to her congregation was always to “be patient,” “show Christian charity,” and work hard to get to a place of “forgiveness” for our enemies.

What I always emphasize is that we are only giving voice to the negative thoughts that already exist within us. I believe that some of our stress-related physical illnesses can be traced back to the “unacceptable” negative emotions that we bury in our psyches.

With the added tool of tapping, we let those emotions out in the open so that the negative emotions are neutralized and really dispersed for good. Remember, revenge tapping is only about fantasy, never about seriously wanting to harm yourself or anyone else.

Like all tapping tools, this isn't for everyone. If this is something you are not comfortable indulging in, then don't. Be safe. Know your self. If this is something you are comfortable doing then it is going to take the edge off your rage and anger by moving it from something that is bubbling under the surface and bring it in to the light of day it is going to lose its power and were are going to be able to heal it.

Avoiding Bitterness

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[Note: From time to time some of the resources on this site come from a more personal world-view. I do not claim to have a monopoly on truth. This is just a point of view. If this does not serve you I hope you are able to find other resources on the site that speak to you.]

Here is a quote from one of the many newsletters I am subscribed to:

photo by Sean Dreilinger
    In order to let suffering transform us, we must let it take us to the edge of our own inner resources where alone we can “fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31), even against our will. We must pray for the profound grace of this second stage of softening and opening in the presence of suffering.

    My personal opinion is that this is the very meaning of the phrase “deliver us from evil” in the Our Father (the Lord’s Prayer). We aren’t asking to avoid all suffering. It is more that we pray, “when the big trials come, God, hold onto me, and don't let me turn bitter or blaming—an evil that leads to so many other evils. When I am led to the edge of my own resources may I fall into YOU, who are my true and lasting Source.”


Excerpted and adapted from “Opening the Door: Great Suffering and Great Love”
from “The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See”
by Fr. Richard Rohr

Which leads me to tap:

I know that through out this day I am going to face trails and struggles…some will be created by the situation…while others will be created by my choices…some will be big and some will be small…the emotions I feel in these moments will be real…but I know that they will not all reflect the truth…I pray that I am able to recognize in every trail and struggle that I face…that I am able to see this as another moment of healing…I am not seeking out struggle for the sake of growth…but know that in these moments of struggle I will be given the opportunity to heal and grow…help me on this day not to give way to bitterness…hopelessness…and…disconnection from the love of God…give me vision to see God's presents in all moments…help me to know that God's love is not something I need to seek…but that it is full here…and I need to simply accept it…I know that struggle can make me jaded and bitter…preventing me form not only miss God's love in this moment, but the next as well…struggle is not the enemy…bitterness is…I can make loving choices in the middle of struggle…it is hard for me to make loving choices in the midst of my own bitterness…help me not to dismiss struggle…but to see it for what it truly is

Pod #28: It’s Not Surrogate But It Helps Others To Make Different Choices

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I often receive questions about how to tap in order to change someone else’s behavior. There are some very specific implementations of surrogate Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping, such as in the work I do with autistic children and their parents. But it is not as simple as tapping to change other people’s choices. We can't tap to change someone else’s free will, but we can tap to create an environment where others have a chance to make new and better choices. In this podcast I explain three ways in which we can help others to make different choices: by working on our own emotions, making others feel loved and safe, and by not bringing our own issues to the table.

Resources for this podcast:

Further resources on surrogate tapping:

Pre-Emptive Tapping (5 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 5 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]


photo by Mai Bui

Most of the time when it comes to our mindless eating we know where our problem spots are. Not only do we know the types of food that cause us problems, we know the situations that are going to be hard for us. Going out with friends, the donuts that are at work on Monday, and heading to any sort of party can cause us worry.

It would be great to believe that will power would be enough in the situations that we know are going to be hard for us. The reality is there are going to be times when will power is not enough until we get the issues that are underlying the mindless eating under control. Until this is accomplished we can tap ahead of time to insure we are going to make healthier choices.

Step one is tune into the level of craving we believe we might feel in the problem situation. For example, if we are going to a party where there is going be lots of yummy sweets just image what it is going to be like around all your temptation foods. By doing this you should be able to get a good sense of how hard it is going to be.

Step two is to tap on what is coming. For the party example the patter might look something like this:

I know I am going to go into a situation where I am going to be surrounded by foods I am going to crave…there is a very specific reason why my body is going to crave these things…but right now those underlying root causes don't matter…those are things I can deal with in the future…I know that by doing so work right now I am going to insure that I am going to make better choices…my system knows exactly the types foods I need for the short or long term…not in terms of using food to cover up some immediate need…but instead my body knows exactly what it needs to be strong and healthy so it can grow and thrive…I give this part of my body permission to tune into the part of me that knows how to deal with these situations…I give the part of my body that knows exactly the right choices to come forward…and to be with me at the party…I know that I can and will make good choices at this party…any part of me that wants to eat my cravings I tune into right know…I thank that part of me that wants to eat my craving foods because it is trying to take care of me…I am not thanking it for the choices that it is trying to make…but instead I am thanking it for wanting to take care of me…even if eating these cravings doesn't serve me…in part of me that wants to eat healthy food will be present with me in a powerful way the rest of the day…even if there is no food that it good for me to eat…I can survive and make good…healthy…eating choices.

Step three is to tune back in the how you image you are going to feel at the party. At this point you should feel that you are more confident that you are going to make good eating choices. If you are not feeling confident then do a little more tapping.

There are few things to keep in mind. First, pre-emptive tapping is useful for any situation that we are stepping into that we know is going to be hard. This is not just for cravings. We can tap ahead of time for situations that we know are going to be hard, emotional, or unknown. Just tap for the issues and emotions as if they are happening now while you are imaging what is going to happen.

Second, this is not going to insure that you are going to be craving free, but our goal is not to be craving free. Our goal is to make healthy eating choices. Even we have craving we are able to make good eating choices, but it becomes much harder when the craving is a 7 on a scale of 10 verses when it is a 3. By doing this tapping we are going to knock out at least part of the craving ahead of time (if not all of it). By doing this you are going to reduce the craving to the point that it will be easier for you to make healthy choices.

In part 6 of this series we will look at our relationship to food.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.